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James and Regulus were an unexpected couple.

They were a little too different, their personalities polar opposite.

When they started dating, James was twenty-one and Regulus was twenty. James spent his weekends going out, getting trashed, and staying out until the sun came up. Regulus didn’t go out unless Barty and Evan forcibly dragged him. He preferred to stay in his flat and study or read. His idea of a perfect weekend was one where he didn’t leave the house or interact with another person.

Sirius’ reaction to the news was no surprise.

They were washing dishes after dinner, a movie playing on the TV in the other room.

“I have something to tell you,” Regulus said quietly as he turned off the water and put the last dish on the drying rack.

Sirius turned, leaning against the counter. “Hm? What’s up?”

“I just figured you should know something. It’s not your business, but it also is your business—”

“Reggie, why are you rambling? Spit it out.”

Regulus took a deep breath, meeting his brother’s eye. “James asked me out.”

Sirius blinked, and a moment of silence passed as his brain worked to compute that information. “Like my James?”

“That’s the one. I understand if you’re mad. I know he’s your best friend. I haven’t even agreed yet,” Regulus said in a rush, anticipating Sirius’ wrath.

“I— Hold on, I’m not mad.” Sirius frowned. He didn’t seem to be lying. There wasn’t anger on his face, but there was something.

“Then what is it?” Regulus asked nervously.

“I’m… I’m trying to wrap my head around it,” Sirius said slowly. “I had no idea that was even an option. You and James? That’s a little weird, I’ll be honest.”

“It’s not like I’ve been hiding anything from you,” Regulus murmured. “We’ve just been spending more time together lately, and he asked me on a date. I didn’t see it coming either.”

“No, I know that, Regulus.” Sirius straightened, taking a step forward so they were face to face. “I don’t want this to become a fight, okay? I don’t disapprove, it’s just… Are you sure this is a good idea? I mean, he has a baby, Reggie. And he and Lily have only been broken up for a little over a year.”

“It’s been a year and a half.”

“Still, you understand what I’m saying,” Sirius said, shooting Regulus a pointed look.

“I get it. I’ll tell him no—”

“That’s not what I said. Do you like him? Do you want to go out with him?”

“Does that matter?”

“Yes. Of course it does. I want you to be happy, I just don’t want you to jump into anything without thinking it through.”

Regulus looked down at his feet, biting his lip. “I do like him,” he admitted in a whisper.

Sirius reached out, squeezing Regulus’ shoulder. “Then think about it. I’ll support you no matter what you decide, even while I’m still trying to wrap my head around you and James Potter, of all people.” He cracked a smile, and it put Regulus at ease.

__

There was nothing particularly crazy about how their relationship began. James brought up going on a date again, and this time, Regulus agreed. They went out for dinner, James dropped Regulus off at home, and kissed him sweetly on the doorstep. It was chaste and simple. Regulus shut the door with a giddy smile on his face.

Sure, there was the slightly unconventional aspect of James being a father at twenty-one, but he was on good terms with Lily, and she was supportive of him moving on with Regulus. Harry was a cute baby, too, with a mop of dark hair just like his father, and neither Lily nor James seemed to mind Regulus being a little more involved in their child’s life than before.

Their relationship wasn’t very climactic. There weren’t years of pining or missed connections between them. They’d simply come together at the right time, and it worked.

“The two of you make no sense,” Barty said one night.

Evan rolled his eyes. “What he forgot to say is, but you seem really happy.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Barty huffed, but he didn’t contradict Evan.

Regulus was happy. James Potter was the embodiment of light and vivid color. Everything he touched seemed to come alive. Regulus did. 

The night Regulus asked Barty to be in his wedding party, he hugged Regulus tightly. This time, he did say it. “You seem really happy. I’m glad you’re happy, you deserve it, Reg.”

But the thing about James Potter was that he was light and vivid color come to life. Regulus was the shadows behind every locked door. He was the places you didn’t dare go and the touch that destroyed everything it met.

__

The clock was ticking on the wall.

Regulus could barely make out the hands in the darkness. There was a crick in his neck from being slouched on the sofa for hours, but he didn’t move. He didn’t think he could.

There was an odd buzzing in his veins, and his head felt stuffed full of cotton. The clock ticked, the seconds passing by. Cold air from the open window crept into the living room. Regulus just stared, keeping his gaze away from the pictures on the mantle.

His eyes burned suddenly when a light switched on in the hall, filling his vision with spots as his eyes struggled to adjust to the sudden brightness.

Maybe it was James. Maybe he’d finally decided to come.

But Regulus knew better than that.

Harry paused in the doorway, frowning as he peered into the living room. “Regulus? That you?”

“Yeah, what are you doing up?”

“Needed water.” Harry stepped into the room, coming to a stop in front of the sofa. “Why are you up?”

“I’m an adult, I don’t have a bedtime, kid.”

“Sure, but you’re sitting in the dark like some kind of murderer.”

Regulus sighed. “Go get water and go back to sleep, it’s late and you have school tomorrow.”

Harry, of course, didn’t listen. He stood there for a second, staring down at Regulus, before he seemed to decide to sit down.

“I heard you and Dad fighting earlier,” Harry said after a minute passed.

“I don’t want you to worry about that,” Regulus said quickly. “Everything is fine.”

Harry’s frown deepened. “You know I’m not a little kid anymore, right? And I’m not an idiot either.”

“Of course I know that, Harry—”

“So you don’t need to pretend like I don’t know.” Harry crossed his arms.

“I-it’s not that,” Regulus murmured. “I just don’t want you to concern yourself with it. I don’t want it affecting you.”

“Regulus, it already is. This house is like a funeral lately! I love you both, but I-I hate being here right now.” Harry’s voice cracked, and Regulus felt as if his heart was being crushed in his chest.

“Harry—”

“I know you don’t mean it to be. But I’m old enough to notice and understand. I don’t want you to treat me like I’m a little kid who won’t even notice when things are wrong.”

Regulus took a shaky breath. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, because that’s all he could say.

Harry didn’t say it was okay. A few unbearable minutes passed.

Regulus finally opened his mouth to say something, anything, and that was when Harry spoke. The final nail in the coffin.

“Are you even happy anymore?”

Regulus felt like he’d been struck.

No. No, he wasn’t, and he couldn’t remember the last time he had been. He couldn’t say that to his teenaged stepson, so Regulus didn’t say anything at all.

The silence seemed to be answer enough. Harry dropped his head on Regulus’ shoulder while he used every bit of strength not to sob like a child.

__

Morning came like it always did. Regulus had fallen asleep on the sofa, and James was banging around in the kitchen, most likely making coffee.

Slowly, Regulus sat up, rolling his neck. James appeared a moment later, his backpack on one shoulder, and a travel mug in his hand. Noticing Regulus was awake, James shot him a glance.

“You’ll be late to work.”

“I know,” Regulus muttered, rubbing at a tender spot in his shoulder.

“Please don’t get written up again.”

“I won’t,” Regulus snapped.

James just sighed. “Don’t forget I need you to take Harry to Lily’s tonight, I’m teaching a class at six. Probably won’t be home until after eight.”

“I remember.”

James hesitated for a second, like he wanted to say something else. Five years ago, he would have kissed Regulus goodbye. Now he just shoved on his shoes, turning away.

Regulus watched him leave.

He was always watching James leave.

That morning was the same as every other, except something had snapped inside of Regulus. Suddenly, everything around him felt unfamiliar. The house, the pictures, the clock on the wall over the fireplace. They all felt like they belonged to someone else.

He didn’t go to work. He didn’t even bother to call out.

__

“Hey, Reg,” Lily greeted, pulling him into a hug. Harry had already barreled past them, determined to get his homework done in time to hang out with Ron and Hermione that night.

“Hey,” Regulus smiled weakly.

She pulled away, looking him over. “You look tired.”

“Gee, thanks, Lily,” Regulus muttered.

Lily stepped onto the porch to shut the front door behind her. “I’m not trying to chastise you, I just mean, are you okay?”

“I—” I’m fine, was what he meant to say, but it wouldn’t come out.

Lily’s brow furrowed. “You know if you need anything, an ear or a shoulder, I’m here.”

“Did Harry say something?” Regulus blurted out.

She paused at that. “About?”

Okay, apparently not, and now Regulus had put himself in a terrible position.

“What’s going on, Regulus?”

He clamped his mouth shut, shaking his head. “Can you forget I said anything?” he asked weakly.

“Well, now I can’t. I’d assumed you were dealing with your mental health again, but that isn’t it, is it?”

“No. Yes— it’s just…” Regulus swallowed. “I can’t put you in that position, Lily. I’m sorry, it’s not fair to you.”

“So it has to do with James then?” she guessed.

“I’m working things out,” Regulus said quickly. “It’s just been rough lately, and I know Harry has noticed. I hate doing that to him… Things are going to change, I’m fixing it.”

Lily looked sympathetic. “All marriages have rough spots. You’ve been together what, fourteen years? It was bound to happen eventually. But I know you love each other, and you’ll figure it out.”

Lily’s words brought a bitter taste to Regulus’ mouth, but he nodded anyway. “Thanks, Lily.”

“I’m here anytime, even if it’s about James,” she promised.

“I know.” His words were hollow. He knew who she’d stand with. That was the father of her child, not Regulus, no matter how much of a family they’d become over the years. “Give Cissa my love, okay? I’ve got to run.”

“Will do, see you next week. Don’t forget Christmas is only two months away, start your shopping now!” she advised.

“I know, I know, I won’t forget this year.”

