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You dream of trying to say a name.
It's on the tip of your tongue (Steel wool and metal traps)
You claw at its eyes, until your fingernail catches on one.
You bite down, and taste oblivion.
Viscera and bloody shades are brought out as your body tries to rid itself of the blasphemy you speak. You are going against the Universe's will, and you are paying for it.
Something shrieks, something sobs, and you claw your own throat as you taste iron, as a shade blooms in your mind like a shattered star.
It's killing you.
But you have to continue.
Something (Someone?) is screaming at you to stop. A hand is on your shoulder, propping you up as you choke on your own blood. (It feels wrong, clawing off your skin and stabbing the raw flesh with needles, it feels like that isn't what is supposed to happen. It feels wrong. It's against the Universe's will.) Your organs are torn to shred as you fight against iron claws.
But you have to say it.
You breathe in (Draw in your strength, your love, collect the dust of supernovas, and by the Universe, wish.)
And
Feel
Your head
Shatter
Blood blood blood, dripping from your mouth, your nose, your ears, your eyes, your throat.
You can't breathe.
Rotten caramel dribbles onto your tongue, masking the scent of iron, copper, and ozone.
You can't breathe.
And yet
You still try to say it
Third time’s the charm.
Your vision fading, senses as dull as a rusty dagger, you gather your strength and-
"-⋆۞✰٭⋆"
"⁕✬⭑-!"
You pitch forward and wheeze, coughing and coughing. Something is stuck in your lungs, you did something wrong. Everything hurts.
You curl into yourself, crying as the taste of iron doesn't fade. It was still there, it was still here, it's still here.
Someone touches you.
You-you flinch.
“Altair, Altair, it's just a nightmare, please breathe. Come on, you can do it, just follow my lead, okay? Please?”
You can barely feel anything other than the ringing in your ears and your body caving in on itself, but you try to follow the voice.
You take a stuttering breath in.
“Good, good. Now breathe out.”
You do.
“Again.”
You continue to breathe and the voice repeats their lines. (...?) Slowly, the fog muffling everything recedes, and you exhale one last time, before looking up.
Ma (Kya?) and your baba (Pyxis?) are sitting on your bed, faces creased with concern. The door into your bedroom is wide open, and Mae’s (little nova) staring at you while your mom (Stejla?) calms her down.
Ma smiles at you once you look at her
“... Did you have a nightmare?”
You nod
“Do you want to talk about it?”
…
You shake your head.
Ma exhaled through xer nose before getting off your bed.
“Want me to make you some hot chocolate?” Ma murmured as she smoothed out some of your wilder strands of hair (She touched you)
“O-okay,” Your voice breaks a little, but you spit it out. Kya’s eyebrows crease in worry, but they still get up and leave the room, shutting the door behind xem.
You sit in silence for a second before your baba pulls you into a hug.
It’s comforting (This is wrong)
You stay silent.
(Nostalgic and bittersweet. A memory turned sharp. Shattered glass. A fishing boat lovingly carved)
(You do not remember them.)
(This is wrong)
(The Universe leads.)
(Are you following?)
Your baba is holding you tighter.
Mae gets up so she can squeeze you as tight as her little arms can.
Ma gives you hot chocolate. It tastes like home.
(You taste blackened sugar)
Mom is talking with Ma to the side. You don’t know what they’re saying.
You’re tired.
Is something wrong?
.
.
.
[Hello?]