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The morning sun cast long shadows across Camp Half-Blood's dining pavilion as demigods filed in for breakfast, their voices creating a comfortable buzz of conversation. The scent of ambrosia and fresh bread filled the air, fatty bacon and sweet maple syrup mixing with the salty breeze from Long Island Sound.
It had been just a couple weeks since the Second Giant War had ended and the two camps had formed their alliance. The two camps were still coexisting at Camp Half-Blood, finishing up the repairs and burial ceremonies before returning to their original camps.
Several changes had been made to accommodate visiting demigods and to improve the camp overall.
The most notable was the expansion of the dining pavilion and cabins. The tables were longer to fit more campers and the cabins had more bunk beds to fit the increase in its residents. There was now a table right in the centre, labeled as the ‘Big Three’ table where the four children of the three eldest gods sat together, to make more room for the other tables
This morning, two of those four children were occupied by what appeared to be the most intense breakfast argument in Camp Half-Blood history.
"I'm telling you, Nico, I'm older!" Hazel's voice cut through the morning chatter like a blade, her hands planted firmly on her hips as she glared up at her half-brother.
Nico di Angelo, all of maybe five-foot-four in his combat boots, crossed his arms and glared right back down at her. The effect might have been more intimidating if Hazel wasn't barely an inch shorter than him, her curly hair bouncing with indignation.
"That's mathematically impossible, Hazel. I was born in the 1930s—"
"And I was born in 1928!" Hazel shot back, her golden eyes flashing. "December 17th, 1928, to be exact. Which makes me older than you, little brother ."
The dining pavilion had begun to quiet as more campers noticed the argument brewing between the two children of Hades. They all watched silently, desperate for any gossip and drama to happen. Percy, sitting next to Hazel nearly choked on his orange juice trying to stop his snickering at the twos argument, while Jason sitting opposite him paused mid-bite of his toast trying to compose himself to stop himself from laughing as well.
"But you died when you were thirteen!" Nico protested, his voice cracking slightly—a fact that only made him look more like the young teenager he was. "And I brought you back, so technically—"
"Technically nothing!" Hazel interrupted, throwing her hands up in exasperation. "I lived for thirteen years, then spent seventy years in the Underworld—which counts by the way —and now I've been back for over a year. I'm fourteen, practically fifteen. You're barely fourteen!"
"I don't even know how old I am!" Nico's voice rose to match hers, his pale cheeks flushing with frustration. "The Lotus Hotel messed everything up! Time moved differently there, and I was aging slowly, and—"
"Exactly!" Hazel pointed at him triumphantly. "Which means you're probably younger than you think you are!"
Finally unable to hold it in Percy let out a loud snort of laughter, accidentally shooting orange juice out of his nose. "Guys, you're both ancient and babies at the same time. Does it really matter?"
Jason nodded in agreement, grinning and also looking mildly disgusted as he handed Percy more tissues. "Percy's right. You're both old-fashioned and young. It's like watching two vintage dolls argue about who's more vintage."
"We are not dolls!" both di Angelo siblings shouted in unison, whirling to face their friends with identical scowls that would have been terrifying if they didn't look like angry kittens.
The comparison only made the situation funnier. Here were two of the most powerful demigods at either camp—Hazel could manipulate precious metals and the Mist itself, while Nico could raise armies of skeletons and shadow-travel across continents—yet they looked like they should be arguing over who got the last cookie rather than debating the complexities of supernatural aging.
"I mean," Leo Valdez called out from the Hephaestus table, barely containing his laughter, "you guys are both so short that you probably need step stools to reach the top shelf. Age is just a number, right?"
"Leo!" Piper McLean swatted his arm, but she was fighting back giggles too.
Annabeth, ever the voice of reason, cleared her throat. "Maybe we should approach this logically. Hazel, you were born first chronologically, but Nico has been conscious and aging—even if slowly—for longer. It's actually a fascinating temporal paradox—"
"Don't encourage them," Grover muttered, though his eyes were twinkling with amusement as he watched the siblings' argument escalate.
"The point is," Nico continued, ignoring their audience entirely, "I've been alive longer. The Lotus Hotel might have slowed things down, but I was still experiencing time. You were... well, you were dead."
Hazel's jaw dropped. "Are you seriously going to hold my death against me? I died saving the world from my mother's crazy scheme! I sacrificed myself!"
"That's not what I—" Nico started, then groaned and ran his hands through his dark hair. "Gods, why is this so complicated?"
