Archive of Our Own

A loud crack was all that announced Remus’s Apparition in an eerie street of the small village. He expected it to be the only noise, considering the late hour of the night and what was shining above his head, but he was rapidly proven wrong. The green light of the Dark Mark high in the sky over a place he didn't dare to look at seemed to be weirdly in context with the spooky lights hung up by the villagers for Halloween night, just like the screaming and the maniacal laugh he could hear; but there was no joy in either and that had the Wizard speed down the street. He would have recognized that laugh everywhere even if, from the distance, he couldn't hear what was going on.
His hand clasped tighter around his wand and started to run.

He shouldn’t have been there, he shouldn’t even have known of the place, just like the majority of the Order and the Wizarding World and thinking about why hurt, but he didn’t have time to dwell into what was going on. Not at that moment, especially not when he finally turned the corner and saw what was going on.
Sirius, the person who the barking laugh belonged to, was standing on one side of the street giving his shoulders to the corner from which Remus just came. His wand was in his hand and even if it looked perfectly still, Lupin could see the faint tremor down his left arm, his fist clenching and unclenching; he was laughing, his head tilted back and dark curls falling down his shoulders, but something was deeply wrong in his movements and in his stance; there was no happiness in his laugh.
Halfway through the street stood another figure, shorter than Black, less regal, and completely silent. It took Remus some instant to identify him, but then the man spoke, taking notice of his arrival.

“Remus, Remus,” He called. The man too had his wand out, but did nothing to look collected. They both knew who would have won, if they’d come to an actual duel. “My dear friend…”

“Don’t you dare!” Sirius spoke before Remus could. Confusion and pain and fear started to run in his blood, while he tried to understand what was going on. Something was wrong, extremely so, something which he couldn’t name, which hung in the air between two of his closest friends. Sirius turned imperceptibly, eyes as cold as ice went on Remus for the briefest of moments, and he found himself stuck by that glance. He had always loved Sirius’s eyes - he had always loved everything about Sirius - so filled with joy and passion, but now it was all gone. He seemed twenty years older and broken over every expectation. “He sold them to Voldemort.”

He was back looking at Peter, now pointing his wand at the other man. Remus didn’t need to ask who them were. All he could do was to look at Wormtail as well. “Did you?”

He didn’t know what he would have done, whatever the answer to that question would have been but maybe Peter took his hesitation as an opening. Remus was starting to see the world in front of him getting less focused, he could start to feel even the simple thing as a struggle. Every breath he took seemed to get less air into his lungs and he could smell the stench of dark magic in the air, something he only recognized when he was a wolf or under extreme stress.

“How could I have…?” He asked. “He was the Secret Keeper.”

Remus went back looking at Sirius, pretty sure that if the conversation would have dragged further all he would have been able to hear would have been his heartbeat instead of words. Peter didn’t stand a chance against Sirius, but Remus might, back in Hogwarts Remus did.
A memory flashed back in his mind.

They’ve been dueling after the classes ended in sixth year. James lost to Marlene and they had to decide who would have gone against her in their little tournament and it was down to Remus and Sirius. Nobody remembered how long it had dragged on, the sun was setting over the Black Lake and most of their friends lost interest in it, but neither he or Sirius were willing to let the other win.

“We have all the time in the world, Lupin,” Sirius had told him, casting a Protego.

“We literally don’t,” Complained Marlene, loud enough to make everyone laugh, but Remus took the distraction to cast a stupefy against Sirius and then promptly took his wand.
He kept it all night, as a trophy until, before going to sleep, Black asked for it back.

“Come and take it, Black!” Remus had joked, what he hadn’t expected was for Sirius to jump on bed and kiss Remus.

“I think I’ll take something else,” He whispered against his lips.

He could win against Sirius, Peter knew it, that was had Remus stopped.
He didn’t know who the Secret Keeper of James and Lily was, but he was Sirius’s, before the Order started to doubt his loyalty. He remembered Peter getting outraged when he figured it out, feeling left out, and he remembered James and Dumbledore talking about something the last time he met with the Headmaster of Hogwarts, something about Sirius being too obvious, something about Remus knowing where Sirius hid. For half a second, through his panic and confusion, he wondered if Dumbledore - who has always known where his loyalty stood - made so that he overheard the conversation; he couldn’t put it above the other Wizard.

He stepped closer to Sirius and what happened later, he couldn’t tell with certainty. He wondered if he missed something, if his terrified mind didn’t pick it up, but he was focused on Black and he might be sure the other man didn’t move; just as Remus, he seemed to have a hard time breathing.
Still something did happen because, the moment Remus stepped closer to Sirius, the entire road went up in debris and fire. In a beat of the eyes, people were screaming and everything from where Peter stood to the end of the road was on fire and Pettygrew seemed to have disappeared.

He screamed, trying to call for Peter’s name while cursing him and hoping to get a reaction out of Sirius. Once again, Remus wondered if he missed a movement from Sirius’s wand, but Black was standing perfectly still, as much in shock as he probably was. It was the noise of more people Apparating that woke him.
He knew how it would have looked, if anyone found them there, so Remus took Sirius’s hand and dragged him behind the corner of the road. So close and yet so distant from the flaming hell they just witnessed. From there, they could see the night sky turning orange and yellow over the flames and he could hear people running up and down the other road, Muggles screaming and wizards starting to join them. A part of Remus knew he had to step in and help them, but he was scared of how it would have looked if anyone noticed they’d been there before the fire started.

“Sirius!” He screamed, because the other man was completely frozen and uncooperative.

“I didn’t…. I didn’t… I didn’t…” he kept repeating, over and over again, and Remus couldn’t find in his heart not to believe him. But he heard voices and screaming and the looming ruins of the Potters’ house were behind them, Sirius’s motorcycle in front of it and Peter gone. Remus had to think fast and, despite all of the magic at his hand, all he thought about was James’s cloak that Dumbledore gave him for his latest mission with the werewolves. He threw it over his friend a moment before Dumbledore himself and Moody Apparated and noticed him.
The Auror pushed him against the wall at his back.

“Where is Black?” He screamed. Remus tried to look everywhere but the point where Sirius was, closing his eyes when they landed on the ruins of the house. Moody’s hand wrapped tighter around his face, forcing him to look at his uneven eyes. The magical one was moving around and Remus could hear his heartbeat skyrocketing in his ears.

“He wasn’t…” He tried to say. It was a terrible misunderstanding and he didn’t even know what really happened but for what was in front of his eyes.

“WHERE IS HE?!” Moody roared and only in that moment Dumbledore seemed to notice the scene. For once, it seemed that he couldn’t keep his cold demeanor and calm appearance, even if he wasn’t screaming.

“Are you hiding Sirius, Remus?” He asked, calmly, and for a fraction of second his eyes seemed to go where Sirius was standing.

“It wasn’t him…” He managed to whisper. “The secret keeper, wasn’t Sirius.”

Neither of them looked convinced. Still Remus had to make them go away, find a way for them not to look at where Sirius was hidden; with his back pushed against the wall and the force of Moody’s hand around his neck, though, he could hardly think about anything which would have served the situation they both were in.

“The Aurors have wardens around the block,” Dumbledore eventually said, not addressing Lupin’s words but looking at him straight in the eyes as if he was trying to read his mind. “If Black is here and were to try and Apparate, they’d see him immediately. I think Mr Lupin is in shock and won’t provide any useful answer to your questioning, Alastor.”

His words sounded almost amicably, but they were also final. Moody stepped back and only when he let Remus go the man realized he didn’t fall on the ground because the Auror was holding him. His legs gave in and he collapsed against the ground, shaking and barely managing to breathe. The event of the last minutes - were they really minutes? It felt like days - crashed on him and he was still sure Sirius was there, not in a better shape. He tried to rise on his feet, but once again fell and yet the pain of his body collapsing on the floor couldn’t compete with the one in his mind, leaving him empty as everything in front of his eyes went out of focus.

The tingle of magic through his body brought it back and he recognized the immediate calm which followed as the effect of one of the spells James and Sirius created to help him after the full moon, when everything came back in waves and he was left panicking, pathetically clenching on the shack floor.
Hadn’t it been for the spell, he would have panicked more: Dumbledore couldn’t know the existence of the spell, mostly because there were potions created with the same aim, and that left only one person able to cast it. Sirius.
When he managed to regain a standing position he found himself scrutinized by Dumbledore’s icy blue eyes.

