Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

2001  

Ed wasn’t sure how the bet had started, but it was safe to say it began on one drunken night when Jack was being mouthy and bragging.  Most of the dumb shit Ed did in college could be narrowed down to a drunken night with Jack.  Like the night he’d woken up covered in sharpie when Jack had offered to help him with tattoo ideas.  Or the time there had been twenty fucking packets of bologna in the fridge and none of them knew how it got there.  Or the ‘catch the greased Annie’ game that nearly got them expelled.  A bored night of drinking always ended up in unhinged ideas, and at the end of his third year of college, that idea had been making a bet on who could fuck the most people.

Ed knew that he was attractive.  Hell, he had no lack of partners when he wanted them.  In high school he’d learned how to look at a person just right to have them wrapped around his pinky.  The moment he’d hit college he’d found his footing and just enjoyed life.  Men, women, he wasn’t terribly picky, as long as it was a good time.  Hell, he and Jack had fucked more than once when they’d been too lazy to find another partner.  Once had even been with Annie, Jack’s on again off again girlfriend.  They had healthy appetites and constantly teased each other with who had fucked who, which is how it had seemed like a fun as hell idea at the time.

Over the course of several days he, Jack, and Annie had begun to work out how the bet should be laid out and the prize.  It was the sort of shit Ed loved.  The insanity of it was perfect as they spent days working on how to figure out what was worth what points.  There were arguments that had nearly ended in fights, so they’d finally dragged Izzy in to moderate. The slightly older student rolled his eyes, but at least with him they’d narrowed down the rules of the bet.

Sixty days.  The points ranged from a half point for fucking someone you’re already fucking to ten points for fucking a virgin, and everything in between.  Extra points for kinky shit or risky places had been added, penalties for boring shit.  They made a whole god damn dry erase board to keep track of everything.  It began as fun.  It didn’t change much in Ed’s life besides he now kept track of who and what he did. Ed still hauled people into club bathrooms to take apart, rarely going home alone, but maybe he took a few more people back with him than usual.  It was half the fun of college life and something to distract him from the drag of his classes.  College was supposed to be a fucking challenge, proof he was an adult; instead he found himself struggling through classes that bored him nearly to tears.

They said he had promise.  They said that he could be whatever he wanted. He was gifted. That’s the fucking term his teachers had used.  The gifted class, the advanced prep classes, the god damn extracurriculars that ruled his life in highschool.  The school always talked about how excited they were to help advance kids like him. That always made Ed scoff.  Kids like him.  Brown, impoverished, fucking poster child for people’s guilt that they could trot out while he did his little tricks–complicated mathematics and sciences as he pushed through STEM programs with ease.  It was how he landed a cushy place at an Ivy League school without money.

And it was all so fucking boring!

His first year he’d met Jack and hit it off immediately, son of some fucking oil magnate in Texas with more money than sense. They’d fallen in with Izzy, another kid like Ed that was on a full ride scholarship.  Anne had joined them their second year and they’d all gotten a house off campus together.  And it worked, all of it worked for Ed.  He had a core group with Jack, Anne and Izzy that he could have fun with as he flew through his classes, and in his down time he drank shitty beer while they partied and bar hopped.  It made life bearable.  Even nights that were slow and boring in a hole in the wall bar outside of campus.

“I’m up by eight points.” Jack smirked and leaned back, ignoring the fact Annie was flirting with a shorter woman across the room.  “Fourteen more than Annie, gonna win this shit easy.”

“Fuck off,” Ed growled in irritation and jammed an elbow into Jack’s side before throwing back a shot. “I’ve still got two days to beat you, and you just have that many points because you’ve been fucking your way through all your little friends.”

“Hey, not my fault people come back for more,”  Jack smirked. “That includes you, dick.”

“Because I was bored.”  Ed stretched and cast his eyes around the bar, not a lot going on.  “And you also tell people it’s a bet, you sick fuck.  Pretty sure they fuck you just out of pity.”

“Hey, long as it’s an honest fuck,” Jack smirked and glanced around as well, landing on Anne. “Gonna get in a threesome tonight, look at Annie go.”

“Yeah, man, you know she’s your girlfriend, right?”  Ed laughed as he watched Anne pushing the shorter woman back with a swing of her hips.

“Eh, people aren’t meant for monogamy.”  Jack settled into his old tirade as Ed rolled his eyes.

Not that he disagreed.  He’d seen what relationships did to a person. He still seethed every time he thought about how his mother had stayed with his piece of shit father.  The way she’d excused him even when she was limping and bruised or told Ed that he needed to work harder not to upset the old bastard.  He’d been a god damn kid and she’d made him responsible for the choices the old bastard had made. 

He dragged his thoughts away from his mom with effort, trying not to think about the messages on his answering machine from her. He hadn’t visited her since he’d graduated high school and finally been free of all the pain. He wasn’t going to live in the god damn past.  He was going to leave it buried, what mattered was the present, and right now what mattered the most was finding a way to blow Jack’s numbers out of the fucking water. That was a much better use of his time than thinking of his shitty homelife.

The answer came the very next day when Ed left his afternoon class and went to the coffee shop to hammer out a bit of homework.  It was his favorite place to work on projects since it was on the edge of campus.  It was cheap, and quiet enough for him to work in, and was situated right next to the tattoo shop where his buddy Fang was apprenticing.  It meant sometimes he got a coffee, sometimes he came back with another tattoo inked into his skin.  Today, it provided the answer to how to beat Jack as he saw a familiar person tucked near a window with books stacked up around him.

Hot Coffee Blonde was one of Ed’s favorite eye-fucks.  The guy wasn’t the sort of person Ed would normally go after, it was clear he was shy and probably ass deep in the closet, but it was fun to flirt with him.  He had large hazel eyes that always got bigger when Ed walked in and the delightful ability to blush at even a smile cast over at him.  More than once, Ed had spent an afternoon seeing the guy get flustered when Ed stretched in a cropped t-shirt or bite his lip when Ed ate something slowly and seductively.  It was fun and harmless. 

Today, he looked over at the table where Hot Coffee Blonde was reading and saw that the eyes were snapped up to look at him.  The tumble of strawberry-blonde curls were unruly as they flopped in his eyes and he immediately looked down at his book, shoulders hunching up before he blushed.  Ed had taken some pains with his appearance since he was going to a party later on and seeing the guy’s reaction made him preen.

He had on a cropped purple t-shirt with a fishnet shirt layered over it, hanging off one shoulder to show off the half-finished snake tattoo that Fang had been working on.  He’d pulled his hair back into a half-ponytail, now that it was finally long enough to pull back, and had a few wispy tendrils hanging down along his cheeks to frame his face.  He’d even put on eyeliner and dark lipstick to make his lips look full and pouting.  The leather pants were new, still creaking when he moved, but they showed off his ass and legs perfectly.  He knew he looked fucking hot and HCB looked like he might implode about it.

Probably a virgin.  Ed thought with amusement as he got his normal order, automatically starting to dismiss the guy like normal, and then froze.  That’s a win for the bet. 

 He’d already teased one of his old fuck buddies this morning before class, getting an easy half a point with a blowjob in the guy’s dorm room.  But a half a fucking point didn’t get him nearly close enough to take down Jack’s lead.  But a virgin?  If the guy really was, that would be ten points right there.  Hell, an easy ten points given the fact Hot Coffee Blonde was staring at him again with lips parted slightly and eyes roving over him like he’d seen a perfect meal.

Would it be so wrong?  It wasn’t like he was going to force shit, just sorta float the idea.  And really, wouldn’t it be good for the guy to have a good lay his first time instead of someone who didn’t know what they fuck they were doing?  Ed would be providing a valuable service!  Hell, it was selfless as fuck, if you thought about it.

Fuck it.  Why not?  It’d be worth it to wipe the smug smile from Jack’s face.

He abandoned his plan to take another table and sauntered across the café to see the guy look up with wide eyes.  HCB looked to either side of himself as if he were trying to see why Ed was walking towards him before biting his bottom lip.  Oh, that was kind of hot, the little bite of the lip and the way his cheeks darkened to show the freckles off.  He was wearing a preppy salmon sweater today with a white collared shirt peeping out over the top of it matched with white slacks, of all things.  God, he looked like ice cream Ed would be happy to lick up.

“This seat taken, mate?” Ed dropped his voice into a seductive rumble as he arrived at the two seater table.

“What?” HCB squeaked, and Ed gave a wider smile as he dragged the chair out meaningfully.

“Can I sit down with you?” Ed amended as the guy seemed to be frozen staring up at Ed before darting his gaze down over Ed’s outfit.  “Or you waitin’ for someone?”

“No!” The guy yelped the word loud enough the barista glanced up curiously.  “I mean, n-no one’s sitting there, feel free.”

“Good, hate to have to chase someone away from a cute blond like you,” Ed purred as he slid into the seat, sliding it so that he was subtly closer to the guy. “Noticed you around here for a bit.  I’m Ed.”  He extended a hand out, seeing HCB look at his fingerless leather gloves with eyes that went a little wider.

“S-Stede, I’m Stede.”  Stede managed to get his name out in a cracked voice and Ed widened his eyes subtly before a hand clasped his own.

It was warm and soft, curling along his fingers lightly while he boldly slid his thumb up to graze over the knuckles.  He didn’t try to be shy about it, or coy.  He was bold and plain as he gave a gentle caress that made Stede give a little hitched breath. 

“Stede?  Like the horse?” Ed asked and ran his thumb down the back of the hand. “Nickname?”

“Stede, like Steve with a d.”  He crinkled his nose up. “My father didn’t check how he’d spelled it for the hospital and well—Stede I am, and Stede I will always be.  Stede Bonnet.”

That shocked a laugh from him as he released Stede’s hand. The awkward TMI about Stede’s name was weirdly endearing. “Well, fuck, and I thought my old man was bad. At least he could spell Edward.”

“The worst part is I never find one of those little keychains with my name on it,” Stede sighed heavily and that got another laugh from Ed. 

“Nah, just gotta steal the D from another name, mate,”  Ed grinned with the suggestion.  “So tell me a little about yourself, Stede with a D, been curious as fuck these last few weeks.” He smiled slowly as Stede blinked rapidly as if the idea of someone asking about him was shocking.

And, yeah, Ed was gonna seduce the guy, but the start of the conversation sort of knocked him off his game.  He gave Stede the opening to talk, expecting the normal shit about what he was going to school for and where he went to high school, probably about his fucking massive fortune judging by his outfit.  Instead, Stede launched into chatter about how he’d been coming to the café to read books about cryptids and fashion of all things.  Each topic was equally weird for a guy in college, but it was sort of fun listening to Stede talk about it.

He went off on an immediate tangent about a sea serpent in Lake Erie and followed that up with bigfoot sightings in Michigan complete with little clippings from papers pulled out of books that had to do with modern fashion.  He was probably a design student, they were all oddballs in their own way, and that made him a fuck ton more interesting than what Ed had been imagining.  He’d sort of been braced for a bland gay Chad or Preston or some shit, not a bright-eyed maniac that referred to ‘marine saurians’ in the great lakes.

“You gonna study them?” Ed asked during a pause and tapped one of the clippings. “Bigfoot?”

“Oh, well, I’d love to be a cryptozoologist.” Stede’s expression faltered a little. “But I suppose that’s not in the cards. I can’t do this on campus, it’d be rather frowned on if people knew.”  The expression became pensive and worried.

“I won’t tell, but it’s a shame. This is fuckin’ cool as shit,” Ed assured him and Stede gave him a shy look, a little suspicious. “No, I mean it.  Ever hear of Mothman? S’my favorite, the fucker knocked over a whole damn bridge in West Virginia.”

Stede stiffened up as he instantly recognized the name and was off and running. “Oh! No! That’s absolutely not true! He warned them!” 

Ed sort of forgot his plan, at least for a good hour, as he and Stede argued over Mothman as either the bringer of destruction or the harbinger, two very different possibilities.  It was a bonkers sort of conversation as Stede became more impassioned and Ed found himself getting into it just as much.  He was so used to just drinking with his normal friends and their run of the mill conversations that he’d sort of forgotten how to have a fun conversation.  Izzy was always all about school, determined to earn his scholarship.  Jack was about parties and fucking. Anne was chaotic, but mostly liked to talk about archeology and antiques.  No one in his life had nonsense conversations like the one he was having with Stede.

They got more coffee as Stede started to outline possible cryptids that were similar harbingers while Ed jotted down some names to research later, because who the fuck had ever heard of the Beast of Bray Road?  Or a Wampus Cat? 

“You gotta love X-files, huh?” Ed said during a pause as he finished up his coffee and Stede gave him a bitchy look that delighted him.

“That show is such drivel, Ed!  It’s not realistic at all and it makes them all villains,”  Stede sniffed before his expression faltered when Ed stretched, his eyes going a little wide and darting down Ed’s outfit before a plush pink tongue darted out to lick his bottom lip.  The look helped remind Ed that he wasn’t here to make friends, he was here to get this guy into bed and win a bet.

Wonder if he’d fuck like a cryptid,  Ed thought with a twinge of amusement before he went back to his previous plan.

“Hey, you wanna go to a party tonight?”  He ventured as he straightened his fishnet shirt. “I got some shit going on, figure you might like to let loose a little?”

“A… party?” Stede hesitated and then fidgeted with the edge of his book. “I don’t think you’d want me there.”

“Why not?” Ed furrowed his brow.

“I’m not exactly the life of the party,” Stede sighed in a way that made Ed frown, there was something dismissive there. “I mostly just find a corner to hide in.”

“Fuck off, you’ve just been to the wrong parties with the wrong people,” Ed scoffed immediately.

“They have traditionally been rather… stuffy,” Stede hedged restlessly and drummed his fingers on the back of his book.

“Not the parties my roommates throw,” Ed promised and leaned forward. “Hey, d’ya wanna do something weird?”

Stede blinked and a slow smile crossed his face, a fleeting look of delight and disbelief that made Ed grin.  Yeah, he had the guy.  He looked like someone that just needed a nudge to get him out of his shell and who else better than Edward Teach to do that?

~ ~ ♱ ~ ~

A few hours later, Ed was feeling better and better about his choice as he’d hauled Stede back to his place to let him pick out an outfit from his clothes.  The guy was shy as fuck, awkward and weird, but Ed liked him.  Probably not like he liked his core group of friends, but Stede was easy to get along with, and happy just to be allowed to have room to be himself.  It kind of reminded Ed of himself when he’d been fifteen and struggling to forget his homelife.  Made him feel weirdly protective of the guy.

He's just a fuck, don’t get involved, he warned himself as Stede stepped out in a pair of tight black jeans that looked painted onto his ridiculously fit legs, a black t-shirt with Ed’s leather jacket thrown over it.

“Here, y’gotta have jewelry too.” Ed snagged up some pieces from his side table, grabbing Stede’s hand to slide on a few rings.  First he slid on his skull one followed by another with a raven’s head.  Stede seemed delighted by them.

Ed had already put on Stede’s outfit, grinning at himself in the mirror as he looked like Jack about to go meet his parents for lunch. He knew he’d be teased about it, but he didn’t give a fuck. It was worth it to see Stede swinging around and looking at himself in the mirror with large, delighted eyes. 

“Oh! I look quite cool don’t I?” He exclaimed as he did another turn and Ed quirked up his lips in a smile.

“Yeah, mate, see?  You’re gonna fit right in.”  Ed bumped hips with him lightly.  “Bet this is gonna be the start of all sorts of parties for you.”

“You think?” Hopeful hazel eyes met Ed’s in the mirror and Ed smiled softly. Fuck. Yeah, he needed to not get attached.

“I know it.  C’mon, the music’s just started.”  Ed urged him forward and stepped away with an easy smile on his face.  “Gotta show ‘em how cool you are.”

Stede gave him a shy smile, but nodded with just a hint of eagerness on his face as Ed opened up his door to let him out.  Stede was dangerous.  Not the normal dangerous, no, but he was like a sweet golden retriever puppy, all wriggling happiness and joy.  It made Ed sort of want to wrap him up and protect him, maybe adopt him or some fucking shit. But the love of a pet made a person weak. Love in general made people weak.  Look at what it’d done to his mother.  He would never put himself in a position to let anyone have that sort of power over him.

That was what he kept in mind as they began to enjoy the party.  Jack was safe, Ed liked the guy, but he’d never love him or let him have any power.  Annie was the same way.  Izzy, well, he loved Iz like a fucking brother, and that made that safe.  Stede made him think about shit like holding his fucking hand or something.  And Ed wasn’t falling down that trap. He’d give Stede a great night, something that would rock his world, maybe even give him some courage to be himself.  And that was it.  Good deed done.

Stede seemed entirely unaware of Ed’s turbulent thoughts as he blossomed when they made their way through the party.  He sauntered in and strode about in his outfit, trying to make himself look tough.  Ed made sure he was included and found people to talk to.  Fang had brought a new guy, Ivan, and then there were the usual suspects who always just sort of found their way into a party. 

Ed did his part, he made sure Stede didn’t get drunk and glared at anyone who seemed like they might make fun of him.  Not that many did.  Stede came alive at the party, laughing and joking with a beer in hand and a cute little flushed face.  Ed wondered if he’d ever even gone to a fucking college party before.  He knew he’d never seen Stede at anything, but the campus was huge.

Ed let himself slowly relax, enjoying the way Stede kept bringing up the most unhinged topics, and kind of adoring how insane it was that they’d end up discussing fucking whales while people were doing keg stands.  And through each little conversation or glance, there were the casual touches. Small ones, a brush along Stede’s arm or a gentle smile.  There was a  flush of freckled cheeks when Stede daringly rested a hand on the small of Ed’s back to pass by him.  A hand that continually rested on him longer and longer as Stede seemed to pick up on the hints as his eyes lingered on Ed a little longer each time.

Towards the end of the night, Ed saw that Jack was trying to hook up with Charles, one of Ed’s fuckbuddies.  That was two points if he could manage it, which would put him that much closer to winning the bet.  And it wasn’t the money, or at least not only the money, but Ed didn’t want to deal with Jack lording bragging rights over him for the next god damn semester. 

“Is...is everything okay?”  Stede’s voice was tentative as Ed realized he was glaring where Jack had an arm flung over Charles’ shoulder. 

“Yeah, sure, s’fine,” Ed said, throwing back the last of his shitty beer, but Stede was looking across the room.  His expression immediately fell.

“Is that your boyfriend?”  It sounded small and tight.

“Nah, mate, that’s my roommate and former hook-up,” Ed laughed and Stede blinked rapidly. “No one but you tonight, sweetheart,” he added in a purr that made Stede’s eyes go deliciously wide.

“No one but me?” A little breathless whisper, a smile toying on soft pink lips that looked deliciously inviting.

“No one but you,” Ed assured him and stepped forward closer. “If that’s something you like?”

Ed didn’t crowd, didn’t fucking force, but if this was something Stede wanted he would happily haul the other student right up into his room and lick every inch of him.  If he didn’t want it, Ed was happy just to make sure the guy had a fun party for the night.  That was okay too.  But it was still a thrill when Stede licked his lips again, expression torn between an eagerness and a shyness that made Ed give a smoldering smile as he took another step, until their chests brushed against one another.  He saw Stede’s eyes widen before he tipped his head forward.

“Can I kiss you?”  Ed breathed the words right over those soft pink lips, reaching up to brush fingers through unruly curls.

There was a moment, just a moment, that Ed saw emotions chase each other across Stede’s face.  It was so rapid it was hard to follow, but he thought he saw a flash of something unhappy, however it disappeared so quickly he doubted it had even been there at all.  Because Stede didn’t answer with words, he reached up and cupped Ed’s cheeks in his hands, lunging forward with all the enthusiasm of a high schooler with their first crush.

Ed muffled a soft chuckle and wince as their teeth clicked, but then Stede was kissing him, and he allowed himself to guide the man with a gentle curl of fingers into golden hair.  Stede let out a little noise against Ed’s lips while the fingers that were brushing Ed’s cheeks went to his shoulders, pulling him forward with a delicious desperation.  Stede tasted like cheap beer and faintly like something fruity as Ed’s tongue teased into his mouth.  Stede’s lips parted eagerly as Ed let his other hand run down the length of the broad shoulders.

It wasn’t a great kiss, Stede didn’t seem to know what he was doing, but it was deliciously sweet as Ed teased his tongue against Stede’s.  The gentle touches and glides built up while their lips slotted together and his hand eventually reached down to cup Stede’s hips.  He gave a little tug, pulling him in close so that he could slot a leg between the muscled thighs, feeling every breath of space disappearing between them to be replaced with growing warmth.  Fingers curled into Ed’s shirt, clutching at him before Ed drew back from the kiss with a breathless pant, watching as Stede’s eyes fluttered open.  They were already blown dark.

“You’re not drunk, are you?” Ed whispered and nipped along Stede’s jawline, playful and light.

“Just a jello shot and half a terrible beer,” Stede whined as Ed placed a hot open mouthed kiss along his neck. “Oh god, Edward, I’ve never done… I…”

Score.  Ed could almost taste those ten points as he twitched his lips up in a slight smile.

“Do you want to?” Ed whispered into his ear. “We can go up to my room.”

He felt the answer against him.  Stede was already more than half hard just from a kiss, so reactive that Ed felt heady with the power of it all.  He was so eager, breathless with lips slick from their kiss and parted, watching Ed like he was some sort of hedonistic god with all the answers.  There was a shaky nod before Ed reached up and gently cupped Stede’s chin, swiping his thumb along one slick bottom lip.

“Use your words, pet, do you want to come to my bedroom with me?” Ed murmured softly, pressing his own hips forward in an unsubtle grind.

“Yes.” Stede breathed the answer.

“Do you want me?” Ed continued and heard Stede whimper softly, his hands falling to Ed’s hips to pull him closer.

“Yes.”

“Good boy,”  Ed murmured approvingly and leaned down to place a soft kiss along the pale throat. “M’gonna make you feel so good.  C’mon.”

Stede was flush faced and wide eyed by the time Ed got them through the party. He looked a little shocked and eager while Ed smirked confidently to himself as he could see Stede was still half-hard in his pants. And that was fucking amazing, he wanted to drop down and peel those pants off immediately.  He modulated himself, he wanted to make this amazing for Stede.  He wanted to make sure that the blond spent the rest of his life thinking about this night and how fucking fantastic Ed had made him feel.

The moment they got into his bedroom he closed the door and crowded Stede back against it, lips crashing together again with a little more finesse this time.  With the music locked out to a dull vibration, he could hear the little whimpers coming from Stede as he practically melted into Ed’s kiss. His tongue darted out daringly as Ed rolled his hips forward, molding himself against Stede, letting his hands roam across the broad chest and sides.  He felt so good, arching and panting into the kiss while Ed intimately felt him growing fully hard in the too tight pants.

“God, you’re so fuckin’ hard already,” Ed panted against their kiss and Stede’s eyes snapped open, a flash of worry there. “S’hot.”

“It is?” Stede breathed back and then was kissing him again, reaching a hand up to cup the back of Ed’s head.

He was a quick learner as their kiss became hungry and deeper, all teeth and tongues, Stede’s body melted against him as Ed arched into the press of Stede’s hands along his back.  He rolled his hips pointedly, sliding his leg forward so that he was pressed against Stede’s upper leg to show off his hardening cock.  It wouldn’t take him long, not with the little greedy noises that Stede kept letting out, whimpering and breathless, kissing as though he were trying to memorize the sweep of Ed’s mouth.

By the time Ed drew back he was breathing faster, heat coiled low in his body as he saw the dazed look on Stede’s face, his lips kiss swollen and parted.  He looked half-undone already, breathless and wide eyed as Ed drew him away from the door. 

“Never done this with a guy before or…” Ed began softly and Stede flinched, something like embarrassment flashed across his face.

“At all. I’ve… oh, I had a girlfriend in high school, but never—” There was a flash of shame and guilt, emotions that Ed didn’t want anywhere near what they were doing.

“Hey, s’alright, sweetheart. I just wanted to get a baseline, yeah?” Ed soothed and ran a hand along Stede’s waist, turning him towards the bed. “Wanna make this good for you.”

“I don’t think you could do anything besides make things better, Edward,” Stede sighed out and tipped his head down to brush a kiss down Ed’s neck, delicate and gentle, impossibly soft feeling.

Ed shivered at the soft touch and tipped his head to the side, slipping his fingers up to trace beneath the leather jacket Stede still wore.  He pushed it off the broad shoulders as he felt another kiss and another, hot and slow, nuzzling in with a tenderness that was normally not a part of a hookup. It felt good, the warm breath, and he drew in a steadying breath of his own, picking up the expensive scent of Stede’s cologne to fill his senses.

“Anything I do that you don’t like, tell me, okay? I’ll stop,” Ed promised as Stede let his hands drop so the jacket could be slipped off. “Don’t care what’s goin’ on, this is supposed to be something you enjoy.”

“Mmhm.” Stede nipped lightly and then soothed the spot with his tongue until Ed hissed out softly in appreciation.  Stede was a fast fucking learner.

“Words, sweetheart.” Ed reminded him gently.

“Yes, I understand.” Stede’s voice went up as Ed slid fingers beneath the shirt, feeling the warm skin beneath the pad of his fingers, “Y… you’ll just need to guide me.”

Ed let out a low purring laugh as he began to drag Stede’s shirt off slowly, enjoying the reveal with a flare of desire. “Oh that would be my absolute fuckin’ pleasure.”

Ed soon found out that Stede’s blushes went all the way down his chest–his broad delicious chest with a scattering of auburn hair that dusted across freckled skin.  The nipples were perked and dusky looking as he leaned forward and ran his tongue along one just to hear Stede let out a short sound, arching his back in place.  His breath was coming quicker as Ed licked again, swirling his tongue and running his teeth in a playful nip before he felt Stede fumbling for the borrowed sweater Ed wore.  Well, fair was fair.

He gently pushed Stede onto the bed before Ed reached down to peel off his own shirt, feeling the eyes on him as he did so. The hazel eyes were blown dark with desire, looking at him with a sort of awe before warm hands moved along his chest, sliding over him gently and tracing the half-finished serpent that wound against his side.  The drag of the nails made him suck in a breath before he edged Stede further onto the bed and straddled his lap.

“What do you want?” Ed whispered as he dropped hot biting kisses along Stede’s shoulder, his neck, sucking in a hot mark that caused Stede’s hips to arch up. 

“I… “  Stede’s eyes were glazed over as he cupped Ed’s hips with thumbs rubbing back and forth.  “God, I want everything.”  The words were shameless and greedy. “I just… m-maybe not anal?” The last came a little nervously, eyes darting up to Ed as if afraid of what reaction that might get.

“Nah, that’s more of an advanced trick,” Ed chuckled and rolled his hips gently forward. “How about this, how about I get your pants off and show you how good I look with your cock down my throat.”

Stede made a noise like a car failing to start, his eyes snapping wide as Ed traced a hand along the tight black jeans. “Edward!  I… oh god…”

“That a yes?” Ed quirked his brow up and made a show of flicking his tongue out to lick his lips, making sure he displayed the silver tongue ring.

“Yes, please, let’s…let’s try that.”  Stede gasped out, all desperation and need blended together.

“Mm, perfect.” Ed purred approvingly before he reached up to undo the button on the pants with a little twist. 

The jeans were too tight for Stede, far too tight, but Ed had a mission, and that was getting Stede’s cock in his mouth.  Once he got them unzipped, Stede seemed to realize that the jeans weren’t going to come off with ease and helped him by wriggling.  Ed couldn’t stop a giggle as it was more like wrestling with a caterpillar and Stede joined him as he flailed a little bit until the jeans were cast to one side and left him in tight pale green briefs.  There was a wet patch forming where his cock was trapped and Ed let the laughter die, turning to a sigh of delight.

“Wet for me already?” Ed breathed out as he draped himself along Stede’s legs and brushed his nose against the patch of hair that disappeared into the underwear.

“Yes.” Stede hissed out and then whined as Ed lifted a hand to trace the outline of the heavy cock with a single finger.  “I’ve never.. never felt like this.”

“I’d be jealous if anyone got to see this before me,” Ed purred truthfully before he placed a hot kiss against the inner thigh, nuzzling in.  “Fuckin’ gorgeous, sweetheart, just look at you.”

Musk and cologne, just Stede filled his lungs as he let out a breath of pleasure.  He knew that it was unlikely Stede would last long once Ed had his mouth on him, so he took his time here.  He nuzzled in and sucked against the fabric that was hugging the trapped cock.  Stede whined and bucked his hips immediately until Ed’s hands pushed them down against the bed.  That only seemed to make him wriggle, twisting a little bit while Ed pressed over his legs.

“Ah ah, don’t make me tie you down, wiggler,” Ed teased and Stede’s head shot up, eyes blazing and wide as if shocked, or aroused.  Well, that was interesting. “Let me take care of you.”

“You mean tease me,” Stede gasped and Ed traced his thumbs over the inner thighs, coaxing Stede’s legs apart.

“Just enjoying the buildup.”  Ed answered truthfully and sucked a hot kiss right against the inner thigh, hard enough that he knew it would be another bruise to join the ones on his neck.

He wanted to make sure Stede remembered everything.  He hoped he’d break out of his shell after tonight, maybe become a bit more confident.  Granted, there was a selfishness that came with being the first to drag down Stede’s underwear until the heavy pink cock sprang free.  Thick and curved, perfectly full and wide enough to make his mouth water.  He edged the underwear down over Stede’s balls before he gave into the urge to lean up and drag his tongue in a stripe from base to tip.

Stede cried out his name, his entire body stiffened while Ed tongued right over his slit with a slow swirl, gathering the mess of precome building there.  The salty bitter taste lingered on his tongue as a hand suddenly dropped down and slid into his hair.  Stede’s hips tried to rise again while Ed pressed his hands down, pinning Stede in place.  He rolled his eyes up to see the wild-eyed Stede staring down at him, swollen lips parted in a gasp as Ed kept his eyes locked with Stede’s before parting his lips to just barely slide the tip into the heat of his mouth.

“Oh Christ, Edward!” Stede gasped out and shuddered as Ed swirled his tongue around again. “You look gorgeous.”

Ed hummed his approval as he slowly let his mouth drop down Stede’s cock. He wasn’t the thickest man Ed had ever been with, but he made it up to the top three easily.  He had to work until his jaw ached deliciously as he dropped his head.  He kept his eyes on Stede’s face, watching the wrecked expression as he used his tongue to drag right along the tip again, using his piercing to dip over the slit with slow drags that soon had the hips struggling to thrust out.

“Could watch you all day, darling,” Stede gasped and trembled again. “Look at your lips, like a gift from heaven itself.”

Jesus, sweet talker.  Ed fluttered his eyes shut and then dropped his mouth down again, hot and slow.

“Could spend my life in your mouth!” Stede cried out and gave a little twitch of his hips again, arching against Ed’s hands. “Never felt.. oh god, I’ve never felt this way, how you make me feel.”

It should have been annoying, someone talking to him, but instead it made Ed move faster, bobbing his head down further each time he dropped.  He relaxed his throat as Stede’s words swirled around him in a wrecked voice.  They were gasped and panted, breathed out like an unhinged prayer as Ed moved one hand to wrap around his base, moving it in time with his bobbing head.  Each word dripped with lust and sweetness in equal measure.

No one could make me feel this way, darling.

Ah.. ah.. Ed!  Your tongue!  So good for me, so perfect!

Please… please… I need more, I need… Edward!  Darling, please just a little more.

Pleas and praise flowed over Ed as he opened his eyes and felt the fingers in his hair digging down.  Most people yanked his hair, and Ed enjoyed that, not all the time, but it was still something he expected.  Stede held his hair firmly, but didn’t yank or force his head, just held it there as if he wanted to feel every move Ed made. 

He was right that it didn’t take long, but he savored every second as the words turned into soft noises, growing louder.  They were delicious and reactive as Stede began to shatter apart, his back arched up in the air with a sudden cry.  His hips twitched and fought until Ed dropped his head all the way down.  He swallowed to the base, every last jaw aching inch in his mouth, just as Stede’s hips stuttered. His cry was a sob of Ed’s name before he came down Ed’s throat.  He swallowed and savored, smoothing his hands along the freckled hips, feeling Stede squirming beneath his attention.

By the time Ed let the softening cock slip free, Stede was dazed and panting, his eyes glassy and blinking.  Ed licked his lips smugly at that expression of pleasure, loving the way that Stede seemed to simply stare at him with a sort of awe.  He felt powerful and smug while he pushed up onto all fours.

“Good?” He asked, and Stede hummed softly before sitting up, dragging Ed into a kiss that he went to willingly, hotly.

Stede’s tongue swept into his mouth filthily as if he were seeking out the taste of himself there.  And that did something for Ed, making him groan out and move a palm down over his cock.  He was achingly hard, but for now he just let the kiss draw out into hot slow swipes of Stede’s tongue that ran along the roof of his mouth, his tongue, swirling and teasing until Stede finally drew back.  He was panting, and studied Ed as if he were finding some answer to a universal question.  And he liked what he’d found.

“Let me suck your cock,” Stede whispered the words, bold and filthy as fucking brass.

“Doesn’t gotta be tit for tat,” Ed offered, just in case Stede thought he had to reciprocate.  He wasn’t going to let Stede have anything less than a great fucking first time.

“You don’t want me too?” Stede’s words faltered, uncertain, and Ed huffed out, reaching out to grab Stede’s hand to pull it down to where his hard cock strained his pants.

“Feel how bad I want you? Just don’t want you doin’ anything you’re not ready for.”  Ed murmured and nipped Stede’s bottom lip. “I’d love to see these pretty lips around my cock, babe.”

Ed was prepared for so many things, but there was something about Stede naked, on his knees that made him want to see it again.  He had repeat people in his life, fuckbuddies and shit, but Stede looked like a masterpiece looking up at Ed and opening his plush pink mouth for Ed’s cock.  Flush faced and eager for everything Ed had to offer, which was why he was dangerous.  He shut off the part of his brain that thought about Stede like this tomorrow and the next day, for day after day, sweetly smiling at Ed and murmuring eagerly before Ed eased into his mouth.

He'd had better blowjobs, people that could take his cock all the way down to the root, what he’d never had were hands that traced his hips as if in worship.  What he’d never had was the sight of Stede’s eyes watering when he went too deep and the eager drag of the tongue.  The way that the soft curls spilled along his fingers as he coaxed Stede through every thrust, every drag of the tongue.  A liminal space where it was just both of them, eyes locked together as Ed smoothed back unruly curls.

When Ed came, he did so with Stede’s name on his lips, folding over and feeling the hot eager mouth working him through it.  There was something even endearing when Stede pulled off, a trail of spend trailing between his lips and Ed’s cock.  Ed tenderly swiped the mess away with his thumb and widened his eyes as Stede opened his lips again to clean his thumb with a slow suckling pull.  And he knew, knew as well as he knew his own name, this would only be one time.  Could only be this one time.

Edward Teach knew how to avoid relationships and their temptation, and that was what Stede was.  Temptation.  Temptation on his knees sucking Ed’s thumb clean with eyes fluttered shut. 

~ ~ ♱ ~ ~

Ed felt like shit.  Probably a bit more like shit than he’d ever felt after winning a thousand dollars, but he did feel like shit.  He’d been feeling like shit the last two days since after the party.  There had been the urge to let Stede stay the night.  Ed never fucking let people stay the night.  Fuck that.  And when he’d gotten Stede off his knees and they’d sprawled on the bed he sort of wanted to.  Especially when Stede had pressed against his side and nuzzled into his neck, making out lazily without any goal besides a few idle touches.  It would have been easy to just drag Stede under the covers and said fuck it, that it was just a one-time thing, but he knew better.  So, he’d politely helped Stede gather his clothes together and ignored the hurt look.

And fucking kissed away the hurt look at the door, hot and searing, branding Stede’s mouth with his touch.  He’d felt almost possessive about it, wanting to make sure Stede left tasting Ed on his tongue, but he’d still stood firm and sent Stede back home.  There had been a few attempts to get his number from Stede and Ed had brushed them off, he was an expert at that.  He had carefully made no promises, not a single hint that the night meant anything else besides a fun time.  Hell, he’d ended it with glad you had a good time, Stede.  He had done it by the god damn books.

So why was he feeling a bit shit about it?

“The fuck you lookin’ at culinary classes for?”  Jack leaned over with a raised brow. “Thought you were in for becoming a rocket scientist or some shit.”

“Propulsion engineering,” Ed corrected automatically while flipping through the brochure.  “And, I dunno, trying to find something worthwhile.  Fuckin’ bored man.”

“Too sciency for me.” Jack pushed a drink over towards him and propped his feet up on an empty stool.

“Yeah, not all of us can be finance bros, dickhead.”  Ed kicked the stool to make Jack’s legs drop and flipped through the glossy brochure.

It was a thought.  There were so many goddamn expectations for him with his scholarship, but what if he said fuck it all?  What if he took off and just figured his own shit out.  He had a free fucking ride in this place, but for what?  It wasn’t like he had any set goals or plans after three years.  He had to figure out something he wanted to do with the rest of his life.  He was thumbing through the recommended classes when he became aware that Jack was smirking across from him, but not at Ed.  He was looking over his shoulder with a hint of intense interest that didn’t bode well.

“Hey.”  The soft voice made Ed close his eyes and tense up.  He hadn’t been back to the coffee shop, hoping Stede would get the message.  “Ed?”

He should have known the guy wouldn’t take the hint.  Stede probably had fuck all to compare a hookup with, he’d mentioned a girlfriend, but that was high school.  There was a reason Ed didn’t fuck with virgins.  He sighed and set his drink down before swinging his legs around to face Stede.  Jack raised both brows at him while Ed shot him a warning look. Stede was just as preppy and put together as he’d been the other day, complete with a jaunty little scarf to cover his neck and the marks Ed had left behind.  His eyes were wide and hopeful.

“Yeah, mate?” Ed affected a casual drawl and Stede smiled a little wider, tentative and too fucking sweet.  Ed had to grit his teeth.  Fuck.  He didn’t need a lovestruck puppy.  He should have fucking lost the bet because this was going to be messy.

“Oh, I just wanted to see if you’d like to have dinner.” Stede fidgeted a little with his messenger bag. “Or, um, a drink?  Coffee?”

And there it was.  No take backs, no misreading the offer of a date as Stede looked at him with fingers that were clutching the strap on his bag as a lifeline.  Too much hope in those eyes.  He was grinning like a sunrise and Ed was about to turn it into a sunset.

“Yeah, sorry, having a drink with m’friend here.”  Ed pointed towards Jack meaningfully.

Fuck, just take the hint. We had fun, don’t make this shit weird.  He thought furiously.  Just shut him down, get him out of here.

It’d be the kindest to be harsh about it, clip it off cleanly rather than dragging it out with talk about being friends.  He knew better.  Stede smelled like the sort of guy that dreamed of long-term relationships, fucking white picketed fences and kids.  Not the loose easiness that Ed craved with fuckbuddies.  Hell, he doubted the man had a casual bone in his body.  Which was why Ed never would have fucking tumbled him into bed if it hadn’t been for the stupid fucking bet.

“Maybe we can go out another time?”  Stede asked hopefully, his face falling just a little, but he maintained hope.  Ed was going to have to be harsh about it.  He opened his mouth, but Jack beat him to it.

“Jesus, Ed, you got a magic dick?”  Jack huffed and Stede’s eyes darted towards him with a frown.  “Eddie fucked you to win a bet, man.  So, your job is done.  Don’t make this weird.”

“A…bet?”  Stede’s eyes snapped back to Ed. Hurt bled into them along with understanding.  “I was a bet?”

“Uh, yeah, kinda, mate.” Ed affected a shrug as Stede’s eyes grew shiny, fuck, was the guy gonna cry?  “I mean, not that we didn’t have a fun time, that’s what college is about.  A good fucking time.  No harm, no foul, yeah?”

“No harm.” Stede’s voice went flat as he blinked his eyes rapidly. “Do you… did you even — You said I was gorgeous.”

“Yeah, you’re hot.  I mean, just look at you, you’re like a snack.” Ed shrugged as he offered Stede the compliment, because that was the truth.  “Just, fuck, don’t make this into a whole thing.  It was just a one-night deal, okay?”

That brought the guy’s head up and Ed could easily admit Stede was gorgeous.  That was the shit of it.  Ed would have fucked him again right now in the bar’s bathroom.  Stede was funny and a little corny, hot as fuck.  And Ed wasn’t going down that road.  He liked his freedom and Stede would appreciate what he was doing in the long run, even if it sucked now.  It was better to give the guy a little heartbreak now rather than let it drag out.  

“Listen, it’s college, man.” Ed affected a lazy smile. “Good looking guy like you won’t remain single for long on campus.”  He tried to be reassuring.  “Hell, I can point some people your way if you like.  What dorm are you in?”

“Francis Cabrini.”  Stede said in that same flat voice, looking pale as he took a step back. Stede’s eyes moved away from Ed, fixing on the floor while his fingers dug down against the strap of his messenger bag.

“The fuck dorm is that?” Ed furrowed his brow at the weird name, but Jack figured it out before he did.  He let out a bray of laughter and slapped Ed on the back so hard he nearly spilled his drink.

“You fucked a priest!”  Jack howled and Stede suddenly went dark red, the color travelling all the way up to his ears. “He goes to that priest school!”

“I’m not a priest,” he bit out and balled up his fists.  “I’m in seminary."

He knew about the seminary, it bordered the university.  He knew it existed, heard the church bells there, but he didn’t have fuck all to do with it. No one did, it wasn’t like he had any interest in religion.  He felt himself go cold as he ran through their conversations, trying to remember when Stede had said he went here.  He never had. He never mentioned what he was studying.  

And there was Stede in his neat little outfit, his jaunty scarf, looking like he wanted to run or burst into tears.  There were too many emotions on his mobile face and none of them were good.  Stede was studying to be a priest and Ed had put him on his knees and fucked his mouth.  Holy fucking hell, he had fucked up.  He had royally fucked up.  It had been bad enough fucking a virgin, but this?  This was a new level of bad.

“You’re not from here?!  Like… like do you just stay there or—”  Ed stumbled over the words while Stede’s face turned into a clumsy attempt at looking neutral.

“I attend the seminary obviously.” Stede looked humiliated and hurt, eyes sliding away from Ed entirely.  “I’ll leave you to your drinks.”  The words were broken, a little cracked around the edges while Jack was still cackling.

“Fuck, Eddie, we’ll add that to the next bet.  Ten extra points for fucking the religion outta someone,”  he laughed at his own joke while Ed recovered from his panic.

Ed lunged up as Stede turned away, clearly ready to run, but guilt twisted through him.  Fuck, fuck, fuck!  He’d thought the guy was just another student, a preppy one, not a god damn priest in training.  What the hell had he been thinking?  He replayed Stede’s nervousness and shyness in his own head with a sinking feeling in his gut.  Granted, they’d both been sober, he’d been clear Stede could leave at any fucking time, but still…. Of all the fucking things he could have done.

“Wait, hey, hold up!”  Ed caught Stede’s wrist lightly and he felt the other man stiffen up, casting a teary-eyed look back.  “Listen, I didn’t mean–”

“Don’t,” Stede hissed angrily and jerked his hand away as if he’d been burned.  “I don’t want to hear it.  I’m glad you won your bet.”  Stede bit the words out and Ed could almost feel his humiliation radiating from him.  “It was my pleasure.” 

“C’mon, mate, I didn’t know you weren’t a student here, I never would have—”  Ed began and that only made Stede suck in a breath.

“Yes, you would have never,” Stede let out a broken, brittle laugh.  “Goodbye, Edward, good luck with your next bet.”

He jerked away violently while Jack was still laughing and walked stiff-backed out of the bar, leaving Ed staring after him.  He had felt a bit shit earlier, but now he felt like he’d been gutted.  Christ, what had he been doing?  He’d fucked up a guy’s entire life just for the sake of a bet?!  Because he was bored with school?  And not just any guy, a good guy, a silly and corny guy that Ed had liked.

“Shut the fuck up, Jack!” Ed snarled and swung around to pick up the culinary school brochure.  “S’not fuckin’ funny.”

“It’s hilarious!” Jack objected and then tipped his head back.  “Hey Annie!  Eddie fucked a priest!”

Ed didn’t stick around to hear the response, he stormed out of the bar.  Fuck this.  Fuck them.  Maybe it was time he made a change.  Because university sure as fuck wasn’t doing it for him.

Chapter Text

2025

“We’ve got you right in the penthouse, Mr. Blackbeard, sir,” the young man at the front desk said with wide eyes, pushing across the little envelope with the keycard in it to Ed. “We’ve made sure to have a selection of local restaurant menus available to you and please don’t hesitate to call down here if you need anything at all.”

“S’just Ed, man,”  he said with a sigh and the man blinked rapidly at him. “You can just call me Ed.”

“Yes, sir, Blackbeard, sir.  Ed.” The young man gave a tremulous hopeful smile that carried just a little heat to it.

“Yeah, cheers,” Ed said gruffly and snagged the envelope while he tried his best not to roll his eyes.

The late-night flight had dragged the last dregs of his patience from him, especially considering he had to deal with three layovers on his way from the west coast.  He knew Izzy had done it on purpose after Ed had refused to just send Fang or Ivan to deal with the new launch. It was petty as fuck, but that was Izzy, all the way down to the core.  Petty.  He’d been that way since they’d known each other in college and it hadn’t gotten any better as Ed had slowly and steadily created a culinary empire that had restaurants on every fucking continent including Antarctica.

Okay, fine, the one in Antarctica had been more of a pop-up, but it still fucking counted.  That had been the last television appearance he’d tolerated when he’d still had a contract with Fox with that annoying fuck Gordon Ramsey.  It had been a drag to set it up, cold as balls, and they’d overplayed every setback into some sort of mega-disaster that might tank everything.  He was done with reality food shows and contests, done with all the bullshit that came with fame, done with everything, really.

The penthouse was nice in the hotel, fancy as fuck with a deep tub that he eyed with relief as he felt the aching twinge in his knee from the long, harrowing plane ride.  He was exhausted, but a soak would be needed unless he wanted to wake up barely able to put any weight on it.  But first things first.  He glanced at his clock and smirked at the time before he pulled out his phone and hit Izzy’s number.

It rang four times.

“What?!” The sleep slurred voice made Ed grin as he sat down on the edge of a comfortable as hell bed.

“I got into town, safe and sound.” Ed said cheerfully and heard a growling curse. “And I forgot, we need to roll out a new breakfast menu for Oak Island, I announced it would start tomorrow and forgot to arrange it.”

“What the fuck, Ed?!”  Izzy sounded more awake and pissed.  “You said you were handling that.”

“Yeah, sorry, my shitty ass flight made me forget.” He leaned back on the bed and tried to stretch out his leg. “Some fucking idiot scheduled me on a red eye.”

“You could have just taken care of your own god damn itinerary, Edward.”  The words were sharp and biting, weighted with familiar anger.  He didn’t give a fuck, he was so done with Izzy riding him.

“Yeah, well, then what the fuck would I be paying you for.” He growled out in the same voice he’d used on countless shows to bring arrogant pricks to heel.  “Get it done.  I’ll be here for a month, I expect shit to get done in my absence.”

“You should be here handling the flagship!  You should have sent—” Izzy began the argument, but Ed hung up before he could get going.

He pinched the bridge of his nose in exhaustion.  He was so damn tired, so fucking exhausted by it all.  When he’d started culinary school it had been brilliant, amazing.  Science and artistry combined to make new tastes, new looks, new ways to experience food and display it.  He’d thrived in it in a way he had never thrived in any of the STEM programs.  It had only been happenstance that he’d ended up on Cutthroat Kitchen, mostly fucking luck, but he had been a hit in his episode as he’d taken every fucking sabotage thrown at him just to win the entire fucking pot at the end.

There were clips of him with a fucking spreader bar on his arms, a cape, and big ass superhero gloves using a kid’s knife set to cut with and he’d made it work.  Of course he’d made it work, he’d grown up with absolutely no money and had to make do with whatever was around.  He’d made jokes and flirted with Alton and the judges, laughed, and overcame them.  His tattoos, long hair, and dark black beard had earned him the nickname ‘Blackbeard’ in the various forums online, and that had been it.  Fame.  Then came fortune. Then starring as a judge a few times. Then his own show. Then two fucking shows.

Stupid fucking shows.  He thought and rubbed his face, gritting his teeth as he dragged his fingers over the too thick beard.  His namesake wasn’t black anymore, it was mostly grey.

He had it all.  He had a sprawling massive house and so much money he barely knew what to do with it.  Ed had an empire and enough fame that he rarely made it through a walk to a corner store without being stopped and told how he’d changed someone’s cooking or inspired them.  He had it all and he had absolutely fucking nothing.  That was what had been eating him for the last couple of years.  The emptiness that filled each day and made them feel meaningless no matter how he tried to fill them.

The empty home filled with designer shit he didn’t give a fuck about.  The shiny empty car that cost a fortune and barely made him smile.  The pandering of celebrities that wanted him to cook for them.  The courting tv executives that always offered him obscene paychecks if he’d only considered appearing in this show or another.  And it meant nothing.  It hadn’t meant anything for a long damn time.

He frowned and finally picked his phone up again, swiping away the notifications from Izzy. More e-mails about possible pop-ups, celebrities that wanted him to cook for parties or events.  Bullshit, all of it.  And then, like he was just happy to dig into a fresh wound he pulled up Will’s info.  The texts made his throat tighten painfully as he read over them, one by one, just to relive the moment two weeks ago when the only thing he’d thought was going okay had been sliced away from him.

I left my key in the bowl by the door.  I have a service coming for my things.

I can’t do this anymore.

I need someone that actually gives enough of a damn to listen to me when I tell them what I want.

I hope you find whatever the fuck it is you’re looking for.

Four texts and Ed had lost his boyfriend of two years.  Not that it was a shock.  He’d never kept anyone for more than a year or two, that’s how long it took them to find out that he was a god damn mess of a human being.  He was too needy and too distant at the same time.  He was never around and when he was, he was too clingy.  Ever since he’d decided that he might fix himself by finding some sort of life partner he had been fucking that up in every way possible. It was almost funny enough to cry about.

Successful as a professional. Shit at personal.  Ed thought and sat up with a groan.  He needed a hot soak and to get his mind off Will.  It didn’t fucking matter.  It never did.  Maybe this time his ex wouldn’t go to the tabloids.  Wouldn’t that be refreshing.

~ ~ ♱ ~ ~

Ed ignored two e-mails from the university asking if he’d be willing to stop in and speak to their students as a ‘former alumni.’  It didn’t matter that he had never graduated. No, they just saw his name and attachment to them and wanted to use it.  Instead, the first few days in the city he did his best to get things set up at the new restaurant.  Boston was a good spot for the newest one, especially since he’d secured rights to a building that had once been a Victorian era bank, so it was fucking gorgeous, even if it needed so many renovations it was rapidly becoming the most expensive opening he’d ever done.

There were a few executives from his former network that wanted him to do some sort of Hell’s Kitchen spin-off and run a reality show to pick out the head chef for his new restaurant. He’d shut down that in a hurry and sent a text off to Ramsey about it, because he knew the bastard wouldn’t be pleased with them stepping on his schtick.  He solved problems with some of the renovations on the historical building he’d picked to house the restaurant.  He’d taken a look at the chosen décor that was supposed to seem modern and old fashioned at the same time.  He did all the shit he was supposed to do with ease.  Fucking boring.

His days just sort of floated by.  He didn’t even need to be here.  He was a ghost.  He could have just slapped a beard on Ivan and it would have been the same thing, but he’d felt the need to get out.  He tried to lose himself in the work he was doing, struggling to find a way to just find some meaning in the life he’d somehow cobbled together for himself.

It felt weird being in Boston again, and not in a good way.  He tried doing a few touristy things to distract himself, but aside from one fun ghost tour, most of them were dull.  He visited a few places he had liked when he’d lived here, even swung by a restaurant that he’d adored with some of the best fucking sandwiches in the city.  He stopped in, craving something greasy and filled with cheese, but what he got was the complete opposite.  Serve Blackbeard an artery-stopping lunch?  Hell no, they’d put together some fancy fucking shit that was good, but not what he wanted.  Fancy and fuckin’ tiny bites instead of a whole ass comfort meal.

A week in and Ed was on edge, tired and frustrated on a Saturday night.  He wanted to go find someone to just drag home and fuck, maybe a woman this time, just go opposite of Will.  And at the same time, he’d been tired of that over a decade ago, and time hadn’t made it any more appealing.  Even when he hadn’t wanted a relationship, when he’d been young, stupid, and in his fucking head, he’d begun to get tired of it.  So he took a walk.

Maybe dating just isn’t for me.  I missed my chance.  He felt a bitter twitch at that, wincing at his younger self.

He’d been nearly thirty when he’d finally talked to his mom and forgiven her, forgiven himself.  He’d never forgiven his piece of shit father, that bastard didn’t deserve it.  Ed had gone through a new year, new me phase that had included a therapist and trying to ‘work on himself’ after he’d nearly gotten fired from his first big food show after he’d fucked one of the judges and gotten caught.  He’d been drinking more, smoking a whole hell of a lot, maybe been taking a few uppers, just a dark, dark fucking time. 

Therapy couldn’t hurt again, he thought as he jammed his hands into his pockets, vaguely recognizing a few of the streets he was walking down.

It’d been a whole damn journey understanding how his distaste of relationships could be narrowed down to how his father had treated his mother.  His recognition that he didn’t have to be alone.  He’d felt renewed and alive, like he was finally on the right path for his life.  It’d been liberating, and the last time Ed had felt something like real hope in his life.  He could make something of himself, he could have someone in his life that fucking loved him.  Ed could just love someone himself.  Wild.  Of course, that meant he was someone that could be loved.  Deserved to be loved.  Which, well…Will was proof of how that was going.

Ed fell a bit further into his funk, ignored calls from Izzy, and tried to decide if he wanted to call the network back.  At least doing something with a show would distract him.  Maybe if he just kept jumping to more distractions his life would magically fix its fucking self.

It was at a corner near an old building that kinda looked like Tim Burton designed it that he recognized where he was.  It was right near the outskirts of the university, but far enough away that it wasn’t near most of the college bars.  He blinked a few times and turned his head to see a familiar building ahead.  Red brick, historic, but with a flare of neon lights in the windows that hadn’t been there the last time he’d seen the coffee shop.  There was no coffee shop, just what looked like a sort of weird tavern with outdoor seats and the sound of music filtering out.

Hot Coffee Blonde.  Ed thought and there was a drag of decades old guilt as he sucked in a breath.  

It had been a long time since he’d let his mind go anywhere near that searing memory of guilt and shame.  Time hadn’t dulled the way Stede had looked at him, the brilliant hope in the soft eyes as he’d asked Ed out.  The way that he’d almost seemed to shine like the god damn sun before he’d been crushed.  For a long time Ed had tried to blame Jack, but it hadn’t been Jack.  Not really.  Jack might have said some hurtful shit, but it was Ed that had known it was a bad idea.  The guy had been sweet and dorky, kinda amazing really, and he’d already known that he’d probably wanted something more.  And what had Ed done?

Fucked him for a bet.  Christ, I was an idiot.  He swallowed the burn of regret and sighed, starting to walk by the converted coffee shop.  No wonder I’m alone. 

Ed began to sink into his misery, but his steps slowed as he saw a wild haired man standing near the back door with a boil-up set up, giant pots bubbling over open flames rather than in the kitchen.  The scent was delicious enough that his mouth watered as he watched the guy tossing in some more spices and checking on one of the pots.  And normally Ed would have continued on, but then he saw the sign that was hanging up right beside the door. 

It was the standard picture of a boston cream pie, which, yeah, no big deal, but what made Ed grin was the wording beneath it.  “Yeah, I’m into fitness.  Fitness whole pie in my damn mouth!”  It was a little thing, but it made him laugh for the first time all day and the scent of the boiling seafood was tempting.  So, what the fuck, come on memory lane, he turned right into the restaurant and hoped like fuck he could just eat without getting recognized.

Ed realized that some god must have been listening and decided to answer his prayers because he walked into a crammed tavern that had an entire party going on near the back and people jammed into seats near the front.  The smell of food was even better inside, wafting from the kitchen until he wanted to float along like a cartoon after the scent. 

And then there were the decorations.  It was just flat out batshit.  Gone was the early aughts coffee shop vibe, now there was a rearing fucking unicorn on the wall that looked like it’d come from a ship.  The standard boat stuff was around, but also an antique mirror, a full size mannequin hanging from the ceiling in intricate ropes, and a bar that looked like it might be hand carved wood near the back.

“Hey!  First time at Roach’s?”  A goateed man said with a bored look at him, leaning against a stand.

“Um, Roach’s?” He blinked and the man smirked, the tag read ‘Frenchie.”

“Yup.” Frenchie narrowed his eyes. “There’s a Long John Silvers up the road if you’re looking for fish.”

“Uh, nope, I smelled that fuckin’ boil-up, mate.  I’m staying.”  Ed grinned, recovering from the weird name.  “But the place is really called Roach’s?  Insane, this used to be this weird little café when I lived here.”

“Oh, local, thank fuck.  Yeah, the name keeps the tourists away.”  Frenchie pushed away before glancing around.  “Okay, we only got the bar open right now.  Got a mate holding his rehearsal dinner at the back.  Do yourself a favor and try and keep away from ‘em, they’re a wild bunch.”

“The bar is fine,” Ed grinned, feeling a wave of relief that the guy hadn’t clocked who he really was.  “Congrats to your mate.”

The bar was hand carved fucking wood.  He studied it with interest, tracing the little carvings at the edges.  There were leaves and flowers of all sorts, rarely the same and each of them detailed enough to delight him.  It was only when he glanced down at the paneling that he saw the fauns and nude women and men.  And, good lord, Ed blinked as he stared at outright pornography as men lustily fucked and women bent over for fauns or kissed one another.  Full fucking dick and hole, tits everywhere and they were just chilling like it was the most natural god damn thing in the world to be in a restaurant/bar.

“You done looking at the tits or do you need a minute?”  A gruff voice asked him and Ed nearly cracked his knee as he straightened up.

“Might have been looking at the cock,” Ed sniped back and the person—Jim (They/them) according to the tag—smirked a little bit.

“Maybe worth a look. You want a drink to start?” They quirked a brow as there was another laugh from across the room. 

“Yeah, um, rum and coke and can I get an order of the boil-up?” He ventured before they nodded, frowning when there was a crash.  They glared at the unruly wedding party near the back. “Damn, a bit much for a rehearsal dinner.”

“Yeah, they’re family, though.  Gotta deal with the messy bitches.”  Jim sighed and shook their head.  “It’ll calm down when the Father gets here, until then—get off the fucking table Lucius or I will personally take your favorite finger for a trophy!”  The last words were roared across the room and a younger guy with sideburns waved a hand in understanding.  “Heathens.” They grumbled before sauntering away while Ed grinned so hard it nearly hurt.

Fuck, he kinda loved it here.  It was wild, but a good sort of wild, with patrons that seemed to know each other as they chatted at the bar and filled tables jammed together chaotically as Queen was playing over the speaker.  When he got his drink it was good, not watered down, fucking perfect, and the boil-up was basically an orgasm in a bowl.  Everything was spiced perfectly and so fresh it had probably been caught that very morning.  Nothing pretentious about the place, nothing except insanity.  Hell, Ed didn’t even mind the group of people celebrating in the back who were getting increasingly louder.

No one paid him any attention. He was just some guy at the bar who was on his second rum and coke, debating if he could get some of the boil-up to go, when there was a shout from the door followed by a louder commotion.  There was a whistle and yell, which quickly spread to more people in the restaurant.  Ed blinked.  It didn’t sound aggressive, it was welcoming, but there was a good-natured heckling that came with it as Ed saw a man entering the door in a knee length coat and a soft looking scarf wrapped around his lower face as if it’d gotten chilly since Ed had come in.  It was an old-fashioned sort of outfit, complete with a matching hat.

“Good to see you, Father!” Someone yelled and there were a few more whistles as more people voiced greetings and heckling comments as the man paused as if surprised he’d been noticed.

“Thought you were dead!”

“Dead?  Thought he’d run away finally!”  Someone else hooted out.

“Yes, yes, I’m sure.  Laugh it up, I’ve just been busy.”  The man said with a chuckle and began to unwind his scarf, pulling off his hat to smooth his fingers through his hair to fluff it up. “I’ve been summoned by the grooms.”

Ed had been expecting to see silver hair and an older face as the priest denuded himself of his protective outer layer, so it was a pleasant surprise to see golden hair and a gentle looking face.  Frenchie took his jacket and hat, stealing the scarf away to wrap around his own throat with a wink as he left the priest in just a black clergy shirt with the white tab nestled at his throat.  It was matched with a pair of dark pressed slacks and a simple black leather belt.  He kind of looked like the classic sort of priest with ample smile lines as he exchanged words with a few people on his way through the restaurant.

Ed felt a twinge of familiarity tugging at him, but wouldn’t any priest look familiar when his mind had dwelled on Stede just a short time before?  He was an old hand at pushing away the ghosts of his past and went back to his drink before pulling out his phone.  Izzy had left him several bitchy texts about going over budget and there were a few more e-mails with offers of making some appearances locally.  Maybe that could help his mood, he could do an appearance, break up his day a bit more?  There was one in New York that might be fun.  He just had to arrange the time to head down there, and there was another he could do in Philadelphia.

Can be like a bird.  Live on the wing, eat on the wing, never touch fucking ground again.  He thought with a bitter twitch of his lips.

“Stede Bonnet, you’re late and you said you’d be here right after rehearsal, sir!  Right after!”  A drunken voice, one of the grooms, yelled out and Ed froze.  Ice ran down his spine. 

He hadn’t heard the name right.  He hadn’t.  Maybe the guy had yelled Steve Bunnet or some shit.  He saw Jim rolling their eyes behind the bar as the man walked behind Ed.  He was nearly close enough that Ed could have reached back and touched him, but he remained frozen staring at his drink until the priest passed.  Only then did he drag his eyes over to see the priest hugging the sideburns guy with a friendly smile before hugging a nearly bald man at the side table.  People were greeting him with familiar ease as Ed stared, and stared, and fucking stared.

He knew the arch of that nose, knew the curve of those lips.  They haunted him.  They had haunted him for years, and there his ghost was settling down into a chair while a massive man with star tattoos along the side of his forehead poured him a drink.  Stede looked relaxed, eyes crinkled at the corners with a warm smile that showed off crowsfeet Ed had never seen before.  It was still a smile Ed could remember too, open and delighted as if he couldn’t be happier.  It was a knife to the gut as his breath caught, and he was left staring at the very sin he had watched flee from him in tears of humiliation.

“Hey!”  A slap made him jump and he turned to see Jim staring at him.  “You want another one or are you finished?”  They gestured at the watery drink left in Ed’s glass with annoyance as if they’d been asking for a bit.

“I…”  Ed should leave.  He should fucking leave right the hell now.  Stede had become a priest, he didn’t need to be reminded of his fall from grace because Ed had needed to win a god damn bet.  “Y-yeah, one more.” His treacherous mouth said instead.

It was an echo of the past as Ed stared across the room at the cute blond surrounded by his group of friends.  HCB in all his glory, but older and no less cute for it, which was not a thought Ed should be having about a priest.  Still, his hindbrain didn’t care about the man’s job, he still thought Stede was cute.  Hot even, despite, or maybe because of, the fact he was the very picture of a trustworthy priest with a kindly smile and easy nature. He looked good, broader than he had been twenty odd years ago.  Softer in some ways as he’d grown into the potential Ed has once seen glimpses of.  It made his heart ache.

Had Stede fought his way back to seminary?  Or had he left after Ed had destroyed him?  Did he have to be forced here because of old memories?  Or had he found peace with what had happened?  Ed hadn’t.  Instead he was struck with how fucking cosmically fitting it was that he’d never managed a long term relationship that hadn’t ended in flames.  Because there was the reason, sitting amidst a laughing group of people.  A man that had tentatively tried to offer him a piece of his heart and Ed had crushed it.  Hadn’t even entertained cupping that heart in his hands like the treasure it likely was.  

If Stede were haunted by this place, it didn’t show as he fell in with the wedding group with easy familiarity.  No one seemed nervous or ready to hear a sermon at any moment.  One man, a cheerful round-faced man, actually slipped a shot into the priest’s glass with a wink that made Stede cast his head back with a full bellied laugh.  He seemed well-liked, maybe even beloved, by the gathering.

And maybe it was the rum, but Ed felt a twinge of raw envy for that.  He didn’t have friends, not anymore, he had coworkers.  He had people he fucking hired or worked with.  Fang and Ivan were the closest thing he had to friends, and even they were employees.  Not like they’d hang out with him if he weren’t paying the bills.  He had people that wanted to rub elbows with him because he was Blackbeard, people with expectations and who wanted, hell nearly demanded, favors.  When was the last time he hung out with a group just to laugh and share fond memories?  Maybe the last time Jack swung into town?  But that was more of a drunken weekend with some subpar fucking, really.  Maybe Anne and Mary?  That was nearly five years ago, though.

Ed watched more than was probably polite as the evening went on and the sideburns guy stood up with a smile.  He was clearly drunk, giddy with happiness, as he rested his hand on the shoulders of the balding guy.  He looked down and Ed felt a flare of white-hot envy at the fond as fuck smile he was casting down at the guy he must be marrying.  All soft and filled with fucking love, drunk on that more than the champagne that was flowing around the long table.  The restaurant had cleared out a bit, making it easier to overhear the conversations from the rehearsal dinner.  Ed wasn’t above eavesdropping.

“When I was a kid, my Nan told me that I’d find some nice girl at church one day and want to get married,” Sideburns said, and there was a burst of laughter.  “She was only right about one of those things.  At that age, I already knew I was never going to find a girl.”  More tittering laughter and Stede cast a fond smile at the young man.  “And, well, nice was never in the cards, because you all know Pete is fucking perfect, like totally blows nice out of the water.”  The guy beside Sideburns gave a broad smile. “I mean, I’ve told you about his dick and how he can–”

“Lucius!”  Stede’s voice was a low rebuke, even as his eyes were twinkling with hidden laughter, like a dad hearing their three-year-old say a curse word.

