Work Text:
Rookie chat (+Jack) (+Liam<3) (+Franco)
Gabi
Guys be honest
If it was Fuck Marry Kill between Max, Nico and Toto, we would ALL choose to fuck Max, marry Nico and kill Toto, right?
Franco
I stand on business
Toto is hot as fuck
Jack
Fucking hell
Ollie
No I get it
I get both
Kimi
I am morally obligated to not answer this question
This is my boss you’re talking about. I’ve known this guy since forever
Liam
I would fuck Toto, kill Nico and marry Max
Zero interest in the blond German guy
Franco
That’s what I said!
And being married to Max must be a blast I imagine
Ollie
We should ask Charles about it
Isack
They’re not married though are they?
Ollie
Not yet
You bet your ass I will be at that wedding
Kimi
I would fuck Nico, marry Max and kill Toto, I think
I mean Nico seems chill, but if I had to keep someone around, it would be Max
No, actually all of this is weird to me
Franco
I don’t think it’s that hard
Toto’s hot, Max’s cool, Nico’s boring
Gabi
Boooo!
Okay, let’s make it more challenging then: Toto, Jack and Lewis
Franco
Bro
Why
Liam
Kill Toto, fuck Lewis, marry Jack
Boom, done
Isack
Why do you answer these so fast?
>:(
Liam
Cause I know what I want
Franco
I second that
I think
Jack
Good answer
Franco
Really?? <3
Jack
Yeah
I value a long-lasting relationship over a one-night-stand, so it’s fine
Gabi
Especially after Lewis posting those pictures for lululemon
Like give me a break I still haven’t recovered from last time
Jack
Cannot argue with that either
Franco
Can’t believe we are already at the stage of our relationship where we talk about other men being hot
Jack
I’m not blind
Or insecure
I love you and trust you <3
Franco
!! <3
Gabi
Ewwww
Isack
I would marry Lewis and fuck Jack
No front to Jack, but Lewis must be a great husband
Liam
True, I’m just not into the whole age-gap thingy, and while one sexy time is fine, I wouldn’t want to navigate a relationship with that
Gabi
It’s not that bad?
Liam
Whatever you say mate
As long as you’re happy
It’s just not for me
Kimi
I get the point, I understand both though
Isack
Gabi would just fuck everyone if he could
Franco
Lol
Gabi
That is not true at all!
Isack
Oh yeah? What about the power point presentation you made about how badly you wanted to fuck each driver?
Liam
What?
Isack was removed from the chat
Jack
Gabi
Gabi
SHUT UP ALL OF YOU
Ollie
You are all freaks
Franco
Because you’re so much better?
Ollie
I am, actually
Gabi
Well, I think you're all wrong
Franco Colapinto
Well, most people actually agree with me, so... Sucks to suck bitch
Gabi
Watch me
2025 driver's chat (only professional matters!)
Gabriel Bortoleto
2 forwarded messages:
Gabi
Guys be honest
If it was Fuck Marry Kill between Max, Nico and Toto, we would ALL choose to fuck Max, marry Nico and kill Toto, right?
Please tell me you agree with me
Isack Hadjar
GABI WTF
Ollie Bearman
Lol
Franco Colapinto
I still stand on business
Charles Leclerc
I would fuck Nico and marry Max
But it's a good response
Lando Norris
Tf
I actually don't know how to answer that
Nico Hülkenberg
Gabi, what are you doing?
Gabriel Bortoleto
Defending your honour and your life
Nico Hülkenberg
By convincing people to...?
George Russell
What are you doing to my group chat?
Carlos Sainz
I would like to withhold my vote
Alex Albon
Boooo!
No fun
I agree with Gabi btw
Max is decently hot and being married to Nico can't be that bad
Plus, marrying Max would mean that Jos is my father-in-law and I don't really need that
No offense @Max Verstappen
Max Verstappen
None taken
George Russell
@Kimi Antonelli Please. Please tell me you didn't answer this question. Please.
Kimi Antonelli
I do a lot of bullshit, but not this
I would not fuck Toto, thank you
George Russell
Oh thank god
Lewis Hamilton
Is this what you're talking about all day? Just... things like that?
Ollie Bearman
This has literally come up for the first time ever
Liam Lawson
That's not true though?
When Gabi first told you that he was into Nico that was literally the first thing you criticised?