She laughed, kissing him on the cheek, and Regulus tried not to feel that this was the end of everything.

__

Regulus was going to tell James that night. It would be the right thing to do.

But eight o’clock passed, and James still wasn’t home. Another hour crept by. Regulus watched the clock until almost midnight before he gave up and decided to go to bed.

He was almost asleep when the door opened, and Regulus heard James creeping around the room as he got ready for bed.

When he climbed in next to Regulus, he smelled like alcohol. Until that point, Regulus was planning to fake being asleep, but suddenly, his chest filled with hot rage. He sat up suddenly, causing James to jump.

“Where have you been?”

James groaned in annoyance. “I’m exhausted. Can’t we do this tomorrow?” He buried his face into his pillow, exhaling slowly.

“No, we fucking can’t. Sit up. Now.”

James knew Regulus well enough to know when he was in serious trouble. He sat up, muttering something under his breath.

“Where were you?” Regulus repeated. “You stink of alcohol.”

“I went out for drinks with some of the other professors. I didn’t realize that wasn’t allowed.”

“You said you’d be home around eight.”

“Yes, but then Emmeline invited me to the pub, it’s good for me to get to know them better. It’s not like I was out partying or cheating on you, Regulus. We just got dinner and a few drinks.”

“I was waiting up for you,” Regulus snapped. Anger was better than breaking down into tears, which was exactly what he wanted to do right now.

“I didn’t tell you to do that.” James shrugged, as if it didn’t even matter. As if he didn’t rip Regulus’ heart out of his chest every single fucking day.

“You didn’t tell me anything! You didn’t even bother sending me a text! Is it that hard? All you had to say was, ‘Hey, Regulus, I’m going out with my coworkers, might be home a little late.’ I’m not crazy for expecting that from my husband!”

“Look, I just forgot, it was a crazy day—”

“Do you even think of me? Do you forget you’re fucking married?”

“Oh my god,” James scoffed. “Why are we doing this again? Can’t you let something go, just once? You’re impossible to please!”

“I don’t think I’m asking that much from you,” Regulus said stiffly, glaring at James hard.

“But it’s always something! I’m always doing something wrong, aren’t I? I give up things for you time and time again, but it’s never enough. What else do you want, my soul, my life?”

“I want you to treat me like you care,” Regulus spat. He threw back the blankets, getting up from bed and stomping towards the door. He looked back at James as he yanked open the door. “I can’t stand you,” Regulus choked out.

He caught a glimpse of the raw hurt that passed over James’ face before Regulus slammed the door behind him.

Once, Regulus would have regretted saying it. Now he didn’t think he could pick out something so small as regret from the knot of pain in his chest.

He curled up on the sofa, covering his face with his hands as he sobbed.

James was too proud to ever chase after him. Regulus often fantasized about James coming down the hall and wrapping Regulus in his arms. Holding him tight and promising he still loved Regulus, that they’d change something, work this out.

He didn’t. It was probably time for Regulus to stop hoping.

Regulus never knew before that you could miss someone who was right there. But god, he did. He missed the James who’d put on the radio and dance Regulus around the kitchen while he cooked. He missed the James who never missed an opportunity to touch Regulus and shower him with love.

He missed the version of James who loved Regulus, but that felt like a long time ago.

__

James knew his marriage wasn’t good at the moment.

Shit, even Harry probably knew that.

James knew he was angry and resentful, though he really tried not to be. But every day, he was struck by reminders of the opportunities he’d given up for Regulus.

For the past year, he’d tried to ignore it, but the more he did, the more it seemed to fester and rot in his stomach. Lately, it felt like it bled out every time they interacted. All they did was fight, and James hated it. Regulus, however, seemed to love starting fights.

But James didn’t, no matter what Regulus seemed to think. It felt like they were screaming at each other over a jagged, endless chasm.

It was Saturday, Regulus was upstairs, and it was all James could think about.

He’d been googling marriage counselors, hunched over his laptop at the dining room table. He didn’t know how to bring this up to Regulus, but surely he knew they had to change something, or it would only get worse.

James sighed, shutting his laptop at the sound of the mail being delivered. He pinched the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes shut before rising to collect it.

He sorted everything addressed to Regulus into a pile and opened his own, tossing most of it in a pile to throw away. James frowned, pausing as he reached an official-looking envelope in his name. He quickly ripped it open, reading the contents.

The world seemed to crash to a stop. There was ringing in his ears, and he read it twice to be sure he hadn’t lost his mind.

Divorce.

James felt like he was outside his body, watching himself move.

Regulus was in the office when James burst through the door, waving the papers in his face. “What the hell is this?”

Regulus spun in the chair. He blinked, lips tilting downward. “What? I don’t know. Stop brandishing mail at me.”

“Divorce papers, Regulus! Why the fuck have I been sent divorce papers?”

Regulus flinched, his mouth falling open. “Shit, I thought— Oh, god. Fuck. I didn’t think it’d come so fast. I was going to tell you—”

“That you’re filing for divorce?” James yelled. He silently willed Regulus to deny it, to tell James that this was all some sick joke. He’d accept any explanation as long as this wasn’t true.

But Regulus didn’t say anything. He just swallowed, staring up at James from his seat at the desk.

“Y-you filed for divorce?” James whispered. His voice cracked.

“It’s the right thing to do,” Regulus said. He was too calm, like the world wasn’t ending.

“How?” James demanded.

Regulus stood suddenly. “We’re miserable, James! I’m miserable. I am so deeply unhappy, okay? Is that what you want to hear? I dread seeing you every day. I dread being in a room with you. I can’t do this anymore!”

“But—”

“It doesn’t have to be messy,” Regulus continued. “I’m not interested in fighting over assets. You can have the house, whatever you want. But I’m done. I’m sorry I didn’t get to tell you before the papers got here. That’s not how I wanted to do this, but now you know.”

“I would have never done this,” James said, his voice strangled and frayed at the edges. “Never.”

“So you just want to keep hurting me forever? You’d never let me be happy?”

I could have made you happy. I used to. Why can’t you be anymore? When did you start hating me?

“Will a divorce make you happy?” James asked hollowly, instead of asking Regulus when he’d stopped loving him.

“Yes.”

“This is really what you want?”

“Yes,” Regulus said again. “We’re hurting Harry, James. He hears us fighting. He doesn’t even want to be in the house anymore. Isn’t that enough of a wakeup call?”

James didn’t know what to say to that. He didn’t want to hurt Harry. But he didn’t think giving up was the answer either.

That was it? Regulus was ready to just throw away fourteen years of a relationship, the life they’d built? And all the sacrifices James had made, then what were they for?

Regulus’ jaw was clenched. There was something burning behind his eyes. James knew that look. He’d always admired it.

How beautiful Regulus was, just as beautiful as the first time James remembered seeing him smile and thinking, I want this.

So beautiful, and so out of reach. He was already gone. When had he slipped right through James’ fingers? How had he let this happen?

His stomach twisted, and for a moment, James thought he might throw up. He swallowed hard, nodding slowly. “If this is what you want, I’ll sign the papers.” There was no point arguing, no point holding Regulus hostage. His mind was made up, and this was what he wanted.

It would have been senseless cruelty to try to convince him otherwise. Regulus had spent years of his life locked away, stuck in a cage, slowly rotting. Alongside Sirius, James had tried to be supportive when Regulus broke free and chose his own happiness. They hadn’t known each other well back then, but James knew how important it was. He knew how hard it was for Regulus to leave. He’d encouraged him to put his own happiness first.

Wasn’t that what Regulus was doing now? It would be hypocritical and vindictive to trap Regulus here. He was too beautiful, too uncontainable to be kept under lock and key.

“It’s what I want.” There was no hesitation in Regulus’ reply.

Slowly, James stepped forward. He leaned around Regulus to grab a pen off the desk. His shampoo smelled familiar, like home. James tried not to breathe too deeply. He tried not to wonder when the last time they’d touched was. When was the last time they’d had sex or even kissed? James would have memorized it if he’d known it would be the last. He would have been more careful with Regulus if he’d imagined this would happen.

Regulus stayed silent as James read over the papers, signing quickly before sliding them across the desk and towards Regulus.

A tense moment stretched out between them. James couldn’t be the one to break it; he wouldn’t be the first to look away. Regulus was, of course. He turned away from James as he grabbed the papers.

“I’ll pack my stuff. It’s best if I stay in a hotel for now.”

James just nodded numbly. Maybe this was all some horrid dream. He’d wake up to find it was still Saturday morning, and Regulus was asleep next to him. He’d pull his husband close and beg him to find a reason to stay. He’d put his years of anger and resentment away if it meant keeping this.

But it was too late.

Regulus was standing, he was walking away, and all James could do was watch him go.

__

“Hey, Harry, can you come in here for a moment?”

“I’m in the middle of a match!” Harry yelled from the living room.

James grimaced. “Well—”

Regulus cut him off. “Just come in here when you’re done,” he called back, shooting James a look.

Regulus had been gone for almost a week. James was thankful Harry had been at Lily’s, so he had time to get his bearings (drink until he blacked out and sob on the living room floor).

They’d decided to tell Harry as soon as possible, and Regulus had returned for the first time since James signed the divorce papers. James could barely stomach being in a room with him. As nervous as he was to tell Harry, he was ready to get it over with.

The sound of Harry’s video game stopped after a few minutes, and Harry appeared in the doorway. He stopped at the threshold as he registered James and Regulus both sitting stiffly at the dining room table.

