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Published:
2025-09-14
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1,453
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1/1
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zhaoooz’s Reviews

Summary:

Reviews: Ice-Dream Ice cream Shoppe

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
zhaoooz - there wasn’t enough lettuce in my salad,,, too many croutons

OWNER • Sung Hanbin - What DID YOU ORDER. We do not HAVE SALAD!

Notes:

first crack fic in a while... kinda nervous...

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

GROUP CHAT - goofy goobs

Kim Jiwoong: Good Beautiful Morning

Kim Gyuvin: i hate everything.

Seok Matthew: bro… last night was INSANE

Seok Matthew: what did we even get up to??

Kim Jiwoong: Shenanigans …

Seok Matthew: we did tons of great stuff

Seok Matthew: at least i think…

Kim Gyuvin: i have a video of matthew break dancing

Seok Matthew: oooh

Seok Matthew: didnt even know i could do that

Seok Matthew: the more you know!

Kim Gyuvin: idk i literally dont remember anything

Zhang Hao: me neither tbh

Zhang Hao: wait

Zhang Hao: hang on guys i’m getting notifs from Yelp for some reason

Kim Jiwoong: Yelp??

Zhang Hao: one sec

YELP

Reviews: Ma-fia Pizza Place

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
zhaoooz - was so good! just like the movies!!

OWNER - What movie??

-

Reviews: Lamp Store

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
zhaoooz - couldn’t have asked for a better place to go to the bathroom. 10/10

OWNER - Sir we don’t have any of those. Where did you go.

-

Reviews: Ice-Dream Ice cream Shoppe

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
zhaoooz - came in here at 3 am… ate the best burger in the faucking world. saved me… literally saved me

OWNER • Sung Hanbin - We are an ICE CREAM place we do NOT SERVE BURGERS!!!!

-

GROUP CHAT - goofy goobs

Zhang Hao: o shit

Zhang Hao: yeah… i went on yelp again and left fake reviews.

Zhang Hao: oops!

Seok Matthew: LMAOO

Seok Matthew: AGAIN

Zhang Hao: YEAH

Zhang Hao: the owners responded

Zhang Hao: very confused and unhappy

Zhang Hao: my bad!

Kim Gyuvin: why are businesses complaining? a 5 star is 5 stars?

Zhang Hao: ur right!

Zhang Hao: but its ok i dont think ill be doing that again… dont want to tank my yelp rating

Kim Jiwoong: Probably a good idea.

Zhang Hao: alright, well…

Zhang Hao: same time next week to go out for drinks?

Kim Gyuvin: you know it.

Zhang Hao: perfect

Zhang Hao: ill see u guys then.

Zhang Hao: and i WONT be on yelp reviews anymore

-

Next week

-

Zhang Hao: youre not going to believe this.

Kim Gyuvin: dont tell me…

Kim Jiwoong: We need to delete that app off your phone

Zhang Hao: im honestly scared to check the damage

Zhang Hao: lets do this…

-

YELP

Reviews: Ice-Dream Ice cream Shoppe

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
zhaoooz - there wasn’t enough lettuce in my salad,,, too many croutons

OWNER • Sung Hanbin - What Salad DID YOU ORDER. We do not HAVE SALAD!

-

Reviews: Ice-Dream Ice cream Shoppe

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
zhaoooz - Wait was really long to get on the rides, but heres a review of my favorite attractions from the park!

10/10 Good So Bad-Coaster - BEST ROLLER COASTER EVER I did so many twirls!
9/10 Feel the POPCORN - best popcorn ive ever tasted. honestly.
8/10 Kill The Romeo Bumper Cars - not bad! Definitely lives up to the name
3/10 Blue Salad - who makes salad blue…

Overall was a fun trip! will come back soon :)

OWNER • Sung Hanbin - WE ARENT A THEME PARK 😡😡 Where are you getting this information from!!

-

Reviews: Ice-Dream Ice cream Shoppe

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
zhaoooz - wish they had ice cream tho :/

OWNER • Sung Hanbin - We sell ice cream! WE ONLY SELL ICE CREAM

-

GROUP CHAT - goofy goobs

Zhang Hao: oooooh

Zhang Hao: shit

Seok Matthew: whats the damage

Zhang Hao: i somehow left all of the reviews at one place

Zhang Hao: and the owner is NOTTT happy…

Zhang Hao: oops

Seok Matthew: where’s the place?

Zhang Hao: its just an ice cream shop down the block

Seok Matthew: ooh

Kim Gyuvin: ice cream sounds so good rn.

Zhang Hao: wait

Zhang Hao: the owner is messaging me omg..

Zhang Hao: WHAT DO I DO

Kim Jiwoong: Own it.

Zhang Hao: ok ur right

-

YELP CHAT

OWNER • Sung Hanbin : I don’t know who you are, but please stop leaving fake reviews.

zhaoooz: fake ?

zhaoooz: what about that was fake

OWNER • Sung Hanbin : All of it

zhaoooz: i dont leave fake reviews

zhaoooz: im a truth teller

OWNER • Sung Hanbin : I will call the authorities

zhaoooz: okay ill admit that i lied.

OWNER • Sung Hanbin : Why?

zhaoooz: i dont know man

zhaoooz: i dont remember leaving those

zhaoooz: i think i was hacked

OWNER • Sung Hanbin : Oh. Hacked.

zhaoooz: maybe?

