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Everyone Loves a Smug Bastard

Summary:

Daniel and Jack find themselves off-world and in a situation where they need to have an "endurance" competition in order to get the information they want. Porn ensues.

OR

The one in which Daniel and Jack are absolute assholes to each other in an attempt to make the other come quicker.

Notes:

I read this fic and I could not get this visual out of my head. So I wrote this in an attempt to prevent my brain from melting out of my ears.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Daniel closed his eyes and took a deep breath in, sliding his hand under his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose. A throbbing started in his temple and he mentally ran through his morning trying, and failing, to shift the blame for the pain away from the situation in front of him and to his allergies. But no, he had definitely taken his antihistamine in the locker room as they prepared for this mission and he was trying his damnedest to not look in Jack's direction while he was shirtless for a frankly obscene amount of time.

He shook himself mentally, shedding the memory. It definitely wasn't going to help him right now. He took another deep breath and shifted his hand away from his face, dropping it to his side as he opened his eyes again. Chief Prispa was watching him expectantly and he could feel the heat of Jack's gaze boring into the back of his head. 

“I understand, Chief. When can we-” Daniel’s sentence was cut short by an exasperated noise behind him.

“Well, I don't. Care to explain what the good Chief here means when he says ‘only the men with the most stamina can proceed’, Daniel?” Jack's voice was tight, clipping his words as his frustration seeped out to be absorbed by the trees surrounding them.

Daniel gave an apologetic smile to Chief Prispa before spinning on his heel to level Jack with an irritated glare. “Jack-”

“Daniel.” The word seemed to fall from his lips without any thought whatsoever, a response so ingrained that he simply couldn't help himself. Daniel fought the urge to narrow his eyes further and instead raised his eyebrows minutely as he continued. 

“-what Chief Prispa means is that only one of us will be allowed to pass into the chambers that once housed the Goa’uld. It's a time honoured tradition that only the men who show the most stamina are deemed worthy.” Daniel tried not to stumble over the words. The idea of spelling this out to Jack was making the back of his neck feel uncomfortably warm. “We will have to compete to see who is considered to be worthy.”

The confident smirk that slipped into place on Jack's handsome face did nothing to help the flush that was slowly creeping up Daniel's body. “Okay, well what exactly am I looking for in there? Are there any particular runes we're after?”

Indignation flashed sharp through Daniel. “Well aren't you humble today. What makes you think you'll win?”

“Come on, Daniel. In a test of endurance?” Jack gave him the look. The look that said that Daniel was being intentionally absurd. The look that always made him feel some mix of irritated and fond that he refused to acknowledge. “Even if you somehow managed to win, we don't know what's behind those doors. It's safer for me to win.”

Daniel heard the subtext loud and clear: I need to be the one to go and you know that. I'm going to win anyway, but if you want to pretend you're letting me win then you can do that if it helps you feel any better. His irritation and indignation rapidly gave way to genuine anger, and he glowered at Jack. The smug bastard didn't even know what the test was, but Daniel did, and there was no way in hell that he was going to let Jack win. Or even pretend he let him win. “That's not going to happen, Jack. You just asked me what we were even looking for, and you think you're the best option to investigate the chamber? I’m not letting you win.”

Jack’s eyes narrowed a fraction as he stared at Daniel, clearly assessing the situation. But Daniel wasn't giving an inch. There was no way he was backing down. Slowly, resignation set into Jack's features and he shook his head by the minutest degree. “Then may the best man win.”

Daniel felt the corner of his mouth pull into a smirk. “Would you like to know how we are to prove our stamina?” The idea of explaining to Jack exactly what the test was, which seemed repulsive only moments ago, now filled him with a malicious joy. 

“Sure. What's the competition, Daniel?” Jack wasn't watching him anymore, looking down to his belt to rearrange some things in preparation for whatever may come.

“The competition they use to test for endurance and stamina is more about wills than physical strength.” Daniel watched Jack intently, noticed him nodding sideways in a ‘get on with it’ gesture as he shifted his attention to his boots, checking they were laced tightly, and Daniel’s smirk widened into a full grin. He schooled his features into a serious look before he continued, “We need to masturbate, and whoever lasts longer is the winner.”

