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Emptiness was cold. That is why it was called that. The biting, relentless cold of emptiness. This cold was all that humanity ever knew.
One might think that feeling physically warm means that one is not cold anymore. One is wrong. So very, very wrong.
The cold that bites, the cold that D3rlord3 had always known up until this very moment, could only be soothed by the complete, utter fullness that came with knowing.
Knowing all, knowing everything, knowing the current state of every world that existed, the destroyed, the created, the ones that began, the ones that ended, the ones that called themselves fake, the ones that thought they were real, the one he was from, the one he was inside of, the knowledge of all of them so vivid in the knight's mind that he could see all of them, shifting behind his eyes like a kaleidoscope.
He was not in the cave. Not physically, he could not be. And yet his eyes couldn't lie to him anymore. He was not in his world, or rather he was in every one of them at the same time. And it was so real.
That was the only time that D3rlord3 had ever felt true warmth.
He knew all, he knew too much. He knew the name of the entity standing before him, its face so utterly inhuman and yet somehow familiar to him. A face he couldn't try to recreate in his mind if he could. And he could not. A face that looked at him with an expression completely unreadable.
As he stared, unable to take his eyes off the , he was distantly aware of the fact that he couldn't think. Because thinking was all he was doing at that moment. His mind was flooded and somehow it hadn't collapsed upon itself yet, this however resulted in D3rlord3's mind to hurt, unbearably so.
One cannot describe the absolute agony of having their mind tear itself apart in an attempt to fit all the knowledge of the world(s) inside of it. It is not as if it had time to do so either, no, the flood of information all came crashing down upon him the moment he had set his eyes on .
That was his king he was staring at.
That was his king that he was gazing upon, laying his mere mortal eyes onto a divinity beyond his comprehension.
He did not understand why it only felt right to call him his.
But it was so
So
So right.
And he was scared.
So, so very scared.
The knight was terrified like never before in his life.
Through the noise of his own and not-so-his own thoughts, a voice managed to make itself heard. No, not just a voice, but a chorus of every noise that existed that somehow managed to form words D3rlord3 could know the meaning of.
But he couldn't understand it.
Because understanding would mean having to think about the words he was hearing, and D3rlord3 simply could not do so. He was not even sure if he was breathing right now or if his brain had forgotten how to do so in order to desperately try and make space for the onslaught of information that just. wouldn't. stop. coming.
It was all here but it kept shifting, some concepts coming into focus and others remaining quiet before coming on the front of his mind, it just would not stay
Quiet.
reached out its hands. Those were hands, they may not have been a human hands but they were hands, the knight knew that for sure. He could focus on that. He wanted so desperately to focus. On that.
As they reached under his helmet and came to rest against his skin, holding his face and oh they felt so real and he was already so warm but it felt so comforting and it should feel so wrong but it just it just it just
It was
Tenderness that said Stay.
Stay. Stay my k night and never leave.
His mind was collapsing.
His body, however, knew how to not listen.
His nose was bleeding.
His body knew how to run.
His body knew how to crawl its way through stone and his mind would register that stone like this should not feel so real but it somehow did.
What little remained of his previous mind clung onto the fact that this was happening and it should not be.
He was not afraid of a game.
That was not what it was.
D3rlord3 knew that what why where when who he had just met would not leave him. He saw how another would come after him, then another, then another then another like him, one so curious that the king would catch him in its net. The knight clutched that thought as hard as he could, not letting it drown amongst all the other ones.
They were so many
They weren't even his.
They were 's melting with his mind.
His legs felt weak.
He wrote in that book on autopilot, his own movements not registering because he just wasn't writing, he was typing.
And yet he could feel the paper under his hands, he could remember the exact date when he had broken, kept stolen crafted transformed the sugar cane that had been used to make this book.
It was too much.
Before the memories of the leather he touched could meld in with his mind, D3rlord3 closed the book, threw it in the chest (oak wood, iron clasp from a mine located at 19,50 65,00 -10,1-) before him and now he was without distraction.
With the adrenaline wearing off, the pain was becoming worse, black dots fading in and out before his eyes and he could not even remember how to close them.
He reached forwards, grabbing his desk (oak wood, ironic, cold, not his house, the place located at 20,05-) it felt wrong, he felt that pushing off would not free him, but he did so regardless.
D3rlord3 pushed away from the screen, left it on, got up from his seat and ran.
As he walked, his legs barely felt like his own anymore.
---
He was sleeping upright.
He must be
Unlike the rest of today
what a day.
It felt hazy.
The pain not breaking through his skull anymore.
He did not know if his eyes were closed
It was not dark like in the chambers, it was so, so bright.
The light was holding him.
It. He. It ? They. It was holding him
Like a lover's embrace.
His king had not left him.
It never would
Not when it was holding him like that, holding all of him.
Like his mind had been broken and it was picking the pieces up.
He felt every fibre of his being being cradled like no lover had ever held him.
The warmth so raw and direct.
He did not remember how he got home.
I wi ll wait my k night,
You r mind can rest.
---
The knight collapsed in his bed.
