Work Text:
“Killua!” Gon called as he came into the hotel room he was sharing with Killua. “You got a letter!”
Killua looked up. “Really?”
Gon nodded and came over to the bed where Killua was watching television. He held out the letter with Killua’s name on it.
Killua took it and immediately recognized the handwriting as his sister Alluka’s. He opened it and read the note. His eyes widened and his face paled slightly when he read the note.
“What is it Killua?” Gon asked.
“My mother…” Killua said. “S-she’s dead…”
Gon’s face immediately had a look of sympathy on it. “I’m so sorry…” He came over and started to hug Killua.
“Back off!” Killua cried as he batted Gon away and got up.
Gon blinked. “Huh… but I was just trying to be nice. You know, show some comfort and sympathy…”
“I don’t need your pity!” Killua cried. “I hate my family, I’m not upset! I’m glad she’s gone!”
Gon looked dumbfounded. “Seriously?” He did remember Killua fantasizing about killing his family close to when they first met, but he hadn’t thought he had meant it.
Killua nodded. “Yeah, completely.”
“Are you even going to attend her funeral?” Gon asked.
“Yeah, but only because I don’t want to be the only Zoldyck who doesn’t show up,” Killua said simply. He knew that the rest of his family would be there, at least, all of his siblings would.
Gon frowned. He knew his friend cared. He had to; it was his own mother.
Killua looked at Gon. “You can come with me if you want.”
“I don’t know if I should,” Gon said. “I’m not really a close family friend or anything, the only time your mother ever met me was when we were trying to find you after the hunter exam and I was trying to get past Canary.” Something told Gon that during that time, he hadn’t made a very good impression on Killua’s mother.
Killua waved a hand dismissively. “It doesn’t matter much to me, and I’m sure none of my siblings would dare to question me bringing you, especially if they actually care about Mom’s passing. Well either way, think it over a bit, I’m gonna go out and buy a black outfit since all I have is my black shirt.”
Gon watched Killua leave. He knew his friend was more upset then he was showing. He sat down on the bed, debating whether he should join Killua at his mother's funeral or not. On one hand it would be nice to be there for his friend, but on the other hand he would no doubt stand out, being the only person there who wasn’t a Zoldyck. Not to mention he wouldn’t know anyone there. He sighed and changed the station on the television, waiting for Killua to come back to the hotel.
Killua entered the clothes store down the street and walked back to the section he knew sold more formal outfits. He quickly picked out a suit and walked over to the dressing rooms. He hung the suit up and leaned against the door. He knew it would fit, he just needed to be alone. He took a few shuddering breaths, he would never admit it to anyone, but yes, he was upset about his mother’s death. He closed his eyes and slid down the door of the changing room, bringing his knees to his chest as he cried with his head down. Soon after the quiet tears started rolling down his face he started sobbing. He wouldn’t allow himself to be seen like this at his mother’s funeral, but right now he was alone and personally didn’t care.
After about half an hour Killua found himself unable to cry anymore. He stood up and took a few more shaky breaths. He put a neutral look on, grabbed the suit that was hanging up, and left the dressing room. He got to the front of the store and held the suit out to the lady behind the counter. “Just this.”
The lady looked at Killua’s red eyes and the dried tear stains on his cheeks. “Are you okay? You look like you were crying.” She folded and bagged the suit and accepted Killua’s payment as she asked this.
Killua blinked before nodding. “I’m fine, just got something in my eye.” Killua quickly took the suit and left, knowing the lady didn’t believe the lie for a second. He left the store and rubbed his eyes as he started back to the hotel room. He really hoped he didn’t run into anyone he knew on the way, if he did he certainly wasn’t staying to chat.
Killua opened the hotel room door and stepped in. “I’m back!”
“Killua!” Gon came over and smiled at him. “I was just about to go out and find you.”
Killua laid the suit on the desk in the hotel room. “You were? How come?”
“I was going to go down to the candy store with you so we could buy some chocolate. I’d pay of course.”
Killua knew that Gon was offering this to cheer him up. He wasn’t going to bother insisting he was fine and didn’t care. Instead, he gave Gon a smile. “Alright, let’s go now.”
Gon nodded and smiled back, grabbing Killua’s hand and dragging him out of the house.
Killua smiled again, genuinely this time. He didn’t know what he did to deserve someone like Gon, but he was never going to let him go.
Gon walked into the candy store with Killua and waved to the man behind the counter.
