Archive of Our Own

She’d been on her feet for hours. Her legs shook with exhaustion, her hands scrubbed raw from washing them over and over, changing gloves as pair after pair became soaked in blood. She had no idea how much time had passed outside the hospital.

It had been a massacre. Four teams sent out to the border to intercept what should have been a three-team scouting mission. It shouldn’t have come to this, shouldn’t have taken so much of a toll—there had been an ANBU team involved, with the Copy-nin himself heading the infiltration.

The intel had been wrong. There had been six teams on the border, five teams all waiting for an attack, five teams with two of the best ninja on the front lines. They’d been outnumbered and outmanned, outclassed at every turn but one, and Sakura shook with the effort of pumping chakra into yet another wound.

She succeeded—he exhaled softly as his twitching muscles eased, the blood in his IV running steadily into his arm as Sakura painstakingly healed every rend and tear in his torn stomach until at last, the bleeding slowed and stopped. She cleaned out the spillage and stepped back to sew him up again, and then she turned and fled the operating room—remove her scrubs, wash her hands, re-scrub, step into the next room.

It must have been days. Sixteen had gone out; only seven had returned. Kakashi had stumbled into the hospital with a teammate draped over his back and another under his arm, eye wandering, unable to focus—concussion, Sakura had thought, but his whole body was trembling. Four others trailed behind him, stumbling, limping, sobbing—one ANBU, another resting on Kakashi’s back, and the rest shaking jonin with haunted eyes and grievous wounds.

Kakashi had given his report standing there in the hospital as Tsunade ordered his teammates to be taken from him. Then, the moment he finished, he collapsed and promptly went into cardiac arrest.

Sakura hadn’t had time to wonder, or to cry, or even to think about her sensei’s fate—Tsunade had taken him immediately, and it had fallen to her to deal with the six who remained. Each one was a battle, a mess of blood and bruises and head injuries. She fought for their lives like she were standing over them on a battlefield, eyes narrowed, focused, pushing chakra through her fingertips until they burned and flaked, until her hands and legs shook like a fawn’s, and then farther, until she didn’t know what day it was.

Her efforts were largely in vain.

When Tsunade found her, she was on the floor in a supply closet, holding a box of gloves. The older woman guided her upright and hugged her, a rare gesture of affection reserved for the hardest moments.

“Kakashi’s had a hard run,” she murmured into her student’s ear, stroking her bound hair. “But he’ll be fine. He pulled through.” Sakura’s knees buckled with the weight of her relief, and she clung to Tsunade as she inhaled shakily. Not yet, she thought. I can’t cry yet.

“Four survived,” she croaked, her voice rough from barking orders for the last however-many hours. “One ANBU. Three jonin.” She took a deep, hard breath. The two her sensei had carried in were lying now in body bags four floors below them, no longer bloodied from wounds, but too far gone to be saved. At peace, hopefully. “Neither of the ones he carried.”

Tsunade closed her eyes hard, releasing Sakura to bury her face in her hands. “Oh, dear,” she whispered. “How could it have all gone so wrong? Eleven shinobi… eleven good ninja, gone.”

“He’ll blame himself,” Sakura whispered. “He’ll blame himself and he’ll be even more reckless next time, and it’ll be worse, and then he’s going to kill himself. He’s suicidal, Tsunade, can’t you—” She bit her tongue and shook her head. “Sasuke was like a son to him—Naruto, too. Ever since they left he’s… He’s going to kill himself, you know he is. He’ll throw the fight, or pick a battle he can’t win, or deplete his chakra to absolute zero. You’ve got to pull him out of ANBU, Tsunade-shishou.”

The Hokage sighed and shook her head slowly. “I don’t know,” she murmured. “He was reckless, but he succeeded. He completed the mission and got four back alive. He tried to save two more. He did what any ANBU captain has ever been expected to do—but if it makes you feel better, I’ll have him evaluated when he wakes up.”

“Help him,” Sakura begged. Tsunade nodded.

“I’ll do what I can,” she said. “For what it’s worth, Sakura, he still has you, and he loves you. He asks me about you after every mission report, or every week. I don’t think he’ll give in, yet. He may be depressed and struggling, but he won’t leave you alone.”

“Hasn’t he already?” she asked bitterly, and stepped out of the closet with the gloves clenched in her hand. “I have to bring these to Shizune.”

“Go home after that, Sakura,” Tsunade said. “There’s nothing more to do. You’ve been here forty-one hours, now. You need to rest before you burn out and need treatment yourself.”

It was a low blow, but guilt was usually the only way to make Sakura rest, and they both knew it. She frowned at the gloves in her hand. “Yes, Tsunade,” she said meekly.

Before she left the hospital, she dropped in to see Kakashi. He was deathly pale, lying still and silent under a thin white sheet, surgical mask replacing his usual one. The Sharingan was covered by an eye patch, which looked somewhat wrong on his usually covered face. She approached and took one of his hands, refusing to sit down in case she couldn’t get back up.

“Can you hear me, sensei?” she called softly, squeezing his hand. “If you die, I’ll never forgive you. Never, do you understand? I’ll find you in the afterlife and I’ll beat you to a pulp. Don’t leave me. You can’t leave me, you can’t. I lost them, too, you asshole. I need you.” She pressed her forehead to his knuckles and trembled, stifling a sob. The hand twitched in her hold, and she gasped.

“Sak…” the word was barely breathed, and his eyes remained closed, but that hand trembled as it lifted weakly from her grip—in his state, that must have taken tremendous effort, she thought—and threaded into her hair affectionately. It stayed there for a moment before dropping back to the bed like a stone. She sniffled and covered it with her own again, squeezing gently.

