Chapter Text
Yunho will be the first to admit that it’s…a lot to take in. Kim Hongjoong, their rock, their captain, their boyfriend, acts like a child in his free time. No, not even a child–a toddler. A three-year-old. Maybe even younger. Quite frankly, the idea is a little impossible to wrap his head around, but at the same time, it makes way too much sense.
Recent less-than-ideal situations that have happened over the last few months flood the front of Yunho’s mind. Hongjoong pulling away, both from his boyfriends and the missions. Hongjoong hiding in his room more often than not. At first, they speculated he was cheating, no matter how upset it made them, but it turns out he needed time alone for other reasons.
So…yeah. His boyfriend likes to be small. Not just physically, but mentally.
Except, does he even like it? Despite Seonghwa being the one to explain it all, Yunho kept his eyes on Hongjoong for most of the meeting, and his nervous body language throughout the entire ordeal was pretty easy to pick up on.
The negative energy surrounding the man (or, really, the entire fucking house since they all came home) was incredibly overwhelming. But it’s so obvious how terrified their hyung was to share this piece of himself with them.
Which is why, after watching him bottle up and dismiss his feelings for years, Yunho felt nothing but relief to know that under all that pressure, Hongjoong had some way to deal with it. Yunho isn’t hurt, he isn’t upset—hell, he isn’t even confused. The first emotion he felt when Hongjoong revealed his regression was joy. He’s just so happy that his boyfriend’s learned how to be okay.
What a fool he is for believing the others would feel the same way.
When Hongjoong confessed, Yunho wasn’t shocked or annoyed by the initial silence. It’s a lot for anyone to take in, after all. He was, however, petrified at the venomous words spewed from Wooyoung and Mingi’s mouths.
He knows they’re just scared. Some time alone with each of them after discovering Hongjoong snuggled up with some stranger in his bed revealed the heavy insecurities planted deep in their hearts. They’ve both always been the aggressive type, whether it be aggressive in their anger or aggressive in their love. It’s all or nothing for them, and that’s what made Yunho fall for them both in the first place. How deeply they feel.
But it’s also that part of them that makes it impossible to have certain conversations without them blowing up. Still, Yunho never would’ve expected them to go this far.
Hongjoong’s subsequent breakdown might have been the most horrific thing Yunho’s ever laid his eyes on, and that means something considering all the shit they’ve been through. But there’s just something so heartbreaking about watching someone he loves, someone who’s been so strong for so long, finally crumble into a million, tiny pieces.
When Seonghwa picks Hongjoong up and retreats, things are quiet. Tense. Yunho’s grip on Mingi, who’s still on his lap but no longer pressed into his side, loosens, and Mingi sends him a look which he promptly ignores.
Someone has to say something. And he’s not too surprised when Yeosang speaks up first.
“Are you two serious?”
Yeosang’s cold voice pierces through the silence as he turns his gaze between Wooyoung and Mingi. Yunho feels Mingi tense up, and as much as his instincts are telling him to comfort the man, Yunho stays still. He needs to hear this.
“You don’t have to understand,” Yeosang continues. “You don’t have to accept it. But to act like a dick to the only man who’s ever given any of us a chance? You should be ashamed.”
Wooyoung fumes in his spot, not saying a word, but Mingi reaches for Yunho’s face, clearly distressed at the lack of attention.
“Yunho—”
“No,” Yunho interrupts Mingi immediately. “I’m sorry, but Yeosang’s right. I’m…really disappointed in you, Mingi.”
There’s a small gasp from Mingi’s lips, and when Yunho looks up, he’s trembling. There are unshed tears in his eyes, and the heartbroken look on his face forces Yunho to squeeze his eyes shut and look away before he caves.
Mingi chokes back a sob and shoots off Yunho’s lap, rushing up the stairs. A door slams, the sound vibrating throughout the house.
Every instinct is screaming at Yunho to go take care of his boyfriend, but he clenches his fists against his legs and forces himself to stay put. Hopefully, some time alone will yank him out of whatever assholeish funk he’s got himself in.
With Mingi out of the room, they all turn to Wooyoung, who sits back against the couch, arms crossed, away from the Sannie and Jongho cuddle pile he was in. He turns his head in every direction to direct his glare at all of them, and Yunho sighs internally. He knows that look. Woo’s not going down without a fight.