"Because you're both from completely different time periods trying to figure out how you fit into this one," Will Solace said gently, approaching from the Apollo table. His presence seemed to calm Nico slightly, though the son of Hades still looked frustrated.
"Will's right," Hazel said, though she didn't sound entirely convinced. "We're both... displaced. I keep trying to use expressions from the 1940s, and you still don't understand half the things people say."
"What does 'salty' even mean when it's not about actual salt?" Nico muttered, proving her point. "And why does everyone keep telling me to 'spill the tea'? I don't drink tea, and why would I want to spill my drink anyway?"
"See?" Hazel gestured at him. "We're both hopeless with modern slang. Frank tried to explain 'ghosting' to me last week, and I spent ten minutes thinking he was talking about actual ghosts."
"Wait," Percy said, sitting up straighter. "You guys don't know modern slang? This is perfect. Jason, we need to educate them."
"Oh no," Nico said immediately, recognizing the mischievous look in Percy's eyes. "Whatever you're thinking, the answer is no."
"Come on, it'll be fun!" Jason grinned. "We can show you Disney movies, cartoons, all the stuff you missed—"
"Actually," Leo interrupted, pulling out what looked like a modified phone from his tool belt, "I've been working on some monster-proof devices. Celestial bronze wiring, blessed by my dad, the whole nine yards. Still testing them though."
"I asked someone what 'Netflix and chill' meant last week," Hazel admitted, her cheeks turning pink. "Frank's face went so red I thought he was having an allergic reaction."
"Oh gods," Annabeth said, covering her face with her hands. "Please tell me you didn't ask that in front of other people."
"Just Frank and some of the other Roman campers," Hazel said innocently. "Why? What does it mean?"
The silence that followed was deafening. Then Leo burst out laughing so hard he fell off his bench.
"Okay," Will said diplomatically, "maybe we should start with easier slang. Like... 'cool' meaning good, not cold."
"That one I actually figured out," Nico said proudly. "Only took me three months."
"Three months?" Percy asked incredulously.
"I thought people were talking about temperature!" Nico defended himself. "Someone said the new swords were 'cool' and I was very confused about why temperature was relevant to weapon quality."
"This is the best entertainment I've had all week," Leo wheezed, still on the ground. "Please tell me you have more stories like this."
"Well," Hazel said thoughtfully, "there was the time I heard someone mention someone sent them an IM and I spent twenty minutes looking around for Iris messages..."
"Wait, what?" Piper looked confused. "IM like instant messages?"
"No, like Iris messages," Hazel said, equally confused. "You know, with the rainbow goddess? I thought when people said 'IM' they meant those, but apparently it's some kind of... computer thing?"
"Oh gods," Annabeth groaned, rubbing her temples. "This is going to be more complicated than I thought."
"What are instant messages?" Nico asked, looking genuinely curious. "And how are they different from Iris messages? Do they involve other gods?"
"No gods involved," Jason explained patiently. "It's just... sending someone a message through a computer or phone. Like writing a note, but digitally.”
"But why would you call them instant if they're not magic?" Hazel asked, still puzzled. "Iris messages are actually instant. These computer things should be must slower."
"Because—" Percy started, then stopped and looked helplessly at Annabeth. "You explain it."
"We should definitely make a list," Annabeth said, already pulling out a notebook. "Modern technology and slang for time-displaced demigods”
"Oh, and there's also DMs," Piper added helpfully. "Direct Messages. They're similar to IMs but—"
"Ohh," Hazel said, her face lighting up with understanding. "That makes sense! I remember hearing something about 'sliding into DMs' and I spent forever looking for a sliding door."
"Wait," Nico said, looking confused again. "How do you slide into messages? Are they physical things you can slide into?"
"No, it's just another expression," Jason explained patiently. "It means sending someone a private message, usually to flirt with them."
"But why sliding?" Hazel asked, still puzzled. "Can't you just... send the message normally?"
"It's about being smooth," Leo said with a grin. "You know, sliding in smoothly to start a conversation."
Both siblings stared at him blankly.
"We really do need that list," Annabeth muttered, scribbling furiously in her notebook.
"Can we include explanations for why people keep asking me to 'drop it like it's hot'?" Nico asked hopefully. "I've been very confused about what 'it' is and why are we dropping it"
"Oh, sweet summer child," Percy said, patting Nico's shoulder. "We have so much to teach you."