The man smiled and waved back. “Hello! Is there anything I can help you guys find?”
Gon shook his head. “We’re good, thank you though!”
The man nodded. “Of course, tell me if there is something you can’t find.”
Killua walked over to the glass window in the counter with all the different chocolates and fudges in it. They all looked good, but he didn’t want to spend all of Gon’s money.
“Killua!” Gon called. “They have chocolate robots, aren’t those your favorites?”
“Yeah, they are,” Killua called back.
Twenty minutes later they were leaving with countless chocolate robots, and two or three of every different type of fudge. “I’ll be paying you back later, Gon,” Killua said as he unwrapped a chocolate robot.
“Oh, you don’t have to do that,” Gon said. “I offered to buy all of this.”
Killua shrugged. He’d find a way to repay Gon that the boy wouldn’t notice. He took a bite of the chocolate.
Gon took a piece of fudge and put it in his mouth. “Do you want to go back to the hotel room or not? There’s a good dinner place that opened not too far from here.”
Killua shook his head. “I’m ready to just get back to the room, but we’ll go another time. Maybe we can stop in tomorrow after my mom’s funeral. If you’re not coming then I’ll stop by the hotel room then we can go.”
Gon was surprised to how Killua could talk about the funeral so casually. “Okay. And I meant to tell you that I’ll come with you to the funeral, but only if you’re sure it would be okay.”
Killua nodded. “It will be.” He didn’t say it out loud but he was secretly glad that Gon was coming. And not just so he didn’t have to talk to his family. He didn’t say anything else, he instead listened to Gon ramble on about how good the fudge was. Killua smiled as he listened, Gon was the one person who Killua could listen to forever and never ask to be quiet.
Gon was still talking when they entered the hotel room. The topic of fudge had been long forgotten, but that didn’t mean Gon was about to be quiet. He collapsed on his bed and smiled at Killua. “Wanna watch a movie?”
Killua nodded and came over to sit next to Gon. “What one?”
“You choose.”
Killua thought for a second as he scrolled through the channels and got under the blanket with Gon. Eventually he put on a horror movie and turned all the lights off. It was dinner time now, so it was dark outside and perfect for watching horror movies. “I doubt you’ll be able to make it through this movie without screaming, Gon.” Killua said as he got back under the blankets.
Gon looked worried. “It’s not too scary, right Killua?”
Killua laughed slightly. “Maybe, maybe not,” He smiled at Gon mischievously. “I haven’t seen it before.”
Gon didn’t look reassured.
Killua turned his attention away from Gon and watched the movie attentively.
Once the movie ended a few hours later it was nearly eleven at night. Gon was shaking next to Killua and was holding the blankets to his chest with a death grip. “Can we never watch that movie again please?”
Killua smiled. “Sure, not for a while at least.” Killua wasn’t showing it, but that movie messed him up too, so he didn’t think he’d ever want to watch it again either. He got out of Gon’s bed and laid down in his own. He rolled onto his side facing away from Gon and pretended to be asleep after a few minutes. He could hear Gon stop shifting and fall asleep after half an hour or so. Killua rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. He wasn’t looking forward to his mother’s funeral tomorrow. What if he started crying again?
He wasn’t about to be caught crying. He knew that Alluka would possibly cry, but he knew none of his brothers would. Killua would never let himself be the only brother crying. Crying isn’t for assassins, Killua thought, his mind echoing the words he was always told by his mother. If Killua ever cried after he turned eleven he was scolded for it and locked in solitary confinement for a day or two.
He was sure the rest of his siblings were told this too, but they were never punished as severely for doing things that were ‘against the assassin’s code’ as Killua and Illumi were. Kalluto was possibly punished, but certainly not the same way Illumi and Killua were. Killua rolled onto his side again and closed his eyes as her pulled the blankets tighter around himself and tried to get to sleep.
Killua straightened the collar on the suit he was wearing. He and Gon were getting ready to leave for his mother’s funeral and they were both dressed formally in suits. “Killua, I think I did something wrong…” Gon said.
Killua turned around.
Gon’s collar was all flipped and his sleeves were a mess. “Can you help me?”
Killua sighed and went to help Gon.
Five minutes later, Killua finally fixed the collar, sleeves, and all the other small things Gon had messed up. “There, it’s fixed. Now don’t ruin it.”
Gon looked in the mirror. “Thanks! And I’ll try not to.”
Killua nodded. “Alright, let’s go. If we leave now we can get to the funeral within two hours, which will leave us half an hour to spare.”
