Chapter Text
Rewrite & Extension of Season 2 Part 1 Episode 1; Subaru Cries About Rem In Front of Emilia
Emilia was feeling a myriad of emotions at the moment.
The past couple of hours had been some of the most confusing in her entire life.
In fairness, to her, even while the world seemed to have stopped making sense, it was a much better change of pace compared to how her week was going so far.
It all started at the Royal Selection, a mess of an event that caused even more problems than it was supposed to solve.
The purpose of the Royal Selection was to give five maidens the chance to earn the throne, and put the kingdom back together after the deaths of the late Royal Family.
Emilia happened to be one of those five maidens, and was set to show up at the first major milestone of the Royal Selection, specifically the event that would spark the beginning of the whole thing.
It was probably the most unnerving moment of her life up to that point. It made her so nervous, in fact, that she had made, arguably her most loyal servant, promise to stay behind instead of joining her.
She knew he would not want to promise her such a thing, after all, Subaru would have loved to join her. In fact he eventually did, against her personal wishes of course.
However, in doing so, he had broken a promise to Emilia, and to a spirit-user like herself, he had treaded upon a forbidden taboo, trampling on her wishes, and ruining the trust between the two.
And, to make matters worse, it seemed like he had discarded that promise without a second thought. To add insult to injury, he had made himself look like a fool in front of the nobility, earning their ire, and picking a fight with Julius, one of the Royal Knights of Lugunica, and the personal knight of Anastasia Hoshin, one of Emilia’s opponents.
To worsen the situation, the fight with Julius became a delegated duel, which resulted in Julius beating Subaru down and the raven-haired butler himself damaging his already damaged gate even further.
When Emilia made it to the duel, the last thing she saw was Subaru flying through the air as Julius struck him, telling the butler that “You aren’t worthy to stand at her side,” referring to the half-elf.
In Emilia’s personal opinion, those words were unnecessarily cruel to Subaru, even more so with the newly acquired context she had about Subaru’s feelings for her. Yes, this was something she would have to scold Julius for, if she had the chance to.
What insured the duel was an argument between Subaru and herself.
Even now, after almost a week of mulling over the argument, Emilia still struggled to understand what had happened.
She and Subaru were fighting, that much she knew. Over why Subaru kept on pushing past her boundaries, why he was so devastatingly loyal to her, even to his own detriment. Emilia simply could not comprehend it.
Even now, it made Emilia sick to her stomach thinking about it.
It was like the wall between the two had not crumbled in a way that brought them closer together, but instead had blown up and left the two of them vulnerable and exposed in front of one another when they would rather not be.
The both of them had exchanged choice words, but Emilia did not forget the ending of their fight.
The two of them held different expectations of one another, at least, that was how it felt.
Subaru saw her differently, and at first, Emilia believed it was because of her resemblance to the Witch of Envy.
How wrong had she been?
The reason he treated her differently was because of something entirely different, but the Emilia of the past did not know of that reason.
And so she had effectively banished him, ripping apart any resemblance of a relationship between the two of them in hopes of Subaru being able to move on and improve himself, far away from her.
She was a curse, after all. Knowing Subaru, he would bounce back, and without Emilia holding him back or putting him in harm's way, he would become a greater man than he was before.
At least, that was what Emilia believed.
She feared that being near her, helping her as he did, would only hurt him more. Just like the duel against Julius, the fight against the mabeast in his first week of being here, and even when they had just met at the loot house.
The next couple of days after their fight were horrible for Emilia.
While her contracted spirit, Puck had done his best to cheer her up, her mood failed to improve.
The mansion had returned to its usual quiet, the quiet before Subaru had appeared. No more random talks during the day, or interruptions during her lessons, or even conversations about the stars at night.
Just quiet.
Emilia hated the quiet.
But she would not complain nor cry out about it.
The way things were now was because of her own choices. And if there was one thing Emilia could do, it was never lack conviction. She would not back away from the consequences of her decision, she refused to be weak willed. She could not afford to be weak willed.