“I can’t keep them away for long,” He said, turning to look at the Aurors. They divided between the collapsed house and the still burning street and, for now, seemed busy enough not to mind Remus any mind but, again it wouldn’t have lasted for long and they would have wanted answers which he wasn’t sure he had. All he had said was based on a leap of faith, an intuition and in the name of feelings he wasn’t sure he could trust anymore. He loved Sirius and Sirius loved him, but years of war brought deep scars and loyalties were questioned even amongst lovers, especially when both of them were more often than not on secret missions, one amongst werewolves and the other in the heat of DeathEaters headquarters; Remus himself hadn’t seen Sirius for seven months before that night. “I’ll send an owl to tell them they can come to Hogwarts to interview you, please follow me. The both of you.”

He said the last words looking at the spot where Sirius was - or had been anyway. Remus wondered if they could do that, just leave, but he supposed he wasn’t giving him any chance to run so that would have been enough with the Ministry. Before moving, though, he turned to look at the disaster in front of him and then drew his wand. A silver phoenix appeared as he addressed it: “Minerva, the boy survived. Tell Hagrid to come, I’ll meet you both there.”

The Patronus left and Remus felt his heartbeat fasten once again. Something by his side shuffled and a couple of dark curls appeared out of thin air.

“Harry!” A disembodied voice called and Dumbledore’s blue eyes froze them in place. He stepped rapidly further down the street, his left hand wrapped around something Remus suspected was Sirius’s arm. He almost had to jog to keep up with the other wizard and not lose him in the darkness of the night. When he reached him, they were in front of a different house. The outside was white and the garden unkempt, the windows barred closed, yet Dumbledore walked with precise certainty through the main door and then moved the wand around until the room they walked in seemed to get back to life. Remus was walking on auto-pilot, too worried to pay attention to anything, especially when James’s cloak was wanked off Sirius’s shaking figure.

“It almost looks as if you are trying to get yourself into Azkaban, Black,” Dumbledore’s voice was cold, icy, barely a whisper when everyone else would have yelled at that point. “Start to talk, the both of you.”

For a second, Remus dared to look at Sirius. After months of not seeing him, he could notice how utterly exhausted he looked, his face hollow and with dark circles under his usually bright eyes; apparently, though, the lack of liveness he had noticed before was something which was following him and Remus knew they shouldn’t have looked any different than his eyes. For some moments, Black stood there, completely immobile and Remus wondered if he should have started to tell his story before, but then the other’s man hand moved to wrap around Lupin’s arm and it was looking at the stark contrast of his sun-kissed skin against the paleness of Sirius’s that he started to speak: “I heard voices, Voldemort was going after James and Lily, someone told them where they were hiding. Bellatrix kept saying she knew when it was going to happen… I… I… found a way to get it out of her… - his hand was shaking and he grasped Remus's arm tighter - and I ran here. I hoped… I was too late. I suppose it was wanted… she told me because… Peter was there… I went after him… I couldn’t… the house… Harry is he…?”

He raised his eyes on Dumbledore’s for a fraction of a second, just to look at him nod. “I went after Peter… everyone either thought or believed it was me… if anybody else… not Remus… he arrived.”

Remus knew what Sirius meant: if anyone who wasn’t desperately in love with him would have shown up instead of him, they would have believed Peter. He placed his hand on Sirius’s, lightly squeezing it. It looked as if simply speaking was taking an enormous toll on him, and Remus wanted to be of help. When he realized he wasn’t going to add anything and before the other wizard could ask anything else, he started to speak.

“I saw the Dark Mark - Dumbledore knew where he was and why, he could place the pieces together and understand that Remus could have easily seen it - I knew I wasn’t supposed to, but I wanted to be of help. I didn’t know it was where… I’ve never… they didn’t trust me,” He settled for. He was feeling tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. James and Lily died without knowing that he had always been by their side and he hated himself for that, despite it being necessary for the Order. “I heard people talking and screaming, I recognized Sirius’s laughter. I didn’t understand what was going on, at first.”

He stopped for a moment, daring to look at Sirius’s face. He was avoiding Dumbledore’s eyes, his own still fixed on where their bodies were touching. He had never seen Sirius like that. Even before their last fight, when they yelled at each other before going for their own ways, to their own secret missions seven months before he had never looked so empty; the man who was by his side was barely a shell of who Sirius Black had once been. The Headmaster had said that if the Auror would have found him, Azkaban was waiting for Sirius, but he already looked like one of the wizarding prison’s inhabitants
He couldn’t bear it. First of all for Sirius and then, maybe egotistically, for himself because, despite everything, he was the man Remus loved.

“Then Sirius told me Peter sold James and Lily to Voldemort, - he continued, having to bite back his own tears. - And when I asked him… He tried to convince me that Sirius was the Secret Keeper, but I remembered the conversation between you and James. They didn’t trust me, and… While James trusted Sirius with his life as he should… our…”

Remus didn’t know how much of what there was between him and Sirius transpired, but Dumbledore was now looking at him, his expression more contemplative as he made his eyes run between the werewolf and the other shocked wizard in the room. “Years ago, a choice was made out of love between those very walls. I hope your story will end differently.”

He said it looking behind them, as if he was talking to the wall or the house itself instead of his former students. Neither of them knew what any of those words meant and Remus didn’t even care. From what he could tell, Dumbledore was giving them a way to explain themselves, which was more any Auror would have granted to Sirius.
For a second, the blue eyes of the man looked distant, lost in something neither of them could see. It lasted less than half a second, and yet showed the two men a different side of the wizard, a more human one, closer to them than they’d ever thought he could be.

“The street was completely destroyed and we don’t have any idea of what happened to Pettygrew - he continued, a moment later, and his voice sounded completely different, practical where it had been reflective, and focused on the next move when, up to moments ago, it had seemed stuck in the past. - And there have been Muggle casualties as well. People died in the aftermath of whatever spell you used. The Aurors are out for blood and want a guilty part. Even if what you are saying is true…”

“They can have me,” Sirius said, in a whisper. He wasn’t looking at anything in particular, but there was a certain type of determination and intent in his words. “If the Aurors want someone to take the blame, I can be that person. It’s my fault… I told James Peter would have been the smarter solution. The only thing I still have is Remus and he’d do better without me.”

Lupin felt his heart break. It didn’t matter how much they had fought in the past, how long they had spent away from each other, he couldn’t deny his feelings, and hearing the man he loved being so ready to ruin his life and give up on hope was shattering; he shook his head, taking hold of Black’s hand and intertwining their fingers together.

“It won’t come to this,” he said, with a certainty he wasn’t sure he really had in him. “We will testify in front of the Wizengamot if they’ll ask. I’ll take the Veritaserus, if needed.”

The ghost of a smile crossed Dumbledore’s lips, but it was tired and exhausted, not able to light up his eyes. “It might come to this but, for tonight, I’d advise prudence. I might be the only person who saw Mr Black after the fire, and you are not a suspect, Mr Lupin. Your presence tonight will be questioned, but nobody will complain if I let you go and you are still Sirius’s Secret Keeper, which means the house is safe. - He looked at them both and in his eyes there was a calmer light. - I need to meet Minerva and Hagrid, but take your time to mourn, we’ll meet in the morning.”

He started to walk toward the door, remembering about the wards placed by the Auror the exact moment when he stood by the threshold: “The woods are safe to Apparate from, and the Cloak will help you reach them undetected.”

“What about Harry?” Sirius, asked once again. It seemed as if knowing that the boy was alive was the only thing which kept him going and Remus could understand why. He had seen James’s son once, but he knew Sirius considered him like his own.

“We’ll talk in the morning,” Dumbledore repeated and, this time, it was definitive.

——

Remus didn’t remember walking through the village or reaching the woods. He didn’t remember Apparating in London and reaching the old Black property in Notting Hill, but he remembered Sirius clinging to his body the moment they crossed the door. The other man rapidly discarded the Invisibility Cloak and fell at Remus’s feet, prompting the werewolf to reach him on his knees. He was sobbing in seconds, drenching Lupin’s coat and repeating meaningless words into his neck.

Remus knew he wasn’t in a better shape. Weeks, days, even hours before he would have been extremely enthusiastic at the idea of holding his partner like this, especially because it would have meant that things were being better between them, but at that moment he had little joy from it. It didn’t even matter where they stood in their relationship, it didn’t even matter that the was was finally over and Voldemort dead - a thought Remus hadn’t even started to form in his mind -, James and Lily were dead, gone, and that seemed to have turned out every light around them.

Remus had no idea how long they stayed like that, mourning the end of their happiest memories from school, taking a fake comfort in one another but, eventually, Sirius let go. Remus was exhausted, both mentally and physically, and dreaded any conversation the other might have wanted to entertain, but he owed Sirius that much.

“I’m sorry… It doesn’t even start to cover it but I am, really,” he whispered. Sirius wasn’t one to say that he was sorry when it was needed and on the rare occasions in which it happened, didn’t like to hear any answer, so all Remus did was nodding shortly. “I have no right to ask, but stay, please.”

