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“What the hell is going on here?” Tommy’s tone was a lot sharper than he intended, but it did have the desired effect. Eddie stepped back from where he was in Evan’s face, and Evan’s shoulders collapsed.
“Nothing,” Eddie snapped. He ran his hand through his hair. “It’s fine.”
Evan was silent and Tommy frowned. “Evan?”
“You don’t get to talk to me like that,” Evan said, finally, glancing up at Eddie, then Tommy.
Eddie let out a huff of exasperation. “Fucking hell, again, Buck? You’re the victim again, it’s all about how we’re supposed to bow down to you.”
He took a step towards Evan, and Tommy had grabbed his arm even before he saw Evan flinch. “Corner. Now,” Tommy ordered.
“Of course you’re taking his side,” Eddie said, turning to glare at Tommy. The fury in his eyes took Tommy by surprise, and he had to stop himself from stepping back.
Tommy used his grip on Eddie’s arm to spin him sideways, and landed a dozen hard smacks on his ass. “I’m not taking sides,” he said. “But I am seeing that you need some space to cool off before you say or do something you’re going to regret. So go get in your corner,” he said, swatting with each final word.
“Fine,” Eddie growled, his face red as he stomped off. He kicked the doorway as he went.
“You okay?” Tommy asked, gently tilting Evan’s face up.
Evan shrugged. “Just a fight,” he said, sounding exhausted.
“Just a fight?” Tommy echoed. “I didn’t see much fighting back.”
“No,” Evan agreed, after a pause. “Did you know that a house hired him in El Paso?”
Tommy blinked. “No, I didn’t.” Why wouldn’t Eddie have told him?
“Me, either,” Evan said. “Everyone else did. Hen’s throwing a party and Ravi asked me about it.”
“Oh,” Tommy said. He rubbed his forehead. “You asked him why?”
“Apparently no one knows how to talk to me. Including our boyfriend,” Evan said. He leaned against Tommy’s shoulder. “I don’t mean to…I, I just want to make sure everyone’s okay.”
“I know, sweetheart,” Tommy said, wrapping his arms around Evan tightly.
“Well, you’re the only one who does.” Evan took a shaky breath and slid his hands down to Tommy’s hips, leaning back. “I’m, uh, going to go sleep over at yours, if you don’t mind.”
“You know I don’t,” Tommy said, kissing him. “You haven’t said if you’re okay, by the way.”
“I will be,” Evan said. “Will you,” he tipped his head towards the living room.
“Yeah,” Tommy said. “Of course. Text me when you get there, okay? And before you go to bed. I’ll call when I’m done with Eddie.”
Evan hesitated. “I don’t think I want to talk to him tonight,” he said slowly. “Is that okay?”
“Of course,” Tommy repeated. This was going to be a rough night, for all of them. He threaded his fingers through Evan’s curls and scratched at his scalp. “You get to set your own boundaries. Which, by the way, you did excellently before. Gold star for you.”
Evan snorted. “Yeah.”
Tommy ran his other hand over Evan’s ass. “Need a few swats?” he asked, patting firmly.
“No,” Evan protested automatically. “Well, maybe,” he said, considering. “But fine, yes, I set a boundary and I accept my gold star.”
“Perfect,” Tommy said. He pulled Evan close again, and started swatting his ass, just enough to start stinging and release a few endorphins.
Evan sank into his embrace with a sigh, and Tommy finished with a few firm smacks that he’d feel for a while. “Better?” he asked.
“Yeah,” Evan said, sounding much less tense. “Thanks, babe.” He wiped at his face as he pulled back.
“Sure,” Tommy said. “Take care of yourself.”
“And text,” Evan agreed. “I will.” He glanced towards the hallway again, looking conflicted. “I don’t-”
“You don’t have to,” Tommy said. “I’ll let him know, and we’ll be here all night.” He swatted Evan again. “Go, baby. Love you.”
“Love you, too,” Evan said. He grabbed some of the groceries and headed out the back door.
Tommy sagged against the counter and rubbed his forehead again. What the actual fuck.
He’d expected Evan to spiral after the lab, and he was. He’d expected all of the 118 to struggle with their grief and loss, and they were. But he hadn’t expected that they’d fracture under the weight of that grief and loss. They’d always been so good about being a family.
He couldn’t do much about that, but Eddie and Evan? They were his family, and there was plenty he could do about that. Even if it was going to suck.
Tommy passed through the living room on the way to their bedroom. Eddie was in his corner, body tense like he was ready for a fight.
Tommy wasn’t going to give him one.