“The fuck was that about?” Wooyoung hissed. “You know how sensitive he is. Especially when it comes to you.” He points an accusatory finger at Yunho, and the guilt immediately starts eating away at him.
“Don’t even start. I think you know damn well what that was about,” Yeosang says, crossing his legs. He leans back against the couch, staring Wooyoung down. “Or were you somehow not present when the two of you were spewing shit?”
Yunho shudders, bracing himself for the battle that’s about to begin. Yeosang may let the others push him around with affectionate stars in his eyes, but when it comes to anyone else’s feelings, he can get pretty fucking scary. They call him their Doberman for a reason, after all.
“Look,” Wooyoung says, standing up and running his fingers through his hair. “I don’t know about you all, but I need a boyfriend, not a baby.”
“Wooyoung,” San hisses between gritting teeth.
“Oh my god,” Woo says, throwing his hands up. “What? Am I really saying something so wrong here? Do you seriously expect me to believe this is what our hyung’s been up to instead of screwing the stranger who’s moved himself into our house?”
“Wooyoung.” San bangs his fist against the side of the couch, startling everyone in the room. “That is enough. I know you have personal reasons to be nervous, but is it fair to throw that onto Hongjoong hyung when he has never given you a reason to distrust him?”
Wooyoung freezes, but so does everyone else. No one talks about Wooyoung’s ex unless he brings it up first. That was his one condition after telling them what he’d been through. Wooyoung stares at San as if he’s just stabbed him in the heart. He may as well have.
Wooyoung cackles, walking towards the stairs. “You act like you all weren’t accusing him of cheating either. Why the fuck am I the bad guy?” He flips them off and storms up the stairs, but not without a prominent “Fuck you!” thrown over his shoulder.
Yunho sighs and Yeosang runs a hand down his face. Jongho shakes his head, and San hunches forward, defeated. That could have gone…a lot better.
***
Yunho was six when he learned that nothing good came without a price. His parents were kind enough, but they were drug addicts, and kindness didn’t pay for their next hit. They needed money, of course, but money didn’t grow from trees. They needed jobs, sure, but no one wanted to hire drug addicts. So they took out loans, and when that money ran out, they took out more and more and more.
That didn’t work forever, of course, so their only option at the end of it all was to run away, leaving Yunho behind to take care of their mess.
Yunho was fifteen when he dropped out of school to start slaving away, working unbearable hours to meet the monthly payment for the loan sharks. They said he didn’t want to find out what would happen to him if he didn’t make his payment. He believed them.
For years, Yunho’s life was reduced to nothing but work and pay, work and pay, and for a long time, he wondered if life was even worth living anymore. Then one day, when he went to make a payment, there was no one to pay.
“They disbanded,” a short man had said outside of the loan shark's office, bloodied and bruised. “Your debts are forgiven. Congratulations.”
Yunho had cried that day, and that man, who gruffly introduced himself as Kim Hongjoong after hours of Yunho following him around like a lost puppy and pestering him, held him as he did. Yunho begged him to let him join whatever the hell he had done to get the group to disband, and after more months of pestering, shameless flirting, and one passionate night of falling into bed together, Hongjoong finally said yes.
Nothing good came without a price. But Hongjoong. Hongjoong was something good, and while Yunho waited with bated breath for the day that rug was swept from under his feet, leaving behind a broken pile of a man who dared to dream that maybe some good things in life truly were free, he realized something.
Yunho was nineteen when he learned that maybe he did deserve good. And maybe Hongjoong could be that for him.
***
It’s been a weird few days since Hongjoong came out to them—Yunho chuckles at the phrase, then catches himself immediately; perhaps this kind of coming out is even more terrifying than the other ones; not that there needs to be a comparison; anyways.
After a long mission, like the one they just got back from, they usually give themselves a few months' break. Past back-to-back excursions did not do well, neither for them as individuals nor their relationship, so it became a rule to sit back and do absolutely nothing.
It was always difficult to relax, thinking about those they could be helping instead, but there are always going to be people out there who need them, and they knew they needed to come to terms with the fact that they’d never be able to help them all, no matter how much they might want to.