Sirius Black wasn’t a man to plead either. The fact that it was doing both was enough for Remus’s heart to shatter. And he gave the most honest answer he had: “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.”

It was probably the sadness, the pain, the stress, the fear and the uncertainty, but their lips met voraciously. And fuck, did Remus miss kissing Sirius. They kissed as if their lives depended on this, holding onto each other’s clothes. Remus spent nights trying to fall asleep thinking about Sirius and when they lived together, trying to remember the softness of his lips and the little nibs he gave him, but the real thing made all of his fantasies and memories pale. He shouldn’t have, but it did.

They kept chasing each other's lips for longer than either of them thought to be possible, before stopping and just staying there, on the cold and hard floor, just hugging until, eventually, Sirius collapsed in his arms and Remus carried him to bed. For some moments, he thought about sleeping in another of the numerous rooms in the house, but then remembered the other man's request and knew that he would have never forgiven the werewolf if he thought he left him alone, so Lupin climbed into bed, simply looking at a sleeping Sirius.
Even in sleep, with his dark, long wavy hair sprawled around his face, he didn’t look at peace. The feeling of Sirius looking ten years older than he had seven months prior couldn’t abandon the other wizard just as much as the thought of being somehow at fault for that. And yet, another part of him, the one which probably never grew out of the shy teenager he had once been, couldn’t help but think about how handsome Black looked even in that light and even after what they both had just witnessed.

Remus knew he should have probably slept too, as well. In the morning Dumbledore would have showed up and their time would have been over. Both him and Sirius knew that with the Headmaster it was a rush into the next plan, the next piece of information to get and the next mission to walk head first into and he suspected that the only reason why they had been granted that long was that the man had other plans for the night. He respected their suffering, but Lupin always had the impression that Albus Dumbledore lived on a different plane of existence, one in which things from their world couldn’t touch him directly.
So, yeah, he should have slept a bit, but he was also afraid of what vision his dreams might present him with or what would have waited for them in the morning.

In the end, he should have succumbed to pure exhaustion because he opened his eyes to the irritating ray of sunshine which peeked through the blinds just to hit him in his closed eyes. He growled way too loud and a hand wrapped around the left wrist of his tattered coat. It took a moment for Remus to remember where he was and who was lying by his side, but a pair of bright pale icy eyes were on him and a tired, yet soft, smile brought back memories of the night before.

Sirius turned on his side, his hand still tightly wrapped around Remus’s arm, as if he was afraid he might have vanished into thin air the moment he let him go. It didn’t matter that it was the last thing he wanted to do in the entire world, it didn’t matter that he had never been more honest than when, the night before, he said there wasn’t any other place he’d rather be: what happened between them had scarred Sirius just as much as it did to Remus.

“We could be dead tomorrow and I don’t want to leave while you hate me!” Sirius whispered, and there was no way he wasn’t saying those words thinking about James and Lily.

Remus rolled in the bed so that he was closer to him, facing the man he loved. Just as it happened the night before, he only had one thing to say: “I don’t hate you, I never hated you.”

“That’s not what you said last time,” Last time… It was comforting to know that their last discussion still hunted Sirius, because those words were the only things Remus regretted in a long, long time.

“We were drunk, angry, and tired… I love you Sirius, I’ll always love you.”

They’d been drinking. Remus had started it, alone in Sirius’s apartment. He was frustrated and scared and had just got out of a meeting with Moody and Marlene in which he and the other man pretty much had a screaming contest over something too stupid to remember. Remus wasn’t one to yell, but that time he couldn’t let it go, couldn’t let Moody win.

Marlene was trying to mediate between the two of them, but then she said something she shouldn’t have and Remus exploded. He Apparated back in London and sort of ran all the way up to the house, hoping that Sirius would have been in. He wasn’t.
And Firewishey was the closest thing to the comfort he had hoped to find in his partner's arms.

Sirius arrived around three bottles in, He said something about spending the evening at Lily and James’s, something about a gift he was planning to get to Harry, but Remus didn’t care, not in the state he was in. What he picked up, strangely enough, was Marlene’s perfume on his jacket. A jacket he was half sure he had borrowed from her at some point during their last Hogwarts year and never returned, but his highly intoxicated brain didn’t register it.
Another thing that his brain didn’t register was the fact that between the two of them, Sirius was the one who had never once been attracted to women. Therefore, whatever he was thinking about while smelling Marlene’s perfume wasn’t the truth.

But, again, he was drunk, angry, and under so much stress. Maybe he wanted to fight, to find a reason to completely break his own heart so that things would feel somewhat better while being worse. He had no idea, but Sirius came back talking about their friends and his godson and smelling like someone else, and he felt left out, like someone you only pretend to be close to, but aren’t really, like a burden.

“You were with Marlene,” He said, raising once again the bottle to his lips when Sirius let himself fall on the chair by his side. “She probably told you what happened and you have taken her side.”

Remus didn’t remember why it was so important that he didn’t, maybe only because he wanted someone by his side and he knew that Sirius and Marlene were really close and he would have hated to lose his boyfriend to her, in any way, even if Sirius wasn’t interested in her in that light. “If you are talking about that dumb discussion with Moody - Sirius said, trying to placate Remus - he told me. And I agree with you, for the matter. But Marlene was at James’s, yes.”

Remus growled, but he saw Sirius’s eyes going toward his feet and while it might have been an admission of something, he also knew that it was probably of something else.

“I’ll have to leave in a couple of days, whether Moody likes it or not,” He said, taking another long sip.

“Can’t you sit this out?” Sirius sounded worried, more than he had ever been for any of Remus’s missions. They both had dangerous jobs, for the Order, and thinking that his lover, the man he trusted the most in the entire world, wizarding or not, doubted him, had Remus want to punch something. He was torn between the wall or Siriurs’s chiseled face.

“Why should I?” He asked, his hand shaking as he saw Sirius taking a long sip from another bottle as well. “I thought you said my discussion with Moody was stupid!”

“And it is, but for all the wrong reasons. It’s Greyback’s pack we are talking about, Remus!”

“So what?!” He was screaming, he didn’t even care about it. “You are practically living with Voldemort and I can’t take care of myself?! Do you think you are much better than I am when it comes to spells?”

“We both know that’s not true,” Sirius answered. “I am worried, and I don’t want you to get killed, because I love you!”

It was the first time the words were spoken. The feelings were there, they had always been there, since they were old enough to discern friendship from something different, but neither of them ever dared to say the words. Because they both had the same fight or flight reaction to those, even if for very different reasons; Sirius, because he had been convinced that love was pain, and Remus because he didn’t feel worthy of such a feeling and was always lovely surprised when his parents showed him even an ounce of love despite the hard life he forced them to live.

And now they were out in the open, at the most wrong moment ever, and just as that, Remus said what he shouldn't have: “You love the idea of me, not the person I really am. You are blinded by this perfect version of me you made in your mind when we were thirteen.”

Then he left, and never went back, too busy with mission after mission to fight against the memory of Sirius’s heartbroken expression.

Sirius looked at him and, for a moment, Remus wondered if the same memory wasn’t replaying in the other wizard’s mind as well, but then he moved closer, pushing against his body and wrapping an arm around his waist and a pair of lips was playing up and down his neck.

“I’ve always loved you for you, Remus - He whispered, and the werewolf was sure that he too reminded that discussion. - I never doubted you, not once, not your abilities at least. I was afraid you’d join the pack, side with Voldemort… The Order couldn’t lose you, and that was one of the reasons, but the real one was that I wouldn’t survive a life without you by my side.”

Remus dared to hold him closer, so that any space between them was occupied and nothing could reach them, while they were hiding in each other’s arms.

“I was afraid of that too. I was afraid that you’d let your family talk you into becoming a Death Eater for real, but I was more afraid of losing you.”

Sirius laughed, even if there was little joy in it. “Are you telling me we’ve been miserable for seven months because we didn’t want to lose each other?”

“For that reason and because Peter played us better than we thought he was able to,” He confirmed. They had to talk about that as well, Remus was well aware of it and he didn’t dare to think how long it would have taken before Dumbledore showed up as he had promised. He wasn’t sure he wanted to lose time talking about Wormtail, not after they spent so long apart from each other.

“I’m sorry,” Sirius said, once again. “I should have known you weren’t a traitor. I might have not betrayed them, but I gave the person who did all he needed. They died because of me.”

Remus brushed a strand of dark hair away from Sirius’s eyes. “I would have probably done the same. When I came back, after we fought, and they told me about Marlene, and Dorcas and your brother, I thought you turned your back on us.”