"I still don't understand why people need to take pictures of their food," Hazel said, looking genuinely confused. "In my day, we just... ate it."
"'In my day,'" Leo repeated, cackling. "You guys are like an old married couple. An old married couple who's also somehow fourteen."
"We are not—" both siblings started, then stopped and glared at each other again.
"I'm still older," Hazel said stubbornly.
"Are not," Nico shot back with equal stubbornness.
"Am too."
"Are not."
"Okay, that's it!" Percy stood up, clapping his hands together. "New rule: you're both exactly the same age. You're both fourteen, you're both ancient, you're both babies, and you're both too short to reach the good cereal on the top shelf."
"Hey!" Nico protested. "I can reach—"
"With shadow travel, maybe," Jason teased.
Hazel tried to look dignified despite her height. "I'll have you know that I can use my powers to manipulate the metal in the shelf and—"
"Which just proves you're both too short to reach it normally," Piper pointed out, grinning.
"I'm still older than you!" Hazel declared, crossing her arms stubbornly.
"Are not!" Nico shot back, his frustration returning full force. "We've been through this—"
"And we're going to keep going through it until you admit I'm right!" Hazel interrupted. "I was born first, which makes me the older sibling, end of story!"
"That's not how it works!" Nico protested, his voice rising again. "You were dead for seventy years! I was alive—well, mostly alive—the whole time!"
"Here we go again," Leo muttered, but he was grinning as he settled in to watch the show.
"Being dead doesn't make me younger!" Hazel shot back, her golden eyes flashing with indignation. "If anything, it makes me older! I've seen things, experienced things—"
"You were in the Underworld! That's Dad's domain! That's like saying you were grounded for seventy years, not that you were older!"
"Grounded?" Hazel's voice hit a pitch that made several campers wince. "I was in the Fields of Asphodel! Do you know what that's like?"
"Actually, yes, I do!" Nico snapped back. "I've been there! Multiple times! And it's not aging, it's just... existing!"
The siblings glared at each other across the obsidian table, both breathing hard from their argument. The dining pavilion had gone completely silent now, everyone watching the standoff between the two most powerful—and currently most stubborn—demigods in camp.
"That's it!" Nico suddenly exclaimed, his eyes lighting up with determination. "I'm settling this once and for all."
"Finally!" Hazel said, throwing her hands up in exasperation. "What's your brilliant plan?"
"I'm calling Dad," Nico announced, his voice carrying that eerie resonance it got when he was channeling his powers.
Instead of looking scared, Hazel's eyes lit up with excitement. "Oh, that's perfect! He'll tell you I'm right. He said he could recognize me after the war, remember? He knows exactly how old I am!"
"Nico," Will said carefully, "what are you doing?"
"I'm summoning our father," Nico said, standing up from his chair. The temperature in the dining pavilion immediately dropped several degrees, and shadows began pooling around his feet like spilled ink. "He'll settle this once and for all."
Before anyone could stop him, Nico summoned his sword and stabbed it into the ground. The shadows around his feet began to writhe and expand, creeping across the floor like living things. The other campers quickly stepped back, forming a wide circle around the Big Three table.
"Father," Nico called out, his voice echoing strangely in the suddenly frigid air. "Lord Hades, we have a family dispute that requires your wisdom."
For a moment, nothing happened. Then the shadows began to coalesce, rising up from the floor like smoke given form. The dining pavilion filled with the scent of pomegranates and the distant sound of wailing—definitely not your typical breakfast ambiance.
"This is either going to be really cool or really, really bad," Leo whispered.
The shadows took shape, and suddenly Hades himself was standing behind the Big Three table, looking down at his children with an expression of mild irritation. He looked exactly as imposing as always—tall, pale, dressed in his characteristic black robes—but there was something distinctly harried about his appearance.
"Well," Hades said dryly, "I was in the middle of a very important meeting with Persephone about the spring planting schedule. This had better be—"
He stopped mid-sentence as Nico's expression shifted to something almost innocent, his dark eyes going wide and pleading. The puppy dog eyes were devastatingly effective, complete with a slight trembling of his lower lip. A couple people watching let out an “awwww” seeing his big brown eyes stare up at his father.
"Please, Papa?" Nico said in a voice that was somehow both small and hopeful. "We really need to know."
The transformation in Hades was immediate and almost comical. His stern expression melted like ice in summer, and he let out a long-suffering sigh that sounded suspiciously fond.
"Oh," he said, his voice considerably softer, "well... I suppose I can spare a few minutes."