“Thank you,” she whispered, and leaned over to kiss his forehead. “Sleep well, dad.” His eyes crinkled at the corners, a familiar smile visible only where he let it show. She stroked his hair off his forehead. She’d first called him dad by accident when he’d carried her home after a mission gone terribly wrong—she’d been kidnapped, her clothes taken and rifled through, and though the enemies had never actually touched her, she’d been left naked and tied up for half an hour. When he’d found her, he had plunged a chidori straight through two of the enemy’s chests in one go, ripped their hearts out of their bodies, and crushed them in his fist. Then he’d pulled his spare clothes out of a scroll, freed her, helped her dress, and held her until she stopped crying. Then, once he’d questioned her enough to know what they had not done, he had helped her onto his back and carried her for two days, heading off Sasuke and Naruto’s questions when they met up again. Before falling asleep, she had mumbled, “Thanks, dad.”

Since then she had said it only a few times, but every time she did, he made that same eye-crinkling smile, the warmth radiating from his hands when he reached for her.

She kissed him again and straightened, sniffling. “I’ve been here for two days,” she said, “so I’m going home first. I’ll come and check on you tomorrow, okay?”

He didn’t answer, and she bowed deeply before she left the room, sliding the door quietly shut behind her.

She was only a few blocks from the hospital when she stopped, standing in an intersection, staring down her own street and the one to the left. She didn’t want to be alone. She couldn’t be alone, she’d just die. She needed…

Ino was on a diplomatic mission right now. Naruto was training with Jiraiya, and god only knew where Sasuke was. Her parents were both out on D-rank missions today and tomorrow, and she didn’t think she could make the walk to their house in her condition, anyway. Tsunade and Shizune were at the hospital, or maybe heading to their shared home in the Hokage’s quarters, Kakashi unconscious in a white bed. Even Hinata was busy training with her father, readying to take over as head of the family. What friends did she even have?

She looked to the right, to another street that led towards the wall—small, shaded, comely. She adjusted the strap of her bag and started down that road.

The door she stopped in front of was painted bright yellow, a strange contrast to the plain wood around it.

She inhaled deeply. They’d been getting closer, lately, but still, they weren’t really… no. They were friends. She knew they were friends, she’d been in this house, he’d been in hers. They sparred together all the time, lately. Still… it was a lot to ask, wasn’t it? Dropping in on someone, asking to borrow their shower and bed—that was something you only asked of a very close friend, and that, she knew, they were not.

But she couldn’t be alone right now, and there was no one currently in the village who she trusted more. She raised her fist and knocked twice before the door swung open, revealing a huge, brilliant grin and wide dark eyes.

“Sakura-chan!” sang a familiar, far too loud voice. “How fortunate it is to see your bright face on this beautiful day! What brings you to my door?”

Sakura had to swallow twice around the lump in her throat before she could get words past it, and she had to aim her gaze at the sky and blink back the tears to suppress those, too.

“I…” she sighed. “I didn’t know where else to go.”

Lee’s smile fell into alarm and he reached out, sweeping her inside with an arm around her shoulders. He surveyed the street behind her, frowning, and when he was sure she had not been followed, he shut and locked the door securely.

“What’s wrong?” he asked earnestly, turning those wide eyes to her. Sakura wiped at her eyes futilely.

“Uh, just… just a hard day at work,” she said weakly, her voice shaking despite the air of nonchalance she tried to put into it. “I can’t say much, it’s all classified, but we… we lost eleven people. Only seven made it back at all, and we lost two of those. Kakashi-sensei barely made it. I’ve been at the hospital for… I think Tsunade said forty-one hours.” She shrugged. “I didn’t… I don’t think I can be alone right now.”

Lee’s hands landed on her upper arms, squeezing gently. “Sakura,” he said, softer than she’d ever heard. “Can I hug you?” She nodded, not trusting her voice as she began to lose to the trembling of her lower lip. Lee reached out and pulled her against him. His arms wound around her, strong and warm, and as she wrapped her own around his waist she felt him thread a comforting hand through her hair. She buried her face in his neck, her breath hitching, and when he tilted his cheek against her hair, she lost her fight. Her knees buckled and she almost fell, but he caught her, holding her up, shifting his weight soothingly back and forth.

“I’m sorry,” he said shakily, and she felt his trembling and knew he was crying, too. “That is indeed a very hard day.” He sniffled and combed through her filthy, sweaty hair, pressing a kiss to her temple. Sakura buried her face deep against the neckline of his jumpsuit and bawled, mouth open just so she could breathe, tears streaming down her exhausted face.

“It wasn’t enough,” she cried. “He’s gonna be furious when he finds out, he carried them both back himself and almost died and I lost them both!”

Lee did not attempt to hush or quiet her, instead only tightening his grip and pressing his nose into her hair tightly. It must have stunk—she never smelled good after her shifts, and this one was her most brutal yet, but if he noticed, he said nothing.

For a long, long time, she cried into his arms, comforted by the sounds of his own hitched sobs, in the knowledge that at least she was not alone in her grief—she was not the only one to mourn the dead.

The sun was nearly set by the time she managed to get herself under control. Lee still held her after the last tear, rocking side to side and stroking her hair, slowly gaining control of his own sniffles.

At last, she pulled back with a shuddering sigh and wiped her eyes. There was a huge wet spot on Lee’s shoulder—all the way down to his chest, she noted shamefully, but he paid them no mind at all. He didn’t even seem to notice. His hands stayed on her arms for a long moment before dropping, as if he were afraid to let her go. She shivered.

“I’m sorry,” she rasped, her voice worn raw. Lee shook his head.

“Please do not apologize,” he said miserably, eyes red and lip trembling. He scrubbed his eyes roughly and wiped his nose on his sleeve, which made her feel a little less bad about crying on his jumpsuit. Then he sighed, composing himself, and nodded. “Please allow me to run you a bath!” he begged. “I know you always take one after your long shifts, and you must be craving one. I will bring some clothes if you do not have your own—not a jumpsuit,” he added quickly at the look on her face. “Please allow yourself to remove your shoes and make yourself at home. You can of course stay as long as you like! I have no other plans for the day, as I completed 500 laps on my hands around the village this morning and sparred for four hours with Neji and Tenten!”

Sakura stepped up and hugged him again, quick and tight, and nodded. “I’d like that,” she whispered. He gave her a bright, if wobbly, smile and disappeared into the bathroom. Sakura heard the water running as she removed her shoes and traded them in for the sandals in the genkan. She hung up her bag by the door and marveled at how much it seemed to belong there, as if there was a space just for her.