“Reggie…” Sirius let out an airy breath. “Reggie died because he was stupid and believed in everything Voldermort told him… Told them. Nobody this young should be allowed such a choice,” Remus noticed that, despite all the hatred he always had for his younger brother, Sirius sounded just as broken as he had while talking about James. He had loved Regulus, and maybe they would have been closer if only they didn’t fight on the opposite sides of the war. “But from that moment on, Bella didn’t allow me to step too far from her, or Malfoy Manor. I guess she suspected me; I never knew if it was the fact that I was in the Order or she thought I was with them only to keep an eye on Reggie.
I don’t even know if she ever knew who the traitor was, or why she told me about last night.”

He closed his eyes, hiding his face into Remus’s neck even more. “All I know is what I told Dumbledore: if anyone else would have Apparated the moment you did, I’d be in Azkaban now.”

“Then we are even,” He said, as a tired smile crossed his lips. Despite the night of sleep, he didn’t feel any less tired and emptied of any emotion which wasn’t a deep sadness and love for the man he was shielding in his arms “When I came back to meet with the Order after around four months with Greyback’s pack he saw me in London. I had no reason to be there, according to the story I told about myself. So when I went back and sided for neutrality instead of taking Voldemort’s side, Greyback accused me of being Dumbledore’s lapdog. I told them that yes, I was in London, but it was to meet with someone else, a member of one of the Sacred Twenty-Eight.”

“Me?” Sirius asked, as if that surprised him.

Remus nodded before continuing his story: “They were all convinced I couldn’t work with the Order if I was meeting with you, which means you did a wonderful job in infiltrating the Death Eaters.”

“And I guess it didn’t ease your mind about my loyalty, though.”

Remus shook his head. “I don’t care… We did what we had to survive. I’d rather have it this way.”

And then he dared to steal a kiss from the other man, only happy when Sirius opened his lips to welcome Remus’s tongue. Sirius’s fingers started going up and down the scars ruining the left side of his face and Remus had to fight against a purring noise which threatened to escape from him.

It was a kiss as different from the one of the night before as the sun to the moon. When they had been desperate for any kind of relief and comfort before, now they just wanted to take their time, to become one, to be close and feel the other. They didn’t need the contact to breathe, but the warmth was connecting them, giving them the rest an entire night of sleep couldn’t.

There was no need or urgency, in that kiss, only want and longing and familiarity.
Remus had missed that even more.
Sirius’s blue eyes opened after they parted to breathe and while Remus would have that picture printed in his brain forever, he couldn’t deny that he’d do anything in his power to make that broken light go away.

“It’s not your fault,” He whispered, and he wanted to say more but, at that moment, they heard someone knocking on the door and they both reached for their wands.
Remus panicked, maybe worried about the fact that the Aurors were there to question Sirius, but then he was reminded about the Fidelius Charm. He was the Secret Keeper, which meant that only the people he revealed Sirius’s house location could find it. And of all of them, only two were still alive and he saw no reasons why Peter might be looking for them if not to get executed on the spot.

But considering what he did the night before to escape the consequences of his actions, the stakes were extremely low. Especially considering that they were waiting for the other living person who knew of the Black’s property.

“Dumbledore,” Remus said, as if Sirius was the one who had needed that kind of confort. The other man laughed and this time, compared to the night before, it sounded much more similar to the laugh which used to melt Remus’s heart in Hogwarts. Yet he couldn’t help but look with a questioning light in his eyes at his lover.

“He always had the worst timing, remember at James and Lily’s wedding?” He said, as if it was the most obvious thing ever. Remus couldn’t help but to think back about the moment when the Headmaster walked in on them in one of the rooms of the reception venue of their friends’ wedding. Somehow, he seemed like the less surprised person at the entire party to see the two of them so intimate. In the present, though, the knocking got more impatient and they rolled off the bed and toward the main door, stopping every couple of steps to kiss and hold hands.

Once they opened the door, Albus Dumbedore stared at them, his hand half-raised as if he was about to knock once again and the same robes of the night before. Considering that he could have transfigured new clothes while sleeping, they suspected it was a choice to let them know he wasn’t going to stay for a long time. “I hope I’m not interrupting anything - he greeted, and Remus wondered if he too remembered that day. - And that you managed to get a bit of rest. We need to talk, but I think you first need to see those.”

He walked inside the apartment as if he owned the place and let a couple of newspapers fall on the coffee table in the living room. Two were Muggle newspapers, the other was the Daily Prophet. Sirius took the latter, while Remus started to read one of the Muggle ones. It spoke about a gas leak in Godric’s Hollow which completely destroyed one of the main streets and of the mysterious homicide of loved neighbors James and Lily Potter. An hopeful closing said that whoever killed them had pity and spared their young child.
Remus had to fight the impulse to set it on fire.

By his side, Sirius was completely pale. Whoever took the pictures for the Prophet managed to enter the house which neither of them had seen to take pictures of James and Lily and decided to stamp it on the first page for shock value - as if the title of Voldermort’s death wasn’t enough in that department. Remus willed his eyes to look everywhere else, but he couldn’t help, not when he thought about the last time he had seen them, smiling and joking with him and Sirius while Remus tried to balance Harry on his hip.

He bit his lower lip and held onto Sirius’s hand because he could see that he needed comfort more than Remus needed to get his frustration out. Eventually, Black managed to tear his eyes away and glared at Dumbledore.

“Did they really have to show them this way?” He asked, and he didn’t even sound angry, just defeated. The Headmaster looked as broken and tired as Remus felt and the moment he lowered his eyes on the pictures Black was looking at shaked his head.

“The Minister of Magic wanted to avoid people thinking there’s a way to escape the Killing Curse,” He explained, as if it was something that really needed to be proven. To the Wizarding World, Lily and James were just two of the many Voldemort’s victims; they didn’t care about them as people, they didn’t care about Harry as anything but The Boy Who Lived, and yet they were celebrating their deaths and the fact that a just orphaned boy killed the greatest dark wizard of their generation.

Remus closed his eyes, not wanting to look at James’s empty eyes any longer. He didn’t dare to cross the threshold, the night before and, apparently, neither did Sirius, and Lupin wanted to keep in his mind the last time he saw the two of them, laughing and happy. Sirius turned the page to see the next article about the little show Peter caused in Godric’s Hollow when they faced each other. The ruins of the road were still smoking in the picture and on the end of the page Remus could see an old picture of the Marauders, the same James’s parents had posted on the Prophet when the four of them took their N.E.W.T. four years before.
That was enough to have his attention on the last paragraph. The journalist said that Sirius disappeared after having been seen fighting with Peter and the Ministry of Magic was looking for him to question him about the events of the night.

“Albus, what does this mean?” Remus couldn’t help but ask.

“They are not accusing him, but they found Pettygrew’s little finger and nothing more and you can’t blame them for being suspicious,” The man answered, and he was talking more to Sirius than Remus. “Someone saw the two of you with your wands out. This is one of the things I wanted to discuss with you.”

“I’ll go to the Ministry,” Sirius said, his voice didn’t allow any different option. “Now, I’m Harry's godfather and I’m sure James would have wanted him to live with me if anything were to happen to him.”

Remus couldn’t tell if the other wizard took his hand to have strength to continue that conversation or to show Dumbledore he wouldn’t have been alone, but he didn’t care either, even if they didn’t have time to talk about it, Lupin planned on being a constant figure in Sirius’s life and in Harry’s as well, if Black thought it was a good idea.

“I guess asking to testify under the Veritaserum would be for the better, for both of you,” Dumbledore said, looking at them from over his half-moon shaped glasses. He was looking at them with his usual soft smile, the same he had when he talked to the students and after having known him better during the years they spent in the Order Remus knew it was the smile he usually had when he was hiding something. “And I don’t doubt James would have wanted for his son to be brought up by you, Sirius; and I feel Lily would have felt at peace knowing Remus was in the picture but, sadly, this won’t be possible.”

“Why?” Remus couldn’t help but ask, while Sirius’s eyes seemed to light up in pure anger; the grip on his hand got harder and Remus wondered if his lover was trying to break each of his fingers, but, at the same time, he could understand that it was the kind of support Sirius needed at that moment.

“There is a reason why Harry survived,” The older wizard answered and, for the first time in a long time, it seemed to Remus as if he was pained to say what he was about to. “When Voldemort entered the house, both James and Lily didn’t have their wands on them. I spent the night trying to understand if things could have gone differently if they did…”

He said the last words as if it was almost an afterthought; yet Remus could see pain deform Sirius’s face and, a moment later, Black spoke once again: “I spent the night wondering why I’ve been such a coward and a stupid, Albus, I don’t need to know that they felt safe enough not to keep their wands on them!”

His voice was broken and Remus wanted to hug him, to provide as much comfort as he could, even if he felt his own throat getting tighter as he heard Sirius’s words. Because the only reason why Lily and James would have left their wands was that they did indeed feel safe. Remus had never been one to retort to violence, but he would have gladly killed Peter if he had the chance.
Dumbledore didn’t say anything, but waited before continuing.