“Uh, what’s going on? Am I in trouble?” Harry asked. “I know I called Draco a skinny wimp, but Mum already gave me a talking to about that.”

“No, bud, you’re not in trouble,” James said quickly. “Why don’t you just come sit for a moment? We wanted to talk to you.”

Hesitantly, Harry crossed the room, pulling out a chair at the table. He looked to James and Regulus expectantly, but neither of them seemed to know how to start. A moment of silence passed.

“You’re getting divorced, aren’t you?” Harry said suddenly, doing the hard part for them. James’ mouth fell open, but Regulus didn’t seem surprised that Harry had guessed so quickly.  

“Yes,” Regulus spoke up. “That’s right.”

“I kind of expected it, honestly,” Harry shrugged like he wasn’t bothered, but his lips were pressed tightly together. “All you ever do is fight.”

“We decided it’s best for our relationship, and our family as well. It’s not fair we’ve been putting you through that, and I really am so sorry, Harry.”

We, Regulus said, as if James had any part in the decision.

“Y-you’re still going to be around, right?” Harry asked shakily. “I know you’re not legally my dad, but you are, you know? You’re not going to just abandon me—”

“No, of course not,” Regulus said quickly. He rose, crouching down in front of Harry’s chair and cupping his face. “I love you so much, Harry. I watched you grow up. I helped raise you. Stepfather or not, I’m always going to be a part of your life.”

“Okay,” Harry murmured, his voice choked. “I just don’t want too much to change. I-I want everyone to be happy.”

“I know,” Regulus said gently, wiping a tear from Harry’s face. “This will be a good change, no more fighting. Maybe a little more house hopping, which I hate to do to you—”

“I don’t mind that.” Harry sniffed. “It’s okay if I don’t have to hear you two screaming every night.”

Regulus winced at that, taking a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”

“I know, it’s okay,” Harry said softly. Regulus wrapped him in a tight hug, and James just sat there uselessly.

A million memories filled his head, sharp like shards of glass.

Regulus’ trying to hide the fact that he was sobbing when toddler Harry had been the adorable ring bearer at their wedding. The nights he’d stay up for hours, stroking Harry’s hair when he had night terrors. How to this day, Regulus would still dance with Harry to 80s music.

So many times, James had thought, I chose right, this is the one. He still didn’t think that was wrong.

Regulus was James’ one great love. Maybe he’d been naïve to assume that meant it would last forever.

__

Regulus felt like he’d spent years waiting for the sun to rise. A month after James signed the divorce papers, Regulus watched it rise from the balcony of his new flat.

It didn’t warm him quite like he’d hoped. Life felt like a different brand of hollow and ill-fitting. It would take some time to adjust, that’s what Regulus told himself.

He was used to sleeping alone. He was used to living without James’ love and touch. The only difference was that now he’d stopped fantasizing that it would come.

He’d get used to it. (He just hoped that would happen soon.)

How long could Regulus survive if he continued breaking himself apart for James Potter? This was for the best. The hole in his chest would fill itself, and the grief biting at his insides would lessen.

It would get easier.

It will get easier. It will get easier. It will get easier. You made the right decision.

__

Christmas came quickly that year, probably because James was dreading it. He hadn’t actually seen Regulus in months, and only Harry, Lily, and Narcissa knew that James and Regulus were separated.

It was news he was hoping to keep to himself until after the new year. He wasn’t ready to deal with the questions, and he didn’t want it to put a damper on the holidays.

They’d agreed it was a good idea to deal with it privately as their lives transitioned, but James had no clue how he was going to act normally around Regulus in the meantime.

“Dad, you’re not even paying attention!” Harry chided when James slammed on the brakes suddenly, nearly hitting the car in front of them.

“Sorry, sorry,” James winced.

“You’re nervous because of Regulus, right?”

“I don’t want to talk about that right now, Harry,” James muttered. “Let’s just make it through Christmas, okay?”

“Ugh,” was Harry’s eloquent reply.

They made it to James’ parents’ house without any car accidents, and they greeted him with hugs and smiles.

“Come in, come in,” his mum said after she’d finished gushing over Harry. “Where’s Regulus?”

“He’s on his way,” James said as they took off their shoes in the foyer.

Thankfully, his mother didn’t seem to find anything amiss with that.

They set the presents they’d brought under the tree, and James was quickly swept into too many conversations to focus on his nerves. Harry and Draco were already fighting over characters in Mario Kart in the other room while Teddy laughed, always finding their rivalry hilarious. Remus, Sirius, Lily, and Narcissa were seated in the living room with glasses of wine and Christmas cookies. It’s been so long since they’d all been in one place that the mood was high and everyone was smiling.

“Where is my brother?” Sirius asked loudly after an hour had passed. Just in the time James had been there, he’d already downed two glasses of wine, and his cheeks were pink.

“Volume, Pads,” Remus chastised at Sirius’ loud question.

“It’s Christmas!” Sirius declared. “You can’t make me be quiet.” Remus just sighed, and Sirius turned to James. “But seriously, where is Regulus?”

“There was traffic on the way here. He’s probably stuck in it,” James shrugged.

“Why didn’t you drive together? Has he been working during the holiday again?”

Probably, but maybe not. Regulus hadn’t seemed to care about his job very much in the past year. “You know him,” James said, deciding that was the safest answer.

“I’m calling him,” Sirius declared. “That motherfucker isn’t missing Christmas.”

“Who’s a motherfucker?”

“Ah! Speak of the devil.” Sirius grinned at Regulus, who was lingering in the doorway. “Took you long enough!”

James’ heart dropped. It felt like it’d been years since they’d seen each other. He looked the same but seeing him gave James a strange sense of vertigo. Regulus looked like a phantom, so close, but too far to touch.

“There was traffic.”

“That’s what James said. Now come on, I’m at least a million cookies ahead of you.”

Regulus tried to protest, but as soon as the hugs and greetings were over, Sirius forced Regulus onto the sofa with a cookie in hand. “I’m really not hungry,” Regulus muttered, glaring at the cookie.

“Hunger doesn’t matter on Christmas,” Sirius said, patting him on the shoulder.

“How have you been, Reg?” Remus asked, leaning around Sirius. “I feel like it’s been ages since I’ve seen you.”

“Mhm… Busy,” Regulus said as he hurried to chew the bite of his cookie. Seeing Sirius wasn’t watching, he quickly passed it to Lily, who wrapped it in a napkin and tucked it aside with a look of amusement.

“Clearly, anything new? Or just work?”

“Nothing new.” Regulus shook his head. James wondered if anyone else noticed the strain in his voice.

“Well, you have to make time to go out with us soon. If I’m going to be forced by Sirius, I need you with me. You’ve been leaving me to fend for myself.”

“I will try my best, but no promises,” Regulus said, which Remus clearly knew meant absolutely not, because he just snorted.

“I know it’s not fun…”

“I’m getting too old for that,” Regulus sighed. “Someone tell Sirius we aren’t in uni anymore.”

“How do you think I feel?”

“You guys know I’m right here and can hear you, right?” Sirius asked.

“Yes, my love,” Remus said, patting Sirius on the shoulder.

“Oh.” Sirius sat up straight suddenly, leaning forward. “Fair warning, Monty is apparently praying for another grandchild because the four of us have already been asked when we plan to have more kids, so James, Reggie, watch out. He’ll get you next.”

“Again?” James asked to cover the way his stomach twisted. James and Regulus had never planned to have another kid, but the reminder that even the possibility was gone hurt.

“I guess he’s disappointed that we all stopped at one,” Remus said. “That and the fact that none of them are babies anymore.”

“They’re practically adults,” Lily said mournfully. “Where has time gone?”

“Speak for yourself, we have some more years on ours. I can wait on the teenage years,” Sirius said mournfully.

“It’s not so bad—” Lily began. She was cut off by the sound of Draco’s voice from the other room.

“Harry, you dirty cheater! You’re a disappointment to humanity!”

“You can’t cheat at Mario Kart!”

“Do we need to break that up?” Remus winced as their bickering got louder.

“I’ll do it,” Regulus said, rising from the sofa. “I should let Harry know I’m here anyway.”

Regulus disappeared around the corner, and James felt like he could finally breathe.

__

Lunch thankfully passed without incident aside from a few uncomfortable comments from his dad about having more kids. No one seemed to notice the cold war between James and Regulus amid the chaos.

After eating, they moved into the living room to exchange presents. Just a few more hours, that was all James had to survive before he could get away. After New Year’s, he’d break the news, and it would fucking suck, but at least no one would treat James and Regulus as if they were still together.

That hurt a lot more than James had expected. It felt like someone was taking a knife to his heart every time someone grouped them together like the couple they weren’t anymore.

How did no one see it? How had they never noticed the steady downfall of his marriage? Had they always been this good at faking it? God, James was beginning to realize he’d been playing a part for far too long.

By the time they got to the last present, James was beginning to feel like he’d somehow pulled this off. But of course, Sirius had to make a comment.

“Reggie, you didn’t get a present for James this year? Remus would have beat my ass.”

The remark was out of James’ mouth before he could stop himself, the image of the divorce papers flashing in his mind. “Regulus already got me a wonderful present this year,” James said, his voice too sharp for it to come across as a joke.

Regulus stiffened. “Oh, fuck you, James.”

James turned to meet Regulus’ angry gaze. “No hurt feelings,” James said sarcastically, anger bubbling in his throat. “But please don’t get me anything else. I can’t imagine what you’d surprise me with next.”

The room was suddenly very quiet.

“You know very well—”

“Can you guys not!”