Gon nodded. “I’m glad it’s not at your manor. Not only is it far away, but it’s so hard to get in.”
Killua sighed. “If you arrived with me you’d be allowed directly in, Gon. I’m a Zoldyck.”
Gon looked at Killua in surprise. “I would?!”
Killua sighed and walked towards the door. “Come on, Gon.”
Gon nodded and followed Killua.
As Gon and Killua walked down the street they were both quiet. The funeral was at a house near the woods. Gon knew there was a cemetery near it, so it wasn’t the weirdest place, but he also knew that someone lived in the house. I really hope they didn’t kill the owner so they could use it for the funeral… Gon’s face paled a bit, he had met Killua’s older brother Illumi, and from their limited interactions he wouldn’t put it past the man to kill someone for a funeral. He wasn’t sure about the rest of the family though. They most likely would, they were assassins after all.
After half an hour Gon decided to break the silence. “Hey Killua, why don’t we take a cab or something? Wouldn’t it be faster?”
Killua looked up. “We don’t want to get there too early, if we do it might seem like I actually care. Which I don’t of course. I’m aiming to be the last one there, or maybe the second-to-last.”
Gon looked at Killua. He knew he cared about his mother’s death. He knew it. He would bring it up again when they were closer to the house that the funeral was at. He saw Killua was looking down at the ground slightly, seeming interested in a rock he was kicking as he walked. Gon looked back ahead and continued walking a few steps behind Killua, letting the white-haired boy lead the way.
By the time they saw the house up ahead of them they had about twenty minutes to spare, almost the exact guess Killua had made. Gon tapped Killua’s shoulder.
Killua turned and looked at Gon. “Yeah?”
“I know you’re upset; you don’t have to hide it. It’s normal to be upset, especially after something like this. It’s okay, you can cry,” Gon said.
Killua didn’t answer, but instead just nodded and walked up to the house with Gon. They walked inside and looked around. They were the last ones there, just as Killua had wanted. Gon thought this didn’t seem like a normal funeral, all the funerals he had been to involved a mass for whoever had died, then they would bury the body, and then they would usually meet up and talk about some memories of the person. Gon saw Killua’s sister look up and see them. Alluka. “Killua!” Alluka came over and hugged Killua, she was crying.
“Hey, Alluka,” Killua greeted as he hugged her.
Alluka let go and looked over at Gon. “Hello, Gon.”
Gon gave an awkward smile. I’ll no doubt find myself in a corner by myself to avoid standing out awkwardly.
Killua walked into what looked like a dining room and Gon followed him.
A familiar voice came from over by the food table. “Kil, I’m surprised you came.”
“Yeah, I did,” Killua said simply as Illumi came over to him.
Illumi waved slightly at Gon. Killua couldn’t help but notice that Illumi didn’t comment on Killua having a friend with him.
“Lumi, who are you talking to now?”
Gon’s eyes widened when he heard the voice.
Illumi turned around. “Killua.”
Hisoka came out of the crowd and over to Illumi. He was putting a crème puff into his mouth.
“Hisoka, what are you doing here?” Gon asked as he took an involuntary step towards Killua.
“I came with Illumi,” Hisoka said simply.
Illumi nodded to confirm it.
Killua noticed the two of them getting closer and closer as time went on. He desperately wanted to point out that assassins shouldn’t have friends, but he knew that his mother’s funeral wasn’t a good place for that. Especially when he had Gon right next to him. Instead, he forced himself to smile. “Well, it’s nice to see you again, Hisoka.”
Hisoka smiled back. “The same for you.”
Gon nodded from behind Killua but didn’t say anything.
This conversation is really unnatural and awkward… Killua thought.
Hisoka put the other crème puff he was holding into his mouth.
“So… are you going to be doing anything soon Kil?” Illumi asked.
Killua shook his head. “Not really. What about you?”
“Well, Hisoka wants to drag me to an island for a vacation, but he’s not going to get me to go, so unless that changes, then I’m just going to continue taking different clients for some money,” Illumi said.
The four of them kept up an awkward conversation until they went outside to see the grave of Killua’s mother. Gon noticed that Hisoka seemed to feel comfortable inside but start acting a bit more out of place when they went outside. I wonder what their relationship with each other is if Illumi is so strict about not having friends, Gon wondered. Maybe partners? He got lost in his thoughts while Killua’s father and a few other people spoke about his mother. (Whose first name was Kikyo as Gon was now finding out) Eventually he came back to reality when people stopped talking. He looked up at Killua and saw him standing there, staring at his mother’s grave. He was obviously trying not to cry. Alluka was hugging Kalluto and crying. Killua looked over at her. “She’ll probably need someone there for her for a while.”