Gang-related thoughts aside, coming back from missions usually meant lots of napping, lots of cuddling, and ample amounts of sex.
None of that has been happening.
Yunho knows they’ll be okay eventually. It’s not like they’ve never had fights before. But still, there’s such an unease everywhere that he doesn’t know what to do. And, of course, it’s Hongjoong in the center of it all. Their rock. Their captain. Their boyfriend. They’re falling apart without him.
Instead of hour-long cuddle sessions and way too loud game nights, it’s tiptoeing around each other, barricading themselves in their rooms, and hesitancy to step foot into the kitchen. This awkward dynamic is uncharted territory, and Yunho knows it’s because everyone’s afraid of running into Hongjoong, which is ridiculous, considering he’s hiding away more than anyone else. But the point is, they’re afraid of what they’ll see.
Not Yunho, though. He’s more curious than anything else. What’s his hyung like when he’s little? Is he cute? Mean-spirited? Shy? Angry? He doesn’t know. But he really wouldn’t mind finding out.
Which is how he finds himself in front of the guest room door. He’s walked past it a few times over the next hour, trying to listen in after finding Hongjoong’s room abandoned. Before he can chicken out for the sixth time, he raises a fist and knocks. There’s a moment of silence, but it stretches long enough that Yunho thinks that maybe Hongjoong isn’t here either. But then someone speaks.
“Come in,” a hushed voice says, and it does not belong to Kim Hongjoong, which only leaves one option.
Yunho gulps, placing his hand against the doorknob. The only conversations he’s had with Seonghwa, apart from the one where he threatened him with a knife, was less of a “getting to know you” and more of a “getting yelled at, and deservedly so.” He doesn’t know what else to expect. Part of him thinks he’ll see the stranger forcing Hongjoong to color against his will. He doesn’t know this man or what he’s capable of. But there’s only one way to find out.
He pushes the door open.
Yunho takes pride in the fact that he will always be happy to admit when he’s wrong, especially if it means avoiding unnecessary conflict. And with a household full of stubborn assholes (his stubborn assholes), he finds himself wrong a lot. He’s never minded, though. At the end of the day, everyone was happy, and that’s all that matters.
Looking in the room now, he huffs out a soft laugh. Looks like he was wrong about Seonghwa, too.
Inside the cozy bedroom, Seonghwa sits on the floor in front of the obviously slept-in bed with his back against the frame. There’s a coloring book to his right, a few colored pencils to his left, and an abandoned tower of blocks in front of him. But where Yunho’s eyes want to stay is the blob on Seonghwa’s lap.
Hongjoong lies curled up against Seonghwa’s chest with a thumb in his mouth, his lips twitching every so often. Almost sucking, but not quite there. His chest rises and falls slowly, long sigh-like breaths flowing through his nose. His free hand grips Seonghwa’s shirt, his fingers tightening and loosening as they please.
Yunho wants to cry. He doesn’t think he’s ever seen Hongjoong look so peaceful before.
He slowly closes the door behind him, walking forward and glancing down where Seonghwa stares up at him with eyebrows raised. Yunho gestures to the floor, asking for permission to sit, and does so when he gets a curt nod. He doesn’t miss how Seonghwa’s grip tightens the moment Yunho sits.
“I wanted to apologize,” Yunho wastes no time saying. His fingers ghost over his own neck as he stares at the scar on Seonghwa’s. “For this. And for everything that happened since we’ve been home. You take good care of him in ways we didn’t know he needed. He deserves that much, at least, after everything he’s done for us. I was wrong about you–we were wrong–and I’m sorry.”
Seonghwa slowly nods, but doesn’t say a word. Yunho waits for one minute, two, three, before sighing. He offers a small smile and presses his palms to the floor to push himself up.
“I’ll get out of your hair now,” he says. “I can come apologize to hyung later.”
Yunho doesn’t expect Seonghwa to forgive him, not yet at least, but that just means he’ll have to try twice as hard to make sure he believes him. Seonghwa’s important to Hongjoong, after all. Yunho makes it to the door when Seonghwa’s voice rings out again.