“Their sacrifice saved Harry. It's ancient magic,” He said, instead. Remus knew that they needed to let him speak and explain, but he couldn’t help to think of what he had seen the night before, to imagine way too vividly what happened. The pictures on the Prophet didn’t help in the slightest. “The Killing Course bounced off Harry and killed Voldemort, but the only way to keep him safe is for him to live with the closest relatives he has still alive.”

“Lily’s family,” Remus said, in a somber tone. They met Petunia and her husband a couple of times, once when they were in their fifth year when Lily’s parents died and then the Christmas of their seventh year, when James dragged them all to Splinter's End to save Lily from Snivellus. Back then, Vernon Dursley was only Petunia’s fiancé, but Remus remembered the pure hate he saw in his eyes when Sirius accidentally dropped his hand in Lupin’s backpocket.

From what little Lily talked about her family after her parents’ death, he knew things weren’t the best between the two sisters and that Petunia resented his friend for having magical genes in her blood. He couldn’t imagine how she’d behave with Lily’s son.

Sirius, though, seemed to be more focused on another bit of Dumbledore’s speech. “What should Harry be kept safe from Remus and I can’t face? - He asked. - Voldemort died, didn’t he? And Remus is one of the smartest people I’ve ever known, and the only person in the Order able to beat me in a duel, but for you, Albus.”

Dumbledore’s eyes ran between the two of them, and then settled on Lupin. “Remus, can I talk to you for a moment?”

The werewolf turned to look at his lover, almost asking for his permission. It wasn’t anything new, that was only the way the Headmaster usually handled things and Remus had expected for something similar to happen, just not when they were talking about Harry. He would have accepted anything Sirius asked him to do - also parenting James and Lily’s son, and very much with joy at it - but he didn’t feel like that was a decision he had any say in taking at all. Eventually, despite the sad light in his eyes, Sirius nodded. Remus smiled softly at him, hoping to convey the promise to tell what Dumbledore shared with him later.

Dumbledore followed him into a room which was created as a drawing room but mostly contained an array of books and parchments Sirius collected while undercover and waited for Remus to cast a silencing spell. If he knew it would have been completely useless, Lupin couldn’t tell, but probably they both were pretending that this conversation would have remained secret.

“I didn’t want to say this in front of Sirius, but Crouch and Moody are after his head,” Dumbledore said. Remus could understand why the man didn’t want to tell Black: he was reckless and he would have ran headfirst into whatever solution he saw. “Regulus was friends with Rosier and Crouch Jr, and there are few people who knew where Sirius’s loyalty really stood. Most of the Wizarding World thinks he was James’s Secret Keeper, and Bellatrix… - He wandered off, and Remus had the distinct feeling that there was more to Bellatrix than her being her psychotic self. - Talking to the WIzengamot under the Veritaserum could be a solution, but Sirius can’t testify: the moment Crouch sees him, Azkaban doors will open for him. What I am asking you, Remus, is: are you sure of what you told me last night?”

Remus told about the night before. Not what he saw the moment he Apparated, because he knew he did exactly what he had to, and he would have done it each time, if he could, but what Dumbledore told them in the desert house he took them to hide from the Aurors. Something about choices made out of love. He nodded, just once.

“Sirius wouldn’t have ever betrayed James,” He said.

“Why did he suggest Peter instead of you?” He didn’t expect that question. And while he hurt, he knew the answer was as simple as they came. He breathed in, forcing his hazel eyes to look anywhere but the older man’s face, and then answered:

“We fought seven months ago. He was scared I could have joined Greyback’s pack and we had a bad discussion, when I left… I guess he thought I was with Voldermort, and even if, I wasn’t around back then.”

Dumbledore nodded once, solemnly, but he seemed like Remus couldn’t stop himself: “If they’d asked me to choose between Peter and Sirius, the moment they asked him, I'd have suggested the same. I was afraid his family might have gotten under his skin and yet, the moment I saw him last night… I know he’s telling the truth.”

Albus sighed, and it was as if the weight of the world had just left his shoulders. “I’ll send an owl to the Wizangamot and I’ll send you the information once I’ve got them. If I were you, I would keep this from Sirius; and there’s something else I’d like to discuss with you both, about Alice and Frank.”

Remus felt his own anxiety spike once again. He knew his lover, he knew Sirius would have stormed into the Ministry and demanded to testify under the Veritaserum, but he also knew Crouch Sr and the last thing he wanted was to see Sirius behind bars for crimes he didn’t commit and because of his brother’s association. Now, the words about their friends threatened to dig other preoccupation lines in the werewolf's already tormented face.

“What about them?” He asked, his voice weak and thin. Dumbledore didn’t seem to hear what he said, as he was already walking outside of the room, leaving Remus to think about what to say to Sirius about the words they exchanged in the drawing room. Had it been anything else, Remus would have revealed the truth, but he couldn’t trust Sirius’s recklessness to stay put and not make a mess out of it.

“Bellatrix, Rodulphus, Rabastan and Crouch Jr acted swiftly, last night,” He heard Albus saying from the other room, and that was the only easing he had into whatever conversation was waiting for them. “After they’d been informed about Voldermort’s death, they decided to take it on themselves to find out what happened. They reached Alice and Frank and Bellatrix tortured them to get answers out of them; answers they didn’t have.”

Sirius stood from the sofa he was seated on, his right hand wrapped tightly around his wand, so strongly that his knuckles were white with the effort, still Remus couldn’t understand whom he might have pointed it at. He could see, in his icy eyes the desire for revenge toward his cousin, something he never hid in all the long time the two of them had known each other, and yet Remus had never seen him like that. Not only did he look like the ghost of himself, but there was a murderous, almost deranged light around him. Lupin stepped closer as if he was approaching a scared and dangerous animal.

“Rabastan died by Frank’s hand, and the Aurors arrived shortly later. Your cousin and her accomplices are currently in Azkaban, but the Longbottoms had to be transferred to St. Mungo’s,” The Headmaster continued before letting his eyes run on the couple in front of him. “Many Death Eaters are being questioned as we speak, but as the entire Wizarding World knows of your involvement with me and the Order of the Phoenix, I’d advise to lay low for a while, at least until the trials will come to an end.”

Remus nodded once, his eyes focused on Sirius’s face and what the Black said a moment later, probably surprised both Lupin and Dumbledore: “What about my family?”

Sirius, since he left Grimmauld Place at sixteen to live with the Potters, never referred to the House of Black as his family. Remus knew, deep down, he had cared about Regulus, but that was all the connection he kept with those who gave him a name and birth even before he moved out of his house. He spoke from time to time about his cousin Andromeda and her daughter, Nymphadora, whom he met only when she was born seven years before and mentioned that Narcissa was going to marry Lucius Malfoy after the two of them finished Hogwarts, but most of those were informations in the public domain. He had always said that James was his brother and the Marauders the only family he needed.

“From what I heard, your parents left the Country when Regulus died, I don’t know where they are. Narcissa and Lucius have been heard from the Ministry last night. They were at home and therefore considered not involved in any of the attacks; I met with Andromeda and Ted after I left Harry to his relatives. They are fine, Nymphadora asked about you,” He summarized, and Lupin wondered if Dumbledore as well was curious about whom Sirius was really inquiring about. “As things stand, I guess this makes you the only heir of the Blacks’ fortune.”

Sirius nodded once, but the dark shade didn’t leave his face nor did the weird light in his eyes. Remus couldn’t tell what he had expected to hear but, at the same time, he decided to let the argument fall. “Will I be able to see Harry? Even if he can’t live with me, will I be allowed to be in his life?”

“That can be arranged,” Albus said, a soft smile on his lips. “For his safety, it’ll be better not to expose him to magic until he’s old enough to understand, but I don’t see why he can’t know you.”

That prospect alone seemed to bring a bit of colour back on Sirius’s face, even if Remus worried about what the Headmaster had told him before. How long would have it taken before Crouch would have agreed to listen to Black’s version? Would Lupin’s words be enough?

“That will be all for now,” Albus said, after a long moment of silence; he turned his blue eyes on Remus and nodded. “I’ll keep in touch about what we talked about, Remus, and see you both soon. Remember, the Order and Hogwarts will always be there for you.”

—-

The next couple of days went by in a swirl. Remus and Sirius mostly spoke about what happened the months they spent divided, they went over and over the pieces of information Sirius collected from the Death Eaters, and they talked about their future.
For Remus, the last bit was the weirdest. He never really dared to think about how things would have been once the war was over and he never guessed he might have really managed to keep Sirius by his side. He had always thought they’d been a childish thing, their relationship. That, once out of Hogwarts, Sirius would have married someone from another Pureblood family and live his life.