He pulled out their implement box and started testing a few out. He needed to get Eddie’s attention, and he needed to make an impression. There were a few possibilities. He pulled out the strap, which Eddie hated, so that probably wasn’t going to help matters. He set it to the side.
Finally, he ended up with a thick oval paddle, shaped like a cross between a hairbrush and bath brush, made of heavy wood. It was comfortable to hold, so Tommy could go as long as he needed.
Back in the living room, Tommy moved some of the furniture around. The couch got pushed back a bit, the coffee table forward and piled with Evan’s pillows to protect the tv, the few knicknacks went into the kitchen. It left them with open space in front of and around the couch, which he suspected they were going to need.
“Eddie.” Tommy kept his voice calm and walked up to him slowly and from the side.
“Tommy,” Eddie bit out.
“Come here,” he said, ignoring his tone. When Eddie turned to look at him, Tommy wrapped his arms around him in a tight hug.
“Fuck off,” Eddie said, trying to get his arms free.
“Baby, we always start with a hug,” Tommy reminded him. “Because we love each other.”
Eddie stopped struggling, though he was still tense. Tommy kept his arms around him and finally Eddie returned it.
“Thanks, Eddie,” he said, giving it another few moments before letting go. “Let’s go to the couch.”
“You’re not even going to listen to my side?” Eddie asked, pulling himself up tall and glancing around.
“I’m pretty sure that’s not what let’s go to the couch means,” Tommy said, resting his hand gently on Eddie’s back.
“You have a paddle and you made space,” Eddie said, shrugging off his hand. “You already made up your mind.”
“If I’ve learned one thing dating you and Evan, it’s that I always need to be prepared,” Tommy said dryly. “Couch, please.”
“Fine,” Eddie snapped. He sat down at the far end of the couch.
“Thanks, baby.” Tommy sat down close enough for their thighs to press together, and wiggled his arm between Eddie and the couch to wrap it around him. Eddie was still stiff and tense, but didn’t throw him off.
“So these have been a few fucking awful weeks,” Tommy said, squeezing Eddie’s shoulder.
“Yeah, tell me about it,” Eddie said, glancing over.
“Only good part has been seeing you,” Tommy said, pressing a kiss to Eddie’s hair. “It’s been hard. That first night especially, all we wanted was to have you wrapped up with us.”
“God, yeah,” Eddie breathed out. “It was awful.”
“Mmm,” Tommy agreed. It had been. Evan had been a wreck, and they’d both needed their Eddie. But instead he had been alone, hundreds of miles away, and they’d been incomplete. “At least we’re all here now.”
Eddie made a show of looking around. “Are we though? Where’s Buck?”
“He went to my place for the night,” Tommy said calmly.
“Of course he did,” Eddie said, shaking his head. “Poor sensitive Buck can’t handle yet another thing.”
“That’s a pretty lousy thing to say about your boyfriend,” Tommy said, trying to keep his voice even.
“You know it’s true,” Eddie said forcefully. “Everyone is avoiding him. He is completely unable to not make things all about him.”
“Like what?” Tommy asked.
“He’s acting like he’s the only one who lost someone,” Eddie said. “Like no one else could possibly be as upset as he is.”
“My grief score is a 13,” Tommy said. “I haven’t actually figured out if that’s good or bad, he just keeps checking on me.”
“Right?” Eddie said. “He’s obsessed with grief and making himself the center of attention.”
“Is that why you didn’t tell us about your new job?” Tommy asked, changing tack. Eddie looked away. “I wish you’d told us, sweetheart. We could have celebrated.”
“Yeah, Buck would have been so excited to celebrate,” Eddie said, rolling his eyes. “Another thing to make about him.”
“We miss you,” Tommy said. “I miss you. Does that mean we’re making things about us?”
“No, of course not,” Eddie said. “I miss you guys, too.”
“So what happened tonight?” Tommy asked. As Eddie started explaining and defending, his voice getting louder and harder, Tommy’s stomach started to sink. He could see why Evan had been so dejected, and what he had walked into.
“Grief is a bitch,” Tommy said finally. “Evan tries to take care of everyone but himself–”
“He isn’t taking care of shit,” Eddie snapped.
“I tend to stand back too much,” Tommy continued, “And you get angry.”
“Of course I’m fucking angry,” Eddie snarled. “He’s gone and I couldn’t help him!”
“I hate that you were alone when we told you,” Tommy said, feeling the pain of that night again. “I hate that you had to tell Christopher that yet another important person was gone.”
“Thank you!” Eddie said, breathing hard.
Tommy wrapped his other arm around Eddie’s stomach, effectively hugging him into place. “But, baby,” he said gently, “are you sure that you weren’t projecting again? Trying to diminish Evan’s grief to make it about yours tonight?”