Lee padded back into the main room and gave her a much more typical Lee smile, giving her a thumbs-up. “It is all ready for you, my dearest Sakura!” he announced. “I have left a white t-shirt and some black shorts from my younger days on the counter for you—they may still be a  bit big, but I was not a large pre-teen and I believe they should fit you well!” He took her coat off her shoulders. She hadn’t even realized she was still wearing it.

Now feeling tired and grosser than before, Sakura offered a thin, watery smile. “Thank you, Lee,” she said softly. “I appreciate this more than you know.”

Lee ruffled her hair lightly and cocked his head with a wide grin. “I am more than happy to help!” he declared. “I do not think that anyone should go through this kind of day alone, especially the angel of Konohagakure herself.” He turned away and rolled up his sleeves. “I will get started on dinner! Please go wash up, and enjoy your bath. You deserve it.”

She laughed bitterly, scrubbing a tired hand over her face. Her palm burned, but she ignored it. “I haven’t earned anything, but thank you, Lee.”

Immediately, the green-clad man whipped around again and clamped his hands down on her shoulders, staring fiercely at her. “Sakura,” he said firmly, “please hear me. You worked hard today, and you did a lot of good—you saved more than half of those brought back, no? And it isn’t your fault. It’s not. And even if none of that mattered, you still would not have to earn the right to comfort. You would not need to earn your baths, your food, your clean clothes, your rest. Those things should be given freely whenever you need them, to anyone. Please do not tell yourself that you do not deserve the simple comforts of home simply because you had a day where death outran your beautiful hands. If Kakashi-sensei carried them back, then they were dead before you got to them, and you know that. If there had been any chance, you would have saved them. This is not your fault, and it wouldn’t matter to me if it were.”

Sakura bit her lip and nodded as tears welled up in her eyes again. She scrubbed her cheek and flinched, wincing. Lee caught the expression, squinting at her suspiciously before his eyes flew wide.

“Forty-one hours… two deaths… four complicated surgeries and heals… Sakura, show me your hands!” he cried. Reluctantly, she allowed him to seize her wrists and examine her. Even her stomach did a flip at the sight. They were burnt and peeling, shaking with the weight of exhausted tendons and muscles. She hissed as Lee probed gently at her palms, which were raw and red and entirely too hot to the touch. “Oh, Sakura,” he said softly. She swallowed.

“Um… I might… I might need help washing my hair,” she admitted reluctantly. Lee nodded immediately, face set in determination.

“I can do that for you!” he said eagerly. “And I will bandage your hands properly when you are finished with your bath.” He paused. “Um… will you need help washing your body? I can—I can go and find Tenten, I think. I believe she and Neji are on a date, so it should not be hard to find her if that would make you more comfortable.” He winced. “Not that her date is unusual! They have many dates! This is not a momentous occasion, and Tenten is a sweet person! She would be more then happy to come and—”

“Lee,” Sakura said gently, cutting him off. He fell silent, his face redder than a tomato. “I can manage that much. I’m just worried about not being able to wash my hair as thoroughly as I usually do, that’s all. I’ll keep my dress on—it’s ruined, anyway. Would you help me?”

Lee searched her face anxiously before relaxing just a bit. “Of course,” he said earnestly. “Anything.” Somehow, the single word, quiet and sincere, meant more to Sakura than any enthusiastic promise Naruto had ever made, more than any half-assed assurance Sasuke had offered. It wasn’t like Lee to be so quiet and reserved. He was loud, wild, earnest and passionate. This—this calm, this steadiness—was solely for her. It couldn’t have been easy for him, but here he was anyway, toning it down to minimum for the sake of giving her a safe place to relax. She smiled at him, overwhelmed by affection.

“Come on,” she said, and tugged lightly at his hand. He followed her into the bathroom and helped her sit on the stool, ensuring that the water was warm before he soaked her head. She sighed as he squeezed shampoo into her tangled hair, closing her eyes and allowing herself to relax as his strong fingers worked it into her scalp, carefully cleaning out every speck of dirt, sweat and blood that had afflicted it in the last two days.

Eventually, she felt a gentle shake and startled upright from where she had apparently been leaning against his chest. Lee was well and truly soaked, now, his whole jumpsuit soggy as a wet sock, and yet he wore the brightest smile she’d ever seen on his admittedly adorable face. She blinked, confused.

“Did I fall asleep?” she asked.

“A bit,” he answered with a chuckle. “But do not worry! You clearly need the rest and I do not mind! I only wanted to wake you up before I rinse the shampoo out, so that I do not scare you by accidentally waterboarding you in your sleep!”

“Yeah, probably smart,” Sakura sighed. “Ino did that once while I was on bedrest. I took out her whole bedroom wall and now I’m not allowed to stay over at her house anymore.” She grinned ruefully.

“Such is the power of Haruno Sakura, brightest student of Senju Tsunade herself,” Lee said proudly. “I will do my best not to startle you.”

“Thank you,” she sighed, and tilted her head back. Lee rinsed the shampoo from her hair, one hand cupped at her hairline to ensure that it didn’t spill into her eyes. Sakura didn’t think she’d ever felt so safe, especially not with someone behind her and water on her face and clothes. Even so, she felt the urge to lean back into Lee again, to take comfort in his warm, strong arms and his steady presence. She resisted, remaining upright through sheer force of will although her mind was spinning and whirling in strange places, half dream and half not, as she sat still and comfortable.

Lee went for the conditioner next, carefully working it through her hair strand by strand, deft fingers slipping through and untangling fierce knots as if they were nothing. Sakura let her head loll to the side, baring her neck and giving him more space to work with. She might have actually purred at one point, she wasn’t sure. When Lee finished, he let it sit for a while, talking to her quietly to keep her awake until he deemed it time to rinse her out again. Again, she drifted between sleep and waking, nearly falling over once or twice, until at last he rehung the shower nozzle and kissed her forehead sweetly.