“Sorry, Father.”  Lucius did not look sorry at all.  “The only part she got right, weirdly, was that I met him at church.  I never thought I’d find the love of my life at St. Andrews of all places, but here we are.”  Lucius raised his glass up.  “Here we all are!  So, for my Nan, god rest her soul–”

“I’m not dead, Lucius Marian Spriggs!” A voice yelled from the other end of the table and there was a burst of wild laughter.

“Right, sorry, Nan!”  Lucius cackled.  “So, here’s to finding love in unexpected places and thank you Father Bonnet for making sure I did my job for once and met this beautiful man!”

“To finding love!” Stede echoed and raised his glass. Other voices echoed the words, like a shared wish or even one fulfilled for those who were clearly couples.

“To finding love,” Ed bitterly muttered to his drink and tossed it back.  He needed to leave, he didn’t belong here.  Maybe knowing Stede had found his life and happiness could exorcise the old guilt and ghosts.  He flagged down the bartender.  “Hey, uh, can I get some boil-up to go?”  He only got a curt nod in return.  He’d get his takeout and get the hell back to the hotel.

Ed wasn’t drunk, but he wasn’t quite sober, as he waited for his carryout meal.  He’d keep this place in mind. Maybe after he was done in Boston he’d post it on his Instagram or some shit.  Or maybe not.  Frenchie had said that the place had a name that was supposed to deter tourists, if they were hurting for money they would have changed that.  So maybe he’d keep it a secret. Maybe he’d just make a post and never reveal where it was.  Or maybe he’d just pull the owner aside to shake the mad fucker’s hand for the great food and insane decorations.  He kept his mind on that instead of on the happy sounds of the rehearsal dinner breaking up. 

Which was how Stede nearly made him fall off of the barstool.

“Jim, can you make sure Roach puts this on my card.”  The warm voice behind Ed was deeper than it had been when Stede had been in his twenties.  

“Uh, uh.  Ni lo intentes!  Roach has it covered, remember?”  Jim said with a smirk.  “That’s his gift to the happy couple.”

“He needs to make a profit.” Stede huffed and pushed his card across the table.  “At least let me pay for the venue.”

“Nope.  Put that away, Padre.”  Jim smirked a little as Stede leaned across the bar with a huff of discontent.

Ed went still.  He didn’t move, didn’t breathe, couldn’t think as Stede came within a few feet of him and leaned over the bar.  He didn’t look towards the priest as he felt the sudden urge to twist around and cast him a smile like he had at the café.  Would Stede still blush?  Would he even recognize Ed after all this time, and with the fucking beard, or would he just give Ed a curious look and walk away.  He might not even remember Ed at all.

Wouldn’t that be nice, to find out I don’t haunt him the way he haunts me?  He thought as Stede tried to argue with Jim good-naturedly until they finally relented, rolling their eyes as they grabbed the card, promising to talk to Roach.

“You’re going to cut yourself if you keep doing that,” the priest said conversationally, and Ed jolted to realize he was the one being talked to, the hazel eyes turned towards him in amusement. “The knife.”

“Oh.” Ed jerked and realized that he’d been playing with the steak knife that had been left behind from his meal.  He’d been fidgeting with it nervously, twisting it around and tapping it, doing anything to keep his hands busy.  “Right, yeah. Sorry.”

“Just as long as you don’t get blood on this lovely bar.” Stede smiled softly in a way that made Ed’s heart leap into his throat.

Only a few words, but he felt as though he couldn’t look away from where the priest was leaning easily across the table.  The long sleeves of his black shirt were cuffed back to reveal strong forearms, the tracery of freckles that Ed knew were all over his chest.  It was like something out of a nightmare, some twisted place where he was slammed back into being a shitty twenty-something staring at the Hot Coffee Blonde and thinking about winning a god damn bet.  The arrogance of excusing it because Ed knew he could make the guy’s first time good.  He hadn’t made it good, he'd probably laden the guy down with a lifetime of fucking trauma.

“S’nice bar,” Ed muttered and snapped his eyes away to stare at it.  Stede hummed softly an easy sounding agreement.  “Fancy carvings.”  

Why the fuck did you bring up the full on naked decorations to a priest?!  The sane part of Ed’s mind screamed angrily.

He felt the weight of the eyes on him and wanted to creep away.  He probably would have if it hadn’t been for the fact that he was still waiting on his carry out and had yet to pay.  He wasn’t going to stiff the place on the bill, but it also meant that he was looking around for the bathroom.  He’d just go in there, stay hidden in a stall until the priest was gone, that was the ticket.  Easy peasy, pudding and fucking pie.

“It’s a little surprising you’re here.” Stede said after a few moments and Ed’s eyes snapped up.  “I would have assumed Chef Blackbeard would be in some Michelin star restaurant, not our humble little tavern.”  Stede’s smile grew to crinkle his eyes at the corners, perhaps a little pointed.  “Seeking a little nostalgia?”

Ed closed his eyes against a wave of guilt.  Of course, Stede recognized him.  Ed was god damn everywhere.  He’d done commercials, TV shows, he was infamous to the point that he’d made appearances on the fucking Simpsons and South Park.  It was ridiculous to think that he would be able to just slink away into the night without being recognized.  He had just stupidly hoped he might.

“Suppose so,” he said gruffly and straightened up.  “Didn’t know, uh…didn’t realize you were still around here.”

“I’d be shocked if you had,” Stede said smoothly, but at least he didn’t look angry or annoyed.  “I must say, I far prefer this than the café.”

“Yeah.  S’pretty nice here.” Ed felt as though his tongue were leather in his mouth.  What was he supposed to say?  Thankfully he was saved by the wild-haired guy that had been working on the boil-up pots coming out from behind the bar.

“You tryin’ to insult me?!”  The man demanded and Stede took a step back as his card was slapped down on the table.  “Or rain all over my gift to the grooms?  C’mon, Stede, you know better, we’re not taking your money!”

“You run a business, I don’t want to deprive you of profit—“ Stede began and there was a scoff from wild-haired guy.

“Which you kept afloat during the pandemic, so don’t try waving your money around here, Father.”  Ed had to assume that it was Roach.  “And another thing, why the hell have you been hiding out lately?  You too good for my delicious food now?!”

“What?  No!”  Stede pulled back looking a little shocked.  “Roach, you know I prefer my solitude, and with how busy church has been—”

“Uh-uh.  You’ve been dodging me paying you back, and I know it!  Jim!  You got the bar?” Roach called out as he snagged Stede by the forearm and gave a pull.  “Come on, Lucius said you’d been hiding out in the rectory, and I bet you’re going to go right back there if I let you.”

“Well, we have the wedding tomorrow—” Stede began, but there was amusement in his eyes.

“That’s tomorrow, for tonight we’re going to catch up!”  Roach announced and Ed watched Stede’s amusement grow at the vaguely threatening tone Roach offered.

“You do realize who I am, don’t you?” Stede ventured with a laugh, and then it turned into a giggle as Roach actually shoved him towards the back room.

“Yes, the giant drama-queen and family, which  means you’re going to have a brandy and an earful!” Was the last thing Ed heard before they disappeared and he was left in a wash of conflicting feelings.

This was best, right?  Ed had no right to sit here and talk to Stede, no right to expect anything, but he felt as though he were adrift and lost.  Stede knew who he was. Remembered him.  This could have been his chance to apologize, to make some sort of fucking amends. Instead he stared down at a drink that was now mostly water and blew out a sigh.

“You know Father Bonnet?” Jim asked in a suspicious tone as they dropped the paper takeout bag in front of Ed.

“We, uh, we knew each other in college.” Ed admitted and dug out his wallet hastily to pay.  “Didn’t know he was still around here.”

The suspicion seemed to relax. “Ah, well, he’ll probably be back there with the boss for a while, in case you were thinking of waiting.  Man needs to get the fuck out of the rectory now and then.”

Ed hummed as he handed over his card and fidgeted, it’d be weird to wait.  And he shouldn’t wait.  He shouldn’t drag up all this shit to the priest.  He didn’t have that right, did he?

“S’alright, just a shock seeing him is all,” Ed confessed as they ran his card.  Ed kept looking towards the door the pair had disappeared through.

“Well, you’ll probably catch him again if you stop in.” Jim slid him the receipt and card back.  “Roach’ll lure him out with some of his favorites.”  They gave Ed a long look and smirked.  “Some of ‘em might even be good enough for Blackbeard.”

Ed nearly messed up his own fucking signature at that and he lifted his brows up at them.  They didn’t look like they were starstruck, they looked amused as fuck by him.  He simply cleared his throat and pushed the check over with a generous tip added onto it before putting away his card.

“Yeah, well, compliments to your chef.  Fuckin’ delicious,” Ed said truthfully before dragging on his jacket and grabbing his food.  “Maybe I’ll come back for seconds.”

He wouldn’t.  Ed wasn’t going to risk running into Stede again.  The priest had found his vocation, that had to be enough to erase the sting of the past.  He had friends and apparently found-family.  He was happy.  He deserved that.  Especially after Ed had nearly fucking ruined him.

~ ~ ♱ ~ ~

Ed went back.  Fucking weak as fuck, he went back to Roach’s for dinner several more times in the next week.  He told himself every day he wasn’t going back, but he did.  It wasn’t even just Stede, it was also the fact that the menu changed god damn daily and it was delicious.  Some of it was simple home cooking style, some of it was mouth watering takes on various ethnic dishes that had him wanting to just outright ask the cook to marry him in exchange for recipes. 

And, yeah, okay, there was Stede.  

The first time Ed went back he had been both grateful and disappointed Stede hadn’t been around.  A man named Steak Knife had been working as a waiter, as Ed had grabbed a seat this time rather than sit at the bar.  The food was fucking fantastic, but he still twisted his head around every time the door opened.  Eventually Ed calmed down and left well fed and happy.

The second time he returned was dinner, and his heart was nearly in his throat when he saw Stede sitting alone at a corner table with a book and meal.  It was so much like when he’d come here to see Hot Coffee Blond that it nearly made his stomach flip over on itself.  There were differences of course.  For one, he was dressed in a deep teal clergy shirt with the white tabbed collar, for another he wore a pair of gold glasses perched on his nose as he made notations in a notebook.  Ed wondered if he were chasing Bigfoot again or simply planning for mass.

Ed resisted the urge to join him by finding a place as hidden away as it could be and got served the dish of the day.  Iskender kebab, delicious slices of doner meat smothered in a sauce that made his mouth water, with fresh peppers and pide bread to sop up the juices.  The tangy yoghurt was absolutely fucking to die for when mixed up with it and he ate every bite, nearly licking the fucking plate.  He never made shit like this, good and wholesome, delicious.  He made insane recipes and wild takes on classics, but known classics familiar to everyone.

He left before Stede saw him, ghosting away, but he didn’t remain gone for long.  He returned twice more, both times lingering until he was eventually rewarded with Stede appearing.  He tried to lie to himself and say he wasn’t waiting on the man, but even he wasn’t insane enough to believe that shit.  Each time Stede had noticed him. Once he begun to make a move to approach Ed, but thankfully Ed had already paid and was able to bolt.

Blackbeard doesn’t fucking run, he thought in humiliation after that encounter, and did his best to get back to worrying about the opening of his newest restaurant. 

 He wasn’t terribly successful.  One evening he found himself staring at the texts from his ex-boyfriend numbly.  He had really tried the last two times.  He’d done his fucking best to make a place in his life for a partner.  To have someone that would give a damn if he needed a hug or an ear, who’d let him hold them at night.  And they always left.  There was always something wrong with him.  Something broken.  Like they knew how for years that he prayed he’d never be fucking trapped into a relationship.

Be careful what you ask your god for, she might just answer.  He thought bitterly and threw his phone across the lonely hotel room bed.  She gave me what I wanted, a lifetime of loneliness. 

It wasn’t until the weekend that Ed was finally out of places to run.  He only had himself to blame, seeing as he was unable to just leave Roach’s alone.  The food was fantastic, the atmosphere choice, and when he learned that Saturday nights were always boil-up nights, he was lost.  And that’s how Stede finally got him, when he showed up in the crowded restaurant on Saturday night and was jammed into a tiny corner booth near the kitchen.  

Saturday nights were big at Roach’s. Apparently he used those nights as charity events for various places around town.  Ed liked it.  Liked that tonight was Puppies & Pints with a rescue out front.  He’d been tempted to settle in with the dogs, but had resisted the urge when he realized that Stede was out and about.  Avoiding Stede was his new thing, which was laughable since he kept fucking coming back to Stede’s haunt.  Ed knew he was just dragging salt through an old wound.  After all, he already felt shit about himself, at least now he had a reason to feel even more shitty.

He settled down with his boil-up and flicked open his laptop to work while he ate, trying to figure out a way to bring something of this place to his own restaurant.  It was set to open up like every one of his fucking restaurants.  Cold, modern, sleek.  What use was being a James Beard Award winner if he couldn’t have some real flare?  

He never even saw that someone made their way over to his booth through the crowd, didn’t even lift his eyes when someone cleared their throat delicately.  He only realized he was being approached when it was too late and there was nowhere he could run to get away without causing a scene.

Ed startled when Stede slid smoothly into the seat across from him with a tumbler of what looked like brandy in his hand.  He was dressed in black again, neatly pressed with a crisp white collar at his throat.  The hazel eyes rested on Ed and held him in place when he wanted to bolt.  His heart began to hammer against his ribcage as he tried to affect the persona that he’d always used on television and meeting the press.  Cool and unaffected.  It didn’t work.  He was still painfully aware of the guilt roiling through him while Stede lifted his brows up.  It was worse than pressing salt into his wounds, this was tearing them open as Stede set his glass down while Ed failed to even manage a nod.

“Good evening, Edward,”  Stede murmured, his voice not weighted with anger, but simply curiosity. 

“Hi.”  One word, fuck yeah, Ed got out an entire word.  “Did…is this your seat?”

“No, I prefer the window,” Stede inclined his head to the corner that he’d once sat at as a student.  “You’ve been coming here often.”  It was just an observation but Ed felt his cheeks heat up as if it were an accusation.

“S’good food.”  He said flatly and then flinched.  “And, suppose, was kinda curious when I saw you here too.”  Well, that was honesty, even if it sounded weak.

“And yet, you’ve never spoken to me except for that one evening.”  Stede observed and fixed him with a long look.  It was unnerving to see the mature authority figure regarding him.  Father Bonnet.

“Yeah, guess not.”  Ed drew in a breath and played with the condensation on his drink nervously.  He felt small and young again under Stede’s waiting gaze.  “Lotta shit happened between us, figure it’s not supposed to be up to me if we talk or not.”

There was a soft hum as Stede took a sip of his drink, his eyes running over Ed in a manner that felt as though he were peeling back the years.  Before Ed had switched majors, he’d sometimes thought about seeing Stede again.  He’d even come back here, to the café, hoping that their paths might cross.  That maybe he’d have some magic set of words that would make Stede see there had been no harm in what he’d done.  It was stupid, fucking idiotic really, wanting to find a way to absolve himself of his sins.

The Stede Ed had known was gone.  There was no blushing and flustered seminary student in the throes of a crush.  No lively conversation about cryptids and lake monsters.  It was just a priest that seemed to be mulling over his words.  The answer didn’t come.  Not an acknowledgement, not giving Ed permission to speak-the silence stretched out until Ed had to break it.

“I never forgot,”  he breathed out and Stede’s eyes widened subtly.  “I mean, I tried to, but I never forgot how messed up it all was.  All of it.”  Stede’s eyes narrowed subtly and Ed let out a shaking breath.  “Guess that’s also why I keep coming back.”

“What do you want, Edward?”  Stede, Father Bonnet, asked mildly as he sipped his brandy, rolling the glass tumbler between his fingers as if to catch the light.  Ed opened his mouth and Stede lifted up a finger, his voice pitching lower.  “I expect an honest answer, if you please.”

“Forgiveness, even if I don’t deserve it.  Just, not fuckin’ fair of me to ask it of you.” Ed admitted with a wince.  “Fuck, shit, no I mean…” He stumbled over the language earning him a tight smile from the priest.  “Sorry, always curse when ‘m nervous.  I just meant, I was awful back then and you didn’t deserve what I did.  So, I wanted to apologize.”

Stede seemed to be considering his words while leaning back, crossing surprisingly muscled arms over his stomach.  The blonde hair fell into hazel eyes that were hauntingly familiar, bringing with it memories of those hazel eyes blown dark and wild as Ed had taken him apart.  The recollection was laced with guilt and the burning aftermath.  Eventually Stede relented, his eyes softening as he dropped his hands.

“Edward, we were young—” He began in a voice that was soft, yielding, which made Ed swallow.  It was a forgiving sort of voice, exactly what any priest would offer someone that had sinned against them.  The shit was, Ed didn’t deserve it.  He knew that.

“Doesn’t fuckin’ matter if we were young.  I knew it was wrong then.  Fuck, I knew before I even approached you that it wasn’t right.”  Ed lanced the old guilt, feeling it bleeding over him.  “I coulda just told you about that bet, been outright and honest, but I just—”

“You weren’t much more than a child.” Stede pointed out and Ed shook his head.

“Not a god damn excuse.  I used to tell myself it wasn’t my fault, you know?  That I’d never said that it was a date.  I never said we were anything or that I was lookin’ for anything.”  Ed let out a bitter laugh.  “And you know what?  Years later some guy did that to me.  Thought we were dating, exclusive and shit.  Then found out he had half a dozen people on the side besides me.”

“Ah.”  Stede’s expression changed to sympathy.  Ed didn’t deserve that sympathy.  “I’m sorry to hear that happened to you.”

“And yeah, I realized just how it felt.  Showed up to surprise him between shows, you know, flowers and stuff.”  Ed flinched at the memory.  “Well, he was certainly busy with someone and parroted things I’d tried to tell myself.  That he’d never said we were really dating.  That I’d misread shit.  S’like divine retribution, you know?”

Maybe it was all divine retribution.  The way every relationship was torn apart, the way he couldn’t even keep a partner for more than a year or two.  He’d taken this beautiful man to bed and ripped apart all of his hopes for more.  Why wouldn’t god, or whoever the fuck,  just decide Ed needed to be alone after that.

“Edward,” Stede murmured, his voice almost melodious and drawing Ed’s attention back to the piercing hazel eyes.  “Do you mean that?  You think that was divine retribution.”

“Mate, just look at my dating life.” Ed let out a cracked laugh that held no humor. “Hell, pick up a tabloid in a few days.  If the pattern follows, my newest ex will probably be throwing stories to them.  I’m just…”  Ed drew in a breath.  “I’m glad I didn’t destroy you, glad you found…”  He gestured at the black shirt and collar Stede wore.  “Glad you found your faith after what I did.”

Stede went still and gave a slow blink at Ed.  There was something sad about his smile when it came, weighted with something that told Ed that it hadn’t been an easy path.  That finally made Ed look away before Stede set his glass down.  When Stede dared to look back he found Stede watching him with an intensity that made him swallow.  There was a weight to the gaze, as if he could reach out and touch it, but he had no idea what it meant as Stede drew in a breath thoughtfully.

“Sometimes we find answers through adversity, I found mine after our paths crossed.”  Father Bonnet murmured, his voice soft and gentle as Ed flinched. 

“Never found answers in it m’self,” Ed admitted and licked his lips nervously while Stede kept watching him.  He wanted to sit up straighter, smooth his hair back, a nervous urge to show himself well.  Why didn’t Stede look away?  Why couldn’t Ed do the same? 

“Perhaps you need help,” Stede mused in a voice almost too soft to hear and cocked his head to one side.

“Help?” 

Stede changed.  It was subtle, but the priest straightened up and his eyes lost some of their gentle softness.  They became more authoritative, and Ed found himself straightening up in response.  Stede had withdrawn a little, though he hadn’t been leaning across the table, he was more aloof.  He tried not to stare at the broad chest or the way the dark material hugged strong shoulders.  He wasn’t skinny and leggy anymore, he was substantial and almost imposing with the change in his demeanor.  Was Ed going to be lectured?  Told to leave?  Banished? 

“Forgiveness is a tenant of the church,” Father Bonnet murmured and gave a smile that wasn’t quite happy.  “The act of confession is sacred.  It sounds as if you might benefit from it more than most people I’ve met.”

“Never bought into the religious stuff, mate,” Ed admitted while trying not to look away from the priest who took a sip of his brandy while quirking up a brow with subtle disapproval.  Shit, he couldn’t talk to a priest like that.  “I mean, Father.” Stede’s eyes flicked to Ed’s face with mild approval.

“One must be penitent, have sorrow and regret for his sins,” Stede finally offered and the hazel eyes refused to release Ed’s.  “It is a mercy offered to sinners, not just for offenses against God, but for those they have sinned against.  You do not even need to believe in my faith to obtain mercy.”

Ah, right, that Ed could work with.  Ed could offer his apology.  Maybe it was over twenty years too late, but he could give it.  Maybe that would cut out whatever karmic curse had followed him through every damn relationship he’d ever had.  It was an easy apology to give when he meant each word that was bubbling up in his throat.

“I am sorry, so fu-fudging sorry.” Ed began slowly, stuttering over the familiar curse word.  “I’d say I never meant to hurt you, but I did.  I knew it, knew it when we talked and what I was doing.  You never deserved to have me happen to you.”  

“Happen to me, an interesting turn of phrase, Edward.” The priest mulled softly with thoughtful eyes before tipping his glass back to finish his brandy.  The plush lips hugged the edge as his throat bobbed.  The white tabbed collar stood out like a beacon as he swallowed and Ed had to drag his eyes away at the flare of interest he felt.

He’s a priest you god damn moron.  He told himself angrily while Stede set his empty tumbler down on the table

“Tell me, lamb.” The term made Ed jolt as Stede’s voice dropped into something deeper and oddly gentle. “Do you know the term Act of Contrition?”

“Uh?  No?” Ed found himself licking dry lips, feeling heat prickling the nape of his neck as Stede nodded to himself.

“It’s a prayer, an expression of sorrow and pledging not only to avoid future sins, but offering to make amends for the ones you’ve already committed.”  Stede explained in that same low voice.  “It says—I firmly resolve, with the help of your Grace, to do penance, to sin no more and to avoid occasions of sin.”  The last words were a rich rumble that sent a shiver down Ed’s spine.  Was that the voice Stede used to address his congregation?  And why did it make Ed want to squirm?

“So, I should say the prayer?” Ed ventured, not certain what it had to do with him, but Stede surprised him by shaking his head.

“No, I think you should consider acts of service, Edward.  You’ve harbored this guilt for so long, I can see it weighing on you.”  Stede’s eyes ran over him, not like they once had with flustered interest, but as if Ed were being measured.  “I hear it in your words.  Divine retribution.”

“Was just joking,” Ed tried to laugh it off, but Stede’s eyes narrowed.  “I just…dunno, feels like I had a chance all those years ago.  I mean, yeah, probably woulda gone to hell me and you…”  He trailed off as Stede’s smile became a little tighter.  “Just…I threw that away, so why would I get another chance?”

“Why would you get another chance?” Stede repeated the words and then nodded to himself.  “Because even a sinner may find mercy.  Perhaps it isn’t divine retribution, but self-flagellation, unconscious sabotage because you allow yourself to believe you are unworthy..”

Stede dragged claws into Ed’s soul and pulled, dragging away a piece of himself that he’d been laying over the gaping hole for years.  Hell, before he’d even met Stede the first time, something had been there that felt rotten and crumbling apart.  He drew back and flicked his eyes away, looking anywhere other than Stede.

“You don’t know that.” He muttered softly and there was a soft laugh, a sad sort of laugh that made him look back at the priest.

“I am well versed in guilt and sin, Edward.”  Stede’s lips quirked up in a smile that wasn’t quite a smile.  Ed’s breath caught while Stede pulled out a card from his pocket and slid it across the table to him.  It was glossy and black, the white text standing out brightly even in the dim light of the tavern.  “If you should change your mind you have my number.”

The card slipped across the table smoothly and he found himself staring at it as if it might bite, but Stede was already standing.  He picked up his empty glass and then reached over to take Ed’s as well.  Close enough that Ed picked up the faint scent of something sweet, musky.  Incense?  Cologne?

“I…” Ed began, but Stede gave his head a small shake.

“Sleep on it, Edward, I think I might be able to help you, but I only help those that ask.”  Stede said in a soft voice that somehow held a steel edge to it.  “Have a pleasant evening.  Try the cake, it’s quite delicious and it can be healthy to indulge every now and again.”

And then Stede was gone, stepping into the crowd easily as if he’d never been there and Ed was left staring at the business card with his heart in his throat.  He turned it over to see “St. Andrews,” an address, and a phone number on the back.  Not even an e-mail address.  Did priests have e-mail?  Did it matter?  It wasn’t as if he were going to call Stede.

Chapter Text

Ed twirled a vape pen between his fingers.  He hated the stupid fucking thing.  He also loved it.  He missed cigarettes, but he’d given those up ages ago.  Bad for the palate, bad on the lungs, just the whole deal with smoking was terrible.  Not that vaping was that much better when it was nicotine, but it wasn’t nicotine tonight.  He was pleasantly high as he stared at the restaurant that was starting to come together and bounced his leg nervously in place as he stared at the business card.

Two days.  He’d been staring at the god damn thing for two days.  Stede’s number was right there, but he hadn’t done more than stare at it.  He wanted to scoff.  He wasn’t religious, he never had been.  He was, at best, agnostic, so why the fuck would he need a priest to absolve him of his sins?  It was probably just Stede’s whole schtick to try and convert him.  Probably.  Maybe.  But his mind rolled over the conversation so constantly that he felt as though he were probably obsessing.  Hence the vape pen and getting high enough that his limbs felt sorta gummy and gooey.  Then he made the mistake of answering his phone.

“What the fuck do you mean you’re not coming back yet?”  Izzy’s voice was a dangerous growl in his ear.  “You have responsibilities, Edward!”

“Yup, gonna sign off with the Food Network on that fuckin’ web series.”  Ed said easily as he fingered the corner of the business card.

“Web series?”  Flat, annoyed.  “A fuckin’ web series.  Your god damn Blackbeard and you’re going on a web series.”

“Yeah, no time for a proper show, s’fuckin’ fine.”  Ed put an edge to his voice.  “You’re the one that wanted to make the twentieth opening a god damn spectacle.”

“Yeah, with a show, not some piddly streaming shit.”  Izzy’s voice became harder, more irritated.  “Amateurs do that shit, not the legendary Bl–”

“Fuck off, Iz, I don’t need to do another fuckin’ show, just some fun shit.  I gotta hire staff, they’re gonna record it happening.”  Ed snapped and sat up.  “Christ, might be fuckin’ fun to do shit without all the smoke and mirrors, just a real glimpse behind the scenes.”

And it gave him a reason to stay in Boston a little longer.  Not that he cared about Boston, or Roach’s, or Stede.  His fingers twitched towards the business card again and the phone number.

“So we’re supposed to run shit without you for–”

“You’ve done it before!  Every god damn time I’ve done a show you’ve had to handle shit, that’s why you’re the VP of the whole god damn company!”  Ed snapped finally, the pleasant high being lost to irritation.  “I’m not asking, I’m telling you.  Have Fang and Ivan pick up some of the slack.”

“Fang’s not a god damn chef, he’s–”

“He’s great at marketing.” Ed interrupted before that tirade could start.  Yeah, sure, he’d had a bit of nepotism hiring his friends, but Fang was good at marketing.  Had been since god damn Covid hit and tanked the tattoo shop he’d worked at.  “Just let them handle some shit.  If there’s an emergency, you have my number. Other than that, leave me the fuck alone.”

“Yeah, great, just throw away–”  Ed hung up before Izzy could really get going on the familiar rant.  He didn’t want to hear it.

He remembered when they’d been in college Izzy had been a little uptight, but nothing like how he was now.  He’d known how to have a good bit of fun or a laugh.  Now Ed felt like half his business was arguing with the man about every little decision.  It should have gotten easier as he’d grown more successful. Instead, things had gotten worse.  Or maybe Ed had gotten worse.  Bored, exhausted, empty.  Empty of a real life or goals. Empty of happiness.  

He took another puff from the vape, the bright burst of watermelon on his tongue mingled with the sharp musky weed before he tipped his head back.  He let the smoke rings puff up towards the sky while he sighed out, trying to regain the feeling of happiness.  Instead, he flicked over to the text from his former boyfriend and stared at it.  Another failure.  He was a success in every god damn aspect of his life except for living it.

And what will Stede do?  Tell you to do some Hail Mary’s?  Ed scoffed while he continued to stare at the messages.  You’re not even religious.  Probably wants to convert you or some shit.

The shit of it was, Ed had tried to improve himself before and always failed.  Sometimes it had been half-assed, but his last therapist had been a real try.  It always fell flat.  He just wanted to have a real life for himself.  Maybe some fucking happiness.  In the last few years that happiness had begun to form a tentative hope of someone at home waiting for him.  Vague and formless, but someone in bed beside him or eager to take a trip.  Someone who gave a damn if Ed were running late or went grocery shopping with him.  Hell, maybe do taxes.  Whatever the fuck couples did.

Ed took a longer draw from the vape as he stared at Stede’s card.  It wasn’t like he had to do anything he didn’t want to.  He wasn’t going to suddenly believe in God.  But maybe it’d be nice to feel like he’d erased this piece of his past, made some sort of atonement.  If nothing else, at least he could feel like he’d mended what had happened with Stede all those years ago.  That missed chance with a sweet boy nervously gripping his messenger bag and asking him out on a date, flush faced, and eager as a puppy.  

Ed picked up his phone before he could stop himself.

“Hey, s’me, Edward.”  Ed said the moment the phone lifted to Stede’s gentle voice.  “I uh…I thought about what you said.”

“Did you?”  Stede’s voice was lilting and calm.

“Yeah, guess you’re kinda right.  Maybe I need some help.”  Ed shifted and tapped his vape pen against his leg. “You know, unless this is a whole ‘pray the gay away’ thing or some shit. Or bi away, I guess.”

There was a soft laugh that made Ed want to hear it again. “No, no that’s not what I do. I meant what I said, there’s no reason for you to live in guilt for something that happened over twenty years ago.” 

Ed gave a thoughtful hum.  “So, how does this work?”

“However best suits your needs.”  Stede’s response was peaceful and his voice still gentle.  Father Bonnet, Ed tries to remind himself, not Stede.  “We can start with the easiest.  I do forgive you, Edward.  While it stung at the time, and I will admit to not enjoying the humiliation, you were a piece of my past that I don’t regret.”

“Just like that?  All forgiven?”  Ed couldn’t stop an edge of disbelief from flavoring his voice and Stede hummed softly on the other end of the line.

“Is it so hard to believe?  That I can forgive you?”  Father Bonnet’s voice was mild, not a rebuke, but amused.

Fuck, of course he forgives me, he’s a god damn priest.  Ed thought and that made him flinch.  It’s just what they do, right?  Forgive?

“Guess not.” Ed grunted and Stede’s laughter was honeyed.

“I think your guilt is more than my shame, Edward.”  The word made Ed twitch and shrug despite Stede not being able to see it.  “That is the essence of sin.  Shame.”

“What, you sayin’ that if I wasn’t ashamed it wouldn’t be a sin?”  Ed quirked his lips up in a smirk.  “Sounds like a dangerous distinction, I mean, I could go off feeding people their own toes for a laugh and it’d be okay if I wasn’t ashamed.”

“Their own toes?  Yech.”  Stede made a sound of disgust.  “No, Edward, shame is what helps us push past our sins.  It reminds us we’ve done something wrong and wish to atone for it.  I’d like you to find a path to atone and forgive yourself, because that’s what will help you move forward.”

“And how does that work?  Exactly?”

“It could be as simple as talking things through.”  Ed must have made a noise because Stede paused.  “I do have my MSW, actually. I am quite able to offer something like therapy if you’d like to try it .”

“Got a therapist, mate, that’s not exactly the problem.”  Ed admitted and tried not to think about the fact that it had been nearly six months since he’d seen them.

“There are more traditional routes, but where I’d like to start is with a questionnaire.”  Stede paused and Ed could almost hear the smile.  “I know, it sounds rather mundane, but I want to get a feeling for who you are now.  That will help me understand how to best proceed.”

“Yeah?  Guess I can.  But, gotta be honest, I’m not exactly religious.”

“You aren’t required to convert or have faith, just be open to atonement.  Can you give me your e-mail?  I’ll send you the link to a questionnaire I’d like you to fill out.”

“You have e-mail?”  Ed blinked and felt the haze of the vape swirling around him, slow and syrupy.  There was a long pause and then a snort of laughter.

“Of course I have e-mail, I’m not a monk, Edward.”  Stede’s laughter was better with the snort, more real.  “I’ve even been known to dabble in social media, though Lucius handles most of that.  Too many fiddly things that can go wrong, and then it’s, quite frankly, embarrassing.”

“I can imagine.”  Ed’s lips twitched imagining any number of scenarios before handing over his e-mail address.  The private one, not his normal one.  The fuck if he needs Izzy getting into any e-mails from Stede.

“I’ll send it over shortly.”  There was a pause, almost a hesitation.  “The questions are quite in depth. Some may seem apropos of nothing, but I assure you they’re vital to be answered honestly.  If there are any you’re uncomfortable with, please let me know and we can discuss it.”

“Sounds grim, mate.”

“It’s not meant to be.”  He could almost hear a smile again.  “This is a discussion between us, one where we have an open dialogue.”

“You even sound like a therapist.” Ed said without heat.

The conversation didn’t last long after that. A few pleasantries and then Stede was gone again, leaving Ed slightly less high and staring at his phone.  He saw the alert when the e-mail came through and resolutely jammed the phone into his pocket.  He’d deal with it later. For now, maybe he’d take a look at the ghost tour that he’d seen advertised.  It was about damn time he did something for himself, right?  Something fun?

~ ~ ♱ ~ ~

Ed learned some shit about history and ghosts.  It was a great time, up until someone recognized him and the walking tour ended up being people asking him for food recommendations.  Irritating, but at least some of it had been fun and afterwards he filled the massive bathtub in his hotel room and sank into it with a groan of relief.  His knee always acted up the more he walked and Boston was a walking sort of city.  He’d have to baby it for a bit, maybe dig out the stupid brace that he was supposed to be wearing.

Once he was properly relaxed and content he pulled out his phone to find the link from Stede –  no, from Father Bonnet, as he was sharply reminded when he saw the sender’s name. 

He wasn’t sure what he expected, but it certainly wasn’t what he got.  It was pages upon pages long with a mix of questions that went from ‘How often do you make time in your day for reflection?’ (zero) on down to ‘Describe your evening routine.’ (watch shitty TV, eat food that’s more salt than flavor, pass the fuck out). It then ranged into questions about his childhood, his upbringing, and his relationships with his parents.  He’d sort of assumed it’d be about why he felt guilt, not drag out the monster that was his past.

It was detailed, disturbingly so.  Had he been hit in the past?  Had he ever been in an abusive relationship?  How did he cope with confrontation?  It was like a whole god damn pysch test being laid out before him and his relaxing bath was turning less and less relaxing the deeper he went with the questions.  In the end, he got out of the tub halfway through and wrapped a towel around himself restlessly.  Was this a real questionnaire or some fucked up way to find out secrets about Ed’s life?

It wouldn’t be the first time he made headlines.  People had betrayed him in the past, more than once in fact.  Stede had every reason to exact revenge on him and the questions that required him to write detailed answers became increasingly more invasive.  Past and present were liberally mingled together in a way he found jarring.  He ended up stretched on the bed scrolling through the questions uneasily and nearly flicked off the document entirely before he saw Stede’s card propped up by the bed.

If there are any you’re uncomfortable with, please let me know and we can discuss it.  Ed mulled Stede’s words over to himself and finally snagged his phone.

He didn’t quite think about the fact that it was nearly one in the morning until it was too late.  He tried to hang up, but after two rings a warm voice flowed across the phone.  “Good evening, Ed.”

“Shit, fuck…wait, no, sorry, Father.”  Ed rolled over with a groan.  “I just realized what time it is.  I didn’t–”

“I was awake.”  Stede interrupted him smoothly.  “I’m often awake at night.  I find it sharpens the mind to exist in the quiet hours.”

“Oh.”  Ed let out a breath of relief.  “I was just fillin’ out that form you sent me and, uh, I dunno, guess I just had some questions.”  Stede hummed encouragingly.  

How do you tell someone that you don’t trust them?  Especially when it’s someone that you once fucked over and they have no reason to trust you.  He felt uncomfortable, but not uncomfortable enough to let go of his concerns.  He’d been burned too many times and he didn’t think he could handle it coming from a priest too.

“The questions are really personal, you know?”  Ed began slowly.  “I mean, a lotta stuff about my past and uh, dating habits?  Growing up?  Not things I talk about publicly, you know.”

“It’s meant to be personal.”  Stede was amused, Ed could almost feel it.  “It’s a solid baseline for me to work with you and explore deeper reasons you might experience guilt and shame.”

“Yeah, but – ” Ed trailed off and felt the faint twinge of panic.  “Man, I’ve been burned before, if this ever got out the paps would have a field day.”  

There was a brief moment of silence on the other end and he wondered if Stede was going to say something biting.  Maybe that he wasn’t the one that needed to worry about being fucked over.  That it was hilarious that Ed was the one worried that Stede would fuck him over.  

“Will it help if I sign an NDA?”  The question jolted Ed and he furrowed his brow.  “I won’t betray your trust, Edward, but there must be trust.  If that trust can begin with me signing a piece of paper to help you feel confident in your answer, then I’ll be happy to do that.”

“Uh, yeah, I mean…I guess that’d help.” Ed stuttered, not quite sure what other response to give.  “You’re not pissed?”

“About?”

“That I’m worried you’ll screw me over?”  Ed managed to get the words out before he heard a soft chuckle.  It sounded a little sad.

“No, I’m not ‘pissed.’”  The word sounded almost wrong from the priest.  “Bring me an NDA to sign.  Choose whatever wording works best.”

“Just like that?”  Ed let some of the disbelief creep into his voice.

“Just like that.” Stede affirmed.  “Do you still have my card?”  Ed hummed an affirmative.  “You can stop by the address on the back any time between two and five tomorrow if you like.  If not tomorrow, let me know which days work and I’ll let you know my free hours.”

“Yeah…yeah okay.”  Ed licked his lips and fidgeted with his phone.  “Thanks for taking this seriously.”

“Of course.”  Stede’s voice deepened subtly.  “This is a dialogue.  If you really desire my help I want to give you the tools you need to feel comfortable.”

“Tomorrow works.  Thanks, Father.”  Ed said honestly, and it felt strange tasting that title on his tongue.  

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Edward.  For now, please put the form out of your mind and go to sleep.  I think you need to rest more than you might admit.”  Father Bonnet’s tone didn’t make it a request.  

“Probably do.”  Ed admitted and smiled to himself.  “Alright, good night, Father.”

“Good night, lamb.”  The edge of command in Stede’s voice softened to something honeyed.  “May sweet dreams find you.”

Ed didn’t disagree with Stede that they needed to find a starting point with some trust, which meant he didn’t obey the subtle command for sleep.  Instead he curled up in bed and finished answering the questions one by one, even the most uncomfortable ones, with as much honesty as he was able to handle.  It took longer than it should have. Probably a lot longer, given some of the questions required going back and answering truthfully when his knee-jerk reaction was to lie.  But in the end, it was nearly four in the morning by the time he sent his response to Stede along with a promise that he’d meet up with him at four the next day.  He felt a little proud of himself.  Maybe even accomplished.

~ ~ ♱ ~ ~

The next day Ed found himself pulling his rental car up to what looked like a picture perfect church nestled behind a pair of enormous oak trees.  It was like someone had plucked up a picture of ‘idyllic church’ and planted it right beside the road about twenty minutes outside of Boston.  There was a bell tower that cast a shadow over his car as he rolled up the gravel parking lot and the stained-glass windows caught the late afternoon light.  Saints and martyrs stared down at him as he turned off his car to step out.  His eyes lifted to the cross towering at the top of the building, regarding it warily.

There were no other cars in the parking lot, but Stede had texted to tell him where to go, which thankfully wasn’t inside the church.  The rectory was only a short walk away which gave Ed little time to calm his excitable heart.  Why was he excited?  He was here with a NDA tucked under one arm that his lawyer had given him, not on a date.  It didn’t seem to matter to his heart. It was speeding up with delight as he took in the sprawl of flowers strewn across the front lawn of the little ranch house.  His smile grew a bit wider when he spotted the concrete Bigfoot tucked beside a bush.

Maybe he’s not so different.  He wondered before stepping onto the porch to knock on the door, his eyes travelling along the windchimes hanging from the overhang. They jingled a merry tune in the breeze, broken only by the sound of the door opened to reveal Stede.

“Like the statue.” Ed offered with a shy smile.  “Still into Bigfoot?”

“God has created many mysteries.”  Stede’s smile deepened to crinkle the corners of his eyes.  “Why not a sasquatch?”  He opened the door wider and gestured for Ed to come in.  “Please take your shoes off at the door.”

Ed wasn’t sure what he expected from a priest’s house, but whatever it had been, it wasn’t luxurious comfort.  Maybe he’d thought there’d be crucifixes and weeping Mary pictures everywhere?  Or maybe like a little altar or some shit?  Instead Stede led him into a living room dominated by the comfiest couch Ed had ever seen.  There were soft thick blankets on the back that made him itch to touch them.  The walls had pictures, but they were classic reproductions of famous paintings.  They weren’t even religious, mostly peaceful looking landscapes, and one that looked like a gorgeous Monet reproduction right behind the couch.

It was comfortable and welcoming.  Ed felt some of the tension leave him just by walking into the room as Stede walked around him with a gentle smile.  He wanted to curl up on the couch and never leave.  Maybe nestle beneath the thick blanket folded on the back with one of the fluffy looking pillows.  Ed’s own house was post modern and dark with exposed brick walls and sleek furniture that was fucking cool to look at, but not a place he’d want to curl up to relax.  

“Sorry, I know it’s a bit cluttered.” Stede’s smile was a little apologetic as he gestured for Ed to have a seat on the couch.

“Fuc–fudgin’ love it.” Ed adjusted his language with a smile before letting out a happy noise as he settled on the couch. It was even more comfortable than it looked.  Stede smiled while he lost the apologetic look.

Stede spent a little time fussing, sweeping out of the living room only to return with an honest to god tea-service on a silver platter with little cookies that looked homemade.   The posh little china cups matched the pot which, in turn, had a matching cozy that Stede draped over it once he had poured Ed a mug.  It was fascinating watching Stede fix up a plate, maybe a little too fascinating, while Ed took in the button down shirt he was wearing and the crisply pressed slacks.  No priest collar or uniform, just Stede in pale sea-green colors.  Which kinda made it harder for Ed to remember he was a priest.

“I, uh, I brought the paper work.” Ed stammered awkwardly once Stede had fixed up his plate. A matching plate to the cups, because of course it would all match.  “Thanks, again, for this.”

“I received your e-mail.”  Stede offered him a little bowl of sugar cubes  Like actual sugar cubes with tiny tongs that delighted Ed to hell and back.  “I was surprised to get it.”

“I figured that since you took me seriously that I should offer some trust back.  I mean, yeah, I still want the NDA, but I figured it’d show I was being serious.”  Ed began to drop in cubes of sugar one by one.  “Just, all this threw me for a loop, they were pretty invasive questions.”

“I appreciate you indulging me, but they truly do serve a purpose.”  Stede extended his hand for Ed to pass over the NDA folder.  Ed made an inquisitive noise which earned him a look from soft hazel eyes. “Imagine you have a sore shoulder, it hurts when you move it a certain way.  What do you do?”

“I dunno, pop some pain pills?”  Ed furrowed his brows while Stede flicked open the folder and pulled a pen from his front pocket.  A fountain pen, an honest to fucking god fountain pen.  “Maybe rest it?”

“Yes.  Perhaps it gets better for a time, but then it keeps returning.  The remedies you’ve tried to use to help your shoulder in the past stop being effective.”  Stede signed his name with a flourish.  “Do you know that many people would just ignore it?  If the pain isn’t too bad, they simply cope.”  Ed resisted the urge to rub his knee guiltily.  “Whereas if they went to the doctor they might be able to diagnose the cause so that they can actually treat it.”  

“So, you’re what?  The doctor?”  Ed heard the slightly sarcastic lilt in his voice and almost winced.

Stede gave a peaceful smile. “Yes.  If you like.”

“Right, okay, so um, you’ll just cure me?”  This was idiotic, what was he even doing here?  He’d done therapy before and that hadn’t helped, why should it do anything now?

“I’ll offer you help and guidance.”  Stede set the signed document to one side and leaned back with his own cup of tea.  “What do you want out of this, Edward?  And do be honest.  I dislike lies, even if they’re only to yourself.”

“I want–”  Ed trailed off and rolled it over in his mind.  What did he want?  Forgiveness, but not from Stede?  Stede had already offered forgiveness as easy as breathing and it hadn’t felt right.  “I want to forgive myself, I guess?  Move on?  I want to figure out why the fuck my relationships keep falling apart.”  He trailed off again as Stede hummed encouragingly.  “I want to figure out what makes Ed happy.”  That sounded better.

“What makes Ed happy?” Stede lilted the question with a brilliant smile.  “That’s a lovely goal, Edward.  Forgiving yourself is an admirable goal as well.”  He tapped the side of his teacup lightly with a finger.  “As for your relationships–well, I’m hardly an expert on them considering my calling, but perhaps I can offer some insight as we progress.”

Ed shifted on the couch while Stede’s peaceful eyes remained on him, as if expecting him to continue.  “So what happens now?  Set up therapy appointments and shit?”

“Now I ask you how you’d like to proceed.”  Stede set his cup down onto the matching saucer.  “What do you think would work best for you?”

“I dunno, you’re the priest, mate.” Ed muttered and took a sip of his own sweetened tea, blinking in surprise.  It had a citrusy note to it that made him go back for another sip with a happy noise.

Stede smiled, it was a remarkably sweet smile, and leaned back on the couch.  “Then let’s start with a conversation, shall we?”

“A conversation?”  Ed blinked, not expecting that response and Stede’s smile grew a little wider.  He didn’t know why that made him bristle with a surge of suspicion, but it did. 

“Yes, just a conversation, just between us.”  Stede’s voice was soothing.  “I think I remember us having a very lovely one when we first met.”  The smile turned sad which sent a stab of guilt through Ed.  “I find that sometimes conversation can lay a good foundation.”

“So, what do we talk about?” Ed shifted, suddenly feeling awkward as he gripped his little porcelain teacup.  Stede seemed to pick up his uncertainty as he set his own cup down and crossed an ankle over one knee to affect a relaxed pose.

 “Why are penguins socially awkward?” Stede asked, apropos of nothing, and Ed stared at him blankly while he tried to figure out what was going on.  Stede’s smile widened a little before giving the answer before Ed could stammer a response.  “It’s because they find it difficult to break the ice.”

Ed blinked.  Stede smiled.  Ed blinked again.  Stede snorted a giggle.  Ed snickered.  It began slowly, a giggle that spread between them at the, quite frankly, horrible joke, but it eased some of the tension.  It wasn’t even that funny, but the hysterical giggle broke past his lips which seemed to set Stede off right with him.  And for a few minutes it felt like an echo of the coffee shop when they’d first actually talked.  

“Fuck’s sake, mate, that was an awful joke,” Ed said with a sigh, dashing the tears from his eyes.

“It still made you laugh.”  Stede’s smile crinkled the edges of his eyes.  “It’s just a conversation, Edward, relax.  Why don’t we start with telling me why you’re back in Boston?”

The gentle probe was the start.  It was nothing personal, just a delicate press about why Ed was in town.  Just like Stede had said, it was a conversation that was easy enough as he talked about his plans to open the new place, how he’d decided to take it on because he needed to get out of LA.  He expected probing questions about why he’d fucked over Stede in the past or how it had affected him.  Maybe dragging up his past or shit he’d written about in the little questionnaire, but it never came up.  He seemed more interested in why Ed was here and what he’d been doing with his days since he arrived.

Ed spent nearly an hour talking about his business and LA, his plans for the web-series with the Food Network.  There were no deep dark probing plunges into his soul or the past.  It was just relaxing with tea and little marmalade cookies that melted on his tongue with tangy bursts that offset his sweetened tea.  It was actually one of the most relaxing conversations he’d had in a long time, one that wound and meandered, following gentle questions that never seemed to be the ones he expected.  

Piece by piece, inch by inch, Stede coaxed out small tidbits.  It was so subtle Ed was barely aware of even letting those pieces slip.  Tiny things.  His frustration with how he was being forced to play a role he’d picked up when he’d been twenty-eight and stupid.  The way he’d fled LA to get away from Izzy’s constant driving that was leaving him at his wits end.  The monotony that had been twisting itself through his life for so long that he had no idea what the fuck he was doing anymore.

“I dunno, mate.” Ed mused while he set his empty teacup down and stared at it pensively.  “S’just been doin’ this shit for so long.”  He let out a sigh. 

“You’re tired of it?”  Stede ventured in a sympathetic voice.

“No?  Yes?”  Ed scoffed.  “I’m fucking Blackbeard, and Blackbeard isn’t supposed to be bored.  I fucking win.  Every god damn restaurant is a success, rave reviews.  I’m not supposed to be bored.”  He let out the bite of frustration before letting out a breath as he deflated.  “You ever feel like you’re just treading water?  Just waiting to drown?”

Stede sucked in a breath and he glanced up to see the priest watching him with a furrowed brow.  The expression was hard to puzzle, but it was definitely an unhappy look. 

“Yes, I very much have felt that way,” Stede murmured thoughtfully.  Ed began to say something, leaning towards the priest before Stede gave his head a shake and suddenly  brightened up with a smile, clapping his hands together.  “I think that was a lovely start, Edward.”

“A start?”  Ed blinked, a little unmoored by the sudden shift in conversation as Stede smoothed his hands down his slacks. 

“It’s a process.” Stede said with a smile that became softer. “Talking and sorting through your thoughts will take time and patience.”

“We didn’t talk about…” Ed trailed off and wasn’t sure how to say ‘how I fucked you and broke your heart’ in any rational way.

“I believe in easing a person in slowly.  There’s no reason to jump in at the deep end.”  Stede’s smile crinkled his eyes a little.  “If you have the time, I’d like to talk daily with you and see where it might lead us.”

“Yeah?” Ed brightened at the idea of daily talks with Stede. 

“Of course.”  Stede’s smile became softer.  “If you have the time?”

“Yes!”  Ed winced as he heard his own eagerness and huffed out, hunching a little as Stede’s smile grew.  “I mean, yeah, might be nice.  Work on shi–stuff.”

“You can curse around me, Ed,” Stede reassured him as he stood up and Ed followed suit.  “I’ve heard more curse words than you might imagine and they don’t offend me if you use them.”

“Fuck, that’s a relief.”  Stede’s laughter was sweet and light, a call back to a younger version of himself as his hazel eyes twinkled in his delight.  “Right, yeah, definitely wanna have a talk again.  S’long as you got the time for me.”

“Of course, that’s why I’m here, Ed.”  Stede moved to escort him out and Ed glanced back at the cozy couch longingly.  “My schedule is quite mutable, I’m afraid I often have duties in the church and even in the community, but I promise we’ll find time tomorrow.  I know you have a busy life of your own.”

“Yeah, well, kinda good at getting my way when I want.”  Ed huffed a little laugh as they reached the door.  “We’ll figure out the timing.”  He reached the door and Stede paused to open it.  The priest’s eyes were soft and kind, making him feel the urge to step in close for a hug.  Not that he did.  No, Ed shoved his hands into his pockets and swayed a little bit awkwardly.  “Thanks for this.  Trying to help.”

“It’s a calling.” Stede murmured softly and leaned against the open door with a look that was almost winsome.  “The lost sometimes find their way to me, and if I can help them, I do.”  Ed gave a rapid nod before stepping out onto the porch, only to feel a hand lightly touch his elbow.  “You did so well for me today, Edward.  I hope you know that.”

Ed wasn’t quite sure why that made him flush, but the heat raced along his ears as he turned to glance back at Stede.  Maybe it was the hand on his elbow, the points of heat that lightly brushed against his shirt.  Maybe it was the way Stede’s voice dripped sincerity, as if he really were fucking proud of Ed for just talking about his job and shit.  It made him feel something warm and tentative before he ducked his head to hide his smile.  

“Yeah?  M’glad, I’ll try and keep it up.” 

“See that you do, lamb.”  Stede squeezed his elbow gently before releasing the brief hold, but the warmth remained in that spot.  “I’ll talk with you tomorrow.”

“Until tomorrow, Father.”  Ed managed to sound almost normal as he stepped off the porch, smiling at the Bigfoot statue, feeling a bit lighter than he had this morning.  Maybe this was a good idea?

~ ~ ♱ ~ ~

For the next two weeks Stede kept his promise that they would speak every day. Sometimes it was for a half-hour, something like a check-in, other times it was hours of meandering conversations.  Ed learned that Stede had an erratic schedule that seemed to fluctuate wildly from day to day, but he never made Ed feel as though he were an afterthought.  It was strange, being treated like a priority, but Stede did, as easy as breathing.  Even if it were just texts to assure Ed that they would speak in the evening rather than in the afternoon.

Ed didn’t really talk to people on the phone outside of business.  That was a sad fucking realization, but there it was.  He couldn’t remember the last time he’d just talked on the phone for the sake of having a conversation.  Maybe the last time Jack had called him while drunk and remembering the good old days?  It gave him pause as the next two weeks were filled with looking forward to his phone going off.  He assigned Stede a special ring so he wouldn’t miss the calls or texts that asked him to stop by the rectory.  The latter happened less often given Stede’s eccentric schedule, but he treasured any time spent in the comfortable living room.

Stede never pushed him or delved into the topics he was most afraid of, no matter that he had an entire fucking questionaire that had raked over Ed’s soul.  They talked about Ed’s finding a love of cooking and the shows he’d been on.  There were long conversations about the trail of hobbies Ed had tried and abandoned along the way.  Stede didn’t seem to find it odd at all that Ed had tried knitting right along with rock climbing. Stede didn’t seem to judge him.  Not even when they tentatively went into his history of dating.

That had been a little bit of a touchy subject as it circled around the center of the reason they were talking.  It didn’t happen all at once, but in small bursts and little questions, inquiries about how his last few relationships had gone.  They were little pockets of poison that nestled deep in his soul that Stede seemed to lance with his delicate questions.  Ed wasn’t even sure how Stede coaxed some things out of him, only that they’d begin talking about something silly and then it would shift to expose some piece of his past that he normally avoided.  Small confessions, gentle secrets whispered in the phone, or said into a teacup at Stede’s house.

It didn’t feel like therapy.  It felt like talking to a friend, easy and casual, sometimes even funny as Stede coaxed as much humor into their conversations as he did probing questions.  Ed knew he’d sucked at therapy, always had.  He knew the idea was that he wasn’t being judged, but it sometimes felt that way.  No matter how many reassurances he got from his therapist that feeling would creep up and he knew he hedged his answers.  It was easier with Stede – mostly.

“You don’t need to avoid answering questions by diverting them with humor.  You can tell me you’d like a subject change.” Stede told him one lazy afternoon while they drank tea in the garden behind the rectory.  

It was only the third time he’d come out to see Stede in person, but each time gave Ed a weird thrill.  He was equal measures discomfited by sitting in the shadow of the church and delighted to have Stede’s attention fixed solely on him.  He’d begun to realize that on their calls Stede was invariably doing things.  It wasn’t personal, it was simply how Stede operated.  He would putter and straighten, clean or garden, admitting to Ed that he’d never been able to sit still for a phone conversation.  Ed got it, he was sort of the same way, but when they were physically together Stede’s attention remained firmly on him and him alone.

Of course, this visit had given him an entirely new way to be devastated by the priest.  Stede had answered the door in gold rimmed glasses perched on his nose.  Ed kept drifting up to look at them, the way they slid down his nose and caught the light.  The air of authority they seemed to bring right along with the clergy-shirt.  Ed was learning shit about himself, mainly that he hadn’t realized glasses could make him think thoughts about priests he shouldn’t have, but here he was.  Horny gremlin on his god damn shoulder.

And he belatedly realized Stede was looking at him expectantly, waiting for a reply.  Shit.

“I don’t use humor to change the subject.” Ed lied like a lying liar.  “S’just a fun story about what happened to me in the green room.”

“We were talking about your last boyfriend, not how you can fit an entire box of milkduds in your mouth.”  Stede didn’t offer a rebuke, but a gentle nudge back towards the topic that made him squirm.

“I mean, s’kinda impressive that I can, even if it made a mess.”  Ed shifted his eyes towards the lovely garden that was hidden behind the rectory.  “No one ever leaves the good shit in the green room, just all fancy shit.  What the fuck is wrong with a box of candy?”

“Nothing at all.”  Stede let a silence fall, one that Ed wanted to fill, but he swerved away from thinking about Will and the texts that were still sitting in his phone.

He didn’t want to fucking talk about Will.  It still felt raw and Stede’s gentle probing questions had dug into the scabbing wound to make sure it was bleeding.  He kept his eyes on the garden.  It was an easy fucking distraction.  It was an exotic wonderland of blooming flowers and rich green foliage with statuary peeping through in hidden places.  Not even religious statues either, but marble recreations of Greek statues in all their glory.  Stede had told him, with a shy smile, that he’d gotten the whole lot from an estate sale on impulse nearly a decade ago and named each one.

The silence continued as Ed wracked his brain on what he should say that would pull focus away from Will.  Perhaps he could bring up another ex?  He’d made a go of it with Mary for a time, before she’d gotten together with Anne.  That breakup hadn’t been painful, it’d been easy as fuck.  Granted, they’d broken up while Mary was pegging him and his mouth was buried in Anne’s cunt, so yeah, maybe that was just the easiest way to have a breakup?  Moaning into your former lover’s thighs while your current girlfriend pounds your prostate before yelling we should see other people.

“I think that talking is not always your strongest point.” Stede tapped finger on his teacup. It was a gesture Ed was starting to realize meant he was thinking something out.  

“Sorry.” Ed mumbled as he felt a coil of guilt unfurl at the gentle rebuke.

“You don’t need to apologize, lamb.” Stede’s voice softened with the endearment that made Ed swallow.  “I told you, this is a process.  Perhaps we might think about changing things, just a little.”  He gave another finger tap on his teacup.  “We spoke about acts of service.  How would you feel about those?”

“Volunteering and shit?”  Ed ventured cautiously, but Stede shook his head.  His eyes were fixed on the tea cup that Stede was stroking with the tip of his finger.  Up and down, slow movements that were probably not sensuous, but kinda looked that way to him.  Like that finger could stroke right along his furled ho–

Do not fucking think it, Teach!  Father Bonnet.  He’s Father Bonnet.  Ed reminded himself forcefully.

“No, more intimate service,” Stede said softly while Ed jolted out of his thoughts like a dog hearing a treat bag shaken.  “I’ve made a study of shame and guilt spirals that surround sexual acts.  We’re taught sex, in and of itself, is something that we should be ashamed of, both having it and desiring it.”

“Uhh, I mean, I guess?”  Ed shifted in place while the hazel eyes lifted up to meet his.  “Isn’t that how priests are supposed to feel?”

“They have in the past, but being a priest also means accepting that humanity is just that, human,”  Stede offered kindly.  “Morality evolves with time, our understanding of ourselves evolves.  I don’t feel sexual acts are worthy of guilt and shame when the people involved act consensually and safely.”

“S’ppose that’s true.”  Ed felt a wave of uneasiness.  Had it really been that consensual when Stede had no idea why Ed had wanted to fuck him?  It hadn’t, had it?  He had just omitted the truth to get his way to win the bet.  

Stede fixed him with a look as if he could pick up Ed’s thoughts.  “You’re ashamed of how you acted towards me when we were younger.”  Ed made an agreeing sound.  “On some level, I suspect that shame has shaped some of your interactions and relationships.  ‘Divine retribution’ as you say.  I’d like to explore that with you in a less traditional method.”

“I don’t think I’m following.”  Ed set down his own mug as Stede angled his body to face him.

“I’d like to entertain the idea of physically grounding you and working through things slowly.”  Stede held up a hand as Ed opened his mouth to say something and silenced him.  “Sometimes human touch can offer something to balance your thoughts when you might want to retreat from them. And you do retreat from uncomfortable thoughts often, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I…do.”  Ed admitted hesitantly.  “What do you mean physically grounding me?’”  His heart began to beat a bit faster as Stede’s eyes went dark with a smile curving his lips.  “And…uh, human touch?”

A hug, probably.  Priests hug people.  He thought firmly to whatever little gremlin in his head perked up at the thought of being touched by Stede.

“I’d like to mix some therapy techniques with physical intimacy.  A lot of your guilt is centered around our past and your shame with where that physical intimacy led us,” Stede said with a gentleness that seemed to offer Ed a chance to deny it.  He couldn’t.  He knew where his guilt was sown.  He still remembered the look on Stede’s face and the way he’d crumbled under Jack’s mockery and Ed’s rejection.  “Of course, we can simply talk, that will also–”

“What sort of physical intimacy?” Ed blurted out and Stede’s brows lifted up as the priest regarded him.  “Sorry, s’just, you make it sound like we’d um, you know…?”  He flinched immediately as he trailed off like a teenager and looked away.  Christ, he was in rare form today.  Father Bonnet blinked at him and cocked his head to one side, his look gentle and unjudging as always.  “Sorry, shit, I didn’t mean that!”

Ed began to withdraw before a gentle hand stopped him when Stede reached up and cupped just under his jaw.  He froze under Stede’s featherlight touch and Ed’s eyes went right back to the priest.  The hazel eyes were patient as they held him in place while the heat of the palm pressed securely against his cheek.  Ed wasn’t used to patience or gentleness.  He swallowed audibly as Stede’s thumb brushed back and forth over the short stubble of his cheek.

“A priest can’t simply forsake his vows, not even for someone as beautiful as you, Edward.”  Stede’s honeyed voice made Ed bite his lower lip.  “But within those vows we have wiggle room to see if it might help relax your mind and help you process through your past.”

Ed pressed into the palm as the implications washed over him and left him breathless.  What did Stede mean by there being wiggle room to his vows?  Ed’s heart began to beat faster as the gentle touch beneath his chin became firmer and the fingers angled his head closer as he shifted on the porch swing.  The hazel eyes carried a weight that left his mouth dry, but he couldn’t look away.

“I want you to know that this idea isn’t required.  We have plenty of other options, but if you wish to pursue it we would need to have an open dialogue.  Nothing would proceed until we talked it through together and you understood what would happen between us.”  Stede’s voice was as gentle as his touch.  “How does intimacy and discussion feel for you?”

“Okay,”  he rasped out and then cleared his throat.  “I guess, I’m not sure what you mean by intimacy?”

Did Stede mean cuddling?  Could be cuddling.  People did fucking cuddling nonsexually, right?  And Ed wasn’t opposed to that, not even a little.  Hell, he’d let Stede wrap him up and spoon him all night long if he could.

“Ah, I suppose I’m being needlessly vague.”  Stede let out a soft laugh and then shifted his hold on Ed’s chin with a gentle caress.  “I’d like to touch you and allow you to touch me to help give your body something to ground to see if that will help you work through your feelings of guilt and shame.”

“Okay, yup.  Touching and being touched.”  Ed nodded his head rapidly while his brain misfired and crackled, every nerve alive and fixated on Stede’s touch.

“I expect you to obey the rules you are given about this, Edward,” Father Bonnet’s voice was unyielding, but not unkind while his hand gently smoothed along Ed’s cheek, warm and soft.  And it was Father Bonnet, calm and authoritative.  “You may question them and I will clarify.  If you object to one, we will discuss it, but once you have acknowledged what boundaries are set out I expect you to take them into your heart as commandments.”

“Yes, Father,” the title fell from Ed’s lips as easy as breathing and Stede’s smile softened into approval.  He wanted that approval, craved it more than he craved food or water.  “So, we’re doing this?  We’re going to—”  He trailed off before he said the word fuck, but it was like Stede heard it in the silence and frowned.

“No, Edward, you are misunderstanding.”  The priest reached out to cup his chin again in a hand that was so soft Ed wanted to roll his cheek into it.  “This isn’t a casual fling or anything like what you may have experienced in the past.  This is an exercise in trust and intimacy to help understand why you won’t let go of the past and allow yourself to move forward.  We are beings of body and spirit, and sometimes the connection to the spirit lies within the body.  Do you understand?”

“Um, yeah, okay, I get that.”  Ed did not, in fact, get it.  “So sexual, but uh, there are rules about it?”

“Edward, remember?  I do not want you to lie.”  Father Bonnet’s admonishment made Ed flush as the gentle look pinned him in place.

“I guess I just don’t understand how this is supposed to work?” Ed admitted and was rewarded with the hand on his chin sliding up to rest against the curve of his cheek.

“Thank you for your honesty.”  Stede’s purr went right to Ed’s dick and he tried to will the reaction away.  “May I give you a demonstration?”  Ed managed a jerky nod, not trusting his voice.

Father Bonnet came closer and Ed’s eyes darted down to Stede’s lips and then froze as he saw the tabbed collar nestled at his throat.  Priest, he was a priest, but Ed wasn’t able to remember that when Stede’s hand slid back to rest along the nape of his neck.  When he was urged forward he went, entranced as Stede leaned in until their foreheads nearly touched.  His eyes were beautiful, grey mingled with brown, flecks of gold Ed could have counted like slices of sunbeams.

“Relax, lamb, close your eyes for me.” Father Bonnet’s breath ghosted over his lips and Ed let his eyes flutter shut.  The hand at his neck stroked in silent approval.

“Feel your breath, your body, center yourself.”  Each word was so close Ed could almost feel the brush against his lips.  “I want you to concentrate only on the physical, let your thoughts drift and just feel.  Be at home in your body and I will give you something to concentrate on to help you.”

“Yes, Father.” Ed whispered his agreement and tried to do what he was told, tried to turn off his thoughts and just feel himself.

The swing began to sway from Stede moving in closer.  He felt a warm puff of breath against him and Ed tried to concentrate on that, the feel of the hand resting against the nape of his neck.  He sure as fuck wasn’t sure what centering himself meant, but he tried to just relax his muscles in the hopes it was close to where Stede wanted him.  It must have been close to what Stede wanted because the thumb traced up and down the top of his spine.

