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Barbara was getting impatient.
On paper, things were perfect: Bruce had been rescued from the time stream, Stephanie was back, and Cass was once again living in Gotham. Best of all, she had finally rekindled her relationship with Dick.
At least… mostly.
It had been three months since they’d decided to get back together. And while Dick was a perfect gentleman in a lot of ways – sending her flowers weekly, taking her on lavish dates, giving her shoulder massages when she was sore from hunching over her computer all day, etc. – there was just one major gap still in their relationship:
He wouldn’t have sex with her.
At first, Barbara had assumed he just didn’t want to rush things. She had been fine with that. After all, the two of them had a long, complex history. It made sense to take things slowly. But as the weeks ticked by, she found herself growing more and more frustrated. He wouldn’t even put his hand up her shirt!
She refused to believe it was because of her chair. It hadn’t been an issue the last time they were together, and Barbara had no reason to think that had changed. Dick never shied away from her disability in other facets of their lives. So there had to be some other reason…
In any case, she was tired of waiting.
Dick had offered to come over to the Clocktower that night and cook her dinner. In preparation, Barbara made sure a box of condoms (unopened but still in date) was ready on her nightstand. She also took extra time in the shower to shave everything. Finally, just to ensure her success, she dressed herself in short-shorts and a low cut shirt that just exposed the top of her emerald-green, lace push-up bra (Dick’s favorite one). She looked at herself in the mirror and smiled. There was no way Dick Grayson would be able to resist.
Dinner was pleasant. Dick cooked her “Paprikás Csirke,” a Romani dish consisting of chicken and dumplings in a creamy paprika sauce. His mother had taught him how to make it, so it was very special to him. Which meant it was very special to Barbara, too.
After the meal, they settled onto her couch for a movie. Dick pulled Barbara into his lap and buried his face in her hair.
“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered, his voice full of love and warmth.
Barbara smiled. Maybe this was going to be even easier than she thought.
She turned her head so their lips could meet. Dick didn’t hesitate in leaning forward and kissing her deeply. Butterflies stirred in her stomach. They’d made out plenty of times, but nothing ever went beyond that. This time, however, she was determined for things to end differently.
“You’ve been playing hard to get, Boy Wonder,” she hummed into his mouth. “I was beginning to think you’d joined the priesthood.”
Dick tightened his hands around her waist. He pulled away just far enough to whisper, “Babs, I love you so much. I’d do anything to make you happy. You know that.”
Barbara smiled wickedly. “Then prove it. Take me to the bedroom and remind me just how damn flexible you are.”
It was the first time she’d flat out propositioned him like that. But Barbara was tired of waiting, dammit! She had needs.
Something flashed across Dick’s face. It was so quick, she thought she may have imagined it. But before Barbara could comment on the matter, her boyfriend plastered a smile on his face. “As you wish, m’lady.”
He scooped her up off the couch and carried her to bed.
“Freakin’ finally,” she sighed as he lowered her onto the mountain of pillows. Barbara used them to prop herself up until she was in a comfortable position. Then, she pulled her shirt off in a single, fluid motion. “Your turn.”
Dick was stiff as he removed his own shirt. That struck her as odd, since “stiff” typically wasn't in the acrobat’s vocabulary.
“Dick? Is everything okay?” She asked. In lieu of an answer, her boyfriend straddled her and began kissing down her neck and chest with dizzying intensity. It felt so damn good that it was almost enough for Barbara to drop the matter entirely. But when Dick reached behind her back to unclasp her bra, she felt his hands shaking.
“Whoa whoa whoa,” Barbara said, gently grabbing his wrists. “What’s going on, Dick?”
This time when he smiled, it didn’t reach his eyes. “I’m fine, Babs. I can keep going.”
Barbara narrowed her gaze at her boyfriend. “Honey, something is clearly wrong. Talk to me.”
“I’m fine,” he argued, his tone near desperate. “I can do this.”
Okay, that was a major red flag.
“Love, if you don’t feel up to it tonight, that’s okay,” Barbara assured.
Dick shook his head. “I’ve made you wait long enough. You deserve better. I need to do this for you. For us.”