Regulus quickly shut his mouth, looking as ashamed as James felt. Harry looked between them, obviously upset.

“Sorry, Harry,” James said quietly.

“Clearly, you’re not! You’re the one who told me apologies don’t mean anything if someone keeps doing the same thing! It’s Christmas, why do you have to fight? You said getting divorced meant you wouldn’t fight anymore!”

“Y-you’re right,” James said, fighting to ignore the sound of shock Sirius made. “That was petty and shameful of me. I’ll do better.”  James swallowed, barely daring to look at Regulus. “Uh… sorry,” he forced out. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

 “I am so far past your apologies.” Regulus stood suddenly, turning on his heel and leaving James with the aftermath. Harry quickly rose as well, following Regulus outside.

The silence that followed was unbearable.

“Surprise,” James said weakly. “We’re getting divorced.”

“Since when?” Sirius demanded.

“A couple of months ago. We didn’t want to say anything until after the holidays.”

“I— No. Get up, James, I need to talk to you,” Sirius said.

James couldn’t tell if Sirius was mad or not, so he obeyed, following Sirius upstairs and into a guest bedroom.

Sirius switched on the light before sitting on the bed and patting the spot next to him. “Sit.”

James hesitated.

“I’m not about to chew you out, Prongs. I just need to understand how my best friend is getting a divorce, and I had no idea. Sit, please?”

James nodded, taking the spot next to Sirius, his leg bouncing nervously.

A second passed before Sirius spoke. “How long has this been going on?”

“The divorce? I told you—”

“No, James, the fighting.”

“Oh…” James swallowed. His throat felt tight, and his mouth was dry. “On and off the past few years,” he admitted in a small voice. “But there was still some good parts at first. It’s only over the past year that it’s been constant fighting.”

“Why? What happened? You guys were so… It was always obvious to me how happy and in love you were. Did you fall out of love?”

“No, no. I- I mean, I didn’t. I don’t know about Regulus. Maybe he did.”

“You’re getting divorced, and you don’t know if your husband still loves you?” Sirius asked in disbelief. He ran a hand through his dark hair, pushing it away from his face. “Isn’t that something you should know before getting divorced?”

 “I don’t think it matters,” James replied flatly.

“Doesn’t it? If you love each other, you could make it work—”

“You don’t understand, Sirius. I don’t expect you to because you and Remus are different, but it doesn’t work like that. Love doesn’t fix everything, I guess I learned that the hard way.” James looked down at his knees, unable to meet Sirius’ eye.

“Then explain it to me. You still love Regulus, but you’re not willing to stick around just because of that anymore?”

“Regulus is the one who filed for divorce,” James scoffed. “It has nothing to do with what I’m willing to do. I would have stuck it out! I love him, and if that’s the price I have to pay, then fine. But Regulus either doesn’t agree, or he doesn’t love me anymore. He’s done. He can’t stand me. I make him miserable and unhappy. Those are all his words, by the way.”

“Jesus, ouch,” Sirius muttered. “So it was his decision?”

“Yeah, the divorce papers were a lovely surprise,” James muttered under his breath.

Sirius reached out to squeeze James’ knee. “H-how did it get this bad? Did anyone know?”

“Harry did. That’s it. I told Lily and Cissa after we signed the papers, considering we all share a kid. But we were good at faking, I guess. It’s… It’s just years of build-up. We really started fighting when I got offered that position and wanted to move. Regulus didn’t want to, I gave up a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and after that, we just never stopped fighting.” There were tears forming in James’ eyes, and he blinked them away. “I know I was angry, Regulus was angry too, and suddenly it was like all—” James’ voice cracked, and he took a deep breath. “All we knew how to do was scream at each other,” he finished, his voice strained.

“So… you don’t think there’s any way to fix it?” Sirius asked quietly.

“I want Regulus to be happy, Sirius.” James looked up to meet Sirius’ gaze. His eyes were open, and James could tell he was really trying to understand. “I’m still so fucking angry, he makes me feel like such a shit person. I think I’ve become someone I’m not proud of. Sometimes I think I hate Regulus, but I do still love him. I’m not going to do him the disgrace of trying to fix it when he made it clear this is what he needs to be happy again. So we’re getting divorced, the papers are signed, and it’s practically done.”

“You’re getting divorced,” Sirius repeated like he was still having trouble believing it. “But you don’t want to.”

“Sirius.” James grabbed Sirius’ arm, his voice firm. “Don’t try to fix this, you can’t. Just let it die. It’s better for everyone.”

“If that’s really what you want…”

“It is. It’s over, long over.”

Sirius nodded slowly, his expression grave. “I’m sorry, James. I really thought you guys would last forever.”

“Yeah, me too.” And with that, James was breaking apart. He couldn’t hold back the tears anymore.

At least this time, his best friend was there to hug him while he sobbed.

__

Two years later

Regulus didn’t mean to isolate himself.  It just sort of happened.

Almost everyone in his life also belonged to James. He still had Harry at least one weekend a month, but Lily was usually the one to drop him off, and now that he could drive, he’d often come over on his own.

Sirius was impossible to get rid of, but Regulus was unyielding on some things. He never accepted any invitations if there was a chance James would be there. Somehow, Regulus had gone two years with only glimpses of James Potter.

Their texts were a chain of,  “Picked Harry up.” Or: “Can’t take Harry this weekend.”

But sometimes Regulus thought about saying something else.

Are you sorry? Do you ever miss me?

He never did. If he asked any of the million questions he still had, he’d be forced to face his own emotions. Retrospect was a bitch.

Regulus never stopped longing for a time he knew he couldn’t get back. There was still an empty spot in his chest. He mourned who they’d been when they were younger. Back when James smiled at Regulus like he’d hung the moon, and every day was filled with laughter and love.

That relationship wasn’t the one Regulus ended. It was already six feet under by the time he filed for divorce. He didn’t regret that. He just wished he knew how they’d let it die. Regulus wished he could have made James love him.

But the past was the past. (So why did it still have teeth? Why could Regulus feel it nipping at his heels?) Lately, he’d been dreaming of the same memory over and over again.

The rain was pounding against the windshield, the streetlight outside illuminating James’ face and painting the wet street yellow. Regulus’ fingers were tucked under his thighs so he wouldn’t bite at his nails as the tension drilled into his bones.

“Why does it have to be like this? Why can’t you love me like it’s easy?”

“Loving you has never been easy, Regulus.” James’ voice was flat and tired.

That was truly the moment Regulus knew it was over, though he wouldn’t come to terms with it for another few months. “That’s that?” he asked accusingly. “That’s all you have to say?”

“Yeah. That’s it.. You want answers I don’t have. Can’t we put something to bed just once?”

“I can’t fucking sleep, so no, James. We can’t.”

“Everything has to be a fight with you! I don’t know what you expect me to say. Every time I try, I clearly get it wrong! You don’t allow me to be human! So yes, you’re hard to love, and you refuse to make it any easier on me. That’s that.”

Regulus woke from those dreams sweating like he’d had a nightmare. The day that followed hung like a rain cloud over his head. You’re hard to love. You had your one chance, your one love. You found the only person willing to try, and even he couldn’t do it.

“Where’s your head at?”

Regulus looked up to see Evan standing over him, arms crossed. “Sorry, what were you saying?”

“Dinner on Saturday? Dorcas will be in town?”

“Oh… yeah, I’ll be there. Sorry, Ev.”

Evan shook his head, sitting down on the sofa next to Regulus. “Out with it,” he demanded.

“What?”

“You’ve been staring into space and biting your nails all day. Something is obviously on your mind.”

“It’s nothing—”

“Don’t make me call Barty in here to force it out of you,” Evan threatened.

Regulus sighed, dropping his head back on the sofa to look up at the ceiling. “You know how Sirius and Remus are having a big party for their twentieth anniversary?”

“Yes?”

“And attendance is apparently non-negotiable.”

A moment passed before Evan seemed to understand what that meant. He put a hand on Regulus’ shoulder, causing him to look up. “Which means James will be there, and you’ll have to spend an extended amount of time with people you’ve been avoiding since the divorce.”

“Basically…”

“I’m sure nothing will happen. No one is going to say anything.”

“It’s not that,” Regulus said with a grimace. “I haven’t been in a room with James in years, and I’m afraid—” he broke off, unsure how to voice his fears.

Evan knew Regulus well enough to finish for him. “You’re afraid you’ll see him and feel just as angry and hateful as before?” A pause. “Or… are you afraid you’ll find you still love him?”

Regulus winced. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he breathed deeply. “Both, probably. I’m not sure which would be worse.”

“Look, I’m not sure how much this helps, but it was bound to happen eventually. What about when Harry graduates? And the holidays? Will you keep skipping them forever? Maybe this is a good time to rip off the bandage. You share a kid. It’s a miracle you’ve been able to avoid him this long.”

“I know, I know. You’re right, I-I just… What if I see James and I become the same pathetic person I was before? What if I’m just as bitter, or even worse, I want to beg him to love me again?”

“Then you suck it the fuck up,” Evan said pointedly. Regulus looked up at him, raising his eyebrows. “Not to be too harsh,” he said apologetically at Regulus’ look. “But what about your loved ones? Have you considered how many people have become collateral damage in your divorce? Even though it’ll probably be shit, this is for your brother and Remus, who you love. So suck it up.”

Regulus swallowed. “You’re right,” he admitted, his voice faint. “I’ve been selfish.”

“A little, yeah.”