“Good, that’s so good, Edward.”  Stede’s voice was hushed.  “Now just keep concentrating on what you feel.”

Ed began to agree when Stede’s lips pressed against his own in a kiss that made his heart stutter in his chest.  It was gentle, almost chaste, but he cataloged the feel of them pressing forward and he had to ball his fists up to keep himself from parting his lips.  He wanted to, he wanted to slide his tongue out to chase after the sort of kiss they had once shared decades ago.  The tension must have been thrumming through him because Father Bonnet drew back and his other hand cupped beneath his chin, angling his head.

“Relax.  Remember what I said.”  Stede’s lips moved against his own as he spoke and Ed tried to relax.  He did, but he couldn’t.  “Allow me, lamb.”

The kiss returned with a soft, wet glide of Stede’s tongue that lit up his nerves as Stede drew him into something that wasn’t chaste.  Ed parted his lips for the tracing tongue and earned an approving hum before Father Bonnet laid claim to everything he offered.  The dart of a tongue and Ed tipped his head while Stede’s touch guided him.  There was no clumsiness to this kiss, not like their first.  Father Bonnet took control and guided him until Ed let out a greedy sound for more.

The world faded and hazed until it was just the glide of lips and the occasional touch of Stede’s tongue.  Ed couldn’t stop himself from parting his lips, but the moment he did Stede deepened the kiss.  He let out a soft whimper as the gentle glide ran along his tongue, the roof of his mouth, and the fingers kneaded the back of his neck.  Muscles he hadn’t even realized were tense relaxed, which seemed to be what Stede was waiting for since he drew back.

“I would like us to try something, if you are amenable.”  Each word ghosted across Ed’s lips as he fluttered his eyes open. 

“Yes.”  He answered automatically, not even needing to think about it.  He’d agree to just about anything as long as Stede kissed him again.

“Good boy.”  Stede’s hand slid down to stroke his shoulder before he drew back, making Ed want to pull him back in.  Before Ed could mourn the loss for too long Stede offered a hand to help him up.  “Come with me.  I believe we will need to change locations for this.”

Ed’s vague, and inappropriate, idea that Stede was going to take him into the house to the bedroom was dashed as Stede led him out of the garden and away from the house.  His confusion must have shown on his face as they passed by a pair of matched statues to a little path since Stede reached back to take his hand reassuringly as Ed was led to a small red brick building that looked like a miniature of the church.

“This chapel was the original church before the congregation outgrew the modest space.”  Stede explained as they walked up to the polished hardwood doors inset with stained glass.  “I maintain it as my private chapel since the church can be rather –” Stede trailed off and gave a small smile before shaking his head.  “Sometimes I prefer intimacy and the quiet of my thoughts.”

“Okay, yeah, I can get that.” Ed said doubtfully as Stede opened one of the double doors and held it open.  

The building was small, almost painfully so.  There were two rows of four pews that made a little walkway that led up to an elaborately carved altar.  Stained glass windows let in tinted light enough to see carved wooden figures on the walls that made him look at them uneasily.  Saints stared down at him with pious eyes as Stede walked to the altar, pausing to sketch the sign of the cross before stepping around it to approach a set of doors.

“I want to be clear on our roles.”  Stede explained as he opened up what was apparently a closet, filled with heavy looking outfits and flowing fabrics.  “This is a reminder to myself as much to you.  I’m going to start with the rules so we have a chance to discuss them.”

“Alright,” Ed answered and licked his lips as Stede drew out a loose white robe.  It was bordered with a sky-blue line along the hem and a gold cross as he slipped it over his shoulders with practiced ease. 

“While what we are going to be doing is sexual, you have power here.  I want you to understand that we will proceed only as far as you are willing to go,” Stede began and picked up an outer robe.  Ed was sure it had some sort of fucking name, but for now it was just a sweep of fabric trimmed in the same gold as the cross on the white underobe.  “At any time we can stop and discuss, or simply stop. I never want you uncomfortable or feeling like you must do something to please me.  This isn’t about me, it’s about you.”

“Okay, I get that.”  Ed tried not to stare as Stede’s hands smoothed down the robes as if he’d done this a thousand times.  He probably had.

“I take my vows seriously.  I will not be breaking them, though we may push at the limitations.” Stede continued.  “I will not allow you to bring me to climax, no matter what the temptation.”  There was a small smile, perhaps a touch sad.  “And I’m sure you’re aware that you are a temptation.”

“Yeah?” Ed couldn’t help but ask, lilting his voice with a pleased smile that made Stede scrunch his nose up.

“Yes, of course.  But the rule still stands.” Stede admonished.  “Each time we do something like this we will have a goal in mind, we’ll discuss it and what will happen during our time together.”

Ed nodded his head, but his attention was on how Stede adorned himself in priestly regalia.  And, okay, it shouldn’t make Ed’s body flare hot seeing him, but as he drew on the items there was a sense of ritual about it.  As if he had done this a thousand times, and he likely had, but it was entrancing.  Stede drew out a stole next, the gold crosses matched the rest of the outfit.  He lifted it up and kissed the fold of the stole where a cross rested before lifting it up to drape over his neck, the ends of it swayed lightly as Stede smoothed his hands down his front.

“Edward?” 

“Hmm?” Ed was staring, he knew it, but he couldn’t pull his eyes away.

“Do you understand those ground rules?”  Stede prompted and that made Ed look up.

“Yeah, yes, I do.”  Ed breathed and licked his lips.  “So what do we do now?”

Stede’s approving smile made Ed want to wriggle happily as Stede approached him, the gold rimmed glasses catching the faint light.  Everything felt surreal.  Like at any moment he was going to wake up with the world’s most awkward boner after a dream about a priest.  He didn’t wake up, he felt himself settle into his body as Stede came close enough to press a hand against his chest.

Ed swayed closer, he couldn’t stop himself.  He moved into Stede’s space and felt the brush of the robes against him with a delicate graze.  It shivered down his spine while Stede’s expression remained peaceful and calm.  Ed felt a blaze of excitement racing through him as Stede’s touch smoothed along his chest until it pressed down right over his racing heart.  Could he feel the way it was slamming against his ribs, beating so hard that he felt dizzy with it?

“I want to start with taking your shirt off.”  Stede didn’t make it a question, but he was waiting for permission.  There was no demand or pressure, just a feel of the palm pressed over Ed’s heart.  “I want to foster a feeling of vulnerability and openness.”

“Yes.” Ed whispered and was rewarded with Stede’s smile, his eyes crinkling up at the corners before Ed began to reach for his shirt.

“Allow me.”  Stede offered, and Ed let his hands drop before he found Stede’s searing touch pushing up beneath the fabric.

Ed had been undressed by people before, but being undressed in the middle of a chapel by a priest wasn’t exactly on his list of shit he’d ever contemplated.  The air was chill on his skin as Stede drew the shirt over his head with the same air of reverence he had displayed for his robes.  He didn’t toss it to one side, but carefully laid it out over the back of a pew.  Ed imagined that the hazel eyes ran over his bare chest before Stede returned to meeting his eyes.  He tried not to think about the fact his body was running hot, his heart stuttering before the bare hand pressed against his chest with the thumb nearly brushing his nipple.

“Kneel for me, Edward.”  The command was soft, but ringing with calm authority as the priest moved to step in front of him, gesturing at the small padded kneeler.

Yup, Ed was sharply aware of the fact that his dick responded to that order with way too much interest in his artfully ripped jeans.  He ignored the tightness as he dropped to his knees, grateful for the padding as he lowered himself to look up at the priest that stood above him.  Stede’s golden curls were bathed reddish in the stained glass light, his lips parted just enough that Ed wanted to surge up for another kiss.  Instead, he dropped his hands down to his sides loosely to keep himself from doing something stupid like reaching out to grab the robed hips. 

“We’re going to explore your guilt, Edward.  Consider this the first step in your penance.”  Stede’s voice was incredibly soft, but held no room for doubt that he knew what he was doing.  

Ed swallowed, throat bobbing, as he leaned into the kneeler at Stede’s feet and tried not to stare.  The heavy vestments swayed around the priest, gold and blue, embroidered elegantly as the stole that rested over Stede’s neck fell forward when he leaned closer.  Ed nearly whimpered as the edges brushed his bare chest and closed his eyes rather than stare as disrespectfully as he wanted. 

“Do I say a Hail Mary?” Ed tried for a joke before two fingers moved to press beneath his chin and his eyes lifted up to Father Bonnet again.

“No, lamb, no prayers.  No jokes.  You hide behind that humor too often.”  The soft hazel eyes crinkled with a smile as if Stede wanted to reassure him while his thumb pressed against Ed’s lower lip.  “Let’s begin your act of contrition.”

“Yeah, uh… that.  Let’s do that.”  Ed sucked in a breath as the robe spread open to show the pale white undergarment beneath it when Stede moved.  He  should not be that fucking fascinated, but he was.

“I’ll ask you before we go through each step, I expect honesty.  Don’t try to guess what will please me.”  Stede’s smile was odd, wistful in a sad sort of way.  “Understand?”

“Yes,” Ed agreed easily.

“Repeat after me, lamb.”  Stede whispered while keeping the thumb pressed to Ed’s lower lip.  “Oh my God, I am heartily sorry…”

“Oh my God, I am heartily sorry.” Ed said, feeling the thumb swipe his lower lip as he fluttered his eyes closed.  The world was that touch, points of searing heat against his chin and lips.

“In your goodness have mercy on me,” Stede continued and Ed repeated the words, opening his eyes to see hazel ones going dark as they looked down at him. 

Stede was larger than life in his priestly robes and firm expression.  It was hard to recall him as awkward and young when measured up to the man he’d become.  Ed felt the gentle trace of Stede’s thumb run along his stubbled jaw.  The touch burned into his skin until it was the only sensation he could fix on as Stede continued with the next line, waiting for Ed to repeat it.  

“Do not look at my sins, but take away all my guilt.” Ed repeated belatedly and then the thumb pressed up to close his lips.  He let them, letting out a breath as he ached to reach up to slide his hands along Stede’s legs.  

“Yes, dove.  I can see how the guilt weighs on you and I will help you find grace in surrender,” Stede breathed and Ed wanted to flick his tongue out when the thumb gave a gentle caress.  

Fuck, if it had been anyone else he was attracted to he would have simply taken them in hand, but not here.  Ed didn’t play fucking meek, he didn’t stare up with doe eyes at anyone.  It was sort of his thing, wanting to be the one that took control of any given situation.  And that meant both in business as well as in his personal life, but he couldn’t seem to move as Stede regarded him with a fond looking smile before releasing his chin to pull off the fringed stole from his neck.  The drag of the material sounded sensuous as it slipped free and the edge of it brushed Ed’s bare chest sending a shiver racing over him.

“I want to take away as many distractions as I can by blindfolding you.  Will you allow me?” Stede murmured and lifted the spill of silk.  “I want you to reflect on what’s brought you here as the first part of what we’re doing.”

“Y-yeah, mate, don’t mind that.” Ed’s voice cracked as he tried to ignore the memory of this calm and controlled man once staring up at him with his mouth stretched around his cock.  Nope, definitely wasn’t thinking of that.

“Father,” Stede’s voice took on a commanding edge. “When we are here, like this, you will call me Father, Father Bonnet or Sir, Edward.  We need to maintain boundaries to alleviate any confusion.”

Christ, Ed tried to ignore the fact his dick responded to that immediately and he swallowed before jerking his head in a rapid nod.  “Yes, Father.”

“Good boy, dove,” Stede murmured and then the silk ceremonial stole was wrapped around Ed’s eyes, cool and slippery feeling.  “Let me know if this is too tight.”

He didn’t whimper, but it was a near thing as Stede carefully wrapped the silk twice around his head, cutting out all light.  It smelled like sweet incense and intoxicating cologne, making him draw in a deeper breath while it was tightened down and tested.  He gave an affirmative that it wasn’t too tight when Stede asked and felt his heart hammering in his ears before silence fell again.

“Lovely, Edward.  You do remember what we agreed on, yes?” Stede murmured in that rich tone, one-half sweet and one-half commanding.  “Should your penance prove too much you will signal me, understood?”

“Yes, Father,” Ed breathed out as Stede’s other hand dropped to rest lightly on top of his head.

“I want to recreate something of the night we spent together in the hopes that it’ll place you back in the mindset that won’t let you move past your guilt.” Stede said in an almost painfully gentle voice.

“How?” Ed rasped out and tipped his head up blindly, but the hand pressing on his head kept him carefully positioned as Stede wanted him.

“Open your mouth for me.”  Stede stroked his chin lightly, thumbing across his beard with a tenderness that made Ed want to whimper.  “To repent for a sin, we must begin to understand the sin.  You had me on my knees, did you not?”  The hand returned to his chin, holding him with a tenderness that felt far more intimate than anything he’d ever experienced in his life.

Ed gave a shaky nod before letting his mouth fall open obediently before the pad of a thumb pressed down on his tongue.  He let out a surprised sound, but kept his mouth open as Stede stroked his tongue lightly.  It sent thrills down his spine as cold and heat raced through him.

“Close your mouth, lamb.” Stede murmured and Ed complied, unable to stop himself from laving Stede’s thumb with his tongue.  “That’s alright, I want you to think about that evening for me.  Can you do that?”

Ed hummed an affirmative as Stede began talking in that low soothing voice while his thumb pressed in deeper and Ed kept his jaw relaxed.  He couldn’t see anything, but he could smell the sweet edge of Stede’s cologne and fixated on the feel of the fingers that curled beneath his jaws as he swallowed building drool.  The moment he swallowed he heard Stede’s breath catch as Ed’s grip on his thumb tensed sensuously.  Stede urged him to relax, to think about that night, what he had been thinking at the time, how he had felt.

How had he felt?  He’d felt half mad, guilt had already begun in full force by the time he’d dropped to his knees in front of Stede.  The knowledge that he was using the other boy for his own ends hadn’t stopped him though, not when he’d been able to swallow down the flushed cock and known he was showing Stede the time of his life.  The smug self-centered excuse that he was doing the man a favor by being his first, by making it good.  He fluttered his eyes behind the blindfold and swallowed again, shifting his tongue upwards.

Stede’s voice had a hypnotic quality to it, something that made him want to sink down and just let it surround him.  There was no judgement, just urging him to feel the air around his bare chest, the thumb pressed on his tongue and the feel of the kneeler beneath his knees.  He should relax himself, let himself simply experience his thoughts and the memories that flowed around him.  

“Consider them without bias.  Consider what they meant and continue to mean.” Stede murmured and slowly drew his thumb backwards.  “What do you feel, Ed?  About that moment?”

“Ashamed.” He admitted as Stede’s thumb slipped free.  “Arrogant, figured I was doing you a favor being your first.”

“That’s good, very good.”  Stede’s spit slick thumb brushed his chin.  “Why the sense of shame?”

“Knew I was lying to you.”

“A lie of omission, yes.”  Stede didn’t discount that.  “Now, have you lied in that way to your former partners?”

Ed furrowed his brow a little as he thought about it and then grimaced.  No, he hadn’t lied to his partners, even by omission.  He was brutally honest.  Too honest.  Sam had said that about him, that he didn’t want to be with someone that couldn’t just soften the truth a little bit.  Hell, his entire persona on TV was the same way.  Blackbeard didn’t mince words.  He didn’t lie or tell a chef their food had promise if it was shit.  He didn’t modulate himself with empty pleasantries.  Stede seemed to follow whatever expressions were on his face.

“Ah, there we go.” Stede’s voice became almost fond.  “Do you see the thread?  The tether?”

“I… I mean, s’just how I’ve always been.” Ed denied uncomfortably and there was a soft tsk from above him.

“Is it?”

“Yeah.”  Defensive, a little hostile.  He hadn’t based his behavior on just that.

Stede hummed thoughtfully, the hand on the top of Ed’s head stroked him soothingly until he relaxed into it.  “Would you like to delve a little deeper into that thought?”

“Okay,” Ed answered warily and there was another gentle stroke that traced the half up-do he’d put his hair in.  

“You can say no, lamb.  What I suggest is more intimate, closer to what happened that night,” Stede said in a voice that made Ed want to peel the blindfold off to see the priest’s face.  Closer?

“I’m okay with it.” Ed sounded more sure of himself and then the touches disappeared while Stede stepped back.  “St–  Father Bonnet?”

“I just need a moment, lamb.  You’re being so good for me, just relax.”  Stede’s assurance was immediate while Ed heard the sound of fabric and the soft noise of a door being opened.  “I want this to be safe for both of us since I, sadly, did not plan for this ahead of time.  I will be more prepared in the future.”

Ed hummed softly as noises kept up and then he turned his head at the sound of a belt buckle.  Shit, oh holy fucking shit, was Stede going to actually let Ed suck him off?  The thought blazed arousal through him so quickly that he felt as though he might pass out as the blood rushed to other parts of his body.  There were other noises, fabric and steps, a soft intake of breath that made Ed ball his fists up rather than reaching up to yank off the blindfold.

“Father, are you going to give me your–” Ed trailed off, because how the fuck do you ask a priest if you’re going to be allowed to suck his cock?  “We’re going to really recreate that night?”

“In a manner of speaking.” Stede’s voice was a little rougher, perhaps huskier.  Oh god, was he touching himself?  “After this I will request that you have an STI panel done and will gladly provide my own–”

“I trust you.” Ed blurted out.  “I was tested after Will and I broke up and uh, you’ve not been with anyone?”  Stede’s bare cock on his tongue, the idea made his mouth water before the movement stopped.

“You may trust me, but I am still going to insist.  Both that you have mine and I have yours.”  Stede’s voice was firm, but not unkind.  “Your safety and health are paramount when you’ve entrusted yourself to my care, Edward.”

And that, yeah, that made Ed feel a certain sort of way.  Because Ed had done the whole trusting partners thing.  Jack had famously given him fucking syphilus once after saying he’d tested clear and not been with anyone else.  Stede’s firm care made him want to squirm, but he held still before he heard a wrapper being torn open and that made him blink as it finally sank home what Stede was doing.

“You keep condoms in your chapel?!”  Stede’s laughter was warm and rumbly in his ears.

“I’ve been known to give lectures on safe-sex practices and find that providing people with protection when they leave my care makes me feel a little better that they might use it.” Stede explained calmly like it was the most natural thing in the world.  And maybe it was, maybe that was the sort of shit a priest did?  Education seemed on par, at least.

There was more movement, sounds he couldn’t identify, but he kept as still as he could until the press of the palm on his chin startled him.  He nearly jumped out of his skin as he felt the edges of the robe brushing against his legs and torso while his head was tipped upwards with the gentle touch.  He followed it as Stede’s hand cupped the curve of his chin gently.

“You’re alright with this?”

“Yes, Father.” Ed sighed the title out, letting his mouth fall open expectantly, hearing Father Bonnet’s breath catch.

“Then remember the rules.  I will not climax, please respect that boundary and do not test it.” Stede said in that firm edged voice.  Ed gave a slow nod of agreement and then shivered as the touch on his cheek moved to his chin to guide him.

His breath caught before the first press of Stede’s cock brushed over his tongue, thick and hot as Ed let out a shuddering moan and opened his mouth wider in entreaty.  The condom was its normal awful latex flavoring, but the weight was delightfully perfect.  He tried to remember that night, he couldn’t help himself. He tried to remember what it had been like to have Stede sliding his way into his mouth with no condom and all trembling eagerness.  He had been so wet, Ed did remember that, leaking and every touch had made his hips jolt and cries break from him.

Father Bonnet wasn’t quiet, but he lacked the uncontrolled noises that Stede had heard last time.  There was a soft pleased sigh and a gentle groan as Ed’s lips closed around him, a little hiss when Ed ran his tongue along the vein in a sensuous curl he couldn’t stop.  The slow ease inwards pushed his jaws open wider, inching and bumping right along his soft palate as Stede’s hand moved to cup the back of his head.  It was a tender touch, holding him steady and controlling how deep he went.

“Easy, there’s no rush.” Stede murmured while giving a few gentle thrusts. “Remember how this felt?  How easily you took me to orgasm?”

Ed let out a noise in the back of his throat. He might have forgotten some of the finer points, but not that evening.  Stede’s soft voice was gentle, but huskier now that his cock was easing deeper and Ed tried to push forward, but a gentle tug at his hair kept him in place.  He wasn’t allowed to move, but Stede didn’t really fuck his mouth.  It was gentle and slow, thrusts that rubbed along his tongue and went a little deeper each time.  He swallowed and knew that he was drooling, but it didn’t seem to matter as he let himself relax into the deep thrusts.

“That’s better, feel how deep I am and concentrate on only that.” Stede murmured softly while Ed sucked in a deeper breath.  He shifted again, body throbbing with white-hot arousal that was making him ache to press a palm down against his trapped erection. “Easy, you don’t need to work, just relax.”

Stede’s voice turned softer, a breath hitched as his hips gave a deeper thrust and the tip pushed into the back of Ed’s throat.  He let out a choked noise, but immediately tried to push forward.  Only Stede’s hands held him back, keeping his pace to what he wanted instead of Ed.  The slow fill pushed in deeper, nudging his throat until he relaxed his hold and just went limp in the priest’s hands.  He trusted him, trusted the gentle hands and soft words that alternated between guided questions and praise.

Ed was so hard he was half scared his pants would tear.  His cock twitched heavily and he knew that he was going to leave a damp spot behind in his pants, but it was almost secondary.  He ran his tongue over Stede, stroked and swirled, enjoying the soft groan that came out before Stede gave a deeper thrust.  It wasn’t enough to choke him, but it was deep enough that he strained and knew his eyes were watching behind the blindfold.  Ed let out an eager sound, fingers twitching, wanting to undo his pants and let his cock out, wrap his hand around himself.

“Relax, yes, just like that.” Stede’s other hand moved up and swiped some of the drool leaking from Ed’s mouth.  “You can relax with me, you don’t need to do anything except listen.  And you listen so well.”

Listen and obey.  Ed knew how to do that. It felt so simple as he let Stede set the pace. His jaw ached and it didn’t matter, he let out soft choked noises in the back of his throat and it was appreciated.  Stede treated him with a gentleness that felt sacred.  His hands were never harsh or demanding, they were soft enough that it left Ed breathless.  He let himself drift, relaxing and just feeling how Stede slid into his mouth. 

“You can undo your pants, I want you comfortable.”  Stede breathed out before Ed swallowed, trying to stop himself from drooling.  The soft moan from Stede left Ed scrambling for his pants with a sound of his own as he thumbed the button open and scrambled to pull the jeans down.

“This is a house of God, Edward,” Stede reminded him breathlessly and the next thrust soon had Ed’s nose pressing into the thatch of hair at the base, musk and incense and Stede.  “You will be quiet in your worship.”

And fuck, that did it for him, the utter obscenity of being on his knees in front of the altar taking Father Bonnet’s cock into his mouth like the purest form of communion imaginable.  He shoved his underwear down for his cock to spring free and wrapped a fist around himself, giving a loose series of strokes to offer some relief as the world exploded in sensations.  It burst over him in snaps and tremors, crackling and alive while his tongue rolled right across Stede’s tip when he drew back far enough.  That, oh that got a reaction, a guttural moan that went straight to Ed’s cock.

“Hands down, Edward.”  Father Bonnet’s fingers twined through his long hair and there was a deeper thrust, nearly choking him. 

Ed whined as he dropped his hand, leaving his cock to hang heavy and leaking between his legs and then Stede’s hips moved faster.  They were never brutal, never fucked his throat so hard he choked, but that was also maddening.  He felt the drool gathering along his chin while Stede’s breathing had turned a little more ragged, panting shallowly.  He could feel every twitch and throb, they were blurring together as Ed let the world just fade away.  His aching arousal made it harder, but it was like Stede knew exactly the pace to take, the words to say.

He, daringly, lifted his hands up to rest on Stede’s hips and wasn’t rebuked as he felt fine fabric pressed against his palms.  It was decadently smooth and soft while he felt Stede’s hips flexing with each movement.  He felt centered.  Grounded.  More of the world fell away, dropping out beneath him to be replaced with the indulgent thrusts in his mouth.  The rolling plunges that left him aching for more as he swallowed and suckling, rolling his tongue just to hear the gasps and soft shocked sounds from Stede.

“Yes, my lamb, you’re so peaceful like this.”  Stede’s strained words flowed around him, but Ed could hear he wasn’t unaffected.

He wanted Stede to be like that night, falling apart with gasps and sobs, folding over him with a thrust that poured him down Ed’s throat.  He swallowed the taste of latex was a sharp contrast between then and now, but even that didn’t deter him from fighting the hold on his hair.  Stede responded with a series of thrusts that plunged into his throat while Ed gripped the robes, balling them up in his fingers each time he took Stede down to the root.  

It was messy.  It was debauched.  It was worshiping at Stede’s feet as if every thrust were something sacred, something that deserved being memorized and accepted.  The fingers tangled in his hand never yanked, didn’t twist and hurt, they were a comforting point of contact that guided him.  Even the throbbing ache of his cock was simply another way he felt grounded.  Controlled.  And he wanted more, he wanted to just fade into the fuzzy haze where he couldn’t see, couldn’t control, he could only taste and smell, feel and experience.

“Ah… Easy… easy…” Stede’s gasp became a punched out groan that made Ed swallow and he felt the shudder beneath the palms of his hand.  

He whined as Stede’s hand cupped his jaw again before pulling back with a suddenness that left him bereft.  He choked out softly, whimpering his protest while he worked his aching jaw in frustration.  It was jarring, too jarring, and he began to move his hands up to the blindfold automatically before there was a rustle of robes and suddenly Stede was on his knees.  He had to be on his knees, because his lips closed against Ed’s with a heat that devoured.

He’d heard the world might end in fire and he found that fire in the sweep of Stede’s tongue and the hand that cupped the back of his neck. The robes rubbed his bare chest, his stomach, brushing down until his hips canted forward to seek stimulation automatically.  He needed more, burned for some sort of stimulation until he was finding it hard to gather the edges of his sanity together.  Stede’s tongue swirled against his own as velvety lips worked, drawing him into a deeper kiss until Ed knew he was making unhinged noises in the back of his throat.  Greedy and wild, whimpering and wrecked.

He nearly sobbed when Stede drew back, but the protest was cut off by the tug against the blindfold. “It’s alright, lamb, I’m not abandoning you. I’m here.” The words were pressed to his lips in a softer kiss. “I want to see you. Touch you, if I may?"

"Yes." Ed croaked. Nearly begged.

The light nearly blinded Ed as the blindfold was pulled off, but his eyes snapped to focus on Stede.  The priest was on his knees with cheeks flushed and eyes blown dark with arousal.  Ed’s hands moved against the warm hips and ached to reached down to reclaim his cock, but they had rules.  Stede had told him that he wouldn’t break his vow of celibacy, but the temptation was like the serpent whispering promises to Eve.  It would be so easy to–

The thought was cut off as an impossibly soft hand wrapped around his cock and Ed’s hips bucked in place.  The noise that dragged out of Ed wasn’t one he knew he could make.  It was ragged and helpless, pleading, while Stede’s thumb swiped through the mess of wetness on his tip, working it down Ed’s aching flushed cock.  

“I’ll take care of you, you deserve your reward.” Stede murmured against Ed’s lips, eyes locked together. “You deserve care, Edward.”  

He was pulling himself back together from the roughened voice, Ed realized, controlling himself from where he must have been close to coming.  His palm gave slow indulgent strokes that had Ed’s hips twitching forward, trying to thrust as Stede’s head never moved.  They pressed forehead to forehead, each word from Stede’s lips whispered against Ed’s lips with an intimacy that left him breathless as he nearly squirmed.  Stede’s other hand rested on the nape of his neck, holding him in place as words were whispered constantly, sweet and wrapping over Ed.

“That’s right, lamb, let yourself go.”  Ed didn’t need the urging, his body was lighting up until he was panting and shuddering. “Hold onto me, let yourself feel good.  You deserve this.”

Deserving.  Stede kept repeating those words like he was reading from the bible, holy fucking writ, pressed into Ed’s skin and swirling around him.  He flicked his hand faster, building up the speed as if he knew exactly what would push Ed over the edge as quickly as possible.  He dug his fingers down into the solid hips, pressing in close and felt lips brushing his own again, soft and then hotter.  Stede didn’t rebuke or refuse him when Ed licked into his mouth, but tipped his head in silent invitation for the molten kiss.

Ed freed up a hand and daringly slid it into soft curls, feeling Stede’s soft breath as the wrist suddenly twisted and the speed built up with a casual flick at the tip.  It was too much, his body was achingly hard with the need for release and he forgot himself.  He devoured Stede’s kiss, feeling the priest swallowing down his moans as he pushed to his climax.  Stede must have felt it because Ed was leaned backwards until his ass pressed against his boots, but the kiss didn’t break.

He tumbled over the edge when Stede’s movements built to a speed that left him sobbing out his pleasure.  Only when the world whited-out with pleasure did Stede pull back so Ed was letting out a sob of ecstasy before he spilled over the working fist.  Stede didn’t stop, he kept going, working Ed through his orgasm as the angle left ropes of spend spreading across Ed’s bare stomach as he shuddered and tipped his head back.  The world was only this, the feel of Stede’s hand and lips on his throat, the whispered encouragement that he was supposed to let himself feel good, he should enjoy this, that Edward looked so beautiful this way. So perfect.

By the time he was whimpering and oversensitized Stede brushed a tender kiss to his throat, drawing back with breath that was a little too quick. Ed’s eyes snapped open when Stede moved with a click of a belt buckle and he realized that he had removed the condom, was tucking himself away.  Still hard.  

“You’re not–”  Ed began with a rasp as Stede let the robes fall down, looking remarkably put together for a man that had just taken him apart.

“No.”  Stede’s smile wasn’t annoyed or frustrated, it was peaceful. “I told you that I wouldn’t.”

“Yeah, that I couldn’t, but yanno, if you wanted–”  Ed trailed off and didn’t finish the idea he wouldn’t mind watching Father Bonnet take himself in hand.

The smile was soft, but Stede didn’t answer the suggestion.  Maybe that was for the best, instead Ed found himself cleaned up with a gentleness that made his throat tight.  It wasn’t just a quick wipe down, but Stede drew him up and guided him out of the chapel to the house.  He was cleaned with a soapy wash cloth and given a large glass of water, tucked onto the soft couch where Stede proceeded to bring out a little selection of the marmalade cookies that Ed was beginning to get obsessed over.

It felt indulgent.  It felt loving.  It felt safe.  

So maybe that’s why Ed found himself unmoored when Stede returned in his normal tabbed collared clergy shirt and drew him back to the conversation. “Do you lie to your partners?  The ones you’ve had in the past, Ed?”

“No,” Ed answered with a sigh, chewing on a cookie. “Kinda too honest, I guess?  Like, I dunno.”

“I think you do know.” Stede murmured tenderly. “Follow the thread.”

“S’just, kinda better being honest, right?  But I.. yeah, I’ve had people that don’t like it.  Kinda blunt for them.” Ed admitted slowly and set his half eaten cookie down.  He sighed after a minute. “I get it, what you’re saying. It’s an overcorrection from how I didn’t tell you what we were doing.”

“Perhaps.  I’d like you to think about honesty tonight.” Stede’s hand dropped down onto his leg and gave a gentle squeeze. “Examine it, how it shapes your life and the lives of those you’ve loved.”

Ed normally would have made a joke. And, yeah, the idea was there, but he felt wrung dry and hung in a liminal space that still felt entirely unreal.  Honesty.  Yeah, there was something there toying in the back of his mind, itching as he thought back to arguments that had been biting and sharp edged.  Arguments that Ed had given his partner no quarter because he didn’t want polite lies and platitudes.  It felt like a piece of something bigger.

“Yeah, I will.” Ed murmured and there was another squeeze to his leg.  The touch lingered, points of warmth that stayed with him.

Stede never rushed him, but eventually Ed knew it was time for him to leave the cozy couch and warm touches, he gentle care.  He felt lighter as he stepped out into the sunlight, as if something had come into focus.  The drive back to his hotel went by in a blur, but when he got back there were texts from Stede.  He managed replies easily enough, but it was the last text that made his chest tight.  

Stede: Make sure you eat a meal that you enjoy tonight.

Stede: And perhaps a long bath. Let yourself process.

Ed: Was thinking of going to Roach's actually.

Stede: Excellent! Try the cake, it's a delight that you've earned.

Ed: I mean, wanna come with me?

Stede: I'm afraid I have duties at the church, but call me after?

Ed: Will do.

Stede: I'm proud of you Edward.

Five words.

Just five.

And they wrote themselves into his being as permanently as his tattoos.  When had anyone ever been proud of Edward Teach?

Chapter Text

Ed wasn’t sure what he expected after the chapel.  Perhaps for things to change or become weird?  Because, seriously, can shit be normal when you’ve been on your knees with a priest’s cock down your throat?  It was sort of expected for some weirdness to be there, right? But Stede surprised him yet again.  The awkwardness that Ed expected to follow simply wasn’t there. It was just the normal check-ins and texts, phone calls and talks.  It was actually a little maddening because now the talks came with knowing what it felt like to have Stede’s cock in his throat.  And not a distant fucking memory, but something fresh that he played over and over in his mind on a loop. It was constant. The sort of constant caused him to buy an actual bottle of lube instead of a travel sized bottle.

Which, it’s not my fault, I’ve got a healthy fucking sexual appetite.  He justified that purchase as best he could.

For his part, Stede reverted to the calm and steady authority figure with each conversation. He was still warm and friendly, but there was no suggestion that he was altered by the events in the chapel the way Ed was.  And, maybe that was to be expected, Stede was a priest after all and he was just trying to help Ed figure things out.  It likely hadn’t meant anything more than trying to break through Ed’s walls. Okay, yeah, definitely not something a priest normally would do, but Stede had said he tried to think outside the box. So, it wasn’t a thing.  He told himself that, repeated it, fucking put it on repeat in his head.  It didn’t help all that much.

“How are you doing processing honesty?”  Stede asked one evening while they were settled at Roach’s, the priest insisting they sit outside since the sun was out and it was a mild day.

Processing honesty, well, okay, maybe Ed hasn’t really been thinking about that so much as he’d been thinking about how it’d felt to have Stede’s hand wrapped around him.  His eyes travelled down to said hand with a bit too much interest before he pulled his gaze away.  Stede was behaving as if nothing had happened and if that was how it was supposed to be, Ed could respect it.  Ed would respect it.  It had just been a way to ground him and allow him to think about things he preferred not to talk about.  Which made him aware Stede was watching him, waiting for an answer, with one eye brow quirked up questioningly.

“Dunno, okay, I guess?” Ed mused as he fidgeted with his beer, trying not to stare at the painfully tight jeans wrapped over muscled legs as Stede leaned back in the chair. Wasn’t there a commandment against priests wearing tight sexy jeans?  “Guess I’ve always been brutally honest, but uh… I suppose there’s a balance there, yeah?  Maybe I’m missing it?”

“Honesty is a lovely trait, but why don’t we talk about how it's affected your prior relationships,” Stede offered and took a drink of his own beer, pink plush lips wrapped around the mouth of the bottle in a way that was beyond distracting.  He dragged his attention to the conversation with a monumental force of will.

“Fuck, mate, it’s not exactly easy to puzzle out. I mean, yeah, I’m not one to bullshit a person,”  Ed admitted and dragged his eyes to look across the road rather than at Stede and the way his fingers curled around the beer bottle. “Shouldn’t you be happy about that?  That’s a whole big deal for the church, right?  Honesty?”

Stede hummed softly to himself and then gave a lopsided smile. “I don’t understand why you’d wear leather motorcycle pants when you don’t have a motorcycle, except for the vibe which is lost in a place like Roach’s.”

“What?!” Ed’s head swung around with a sudden twinge, stomach flipflopping strangely as Stede offered the segue without any warning. “The fuck?!  You saying I look bad?”  His cheeks were burning as he tried not to think about the fact that he’d put them on this morning specifically to look kinda hot for the priest.  Which, okay, yeah, Ed was not being normal about any of this.

“You know perfectly well you look stunning,” Stede amended easily. “But did that honesty do anything for you?  Help you in any way?”

“Uhh, I guess not?”  Ed said and Stede smiled with a hint of approval. “Ahhhh, offering a lesson?”

“Honesty can be a good thing, but I think you said you were brutally honest,”  Stede pressed delicately at the faint bruise.

“I mean, okay, yeah, I am.  Part of it is the Blackbeard shit, though,” he pointed out defensively and Stede just nodded. “The more I was on shows and yelling at idiots about not being able to cook, the more I sorta carried that with me. Some of it is, I don’t wanna mislead them.”

“Like you mislead me.” Stede said the words without a hint of censure or anger, not even making it a question.

“Yeah.” Ed drew in a shaking breath. “Kinda.”

“And how did that work out in your personal life?”  

Ed tried to talk it out, but it felt awkward and stilted as he laid out a pattern with his attempts at dating.  He didn’t bullshit them about his career and business coming first. He didn’t feel like he should have to.  Stede didn’t interrupt him as he tried to lay out a few instances when it had blown up in his face, which was more often than not.  There were patterns there, ones that became widespread as he tasted his own excuses when he dragged up his onscreen persona time and again. It was like a suit of armor that he could step behind to say that it wasn’t Ed that once told his boyfriend that he preferred to be on the road instead of looking for an apartment for them to share.

Stede had a way of pulling the truth from him.  It didn’t feel forced or dragged, just a gentle tug from a leading question, a tilt of a head and a raised brow would have Ed confessing something he wanted to hide.  Ed felt as though he were feeling his way through the darkness and Stede was offering him a flashlight.  Stede didn’t allow him the illusions and pretty internal lies that he told himself. And, oh they existed, wound through his soul with the same efficiency that he had once used to tell himself that he was doing Stede a favor by being his first.  It was the same sort of pain that came from cleaning a fresh wound.  Healing pain.

“I was a shit boyfriend.” Ed said towards the end, feeling raw and wrung dry by dragging up the past.  He was on his third beer and the food had long since been cleared from the table. “I get it, I really was.”

“No, you were just a little lost,” Stede soothed and reached out to rest a hand over Ed’s wrist, warm and comforting. “When you know better, you do better.  And you’re already doing better by trying to improve yourself, aren’t you, lamb?”

“Yeah, I guess,”  Ed admitted slowly while fixating on the warmth pressed over his wrist and the soft thumb that ran along the back of his hand.  

“Good, then we’ll count this as a little victory,” Stede tipped his head to one side with an indulgent smile. “Which means you’ve earned a reward.”

“Reward?” Ed perked up the same way a cat might have sat up hearing a treat container shaken.  

“Of course, rewards are good for the soul.” Stede released his wrist to signal to the server for the bill. “What are your plans for the evening?”

“Um–”  Ed trailed off, because he wasn’t going to say going back to his hotel and probably fucking his fist while thinking about Stede again. “Dunno, back to the hotel and crashing, I guess?”

“Fab.” Stede leaned forward with a conspiratorial smile. “Tell me, what are your thoughts on chocolate shops?”

That was how Ed found himself on a fucking Sweets and Sips Tour with Stede.  It was touristy as shit with a gimmicky guy leading the way with stops that mixed overly sweet cocktails with various desserts.  No one in their god damn life would suggest someone with Ed’s palate should go on some cheesy food tour, but Stede hauled him around as if they were both tourists. He sampled things that were more sugar than flavor, but they were still fun when Stede was beside him giggling at times.  He was light and easy, clearly enjoying himself without reservation.  Ed couldn’t help but share that happiness.

For the span of two hours Ed remembered, and mourned, the cute blond in the coffee shop.  Stede let down a few of his walls, becoming a hint of who he’d once been.  It made Ed hope he hadn’t destroyed the sweet boy.  That perhaps he hadn’t fucked up so deeply that Stede had locked away the person that had once argued with him over Mothman with eyes that had glowed with happiness and laughter so readily on his lips.

He wondered just how Stede had become so fucking healthy. Like, was there a secret to emotional health that Ed had just never fucking figured out?  He tried to relax in the moment, enjoying the way Stede laughed easily.  Eventually he felt his tension leave him somewhere around the third stop when he watched, in horror, as the cotton candy topper to his cocktail was devoured by the drink.

“That’s… diabolical!”  Ed growled and jammed his straw around in circles. “I was gonna eat that.”

“It’s still there, just in the drink.” Stede teased and popped a mouthful of the sugary stuff from his own drink into his mouth. 

“Yeah, but I was gonna eat it.” Ed grumbled, secretly enjoying the soft giggle from the priest. “Don’t mock my pain!”

“I would never mock your pain, but I’m pretty sure I saw a video of a raccoon with this same problem.” Stede’s eyes were bright with his laughter.  Beautiful.

“Fuck off.” Ed huffed and peered around. “Gonna have to beg for another topper now.”

“A thing can be enjoyed in different forms, Edward. Just because something no longer looks the same or has changed, doesn’t mean it’s gone,”  Stede advised and then pulled off some of his cotton candy to offer Ed. “It just means that all things change.”

“Yeah, guess so.”  Ed answered as he took the cotton candy, but Stede’s words pressed over him.

They swirled and settled in his soul.  Sometimes things changed, but that didn’t mean they were gone.  Ed was still a shit, the same sort of shit as he had been in college in many ways, but he was changed, right?  He was trying to do better.  Even now as he sipped his drink thoughtfully, he knew he was trying.  He cast a glance at Stede who was listening to the tour guide talk about the bar they were in.  Was the same true of Stede?  Was the sweet boy Ed had once known hiding beneath the calm authority or was he so changed that he could no longer be discerned?  

Ed hoped not.  He hoped the sweet passionate boy was still there.  That Stede still read about cryptids and flowers, that he’d still ramble to people he trusted.  Ed hoped that, maybe, he hadn’t been able to completely destroy what had been so sweet and good in the coffee shop.

~ ~ ♱ ~ ~

The day was gorgeous. The perfect fall day with a sapphire blue sky that contrasted beautifully with trees that were a riot of gold, red and yellow.  It had been a long damn time since Ed had taken time to admire any sort of fucking day, but today he couldn’t help it. The colors looked brighter and the feel of the chill air invigorated him through his leather.  He smiled behind his visor as he put on a burst of speed that he hadn’t felt in years.  He’d forgotten the sheer joy he’d once had on a motorcycle, but here it was, thrumming through him like he was alive again.

He’d gotten the bike in a fit of whimsy after Stede’s comment about his leathers, an impulse that he didn’t regret for an instant.  He’d had a motorcycle when he’d been younger–stupider–enjoying the speed and thrill of riding down the interstate pushing a hundred like he was immortal.  Of course, young and stupid was a perfect fucking storm for consequences.  Ed had taken one turn too sharply on a rainy day and spun out across three lanes of traffic.  It had taken two surgeries and a solid year of physical therapy had allowed him to walk without a limp and he’d never thought of getting a bike again.

Until now. Until Ed remembered what it was like to do something for the sheer fucking joy of it.  In LA he had a nice car, kinda sporty, but he hadn’t gotten it because it gave him any sort of joy. That had been his thought when he’d seen the bike in the dealer’s lot.  It was dark purple with chrome accents that had made him grin the moment he saw it. Not just purple, glittery purple.  It was a sexy fucking bike and he hadn’t been able to resist.

Plus you think it’ll impress Stede.  He admitted to himself.

Ed felt like he was buzzing when he turned down the side street that led towards the, now, familiar church.  He drove past the empty church lot confidently, turning around towards the rectory. The lovely little home made his heart beat faster and his mood soar.  Stede had requested him today, wanting to have a quiet afternoon to talk alone.  He’d gotten the text message early this morning and been riding the high ever since.

He’d barely been able to keep his mind on his work today, which had pissed the hell out of Izzy during their Zoom meeting.  Not that Ed had needed to do much, he barely needed to be in the fucking room anymore. All people needed was to hear the name Blackbeard and they fell over themselves to capitulate or ingratiate themselves. Izzy had been running most of the behind the scenes shit for years, Ed had just become a prop.

“You have a fucking business to run!  You need to get back here,” Izzy had snapped with real heat in his voice. 

“Yeah? Why?”  Ed had pressed back immediately. “What the fuck do you think will change if I’m there?”

“You have appearances-”

“I’ve booked shit in New York coming up, including SNL, so try the fuck again.”  Ed had interrupted, throwing down the gauntlet.  For once, he wasn’t willing to back down.

It was only being on the other side of the country that Ed began to realize just how much bullshit he’d been dealing with back home.  He’d been drifting through his life like a fucking ghost.  The last two years had been flooded with meeting after meeting, new show after new show, opening restaurants and acting more like a mascot than a man.  The thing with a mascot, though, was that they got to take off the fucking costume at the end of the day.  Ed never did.  Izzy seemed to expect Ed would remain happy in his role as Blackbeard regardless of the fact he was trying to shake away the legend in favor of something else.  

Ed had no intention of returning to LA any time in the near future, not when he was feeling like he was piecing himself together. Izzy was going to flip his fucking lid when he found out that Ed had secured a three month rental rather than staying at the hotel.  And why shouldn’t he do something that made him happy for once?  And Boston made him happy.  Stede made him happy.  He peeled his helmet off as he nearly bounced up to the front porch only to narrowly avoid crashing into someone that was mid-argument with Stede.

“Oh, I get it, I leave for three weeks and you can’t even be bothered to–Whoops!  Hello there!”  Side-burns guy from the wedding stumbled back from Ed and then swung around with wide eyes to stare at Stede. “Holy shit, you really do have an appointment?!”

“Edward! Hello!” Stede followed the young man with a slightly irritated look on his face that only mellowed when he saw Ed on the porch “Yes, Lucius, obviously.  You would have known that if you’d bothered looking at that silly online calendar you set up for me. We’ve been having sessions frequently if you’d bothered checking.”

“Okay, yeah, but your last appointment was literally you making a tiny model ship in the chapel and the time before that you had that lego kit. So I sorta assumed you were off playing with toys instead of pl–”

“Yes, yes, alright. I wasn’t playing, I was enjoying a hobby.”  Stede cut him off with a huff while Ed managed a half-hearted little wave. He wasn’t sure exactly what to do and his face must have shown something since Stede gave him an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry, Edward, my secretary has decided that since he was on his honeymoon he needs to make up for lost time.”

“Ah, yeah, s’no problem,” Ed faltered a little while Lucius made a scoffing noise before as he shrugged on a coat.

“Oh my god, Stede, we both know that you basically had a vacation too,” Lucius rolled his eyes before looking Ed up and down in a way that was absolutely inappropriate. “Annnnyway, at least you’re not hiding away in here by yourself. Just remember, you have at least three sermons scheduled next month and you’ll need to have them written up so I can shoot them over to Olu and Jim for final approval.  Plus, you’ve got a pileup of e-mails to handle and we need to figure out what day works for confessions and–”

“Yes, yes, of course.”  Stede waved his hand with a weary expression that pulled at Ed with sharp familiarity.  Shit, how busy was Stede in his day to day life? How much time was Ed soaking up?  “I’ll take care of the sermons tomorrow.”

“Tonight. I know you,” Lucius waggled a finger as he stepped off the porch. “You two have fun, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” the lad actually winked at them, “and remember not to mess up the church, I’m not your housekeeper too!”

“Lucius,” Stede hissed out as the young man waved over his shoulder.

“Sorry, Father.” Lucius called back over his shoulder teasingly before leaving Ed on the porch with the priest. Stede looked irritated as he stared at the boy getting into a shockingly pink VW Bug and then gave himself a shake.

“In trouble with your secretary?” Ed ventured as Stede gestured for him to come into the rectory.

“Oh I’m always in trouble with Lucius, I’m afraid he’s rather good at his job,” Stede crinkled his nose up as if it were a bad thing.  “I’m a little behind on some of my duties for the parish.”  Ed watched a flicker of exhaustion cross Father Bonnet’s face before it changed to dismay as he saw Ed’s newest purchase in the drive. “You’ve got a motorcycle?”

“Yeah, gotta have an excuse to rock the leathers.” Ed flashed a grin as Stede raised his brow curiously.  “Makes my arse look great and keeps me safe.” He gave a wider smile when Stede huffed out a laugh.

“Vanity is a sin, Edward,”  Father Bonnet deepened his voice just enough that Ed felt a coil of heat lick through his belly.  

“Yes, Father,”  Ed offered, meaning it to sound a little teasing like Lucius had, maybe playful, but it came out breathless.  Shit, he needed to rein it in.  What they’d done before was probably a one time thing, right?

Do not think about this man’s cock.  Do not think about having it in your mouth again. He told himself firmly as Stede led him into the house.

Stede puttered about, but there was a distracted air to him as he gathered Ed’s favorite cookies and set the kettle on.  It was familiar and domestic, but there was a little furrow to his brow.  He wondered just how many duties Stede had on a given day.  Ed knew enough to understand he had evening masses and Sunday mornings were obviously off the table. Stede had mentioned helping people that needed a little guidance.  People like Ed.  But did they take as much time as Ed took up?  How many hours had he already sucked out of Stede’s days?  Shit, he was being greedy for Stede’s time, wasn’t he?

He settled on the couch as Stede poured the tea and something must have shown on his face. “Edward?”

“Hmm?” He glanced up while he took the cup and saw Stede’s gentle face watching him curiously. “Sorry, mate, just realized I’m probably sucking up a lot of your time.”

“Time that is yours to have.” He said the words as a simple truth which made Ed want to squirm with a mixture of pleasure and embarrassment. “Tell me, have you found your head chef yet?  Last I heard you were interviewing that annoying fellow that wanted his own show?”

“Nothin’ yet, but it’s a process,” Ed deflected the question as he began to dump cube after cube of sugar into his tea.  Why had he never used sugar cubes before? They were whimsical as fuck. “It’s just gonna be a search.”

Stede hummed as he settled down to fix his own cup.  He was in a pink clergy shirt with the tabbed collar hugging his throat.  Ed had no idea where he got the colored shirts, but he loved them more than stark black.  Color suited the priest, especially with his soft blonde hair that swept along eyes that were studying Ed. They were never cold or judgemental, but it still felt as though Stede was puzzling him out.  No, as if he were enjoying the puzzle, fascinated and fond in equal measure.

Stede coaxed him into talking about his search and he danced around it.  Ed was here as long as it took to open up Ocracoke, the last hurdle being a proper head chef to run the place.  It wasn’t normally a long process because there was never a lack of people yearning to work for Blackbeard. People had passed through his hands to fame and fortune of their own with his name to carry them.  He didn’t lack them now, but the moment he had people in place they would set the soft opening date and then the hard open.  Then he’d have no reason to stick around, he’d have to go home. 

He wasn’t ready to return home.

Ed wasn’t even aware he was fidgeting and playing his fingers over the soft leather of his pants until he saw Stede watching.  He’d always been a bit of a nervous fidgeter, but the longer Stede continued asking after his search for a chef, the more he found himself bouncing his leg or tugging at a bit of string hanging from his shirt.  Maybe Stede was realizing Ed was a distraction? Or maybe he was starting to feel that Ed was a lost cause and was trying to figure out how long he’d be stuck with him? That would make sense, wouldn’t it? They’d begun to peel apart a few of his relationships and Ed had confessed how fucking awful he was at being anyones boyfriend.  Hell, maybe this was good, maybe Stede was starting to understand how he’d dodged a bullet when Ed had turned him down.

He wasn’t even aware how much time had passed since he’d last spoken until Stede broke the silence. Stand up, Edward,” Stede’s voice was mild, but with an edge of command that made Ed straighten up.  Shit, he hadn’t realized how long he’d been quiet.

“I’m sorry, I was just–” Ed began his apology but Stede held up a hand.

“You need to learn how to be calm.  Quiet,”  Stede murmured while Ed scrambled to stand up with as much grace as he could muster. “I think I can help with that if you’re willing to indulge me in something that may seem–hmm–a little odd, but I think it will allow you to find a place where you can be still.”

“Odd?”  Ed croaked as he felt his heart slamming against his chest at the suggestion, lifting his head up hopefully.

“Did you get tested, lamb?” Stede’s words sent a flare of heat racing through his belly and he managed to give a shaky nod, tugging his phone out of his pocket.

“Yeah, like you said, after the last time,” Ed answered breathlessly and Stede inclined his head as Ed pulled up the results obediently.  Oh shit, was this going to happen? Again?

“Good boy,” Stede purred and inclined his head. “Come with me, we’re going into my study. I think having you help me with my sermons will offer you a moment of peace and contemplation.  Stillness.”

“Yes, Father,” Ed whispered, not trusting his voice to go any higher.

Ed felt his heart racing as Stede guided him down a small hallway to a cozy looking study that overlooked the chapel.  He wasn’t sure what he expected, but somehow, the place looked very Stede.  The walls were lined with bookcases that were filled to the brim with books of all sorts and sizes.  Some were decorative, but many were well worn from constant handling as if they were cherished favorites.  There was a desk set right near the window with stacks of  even more books and a closed laptop perched on top. The desk was covered with the most fascinating things. Everything from a tiny ship in a bottle to a brass whale perched on top of a bible caught his eyes. It was a little crowded, but it didn’t feel cluttered, it felt comfortable and lived in.

Ed drank it in as Stede paused long enough to bring up his own results on his phone, but Ed barely glanced at them. Once he managed to look away from the study he found his attention fixed on only one thing.  There was a weight to the priest's eyes as he seemed to notice that Ed barely skimmed the phone. Stede’s smile softened before he set his phone on the desk when it was clear Ed wasn’t going to take it or ask to look closer.

“I would like to put you in a state of vulnerability,” Stede smoothed a hand against Ed’s chest, thumb brushing up and down until his skin nearly burned beneath the touch. “I want you to remove your clothing, all of it, then I’m going to lay a pillow beneath the desk where you’ll kneel.  I want you to hold me in your mouth, not like last time, but just hold me there as I work.  I want you to have silence and quiet, find out what causes you to move when you grow nervous about a conversation.”

“I wasn’t nervous,” Ed scoffed and Stede’s thumb gave a light tap against his chest as if in rebuke.

“I think we will discuss that later,” Stede hummed softly. “But, for now, do you consent to what I wish to do?”

“Yes.” The agreement came without a thought, without a pause. Stede could have asked to tickle his fucking feet and Ed would have enthusiastically agreed.

“Very good, lamb.” Stede dropped his hand from Ed’s chest and moved towards the desk. “Undress and I’ll prepare somewhere soft for you to kneel.”

Ed had the maniacal idea of doing a strip tease, but crushed it immediately. For one, that seemed highly inappropriate when he saw the priest collar to remind him of who he was with. For another, sexy stripping out of tight leather was fucking impossible. Stede opened up a window seat to dig around in a mixture of what looked like blankets and pillows while Ed peeled his shirt off.  He set it to one side before undoing the leather of his pants just as Stede withdrew a thick velvet pillow with gold tassels dangling from the corners. It was so fucking extra and fancy it made him grin, because of course Stede wouldn’t just grab an old pillow or siome shit.

 Ed was undoing the button of his pants when the hazel eyes found him, going dark in a way that made his breath catch before he began to work the leather down along his hips with a slow swing of his hips. Okay, fine, maybe he was trying to do something like a striptease.  Just, not a great one.

By the time Ed pulled his underwear down he was more than half-hard, body thrumming and skin tingling while he took the time to fold up his pants before setting them to one side.  He was hit with a wave of vulnerability as Stede remained completely clothed and confident.  Ed’s breath came faster as Stede placed the pillow beneath the desk. It looked soft and welcoming as Stede angled the chair out with a flourish, his eyes returning to Ed with a heat that made his breath catch.

“Come here, dove.” Stede extended his hand out. Ed licked his lips before taking the hand lightly in his, feeling the fingers squeezing down reassuringly. “Do you remember our boundaries?”  The hand closed around Ed’s and drew him in closer.

“Yes, Father.” Ed sighed the answer.

“Very good.” Stede ran his thumb on the back of Ed’s hand as he was guided towards the desk where the chair was pushed well back.  “You can tap my thigh at any time to back out. There will be no judgement or questions, I will simply stop and we can discuss, do you understand?”

“Yes, sir.” Ed shivered as Stede’s other hand slid along his back and he wanted to arch into it like a cat.  The light play of fingers travelled down until he was guided down onto the cushion.

“Oh, lamb,” Stede sighed as Ed went to his knees and felt the thick cushioning catching him like the softest bed imaginable. “Seeing you on your knees feels like proof of the divine.  You are beautiful like this.  A singular creation worthy of admiration and temptation, but we’ll behave, won’t we?”

“I’ll be good.” Ed promised while settling further into the plush cushion. “I promise.”

Ed let out a soft noise when Stede lowered himself into the chair and released his hand.  It was quiet and comfortable, even if he was completely exposed with his cock hanging more than half-hard between his legs.  Stede slid the chair in, crowding into Ed with his legs spread open to bracket him as the priest untucked his shirt and reached down to unbuckle his belt. The faint clink of metal and the creak of leather had Ed shivering with anticipation. The sight made Ed’s mouth water and he licked his lips, moving his hands hesitantly up to rest against Stede’s calves to brace himself.

One of Stede’s hands moved to curl along the nape of his neck until Ed was guided close, nestling against the inner thigh.  The scent of incense and lavender filled his nose as he sighed while rubbing his cheek up and down, watching when Stede returned to thumbing open the button of his pants.  Ed knew his breath hitched the moment Stede edged his pants down just far enough to pull his cock free. Pink and gorgeous, not entirely soft and just as pretty as he remembered.  He found himself rubbing his cheek into Stede’s inner thigh, trying to inch in closer.

“Boundaries, Edward. You will only hold me. You will not lick or suck, you will offer no other stimulation besides the warmth of that lovely mouth,” Stede warned before cupping Ed’s chin to guide him closer. 

“Yes, Father Bonnet,” Ed sighed and let his breath ghost over the swelling flushed tip.

“Go on, lamb, open wide for me,” Stede breathed the command and Ed didn’t need to be told twice. “So very good for me, Edward. You are beautifully obedient.”

It was hopeless to imagine Stede would remain soft once Ed slipped him into his mouth, but that was half of the thrill.  He could feel the weight of Stede’s cock press against his tongue before the chair scooted in and crowded Ed beneath the desk. He fluttered his eyes shut as he felt the bare tip dragging along his palate while Stede’s breath caught.  The strong legs bracketed Ed as he settled himself, letting his mouth go loose to hold Stede as deep as he could go.  The angle was awkward for a few minutes and then Ed adjusted himself to curl partially against one leg and found a comfortable position.  It was so terribly easy to just obey, to hear Stede’s breathing come faster as his cock hardened in Ed’s mouth promisingly.

Stede’s fingers slid through his hair gently, nails scratching his scalp in approval while he felt the twitch against his tongue.  Ed strained not to swallow or suckle while Stede seemed to take a moment to just stroke his head.  He rolled his eyes up and was able to see Stede looking down at him with darkened eyes.  Did he want to thrust? Was he thinking about how good Ed’s mouth had felt last time?  The temptation niggled at him before Stede finally looked away to pluck up the sinfully hot goldframed glasses to slip on.

“Relax, Ed, simply feel the air on your bare skin. There are no walls, no barriers, just yourself, just me,” Stede murmured in a voice that had gone deeper, almost hypnotic. “Let yourself exist here. Ground yourself with the feel of me filling your mouth. This is all you need to worry about. Nothing else.”

Exist here, exist with Stede’s cock pleasantly stretching his jaw and nuzzling down until he was nearly pressed against the edge of the pink shirt.  He hummed an agreement before he heard the sound of a laptop booting up with a little chime. There was a final scoot of the chair and he couldn’t see Stede’s upper body at all as he was left in comfortable darkness.  It was warm and safe, the cushion was comfortable beneath him as he felt the clothed leg brushing against his naked side. 

Ed was aware he was hard, his cock twitching excitedly, but it seemed secondary as he resisted the urge to suck and lick. He tasted the salt of Stede’s skin and the slight rub of the fabric against his cheek as he tipped his head to one side.  He just relaxed, letting his shoulders go loose as Stede’s cock gradually began to soften from the lack of stimulation, but it didn’t matter.  It allowed him to nuzzle forward once Stede was small enough and take him down to the root, nose prickled by the auburn hair at the base.

Ed had to admit there was a thrill to holding Stede in his mouth like this.  He didn’t feel any pressure to do more than just enjoy the warm fullness in his mouth and draw in deep breaths of Stede.  He was nestled in against the muscled leg while the other pressed in on the other side, almost like a hug.  He felt his muscles relaxing one by one as he fluttered his eyes shut while the sound of typing blended into the sound of his own breath and the occasional creak when Stede adjusted himself in the chair. The keys began to click rapidly as Stede began to work and even that blended into the backdrop as Ed fluttered his eyes shut.

“Lovely, lamb,” Stede sighed out in approval as the clicking stopped. “Think of why you were fidgeting earlier, feel it, study it, let it settle on you while I work.” A hand slipped down until a thumb swiped along his lower lip, making Ed automatically swallow when he realized he was drooling. “Ah ah, it’s alright, make a mess. I don’t mind. We can always clean up later.”

God, that suggestion made Ed’s cock twitch as he simply held still while he tried to do exactly what Stede had asked of him.  Why had he fidgeted? Because he didn’t just want to stay in Boston for a few months. He wanted to stay away from LA all together. Ed had fought his way through therapists, he’d tried to fucking win therapy, as if that was something fucking possible and healthy to do. He’d never made much progress, but Stede was pulling progress from him one step at a time.  He was scratching raw spots, places that had never quite healed and he didn’t want to abandon that by going back to LA.

The tapping on the keyboard continued as Ed let his mind settle on the thoughts of back ‘home’ and what was waiting for him there.  Because, it wasn’t really home was it? Business was what waited there. And he knew the cause of that itch and fidget. The burning restlessness that had been causing him to behave more erratically in the last year. He was so fucking bored of it all, exhausted by the constant drain and the way his life was only work.  It was still mostly work, but Stede made him sort of feel like he could have something more.

Ed wasn’t sure how much time passed, only that it became easier to just hold Stede while he seemed to float. It was quiet, his mind filled with white noise that flowed around him and blended with the sound of Stede typing and sometimes a soft sigh as if something frustrated him.  Was Stede enjoying this?  Or was it only for Ed’s benefit?  He knew the rules, that he couldn’t get Stede off, but that didn’t mean the priest didn’t enjoy the attention on some level, did it?

Ed shifted his weight off his bad knee, sliding into a new position with a drag of his mouth that caused the typing to stutter to a stop as his tongue dragged beneath Stede’s cock.  The response made him muffle a whine as he had to open his jaw wider when Stede began to harden, but he made himself behave.  He ended up half straddling one of Stede’s legs, the position allowed him to rest his upper hands along Stede’s thighs, fingers brushing the bare skin where Stede had pushed his pants down to free himself.  After a moment, the typing continued. 

“Just relax, dove, you’re doing beautifully.  Do you want a break?” Stede’s voice was gentle, but hitched as his cock remained hard, deliciously thick. Ed had to struggle not to lick and suck.

“MmMm,” Ed refused and opened his jaw wider, a trail of drool leaking from the corners of his mouth messily.

The fingers slid through his hair and trailed down towards the nape of his neck, caressing him until he sighed out his pleasure.  The weight of Stede’s cock twitched with the salt-bitter trail of precome leaking onto his waiting tongue.  He couldn’t stop himself from swallowing.  Stede’s hips tensed and he relaxed his mouth again before the hand stroking his neck relaxed once more.  The thumb traced to the top of his spine before the touch disappeared to return to tapping at the keyboard.  Ed was kinda jealous of the keyboard getting all those little tappy taps.

Time stopped mattering so much. Ed’s own thoughts began to slow down further, swirling into a pleasant haze where he felt fuzzy and revved up all at once.  His cock never stopped twitching with arousal, leaking onto the velvet of the pillow, but he didn’t make a move to touch himself.  He put his devotion into just being a vessel to hold Stede as the priest never softened.  He’d had to pull back to be comfortable, but it was worth it to hold the crown cupped in the divot of his tongue with the occasional trail of wetness smearing over his tastebuds.

It was just reaching the point that Ed’s jaw was aching that Stede’s chair moved and Ed was stirred out of the strange lassitude.  He jolted faintly as the cock drew from his mouth in a hot wet line, coated slickly with his saliva to the point a strand clung between his lips and Stede’s tip. Ed licked his lips immediately to see Stede peering down at him with eyes blown dark. He reached down and traced the pad of his finger over Ed’s lower lip, cleaning it while Ed kept his mouth open and ready to receive Father Bonnet’s cock again.

“Why were you fidgeting earlier, Edward?” Stede asked softly and Ed gave a slow blink, having to struggle to remember why he’d been squirming.

“I’m not ready to go back to LA,” he gave the honest answer, his voice slurred before Stede’s leg moved to press between his own more firmly. “When I find a head chef, s’gonna be the start of leaving.”

“And that makes you unhappy?” Stede coaxed as a soft as fuck sock suddenly slid up along Ed’s inner thighs. Stede’s foot was rubbing lightly against him.

“Yes.” 

“Yes, what?” Stede’s voice became harder, not angry, but definitely firm.

“Yes, Father,” Ed gasped out as the foot slid up until the glide of the fabric pressed along the aching swell of his cock.  His hips jolted forward before he could stop them.

“That’s better,” Stede whispered and his foot rubbed again, a stroke that made Ed shudder with a muted whine as the toes curled lightly. Fuck, how was this turning him on?!  “Why does it make you unhappy?”

“I don’t…ahh… I don’t have much in LA,” Ed panted and shifted his head, pressing his nose nearly against the glistening swell of Stede’s cock. “No friends, just fuckin’ work and… nnf… I don’t wanna keep doing just that.”

“So you were uncomfortable when I asked about hiring a head chef?” Stede lilted as his foot slid up further as he pulled back and Ed followed him, bracing one hand on the arm of the chair. “That’s better, look at you, so eager to take what you need.”

“Ste–”  Ed began and then choked off the name. “Father, please,” he gasped out while he felt the leg sliding higher and Ed was nearly grinding against his pants leg.  It was obscene, but he couldn’t stop himself. “Yes, I was uncomfortable!”

“We discussed this, lamb, I expect you to be honest.” Stede’s chide was filled with softness while Ed’s aching cock dragged along his covered calf. 

“I’m sorry, Father.” Ed turned his head, pressing a hot kiss to Stede’s lower stomach and the softness. “Forgive me.”