“Oh, fuck you,” Eddie said wildly, trying to break Tommy’s hold.
“I know you’re hurting,” Tommy said, keeping his grip tight as Eddie fought him.
“Fuck off,” Eddie yelled. “Let me fucking go!”
He thrashed harder, and Tommy moved just in time to avoid being headbutted. “Eddie, you know what to say if you want me to stop,” he said firmly. “Fight it out if you need to, but I’m not letting you hurt yourself and I’m not letting go unless you safeword.”
Eddie roared, and struggled harder against his hold. Tommy used the wild movements to shove himself over so that Eddie was, at least theoretically, on his lap. He squeezed tighter as Eddie screamed out his rage, swearing at Tommy and Evan and Bobby and the world, and Tommy held him through it all.
Finally he was empty, and he sagged against Tommy.
Tommy still held him tightly, pulling him closer now that he was less likely to get hit in the head or junk for trying. They were both breathing hard now, and Tommy was tired enough that he couldn’t imagine how Eddie felt.
“I’m an asshole,” Eddie mumbled.
“A lot of grieving people are assholes,” Tommy said. “It’s temporary.”
Eddie snorted, and Tommy squeezed him. They sat there quietly, Eddie resting against Tommy’s chest.
“It’s not fair,” he said finally. “That he told Buck he loved him, that Buck had you and the 118 here with him.”
“It’s not fair that Evan had to tell Athena what was happening,” Tommy said quietly. He swallowed hard. “And it’s not fair that I had to watch him break down sobbing alone in a hallway. Or that Howie thought he would never meet his baby, and that Maddie thought she’d be a single mother, or that Hen was in the room and couldn’t help either of them, and that Athena couldn’t even hold his hand. Or that it had to happen at all. None of it is fair, and none of it is our fault.”
Tommy was never going to get the sounds of the sobs that ripped from Evan’s chest out of his head. Sometimes he’d just look at Evan and he’d hear it, and have to wrap him up in a hug right there. It was hell.
“What do you mean, watch him?” Eddie asked.
“On the Army monitors,” Tommy said, hugging Eddie to get rid of the image again. “He didn’t make it far after leaving them, and I couldn’t leave the tent to go to him. We all have shit to deal with about this, but we can’t let it break us apart.” Eddie nodded against him. “Bobby loved you, too.”
“Not like Buck,” Eddie said.
Which was undeniably true. Tommy had already started to consider him as a father-in-law—his one and only father-in-law. He didn’t have a lot of respect for Philip or Ramón.
“Yeah,” he agreed. “But he loved all of us. Especially you and Chris, and Hen and Howie.” He let Eddie sit with that. Tonight wasn’t the time to get into his jealousy or anger, and he wasn’t even sure where to start with either, let alone the pain of not being there or grieving alone.
“I guess we need to deal with tonight,” Eddie said, finally.
“We sure do,” Tommy agreed.
“I guess it’s good you got everything all ready,” Eddie joked weakly. “And that was before the tantrum.”
“Eddie, I’m not going to paddle you for being upset,” Tommy said, and Eddie twitched. “But I am going to paddle you for not talking about your feelings and for lashing out and deliberately hurting Evan, all of which go against our rules.”
He hesitated a moment, and gently ran his fingers through Eddie’s hair. “I’m worried about you, sweetheart,” he said. “The way you got into Evan’s space, how angry you were. Honestly, you scared me.”
Eddie stiffened. “I-I wouldn’t hurt him,” he said. “Or you.” But he trailed off as he said it.
“I would like us to talk about finding you a therapist in Texas,” Tommy said. “And a therapist we can all see together.”
“Well, that won’t be a Texas therapist,” Eddie said, snippily.
“Maybe not,” Tommy said. “Mine and Evan’s therapists know about our relationship, so maybe they have suggestions. But you’ve had a lot of changes and a hard time handling your anger the last few months, and no one needs you finding a fight club in El Paso.” He squeezed him. “Okay?”
“Yeah, okay,” Eddie said, clearly unhappy about it.
“We can talk about it later,” Tommy promised. “But right now, we’re going to deal with the broken rules. Ready?”
“Yeah,” Eddie said, not moving.
Tommy gave him a few moments, and Eddie finally gave him a squeeze and climbed out of his lap. Tommy arranged himself while Eddie unfastened his jeans and pushed them and his underwear down.
“Good, baby,” Tommy said, taking Eddie’s hand and helping him down over his lap. He tugged Eddie’s jeans off and pushed his briefs to his knees before rubbing his hand briskly over Eddie’s bare ass.