Kimi Antonelli
No we didn't. First we had to make sure he wanted to fuck his old man teammate and not his old man manager
THEN Isack said that at least Fernando is hot
Isack Hadjar
And THEN Kimi decided that he found Nico a little bit hot too
So, yeah
Sue us
Gabriel Bortoleto
WHY is that something we have to discuss first? I would never fuck my manager, like?? Bad business
Fernando Alonso
Right
Lance Stroll
Fernando was so worried lmao
Isack Hadjar
OH NO HE'S HOT
Franco Colapinto
BUT DADDY I LOVE HIM
Kimi Antonelli
Franco about Lewis, probably
Liam Lawson
Guys we officially left drivers chat territory and entered rookie chat trenches
Max Verstappen
Is that what's going on there?
Ollie Bearman
Yeah, pretty much
Kimi Antonelli
Yeah
Liam Lawson
Yup
Lewis Hamilton
I choose to ignore that
Franco Colapinto
Please do. I am in a committed relationship anyways
Lewis Hamilton
Cool
George Russell
Never ever get me in a situation were I have the choice of fucking Toto. I cannot deal with this.
Alex Albon
Hilarious. Please drop more questions like this
Gabriel Bortoleto
Most of you didn't even answer!
Rookie chat (+Jack) (+Liam<3) (+Franco)
Franco
“Oh yeah, flex those arms. Damn baby, you look so hot right now”
Liam
Shut up
Isack
He <3
Ollie
Not simping for your boyfriend challenge: Impossible
Kimi
That was so bad lol
Gabi
WE ARE ALL THAT BAD THOUGH
Jack
Speak for yourself
Franco
:(
Kimi
Pf
Imagine not losing your mind over your lover
Jack
That was not what I meant
Liam
That’s right, loser
Franco
Don’t call my boyfriend a loser when your boyfriend calls you “my bitch”
Isack
IT’S IRONIC
Ollie
Your boyfriend calls you a lizard
Liam
Besides, he’s my bitch too? Like???
Ollie
“Between babes and bitches: The Lisack Saga”
Kimi
They are really pushing that nickname
Franco
Too bad they don’t know it’s Lawjar
Or French Kiwi. I like that one, but it’s used less
Isack
??? What are you talking about?
Gabi
Franco just looks at ship names in his free time
Franco
I have to keep in touch with the fans
Jack
What’s our ship name then?
Franco
I don’t know if we actually have one
We’re not that popular
I get paired up more with Lando or Lewis. Depends on if the person in charge is into age gap or not
Liam
…
Cool
Gabi
I’m dying
Why would you do this to yourself?
Franco
I don’t know? It’s fun?
If you think about it, it’s not really you. They just use a version of you that they have crafted in their head, it’s not real. And as long as they know that, I think it’s fine.
Kimi
I guess
As long as they don’t make me do weird stuff. Like fuck Toto
Franco
Yeeeeah
It’s not common, but definitely don’t look for it
Liam
We’re probably better off not knowing about this stuff
Franco
Too late
I’m invested
I want to know what happened after Charles told Max he’s his soulmate and then stormed off
Jack
I will never ask what you’re doing on your phone ever again
Isack
Texting my bitch
Liam
<3
Rookie chat (+Jack) (+Liam<3) (+Franco)
Gabi
Congrats Isack!
Jack
Mega job mate. You can be proud
Ollie
Go Isack!
Franco
Respect Isack. Defended like an animal
Kimi
Rookie-podium club! Now you can’t make fun of me anymore!
Isack
Thanks guys!
And I never made fun of you, Kimi! I just called you a Mercedes-driving fuck because I was jealous :(
But I have no reason to be jealous anymore, so go fuck yourself, suckerrrrs
Jack
Okay that’s enough
@Liam get your man under control
Liam
Haha
No
Isack
Hey!
Franco
What’s going on with Liam
Liam
Nothing
haha
Gabi
Well now they’re going to make you go to Red Bull for sure
Isack
What? No
I don’t wanna :(
Liam
Haha
Good luck
Isack
Somebody help me???
Jack
Haha
No
Liam
:)
Isack
???
Okay now I’m worried
Did I do something wrong???
Liam
No
Haha
Gabi
Tf
Rookie chat (+Jack) (+Liam<3) (+Franco)
Gabi
Say about me and Nico what you want, but talking about Isack’s ass live is LOW
Kimi
Why did they put it in the video???
Franco
Fan service and fanfiction authors
Jack
I agree though, that’s some Gabi and Nico type shit
Gabi
Go fuck yourself
We’ll settle this, once and for all
2025 drivers group chat (only professional matters!)
Gabriel Bortoleto
Who’s the most embarrassing in public? Gabi & Nico/Isack & Liam
Vote now
Yuki Tsunoda
You and Nico
Although Liam and Isack are walking a thin line
Pierre Gasly
I want to throw somebody else in the mix
But in that case probably Gabi and Nico
Max Verstappen
Isack and Liam
Although Gabi and Nico are infuriating, at least we all know what’s going on
With Isack and Liam there’s denial
Charles Leclerc
I agree with Max
Liam Lawson
Denial where????