Several more campers "aww"ed even more audibly despite themselves, and even Hazel had to bite back a smile at her brother's shameless manipulation tactics.
"Did he just—" Percy started.
"He's playing the cute card," Hazel whispered, sounding impressed despite herself. "He told me last time hes perfected it. Dad falls for it every time.”
"We have a family dispute that requires your wisdom papa."" Nico said, maintaining his innocent expression while addressing his father.
Hades looked around the dining pavilion, taking in the crowd of fascinated demigods, the abandoned breakfast plates, and the general chaos his children had created. Then he sighed again—a sound like wind through a graveyard.
"Very well," he said with the long-suffering patience of a parent who had been thoroughly manipulated by puppy dog eyes. "I believe there's a question about birth order?"
"Yes!" both siblings said in unison.
“How did you know?!” Hazel asked, surprised staring at her father with similar wide eyes to Nico.
"I know lots of things about you children. Your voices are quite loud in the underworld" he said with the long-suffering patience of a parent who had dealt with such disputes for millennia.
"Hazel, you were born December 17th, 1928 and Nico, you were born January 28th, 1932. Therefore, Hazel is indeed the older sibling by approximately four years."
"Ha!" Hazel exclaimed, jumping up from her chair and pointing triumphantly at her brother. "I told you! I'm older!"
"But Papa—" Nico started, his puppy dog eyes still in full effect.
"However," Hades continued, raising his hand for silence, "I will note that the matter of 'age' is considerably more complex given your unique circumstances. Hazel, you died at thirteen and spent seventy years in the Underworld. Nico, you lived in the Lotus Hotel where time moved differently. You have both experienced time in ways that defy conventional understanding."
"So who's older?" Nico asked, though he was clearly hoping for a different answer.
Hades looked at them both with something that might have been fondness, if you knew how to read the expression on the Lord of the Underworld's face.
"In terms of birth order, Hazel is older. Chronologically speaking, she is your elder sibling. This is not a matter of life experience or time consciously lived—it is simply a fact of when you were born."
"Thank you!" Hazel said, beaming at her father. "See Nico I told you. You're the best Dad!"
"You're welcome, daughter," Hades said, and there was definite warmth in his voice. "I am proud of you both, but perhaps next time you could resolve your disputes without summoning me during my morning appointments with Persephone."
"Sorry, Papa," Nico said, flashing the big brown eyes and a cute little smile that melted everyone's heart. "But you have to admit, it was important."
"Hmm," Hades said, but he was almost smiling. "Indeed. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have actual godly business to attend to."
The shadows began to swirl around him again, but before he could disappear completely, Hazel called out, "Love you, Dad!"
"Love you too, Papa!" Nico added quickly.
Hades paused in his departure, his expression softening completely. "And I love you both. Try not to destroy the dining pavilion."
With that, he dissolved back into shadows, leaving behind only the lingering scent of pomegranates and two very satisfied children.
"Well," Leo said eventually, "that was definitely not how I expected breakfast to go."
"I'm older!" Hazel announced to the entire dining pavilion, doing a little victory dance around the obsidian table.
Nico watched her celebrate for a moment, then crossed his arms with a stubborn expression. "Did you not hear Papa say that it doesn't account for life experience? I still have more of that."
"Oh, come on!" Hazel said, spinning around to face him. "You're really going to keep arguing even after Dad settled it?"
"I'm not arguing," Nico said defensively. "I'm just pointing out that there are multiple ways to measure age, and—and I'm still taller," he added with a grin.
"Barely!"
"Still counts!"
The dining pavilion erupted in laughter, and even Mr. D was smiling slightly as he returned to his monthly wine magazine. The di Angelo siblings might not have figured out modern slang or technology, but they'd definitely mastered the art of being typical teenagers—even if their family disputes required divine intervention to resolve.
Epilogue
"Hey," Hazel said quietly to Nico later that night in the Hades cabin. "I just remembered something else I wanted to ask them to explain. What does 'stan' mean? I heard someone say they 'stan' you and Will together and I'm very confused."
“Oh I heard something similar. They said something about shipping me and Will somewhere.” Nico said, blushing slightly, as he thought of him and the blonde going somewhere together.
“Hmmm maybe... maybe we should ask Annabeth about this, I’m not sure I trust Percy or Leo to explain stuff to us”.
"Good call," Nico nodded sagely. "She's less likely to laugh at us. Or try to teach us something bad."