Jack looked up so quickly Daniel felt whiplash just watching him. Their eyes locked as Jack's mouth fell open. Daniel tried to keep his face impassive, not letting his enjoyment of Jack's obvious discomfort show. “What?” The word came out as barely a grated whisper. Jack cleared his throat and tried again, “What?”

“In front of them?” Daniel half turned back to the Chief in question, who smiled and nodded in agreement. “And each other.”

“Daniel-” Jack glanced around the clearing, obviously searching for words.

“Jack.” Daniel couldn't keep the sass out of his voice as he threw the name back at him, mimicking the exchange they'd had countless times before. 

Jack visibly pulled himself together, drawing up his shoulders and pulling his feet together, standing at attention. Daniel wondered if Jack knew that he did that; disciplined his mind with the stance that demanded a very particular attitude. “Daniel, I'm not sure that that's appropriate -”

Daniel rolled his eyes. Of course it wasn't appropriate. “I'm aware of that, Jack, but we need this and it's how we get it. It's a natural and normal part of being.” He couldn't help the next words. They slid out of the side of his half-smile without even being acknowledged by his brain-mouth filter, “Unless there's something you feel you need to hide?”

Defiance flared bright in Jack's eyes and Daniel felt the familiar swell of triumph that accompanied every situation where he got the better of Jack. Then he remembered exactly what he'd just talked Jack into and ice hardened in the pit of his stomach. What an absurd thing to get himself into. Only in SGC would you end up in a session of competitive jerking off with a superior officer. He couldn't help but picture it: Jack with his pants around his ankles and jacket open, head thrown back, cheeks red from exertion and arousal, pulse visibly hammering in his neck next to his Adam's apple, hand wrapped around himself and stroking hard and fast…

The ice instantly melted as liquid heat poured into Daniel from the base of his spine. He was suddenly very glad that Sam and Teal’c weren't with them on this mission, having instead been sent with SG-6 on their latest mission, since they were unfortunately short a few members. He cleared his throat and licked his lips, trying to bring some moisture back to his suddenly dry mouth. He watched as Jack's gaze flicked to follow his tongue's path and cleared his throat a second time.

It felt like an eternity since either of them had spoken when Jack husked out, “Fine.” He turned his attention to the Chief. “When and where are we doing this?”

The Chief looked far too pleased as he spread his arms wide to encompass the clearing they were standing in. “This meeting place is sacred to us, and is where we perform the Konopta . You may do so as soon as you are both ready.” He sat down on the pile of fabric behind him and looked at them expectantly.

Jack took two quick steps toward Daniel until he was very suddenly very much in his personal space, “ Now? ” he hissed.

Daniel’s breath caught at Jack's unexpected proximity, gaze dropping unbidden to Jack's lips for a split second before he instead pulled his eyes to survey their surroundings. “Apparently,” he replied. Jack blanched and Daniel saw the weakness. He gripped it with two hands and ripped at it, pulling at Jack's insecurities and fear with all his might as he casually added, “Why? Hoping to get one out before we started? Surely you don't have to rely on a refractory period to save you, right?”

Jack took a step back, steely glare taking over his features as he processed Daniel's challenge. “I think you'll find experience may yet win out here, Daniel.”

Daniel nodded, “That's true. Experience with your own hand will almost certainly be an advantage.” He simply couldn't help himself when it came to Jack; if there was snark to be made, then there was no choice but to make it. He knew that riling Jack up could easily backfire on him here, but he seemingly had no control of his words right now.

Jack didn't react, instead choosing to move the process along. “Are there any rules?”

Daniel pressed two fingers hard into the rough fabric over Jack's shoulder, giving him a light push as he answered. “No touching the body of the other person, and no stopping once we've started. You need to pause to pull yourself back from the edge and you lose.”

Daniel watched, fascinated, as Jack's pupils dilated by the smallest fraction. A thrill of anticipation coursed through him. Was it what Daniel was saying that was having that effect on Jack? Or that it was Daniel saying it?

“That's it? No rules about… er… clothing?” How Jack was still managing to make this even more awkward was a mystery to Daniel. 

“What is that supposed to mean? What, do you have a fabric kink or something?”

Jack rolled his eyes. “No, Daniel, I mean do we have to be naked.”   

“No, no other rules.” Daniel raised his eyebrows in question, but Jack didn't bother to reply. 