“All done!” he said cheerfully. “Do you need help with anything else?”

She really, really wanted it. She watched his hands fold politely between them—the callouses from hard work, the long fingers, the gentle and firm way he’d handled her hair. She bet he would be just as gentle and thorough with the rest of her, that she’d leave the bath feeling cleaner than ever, that he would leave no trace of blood on her skin.

But that wasn’t fair to Lee, especially when he was trying so hard to maintain his composure at a polite distance, so she smiled and shook her head.

“I’m okay from here,” she assured him. “Thank you so much, Lee.”

“Of course!” he said sincerely. “Anything you need, please don’t hesitate to ask! Please leave the door unlocked when you bathe—I will not enter unless I hear trouble, but I am a little worried you will drown in the bathtub if you fall asleep, so I would like to be able to get to you quickly if you are in distress.”

“Fair enough,” Sakura acquiesced. “Thanks.”

“Sure thing!” He gave her another light kiss on the forehead and smiled brightly, standing to his full height. Gosh, but he was tall. And absolutely soaked. Sakura hoped he had good towels out there. “Enjoy your bath, dearest angel of Konohagakure! Please call if you need anything.”

She nodded, and he left, shutting the door behind him. Bathing hurt, as she expected, but she was filthy—some parts were absolutely rank, having been without a shower, sweating and dealing with stress for three days, and she had to admit that, as nice as Lee’s hands probably were, she was grateful that he hadn’t seen any of that. Eventually she finished and climbed into the bath, sinking into the hot water with a long, glorious sigh. Outside, she could hear the clattering of pots and pans, and she wondered what he was making.

As it turned out, she did not fall asleep and drown—namely, because of the sheer pain in her hands when she tried to put them in the water. She got out before long, wincing as she dried herself with a fairly rough towel, and put on the clothes Lee had left her. They fit pretty well, all things considered, and she took a moment to admire how the shirt swallowed her up before she stepped out into the main area.

Lee lit up when he caught sight of her, waving with a bright smile. “Sakura!” he crowed happily. “I was just about to come and check on you! How was your bath? Are you feeling a bit better?”

“Much better,” she said with a small smile of her own. Her eyes wandered a bit; he’d changed, now dressed down in a black tank top and some grey sweatpants—good lord, his arms were shockingly defined. He looked so damn skinny in that jumpsuit—was this what he’d been hiding under there all along? She swallowed and focused on the pans sitting on the stove in the otherwise miraculously clean kitchen. “What are you doing?”

Lee waved his hands proudly, showing off the meal—pork dumplings, steamed perfectly with a side of grilled meat on rice. Sakura’s eyes widened. “When did you have time to do all this?” she asked even as she moved toward the cupboard to retrieve bowls for them both.  Lee brought the food to the table as she set down trivets for him and grinned that wide, goofy grin of his.

“Sakura-chan, you were in the bath for over an hour!” he exclaimed. “And I was already planning this for dinner, so I did most of the preparation this morning.” He laughed. “Please enjoy!”

Sakura sat still as he served her, looking down at her bowl distantly. Lee tilted his head. “Sakura-chan, what’s wrong?” he asked, planting his hands on the table. “Do you need something to distract you from your day before you eat? Are you feeling sick?”

“I’m okay,” she said quietly, picking at the dumpling he’d served her. “It takes… a while… for needs to kick in after a shift like this. I haven’t registered that I’m hungry, yet. It’ll come.”

She took a bite of her dumpling and sighed as the flavors melted on her tongue. “This is amazing, Lee,” she mumbled around her food. His smile could have lit up the whole village.

As she expected, her appetite roared its head after a few bites had settled in her stomach, reminding it of its existence, and she polished off four whole dumplings and two bowls of meat and rice before she was finally satisfied. Fortunately, Lee made a lot of food, and ate just as much as her, if not more. When they were both satisfied, there were still leftovers, so he packed them up while she tried to wash dishes.

The hot water reminded her rather rudely of her burnt hand, and she yelped as she pulled it away, wincing. Lee gasped and ran to her, slamming the fridge shut as an afterthought in favor of reaching for her hands and guiding her to the couch.

“Sakura-chan, I’m so sorry!” he exclaimed frantically. “Please wait here a moment! I will be right back!”

He raced off toward the bedroom and returned in record time with a first aid kit. Then he knelt at her feet with a smile and took her right hand in his. “I have done this for myself many times,” he said warmly. “So, for once, let me offer you some medical assistance.”

Sakura sat still, watching as he gently spread a burn ointment over her palms and fingertips, where the burns were the worst. Then he applied a bit of adhesive to her wrists and the backs of her fingers and began skillfully winding bandages around them, sticking them tight to the skin to allow her an optimal range of motion. When he finished, he sealed it with a kiss and set it to the side, then repeated the process with her left hand.

She watched in silence, fascinated by the focused furrow in his brow and the gentleness of his powerful hands, entirely devoted to taking her pain away. To her surprise, she found herself hopelessly endured by that adorable concentration, and the slight trembling of his shoulders at the effort of remaining so still.

“You are very chakra depleted, right?” asked Lee, looking up at her with those huge, earnest eyes. Sakura nodded, her head hung low. She hardly even had the strength to speak, now that she was clean and full and safe. Lee smiled sympathetically and reached up to brush her damp hair out of her eyes. “Come on, Sakura-chan,” he said sweetly. “Let’s get you to bed. You can sleep as long as you need to.”

He tugged at her wrists gently. Sakura tried to stand, only to immediately collapse. She never hit the floor, though, as strong arms caught her up quickly, one behind her back and one under her knees, and lifted her up effortlessly. She laid her head on Lee’s shoulder with a soft sigh.

“Sorry,” she mumbled, embarrassed. He shrugged and shook his head.

“I am amazed that you are even still conscious, after the day you’ve had!” he exclaimed a little too loudly, but he noticed her wince right away and immediately reined in his volume. “You did not look okay, when I opened the door. I was very worried about you.”

“I’m not,” she admitted. “But I will be, eventually. I hope.” She shook her head, wrapping her arms around Lee’s neck. “I’m so scared, Lee.”