“Always, Edward.” Two words, but they held such weight that it cut through the building need and Ed’s eyes snapped up towards him. “I forgive you, and you’ve behaved so well. You did exactly as you should even with my cock nearly in your throat.”

“Yes, Father, thank you,” Ed groaned and arched his hips again, rutting harder as Stede’s leg shifted beneath him.

“You deserve a reward, but perhaps not chocolate this time,” Stede murmured softly and let his leg drop. Ed whined as the stimulation pulled away from him.  

“Please,” Ed breathed out and watched Stede’s cock twitching where it was draped against his lower belly and shirt.  He felt entranced by it, but he belatedly remembered the rules. “Please, Father Bonnet.”

“That’s better, dove,” Stede murmured and leaned back in the chair, reaching down to smooth a palm along his cheek. “Help me with my pants, then we can give you your reward.”

Ed didn’t need to be told twice, he scrambled with the fabric eagerly as Stede lifted up to allow Ed to drag his pants and underwear off. As he carefully removed them he was, briefly, entranced by the muscled expanse of the priest’s legs and the unholy thought he wanted them wrapped around his shoulders immediately.  And then something distracted him from that thought as his eyes went down to Stede’s lower calves.  

Ed had  never seen anyone in his fucking life wear sock suspenders, hadn’t ever considered their existance, but somehow seeing the soft white leather suspenders holding up the pale pink socks rewrote his world.  The blaze of arousal was dizzying as he stared at them and couldn’t stop himself.  He stroked his hand up silk socks to brush the leather, rubbing against the material with his cock twitching.  Ed’s eyes ran up the long legs and up at the positively divine sight of Stede’s cock hanging heavy and full. If there was a God, this was her temptation right in front of him.

“Fuck,” Ed whispered and then fingers curled through his hair.  The firm hold tipped his head back and he found himself blinking up into hooded hazel eyes.

“Watch your tongue, Edward.  Remember our rules,” Stede purred in a dark voice. “You will be respectful in your penance.”

“Sorry, Father,” Ed heard the breathiness of his own voice as Stede used the grip in his hair to pull him upwards. It wasn’t rough, but it was definitely firm and made Ed wonder what it would be like to have that grip in his hair as Stede fucked his throat.  Or fucked him.  “S’just, you look–”

Do not tell the priest he looks hot!  Ed’s mental voice shrieked.

“I look?” Stede prompted mildly and Ed found himself drawn up further as Stede leaned back further in the chair.  

“Never seen little straps on socks before,” he amended and then hissed out as he found himself guided onto Stede’s bare lap.  Stede’s thick thigh slid between his legs as Ed pressed into the lap, unsure where to put his arms until Stede guided them up to drape over his neck.  

“Ah, I detest my socks riding down,”  Stede breathed against his neck, hot and teasing enough that Ed whimpered.  “Now, for your reward.  You can seek release, but only like this.  I won’t touch you this time.”

“What?”  Ed blinked and then hissed out as Stede’s thigh pressed up and Ed sucked down a breath when he felt his cock grinding against the toned upper leg.  The tip dragged messily back and forth, leaving a trail against Stede’s upper thigh.

“You heard me,” Stede’s voice became firm, his leg rubbing upwards pointedly until Ed’s cock was grinding a little higher and his hips bucked.  “I don’t like to repeat myself, lamb.”  Stede tipped his head in. “Use my leg for your release.  Only my leg.  Do you understand now?”

There was another movement and he couldn’t stop himself, Ed pressed down against Stede’s thigh while the priest’s hands moved to cup his hips.  His head was tucked down against the pink tabbed collar, letting out a whimper of pleasure.  It was a reminder that he was sitting in a priest’s lap, rutting his cock against an obscenely muscled thigh that was flexed up to meet him.  He rolled his hips down and felt Stede’s hands sliding along the small of his back, stroking soothingly even as Ed let out a guttural moan.

“That’s right, lamb, take your pleasure,” Father Bonnet breathed into his ear, searing and intimate as Ed flexed his hands on the broad shoulders.

Ed knew he should have felt some twinge of shame, but it was lost in nearly an hour of feeling Stede’s cock in his mouth and the haze of need that had been crashing over him.  Ed whined under his breath as he rolled his hips and Stede braced his foot against the desk, changing the angle until he was rolling his hips with obscene shamelessness.  It was hot and slick as his tip was messily smearing against the upper thigh and when he pushed his knee up he felt Stede’s cock pressing against him.

Stede’s hands slid along Ed’s sides with a press of the palms that ran over the small of his back, fingers curling just along the curve of his ass.  His head tipped down against the broad shoulder with a whine and he felt the puff of Stede’s breath against his neck.  His cock pushed up higher, rolling and pushing through the slick mess he was making on Stede’s leg.

“So wet, Edward,” Stede whispered hotly into his ear. “You look so perfect taking what you need.”  

It punched a moan from him, thick and heavy while he rode Stede’s thigh, flexing his legs down and rubbing upwards each time to feel Stede’s cock against him.  God, he was perfect, thick, making Ed want to shift his weight and straddle both legs until their cocks were pushed against each other.  He panted raggedly and arched his back before Stede moved his hand down to cup his hip.  And it was even more tempting as Stede gave a twitch of his hips and Ed heard his breath catch when Ed rolled forward and arched up higher, writhing with a choked noise as he chased his pleasure. 

He was barely aware that he was pushing higher up, rubbing his own thigh against Stede’s cock until fingers slipped up into his hair, pushing through it and then dug down.  Stede gripped it firmly, pulling his head back until he let out a whine.  The faint jolt of pain was perfect and he nearly came right then and there.

“Edward, you will obey our rules,”  Stede purred nearly into his mouth while Ed’s hips gave an involuntary buck forward while his leg was coaxed backwards. “That’s better, lamb. Enjoy your reward.”

“Father–”  Ed whined and gasped out as his hips began to stutter, he just needed a bit more, just a little.  

“Let go, make a mess.  You’ve earned it,”  Stede breathed against his neck and Ed let out a whine, tipping his hips down until he was losing himself in the hot glide of Stede’s thigh and his own building pleasure.

He was so close, hovering near the edge, and then Stede tipped his head to one side.  It was a ghost of lips, a quiet offering that Ed took with a searing drag of his lips.  Stede let him, parting his soft lips in a heated kiss as the world flared white-hot with a wave of pleasure.  His hips trembled and he pressed every inch of himself against Stede as he began to spill hot over the strong thigh and felt Stede lifting his leg up higher while Ed whined into their kiss.  His entire body was shaking as Stede’s hands dropped to his hips, controlling his movements as he writhed and squirmed in place.

Ed came down slowly, shivering and unwilling to break the kiss as he realized that Stede was coaxing him back so that his leg wouldn’t brush the swell of the priest’s still hard cock.  He wanted to push forward, wanted to feel Stede falling apart, but he knew the rules.  He drew back with a gasp, shivering a little as Stede’s eyes fluttered open with such a heated look that Ed’s hips gave another buck, dragging his overstimulated cock against the messy thigh.

“Letting go looks good on you, dove,” Stede murmured and reached up to slide fingers through his long hair. 

“So good,” Ed slurred and tipped his head down against the warm shoulder.

Stede didn’t seem to be in a hurry to release him, but continued to stroke his back, murmuring soft praise in Ed’s ear.  The gentle edge of it made him want to curl up in the warm lap and never leave.  Of course, he also wanted nothing more than to drop down to his knees and take Stede’s cock in his mouth again, to swallow him down to the hilt until he spilled down Ed’s throat.  He buried that urge in favor of basking in the constant touch of Stede’s hands on him, gentle and soft, dare he say, loving.

It was only after Ed’s breathing leveled out that Stede drew back and pulled out a silk handkerchief, coaxing Ed to lean back on the desk to gently clean him.  The priest’s upper thigh and part of his shirt were a wreck, marked with Ed’s spend, which absolutely did not make Ed feel any sort of way about it.  He was barely aware he was chilled before he gave a shiver and Stede clucked softly to himself.  Ed blinked a little blearily as Stede left the room long enough to return with a heavy fuschia robe to wrap over Ed’s shoulders, letting the fabric glide over his shoulders and bare back.  It was warm and smelled like Stede, with long sweeping sleeves and a pattern of birds all over it.  He fucking loved it. Felt like Stede wrapped him in a hug.

“Would you like a shower?” Stede’s voice was a soft murmur in his ear, gentle and solicitous. “To clean up a little?”

“M’good,” Ed sighed out and came a little further back to himself. The idea of water jolting him out of the pleasant haze wasn’t particularly appealing. He felt warm and buzzed, almost drunk in the aftermath. “Can I skip it?”

“That’s just fine.  I’m going to tuck you on the couch then, lamb,” Stede murmured in that rich soothing voice, helping him close the robe as he stood up on unsteady legs. “Will you be alright long enough for me to sneak a quick shower?”

“Yeah.” Ed blinked a little and flushed as he took in the wreck of the priest’s shirt and leg. “Kinda made a mess of you.”

“Yes, well, forgiveness is often a messy business.” Stede’s lips twitched up in a slow smile. “You did so well for me, Edward, you’re feeling so calm now, aren’t you?”

“Feel kinda fuzzy.” he confessed as the warm hand on his back guided him out of the study and towards the living room. It wasn’t a bad fuzzy, he just felt a little disjointed and relaxed into the way Stede fussed over him.

“Have a little tea, Edward, and a cookie or two. I’ll be back in just a moment.” Stede said in a tender sounding voice, making sure the robe covered Ed completely.

Ed hummed an agreement, blinking his eyes open as Stede pulled back and left the room for the hallway they’d just come out of. He tried not to stare at the hint of Stede’s ass beneath the pink shirt. He tried not to think about the fact Stede had still been ragingly hard as he’d left, unslaked and untended.  It was only after he heard the faint sounds of a shower being turned on that Ed wondered if Stede would take himself in hand in the bathroom.  Would he step into hot water and fuck his fist while thinking about what they’d just done?

Or did priests not masturbate at all?  Maybe Stede would be stepping into an ice cold shower to push away the last of his desire.  That thought made Ed fidget uncomfortably as he pushed away some of the lassitude that had taken him.  He didn’t want to think of Stede being uncomfortable. Actually, he far preferred the idea of the priest fucking his fist and muffling moans in the shower even if Ed wasn’t allowed to see or participate.  The pleasant haze pushed further back with a restless burst of energy.

“Fuck it,” he sighed and stood up from the couch, cinching the soft as fuck robe around himself more securely.  He needed to distract himself so he didn’t go shove an ear to the bathroom door to see if heard anything.

Food?  Maybe he could get something to eat together while Stede showered. Cooking always been Ed’s distraction of choice and now it was one he jumped into as he went into the little kitchen to poke around.  And, yeah, Ed was fucking good at his job. He’d survived shows like Cutthroat Kitchen, Chopped, Iron Chef, damn near any competition he’d gone through, so he could easily whip food out of damn near everything. Normally.  Except right now, because Stede apparently didn’t have even a moderately stocked kitchen.

“Jesus,” Ed poked into the empty fridge and poked through little stacks of takeout boxes with a frown. It was like the ultimate bachelor’s fridge, with a few condiments, bottles of drinks and leftovers.

He poked through the cupboards to find them similarly bleak looking, though he found a few cans of beans, packets of instant ramen and some mac-n-cheese.  No real spices beyond salt and pepper, a little fancy salt grinder that looked like it might have been part of a gift set. There were a few jars of marmalade and an unhealthy amount of peanut butter. Seriously, how much peanut butter did one priest need?  

He’d imagined someone like Father Bonnet would have cupboards stuffed with ingredients for home cooked meals, not living like he’d just moved into his first apartment and had no idea how to feed himself. For some reason, that made him unaccountably sad and guilty, like he’d prodded into a private bit of information he had no right to know about.

“Did I run out of sugar?” Stede’s voice interrupted Ed as he was digging around in the cupboard above the stove hoping to find something that might resemble a can of vegetables.

“Uh, no, was gonna make us a snack,” Ed tried not to sound guilty as he swung around to see Stede neatly dressed once more, though in a simple polo shirt and skin tight jeans.

He looked flush faced and relaxed. So not a cold shower.  Ed felt a slight twitch of guilt that he’d made Stede go off to attend himself that way.  If he had.  Ed wasn’t entirely sure how it worked with a vow of celibacy, but he knew that it had to be uncomfortable being hard with Ed writhing in his lap while he got himself off.  Then the man had come out to Ed with half his cupboards open and a guilty look on his face.  Fuck. Not bloody optimal.

“Ah, yes.” Stede actually looked mildly embarrassed. “I’m afraid I’m a creature of take out and quick meals.” He went across the kitchen to open up the freezer.

“Holy fuck, just how high is your cholesterol.” Ed asked as he stared at the jammed freezer full of frozen food.

“You sound like Lucius.” Stede said and let the freezer close as he pulled out a little preheated packet of spinach quiches. “I was–distracted with my studies and never really learned to cook.  I have some parishioners that seem to enjoy cooking for me, like Roach, but other than that I just make do.”

“Yeah, but, c’mon, man, there’s nothing better than a meal you cook on your own.” Ed pulled the freezer open and jabbed around. “You can’t live on potato skins, Father.”

Stede let out a huff of laughter with the corners of his eyes crinkling with his smile. “It fuels the body and keeps the spirit going.”

Ed suddenly had an idea.  One that blended with the feeling of guilt that twice now he had been responsible for Stede getting hard and worked up, while letting Ed get himself off.  Why not give something back?  And there was one thing Ed was fantastic at, wasn’t it?  He felt a little thrum of excitement because it came with a new reason to be around Stede beyond trying to work out his own guilt.

“You know I could teach you,” he offered casually as Stede set the kettle on the stove and flicked it on. “To cook, if you wanted.”

“I’m afraid I’m rather hopeless.” Stede cast a rueful look. “I once had to flee the house trying to make easy mac.”

“Flee the house?”

“Yes, I forgot to add the water. There was an astonishing amount of smoke and then the fire department came” The grin was sweetly embarrassed, a hint of a younger version of Stede that tugged at Ed’s heart.

“Mate, I co-hosted a season of Worst Cooks in America, I’m pretty sure I can handle teaching you how to cook.” Ed scoffed and leaned back against the counter with a slow smile. 

“Really?” Father Bonnet raised a brow, but he looked intrigued. Ed’s hopes soared.

“Yeah, really.” Ed folded his arms over the soft pink robe, enjoying the way it slid over him. “You’re helping me, why shouldn’t I help you?  You’ll get private lessons from the infamous Chef Blackbeard.”

“Ah, no thank you.” Stede gave an apologetic look as Ed blinked.  The fuck?  He hadn’t expected a flat refusal.  “But I’ll take lessons from Ed,” he continued on and seemed utterly unaware how those simple words made Ed’s chest go tight and stole the breath from his lungs.

“Yeah, okay,” he breathed, not trusting his voice. “Tomorrow, then, we’ll start tomorrow.”

Chapter Text

Ed had to squash his disappointment when Stede’s cooking lesson happened at Roach’s instead of the rectory or Ed’s rental.  There had been a tiny piece of him enchanted with the idea of cooking with Stede in a cozy kitchen, side by side.  Ed knew it was silly as fuck, but there had always been a hidden core to himself that craved something soft and domestic. It’s what had made him go chasing after relationships, trying to find someone that gave a damn.  Someone that might kiss his cheek good morning or laugh as they folded laundry while watching stupid TV.  It was pathetic, really.  So, yeah, he was kinda dragging his feet when he showed up at Roach’s before they opened for Stede’s cooking lesson.

The disappointment didn’t last for long.

“Easy, don’t overthink it.”  Ed murmured with his chest pressed against Stede’s solid back as the priest glared down at the chopped carrots that were every size and shape imaginable.  “Let’s try it again.”

“I told you I’m hopeless.  Show me again?” Stede grumbled while Ed gently rested hands along the broad arms and slipped down to his hands.

That was the highlight, the giddy feeling of pressing against Stede’s back with his chin resting on a broad shoulder.  Sure, he kinda felt like one of those skivvy guys showing someone how to ‘putt properly’ or whatever it is that creepy dudes did, but Stede had pressed for it.  And Ed could see why.  The man was a menace with a knife. His cuts were abysmal, he frequently gave up partway through with a hangdog look at Ed.  He was easily frustrated when things moved or rolled because they were round.

In short, it was a glimpse of someone past the confident and calm priest Ed had been talking to and something that felt more real.  Or maybe more human?  This was no holy man that spent his days in pious prayer and tending to his church.  It gave Ed the confidence to offer him more intimate help, which, well, yeah it was kinda selfish as hell since it allowed him to step into Stede’s warm space with an intimacy he hadn’t earned.

“Right, we’re gonna cut like this.” Ed murmured into Stede’s ear, feeling the tickle of blonde curls against his cheek while he adjusted his hold over Stede’s hands to guide them. “Now, we slice it into sticks, see?  Make it uniform.”

“Yup, got it,” Stede muttered to himself, his face fixed in concentration. “Sticks.”

“Then we dice.”  Ed kept his knife strokes slow and deliberate while trying not to obsess over the warmth of Stede pressed tight to him.

The entire afternoon had been one delight after another as something had eased between them in the kitchen.  It was easy to forget what Stede was and fall into a daydream that they were just two people sharing space.  It helped that Stede was dressed down with a whimsical t-shirt that said “M.I.L.F.: Mothman I’d Like To Find” which had nearly made Ed choke. He still wasn’t sure how to broach what MILF really meant, so he did his best to ignore it. Granted ignoring the top left him contemplating the skin tight jeans Stede had worn. Did the church have a stance on skinny jeans? Should Ed google it?  Probably not.

“Oh, those are better,” Stede brightened as Ed released his hands to let him give it a go on his own. The priest’s smiles went wide in beaming delight as he kept on working.  “I’m dicing!”

“Yeah you are!” Ed gave a proud smile back while he cast his eyes over the rest of the waiting ingredients.

It’d been a while since he’d just made something casual and simple so he’d gone for shepherd’s pie.  It was something that Stede could make on his own with simple ingredients, plus it didn’t have to look perfect to be delicious. 

Stede finished the carrots and went on to the celery with growing confidence.  The hazel eyes would flick up to Ed for approval now and then, and he was happy to give it.  He didn’t have to affect the persona of Blackbeard, didn’t even have on a chef-coat, just an apron to keep his clothes clean. Stede had wanted lessons from Ed, not Blackbeard.

“There, see? Now we’ve got everything cut up and ready that means we can start cooking.” Ed dug around for a pan. “That’s the important shit, don’t just try and chop as you go because you can end up in the weeds and struggling to keep up in time to add them.”

“Of course.” Stede said and Ed grinned o see him typing a note out on his phone.  “Right, so now we….?”

“Now we’re gonna get to really cooking.” He set the pan on the stove and gestured to the spot beside him as he put down his own pan. “Come on, watch what I’m doing and I’ll help guide you.”

They settled into an easy space that felt warm, kinda domestic, with the topics remaining light and easy-going rather than the probing questions that had marked their relationships in the past.  He learned Stede had tried to cook out of college and had given up after several failed attempts.  He’d also tried to learn from Roach a time or two and had previously been banned from the kitchen after an incident involving an accidental flambé.  Which was why Roach wasn’t in the kitchen, since he claimed he had ‘flashbacks’ of the last time.  Instead, he and the rest were waiting in the restaurant for the final product.

“Oh, this is… this smells good.” Stede blinked rapidly as he gave the air a sniff above the sautéing vegetables and browning meat. “Ed!  It smells good.”  There was shock in his voice as he repeated himself.

“Yeah it does, told you,” Ed smiled and then offered him the broth. “Right, little bit at a time, okay? That’s the way, you’re doing great, man.”

“You know, I had us come here because I really did think this was going to end in a conflagration,”  Stede admitted as he began to stir the broth into the pan.

“You’re cooking with me. I’d never let you start a fire unless it was on purpose,” Ed scoffed and stirred his own. “Now, just a pinch of salt.”

“How much?”

“A pinch.”

“How much is a pinch?” Stede’s brow furrowed as Ed scattered a bit of salt over his pan.

“It’s just… you know a pinch.”  Ed paused as he heard himself before huffing a laugh.  “Fuck, okay, we’re not Schitt’s Creeking this.”

“What creek?” Stede’s brows jumped up and Ed blinked in disbelief until he saw the man’s lips twitching. Oh he absolutely fucking knew he was treading into the ‘fold in the cheese’ moment from the show.

“Oh fuck off!  You just gotta put a little salt in, like I did.  Pinches and dashes get confusing, I know, but you gotta trust your instinct,”  he nudged Stede lightly as the priest snickered. “You’re a menace, you know that?”

“I do have a TV, Ed, I’m not sequestered like a monk,” Stede said as he kept darting his eyes towards Ed’s hands nervously, shadowing his every move.

“Well, you’re kinda wearing a shirt that says MILF, which, you know gives me the impression you might not know popular culture.”  Ed turned down the heat and Stede actually did frown then.

The frown turned into Stede’s brows shooting up and an expression of mild horror crossing his face. “Oh, oh my god, MILF.” He pronounced the word. “Not M.I.L.F.” He said each letter and his face flared red. “I’m going to kill Lucius!  He got this for me for Christmas.  I thought it was so clever: Mothman I’d Like to Find.”

“Oh shit!” Ed snorted laughter at that, grinning as Stede stared down at his shirt with an irritated expression on his face. “Does he always give you weirdly inappropriate gifts for Christmas?”

“Oh, the whole crew does an exchange of joke gifts.” Stede’s smile turned soft. “You know, back in the early days I used to spend Christmas quite alone. There was Buttons of course, the gardener, but I mostly just kept to myself. I’m not sure which of them found out, but a few years back they arrived Christmas morning and we made it a tradition ever since. We watch Die Hard and awful Christmas movies, eat far too much of Roach’s excellent food, exchange gifts. One year Pete got a six-inch chain saw and they spent the entire morning trying to cut firewood.”

As Stede spoke his face grew fond.  Ed felt an ache in his chest at the easy image of a group of people arriving Christmas morning with gifts and food because he was alone. Hell, even when he was in a relationship, most Christmas’ were filled with extravagant gifts and some party or another he wasn’t that interested in attending.  He strained to remember any time he’d just felt that wholesome Hallmark movie feeling.  Maybe once when he’d been dating Mary. He’d gone to her family’s house?  It’d been like the chaotic wild sorta Christmas where no one gave a damn who Ed was and everyone fought. So yeah, okay, not wholesome.

“That must be really nice,” he said softly and Stede cast a look at him before Ed cleared his throat. "Figured a priest must be busy at Christmas though, yeah?”

“Yes, that’s true enough, but it doesn't last for terribly long and there’s a slow period that used to leave me feeling adrift.  During the holidays so many people seek comfort and company, afterwards they fade away into their real lives. I used to enjoy being that company for them, now it feels rather hollow.”  Stede studied his pan a little harder as if thinking of something else before giving himself a shake, his expression fixing into an easy smile. “Either way, I find having them over is a bright spot, MILF shirts not withstanding.”

“So, um, your crew, kinda mixed bunch, yeah?”  Ed probed curiously.  Because the thing was, he didn’t know a lot about Stede. The priest was easy to talk to and easy to open up to, but he seemed to carefully maintain the privacy of his own life from Ed.  And, yeah, maybe he should respect it, but he was curious. “How’d that happen?”

Stede cast him a look and Ed waited for a deflection, but it didn’t come.  He looked suddenly incredibly fond, maybe even proud.  Like a father thinking about his family.  Yeah, that’d track.

“Mostly at church, though some have fallen away from attending. Jim is ah—” Stede glanced at Ed and gave a crooked smile. “Jim is quite devout, though, still attends regularly. I knew their nana very well. Their partner Oluwande helps me manage my virtual masses.  Lucius works for me, Pete sometimes attends, but it’s more to follow Lucius about I think.  Roach and I go way back, and Frenchie I met by happenstance. Wee John works for me, I don’t think you’ve met the Swede yet, but he’s a hoot and a half.  He works for the bishop.  There are others, but that’s the core group.”

It was more than Ed had ever heard him talk about himself, well, somewhat about himself. “And uh, you know, Lucius and Pete? That’s okay for you?” He ventured. “I mean, Catholic church is kinda strict on that shit, aren’t they?”

“Who said I was Catholic?” Stede gave him a crinkle eyed smile and Ed blinked. Right, okay, that might make sense.  “And why should I not be okay? They love each other, I find that quite beautiful in fact.” Stede’s expression grew a little dreamy. “It was wonderful watching them find each other.”

Ed felt some sorta way about that and began to say something when Stede’s hand fell on the handle of the cast iron pan that wasn’t covered in a hot holder.  The shout of pain made him nearly jump out of his skin.  “Oh shit, mate!  Okay c’mere, s’just a burn. Shoulda warned you about the cast iron.”

“Bugger,” Stede grimaced as Ed as he adjusted the stove and then guided Stede to the sink, adjusting the water to lukewarm as he examined the angry red line along the soft palm. “Is it bad?”

“Nah, not bad. Not a real cook until you’ve burned the fuck outta yourself.” Ed flashed a smile and guided Stede’s hand beneath the water.

“I warned you.” Stede gave a sad look, “I really am a disaster in the kitchen.”

“You’re not.  Here…”  Ed released Stede’s wrist and then turned his hands around, lifting up his wrist. “Go on. Look at the tattoos, real close.”

He’d worked in kitchens for too damn long not to end up with burns and scars, most of which were covered beneath the line of the snake that wound around his right hand.  Stede made a questioning sound before his eyes found the longer burn Ed had gotten trying to ‘catch’ a tray straight from the oven.  Stede lifted his hand, briefly, and then drew back before he could touch.  Ed grinned and extended his arm closer with an invitation to touch.  Stede took it, tracing a single finger down the curving back of the snake and sent a shiver racing down his spine.

“Well, I suppose that makes me feel better if you’ve got burns and you’re Blackbeard.” Stede said with a little smile, it was shy and sweet. “Those are some monster burns.”

“Yeah, pan of potatoes there, that one up near the elbow was hot oil, one further down from there was a huge ass knife.  Man, bled like hell and had to use cling wrap and shit to get through my shift.”  Ed grinned as Stede’s finger traced each one, trailing with a play that made Ed’s breath catch.

“Dangerous work.” Stede’s finger trailed up towards his elbow and then the thumb brushed up just beneath Ed’s sleeve. 

He wasn’t tracing a scar, it was just a delicate stroke back and forth that made goose bumps appear.  It wasn’t even a fucking erogenous zone that Ed knew about, but the soft thumb tracing down the inside of his elbow sent a shiver racing down his spine.  Was it on purpose? Just friendly?  Fuck, of course it was friendly. He was reading too much into it, wasn’t he?  It was just a friendly touch.  He tried to scream that reminder into his own mind.

“See?  You’re just earning your own battle scars,” Ed tried to make it a joke to keep himself from doing more. The priest’s eyes flicked up towards him and, for a brief moment, seemed to glance down at his lips before sliding away again.

It had been there, Ed had seen it.  A bare flicker of movement and then Stede drew his touch away and his eyes went down towards the water he was holding his hand under.  Ed opened his mouth to say something, not sure what the fuck he would say when he heard someone calling out from the front of the house.

“Father, you guys nearly done?  Jim’s threatening to stab someone if they don’t eat soon!”  Roach’s use of the title helped center Ed.

Priest, he’s a fucking priest, so far off limits he’s on another planet,  Ed tried to remind himself forcefully.

“Better—uh, yeah, I better grab the potatoes to get ready. Just, um, yeah, just keep your hand under the water a bit longer,”  Ed said lamely and Stede gave a small smile.

“You’re the expert.”

It didn’t take long to fix up the potatoes and get them in a bag to pipe onto the pair of pies and during that time Ed reminded himself that Stede was out of fucking bounds.  He had his faith, his church, he had a god damn vow of celibacy. The only time they’d be intimate had been more just helping Ed work shit out.  That was it.  It was the deal. It was completely one sided. Stede hadn’t let Ed get him even close to orgasm, even if he made sure Ed wasn’t left wanting. Stede hadn’t kissed or touched him outside of those moments. It was a clear fucking boundary that Ed needed to learn how to respect.

Stede seemed to be oblivious to Ed’s inner turmoil as they produced the shepherd’s pies to Jim, Roach, Olu and Frenchie to the sound of applause.  Ed tried not to notice Stede had a cute little flush on his face when he placed the pie on the table and Ed put down the other.  He sort of expected there to be some sort of fuss over Blackbeard cooking up dinner, but there was none. They ignored that piece of him as neatly as they always had. He was just ‘some guy’ here and he liked it that way.

“Shit, Padre, you didn’t even set off one smoke alarm,” Jim grinned wolfishly as they helped serve up the pie. "Roach swore we were gonna end up with fire fighters in here.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time.” Frenchie took a plate and cast a wink at Ed, “Lucius used to pop up whenever Stede tried to cook because he knew he’d likely see cute firemen.”

“Don’t remind me!” Olu crinkled his nose. “We still have that calendar in the church that he bought for ‘charity.’”

Ed found himself swept up in the easy conversation that swept around him while they ate lunch together.  Stede settled in next to him in the booth so their legs lightly touched.  It was just an accident, the table was crowded after all, but he enjoyed the casual touch as Stede took the first bite.  Ed watched the moment he got a taste of what they’d made all put together, his eyes opening wide in surprise before looking down at the plate as if might have changed.  He immediately took another bite and let out a noise that was damn near pornographic.

“Oh, oh this is lovely,” Stede said and glanced at Ed. “I could make this.  I did make this.” He sounded delighted and shocked. “I should have written down all the steps better, I’ll need to—”

“I’ll get ‘em down for you, mate, easy peasy,  pudding and pie.”  He gave a reassuring wink, “Got a whole buncha recipes like this so you aren’t livin’ off take out.”

“Taking away my livelihood,” Roach interjected with a twinkle in his eyes. “That man bought my last car with his take-out and delivery orders.”

“I don’t do them that much,” Stede protested with an affronted look. “Just now and then!”

“Nah, ya do. Remember how we met?” Frenchie chimed in and Stede made a choked sound around his food, shooting a glare at Frenchie. “Awww memories, Stedey-boy!”

“How you met?” Ed prompted slyly while Frenchie gave a wider smile.

“He was my delivery driver, a very late delivery, I might add,” Stede grumbled and waggled a fork at the man. “He was supposed to arrive within twenty minutes and it was nearly an hour while I was quite involved in some work!”

“Not my fault, Father, had a cat jump on my car. Wasn’t going to try to move anything that has knives in their feet even for the tips you give.” Frenchie waggled his fork right back. “Besides, you requested me after that so I couldn’t have been all bad.”

“I suppose not,” Stede sighed and cast his eyes up. “Lord, give me strength, I seem to attract lunatics.”

Ed could see the appeal of Stede’s little crew as they ate. There was a cheerful acceptance from the group that included him in the gentle teasing and stories about Stede’s habit of ordering delivery at the oddest hours. Frenchie ended up under fire since he was renowned for running late on any given delivery which had landed him being Roach’s host rather than dealing with irate customers.  Olu did an impressive imitation of an angry older man who had waited two and a half hours for his food only to be told it was because the vibes were off on his street.

For the first time Ed found himself a part of the laughing conversation with the priest and his odd group of friends.  There was such obvious affection as they exchanged stories that Ed felt beguiled by it. And Ed wasn’t immune to any of it. No, they included him. It was novel, and lovely, and kinda fun in the best way.

“Gotta admit, hard to imagine you with a big mac jammed in your mouth,” Jim commented after Ed confessed he enjoyed shitty fast-food late at night after Olu had told a meandering story involving Taco Bell and the horrible aftermath.

“Oh, fuck yeah.  Love ‘em if I’ve had a long night. Granted, White Castle is my go-to, especially after a few edibles. I can put away a suitcase on my own when I’m high as tits.” Ed flashed a lopsided smile and then coughed. “Sorry, Father, I mean, you know—”

“I’m not offended by a bit of recreational pot use. After all, the Lord provides, does He not?” Stede offered mildly while Roach cackled. 

“Oh he definitely doesn’t mind,” Roach said brightly.  “Do you father?” 

The general laughter filled the table and Ed glanced around, furrowing his brow in confusion before Stede sighed heavily.  “Not this again, I told you I had never smoked a joint in my life!”

“Oh shit!” Ed brightened up. “Really?  You’re allowed to do that?”

“He insisted, actually,” Olu laughed and nudged Jim. “Jim asked if he minded if we shared a joint before movie night and it all went downhill from there.”

“How was I to know he would try it?!” Jim demanded with their eyes narrowed. “I thought he was joking.” There was a general round of laughter. “Fine, fine, we all know how he is.”

“Yeah, gonna need this story immediately,” Ed grinned as Stede went pink along the ears.

“Right, okay. Picture this. We’re all over at the rectory doing movie night and there’s a fair bit of smoking of the old devil’s lettuce.” Frenchie leaned forward excitedly as he told the story. “And next thing we know, there’s Father Bonnet with a joint and this face—” Frenche affected this scrunch nosed face that had Ed snickering. “Right, so, he does a few puffs. Like, we honestly were impressed he only coughed a bit, but he was determined to join in. And we all think he’s great, yeah? He just sits down and starts the movie, calm as could be.”

“And there we are, kinda stoned and watching Goonies because Stede’s never seen it—”  Olu picked up the story with that bomb. Ed swung his head to stare at Stede in mild horror. “Yeah, right?!  Like, the man hasn’t seen so many movies. We’ve been trying to educate him best we can. Anyway, we suddenly realize he’s gone.”

“Yup, missing, no warning, nothing!” Jim gives their head a shake.

“And that’s when we pause the movie to look, right?” Frenchie’s eyes grew brighter while he continued on while Stede dropped his head in his hands. “And then we all hear it.  Crunch crunch crunch,” Frenchie makes the sound effects like a horror movie.  “And no one can find where it’s coming from. No one!  He doesn’t answer, we’re kinda losing our damn minds.”  He paused and then leaned forward. “There’s like six of us hunting for a stoned priest and suddenly we hear Jim scream.”

“Mierda!  It wasn’t a scream, I was startled and yelled to get your attention!”  Jim snapped, but Olu was clearly trying to stop himself from laughing.

“Stede was hiding under his dining room table, high off his tits and mainlining chips while terrified about the ceiling.  Absolutely gone.  He kinda forgot how to make words so when Jim walked by he grabbed their ankle.” Frenchie finished with a laugh. “It took three of us to prove that the ceiling wasn’t coming down to get him before he’d come out from under the table!”

“Oh my god, Bonnet.” Ed glanced at Stede with a cackle of laughter to see Stede’s head in his hands. “You rebel!”

“They’ll never let me live it down,” he sounded aggrieved with a rueful grin on his face. “They were really good chips, though.”

“Bitch, they were off-brand chips Pete brought!” A new voice said before Lucius flopped down at the end of the table. “Are we telling embarrassing Stede stories, because oh my god, I have so many.”

“Nope, we are not doing that!” Stede huffed out and gave his head a shake. Lucius smirked before Stede narrowed his eyes. “Don’t even think it or you’ll be cleaning the pews after our next midnight mass.”

“Ugh, fiiiiiine.” The secretary rolled his eyes dramatically. “You’re no fun!”

Ed nudged Stede with a wink. “After my first joint I went straight to bed. Wasn’t even my bed. Was at a house party, found a bed and just went to sleep,” he offered up sympathetically, which got them turned on him for a bit.

The fun and teasing went on until Ed forgot about his disappointment that he didn’t get Stede all to himself. It just felt good.  It made him remember a time when he’d done shit like this regularly, just hanging the fuck out.  He remembered back in the day when he and Izzy had drank shitty beer on the roof of his old apartment. Hell, could even remember Fang and he taking their bikes out for no fucking reason at all or playing pool. And then shit had gotten complicated.  Somewhere along the line friends had become employees and it’d stayed that way. It all became Blackbeard and what new show he was on, what new product he was hawking.

No one cared here. No one was his employee or even intimidated. Jim gave him shit about how long his beard used to be when he started out and that was the closest to anyone mentioning his career.  It was great, up until the conversation shifted.

“Stede helped me buy this place, you know?” Roach offered when Ed complimented the bar, the decorations, just the whole fucking vibe of the place. “Used to do the pastries when it was a coffeeshop, but it all went under. The good Father there knew a bit about real estate and muddled me through buying the building.”

“It was nothing you couldn’t have done on your own,” Stede gave a modest smile, sipping the wine that Jim had poured for everyone. “Besides, I like this space. It’s comfortable and I’m a creature of habit. At least I can come here for a real meal instead of a coffee and hastily grabbed pastry of dubious origins.”

“The food at the coffee house was shit from what I remember,” Ed said with a grimace remembering the stale iffy sandwiches. “But guess they didn’t aim for anything more than ‘filling’ for a buncha students.”

“I didn’t mind it so much and it got better when Roach began working there,” Stede said, but several pairs of eyes were snapping towards Ed with interest.

“Past my time, I left college that same year,” Ed admitted before trailing off when he noticed Lucius looking at him like a cat spying a mouse.

“Wait, do you two actually know each other? Like from before this little…whatever you two are doing started up?” He gestured between the priest and Ed meaningfully. “Like you know the Father before Roach did?”

“Oh, that’s some lore right there,” Frenchie perked up immediately and Ed found eyes fixed on him, the world went a little hazy with panic.

“He went to college while I was in seminary,” Stede said in a voice that held a faint edge to it, but it was directed at his crew.

“We uh, we met but didn’t really—” Ed stammered and then shrugged, casting Stede a frantic look. “Just kinda went a party together, didn’t see him afterwards.” He nearly left it there, but something nudged him, “Always regretted not getting to know him better, so kinda nice being friends now.”

“A party?” Jim’s voice went steely, even as Lucius nearly bounced in place.

“Oh, no, I need stories. I’ve only heard legends about Stede before he—”

“I think that’s quite enough and, as Ed said, we barely knew each other back then. A brief meeting,”  Stede’s voice went hard.  An unyielding steely edge that Ed had never heard the priest use, but it was still aimed at the crew.

Ed expected them to keep on it, after all, the gentle teasing seemed a part of being on the crew, but the subject dropped immediately.  Was that how Stede sounded when he stood in the pulpit?  Unyielding as a mountain?  He shifted with a mixture of interest and unease warring against each other as Jim seemed to refuse to look away from him.

When the conversation resumed it shifted towards plans for some sort of event at the church next month, Lucius working out with Oluwande on scheduling something about an online service they’d be doing at the same time. Stede subtly relaxed.  Ed felt a wave of unease before a warm hand dropped onto his knee and gave a squeeze nearly making him jump out his skin.  Stede’s fond smile soothed away the edge of unease and he relaxed back into the easy chatter.

Ed lingered a little longer to just enjoy the talk and company before his watch vibrated with a reminder he had an appointment to go to.  He had a quiet moment with Stede that ended in a hug that he wanted to drown in before Stede was hauled off to the kitchen to help Roach clean.  Ed had a meeting at his own restaurant, fucking admin shit he couldn’t stand so he slipped out with his helmet under one arm and shrugged on his coat.  He left the building to find Jim waiting for him right at his bike.  He hadn’t even noticed them leave.

“Uh, hey,”  Ed tried to sound casual, but there was nothing casual about the way they were holding themselves. 

“You’re him,” Jim spat out, voice hard edged and angry. “I was wondering who the Padre would move his damn schedule around for and it’s you. The guy. The fucking guy with the bet.”

“You’ve heard of me?” Ed asked and felt his legs slow, his body going hot and cold in turns. How much did they know?  The bet, yeah, but afterwards?   

“Oh yeah,  I’ve heard of you,” Jim growled the words like a threat. “I’ve heard all about you.”

Fuck, fuck, fuck.  Ed’s stomach promptly dropped down to his feet as Jim’s eyes blazed dark beneath the spill of their curls. “He told you about it?” He ventured with a sick twist. Stede had said it was in the past, he acted so normally, but was he really normal about it?  Had he told his whole crew the story with a bitter humiliated voice?   

“No. My Nana worked at the seminary, heard all about it after I met him.  Did he score you enough points?!” Jim stepped into his space before nearly spitting the next words. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Opening a restaurant,” Ed heard his voice go harsh with a lash of protective anger to coil around his shame. 

“Spending an awful lot of time with him for that.” Jim advanced another step, finger jabbing against his chest,. “Did you hear about him? Is that it? Decided you had to see him for yourself?” Each word dripped more scorn. “Maybe relive your shitty college days?  Because if that’s what you’re after—"

“Wait, fuck, wait!”  Ed snapped out and lifted his hands up, anger and shame burning through his core.  Anger at himself, anger at… fuck, it burned sharp and twisted. “Listen, I didn’t know he was still here, alright?  Just… I saw him at that wedding dinner, and just tryin’ to do better?  I was a shitty person.”

“Yeah, no argument there.” Jim didn’t look mollified at all,. “Nana always said you were God’s test for him.”  Those words were like blades slicing through him as Jim’s eyes raked over him. “So, what’s your game this time?”

God’s test.  Ed swallowed as he tried to imagine what Stede must have been thinking back then when Ed had taken him to the party. Had he been torn between his faith and what he wanted? Ed had seduced him, he hadn’t forced him, but had Stede been wracked with guilt after?  Laced with knowing he’d not only failed a test before God, but had done it because Ed had wanted to win a stupid fucking bet?  He sucked in a breath and took a step back, retreating in front of Jim’s anger.

“I’m glad he still has his faith, glad I didn’t…”  Ed trailed off with a shake of his head. “I’m glad he’s a priest, glad he’s got that. Just want to be his friend, that’s it, okay?  Nothin’ else.”

Jim blinked.  Blinked again and then eased back, their brows going up. “You’re glad he’s a priest?”  They asked with something edging their voice Ed didn’t understand. 

“Yeah, ‘course, I’m glad he found his way back to the church,” Ed put real feeling into it without thinking about what they’d been doing together. Skirting the edges of Stede’s vows.

“You…” Jim paused and took a step back themselves,. “Hmm, you mean that?”

“Yes.  I wasn’t a good person, I.. yeah, I fucked up. Knew it then, just didn’t know how to do anything about it. Regretted it the second it happened.” He pushed his free hand through his hair. “I don’t want to hurt him, I just—I dunno, he’s trying to help me. Don’t deserve it, but he is.  He’s a good person.”

“Helping you?” Jim muttered and sighed, “Of course he is.” There was a little bit of fond frustration in their voice. “Listen, if you—”

“Don’t need the shovel talk, mate, trust me.”

“Oh, this isn’t a shovel talk. You fuck with the padre, I won’t have enough pieces left to need a shovel,” Jim said firmly and finally took a step to one side to let Ed near his bike.  “I’m very good with a blade, just so you know.”

“Yeah I can bet,” Ed breathed as he moved towards the motorcycle, but then stopped. “How…” God he didn’t want to ask. “How bad was it after what I did?” He heard his voice go small, but there was no taking it back now.  It was a sick urge, like poking a burn just to see how much it hurt.  No stopping it now.

“Why?” Jim paused to give him a cold look. Ed shrugged, not sure what to say. He wasn’t sure what his face showed. “You don’t get that story. You haven’t earned it, cabrón,” they said after a long moment, but the look they gave him was telling. “Don’t break him again.” It sounded like more than half a threat before they began to walk back to the restaurant.

Ed opened his mouth to promise he wouldn’t, but found himself just staring at the retreating back.  His blood ran cold and hot in turns before his wrist began to vibrate with his meeting reminder.  He didn’t want to go. He wanted to chase after Jim. Or go and find Stede.  He sucked in a ragged breath before forcing himself to jam his helmet on.  The convoluted emotions were too much, he needed time to think. 

But as he swung onto his bike and started it, he only heard one phrase swirling through his thoughts.  Don’t break him again.

~ ~ ♱ ~ ~

Ed was almost grateful for his appearance in New York.  He’d been dreading it, but it became a reprieve as his mind played over the talk with Jim time and time again.  The last words made him wonder just how badly Stede had been hurt afterwards, especially given the sheer rage in their eyes when they’d cornered Ed.  Clearly it had been a defining moment, right?  Like, Stede had fucking been more than hurt.  The guilt cut through him as he went through the motions he always did when he was in front of the camera, signed autographs, met with people he didn’t give a shit about over the long weekend.

And he texted Stede.  Why? Because he couldn’t help himself.  It had become engrained to talk with the man.  It was a part of his daily life to share stupid pictures of bodega cats, the view from his hotel, the little things that he didn’t share with anyone else because he didn’t have anyone else.  He shared one picture of a scruffy grey dog with Izzy as a joke to try and back away from Stede.  That hadn’t gone well.  He’d gotten hauled into a two hour conference call that he wanted nothing to do with.  So, yeah, he just had Stede, which made him feel somehow worse.

“You seem tense,” Stede observed one afternoon when Ed had gotten out of filming and called to tell him about it. “Are you having a rough time?”

“Nah, not really, just…”  Just thinking how badly I fucked you up. How I don’t know how you really reacted after I turned you down. I don’t even know how you found your way back to God, you know, normal fucking shit.  “Just tired of all of this.”

“I see,” Stede sounded doubtful. 

“Listen, I gotta go, I got an interview,” Ed said and rubbed his face vigorously with one hand. He didn’t know what else to say that wasn’t going to explode with things he did not want out in the open. 

“I understand,” Stede’s voice held a tinge of something. Sadness? Disappointment. “Edward, will you do me a favor?”

“Yeah, mate, anything.” Ed turned a corner, jamming his hands into his coat.

“Be kind to yourself, will you?”

“What?” Ed blinked and stopped walking.

“Exactly what I said, lamb, be kind to yourself,”  Father Bonnet said in a firm voice. “Give yourself grace.”  Ed opened his mouth and nothing came out as the force of the effortless kindness hit him. “Take care, we’ll talk again soon.”  And the phone went dead, like the priest hadn’t just calmly made Ed’s brain stutter and halt.  The fuck?!

Don’t break him again.  Ed thought bitterly.  How bad was it? He was so sweet. He still is sweet.  The thought was a ghost he couldn’t exorcise. So how can he be so okay with me?!  Why does he care if I’m kind to myself?!

By the time Ed returned from New York he felt twisted up, unhappy, and edgy.  He didn’t deserve Stede’s kindness. He didn’t deserve a lot of shit.  He hated that he couldn’t just leave Stede in peace, but he couldn’t. It was like he found the warmth of the sun and couldn’t crawl back into the dank cave he’d been living in for years.  It was selfish as fuck, but maybe that’s just who Ed was.  Selfish. 

It ate at him, imagining a thousand ways Stede must have been devastated after that afternoon. Had he sobbed into a pillow? Had he grown angry? He had to have been angry. Ed would have been furious.  Had he listened to angry music and lost faith in God for a time?  Had Jim’s Nana guided him back? Or had he fought his way back to the priesthood?  There were too many questions and not enough answers.

So, yeah, maybe it was that itch, that edginess that tainted his return to Boston.  Almost immediately he got a request to meet Stede at the rectory, and like the selfish fuck he was, he agreed.  He didn’t know why Stede wasn’t angry with him and, perversely, he wanted the priest angry.  He deserved that anger, not the calmness he had been getting. the fucking soft smiles and gentle endearments like ‘lamb.’  Ed wasn’t a lamb, he was a wolf that had slaughtered the lamb.

And that’s how he snapped.

“Will you just shut up about me being kind to myself!” Ed snarled in the middle of a conversation where Stede had been making suggestions of self-care that Ed should practice.  “Christ, mate, leave off it.”

Stede raised his brow, but remained silent as Ed shoved up from the comfortable chair in the priest’s office. The surge of energy raced through him as he set down his cup so tea sloshed over the edges onto Stede’s desk.  He itched. He ached. He wanted Stede to just finally yell at him. He deserved it. He’d always deserved it.  The priest, however, just watched him as he swung around with a glare.  Stede leaned back and tipped his chin up, the white of the tabbed collar against the powder blue shirt was like a light from a lighthouse. 

Be careful.  It seemed to say.  You’ll crack up on the rocks. What are you doing?

“Would you rather be cruel to yourself?” Stede asked in that infuriatingly calm voice while Ed was breathing a little too fast.  Ed didn’t answer, he tightened his jaw and the priest cocked his head.  “Would you rather I be cruel to you?”

“Y’should!” Ed snapped out angrily, the tone sending a jolt straight through his body. “Don’t you get it? Why are you being so damn nice and wanting me to be nice to myself. Why don’t you hate me?!”

“For?”

“For…for what I did!” Ed blurted, it was obvious, so fucking obvious, but Stede was watching him with lidded eyes and a peaceful expression.  Was he reaching for his god? Willing him or her to give him solace and temper the anger that should have been there? “I fucked you over.  You know that and you’ve spent over a month acting like I’m worth your time!”

“Love the sinner, hate the sin,” Stede quoted softly and leaned forward while Ed wanted to scream.  He peered over the top of the gold rimmed glasses, a paternal patience to him that made Ed want to shake him. “Do you want me angry at you?  Is that the cause of your outburst?”

“No!” Ed snapped and then swallowed. “Yes.” He gave his head a shake. “I don’t know!” He nearly yelled the last, because he felt like a god damn toddler, emotions pent up and swirling around wildly. “I want you to be honest with me!”

Stede’s eyes widened subtly, not much, but just enough that Ed wondered if he’d hit home, but then the patient mask came down. “What do you think I’ve been dishonest about?”

“About hating me! Or being angry. You’ve never been angry, and you should be!” Ed spat out hotly. “You keep being…” Ed trailed off, not sure what to say, but then plunged ahead. “I don’t fucking know.” He couldn’t get the words out as he stalked around the small office, restless at the peaceful silence. 

You’ll ruin him again.  He thought woefully while Stede carefully pulled off his glasses to fold neatly away in his pocket.

“I think you need some clarity.”  Stede mused softly.

“Clarity.” Ed bit out the word like a curse and the priest’s eyes narrowed at him. He had the grace to feel a twinge of shame, which caused him to deflate.

Stede steepled his fingers and rested his fingertips against his lips as he watched Ed run out of steam, elbows resting lightly on his knees. “Do you want me to punish you, lamb?” The mild question made Ed’s head jerk up while the endearment sent blood rushing south.  “It sounds as though that’s what you’re asking for.  Punishment.”  Stede stood up from the desk and came around, but his eyes never left Ed’s face. “You say you want me to be angry at you, yell at you, but what if we explore a different option?”

Ed lost the burst of outraged energy with the sudden change in tone that left his breath catching as Stede continued to watch him.  He looked as patient as ever, but there was a gleam in his eyes that was almost luminous.  There was a shift.  Authority seemed to radiate from the priest as he waited for an answer.  Punish him?  He licked his lips with a wave of nervousness, waiting for Stede to continue, but there was only more silence.  And Stede—no, Father Bonnet—was waiting for him to ask or back down.

“You’ll punish me?”  He finally asked. “How?”

“I want you to go to the chapel and disrobe completely before you kneel before the altar and wait for me,” Stede said calmly.

“And then?” Ed barely breathed the words as Stede’s eyes seemed to grow darker with some emotion that made his heart begin to pound in his ears.  And lower.  Fuck.  

“I will put you over the altar and before the eyes of God you will accept your punishment in marks across your backside until you feel your absolution each time you sit this week.” Each word went lower, dripping with an authority that made Ed feel dizzy.  Lust, a little fear, anticipation, and dread ran in equal measure.

Was that what he wanted?  To be punished?  To somehow come clean from what he’d done?  Wasn’t that what the church did?  You went into the water and were baptized and came out the other side reborn and pure.  Maybe that’s what Ed should do, be reborn, but not with the splash of holy water by the marks of Stede emblazoned on his skin as proof of his penance.  To lay in worship across the altar and give himself over to a man that he had so clearly wronged.

“Yes,” he barely breathed the word.

“Go and wait for me, dove,” Stede said and then stepped forward in three quick strides, his hand striking out quickly to wrap through Ed’s long hair, winding it around his fist.  It wasn’t rough or painful, but it was firm.  Ed’s head was tipped back until he felt the ghost of Stede’s breath against his neck.  “You will remain on your knees until I arrive, do you understand me? You will not touch yourself. You will not disobey me.”

“Yes, Father.” The words tasted like candy on his tongue. The sweet promise of a prize even knowing there would be punishment.

“Good boy.”   Stede released him and stepped back, leaving Ed to swallow.  “I will see you in the chapel, I won’t be long.”

Ed barely managed a nod before he turned on his heel to do what he’d been told, his heart in his throat and trying not to end up half-hard.  In the space of a breath Father Bonnet had taken his frantic energy and buzzing anger and neatly redirected it.

When Ed entered the chapel he felt a wave of disorientation. The scent of incense teased his nose as he walked between the pews with only the distant sound of birds singing to interrupt the eerie silence of the place.  The spill of color from the stained glass ran over him while sunlight streamed in, leaving the empty faces of saints looking down at him.  His eyes darted around, landing on engraved stones along the walls.  I am the Lord thy God. Thou shall not have any other gods before me.  And another. Thou shall not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.

The ten commandments were written in stone at each pillar in the chapel, all of them facing him as he drew in a shaking breath. It felt strange—thrilling and wrong in equal measure—to begin to pull off his shirt and disrobe. Peaceful looking statues and martyrs were silent witnesses as he stripped down, folding his clothes neatly on a pew. He tried not to think about being on his knees here before and the taste of Father Bonnet’s cock on his tongue.  He tried not to grow hard at the idea of kneeling once more.

He licked his lips and drew in a breath before approaching the raised area that held the altar before dropping carefully to his knees.  There was a kneeler there, complete with a riser to rest his hands on as if he were in supplication to the cross hanging from the wall.  He felt the cool air brush his skin while he settled himself, drawing in a breath and letting it out to center himself as he waited. One more sinner trying to be washed clean of the sins that stained his soul.

Father Bonnet appeared a short time later, but not in the dressed-down attire he’d been in earlier or the elaborate outfit he’d worn the first time. No. This time he was in a stark black cassock with bright red buttons standing out in a line from throat all the way down to the ground.  There was a wide red belt wrapped around his waist with the ends nearly trailing to the floor and a white collar at his throat.  There was no doubting authority dripped from him as he walked down the pews and Ed felt his mouth go dry, unable to stop himself from watching.

“You obey so well,” Stede murmured as he approached, reaching the end of the pews before dropping down to one knee to give the sign of the cross.  Shit, should Ed have done that?

“Thank you,” he said and shifted, hearing the leather of the padded kneeler creaking. “I uh—I’m trying.”

Stede nodded as he stood up, crossing around until he was standing in front of Ed in his full glory.  “I’m going to ask you several questions and you will answer with honesty, dove. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Father,” Ed answered while Stede reached down to cup his chin tenderly, thumb brushing along the stubble of his cheek.

“You crave punishment. I meant what I said, I will punish you, but I need to know several things first.” Stede brushed a thumb along his cheek. “Do you understand that you can stop this at any time?  I won’t be angry at you or upset.” Stede kept stroking his cheek in soothing circles.

“Yeah, I know you won’t be.” Ed breathed out and shifted uneasily. “You should be angry though.”

“I know you think I should,” Stede sighed softly. “Now, I know we’ve talked about your childhood.” Ed tensed up while Stede kept rubbing his thumb back and forth. “I am going to proceed carefully with you, do you understand?  You will be punished, but I will not be cruel.  There is enough cruelty in the world without me adding to it.”

“I understand, Father,”  Ed sighed and tipped his head into Stede’s touch.

“You’ve been hurt before, this might stir up those memories.” The circling touch was grounding as Ed tipped his head into it further.  “I won’t lay my hands on you, but I will be using something else. You will tell me the moment you feel upset or even a hint of being unsafe.”  The hand shifted his head up to stare into those gold-flecked eyes, the hair golden in a haze of stained-glass light. “I want you to feel safe in my hands, dove. You will always be safe with me.”

Care, god damn care, Father Bonnet was talking about punishment and at the same time making sure Ed knew that he was safe.  The touch slid from his chin with a gesture for him to get up, but Stede didn’t just watch him.  Warm hands caught his elbows to help draw him up and the edge of the cassock brushed his legs until Ed shivered.

“I understand,” he said belatedly, which earned him a smile. “S’not like I’ve never been spanked before.” Oh, great, he was just saying shit now.  Good on him.  Stede quirked a brow up a little. “Can we pretend I didn’t say that?”

Stede hummed softly. “This will be different, I expect, but I will still expect you to be honest with me.”

“Yeah, ‘course,” Ed said a little breathlessly and yeah, of course it was fucking different with Father Bonnet when compared to a hook-up wanting a bit of kinky fun.

“And you’ll be staying at the rectory tonight.” Stede dropped that little bombshell in a way that brooked no arguments. “I want to make sure you’ll be alright afterwards.”

“Stay with you?” Ed felt a thrill that he didn’t quite deserve burn through him as Stede lifted a brow up. “Great!”  The word burst out too loud and he swallowed. “I mean, yeah, might be nice.” 

In his bed?  The horny gremlin in his mind leaped excitedly at the idea while Stede escorted him to the altar.

It was beautiful looking, with grapes and leaves twined around the base offset with bronze crosses with a backdrop like the rays of the sun.  The top had a dark purple cloth spread over it with a dove spread winged at the front and a white narrow band of silk laying across it.  Stede’s hand was warm on his back as he was guided up the two stairs that led up the platform and he found himself pausing nervously at the edge of the thing.

Everywhere he looked were objects of devotion.  Prayers and commandments, saints and martyrs, symbols of faith.  And he was standing there with his dick half hard in front of an altar countless people had likely taken communion from Stede’s hands and asked for god’s blessing. Was he fucking up Stede’s whole life by doing this?  It was Stede’s suggestion, but only after Ed’s outburst.  What if they were breaking some sort of high holy law or some shit?  What if he was fucking up the priest all over again.

“Is this…”  He trailed off as Stede paused, tipping his head curiously. “This.. I mean, is this okay?”

“Is what okay?”

“I’m naked in a chapel, mate, and you want me…” He gestured at the altar before Stede’s expression did something complicated. There was a faint hint of wistful amusement before his eye crinkled with a reassuring smile.

“I want you over the altar, Edward, yes. You are a child of God, are you not?” Stede stepped beside the altar to brush his hand along the top of it.

“I guess,” he muttered and shifted, fuck, why was he hesitating.  Stede obviously wasn’t bothered, was he?

“Your nudity was created by the Almighty,” Stede murmured and reached out to take Ed’s hand to draw him closer. “The bible teaches us that you were created in his own image.  Your nudity is worship of the divine, which is why we’re in the chapel.  Your submission will be a thing of divine beauty.”

 “Oh…” Ed blinked rapidly and that sounded kinda right, didn’t it?  Made sense.  “But over the altar?”

 “You want my anger, my punishment, but you will offer it up to God as well.” Stede said as Ed took another step forward, drawn by Stede’s darkened eyes like a moth to flame. “What better place than on this, His altar?”

“Yeah… okay.”  Ed licked his lips before leaning himself over the altar, bracing his elbows against the soft purple fabric.

“You will use my title within these walls, Edward.  Remember our rules,”  Stede’s voice dropped into that firm edge that made Ed’s cock twitch and take immediate interest. Fuck, no, do not get hard and push against the altar cloth.

“Yes, Father,” Ed gasped out before Stede’s hand pressed between his shoulder blades to guide him down over the cloth.

Suddenly Stede leaned over him with a weight that drew a noise from the back of his throat.  Stede moved his body with a gentle, but firm touch, stretching him out until he was standing on tiptoe to reach the other side with his arms stretched out.  Stede’s fingers curled, briefly, along Ed’s wrists and pressed them against the solid wood as he felt the puff of warm air against the nape of his neck.  It was obscene, it felt blasphemous, to have Stede’s hips flush to his ass and his hands pinned.

“You will hold your hands there, they will not release the altar. Let them ground you and give you courage, my son,”  Stede whispered breathily into his ear while Ed did his best to get his cock to stop hardening.  It was a losing battle, the arousal was throbbing low in his hips and growing.

After Ed managed a shaky nod Stede stood up, drawing away and leaving cool air chasing down his back as the priest swept around the altar to the gold etched tabernacle.  Ed couldn’t look away as the priest stroked the elaborate chalice with a finger tip before dropping down to pick up something that looked like a plate.  The gold of it caught the sunlight as he lifted it up to show that it had a polished wooden handle on one end.  A paddle?  Why the fuck did the priest have a paddle here?

(Gold plate attached to a wooden handle)

“This is a communion paten,” Stede explained as he spun it between his fingers. “It’s used to catch the host when giving communion so that it doesn’t touch the ground.  Today I have another use for it.” 

“Oh, fuck,” Ed breathed out and Stede’s eyes flicked up to pin him in place. “Sorry, I’m sorry, Father.”

“You will show respect here,” Stede purred the words, hardening into something that made Ed swallow.  “Do you understand me, lamb?”

“Yes, Father.” Ed bit out as Stede walked around the altar. “I’m sorry, I just… that was unexpected—Ahh!” 

Ed nearly clambered over the altar in shock as cold metal pressed against his ass, chilling him as it brushed back and forth when the paten pressed against him.  “Then let me remind you of our rules, Edward,”  Stede murmured softly and his free hand pressed down on Ed’s shoulders.  “Repeat after me—”

Ed wasn’t given any more warning than that as the paten drew back from where it rested against his bare, flushed skin and then came down.  The hit was sharp enough he cried out and jerked up against Stede’s hand pressing between his shoulders at the sudden sting. It wasn’t unbearable, but it still made him whimper before he heard Stede’s voice coming out in a sonorous authoritative tone.

“O Lord, forgive my sins, just as You forgave Peter’s denial,”  Stede said as he rubbed the paten back and forth, stroking the area he had just hit.

Ed repeated the words, relaxing as the touch was gentle enough to sooth him while he dug his fingers into the soft altar cloth.  This time he was given a chance to brace when the paten was lifted up, but it wasn’t nearly enough to be prepared as it came down again with a loud smack that echoed in the chapel right behind his ragged cry.  The pain was white-hot and burning against his skin while he tried to balance on the tips of his toes while Stede continued with his prayer, winding the words around Ed until he was panting when he managed to say them.

“Count not my transgressions, but, rather, my tears of repentance.” He gasped out as Stede brushed his knuckles over the flushed abused skin tenderly.  The nerves were alive and so sensitive that he was panting under his breath with his eyes squeezed shut.

“Very good, dove. This pain is an offering, embrace it.”  Stede murmured in a velvet-soft voice. “Don’t fight against it, don’t shy from it.” His hand lifted up again while Ed struggled to obey. His body belonged to the priest, to the paddle, to the altar he was stretched over.

The sound of the paten hitting his ass was almost too much when it came, driving a cry from Ed’s throat, striking so hard that he jolted in place.  The skin grew hot to the touch as he dragged the altar cloth up into his fists, clutching against it while Stede moved his free hand down.  His warm palm stroked Ed’s ass cheek, soothing it tenderly while he offered the next line as if it were a gift from heaven. Sweet words that came easily to Ed’s tongue as he trembled in place. 

“Remember not my iniquities,” he managed the words while he dropped his forehead against the cloth, aware that Stede’s hand was lifting up again.

The next was sharper, hitting an area that had been struck once before until the pain blazed over him.  It was sweet and pure, making his hips hike up while his cock reacted to the point he knew he’d be making a mess of the altar.  He slammed his eyes shut and gave himself over to the feel of his heartbeat against his abused skin as Stede’s soft palm soothed over the area.  The priest leaned in close enough that the heat of his breath brushed Ed’s ear while he whispered the next words.

“But, more especially, my sorrow for the offenses I have committed against You,” Ed said the words as a gift, a promise of penance while Stede’s gentle thumb circled the reddened skin to sooth some of the pain away into something that made him want to sob. 

He repeated the lines while the world blurred to the lift of Stede’s hand and the strike of the gold paddle against his upturned ass.  It broke past barriers, crashed through his worries and questions as Father Bonnet proceeded to coach him through each new line of the prayer with every strike.  Ed spoke them in a ragged voice, his head dropping to rest against the altar as he felt the flushed skin of his ass throbbing in time with his heartbeat.

Ed had been spanked. Yeah. He had enjoyed it, even. It was kind of kinky being put over a knee or some shit, granted that had been ages ago. This wasn’t being spanked.  This was transcendent.  This was the swell of angels singing in his ear as the next blow came and lit his body up with the haze of pleasure-pain as Stede leaned close to him.  The priest was gentle and harsh in equal measure. He wasn’t striking to just cause pain, he wasn’t giving Ed a reason to think only of the burn and crack of metal on skin.  No, he was drawing his attention to it in a way that left him breathless.

This was holy. Sacred.  This was Stede’s mark being placed on his body beneath the shadow of a crucifix and the eyes of the saints. Ed was here to make amends, he knew that, but now he felt it in every blazing strike of the communion paten on his ass. Every new tear that welled up to blend with the slow, hazed thoughts.

Punishment.  Pain, white-hot and burning, swelling his skin and making his hips jolt forward into the altar to anoint it with the slick tip of his cock.

Forgiveness.  Stede’s gentle palm caressing his abused skin and words that surrounded him like the softest silk. Praise and encouragement, endearments that made him breathless with gratitude.

“You feel that, my son?  Let the pain slide through you, embrace it, hold it, and then release it.” Stede’s palm cupped his ass and smoothed downwards as his voice was filled with reverence.  Perhaps even awe. “Let these marks absolve you.  Give your tears up to the altar, let yourself be only in this moment. Every pain, every pleasure, accept them.”

“Yes… y-yes, Father,”  Ed gasped before the next blow came, striking hard enough his back bowed and he flung his head up.  He felt the tears gathering even as his hips twitched in place while every signal seemed to be set off

Pain and pleasure, the priest’s hands on his ass, the gentle soft words that wrapped around him like a promise of heaven and weighed with the blazing pain of the paten cracking his skin. The strike that left his nerves raw and swollen until the lightest touch had him gasping.  He dropped his head to the altar as a tear splashed down to turn the imperial purple dark, nearly black. He could feel the wetness on his cheeks while he trembled in place and Stede’s hand gently cupped his throbbing ass, stroking down so lightly that it was almost too much against his raw skin.

“Oh, my beautiful lamb, you’ve done so well for me. Can you take just one more?” Stede asked in a voice as soft as dawn, making Ed blink his eyes rapidly. 