YOU are the only ones in denial. We made a game out of YOUR density
Alex Albon
Wait what?
George Russell
Why are we discussing this in the group chat???
Lando Norris
The rules were over the day Alex decided to play detective
You were part of that, remember?
George Russell
I have no idea what you are talking about.
Oscar Piastri
I wouldn't say embarrassing as much as annoyingly obvious
But Gabi and Nico
Carlos Sainz
Oh yeah that's the right person talking
Lando Norris
Shut the fuck up
We were shit better
Carlos Sainz
No, our chemistry was different
With you two it’s all toxic heart eyes
Alex Albon
I'm telling you it's the teammates man
You think if Max and Charles were teammates they would have any restraint? I don't think so
Charles Leclerc
I'm working on it
Max Verstappen
There's a lot going on, so who knows
George Russell
As long as it's not my seat...
Yuki Tsunoda
:,)
Lewis Hamilton
Ferrari deserve Max Verstappen
In a threatening way
Charles Leclerc
My saviour
Max Verstappen
???
You're not aggressive enough
Sometimes it's healthy to yell at somebody a little bit
Isack Hadjar
Welcome back Jos Verstappen
Lando Norris
NOOOO you didn't!!!
Max Verstappen
That's fair
But don't do that again
Kimi Antonelli
Lol
Nico Hülkenberg
@Gabriel Bortoleto why are we comparing us with Isack and Liam again?
Gabriel Bortoleto
WELL
I don't know if you've seen the video of those two talking about Isack's ass
And somebody (Jack) suggested that “that's some Gabi and Nico type shit”
And I'm mad about that, so here we are
Pierre Gasly
That's it?
Honestly Jack should keep his mouth shut
He is not better
Gabriel Bortoleto
I will tell him don't worry
Franco Colapinto
@Pierre Gasly yeah because you behaved soooo much better with you teammates
Pierre Gasly
Be careful
I know things about you
Isack Hadjar
That’s a thing though no?
Me and Liam
Gabi and Nico
Lance and Fernando
Pierre and Yuki
Max and Daniel
Of course not everybody has been or is a couple, but it’s still very gay all throughout
Lance Stroll
Me and Fernando are not even that gay with each other though?
Gabriel Bortoleto
Tell that to the pickup-line-video you did
Or the fact that you touch each other all the time
Including ass
Fernando Alonso
You can stop now
Liam Lawson
This is like a courtroom, but if it was about the most stupid case ever
Alex Albon
Anybody else want to come to the witness stand?
George Russell
I resign as the Admin of this group.
Forever.
Somebody else can deal with this.
Nico Hülkenberg
I defend myself by saying that 90% of the dumb shit you see about us is because of Gabi
I'm only a victim in this
Lance Stroll
Following my advice I see
Gabriel Bortoleto
I am, grand master
Thank you for your wisdom
Pierre Gasly
No, because I had a normal relationship with Yuki
And a civil one with Esteban
Franco Colapinto
“Bitch I beg to differ, the amount of times you were just staring at each other because you didn't know what to say was awful, I felt like a child of divorce! Tell your father this, well then tell your father that awful communication gay ass homosexual” Signed Jack
Ollie Bearman
Gay ass homosexuals
Oscar Piastri
Somebody has a lot of unresolved anger
Esteban Ocon
Yeah that was a weird time
But we're better now!
Isack Hadjar
Yeah because you're not teammates anymore, that's my whole point!
Franco Colapinto
@Oscar Piastri Jack says you should go fuck yourself
Lando Norris
Tell Jack not to talk to my boyfriend like that
Gabriel Bortoleto
So our conclusion is that teammates are gay out of principal and Lestappen is very special
Charles Leclerc
We're not that bad
Lewis Hamilton
You did behave very well this season
Charles Leclerc
Oh wow
Thank you Lewis
Franco Colapinto
@Gabriel Bortoleto and so you have no answers to your question and point is still that you and Nico are unbearable to watch
Gabriel Bortoleto
Shut up
I don't take criticism from a person who would fuck Toto
Carlos Sainz
Well that escalated
Alex Albon
What the fuck?
Pierre Gasly
What the fuck Franco
Franco Colapinto
OH MY GOD HE'S HOT OKAY?
And you @Gabriel Bortoleto are going to have the worst time of your life once I'm done with you
Max Verstappen
Honestly, don't tell Toto but I get it
Alex Albon
NO
Oscar Piastri
The daddy issues are showing
Lando Norris
I'm crying what?