“Scared? What do you have to be scared of?” He lowered her gently to the bed, and when she did not let go of him, he sat beside her, an arm around her waist to hold her up against him. “You are the strongest, bravest woman I know! There is nothing in this world you could not face and defeat.”

Sakura took a long, ragged breath. “This mission… went wrong in many ways, but Kakashi-sensei’s getting hurt more and more lately, especially since rejoined AN—oh, I’m not supposed to say that.” She shook her head fiercely. “Whatever. It’s not much of a secret. I’m scared he’s going to die.”

“Kakashi? Kakashi of the Sharingan, the Copy-nin, son of the White Fang of Konohagakure? You are afraid some low-level ninja on an at-home mission will take him out?” Lee giggled. “My dearest angel, you may need to reevaluate your sensei’s skills.”

“You don’t understand,” she pushed, pulling away just enough to catch his eye, begging him to see her desperation. “It’s his eyes, Lee. Ever since Sasuke left, there’s… there’s something gone, there. And then Naruto left and—and it just got worse! I’ve seen it in too many shinobi, referred too many patients to not recognize it. He’s always been self-sacrificial, but this isn’t that. He’s suicidal.” She buried her face again, hiding under Lee’s jaw. He’d let her, wouldn’t he? He’d help her hide away. “I think he only bothered to stay alive this time because he had to get his subordinates home. If he takes a solo mission and it goes wrong, he’s not even going to try, Lee. He wants to die. He’s going to kill himself if this keeps up! And Tsunade—she says she’ll have him evaluated, like he doesn’t know every answer they’re looking for like the back of his hand. He knows what to say! He’ll come up perfectly normal on every test, he’s been training for it his entire life! Lee, I don’t know what to do.” She felt tears wetting her face again and brushed them away with one hand, frustrated. “I’m so scared. Naruto and Sasuke are gone, and I don’t know where they are or if they’ll ever come home. Everyone is so busy lately, too. What do I do if I lose sensei, too? Then I’ll—I’ll have no one left from my team. I love him so much. He’s like a dad to me. I can’t lose him, I’ll—I’ll—”

Lee hugged her tightly, pulling her into his lap and tucking her head into his neck lovingly. “Saaakura, Sakura,” he cooed. “You are spiraling, angel. You’re too tired to handle any of this right now, okay? These things always seem much, much scarier when the body is exhausted, you know that! When a patient has gone two days without sleep and begins to panic over their situation, what do you tell them?”

Sakura sniffled. “Sleep first, act later,” she mumbled shamefully. Lee kissed her forehead proudly.

“That’s right!” he said. “Here, lie down and sleep for a bit, yes? I will take care of everything while you sleep, and then when you get back up, you will be strong and ready to face this fear like any other foe! You are still the Sakura who can take down a building with a single punch, the Sakura who managed to keep up with Sasuke and Naruto, the Sakura who despite having average chakra and no special abilities, got an apprenticeship with one of the legendary sannin and is now one of the three cornerstones of our hospital! You are the strongest kunoichi there is. You will see! Once you’ve regained your strength, everything will become clear. But first, you must allow yourself to sleep.”

Sakura nodded awkwardly, still tucked into Lee’s chest. She inhaled, then sighed, allowing the tension to melt from her shoulders.

“Lee,” she called.

“Yes?”

“Thank you for everything,” she told him softly. “For taking me in and feeding me and fixing my hands and—and the bath, and helping me work through today. I don’t have the words for how grateful I am for you. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Lee stroked her hair and shifted, pulling back the covers on his bed and laying her down in the soft sheets. She snuggled in, her eyes already drifting shut, and reached out, taking hold of his shirt at the bottom.

“It is alright, Sakura-chan,” he said affectionately. “You are very dear to me—I would go to any lengths for you! Helping you like this is truly a pleasure and an honor to me. I would do it every day, if you asked.” He beamed at her, and she tugged at his shirt, eliciting a confused expression. “You… want my shirt?” he asked hesitantly. Sakura shook her head—maybe a little petulant, but she could barely remember how words were even supposed to work.

“You,” she managed. “I want you to stay.”

Lee blinked twice before his whole face lit up red and he started literally vibrating from how hard he was shaking. Sakura pressed a smile into the pillow under her head and tugged again, and this time he crawled slowly onto the bed, moving as if he were approaching a wild animal. She scooted closer and laced her arms around his narrow waist, pressing her cheek against his chest as he slid an arm under her head and another around her waist. She took a deep breath.

“You smell good,” she told him, probably unintelligibly.

“Oh—thank you!” Lee squeaked, still shivering at the feeling of her body pressed against him. Sakura wrapped her leg around his hip and snuggled closer, using his embrace like a shield from the horror of the world she was trying to stitch together at the seams.

It was a while before he relaxed, but she felt it when he did. He melted against her, eyes closed, nearly purring, and nuzzled against her hair. She sighed, hugging him a little tighter, and his big hand slid up her back, warning her beneath her borrowed shirt. She melted too, allowing herself to take shelter and comfort in the arms of the one person who had never changed his mind about her once no matter how hard things became.

Slowly, she drifted off, surrounded by Lee’s light cologne and the warmth of his strong body keeping her safe and steady against her. The world faded to black, and at last, she slipped into dreams.

Lee woke early the next morning, as usual, but this time there was a notable difference. There was a shadow at his window—that meant he’d overslept. He gasped softly and waved a desperate hand at the window, showing the man outside that he was awake. A quick glance downward revealed Sakura curled up against him, her little nose buried in his collarbone, her arms still around his waist. Her face was soft and slack, sleep as of yet undisturbed, and he breathed a sigh of relief even as he took in her incredible beauty. She looked so peaceful, soft hair fanned around her head and shoulders, lips slightly parted, quiet breaths warm against his neck. He shivered.

Gai slid the window open softly and stepped down, picking up on Lee’s desperation and remaining silent. His eyebrows rose to his hairline and his jaw dropped nearly to the floor as he entered, and Lee rushed to shush him, trying not to wake Sakura. She needed this rest, needed to sleep in and have no responsibilities and be comfortable, and he wasn’t about to jeopardize her slumber—not even for Gai.