Finally, Emilia made her first visit to the village of Arlam without the cloak of deception that she always used to bring.
Some young spirits had warned her of something bad in the forest, which she had naively believed were mabeasts.
Not wanting a repeat of Subaru’s first week, she pleaded with the village people to come up to the mansion and stay there until whatever problem that was in the forest was dealt with.
But they ignored her, cursing her out after seeing her. What did she expect? Even if she were a dragon maiden, to others she was still a copy of Satella. She had not proven herself against such notations, so why would they follow her blindly?
And so the hours until the next day were torturous. The quietness of the mansion, the rejection of the village people, and being distraught over leaving Subaru behind, still unable to understand his blind faith in her.
To make matters worse, the next day, a letter from the camp of Crusch Kartsen, another one of Emilia’s rivals, had arrived blank.
While she had lived in a forest her entire life, Emilia had learned through her lessons that a blank letter could be a declaration of war between two entities. In this case, her “camp” vs. Crush Karstens' entire camp and army.
The odds were not looking good, however, there were not meant to be any odds in the first place. The enemies she thought she made, instead, would actually help her out.
With guidance from Wilhelm Trias, the sword demon, who had shown up to Roswaal’s mansion to clear up any miscommunication the letter had caused, she was escorted to a dragon carriage.
Apparently, the problem in the forest was not mabeasts, but the Witch Cult, led by the current Archbishop of Sloth Petelgeuse Romanée-Conti.
Wilhelm, along with other members of Crusch's camp, and Julius and the Iron Fang pertaining from Anastasia’s, had come to assist with keeping the cult at bay.
Due to Emilia’s status as a Dragon Candidate, they wanted her to leave the area as she was a figure of high importance.
In reality, she wanted to stay behind and face the problem with them, but after seeing the children of Arlam Village ask her to join them, she felt the urge to do as they asked.
Of course, due to her heritage, she thought against it. The children would of course be terrified, after all, who was not scared of her?
However, a hooded figure, whose face she could not properly make out, had come up to her to convince her otherwise. The hooded figure, along with the children, had eventually managed to convince her to get into the carriage.
As the carriage took them away, Emilia kept on thinking about this entire fiasco. Why would Crusch and Anastasia camps help her?
She had a sneaking suspicion it had something to do with Subaru.
But she kept those thoughts to herself, making sure to keep the kids safe, especially since their carriage was attacked by rogue cultists.
Wilhelm and other members of Crusch’s camp held them off, while Emilia tended to the children. At least, Emilia tried to tend to the children. Instead, they flipped the situation onto her, and surrounded her, trying to protect her instead.
And soon, her suspicions about Subaru’s involvement were justified, as the kids let slip that Subaru had put them up to this.
Speaking of the raven-haired boy, he had jumped into their carriage, looked around, and tore a pouch filled with something out of the underside of the carriage.
Subaru jumped out and onto a ground dragon, ready to run off until Emilia called out to him.
She asked why he kept on doing things for her, why he went so far for her.
And Subaru told Emilia that he loved her.
Out of all things, that made the least amount of sense to Emilia, as she stood frozen, watching Subaru ride his ground dragon away.
She was shook out of her shock as a loud explosion rang out in the distance, in the exact direction that Subaru had rode off towards.
Worried, Emilia sprinted towards the explosion, where she found Subaru’s ground dragon, covering the raven-haired boy carefully.
The ground dragon’s scales were singed, but Subaru was in mostly good shape.
Moving the ground dragon out of the way, Emilia tended to Subaru’s wounds. Even if they were minor, she wanted him to wake up comfortably.
Which is why she also put his head in her lap.
If she remembered correctly, Subaru enjoyed lap-pillows, he had said so himself during his first week in the mansion.
It was the first time he was actually vulnerable around her, and even if Emilia, just Emilia, was not the greatest at interacting with others, she knew that the lap-pillow itself would help Subaru express himself, and be vulnerably truthful to her.
And express himself he did.
When he woke up, he of course made a comment about the lap-pillow, but unlike last time, where he had freaked out after waking up in her lap, he laid there, just looking at her.