Max Verstappen
What?
Charles Leclerc
Max...
George Russell
Thank god you're not my teammate next year.
No offense
Max Verstappen
Every offense taken
Rookie chat (+Jack) (+Liam<3) (+Franco)
Liam
@Gabi you have to stop trying to get backup in the main chat
It always ends up with chaos and people (Franco) saying wayyy too much
Gabi
What??
It's not like they're helpful
Franco
I've entered my villain era
Jack
You go lizard boy
Ollie
Gay ass homosexuals
Gabi
Gay ass homosexuals
Isack
Am I the only one who feels weird about the word homosexual?
Like, I know it's a normal weird, but it sounds so... formal? Like something your homophobic grandma would say?
Franco
My grandma called me a godless sodomite when she found out I like guys
Gabi
Ouch
Kimi
Oh
Franco
Yeah
Homosexual is not really on the list of “worst things I've been called”
Gabi
I thought you were bi though?
Franco
I mean I AM
Does it sound like she cares???
Gabi
Yeah fair tbh
Ollie
I kind of get it, because when you imagine someone calling you a homosexual it's always with a bit of a scoff
Liam
I prefer calling myself a homosexual in certain contexts?
If I'm having a formal discussion then I rather say homosexual
Isack
That's what I mean! It sounds formal
Jack
In what formal discussion do you mention your sexuality?
Liam
The (un)civil discussion with that uncle you see once a year
It's not really “I'm a homosexual” but more like “homosexuals” or “queer people” in general
Isack
But Queer>>>>homosexual
Ollie
I second that
Kimi
It depends?
Because queer is cool when you're talking about stuff in general
But I feel like you need to differentiate sometimes
Because you as a gay man don't go through the same things as for example trans people do
Liam
Yeah, totally!
If I'm with other queer people I'm going to say I'm gay, obviously
But if I'm on a pride parade I'm going to say queer, because that's the whole group
Gabi
I don't feel very strongly about either honestly
I'm just gay
Then everybody knows what I mean, and I don't really care
Otherwise it's just the Lgbtq+ community
Isack
Wow
Thanks guys
Franco
No matter what we call ourselves, we are all part of this
Fuck it we ball
Gabi
FUCK IT WE BALL
Ollie
We ball!
Kimi
BALLS!
Isack
B A L L S
Liam
Singular Ball, because sometimes that's all you get
Gabi
W H A T
Franco
Stop the record
WHO OF YOU TWO HAS ONE BALL?!?!
Kimi
Hey
Respect to the guys with only one ball
They have to be twice as much as everybody else
Ollie
Exactly!
Some people lose one due to cancer
We're exactly in the age range for that
Gabi
We are?
Liam
We are
Most people get testicular cancer in their 20s and 30s
The best way to get rid of it is to remove the testicle that has the tumour
Otherwise it can spread
Franco
Damn
Rip to the One-ball-man community
Kimi
@Liam how do you know that though?
Liam
I talked with my doctor about it since I got it in the family
I read a bit about it
Kimi
If one of us gets ball cancer they need to tell us
We will throw them a party in honour of their lost ball
Ollie
With a cake that says “Fuck it one ball”
Gabi
FUCK IT ONE BALL
Isack
BALL!
Liam
Awesome
Will keep it in mind
Franco
Praying for Liam's balls tonight
Jack
High entity, please protect Liam's balls in their daily battles against cancer he might or might not get
Gabi
“High entity” who you praying to, Cthulhu? (I had to google how to spell that)
Ollie
I would have just sent it
Gabi
I know
You like “just sending it”
Jack
SORRY I don't know what to believe in
But I don't want to be part of a church
Kimi
If Cthulhu lives anywhere on earth, it's probably Australia
Franco
High entity in Australia is probably just some big-ass spider
Jack
You mean the big-ass spider you absolutely lost your shit over?
Franco
That spider was massive! It could have worn shoes!
Jack
It was just a Huntsman, lizard, they are not very dangerous. Just big
Liam
Huntsman are cool, just leave it alone and it will leave you alone
Plus they basically pay rent
Jack
Exactly
Kimi
Pro-climate change so Australia sinks faster (I'm scared of spiders)
Ollie
He had to add that last part so he doesn't get cancelled when it gets taken out of context and sent to the main group chat again
Gabi
Pussies
2025 drivers chat (only professional matters!)