Regulus laughed at his honesty. He reached out to pat his friend on the back. “Gee, thanks, Evan.”

“Anytime.” Evan mimed tipping a hat, and Regulus rolled his eyes, flicking him on the cheek.

__

“James, help me with this.”

James rose from his chair, frowning down at the papers Sirius had scattered across his living room floor.

“Yes?”

“I have fifteen RSVPs, I’m waiting on a couple more, twenty at most, right? Do you think I need to assign seats? Because I cannot let Peter sit near Barty. Dorcas said she’d try to come, but she isn’t sure yet. Otherwise, I’d put her in charge of keeping them apart.”

“Um, I think everyone can seat themselves properly. We’re all adults, Sirius.”

“Ugh,” Sirius groaned. “You’d think… Maybe I’ll ask Regulus to keep an eye on Barty, but I don’t know how much I can trust him. I’m still not convinced he’s actually going to show up…”

“He will,” Remus spoke up. “He promised.”

“Yeah, but he tends to do that to shut me up. He promised to show up for Christmas last year, and conveniently, something came up.”

“This is different, he knows this is especially important to you,” Remus said. “That said, you need to chill out.”

Sirius cut his husband a glare. “Twenty years is a big deal!”

“Yes, babe, but you’re stressing yourself out for no reason. Everyone can sit where they’d like, and Barty isn’t going to traumatize Peter.”

“Fine, fine, whatever you say,” Sirius sighed. A moment passed as Sirius typed something on his laptop. Suddenly, he looked up at James, seeming to realize something. “Shit, are you and Regulus going to be a problem?”

“No, of course not,” James said quickly. “We’re amicable.”

Remus shot James a look of disbelief, and Sirius outright laughed, throwing his head back.

“Amicable?” He snorted. “Is there a new definition for that word I haven’t heard of?”

“We are!” James protested.

“You don’t see each other, and you don’t talk,” Sirius said pointedly.

“We text sometimes… about Harry.”

“Exactly, that doesn’t count. James, I love you so much, but you still have his stuff in your attic because you’re on such bad terms that you couldn’t arrange for him to pick it up.”

“Fine… whatever,” James muttered. “Either way, it’ll be fine. I can behave myself.”

Remus gave James a look that said, you better.

__

Harry was home from Regulus’ when James got back. He peeked his head into the living room where Harry was playing a video game. “Hey, bud.”

Harry paused his game, looking up. “Hi, Dad.”

“How’s your father?” It was the same question James asked every single time. He sometimes wondered if Harry had ever told Regulus that.

“He’s good, Dad. He said he’s coming to Uncle Padfoot’s party.  You can see that he’s still living and breathing for yourself.”

“That’s…”

Harry just raised his eyebrows as James trailed off. He was getting too old, and James always got the feeling he saw right through James when it came to Regulus.

“Yeah, yeah, I know he’s alive.” James sighed.

“Mm-hm,” Harry hummed knowingly.

“Can you go back to being like seven? I don’t like this.”

“Not unless you want to help me with my maths homework again.”

“Oh god no, that’s what Hermione is for.” Harry just laughed, and James shook his head, but he couldn’t help but smile. He really was proud of the man his son was becoming. “Finish up whatever you’re doing in that game and come help me with dinner, okay?”

Twenty minutes later, Harry joined James in the kitchen, and they worked together quietly as music played from the speakers. Times like this, James almost felt content. He could almost forget that Regulus was missing from his spot at the cutting board, humming softly to the music.

Sometimes James swore he caught the memory out of the corner of his eye. His ghost haunted every corner of this house.

James had considered selling it, but in the end, he couldn’t do that to Harry. This was his childhood home. He spent a lot of time hopping between parents. His family was so unconventional, the least James could do was keep the stability and familiarity of this house.

And if keeping the house meant James had to move into the guest bedroom and the room he’d shared with Regulus remained frozen in time… that was no one’s business.

“Is Kingsley coming to the anniversary party?” Harry asked when they sat down for dinner.

“No, I think it’s a little too soon for that, Harry.”

“But Sirius likes him.”

“He does, but my ex-husband is his brother… That’s a little weird considering I’m dating again.”

“Well, I like Kingsley, too. You can bring him round more often if you want.”

 James smiled softly at that. “I’m glad to hear that. I know it might be weird for you.”

Harry just shrugged. “Honestly, I didn’t like the idea of you being with someone else at first. It kind of felt like I was betraying Regulus if I liked Kingsley, but… I dunno. You’ve been divorced for a while, and I want you to be happy, Dad.”

Harry didn’t seem to have any idea that James was trying not to choke up at his words. “Thanks, Harry,” he forced out. “That means a lot to me, you know.”

“It’s all I ever wanted,” Harry said quietly. “And you weren’t happy before. I don’t think you were happy after either. So it would be nice to see you smiling again.”

“Healing from something like that takes time,” James admitted. “But I am happier.”

Harry nodded. He paused for a moment, pushing his food around his plate thoughtfully. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“It might be weird.”

James huffed in amusement. “Just ask, go ahead.”

Harry dropped his fork on his plate, looking up at James. “Do you miss Regulus? You always ask about him. I know you still care. So sometimes I feel a little confused, though it’s probably adult relationship things I don’t understand.”

James hesitated, resting his chin in his hands as he tried to figure out the best way to respond. “I know you remember how bad things were between us. We didn’t have a good relationship, and I don’t know if we could have fixed that. That’s true, but at the same time, I chose to marry him. I chose to spend fourteen years with him. That’s true too. Both things coexist in a way that I get must be hard for you to understand. I loved your father. It didn’t work out. But of course, I care about him. Does that make sense?”

I still love him, James didn’t say. Care was a safe word; it was one that didn’t make James sound like he was still hopelessly hung up on Regulus.

Harry nodded slowly. “I think I get it. You can still care about someone even if you don’t want to be around each other anymore?”

“Exactly.”

“So… you’re not going to get back together, are you? Even though you still care about him?”

“No, no, Harry,” James said quickly. “I don’t think that’s in the cards.”

“Right.” Harry swallowed. “Because at first, I was glad you were getting divorced, but then I started to wonder… Never mind, it was probably stupid.”

“Nothing you say is stupid, not with me,” James said gently.

Harry leaned back in his chair, biting at his lip. “…For a while, I hoped you’d get back together. I could tell that you weren’t really happy to be divorced, and I kept thinking maybe you’d realize you made a mistake. I miss how things used to be. Back before you guys were mad all the time,” he admitted in a small voice.  

“I know,” James said hoarsely. “We did have a lot of good years, and I miss those, too. But there’s no going back to that. You can miss them and cherish them, but you just have to look forward now.”

“I think I’m getting that…”

James leaned forward to look Harry in the eye. “Hey,” he said softly.

“Yeah?”

“You can always talk to me about these things. I know it was hard on you, and you were affected by the divorce just as much as anyone.”

“I know, Dad. Thanks…”

James smiled faintly, kicking Harry’s foot lightly under the table. “Love you, now eat your vegetables.”

Harry groaned loudly, but he was hiding a smile as he shoved a piece of broccoli defiantly into his mouth.

__

James couldn’t sleep. Sirius and Remus’ part was the next day, and James felt a pit of dread at the prospect of seeing Regulus.

It didn’t help that the conversation with Harry kept replaying in James’ head.

He used to hope too. He imagined Regulus showing up at his door in the middle of the night and confessing he’d made a mistake. Professing his love and begging to get back together.

But Regulus Black wouldn’t beg. Not now.

James at up in bed, swinging his legs over the side. He rubbed at his eyes before putting on his glasses and quietly opening his bedroom door. He walked carefully so as not to wake Harry.

James stopped outside the door of the master bedroom. His hand rested on the door handle as seconds ticked by, marked by the sound of his heart pounding in his ears. The moment he turned the doorknob seemed to last forever.

The door creaked open, and James froze in the doorway.

He’d thrown out the sheets and moved out his clothes ages ago, but the furniture was still there, and the pictures were still framed on the dresser.

James remembered building the bed with Regulus. It’d taken hours, and James had put the headboard on backwards, causing them to take the whole thing apart and start over. Regulus hadn’t been mad, though. He’d just laughed at James’ mistake and insisted James was buying dinner that night as reparations. As soon as it was done and they’d gotten the mattress on, and collapsed in a sweaty heap on top of it.

“Good work,” Regulus had said, before climbing on top of James and kissing him senseless.

James squeezed his eyes shut against the memory. Taking a steadying breath, he sat down on Regulus’ side of the bed, dropping his head to his knees. His fingers dug into the side of the mattress. James didn’t want to cry. He should have been so far past that. It had been a while since he succumbed to tears.

Regulus probably wasn’t still crying, if he’d ever cried at all.

James gritted his teeth, swallowing back the lump in his throat.

He lifted his head suddenly as he felt something poking out from the edge of the mattress. He leaned over to lift it up, pulling out a small notebook hidden underneath. James reached over to switch on the lamp on the nightstand. He blinked as his eyes adjusted.

It was a journal. James remembered seeing Regulus writing in it a few times. He must have forgotten it was hidden here in his rush to move out. James tossed it on the bed. He would put it in the attic with the rest of Regulus’ abandoned things.

Except James didn’t move. He just sat there staring at the journal.

It would be an invasion of privacy. If Regulus had hidden it, he clearly hadn’t wanted James to find it.

 James shouldn’t.

But… what harm would it do? Regulus wouldn’t know, and it was from before they’d gotten divorced anyway.

Before he could stop himself, James opened it up, flipping to the first page.