His eyes were different from when they had last met.
Subaru had always made comments about how his eyes were scary, mostly to himself when nobody was listening, but Emilia always listened. She did not truly get it until their fight in the capital. Subaru’s eyes had always held a hint of familiarity to her, but during their argument, they had sharpened into a way that had truly scared her. Those eyes had a light in them that brought chills down her spine, manic in the way they obsessed over『Emilia』, but never seeing Emilia.
But now, those eyes were seeing her, truly, seeing her. And Subaru said as much, telling her about how he had gone on about it all wrong, seeing her as something he was owed and not as the wonderful girl she was.
Then he said those words again.
I love you.
Emilia still couldn't make sense of it. How could anyone love her, a copy of that disgusting Witch.
And yet he did.
He loved her, and could say two-thousand things he loved about her. Not a hundred, or a thousand, two-thousand.
Emilia wondered if such a thing was possible, but knowing Subaru, he would manage to do so.
The two chatted a bit more, and Emilia cried.
Not sad tears, but tears that expressed how happy she was.
She realized now that Subaru was not giving her special treatment because of her looks, but because of how much he loved her. That was why he could not see her or treat her as he did everyone else.
Soon they departed from that spot, rejoining the children in the carriage.
There, in that carriage, Emilia learned more about what happened.
An alliance was made between her camp, Crusch’s, and Anastasia’s.
She was obviously speechless, and even more so when she heard about his actions against the White Whale. The Great Mabeast that had haunted the world for over four centuries, was dead.
Subaru tried to play it off, giving most of the credit to the other two camps, telling her how they were amazing, and had done most of the work.
But Emilia was not, at least when it came to Subaru’s bad habits, an idiot.
She could tell that the raven-haired boy was underplaying his contributions. A bad habit of his, she knew, and as such, she silently vowed to help him feel more comfortable in giving himself more credit.
However, something strange occurred in the carriage.
Subaru randomly froze, before beginning to shake and tremble. Then, his head whipped around to her, almost unnaturally, looking at her with panicked eyes.
“What happened to Rem?” he asked.
Emilia, confused, simply replied with “Who’s Rem?”
That looked to be the last straw for Subaru, as he fell silent, wrapping his arms around himself, shaking in place.
No matter how much Emilia tried to coax him out of it, Subaru stayed like that, continuously shaking in place.
The next few hours were riddled with even more strange things.
Apparently, the group that Crusch took back with her was attacked on their way back to the capital.
Emilia saw what remained of that group. Carriages were ripped apart, bodies were split and torn apart. Blood, guts, innards of every sort, spread across a wide open field.
She held her breath, looking around. Subaru had disappeared. Felix and Wilhelm were tending to an unconscious Crusch, and healers were patching up any remaining survivors. The more physical members of the expedition were searching for any bodies hidden under the rubble.
Emilia, realizing she could be doing something, went to search for Subaru. His state in the carriage, as well as his random disappearance worried her.
It didn’t take her long to find him.
Subaru was kneeling on the ground, overlooking a woman with blue hair. The strangest thing was the women’s abnormal similarity in appearance to Ram. Other than her hair, she was almost identical to the pink-haired oni maid.
Soon, everyone took the survivors and the corpses back to Crusch's mansion. There, the survivors would be taken care of and nursed back to health, while the dead would be returned to their family or buried.
Subaru himself had taken one of the survivors himself, the woman he was staring at earlier, and brought her to his and Emilia’s carriage.
On the way, Subaru finally began to recollect himself, and started talking to Emilia before they arrived at the Duchess’s mansion.
He had informed her of who the woman was.
Apparently, the woman was called Rem, Ram’s sister. According to Subaru, for some reason, Rem’s existence was erased from everyone's mind, except his, and now she was unable to wake up. Subaru himself did not understand why Rem was like this. As he explained to Emilia, the only being he believed that could do this to Rem was the White Whale. Yet the White Whale died, so what could it be?