“He loves you all,” Seonghwa says, and Yunho freezes, turning back around. “I don’t believe you’re bad people. Hongjoong wouldn’t date bad people. And I understand your initial reaction to seeing me, I do. It’s just… With him, I feel so–”
“Protective?” Yunho offers when he sees Seonghwa struggle to find the right word.
Seonghwa huffs out a sigh, running a hand down his face. “Yeah. Protective.”
Yunho nods slowly before shrugging his shoulders. “Maybe that’s what he needs.”
“It’s a little scary, though, isn’t it? How I’ve come to feel so strongly about him in such a short amount of time.” Hwa chuckles. “I mean, you’re his boyfriends, and I’m some random guy who picked up his ad. I don’t even know how long you’ve known each other. I don’t know what you do with your gang business. I know his favorite color and his favorite show, but I don’t know the kind of life he lives outside of his regression, or what he did before he met you all. I don’t even know why I’m telling you this.”
Seonghwa holds Hongjoong just a little tighter, leaning down and pressing his head against Hongjoong’s.
“It is,” Yunho mutters after a beat of silence.
Seonghwa looks back up. “Hm?”
“It is scary, how quickly you wanted to protect him. But that’s just hyung. He makes you feel.”
Seonghwa runs his fingers through Hongjoong’s hair, the softest smile on his face. “Yeah. I guess he does.”
***
Over the next few days, Yunho does his best to insert himself into Joongie’s space whenever he notices a potential slip. He was horrified when Yunho came back to the guest room and confessed to watching him sleep, but both Yunho and Seonghwa eventually convinced him it was okay.
Hongjoong hasn’t played with any of his toys in the few times Yunho’s come to visit (which still sounds so weird considering Hongjoong’s his boyfriend and this is his house too), but Yunho doesn’t take offense. Baby steps.
Now, Yunho lies on the ground on his side with his head propped up on his hand. He’s staring at Hongjoong, who looks at him wearily, sitting on the ground in front of Seonghwa, whose legs are dangling off the bed.
“I have some more questions for you, if that’s okay?” Yunho asks.
Hongjoong clutches onto a stuffed animal Yunho’s never seen before, a cute little squirrel with a devious aura and smile suggesting it’s up to no good, and looks back at Seonghwa. He scoots himself back until he’s sitting between the older man’s legs.
“Hwa?” he asks, wide eyes searching for permission.
Seonghwa smiles down at him. “It’s up to you, hun.”Hongjoong thinks to himself for a little while longer before finally nodding. “'Kay.”
“What does it feel like,” Yunho asks, “when you, y’know. Slip.”
Hongjoong scrunches into himself, hugging the squirrel to his chest. He glances between Yunho and Seonghwa before burying his face into the stuffie, murmuring muffled, barely audible words.
“Small,” he says.
Normally, Yunho would joke about how Hongjoong’s already the smallest person he knows, but the hesitation in his demeanor is enough for him to hold back the jokes for now. Hongjoong’s placing trust in him right now, no matter how small, and he doesn’t want to fuck that up. Not again.
“Yeah?” Yunho says instead. “And what does that feel like?”
Hongjoong whines—whines!—and Yunho has to bite his lip hard to hold back a coo. He knows that would be very unappreciated.
“I’m sorry,” Yunho says. “You don’t have to answer. It’s just that I’ve never been small before, so I want to try and understand.”
“Head’s fuzzy,” Hongjoong says. “And it’s hard to do things…I just wanna play…I guess.”
Yunho smiles. “And you’re feeling small now?”
A shrug. “A lil’ bit.”
“Well, I’m sorry to interrupt. How about I come back later?” Yunho pushes himself up, sending Hwa a smile. “I’d love to have another chat.”
“Doesn’t that sound nice, Joongie?” Seonghwa asks. “I’m sure it gets boring hanging with just me all the time.”
As Yunho slips out the door, the last thing he sees is Hongjoong’s look of utter disbelief at Seonghwa’s declaration. The last thing he hears, between Seonghwa’s heart laughs, is “S’not boring!”
Yunho closes the door behind him, pressing his face into his hands. This is what their boyfriend has been hiding this entire time? He had no idea Hongjoong could possibly get even more adorable, but here they are.
They’re so fucked.