He had been crying, he may have been. Not anymore.
Even after having snapped out of whatever disassociation he had been trapped in or out of during his walk home, he could still feel it.
Its mind was tangling itself with his own, he could feel all of it, how far its being stretched accross all of the world and it was melting with his own soul and it was holding him.
It was holding him.
Some broken form of worship had been poisoning his mind since the second he had laid his eyes upon it.
He supposed it was inevitable.
inevitable to feel a sort of all encompassing adoration for the being beyond all of humanity's understanding that was sticking with him.
Why was it holding on ?
That was the only thing he did not know.
Had D3rlord3 been able to use his mouth, if he hadn't still been sobbing pathetically (how long had he been doing that ? Probably 2 hours, 40 minutes, 27 seco-) he would have asked, but he knew deep down that even if his king had answered, he would not understand his answer.
Not while he was like that.
He distantly hoped that he would get used to the sea of everything that was coming in ripples through his mind.
He heard the background noise of his thoughts inform him that he would not.
He wept some more.
His king.
His
His king
What remained of stubborness inside of him, or what managed to shine through at least, was angry, absolutely fuming at the thought that he had accepted to call it his.
Mine, his
But he was its.
So it was only right that it was his
It was not
He did not want it to be
He did not need to be held throughout it all
That is what lie you tell yourself at least
I can feel how you lean in my prescence
You hate me
You cannot go on without me
I am all you know
It was the only voice(s) that he could hear properly.
He wanted to tell it to leave forever
To let him die
To let him live.
He fell asleep in its hold.
---
It was breaking him to remember how dull the world had felt before it.
The world had been boring for he had known nothing
Now, the world was limited to his bed, it had been so for the last 2 weeks at least (2 weeks, 6 days, 21 hours, 38 min-), and it was so so bright now that he only knew it.
After twenty-four hours, 50 minutes and XVI seconds, the knight had tried to get up, to open the blinds of his room to fein some sort of normalcy, what a horrible mistake that had been.
He had seen the sun
He had stared, for long minutes, even after closing his eyes, be could still see it.
He wanted to break his skull open when he realised that he thought about how meaningless the sun's light was in comparison to his king's.
It hurt to know that those thoughts were his.
It burned his heart to know that he meant it.
It squeezed his lungs to know that it had heard him.
It had stopped the noise of his thoughts for just a second when he felt its hold tighten ever so slightly at the reverent thought.
He wanted it to hold him forever and to stop the noise for good.
No, he did not
Yes, you do
The light never really left him.
The never-ending buzz of his own and every other thoughts would stop sometimes though.
When he slept.
It was warm when he slept.
Any time he went back to his bed, it felt like his king was holding him closer
When he stopped making an effort to stand up, his king would quiet the noise.
At least that's what he thought it was doing.
After 2 weeks, he still could not understand it.
He could know many things, but he almost understood nothing.
It was driving him mad.
It made the rare moments of silence so very peaceful.
By now, the only thing D3rlord3 desired above all (but never beyond never being alone again-) was quiet.
He would get it when he slept.
He felt like that was most of what he did these days actually.
He was always distantly aware of the buzzing sound coming from his phone, set face-down on his desk. He might have had friends who cared about him, he could not make out their faces.
He could only see it (him ? They. Him ? Why.).
He told himself it was not obsession, since it technically was part of his mind now.
How fitting that thoughts of it was all that he could really focus on for more than a split second
Everything else just slipped his mind just as quickly as it came to him.
Oh it was part of his mind by now.
Maybe it had always been.
I know you would want it to be so.
He fell atop his bed and wished to die
---
His thoughts were quiet where he slept.
Why are you still here ?
It was holding him.
Because you are perfect
He was letting it.
Why ? I'm nobody special
He felt like he was drowning.
You are everything I need
It had been holding him for so long.
But what did I do to deserve any of that ?
It would never let him go.
You had been chosen for it, my knight
He did not want it to.
i don't get it, I don't get you
He was leaning against it, he felt safe.
You do not need to
The noise had grown quiet.
But I want to, though
He had never felt before. That was what feeling was like.
You want too many things, my knight
It felt like he was breathing for the first time.
Yeah, that's why I'm the one you chose
It felt like falling
You at least understood that much my
Love
It felt like falling in love
D3rlord3 never wanted to die.
---
He looked at the sun once more, after 3 months, 3 weeks, three days, III hou-
He had started living, leaving again.
A bit
Just enough
Eating made him want to throw up
He did so anyways
His thoughts still derailed every so often
Often
All of the time
He tried to not be bothered by it
He mostly wanted to stare at the sun
Forever
And then look back at the light he saw when he closed his eyes and be grateful.
Be so grateful that he could witness such a pure
Beautiful
Blinding
Perfect
Overwhelming
Light.
The light of his king
The light that made every world melt with each other
The light that was his.
He was still so very angry at what it had taken from him.
But its ever present hold on his mind would melt any resentment away.
Of his own volition
That was its
Because they were one.
And whenever he opened his eyes and saw the sun again,
He would bask in the warmth that felt like a kiss.