For a moment, Emilia found herself doubting him. But seeing his expression, broken and painful, desperate for someone to believe him, she relented. What use would Subaru have lying now anyway?
Emilia asked about Rem, about what the sleeping girls' relationship was to everyone else in the mansion.
Subaru told Emilia that he was unsure about Rem’s relationship with Roswaal, and Beatrice, but he did know however that Rem was slowly being more friendly with Emilia, and that the blue haired girl was Ram’s sister.
Emilia asked Subaru what Rem was to him, causing him to bite his lip in response. Subaru brought a hand up to Rem’s hair, stroking the bangs as he watched and cared for the girl delicately.
“I wanted to tell you earlier…” he trailed off, his eyes glossing over a bit before continuing. “But that’s a little out of place now… I’ll tell you later, okay?”
“Oh-keh,” Emilia replied. In reality she wanted to ask more, and seeing Subaru play with Rem’s hair, the hot coiling sensation around her heart desired for her to do so. Yet, she let it go, watching Subaru slowly break, ready to step in when she must.
Arriving at Crusch’s mansion, Subaru and Emilia found out that Crusch had still suffered, just not in the way most did.
She was not dead, nor did she lose her name. Instead, the mighty Crusch Karsten had lost her memories.
Because of this, Felix, Crusch’s knight, believed the alliance with Emilia's camp should be terminated. After all, what good is an alliance if they don’t benefit one another?
At least, that was simplifying it. In reality, it seemed Felix had more words he wanted to share, but held back.
He was thwarted, when Crusch herself spoke up, revealing how she wanted to stay in the alliance, not ready to let go of something her past self had worked out.
Hearing Crusch’s words, Felix relented, letting the topic go.
All the while, Emilia watched Crusch with admiration.
Even when losing her memories. Crusch was able to stand back up and lead. How Emilia wishes she were like the duchess. Able to stand her ground for her ideals and not give into the easy path, even without her memories.
After that concluded, that brought her to now.
Currently, Emilia was watching over Subaru, who was looking intently at the sleeping Rem. Subaru seemed dazed, barely awake, yet pushing himself to not rest.
His eyes looked lifeless, unlike hours ago, when he had confessed his love to her. Emilia hated it. He had worked so hard to fix everything, to grow and change, and yet… the world spat on him, like he was nothing. Watching Subaru look at Rem’s unconscious body, aimlessly, lost and timid, Emilia knew she had to step in.
She stepped closer to Subaru, putting a hand onto his shoulder.
Emilia slightly kneeled down, to look Subaru directly in the eyes.
“You haven’t got any rest in a while Subaru… please, why don’t you rest for a bit, or else you’ll become crotchety,” she pleaded.
Subaru snorted. “Crotchety… who even says that in this day and age…” he trailed off, worrying the half-elf some more.
It was clear he was trying to play off his struggles. He even tried to make the usual inside joke between the both of them. Most of the time, Emilia would have found it endearing. But it was crystal clear that Subaru was out of it. His words were somewhat slurred, as if his brain was working slower than his mind. And his joke did not land as it usually did, feeling forced, as if it were meant to ward her off, or not to not take him seriously.
But Emilia knew there was a time and place for such things, and now, she refused to turn a blind eye to the raven-haired boy’s sadness.
“Subaru…” she began.
“I’m not even that tired… didn’t do all that much… couldn’t do anything at all, really,” his words were venom, aimed at no one but himself.
Emilia hated his tone. It was a deep self-loathing that threatened to drown him.
And that was when she saw it.
For a moment, Subaru's eyes darted to the kitchen knife at the bedside desk. There was a heavy glare of familiarity in that look. A disgusting sort of longing, of begging, of repentance, all of which anyone but Subaru should need to bear.
Emilia’s hand slowly wrapped around Subaru’s chin, turning the boy’s face away from the knife, a little too forcefully.
Subaru winced in pain, and Emilia cursed herself inwardly. Calming herself, she spoke again.
“Please Subaru, you’ll wear yourself out if you don’t rest…” Emilia watched as Subaru’s mouth opened again.