“It would have been a miserable life,” Sirius answered, his barking laugh somewhat softer, when Remus confessed to him that much. “I’ve never been interested in women, and the only one I’d ever married was Marlene, if anything because she was funny to have around and it would have shut my mother down for a bit.”

Remus, who had been playing with his fingers, stopped abruptly. “Did you and Marlene ever…?”

Sirius shook his head. “I’m having a hard time figuring out who you are being jealous of, Moony.”

It was a joke, but it was also a dry remark of Remus’s own relationship with Marlene when they had been back in their fourth year. It lasted more than Marlene’s usual flings - even if less than Remus’s other school-stories - and they surprised everyone when they confessed to being dating. The funny thing was that it ended, somewhen at the middle of the fifth year, because Marlene noticed before he did that Remus had feelings for Sirius.
Yet, at the same time, Lupin couldn’t deny that he had been jealous of the close friendship his lover and McKinnon had throughout the seven years of school - maybe someone would have called him a hypocrite since it wasn’t that different from him and Lily, but still.

“We kissed, more than once,” Sirius answered, a moment later, realizing his lover wasn’t going to give him any answer to that particular question. “More times than not, we were both plastered. And we fucked, once. After you took her V card, if you are wondering. I just needed to get something out of my mind.”

His glance was far, far away. It was weird how talking about Marlene didn’t hurt the same way it hurt talking about James and Lily and not because they loved her less. Marlene died fighting valiantly, even if the Death Eaters had still to attack her in her birthplace, when she was visiting her parents to have a chance to win over her. Talking about her was a way to honor her memory.
Thinking about what happened to Lily and James instead was enlaced with remorse and mistakes and guilt either of them could not shake off.

“I realized I never looked at and thought about a girl the way I did about you,” Sirius continued. “Didn’t matter how many posters of half-naked Muggle girls I stuck to the walls of my room back at home, there was only one person who got me hot and bothered. So when she told me you two broke it off, I never knew the reason, and I’m curious, I made a move on her. We ended up sleeping together… it wasn’t bad, but it was mechanical. If I couldn’t get myself to care about fucking Marlene Miss Hogwarts McKinnon, I realized, so,en just didn’t do it for me.”

He shook his head, the hand Remus wasn’t holding disappeared in his long wavy dark hair to pull it away from his eyes. Remus chuckled and Sirius turned to look at him with a questioning glance which made him lose any sense of shame and explain the reason why he and Marlene broke up.

“She realized I was into someone else. She told me she liked me, and she loved me, and that the sex was great, but she wasn’t in love with me and neither was I. Then she punched me and told me to stop being a blind idiot.”

For some unknown reason, remembering the exact words Marlene told him brought tears to the corner of his eyes. Sirius leaned closer and wiped the tears away with soft kissed before Accioing a bottle of Firewhiskey and two glasses. “Was it me, the person you were being a blind idiot about?”

“No,” Remus answered, managing to wink playfully at the other wizard. “It was Snape.”

Sirius laughed and filled the glasses, making them click together. “To Marlene McKinnon, my closest friend, an honorary Marauder, and probably the person I should thank for the man I’ve by my side.”

“To Marlene, who might have been the brightest witch of our generation if she only cared about it,” Remus echoed him. “She deserved better than putting up with our bullshit.”

“But she enjoyed them too much,” Sirius finished, as they both emptied their glasses. Remus filled them again and they continued for a while, toasting to their schoolmates and companions in the Order who died.

They couldn’t count them, didn’t dare to do as much, yet, eventually, they knew only two names were left.

“To Lily Evans,” Remus said, and Sirius’s arm wrapped around his shoulders as angry tears ran down his cheeks. “The kindest, sweetest, smartest girl I’ve ever met. A real friend and a wonderful human being, who somehow managed to have Prongs settled down.”

“And to James Potter,” Sirius continued, when Remus’s voice broke. His own was thin and filled with tears. “My brother in everything but blood. I’d be dead without you. I miss you.”

He gulped his glass down and then wrapped his lips around the neck of the bottle. He was sobbing and Remus manoeuvred the two of them so that he could hold Sirius against his chest. He took the bottle from him and emptied it in two long swings.
Neither of them dared to move for a long time as they both just felt content with being in each other’s arms as they thought about what happened in the last couple of days while showing the other their weakness and broken hearts. Remus couldn’t remember the last time he had ever seen Sirius like that and was saddened at the thought that it had been when they were still in Hogwarts.

The man he fell for was so used to wearing the mask of a strong, untouchable wizard, someone who couldn’t feel any kind of emotions that it took a long time for James, and then Remus, to have him open up. He was afraid of what their reaction might have been, scared that he might have been seen as too emotional or childish or, worse, being punished for allowing himself to have feelings. Maybe that was the reason why it took so long for either of them to say they loved each other, maybe that was the reason why he left after their argument.
Still, now, Lupin could see how much Sirius needed someone to comfort him, and he wanted to be that person, he wanted to be in Black’s life. He loved him with a burning passion, and he wanted to be there for him. That was also the reason why he agreed to keep secret what Dumbledore had told him.

“I want to be in Harry’s life,” Sirius said, between sobs, after a long time. He sounded more drunk than he possibly was and Remus couldn’t keep himself from making one of his hands disappear into Sirius’s soft hair and tracing soothing circles against his scalp. “Do you remember Lily’s sister, don’t you? He’ll be miserable with her. He deserves someone who cares about him.”

“I want to be in his life too,” Remus whispered. “And we will, but we have to trust Albus on this…”

The moment he said Dumbledore’s name, he knew he made a mistake. Sirius had always been a messy drunk: when they were younger, he tended to be obnoxiously loud and handsy, but, eventually, he became more erratic, getting focused on many, many different things at once and not really registering either. “You never told me what he wanted to talk about the other day.”

Remus really hoped he’d forgotten about it the next morning. “He’ll let me know when I’ll have to testify in front of the Wizengamot.” He answered, hoping against hope the half truth would have been enough.

For a drunk Sirius, that was a good enough answer. Especially because, after a while, they fell asleep on the couch, still holding each other, tangled together in a mess of limbs.

When he woke up the morning after, Remus found himself in the bedroom and could smell coffee and bacon coming from the other room. Since he was aware those were the only things Sirius was capable of cooking, he couldn’t help but smile and walked in the other room, wrapping his arms around Black’s waist.
Sirius leaned back into his lover’s arms, kissing Remus’s neck. “Good morning, handsome.”

“I might get used to waking up like this,” Remus whispered, tilting his head by one side, to give Sirius an easier access to his neck. The other man slightly nibbled at it.

“We have morning mail for you on the table, and breakfast is ready,” Sirius said, his lips still pushed against the other’s neck. “And I’d be honored to provide for you every day.”

Remus leaned closer, resting his head on Sirus’s shoulder and, for some seconds, it seemed like they were back in time, before the terrible seven months which tore them apart, before the missions, in that now so far and unbelievable bliss they shared the summer after Hogwarts when they camped at James parents’ and just spent their time together, playing Quidditch, meeting up with their friends, thinking about the future and, Lupin and Black alone - that they knew off, sneaking away from their friends for a quick fuck or just to be in each other’s proximity.

“Having the last heir of the Noble and Ancient House Black cooking breakfast for me?” He said, because he didn’t need his mind to linger in those memories too long. “I’m not worthy of such honor.”

Sirius turned off the stove and moved so that he was facing the werewolf, when he raised his eyes on him, the blue was almost completely gone, only silver shone in them, their light sad and honest. “This is the least I could give you, Moony. And if I can find a way to have mother disherit me even more, I’ll take it, no second thought.”

Remus’s laughter joined Sirius’s as his lover pecked on his lips before pushing him toward the table. “There’s a letter for you, go read it, I’ll follow you with food.”

Remus nodded, while a part of him - and not the smallest - wondered what they stood in their relationship. He dared to ask the question, but he was dying to know the answer nonetheless. He decided to discard the kisses they shared the night of Halloween and the day after as ways to mourn and copy with the death of their closer friends, but he wasn’t such a blind idiot and he couldn’t deny the way they were looking at each other, always touching and finding reasons to share the same space both while sleeping and awake.
Seven months were a lot, and Lupin knew he couldn't pick their relationship back up when they left it, not without discussing what happened while they were undercover for the Order, but he wasn’t ready to give up on Sirius.

He sighed and sat on one of the chairs around the table, the one in front of which there was a pinch of water and a sealed letter. He opened the envelope after checking that he was the intended reader and wasn’t surprised to see who sent it.