The beginning was dated a few years before they got divorced. The entries mostly talked about Harry and small memories that caused James to smile as he recalled them. The dates were pretty spaced out, and it didn’t seem like Regulus wrote very often at first. It was only as James read further that the entries got closer together.

James wants to move.

He froze, blinking at Regulus’ looping scrawl. James didn’t need to read this part. He knew what happened after that. It was probably masochistic, but James couldn’t stop.

James wants to move. He’s been offered a position, and I understand that it’s a big deal. He seems to think I’m being stupid, or that I don’t care about his career.

It’s not that. Even if I’m being selfish, I feel I’m justified. He wants to uproot our entire lives, to move away from everything we know and everyone we love. Forgetting about the logistics of that and working out custody with Lily, which sounds impossible… I just can’t believe he’d want to do this. I can’t believe he could be so inconsiderate. What about my life? What about my job? Doesn’t he understand how hard it was to build this?

I never thought I’d be happy. I never thought I’d have a good relationship with Sirius, much less get married and have a family. Cutting off my parents was the most terrifying thing I’ve ever had to do, but I did it with the hope of having a better life. THIS life is my better life. This is what I went through so many years of pain for, and he wants to throw it all away? How could he? Is he thinking about me at all?

We’ve been fighting about it, but I can’t make myself say the one thing I really want to: why isn’t it ever enough? Why is James never satisfied? Can he be?

I always thought he’d be content one day. That he’d stop looking towards the next thing and just be here with me. He doesn’t realize I see it, but James always wants more. I can’t be any more than I am. I can’t give anything else. So where does it lead?

I’ve known from the beginning that he’s so much bigger and brighter than me. I’ve told myself he chose me, that he wanted me. That it was just my insecurities speaking. But what if it wasn’t just me being anxious? Did he settle for me? I think he settled for me. I can’t be good enough for him.

I’m telling him no. I won’t move. He can go if he wants, but I refuse. If I’m not enough, he can go find better.

James slammed the journal shut, breathing heavily. He felt like he’d unknowingly opened Pandora’s Box.

He’d never seen into Regulus’ head like that. James thought they’d been honest with each other, at least in the beginning, but how could Regulus think James had settled for him? And how had he never known?

He fumbled for his phone, pulling it out of his pocket in a hazy rush.

James didn’t think about how late it was until Sirius answered, his voice rough with sleep. “James? Is there an emergency?”

“Shit, I’m sorry, Sirius. It’s late. No, everything is fine, I’ll let you sleep.”

“Now hold on,” Sirius whispered. There was the sound of rustling and a door opening and closing. A minute later, Sirius spoke again at a normal volume. “Sorry, I didn’t want to wake Moony. What’s going on? Obviously you’re not fine if you’re calling me at three a.m.”

“It’s probably stupid, I shouldn’t have woken you for this—”

“Prongs,” Sirius said firmly. “Just tell me.”

James took a slow breath. “I-I’m in my room.”

“Uh, okay? Good?”

“No, I mean my old room. Mine and Regulus’…”

Sirius made a sound that James couldn’t decipher. “That’s surprising,” he said, his voice carefully neutral.

“I couldn’t sleep. And I couldn’t stop thinking about Regulus, so I thought I’d come in here. I don’t know why. Clarity maybe? But it didn’t work. I fucked up. I’m more confused than I was before, and I don’t know what to think and—”

“Whoa, James. Slow down, what happened?”

“Did Regulus think he wasn’t enough for me?” James blurted out. “Did he think I settled for him?”

Sirius was quiet for a moment. “Shouldn’t you know that better than me?”

“No, I don’t. I didn’t. We got divorced. I don’t think you should expect us to have any sort of good communication skills.”

“Okay, fair.” Sirius exhaled. “I don’t know exactly what goes on in Regulus’ mind. I know he was scared when you started dating. He thought it might not be serious for you, and I remember talking him down. So, it very well could be true. Regulus isn’t as strong as he pretends. The more certain he seems, the more terrified and insecure he is. He’s always been like that. You probably get your taste of it. He gets meaner the lower he feels. I’m sure our lovely parents created that defense mechanism.” James could speak. His brain was running away from him, guilt and shame rising in his throat. “James?” Sirius questioned after a moment. “Are you still there?”

“I was a terrible husband,” James choked out. “Sirius, I didn’t know that. He never fully let me in. I knew he was anxious, but I never imagined he thought so lowly of himself. I never imagined he might think he wasn’t good enough for me. Sirius, he was the love of my life. Nothing else mattered but Regulus to me when he walked into a room. I adored him, I loved him so much. How could he not know?”

“I don’t know.” Sirius’ voice sounded grim. “I think that something you need to ask yourself… And Regulus.”

“I don’t think it does anyone any good to reopen those wounds now.”

“Maybe not. I guess it’s up to you whether or not you can live without those answers.”

James nodded even though Sirius couldn’t see him. He cleared his throat. “I have to go, there’s something I need to do.”

“Okay, I love you, Prongs. I hope you find whatever you’re looking for.”

“Me too. Love you, Pads.”

As soon as the line went dead, James dropped his phone and grabbed the journal off the bed. He flipped through, finding where he’d left off, and read every single word.

It was horrible.

James felt sick to his stomach.

I don’t know when James stopped loving me. I’m not sure what I did wrong. I tried so hard. It’s not just love either. He looks right through me. I’m not even sure he remembers I exist most of the time. Sometimes I feel like a child again, locked in my room, begging my parents to let me out. To remember me, love me, want me. I don’t want to beg again. I need my dignity, it’s all I have.

As terrible as it was, and as much guilt and shame as James felt, he kept reading.

I don’t know if I can trust my mind, Regulus wrote in another entry.

Sometimes I feel like I can’t pick my emotions apart from my childhood and the things I still carry around. Is James doing this to me, or is he just reminding me of what that felt like? I know he’s not a bad person, I know he must have loved me now. Fact or emotion, whatever it is, I don’t know how to stand it.

There are facts I know. I know we fight constantly. I know it’s been almost a year since we had sex. I know he doesn’t kiss me or touch me anymore. I know we don’t spend time together. So am I being impossible and crazy like he seems to think, or is the way I feel valid?

Sometimes I want to just come out and ask him if he loves me. But I’m too scared. What do I do if the answer is no?

The sunrise found James sitting on the bedroom floor, flipping to the last filled page in Regulus’ journal. His cheeks felt tight with dried tears, and he hadn’t slept.

Worst of all, it was the day of the anniversary party.

“Dad?” Harry was standing in the doorway, still in his pajamas and wearing a very concerned expression. “What are you doing in here?”

James snapped the journal closed, shoving it in the nightstand alongside some old condoms and stray pens. “Just going through some stuff.” His voice came out scratchy, and he cleared his throat.

Harry didn’t seem to buy that. He scrutinized James, his eyes narrowing.

He didn’t know how disheveled he looked, but it must not have been good.

“Did you sleep at all?”

“I had too much caffeine yesterday,” James said, rising from the floor. “Uncle Moony is probably right about cutting down on the energy drinks.” He lifted his glasses to rub at his eyes. “I’m going to shower, we promised to help set up today. Go get ready. I’ll make us some breakfast.”

“Okay…” Harry said slowly, though he seemed to think James had gone mad.

Maybe he had. He didn’t know, and he was even less prepared to see Regulus than before.

__

“James,” Sirius said as soon as their eyes met. He gave him a serious look, grabbing James by the arm and pulling him aside.  “You look like a mess,” Sirius whispered, leaning in. “What happened last night?”

“I think… I pulled a thread I shouldn’t have,” James confessed hoarsely. “But don’t worry about me, today is about you and Remus.”

“The party is about us, but it hasn’t started yet. And as the guest of honor, I want to know what’s going on with my best friend.”

James opened his mouth and closed it again. “I just—” He broke off.

“What?” Sirius prodded gently.

“I think I made a mistake.”

“Doing whatever it is that sent you spiraling last night?”

“Yes, that too, but…” James lowered his voice, terrified to say it aloud. “I never should have signed the divorce papers. I should have fought for Regulus.”

Sirius’ eyes widened. “Oh, shit. James, that’s big. That’s a really big deal.”

“I know,” James whispered, his tone bordering on hysterical. “I’m fucked.”

“What are you going to do?”

“What can I do? Isn’t it a bit too late?”

“That’s quite possible,” Sirius admitted. “But what if it isn’t?”

“That’s a problem for another day,” James muttered. “For now, let’s focus on your crazy party. Where do you need me?”

The look on Sirius’ face told James he wouldn’t let James forget about this, but he let the subject change, instructing James to help put the centerpieces together.

James wanted to lie down on the floor and die. That would be a simple way out of this mess.

__

Regulus didn’t know why Sirius texted him at ten a.m, suddenly adamant that he needed help setting up for the party. Sirius was not easy to argue with, and Regulus begrudgingly agreed, showing up to the restaurant two hours earlier than he’d planned.

When he walked inside, he almost walked right out.

James was the only one in sight, positioning centerpieces on the tables. His back was turned, but Regulus would recognize James Potter anywhere.

Shit, where was Sirius? Where was anyone who could save him from this painful interaction?

Regulus must have made some sort of noise, because James spun suddenly. He froze.

Regulus didn’t know what he’d expected, but it certainly wasn’t the way James stared as if he’d never seen Regulus before. Even in the brief times they’d crossed paths over the past two years, James never made eye contact, and Regulus did the same.

But now James was staring like he’d seen a ghost, his eyes scanning every inch of Regulus thoroughly. What was he looking for? Why was he staring like that?