“Alright then.” Jack looked back to Chief Prispa once more, who spread his arms open in a gesture that translated quite clearly to ‘be my guest’.

Jack blew a breath out hard and turned his back to Daniel, walking to the middle of the clearing, about 20 feet away. Daniel only hesitated for a split second before following. The distance from the Chief and other viewers was a good idea, he had to give Jack that. Jack smirked as he watched Daniel draw closer, eventually coming to stand next to him, about a foot between their shoulders as they stood on display for the Chief. They shed their packs, vests and weapons at their feet, and Jack flicked a nervous look in Daniel’s direction.

Daniel held Jack's eye for a long moment before realising that he absolutely could not do this while looking at Jack, and dropped his eyes to his own feet. ”Begin!” called Chief Prispa, and Daniel immediately started undoing his belt, trying really hard to block out the sound of Jack doing the same. He let his pants fall to his ankles, then hesitated for a moment. He processed options for a second before shucking his uniform jacket, leaving him clad in his black t-shirt. 

He was aware of Jack next to him, who had apparently not even removed his belt the whole way and had instead slipped a hand into the open front of his pants. Daniel shifted his attention to his own dick, hard enough just from the very idea of Jack getting off next to him to be tenting his boxers. He slowly dragged his fingers over the length, revelling in the friction of fabric pushed against his length. His breath hitched slightly in his throat, and he felt, rather than heard, Jack’s breath catch in return. He glanced over, both desperate to see what Jack was doing and terrified of the effect it would have on him. 

Jack's hand was disappearing into the open fly of his pants, completely hidden from view. There was absolutely no doubt from the way that his arm was moving, however, that he was slowly stroking himself. Daniel watched, mesmerised, as muscles flexed and pulled under skin, and couldn't help but squeeze lightly around his head at the sight. 

“Like what you see?” Jack's voice was rough with arousal, an octave lower than usual, and it sparked desire deep in Daniel's gut, making his dick twitch in his grasp. 

“What I see is your uniform. Are you just pretending to touch yourself? You're better than that, Jack.” Daniel slipped the waistband of his own boxers down as he spoke, pulling out his hard length and letting his boxers sit firmly behind his balls. If he was going to make this point, he couldn't be a hypocrite. 

Daniel’s ears pricked, almost convinced that he heard Jack curse under his breath. Jack's cheeks flushed the most delicious shade of pink as he grunted and pushed at his pants, sliding them down just far enough to free his own hard cock. 

It was Daniel's turn to prevent himself cursing as he drank in the sight of Jack's dick grasped firmly in his hand. Jack was slightly longer than him, approximately the same girth, and Daniel could honestly say that he'd never found himself so desperately wanting in his life as he was now. 

Daniel twisted his hand over the head of his cock on the next upstroke, gathering pre-cum and using it to ease the way as he slid his hand back down. He pulled his eyes away from Jack with great difficulty, instead watching his own hand. It slowly occurred to him that he should be making a show of this. Jack was only human, after all. He didn't stifle his next half-moan, and gloated internally as Jack moved his right foot forward by just a fraction in response, turning ever so slightly toward Daniel. 

Daniel's entire world narrowed down to Jack and the slick pull of their hands. He was vaguely aware that they were in a field, that there were other people, but he simply couldn't bring himself to remember the details or why it mattered. All that mattered was Jack next to him, breathing rate slowly picking up as his hand moved faster. 

Jack's breath hitched and Daniel felt his attention being pulled once more to the scene of Jack's cock, now slick and red, disappearing repeatedly into Jack's fist. He couldn't hold back the curse this time. “ Fuck,” he murmured, forcing himself to go slower and breath deep, desperate not to lose so soon. Or lose at all, really. He realised that Jack was watching him, eyes boring into the side of Daniel's face as Daniel tried to pull himself back under control with his eyes locked onto Jack's dick. He could feel the assessment in them, and realised belatedly that he probably wasn't supposed to be getting off to Jack rubbing one out. 

Jack pulled haphazardly at his jacket, forcing it open with one hand and ripping Daniel's attention back to his chest. Jack had the body type that drove Daniel wild. He had everything that drove him wild, really, but that wasn't the point. The point right now was that his chest, rippling with power under the tight pull of his own black t-shirt, was rising and falling quickly under his dog tags. Daniel could feel his control slipping, and there was one tried and tested way to wrestle it back: mess with Jack. “Feeling a little warm, Jack?”