Remus,

I had the opportunity to discuss with Minister Bagnold. She and Barty Crouch Sr agreed to let you testify on the events of Halloween night under Veritaserum in front of the Wizangamot jury by the end of the day.
I’m sorry I couldn’t give you more time to get ready, but they are afraid you might be looking for a way to contrast the potion and therefore thought it to be more careful to let you know with the shortest possible notice.

Crouch is still hellbend on dragging Sirius to Azkaban, and wasn’t so thrilled to know what might transpire by your tale while the Minister said she’d be open to the idea of listening to him as well. I’d once again advise prudence when talking to our common friend about this hearing. The Wizengamot doesn’t want for your name to get into the public eye in the eventuality your involvement with the Order should be kept secret and I agree with my colleagues on this.

I’ll wait for you in the main hall of the Ministry after lunch,
Albus P.W.B. Dumbledore

“What does old Albus want from you?” Sirius asked, the moment he saw Remus place the letter back on the table. He was looking at the other wizard over the rim of his coffee cup and had a playful smile on his lips.

“He needs to meet me after lunch today,” He answered, hoping once again that the half lie would have done it for him as it did the day before.

“Something about the werewolves?” Remus had always hated to lie. He knew he was a terrible liar too, and it was funny, considering he had to hide a pretty huge part of his life to most of the people who knew him; maybe that was the reason why he did such a poor job when he arrived at Hogwarts to the point where the others understood immediately which his secret was. Still, the war and working undercover allowed him to get better, especially when it was to lie or to die.
What didn’t change in the slightest, was that he hated every bit of it; even when his own life depended on the lies and half truth he had to tell, he couldn’t stand the idea, and lying to Sirius was the worst thing ever because he knew Black would have believed him without questioning.

“Yeah,” He said, in a whisper. “With Voldemort gone, Greyback and his pack might retort to the old ways.”

He felt his eyes darken and Sirius took his hand. The old ways were ones of attacking children, sneaking on them because their parents worked for the Ministry and trying to stop the werewolf just as it happened to Lyall Lupin. Remus tried to fight against the memory of his father since he graduated Hogwarts, but it was difficult when his eyes stared at him every time the wizard looked into a mirror.

He took a long sip of coffee and ate some slices of bacon trying not to think about the fact that he had no idea about what happened to his parents. He’d have to ask Dumbledore, at some point, but he wasn’t sure he was ready to hear whatever the man would have said.

“I can go, if you don’t want to,” Sirius said, and Remus felt his heart shiver at the mere idea. “You shouldn’t… I’m here for you.”

“It’s ok,” Remus answered, and he couldn’t help but think that he had to give the best he could, that day, because whatever he would have said it’d determine Sirius’s freedom and he owned that amazing man in front of him that much. “I just want all of this behind us, and… I’d like it to be us again.”

He had no idea why he said those words. Maybe it was because he knew it would have deflected immediately whatever protest Sirius could have made, or maybe because he was dying inside to know an answer to that question.
Sirius’s entire face melted in the softest and sweetest smile Remus had ever seen. He looked at his joined hands over his cup of coffee and Remus swore he could see the ghost of tears in the corner of his eyes.

“I’d love that too, Remus,” Sirius whispered, and his voice had never sounded so small and unsure. “If you’ll have me.”

There was no way in the entire world why someone - especially Remus John Lupin - might not want Sirius Black in their lives and the werewolf swore he’d make sure the other wizard would know that, at that moment, though, all he did was ignore his breakfast and drag his partner back into their shared bedroom.

——

After lunch, Sirius went to the drawing room to examine some documents he collected about Lucius’s involvement with the Death Eaters as Dumbledore asked him some days before and Remus decided to use the distraction to reach the Ministry via the Floo Network.
He hated the idea of not telling the truth to his lover but, on the other hand, he knew he was doing it to protect Sirius and that would have allowed him to go back living his life free and without others thinking he was a traitor.

“Remus,” A familiar voice reached him and he turned to see Emmeline Vance’s strawberry hair and her bright dark blue eyes. Remus hadn’t seen her since he infiltrated the werewolves the first time, but it was nice to meet a friendly face. “I wanted to reach out after I heard, but the owls kept coming back… I’m so sorry.”

She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. For an instant, the wizard had no idea what to say, then decided to focus on the first half of her words: “I’m staying in a safehouse, that’s probably the reason and… thank you.”

What could someone say, at the end of the day, when an old classmate said they were sorry about your best friends’ death?! She smiled softly at him, the very same smile she used to make at Sirius every time their paths crossed at Hogwarts - which was an awful lot of times considering that she had been a Hufflepuff and they almost never had classes together - and nodded once.

“I guess a safehouse is a smart decision, with Black still at large…” She said, whispering and looking around as if she was afraid he might Apparate in the middle of the room if she just did as much as calling his name. And Remus realized that, while trying to protect Sirius, he also had lived in a bubble where only him and his lover existed and the entirety of the Wizarding World really believed Sirius capable of betraying James and killing Peter.

Immediately, a feeling of unease took over him, as cold as a waterfall and just as cruel. He and Emmeline had never been close, but they had been Prefects the same year, they used to talk every now and then, Remus knew she was studying to become an Auror with James and while she wasn’t an official member, she helped the Order in the years. She knew Sirius, she had been close to him for a certain time - whether as a friend or something more, Remus didn’t know and didn’t particularly care at that moment, even if his partner's words about his relationship with Marlene were suggesting that, probably, he had never been interested in women in that way - and still she so easily believed in the rumors. Only because they needed someone to take the blame as the real responsible disappeared, leaving a path of death and destruction on his road. He bit his lower lip, trying not to lash out at the young woman in front of him. It wasn’t her fault, and still he couldn’t believe someone could look at Sirius and think he was a cold blood murderer.
Not Sirius out of everyone; not the person who went through so much without losing his heart.

“I’m sorry,” He said, stepping forward to signal that the conversation was over. “I’m waited by the Wizengamot.”

Emmeline nodded and waved, letting him go, even if the unease and pure worry for his lover followed him into the depths of the Ministry. Once he reached the floor where the Wizengamot was located, he was running. Dumbledore was waiting for him in the hallway and excused himself from the conversation he was having with a tall man who was keeping his face shaded by the hood of his cloak. If the Headmaster said his name, Lupin wasn’t close enough to hear it, and didn’t particularly care either. He was there with a single mission and he wouldn’t have gotten sidetracked by whatever was going on.
HIs meeting with Emmeline had been enough to make him understand how important his testimony was going to be.

“Oh, Remus, they’ll be ready in some moments; they had to move a couple of hearings this morning so they are sending the Dementors back downstairs before having you take the stand,” Dumbledore explained rapidly. Lupin was only glad that the jury didn’t deem necessary the presence of the Dementors for his appearance. Still, he was restless and really hoped they might speed up the process and have Sirius’s name cleaned.

“I met Emmeline in the hall,” He said, because speaking about anything was better than just waiting in silence, and if he knew Albus Dumbledore enough, he wasn’t one for small talk. “She believes Sirius did it.”

Dumbledore nodded just once, slowly. “She’s not the only one, I fear. The few Death Eaters informed of Voldermort’s plan for Halloween night confirmed they thought Sirius was James’s Secret Keeper. The only one who said it couldn’t have been him is Bellatrix, but I feel like the jury wants to believe they still have some kind of cousin's love.”

The other man stopped for a moment, as if to let the information sink. Even under Veritaserum, if they thought Sirius was the Secret Keeper, they would have told their truth. “She also said she knows who Sirius’s Secret Keeper is. Which they might ask you to confirm. I couldn’t tell them this, but I think Sirius said it to her to prove his loyalty to their cause while working for the Order.”

Remus nodded. It made sense, if, just as Sirius told him, he thought Bellatrix suspected him, letting her know who the person who knew where all his secrets were hidden could have dissipated some of those same suspects, at least in theory. Nobody but Voldemort knew who betrayed the Potters, but somehow only Bellatrix knew it wasn’t her cousin. Remus wondered how he could use the information Dumbledore was giving him.

Making Bellatrix sound more reliable than the others was a double-edged blade, but he knew which was the truth, he had seen it unfold in front of his eyes and, even if only in part, the Lestrange woman was right. “Will they believe me?”

“They’ll believe you are telling your truth,” Dumbledore answered. “Which I hope would be enough to have them agree on listening to Sirius’s version instead of dragging him to Azkaban.”

Remus nodded once, trying to study the man’s face but, just like most of the times he tried to do that much, his expression remained unreadable, like a forbidden book in the restricted section of the Hogwarts library. “You said something, at Godric’s Hallow - Remus just had to know, and that seemed to be like the best moment. - About making choices out of love in that house.”

“It’s a sad and long story, Remus,” The Headmaster stopped him, his piercing eyes running on the now opening door of the room behind them. “For which we don’t have time, now. But I was telling the truth when I said I hope yours will have a different ending.”