One more?  Ed could take a dozen more for the priest.  He could offer up his aching skin with utter reference to be worshiped beneath the strike of the paten and gentle praise.  He could feel the ache burning along his ass and upper thighs. The nerves were flushed and so sensitive that even Stede’s hand was too much, but he wanted more. 

Anoint me, bless me, baptize me with every strike,  Ed thought dazedly and licked his lips, tasting the salt of his own tears.

“Please, Father, one more,” he rasped the words in a cracked voice, nearly begging.  Stede drew in a shaking breath that made him turn his head enough to see the priest’s face flushed, eyes blown dark and lips parted. 

He was looking at Ed as if he were studying something beautiful, even though Ed knew he was a wreck.  He was shuddering and sobbing, flush faced and his ass upturned on shaking legs.  He was balling up the altar cloth tightly in his hands while he struggled to brace himself when Stede’s hand moved back with a flash of the gold paten.  Every inch of his skin felt swollen and flushed, eager for another strike even as he braced for it.

“Breathe, Edward, a deep breath in for me,” Stede murmured and his hand dropped just above the curve of Ed’s bare ass.  He struggled to obey, drawing in a deeper breath until Stede’s thumb traced the divot of his spine. “Good boy.”

The final blow was stronger than the rest, causing Ed’s entire body to bow up from the altar with a ragged cry.  It hurt beautifully, a burn that ran up his spine and crackled like electricity against his skin while the world blurred behind the haze of tears.  He felt them breaking free of his lashes, rolling down his cheeks as Stede set the paten down and his hands moved to soothe the spot with a gentleness that took Ed’s breath away.  The fingers were so soft, dancing across Ed’s reddened ass as if he were a sacred relic Stede was afraid to befoul with his profane touch.

Ed dropped over the altar and trembled, feeling the hot line of his cock urgently pressed against the taunt of the fabric.  He couldn’t move, couldn’t think, his mind was buzzing with a crackle of electricity that snapped and had no release.  Everything was too bright, too tight, too hot.  Only Stede’s touch grounded him as the priest eased the pain away by finally pressing his palms down and rubbing softly, his other hand moving to slide beneath Ed’s chest.

“That’s right, dove, you’ve done your penance,” Stede whispered in a roughened voice while he drew Ed up on trembling legs. “I’ve got you, just relax, just look at the state of you,” Stede breathed the last in the voice of a man seeing the divine as Ed swayed on two leg.  Ed flushed when Stede looked down at his body, knowing his cock was so hard it was nearly dripping with need and flushed dark near the tip. “Oh, my dear, may I touch you?”

Ed was so hard he could cut glass and his eyes were still blurred with tears from emotions that were too complicated to sort out. It was so easy to just nod his head up and down, wanting nothing more than to be touched.  He felt sanctified as Stede gently moved him with the softest hands imaginable, a voice that whispered he could relax now, he would let himself go. You’re safe here, lamb, just let yourself feel good.  And the soft whispered. I’m so proud of you, Edward, you’ve done so well, against his throat, a hot flicker of breath that made him long for more. 

And then the priest went to his knees.

The world became white-noise as the cassock flared around Stede’s body when he dropped down in front of the altar.  No, not the altar, he dropped to his knees in front of Ed with hands cupping tattooed hips and eyes flickering up to watch Ed’s face through golden lashes.  The spill of stained-glass sunlight turned him into a work of sacred art with lips parted and thumbs tracing along the inside seam of Ed’s thighs. The intimate stroke punched a moan out of Ed’s throat while his cock twitched at the sight of the priest on his knees, pressed intimately close.

“I absolve you from your sins,” Stede breathed out and leaned forward to place an open-mouthed kiss against Ed’s bare hip. “In the name of Father—” The brush of a tongue, barely there and tracing the inner thigh.  “And of the Son—” There was a touch of a soft cheek as Stede’s head turned, breath hot against Ed’s achingly hard cock. “And of the Holy Spirit.”  Stede’s hand moved from Ed’s hip and soft fingers closed loosely around his cock. “Amen.”  With the last words the priest took Ed into the inferno of his mouth with a moan that made the world narrow to only this.

Ed couldn’t lean back, he couldn’t move, he didn’t know what to do as the priest’s eyes fluttered as he swallowed Ed down to where his fist loosely gripped the base.  One hand moved to cup the curve of his aching ass, a gentle caress that woke a fever-bright flare of pain mingled with the divine pleasure of the priest swallowing him down.  It was a flicker of the past. He remembered Stede’s clumsy eagerness, he remembered the way Stede’s hands on him had felt worshipful. 

“Father,” Ed whispered the title as Stede dropped his mouth in a confident stroke that robbed him of every other word.

Stede’s tongue was sinful, profane, as it traced beneath Ed’s tip, swirling and working when the hot suction closed around him.  Stede lowered his mouth and released Ed’s base with a confidence that belied his inexperienced younger years.  Where the first time had been all fire and clumsiness, this was like everything about Stede.  Confident and sure of himself, venerating Ed’s entire being with the wet, hot inferno of his mouth pushing down nearly to the base before pulling up with a soft gasp.  The hazel eyes were all pupil as they stared up at him, no hint of doubt, nothing but pure devotion.

Ed’s hand dropped into the spill of incredibly soft blonde hair while Stede held his aching ass with such tender worship that he wanted to sob.  His hips trembled as Stede pressed his adoration into Ed’s skin, sucking and using his tongue with slow swirls until Ed was letting out noises he couldn’t stop. He’d never been quiet during sex, but he was suddenly releasing sounds he’d never known he could make as his fingers carded through the priest’s blond curls. He gasped out pleas to a god he didn’t even believe in, lost in the glory of Father Bonnet’s clutching mouth.

He was hazed over, consumed with the blaze of every drop of Stede’s head as he took Ed like he was partaking sacred communion.  It should have felt wrong, but there was no place for wrong here. Only the lust-drenched desire for more as Ed’s hips moved and he gave a thrust into Stede’s mouth.  He tried to stop himself, but the reward came with a soft hum of pleasure before Stede dropped his head all the way down.  Ed felt himself sliding into the grip of Stede’s throat before letting out a ragged cry. The hazel eyes were watering when Stede looked up, nose pushed flush to Ed’s stomach and that tongue, that soft, searing tongue drove Ed to the brink so quickly he was dizzied.

“Stede… F-Father, fuck!  Gonna—” He tried to choke out the warning and glanced down to see Stede’s eyes closed and his face peaceful, lips stretched tight around Ed’s cock with wetness gathering at the corners.

He was beautiful.  He was perfect.  He was a dream that Ed had never imagined seeing, cast in a halo of sunlight with pinked skin and a peaceful expression. Ed drank in the sight, let it light the fire already building low in his hips, the electric pulse of it too much. It was too late to pull back.  Stede didn’t let him draw back, but held him tight before swallowing down to the hilt with a moan that vibrated over Ed’s achingly hard shaft.  The world was pressure and heat, the bright pain as fingers curled along his abused ass before Ed bent forward with a cry.

He called for God. He called for Stede. Were they one in the same? Perhaps, because that was who Ed called to as he came with a filthy moan of carnal pleasure. Stede swallowed hotly around him, moving his head eagerly to draw out Ed’s orgasm as he sobbed his pleasure and dropped his other hand to slide into the soft curls, holding the priest’s head as he poured down that eager throat like sacramental wine.  It was everything.  It was forgiveness.  It was sin. It was salvation.

By the time Ed was whimpering and almost too sensitive Stede drew back, letting Ed’s softening cock slip free with a trail of slick saliva coating his lower lip. He looked thoroughly debauched, lips parted and panting, cheeks flushed while Ed tried to hold himself up.  His legs didn’t want to work, they were trembling as badly as the rest of him.  Stede seemed to notice the problem while Ed moved his hands back to grasp at the altar and he found himself being drawn down into Father Bonnet’s lap.

“I have you, dove, here—”  Stede’s voice was soft as Ed went boneless in the warm embrace waiting for him. “You’ve done so well, pet, so beautifully.”

Ed was trembling, he couldn’t seem to stop it as Stede gathered him in close, the priest’s touch soothing down his bare back while soft whispered words of praise and reassurance flowed around him.  It was only bisected by the feel of Stede’s cock pressed against his hip where Ed had curled in his lap. The urgent swell of it a temptation that took his breath away as he met Stede’s eyes, watching them crinkle of a soft smile before Ed gave a deliberate adjustment that rubbed his hip into the firm erection.  Stede hissed out softly and his hands dropped to cup Ed’s hips, drawing him back.

“No, dove, remember our rules,” Stede whispered almost sadly, but before Ed could feel a flare of humiliation a soft finger traced his bottom lip. “This is more than enough for me.”

“Alright,” Ed sighed out while Stede coaxed him into a new position with legs draped over Stede’s lap. “I.. yeah, sorry.”

Stede hummed his acceptance without a hint of upset.  He also didn’t seem driven to attend to his own arousal. He didn’t look guilty or ashamed, he looked peaceful as he smoothed the hair back from Ed’s face.  The gentle care seemed so effortless, leaving Ed to melt into it with a shaking breath.  His mind was still floating, suspended in a liminal space created on the altar beneath the priest’s hands, paddle and mouth.

Ed felt wrung dry and spent, almost feverish as his skin was burning up but he was growing chilled.  Before he could do more than press into Stede’s heat further the priest dragged the cloth from the altar to drape it over Ed’s nude frame.  Stede’s soft pink lips were slick and swollen as Ed did the one thing he thought he could, he leaned forward to claim them in a dizzying kiss.

Stede let out a little mmf in response, but then leaned into the kiss softly with a hand cupping Ed’s cheek.  He swiped his tongue out to taste himself on those lips, seeking it out while Stede relaxed and reached up to cup the back of his head.  He drew Ed into the kiss, letting their tongues roam and share beneath the crucifix hanging on the wall and the ten commandments written in stone.  He tasted his own come and the sweetness of Stede’s kiss for the span of a few heartbeats before the priest finally drew back to rest their foreheads against one another.

“You are truly exquisite, Edward.” Stede’s words felt like an absolution as Ed let his eyes slide shut, breathing the same air. “Just relax, I have you, for as long as you need.”

Stede had him, that’s all that mattered.  Ed let his head drop onto the broad shoulder and let out a shaking breath.  He was held. He was safe. He was cherished beneath the priest’s gentle touch. And tonight, he wouldn’t be leaving, he would spend the night in this safety.  He never wanted it to end.

Chapter Text

Ed felt a bit like he was flying.  The world was soft-edged and fuzzy while Stede gently—ever so fucking gently—ran cool feeling hands over his overheated ass.  The homey comfort of the rectory was far more welcome than the formal austerity of the chapel, although he certainly hadn’t gotten here by his own two legs.  He supposed he should have been mortified at being carried out of the chapel like a fucking princess in Stede’s broad arms, but he wasn’t.  He was more impressed that the priest was able to lift him up like he weighed next to nothing and had barely been out of breath when they’d gotten back to the rectory.  Granted, it was kind of hard to make his fuzzy mind concentrate on anything except the fact that he felt as though he were floating.  His eyes were heavy and his body was so relaxed that his muscles didn’t even tense up when Stede moved him occasionally.

“Come here, sweetheart, I just want you to lay down like this for me,” Stede murmured softly as Ed ended up sprawled across the priest’s lap, butt-fucking-naked, and not giving a single fuck since he felt as though he could just float here forever.

“Y’know, this has no fuckin’ dignity,” he mumbled with his head tipped to one side while Stede seemed intent on inspecting every inch of his ass for any injury, beyond being sore as hell.  Sore in an amazing way, really.

“Spankings rarely do, darling.”  Stede’s voice was filled with hidden laughter as his thumb traced the crease of his ass.  “But you took it so well for me. You were so perfect, Edward.”

That made Ed want to squirm and wriggle happily on the blanket Stede had laid down for him so that he wasn’t just dragging his dick all over the comfy couch.  It was care, just like how Stede had brought out a little tray of snacks and tea sweetened to the point that it was nearly a dessert.  He did it all as naturally as breathing, as if it were just something Ed deserved to have in his life.  Like he was supposed to be given this sort of care and concern.  Which, yeah, that kinda made Ed a little wobbly.  He tried to concentrate on the sensations instead of his own turbulent emotions.

“You look lovely with your repentance painted onto your skin, dove,” Stede breathed the words like a holy vow.

“Yeah?” Ed tipped his head up to see Stede producing a small bottle from somewhere.  For a brief, insane moment, he thought it was lube and lost himself in imagining Stede pushing his robe open to take himself in hand.  Well, the horny gremlin in Ed’s mind imagined that, while the saner part of him realized it was just some sort of aloe gel.

“Just stay like that,” Stede murmured when Ed turned to get a better look at it.  

The gentle hand draped along the nape of his neck, and Ed went easily to stretching out over Stede’s lap again.  It should have been uncomfortable, or maybe even embarrassing, to be naked and exposed like this, but it just felt like the best fucking bed in the world.  He crossed his arms over the muscled thighs and let himself relax.  Stede’s robe rubbed against his skin with a tease of the buttons over his chest, but it didn’t feel unpleasant in the least.  He tried not to think about it as a painful reminder that Stede wasn’t available.  That Stede wasn’t his.

Missed my chance on that,  he thought sadly, before Stede’s hand moved along his bare back to trail nails down to Ed’s ass before his thumb nearly dipped into the cleft.

“I’m going to rub some lotion on your skin.  It’ll be a bit cold at first, but it’ll help with the sting. That way, we can get you into a nice set of pajamas,” Stede murmured soothingly.

“Yeah, okay.”  He’d fucking agree to a hell of a lot right now.  His brain felt as though it were all wrapped up in fluff.  Like cotton candy or one of those soft as fuck sweaters he always felt in the store, but never bought because he was positive that it’d be wasted on him.  

“Pretty far gone, aren’t you?” Stede chuckled as Ed nestled in, pressing his cheek against the priest’s upper thigh with a pleased noise.  “Just look at you, meek as a kitten.”

“Hey, m’terrible.  The scary Blackbeard,” Ed grumbled and then gasped as cool lotion was spread across one reddened ass cheek by a deft touch.  “Y’know how many shitty cooks I’ve made cry?”

“Very terrifying, I’m sure.”  Stede’s hazel eyes were twinkling with amusement as his soft palm slid the lotion over him.  “This will cool down the burn.  And we’ll put some more on you in the morning.”

“Thought you wanted me to feel it all week,” Ed said and reached up hesitantly to wrap an arm around Stede’s waist so he could snuggle in.

There was no objection, so he relaxed as Stede worked his fingers in slow circles, his other hand reaching up to scratch through Ed’s hair down to the scalp.  Yeah, he was fucking purring, loose and relaxed like he’d never felt in his life.  It was like some tension had been pulled out of him and thrown away.  No tension here.  Nothing but warm, floaty feelings and Stede soothing his aching ass.  Apparently, Ed liked ass rubs.  He was learning all sorts of new shit about himself lately, wasn’t he?

“I want you to feel your absolution, Edward.  And you will, but there’s no need to make it worse than it needs to be.”  Stede drizzled more of the lotion over Ed’s ass which made him hiss out at the chill liquid.  And wasn’t that something?  Stede expected him to ache for days from the spanking, but still wanted to fucking take care of him.

Ed hummed to himself and just floated, listening to the music Stede had put on when they’d gotten back.  He’d half expected some sort of classical composition, to fit the theme of the priest, but Stede surprised him yet again.  Apparently, he’d had a playlist of rock ballads that slammed Ed back to being a teenager, hovering above his old radio, ready to hit record in the hopes of catching his favorite song.  It was nostalgic.  Comforting.

Stede’s fingers caressed and circled, his thumb tracing up and down with a tenderness that had Ed’s hips hiking up like a cat in heat.  There didn’t seem to be any pressure to talk or interact as he was cared for, no pushing or nudging.  It was like Stede was letting him have the space to float around in his own head without any jarring thoughts to disturb him.  Though his dick was trying its best to take an interest in the priest’s fingers going anywhere near his hole. Every time Stede’s thumb drifted down he found his hips tensing with faint shivers that he tried to hide.

Nope, don’t think about that, do not think about that.  Ed had to sternly talk to his own dick, which was trying its best to act like they were twenty again.

Eventually, Ed’s eyes slid shut as he let his thoughts continue to float away, swirling and dancing without any real destination in mind.  Stede hummed along with the music until Ed drowsed.  It wasn’t quite sleep, but it was warm and safe feeling.  The palm rubbed back and forth,  gently, smoothing the lotion over Ed’s skin until his flushed ass felt pampered and adored.  Kinda fucking amazing really.

He tensed when Stede capped the lotion again, expecting himself to be shooed out of the priest’s lap, but it never came.  All of it combined to feel like the sort of care he’d been craving for decades, and here it was being offered by a man he’d never date.  Could never have.  That had been hurt by him and then offered every gentle piece of adoration that could be offered without taking anything for himself.  He hadn’t even let Ed rub against him, where the priest might have been reasonably able to make the excuse he hadn’t meant to come. 

Eventually, Ed began to think about Jim again, but this time with something approaching a healthy consideration.  The way they had been so outraged that Ed might try and break Stede again.  And he didn’t want to know, not really, but at the same time, Ed needed to know.  Stede had been vague about what happened after they’d parted ways.  Something had clearly happened, something that was firmly his fault, even if he’d sort of paid for it with his own ass.  It still nibbled at his thoughts until it cut through the pleasant haze.  Until he had to say something.

“After everything,” Ed asked softly into the silence.  “After the whole thing happened between us, Jim said you were broken.”  He winced at the blunt intro.  “Sorry, was just thinking about why I was uh–kinda worked up earlier.”

“They said what?”  The hand went still where Stede was stroking down his back, and Ed felt a subtle tension through the strong legs beneath him.  “What did they say?”

“Nothing bad, not really!  Just mentioned their Nana worked at the seminary, the one you went to when we met.”  Ed lifted his head up to see Stede looking down at him, not guarded, but not happy either.  “Sorry, fuckin’ not my place to ask, is it?”

“No, I just hadn’t realized they’d spoken with you.”  Stede’s hand returned to the gentle strokes, sliding up to card through Ed’s hair. 

“They figured out who I was from when we were talking at the restaurant.  They knew about the bet,” he admitted in a small voice, letting his head be coaxed back down into the warm safety of Stede’s lap.  “And just—I get it, it’s your life, but the way they talked, it sounded--it sounded bad.”

“It wasn’t bad, simply not the best choices were made,” Stede hedged, which left Ed wanting to just fucking drop it, but also not?  There was an urge, like knowing he had a hurt muscle, where he wanted to move it just to feel the ache. 

“Tell me?” Ed asked softly and felt the fingers in his hair sliding down towards the nape of his neck.  “I just kinda imagine the worst?  And—maybe knowing will help?  Cause I see what you’re like now, you’re obviously okay, but I don’t know what happened after, and it’s like I can’t get it out of my head.”  He tried to figure out how to put it together.  “I dunno, it won’t stop, and then I feel guilty about it, and I’m not sure why you’re not angry.”

“It’s not something I’m proud of, Ed,” Stede sighed and tipped his head back against the couch. “We all have times like that in our lives, right?”

“Oh, yeah, okay—” Ed began to backtrack, but then Stede dropped his head down to regard him with a wry smile.  He didn’t look angry or upset.

“I suppose you could say that after that day I had a crisis of faith.  The things that had brought me to seminary no longer held sway, and I even questioned God’s presence in my life.”  Ed opened his mouth to apologize when Stede’s finger pressed against his lips to silence him.  “My struggle with my faith is not your fault, Edward.  I had been questioning it for quite some time before we ever met.  I was preparing to move from my configuration stage to my vocational—” Stede paused and must have seen the question on Ed’s face.  “The time when I would get practical experience in a parish before I was ordained,” he explained kindly.  “When you offered to take me to the party, it felt a bit like fate.”

The fingers returned to stroking through his hair, but it was more distracted as Ed tried not to feel a twist of guilt.  But he wanted this, right?  To know?  “And then I fucked it up.”

“No, and then you were young, and I was inexperienced and idealistic,” Stede soothed, fingers going back to their gentle strokes, massaging Ed’s scalp.  “After we had our fallout I didn’t feel the call to return to my vocation.  And, yes, I was quite hurt.  I had built up what we had into something it wasn’t.”

“I really liked you,” Ed mumbled and shifted his head so he wasn’t staring straight at Stede. “How we talked, got along, I really did.  I just—I didn’t think I could have a relationship back then.”

“I don’t blame you, Edward,” Stede admonished before picking up the story.  “I went a little wild.  I suppose it was overdue since I was in my twenties and had never even so much as gone to a real party until the one you took me to.”  He paused and gave a huff of laughter, which almost sounded fond.  “I had a slut-era, as the kids call it.  I wanted to try everything, do everything, and I—hmm—I wasn’t so discerning of who I did it with.  I found a local gay club and became quite the regular most of that spring and into the summer.  I ignored the seminary and just let myself run wild.  It wasn’t always that safe, but I was naive for a long time, and it was luck more than anything that kept me out of real trouble.”

Ed shifted uncomfortably, trying to imagine the boy from the coffee shop cruising a gay bar, being pulled into backrooms and bathrooms.  He talked as if there had been more than just a handful. As if he had been tumbling into strange beds every night.  And in that time, the clumsy oral sex from the first time with Ed had clearly been honed into—fuck, no wonder Stede had sucked his soul out of his cock if he had that sort of experience.  Christ, just thinking about it made him struggle not to shift his hips.  He dragged his mind back to the conversation.

“You found your way back, though?” Ed prompted, trying to get his mind away from visions of Stede in tight, cropped shirts and on his knees for faceless men.  That way lay madness.

“Oh, in a way.”  Stede gave a wistful smile.  “I caught the attention of the local bishop after a rather—” Stede paused and coughed.  “Anyway, the bishop caught wind of what I was doing and pulled me aside to set me on the proper path before things got out of hand.  I was out of my depth, you see.  But for a time I ran wild.”  The wistful smile became rueful.  “And, as I said, Edward, I don’t regret what happened.  It helped me find myself, even if the path was winding and a little embarrassing.”  He smoothed back Ed’s hair with a tender fondness that made Ed’s chest tight.  “Faith that isn’t tested is a hollow thing — fragile, and easily broken.  You were the crucible that I needed, whether I knew it or not.”

Ed licked his lips.  He wasn’t sure how to answer that.  He wasn’t sure he wanted to think of himself as a crucible.  Like a fire that drove the impurities out of someone.  He liked Stede’s impurities. 

“I’ll tell you a secret?” Stede said as Ed remained quiet, and he glanced up to see the priest smiling, crow’s feet wrinkling at the corners of his eyes.

“What?”

“I had fun, Edward.”  He whispered it like it was something forbidden.  “All that time I was running around and cruising?  Yes, I went a little crazy, but I had so much fun.  My life before the seminary was trapped behind the wealth and expectations of my family.  No teenage wild years, no crazy adventures.  I had my books, and when I was expected to marry a woman not of my choosing, well, I had the church.”

“Oh, fuck, that’s bleak.”  Ed shifted and sat up.  Stede let him and moved to draw the blanket up over his bare shoulders.  Hell, he almost forgot, he was still naked.

This was the most information he’d ever gotten from Stede.  They were pearls of the past that he greedily gathered up and hugged to his chest.  He’d never heard why he’d gone to the seminary or how it’d happened.  Never learned anything about Stede’s life beyond the bits he knew now, about him being a priest and having his little crew.  He wanted to know more.  He wanted to know everything.

“It was, but I made up for it!”  Stede’s smile grew wistful.  “And I suppose to Jim’s Nana it looked like I was broken — and I won’t lie, I didn’t attempt to ask any of my partners on dates—but I was so free.  I never would have done that if I hadn’t met you.”

He didn’t look bothered.  Didn’t look like he was remembering something painful.  He looked like he was telling the truth.  Like he’d loved who he’d been back then.  He’d gone out there, maybe not made the best choices, but who did when you were young?  Ed hadn’t, case in fucking point, but Stede had just put himself out there and still seemed to be proud of himself for it.  It made him smile as he dragged the blanket down around his shoulders, feeling a hesitant happiness for the boy he’d hauled off to a party.

“You deserved that, being able to do all that,” he said truthfully.  “Wish I coulda been the one to show it to you,” he added truthfully.

“If wishes were horses, beggars would ride,” Stede lilted softly and then drew in a breath before blowing it out with a huff.  “Now!  You hold tight, I’ll be back in just a tick.  I’m going to grab you some PJs and make sure the guest room is all set up for you.  In the meantime, you figure out what you’d enjoy for dinner, so we can order in, and perhaps we’ll watch something.”

“Y-yeah, sure,” Ed said as Stede stood up, already reaching for the buttons of the black robe before sweeping down the hallway, leaving Ed staring after him.

Guest room.  Of course, there was a fucking guest room.  Why the fuck did he think he was going to curl up in bed with the priest?  He rubbed a hand over his face as he wriggled further into the blanket and tried to remember who he was with and what this was.  Maybe Father Bonnet had odd ways of helping Ed work through shit, maybe they were a little sexual, but it was only sexual on Ed’s part.  He just needed to remember that and stop making stupid, silly presumptions, like falling asleep in strong arms that held him close. 

Stede was gone a while.  Like, longer than multiple songs.  And Ed was very normal.  He didn’t get up, didn’t go to listen in the hallway, didn’t imagine Stede pausing to get out of his robe and hastily shoving his pants down.  Didn’t dream about Stede biting his fist to stop his moans as he worked his cock in eager stripes while thinking about Ed.  Didn’t think about going to see if he could help him with that.  And he definitely didn’t imagine dropping to his knees as if he were about to receive communion and opening his mouth to have Stede plunge into his throat. Nope, Ed was very fucking normal.

Stede returned in sleepwear.  Real sleepwear.  The gold silk top was buttoned all the way up to his throat and long sleeves paired with a sweeping set of long silk pants.  He presented Ed with a dark purple pair, saying that his clothes were in the wash so he wouldn’t have to put on dirty clothes in the morning.  Ed tried to get up to help him straighten up a little while they waited for food to arrive, but Stede firmly tucked him back on the couch and told him to find something to watch.  It was all done with kindness and gentle reassurances, until Ed felt like a stray cat finally relaxing into soft words and a warm bed.

Dinner turned out to be a dream since it was Spicy Perogy pizza that had Ed nearly drooling like the aforementioned stray.  The potato-topped slices of pizza had sour cream instead of sauce and were topped with the full gauntlet of potato toppings plus jalapenos that Ed barely remembered from the last time he’d been in Boston.  It was kind of greasy, but a good sort of greasy, and filling in a way that left him warm all the way down to his toes as they ate and watched Paddington.

It was the sort of night that Ed had craved back when he’d been dating people.  Nothing really planned out, nothing in the future to worry about, just a slice of time where he and Stede existed on the couch together, enjoying plates of food while watching a movie about a bear trying to find a home and family of his own.  They joked and chatted, pressed side to side so that he could feel the absolutely decadent slide of his silk pajamas against Stede’s.  It felt like he’d always been here, not like it was a one-time thing.  He had a sort of deja vu in a sense, but  not in the way that he’d been here before, but more that there was a spot waiting for him on this couch and with this man.

This priest.  He reminded himself forcibly as Stede gestured with the fork he’d been using to eat his pizza.  Because of course he used the knife and fork method of eating pizza like a maniac.

“Why would you put a sandwich in a hat?” Stede muttered pensively, his brows furrowed like he was legitimately concerned over head-sandwich logistics.  “It’d be stale, and covered in hair! I mean fur.  Whatever, it wouldn’t be edible is the point!”

“Mate, you’re missing the point.  That’s some damn fine marmalade, you gotta store an emergency supply somehow.”  Ed licked his fingers one at a time before Stede pushed some napkins into his hands.  “It’d get squashed in a pocket anyway.”

“Yes, well, he could keep the marmalade in a little jar and wrap the bread separately.”  Stede sniffed in disapproval at the fictional bear.  “Soggy sandwich?  Yech, it’d be awful!  A sensory nightmare!”

“Nah, bet it’d be great, you know all soaked through with the marmalade.”  Ed needled with a barely hidden grin at how bitchy Stede could be.

“Edward!  You cannot be taking the side of a chaotic bear with poor marmalade handling practices, you’re a chef!”  Stede looked at him aghast. 

“Yeah, and maybe I’m gonna start storing emergency marmalade sandwiches around,” Ed said with an affected serious face.  “Yanno, just reach into a pocket and drag one out mid-interview, start aggressively eating and staring into the camera.”

The conversation turned into increasingly unhinged times to eat emergency marmalade sandwiches while Stede and he giggled like a pair of twelve-year-olds.  Stede finally won when he decided that the best time for an emergency sandwich was at the funeral of a work colleague, since, obviously, you’d be stuck waiting for food for a while, plus you’d be sharing one last work break with them.

They watched Paddington 2 when Ed saw it pop up, and he couldn’t help but fall in love with the little misunderstood bear.  Even Stede, begrudgingly, allowed that the bear had use for that sandwich a few times, but refused to back away from his point that it would be soggy and covered in hair. 

And through it all, Stede never pulled away from Ed’s closeness.  He invited it by lifting an arm for Ed to drop in close or by curling his legs at just the right angle so that Ed had room to press up against him.  It was platonic cuddling, but it left Ed floating again all the way until he was dropping off with his head sliding against the broad shoulder.  It became harder to want to stay awake when his stomach was full and the sound of the movie blended with Stede’s little laughs and comments.  

“Bedtime,” Stede murmured the second the credits began to roll, stirring until Ed lifted his head with a huff.  “Come on, I put fresh sheets on the guest bed.”  Right, the guest room, because he wasn’t going to slide into a bed with Stede like they were a couple.  They weren’t a couple.

And yet, it felt kind of couply to brush his teeth beside Stede in the bathroom and giggle as Stede lamented the horror that had been the bear shoving a toothbrush in his ear.  It was fun to knock elbows in the tight space and find out that Stede had an entire skin care regimen that he insisted Ed try.  It was the most relaxed he’d ever been, and he kept on floating until he was led to a small guest room with a full-size bed tucked in what looked like half a clothing store, complete with professional-looking racks pushed into corners.

“Ah, yes, sorry.  This is actually my auxiliary closet,” Stede said with a flush that reached his ears. 

“These are all yours?” Ed breathed as he looked at row after row of brightly colored outfits. Suits and shirts, pants and shoes that were lined up in neat little rows.  At first glimpse he’d thought it was some sort of fancy donations for the church. 

“Afraid so.”  Stede’s cheeks went a little redder.  “I’m a bit of a clothes horse, I’m afraid.  A sin I’ve never been able to break.”

“Fuckin’ fantastic,” Ed breathed out and grinned.  “You gotta wear this shit more often, man! Not that your little collar thing isn’t great, but–fuck!  You got like a whole vibe going on, don’t you?”

“Yes, a bit.”  Stede smiled shyly, but he looked so pleased as he stepped in closer to Ed in the small room, reaching out to run his fingers across a fine looking fabric done in bronze.  “I can’t seem to help myself, Lucius despairs of it.”

“Oh well, fuck him, mate.  This is perfect.”  Ed grinned wide and delighted as he pulled out a silky white shirt trimmed in dark sapphire blue.  “Should make you do a fashion show for me one day!  Show all this off.”

“You’d be here all week,” Stede laughed, and Ed turned to hold the shirt up against Stede’s chest to admire how it would look on him.

Ed turned, close enough that they were nearly chest to chest, as Stede moved to hang up the shirt with a soft smile.  They’d been closer before, but there was something vulnerable in Stede’s eyes as he kept casting looks at his clothes as if embarrassed, but they returned to Ed, and each time he looked a little more confident.  Why was he embarrassed?  It was almost cagey-looking when Ed glanced back at the rows.  Was a priest not allowed to have fine things?  Because fuck the church if they thought that.  Stede deserved fancy outfits. 

“I wouldn’t mind,” Ed murmured softly as Stede’s eyes came back to him again.  Hazel, chased with gold and grey, impossibly complex like the man himself.  “Would stick around here for a month to see you wear ‘em all.”

“Oh, I–”  Stede’s breath hitched while something softened in the tension of his shoulders.  He looked beautiful, more — real.  

For the first time, Ed realized that there was a mask to Stede he hadn’t quite noticed before.  It was subtle, and maybe he wouldn’t have noticed it, but the way Stede looked at him reminded him of the brief moment in the coffee shop when they’d been younger.  It was gentle and a little shy, as if he weren’t sure that Ed really meant what he was saying, but at any moment he’d open up if he were given the chance.  Ed’s heart began to beat faster he realized that they had both gone silent and remained standing so close that their chests nearly brushed.

Ed’s eyes drifted to Stede’s lips, soft and pink.  It would be so easy to lean in to kiss them. They’d kissed before, but that had been in another context, but suddenly he wanted to have it be in this context.  To kiss Stede simply because the man deserved to be kissed.  Stede’s tongue darted out to trace a plush bottom lip which made Ed sway forward.  His eyes went up to see Stede watching him closely and the openness shifted.  It wasn’t quick, it was like watching someone struggling to close a door that didn’t want to be shut.

“We should go to bed, Edward,” Stede murmured and drew back, slow and regretful, but he still drew back.  “It’s late.”  

“Uh, yeah, right.”  Ed cleared his throat as the priest moved further away and towards the door. “Guess it is late.”

“Sweet dreams, lamb.”  A gentle, but clear, delineation of who they were to each other and Ed let out a breath.  “I’m right across the hall should you need anything.”

“Night, Father.”  He made himself use the title before Stede slipped out, and he was left in a room filled with beautiful clothing and the feeling that he’d misstepped somehow.  He just wasn’t sure how or why.

~ ~ ♱ ~ ~

Ed hadn’t had dreams about his father in fucking years.  Used to have them all the fucking time.  Used to know what to do when he found himself in one of them and how to jar himself back the fuck out.  Used to have some fucking control. 

That control was gone, however, when sometime during the night he found himself flung into a place with a roaring voice where his body was still tiny and scared.  Ed was suddenly small, and the man above him was full of fury and the stink of cheap vodka that made Ed gag.  He scrambled backwards, trying to get away, but he was hauled up by the wrist, the man yanking until Ed felt his bone crack while he sobbed apologies.  He hadn’t meant to knock the bottle off the counter.  He’d just wanted a sandwich, and his mum was gone.

The monster throttled him and swung him around as the voice spoke in tongues of fire as he tried to get away.  He was scrabbling backwards, pain blossoming over him and tears hot on his face, before something cold brushed his cheek.  It was shocking, and he jolted away from it, striking out before he hit something solid and silky.  He shot bolt upright in a strange bed with someone crouched beside him and the light from the hall spilling across them both as he let out a choked shriek.

“You’re safe, you’re alright, deep breath, Edward.” Stede’s voice was gentle in the darkness, the hand pulled away and didn’t touch him again as he spoke. “You were dreaming, it was all a dream.”

“A dream,” Ed gasped out, feeling the sweat cooling on his clammy skin as he huddled in the corner of the bed.

“Yes, a dream, just a bad dream,” Stede whispered softly while Ed gulped down a breath and then another, inhaling the scent of lavender and faint incense, not cheap booze and body odor. “You were crying out in your sleep.”

“Fuck,” he choked out, pulling his knees up and tucking his head down against them. “Fuck, I’m sorry, I’m fuckin’ sorry—don’t usually get nightmares anymore.”

The shame crashed through him.  Fuck.  The evening had gone so well before this.   It had been domestic and sweet, full of soft touches as Stede had seemed to constantly have his hands on him, in one way or another, snuggling him on the couch until Ed had just felt— safe.  Happy.  It had been, overall, one of the best nights of his life until now.

Now, the elegant silk pjs were damp with sweat, and a glance at the clock showed it was nearly 3 in the morning.  It was humiliating, after a perfect evening where Ed had been surrounded by Stede and his Stedeness.  He tried to find a way to salvage things, some way to recover, but Stede was just crouching there, watching Ed with concern written all over his face.

“May I touch you?” Stede asked softly, like he hadn’t done more than touch him earlier that day.  Ed managed a weak nod as he tried to calm his beating heart. 

The priest moved to sit on the edge of the bed and drew an arm around Ed, coaxing him out of his huddled position to lean in against him.  Before he knew it, the arms were wrapped around him as he was pressed into Stede’s shoulder with fingers smoothing down a back that was probably fucking gross from sweat.  No coming back from this.  No recovering.  It was a core memory of humiliation now.

“Do you want to tell me about your dream?” Stede asked softly, thumbing up and down Ed’s back in little circles.

Ed sighed and closed his eyes.  “Not really.”  Some monsters only became more real when you spoke about them.

“Alright.”  Stede shifted so that his legs were pressed next to Ed’s, not stopping the gentle soothing touches.  “You don’t need to say anything, let’s just get the light on, alright?”

Ed felt ridiculous.  It was just a fucking dream, but it was a relief when Stede hit the little lamp beside the bed.  He didn’t press or ask questions, just let Ed wake up all the way as he chased away the nightmare.  It felt weird, having someone just there.  He couldn’t remember ever having woken up from a nightmare with someone ready to comfort him.  Or, at least, not someone who actually gave a shit that he woke up in a cold sweat.  Jack, maybe, once, who had grunted and told him to settle the fuck down before going back to snoring.

Ed was kind of used to Stede exposing him, but this wasn’t just exposed.  This was cut down to the bone.  He was split apart, ripped and torn.  If Stede pressed, he’d see the real ugliness, not just the vague answers Ed had given about his past.  He’d see the holes and chunks that still made him feel unlovable.  Unworthy.

“Sorry I woke you,” Ed muttered and then sighed.  “Listen, I should probably just head out now that I’m awake—”

“You absolutely will not.”  Stede’s voice dropped into his ‘priest-voice’ and brooked no arguments.  “I was worried you’d have something stirred up tonight, that’s why I asked you to stay.”  Stede shifted back to give Ed room, his brows furrowed with concern.

“What?”  Ed blinked slowly, feeling sort of stupid and half asleep.

“Sometimes experiencing the highs of what we did earlier can stir up old feelings and memories.”  Stede reached down to take his hand lightly, thumb grazing over Ed’s tattooed knuckle.  “I didn’t want you to be alone if they did rear their ugly heads, and I’m so grateful you’re here.”

“Oh.”  Ed blinked rapidly and curled his fingers around Stede’s hand.  “That’s—I didn’t know that.”

“No reason you should, lamb, I’ve made a study of the way the body affects the spirit and the mind.”  Stede rubbed his hand a little more firmly.  

They grew quiet again, and Ed’s rapidly beating heart slowed down.  He calmed.  Relaxed.  His eyes fluttered shut as he pressed himself into the strength of Stede’s arms.  It was stupid.  He was awake.  He should be able to pull back and be a normal human again, but he didn’t want to feel like he had to withdraw.  He just wanted this little circle of comfort.

“I’m going to get you some fresh pajamas, alright?  We can talk a little before you try and sleep again.”  Stede gave his hand a gentle squeeze as he shifted away.  “I can change the sheets if you like.  Sometimes that helps me.”

And Ed was tired.  Ed was more than a little scared.  Ed felt small and nervous.  And that was the only reason he let the words come out.  “Can I sleep with you?”

What the fucking fuck, Teach?!  He jerked his hand free of Stede’s hold with a stab of shame.  Why had he asked that?!  What the hell was wrong with him?  It was a single nightmare.

And Stede went still.  He stared down at Ed like he’d asked something in another language, and maybe he had.  Maybe he could pretend he hadn’t said it.  Maybe Stede wouldn’t answer because it was a weird god damn request to make of a priest, right?  Like so weird and over the borders of okay that no sane person would ask it, but at the same time, he didn’t want to take it back.  He didn’t want to curl up in the guest bed alone.  He didn’t want to fall back into dreams.  He just wanted—  Fuck, pathetic, all he wanted was to be held and comforted.

“You want to sleep in my bed?  With me?” Stede asked slowly, like he hadn’t heard right.

“Sorry, just half asleep,” Ed muttered and looked away.  Stede wasn’t his boyfriend.  They weren’t an item.  Stede was a priest who was being very nice, understanding, and kind.  

Stede chewed on his bottom lip, and his eyes did something—odd.  They flicked away and back to Ed, almost as if he were nervous.  Ed opened his mouth to tell him it was just a mistake, but he didn’t get the chance.  “Yes, I—I yes, I suppose that would be alright.  I only have a full-size bed, though.  I don’t—” Stede let out a huff of laughter.  “Well, I don’t have company, ever, so it’ll be a touch cramped, but we can make do.”

“Wouldn’t expect you to have company.”   Ed perked up despite himself and then forced himself to give Stede an out.  “Don’t feel like you gotta, mate, seriously it’s—”

“No, I rather prefer having you close by,” Stede interrupted him and reached down to brush the damp hair from Ed’s forehead.  “I trust you’ll behave, lamb?”  Stede’s voice dropped, and Ed’s mouth went a little dry at the tone.

“Yes, Father.”  He breathed the response automatically, which earned him a beauteous smile.

Fifteen minutes later, Ed was in a fresh pair of pajamas and Ed got a glimpse into Stede’s bedroom, it was just—it was fucking fascinating.  It was absolutely covered in books.  They were tucked everywhere, from side tables to shelves to piled on a chair in a corner.  Stede snagged three from one side of the bed, with a slightly abashed look, before tucking them in a drawer and sighing.

“I’m sorry, I have a bit of a reading problem,” the priest admitted, and Ed shrugged, more fascinated by the little knick-knacks tucked in the spaces not held by books.  Crosses and saints, of course, but also pictures that looked like they might be Hindu, Buddhist, and even a few Islamic items that Ed recognized.  And that wasn’t all.

There were pictures.  So many pictures.  Treasured photos of what looked like Stede’s little crew and himself that were lovingly framed and tucked about like they were family.  It made Ed think about his bedroom at home and the pictures that might as well have come with the frames he’d bought.  There were polished stones and carved statues, a picture of Stede in what looked like another country, grinning with a man whose arm was thrown over his shoulder.  Stede had a wild outfit on, all bright golds and greens, beaming and younger with a wide grin that looked heartbreakingly familiar.

“That’s Abshir,”  Stede said, and Ed realized he’d approached the picture with interest, drawing Stede’s attention.  “An old friend, we met when I went on a bit of a world tour.”

“Ah, sorry, just look like I remember you,” Ed said with a little flush.  “Didn’t mean to snoop. Like your room.”

“Yes, well, I try to keep my clutter here or else Lucius bitches.”  Stede crinkled his nose up a little.  “Here, you can have the side closest to the door in case you get tired of sharing a bed.”

Not likely, Ed thought as he looked over a tall as hell mattress that looked so soft it might as well have been a cloud.  

The bedding was luxurious against Ed’s hand as he edged towards it nervously.  He knew this was weird.  He wouldn’t crawl into bed with any other friend, but the idea of going back to sleep in a strange room by himself with that dream still hanging over his head was almost unimaginable.  This was better.  This felt safe and welcoming.  Stede’s room was full of things he liked, little pieces of himself that surrounded Ed like armor against the dream he was terrified would grab him again.  The sheets smelled like Stede as he slid under them, and felt Stede doing the same on the other side of the bed.

And look, a full-sized bed wasn’t small, but for two grown ass men?  Yeah, it meant that there wasn’t a lot of space between them.  He felt Stede’s warmth against his side as he settled himself into a pillow that smelled a little like Stede’s cologne, but mostly just Stede.  That mixture of soaps and incense and lotion all blended into a soothing whole that Ed burrowed his face into.  He felt the tension in his shoulders relaxing as Stede wriggled, and the mattress didn’t even fucking move.  Like it was one of those ones from the infomercials where they put full wine glasses on the surface and then bounced on top of it.

“Do you want me to leave the lamp on?” Stede asked, and Ed rolled, finding himself face to face with the priest, invading all his cozy places with his neediness.  And yet, Stede didn’t act like he was being invaded.  He was smiling at Ed like he was secretly pleased, or thrilled, or just fucking happy.

“No, s’alright, you’re here,” Ed tried to make a joke of something that felt serious.  “You’ll protect me.”

Stede’s expression did something complicated, but not unhappy, before he leaned back behind him for the lamp.  The light flicked off, plunging the room into relative darkness before Stede’s voice came out.  Soft as the night itself, warm as a hug.  “Always, dove.”

Ed’s breath hitched and he made himself close his eyes, turning his head into the pillow as he wasn’t sure if he wanted to kinda cry or smile to himself at the ridiculousness of the priest’s promise.  Ed was a grown ass man, it wasn’t like he really needed someone to protect him, but it still felt good.  He felt safe as he began to drift off to sleep.  Cared for.  Wrapped up in Stede’s blankets, inches away from the security of his arms and surrounded by all the things that made Stede happy.

Ed kinda hoped he could be one of those things.

~ ~ ♱ ~ ~

When Ed woke up again, it was in a haze of warm-edged feelings, and someone pressed against him.  It was lovely, the feel of a head on his shoulder and an arm draped over his stomach, his legs tangled up and pinned beneath someone else’s.  He wasn’t sure if he’d dreamed anymore, but waking up felt like something sweet he wanted to linger over.  

He normally woke up like a fucking bear, all growling and grumbly, dragging himself out of bed to find the closest shower to jolt himself awake.  Years of working in restaurants had trained his body to be on a fucking automatic alarm to wake the moment the sun began to come up, after all.  Now, however, he lingered and basked, not feeling any particular urge to leave the bed or the way that Stede held him. 

The sunlight was just creeping into the room as Ed heard a soft snuffle snort from Stede as the priest huffed out.  He didn’t wake up, but rolled a little until there was a warm puff of breath against Ed’s neck, and the arm around his stomach squeezed a little.  And it felt kinda fucking perfect.  Okay, fine, maybe Stede was drooling on him a little, but even that was perfect?  Perfectly imperfect?  Was that a thing?  It felt like a thing.  Ed sighed out and wriggled further down, going limp as a proverbial teddy bear for the priest, and let his eyes flutter shut again.  Fuck being awake at dawn.

He must have dozed again, drifting off to dreamless sleep, because the next thing he registered was the sound of a door opening and shutting in the distance.  He was still half asleep enough to not be sure what the fuck it was, or where he was, only that he knew that the sound meant something.  

Groggily, he began to lift his head when Stede grumbled with an adorable snort before tugging himself in nearly flush against Ed’s body.  In fact, Ed sorta relaxed into the cuddle until his sleep-hazed mind remembered a fucking door had just opened and closed.  In a house where they were the only ones who were supposed to be there.  Unfortunately, the realization came a tad too late, because just as Ed began to drag himself all the way awake, the bedroom door opened.

“Stede, I’m serious, I’m not your fucking alarm clock and—OH MY GOD!” Lucius’ voice cut off with the loud exclamation which made Stede jolt beside him with a little snort-grunt as his secretary stood in the doorway staring with wide eyes.

“Lucius?”  Father Bonnet’s voice was sleep-rasped while Ed tried to scramble away to prevent things from looking like they’d been doing anything other than sleeping.  He forgot it was a full-sized bed and how close he was to the edge until he crashed off the side and onto the cold floor.  “Edward!”  Stede’s voice turned to concern when Ed hit the ground with a yelp as his sore ass reminded him just what all had happened the day before.

“Oh, wow.  That’s—Hmm, Father, what have you been doing?” Lucius’ voice trilled as Ed tried to calm his racing heart.  What the fucking fuck?!

“S’not what it looks like!” Ed yelped out as he struggled free of the tangled blankets he had brought down with him in his fall, feeling his heart slamming against his ribs while the younger man sauntered into the room looking between them with keen interest.  Too much interest.  “I was—it was—”

“Oh, and what do you think it looks like?”  Lucius smirked smugly, but his eyes narrowed when they went back to Stede.  “Because it definitely looks like you two slept together.”  That made Ed let out a choked noise.

“Yes, we slept in the same bed.  Just slept,” Stede said slowly and firmly, which made Ed jerk his eyes over to the priest’s amused, sleepy face.  “I’ll thank you to keep your filthy thoughts to yourself.”

Ed tried not to feel hurt at the dismissal, because that was the truth, wasn’t it?  They hadn’t kissed, hadn’t dry humped, they’d just slept in the same bed after Ed had woken up from a nightmare.  Still something about the casual dismissal of the intimacy hurt.  “Yeah, just slept.  I had a rough night.”

What did the kid think?  That he and Stede had fucked?  That he’d helped the priest break his vows?  The thought made Ed’s stomach plunge with a twist of guilt that eased when he glanced over to see Stede looking calm and collected.  Oh, he looked annoyed at the wake-up, but he didn’t look guilty or flustered.  The annoyance only toned down when he looked at Ed with some amount of concern.  If Stede wasn’t bothered, Ed wasn’t going to be bothered either.  Easy-peasy, pudding and fucking pie.

“Is there a reason you let yourself into the rectory, Lucius?” Stede asked stiffly while Ed tried to figure out a graceful exit.

“Uh, it’s Sunday, Father,” Lucius said and seemed to recall why he was here rather than the fact that Ed had been sleeping in bed with the priest.  “The church is still locked, and since you won’t let me have a key, I can’t get it ready for mass and you aren’t---”

“Oh shit,” Stede hissed, and the curse made Ed’s eyes fly to him in surprise.  “I need to—Grab the keys and let yourself into the church.  I have a sermon planned, and I forgot to have Jim go over it yesterday.  Can you call them and—"

“Yeah, yeah, I know.  You act like I’ve never done this before.”  Lucius rolled his eyes, and then they went right back to Ed.  “And will your new sleeping buddy be attending mass today? Might be good for the soul.”

“Lucius,” Stede’s voice went low and serious, something that made Ed feel a shiver race down his spine.  “I’m sorry, Ed, I completely forgot what day it was.”

“Nah, mate, I get it.”  Ed managed a small smile, feeling like it was being driven home that no matter how comfortable Stede’s warm bed had been, or Stede himself, he was as unavailable as they came.  “Sorry, I kinda made you sleep in.  I should have just gone home last night.”

“Absolutely not,” Stede huffed and pushed his fingers through adorably sleep-mussed hair.  “I’m sorry, I really do need to get ready.  I’d rather have breakfast with you, but I’m afraid things are rather—” Stede trailed off and waved his hand around.

“No, I get it, Father.”  Ed retreated to formality as he edged away from the bed.  “I’ll just um, get dressed and head out.  Don’t think I’d be suitable to go to mass anyway, might light the place on fire by accident.”

“Not the only thing you’re setting on fire,” Lucius muttered as Ed eased past him and towards the spare room.

“Oh, yes, of course.  But really, there’s no need to rush off, Ed,” Stede called after him, his voice just a little wistful in a way that made Ed’s heart speed up.

Ed’s clothes had been neatly folded in the guest room last night, so he made a beeline for it, but he could feel the way Lucius was watching him as he left.  It was blatant in a way that left him feeling exposed, but when he glanced back, the boy was closing the bedroom door in a pointed way that made Ed feel nervous as he stepped into the guest room.  The moment the door shut behind him he heard Lucius’ voice go a little sharp and questioning, although he couldn’t pick out what was being said.

Shit, was Stede in trouble?  What happened to a priest who was found in a compromising position?  Priest jail?  Was that a thing?  He’d have to google it and maybe figure out how to prove that they hadn’t done anything but sleep in the same bed.  Couldn’t have his best friend ending up in priest-jail for no good reason. 

Ed paused as he began to unbutton the PJs, and his brain caught up with what he’d been thinking.  Best friend.  It had just slipped into his thoughts as naturally as breathing, but there it was.  It was like a slap in the face, but kind of a good slap?  Did they make good slaps in the face?  Because Stede kinda felt like his best fucking friend.  It was more than just the way the priest was trying to help him sort out his own brain.  It was in the way that Stede and he just sort of slotted together.  The easy laughter and talk, the riffing like they’d done the night before while watching Paddington. The texts and phone calls that had begun to pattern their days.

So, yeah, Stede was his best friend.  Ed hadn’t counted on that happening, but it felt right as he dragged off the soft PJs and got into his clothes from the day before.  And it was okay for best friends to sleep in the same bed.  Nothing had happened.  He hadn’t been, like, grinding all up on Stede or anything.  They’d just slept in the same bed.  Stede hadn’t seemed guilty or bothered, so it wasn’t a big deal.  Lucius was dramatic, Ed knew that, and it was Sunday.  He’d have to make sure he didn’t come over on Saturday nights.

Not that I’m spending another night, last night was just a one-time thing.  He thought as he slid on his pants with a soft hiss as he felt the tender state of his ass.  And didn’t that do something to him?  He felt a curl of arousal and shame and relief and just—there were a lot of fucking emotions as he did up his jeans.

Once he was dressed, deliberately ignoring the texts from Izzy buzzing on his phone, he left the guest room for the bathroom to brush his teeth as quickly as he could.  Even if Stede had said there was no reason to hurry, he could figure the priest had a busy morning, and it’d be awkward if he stuck around.  Even more awkward if he saw Stede in his full priest regalia.  Because Ed could admit that he had some feelings about that man that weren’t normal or pure.  Why were priests allowed to be hot?  It should be illegal.

It was only after he brushed his teeth and got his hair pulled up into a loose bun, that he went back to Stede’s bedroom, unsure of what to do.  He should say goodbye, not just bolt out the door like he was guilty of something, right?  But when he got close enough, he heard the muffled sounds of Stede and Lucius talking with ever so slightly raised voices.  And it wasn’t like Ed meant to eavesdrop.  He really didn’t.  It was just that the voices carried through the door while he hesitated outside of it.

“…mid-life crisis, you need to tell me, Stede Marie Bonnet, because I am not finding another job. Not after putting in five whole years arranging your life.”  Lucius’ voice came through the closed bedroom door as Ed did his best not to listen, but still somehow managed it.

“That’s not—No! I’m not having a mid-life crisis!”  There was a creak and thud as if a door was opening and shutting.  “I like helping people, as you very well know, and I don’t often get to do it anymore.”

“Babe, you had him in your bed.”  Lucius sounded almost admiring.  “I didn’t even think that was possible.  Like, seriously, remember that hotel fuck up?  You made me sleep on the floor when they one-bedded us in Philadelphia, which, yeah, rude.  And here I am, waking you up with a hot leather daddy in your bed.”

“Oh, please, you had a roll-away bed!” Stede protested.  “And you made me buy you a massage the very next day when you claimed your back hurt!  Don’t think I didn’t notice it was a beauty massage.”

“Served two purposes,” Lucius snickered, and then there was a long moment of silence.  “You know I’m the last person that normally says this, but you’re sort of skirting your rules, Father. And I’m not just talking about the sleeping together thing.”  The teasing shifted to something serious.  “You know that, right?”

“I’m aware, really, I am.”  Stede sounded tired suddenly.  “But I think I can really help him, Lucius, it’s been a while since I’ve had that.  And I enjoy the time we spend together.  He isn’t looking for ‘Father Bonnet’ or just looks at my title instead of the person behind it.  Not really.  We just pass the time so well.   It’s just easy–it’s been a long time since I’ve had that.  And yes, I know I have you and the crew, but it’s different.  It just–it feels different, Lucius,” Stede trailed off as Ed’s chest went tight and then guilt twitched through him.  Nope, should definitely not be eavesdropping on this.  “And maybe I’m being silly and bending some rules, but they’re—”

Ed made himself knock on the door, because at this point he wasn’t going to just keep listening to Stede’s private conversation.  It was an invasion, even if the soft, sad voice talking about people looking for Father Bonnet made him wonder just how many duties the priest had.  How many people ignored the man behind the clerical collar?  Maybe that’s what caused the feeling of gravity pulling between them?  Similar feelings of being surrounded by people who only wanted one part of them?

“Ed,” Stede lilted with a wide smile as the bedroom door opened, the priest’s hair was still mussed up but now he was dressed in a heavy gold robe securely wrapped over his chest.  Shit, had he been stripping down in front of Lucius?  Yeah, Ed was normal about that.

“Hey, figure I’ll head out so you can do your priest thing,” Ed said and shifted a little from foot to foot as Stede’s face fell.  

“Oh, yes, of course.”  Disappointment flavored his words.  “I’d hoped to make you breakfast when I asked you to stay.”

“Breakfast, huh?”  Ed grinned a little bit.  “Make it or order in.”

“We-ell, a little of both.  I can boil an egg, and I’m quite good at making little trays of nibbles.”  Stede’s smile became bashful. 

“Next time,” Ed said before he could stop himself.  Stede’s grin was as brilliant as the dawn sun and just as warming.  “Thanks, you know, for last night and everything.  Sorry, I woke–”

“I didn’t mind, Edward.”  Stede leaned against the doorframe and it wasn’t fucking fair that the priest could look that whimsical and hot.

“Father, you have mass, remember?” Lucius said with a put-upon sounding voice that irritated Ed, and he shot the guy a look.  “Don’t shoot the messenger!  I’m just doing my job, and if we don’t get a move on, we’ll be late, and then I’ll have to deal with Jim, and they’re sorta stabby.”

“Yes, Lucius.”  Stede looked tired, but when he looked back at Ed, the mood shifted.  “Have a good morning, Edward.  Do be careful sitting, won’t you?”  The last was said with a lilt of humor that brought a flush of heat to Ed’s face, and he nearly choked. 

He had the urge to kiss Stede goodbye.  It was unhinged as hell, but there was a part of him that wanted to tug the robe to pull the priest in close and share a slow, syrupy morning kiss.  It was the sort of daydream he often had.  He resisted the urge and managed another goodbye before slipping down the hall so he could pull on his boots.  He needed to stop thinking about idiotic things like goodbye kisses and ‘next times’ spending the night.  He needed to get his head on straight.

As he stepped out into the chill morning air and bounced down the stairs to his bike, he looked towards the main church.  There were already a few cars in the lot, and he thought he saw a couple of people at the door.  That was where Stede belonged, with his congregation, giving them advice and whatever the fuck else priests did on Sundays.  Even if he was tired, even if Ed was tempted to see if Stede had ever thought of quitting his vocation.  That wasn’t any of Ed’s business.  He wasn’t going to come here and throw a wrench into the works just because he selfishly wanted the priest all to himself.

His phone buzzed as he swung his leg over his motorcycle, and for the first time he wasn’t irritated when he saw Izzy’s name flash over the screen.  Maybe what he needed was a little distance.  A little perspective.

Izzy:  You’re supposed to appear on Nailed It.  And don’t fucking tell the boys to handle it either! 

Izzy:  You can’t just concentrate on one fucking restaurant when you have an empire, Blackbeard.

Izzy:  Will you fucking answer me?!

Izzy:  God damn it, you absolute twat!

Ed:  Calm the fuck down, Iz.  I’ll book a flight back today.

Ed:  I’m not staying, though, I’m just coming for the appearance.

Izzy:  What the FUCK is in Boston that is that fucking important?

Ed:  *Middle finger emoji*

Ed shoved his phone in his pocket and pulled his helmet on before starting the bike.  He’d have to go back to LA for the appearance, and he’d use that time wisely.  Maybe it was time for him to really think about what he wanted for his future. And he’d have to face it, that future couldn’t involve falling in love with a priest.  But maybe it could involve being best friends with one?

Chapter Text

Ed: What does the bible say about smiting people that read out loud on a plane?

Stede: Is it a GOOD book at least?

Ed:  It’s Harry Potter.  What the absolute fuck.

Stede: Oh, yes, we’re very pro-smiting then.

Stede: Sending smiting vibes out into the universe for you.

Ed: You think I should tell her my priest thinks she deserves a good smiting?

Stede: Your priest, hm?  Converting?

Ed: Fuck off! You know what I mean!

Stede: Indeed.

Ed stared down at his phone with a faint flush on his cheeks before tipping his head back against the headrest, ignoring the woman muttering lines from Harry Potter behind him.  So much for good intentions.  When he’d left, he’d decided he’d only text Stede when he touched down in LA.  Put a little healthy distance between himself and the priest after the other night.  Great idea, solid foundation, and he’d immediately fucked it up because when the woman behind him began to mutter as she read, he’d only had one person he wanted to talk to.  

And, okay, he knew it probably wasn’t a healthy thing to be this obsessed with a priest. But at the same time, he liked talking to Stede.  The priest matched Ed’s energy effortlessly.  He’d sort of narrowed down that it was part of the appeal of being around Stede.  The maniac was always game to be a little outrageous and unhinged with Ed, even if it were silly.  And Ed could admit he was weak for the man.  And it wasn’t in a platonic way, no matter how much he tried to excuse it.  He was weak for the man in a way that made him want to do some stupid shit, like ask Stede to go out to some fancy dinner or whatever the fuck else normal people did on dates.

You cannot date a priest, idiot.  He closed his eyes and shoved his phone into his pocket while the little devil on his shoulder whispered temptations.  Why not, though?  He’s not a Catholic priest, and that means he can probably date, right?

Nope, not going down that rabbit hole again.  He wasn’t religious.  He didn’t believe in God, never had.  And if She did actually exist, She was little more than a capricious tormenter of the rest of the world.  So, what could he possibly bring to the table if he tried to date a priest?  They already had some fundamental fucking disagreements about the basic cause of the universe.  No, it was better that he kept things firmly within the boundaries that they’d already established.  Friendship.  Maybe some therapy and shit.  Not romance.  Never romance.

Ed ignored the urge to text Stede back and, instead, put in his earbuds before flicking up a show he’d downloaded for the flight.  It was one he’d seen advertised a few times and was absolutely watching it because it had some good comedy mixed in with the drama.  He definitely wasn’t watching it because it featured Andrew Scott playing a hot priest.  That didn’t factor into it at all.  If anyone asked or suggested it, Ed would definitely disagree.  He was watching it because it was a good fucking show with high ratings.  That was all.  Perfectly fucking normal and completely hinged. 

Ed:  Do you think I can get away with stealing shit from the set tomorrow?

Ed: Like Wes?

Stede: Who’s Wes?

Ed: Oh my god, please tell me you’ve watched this show.

Stede: Do I look like someone that’s watched a cooking show?

Ed: Mate!  It’s not a cooking show, it’s like an EXPERIENCE.  Seriously, put it on right the fuck now.

Stede: How is it not a cooking show?

Ed: Right now or we’re not friends anymore.

Stede: Rude!

Ed: Don’t care, you gotta watch it, Bonnet!  Don’t you want to support my career?

Stede: I’ll watch it if you’ll watch it with me.

<CALLING FR BONNET>

Ed had never felt at home in LA.  Even when he’d been having the time of his life when his career had taken off, he’d never felt like it was anywhere other than a place where he spent time.  He’d gotten a condo instead of a house when he’d been able to stop renting, because he’d never really wanted a house.  His house felt empty and foreign as he’d walked around it the first night, and struggled to feel like he was home.  It was even worse when he saw all the holes and places that had previously been filled by Will with all his shit before they’d broken up.  Ed hadn’t even bothered to move things around or fill in the spots before he’d left.  Now he was left feeling those empty spaces like an accusation. 

At least he’d had the chance the second time to call Stede.  He’d jumped at the offer to watch Nailed It together like a lifeline away from his too quiet house.  Ed was doing a really great fucking job at keeping his distance from the priest.  He absolutely hadn’t angled the phone to watch the way Stede wheezed with laughter at the reveal of some of the creations.  Hadn’t spent more of the call watching him than any of the content he’d been excited to share.  But to be fair, Stede was such a treat to watch. 

Stede didn’t just give polite laughs.  He absolutely fucking honked and cackled, tears in his eyes and gasping until Ed had followed suit.  He rooted for people like they were watching a football game together, and had eagerly asked Ed about all sorts of trivia, and if Nicole was really as wild as she was on TV.  He had just made the night better.  Ed had suddenly felt the unhinged desire to just fly Stede out for the rest of his trip.  He imagined the priest in his space,  chasing away the cold walls and too quiet mornings of waking up alone.  Because, of course, his fucking mind imagined waking up to Stede in his bed.

Nope, nope, absolutely fucking not.  He stopped that thought before it could go much further.  But that did nothing about stopping the way he kept reaching out to Stede like a lifeline.

Watching Fleabag had turned out to be an idiotic idea.  It wasn’t that Andrew Scott wasn’t hot as fuck as a priest, but the scene where he told Fleabag to kneel?  Yeah, that had created some rather complicated feelings in Ed’s pants.  Which he could have dealt with, until he’d reached the end of the stupid fucking show where the priest chose the church instead of the girl.  What the fuck was that about?!  Just fucked her and decided to go back to God?  Ed didn’t have a very good evening.  He’d finished the show.

Izzy was his only distraction, which proved to be irritating as hell, since said distraction was on a rampage of things Ed needed to do now that he was back in LA.  The shitty thing was, Izzy was right.  Ed had things that he’d left on the back burner for far too long, responsibilities he’d been avoiding.  Not that knowing it was necessary made him feel any better about being hauled into meetings and product endorsements.  Each day basically began with his phone chiming alert after alert from his calendar and Fang showing up shortly after dawn to make sure he went where he was supposed to go.  At least the big man was gentle and apologetic about it.

“We just have to meet with a few people about your appearance with Wildcard Kitchen, then we’ve got a luncheon with your accountants, and Izzy wants you to visit the flagship, maybe do a little schmoozing,” Fang began as he started the car.  Ed groaned, trying not to feel like a toddler. 

“Fang, you ever think we fucked up?” he said as he dug his heels against his eyes firmly. “Like, didn’t you love tattooing?”

“Dunno if I’d say loved, boss,” Fang temporized and glanced up in the rearview mirror.  “I mean, I liked it, still do, but I also like working for you.”  Fine, that wasn’t wrong.  Ed knew Fang liked his job, but he just wanted someone to agree with him.  He stared out of the window until Fang delicately cleared his throat. “Boston that rough?”

“No, actually, Boston is fuckin’ great.”  Ed dropped his hands down and watched the traffic beyond the tinted window.  “Makes me realize that I’m getting tired of all the appearances and bullshit.  I mean, yeah, I get it.  I’m a brand.  Well, Blackbeard is a brand, but I wonder what it’d be like if I didn’t have to be.”

“Just run the restaurants?” 

“Maybe,” Ed muttered and stared at a few cars wistfully. Just the restaurants, or maybe just one restaurant.  What would it be like to be an actual chef again?  Not a celebrity chef, but just working in a kitchen day in and day out, creating menus because he wanted to, not because people expected something insane.

