Chapter Text
There were three words I wanted Jinu to say to me. The same three words he might’ve said if we weren’t hunter and hunted, if we weren’t demon and demon slayer, if we weren't strangers and enemies.
I might have said those words too if I had been given more time with him. If we had been given more time with one another. Maybe a part of me understood why my mom had fallen for a demon because I —
Time.
Our worst enemy.
Some days I wished I had more time with him. Somedays I wish I had spent more time with him. However many I had been given, was too less. If we had been given time…if I had the chance to explore whatever it was between us, maybe those three words would’ve flowed out of my mouth.
What were the three words you might ask?
The same three words that any girl would want to hear from a boy who was starting to mean something to her. The same three words any girl would want to hear from the man who helped her realize their true potential, made them accept themselves— the good, the bad and the worst.
Were we lovers?
Worse.
We never got to be.
We were barely even friends.
And I was fine with that.
Right?
I became a hero. He was the monster.
I was a hunter. He was hunted.
I was the Slayer. He was the Demon.
It was my job, my duty, my purpose…without it, what was I? Without my voice, without being a hunter…what was I?
Pop Star? K-Pop Idol? World famous singer?
Huntress?
Friend? Daughter? Sister?
Demon Slayer?
Half Demon?
What even was I?
Maybe…just maybe, I wanted to be his.
Was it so bad to want that?
I knew wanting him was a mistake, but it was a mistake I wanted to make. I wanted to help him, to fix him. But deep down, I wanted more. I wanted more from him. Even if he was a demon, I wanted him. I had no shame in admitting that. I was a half demon girl too.
We are hunters, voices strong. Slaying demons with our song…Fix the world and make it right…when darkness finally meets the light.
Now that the Honmoon was sealed and made anew, now that Gwi Ma was permanently shut off from our world, I had no reason to think about those demons. Or that stupid demon boy band. We were back to our reality, focusing on being idols and stars and singers, focusing on making a new album and hoping for another world tour.
And yet…I found myself thinking about him often.
Jinu.
Sure, he had an annoyingly pretty face. His stupid annoying pretty brown eyes that were like pools of honey made me want to look only in them. His soft raven black hair that looked so fluffy and pettable. Those annoying silver earrings, his stupid smirk, his cute fangs and claws—
Ugh!
Fine— I admit he was hot and handsome and tall. Only a fool would deny that. But he was more than just handsome. He was kind, sometimes funny, a complete loser…but I kind of liked that. He was a damn good fighter. And an even better singer. He loved his pet tiger and even the weird bird. He loved his Saja Boys— however he could. Loved his family— his mom and his sister— even if he had wronged them.
It wasn't right, what he did— but everyone made mistakes. But did those mistakes define us? Did he deserve to suffer for centuries for a mistake he had made? Did he deserve that suffering and pain? Didn't we all make mistakes? Didn't everyone deserve a second chance? A way to make amends? To do better? To be better?
I knew he was wrong. I knew he was a demon. Knew he was a villain.
But he was never a villain to me.
Even our fights had been a child’s play. Jinu had been holding back the whole time— he was evading me, playing defense, never once attacking me while I was ready for the kill shot. He was playing with me. Teasing me. Poking me.
He was tearing down the walls I had built around me, the walls that Celine had told me to build. I had lived my whole life in shame, hiding this part of me— my patterns. My whole purpose was to get rid of those patterns, to defeat all those demons, to seal the Honmoon. I lived my whole life believing I was a mistake.
Our faults and fears must never be seen.
But Celine was wrong!
And Jinu— he’d come to her that night— with his stupid pretty face and broke down all those walls. He broke down all those barriers, all those prejudices. He made me question my beliefs, my morals, my purpose— and in doing so…gave my voice back. He healed my voice. He fixed whatever was broken inside me.
Everything that Celine told me to hide, Jinu told me to accept. Told me it was okay to be a demon and still have a soul. He helped me realize my mistakes, that my faults were something to not be hidden but accepted.