“Let’s try to make this the last time we talk about this rule for a while,” he said, and landed a sharp smack that almost echoed through the room. Eddie sucked in a breath and Tommy continued with a flurry of spanks at that same intensity.
This was a harder warm up than he usually gave, his handprints standing out on Eddie’s quickly flushing ass. He was determined to keep this spanking very fresh in Eddie’s mind for at least the next day, through his next talks with Evan.
Another dozen cracked down before Tommy was ready to move on to the paddle. Eddie was straining to keep himself quietly in place, but couldn’t help jerking a little as each landed.
Tommy rubbed his back as he shook out his hot hand. “I know it hurts, baby,” he said. “It’s okay to make noise and cry and let it out. I want you to do that. Understand?”
Eddie nodded. Tommy knew it was hard for him; between Ramón and the army, he’d been trained to take discipline stoically. Tommy had been, too, and he didn’t want it to take Eddie as long to unlearn it as he had needed. Eddie deserved to be able to feel all of his emotions without censure. Evan was their role model in that, but tonight, it was just them.
Tommy rubbed the paddle across Eddie’s ass, letting him breathe another few moments. “Okay, then. I want you to think about what actions earned you this spanking. Not emotions. Actions. What you decided to do tonight, that went against our rules. Got it?”
Eddie nodded and Tommy tapped the paddle a few times before smacking it down. He used his wrist to snap it with some extra force, and followed it up with several more across the meat of Eddie’s ass.
Eddie flinched as the sounds almost echoed around the room, but otherwise stayed tense under his hand, and Tommy rubbed his back with his free hand. “You don’t have to hold it in,” he reminded him.
He fell into a rhythm, a quick and steady heavy drumbeat across both reddening cheeks, until Eddie let out a little whimper. “That’s good,” Tommy praised, and picked up speed for the next several smacks.
Eddie started squirming, his hips twitching to get away from the paddle, and Tommy slid his hand over to wrap it around his waist to keep him steady.
To encourage him, Tommy moved down to give his undercurve and thighs some more color, too. Eddie yelped at the first crack, almost bucking himself off Tommy’s lap, and Tommy admired the dark bloom left behind as he swatted it down again. He let the paddle fall sharp and fast, glad to hear Eddie start making little choked noises with each swat until he realized that Eddie’s hands were now curled into fists.
“Grab the pillow to hold, baby,” Tommy directed. He didn’t miss a beat as he continued swinging the paddle with the same strong and even pattern. “But I want to keep hearing you, you’re doing great.”
Eddie’s hands shook as he grabbed the pillow and wrapped his arms around it. His shoulders loosened a little as he stopped holding himself so tightly.
Tommy moved back up to Eddie’s ass, snapping the paddle down twice in each spot before moving on. The choked little noises turned into breathy gasps and then tears that Tommy could see dampening the pillow.
“That’s it, baby,” he said. “Let it out.” Eddie’s ass was now a rich red, and he kicked and whined when Tommy landed a few solid smacks on an especially sore looking spot before moving to another. His briefs had fallen to his ankles, and now landed on the floor.
Eddie started crying harder when Tommy finished working his way around his ass again and moved back down to his thighs and sitspots, and Tommy figured they were nearing the end.
Tommy adjusted his legs so he could tilt Eddie’s ass up for this last bit. He snapped the paddle down just as quick and hard and steady as he had been going, and Eddie’s tears gave way into sobs.
“Almost done, sweetheart,” Tommy said, pausing before he cracked a swat back up on the crest of Eddie’s ass, and again before the next. He continued with a half a dozen final smacks, hard but slow, letting Eddie feel each one. The last two fell heavily on each of Eddie’s sit spots, and Eddie cried out and let himself fall limply over Tommy’s lap as he sobbed.
“It’s over, baby,” Tommy said, setting the paddle aside and rubbing Eddie’s back. “You did so good, I’m so proud of you, sweetheart.” He kept stroking and praising Eddie, who was shaking under his hands. “Let it go, Eddie. I’m here. I’ve got you.”
When Eddie’s sobs had slowed to sniffles, Tommy helped him move so that Eddie knelt straddling him and they were chest to chest. Eddie rested his cheek on Tommy’s shoulder, and Tommy wrapped his arms around him in a tight hug.
“I’m sorry,” Eddie hiccupped out. “I don’t know—I don’t want to hurt Buck. I love him so much, Tommy. I love you both, but it was like a switch flipped. I saw he had done the shopping I said I’d do, and I lost it.”
