Chapter Text
Hottest bitches in the archives(no Jon allowed)
Jay: i'm going to fucking do it
Kai: ummm sash what r u on about
Jay: I'm finally going to sit down and read that hell statement
Kai: which one we have a lot
Jay: the one that we've all been Dreading organizing since I first found it
Kai: oh! That one
Kai: 😬
Kai: good luck with that one 💀
Cole: i dont think that thing qualifies as a statement anymore
Kai: no seriously that thing is novel not a statement
Zane: good luck Sasha!!!!
Cole: ur going to need it
Jay: thx I know I will be
30 minutes later
Jay: where the fuck is the statement
Kai: wdym where's the statement didnt u just spend the who knows how long reading it
Jay: NO
Jay: i spent that time looking for it
Jay: i genuinely cannot find it
Cole: hold on I'm coming to help look
Zane: I'll help once I'm down with this assignment Ms Robinson gave me
Kai: I can't help rn Jon's glaring at me for being on my phone
Kai: I really dont want to listen to him yap about "professionalism" for another 15 minutes
Kai: I timed him the last time
Cole: ik I helped u do that
Official Archive Work Chat
Sasha J. : Hey does anyone know what happened to case #0xxxx
Gertrude R. : I thought you had that one
Sasha J. : Apparently not
Dead Space Pirates
First Mate: which 1 of u fucks stole Marius' statement
First Mate: @Merlin* @Moon go brr @Lyf simp @What the Hell is that?
What the Hell is that?: I Can Confirm It Was Not Me As I Did Not Step Foot In The Archive That Whole Day.
Moon go brr: not me either, i was busy distracting the old lady with my statement
Lyf simp: same here i was busy throwing my back out lifting the damn Calliope
Merlin*: it was me :(
First Mate: why?
Merlin*: my friend wanted to read it
First Mate: pls dont tell me it's that Annabell person
Merlin*: it is
First Mate: y just y
Merlin*: u only dont like her cus she likes spiders
First Mate: no person that enthusiastic about spiders is to be trusted
Moon go brrr: love how u that's what makes u not trust her and not the fact that she was literally wanted by the police for having a psychotic break and attacking several of her classmates
First Mate: see that, that's understandable it's just her having really bad mental health but the spiders…
First Mate: that shit aint natural
Merlin*: frankly i find her fascination with spiders adorable
Lyf simp: spoken like a man who threw up a spider once during rehearsals
Moon go brrr: 💀
First Mate: wait I don't remember that happening
Moon go brrr: yh that's cus u fainted and when u woke up u didnt remember shit of what just happened
First Mate: ah makes sense
First Mate: but brian pls make sure Annabell returns it to the institute my co workers have been going insane looking for it
Merlin*: will do
Hottest bitches in the archives(no Jon allowed)
Cole: will forever be thinking about that cute punk guy i saw on the underground in Oxford that one time sobbing his eyes
Cole: wonder what's he up to now
Kai: gerry arent u like goth? i thought goths and punks hated eacg other
Cole: some do but he was really really cute even tho i couldn't see his face properly
Kai: then how do u know he was cute?
Cole: trust me i can tell these kinds of things
Zane: ajshfbswaihofeiubqgwh
Kai: u good there marto
Zane: I made the mistake of opening this chat with Jon standing right behind me
Cole: oh no
Jay: we will miss u martin
Kai: big oof
Zane: no here what happened he didn't give a huge long lecture about professionalism like he normally does!
Kai: is he like sick or something
Zane: idk he read what Gerry just said on chat went wide eyed and then turned to me and deadpanned 'this, this is what he's up to now'
Zane: and when I asked him to clarify what he just said cus I'm in disbelief rn just just said 'i told u to get off ur phone'
Jay: ummm guys u dont think that Jon is….
Kai: no no there's no way that he is have u met the man????
Jay: yes but we also know literally nothing about him outside of work
Kai: I will literally eat my shoe if it turned out jon's punk
Cole: he has several ear piercings
Kai: ok now how do u know that
Cole: i literally jn took a look at his ears
Kai: no no no i refuse to believe this
Zane: I've been standing here in shock for the last couple of minutes
Zane: okay he's back to normal since he is yelling at me
Kai: good let's hope he remains that way
Dead Space Pirates
First Mate: so as it turns out the goth guy who comforted me on the underground after all the bs with the doc went down is my boss' weird grandson assistant thing who has Marius as a therapist
Lyf simp: welp now i gotta just swing open the gate cus i need to know what he thought of it
First Mate: Marius pls i'm begging wait until they figure it out on their own
Lyf simp: but whhyyyyy????
First Mate: cus it's more fun this way
Lyf simp: fair point
Worksinanormalarchive: hey jonny since u work in the spooky archives do u know what the Dread powers r?
First Mate: I'm sorry the what now
Worksinanormalarchive: yh there's these 2 ppl in the cafe I'm in who r currently arguing about which of the Dread powers whatever those r the mechanisms would serve
Workinanormalarchive: one of them is this short buff asian woman with a back tattoo of a skeleton on fire and the other is a short blond guy with a lichtenberg figure running across his face, they look like they r ready to throw hands with each other
Worksinanormalarchive: i tried googling it but nothing is showing up and when i search it on other sites my phone just freaked out and shut down
First Mate: okay that's weird
Worksinanormalarchieve: rn they r arguing over if Jonny would be Slaughter or Desolation
Worksinanormalarchive: okay the asain lady just threw her drink at mr lichtenberg cus he said and i quote "watch jonny actually be Eye aligned since his whole thing was that he wanted to experience everything idk about but that seems pretty Eye like to me"
Freaky about ships: what the fuck kind of conversation r u listening in on Ivy?
Worksinanormalarchive: a weird as fuck one that is
Merlin*: i think Jordan and I had this same exact conversation but with Hogwarts houses before JK turned out to be not so great
Moon go brrr: and I can confirm that it also got that heated as well
Worksinanormalarchive: okay lichtenberg just said another insane thing
Lyf simp: oh no
First Mate: *sigh* what did he say
Worksinanormalarchive: okay so he said "let's be real with ourselves Ivy Alexandria would eat up the role of The Archivist, man if only Elias wasn't such a coward"
First Mate: ELIAS!!!!!
What the Hell is that?: Oh No Mike Mentioned The Evil Twink But He Is Not Wrong.
First Mate: TS y do u know both of my bosses
Freaky about ships: I'm not surprised that he also knows the arguers
What the Hell is that?: Of Course I Know Them, I Introduced Them To The Mechanisms!
Worksinanormalarchive: ofc u did
First Mate: u know what i could try asking in the work chat since elias the bastrad seems to know what's going on
Worksinanormalarchive: pls do i am very confused
Official Archive Work Chat
Jon Sims. : Does anyone know what the Dread powers are?
Hottest bitches in the archives(no Jon allowed)
Kai: umm can someone tell me y ger just suddenly started chocking
Kai: oh and the loud crash that just came from the boss' office