For what it’s worth, I don't think you're a mistake, Jinu had said.
And I believed him.
I still remember that night above all others. A small reprieve I felt from everything going around me. The night I was just Rumi— not singer, not idol, not huntress— just Rumi . I remembered hanging out with him, and his pets. I remember admitting my shame, admitting all my fears to him. I remember him listening so ardently, as if nothing else in this world mattered. I remember feeling that tug inside my heart, a tug that connected the two of us. I remember singing with him, showing him that my voice was healed, that I was ready to accept all of me. With him, I could finally breathe. It felt right to let him in, to tell him anything— all those secrets that kept me in chains.
How could something so wrong feel so right?
And then those conversations…everything he had said about demons feeling so much pain and misery and shame. I knew Jinu felt nothing but shame and pain, I knew he wanted Gwi Ma’s voice to stop torturing him. I knew he wanted all that pain to just stop— and that's the night I wanted to save and free the demons rather than just killing them. I wanted to free him. I wanted to save him above all. Him.
Did that make me just as bad as them?
Maybe. But I was done pretending.
I’d come a long way from what I was before. I accepted myself— all of me. The human. And the demon. And I was proud of who I was. And I was done pretending. So yes— I wanted to give him his soul back. I wanted to save all those who could be saved. And above all…I wanted to save him. I wanted… him .
If it wasn’t for Jinu…I would’ve never defeated Gwi Ma. He’d given me his soul, forged in my sword and I finally took him down with Mira and Zoey and we reforged the Honmoon in a whole new way that was hitherto undreamt of. It was good, it was great! We defeated our greatest enemy of centuries! We pushed all the demons back! I should’ve been celebrating. Except… I hated that I wasn't able to save him. Free him. Keep him.
I’m nothing like you, I told him.
A lie.
And I was still living in that denial.
Would it have killed him to just kiss me? Just once?
Well...fuck.
Now I feel like shit for saying that.
In my defense, I'm not sitting here waiting for him, moping about that lost cause, or grieving over him like a lovesick idiot. I moved on with my life and with my girls. Huntrix was stronger than before, we were stronger than ever!
I wasn’t dying to hear those three words. Especially not from Jinu! I hated him!
Didn’t I?
He was my natural enemy!
Wasn’t he?
It was my job to kill his kind.
He was the worst!
But he wasn’t.
Not really. Not to me.
He was good to me.
He saw every part of me and didn’t once look away.
He didn't look at me like I was someone to cage or kill. He didn't look afraid of me like Mira and Zoey did when they first found out. He looked at me in awe, in reverence— as if I was special.
Damn him.
It would've been nice to know he also felt something. Just like I did. It would’ve been nice to know that someone accepted me— all of me. It would've been nice to know that it wasn't just all in my head, that he too felt that strange connection between us.
I knew I didn’t know him that well. We barely spoke to each other. I wasn’t one of those girls who was going to fall heads over heels for that stupidly handsome boy band leader with perfect hair, alabaster skin, perfect muscles— wait what — fuck me — I was no better than Zoey fawning over Mystery. Or Mira looking at Abby and Romance. Or all those people fangirling over the Saja Boys over the internet and rewatching edits of them on repeat. I was no better than them and I had no shame in it. Fuck— I was so pathetic..
Why? Why?
I barely knew that stupid Saja boy band leader. Barely even spoke to him. And yet …in that short time I felt like I knew him. Better than anyone else. I felt like there was a spark that could’ve been ignited into something. A spark that could’ve been a burning flame.
And then he had the audacity to die!
And leave his weird pets to me!
Well, it wasn't their fault. And they were adorable…if not weird. Mira and Zoey and I adopted them, took care of them. At least, I had something left of him. The tiger was like an overgrown cat that was actually so sweet, and the bird— we all agreed we wouldn’t speak much about the bird.