“Um, Sirius said he needed help?” Regulus spoke up when James didn’t say anything.

He made a noise that wasn’t quite a laugh. “Of course he did,” James muttered. “He’s around back getting something from the car. Should be back in a moment.”

“Right, okay.” Regulus shifted uncomfortably in place, and James went back to the centerpieces, though Regulus noticed James’ eyes kept flicking in his direction.

A moment passed. Minutes dragged by agonizingly slowly. “Did Sirius fucking drive away?” Regulus asked, more to himself than James.

James jumped when Regulus spoke, shrugging silently.

There was nothing for Regulus to do but stand there… and study James.

He looked tired. There was a smudge of bags beneath his eyes. His shoulders were stiff, and Regulus almost wondered if he’d been crying recently. His eyes seemed a little redder than usual.

All this time, Regulus imagined that James was living happily ever after. He didn’t look happy. In fact, he looked downright miserable.

“How have you been?”

Regulus’ eyebrows shot up. James was talking to him. Why was James talking to him? He never did like awkward silences. That was probably it.

“Fine,” Regulus said. He paused a moment too long to come off as casual. “What about you?”

“Oh, living the life or whatever they say,” James said, his lips pressing together. He was clearly being sarcastic, but it didn’t seem to be at Regulus’ expense, so he decided not to dig in his teeth over it.

“Hm,” was the only response Regulus managed to get out.

The air was heavy between them. Regulus could feel anxiety tightening in his chest, and his breathing became shallow. Fuck no, Regulus was not going to have a panic attack over being alone with his ex for five minutes. That would be pathetic.

Sirius returned just in time with Harry at his heels. They exchanged hugs, and Sirius put Regulus to work. He positioned himself as far away from James as he could get, but he couldn’t help watching him. At one point, James and Sirius seemed to have a whispered argument by the drink table, and Regulus had the horrible feeling it was about him when Sirius looked over at one point.

Whatever, Regulus wasn’t touching that with a ten-foot pole.

Remus didn’t appear until it was time for the guests to begin showing up, probably hiding from the monster that party planning turned Sirius into. Once people began to trickle in, Regulus thought it was going to be easier. Especially considering that Barty and Evan would be there.

He was sorely mistaken. Sirius grabbed Regulus and pushed him towards a table. “I need you to sit here with Barty and Evan, don’t let Crouch anywhere near Peter. Please, I’m begging you, Reggie. You know they hate each other.”

“Fine, fine,” Regulus agreed unhappily as Sirius pushed him into a seat. A seat next to James fucking Potter. “Wait, Sirius!” Regulus hissed as soon as he registered the seating arrangement. His brother was already gone, just shooting Regulus a smile over his shoulder.

“Fucking hell…” Regulus cursed under his breath. What was Sirius playing at?

“Hey, Reg, it’s good to see you,” Lily smiled, catching his eye.

Regulus resisted the urge to bang his head on the table. He loved Lily, but he’d rather be literally anywhere else. “Yeah, you too. How have you been feeling?” Regulus asked, gesturing to her pregnant stomach.

“Not too bad now that we’re past the morning sickness, but excited to have this baby already,” Lily said, sharing a fond smile with Narcissa. “I feel like I’ve been pregnant for a million years.”

“Mum and Cissa still won’t let me name the baby,” Harry pouted, an offense Regulus had heard him complain about many times already.

“Well, sweetheart, if you ever have kids, you can name them after all the fictional characters you want,” Regulus snorted. “I think your mum wants to go a more conventional route.”

“Clearly, she named me Harry.”

“Harry is a beautiful name!” Lily gasped. “And it’s after your—”

“I know, I know, I’ve heard the story many times, Mum. I’m just saying I’d pick out such a cool name.”

“I’m sure you would, but you’re seventeen, so stick to naming cats or something.”

“Regulus did say we could get a cat,” Harry brightened. He followed that up with, “Since he says he’s a divorced and lonely hermit,” because he’d apparently decided to become Regulus’ enemy this afternoon.

“Harry!” Regulus choked.  

Lily tried to hide her laughter, covering her mouth, and she forced a straight face. “Harry, I think we had this talk when you were ten about repeating everything your parents say. Maybe your father wanted to keep that particular comment private…”

“Would have preferred it,” Regulus muttered.

He shot Harry a stern look, and he instantly sank down in his chair. “Sorry… Can we still get a cat, or is that a no now?”

“We’ll see.”

Harry made a displeased face, but it wasn’t a flat-out no, so he didn’t argue.

Barty and Evan appeared suddenly with drinks in hand, and the conversation moved on. It was only as Regulus was finishing his glass of wine that he realized James’ eyes were on him.

He didn’t look away, even once he was caught, he just frowned, brow furrowing like he was trying to figure something out. Regulus’ skin prickled. What, he mouthed, just to get James to stop.

James leaned forward close enough to whisper in Regulus’ ear. “You look really well. I’m glad,” James murmured, his breath hot on Regulus’ cheek. He still smelled the same. The whiff of his cologne after so long was dizzying. Regulus didn’t breathe until James pulled away.

“I— Thank you?” Regulus whispered back, completely and utterly confused. What the fuck was going on? Why was it like a switch had suddenly flipped in James? He’d been ignoring Regulus since the divorce, and now it was like he couldn’t look away.

“What the hell was that?” Barty whispered to Regulus, clearly catching the interaction.

Regulus just shook his head. He didn’t know.

Thankfully, James didn’t try to speak to Regulus for the rest of lunch, and Lily worked overtime to make sure there were no awkward pauses in the conversation. It was almost pleasant, a reminder of simpler times.

It hammered in how much Regulus had missed out on since losing James.

When dessert was finished and people had begun saying their goodbyes, Regulus thought he was safe. He hugged Sirius and Remus, handed over his present, and made a beeline for the door.

Someone caught him by the arm before he could make it there.

Regulus spun. James was standing behind. “Regulus—” he winced, like he already regretted stopping him.

“What? Do you need something?” he demanded.

“I wasn’t going to do this today,” James said in a rush. “I really wasn’t, but I don’t know if I’ll get another chance, and I need to talk to you.”

“Text me then,” Regulus said dismissively, wrenching his arm free from James’ grip.

“It’s really important. Please, Regulus. I-I’m just asking you for one thing, one last time. Just give me ten minutes of your time. After that, I’ll never bug you or ask you for anything again if that’s what you want.”

Regulus wanted to say no. It was on the tip of his tongue, but James’ eyes were so wide and pleading. Regulus had never been strong enough to resist that look. “Fine, ten minutes.”

James seemed shocked that Regulus had agreed. They went outside and around the back of the building near the dumpsters.

Regulus paused, waiting for James to say whatever was so important. He didn’t say anything. He was staring again, his gaze so intense that Regulus had to resist the urge to shiver.

“What?” Regulus snapped, stepping forward into James’ space threateningly. “What’s so important you had to drag me over here?” Maybe it wasn’t actually threatening, because suddenly they were the closest they’d been in years, and James’ breath hitched.

His eyes were drinking in Regulus’ face like it was the most important thing he’d ever do.

“Regulus,” James murmured. That was it, just his name.

James’ cologne was intoxicating, and they were so close, and Regulus must have lost his mind at some point.

He did likely the stupidest fucking thing he’d ever done.

Regulus grabbed James by the collar and, instead of punching him like he should have, Regulus kissed him.

In Regulus’ defense, they were both idiots, because instead of pushing Regulus away, James spun him around, walking them backwards until his back hit the wall. James’ hands were tugging at Regulus’ hair, kissing him like he’d die for this.

Oh, Regulus was going to get his heart broken all over again. James was going to kill him this time, but he couldn’t stop himself. For the first time since even before they’d gotten divorced, James was looking. James was seeing Regulus, and all his inhibitions went out the window.

James made a muffled sound into Regulus’ mouth. He could have been trying to say something, but Regulus didn’t care. James lit Regulus on fire with his touch, and for so many years, he’d been choking on the ash. Just one more time, he wanted to feel the warmth, to succumb to the flames. And James kissed Regulus like he was trying to burn him alive.

What more can you take from me? Might as well burn the whole world down this time. Might as well give me something that feels good after you left a hole in my chest.

“Whoa!”

Regulus pushed James off him at the sound of a voice. Hot shame rushed to his cheeks. What have I done? Oh my god, what’s wrong with me? How could I be so weak?

Sirius was standing a few feet away, his eyes wide and his mouth open. “Um… Harry was looking for you, James. Sorry, I didn’t realize I’d be interrupting.” Sirius coughed awkwardly.

James looked horrified as he scrubbed a hand over his face. “Fuck,” he whispered.

Regulus reacted quickly. “I have to go.” He practically fled the scene of the crime.

“Regulus! Wait!” James yelled after him, but Regulus didn’t look back.

He ran. James would ruin him, he already had.

__

“I thought you said you weren’t going to do anything yet!” Sirius said, waving a distressed hand.

“I wasn’t! I was just going to talk to him!”

“That didn’t look like talking!”

“He kissed me! Oh my god, Sirius, why did he kiss me?”

Sirius blinked. “Huh?”

James felt like a live wire. “I have to talk to him. Shit, I have to go after. Sirius, can you—”

“I’ll take Harry for the afternoon, go, James. Hurry, before things somehow get worse.”

“Fuck me,” James cursed. He paused only a second to squeeze Sirius’ shoulder before practically running towards the car park.

He didn’t see Regulus anywhere.