“She came last night,” he whispered as his teacher approached the bed and crouched beside him to hear him better. “Something happened at the hospital. A lot of people dead. She saved four, but she says eleven didn’t make it. She’s worried about her sensei.” He fixed Gai with a hard stare. “I need to see him, sensei.”

Gai watched him, standing again and surveying the pair with crossed arms. He gave Lee a look, and Lee’s eyes widened. “No,” he hissed desperately, fighting the urge to shout his innocence. That would wake Sakura, and no matter how passionate the conversation should be, how loudly he should be proclaiming his good intentions, he would not wake Sakura. Instead he swallowed and hugged her a little tighter, fighting the blush to no avail as she made a little noise and cuddled closer. “She cried a lot yesterday and worked for two days straight—she was very, very tired, so I helped with her injuries and made dinner. When I brought her to bed, she just asked me to stay because she did not want to be alone! I swear I did not make any moves, sensei! I would never take advantage of Sakura-chan in such a way, you know that!”

Gai’s suspicious face melted into a wide grin and he doubled over, shoulders shaking with silent laughter. When he straightened up, he wiped a tear away and gave his student a thumbs up.

“Good job, Lee,” he said. “Meet me on the roof, and don’t wake the young lady. I’ll take you to Kakashi.”

He disappeared out the window, and carefully, Lee shifted, extricating himself limb by limb and sliding a pillow into place where he’d been. Sakura snuggled up to it, curling up tighter, and his heart physically ached as he pulled back and cautiously tucked the blankets up over her shoulders. He left a soft kiss on her temple, and then he changed quickly into a jumpsuit, slipped out the window, and shut it behind him.

Gai was waiting on the roof, as promised, arms crossed and smile wide. He clapped his student on the back heartily. “Well done, Lee!” he crowed. “It is a noble pursuit, taking care of a damsel in distress, and she looks very comfortable and content! I must say, I’m impressed that she came to you at all—you must be a safe space for her! It is not easy for a man to become such a haven to a woman—this is the truest proof of your character I have seen yet. Now, let us go, and you can fill me in on the way!”

They took off. As they ran, Lee explained the previous night’s events, garnering sympathy and pride from his sensei. By the time they skidded to a halt at the hospital, Lee had managed to work himself into a frenzy, nearly shaking with his upset. Gai led him into the lobby, requesting Kakashi’s room. The nurse sent them up, twisting her lips into a grimace.

“Just so you know,” she cautioned, “someone’s in there right now.”

“Is that so?” Gai asked, arching a brow.

“We had so much trouble, we had to, ah, call in reinforcements,” she said, wincing. “I think you’ll be fine, given that you’re close friends, but if you hear yelling, you should disregard it.”

Gai laughed heartily, throwing his head back in delight. “Ahh, I see!” he crowed mirthfully. “He gave you a hard enough time to call in the hard-headed spouse, did he? HA! Well, I thank you kindly for the heads-up, but I think we’ll be just fine.” He winked at the lady with such effortless charm that Lee nearly passed out on the spot. He ran to catch up to his mentor, bushy brows furrowed tightly.

“Gai-sensei, did you say spouse?” he asked incredulously. “I did not know Kakashi was married!”

“Well, he doesn’t make a show of it,” Gai said, shaking his head fondly. “But he’s been married for eight years. He keeps it on the low for both their safety. Don’t you go spreading it around, Lee, I know you can keep a secret!”

“Yes, sensei, of course!” cried the boy, saluting properly before running after him again. Gai knocked twice on the door and slid it open, revealing Kakashi lying on his back, propped up on two pillows with an eye patch and a surgical mask rather than his usual attire. In a chair across the room sat a familiar face, ankle thrown over his opposite knee to balance his lap desk where he was marking things off on a stack of papers. He didn’t look up as they entered.

“Good morning, Kakashi,” said Gai with far too much gusto. “Good morning, Iruka-sensei! How are things here?”

“Exceedingly boring,” Kakashi sighed, crossing his arms and staring at the ceiling. “They won’t even let me go for a walk.”

“They did let you go for a walk,” Iruka corrected without looking up. “You then tried to bolt and had to be apprehended by three ANBU members, who have better things to do than wrestle their captain back here, and now you’re not allowed to go for a walk. And I have to be here at six in the morning to monitor you.” He waved, finally looking up. “Good morning, Gai-sen—oh! Lee!” he smiled brightly, offering another wave to the young man. “Good morning to you, too! What brings you here?”

“He asked to come and speak with Kakashi!” Gai said brightly. “He says it’s quite urgent, yes?”

“Yes,” Lee said, and approached the bed, hands balled into fists at his side. He took a deep breath.

“Maa, Iruka, I was only trying to go home to you,” Kakashi interrupted without acknowledging him. “Shouldn’t you be more gentle towards your injured husband?”

“You interrupted Lee,” Iruka said flatly. “Don’t make me throw another pen at you. I’m running out.”

“Of course, of course,” sighed the jonin, turning morosely away from the other man. “Sorry, Lee, what is it? Do you need me for something? I’m afraid I can’t be much help, right now.”

“I am not here about myself!” Lee said, leveling an accusatory finger at the older man. “I know that you are a powerful and very important ninja, and I have looked up to you as much as Gai-sensei my entire life! However, you have crossed a line, and I must do my best to ensure it does not happen again!”

All three adults stared at him, frozen. Lee paused and dropped his hand, balling his fists frustratedly at his side. His shoulders fell, and his voice softened.

“Last night, Sakura-chan came to my door,” he said lowly. “She was dirty, exhausted, and completely broken. She cried on my shoulder for two hours straight, and cried more after I made her dinner and washed her hair.”

Kakashi’s visible eye was wide with worry, and the sight gave Lee some hope. He swallowed hard and continued. “She cannot say much because of the nature of the assignment, but I know that eleven people are dead,” he said. “And I know that she saved four, and failed to save two, and she is carrying them as if she stopped their hearts herself.” He shook his head. “She says that this is not the first time something like this has happened—and that you being grievously injured is a more and more common occurrence of late.”