“I can’t get any more pathetic…” Subaru hissed at himself.
Emilia’s eyes widened. She knew Subaru was angry at himself, but to call himself pathetic at feeling frustrated over something like this…
She could not let this continue.
“You’re not pathetic in the slightest,” Emilia declared. She made sure her tone was gentle, soft, quiet, yet firm. All in a way that would comfort the raven-haired boy instead of pushing him away. No matter how hard Subaru tried to portray himself as someone who could take on anything, Emilia knew treating him gently would be the best way to get him to open up.
Emilia got closer to him.
“You’ve helped me and everyone else so much, Subaru,” she began. “It’ll be fine for you to rest. I know, I can’t truly understand how you feel, or how lost you are right now, as I don’t remember this girl, in fact, my words will probably cause more harm than good… however, I don’t want you to carry this burden by yourself. I don’t want you to carry everything to do with Rem by yourself, because I know… right now you need someone to carry this burden with you. So please, let me do that.”
Subaru stared at her, confused. “But I don’t get it… if you don’t know her, then why…”
“She’s important to you, Subaru. I understand that,” Emilia interrupted. “So is it wrong for me to want to do this for both you and her? Does that make me weird? I want to save you just as you have saved me, you know…”
She caressed his chin softly. “You’re in a lot of pain, and you’re suffering a lot, so of course I want to help you!” she declared, loudly this time, making sure he understood her intent.
Subaru’s eyes brightened up, much to Emilia’s delight. Before he frowned and closed them again, turning back to Rem before opening them once more.
Did she fail? Was she unable to get to Subaru?
“You’re amazing…” Subaru mumbled, taking a quick sideway glance at Emilia before turning back to Rem.
“You’re much more amazing than me,” Emilia replied.
Subaru shook his head, before mumbling something under his breath, something Emilia was unable to hear, even with her sharp hearing.
“Hey Emilia… could you do me a favor for me? Please turn around… I- I think I’m going to cry,” His voice, hoarse from exhaustion, muttered out those final words, as he tried to retain any resemblance of dignity he had left in front of the girl he loved the most.
And as Emilia turned, he let loose. Tears streamed down his face, snot running from his nose, as his entire body trembled. Holding in the groans, grunts, and sobs as hard as he could, Subaru continued to cry.
Then, a slender arm wrapped around him, while a hand ran through his hair, softly interlacing any curls and straightening them. Again and again, rhythmically, to calm him down.
Feeling Emilia on his back, Subaru turned to Rem, his eyes sharpened as he let out a vow, something he swore to complete.
“I swear, I’m going to save you, I swear it!”
A declaration, one he would hold closely to his heart.
Soon, Subaru fell asleep, leaving Emilia the only one awake in the room.
Seeing him finally sleep soundly, Emilia picked him up into a bridal carry, taking him out of the room and carrying him to what was set to be his designated guest room.
On the way there, Emilia encountered a certain someone.
“Wilhelm-san,” she greeted.
“Emilia-sama, good evening…” he trailed off, looking at the sleeping Subaru in the half-elfs arm.
Emilia smiled. “Subaru’s done so much, and was really~ tried, so I wanted him to get some rest. It was really hard to convince him though, he’s sometimes a dunderhead.”
“Dunder…head?” Wilhelm worked out.
Not Wilhelm too! The Sword Demon has been around since the Demi-Human War, and even he thought Emilia’s vocabulary was strange!? No way!
Clearing his throat, Wilhelm looked at Subaru’s body, held steady in Emilia’s arms.
“I didn’t have the chance to say so earlier, but I must say, I’m glad you and Subaru-dono were able to reconcile,” Wilhelm informed her.
“Yes, I’m glad as well,” Emilia agreed. Truly, when she and Subaru reconciled, it would not have been wrong to call it one the happiest moments of her life. “I noticed you say Subaru’s name as Subaru-dono… may I ask why?”
When Wilhelm raised an eyebrow, Emilia quickly went to correct herself. “I understand that Subaru helped you bring down the White Whale, but for you… how did you feel?” Emilia struggled to phrase what she meant, but Wilhelm was quickly able to pick up on it.