Gon reached out and held Killua’s hand carefully.
Killua looked over to see if Illumi was watching and saw him standing as emotionless as ever with Hisoka standing behind him, his arms wrapped around Illumi’s neck and his hands clasped loosely on Illumi’s chest. Illumi had one hand on Hisoka’s forearm. Killua held Gon’s hand back seeing as Illumi was distracted and he wanted comfort from his friend right now.
Gon knew Killua wouldn’t want him to do anything noticeable in front of his family, so instead he squeezed Killua’s hand a bit harder. He watched Killua and was surprised to see tears forming in his eyes. So, he really did care after all. It only made sense; it was his mother. But either way, Gon couldn’t stand seeing his friend cry. He wondered if he should try to move Killua away or not.
After half an hour Killua and Gon were leaving. There was another round of awkward conversation between everyone for a while after they went back inside, but everyone was starting to go back to their respective homes now. Gon and Killua waved to Illumi and Hisoka as both groups left. “Hey, Aniki,” Killua called to Illumi.
Illumi turned to look at Killua.
“I-I’ll try to come around the manor sometimes. Not constantly, but maybe a bit more. If you’re not on a mission at least.”
Illumi’s expression didn’t change but Gon and Killua could both tell he was happy. Illumi nodded. “I’ll see you around then, Kil.”
Killua nodded and went to leave.
Gon waved again and followed Killua.
“Come on, I’ll take you back to your apartment,” Illumi said to Hisoka.
Hisoka nodded and started back to the building with Illumi. The magician knew that he shouldn’t expect any conversation from the assassin during the three-hour walk. Usually, Hisoka would try to talk to him, but he didn’t want to force the other man to talk right now. Instead, he let the silence stay between them as they walked. The rain that started an hour into the walk were the only sounds that could be heard.
Illumi stepped into the apartment with Hisoka. The magician’s apartment was surprisingly simple considering his personality. White and blue-grey walls, a light grey couch, and overall muted colors throughout the apartment. But the different soft blankets and plants and other touches Hisoka had added in gave the small place a cozy feeling. “You can stay the night, I have a spare room,” Hisoka said to Illumi.
“I wouldn’t want to intrude,” Illumi said simply.
“You wouldn’t be intruding. Besides, I would hate to leave you alone when you’re like this,” Hisoka said.
Illumi looked up at Hisoka. “Like what?”
Hisoka came over and hugged Illumi, pulling him close. It wasn’t a normal side of Hisoka for people to see, but he felt this was an appropriate time to show it. “I know you’re upset, Illumi. It’s okay to show it.”
Illumi stood there for a few seconds before wrapping his arms around Hisoka and buried his head in Hisoka’s chest. He remembered his whole life being locked away and tortured by his parents for showing any attachments to people or emotions, happiness, sadness, anger, irritation, fear, and if they saw tears even start to form in his eyes then Illumi was beat so close to death he didn’t know how he was still alive. He would be starved and not allowed any water, he’s been hit, shocked, burned, and so many other things he had tried to block out over the years… But now he was with Hisoka being told that he should show emotion. He was being told it was okay to show he cared for his family.
When Illumi got out of his thoughts he realized that he had tears running silently down his face. He shrunk into himself a bit more and clenches his hands into fists as he grabbed Hisoka’s shirt tightly. He started crying more and Hisoka continued to hug him tightly. He was scared that he would be punished for it but then realized his family wasn’t there and it didn’t matter.
Hisoka ran his hands through Illumi’s soft hair as he spoke quietly to the assassin to try and comfort him. He started to hum quietly after a few minutes, hoping that it would comfort the assassin more than words could.
The two of them didn’t move from that spot in Hisoka’s doorway for the next hour, Hisoka quietly humming to Illumi as the assassin continued to cry into Hisoka’s chest. After Illumi calmed down he and Hisoka spent the rest of the night on the couch watching television until they fell asleep. He trusts me enough to show some emotion around me, maybe I can fix him… even if it’s slowly. I want to stay with him, and not just to kill him… I genuinely like him, and I’ll make sure he gets to live the happy life he missed out on as a kid. This was Hisoka’s last thought as he fell asleep with Illumi leaning against his side.