He sounded wrecked, even to himself, and he revelled in Jack closing his eyes against the sound. He looked so good; lips spit-slick, cheekbones flushed, eyes dark. 

“Yeah, I’m quite hot.” Jack breathed. His lips parted and he let out a shuddering breath before turning and meeting Daniel's eye. “Wouldn’t you say?”

Daniel felt the air punch out of him at the implication, all of his willpower pouring into not stopping the movement of his hand as he stared back at Jack, whose eyes sparked with mischief, glinted with knowledge. Daniel's heart skipped a beat or two before it galloped faster in his chest. Jack doesn't know, a voice inside him pleaded. He can't. But Jack’s lips pulled up in a smirk, and his bottom lip puckered slightly in as he bit at it and the world spun around Daniel as he realised that no, Jack absolutely did know. 

He shook his head to flick his hair back out of his eyes, trying to think of literally anything to say to that. Apparently his silence was enough of a response in itself, because Jack's smirk widened into a smug grin. Daniel felt the overwhelming urge to kiss it off his stupid face, the accompanying moan to that visual not being caught until after it had half-escaped his lips.

Jack used the hand not currently spreading precum over the head of his dick to reach up and pull the hat off his head, dropping it to the ground beside him. He started to move, taking one step, and then another, turning so he was in front of Daniel and facing him. 

The sight was almost overwhelming. Daniel’s breath hitched and hand sped up without any conscious instruction to do so. He smirked internally as he watched Jack respond in kind. “Ja-”

Daniel never got a chance to even finish his name, the query of what he was doing dying on his tongue as Jack made a show of licking his lips, then held eye contact as he fell gracefully to his knees directly in front of Daniel.

Daniel's brain short-circuited instantly. Jack was on his knees, face in inches from Daniel's hard, leaking cock, looking up at him through his lashes with a smug grin planted firmly in place and holy fuck if it wasn't the hottest thing Daniel had experienced in his entire life. It was also deeply unfair. He let out a noise that could only really be described as a whine, breath coming in short, rapid bursts as he clung desperately to his self-control. “Fuck, Jack. ” The threads of indignation and offense in his voice barely noticeable in the shroud of intense lust. “You fucking cheat!”

“Can it, Daniel.” Jack's voice sounded as strained as Daniel's, who took a vicious pleasure in this being just as hot for Jack as it was for him. “I'm not breaking any rules.” Jack's spare hand wrapped behind his own back and he dropped both his chin and his gaze. Heat pooled in Daniel's stomach as he took in the visual of Jack doing his best impression of demure and submissive, slowly looking back up at him. “The only way this would be cheating-” Jack's breath caught and he paused, panting, before pushing on “-would be if me kneeling for you made things… harder for you.”

Daniel could feel the coil in his gut twist tighter and he focused on reciting the latin alphabet backwards. He hated it. He hated Jack's stupid cocky grin, and the way he always talked back. He hated his holier than thou attitude and his willingness to sacrifice himself to keep his team safe. He hated his dog tags jingling against his chest and he hated that the asshole was so good at reading him. Yeah, snarked his internal monologue again. You hate it so fucking much that you're about to cream all over the smug bastard’s face.

Daniel moaned, long and low and deep, tilting his face toward the sky and closing his eyes, trying his best to ignore Jack at his feet. He didn't remember ever feeling quite like this. He breathed slowly and deeply, gradually wrestling back control. Having his eyes closed, he realized, was definitely not helping. He could feel Jack's breath, hot and wet, against his cock. He could hear the panted moans that were driving Daniel absolutely wild. He could hear the slick slap of skin on skin as Jack steadily held his pace. He sounded so wet and Daniel's mouth flooded with saliva. He wasn't going to win like this. He needed to fight back. 

He opened his eyes and looked back down at Jack, determined. He felt an almost overwhelming urge to touch: to wind his hand through Jack's hair and hold him in place. To rip him to his feet and kiss him hard. To wrap Jack’s hand around them both so he could pump them together and Daniel could finally feel. But he wasn't allowed to, so he did the next best thing: he reached down and carefully plucked his dog tags out from against Jack’s chest, twisting his hand to wrap them around his fingers and trap them in his closed fist. He pulled, hard, on the chain, and Jack's neck followed the direction, making him lift his chin again. 