“Did you see where Regulus went?” James stopped Lily frantically.

She raised her eyebrows. “Yeah, he left in a rush just a few minutes ago.”

“Okay, okay,” James said, taking a deep breath. “Harry is going with Sirius for a little while. There’s something I need to do.”

“Uh, good luck?” Lily called after him as he hurried to his car.

All he could think about as he pulled onto the street was why Regulus had kissed him. What had possessed him to do that?

But shit, it was the most alive James had felt in years. It was the only thing that had ever felt right. He was hit by an unbearable wave of grief. James had to fix this. He had to try before Regulus was gone forever. He didn’t know how he’d survived so long without it.

James had only ever dropped Harry off at Regulus’ flat, and as he pounded on the door, he hoped he had the right number. “Regulus! Open up!” There was no answer, and James knocked again. “I really do need to talk to you—”

The door flew open, and James nearly fell over the threshold.

“Go away,” Regulus glared. “You had your ten minutes.”

“You sabotaged my ten minutes!”

Regulus scoffed. “Go home, James.” He started to close the door, and James grabbed it, not caring if Regulus decided to crush his fingers in the doorway.

“I should have fought for you! I shouldn’t have signed the divorce papers! I thought it was what you wanted, but I fucked up. I want to fight for you now. Please let me, if there’s even a tiny part of you that still loves me. Please, Regulus.”

Regulus’ jaw dropped. “What?” he asked, his voice strangled.

“I never wanted to get divorced,” James whispered.

Regulus seemed too shocked to stop James from stepping inside and shutting the door behind him.

“Wha—” Regulus’ voice broke off, and he stepped back, putting a hand to his mouth.

“I thought you hated me. You told me how miserable you were, and I didn’t want to force you to stay. I wanted you to be happy, Reg. You seemed so certain, and I never considered that maybe you didn’t really want to get divorced either, so I never argued. I just let it happen. It killed me to know I was hurting you like that. But I was wrong, wasn’t I? If I’d tried, if I’d fought, you would have stayed.”

Regulus just blinked, making a choked sound behind his hand.

“Can you say something?” James pleaded. “Even if you tell me I’m wrong. I just need to know before I spend the rest of my life mourning you.”

Regulus leaned against the wall like he didn’t trust his legs to support his weight. Finally, he spoke. “I don’t believe you. Y-you don’t mean any of that. Don’t come back here and look at me like that. Don’t say those things and get my hopes up. You’ve hurt me enough for a lifetime.”

“I don’t want to hurt you anymore. I mean it, Regulus. I don’t know how to convince you, but I swear on my life. I mean it.”

“Pretend any of what you said is true,” Regulus began accusingly. “How do you explain the cold shoulder, the years of you barely noticing me, brushing me off. How do you explain how you stopped touching me?”

“You did those things too! I’m not saying I don’t carry my fair share of blame, but we’re both guilty of that. There was such a huge wedge between us, and I didn’t know how to cross it. I didn’t want to and for you to reject me! I hate that I let it happen, and I hate that I didn’t see sooner how much I’d driven you away. That’s my fault. I was angry, okay? To be completely honest, I felt like I sacrificed so much for you, and you only got meaner and angrier. I was bitter over it, I’m not proud of that. But I never stopped loving you. Never. I never imagined ending it, that’s why I was shocked by the divorce papers. I was literally looking at marriage counselors that day. I wanted to work things out.”

“You said I was hard to love!” Regulus protested. “Do you even remember that? Because I do, I still fucking dream of it, James!”

“I remember.” James winced. “I shouldn’t have said that. I didn’t… I didn’t mean it like that. It was hard at the time, but I would have kept trying if you’d let me. I would have tried if I’d known.”

“Known what? Hm? What changes things? Why are you here now? You had years to regret it. It’s too late.”

“I know,” James said, his voice small. “I’m setting myself up to have my heart broken again. It’s worth it to me. I couldn’t sleep last night. I missed you so much, and I was nervous about seeing you, so I went into our room. I found your old journal under the mattress.”

Regulus seemed like he was trying to compute that, blinking slowly. “You read my journal? Wait, what the fuck do you mean? You didn’t clear out our room?”

“I haven’t touched it since you left,” James whispered. “There are even still condoms in your nightstand,” he joked halfheartedly.

“You read my journal…” Regulus repeated.

James nodded. “I’m sorry, I know it was an invasion of privacy. But I don’t regret doing it. I didn’t know how you felt, Regulus. You never told me.”

“What the hell did I say in there?” Regulus asked, squeezing his eyes shut.

James stepped forward. “That you thought you weren’t enough for me. The real reason you were so upset when I wanted to move. That you thought I’d settled for you. I called Sirius after, and he helped me realize some things. You get mean when you’re scared and insecure. You seemed so certain when you told me you wanted a divorce, but you weren’t. You were hurt and terrified, weren’t you?” Regulus didn’t respond, and James reached out but stopped himself before he touched him. “Why didn’t you ever tell me? What did I do to make you feel like you couldn’t be vulnerable with me?”

“I didn’t want you to leave me!”

“So you left me instead?”

“At least it was my decision! At least I was the one in control!”

James just stared at Regulus in distress. His lips pressed into a thin line as he held back the tears that threatened to fall. “I never would have left you,” James said raggedly. “I didn’t settle. You were always enough for me. Shit, Regulus, I loved you so much that I would have stayed forever, even if it never got better. I-I still love you. I never stopped, I don’t think I’m capable of it.”

“Aren’t you seeing someone?” Regulus demanded.

James paused. “Kingsley? Oh, I was. Uh— I called him this morning as soon as I realized that I wasn’t ready to let you go. I broke things off.”

“That’s presumptuous.”

“I didn’t assume you want anything to do with me. Even if you don’t, I can’t date someone else. Not when I’m in love with my ex. That isn’t fair to anyone.” A few seconds of silence passed, and James inhaled, letting his eyes fall shut for a moment. When he opened them, Regulus was watching him. “I just threw up my soul in front of you, Regulus,” James whispered. “Can you say something? I’m asking you to just be honest with me.”

Regulus bit his lip, straightening up suddenly. “I don’t know if I know how to do that.”

“You do,” James whispered.

Regulus swallowed. James thought for a moment, he’d refuse, and it would really be over. But somehow, he found the guts to speak. “I… I never could quite believe that you chose me. I didn’t understand why. Maybe it festered, maybe my childhood came back to haunt me because I never properly dealt with it. I know I pushed you away, too. I started most of our fights. I couldn’t let anything go. I could see you were angry, and I thought this was it, you’d realize you married the wrong person. I really believed with everything in me that you didn’t love me anymore. I’m still having trouble believing you could after all this time. I’m having a really hard time grappling with the fact that you’d come back now. That you’d be so insistent about fighting for me. How can I be worth that?” There were tears on Regulus’ face, and he quickly wiped them away.

James’ heart was shattering into pieces in his chest. He reached out, and this time he did touch Regulus, gently cupping his face. “You have no idea how I see you,” James whispered. “I’ve always been entranced by you. You light me up when you walk into a room. I love your smile and your eyes. I love your rude little comments, the way you roll your eyes at me, and how you are with Harry. You’re the love of my life, and I never doubted that. I knew it from the first time I kissed you. At that moment, I swore to myself I’d marry you.”

Regulus reached up, wrapping his hand around James’ wrist. He didn’t pull his hand away, though, just touched him, simple and warm. “Is that true?”

“Of fucking course, it is. I love you. Do you hear me, Regulus? I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you—”

Regulus put a hand over James’ mouth. “Okay, I get it!”

“And?”

“And…” Regulus looked up through his lashes. There was fear in his eyes, but… There was something else as well. “I still love you too,” he said, barely loud enough for James to hear.

But he heard.

“Is that why you kissed me?”

“Don’t ask me why I kissed you. It was a moment of insanity,” Regulus muttered.

“So you wouldn’t do it again?”

“I didn’t say that.”

This time, the kiss was soft. Chaste, but mournful, years of heartbreak acknowledged and put to bed at the places their bodies touched. When they broke apart, neither of them wanted to go far; their forehead pressed together.

“What does this mean?” Regulus whispered, his breath warm on James’ face.

James pulled back. “That we should go to couples counseling this time?’

“Well, yes. But that’s not what I meant. Are we getting back together? What if we fuck up again? How do we explain this to everyone? How do we explain it to Harry?” Regulus’ eyes widened.

“I think Harry will get it with time. And the rest, we can figure it out. I told you I was here to fight for you. I want to be with you. If you still want that too—”

“Yes,” Regulus said breathlessly. “I do, I’ve… I missed you so much. I thought it would get easier, but it never did. The grief never went away. I couldn’t be with anyone but you. It’s always been you for me, James. I just thought you didn’t want me.”

“I do,” James promised. “I really, really do.”

“Then we can figure it out.”

James kissed Regulus first this time, grabbing his face and putting every ounce of love he had into it. When they broke apart, Regulus was smiling hesitantly. His eyes drifted over James’ shoulder.

James followed his gaze, frowning at the golden glow of the setting sun. “What?” he questioned.

“The sun is rising,” Regulus said softly.

“Unless a lot of time passed really quickly, I think it’s setting.” James frowned in confusion.

Regulus just laughed. “That’s not what I mean. Trust me, it’s rising.”

They watched out the window as the sunset turned to shades of orange and pink. Their arms touched as they stood side by side, and something warm unfurled in James’ chest.

James suddenly understood what Regulus meant.

The sun was rising, and a golden day stretched out in front of them.