And yet— everytime I looked at the bird and tiger, I was looking for something else— someone else.
I don't know why I half expected him to pop out of nowhere and annoy and bother me like he did. Every time I saw them, I kept looking at corners, hoping I’d see a glimpse of him. I hoped that somehow— just somehow he would come back. That thing in my heart, that tug…it kept pulling at me, as if calling me somewhere and I hated that I didn't know what it was.
Why was I mourning over a boy I barely knew?
Stupid. Stupid girl.
And yet I couldn’t bring myself to stop thinking about him.
Defeating Gwi Ma and sealing the Honmoon felt like an accomplishment for Huntrix, for generations of hunters who had been fighting for one purpose. But now that it was over…what was our purpose? What was my purpose? What was I to do now?
I thought all would be well after the Honmoon was sealed.
Everything was well.
Except it wasn’t.
I know I promised myself that I would never bottle my feelings again, that I would never hide my true self from my girls…but telling Mira and Zoey...They didn’t know what had happened between Jinu and me— not all of it. And telling them now would be— well what was the point anyway?
So I pretended to be fine.
I was fine.
I ignored that tug in my heart.
I was fine.
And my girls were there. That’s what mattered. We weren’t just a K-pop band. Or friends. We were family. We were closer than ever. Things were good. We three were tight as ever, we adopted the two demon pets and Bobby was…well, Bobby— but we relied on him a lot.
We took our three month hiatus, enjoyed the bathhouse, enjoyed couch time— until we were back to making new songs and new albums and keeping our fans happy.
Mira and Zoey went back to their normal routine, but I could’ve sworn there were times when they too looked at the tiger and the bird and remembered the Saja Boys. Instead of the hatred we were bred with, I saw something else. But maybe that was just my imagination. I really just needed to focus on our new album.
Things were fine.
We were fine.
I was fine.
Almost fine.
Somedays I felt him around me. Felt his presence. Somedays I felt him in my heart, in my soul. That tug— somedays, it felt like him. I ignored it and went on my days. But I couldn't stop looking around as if I was looking for something — someone . I wondered if I was looking for him. And I wondered if somewhere out there he was looking for me. He couldn't be dead. I refused to believe that! He couldn't just—
God, was I just a stupid girl pining over a boy who was dead?! Over someone I had killed— no— someone who had given up their soul for me— so that I could defeat Gwi Ma.
Ugh .
It was okay.
Except some days it wasn’t.
Like today.
I look outside my balcony, the city looming below and the moon shining brightly above me. I stare at the new Honmoon that we have made and sealed, the pretty colors flowing all around the city and through the world. Something nudges my side and I look down and see Tiger watching me, it’s golden eyes bright. I give him a small smile and scratch its ears, earning a soft purr and a waggle of its tail. Bird was perched on my balcony railing, staring at me with its three eyes.
I close my eyes and sigh, I really need to get a grip on myself and pull my shit together. I can't crumble. I need to move on— and maybe start by giving Tiger and Bird proper names. It would take time, but I would be fine. I knew I was strong enough for that. I’d survive worse things. I only hoped I could survive him.
Tiger brushes his body on my leg and then makes his way inside, probably to plop down on the fluffy couch and fall asleep. Maybe I should do that too. And tomorrow…I could start all over again.
Before going inside, I lift my hands in front of me and summon my sword, the sword that Jinu had forged for me— the same sword that defeated Gwi Ma. I see the blue light glowing bright, the patterns on the sword that remind me of him. And I feel it once more…that tug, that pull to the unknown. I’ve felt it for months but ignored it, brushing it off as a nuisance.
But for the first time— I pull on the tug.
I let it carry me. I call out to it, I seek it, I pull it back, bringing it closer to me.