Jack's breath hitched and his hand faltered for a second as his pupils dilated even further, almost entirely engulfing the warm brown. “It's fascinating to me,” Daniel started, fighting hard to reach a tone even close to his usual observant curiosity, “that you seem so affected by being on your knees for a mere civilian, Colonel. ” He pulled harder on the tags as he continued. “I guess these do say that you're sworn to serve, to obey-” Jack's movement's were becoming erratic, gaze locked onto Daniel with so much intensity that it was abundantly clear exactly what this was doing to him. 

Daniel pulled back slightly on the tags, making the chain dig lightly into the front of Jack's neck. Jack gasped, and Daniel moaned lightly, gripping his base slightly harder on the next downstroke, before he finally managed to finish his thought. “-and today you're going to obey me.”

“Fucking hell, Daniel.” Jack moaned, and Daniel internally swore as he felt the coil behind his navel snap and his eyes closed tightly. The pleasure that had been building for what felt like an eternity crested suddenly, tingling sharply from the base of his spine and flooding his entire body. 

Too late, he realised that he hadn’t warned Jack. He forced his eyes open again, desperate not to miss anything, and if he weren’t already coming he would’ve done so all over again at the sight; Jack was watching him, eyes intense as he sat obediently, mouth open and tongue slightly out. Daniel’s come had painted a line from his top lip down his chin, but otherwise Jack was dutifully catching it all as Daniel stroked himself through the most intense orgasm of his life. Daniel was so focussed on Jack’s face that it took him a second to realise that Jack was trembling, hand jerky in its movements, and Daniel felt like he was about to pass out as he came to the conclusion that Jack had also found his release. 

“Oh god, Jack,” Daniel felt like his entire body had been emptied of all strength, and he fell forward slightly, catching himself with his fist, still closed around Jack’s dog tags, on Jack’s shoulder as he squeezed out the last drop of come. Jack closed his mouth, licked his lips, and swallowed deeply. Warmth and want seeped from Daniel’s heart into every crevice of his being as he watched, transfixed, as Jack used his thumb to wipe the last remnants of Daniel’s come from his face and sucked lightly at his thumb to clean it. 

Jack shifted his weight, and Daniel held out his free hand to him, offering him help up. Their hands slipped together, as they had countless times before in innocent touches that pass between two people who live in each other’s pockets. This time, however, Daniel’s breath caught. The feeling of Jack’s skin against his, finally, finally after what they’d just done, was electric. Sensation zinged through him, sparks skittering across his skin emanating from that point of contact. Jack’s gaze locked onto their joined hands and Daniel knew that he was feeling it too. 

Daniel hauled Jack to his feet, the hand on his shoulder gradually sliding down to rest, still closed, on his chest. Daniel could feel Jack’s racing heart through his t-shirt and he swallowed deeply. Jack looked up again as he slowly let Daniel’s hand slip from his grasp, eyes dark and full of promises. Daniel was desperate to know what the promises were. He opened his mouth, completely unsure what he was going to say, but needing to say it anyway, when applause suddenly broke out around them.

They both jumped, startled, as they remembered their audience. Daniel finally dropped Jack's tags and let his hand fall back to his side, the moment gone and the spell broken by Chief Prispa calling out, “We have a winner! Jack O’Neill.”

They both pulled up their pants, fastening their belts, as Daniel cursed and Jack looked at him again, his usual confident, smug smirk firmly in place as he walked backwards away from Daniel, holding eye contact as he moved toward the Chief and the Goa’uld chamber. Daniel followed him absent-mindedly, like he was being pulled forward by an invisible rope tying them together. “Guess I can’t ask for a re-match, hey?” Daniel jibed.

“Not here, at least.” Jack bit his bottom lip and spun on his heel, striding with purpose now. “The rules are different on Earth, though, if you want to try your luck there,” He threw over his shoulder. Daniel’s step faltered. “Now," Jack continued,  "as I asked before all of that … what runes are we looking for, Daniel?”

Notes:

Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed. I would love to scream with you about how hot these two are in the comments!

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