OWNER • Sung Hanbin : Okay. Please solve this hacking issue by Saturday at 12:09pm

zhaoooz: bro its 12:08

OWNER • Sung Hanbin : You have one minute

zhaoooz: THATS NOT ENOUGH TIME?

OWNER • Sung Hanbin : 🙂

Sung Hanbin has ended this chat

-

GROUP CHAT - goofy goobs

Zhang Hao: …

Zhang Hao: did i just get threatened by an ice cream shop owner

Kim Gyuvin: what now

Seok Matthew: bros always up to a side quest.

Zhang Hao: he sounds so mean but lowkey…

Zhang Hao: i wanna meet him

Zhang Hao: lemme check it out in person one day

Kim Jiwoong: I cannot say that is a good idea

Kim Jiwoong: But go for it

Kim Jiwoong: #GoodLuck.

-

Zhang Hao: okay i’m here

Zhang Hao: theres only one guy behind the bar but he doesn’t look like the owner??

Zhang Hao: i wish they had name tags on.

Zhang Hao: he’s cute tho

Zhang Hao: like a cute part timer :3

Zhang Hao: i’m going to give him my number i think

Seok Matthew: ooh okay ?

Kim Gyuvin: another side quest has blossomed

Zhang Hao: see now i can leave an actual legit review

Zhang Hao: and the owner can get off my ass because i wont be lying

Zhang Hao: lets go!

-

YELP

Reviews: Ice-Dream Ice cream Shoppe

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
zhaoooz - came in and gave the cute part timer my number. he had a nice smile. hes saving the company because the ice cream was just mid :)

OWNER • Sung Hanbin - That was not a part timer, that was ME

-

YELP CHAT

OWNER • Sung Hanbin : This isn’t real

OWNER • Sung Hanbin : I cannot believe you’re the one that’s been terrorizing my Yelp page

zhaoooz: THATW AS YOUUUUY ??????

zhaoooz: oh no on ho on ohh no hon hon ho ho

-

GROUP CHAT - goofy goobs

Zhang Hao: I FUCKED UPPP 😭😭😭😭😭😭

Kim Gyuvin: WHAT?

Zhang Hao: CUTE PART TIMER IS THE OWNER

Zhang Hao: FUCKKKKK

Kim Jiwoong: Oh my

Seok Matthew: this… is only something that would happen to you

Zhang Hao: fr

Zhang Hao: the consequences of my own actions …

Zhang Hao: what do i do now ??

Kim Gyuvin: /shrug

Zhang Hao: sigh

Zhang Hao: okay.

Zhang Hao: ill put on my brave face, and come up with a tactical response.

-

YELP CHAT

zhaoooz: IM SORRYYYY

zhaoooz: i really am sorry

OWNER • Sung Hanbin : Are you sure

zhaoooz: YES

zhaoooz: HONESTLY

zhaoooz: i did not mean to leave those

zhaoooz: i did not

OWNER • Sung Hanbin : You did not?

zhaoooz: i did not

zhaoooz: i thought i was being silly goofy i guess

zhaoooz: but i really did not mean to

zhaoooz: honest

OWNER • Sung Hanbin : Hmm.

OWNER • Sung Hanbin : Alright.

OWNER • Sung Hanbin : I believe you

zhaoooz: good

OWNER • Sung Hanbin : Only because you’re cute.

zhaoooz: oh perfect

zhaoooz: so we’re all good?

OWNER • Sung Hanbin : Yep.

zhaoooz: okay.

zhaoooz: great

zhaoooz: now, if you’ll excuse me.

zhaoooz: i have a cute boy to text.

-

MESSAGES: SUNG HANBIN

Zhang Hao: hii 😀

Sung Hanbin: ?

Zhang Hao: i thought this could be a fresh start

Zhang Hao: you know, so were not chatting on yelp and stuff

Sung Hanbin: You know what, sure

Sung Hanbin: Fresh start?

Zhang Hao: fresh start.

Zhang Hao: :D

Sung Hanbin: Alright, now that THAT is over with

Sung Hanbin: Would you like to join me for a date

Zhang Hao: I WOULD LOVE TO

Sung Hanbin: Okay!

Sung Hanbin: Where did you have in mind?

Zhang Hao: i found this cute ice cream shop, we could go there

Zhang Hao: :DDDD

Sung Hanbin: Are you thinking what I’m thinking?

Zhang Hao: maybe :3

Sung Hanbin: Hehe

-

GROUP CHAT - goofy goobs

Zhang Hao: man ice cream man really is the best

Kim Jiwoong: I thought you two had beef

Zhang Hao: nope

Zhang Hao: we’re in love now 😀

Kim Gyuvin: how tf does that even happen

Zhang Hao: romance waits for nobody, gyuvin.

Zhang Hao: yelp is the new tinder.

Kim Gyuvin: ur right.

Kim Gyuvin: lemme try this shit out.

-

YELP

Reviews: Ricky’s Mattress Warehouse

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
gyubbinss - sat down here last night and ate a lot!! was very yummy

OWNER • Shen Ricky - what the fuck is wrong with you

gyubbinss - ohh uh …

-

Reviews: Ice-Dream Ice cream Shoppe

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
zhaoooz - very delicious! even better in bed 🤤

OWNER • Sung Hanbin - Heh

Notes:

cant even lie this is based off a real story where i apparently was leaving gramatically correct theme park reviews on reddit at 3 am while literally blackout

-tegan
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