***
For the next few days, Yunho finds himself knocking on Hongjoong’s (and Seonghwa’s, at this point) door. Sometimes he’s in that halfway point to being little, and when he is, Yunho asks a few more questions.
“Are you feeling small today?”
“It’s not a bad feeling, right?”
“What makes you regress?”
He gets his answers between huffs and eye rolls.
“A lil’.”
“No, s’good.”
Hongjoong shrugs at the last question. “Toys, I guess. and…”
Yunho’s brows furrow at how his voice trails off. “I’m sorry, what was that last part? I couldn’t hear you.”
“Toys and Hwa.”
It’s adorable.
The days Hongjoong isn’t feeling small, the three of them simply hang out. It’s been the perfect way to rekindle their strained relationship. Hongjoong will rest his head on Yunho’s shoulder, tangle their fingers together, and offer him short kisses every once in a while. Sometimes Yunho feels like he could cry of happiness. He’s missed his boyfriend so much. He even admitted to apologizing to Seonghwa, which earned him lots of praise and made him a very happy man.
Hongjoong will occasionally ask about the rest of his boyfriends, which breaks Yunho’s heart. It’s only been about a week now since Hongjoong’s little secret came out, but their arguments have never really lasted this long, so Yunho feels a bit lost.
“Everyone’s okay,” Yunho said slowly, the last time Hongjoong asked. “Things are still a bit tense, but I don’t think it’ll be fully solved until we all have another conversation.”
When Hongjoong tensed, Yunho was quick to assure him they’d do it on his time, and Hongjoong nodded, relaxing again. Yunho really hoped that it would be sooner rather than later, but he kept that part to himself.
It’s a little weird having Seonghwa there for their conversations at first, but his presence isn’t unwelcome. In fact, it doesn’t take long for Yunho to feel like he belongs. He chips in every now and then with an outlandish joke that shocks Yunho and Hongjoong into uncontrollable giggles, and before he knows it, he’s even getting touchy with Seonghwa. It’s almost like he’s been here forever.
Besides, he’d be stupid to pretend Seonghwa isn’t attractive as fuck. Apart from his current boyfriends, of course, Seonghwa might just be the most beautiful man Yunho’s ever seen. His long hair is always either tucked behind his ears or pulled back into a ponytail or bun, his laugh is gorgeous, and don’t get Yunho started on his voice.
That doesn’t mean anything, of course. He’s just appreciating the man’s beauty, is all. So, yeah, his presence is very welcome.
He gets to know Seonghwa quite well, too. He has—had?—a shitty job at a shitty corner store with a shitty boss and some shitty customers, and they pretty much sum up his life for the past seven years. That’s why he was so excited to see such a well-paying job (that he hasn’t gotten paid for yet, but he only tells Yunho that when Hongjoong’s asleep…besides, he doesn’t seem to mind.)
One day, Yunho’s in their room, splayed across both their laps when he looks up at Seonghwa and asks, “Not that I don’t appreciate getting to know you, but how long do you plan on staying here, exactly?”
They both tense up at the question, and Yunho nods in understanding. It seems they haven’t talked about that yet. It is something to think about, though. As awkward as things may be right now, Hongjoong can’t hide away in his room forever, and at the end of the day, this isn’t Seonghwa’s home.
“As long as he needs me here, I guess,” Seonghwa eventually answers softly.
Hongjoong doesn’t say anything after that, as much as it looks like he wants to, but he nods and they move on. This becomes their little routine, with Yunho visiting throughout the day to talk and chat and beg his hidden boyfriend for a quick kiss or two.
It isn’t until another two days later that Yunho finally walks in on Hongjoong fully regressed. He can tell right away, as soon as he enters the room. Hongjoong’s laying on the ground, his head in Seonghwa’s lap, his arms wrapped tight around his plushie, Rami. His eyes are wide and full of wonder as he talks to his stuffed friend about…well, Yunho doesn’t really know. He’s whispering.
Hongjoong doesn’t have much of a reaction to Yunho coming in, and he realizes it’s because he’s so absorbed in his own little world that he didn’t even notice. Yunho closes the door when Seonghwa smiles and waves him over, and Yunho inches forward and stops in front of Hongjoong, crouching down.