“I am not having sex with you unless I’m 100% sure you want it. You’re shaking, Dick!”
“I’ll be better,” her boyfriend promised. “Please, Babs, I love you more than anything.”
“I love you, too, and that’s why I want to make sure you’re safe. Can you look me in the eyes and honestly tell me you’re physically, mentally, and emotionally ready for sex right now?”
Dick was trembling. “I can do it.”
Barbara frowned, the dread in her gut curling deeper. “That’s not what I asked, Dick. Answer the question.”
“I love you. I love you so much, and I want to love you the way you deserve. And I want to be intimate with you. It’s not your fault that I haven’t been able to. I know you’re nothing like –”
He cut himself off, eyes widening in panic.
Barbara felt like a bucket of ice water had been dumped on her. “Nothing like who?”
His lips quivered. “Nothing. It was nothing. Just forget I said anything. You said you wanted me to prove I’d do anything for you, so let me.”
He dipped his head down to kiss her, but she turned her head. “Dick, stop it. When I said that, I did not mean that you had to force yourself to do something you’re not comfortable with. I’m not letting you sweep this under the rug. So tell me, I’m nothing like who?”
For a moment, Dick was frozen. He seemed to be fighting some kind of internal battle with himself. But Barbara was stubborn. She wasn’t going to let this go, and he damn well knew it. Finally, he climbed off of her and sat crisscross on the bed. Then, in a broken whisper, he confessed, “Catalina.”
Barbara’s stomach dropped. She knew of Catalina Flores. Dick had tried (and failed) to take her under his wing right before the gang wars had broken out. The vigilante was now in jail for murder. She remembered criticizing Dick at the time for having a relationship with her. It had been part of the reason they’d broken up the last time. Clearly, she’d missed something. Something big.
“What did Catalina do?” She asked gently.
Dick looked defeated. It was as if all of his beautiful light had been sucked out of him. It broke Barbara’s heart. “She killed Blockbuster,” he began, voice hoarse. “I could’ve stopped her, but I didn’t. He knew who I was, Babs. He threatened everyone I cared about, including you. But that shouldn’t have mattered. We don’t kill. I should’ve stopped her. She murdered him right in front of me, and I did nothing. Afterward, all I could think about was how I’d let Bruce down – how I’d let everyone down. What kind of hero am I if I just step aside and let people die like that just to make my life easier?
“I’m pretty sure I went into shock after that. I remember falling to my knees. I remember it was raining. And at some point, Catalina climbed on top of me. I couldn’t move. Couldn’t shove her off. It was like I was paralyzed. I-I tried to tell her ‘no’, but she didn’t listen. I begged her not to… But she just kept going.”
Barbara inhaled sharply. Dick, her Robin, had been raped. And she had never known. All this time… how could she have missed this?
“Oh, sweetheart,” she lamented. “I’m so, so sorry. These past few weeks I’ve been so frustrated, and I never stopped to think that maybe something was wrong. I had no idea you were carrying such a horrible burden.”
Dick was sobbing now. “I really thought I’d be over it by now. You deserve so much better, Babs. I-I understand if you don’t wanna be with me anymore. I’m broken.”
“Richard John Grayson, how dare you even say that!” Barbara shook her head. “You are not broken. I’m not with you because of what you can do for me. I’m with you because I love you, and I will continue to do so even if that means never having sex again.”
He met her gaze through teary eyes. “R-really?”
“Of course,” Barbara confirmed. She offered him his discarded t-shirt before putting her own back on. “We’re going to get through this together.”
Dick shrugged his shirt back on. “C-can I hug you? Please?”
“Are you sure you want to be touched right now?” she checked gently.
“I’m okay with hugs,” he assured. “I just… I just really need to hold you.”
Barbara smiled. “Okay then. Of course, love. Come here.”
They laid there together, with Dick’s head on her chest, for hours. Once in a while, her boyfriend would sniffle or mutter a broken apology. When that happened, Barbara simply whispered encouragements and assurances while running her hand up and down his back.
She was angry with herself for missing something so big for so long. Dick deserved better than that. But rather than wallow in her own failures, she vowed to be there for him from then on out. Whatever it took, she was going to help his light return.
Her Robin would fly again.