Gabriel Bortoleto
1 forwarded message:
Kimi
Pro-climate change so Australia sinks faster (I'm scared of spiders)
Lando Norris
Valid
Alex Albon
Yeah
We can rehome the coalas and Daniel
Oscar Piastri
Wow
Thank you
Lando Norris
Oscy you are the coala
Kimi Antonelli
I think Oscar is more of a kangaroo though
Looks kind of innocent and adorable but will box you down and drown you in a lake if you're not careful
Alex Albon
Damn
Lando Norris
I-
Carlos Sainz
I see the vision
Franco Colapinto
He is just THE Mark Webber x Sebastian Vettel baby
Baby-faced assassin
Gabriel Bortoleto
Franco is reading too much fanfic again
Max Verstappen
I see it too
Fernando Alonso
I’m sure Mark knows that as well
Oscar Piastri
I really want to send this to him, but I suspect it will finally send him over the edge
Alex Albon
The edge of what??? Suicide?
Lando Norris
Do it.
Max Verstappen
If Webber kills himself over Franco calling you the WebberxVettel baby he wasn't very stable to begin with
Kimi Antonelli
Hey @Franco Colapinto What's the ship name?
Franco Colapinto
Sebmark I think
Ollie Bearman
Booo! Boring
Lando Norris
@Franco Colapinto Why do you know this stuff?
Franco Colapinto
I keep in touch with the fandom
It's a nice past time
Alex Albon
I could never
I got curious once but after page 2 I was already traumatised
People just ship EVERYTHING
Franco Colapinto
I mean yeah
But tbf you specifically get shipped with everyone of your teammates
Much like Carlos
Gabriel Bortoleto
Back on the teammates topic!
Carlos Sainz
But why would you begin to look that up?
Franco Colapinto
I got curious! And it's entertaining
You basically land in a huge space of free entertainment that people created just because it's fun
The phenomenon is interesting in itself
Alex Albon
And you don't find it weird? At all?
Franco Colapinto
No
Wait
1 forwarded message:
Franco
If you think about it, it’s not really you. They just use a version of you that they have crafted in their head, it’s not real. And as long as they know that, I think it’s fine.
I think I said that pretty well
And Formula One as a fandom is pretty mature about this stuff, so that is nice too
Lando Norris
What's your favourite pairing???
Franco Colapinto
Depends on what I'm in the mood for
Most ships have a dynamic about them that a lot of writers use
For example if I want to read dumbass4dumbass I read Lawjar
If I want to read toxic shit I read Landoscar (although the Gax community is strong in that suit but I don't really like the pairing)
So it depends
Lando Norris
Why are we always dubbed the toxic ones???
Oscar Piastri
How is that a question?
Alex Albon
So much opportunity for toxic shit with you two
Carlos Sainz
I still don't get it
Franco Colapinto
Well
Fuck it I ball
Gabriel Bortoleto
FUCK IT WE BALL
Kimi Antonelli
FUCK IT ONE BALL
Ollie Bearman
FUCK ONE BALL
Liam Lawson
Singular ball
Isack Hadjar
B A L L
George Russell has left the chat
Max Verstappen
No matter what George says, I love that this is a safe space for the kids to express themselves
Lewis Hamilton
If you say it like this, it sounds much nicer
Carlos Sainz
Guess I'm the admin now
Isack Hadjar
ALL HAIL TO ADMIN CARLOS
Gabriel Bortoleto
VAMOS ADMIN CARLOS
Ollie Bearman
Carlos for admin!
Kimi Antonelli
Carlos!
Carlos Sainz
I need a second admin to handle this
Franco Colapinto
How about Gabi since he can't keep his mouth shut for good?
Nico Hülkenberg
Oh lord
Gabriel Bortoleto
That's not very supportive trophy-wife of you Nico
Nico Hülkenberg
Fuck it I balls
Isach Hadjar
YES NICO!
Oscar Piastri
I always thought Carlos was more mature than this
Carlos Sainz
@Oscar Piastri Ball
Franco Colapinto
HE’S ONE OF US!
Carlos gets invited to the ball cancer party
Lando Norris
?????
Esteban Ocon
Does somebody have cancer?
Liam Lawson
Not yet
You can also join the prayer circle to pray to a non-specific higher entity who might or might not be Cthulhu/a giant-ass spider from Australia to prevent the ball cancer
Either way it's a party
Carlos Sainz
I am honoured I got an invitation
Charles Leclerc
@Carlos Sainz Don't let it get to your head
Carlos Sainz
You're just jealous because you didn't get invited to the ball cancer party
Yuki Tsunoda
Okay but can we stop spamming the group chat now? Otherwise I end up overlooking all the important stuff
Alex Albon
I miss my boyfriend :(
Carlos Sainz
I'll add him back Alex
Alex Albon
Yeah, but give him some time
I think he's trying to drown himself in the shower