“Hyung?” Yunho whispers anyway, just in case.
Hongjoong blinks up at Yunho slowly with a frown. He turns his body, burying his face in Seonghwa’s stomach, and Seonghwa laughs, carding his fingers through Hongjoong’s hair.
“I don’t think he likes that honorific when he’s feeling like this,” Seonghwa murmurs. “Do you, baby?”
His voice is so soft, so calm, so gentle that even Yunho feels the effects. Hongjoong–no, Joongie whines, shaking his head.
“I’m sorry, Joongie,” Yunho tries instead, and the immediate results of the nickname is brilliant.
Joongie flips back over and sits up. His eyes crinkle and he nods, giving Yunho the most sparkling, brilliant smile he’s ever seen.
“‘M Joongie,” he says, and Yunho laughs, his eyes watering.
“You are,” Yunho says, opening his arms. “You are Joongie. And I’m so happy to properly meet you.”
Joongie gasps, rushing forward and into Yunho’s arms, and Yunho really can’t help the tears that start to flow.
“I’m sorry,” Yunho whispers. “I’m so sorry you couldn’t come to us.”
Joongie whines, reaching up to wipe away Yunho’s tears. “Don’t cry,” he says, patting Yunho’s face. He looks back at Seonghwa, as if to ask whether he’s doing this right. “It’s okay. Shh, shh.”
Yunho chuckles, shaking his head. “They’re happy tears. I promise. I love you, okay?”
“I love you, too.”
After Yunho calms down, Joongie spends some time introducing him to his toys. He has his blocks, his singular (and very filled) coloring book, and, of course, his little Rami. Yunho makes a mental note to buy Joongie a lot more toys sometime soon.
Now they’re sitting on the ground, playing with blocks while Seonghwa sits back on the bed with watchful eyes. Yunho isn’t offended that Seonghwa doesn’t completely trust him yet, which is such an odd thing to say considering he’s the stranger here, but Yunho just shakes his head. Whatever. They’ve never been a normal bunch anyway.
“Zoooom,” Yunho says, moving a block through the air. He’s doing his absolute best to make a plane noise, and it’s not great, but it gets the job done.
“That’s not a plane,” Joongie says, gasping between giggles. “‘S a block, silly!”
Yunho gasps, forcing his eyes to widen as comically large as he can manage. He looks between Joongie, Seonghwa, and the block, sputtering dramatically with each turn of his head.
“You’re joking,” Yunho says, groaning.
Joongie shakes his head. “Nuh uh. Not jokin’.”
“Noooo!”
They spend the rest of the evening like that, building blocks and humming songs, cuddling and taking naps. Eventually, it’s time for dinner, which Yunho knows Joongie will be spending upstairs with Seonghwa. He’s sad to go, but he doesn’t want to stop spending time with his other boyfriends either.
“Thanks for hanging with me, Joongie,” Yunho says, heading for the door. “I had so much fun.”
“Um!” Joongie yells, and Yunho startles, turning around with a smile and tilting his head.
Joongie holds Rami in front of his face, making his next sentence a bit too muffled. “Will you…”
“What was that, Joongie?” Yunho asks.
“Go on, baby,” Seonghwa says, nudging Joongie forward after he hesitates.
Joongie takes a step forward, takes a deep breath, closes his eyes, and says, “Will you come play with me again?”
Yunho’s heart almost stops–both at how fucking adorable Joongie is, and at how he wants to see Yunho again when he’s regressed. He’s sharing this part of himself, and Yunho will never take that for granted.
“Of course I will,” Yunho breathes out after Joongie peeks from behind Rami.
“...'Kay,” Joongie says, and he hurries behind Seonghwa’s back.
Yunho laughs, taking that as his cue to leave. When he closes the door behind him, it’s no longer silent in the room like it usually is. Instead, Joongie squeals, and Yunho hears him hopping around the floor, chanting “He said yes, he said yes!” Seonghwa affirms that, yes, Yunho did agree just like he knew he would, and Yunho forces himself to walk away, hiding a grin between his fingers.
That’s his boyfriend. His Joongie. Bright and happy, just as he always should be. And Yunho vows to make sure things stay that way no matter what.