Fang let the silence lapse after a worried look.  Probably not great to tell your employee you were thinking about packing it all in.  Not that Ed had ever been great as a boss.  Izzy was the one who ran the day-to-day  He was just some figurehead who popped up on the wall to make sales and attract attention.  It was depressing as fuck.

Ed went through the rest of his day chafing under the constant ticking of the clock as he was sped from meeting to meeting.  He was barely able to catch his breath as Izzy gave him new rundowns and introduced him to people he couldn’t care less about.  He worked out numbers, picked up spreadsheets on possible chefs to hire at some of the distant restaurants.  It was overwhelming and exhausting, more like bureaucracy than what he’d once enjoyed about it. 

So, he schmoozed, he smiled, and he scowled as needed.  Shook hands and made promises. They went out to eat, and he hated it.  Hated the way that the servers always acted so fucking nervous around him.  Hated how they waited for him to bellow out or make some snarky comment fit for Blackbeard when they served up the food for the table.  Hated how he knew that the chefs would probably all be jammed against the door, despising him for showing up here and dreading what he’d say.  It all felt so fake and sleezy.  What ever happened to having fun?

And it kinda felt like Stede was on his shoulder whispering the next question.  Could you have a shoulder priest like people had shoulder angels and devils?  It kinda felt that way.  And shoulder Stede whispered that maybe he just needed to relearn how it could be fun?

Ed didn’t often engage in social media.  He let other people handle that shit for him on the day-to-day.  There just didn’t seem to be any point in adding something else to his plate.  But he wanted to do something new, something fucking fun.  And the idea of seeing the shit people were cooking?  That always fascinated him.  When he was just starting out, he’d spent hours on various places online reading recipes and seeing what new shit others came up with.  So, when he got home, he decided to take over his own twitter account to give it a go.

The invitation to let people show him what they were cooking was like a wildfire the moment he posted it.  It helped ease some of his irritation from the day as he found himself inundated with everything from truly epic cooking fails to family recipes to restaurant-worthy presentations.  Izzy texted him a few times, wondering what the fuck he was doing, and he ignored him entirely.  Ed just wanted to try and get back to having fun with food, and what was more fun than sharing it with others?  Kinda made him wistful for when he’d left college and done his first big dinner with friends, sharing recipes and shit, experimenting.

Ed stretched out on his couch as he scrolled through the various tags with a grin.  There was a little bit of everything, but he didn’t go near any professional chefs, just the amateurs trying to make shit work.  And they did.  Fuck, one kid was doing elevated dorm food that made Ed salivate as he watched their take on making ramen with a microwave, coffee maker, and the shit he could find at a gas station.  It was the sort of creativity he’d always adored.  He was in the middle of complimenting the kid with a few suggestions of his own when his phone began to ring with the gentle peel of church bells that had him scrabbling to answer.

“Stede!”  Yup, cool as fuck, that was Edward Teach.

“Ed!  Lucius showed me your posts on the Twitter, this is fab!”  Stede’s voice bubbled out with enthusiasm even as Ed nearly choked at the phrase ‘the twitter’.  “I just posted up my dinner!”

“Yeah?”  Ed flicked through the tag #BlackbeardRatesFood looking for Stede’s post.  “Don’t see it, mate, what’s your handle?”

“Oh, uh—”  There was a pause before an embarrassed laugh.  “It’s silly.”

“Love silly.”  Ed grinned.  “C’mon, what is it?”

“MobyRichard.”  Stede giggled as he admitted the name.  “I was always annoyed they shortened it to Dick.  You don’t greet your enemies with friendly little shortened names!”

“Oh my fuckin’ god, you’re such a dork.”  Ed wheezed, but found the post easily enough. He soon felt his smile pulling at his cheeks until they ached at seeing the pie he’d taught Stede to make.  “Aww mate, that looks fantastic!  Did you just make it?!”

“Yes!  Do you really think it looks good?”  Stede’s wistful voice made Ed grin.  He kinda liked that tentative side to the self-assured priest.

“Hold on—” Ed muttered as he began to type out on his tablet to retweet the picture with a fond smile.  “There!”

“Oh!”  Stede’s little gasp sounded so pleased as Ed gave it pride of place, fucking pinning it to the top of his page.  “Thank you.”  It was soft, a little tentative and sweet.

“You wanna help me find others?” Ed asked into the soft silence as he imagined Stede all flushed with happiness at the compliment.  “Could use a co-captain here.”

“Ah, yes, it does sound like a deeply cool adventure.”  Stede’s laughter warmed him down to his toes.  The warmth grew as he watched fans flood Stede’s picture with supportive comments and appreciation.  Just as it should be.

Stede began to send him links to interesting food and created a game as they both warred against each other to find the wildest creations or insane stories.  It was silly in the best way, one that had him laughing whenever Stede tried to pronounce dishes that he’d never encountered.  Ed nearly choked when Stede announced he’d found a ‘galactic burrito’ when someone posted up galaktoboureko.  It was warm and domestic, passing away more than an hour and a half as they raced about, sharing, with Ed commenting.

Ed eventually paused when he found a tagged post that wasn’t all that flashy, but the story made him go silent mid-sentence with Stede, so he could read it over twice, each time smiling to himself.  It was an older man who had taken a slightly blurry photo of Hungarian paprikash with a message that he had tried to remake the same food he remembered his grandmother making.  He wrote that he didn’t think it was all that much to look at, but that it tasted like winter days and better times.  It was full of love and emotion, a background that Ed did an entire thread of, praising him and the style of cooking.  Telling him, ‘fuck off if anyone doesn’t like how it looks, food like that’s supposed to fill the soul.’ This last part seemed to please Stede a great deal.

“Filling to the soul,” the priest mused.  “You know, that’s very true.  I just hadn’t thought of it that way, but good food really does bring you together.  Like at Roach’s.”

“Yeah.  Like the family and cultural history behind food,” Ed admitted wistfully.  “So many old recipes are lost because they’re not kept in a family.  S’important to keep them alive.”

“Do you have any food like that?  Recipes from home?”

“No.” Ed heard the defensive edge in his voice and drew in a steadying breath.  “I mean, I grew up pretty fuckin’ poor,” Ed admitted slowly as he pushed against the old wound.  “Food was mostly what was cheap and what didn’t go bad quickly.  Lotta hamburger helper and pasta.”

“Ah, that must have been difficult.”

“Yes, and no.  I mean, yeah, it was rough sometimes, but it kinda made me get creative.  Used to find new ways to make shit taste good when I could,” he mused softly and gave a small smile to himself.  “Came up with some awful attempts, but some were okay, I think.  Mum, at least said so, and she was unbiased, obviously.”  He shied away as he recalled his father’s snarling outrage at the times the food hadn’t come out edible.  The blame that he’d beaten into his mother while Ed had hidden beneath a table.  He switched the subject.  “What about you?  Any family recipes?”

“We had a private cook when I was growing up.”  Stede’s voice went a little distant, just a touch sad.  “Then, well, as you’ve found out I never really learned how to cook for myself once I was out of seminary.”

“Oh you were rich, rich,” Ed teased lightly, keeping his voice gentle.  “Sorry, mate, that actually does suck.”

“Not earned wealth, I assure you.  Just years upon years of questionable practices that built up too much money for any one family to spend.”  Stede blew out a sigh.  “I suppose that was  some of the appeal of the church.  You aren’t expected to be rich or particularly powerful, just a servant of the people.”

“If you weren’t a priest, what would you be?” Ed asked wistfully.  He couldn’t help himself, the words just slipped out. “I mean, when I was in college I thought I was going to be a rocket scientist.  Well, propulsion engineer is what they’re called.”

“Really?” Stede sounded curious.

“Fuck yeah!  Used to be obsessed with rockets and jets.  Even made a few prototypes while I was still in college.”  Ed rolled over on the couch as he remembered the day Izzy had been ready to skin him alive for burns on his favorite chair.  “Did you know they make a sort of rocket fuel called rocket candy that you can put together at home?”

“Rocket….candy?”  Stede’s amusement made Ed grin while he dropped his tablet to one side to devote his attention to the conversation.  “I’m assuming it’s not edible.”

“Yeah, nah, you don’t wanna eat it.  Y’just need plain sugar and some stuff you can get from Home Depot, and bam!  You got rocket fuel.”  He felt his lips pull up in a slightly manic smile. “Y’know, that’s kind of how I enjoyed cooking once.  Just creating insane things on a whim with science and chemistry.  Still sometimes think maybe I missed out on not chasing being an engineer, but, dunno, guess I’m good at being a chef, the same as you’re good at being a priest, yeah?”

There was a long moment of silence that Ed nearly broke before Stede let out a forced-sounding chuckle.  “Am I good at being a priest, Edward?”

And didn’t that kinda hurt.  Was it wistful?  Guilty?  Ed wasn’t sure, but the tone made him want to wrap Stede up in a hug.  Maybe kiss his forehead beneath his swoopy blond hair.  He couldn’t do that, but he could be honest.

“I think so, yeah,” he responded promptly.  “You try to help people, you’re kind, even when you’re being a little bitchy—” there was a snort of laughter.  “You listen, you know?  You’re easy to talk to and forgiving.  I think that makes a good priest, don’t you, Father?”

Stede hummed thoughtfully to himself before he shifted the conversation entirely.  “So, do you think you’d be happier being a rocket scientist?  Or were you just the sort that liked blowing things up?”

Ed felt the urge to drag it back to why Stede didn’t think he was a good priest.  Was it because of Ed?  It was selfish to want to drag the conversation back around just to make Stede reassure him that he wasn’t damaging the priest.  He bit his lip and let the subject change. 

“I dunno, I like cooking, you know?  I don’t know if I’d be happier building engines, maybe I’d just have different problems,” Ed murmured thoughtfully.  “Maybe I could open up a restaurant that’s better than the shit I’ve been doing.  Blackbeard’s Bar and Grill and Delicacies and Delights and Rocket Candy.”  He heard Stede giggling as he kept adding on, making him wriggle further down in the couch to be comfy.  “Y’know, all the basics.”

“Who’d want to go to a restaurant and pass a bunch of explosives?” Stede asked in a confused voice that made Ed giggle.  “Why not a nice gift shop?”

“When’s the last time you went to a gift shop in a restaurant, mate?”

“When’s the last time you wanted rocket fuel in one!” he countered before they both began to giggle.  Stede’s little wheezes tickled Ed every time.

They ended the phone call shortly afterwards, with Ed’s cheeks hurting from laughing as he leaned back on the couch.  It was just so easy with Stede, so warm and just—And it didn’t matter because he was a priest.  Ed flicked his phone up idly before biting his lip and let himself look up the question he hadn’t quite had the balls to type before now.

Priests could date.  Ed was practically vibrating with that knowledge as he tried not to fidget with his phone so he could read through various websites and articles about the types of clergy who were allowed to have relationships.  Stede had all but said he wasn’t Roman Catholic, which meant he was another branch, and most of those branches were just fine with their priests dating and shit.  Okay, fine, the gay part might be rough, but still, it meant that Stede could possibly date someone.

You mean date you.  He thought, and couldn’t help himself, he flicked open his phone to glance at the website he’d found with ten tips on dating the clergy.  Like he hadn’t fucking memorized half of it last night.

There were a fuck ton of warnings.  Like, not dating a priest just because they were a priest, which definitely wasn’t something that Ed was even thinking about.  Even if he did find the outfits kinda hot, it wasn’t just about that.  It was about laughing and having fun, like their call last night when they’d riffed on one another and just talked.  And now Ed was filled with thoughts that wouldn’t be quiet.  No, they were full on blasting on repeat.  What if they had that date Stede had asked for?  Yeah, years later, but what if they did and it went great?  What if they had a second and third date?  What if they had loads of dates?  What if they fell in love and then it went deeper?

“Edward?!” Izzy’s voice snapped in Ed’s idle daydreams until his eyes jerked back to his CFO. “Are you fuckin’ listening to me?!”

“Not really.”  Ed swung his legs down from his desk.  “Hey, hey, Izzy, do you think I could be a priest’s wife?  Like, does that shit require bake sales?”

“What?” Izzy went still and simply stared at him like he’d grown a second head.

“I’d rock at bake sales, you know.  Fuckin’ whole damn spread, five-stars, and then I’d make money for, I dunno, cross polishing or some shit.  Whatever it is they need.”  He waved his hand negligently.  “Or maybe I’d do potlucks and socials?”  Wasn’t that an image?  Little apron, Stede grinning at him indulgently as he put together some fancy spread for the church.  Maybe kissing Ed’s cheek in approval and thanks.

Or maybe Stede would help him bake!  They’d be in the kitchen together laughing, flour on their cheeks and giggling as Stede tried to figure out how to make puff pastry under Ed’s tutelage.  Their wedding bands would be hanging from necklaces because they couldn’t bear to take them off, not even for the time it took them to work the dough.  Maybe there’d be music filling the kitchen as Stede drew him in while they waited for the dough to chill, giving Ed floury kisses while they laughed at how much of a mess they’d made together.  Oh, that was a lovely image that made Ed’s chest go tight with longing.  Not sex, not lust, just a perfect fucking moment with someone to share it with.

“I need you to pay attention, you absolute twat!” Izzy snapped.  “We’ve got to get ready for the meeting with Netflix if you’re going to jump from the contract with—"

“I am paying attention.  I’m paying attention to the very real question of what the fuck a priest’s wife does!” Ed snapped irritably as Izzy refused to just let him linger over a pleasant fucking daydream.  “Fuck Netflix, man.  Just fuck all of this!”  He snarled the last words.  “I’m tired of this damn dog and pony show.  Another appearance, another special, another fuckin’ opening, another meeting.  You said three years ago I’d be able to take a break, and where is that, huh?!”

“It’s not that bloody easy!” Izzy snarled back.  “Do you think I like chasing your depressed ass around making you do all of this?!  I’m the one that’s massaging the networks, making the deals, excusing why you’re not around when you were slated to be at a meeting!”

“Sounds stressful, Izzy,” Ed snarled right back, surging up from his desk.  “How about this, how about we just don’t.  How about we just—”

“Edward,” Izzy’s expression turned exhausted, his shoulders drooped in a way that made Ed flinch with a twinge of guilt.  “What would you have me do?  Fire everyone and shut down the whole building?”

“No, I mean, obviously not—”

“Because that’s what would happen.  The people who work here work for Blackbeard.  They’re in charge of the culinary empire you made.  They workshop new recipes, handle social media, curate your appearances, and run restaurants you haven’t set foot in since the day they opened,” Izzy continued on in an exhausted voice.  “They have jobs based on your success.  You wanted a break, but what you meant is you wanted to stop working.”

“I’d prefer working in a restaurant!” he snapped right back.  “Why do I have to be here?  It’s not like I’m—”

“Ah, boss?”  Fang’s voice made Ed snap his jaws shut and draw in a steadying breath, swinging his head around mid-rant.  “Your 2 pm is here.”  Izzy shot him a look that warned him to pack it in, while Ed gritted his teeth to force a smile on his face, motioning for Fang to show them in. 

It was a frustrating morning of meetings that kept pushing him to put more of himself out there.  More shows, more appearances, more shit that he didn’t want to deal with.  The only good thing was that he was able to put them off with mostly empty promises, requirements for in-depth propositions, and this contract with the Food Network.  He was ready to flee the meeting long before it ended.  He made himself stay, but the second he saw an escape, he took it and never looked back.

Lunchtime in LA was always sort of a mix of options, but there were a few spots that Ed had found over the years that he enjoyed.  One of which was a food truck tucked just off the strip most of the week.  It was a bit hard to find, but it didn’t matter since the food was fucking amazing and there was plenty of it.  He loved a good bánh mì, and they used the most amazing bread he’d ever had.  They knew who he was, but they never made a fuss about it or posted on their social media, just kinda gave him big, fascinated eyes that he only had to deal with for a short time before he scored his food and found an empty picnic bench to eat at.

“Ed?”  The voice made him freeze as he set his food down on the table and went to take a sip of his cold milk-tea.  “Wow, you’re still hanging out down here?”

He knew the voice, didn’t have to fucking turn to know who had found him.  It always made him grit his teeth when he bumped into an ex, but at least Tom was one of the least objectionable ones, since he’d never dragged Ed’s name through any shitty scandals.  Hell, it had mostly been on good terms, so he couldn’t even be bitchy. Instead, he turned around to offer a polite greeting.

“Hey, Tom.  Fancy meeting you here,” Ed tried to sound like he wasn’t annoyed.  “Still haunting LA?”

“It’s where the work is.”  He shrugged and gestured at his table.  “Want to join me?  Been a bit.”

Fuck, that was friendly and welcoming.  He could either be an ass or just grin and bear an awkward lunch.  “Yeah, sure, why not?”  Ed glanced at Tom’s bowl and his lips twitched up in a smile.  “Pho huh?”

“Yeah, yeah, you were right, it’s amazing.”  Tom rolled his eyes while Ed shuffled his way onto the bench across from him. “How you been, man?”

“Not bad.”  Ed lied easily while he took a bite of his bánh mì with a near groan of pleasure at the burst of spice and salt over his tongue.  “Mostly boring shit, you know.”

It could have been worse.  Tom was a decent guy as they made small talk over their meal, like they hadn’t spent nearly a year in a relationship.  Tom was working on casting for some new show that had been blowing up and demanding unknown actors for the key roles.  He listened politely to Ed talk about his newest restaurant, what shows he’d finished up on.  It was actually refreshing to have a conversation that didn’t involve meetings or pressure from Izzy.  Sort of a palate cleanser from the morning.

Tom had never been the most interesting guy in Ed’s life, but he’d been fun.  He was attractive in that sort of unreal way that actors had, complete with toned muscles and an appealing fall of reddish-blonde hair that gave him a boy-next-door look.  Ed relaxed enough to recount a few of his frustrations when Tom grumbled about the idiots he’d been screening.  It was a really good meal, actually, and made Ed proud of himself for being an adult.

It was only when Tom was gesturing with one hand, talking about a bakery, that Ed noticed the wedding band.  Not that it was shocking, it’d been years since they’d been together, obviously the guy would have moved on.  It just sort of made him feel wistful in a tender sort of way.  He realized he was staring when Tom cleared his throat, and he brought his eyes back up with a rueful smile. 

“Why didn’t we ever work out?” he asked, and saw Tom’s frown before he lifted his hands up to clarify the question.  “I mean, not saying we should have, but back then, you breaking up with me kinda came out of left field.”

“Looking for closure?”  Tom raised his brows up as he wiped his hands clean with a considering look.

Ed shrugged.  “Something like that, I guess?  Just curious.”  And might as well push on that bruise a bit.

“Honestly?”  Tom paused as he folded up the paper napkin to toss into the plastic bowl.  “Ed, you weren’t a bad person, but it was like living with a fuck buddy, not a boyfriend.”

“What?”  Ed nearly pulled back at the blunt language.  “That’s not fair!”

“Isn’t it?  Listen, man, we had a lot of fun.  I’m not going to deny it was thrilling as hell and the sex was great.”  Tom leaned back with a heavy sigh.  “But after the sex kinda calmed down, I saw a lot of the holes in what should have been a relationship.  We weren’t really dating.”

“We had a relationship!  We did shit!” Ed denied immediately and forgot his own drink. “C’mon, remember when we went to Vegas?”

“For your restaurant opening, and you had me on your arm?” Tom finished with a pitying look. “It was like you wanted someone to play house with, not someone you wanted a real relationship with.  Name two dates we had that didn’t have to do with your work.”

Ed froze as his mind went through their relationship like a car crash.  It hadn’t been like that.  Tom had been kinda fucking hot for him, but they did more than just fuck!  Or, well, they’d done other things.  He tried to remember a date, and he did remember them, but they all had to do with work.  They were restaurant openings, or appearances, things that he was doing around town.

“I’m sure they existed. I mean, when we first met—”

“We met on the set of a show, our ‘dates’ were eating between takes or fucking in your room” Tom countered while Ed flushed.  “I don’t think you meant anything by it, but you didn’t really want a boyfriend.  You seemed to want the idea of a boyfriend.”

“That’s—”  Ed began to protest before closing his mouth with a flinch.  Fuck, that sounded a little too close to home.  The idea of a boyfriend, not a boyfriend.  Hadn’t he had a few exes say something similar?  “Fuck, I guess that’s kinda right.”

“I figured it out after my birthday turned into that bit on your show, remember?”  Tom’s voice went bitter while Ed winced.

It had been a contest show, and he’d had participants make a menu for Tom’s birthday party, which was also a part of the show.  It had been a long ass day of takes while Tom had smiled through it all with a sort of fixed smile that Ed knew was actually annoyed.  He’d had to try two dishes that were absolute messes and had to rate the food while Ed glowered at the contestants.  The party itself had been mostly Ed’s people, filled with a cast that Tom had arranged for.  No one who was really a friend.  It had been a fourteen-hour day, and that night they’d gone home in separate cars since Ed had needed to stay behind for some bullshit after interviews, as well as  sending two of the contestants home.

“Shit,” he sighed out.  “I am sorry about that.  It was supposed to be, I dunno, romantic?  Blackbeard terrifying his minions to give you a perfect meal.”

“Yeah, that was the problem.  When you were home you either wanted to fuck me or act like we were a perfect couple.”  Tom gave a soft sigh.  “You just didn’t want to do any of the work to be that couple.”  Tom sighed, not as if he were still hurt, mostly like they were both picking at a sore place.  Then his expression melted into sympathy.  “I am sorry you had a shitty run after me.  You didn’t deserve any of that.”

Ed waved his hand a little bit.  “Nah, mate, you’re not wrong.  At least it looks like you’ve found someone to give you the birthday dinners you deserve.”  He gestured at the ring while Tom’s smile became soft with fondness.

“I really did.”  He rubbed the ring lightly in a way that made Ed feel a flare of jealousy.  Not for the man that married Tom, but for the fact that he had that.  “Anyway!  Tell me, you still got that angry little Yorkie working for you?”  That startled a laugh from Ed and he let the discussion change, but his mind lingered on the conversation. 

On Stede.

The sweet little daydream of being in a kitchen, baking together with laughter and music.  Was that just daydreaming about playing house with someone?  Was that what he’d done with Sam?  With Mary?  With…fuck, with every god damn ex?  Dreams that didn’t have a real basis in reality?

~ ~ ♱ ~ ~

Ed had always been prone to brooding.  It was what made for good TV when he’d just been starting out.  Unfortunately, it didn’t make for very good mental health as he went through the rest of his next few days playing through past relationships with increasing guilt.  He had gone on a few actual dates, but even those had been sort of adjacent to work.  It was hard to be faced with the fact that he had basically wrecked every single fucking relationship he’d ever had.  He wasn’t even sure if it was on purpose.  Just that when he found someone he just sort of assumed that the relationship would fall into fucking place.  Wasn’t that what people did?  Fell in love?

Except, it was hard to shine a spotlight on relationships that had crumbled because he’d idealized what they were and simply put them adjacent to the rest of his life.  Will had even sent texts to that effect.  Work had been his driving force for so long that it was just a state of being for him.  It wasn’t until Boston that he’d finally gotten exhausted enough to really look at the fucking workload he carried, the expectations as he was treated as a commodity.  And he’d just treated the people he’d dated the same way.  As commodities.

Fuck’s sake, great.  There you go, Teach, the big truth.  You’re an idiot.  He ground his heels into his eyes, unsure if he wanted to laugh or cry late one night.  No wonder you couldn’t manage a simple god damn relationship.  Playing house.  Tom hit the nail on the head there, didn’t he?

Ed didn’t call Stede that night.  It felt tarnished.  His little vision of him playing doting husband to the priest, little white aprons and lazy, happy days.  Because that was him fucking idealizing a relationship, wasn’t it?  Stede texted twice, and Ed sent short responses, mentioning he was busy with work, which he was.  Izzy made sure of that.  He did a short run-through at his flagship restaurant, met with prospective Corporate Executive Chefs, and a possible VP of the Blackbeard Restaurant Groups culinary branch.  He handled problems Ivan had with IT and the website.  He tried to ignore all of the ugly fucking thoughts.

It wasn’t until nearly three days of avoiding Stede, throwing himself into work, that he found himself lying awake in bed staring up at the ceiling.  His mind was buzzing and too awake for sleep, his home bar was too full of promises of oblivion, and his other options were—yeah he wasn’t exactly feeling like going out to do something stupid at a bar.  Why do that when he could do something stupid at home?  He reached for his phone and saw the last few worried texts from Stede asking if he was alright, if he’d like a call, if he was having any problems.

“Edward!”  Stede answered the second ring as Ed sent through the video call, trying his best not to look like he’d been losing sleep because of stupid personal shit.  He forgot his attempts to be normal really fucking quickly.

“Fuckin’ hell,” he whispered as Stede beamed at him, his hair a bit mussed up and cheeks a little flushed.  And wearing the whole god damn priest outfit, or at least Ed assumed he was, since he saw the cream-colored robes in view with the elegant gold embroidery.  It was either the same outfit he’d worn in the chapel or one so similar he couldn’t tell the difference.  Ed swallowed as he felt his cheeks flush hot, doing his best not to think about the chapel and what they’d done there.

“What was that?” Stede blinked and cocked his head curiously.

“Nothing.”  That outfit is going to be the fucking death of me.  “Sorry, I didn’t know you had church so late, I should—”

“Oh no!”  Stede beamed and leaned forward to show he was sitting on some sort of polished wood chair.  A fancy sort of chair.  Did churches have fancy ass thrones?  “I’m finished up. I was just puttering around the church before heading to the rectory.  You have perfect timing!”

Ed kept staring, probably a bit longer than he should have, as Stede’s mild smile filled the phone with patient hazel eyes and soft golden curls.  All fucking perfect and pretty in the trappings of the church.  Ed dragged his eyes away to rub his face, doing his best not to feel ratty in his loose black shirt and shorts in bed.  Stede’s brows pulled together, and his expression faltered immediately into concern before Ed had even managed to say anything.

“Are you okay?”  It was hard to have such a soft question rip into his chest, but there it was digging into the tender pieces of his already flayed feeling heart.  Ed drew in a breath and shrugged.  “What happened?”

“Dunno.”  He evaded.  And why was he evading?  It wasn’t like Stede didn’t know bad shit about him.

“Edward.”  Stede’s voice was firm, holding just a faint edge of command that made him shiver.  Fuck.

“Just saw an ex today and had a talk.”  Stede’s brows pulled together in a frown of sympathy. “It wasn’t bad, I mean, not like yelling or arguments.  We just talked about how we didn’t work out and why.”  Talked about how fucked up in the head I really am.

“Ah, I suppose that must be difficult.”  Stede’s expression relaxed, but the worry was still there.  Ed squirmed under the look, regretting hitting video call.  It was easier not to do this face-to-face.

“Yeah, kinda proof I’m not relationship material, but that’s nothing new.”  He laughed hollowly as he made it a joke, but he should have known better.  He could do that shit with other people, maybe, but not with Father Stede Bonnet.

“That’s what they told you?” Stede’s voice shifted to a dangerous purr that made Ed shiver especially when he saw the flash of anger on the priest’s face. “That you weren’t relationship material?”

“I mean, no, I guess?  I dunno.  Wasn’t his fault, I was the one that just fucked the relationship up from the start.  Mostly just used him like arm candy for work events and shit.” Ed propped his back against the headboard. “Kinda hard facing that I was shitty at trying to be a boyfriend.  Like I was playing house, not really working at it. I mean, you’ve seen the track record of failure.”

There was a long silence on the phone, a bit too long, while Stede’s expression turned thoughtful and Ed had to stop himself from continuing on.  He wanted to ramble, explain just how bad he had been at it. Maybe dig the knife in a bit further until Stede agreed with him.  Because Ed had always been good at that too, wallowing in shit that hurt him. 

“I think you need to stop talking about yourself like that,” Stede said softly after a few more seconds of silence.  “And thinking of yourself as a failure.”

“Not a lie, though,” he responded stubbornly.

“Success isn’t measured by simply winning.  Success is often simply trying, dove.” Stede—Father Bonnet, murmured the bit of wisdom softly.  “As the Bible tells us, ‘the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

Ed kinda wanted to scoff, but felt himself just relaxing into the warmth of Father Bonnet’s voice, the commanding timbre of it.  “Kinda tired of all the testing, Father,” he admitted in a heavy voice.

“Then perhaps it’s time to take a step in the right direction and give yourself a much-needed break.”  Stede’s eyes lidded on the tiny screen.  “Are you in bed?”

“Uh, yeah.”  Ed swallowed as the priest’s view shifted, changing as he stood up, and Ed got a glimpse of a dark cross behind him before it was just the ceiling, as Stede seemed to be walking through the church.

“Good, I want you to get comfortable for me,” he hummed and looked up as if staring at something.  “One moment,” Stede murmured as the phone did a wild sort of blur.  He didn’t really catch much, just the beams of the ceiling and flashes of lights flicking off.

The sound of footsteps and echoing made him wonder how big the inside of the church was.  It was sort of peaceful imagining the priest walking through rows of empty pews on a quiet evening after he’d had mass.  He wondered if he’d go home and curl up on the couch with a book, all warm and toasty.  Ed tried to get comfortable like he’d been told, letting out a breath while all those unhappy emotions roiled about in the back of his mind.  Eventually, there was the sound of a door, and Ed saw glimpses of what looked like a wardrobe in a smaller interior room.

“Now, that’s better,” Stede said as he came back into view in his full fucking robes, though the collar had been loosened to show the line of his throat.  It felt debauched, seeing the collar loosened that way while he was still in his robes.  Fuck, Ed was across the country, and suddenly his heart was in his throat.  “Now, are you listening?”

“Y-yup, I am.”  Ed licked his lips again, shifting on the bed.  “Already pretty comfy.”  Maybe Stede was just trying to calm him down, like meditation or some shit.  It wasn’t like they could touch.

“I want you to get a little more comfortable for me, dove.”  Father Bonnet’s voice was rich as he settled himself on a plush chair.  It looked fancy as fuck too.  “I want to help you relax and understand that you are not a failure.  In fact, you are worthy of worship.”

“Oh?” Ed could see his tiny view on the screen, his eyes wide and feeling a little curl of heat licking through his stomach.  “That uh… that a part of what you do?  Um, your duties?”

“Hardly a duty, Edward.  I think worshiping yourself is a worship of the divine,”  Stede mused to himself, resting back against something that was a velvety-looking purple.  Maybe another vestment?  Fuck, Ed wanted to rub his face on it.  “I don’t like the way you’ve talked about yourself so dismissively, so I think we’re going to work on adjusting that way of thinking.”

“And how do I fix that, Father?” Ed rasped.  His mouth felt dry as he remembered a line from Fleabag.

Fuck you, calling me Father like it doesn’t turn you on just saying it.

Well, that hit home especially hard.  Because, fuck, just saying ‘Father’ had his entire body flaring hot and his cock stirring with interest.  It was a Pavlovian response to the way Stede talked when he was Father Bonnet and acknowledged what was between them.  Except Ed wasn’t sure what the fuck was between them besides something that made his heart speed up as Stede lidded his eyes.  They looked so dark, as if he were enjoying the view of Ed on the screen in a way that was certainly not condoned by the church.  Ed’s lips parted, and he let out a shaking breath.

“I’ll guide you, dove.”  Father Bonnet’s voice was a midnight-dark purr.  “You’re going to start by removing your clothes.  Your nudity is nothing you should be ashamed of or hide away, not with how beautiful you are.”  What the fuck was he supposed to do with that?  Ed nodded shakily and began to do what he was told.

It was hilarious that stripping while on a video call with Stede was what felt vulnerable, when he’d kneeled in a church and swallowed Stede’s cock down to the root before, but it did feel vulnerable moving the phone beside the bed so that he could undress.  He left it propped up so the priest could watch, and didn’t try to hide the fact that his cock was half-hard in his underwear.  It wasn’t like the priest wouldn’t see eventually.

His shirt was tossed in the hamper before he caught the edges of his boxer-briefs so he could edge them down.  It wasn’t a strip tease, but he might have put a few extra moves to make sure he was put on display.  He could feel Stede watching him as he let his underwear slip off, and he wriggled back onto the bed with his cheeks dark red and a little breathless.  The air was cool against his naked skin while he watched Stede expectantly and was rewarded by a smile that made him curl his toes.

“Such a good boy, Edward, so obedient.”   Stede words were as rich as ganache, something to melt on the tongue and linger over afterwards.  He went to pick up the phone to resume his former position when Stede shook his head.  “No, leave the phone where it is.  I want to guide you.  This is about you worshiping yourself.”

“I mean, I am kinda hot.”  He managed a wan smile that Stede didn’t return.  Right, probably not the best time for jokes? 

“I think it’s best to show you what I mean,” Stede mused almost to himself.  “I think we’ll begin with your tattoos.  Pick one that you particularly like, and we’ll begin there.”  Stede’s warm voice filled the room.  “Touch it for me, trace it with your fingertips.”

“Yes, Father,” Ed whispered and glanced down at his heavily inked body.  A lot of them were just throwaway tattoos, shit he’d gotten on whims or because Fang still had his tattoo gun and gear, but some meant something.

He slid his hand up and traced over the ship on his chest, spreading his fingers wide to the fine lines of the billowing masts and the mermaid figurehead that was cutting through the suggestion of a sea.  Stede let out a pleased noise as Ed traced the bow with the lightest touch possible all the way back to the stern, his thumb running along the mast.  It was one of his favorites, the first that had cost a pretty penny to get and been worth every cent.  He glanced up to see if Stede was watching and found the priest’s eyes fixed on Ed’s fingers.

“A lovely ship, I’m quite fond of them, you know,” Stede murmured approvingly.  “Go on, caress it, feel the shape of it in your skin and think about what it means to you.  Why it looks so beautiful riding the waves along your chest.”

“Freedom,” Ed muttered with a breath as he did what he was told.  He cleared his throat before repeating, “It means freedom.”  He strummed his fingers over the sails again.

“Slowly, Edward, so slowly.  Savor yourself,” Father Bonnet instructed before Ed glanced over to see him a little closer to the screen as if he was making sure he had a good view.  Fuck, was he turned on?  Was he enjoying it?  Or was this just an exercise?

Ed slowed the touches down and let them linger, each trail feeling hot against his own skin while he closed his eyes and memorized the shape of the sails.  He let his fingers drift and dance, gliding with a gentle movement that sent a shiver racing down his spine.  His thumb brushed across his nipple, and he shivered under the touch.  Stede’s soft voice urged him to move up to the sails next.  It had softened into something quiet and authoritative, but intimate.

“You said the ship means freedom, I can see that.  Setting off on the sea and away from the rest of the world,” Stede mused quietly, but there was real approval in his voice. “You can use your other hand, too, lamb.  Just concentrate on the ship.”

“Yeah, got it a while back.”  Ed bit his lip as he moved his other hand up, sliding his fingers across his clavicle where the top of the ship ended.  “Trying to break free of so much shit, felt like I wanted an escape.”

“We all want freedom. It is truly lovely, a ship I would be willing to sail away with you on.” Stede’s voice was soft, almost hypnotic, but there was a hint of something more to his tone. “Now, let your hands wander, dove.  I want you to enjoy how beautifully you’ve adorned your body.  Trace each tattoo, explore them.”

It was strange, not exactly where Ed had thought it was going, but he obeyed with a gentle trail of his hands as he moved from the ship to the bird at his throat.  He used both hands to slide across his warm skin while closing his eyes to enjoy the way his own touch raised goosebumps on his skin.  Stede continued to speak in that soft, soothing sound.  The gentle words swirled around him with the delicate hints that he should let himself relax.  That he should remember why he got each tattoo, and how lovely they looked on his skin.  That he should think on those that memorialized some event or emotion.

He’d never fucking done this.  He was a ‘get to the point’ sort of guy when it came to his own pleasure, but he was starting to doubt that was what Stede was after.  His fingers left blazing paths over his own skin, tracing with a touch that called up goosebumps as he bit his lower lip.  He opened his eyes a few times to see Stede watching as he coaxed Ed to trace his fingers along his hips, his stomach, spreading his hands open wide, but never where his cock was draped hard against his lower belly.  Kinda made him feel weird with his cock flushed and hard while Stede simply coaxed him for a time to just caress the pattern of them, looking down at tattoos he’d had for years as if he’d never seen them before.

“Do you see?  A temple is not plain stone walls.  It can be something woven together with beautiful adornments, the way you’ve adorned your body.”  Stede’s voice seemed to curl around him until he felt his muscles go loose and relaxed.  He felt safe in Father Bonnet’s care.

And that was when it started.  The gentle questions.  The soft words that pushed through his relaxation with gentle prods for answers.  Why did he have the snake?  Why the octopus?  The dagger?  Stede’s voice never rose or deepened.  It was a steady port in a storm of swirling feelings as he talked about how he’d gotten the snake young, something that felt fierce and sorta scary.  Mostly, he told people it was because it was badass, but he didn’t think Stede wanted that throwaway answer. 

“Grew up kinda rough.  When I found a guy willing to tattoo me, I picked the snake.  I wanted people to be fuckin’ scared, and snakes were scary as shit.” Ed admitted, dragging out a young and frightened version of himself.

“We all have our walls, lamb,” Stede murmured approvingly.  “They protect our hearts, after all.  And you have such a lovely heart, Edward.  One that is easy to love, just guarded on who you let in.”

“How do you know that?” Ed asked with a flinch when Stede hit too close to the mark.

“Your tattoos.  So many of them are about protecting yourself or putting out a certain image of who you are.”  Stede paused while Ed’s hands slowed to nearly a stop.  “I didn’t tell you to stop, dove, keep going.”  The edge of a command caused Ed to return to his light touches before the priest continued.  “Sometimes we build up walls to protect our soft places, and I think your heart is the softest part of you.  Young and vulnerable, easily wounded if people push past that barrier.”

“Not that soft,” Ed muttered, tracing his fingers down the line of his stomach, attempting to make a joke and failing when Stede hummed softly.

“You don’t think so?” Stede asked.  “I think you don’t give it enough credit.  I’ve seen pieces that tell me differently.  You want to love and be loved.  You’re scared of love nearly as much as you want it.”  Stede paused, and Ed glanced up to see something sad on his face.  “So you keep finding reasons to hide it away behind fierce facades and protections.”

And that was a little shard of glass, wasn’t it?  Ed didn’t give it enough credit?  He’d been fucking up relationships for years.  Christ, look at the way he’d been burned over and over again.  Maybe he hadn’t been the best boyfriend, but he’d been scorched any time he tried to bring someone into his life, hadn’t he?  Tom’s words rattled through his head until he felt a faint prickling of unease bubble beneath the surface.  He couldn’t stop himself from feeling a sharp edge of denial.

“Think my record speaks for itself,” he snapped, hearing the bite to his own words that caused Stede to hum softly in disapproval.  His cheeks flushed red.  “I’m not lovable.”  He spat the word out as venomously as the snake on his hand.

“I think you are willfully ignoring that you are lovable,” came Stede’s retort, and Ed opened his mouth to answer before the priest’s voice took on a harder edge.  “You will have discipline, Edward.”  Ed froze, one hand on his chest and the other along his hip.  “You are so stubborn, lamb, so sure you know everything.  You fail to see how poorly you care for yourself, your heart, your emotions.”

“That’s—” Ed began heatedly.

“Edward!” Father Bonnet spoke his name so firmly that Ed snapped his mouth shut again.  “I think I understand why you feel that way, but today we are going to put aside those feelings.  Now, I want you to place two fingers in your mouth for me, silence those denials and lies you’ve been trying to tell yourself.  Do you understand?”  It was a command that demanded a response, one that Ed couldn’t quite disobey even when he knew there was nothing that could force him.

He placed two fingers to the tips of his lips and pressed them inwards, letting his tongue slide out just to see the way Stede’s eyes flickered.  God, he wished the man was here.  Wanted to see the microexpressions that were hidden by the tiny screen as he drew the fingers deeper and closed his lips around them with an indulgent swallow.  He kept his other hand tracing the rose on his hip, thumbing over the edges while Father Bonnet gave an approving smile that made him want to wriggle in delight at pleasing him.

“That’s better.  You behave so well for me,” Stede purred the words while Ed made a show of sliding his fingers outwards an inch before slipping them back in to lave at them with his tongue.  “Now, slowly, you’re going to touch yourself the way that you deserve to be touched.”  Ed’s hand had already begun to slide down his belly instinctively.  “No, dove, not there. Anywhere but there.”  Ed made a confused noise around his fingers.  “You can touch yourself however you like elsewhere.  Touch yourself gently, softly, touch yourself with devotion.”

Ed’s eyes fluttered shut, and he pursed his lips around his fingers while he started to move his touch over the bare expanse of his skin, spreading his fingers open.  Stede didn’t let silence fall between them.  He murmured soft encouragement that Ed should enjoy the way his hand felt on himself, to concentrate on how soft his skin was, the way the hair curled along his belly when he drifted lower.  He guided Ed’s hand with a firm, but gentle, voice.  Fingers traced his naval, his hip, they trailed up his neck to glide along the shell of his ear until he was shivering under his own fucking touch.  It felt as if it were Stede’s touch on him.  Stede’s fingers tracing lines against his skin, savoring him.

Because Stede would savor him.  Stede would be so gentle, he would let his touch linger with a softness that left Ed gasping.  He just knew it.  Ed’s eyes fluttered shut while he whimpered in the back of his throat when Stede let his fingers trail low enough that he could feel the wet patch on his lower stomach.  So close to his cock, but nowhere near close enough for any relief.  All the while, the praise curled around him in a worship that left Ed shaking apart at the seams.

Father Bonnet didn’t let him doubt that he was something precious.  Each new word filled Ed’s ears until he was drunk on it.  Ed was beautiful.  He was worthy of being touched this way, of letting someone know every inch of him.  He should always feel this way.  He should feel like he was being worshiped by the divine for the beautiful person he was.  He was brilliant and funny.  He was a shining star of talent that anyone would be privileged to know.  Not Blackbeard, but Edward, that was who Stede talked about.  He wrapped each word in purring warmth until Ed felt as though his skin were on fire and his cock was twitching against his stomach.  He arched into his own touch with a shivering breath around his own fingers.

“That’s right, lamb, let yourself just feel how perfect you are.  Relax,” Stede murmured.  “Take your fingers from your mouth, that’s right, look how slick you’ve made them.”  Ed blinked hazily as Stede’s voice was subtly breathless.  “Tell me what you deserve, pet.”

“Deserve?”  Ed’s voice was slurred, his body flushed with arousal, wanting to writhe in the bed. “I deserve to touch myself.”

“I’m sure you do.”  Warm amusement answered him.  “But what do you deserve?  That clever mind and a heart so full of love?”

“Oh.” 

What did Ed deserve?  Kinda felt like he didn’t deserve much of anything.  Fucking imposter syndrome.  And yet, memories of Stede’s soft praise kept swirling around him, wrapping him in what he should want.  What he was trying to improve.  Because he was improving himself, wasn’t he?  He wasn’t always doing great, but he was doing better than he had been. 

“I deserve to be good to myself,” he ventured, but he didn’t give in to the urge to make it a question.  “I deserve to believe I’m lovable.”

“And are you lovable, Edward?” Father Bonnet asked softly while Ed stared at the propped-up phone, the patient expression with those flushed cheeks.  He gave a tentative nod.  “Use your words, lamb.”

“I’m lovable,” he whispered and then swallowed before raising his voice.  “I am lovable.”  He wasn’t sure he completely believed it, but there was something a little tentative there.

“That’s right, you are,” Father Bonnet purred.  “Go on, I want you to slowly wrap your hand around yourself.  Let yourself feel how perfect your hand is wrapped around your cock, how you fill your fist.”

“Fuck,” Ed breathed out the curse as he dropped his hand down to finally wrap around his cock.  Fuck he was so wet the mess was puddling against his own stomach as he made himself move slowly with a whimper of relief.

“I want you to do something for me, Edward.”  Father Bonnet’s serious voice made him flicker his eyes open while he held his cock, thumbing along the weeping tip.  “I want you to promise that you won’t rush your pleasure.  Can you do that for me?  Or will that be too much after waiting?”  Oh, that sounded like a real question, not a demand.

“I can do it,” Ed breathed out while he gave his cock a loose, slow stroke that made him bite his lower lip.  “I can do it, Father,” he repeated breathlessly.

“Good boy.”  Two words that made his cock twitch against his palm, his world narrowing down.  “Now, slowly, arch your hips up into your fist, keep your hand still for me.  Feel how perfectly made you are, how beautiful you must be like this.  Because you are gorgeous right now, Edward.”

Ed whined out as he did what was asked, thrusting up into his own fist while he traced his thumb under his tip as his breathing became faster.  He let himself just feel the slide of his slick fingers and the drag of his palm, the pressure that wrapped around his cock that he imagined was Stede’s hand.  Because Stede was there, murmuring encouragement, wanting him to tighten his hold with a slow twist. 

His other hand wasn’t ignored, no.  Stede had him trace fingers across his chest and already over-sensitized skin.  He wriggled and shivered in response while he trailed his touch over his nipples before dragging his thumb back and forth along the sensitive nub.  His back arched a little higher as he gave another thrust, trying to take his time and not giving himself nearly enough stimulation.  It was a tease, drawing it out while he twisted his fist about lightly under Stede’s soft encouragement.

It was like being in a fever dream.  His body was burning up, and he wasn’t able to give it what he wanted because Stede kept slowing his hand.  The soft words wanted him to linger on how good it felt, how hard he was, how he had been waiting for this for so long.  God, how the fuck long had they been playing this little game?  Time began to blur for him as he felt sweat breaking out along his forehead, trembling in place.

“That’s right, this isn’t a race to the finish, this is a journey,” Father Bonnet murmured softly. “You’re being given a chance to enjoy pleasure, and you deserve to savor it.  All of it.  How your heart beats faster, and your skin glistens with sweat, the tremble in your hips.”

“F-fuck…” Ed gasped out as he gave another searing stroke of his hand, letting a low whine break free.

“Such a lovely sound, my lamb,” Stede whispered, his voice sounding as wrecked as Ed was.  He bit his lip and continued the slow movements when what he wanted was to fucking drive up into his own touch.

He’d masturbated.  Hell,  he’d even had phone sex before, but that was nothing compared to the way his body was blazing with building need.  A glance down showed his cock tip flushed dark with need, the mess on his stomach only growing as he began to move his hand faster.  Not as fast as he needed, but he felt as though every inch of his body was throbbing in time with his heartbeat.  He wasn’t just jerking off.  It felt transcendent as his other hand drifted over his chest, his neck, sliding and stroking fingers over sensitive areas that left him gasping.

“Yes, just like that,” Stede whispered encouragingly.  “Let yourself feel everything.  You deserve to always feel this good, don’t you?”

“Yes, Father!” he gasped out and heard Stede let out a noise.  His eyes flew open to see Stede’s eyes fixed on him with such dark interest that he nearly tipped over the edge.

Watch me, Father, want me.  See how good I am for you.  He thought wildly and bucked up into his hand, setting his feet against the bed as he panted out.  All for you, just you.

“Breathe, my dove.  Just breathe, try not to pant or hold your breath,” Father Bonnet ordered in a voice so filled with fucking understanding and desire that Ed wanted to sob.  “Relax.”

Ed tried to control his breathing, but it was harder than it seemed since every nerve screamed at him to go faster.  He concentrated on how sensitive everything was, how the tip of his cock was nearly aching for more stimulation.  He leaned into it, fluttering his eyes shut as he only moved his hand when Stede told him he could, coaxing him into a pattern that alternated between quick and slow, pushing him nearly to the brink and then withdrawing.  It wasn’t cruel, but it was a trial that had him shaking.  The world was narrowed down to sensation and need that crested and faded, his breathing steady as time and again Stede reminded him to take a deep breath now, lamb. 

Ed lost track of everything until his body was trembling, strands of wetness clung from his tip and belly at times, while he lost all control.  Stede’s voice had gone rougher, a rich rumble that made Ed want to grab the fucking phone and rut against the damn screen like a deviant.  His breath started to hitch, he couldn’t stop himself from letting out punched-out moans or high-pitched whimpers as his hips twitched.  He stopped touching with his free hand and just grabbed the covers to ground himself.  He’d never brought himself to a state like this before, not by his own hand, but here he was, barely able to think, while following Stede’s orders to slow down.  And take a breath, my dove, you don’t want to rush to the end.

“Please, Father, please.”  Ed panted out with an edge of tears as he gave himself a loose stroke at Stede’s encouragement. “Please, I need---”

“You deserve,” Father Bonnet’s correction was firm, and Ed whimpered.

“I deserve to come!” he gasped out, twisting his head to see Stede leaning forward with gold hair falling along his forehead.  “Please, Father, please let me!”

“Take what you need, lamb.” The words were syrupy and rich, making Ed sob out in relief as he tightened his hold on his cock.  It was like nothing he had ever felt as his body went tight with his muscles bunched up with a flare of building tension.

Ed let out a noise that he didn’t even know he had in him, a keening burst of sound that came the moment his hand began to move along his cock.  Hot and slick, he didn’t need lube, not at this point.  His hips snapped up to meet him.  He couldn’t have held them still even if Stede had commanded it.  He had one goal, one that consumed and blazed through him, overriding every thought, burning them away until he was twisting and writhing in place.  It might as well have been Stede’s hand wrapped around his cock, it felt as though the world were falling away into a hazy fantasy eased by the priest’s voice.

“That’s right, don’t hold back.  Give yourself what you deserve.”  Stede sounded breathless, and Ed bit his lower lip, imagining him hard and aroused.  “Let go, just let go.  Come for me, Edward.”

That was it.  Those three fucking words, so sweet and rich, as Ed’s hand began to fly across his cock and his entire body seized up.  It didn’t take more than a handful of strokes before he bowed up from the bed and erupted in a white-hot blaze of pleasure that had his toes curling down against the bed.  No stopping it, no holding back, not anymore, his body careened over the edge with a suddenness that made his vision black out before he flung his head backwards and lunged his hips high from the bed.

Ed heard himself screaming Stede’s name as he came in ropes that shot up along his chest and stomach.  He didn’t stop moving his hand, his hips, he fucked his fist with another whine as he pushed beyond the bounds of sensitivity.  Tremors raced down his sides as he whimpered, still seeking more with little gasps and soft ah ah ahs.  

Slowly, so slowly, he dropped down bonelessly on the bed, his breathing ragged as he moved to drape his hand over the mess of his stomach and chest.  Everything was thrumming in a hazy afterglow that was pierced by Stede’s soft murmur.  The voice wrapped around him, warm and rich, edged with a huskiness that made Ed bite his lower lip.

“Divine, my lamb, that is what you are.  You were so beautiful.  Simply astounding, proof that you were made for this,” Stede was saying while Ed tried to get his eyes open, rolling over until he was able to see Stede on the video call.  “There you are.”  Stede’s smile was so fond while Ed blinked a few times.

“Yeah,” he croaked, trying to bring his mind back to itself, but it felt all wrapped in cotton padding.

“Clean yourself off, lamb, can you do that for me?” Stede murmured soothingly, despite the fact he looked flushed and half-wrecked.  “I wish I could bring you a warm cloth.  Care for you properly, but you’ll need to do it for me.”

God, what an idea, having Stede here to clean him up with those gentle hands and so much fucking care that Ed always felt like he actually might deserve to be treated gently.  He blinked his eyes a few times, and it felt like a monumental effort to drag the box of tissues off the side table.  His hands were still shaking as he cleaned up the mess on his stomach and chest, but he did what Stede would have wanted.  He took time to clean himself properly with reverence that earned him a pleased little hum.

When he glanced back up at the priest, he was struck by how wrecked the man still looked.  Stede’s cheeks were flushed red, and his eyes were blown dark even on the tiny screen, pink lips parted as Ed imagined dropping to his knees and pushing up those fancy robes, wrapping his mouth around Stede’s cock like he was born for it.  He wasn’t imagining it, he could see that Stede wanted him, just like the other times.  And he was fuck-drunk enough to let thoughts he shouldn’t have creep into the forefront of his hazy thoughts.

“Do you get yourself off?”  The question left Ed’s mouth before he could fucking stop it, and he was grateful that there was over three-thousand miles between him and the priest, because holy fucking shit, what the hell was his post-nut mouth doing?!

“Do I… masturbate?” Stede’s voice lilted the question with a raised brow.

“Fuck, okay, sorry.  Just, you know, you keep doing stuff like this, and I feel bad if you’re living with the worst case of blue balls in history,” Ed tried to backtrack rather than admitting he spent way too much time thinking about the priest taking care of himself after their sessions. “Seems shitty of me to take advantage like that if you’re uncomfortable afterwards.”  Yeah, great solid reasoning right there.

He finished cleaning up and sat up in bed, still feeling a little dazed and slow, while he picked up the phone to see the way Stede was watching him.  It looked thoughtful, not offended, thank fuck, but Ed wanted to know.  Had Stede repeatedly gotten cold showers afterwards?  Had he just sat in another room thinking about baseball until he was soft?  Or had he done something to relieve himself?

Was he going to do it again?

“I’m human, Edward, and the Lord doesn’t expect me to be perfect.”  Oh, that was not a fucking answer, and Ed gave a little hum to himself before Stede sighed.  “No, you are not giving me ‘blue balls’, nor are you taking advantage,” Stede finally answered with what sounded like a hint of laughter.  “Your conscience can be eased.”

Stede in the shower, fucking his fist, moaning with flushed cheeks as he thought about Ed’s mouth on his cock.  Maybe thinking about Ed’s freshly spanked ass bent over the altar.  He made a noise in the back of his throat that seemed to have an effect on Stede as he shifted on the plush-looking chair.  The chair in the god damn church.  Still in his fancy ass clerical robes while he’d just watched Ed get himself off.  Fuck, if he were twenty he might have been able to get hard all over again just thinking about it.

“Are you hard right now?”  Yup, great.  Post-nut Ed was just gonna say whatever the fuck was on his mind today.   

Silence.  Too much silence.  Ed began to try and find a way to turn it around.  Laugh it the fuck off as some twisted joke.  Ha ha, Ed was an idiot, asking idiotic questions because he wasn’t able to be normal about anything.

“Yes.”  One word, one lovely word that made Ed’s breath catch.

“And you’re, um, you’ll take care of yourself, right?” Ed persisted, because fuck it, post-nut Ed was a fucking tactical genius, wasn’t he?

“I intend to, yes,” Stede said slowly, brows furrowed faintly.

“Can… will you, will you take care of yourself on the phone?  With me?”  Whoops, that was too much, dial it back, Teach.  “I mean, not really breaking your vow, right?  I can’t touch you or anything.”  No fucking dial to turn back apparently.  Fuck.

“Not breaking it, but bending it into a U shape, dove.”  Stede’s voice dropped to his priest tone, but he sounded almost thoughtful.  Ed’s heart slammed into his chest with growing excitement.  Stede was considering it.

“Yeah, you’re uh, you’re probably right.”  Ed licked his lips, but Stede was still looking thoughtful.  “I just, I dunno, would like to know that you feel good too.  You deserve that just as much as me.”

Stede blinked a few times and looked—fuck, he looked confused.  “I suppose so.”  He leaned back, and Ed got a glimpse of a painting behind him.  A man was holding what looked like an X-shaped cross, leaning against it with a peaceful look as if he were looking up at angels.  Right. Church.  Priest.  What the fuck was he doing?!

The phone went black, and Ed felt his heart drop with a wave of terror.  Stede had hung up, fuck, fuck, fuck!  He’d hung up, and Ed had fucked this all to hell and back and—

“I won’t do it on video, that is too far, I think.”  Stede’s voice made Ed relax immediately, even if his voice sounded hesitant.  “Do you understand, Edward?”  A little more surety and force.

“Y-yeah, phone is fine,” Ed replied breathlessly and turned off the speaker to press the phone to his ear.  “Phone is great.  I’m sorry, probably shouldn’t push, and I’m makin’ this weird acting like I affect you that much—"

“Relax, lamb.”  There was the sound of movement on the phone, rustling fabric as whatever hesitation or nerves Stede had seemed to fade away.  “You’ve done so well.”  More cloth rustling that made Ed’s heart slam faster into his chest.  “You always affect me, every time.”  It was an admission that nearly made Ed whine.  “How can you not?”  More movement.  “Now, lay down for me, dove.  It’s time for you to relax.”

Ed all but scrambled to lie down in the bed, but he could hear the creak of the chair and the faint clink of metal.  A belt buckle?   That did make him let out a soft sound in the back of his throat, needy and eager as his mind was filled with the vision of Stede undoing his belt, his pants, now that the robe was out of the way.  The visual made his spent cock twitch, no help for it. 

“M’laying down,” Ed assured Stede as the priest murmured approval.  “Go on, please, let me know I made you feel good.”  He stopped and swallowed.  “Let me know that watching me made you feel good.”

“You always do, lamb.”  Stede’s voice went deeper, richer, before more fabric rustled, followed by a soft hiss.  Ed’s eyes fluttered shut as he imagined Stede taking himself in hand.  “Every time since the first time.”

“Can’t stop thinking about you either,” Ed whispered as he nestled into the pillow.  He was torn between wishing he hadn’t already come and grateful he had.  There were no distractions of his own arousal now, just the sounds of Stede in his ear making noises Ed was going to remember for the rest of his life.  “Never can.” He said the last in a quieter confession.

There was another hiss and then a soft groan.  “Edward,” Stede nearly growled his name as Ed heard the sound of Stede spitting into his hand to slick it up and that twisted a whine out of his throat.  Fucking filthy, debauched, and all because of Ed.

“Please, please, tell me what you think of when you take care of yourself,” Ed begged.  He wanted to know.  Was it him or was it vague?  Was it impersonal?

“Your mouth—ahh… The chapel, the first time,” Stede gasped, and there was a faint slick noise.  Fuck, it was just noises, but they were obscene when matched with Ed’s imagination.  “I think of you on your knees for me, your eyes covered and mouth open and—mmf—waiting.” 

Ed bit his lip as the world shifted to straining to hear every fucking sound he could, even as he got confirmation that Stede thought about him.  Heard it in the low noises that came from the priest’s throat, the ragged sounds that were lust-drenched and eager for more.  He moved his hand down and tried to stroke his cock, but shuddered at the overstimulation, but fuck if it didn’t try to twitch back to hardness.

“Think of how you made a little…oh God…a little noise when I pushed into your mouth.  Like you…” Stede’s voice turned into a low groan, “Like you were begging to have me in your throat.”

“I was, fuck, I was.  I’d like you to fuck my throat right now if I were there,”  Ed promised, and there was a wrecked noise, gasping and panting.  “Lick up and down your cock like it was a fucking privilege.”

“Edward, stop,” Stede growled the words.  “You may listen, you can’t—”  The words trailed off and Ed snapped his jaws shut. 

“I get it.”  He did.  He got it.  There were lines, boundaries, but god, he wanted to tell Stede so many filthy fantasies.  “Please, don’t stop.  Father, please.”  Kind of a dirty play on that plea, but Ed was beyond caring about playing fair.

There was a brief silence, and then he heard that hot slick sound of a hand around flesh.  He wondered if Stede were fucking his fist right now or just moving his hand.  He wondered if Stede was thinking of what Ed had just said.  He bit his lip hard before the priest let out a shaking pant of pleasure that had Ed’s eyes fluttering shut.  He could spend a lifetime replaying that noise.

“You look so peaceful with a cock in your mouth, Edward,” Stede said in a breathless strained voice, continuing where he’d left off.  “The sight of you, the way you just go so quiet and pliant for me, dove, that’s what I think of.”

And it continued, soft gasped words about Stede thinking about Ed on his knees or bent over, the sight of his back arched up on the altar to present himself for punishment.  Things that were getting more and more sordid by the moment, as Stede pushed closer to his orgasm and didn’t seem to be able to stop talking once the dam had broken.

Ed whined, but he couldn’t say anything, he knew that.  But he wanted to say so many things!  Instead, he just pushed two fingers into his mouth, laving the pads of his fingers with his tongue as if they were Stede’s cock.  It was filthy, but he couldn’t help himself as he heard Stede’s breathless pants on the phone and realized he knew them.  Not just from what they’d done before, but he knew the hitch in his breath and the little gasps, and the way that he was letting out soft whimpers and half-heard words.  He knew Stede was getting close to coming.

“Yes…please.. so good….”  Barely there words, whispered, as if he couldn’t stop them as he pushed towards his climax.

So many years since the first time and now.  Ed’s mouth watered around his fingers messily as he tried to mimic the pace of Stede’s slick movements around his cock.  Despite Ed’s cock being achingly sensitive as he rutted himself against the bed anyway.  It didn’t matter. He just wanted something.  Something more.  He muffled a moan around his fingers, and there was a brief pause.  He expected Stede to say something, rebuke him.  Instead, the priest’s punched-out cry burned a core memory into Ed’s being.

Stede cried Ed’s name, stuttering and sobbing at the height of his pleasure while Ed muffled another sordid groan.  Ed saw a younger Stede arching up above him with hips twitching and lips parted as he cried out.  Remembered the warmth flooding down his throat as he swallowed and took his time to draw out every bit of pleasure of the younger man.  He remembered everything as Stede came on the phone while Ed sucked his fingers down and muffled a soft shivery sound of his own.

The silence was heavy when it fell.  Stede’s breathing was ragged while Ed drew the fingers from between his lips.  His cock was barely half-hard as he rolled over, but that was a fuck more than it should have been after having just coming.  He felt a satiated weight of pleasure rest over him as there were no words, just shared quick breathing.

It was only when the silence drew out that he felt a prickle of unease travel down the nape of his neck.  The gravity of what they’d done began to hit Ed, leaving him nervously shifting on the bed.  Stede was a priest.  He had rules, and this had… fuck, Stede had said it was bending them.  He’d been aroused, and Ed had pushed.  The guilt twitched at him, but the guilt didn’t stop some selfish part of him from breaking the silence.

“W-will you stay on the phone with me?”  Ed asked timidly and heard Stede draw in a shaking breath.  He didn’t want Stede to dwell on what he’d allowed to happen, to regret anything.  Ed didn’t want to be alone.

“Stay on the phone?” Stede’s voice was slow and a little breathless, but confused.

“Yes, just—”  Ed let out a shaking breath. “S’probably weird, I just want to have you on the phone.”

“You must be exhausted, Ed.”  Stede didn’t say no, but he sounded so baffled.

“I know, m’probably gonna fall asleep, I just kind of want to do it with you still here.”  Ed didn’t even try to find a lie or excuse, because fuck he was exhausted.  The last few days had been emotionally draining and what he’d done with Stede had taken the last bit of energy.

There was a longer silence, so much longer than it should have been.  Ed’s stomach sank, ready for Stede to politely tell him that it was best he get sleep and Stede would go on with his night.  He rolled over in the bed, dragging his covers up as if that could hide him away from the rejection of his stupid fucking idea.

“You’d really like that?” Stede’s voice sounded uncertain, and maybe hopeful?

“Yes, please, Father?  Stede?”  Ed couldn’t stop himself from adding Stede’s name.  It was Stede he wanted to stay on the phone.  “Will you?”

“I… No one…”  Stede halted several attempts to speak before clearing his throat.  He didn’t sound upset, just confused.  Ed could probably guess there was a lot to be confused about, but Stede eventually seemed to find solid ground again.  “Yes, I’ll stay on the phone with you.  For as long as you like.”

Ed gave a slow smile as he wriggled beneath the covers, pulling the phone closer to him as if he could press his head to Stede’s chest.  It was so stupid.  He knew it, but at the same time, it kinda felt like he wasn’t alone in the too-big bed and his too-empty house. 

“Thank you,” Ed said with a heavy sigh as he let his eyes slide shut.  “Tell me your favorite place in Boston?”

“Oh!  Well—if you insist.”  Ed could hear Stede’s smile as he began to talk about a tall ship called the USS Constitution.  About how it was built and the history of naval warfare that he found fascinating.  Stede’s soothing voice followed Ed down to dreams of the open sea and pirates, of bygone days and freedom.

Chapter Text

Getting back from LA, Ed sort of thought that shit might have shifted between himself and Stede since things had happened on the phone.  But the only thing that changed was that Ed was greeted at the airport by Stede and immediately rushed into a hug.  Didn’t even think about it, just saw Stede waiting for him and walked right up for a hug like a soldier returning from war.  And Stede let him, engulfing Ed in the best fucking hug of his life with strong arms and the sweet scent of cologne.  The perfect Goldilocks hug that left Ed beaming before Stede escorted him to grab his bags.

And then shit just went back to normal.

Well, mostly.  Stede was busier than normal.  Apparently, he had been putting off enough duties that  Lucius had finally snapped and put his foot down.  Stede’s calendar was now packed with things that were on tight deadlines or appointments that needed his immediate attention, which unfortunately meant that hanging out with Ed had to take a back burner.  Ed might have spiraled, thinking that Stede was avoiding him after their incident on the phone, except that Stede had begun to show the signs of obvious stress and exhaustion.  There had even been one phone call that he was pretty sure Stede had fallen asleep on, but Stede had tried to cover it up as being ‘distracted.’    

“Do you need help?” Ed offered while they’d been on the phone one early afternoon after Stede had yawned three times in a row.  “I know a shit ton of admin stuff from running my company, I could try and pitch in a little?”

“Oh, no!”  Stede had refused politely enough, although he had sounded grateful.  “Afraid these are things that I need to handle personally.  Jim has been taking up some of my workload recently, but there are still some things that need my individual attention.  I’m afraid I’ve become a bit lax about letting things slip unless Lucius reminds me that they need attention.”  There was a brief silence.  “Sometimes it just feels, well, rather tedious, you know?”

“Yeah, mate, I know that all too well.  Then again, I fucked off to Boston to evade my problems, sooooo—maybe we should run away to China?”  Ed was rewarded with a burst of laughter that warmed him down to his toes.

Shortly after a bit of wild teasing about how they’d flee to China with new names, with Ed starting a soup shop, Stede finally begged off the phone so he could grab a nap rather than yawn continuously in Ed’s ear.  And that was fine, Ed had his own shit to do.  He had restaurant stuff to take care of, so he began to put his nose to the grindstone for the company and do what he could off-site to prove that being in Boston wasn’t going to destroy the whole fucking thing.  He sorta felt smug that he could do a lot of this shit remotely and even sent a few ‘told-you-so’ e-mails to Izzy about it.  All in all, things were totally normal between himself and Stede — warm and full of comfortable friendship.