“I think it might have been starting before then, baby,” Tommy said gently. “Or else Ravi wouldn’t have been the one to tell Evan that you had been hired in Texas.”
Eddie was quiet for a minute, just long enough for Tommy to wonder if he should be nervous. At least Eddie hadn’t tensed again.
“Yeah,” he said, finally, and Tommy kissed him. “I guess, yeah. The captain called the day before I flew up. I was going to tell you guys when I got here, you know? But then, I don’t know.” He looked lost. “My house was Buck’s. Chris was in Texas. Bobby wasn’t here. Everything felt wrong.”
Tommy’s chest tightened. He knew that feeling, that home was gone.
Eddie rubbed at his nose. “Bobby said that I’d always have a place with him, but now that’s gone. I have Chris, but I want you and Buck and the 118, too.” He started crying again, small heartbroken sobs that tore at Tommy’s heart.
“I know, baby,” Tommy soothed, rocking him. “You need your family.” It was scary, he realized, for all of them. Bobby had been Evan’s rock, but also the foundation of the 118. Without that, none of them felt safe. It wasn’t just things right now that were different, but their spoken and unspoken future plans were gone, too.
It was hard enough for them here in LA, but he wondered if Eddie was feeling stranded in Texas now. He had Chris, but his teenage son couldn’t be an emotional support the way he needed. And maybe none of them had really thought he’d stay in Texas forever.
God, he wished this hadn’t happened. For so many reasons. He wanted to scream out his rage like Eddie had, beat away at the unfairness of it all, but how do you fight something that isn’t there? You had to lash out at what was there. Test it.
“But no matter where you are,” Tommy said, once Eddie was quiet again, “Evan and I aren’t going anywhere. We love you.”
Eddie buried his head in Tommy’s neck, shaking it a little, and Tommy squeezed him tightly.
“Yes, Eddie. Even when you’re acting like an asshole,” he teased. “We love you because you’re ours. So we live in different states for the rest of our lives. As long as you are loving us from Texas, we don’t care. Do you?”
Eddie shook his head again, more clearly, and sat up straighter. “I love you both, too,” he said thickly. “I’m sorry.”
“I know, baby,” he said. “But I’m not the one who needs to hear it.” He was sympathetic about what was coming, but he wasn’t going to push Evan’s boundary. He deserved a quiet evening, and he’d make sure Eddie didn’t feel abandoned. “When you’re ready, I’m going to call Evan and check in on him.”
“I’ll apologize to him, too,” Eddie said, wiping his face. “And make it up to him when he comes back.”
“Actually,” Tommy said, rubbing his back, “Evan asked for time alone and just a quick check in with me tonight. You can apologize tomorrow.”
He could see hurt, frustration, and anger warring on Eddie’s face, and kept stroking his back calmly. Finally, Eddie swallowed hard and nodded. Tommy was grateful they were going to avoid another spanking.
“Okay. I get it,” he said. He didn’t sound thrilled, but that was fine.
“Good,” Tommy praised him. “While I’m talking with him, though, I do have something I’d like you to do. You ready?”
Eddie hesitated, but shook his head no. “Not yet.”
“That’s fine,” Tommy said, and let Eddie rest against him for a few more minutes. They both could use the comfort.
“Okay,” Eddie said, finally. “Where do you want me?”
“Kitchen table,” Tommy said, and Eddie winced. Tommy helped steady him as he stiffly got to his feet, then followed him and his gorgeous dark red ass out of the room, stretching his body as he went.
“This isn’t a punishment,” Tommy said, pointing towards a chair as he dug through one of their drawers. He pulled out a notebook and pen as Eddie sat, biting his lip as he gingerly tried to settle himself.
“This is just for you, okay? I’m not going to read it unless you ask me to.” He set them down in front of Eddie and sat on the chair next to him. “I want you to make a list of what you love about Evan, and a list of what you can do to show him. Okay?”
Eddie stared at the notebook, flushing. He nodded. “Okay.”
“Okay,” Tommy said. He leaned forward for a quick kiss, and Eddie met him halfway, his hand reaching out for Tommy’s. When he pulled back, he lifted Eddie’s hand to kiss it, too. “Call if you need me.”
“Yeah, I will,” Eddie said, resolutely opening the notebook.
Tommy paused in the doorway, watching Eddie start to write. It had been hard to watch him tear Evan down in anger, now and back when he’d been getting ready for Texas. They were all fucked up in their own ways, and sometimes they caught on each other’s rough edges. But he’d be damned if they would fall apart like the 118 had.
Evan needed this night away, but Tommy couldn’t wait for all three of them to be back together again. Tomorrow couldn’t come soon enough.