“Hazard of the trade,” Kakashi said, but his voice held a solemnity that was not usually present. “Where is she?”

“She is asleep now,” Lee told him. “She spent the night with me so she would not be alone, and I left her tucked in and safe this morning. She will be alright. She is, however, terrified that she is going to lose you, and so I have come to tell you to leave the ANBU force for good.”

All the air whooshed out of the room, and again, Lee stood alone in a sea of stares. “It is no secret that you have returned to ANBU captain,” he continued, refusing to back down. “I know that you are hurting—I know that you saw Sasuke as a son. His betrayal has hurt you more deeply than most, and with Naruto gone, I am sure both you and Iruka-sensei are suffering greatly—but can’t you see that you still have one student left? She is all alone! Ino and Hinata are busy with their own training, her parents are running missions all the time and live across town where she cannot get to when she is exhausted, and she too was abandoned by her teammates, as if she were nothing! You are all she has left of them. She is carrying a weight too great for even her immense strength, and she is terrified—so terrified that she wept to me last night without even enough strength to sob—that you are going to kill yourself. She says that self-sacrificial is quickly becoming suicidal, that you will soon go too far and not make it back! She says that you are becoming too reckless. And I think that she is right, and I think that I know why!”

“…Go on,” Kakashi said. He looked worried, really worried, and hurt, and Lee hoped to all the gods he could think of that his words were getting through to the man. He took a breath.

“I think that when you initially joined ANBU, you were programmed to exist only for missions, for the sake of your duty,” he said. “And that when you put on that mask, you return to this programming. You forget about those you leave at home entirely because it is dangerous to remember them, both for their sake and your own—there are two sides to this. If you are captured, it is very difficult to draw information about your loved ones. But it also makes you forget that there is a reason to come home, and your behavior becomes reckless and risky. I believe that Sakura is right, and I believe that if you die, she will never recover, not with all the time in the world.”

He knelt and bowed, pressing his forehead to the floor hard enough to ache. “For Sakura’s sake, and the sake of the students who may yet return home to you, and the sake of your beloved, I beg you: please give up the mask and leave ANBU! Please remember the life you have built here and the people who will miss you when you are gone! Please return home, and be Kakashi, or Kakashi of the Sharingan, or the Copy-nin, but do not be the squad leader of the Black-Ops again! This, I beg of you on my knees!”

He fell silent, chest heaving, his piece said. For a long moment, the room was quiet.

Then, quiet, but firm: “Okay.”

Lee raised his head, looking up at the jonin in shock. Kakashi watched him with a solemn expression, mournful and serious. “Okay?”

“Okay,” Kakashi repeated. “Yes; ANBU does have this programming. I cannot overcome it for the sake of my loved ones. I slipped once and nearly lost Iruka—an assassin was dispatched to his home. Had he not gone out drinking and allowed for me to arrive first, he would be dead. Since then, I succumb to the instinct of the mask and become a faceless weapon. This last mission was not a thrown fight. We were outnumbered and fed bad intel, and we suffered for our lack of planning. Many things went wrong, but I remember her visiting me, last night—she held my hand and begged me not to die. I didn’t know she was in this much pain.”

He lay back on the pillow with a long sigh, reaching out to his left. In a moment, Iruka was there, holding onto his hand tightly. Lee hadn’t even seen him move.

“Iruka has been asking me to leave, as well,” he admitted. The chunin glared.

“I’m not exactly happy that a student from a team that’s not even yours can get through to you better than I can,” he said dryly. “But yes, I have been begging you to leave for months. You’re going to get yourself killed, you know that!”

“Yes,” Kakashi said, running a thumb over Iruka’s knuckles. The affectionate gesture had the chunin melting instantly, and Lee wondered at the easy adoration between them. He thought of Sakura, alone in his bed, and his heart ached to be with her. “And I had thought that you were supposed to worry—you are my husband. Every spouse wants their lover somewhere safe. But…” He sighed and ran his free hand down his face. “Oh, Sakura. I didn’t know she couldn’t save them. I had hoped we would get there in time, but they were both heavily wounded—chances were slim at best. And I didn’t realize she was lonely. She’s kind and personable—I had thought she’d have plenty of friends to lean on.” He aimed a crinkled eye at Lee, a weak but real smile. “I’m glad that she has you, Lee. You’re a good kid, you know.” He sighed. “Before he left, apparently, Sasuke told her that she would never be enough of a reason for him to stay—not now, not when he’s forty, not even if she had his child. I’m going to kill him for that, if I ever see him again. I don’t know how anyone could be so cruel to her.”

Lee’s face flamed with rage and he balled his fists. “I beat him once,” he said darkly. Kakashi barked a laugh.

“Ahh, you wouldn’t win, now,” he said kindly. “But I believe you’ve already beaten him where it’ll hurt the most. I believe his cruelty to Sakura was his attempt to sever his connection to the last true bond of love keeping him in the village. He knew Naruto would leave, too, but not her. I don’t think he really meant that, but it was cruel anyway.” He chuckled. “But… Sakura does not cry for just anyone, anymore. She cries often enough, but she wipes her own tears and deals with her pain in her own time. If she came to you, then there is something about you that makes her feel safe.” He smiled again at Lee and reached out to ruffle his hair playfully. “Maa, take care of my little girl, will you? She’s a good kid.”

Lee bowed again, lower lip trembling. “I promise,” he swore honestly. “If she ever wanted me, I would be hers for the rest of my life. She is the sun in the sky, to me—the angel of Konohagakure.”

“Yes, yes,” Kakashi said, wincing. “Wax poetic about my daughter some other time. For now, will someone go and get Tsunade? I need to tell her about my resignation, effective immediately. They’ll need time to find a new captain.”

Of course!” Lee said. He dashed into the hallway and chanced a look back, only to freeze. Kakashi’s mask was down. Iruka bent over to kiss him, long and slow and chaste, and when he pulled back, Lee saw that dark eye hone in on him as if there were no other being in the entire world worth looking at. His heart softened—that was just how he looked at Sakura, wasn’t it? That was love.