“It felt… liberating… like the past fourteen years of my life could no longer chain me down…” Wilhelm paused, seeing the curious look on Emilia’s face.
“Chain you down?” Emilia questioned.
“I’ll forever mourn my wife’s death,” Wilhelm told her. “And I’ll always have my regrets. But to finally avenge her by taking down the monster that killed her… I felt like I was finally able to say the words I’ve always wanted to say. By killing the White Whale, not only was I avenging her, I was able to finally give her the words I was unable to say all those years ago…”
Wilhelm closed his eyes, contemplating, before continuing. “I could finally say ‘I love you’, even when I wished I could say it to her and not to the memory of her… I respect Subaru-dono because he finally gave me the chance to do and feel these things. Without him, I doubt the defeat of the White Whale would have been possible.”
“You loved your wife, didn’t you, Wilhelm-san,” Emilia commented, before opening her mouth once more. “How do you know if you’re in love?” she asked the Sword Demon.
He, himself, stayed silent, thinking about how to respond to her. “Love isn’t something you just feel, it’s something you experience, and try to understand… at least, that is how I would describe it.”
“Eperiance? Understand?” Emilia’s right eyebrow rose.
“Love isn’t like a shock of lightning that reverberates your soul, not like how books describe it. Love… just is.”
Just is? What did that even mean?
“You bathe in it, you swallow it, you let it ring in your ears constantly. You grasp onto it, and try your hardest to make others feel it as well. Love is sinful. Prideful since you satisfy yourself off being loved, and see it as the high of living. Gluttonous in the way you feel yourself taking and taking, and never giving. Greedy in the way you want the one you love to be your’s, forevermore. Slothful because you feel you haven’t done enough. Wrathful in the way you perceive those snaking their way to the one you love. Lustful, for you feel tainted and unworthy of receiving love. And envious of those who make one’s love take their eyes off you…”
Wilhelm stopped, as Emilia looked frightened.
“L-loving is sinful! Wha-”
Wilhelm held a hand up, stopping the half-elf from continuing.
“That is what makes love beautiful, Lady Emilia. It’s not perfect. In fact, it is quite the opposite. Love is filled with hardships and obstacles, and getting over those hardships is what makes love even more beautiful, like snipping the thorns of a brilliant rose.”
Wilhelm’s eyes glanced from both Subaru and Emilia.
“Love is more beautiful than any flower, but just like any flower, it grows, it adapts, it lives, and blooms. The flower must be nurtured and cared for, just like love should be…” Wilhelm trailed off, realizing he had nothing more to say. “But that is just an Old Man’s perspective, Lady Emilia.”
“No, thank you Wilhelm-san. Your words are much appreciated,” Emilia thanked the Sword Demon, before walking to Subaru’s room, still holding him in her hands.
Reaching his room, Emilia opened the door gently, before putting Subaru in his bed and tucking him in.
Emilia has only seen Subaru unconscious twice. During that first week in the mansion, and after his fight with Julius.
This time was not comparable, however, as Emilia felt different.
She watched Subaru for a bit, analyzing the raven-haired boy.
He looked… peaceful, content, and most of all, relaxed.
Emilia could not ask for more.
She paused, for just a moment, before lowering her head, and placing a chaste kiss onto Subaru’s forehead.
Quickly, she ripped her head away from him, blushing profusely.
‘AH! I wasn’t thinking!’ Emilia scolded inwardly. ‘It’s just a kiss on the forehead, right!? As long as it’s not on the lips, it should be fine!’
Emilia quickly scattered away from Subaru, worried she might wake him up in her panic.
Opening the door to leave the room quickly, she paused before looking back at him.
“Good night, Subaru,” she said quietly, even when she knew he couldn’t hear him.
Saying those words, Emilia stepped out, before closing the door gently.
Next Story: Greed!Subaru takes Greed!Emilia out on a date. Nothing can go wrong. Nothing will go wrong.