Stede:  I’ve been thinking about acts of service.

Stede:  In terms of seeking forgiveness for yourself.

Ed:  Oh?  Yeah?

Stede:  Yes.  Is that something you’re still interested in pursuing?

Ed:  Yeah, mate, still interested.

Ed:  Do you want to get together at the rectory?  The chapel.

Stede:  No.  This is a different type of service.

Stede:  Let me know what times you’re free and I’ll send you the address.

Ed:  Oh.

Ed:  Okay, sure.  What sort of act of service are we talking about?

Stede:  You’ll see.

Ed told his dick to behave.  He told it to behave the entire drive to downtown Boston.  He told it to behave when he pulled into a community center that looked sort of fucking fancy for the area of town he found himself in.  But his dick heard ‘acts of service’ and there it was, thinking about Stede taking him apart with firm words, gentle hands, and a mouth that Ed had thought about too many times to count.  And he absolutely fucking knew that in no uncertain terms.

He made sure to remind himself that the last week had been strictly platonic with no mention whatsoever of the phone call or what had happened.  But here he was, thinking all about what sort of services he could provide Stede if he were only given the chance.  That perhaps he could help Stede relax.  Only for therapeutic reasons, of course, but perhaps Stede would work better if Ed were on his knees and had Stede’s cock resting in his mouth?  Maybe he’d get more done if he weren’t so tense?  Ed could help him relax.  He’d take his time with the man, enjoy him the way he should have enjoyed him the first time.

Do not get fucking hard in the parking lot of a community center, you will end up on a god damn list, Teach, he reminded himself before peeling off his helmet.  You’re here to help him out.  That is it.

Stede had told him to make sure to wear clothes he could get dirty in and to expect to be outside at the center.  Ed could do that.  He could do work clothes.  Might have fucking gone and bought a pair of black overalls that he had artfully left one strap undone on (in a cute way) and then paired it with a deep purple shirt that had a plunging V-neck to it that was probably going to be cold as fuck once his leather jacket was off (but he knew it showed off his upper chest and his tattoos perfectly).  He wasn’t, like, dressing up for this.  It was just work clothes. That was it.

Ed was getting pretty fucking good at lying to himself. 

“Ed!”  Ed whipped his head around at the sound of his name to see Stede coming out of the building.  Stede’s smile was blazing, like looking at the damn sun, eyes bright with happiness.  And Ed was going to die.  Because Stede was dressed down.

The jeans were faded, but not artfully.  They had tears and marks on the knees and inner thighs, pale lines that marked creases that had been made from the march of time.  There was even a tear along the upper thigh that had been patched up with bright colored thread in an amateurish way.  It was coupled with a grey henley and a dark green flannel that had some fraying along the cuffs.  Ed tried not to just stare as he trotted across the street.  Really, really tried his best, and sorta failed.  It was the first time he’d ever seen Stede look rumpled, and Ed kinda dug the whole vibe.

“Welcome to The Lighthouse!” Stede announced, rubbing his hands together with what looked like glee.  “We’re going to be winterizing the garden today!”

“Oh?” Ed tried to sound nonchalant as he sidled up to Stede.  Fuck, those pants were tight on him!  Like they were several years old, and Stede had probably done hard work in them countless times.  “That why you’re all—” He gestured with a finger at Stede’s outfit.

“Well-sussed!”  Stede winked before swinging around to cast a look at Ed’s clothes, his eyes widening just a touch.  “Oh, wow, those are quite lovely.”

“Yeah, uh, didn’t really pack old clothes.”  Ed definitely had older clothes he could have used, but that was between himself and the warm feeling he got seeing Stede’s eyes linger on him.

“You should have said!  I would have let you borrow some of mine,” Stede exclaimed as he opened the door for him.

“S’fine, don’t mind getting a bit grubby for a good cause.”  Ed didn’t think too hard about wearing Stede’s clothes.  That way madness lay.  “So, we’re gonna work at a community center?”

“Oh, yes!”  Stede led him through a neat, well-maintained building, looking around fondly.  “I’m one of the silent donors, but I still like to come and volunteer whenever I get a chance.”  He blew out a sigh.  “It’s just been a while since I’ve actually had enough free time to get out here.”

“You’re overworking yourself, mate,” Ed said sympathetically.  “Trust me, I know some shit about overworking yourself.”

“Yes, well, sometimes sacrifices must be made.”  Stede tipped his head to one side with a weary, but amused smile.  “This isn’t work, though.  Well, it is work, but it’s good work.  The sort that just makes the worries fall away.”  Stede’s eyes crinkled with a smile.  “Trust me.”

Ed found himself being escorted out to the back of the building, where there was an open green space that featured a riot of red leaves from a trio of trees that hovered above a picturesque area complete with a fenced-in garden.  That was their project for the day.  Gardening of all things.  And Ed tried to throw himself into it with a confidence he didn’t really possess as Stede began to haul out tools from the shed.

Ed found himself in the strange role of playing ‘sous chef’ when it came to winterizing a garden, because he knew absolutely jack shit about how to do it.  Stede, however, was eager to teach him everything he knew.  In fact, he looked absolutely delighted when Ed confessed he had no fucking idea what he was supposed to do with a mostly dead patch of ground.

Stede guided him gently on what he could pull and what just needed trimming back, easily spouting off the Latin names for plants as he listed what they normally cultivated during the growing months.  He was a veritable font of trivia, becoming more animated than he’d been in weeks as he dirtied his hands without a care in the world.  It didn’t take long before Ed joined him with fingers plunged into the cold earth to dig out the old dying plants and encroaching weeds.  Ed kind of got it.  It was a good sort of work.  The feeling of working with his whole body and witnessing the dying garden being transformed under their hands.

They talked and joked as they worked, falling into an easy conversation about Ed’s plans for Ocracoke and his future restaurants.  Ed sort of flirted a bit as he tried to tell his best stories.  He couldn’t help it.   He regaled Stede with his funniest anecdotes or personal tales that made Stede give him fond looks.  He just couldn’t seem to stop it.  It was a knee-jerk reaction caused by knowing that Stede could likely date.  There were rules, Ed had been fucking binging those, but if he wasn’t Catholic, he could have a relationship.

Just be chill, don’t push.  It’s not like you even know if he wants one.  Ed reminded himself more than once, trying to concentrate on his work rather than the man working beside him.

And, okay, fine, Ed kind of stared at Stede as he hauled mulch to lay down and just—yeah.  His arms tensed and displayed muscles that made Ed bite his lip more than once and look away.  The sight of his shirt dampening along the collar from his sweat-beaded skin made Ed think positively unholy thoughts about plowing.  Probably too many.  He kept it under wraps.  This wasn’t about that.  This was about letting himself do some good for once.  That was all.

It became easier to control those thoughts the more they talked, because the priest was remarkably open, for once.  Evidently, Stede had been coming here for ages.  Ever since they’d opened up a program to help unhoused youths and young adults from the queer community, along with an outreach program to feed families experiencing food insecurity.  Ed listened, a little rapt, feeling like he was getting a further glimpse into Stede than he’d ever gotten before.  Because it wasn’t like Ed was attending mass or was a devout Christian who could share in other aspects of Stede’s life.  But this, he could have this.

“Ever think about opening your own place rather than just supporting here?” Ed asked as he raked up some of the weeds they’d pulled out.

“I’m afraid I’d be rather terrible at it,” Stede replied regretfully.  “I’m good to volunteer every now and then, and I love being able to provide them with some extra funds, but my life isn’t…hmm, conducive to the time needed to run something as large as this.”

“Doesn’t gotta be large,” Ed shrugged.  “I mean, could just be like a community day or something at the church?  You do that shit, right?  Why not start like a day every month, just for things like this, or for supplying people with things they need?”

Stede hummed, his brows furrowed pensively.  “I suppose I could think along those lines.”

“You should, mate.”  Ed dumped the weeds into a wheelbarrow.  “I mean, maybe I’m overstepping, but you’ve been overworked lately.”  Stede snorted and lifted a brow.  “Yeah, sure, I get it, I’m being a hypocrite, but I’m working towards something else, I think.  Maybe you should, too.”

“It would be nice,” Stede murmured as he stood up with an arch to his back that came with a faint crack.  “Perhaps I might think about a food pantry, of sorts.  They make those little ones, don’t they?  Like the little library stations?  I could put them in areas that need them and keep them well stocked.”

“Yeah!”  Ed’s attention perked up immediately.  “Fuck, yeah, that’s a great idea.  I’ve heard of those!  That wouldn’t be too hard to run, I bet.  Hell, I could probably even help set them up with you if you wanted.”

Stede hummed again noncommittally, but his eyes showed a promising glint of interest before they were interrupted by the sound of the back door opening across the yard.  A plain-looking man came out, pale brown hair flopping in his eyes, who stopped after just a few steps as a massive smile broke out over his face.  He looked like a Labrador retriever seeing his favorite person. 

“Stede!” he called out and immediately broke out into a little trot as Stede stood up to greet him with a smile of his own.

“Doug!” Stede called right back, earning him a little bit of a chuckle from the plain man.

Ed rocked back on his heels as Stede opened his arms up for the stranger to step into the offered hug.  This was no quick little pat guy hug.  No, this was a full-on chest-to-chest, hip-to-hip hug as arms wrapped around each other in an embrace.  It was a drawn out thing that just kept going, and going, while Ed felt a little twinge of reaction as he watched the stranger’s hands rubbing up and down Stede’s back.  Why was he rubbing Stede like that?  He felt a flicker of jealousy until they finally pulled apart.  Which he had no fucking reason to feel for a priest.

“It’s so good to see you, Father,” Doug murmured, and his voice was a little lower-pitched than before.  Sort of fucking intimate, actually.

“It’s good to see you, too.”  Stede’s smile softened fondly as he remained in close proximity to Doug.  Not that Ed was counting the inches, but there were only like six inches between them.  “I had no idea you were here today.”

“Oh yeah, I was just dropping off some supplies and heard someone out here.  Should have figured it’d be you.”  Doug moved so that one hand was resting on the small of Stede’s back.  “Mary was just talking about how we needed to get back to church since you were avoiding us.”

“I’d never avoid you,” Stede’s voice softened intimately before glancing over at Ed, his smile going wider.  Well, at least he hadn’t forgotten Ed was here.  That was something.  “Ed!  Come meet Doug!  He runs art and pottery classes here.  Doug, this is my friend Ed.”  Stede positively radiated happiness, which made it hard to feel weird about the interaction.  “He’s been helping me today!  Quite the gardening whiz, as it were.”

“Ed—Edward Teach.”  Doug’s eyes went a little wide, but he extended his hand in a friendly manner.  “Wow!  And in our garden?”

“Yup, that’s me.   And a friend of Stede’s is a friend of mine.”  Ed smiled as normally as he could while taking Doug’s hand in his own.  “Stede said I needed to get some healthy work in or something.  Kind of digging it, really,” Ed admitted, because it made Stede’s dimple flash in a pleased smile.

“Yeah, the Father is big on putting in some healthy work, isn’t he?”  Doug laughed and released Ed’s hand before giving an apologetic smile.  “Here, just excuse me one sec, okay?”

Before Ed could ask what was happening, the man pulled out his phone and tapped the screen a few times.  Stede seemed to realize what was happening about a heartbeat before Doug lifted the phone to his ear, and it didn’t seem to be something he was particularly pleased about.  Stede’s eyes went wide, and he took a step forward as if he was going to snatch the phone away from Doug.

“Doug, don’t you dare—” Stede began, but was interrupted when Doug’s eyes lit up by someone answering the other end of the phone call.  Fuck, was this guy going to call in a crowd?  He was just trying to enjoy a day with Stede, not turn it into a whole production!

“Hey, love, you’ll never guess who’s working in the garden at the center,”  Doug greeted the person as Ed flinched.  Great, this was going to get out.  “Stede!  Yeah!  He’s here….mmhmm…I think he tried to sneak past us.”  There was the sound of a woman loudly talking on the other end.  “Oh, definitely,” Doug smirked and extended the phone towards Stede.  “Sorry, buddy, there’s no way I’m crossing her while she’s pregnant.”

Stede groaned before snagging the phone from Doug with a glare.  “Hello, Mary.  Yes, I—”  He flinched.  “I swear I wasn’t avoiding you!  That’s—”  Another grimace.  “Good lord, you can’t threaten me with that, you’re going to be a mother!”  He pulled the phone away. “Sorry, Ed, I’ll just—”  There was the high-pitched sound of a woman on the other end.  “I was excusing myself, Mary,” he grumbled before stepping away, already deep in conversation with this Mary person who seemed to be hell bent on yelling at him.

“Sorry about that, but Mary would have my hide if she found out I saw him without letting her know immediately.”  Doug flashed Ed an apologetic smile.  “We haven’t seen him in about—damn, we haven’t seen him since Easter.”  Doug reached down to pick up the tarp Stede had been using to cover some plants.  “You guys really have put in some work here!”

“Yeah, been here a bit,” Ed said, returning to his own work slowly, one eye trained on where Stede was on the phone.  He was starting to relax, so he must not have been in that much trouble.  “So, uh, you know Father Bonnet pretty well, then?”

“Oh, yes!  We go way back.”  Doug smiled indulgently towards where Stede was gesturing while he talked to the woman on the phone.  Why did that smile look like the sort you share when you’ve seen someone naked?

Ed was not projecting.  Not at all.  It was probably because of all the touching that had gone on. 

“Great, mate.  Met here, then?” Ed asked casually.  SO fucking casually.  Just look at him being so casual and relaxed!  Hell, he could teach a god damn class on it.

“Oh, haaa, no!” Doug went a little pink on the cheeks, and Ed swallowed the urge to glare at him.  “We met years ago.  Years and years, really.  He’s the one who introduced me to Mary.”

“Who’s this Mary then?”  Ed dumped some more of the weeds out while he tried to look relaxed.  He was overthinking.  Maybe it was because this guy obviously wasn’t part of the regular crew that he’d met so far.  But still, Doug had hugged Stede’s full fucking body for like six Mississippi’s!  Six.

Why are you fucking jealous?  He put the brakes on those thoughts.

“Mary’s my wife,” Doug announced with a beaming smile that was filled with just as much fondness as he’d been showing towards Stede.   Maybe he was just like a labradoodle who displayed the same happy face for everyone.  “Wouldn’t have gotten together with her if it weren’t for Stede.”

Okay, that was good.  Doug had someone.  Except Doug was sorta looking at Stede with a very particular look on his face.  Wistful?   Maybe like he was thinking the sort of thoughts that Ed had on the regular about the priest.  It was all kinds of off-kilter in a way that made Ed want to do something unhinged and possibly disastrous.  Like, maybe licking Stede and going ‘mine.’   Which was, you know, not a great expression of the maturity and understanding of their relationship that he had with Stede after their talk.  Ed throttled it down with a casual nod and polite smile.

“It’s so weird seeing him in the whole—” Doug gestured at Stede’s outfit, his whole deal.  “He’s so fussy about clothes, but get him here and he’s as grubby as the rest of us.”  Ed had to grin at that.

“Yeah, I know. Was kinda shocked that he even owned grubby clothes.”

“You get it!” Doug beamed at him.  Okay, yeah, maybe Ed was definitely overthinking things.  The guy was just happy.  Like, weirdly happy.  Like those ads about prescription drugs where everyone was smiling while they talked about shitting yourself to death, kind of happy.  “You should have seen him when his father came for the opening, though!  Like, black tie, boring suit.  It was weird as hell.”

“You’ve met his father?!?”  Ed jumped on the new Stede fact like a caffeinated squirrel being presented a nut.  “Really?”

Doug made an expression of distaste.  “Yes, sadly.  Mary and Stede were supposed to be the ones to get married, you know.  This whole antiquated thing.”  Ed made a sound of disgust at that idea.  “But when Stede—well, you know.”  He made a little gesture that seemed to mean more than it really did.  “He got him to donate quite a bit before he was disowned.  Says it’s his crowning ‘fuck you’ to the old bastard.”

“Yeah?”  Ed perked up.  He began to ask more about it, but was interrupted by Stede returning with Doug’s phone in hand and a sheepish look on his face.

“That was a dirty trick.”  He handed Doug back his phone with a huff.  “I guess we’re going to dinner tonight, or else she swears it’ll have an ill effect on the baby in some way.  I’m not exactly sure how, but there you go.”

“Ha!  Figured.”  Doug reached out to pat Stede’s back with a hand that lingered just a little too long.  “Don’t worry, buddy, we’ll pay.”  He glanced at Ed with bright eyes.  “You too, Ed!  Mary would love to meet a new friend of Stede’s.  She’s going a bit stir crazy currently.”

“You don’t have to,” Stede said immediately, but the look he cast at Ed was so full of wistful hope that Ed simply had to agree.

“Yeah, mate, ‘course I’ll come.  Be happy to.”  He gave an easy smile, and Stede rewarded him with a gentle bump of a shoulder against his own in thanks.  Dinner with someone who apparently knew Stede even before Ed did?  Yeah, he was down as fuck for that.

~ ~ ♱ ~ ~

Ed was not down for dinner.  He was not fucking chill.  He was not okay.  He stood outside of a restaurant that he knew by reputation and felt like he needed to slink into an alley as he hunched his shoulders up.  It was classy and expensive, the sort of bullshit his restaurants boasted, except the chef didn’t have anywhere near Ed’s fame. 

He’d assumed they’d be going to Roach’s, not a place where he knew the moment he stepped through the door it would become a whole ‘thing.’  There’d be the chef coming out to greet him, waiters probably talking about him in the back, and a whole fucking menu that they’d probably make just to impress him.  He’d get asked for pictures, or to tour the kitchen, or, worse, offered the chef’s table where everyone would expect him to adopt the whole Blackbeard thing. 

He kept tucked out of sight while waiting for Stede, debating texting and telling him that he was sorry, but he just couldn’t make it.  Stede would understand.  Except, Stede had given him those big puppy eyes.

And Stede noticed the second he arrived.  Because of course he did.

“Edward?  Are you okay?”  The greeting came with a furrowed brow as the priest approached him in a well-tailored blazer thrown over a black clerical shirt and collar.  Ed jammed his hands into his coat pockets in an affected air of nonchalance.

“’Course I am.  Just waiting on you,” he lied smoothly, but Stede’s expression only settled into deeper lines. 

“Ed—”

“C’mon, mate, let’s get in there and do the whole eating and socializing thing,” Ed interrupted firmly, a forced smile plastered on his face.  Maybe he could salvage something like a normal night for everyone if he just cut right through to the kitchen to bribe them into leaving him alone.

“Lamb.”  The change in Stede’s voice froze him as he began to urge Stede towards the building.  Ed’s fucking heart slammed against his chest with a flashfire of heat that coiled low in his hips from the tone and the pet-name.  “Don’t lie to me.”

“I—” Ed opened his mouth as Stede’s hand lightly caught his wrist, not forcing him to stop, but applying a gentle pressure to ground him.

“What’s wrong, Edward?” The patient, hazel eyes that studied him were Father Stede through and through, warm and gently commanding.  Fuck, how the hell did Stede shift into that part of himself so easily?  Why did Ed immediately turn to jelly in response?

 “They’re gonna recognize me in there, Father.”  He used the title, watching Stede’s throat bob with a swallow.  Did he feel it too?  Did Stede feel how things shifted with simple titles and pet names?  “Which means they’re gonna kick up a fuss.  Like a big one.  It’ll be a whole damn event and probably wreck the night.  They’ll want Blackbeard to walk their kitchen, taste what they’re cooking, or whatever the fuck else comes to mind.”

“I see.”  Stede’s thumb dragged the inside of Ed’s wrist.  “I’d offer Roach’s, but Mary has her heart set on this,” he said softly, with genuine apology.  Ed began to say he’d just skip it, but a playful smile suddenly tugged at Stede’s lips. “I think I have an idea.”

“Yeah?” Ed asked hopefully.

“Do you want to do something weird?”  Stede’s smile lit up his face, the authoritative air falling away to something sweetly approachable with child-like joy.  Ed couldn’t stop himself, he grinned right back.

~ ~ ♱ ~ ~

Twenty minutes later, Ed sat at a table, in a fancy fucking restaurant, being regarded with nothing more than professional smiles and greetings.  No long looks, no whispers, no scurrying near the kitchens with rumors about Blackbeard sitting at one of their tables.  Why would they?  He was just a priest having a lovely dinner with his friend, a guy dressed in artfully ripped jeans, a designer shirt that Ed had picked in the hopes of impressing Mary, and a leather jacket that Stede had refused to let the coat check take.   

Ed felt a little weird, but also thrilled, to be wearing Stede’s clothes.  Every time he moved he picked up the warm scent of his cologne.  The bergamot and lavender mixture was intoxicating, just like the feel of the finest fabric he’d ever worn.  The rich bronze suit-coat was loose and hanging open over the clerical shirt with its white tabbed collar, but it was lined with actual fucking silk.  He kept sneaking a hand in to rub the material indulgently.  The matching bronze slacks were a little loose at the hips, but they flowed wonderfully around his legs. 

They’d changed in the bathrooms of a nearby theater, giggling and tossing clothes under the stalls at each other.  Ed had been a bit nervous once he’d seen himself in the mirror.  It wasn’t that he looked bad, but he did look official as he’d pulled his hair up into a bun to play into the part.  Stede hadn’t seemed bothered at having Ed impersonate him.  If anything, he’d been delighted!  Both by Ed being dressed like him and by putting on Ed’s clothes. 

“I told you,” Stede whispered when the waiter left without anything more than a promise to show Mary and Doug to their table soon.  “No one looks past that collar.  All they see is a priest.”

“Well, s’not like I regularly think about impersonating one!” Ed laughed, reaching up to finger the white tab.

“No one ever does.”  Stede gave a smile so wide it showed his sharp canines, an expression Ed was learning meant he was at his happiest.  He leaned forward to whisper conspiratorially, “I feel like a rock star in your outfit.”

“You look like one.”  Ed flashed his own wide smile.  “Maybe someone will ask for your autograph.”

“Oh, I hope so.”  Stede rubbed his hands together gleefully before winking at Ed.  “Maybe someone will ask you to perform an impromptu marriage!”

“Wait, does that shit happen?”  He blinked while Stede gave him a serious look before bursting into laughter.

They both began a wild game where Ed tried to act exactly how he thought a priest should, while Stede did his best ‘aloof rock star’ look.  They got a lot of looks from nearby tables, but nothing more than mildly irritated diners watching two middle-aged men act like a pair of teenagers without parental supervision.

By the time they spotted Doug and Mary walking towards them, Ed had forgotten his nerves completely.  He recognized Doug immediately, with his big Labrador smile, and Ed’s eyes went to the very pregnant woman he was escorting with an air of overly cautious energy.  Stede scrambled up the moment he saw them and anxiously pulled out a seat for her before they’d even arrived at the table.  Ed stood up because it felt weird to still be sitting, which left him feeling a little awkward, but Doug gave him an easy-going smile.  Would Doug give Stede another six-mississippi hug?

“Stede Bonnet, come here right this minute!” Mary demanded as she arrived at the table, stepping away from Doug to be the one to pull him into a hug.  It was awkward with her belly, but they managed with Stede laughing indulgently.  The hug ended with a punch to his shoulder when Mary pulled back.  “That’s for making me think you’d gone full hermit! And—what on earth are you wearing?”

“Yeah, s’my fault,” Ed apologized, drawing the short woman’s attention towards himself.  She was dressed in a loose, flowing sort of dress cinched above her belly with a vest tossed over it.  He gave a wide smile to try and look more relaxed than he felt.  “Didn’t know we’d be coming someplace fancy and, well, if they recognized me it’d cause a bit of a fuss.”  He gestured down at himself while Mary eased herself into a chair with Doug’s help, and Ed followed suit.  “So, uh, yeah. Kinda incognito at the moment.  It was Stede’s idea.  Brilliant, really.”

“Ah, I didn’t think.”  Mary flashed him an apologetic look.  “I’m sorry, I’m suffering from a severe case of baby brain lately.”  She leaned over the table to offer her hand to Ed, her smile bright and open rather than starstruck.  “I’m Mary Allamby, a pleasure to meet you!”  Her eyes flicked over him in a way that made him straighten up as he took her hand lightly in his own.  “I’m going to need to hear how you met Stede, and then how he conned you into weeding a garden, by the way.”

“Met in college.”  Ed settled on the easiest explanation, resisting the urge to glance at Stede to see if that was alright.  “Just, kinda bumped into him when I was in town.”  He shrugged his shoulders.  “Dunno, kinda nice to catch up?  I’m opening a restaurant here in town and decided to take a more active hand in getting it up and running.”

“I hadn’t heard you were opening one!”  Mary perked up immediately, relaxing back into the chair while Stede settled down. 

“Yeah, always opening another one.”  Ed put on a tight smile before nodding towards the restaurant.  “Not that Boston lacks great places.  Heard amazing things about this one, so great choice.”

“It’s the best.”  Mary looked around wistfully.  “I can’t wait until I can eat what I want again, but everything they make here is delicious.”  She leaned forward.  “Did you see the menu?  They’ve got a tuna tiradito that is absolutely to die for.”

“Yeah?  You know, I’ve made that before with ponzu,” he offered, which had Mary brightening up instantly.

It proved an easy opening to a spirited conversation.  Mary was a bit of a foodie, or, at least, she was a foodie while she was pregnant with cravings that she confessed were driving her insane.  He ended up sharing his menu with her as he made a few of his own recommendations on what she might like.  That, in turn, led to Doug offering stories about her latest cravings, such as dipping barbeque chips in Nutella, which had Stede making the bitchiest little face imaginable.  It was a good icebreaker for the meal.

As the conversation shifted to catching up with Stede, Ed watched as the tone of the table changed to something more intimate.  They clearly knew more about Stede’s life in the church than he did.  Ed hadn’t realized, for example, that most of his sermons were done via livestreams ever since Covid. 

And Ed noticed something else – Stede relaxed around her and Doug.  Like, really relaxed.  It was the sort of relaxed that he got around Ed sometimes, like he was letting something go.  His shoulders went loose and his smile grew easy, laughter ready on his lips.  It was a version of himself that Ed wanted to curl up and purr about.  Stede deserved to have an easy smile on his face all the time, not just now and then.

The food was fantastic, fucking top tier, with just enough polish to it that Ed sent his compliments to the chef because, why the fuck not.  The waiter had been polite about it and nodded his head with a smile, but the moment he walked away their group burst into restrained giggles.  Maybe after they left Ed would post about this place on his socials and really blow their minds.

Throughout the meal, Mary pushed wine on them all, citing the fact that if she couldn’t drink, they’d have to make up for it.  Or perhaps it was how she made sure that Ed was just buzzed enough to give real answers when she began to interrogate him.  Not that the interrogation was mean-spirited or trying to trip him up, but she was clearly trying to get to know him better.

It wasn’t just about his cooking, either, not even close.  She wanted to know about where he grew up, what he was doing in Boston besides work, and what his favorite color was.  She seemed to be a little like Stede, seemingly chasing topics at random, and Ed just let her.  Stede actually reached out to stroke his leg gently with an encouraging smile, which made it even easier to just enjoy the conversation. 

“I always wanted one, you know, but I’m afraid I could never settle on one,” Mary commented when he’d taken off the silky blazer to show off the collection of tattoos on his arms. “You’ve never regretted any of them?”

“Oh fuck, I regret a ton.”  Ed grinned, thinking of the giant fucking back tattoo.  “The thing is, they’re kind of a treasure map.  You know, this whole journey.  Like this girl,” he gestured at his arm with the wonky mermaid.  “I got her when I hit LA and was a bit drunk.  Thought about being a merperson as I went from one coast to the other.  Yeah, she’s kinda weird and sloppy.  I shoulda waited to get her done properly, but still, I love that memory.”

Mary hummed thoughtfully.  “Maybe I should revisit it.  Although I might be a bit old for my first tattoo.”

“You’re absolutely not too old!” Doug protested.  Good man, that Doug.  Smart.  “I could design it, love,” Doug offered.  “Maybe something for Alma and the new one?”  They exchanged a fond look.  “I’m sure Stede knows someone who could do it.”  Yeah, that sounded about right, given the odd crew that Stede hung out with.

“My mate Fang does tattoo work,” Ed offered and gestured at the hawk at his throat.  “He did this one, actually.  Fuckin’ talented.  I hired him on, but he still dabbles with tattoo work.  If you really want one, I could hook you up.”

“Fang?”  Stede perked up.  “He worked out of a shop near Roach’s, right, when it was still the old café?”

“Yeah.”  Ed blinked.  “You know him?”

“Oh, I’m sure he wouldn’t recall me.”  Stede waved the hand holding his third (or was it his fourth?) glass of wine.  Then he paused and went a bit pink before throwing the drink back, while the sense of it slammed into Ed with full force.

“Mate, do you have a tattoo?!”  Ed knew he asked the question too loudly, earning him a few looks, but fuck them.  He felt a little invincible wearing Stede’s clerical collar.  Like, what were they gonna do?  They couldn’t yell at a priest.

“Shh, Edward!” Stede hissed while Mary giggled to herself.

“That’s the person who gave you that tramp stamp, isn’t it?”  Mary ratted him out with all the glee of a little sister, making Stede go bright red. 

“Mary!” Stede gasped.

“Oh, I’m gonna need to hear about this.”  He leaned forward.  “What is it?  Please tell me it’s a butterfly.  Oh, or is it a dolphin!”

“It’s—mmph!”  Mary began while Stede, with all the boldness of the near drunk, reached over and placed his hand over her mouth.

“Oh ich!” he yelped and pulled his hand back. “You licked my hand!”

“Yup.”  Mary smirked proudly.  “That’s what you get, Stede Bonnet!  Be thankful I didn’t tickle you.”

Oh yeah, Ed was feasting as Stede and Mary playfully argued while another bottle of wine was delivered to the table.   There wasn’t anything mean about it, just light ribbing as stories were exchanged with the flow of two people who had a lifetime of memories together.  Ed hoarded each little story like a dragon with precious treasure, coiling up around them while they waited for dessert.  And there were so many little snippets of Stede trivia, too!

Like, the time Stede had once saddled up his horse, because posh people have those, and ridden it nearly two hours to Mary’s house, because he was hiding from his father.  He’d been ten at the time.  Or how he and Mary would slip away at parties together to hide in various rooms so they could play games of their own making when they’d been little.  How Stede had found an unused servants’ stairwell and turned it into an auxiliary wardrobe and library.  They talked like best friends, filled with fond looks, and Doug occasionally reminded them of something he thought Ed would enjoy hearing about.  Ed didn’t feel excluded, he felt like he was getting a rare glimpse of the man behind the priest.

“Yeah, I see it,” Ed commented when dessert arrived, and there was a lull in the conversation.  He felt more than buzzed, more like actually leaning towards drunk, thanks to the amount of wine they’d had.  The current one was an expensive dessert wine, all sweet and delicate.

“See what?” Stede asked curiously as he took a sip of his own wine, widening his eyes with pleasure. 

“I see what Doug meant about the whole married thing.  You two sound more like siblings or some shit,” Ed pointed out with a laugh, slouching in his seat.

“Right!” Doug hit his hand on the table, a little further gone than Stede and Ed.  “It’s so weird to imagine them being married.  It breaks my brain sometimes!  They’d have killed each other!”

“I mean, it’s true.”  Stede crinkled his nose up in amusement with enough wine in him that he was loose-limbed and relaxed, his cheeks were even a little flushed.  “I can’t imagine ever marrying you, Mary, no offense.  You’d have probably put a skewer in my ear on the very first night.”

“And yet you’ve gotten me pregnant twice,” Mary scoffed with a poke to Stede’s shoulder.  “And this one had better arrive on time!  I don’t think I can handle running two weeks over my due date again.” 

Ed, genius that he fucking was, had been taking a long drink of wine when Mary dropped that particular bomb and ended up choking on his drink, sputtering it out all over the table.  Wine went rushing up his nose, burning through his sinuses, as he coughed and hacked with enough force that Stede gave him a startled look before reaching over to pat his back soothingly.  Ed tried to stare at him through watering eyes.

What. The. Fuck.

“Breathe, deep breaths.  Hey, Stede, pass that water.”  Doug helpfully grabbed the water to give to Ed.  He gulped it down as best as he could, but his eyes darted wildly to the very pregnant Mary and then to Stede.

“You’re…having…Stede’s kid?” he gasped out as the worst finally passed, but his voice sounded awful, and everyone was fucking staring.

“Oh, no!  No!”  Stede’s eyes snapped open wide, lifting up both hands as if fending off an attack.  “I’m just the donor!  Doug’s the father in every way.  I’m just a means to an end.”  Doug let out a chuckle, entirely unbothered.  “Really, Mary, you had to complain about it now?  While at dinner?”

“You’re not in your final trimester with swollen ankles and no ability to bend over,” Mary huffed grumpily, but when she looked at Ed, her face was a mask of apology.  “Sorry, Ed.  I sort of forgot you wouldn’t know.  It feels like I’ve known you for ages already.”

“Nope, definitely forgot to mention that a priest has two kids.”  Ed waved a hand back and forth, brain trying to reboot.  It was…struggling. 

“Again, I don’t have children, Ed.”  Stede leaned over, offering a cloth napkin to dab lightly at Ed’s beard to get rid of the wine drops.  “Doug and Mary had problems conceiving and approached me to help since I was a good friend.  Alma is a lovely little girl, but I assure you, Doug is most definitely her dad.  I’m more like an uncle at best.”

“Correct.”  Mary gave Ed a sympathetic look.  “We wanted Alma to have a full sibling, and despite the fact that Stede apparently makes giant babies, we decided to stick with him again.”

“We’ve been over this.  I am not responsible for that!”  He held up his hands in surrender.  “I already bought you an edible arrangement as an apology!  And you still told me in detail how many stitches you needed.”  Stede looked positively mortified.

“Don’t worry, buddy, you got the easy version,” Doug said with a rueful smile and cast a grin over at Ed.  “Sorry you got dragged into any family weirdness, I know it’s probably odd-“

“No, uh, no, s’fine.” Ed waved his hand back and forth. “Was just a shock.”

The conversation returned to light teasing.  Ed joined in, but he found himself swirling around with the idea of Stede just offering himself up like some sort of studhorse.  And, okay, also imagining Stede donating.  Maybe it was the wine he’d had, but his mind was drifting to the phone call and the sound of Stede on the phone.  The way he’d groaned, the hitch of his breath, the way he’d sounded the moment he’d come.  He was barely aware that he was staring into space until he realized Mary had gone to the bathroom with Doug following.  Stede stirred him from his thoughts with a light touch to his wrist.

“Hey, you okay?” Stede’s face was soft with worry.  “I’m sorry I didn’t mention Mary, but I really don’t think about her pregnancy that way.  Neither does she unless she wants to tease me.”

“No, s’fine, mate.”  He waved his hand.  “Kinda sweet that you were able to help them like that.  I get it.”

“They really wanted children.  And Alma is a darling.  Hopefully, this newest one will be just as sweet for them,” Stede murmured, thumb brushing the back of Ed’s hand lightly.  “I think Mary likes you.  She’s rarely this open with people she’s not comfortable with.”

“Yeah?” Ed perked up at that, feeling a twinge of something like hope.  It shouldn’t have mattered, but this dinner felt a little like meeting the in-laws and getting their approval.

“What’s not to like?” Stede’s smile was fond, truly fond, a warmth that curled low in Ed.  His thoughts coiled slow and syrupy sweet with delicious wine and good food.  He let himself just relax into it, to enjoy the meal. 

It felt a little like a date.  Dangerously so.  

~ ~ ♱ ~ ~

Stede was too drunk to drive, Ed was too drunk to drive, and Doug wasn’t much better.  He found it hard to protest that he could just grab a bus or call an Uber when Mary authoritatively shuffled them all into her SUV that was filled with the usual bits and bobs that came with having kids.  Doug and Stede had begun a spirited debate about something to do with Lego models while Ed sprawled in the front seat beside Mary.  She was smiling whenever she glanced back in the rearview mirror as the talk grew louder and more animated – something about knock-offs that Stede was heartily offended by.

Seeing Stede hovering on the edge of drunkenness made Ed grin.  He was all flushed-faced and adorable, animated as he used his hands to talk.  He didn’t even care that Stede and Doug were kinda leaning into each other. He just liked that the tired edge had been lightened into something that still had the same relaxed vibes that he’d had at the restaurant.

“You make him happy,” Mary broke the silence of the front seat with a soft comment that made Ed startle.

“What?”

“Him,” she nodded back to Stede.  “You make him happy.  I’m not saying he was unhappy, but it’s been a long time since Fun-Stede has come out.”

“Oh!”  Ed wriggled happily in the seat.  “I mean, he makes me happy too,” he confessed in the same soft voice.  “He’s helped me a lot.”

“He does that.”  Mary’s lips pursed a little bit, but she didn’t look unhappy.  “Sometimes I think he gives too much of himself to others.”  That sounded familiar enough that Ed’s chest went tight with guilt.  “You seem to give it right back, though.”

“Yeah?”  Ed licked his lips and glanced back to where Stede was holding up a set of Legos and trying to jam them together dramatically.  “I mean, I try.  Not sure if I’m really that good at it.”

“I am.  I love the man, but he’ll turn into a hermit when he’s overwhelmed or bored or unhappy.”  She tapped a finger on the steering wheel lightly.  “He gets lost in who he’s supposed to be, I think.  His whole priest thing.  It’s good to know he still remembers who Stede is, too.”

“Yeah, I uh… I understand that.”  Ed flinched, thinking about Blackbeard, his whole fucking deal.  “Maybe that’s why we get along so well.”

The conversation left something warm in his chest.  He knew that he took from Stede.  He took all that calm strength and confidence.  He took absolution and advice.  But hearing that maybe, just maybe, he was giving something back?  It left him smiling out the window for a long time.  All the way until he realized that they were pulling up to St. Andrews and the rectory.  He stiffened up as Mary turned into the parking lot, leaving him giving a little glance back at Stede, who was building a Lego creature with Doug.

“Um, we’re uh, we’re at the rectory.”  He said into the silence.  Fuck, he should have given Mary his address.  “Mate, we’re at your stop.“  He felt a little twinge of guilt that he hadn’t told her earlier.  Maybe he could just grab an Uber and make sure Stede got inside alright.

“Oh!  We’ll finish this later.”  Stede beamed at Doug and pushed the creature into his hands.

“I live a bit a ways away.  I think I’ll just hop out here and call a ride,”  Ed said as he began to unbuckle his belt.  Mary gave him a pointed look and then looked back at Stede intently.  There was a weird moment, their eyes doing that thing that people did when they talked silently.  Ed frowned at the pair of them.

“You could stay. Tonight?” Stede said after looking over at Ed, a little hopeful smile playing across his face.  “I mean, you’re a bit drunk, I’m a bit drunk, we could watch a movie and have a night of it?  And in the morning we could make breakfast.”

“Yeah?”  Ed shyly smiled back, only to be rewarded with Stede nodding excitedly.  “Think I’d like that.”

“Fuck’s sake, teenagers,” Mary laughed and got out of the car to open up Stede’s door for him while Ed got out of his own side.

“Bye, Ed!  It was nice to meet you!” Doug said as Ed got out and he leaned between the seats. “You’ll have to stop by some time while you’re still here!”

“Yeah?  That’d be fun, I think.  Nice meetin’ you too.”  Ed meant it, six-second hug notwithstanding.  It had been a fun night.

“Mary!  Mary!  Ed’s gonna come over one day!”  Doug announced in a drunken voice.

“We can put together the Death Star!”  Stede yelled back, which had Ed giggling as he walked around the SUV to see Mary hugging Stede goodbye.

It was sweet and familiar.  It made Ed smile to himself with a wistful pull in his chest.  Who did he have who knew him that well?  Who would hug him just to hug him?  Izzy?  Fuck no.  Maybe Fang would hug him, but did they really know each other that well?  His relationships had all been little more than forced creations that had been trying to slap together an ideal while losing himself in his work. 

Mary must have said something to Stede because he huffed out a laugh, his eyes flicking up to Ed, and he just looked sort of uncertain before he pulled back to kiss Mary’s cheek.  “Don’t be a busybody, Mare.”

“Someone has to be.”  She stepped back.  “You two have a good night.  Drink lots of water!”

“Will do.”  Ed gave a little salute as she heaved herpregnant belly back into the SUV, with Doug suddenly popping his head out from the back window and waving vigorously.  Fuck, the guy really was a Labrador. 

As the car pulled out, Ed found himself alone in the gravel driveway with Stede and the chilly fall air surrounding them.  Movies.  That sounded like a good way to end a date.  Maybe find a reason to snuggle up to Stede?  Maybe actually fucking ask if he was able to date?

Don’t fuck this up, Teach.  He thought, turning to suggest a movie to Stede when the floodlights of the rectory were suddenly flicked on.

“Ah, fuck,” Stede breathed out the curse in a way that shouldn’t have sent a flare of heat through Ed, but just hearing that profane word escape the priest did something to him. 

“Stede?” Lucius called out as he opened the front door to step onto the porch, eyes accusingly darting back and forth between the two of them.  “I’ve literally been ready to call the cops to put out a BOLO!  Have you even checked your phone?”  Lucius looked like some sort of suburban mom glaring down at them from the porch.  “You were supposed to go over the plans for mass with Jim!”

Stede’s shoulders slumped.  It wasn’t much, just a subtle drop, like the weight of responsibility was trying to settle there after an evening of fun and laughter.  It tugged at Ed’s heart. 

“Sorry, mate, it’s my night off,” Ed interjected, making Stede turn to look at him while he made a show of smoothing a hand down the clerical shirt. “You’ll get me back tomorrow.”

“What?”  Lucius blinked and then finally glanced between them.  “Oh my god, what the hell is going on?  Father?”

“Sorry, Lucius, he’s the Father.  I’m Blackbeard.”  Stede grinned as the subtle slump to his shoulders transformed into giggles and bright eyes.

“Yup, he’s definitely world-famous chef and restaurateur Blackbeard.”  Ed took a step to one side to give an elaborate gesture.  “And, you’ll have to excuse me, I have pews to polish. And uh, you know, crosses to dust.”

“You’re both drunk.”  Lucius ran a hand down his face.  “Father, seriously, that’s—”

“Ah-ah don’t call Blackbeard ‘daddy’, Lucius, that’s very rude,” Ed jumped on it before Lucius could wreck Stede’s good mood.

“Oh yes, terrible really,” Stede giggled.

“Right, we’re—” Lucius began to step off the porch before Stede cast a wild look at Ed.  His eyes were bright with laughter and a boyish mischief that made Ed’s chest tight with fondness.

“Run!” he hissed, and caught Ed’s hand in his own before charging off with him.

They giggled like children, hearing Lucius behind them. “I’m not even chasing you two!”

It didn’t matter.  They stumbled their way around the rectory  with Stede looking back behind them dramatically.  It wasn’t being drunk, it was pure giddiness that infected them both as they rushed across the back garden towards the little chapel.  Stede didn’t even stop as they hit the door.  He crashed it open like a maniac while Ed stumbled in after him, cackling to slam the door shut.

“He’s going to be a monster tomorrow,” Stede giggled as he leaned back against the door with Ed, fumbling to hit the lights that showed his flushed cheeks.

“Good!  He can have you tomorrow, tonight was about havin’ some fuckin’ fun.”  Ed nudged him.

“It really was.” Stede tipped his head back with an easy smile.  “Maybe you can wear my shirt tomorrow, and you can handle whatever it is I’m supposed to be doing.”

“I would,” Ed agreed easily while Stede hummed contentedly before he pushed away from the door, a smile still playing on his lips.  “We all deserve a break sometimes.”

“We do,” Stede agreed before he opened a side room that revealed a spill of various fabrics and a line of shelves.  “I think… I shouldn’t have moved—” he muttered to himself while rattling around. “Ha!”  He came back triumphantly with a bottle of wine. “We can continue our night!”

“You wanna drink sacramental wine?” Ed’s brows shot up.  And, really, that shouldn’t be so shocking given what they’d done here before, but it still felt like crossing a boundary.

“It’s not blessed,” Stede explained before digging out a corkscrew.  “Not exactly the best vintage, but not bad.”   He popped off the cork with an expert flick of his wrist.

 Ed had to agree.  It wasn’t a great wine, but it was sweet and decent enough that he didn’t object to it as they tucked themselves away in an odd little closet set off to one side of the main chapel.  Well, Ed thought it was a closet.  He found out it was a confessional with a sort of window cut out between the two booths that they passed the bottle back and forth through.  It was that sort of hazy drunk that wasn’t too far gone to be sloppy, but not so sober that barriers were up.  It was relaxed as they listened for any hint that Lucius might come along to drag them back out, before eventually falling into a game that was partially a drinking game and partially Stede continuing that same open mood that had carried through dinner.

Confessions.  Silly ones.  It started with Ed giggling about drinking in a confessional and announcing I confess, I’ve never drank in a confessional and just steamrolled on from there.  It made him think about college and drinking games, although there was no point to it beyond having fun.  Stede’s easy conversation, the way he smiled with a little warm crinkle of his eyes, all of it was a treat that Ed savored just as much as the wine.

“I confess, I have gotten out of speeding tickets because of my clerical collar.”  Stede grinned like a boy caught in the midst of a crime. “Twice!”  He giggled, sweet and unhinged.

“Fuck’s sake, a regular criminal!”  Ed flashed a grin over at him.  “Right, okay, I confess, I will eat spray cheese right from the can.  Just open my mouth, spray it in, and jam some crackers on top.”

“Edward!”  Stede looked scandalized.

“S’true!  Best fuckin’ midnight snack. And—”  He paused for dramatic effect.  “I get the store brand stuff, just yellow-orange radioactive fuckin’ deliciousness!”

Stede made a show of gagging as he took a drink of wine, slouching down in the short chair on his side of the confessional.  The leather jacket had long since been shed, leaving him deliciously dressed in just Ed’s clothing.  They continued on for a bit longer, with idle confessions back and forth.  Ed confessed everything from stealing a boat to the time he’d forgotten he was in a relationship, because he just wasn’t used to dating.  Stede had little tidbits and trivia, but eventually Ed began to notice that every time he went to confess something his words became heavier.  His eyes were a little more intent, but he’d always give a light confession, easy and playful until the wine ran out.

“C’mon, mate, give me a real confession.”  Ed tried to sound casual as he cast a sidelong look at the priest.  “You just look like you’re dying to confess something to me, so out with it.”

Stede’s eyes flickered before he smiled.  “Is that a fact?”

“Yeah, so, c’mon, Father.  Confess.”  Ed recklessly used the title, but he saw the way Stede’s throat moved with a swallow.  “Isn’t that why people get into these fancy booths?”

“They come to be listened to, lamb,” Stede, Father Bonnet, murmured mildly and cocked his head to one side as he pressed his lips together.  The silence stretched out between them as he opened his mouth before pursing his lips to maintain the quiet.  It ended with a head shake while the priest settled on a crooked smile and a huffed laugh.

“Stede?”  Ed asked, concern lancing through the haze of drink as the entire interaction was odd, just a bit off.

“You’re wearing my clothes, do you wish to really hear my confession, Edward?” Father Bonnet murmured in that warm, honeyed voice.

Ed blinked at the shift in tone, but he couldn’t put his finger on what was wrong.  “I—hear your confession?  Isn’t that what we’ve been doing?”

“Oh, no, we will do it properly, dove,” Father Bonnet murmured before setting the empty bottle of wine to one side.  “You see, the confessional is a sacred space between a priest and the devout.  The most intimate thing in the world is to confess your sins to another person.”

Stede reached down and flipped something on either end of the low window that divided the booths before pulling upwards.  Ed leaned back to see a screen being drawn up, but not a fabric one, no, nothing that plain for Father Bonnet.  The wicker was woven into crucifixes as all the details of Stede’s face and body were lost behind the screen.  He could still see Stede’s outline clearly enough, but that was it.  He couldn’t make out what he was wearing or the expression on his face as the screen was locked into place with a few snaps.

“The sacrament of confession, of reconciliation, is a sacred act,” Stede continued on in that fucking voice that melted Ed’s insides and turned them molten.  “You’ve been studying forgiveness, but confession, oh that is quite different, lamb.”

“S’just saying what you did wrong, isn’t it?”  Ed ventured, shifting on the bench as Stede leaned in closer to the screen. 

“Oh, no, it is far deeper.  It’s exposing parts of yourself in a moment of vulnerability to another person who will offer to restore you back to a state of grace.”  Ed wanted to melt into that voice, wrap it around him and sink into it.  “Do you think you can do that?”

“Confess?”

“No, dove, do you think you can listen to my confession?  Do you think you could listen to my sins?”  Stede’s voice shifted, holding a note of challenge that left Ed breathless.  “After all, to forgive oneself, you must first learn to forgive others.”

“Yes,” Ed whispered before clearing his throat.  “I mean, yes.  Yes, I want to hear your confession.”  I want to listen to anything you want to tell me.  “I can do that.”  He reached up and thumbed the line of the collar at his throat. 

“Good boy.”  Stede’s praise made Ed feel the heat racing along his cheeks.  “Close the door to your side.”

The moment he closed the door, he heard Stede do the same, casting the booth into near total darkness with the only light emanating from the opening up top, allowing the lights from the chapel to spill down over them.  There was slightly more light on his side, but he could still clearly see the outline of Stede’s form.

“Then I should assume the proper position, then, hmm?” Stede suggested in a voice that held more of an edge of command than submission.  “After all, Father, how can you hear my confession if I’m not on my knees for you?”

Fuck’s sake… Ed dug his fingers down into his hand, trying to ground himself as he thought about Stede on his knees in front of the altar, taking Ed’s cock into his throat.    

“Yeah, better uh, yeah better do that.”  Ed heard his voice going rough, but there was no hiding it now.  Not when his skin felt as though it were fizzling under the change in mood.

“As you wish, Father,”  Stede said the word with a mixture of teasing and heat that made it a foregone conclusion that Ed’s hand moved down to adjust himself in his—fuck—no, in Stede’s pants.  He was getting hard in Stede’s clothes. 

Ed could almost taste his heartbeat when he saw Stede come closer to the barrier, hearing the faint creak of the leather-wrapped kneeler pressed beneath Stede’s knees.  He reached up to touch the clerical collar at his throat, stroking it delicately while he licked his lips.  He saw Stede lift a hand in the sign of the cross, but the way the fingers dragged across his chest looked positively obscene.  Or maybe Ed was projecting about how the priest’s fingers might trail across that broad chest.

Ed was definitely projecting.

“Do you know what comes next, lamb?” Father Stede’s voice was a honeyed purr in the dark.

“I—” Ed licked his lips.  “You tell me your sins?”  He could feel his heartbeat thundering in his ears.

“First, I say the opening to my confession,”  Stede responded smoothly.  “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.”  Stede’s words felt ancient, heavy with a deeper meaning as he caressed the word ‘sinned’ in a way that made Ed’s eyes flutter shut.  “It has been too long since my last confession.”

“An-and—” Ed cleared his throat.  “And how have you sinned?”  The joke was changing– —it was flaring hot with possibilities as Stede’s silhouette shifted beyond the cross-patterned screen.  He wanted to see the priest’s face, anything to give him a gauge on what was going to happen.

“I have fallen to temptation,” Stede answered in that same honeyed voice.  It felt obscene, listening to it in a confessional, as Ed strained to ignore the heat pooling low in his hips.  “In my hubris, my pride, I have let myself be led from a path I had thought I would always follow.”

“Oh.” Ed’s heart dropped.  Maybe this wasn’t foreplay.  Maybe this was going to be something more painful.

“I have indulged in sins of the flesh,” Stede continued, but his voice didn’t sound as if he were sorry.  The words were purring.  “I have harbored unholy fantasies about another man, although I have held strong against indulging in those lusts fully.  Still, they are fantasies that live bright and vivid whenever I see him.”

The small space in the booth was charged until the air was crackling with a weight to it that left Ed shifting on the bench, trying to ignore the way his cock strained taut in Stede’s pants.  They were treading too close to places Ed desperately wanted to go, places they shouldn’t talk about while they were both drunk.  Stede lusted for him, had fantasies about him. 

“What do you fantasize about?”  Ed rasped immediately and felt Stede’s eyes on him even through the screen.

“I dream of how he sounds when my mouth is on him.”  Stede let out a shaking breath.  “I replay feeling the sore, reddened skin of his ass beneath my hands as I swallowed him down.  The way he cried out.  That temptation led me astray that night in the shower and countless times afterwards.  The taste of him on my tongue is never far from my thoughts.”

“Fuck,” Ed breathed out.

“I dream about what it would be like to feel his body part around my fingers.  The heat, the tightness, the way his back would arch into my touch.”  Stede’s voice went lower.  He spoke like he was whispering a sacred secret, not filth.  “Would he sob the name of God on the altar?  Would he say my name?”

“He would.  I would,”  Ed managed and pressed his hand to the screen, finding the holes in the woven pattern as if he could reach out and touch Stede.  “Fuck, these don’t sound like sins.”

“Don’t they?” Stede asked softly.  “Lust is one of the seven deadly sins.”  His voice softened into a whisper.  “Pride and Envy are my sins as well.”

“Envy?”  Ed couldn’t stop himself from asking the question.

“Oh yes, Edward.  I have the sin of Envy.”  Stede’s fingers traced back and forth gently.  “How could I not be envious?  Of men who have known you deeper than I ever could? Of the men who will know you in a way I never will.”  He let out a soft breath. “You are dangerous, lamb, you are wonderful.”

“Dangerous?  How?”  Ed felt his heart drop.  “Mate, we don’t—we can stop.”

Fingers slid over his own, soft and searing as they pressed down with a weight that felt far more intimate than just the touch of finger on finger.  Ed’s eyes slammed shut as Stede leaned forward so that his outline drew closer, leaving Ed to do the same. 

“I don’t want to stop, lamb.  I have rules I must follow.  Rules I’m tempted to break, but they must remain in place.” Stede’s voice dripped with regret.  “But here, in this place, in this confessional, you can know that you are the sweetest temptation I have ever known.  Each time I see you, I remind myself of my vows, and each time I wonder what it would be like to break them.”

Break them.  Forget them.  Let me be yours.  Let me love you.  Ed felt the words on his tongue as he let out a shivering breath.

“But vows and rules exist for a purpose, lamb.”  His fingers traced over Ed’s gently. “They must mean something, or else they’re empty words.  They might bend, the line might move, but they can never break.”  Stede let out a slow breath. “Those are my sins, as I recall them.” 

He didn’t leave an opening for Ed to contradict him, but his touch lingered on the tips of Ed’s fingers.  The gentle strokes made him swallow.  Rules, boundaries, they existed.  He knew that.  Even drunk, he knew that, but he wanted to ask why.  Why did they have to exist?  Couldn’t they bend them just a little further?  Instead, he drew in a deep breath and bit back all of those questions, swallowing them down despite the fact that they felt jagged and sharp.

“What happens next?”  Ed asked, hearing the rasp of his own voice that betrayed his emotions.

“Now you must give me my penance, Edward.”  Stede sounded steadier as the tip of his finger traced back and forth with those slow, torturous touches.

“Penance?” Ed asked, not sure what the fuck sort of penance he was supposed to hand out. He’d never been in confession in his life.

“That is how confession works.  I confess my sins to the priest, and you give me my penance.  Stede’s voice dropped into a dark, honeyed tone that made Ed slam his eyes shut so he didn’t do something insane like whimper.  “What would you have me do, ‘Father’, to restore myself to a state of grace?”

What would he have Stede do? 

“After all, I have given in to temptation,” Stede said the last word as if he were rolling some decadent candy on his tongue.  “I must make amends.”

Ed’s eyes snapped open again.  He licked dry lips while he tried to see Stede beyond the cover of the screen, but all he saw was the priest’s outline through the cross-shaped openings.  He was leaning close.  Close enough to kiss if they hadn’t been separated by the confessional.  Did he know what he was asking?  What Ed might ask of him?  What Ed wanted to ask of him?

“Stede,” he whispered the name with all the reverence the faithful might offer to the name of God.  Fearful, adoring, wanting.

“Tell me, lamb.  But I will not touch you,” Stede amended quietly.  “Not drunk, not like this, but beyond that—”  Ed seizes on an idea.

“Touch yourself for me,” Ed blurted out with exactly zero fucking cool or chill or anything remotely planned.  “Like on the phone, but here, in this booth.”

Stede sucked in a breath.  “You want me to touch myself?”  There was a pause that was filled with weight.  “I won’t lower the screen, Edward.”

“I know, and that’s okay, but that’s your penance.”  Ed licked his lips and lifted his thumb to rub Stede’s forefinger where it pressed through the opening of the screen.  “Please?  I won’t—I won’t talk, I promise.  I won’t say anything.”

Silence.  It crashed all around him.  What if Stede had been expecting something else?  A Hail Mary or some shit?  What if he thought Ed was going to ask for something small, or stupid, or even silly? 

What if Ed had asked Stede on a date for his penance?  Instead, he’d gone immediately to sex.  Fuck’s sake, he should have–

“Alright, lamb,” Stede said at last, his voice lower with a husky edge of desire.  His fingers withdrew and Ed let out a soft whine of protest.  “You may touch yourself, too, Edward, but you will wait for your pleasure.  Do you understand?”

 “Yeah—yeah I get that,” Ed agreed as Stede’s shape moved back before Ed heard the sound of movement.  There was fabric rustling on the other side of the confessional before he heard the zipper being drawn down on his jeans. 

He let out an unholy noise in response, his own hand going down to fumble with Stede’s belt until it came free with a faint clink.  He looked up at the outline of the priest, tried to imagine what he’d look like.  He’d be flushed and dark-eyed, staring at Ed like he was something sacred and holy.  Ed drew in a breath while he tried to see past the screen so he could take in the details of what Stede was doing, but it was impossible.  Stede’s lower body was hidden behind the screen before Ed moved to mimic his pose.

His knees dropped down onto cushioned leather while he let the pants sag open before he pushed his underwear down with a hiss as his cock sprang free.  He was achingly hard already, the discussion turning his desire into a molten heat that only Stede seemed to command.  He moved his hand to wrap around himself, dry skin on dry skin, before whimpering softly, and there was a soft noise from the other side of the screen, wet and slick.  Ed’s eyes snapped up to see the outline of Stede’s fingers pushed between his own fingers to wet them.  Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!

“Father—” Ed breathed reverently and lifted his own fingers up to mimic the priest.  He wanted to see more, he wanted to see it all. 

He plunged his fingers into his mouth before he could ask what was forbidden.  The rules could be bent, but they couldn’t be broken, Stede had just said that.  And they were bending them in this liminal space where he could push two fingers between his own lips and remember what it had felt like to have Stede’s cock on his tongue.  He let out a soft moan as he swirled his tongue between them, messily coating them with saliva that traced his bottom lip when he pulled them back.  He moved his other hand out to press against the screen just as Stede sucked in a breath.

“Like that, lamb, make your fingers slick.”  Father Bonnet murmured a heartbeat before his fingers slid up to press over Ed’s at the gaps in the screen.  “You did so well today, helping in the garden—”  A soft breath broke the words.  Was Stede’s hand wrapped around his cock now?  Ed groaned and tipped his head forward.  “Meeting Mary and Doug.  You were so brave.”

Ed held his tongue.  He’d promised, but when his forehead pressed against the screen he felt the weight on the other side.  He opened his eyes to see Stede’s forehead pressed against his own, divided only by the stupid woven crosses.  They could have kissed if it weren’t for the barrier, but he could feel Stede’s breath spilling through as the priest let out a sigh of pleasure.  It was too much.  Ed gave in to the urge to wrap his hand around his cock, thumbing across his slit with a whine.

“Lovely, lamb, there is no sin in seeking the pleasure of the body God gave you.”  Stede’s words were whispered almost into Ed’s mouth as they shared breath.  

“Yes, Father.”  Ed twisted his fist around himself and heard the sound of Stede’s movements, the hot, slick sound of his fist stripping his cock. 

He closed his eyes, concentrating on listening to every rustle from Stede’s hand and the soft noises that came past his lips.  They were sweet things, small and soft, as if Stede were used to muffling the sounds of his own pleasure.  Did he?  Did he hide away the moans and lustful cries even when he was in private?  Or did he become loud when no one was around to hear except himself and his God? 

Ed’s hand worked around himself until his hips twitched to fuck his own fist.  Stede’s first low moan ran right down his spine, lighting his entire body on fire as if he were hearing the word of God.  Ed’s eyes flew open as he flexed his fingers forward, pushing into the small gaps of the screen to feel Stede’s touch gripping him.  They were tethered, trapped, caught in a whirlpool of growing desire and muffled sounds of pleasure. 

“Listen to those sounds.”  Father Bonnet whispered, his voice hoarse as he was subtly moving behind the screen.  Fucking his fist?  Ed had imagined that on the phone, but now he was barely inches away from the reality.  “I could make them my sacristy.”  His voice rasped out and Ed whimpered.

He wanted to beg, to talk, but he’d promised he’d be quiet!  He would obey the rules, he wouldn’t directly be the reason Stede got off, but it was a struggle that left him gasping.  His cock was flushed hot and weeping as he moved his fist faster, trying to match the pace of the priest who’s fingers curled around Ed’s, holding them tightly.  It was the most intimate touch imaginable, and he realized that Stede flexed his fingers in time with the movements of his fist.  Fast at times, slow at others, as if he weren’t in a rush to chase his own peak. 

Ed opened his eyes again to see Stede’s silhouette so close to his, the press of the forehead against the elegant screen.  And Stede was watching him.  He could see the glitter of the priest’s eyes, the blink of them, both of them so close to the edge of the rules that Ed could imagine them creaking under the strain, ready to break.  Rules existed for a reason.  Stede had made fucking vows.  But all Ed could think was how sweet it would be to kiss him so he could taste every hitched breath like a promise of more and his rising peak.

“Father.” Ed whispered the title, reminding himself of what this was, but that only made Stede let out a punched out moan of pleasure.

Ed hung on by a thread, time and again having to squeeze his base to stop the plunge of his orgasm when Stede made a sound of pleasure.  They were heady things, little startled moans or hisses.  He was fighting them, Ed heard that he was trying to be quiet, but it was a losing battle.  Soon the noises were ringing out as if Stede were delivering up the holy word of God for all the world to hear.  When Stede’s hand sped up Ed had to hold back, he couldn’t follow or he’d come before he’d been told he could.

“My sweet sinner—”  Stede growled the words out in a voice that wasn’t quite ‘Father Bonnet.’  Ed closed his eyes and stilled his hand along his twitching cock, thumbing over his tip to relieve the pressure.  “My perfect temptation.”  Stede continued in that same smoky voice. “Open your eyes for me, Edward.”

Ed obeyed, opening his eyes just as Stede leaned back from the screen.  Ed could see the outline of his body leaned back and arched as the fingers never left his own. The grounding touch was the only thing joining them as Stede’s head was cast back.  His silhouette looked caught, suspended, like the outline of an angel with their wings cut as they fell from grace. 

Stede came with a flex of his fingers on Ed’s, his cry loud enough that Ed lost his composure entirely as he imagined the priest spilling over his fist.  He could see him moving, fucking his own fist through the moment of pleasure that was caught in the hallowed confessional.  Ed felt the turn of Stede’s fingers, the curl of them gripping him and giving a squeeze as he rode out his orgasm while Ed tumbled over the edge.  It was pulled out with a shout as he pressed hard against the screen, as if he could break through it to crawl into the priest’s lap while he began to spill in warm ropes as his hips twitched, trembling in place.

Ed wasn’t sure how long it lasted, that heady moment of pleasure that flowed in waves until he sank back onto his ass trembling.  He knew that Stede’s fingers were still pressed to his.  It was the only grounding thing left in his universe as he heard the priest’s breathing coming heavy from the other side of the screen.

And for a time, it was just that, their breathing matching as they came down from the heights of shared pleasure.  Ed felt his heart still racing as he shifted until he was leaning into the corner of the confession to be closer to where Stede was.  Suddenly the fingers that had been clutching at him through the gaps in the screen moved.  They lifted, drawing their grounding touch away until a soft protesting noise broke past Ed’s lips before he could stop it.  Fuck, he was coming across as needy. 

“It’s alright, lamb, you were beautiful.  Perfect.  I just need to, ah—hmm, clean up as it was.”  Stede sounded almost abashed and sighed.

Ed relaxed.  He hadn’t fucked it up, even as he saw Stede looking around as if trying to figure out what to do.  He felt the giddy urge to giggle bubbling up, but he tamped it down as he realized he had the same problem. 

“Just use my shirt.” Ed offered, though he could hardly do the same.  He didn’t feel quite right about wiping his spend all over a priest’s shirt.  But masturbating in his confessional is alright?  “Then you can give it to me, won’t be the first shirt I’ve made a mess of.”

“Edward, no!  It’s a lovely shirt!” Stede sounded aghast before there was a sound of rustling movement. “Just wait right there.”

The light that spilled into the other side of the confessional was almost too bright as Stede opened the door, leaving Ed to scramble up with the urge to follow.  He wasn’t left alone for long, though, since Stede returned after a brief moment and opened Ed’s side.  His face was flushed but, otherwise, he looked collected as his eyes went over Ed’s body with a sweep that made Ed feel every inch the debauched sinner.  He tried to straighten up, but he was keenly aware of the sight he must be with his softening cock out while wearing Stede’s clerical shirt.

“C’mere.” Stede murmured tenderly and reached out with a cloth as he crouched down to clean Ed’s hand tenderly.

Ed drank in the sight of Stede’s face, the high points of color on his cheeks, the soft lips that were parted ever so slightly.  He was beautiful.  He was perfect.  Ed licked his lips as Stede finished cleaning his hand and took the moment to tuck himself away into something like respectability.  He couldn’t stop watching Stede, looking at his mouth, until Stede smiled gently.  Ed glanced up to see the hazel eyes regarding him with a flicker of emotions Ed couldn’t quite parse.

“May I kiss you, Father?” Ed asked, mouth running away before he could stop it.  That seemed to be an alarming pattern for him lately.  Stede sucked in a breath, his eyes widening subtly.

“Now?”  The question sounded soft, and a little surprised.  It wasn't a no.

“Please?”  Ed licked his lips as he slowly pushed himself up to get closer to Stede. “Just one kiss?”