Tsunade was all too happy to sign the release forms for Kakashi’s resignation, and with that order of business taken care of, Lee raced along the rooftops back towards his apartment.

He slid open the window and slipped inside just as Sakura was sitting up, disoriented and nervous, in bed. He offered her a wave and a bright smile as she rubbed her eye sleepily. His heart fluttered.

“Good morning, Sakura-chan!” he said brightly.

Sakura rubbed her eyes again, confused by the sight before her. Lee hadn’t worn that to bed last night. And why was she hugging a pillow? She yawned.

“Where did you go?” she asked softly. “Training?”

“No!” Lee assured her, approaching the bed and crouching beside her. “I would never leave you alone in such a state for something as movable as training! I went with Gai-sensei to see Kakashi.” He grinned at her, wide and proud, and she stared down at him in confusion.

“Sensei? Why?” she asked. “Is—is something wrong!?”

“Not at all,” Lee assured her. “There are a few things to tell, I think. Shall I make some pancakes and tea? There is an extra toothbrush in the bathroom.”

She agreed, and went to relieve herself and brush her teeth and hair into something… semi-reasonable. Then she headed out to the kitchen, where Lee was whistling happily, flipping pancakes in a skillet. She hopped up onto the counter with another yawn and was promptly handed a cup of tea with a bright smile.

“Naruto once told me how you like it,” he said. She took a sip and smiled—he was right.

“Thank you,” she said, still half asleep. “What’s all this about Kakashi-sensei?”

“Ah, yes.” Lee turned around and crossed his arms after pouring another pancake, grinning. “A few things, as I said. First: did you know he was married to Iruka-sensei?”

Sakura promptly spat out her tea, which Lee was quick enough to catch in a spare cup and dump down the sink. He handed her a cloth as he continued, hardly acknowledging her shock. “I thought as much! But I saw them with my own eyes call each other husband, and I even saw them kiss! The wonders of love…” He sighed before shaking his head to get back on track. “Ah, secondly,” he said, “Kakashi-sensei wanted you to know that when he brought those two back, he was hopeful, but he knew their chances were slim at best. He says not to blame yourself, and that it was not your fault. He is also going to leave ANBU, as the programming is what makes him act suicidal—he is a sleeper agent. Once the mask goes on, he is a weapon. He has no one at home to live for. It is a defensive tactic taught to shinobi at high risk of capture. He and Tsunade signed his resignation this morning.”

Sakura gaped at him, setting her tea aside. “You—you got him to quit?” she asked in disbelief. Lee nodded.

“Nn, just had to bow and beg a little,” he said proudly. “He loves you very much. He called you his daughter and his little girl, and apparently, Iruka-sensei has also been begging him to leave. I suppose hearing it from his lover and his student was too much for him.” He shrugged, pouring another pancake. “Anyway. He’s not suicidal, his ANBU persona is. It is fairly common! Neji has studied this phenomenon before, and it is recognizable if one knows the signs. He’s leaving the mask behind and will make a full recovery, so you have no need to worry anymore.”

Sakura reached out and snagged Lee’s awful green jumpsuit, her heart racing. She dragged him closer and, when she had him between her legs against the counter, she kissed him so hard it almost hurt. She’d never really kissed anyone before, but although his lips were dry and their teeth clicked a little and their noses bumped into each other, she felt herself melting as if she had finally come home from a long, hard day.

In a way, she supposed she had.

Lee leaned into the kiss with a whimper so helpless it almost hurt and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her to the edge of the counter. Sakura wrapped her own around his shoulders, letting herself pet at the back of his neck and play with his hair as she hooked her legs around his waist. She tilted her head, took a breath and kissed him again, eyes closed, focusing on his big hands warming up her back, the feeling of his hair under her fingers, the smell of smoke in the—wait a minute. She pulled away.

“Lee! The pancakes!”

He squawked and rushed for the stove, nearly burning himself in his haste to remove the blackened thing. Fortunately, it seemed the pan could be saved, and after sharing a brief laugh over the unfortunate event, Sakura waved the smoke out the window with a towel while Lee scrubbed the residue off the pan and tried again. This time, the pancakes came out perfect, and they sat down to breakfast together with light hearts and joined hands.

“Tsunade-sama told me to tell you to take the day off,” Lee said before swallowing his mouthful. He opened his mouth, then closed it, then opened it again. “Would you… allow me to take you out somewhere? There is a lovely little tea house near the bridge that seems like it would suit your tastes perfectly! Although you do not have to go anywhere with me if you do not want to! You have no obligation—that is, I am not trying to—”

Sakura leaned over the table and kissed him quiet, enjoying the way he trembled at her touch when she cupped his face. She sat back with a satisfied smile and picked up her fork. “Yes, Lee, I would love to go on a date with you,” she said warmly. “You’ll just have to let me go home and change first.”

“Of-of course!” Lee stammered, flushed redder than a tomato again. He was so cute when he did that, Sakura thought absently. How had she never noticed how cute he was? Or how sweet? “I will walk you home as soon as we are done with breakfast!”

They finished their meal leisurely, chatting and laughing as the morning stretched on, and washed the dishes together—Sakura drying them so as to keep her hands out of the hot water—and then he did walk her home like a perfect gentleman, and even went back to his place (or, she suspected, Tenten’s) to pick out an outfit of his own that was not a jumpsuit—though she wouldn’t have minded it. It was a part of who he was, and it was really starting to grow on her.

When she met him at the bridge in a dress with her hair done, the hearts in his eyes made her own heart beat a fast, unsteady, excited rhythm. She glanced at the intersection behind her—at the hospital, where Kakashi was recovering. Towards the gate, beyond which Naruto and Sasuke were training hard. To the village, where her parents would be returning home tonight and where her friends were living their lives.

Then she looked back to Lee, and without thinking twice, she ran to meet him, laughing happily as she waved her greeting.

Maybe it didn’t have to be so hard.