I clench my jaw, grind on my feet—I clench my fists around the sword and call to it, forcing my powers into the sword. I channel and channel, pull and push at the tug I kept feeling for all these months. I open my heart and my soul and mind to it and I pull at the tug, bringing it back to me, closer to me. I don't know why I do it, only that I wanted to do it, because the truth was…I missed him. I really fucking missed him. And that tug…it felt so much like him.
I'm sorry for everything, Jinu had said.
I wanted to set you free, I had told him.
You did.You gave me my soul back. And now I give it to you.
I pull on it with everything in my power. I remember Jinu, the sacrifice he made, the small smile on his face, the tears in his eyes when we said our goodbyes. I pull and pull with all my strength, staring at the bright blue light of my sword.
A blast of power reverberates out in the city and I stop.
I look out in the city and make sure everything is well— that I haven't accidentally fractured the Honmoon again. When I’ve determined it was just my demon powers acting up, I let go. I let go of my power, I let go of the tug— only to realize a moment later that it wasn't there in my heart anymore. I let go of everything— everything — and the tears bubble up in my eyes.
The sword disappears and I place my hands on the railing of the balcony to steady myself. I cry and cry my heart out because I won't do this again. I cannot keep doing this! Thinking about the past would do nothing. It would help no one. When my mental breakdown passes over, I wipe the tears off my eyes and give myself a false nod of assurance that all will be better. Maybe I should just go to bed like Tiger did, maybe I can cuddle with him instead.
So, I turn around and seek my bed. But when I do, there is someone in my room.
I’m not alone.
My sword comes back as an instant but when our eyes meet, my heart stops. Stops— then starts again. Because standing in front of me…is Jinu. In the flesh. Just as I remembered him.
The sword disappears and my legs take me to him. I stop a good distance away from him, my eyes wide in horror and shock as I see the man standing in front of me.
“Jinu?” I whisper.
He’s just as I remembered him, just as beautiful as the day I lost him. He keeps staring at me, as if trying to look for something. Trying to figure something out.
“Are you…are you real? How— is this a dream?” I whisper, afraid to know the truth.
Jinu frowns at me and then looks at his hands, the claws retract and form into human-like hands. He looks back up at me and then around in my room— as if he’s trying to figure out where he is. His eyes stop at Tiger who is sleeping and recognition flashes in his eyes. Not for me— for the tiger.
“Jinu…how is this possible?” I whisper again.
Was that blast of power him? Had it been him? Had that tug also been him?
“I don’t… know,” he finally says his first words.
I take a step towards him, still keeping my distance. I reach out to touch his face, half afraid to find out that he would disappear if I touched him. But he doesn't. He remains. He’s here. In the flesh. He’s solid and warm and real— Jinu. He’s alive!
I stare at him in horror, “you’re real. You’re here.”
Jinu looks down at me, his brows furrowed in confusion. “Did you save me?” he asks.
I don't stop the tears that fall down my eyes. Jinu was here. Jinu was alive. Jinu was real. How? How was that even possible? I saw him die! I saw him disappear!
“Did you— did you save me?” he asks again.
I manage to give him a small nod, the tears still flowing down my eyes.
I saved him.
I saved him.
I saved him.
Jinu watches me as if he knows me and yet as if I’m a stranger. There is confusion on his face, he looks lost, as if he doesn't know where he is. He looks like there is a puzzle to solve, something to find. But I’ll help him, just as he helped me. I’ll save him again, just as he saved him.
He was here. He was free. He was alive.
That's all that mattered.
It was all going to be okay!
It would be okay!
I take a tentative step towards him, careful not to scare him off when he takes a step back and flinches— visibly flinches. There is a frown on his face as if he is trying to figure out something. The confusion on his face isn't from his strange surroundings…but from looking at me.
“Jinu? What’s wrong?” I ask, my heart sinks.
He stares at me with an odd expression, his brown eyes narrowed. Jinu finally talks again. And when he does, the ground beneath my feet is moved.
“Who are you?”
And those were the three words I never thought I would hear from Jinu.