Father Bonnet’s expression became so impossibly fond it made Ed’s heart ache before the priest cupped his cheek in one hand, thumbing along his cheek bone. “Of course, lamb.”  He drew Ed in closer, coaxing him up to his feet again so they could freely press into one another’s space without the barrier of the confessional between them. “With this kiss, I absolve us of both our sins.”  The words ghosted over Ed’s lips.

He didn’t need to ask what sins.  No, their sins were staining the cloth Stede had dropped to the ground in order to pull Ed into a kiss.  His lips parted with an eager noise at the first velvet brush of a tongue, letting himself fall into the priest’s kiss for the first time in weeks.  Angels sang, sweet heavens opened, and all the world felt right as he reached up to cup the back of Stede’s neck to hold him into a slow syrupy kiss that grew into something warmer.  Something that felt, terrifyingly, like he coming home as their kiss grew and lingered beneath the eyes of God and his saints.

And Ed knew, fucking knew, right down in his bones that he was falling in love Father Stede Bonnet.

Chapter Text

Ed woke up in a bed that wasn’t his own.  It wasn’t Stede’s bed either.  He woke up slowly  in the guest room to the sound of distant voices and a sense of vague disappointment.  He stretched himself out slowly and luxuriated in the softest fucking bed in the world, but not Stede’s bed.  The guest room.  The fuzzy edge of a hangover did nothing to erase the night before.  Not that he wanted to forget all of it, but the last pieces?  Yeah, might be nice to forget the assumptions he’d made.

He and Stede had left the chapel to carefully slink in through the back door, expecting Lucius to be lying in wait, only to find the house empty except for several bottles of water and a few snacks put out.  It had been like being a teenager, complete with a few giggles and high fives for expertly evading the secretary, before Stede had set them both up on the couch.  They’d watched a movie while drinking water and eating away the worst of their drunken state, chatting like they hadn’t just gotten off in the chapel only a few hours before.  It had all been perfect, fucking perfect, until Stede had turned off the TV and proclaimed they both needed to sleep.

What did I expect?  To be spooned in his bed?  He thought as he rolled over to stare at the ceiling with a wince.  Yeah, you idiot, you did.

Ed had actually lingered outside of Stede’s room, eyeing the small bed with anticipation, only to be handed some pajamas while Stede gently guided him to the guest room.  It had felt like a denial, or perhaps a rejection.  Not that Stede had been unkind or cruel.  No, the priest had been sweet and soft, bringing in a bottle of cold water, a few pain pills in case Ed needed them.  Ed had still felt oddly unsettled, uncertain why when he knew what their relationship was.

Being needy.  He thought with a wince.

But Ed hadn’t imagined everything.  He knew that.  There had been a moment, right when Stede was leaving, when the priest had looked back at him with a wistful look on his face.  Ed hadn’t been sure what the look was, but it had felt weighted as he rested a hand on the doorway briefly before rapping his knuckles on it with a shake of his head with a simple, “Good night, Edward, sweet dreams.”  He hadn’t imagined that.  He wasn’t imagining that there was something building between them.  

Ed just wasn’t sure what.

Ed was doing his best to ignore the warmth that had begun to blossom in his chest, but there was no ignoring it now that the fucker wasere popping up buds and blossoms like a garden.  He tried, uselessly, to say that those warm feelings came from friendship.  And wasn’t that laughable?  Ed had fallen off the god damn globe and landed directly into the start of warm love.  Real love.  The sort that made his heart ache and his thoughts coil into dreams of laughing mornings and lazy afternoons.  The sort that made him want to step out of this room and press himself to Stede’s back, kiss his neck and ask how he slept the night before.  Like Ed belonged in this little cozy house.

You’re idealizing a relationship again, Teach.  He warned himself with a heavy sigh.  Stede deserves better than that.  

Ed gave up trying to fall back to sleep.  His thoughts were unsettled, and the voices made him curious enough that he sat up before throwing off the soft covers.  The early morning light was streaming in through the windows, waiting to greet him.  He glanced around for his clothes before seeing the door was partially open with a robe hanging on the corner of the door waiting for him with a pair of matching slippers that made him grin.  Of course, Stede would have slippers to match the robe.

He wriggled into the decadent fabric with a pleased hum as it wrapped around him and found the slippers to be just as luxurious.  The moment he stepped into the hall, he heard the soft voices a little more clearly.  One was Stede, but the other wasn’t Lucius like Ed had expected.  Instead, it was Jim’s voice saying something rapidly in Spanish.

“Jim,” Stede’s weary voice echoed down the hallway.  “English, please, you know my Spanish is so awful your nana banned me from even trying it.”

“You enjoy the pageantry, Padre, you always say that.  That’s the first thing you taught me when I started to show an interest.”  Jim didn’t sound accusing, just confused.  Ed tried not to eavesdrop, but it wasn’t like they were keeping their voices down.  “The high holy days are the ones you live for.  Remember Easter a few years ago?”

“I’m aware, but I think, perhaps, I might step back a little.”  Stede’s voice was mild, mingled with the sound of running water. “I’ll still arrange mass, I do enjoy that.”

“You already barely attend Sunday mass,” Jim’s confused voice held the faintest edge to it.  “How far are you intending on stepping back?”

“I’m there when it counts, and you’re doing admirably, taking a stronger role within the church.”  Stede’s mild voice came with the clinking of dishes.  “The parishioners like you a great deal.  They relate to you more than they do me.”  There was a long pause.  “It’s been a long time since they’ve been able to relate to me.”

“That’s because you’re the Father Bonnet, Stede.  That can be intimidating, but that’s who they come to mass for.  You and I both know that.”  There was another clatter of dishes, and Ed picked up the smell of cooking food.  “I’m a good place-holder, but the bishop won’t tolerate me running midnight mass, and you know it.”

“I think you just need a little more confidence in something other than your knives, Jim,” Stede offered mildly. “I’m sure you’ll do beautifully.  And I’ll still be there, but just in a supporting role.  I’d like—” There was a pause and sizzling sounds.  Fuck, it smelled amazing, spicy.  “I’d like to try something different.  Did you know they make food pantries like those little libraries?”

“Que?”

“Yes, they’re quite lovely.  I was thinking I might devote a little time and funds to setting some up.”  He paused, and there was a new sizzling sound.  “Maybe a little more time at the Lighthouse, as well.”

“You– Really?” Jim’s voice lifted in surprise.  “You stopped going there a while ago, I thought you’d stepped back after–”  They paused, and something must have transpired.   “Sorry, sorry, I know, but I thought you’d decided to be done.”

“I thought so too.”  Ed could almost hear Stede smiling.  “But I think I let myself imagine the worst of people.  I forgot to believe in the best.  I miss Doug and Mary, I miss being helpful, and – I want to do that again.  That was always my calling, you know.  The rest just sort of happened.”

Ed’s heart did something complicated at the wistful tone in Stede’s voice, or was it hope?  Stede was really thinking about doing something he cared about again.  Was he really that tired of being a priest?  Or were there just aspects he didn’t enjoy?  Ed couldn’t imagine what his life was like serving the church, but what if he found another path?  Not that Ed would want him to stop his vocation, but Stede deserved to follow the things that made him the happiest.  So did Ed.

Ed gave up pretending he wasn’t awake as he heard Jim begin to talk about some areas of town that Stede could look into if he really did want to set up his little food pantries.  He tried not to feel exposed in the robe and pajamas as he walked into the kitchen to find Stede and Jim in front of the stove together, pots and pans strewn everywhere.  Stede was fully dressed in a powder-blue clerical shirt, complete with the ever-present white tabbed collar, and a pair of jeans that were sinfully tight.  Jim, by contrast, was wearing a plain t-shirt, and looked to be helping Stede poke chorizo around in a skillet.  They spotted Ed first and raised an eyebrow, but didn’t look overly suspicious that he had come out of the hallway having obviously spent the night.  Stede caught the look and swung around, eyes already bright and welcoming.

“Ed!  You weren’t supposed to be up yet!”  Stede’s smile was so full of happiness that Ed had to resist the urge to just fucking go up to him and pull him into a good morning kiss.  The collared clerical shirt, at least, reminded him that couldn’t happen.

“Yeah?  Well, smelled something cooking,” he greeted before making a show of sniffing the air appreciatively.  “Had to see what was going on.”

“Dios,” Jim muttered as Stede’s smile deepened, all crinkled eyes and hidden dimple.  “Don’t mind me, I’m just here helping make an omelet out of the goodness of my heart.”

“You were here because you’re handling Steaky’s confession this morning, since he contacted Lucius last minute, and I have a guest,” Stede said mildly, but there was a glint of amusement in his eyes.  “And you thought I’d burn down the kitchen.”

“With good reason!”  Jim rolled their eyes fondly.  “The moment you asked me to pick up a few things on my way over, I alerted the rest of the crew that you were in the kitchen.  I’m pretty sure Lucius has the fire department on standby.”

“Well, now I feel that I’ve disappointed you for not starting a fire.”  Stede returned the banter easily, but he made a show of stirring the sizzling contents of the pan vigorously.

“Smells amazin’.”  Ed padded forward to eye the omelet and chorizo with interest.  There was even a little block of salty cotija and cilantro.  “You making up your own recipe?”

“Well, no.  Jim’s nana made this quite a few times, and I remembered a bit of how to do it.  So Jim’s been filling in the blanks.”  Stede colored a little bit.  “And brought the ingredients, I just, well, I thought I might like to try something simple.  And I haven’t burned myself once!”  He beamed before flinching as he jerked his hand away from the cast-iron pan.  “Oh, bugger, never mind, there I go.”  He stuck his burned skin into his mouth as Ed gave a fond smile.

“Right, I’m gonna go take care of Steaky, you two do whatever uh… yeah, whatever this is.”  Jim rolled their eyes as Ed rushed forward to inspect the finger, cupping the broad hand in his own.  “I’ll swing by later this afternoon, Padre.”

“Of course, yes.”  Stede gave his free hand a little wave.  “Thank you for coming over on short notice.”

“De nada.”  Jim winked before they slipped out of the kitchen without a backward glance.  No questioning looks or raised brows at Stede having Ed spend the night.  

Ed moved to run some lukewarm water for Stede’s hand, deftly moving the pan off the stovetop as he did so.  Stede came, meek as a lamb, his cheeks flushed a little pink, while Ed guided his hand under the water.  “Steaky?  What sort of name is Steaky?”

“Oh, he’s a big sweetheart, really.  He got the name Steak Knife working for security, but he always likes me to call him Steaky.  He stops by now and then for confession,” Stede explained while his eyes darted to the pan as Ed deftly used a spatula to inspect the chorizo and onions.  “Ed, you don’t need to finish breakfast!”

“Why not?  I enjoy it.”  Ed cast him a wink as he stirred the sausage with a little hum.  “You take care of the eggs, yeah?  We’ll double-team it.”

It felt natural cooking side by side, exchanging chatter as if they hadn’t pushed at a boundary only the night before.  Stede seemed to be his normal self with no hint that he regretted what had happened.  Perhaps there was a little more distance, but it was equally likely that Ed was just imagining things as they finished preparing breakfast with no further accidents and settled down to eat with easy talk.  

Stede was vibrating with plans to try something like a little food pantry, fixating on the idea with all the bright-eyed eagerness that Ed remembered from college.  The thing was, they didn’t talk about last night.  Stede, as always, didn’t comment on it or acknowledge that anything had happened.  Ed was still in that confessional, still feeling the press of Stede’s fingertips and hearing the slick sounds of the priest’s hand on his cock, but Stede seemed to have moved on.  It was jarring, leaving him ever so slightly out of step as they finished breakfast with more easy talk about Ed’s upcoming soft opening, his plans for the real grand-opening, and the future.

They talked and talked and talked and talked, but not about what Ed wanted to know.  He wasn’t given a natural opening to go, Oh, hey, just so I know, can you date and if you can, do you want to date me?  Instead, he was left a bit itchy and unsettled as they finished breakfast, with Ed’s buzzing phone reminding him that he had things he needed to get done today.  He wanted to exist in the cozy rectory, maybe watch a movie, maybe putter around with Stede for the rest of the day.  Instead, he made himself summon an Uber after getting dressed in his clothes from the night before.

He was very normal that they all smelled like Stede.  That he knew Stede had been hard in them, had his cock jutting out of the parted jeans.  Mostly normal.  Okay, not very normal.  Was kinda half-hard thinking about it.

It wasn’t until Ed was getting ready to leave that Stede did something odd.  Ed was pulling his jacket on as his Uber pulled up, and the priest caught his elbow.  The touch was light.  He could have pulled away if he wanted, but Ed went still when he noticed Stede was watching him closely.  There was a weight to his eyes that sent a thrill racing down Ed’s spine before Stede gave a sheepish smile and pulled Ed into a hug.

It wasn’t the passionate kiss Ed sorta hoped for.  It wasn’t a declaration of something more.  But it still made Ed melt as he wrapped his arms around Stede and tucked his face into a warm neck that smelled faintly of incense and lavender.  He drew in a deep breath, like taking a last hit to hold him through the day as he felt Stede sigh against his own neck with a rueful chuckle.

“Thank you,” Stede rumbled with such fondness that Ed’s throat went tight.  “For—well, for a lovely evening and helping at the center.”

“Any time, mate,”  Ed said honestly and pulled back reluctantly as his Uber gave an imperious honk.  “See you soon.”

Stede opened his mouth to say something, then seemed to decide against it, before shaking his head and letting Ed slip out the door with a wave.  Ed carried that hug with him, feeling a smile pulling at his lips as he slipped into the back of the Uber.  He watched the priest standing on the porch with one hand raised with a dorky little wave that made that warm blossoming feeling in his chest grow just that much more.

~ ~ ♱ ~ ~

Ed tried to go about his normal life.  He really did.  He had shit he had to take care of.  Most of it was for the business and keeping Izzy happy, especially since he was running into a few hiccups as he came closer to the soft opening.  It wasn’t any one thing.  Hell, it wasn’t even something that he had to handle, but, oddly, he enjoyed solving the common problems that came with opening a restaurant.  He liked the way he could stretch out in the office of Ocracoke and sketch out menu possibilities and then spend all day hunting down the best ingredients to make it happen.  He liked thinking on the fly instead of sitting in a chair in a studio getting ready to put on a dog and pony show.

The thing was, no matter what day it was, he always found a way to involve Stede in it when they couldn’t meet up in person.  It was like no matter how hard he tried, he was too far gone to pass a single day without a phone call from Stede.  He’d think he was being needy, but Stede reached out just as often.

“Do you want to try geoduck?” Ed asked one evening.  His phone was propped up on a book, set on speaker, while Stede was on the other end getting ready for Saturday evening mass.

“Sounds messy, but I do love duck!” Stede chirped brightly with the distant sound of rattling, a few little hums.  “Is it marinated?”

“Nah.  Not a duck, mate.  S’type of shellfish.  Look it up.”  Ed grinned to himself as he continued puzzling out the seafood menu, tapping his foot lightly on the ground.

The geoduck was the start of an idea where he’d toyed with the notion of combining the East and West.  He had begun to work out a menu with a care that matched each side together, mingling them in a bit of fusion.  The idea had been a bit inspired, if he did say so himself, and he’d nearly lost himself in it before Stede had called.  It wasn’t often Stede had a bad day, but apparently, he’d had some sort of one-on-one with a parishioner that Lucius had scheduled last minute, and it hadn’t gone well.

And Ed was very fucking normal about Stede helping someone else.  He was!  So fucking normal.

Evidently, the guy had been pretty disrespectful and frustrating, to the point of overrunning his time by nearly an hour to argue with Stede.  Ed didn’t know exactly what was said or talked about, but Stede had been out of temper enough that he’d reached out to Ed to calm down before mass.  He’d wanted to talk to Ed!  To cheer up!  Ed still felt a warm little curl in his chest at being the one the priest leaned against when he needed it.  Ed wasn’t just someone Stede was helping.  He was a friend.

Maybe more?  That treacherous little flare of hope crept through his thoughts once again.

“It’s a penis, Edward,” Stede’s voice was a little choked as he apparently looked up geoduck and found exactly what Ed wanted him to find.  He stifled a snicker.

“Nah, it’s a shellfish, but it does kinda look like one.  I’m thinking of doing a sort of chowder with it, a nod to Boston with a bit of the Pacific Northwest mixed in,”  Ed explained and jotted down another note.

“That’s… oh.  Oh my,” Stede made a disgruntled noise, his voice a little distant until Ed huffed a laugh.

“You’re watching it being prepared, aren’t you?”

“Edward, you cannot serve this!” Stede gasped as there was a little more movement. “Oh, no, no, don’t….  Oh!”

Ed hid a giggle at Stede’s dramatic reactions.  “Stede, stop watching!  It’s not different from eating a clam, just bigger.”

“This is certainly different!  No, we’re not eating that,” Stede sounded positively outraged as he returned to the phone.

“You eat crab and lobster though, yeah?”

“Well, sometimes.”

“You can eat your sea-spiders, I’ll eat my tasty geoduck,” Ed teased lightly before the conversation dissolved into a half-teasing argument about shell-fish and food.

Ed tried his best to be normal, like nothing had changed, but he was painfully aware things had changed.  He wasn’t thinking of Stede just as his friend, no matter how hard he tried to stuff the priest into that particular box.  He thought of Stede with the wistful feeling of missed time and possible second chances.  He was thinking of what it might be like to actually say something about his growing feelings and see if Stede returned him.  He thought about fucking flowers and dates, of tentative kisses that were filled with intent rather than whatever it was they were doing now.

The issue was that it was a Schrödinger’s cat of a problem.  As long as Ed didn’t show his feelings or intentions, as long as he didn’t know for sure that Stede could date, it was just a harmless crush.  It was a warm, sweet feeling that came with meandering conversations and texts.  The moment that he said something was the moment it might just implode.  He wasn’t an idiot.  He had seen the ending of Fleabag.  Stede might look at Ed and smile that soft, gentle smile, before telling Ed that his first loyalty was to God.  That he was choosing God.  Not Ed.

So, Ed held his stupid little feelings and his stupid little crush in a stupid little safe space that was filled with laughter.  They talked about the plans Stede was idly making on his first venture into making a little pantry.  The ideas he had to get Pete to help with the woodworking.  He listened as Stede talked about how he’d been in an argument with his groundskeeper, Buttons, who had made a secret dove cote recently that Stede had found.  Apparently, it wouldn’t be a problem, except the cooing was right outside of Stede’s window and every morning Karl and Livvy had vigorous ‘extracurricular’ activities that woke Stede at dawn.  Ed was left giggling as Stede bitched about dove sex in a pained voice until Ed had tears in his eyes from the laughter.

“Enough about me.”  Stede made a huffing noise like he’d sat down.  “Tell me, do you think you’ll be ready for the soft opening?  The new chef?”

“Yeah, I think so.  Maggie is kinda awesome.  Rest of the staff already call her Hellkat.”  He grinned to himself fondly.  “I like ‘em tough, you know?”

“Like Blackbeard?”  It was a mild question, but Ed knew the gentle prodding tone.

“Yeah, I guess.  I mean, okay, when I first got into a real kitchen, it was under this guy, Hornigold, and he was a fucking bastard.”  Ed tipped his head back in memory.  “I mean, seriously, he’d just beat us down day in and day out.  I’d get off at two am and have to be back at nine in the morning to get inventory.”

“That—Ed, that sounds awful,” Stede’s voice held immediate censure.

“Yeah, it kinda was, but then he’d like—”  Ed tried to find the words.  “He’d really work with me, you know?  Like, he saw that I wanted to do better, so he’d give me new shit to play with or let me rework a menu.  Sometimes he’d give me his old cookbooks full of these old notations and tell me to see if I could improve them.”

Stede hummed encouragingly while Ed’s thoughts drifted back to those early days just after he’d quit college.  Fuck, it’d been rough.  His mum had been so disappointed that he’d given up his chance at a degree to follow cooking, of all things.  They’d gotten into a fight about it, bad enough that it had affected his work until old Hornigold had dragged him into the office. 

“The thing was, he cared in his own way?  Yeah, he drove us hard and was a terror, but he’d make us special meals, and always knew who was short on rent or needed a hand up.”  Ed said slowly, “I kinda wanted to be that for people.  S’why I hired Izzy, he was my best mate in college.  And Fang lost his job when the shop he was working at closed, so it was easy to find him one with Ivan and me.”  Ed mused to himself, “They took to shit so easily, and helped build things to where they are now.”

“You try to be a mentor.” Stede approved with real warmth in his voice.

“I try to be that way, on camera and off. I mean, I can be a dick, but I try to help people, too.  Maggie’s talented.  She really fought to get to where she is.”  Ed tapped a finger on the menu.  “Sure, she might be driven and a fuckin’ nightmare when people are bullshitting her or slacking, but she really helps grow other chefs.  I think, in a few years, she’ll really be someone special.”

“Then you did a good job hiring her,” Stede enthused while Ed kept staring at the menu, a frown creasing his brow.

He was sitting here, in the office Maggie should be in, designing a menu while she worked on getting the kitchen in order.  This should, rightfully, be part of her duties.  She had done menus before, but they had been adding to established ones.  She’d never put together a menu from scratch, never made it her own.  

She should have that chance.

“Hey, you uh…you mind if I hop off?  I just realized, I should have Maggie help me with the menu,” Ed said after a quiet silence.

“Oh, of course!”  Stede didn’t sound upset, just a touch wistful.  “That sounds absolutely lovely, and I really should start getting dressed for mass before Lucius storms in.”

“See you Saturday?”

“Of course.  Saturday.”  Stede’s voice was so warm.  “I’ll see you then, but please, don’t bring anything that resembles a penis to our cooking class.”

Ed hung up the phone, laughing with Stede’s laughter filtering in from the other end, warm and familiar.  He smiled down at his phone fondly before he stood up and went off to find his head chef.  Saturday couldn’t come quickly enough.

~ ~ ♱ ~ ~

Cooking class with Stede was always a treat, especially when Ed found a reason to show off for him.  And, yeah, he made a lot of excuses to show off.  He knew he was, but he liked the way Stede’s eyes would grow big, and his lips would part with delight.  He adored how he’d ask about every little ingredient and how Ed had developed a recipe.  It was flattering.  More, it was a quiet moment with just the pair of them in the kitchen.  He left for Stede’s excited, and was already planning to show him how to make a creme brulee, even bringing along his butane torch.  He knew Stede would love it.

This class, however, was dead before it even began.

Ed pulled up with his cheeks so cold he could barely feel them.  The day was fucking grey as fuck.  The mid-October air had a bite that had gotten through his motorcycle leathers and made him realize he needed to think about a car.  It was an acknowledgement that he planned to linger here through the winter, at least.  

There were several cars in front of the Rectory when he pulled up, which was different.  Typically, the most he’d see was Lucius’ car as the secretary finished up some business, but today there were three different cars parked there, which had him frowning as he peeled off his helmet and swung off his bike.  He pulled his phone out to see if Stede might have messaged him about cancelling, but the last message was from this morning, where Stede had excitedly shown pictures of the beef shank he’d bought for their lesson.

Was it a priest emergency?  Did priests have emergencies? 

Ed hesitantly went to the door, which swung open before he even had a chance to knock, and found himself face to face with Lucius.  The boy seemed harried, with a pelican case under one arm and a little bitchy expression on his face that was nothing compared to the look on Stede’s face.  The man looked positively stormy as he stood there in the living room with his arms crossed over his broad chest, facing the other trio.  Jim and Olu were in the living room, as well, and a man with stringy blonde hair and a dove on his head was seated in a chair, all of them in mid-argument with Stede.

“Um—” Ed began as Lucius’ eyes went wide at seeing him, and the boy’s face turned almost hopeful.

“Oh, thank fuck, can you go calm His Holiness down and make him realize that getting some supplies in early isn’t the end of the world?” Lucius announced, dropping the case and grabbing Ed’s arm to haul him into the rectory.  “Hey!  Babe!  Your emotional support bestie is here!”

“I—wait, what?”  Ed managed as he found himself dragged into the house.  There were more pelican cases in the living room, and boxes stacked up near the door.  Fuck, they were everywhere.  What the hell was going on?  “Pfft.. ha… Bestie?  I’m…uh…” Ed tried to sputter, laughing awkwardly even as his heart began to race.  Bestie?  Best friend?  Had Stede said Ed was his best friend?  He felt like maybe his heart was in his eyes.  “Yeah, I’m here,” he settled on that, yup, cool, he was playing it very cool.

“You can’t use Edward to distract me from the fact that I have nowhere to store any of this mess!”  Stede sounded distinctly cunty, but his face went soft as he looked at Ed.  “I’m so sorry, Ed, it’s been a bit of a mess today.  We got a new sound system and some supplies for the church that weren’t supposed to be here for another week, but somehow got here today.”

“Yeah, fuck me for being proactive,” Lucius grumbled, but looked a bit guilty.  “Fine, okay, I kinda fucked up the whole ordering date, but in my defense, I was on my honeymoon when I ordered it.  It’s not that bad, Steaky and Bill said they’d come out next weekend to install it and take the old system to the Lighthouse.”

“And I’m going to be stuck living in this mess until they get out here next weekend.”  Stede ran his fingers through his hair with an anxious expression that seemed a little bit like overkill.  

“Right, how about we all take a deep breath,” Olu chimed up from the couch while Ed edged closer to Stede.

“Mate, s’not that bad.  Maybe you could get a POD and store it?” he ventured while Stede seemed wound tight.

“Nay, it’ll upset Karl and ‘Livvy, an’ she’s in the family way,” the stringy blonde man intoned from the corner as the dove on his head cooed agreement.  Ed could only assume it was the groundskeeper, Buttons.

“I suppose we could put it in the chapel,” Olu suggested, and Ed saw Stede wince, even as his chest went tight.

He didn’t know a lot about the chapel aside from the fact that his body now reacted to it with way too much interest, but it seemed like something special to Stede.  Lucius had alluded that Stede liked to hide in there when he didn’t feel like being bothered.  It was lovingly neat and clean, like Stede took care of it, like it was special.  Nope, not going to happen.  He wouldn’t let it.  He also wouldn’t let Stede have to deal with the mess if he didn’t want to.

“No, that’s… No.”  Ed knocked out that idea immediately.  “What about the church?  Surely there’s some room in there.”

“Not a lot,”  Lucius muttered.  “Look, Stede, we can get all of this into your guest room, okay?  We’ll close the door and you won’t even see it.”

“But I’ll know it’s there!”  Stede snapped before he began to pace restlessly.  He looked as though he were about to crawl out of his skin as his eyes kept darting around the room.  He was upset.  He was more than upset.  The anxiety was coming off of him in waves as Ed watched him glare at a particularly large case.  “I don’t want to live surrounded by boxes for two weeks!  This is my home!”

“Hey, mate—” Ed caught his elbow lightly as Stede passed by him again, his cheeks flushed and eyes darting around at the mess.  “S’okay.”

“It’s…” Stede drew in a breath and let it out shakily, flinching when his knee knocked into a box.  “It’s really not, Edward.”  He looked guilty and shifted his weight.  “I don’t like my space to be cluttered.”

“Yeah, I get that,” Ed soothed gently, feeling like he was talking to a cat about to bolt under a piece of furniture as he kept his hand cupping the priest’s elbow.  “C’mere, why don’t we talk about this a little, okay?”

Ed had to admit that there was a lot.  If it was a sound system, it was an impressive one, but that was probably something a church the size of St. Andrews needed.  They were stacked up haphazardly, and Stede’s eyes kept darting towards them, especially the ones that had been shoved into the kitchen.  There were Amazon boxes on the counter, one of them half open to show a little plastic-wrapped package that advertised they were communion wafers.  That made him blink, just a little, but where else did they get them from?  They had to come from somewhere.  He ignored the manic urge to giggle when he saw ‘gluten-free host’ proudly labeled on the outside.  Now was not the time.

Stede followed Ed past the kitchen stiffly, still vibrating with that edge of nervous energy that made Ed want to stroke his back to calm him down like a ruffled cat.  The crew didn’t make a move to follow as Ed led Stede down the hall to the quiet of the priest’s bedroom, almost stumbling over another case in the process.  Stede noticed and flinched before looking relieved when he walked into the bedroom with a shaking sigh.  His fingers flexed into fists before relaxing again, and Ed wondered if he was counting to ten.

“I’m sorry, I’m being outrageous,” Stede burst out immediately and ran his fingers through his blonde hair, making a few pieces stick up wildly.  “I know I am, but this is my house.”  Stede looked a little nervous, glancing at Ed as if expecting him to be annoyed.  

“Hey, I get it,” Ed soothed softly.  “You don’t need to have a reason to not like something, and there really are a lot of boxes and cases out there.”

Stede nodded and then slouched against the doorway.  “It’s just, this is my space.  My home.   Normal people can leave work totally behind, but I live here.”  Stede suddenly looked tired.   “And I try to make the rectory a place that’s just for me.  A real home, not another piece of St. Andrew’s.  And now, this is all here, and yes, I can lock it away, but—I’ll know it’s there, and it’s too much, Edward!”

Oh? Oh. 

“Used to live above my first restaurant,” Ed admitted softly.  “It felt like if I went anywhere near the front door, I was already at work.  I hated it.  I was always ‘on call’ as it were, and I bet you are too.  Makes you think that just living and breathing is a part of working.”

“Yes,” Stede whispered, his shoulders relaxing almost immediately.  “That’s—that’s it entirely.  And now it’ll be at least a week of being surrounded by the mess or putting it in the church, and we’ve already got full storage–”  He closed his mouth with a heavy sigh, slanting an odd look at Ed.  “I’m sorry you came all this way for me to act like this.”  He paused and then glanced away.  “ I may not be very good company for you today.”

“Fuck off,” Ed scoffed tenderly.  “Listen, you stay here, alright?  I have an idea.”

“Really?”  Stede dared to look hopeful as Ed reached out to pull him into a hug, feeling the tense muscles relaxing almost immediately.  The guy looked like he could use one, and Ed—well, Ed would never say no to an excuse to hold the priest.  Ed felt the arms wrapping around him and squeezing tightly in return.  Stede drew in a deep breath against his neck before letting it out in a hot, tickling rush.  “You are, you know.”

“Are what?” he murmured against Stede’s neck.

“My best friend,” Stede huffed out a soft breath.  “Which is a far better thing to say than ‘bestie.’”  There was that cunty little edge to his voice that made Ed huff a soft laugh and squeeze him harder.

“You’re mine too.”  He rubbed Stede’s back with gentle reassurance before pulling away to enjoy Stede’s shy, sweet smile.  “Wait right here.”

It didn’t take long for Ed to channel that same edge he’d used in kitchens for decades to whip the crew into shape.  There was some fighting.  Apparently, Jim and Olu’s place was small, Lucius was horrified, and Buttons claimed to live in the forest, but in the end, they all began to make calls for people to come pick up the cases and boxes to take to their houses until it could be safely installed in the church.  Ed even offered to put some at his place if someone dropped it off, but was secretly relieved when the offer was rejected.

While the crew made calls, Ed ghosted back to coax Stede into going to spend some time in the chapel rather than getting irritated at the state of his house.  The priest had a distinctly hangdog look about him as he glanced at Ed.  It was weird seeing a softer side of him, something that was vulnerable rather than commanding.  It dragged a protective streak out of Ed that he’d never entertained before.

“I really am just being silly,” Stede said as Ed walked him to the back door, his eyes darting towards the cases.  “They shouldn’t—”

“They can, they will, and they are.”  Ed gave a lopsided smile.  “Hey, mate, s’your house.  You deserve to enjoy it.”

“Hey, I really am sorry, babe,”  Lucius interjected, looking about as guilty as the kid could.  “I know I fucked up, and how you feel about things being in your space like this.  We’ve got this.”

“It’s…it’s fine, Lucius.”  Stede winced as if he heard the lie.  “I mean, I’m sorry—”

“Get out, Padre!”  Jim waggled the pocketknife they’d been using to open a box at the priest. “By the time you get back, it’ll be back to normal.  Well, the house will be.  Buttons still wants to talk to you about building a bigger house for the growing family.”

“Aye.”  The stringy-haired man cast a stare at Stede.  “An’ cuttin’ down the old pine tree.  It’s getting in the way o’ the moonglow.  How’re Karl an’ Livvy supposed to keep white without moonglow?”

“Riiiight,” Ed said slowly as the man kept staring at Stede expectantly while the white dove cooed on his head.  “Anyway!  You, chapel!  Me, wrangling this lot!”

Stede began to turn before an odd look flickered over his face, his eyes darted back towards Jim.  “Jim, you’ll organize things, yes?  The boxes and such, make sure--”

“Easy, Stede, I know what’s what.  Do what you’re told now.”  They made a gesture with their knife.  “Now, out.  Let us take care of you.”

“Oh, yes, well—”  He looked so pleased it made Ed ache with fondness as Stede cast him a sweet look before slipping out the back door.

Ed nearly jumped out of his skin when Lucius gave him an awkward pat on the shoulder. “That’ll do, pig, that’ll do.”

“Oh fuckin’ Christ.”  He rolled his eyes.  “Come on, you lot!  Let’s get this shit out of here!”

It took him about an hour to get everyone working, and people began to arrive with an agreement to split it all up.  It was long enough that Ed sort of got a loose idea of what was going on.  All Saints Day was apparently a big fucking deal for the church, a high holy day, where they’d have a midnight mass that was as well-attended as their Christmas event.  They were redoing an entire sound and light system that had been failing for about two years and was only held together because Buttons was weirdly good at rigging the wiring when it broke.

“Pretty sure he uses bird shit to piece the wires back together,” Olu grumbled while they hauled things out onto the front porch.  “I found him up there with those doves once.  He acted like they were the ones repairing the system.  It’s why we’re bringing in other people to put the new stuff up.”

“Is the church that hard up for money?”  Ed glanced over at the massive building.  He’d never gone into it, never had a reason to, but it looked well-maintained.

“Ehh—” Jim waffled a hand before Lucius snorted.

“That’d be because the good Father spends nearly all our overage on his pet projects,” Lucius interjected before looking a little guilty. “I mean, it’s all for good causes, but we’ve put off some repairs because of it.”

“It makes him happy, mate,” Olu pointed out, setting a heavy pelican case to one side.  “He still pays you, doesn’t he?”

“Like, more money than I’ve ever heard of a secretary making.”  Jim smirked a little bit.

“You pay for quality and the vibes I bring, thank you very much!”  They began to playfully squabble, but Ed rolled over the conversation in his head.  It would be like Stede to spend money on places like the Lighthouse.

It turned out that, thankfully, he didn’t have to do any of the heavy lifting.  All he had to do was make sure that the crew had enough people to get the shit out of Stede’s house before they didn’t need him at all.  He found himself pushed out just as the rest of the crew arrived, told to go check on Stede to make sure he wasn’t moping in the chapel or doing something equally dramatic. 

“I love the guy, but he’ll stew if you let him,” Olu said with an affectionate sigh.  “Besides, if we don’t organize this in some way, getting it back and organized is going to be a right nightmare.”

Ed didn’t argue.  He ghosted out of the house to the chapel.  He was prepared to find Stede still keyed up and upset, but instead he opened the door to find the priest calmly sitting in a pew near the front.  Sunlight streamed in through the stained glass windows, illuminating his upturned face and peaceful smile.  He didn’t so much as twitch as Ed stepped into the small chapel, easing the door shut.  It gave him a moment to take in the bold line of his nose, the way his features looked younger, relaxed in—well, either sleep or prayer, Ed wasn’t sure which.

He shifted uncertainly until Stede tipped his head to one side, eyes fluttering open like a princess coming out of some sort of dream as he turned to glance back at Ed.  “Everything alright?”

“Oh, yeah, yeah, mate.  They’re sorting it all out.”  Ed cleared his throat as he stepped down the short aisle of pews.  “Sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt you praying.”

“Oh, I wasn’t praying.”  Stede flashed a sheepish smile, a play of red and blue from the stained glass windows highlighting his cheeks.  “More meditating, I suppose, calming down from that outburst.”

“We all get them.”  Ed slid into the pew across the aisle, resisting the urge to crowd into Stede’s space as he draped his hands over the pew in front of him.

A comfortable silence fell over them as Ed stretched his legs out, but he was aware of Stede looking at him occasionally.  It wasn’t a bad look, more thoughtful in a way that made him want to squirm a little bit as he darted his eyes around the chapel.  It really was beautiful, well-maintained with every hint that Stede took pride in keeping it as gorgeous as it was.  Was the proper church more modern?  Was that why he liked his little historic chapel more?  Or was it just because he could come here and be left alone?

Did people pester Father Bonnet the way they pestered Blackbeard?  Questions and demands, pushes for answers when what he wanted was to just be Stede?  Ed felt his heart ache a little bit for him.  Did Stede wish he could leave the calling, or was he just tired of some of the aspects?  He’d talked with such pride about some things, others less so.

Ed became aware of the fact that a frown had furrowed Stede’s brows when he glanced back over again.  It wasn’t a bad look, more as if the priest were thinking hard about something.  It made Ed straighten up, and the look flickered away, becoming more relaxed.  Ed had seen the look, though, making him lick his lips and shift uncertainly.  The priest had looked like he was puzzling something out.

Ed did what Ed did best.  He reached for a distraction.

“So, you just buy big boxes of communion off of Amazon?” he said into the silence that had grown, not awkward, but weighted.  Stede gave a slow blink.  “I saw the boxes on the table.  I just figured you made that stuff in-house.”

“Oh, yes, I forgot we had to buy more.  And you’ve seen my cooking, I couldn’t possibly try to make the host.”  Stede’s smile was relaxed as he traced the outline of a beam of sunlight on the pew in front of him.  “There are specialty shops for the clergy, but Amazon has better prices, don’t tell the parishioners.”  Ed barked a laugh at that, which made Stede grin. “Sorry our cooking lesson was interrupted today.  I was really looking forward to it.”

“Nah, mate.  Hell, if worse comes to worst, we could always use the wafers.  Bet they’d make a nice little parfait or some shit.”  Ed tried the joke with a grin.  “Maybe make some dipping sauces for them.  Could do sweet and savory.”

“They’d have to be wine-based,” Stede murmured with a ghost of a smile on his lips.

“Yeah, but chocolate and wine go together really well.”  He kicked his legs out easily and felt Stede’s eyes on him again, that thoughtful look still on his face.  Pensive.  He looked pensive. “Mate, you—okay?”

The look continued, hazel eyes studying Ed until he was nearly squirming in place.  He was tempted to glance behind him to see if there was something else Stede was looking at, but he knew there wasn’t.  After a handful of seconds, Stede’s lip twitched up, and his entire demeanor changed.  It was subtle, the lift of his shoulders, the way his eyes lidded, the aura of calm authority that settled over him like a second skin that made Ed’s heart kick up the pace. 

“Show some respect, lamb,” Father Bonnet murmured in that rolling velvety voice.  “That is the host you’re speaking of, not a delicacy you serve in one of your restaurants.”

“That you buy on Amazon, mate,” Ed pointed out, but his heart was in his throat as Stede’s eyes narrowed subtly.  Fuck, that…  “Father, you can… you don’t need to—”  He wasn’t sure what he was trying to say.  You don’t need to be Father Bonnet with me, you don’t need to be anyone but Stede.

The unspoken words danced through him as Father Bonnet’s expression softened into something like understanding.  “I know, Edward, I do know I don’t need to, but perhaps I—”  There was that puzzled expression again, Stede’s brows furrowing as if he were doing some high fucking math.  “I think, perhaps, I very much wish to.  With you.”  His eyes flicked away as if he had confessed a secret.

Oh!

“Yeah?  Yeah, okay,” Ed whispered breathlessly.  Stede wanted to?  Wanted to what?  Fuck Ed?  Be the priest?  The air felt electric as Stede fell back into calm authority.

“I think you should learn about respecting the holy act of communion,” Stede continued mildly while Ed licked his lips, body already feeling flushed hot.  “If you can joke about it, you must not understand it.”

“Suppose I don’t really understand,” he responded easily, fighting the urge to bite his lip.  “I mean, s’just some wafers, yeah?  Gluten-free even.”

“No, dove, there is so much more to it.”  Father Bonnet stood up to walk across the aisle until he was standing above Ed, his eyes doing that thinky look again, but it seemed more peaceful.  “Have you ever had First Communion?”  He reached out to cup Ed’s chin in one broad hand.

“No, not really from a religious family.”  Ed shifted as Stede’s thumb slipped up to rest just beneath his lower lip.  “Never…ah, yeah, never done any of that.”

That thinking look slid towards something more heated as Stede went silent, watching him with an intensity that made Ed long to claw open the man’s head to see what he was thinking.  He pressed into Stede’s palm, eyes fixed on him, before he angled down enough to press his lips in a soft kiss to the pad of his thumb.  Stede’s eyes went dark at the first touch before drawing in a shaking breath.

“Come with me, lamb,” the words held weight before the hand slipped away, and Stede turned towards the altar, leaving Ed scrambling to follow.

There was just something subtly, well, not off about Stede, but certainly different, as Ed was guided to one of the padded kneelers set to one side of the altar.  He was just wearing his normal clerical shirt, a soft blue today, and a pair of pressed slacks, but he moved as though he were in full regalia as he paused next to the kneeler. 

“Do I–”  Ed began to ask when a soft hand cupped his cheek a heartbeat before Stede drew him into a kiss.

It was slow and sweet, lips parted in a way that made Ed let out a soft, eager noise while he relaxed into the offering.  It was like the other night, it wasn’t a kiss just for passion, it was something sweeter as he let his lips part for Stede’s soft tongue and felt the priest’s hand cup the back of his head.  Ed melted into it, letting himself concentrate on the way Stede’s tongue swirled and swiped along the roof of his mouth in languid movements as if he were intent on memorizing the shape of Ed’s mouth.

Ed tipped his head to deepen the kiss, daringly lifting his hands to cup Stede’s hips before the priest pressed in closer with a pleased sigh.  He heard it, he really heard it, a shivery sound of delight as he flicked out his own tongue to brush over Stede’s.  It was hot and building between them as Ed’s body was flush against the priest’s, feeling each point where they touched as an affirmation that they belonged together.

Stede let out a chest rumbling sound of pleasure as Ed ran his teeth in a light nip against the priest’s lower lip and returned it.  The exchange built a spark into a fire that left Ed hyperaware of just how solid Stede’s chest was against him.  Ed found himself pressed back until his ass bumped against the top ledge of the kneeler, and Stede’s other hand wrapped around his waist.  It was only when they needed to breathe that Stede drew back with a gasp, lips parted with short panting breaths.

“Stede…,” Ed whispered tenderly before Stede’s eyes fluttered shut and the priest licked his kiss-slicked lips.

“Father,” Stede corrected with a tender lilt to his voice.  His warm hand slid up to cup Ed’s cheek, brushing a thumb along his upper cheek.  “Respect, dove, remember our rules.”

“Yes, Father,” Ed amended with a swallow, his heart starting to race as Stede opened his eyes again, looking more in control of himself than he had only seconds before.  He searched Ed’s eyes briefly, then took a step back to put space between their bodies.  Stede seemed to be piecing himself together right in front of Ed’s eyes.

“Communion is a holy act, Edward, a sacred act,” Stede murmured while sliding his hand down to brush along Ed’s arm, his thumb tracing the thin skin of his inside wrist.  “A blessing that should be handled with decorum and respect.”  

Ed swallowed at the gentle drag of the thumb.  Stede’s touch circled slowly, tracing around Ed’s pulse as if he were memorizing the way it was beating, pressed so close that their bodies were nearly touching.  Ed glanced down at Stede’s lips before darting up again to find the hazel eyes blown dark.  Stede wasn’t unaffected.  He wanted this too.  Ed ached to reclaim another kiss.  To fall into the heat of dancing tongues and Stede’s hand sliding through his hair.

“Lamb,” Father Bonnet ducked his head to catch Ed’s eyes more clearly, “would you like me to teach you the rites of the Holy Eucharist?  Will you trust me to guide you?”

“Yes, yes to both,” Ed managed to get those words out as Stede’s thumb kept stroking and circling.  “I trust you, Father.”

There was a flicker in the hazel eyes, barely there, before Stede released his wrist and traced his fingers along the kneeler.  “Take your shirt off.  I want you to kneel right here, do you understand?”

Ed jerked a nod and reached down to peel off his shirt without hesitation.  It was hard to feel shocked at the command after the things they’d done, but it still felt surreal to fold his shirt over a pew before obediently dropping to his knees on the bench.  The act felt strangely comforting, even though his body was loudly letting him know it was interested in whatever Father Bonnet had in mind.  

The kneeler was, thankfully, heavily padded to the point that Ed barely felt a twinge as he dropped to his knees and rested his hands on the padded top.  The velvet was decadently soft against his chest as he leaned forward to watch Stede walk to the front of the chapel.  He paused to turn the lock on the doors, something that maybe Ed should have thought of before he’d been flat out kissing Stede in a place where Lucius could have walked in.

Stede opened up one of the side cabinets to reveal an array of different robes and garments hanging up.  Ed couldn’t stop the hope that he’d dress in one of them, which, yeah.  Apparently, the priest in his full-on outfit was a new thing for Ed to put in a little box to think about later.  Instead, Stede sorted through to find a pair of long cord-like belts from two different outfits.  One was seafoam green and the other a snowy white, both with tassels at each end.  Evidently, those were the only things he’d been looking for, since he closed the doors once they were hanging from his hand.

Ed knew that he was staring.  Fuck, he knew that he was probably staring with a mixture of hearts and lust in his eyes.  He just couldn’t seem to stop as the priest returned to present his findings with a small smile toying at the corners of his mouth.  His thumb rubbed one of the soft-looking cords delicately to draw Ed’s eyes down to it.

“I want to use these cinctures to take away the temptation to use your hands, dove.  You shouldn’t profane the Eucharist with your hands,” Stede murmured, lifting them so the fringed ends brushed lightly along Ed’s arm to send goosebumps chasing down his upper arms.

“You want to tie me up?”  Ed’s mind was growing softer, quieter, but the question still stirred a small amount of confusion and concern.

“If you’ll allow me the pleasure.”  Father Bonnet’s face was peaceful-looking, but his eyes were molten in a way that made Ed’s breath catch.  He wanted to tie Ed up.  He could see that.  It was important to him.

“Y-yeah, yes, Father.  I trust you.”  He licked his lips before letting out a shaking breath. “Probably for the best.”

“Good, very good,” Stede murmured with a draw of the silky cords over Ed’s shoulder as a reward.  “Tell me if anything is too tight, too much, or if you feel uncomfortable at all.  This isn’t about your discomfort.”

“You never make me uncomfortable, Father,” Ed breathed as Stede walked around behind him.  He heard a faint indrawn breath, but the priest didn’t respond except to brush his arms down Ed’s shoulders.  Stede slid his fingers down Ed’s arms until he came to his wrists before coaxing his arms behind his back, drawing them together to cross them just above Ed’s ass.  It wasn’t uncomfortable or forceful, just a gentle pressure with the priest’s thumb gently tracing the inside of his wrists in silent approval.

“Hold them here, lamb,” Stede murmured before Ed heard the sound of movement and realized the priest was crouching down before picking up one of the cords with a  noise of consideration.

Ed’s mind began to grow hazier as the drag of the cords ran along his arms.  Stede left the white one over his shoulder as the teal was drawn out of view to wrap around his upper arms.  It felt strange letting someone tie his arms, not that he hadn’t tied people up for sex before, or had it done to himself.  Hell, he even had a scar from when Jack tied him up once, and he nearly had to pop a shoulder to get out.  It always felt like a build-up towards frantic, kinky sex.  His mind had always been jumping ahead to the main event, but Stede made the act itself feel like the main event.

The drag of the rope was hypnotic each time it was wound between his arms.  It was done with careful purpose rather than being rushed.  He let his eyes flutter shut, fading into the drag and caress of the cord, the subtle adjustments and soft tease of the tassels as they brushed his forearms.  He was drifting through that haze when he realized Father Bonnet was softly humming to himself while pulling the cincture into a knot just at Ed’s elbows.  

Ed tried to figure out what song it was, since it was familiar, but his breath came out in a gasp when Stede suddenly gave a pull against the rope.  The soft cord bit into his skin, not painfully, but with enough force to punch a noise out of him before it was released, and Stede reached down to turn his hands.  Ed was pliant and relaxed as his palms were turned up behind his back, as if waiting to be filled.

“Like that, lamb, keep your hands open for me,” Father Bonnet whispered softly, tracing his fingers on Ed’s palms in a way that made him painfully aware that he was more than half-hard in his jeans.  “Traditionally, you never used your hands to accept the body of the Lord.  It cannot be wasted, not a speck of it can touch the profane ground.” 

Ed hummed a response.  His heavy-lidded eyes were fixed on a spot on the altar as the sea-foam cincture was pulled from his shoulder next.  He felt it being run between his upper arms where the first one had been woven back and forth.  Stede was moving it with purpose, taking his time with a gentle touch that made Ed shiver.  Everything went further away.  The pounding of his heart began to grow slow and quiet, though he was painfully aware that other parts of his body were responding to each little touch.  The cord was wrapped around his forearms with the same care that the first one had been given.

“That is something I’ve always enjoyed.  The rites and rules.”  Father Bonnet’s words were soft, almost dream-like.  “The pageantry.”  A pull of the cord around his wrist made Ed groan out.  “Too tight, Edward?”

“No, Father,” Ed almost slurred the words.  “Feels good.”

“Oh, darling,” Stede sighed before a hand gently turned Ed’s head until he could see the priest watching him closely.  “There you are.  You fall to worship so easily, don’t you, dove?”  Ed hummed happily when he saw Stede’s gentle smile.  He looked proud.  “You make me miss—” Stede gave his head a shake without continuing the sentence.

“Miss what, Father?”  Ed blinked rapidly.  That sounded important enough that he furrowed his brows, pulling slightly back from his haze.

“Other days, younger days,” Stede confessed softly and moved his hand down to pull the rope again, tightening all of them until Ed shuddered in reaction.  “It doesn’t matter, I’m being a bit maudlin.”  He smiled and pulled again until Ed couldn’t stop the punched-out moan he made.

He’s done this before with someone.  Ed felt a flare of jealousy.  Stede had said he’d gone wild.  Had he been this wild?  Had he experimented and played?  Was he missing those days before he’d taken his vows?  Have them with me.  However it works, just have them with me, Father. 

When the cords were finally in their proper position, Stede tied them off with a deft touch before letting the ends drop down along the curve of Ed’s ass so the priest could lean back to admire his work.  The sound Stede made was low, positively unholy, before a hand brushed down Ed’s arm where the rope was pressing into his skin.  Ed’s eyes fluttered shut, tipping his head back with a low groan before Stede stood up, one hand grasping Ed’s shoulder for balance with a gentle squeeze.

“I can’t give you true communion, of course,” Father Bonnet explained as he moved to face Ed properly.  He moved his hand from Ed’s shoulder to cup his jaw tenderly.  “That would be sacrilegious, dove.”

“Wouldn’t ask you to,” Ed rasped out as he shifted just to feel the cords pressing into his skin, holding him. 

“No, you wouldn’t.  You’re such a good boy for me, Edward.”  Stede’s fingers gently massaged his jaw.  “I would, however, consecrate this—”   Stede’s thumb brushed up, tracing Ed’s bottom lip with his eyes going molten when Ed dropped his mouth open obediently.  “Will you let me?”

Ed let out a profane moan, feeling it ripped out of his chest as Stede’s thumb pushed over his tongue and he opened his mouth eagerly.  He let his eyes close and just felt the way Stede’s thumb began to push deeper into his mouth with a gentle thrust until Ed closed his lips around the digit.  He sucked slowly, letting his body feel that flash of desire that made it hard to think.  He heard Stede’s breath catch a heartbeat before there was the metal clink of the belt being undone.  Ed didn’t open his eyes.  He concentrated on dragging his tongue over the pad of the thumb greedily, proving that he could take whatever sacrament Stede wished to give him.

Ed would worship him.  He just wanted the chance to feel the weight of Stede’s cock in his mouth once more.  He’d dreamed of it, felt half mad for want of experiencing it again.  He fluttered his eyes open in time to watch Stede thumb open his pants.  The thumb pushed deeper into Ed’s mouth as he suckled again, sliding his tongue indulgently around the digit until he watched Stede’s lips part in a gasp.  Ed could see cracks in Father Bonnet,.  iIt was as if there were little glimpses beyond the priest, ones Ed sought after as he leaned forward to suck him deeper, showily parting his lips as he pulled back with a trail of slick spit clinging over Stede’s thumb.

For a moment, just a moment, there was a raw look of want on Stede’s face before it folded away into something more controlled.  Father Bonnet closed his eyes and drew in a breath before pulling his thumb back, slipping free past Ed’s lips and breaking the line of spit.  He moved his hands down to ease over his pants, pushing them down until his cock sprang free, heavy and delicious looking.  Fuck, he was already hard as he wrapped a fist around himself loosely.  Ed didn’t try to stop the whimper that came from his throat.

“Open your mouth, lamb,” Father Bonnet murmured in a voice that went straight to Ed’s cock, and he dropped his mouth open immediately.  “This is my body—”  He dropped his hand to grip his base.  “Take of it.”

Yes, please, finally.  Ed didn’t dare close his eyes as Stede stepped forward and cupped one hand on the back of Ed’s head to guide him to lean against the kneeler.

“Have mercy on us, your sinners,” Stede continued on, as his blunt tip brushed Ed’s waiting tongue, spreading a salty-slick smear across his taste buds. 

He closed his mouth as Stede’s hand guided his head forward to the point where the cords tightened over his arms.  He couldn’t stop the moan that broke free from him.  He didn’t try to.  He tongued over the tip as Stede edged in deeper with a gasp while his fingers tenderly cupped the back of Ed’s head.  Ed refused to look away, not even to concentrate on the taste and feel of the heavy cock filling his mouth.  He memorized the way Stede’s eyes slammed shut and his head tipped back.  It was more reaction than he’d ever gotten, but he seemed to be just as affected as Ed as his tip slipped towards the back of Ed’s throat.

“Take away the sins of the world,” Father Bonnet growled the words, snapping his head down as Ed pushed forward hard enough that Stede’s tip pushed into his relaxed throat.

Perfect, it was so fucking perfect, like Ed was made for Stede’s cock.  Everything went quiet in his own head.  There was no right.  No wrong.  It felt like what saints must have experienced when they realized they were chosen by God.  It was a purity of purpose.  Stede seemed to realize that Ed wasn’t choking and continued to press forward, his fingers drifting down to glide along the nape of Ed’s neck. 

Inch by inch, deeper and deeper, Ed took him eagerly until his eyes were watering.  He blinked away the tears, letting them roll down his cheeks in silent proof of his devotion.  His fucking love for this man.  Stede’s thumb massaged his neck gently as he fluttered his eyes open to let out a gasp, staring down at Ed with all the heat he could ever want.  The gentle touch on his neck was more guiding than forceful as Ed’s mouth was soon stretched obscenely wide at the base, his nose pushed into the thatch of golden hair and the soft stomach.

“Christ—” Stede gasped and Ed’s eyes widened at Father Bonnet taking the Lord’s name in vain before the priest shuddered and continued.  “Grant us peace.”

Ed found peace.  He found the peace of martyrs and saints and those who had seen the face of God as Stede’s hips gave an indulgent roll forward.  He could feel more tears rolling down his cheeks as his eyes watered, or perhaps they were tears of joy at having Stede in his mouth again.  He embraced the feeling, letting himself float in it as he swallowed wetly and felt Stede’s thumb swiping away the mess from his chin.  It was an impossibly tender, caring touch that made him melt into Stede’s words.

Ed finally closed his eyes and let himself taste the salty skin on his tongue and drew in a breath of incense and musk, the wholly unique scent of Father Bonnet.  He curled his hands into fists behind his back, flexing his arms until the cords bit into his skin to remind him that he belonged here.  He ran his tongue along the vein of Stede’s cock, swallowing around him until he heard the priest let out a short cry.  

Stede didn’t rush, he didn’t speed up, he kept the slow rolling movements steady, drawing back to let Ed breathe with his tip bumping the roof of Ed’s mouth before indulgently pushing inwards, so that Ed’s nose pressed against his tummy.  It was soft and perfect, making him want to pull off to nip and kiss it, to watch Stede as he licked every inch of his flushed cock before taking him back into his mouth again.

“May He have mercy upon you,” Stede whispered, low and dark, as his hand slid from the nape of Ed’s neck to cup his jaw, fingers ghosting a touch along his throat as it was filled.  “Confirm and strengthen you in all goodness.”

Ed was good, he was more than good, he was floating in a world that came with the feel of Stede’s cock sliding into the soft heat of his throat.  He swallowed again, using his tongue as he felt slick spit starting to gather along his lower lip.  He knew he was being messy.  He could be cleaner, but he didn’t want to be.  He wanted to just give himself over to the moment and the way Father Bonnet’s touch grounded him.  When he swallowed again, Stede’s other hand dropped down to grasp the top of the kneeler in a death grip, his hips shuddering.

When Ed opened his eyes, Stede was flushed, his eyes intensely focused on Ed’s face as his hips incrementally sped up.  Ed could feel his cock achingly hard, pushed tight to his pants, and couldn’t care less.  He didn’t care about touching himself.  All he cared about was seeing the way Stede’s hips rolled forward and hearing the words that spilled from his lips, which carried a taste of the divine.  Was he reminding himself?  Was he trying to remember his vows?  Was Ed making him forget?

The thought made him moan out, the vibration making Stede’s hips suddenly buck forward hard enough that he nearly gagged.  He knew he was moaning like a slut, but he didn’t care.  He let it break free as he gave a rippling swallow.  His jaw ached, but he ignored it.  All that mattered was that he was consumed in the holy fire of the priest’s touch and taste.  All of his senses were being consumed, and he gleefully flung himself on that fire.

He wasn’t immune to that pleasure, either.  Fuck, his body was throbbing with it.  Achingly on edge, without a proper touch, until every nerve was blazing with pleasure.  His cock must have been leaking through his fucking pants at this point as he writhed, feeling the ropes digging along his arms.  Stede’s cords, from his vestments, holding him, containing him in place.  Caught.  He was caught and encircled by Stede’s possessions, Stede’s cock, Stede’s fucking hands—and he wanted it all.

Ed rocked his hips subtly as he moved his head in time with Stede’s hips with sordid, slick noises, starving for another thrust, another moment where his throat was filled with the delicious weight.  He ran his tongue along the vein over the underside and swallowed as the tip plunged so deep into his throat that his nose pressed into the soft warmth of Stede’s covered belly.  Fuck, he should move the shirt higher.  He wanted to nuzzle into all that glorious bare skin.

“Lamb of God,” Father Bonnet’s voice made the words something obscene and forbidden as Ed’s eyes slammed shut when his hips began to move faster.  Please, please, he wanted this.  Needed this.  Needed to taste Stede pouring down his throat. 

“Bless you…”  A deeper thrust, his hips snapping forward as Stede’s hand moved to press against Ed’s shoulder.  “Adore you…”  He barely pulled back before the next thrust plunged into Ed’s greedy throat.  “Glorify you.”

Yes, yes, please… please, Father… Glorify me!  Ed opened his watering eyes, watching Stede’s head tip back, his hand moving from Ed’s chin, jerking back to grasp the base of his cock hard as he stepped back away from Ed.

No, fuck, no.  Ed choked back a sob as Stede’s cock slipped free of his mouth, flushed dark and so close to the edge as he took in a shaking breath.  Ed felt tears welling up for another reason, his mouth still partially open with the taste of Stede suffusing his senses.  He rolled his eyes up as Stede was panting hard, chest heaving and lips parted as if he had come that close to breaking his vow.

Ed pushed.  He couldn’t stop himself from giving voice to what he wanted.  Needed.

“Please,” Ed choked out before he could stop himself, his voice a harsh rasp as Stede panted down at him.  “Please… Father, please, I want… I want—”

“Edward—” Father Bonnet’s face was etched with regret.

It was blasphemous, sacrilegious in the extreme, and Ed knew it, but he didn’t care.  He cared that Stede looked almost pained at stopping, that his cock was flushed and heavy.  He cared that this moment belonged to them.  Stede hadn’t done this to teach a lesson.  He’d wanted to do it.  He’d said so.   

And Ed cared that he had found a religious experience for the first time in his forty-odd years, and it wasn’t at the hands of an uncaring God.  It was at the feet of a priest who had called him a temptation.  Who pushed Ed and rewarded him.  Who could take him apart and piece him back together stronger than before.

“Please, Father.  Please, I won’t touch you, I won’t—Please, let me taste you,” Ed begged, he fucking begged.  He’d never begged in his life, but staring up at Stede he saw the blazing need in his priest’s eyes echoing down at him.  Stede felt it too, Ed knew that.  

“There are…. I have–”  Stede’s voice sounded wrecked, but his resolve was crumbling right before Ed’s eyes.

“Give me my communion, Father, I’m ready,” he whispered hoarsely, putting all his want and need into the words.

Time stopped.  It was over the line.  It wasn’t just flirting with Stede’s vow.  It was putting a foot on it, and Ed knew it.  Stede knew it.  He saw the priest’s eyes flicker.  There was a battle going on behind them, one that Ed should have felt guilty for, but all he felt was his need growing brighter as Stede thumbed over the tip of his leaking cock as if he couldn’t stop himself.  Ed let out a guttural noise in the back of his throat, a sound that was his own sort of prayer.  

His cock was throbbing in his pants to the point he was glad he couldn’t touch himself.  If he did, it’d be over.  He couldn’t let it be over.  He wanted it to stay here.  Forever.

The line was there, plainly in front of them, and Stede had already toed it so closely.  His hand swept over his tip again, and Ed watched the war settling into brazen need.  Ed licked his spit-slick lips eagerly, only to hear a noise torn from Stede’s throat.  Ed waited for his answer, shaking and trembling, face upturned in silent supplication.

“Then, open your mouth for me, lamb,” Stede whispered, as if he didn’t trust his full voice.  The hush of the chapel made the words seem larger, louder.  Stede stepped on the line he’d drawn, foot clearly fucking on it while Ed let his mouth fall open obediently, tipping his head up.  “For this is the consecration…” 

Stede’s fist began to work slick stripes along his cock while Ed watched, noting the pace, the way he gave little flicks of his wrist every few moves.  He memorized it.  Gave it all the devotion and adoration that the act deserved.

“For this is the covenant…”  Stede rasped in that low, wrecked voice.

Ed felt the need building.  His hips began to rock uselessly, but even the brush of his pants became too much as he kept his mouth open with his tongue extended.  Stede was only inches away, hot and heavy, flushed dark at the tip with his need, and glistening with a mix of spit and slick.  Father Bonnet reached out to cup Ed’s chin firmly, aiming his cock at him and controlling the movement deliberately.  Ed had meant it, he wouldn’t do more, he wouldn’t be the direct cause of Stede’s release.  He was a silent witness to this holy communion.

“Forever….”  Stede breathed out and then shuddered, arching his back with a deep moan.  “And ever…”  Another stroke and he cast his head back.  “Amen!”

The last word was a near sob dragged from Stede before the first hot rope of spend spilled out over Ed’s cheeks and lips.  This was his communion.  His holy rite.  This was the moment that the world came into focus as the salt-bitter taste flooded his senses while rope after rope marked him.  Ed’s hips stuttered in place before the world ran white-hot with pleasure to break over him in a liquid wave.  His orgasm burned through him as he did something he hadn’t done since he was a god damn teenager, coming hot and heavy in his pants as he closed his lips to swallow the taste of Stede down.

Amen, indeed.

The chapel was quiet, except for their heavy breathing, as Ed’s tongue darted out.  His eyes fluttered open to see Stede leaning over him with his eyes laser-focused on his messy face.  The hand that was still holding Ed’s chin swiped a thumb up through some of the pearly mess.  His eyes never left Ed’s as he reverently gathered it up, until the pad of his thumb brushed against Ed’s half-parted lips. 

It felt weighted, this moment, as if time was holding still while Ed slowly parted his lips so that Stede could press his thumb inwards.   Ed didn’t look away.  He held Stede’s eye contact as he closed his mouth and ran his tongue over the digit to clean it.  Stede felt it too.  Ed could see it in his eyes.  They’d come to the line and Stede had stepped on it willingly.

“Kyrie eleison,” Stede whispered with what sounded like grief before dragging his thumb back slowly.

“Stede…. Father,” Ed rasped as Stede gave a slow blink down at him, his brows furrowed in a way that made Ed feel a creeping press of panic and worry.  “I—”

“Shh, lamb, let me untie you.  I want to care for you,” Father Bonnet whispered softly, but his eyes had gone distant.  Fuck, fuck, fuck.  No, Ed had fucked up.

“Father Bonnet,” Ed asked desperately as he felt a curl of alarm spreading rapidly.  “I’m sorry, I should—"

Stede made a shushing noise before cupping the back of Ed’s head to lean in close enough to press a kiss to his forehead.  Father Bonnet gave him a silent benediction with that kiss, fingers soothing away the worry with a gentle massage of his fingertips.  The soft, comforting noises wrapped around Ed, reassuring him wordlessly.

“You were magnificent, my dove.  Don’t apologize, don’t you dare.”  The fierce words were spoken with lips still pressed against Ed’s forehead.  “I just want to untie you and hold you.  Will that be alright?”

“Yes, please.”  Ed relaxed when Stede pulled back to reveal a calm expression again.  Whatever grief or distance had been there before was replaced with a softness that Ed wanted to curl into and stay in forever.  It was okay, they were okay.

 Stede cocked his head to one side as he pulled back before tsking, “Such a mess, my lamb.”  He whispered softly as he slid a finger along a bit of mess that had coated Ed’s cheek.  

Stede lifted the messy finger consideringly, and Ed assumed he’d do what he’d done before.  However, before Ed could open his mouth expectantly, Stede slipped the finger into his own mouth, closing his lips around it and hollowing his cheeks to clean it.  Ed knew he made a noise, and saw it in the way Stede’s eyes flicked down to him before Stede drew the finger back out with a swipe of an alluring pink tongue.  It was a sight that Ed thought should be put into stained glass, memorialized, forever commemorated in this sacred space.  

Profane and holy.  The duality of Father Stede Bonnet in the devastating flesh.  

Edward Teach was fucked.