The werewolf could feel the taste of the other man’s lie on his tongue but, once again, he knew that he had to walk inside of the room before someone decided to really try and look for Sirius. If they believed Bellatrix enough to be aware that he was Black’s Secret Keeper, they might have looked for a way to have him talk. It was an irrational fear, considering that the Fidelius Charm prevented the location to be revealed even under the influx of Veritaserum or Cruciatus Curse but, still, Remus felt extremely uneasy when he crossed the heavy doors of the WIzengamot.

He looked around, studying the tired faces of the wizards and witches in the jury. He had no idea how long the hearings had gone on for that morning, but he could tell some of them were relieved when they didn’t see any Dementor parade inside the hall. The chair where he was supposed to sit wasn’t in the middle of the room but in front of what looked like a cage, high and with dark spikes pointing inward. Remus didn’t want to think about what was going on in that room and just took place where a bulky man was pointing.

By the chair side, there was a dark small table with a plethora of instruments on it. Lupin recognized some Dark Detectors from his meetings with Moody and a row of empty vials, all with the same label. There was only one which still contained the liquid but the man by the table side looked as tired as everyone else and just nodded once at Remus when he saw where the young man’s eyes went.

“Can the witness please state his name?” A low voice asked, and Remus’s attention went back to the person in the judge’s chair. He recognized Barty Crouch Sr from his likeness to his son and the tales he had heard about the man. The cold aura which surrounded him, severe and implacable was palpable in the air, more similar to the Dementors’ effect than anything Remus had ever experienced in his life.

He had no idea how long it took before he managed to answer, but, probably, it wasn’t as long as it felt.

“Remus John Lupin,” He said, his hand wrapping around the armrest of his chair and trying to ignore the chains connected to it which, luckily, hadn’t been closed around his wrists.

“You are here to give your version about the events of the night of Halloween in Godric’s Hollow, is that correct?” Crouch asked, and Remus did everything in his power not to look for friendly faces in the crowd.

“It is correct, sir,” The answer, albeit sure, sounded almost as if it was pronounced by a young child reprimanded by a teacher instead of a man who fought a war most of the time in a secret undercover mission unknown to most of the population. “And I’m ready to offer said account under the effects of Veritaserum.”

Crouch nodded and moved his wand toward the man standing by the small table who opened the last vial and gave it to Remus. The man took it and drank from it in a smooth gulp, feeling too scrutinized while he was doing such an easy gesture. A moment later, he realized the voice asking him questions changed and now the Minister of Magic was standing by Crouch Sr.

Millicent Bagnold’s eyes were kinder than Crouch’s, but Remus knew better than to immediately trust her. Sure, she might have publicly spoken against Voldermort, but little was known about her in the Order and something Lupin had known from the moment he left Hogwarts and joined the secret organization was that, usually, people who had nothing to hide, especially in politics, didn’t keep their lives secret. Still, he tried to focus his entire attention on her when she started to question him: “Is it correct to say that you were a close friend of the Potters during your Hogwarts years and immediately after?”

Remus knew that with the effect of the potion he couldn’t be able to lie, but found himself not wanting to. The Veritaserum was more something he asked for to convince them than a real need. “Yes, it’s correct. We could say Lily was my best friend, and James… we had been close since the day I first took the Hogwarts Express.”

It was almost minimizing, telling those things about James and Lily, trying to define what they had, the five of them - and it hurt to think that it had been the five of them up until the moment it was too late and still his brain couldn’t picture the Marauders without Peter in it -, what they had been and what they had shared and labelling something which shaped their lives so deeply. The Minister nodded.

“When was the last time you had seen them, before the night in question?” The question, even if nobody could have known it, broke Remus’s heart. He bit into his lower lip until he felt blood in his mouth.

“Longer than I wished - He couldn’t help but say. - The day after Harry’s first birthday. They invited me to join for the celebration but I… couldn’t make it.”

Dumbledore moved in the corner of Remus’s field of sight, he leaned closer to another man in the jury who moved over and allowed him to scoot closer to Crouch and the Minister. Bagnold didn't notice him, but the man did and turned his dark, cold eyes on the Headmaster.

“Is everything fine, Albus?” He asked, as the older wizard stood.

“Considering Mr Lupin’s particular involvement with certain personal projects of mine, I have to ask you to respect this allowance I received from the jury and ask Madame Minister to only question him about the events of the night of October 31st.”

Remus had no idea what the man didn’t want him to reveal; maybe it was the reason why he had to say to Lily that he couldn’t be at the house the day of Harry’s birthday - the fact that Sirius was there and Remus didn’t want to see him - or maybe it was because he was still keeping his secrets, it wasn’t like he really wanted to know. Crouch didn’t seem to be particularly happy with that request, but the Minister nodded and then continued: “Of course, I’m sorry, Albus. What brought you to Godric’s Hollow the night of October 31st?”

“I was working on something for Dumbledore - He said, hoping they wouldn’t ask what he was working on but happy that Veritaserum could still be worked around when the question wasn’t straightforward. He was telling the truth, he was just being extremely vague about it. - For some fortuitous coincidence I was in the woods near the village when I saw the Dark Mark in the sky. I didn’t even know it was James and Lily’s house, they moved recently. I wanted to help, stop the Death Eaters if I could, do damage control if I couldn’t.”

Flashes from that night started to appear in front of his eyes. He tried to close them, but the images his brain was providing just got more vivid. He only hoped the next question would come soon because a part of him knew which would have been and it was exactly the reason why he chose to be on that chair in front of those people.

“How couldn’t you know where the Potters’ house was, if you really were that close?” Crouch asked, clearly not so pleased at the idea of only asking certain questions.

“They moved, they knew Voldemort was after them and decided to move somewhere else, a place protected by the Fidelium Charm. Their Secret Keeper never revealed its location to me.”

“Did you know who the Secret Keeper was?” Another voice asked, a voice Remus didn’t recognize.

“I didn’t the moment I Apparated in Godric’s Hollow, but I suspected who might have been. It turned out I was wrong. I, just like everyone else, thought it was Sirius Black, James’s best friend, his son’s godfather, a member, just like James was, of the Sacred Twenty-Eight. It made sense. - Remus said, trying to be as clear as possible and to make sure everyone was listening to the words he had chosen. - It would have been better if it were Sirius, because he would have never betrayed them. I now know who the Secret Keeper was: Peter Pettygrew.”

The room fell completely silent for half a second, then chaos erupted. Remus heard at least five different questions being shouted at him, all of the people yelling and waiting for an answer and wanting to be the first to get one. He heard different voices asking him how he could be sure about that, others wondering how it was possible, many saying that there were Muggle witnesses who said Sirius killed Peter and a part of Remus wanted both to answer all of those questions and neither.

Eventually, the Minister asked for silence in the room and the myriad of questions died in the mouths of the members of the Wizengamot. She looked around and Remus noticed there were flying pieces of parchment going around, stopping in front of those who wanted to speak so that they could write something on it.
After everyone got their opportunity to write their questions, the papers flew back in Bagnold’s hands and she turned her eyes once again on Remus.

“I feel this would be better, and the effects of the Veritaserum should last long enough that all of the members of the Wizengamot will get their answers. - She said, her tone was calm and conciliatory, but she was also preventing people from pretending to get their questions answered first. - What happened after you Apparated in Godric’s Hollow?”

Remus had expected that question. He suspected it was what she was going to answer, whether it had been written on that parchment or not. He closed his eyes, trying not to think about the vivid memories he had of that night and just letting the potion do its work and push words from his lips. It was weird, to listen to his own voice without having any control over what he was saying.

“I saw the house. I immediately understood whose house it was, not because of some secret sign but because Sirius’s motorbike was in front of it. I wanted to investigate, to get inside and try to understand how I could see it, all things considered. But then I heard someone screaming and laughing from the other side of the street and I recognized Sirius’s laughter,” He stopped, taking a deep breath before continuing. “I reached him, and I noticed he was facing Peter. They stood on the opposite ends of the street and something was wrong. I can’t tell exactly what, just something from having known them for so long. Peter said something about Sirius betraying James and Sirius told him he couldn’t talk to me. They were different. Sirius looked in shock as one would imagine after his best friend had been killed but Peter, he had always worshipped the soil Sirius and James walked on, but that night he was different, he was trying to get me by his side because I had always been the one able to win against Sirius in a duel.”

He knew he sounded like a crazy man. Everyone, listening to him, would have thought his reasoning was delusional but, at the same time, they knew it was the Veritaserum talking, and that had to mean something, that had to be enough. “When he realized I wouldn’t have sided with him, the street went up in flames. I guess that’s what alerted the Aurors, but Sirius didn’t do it. He couldn’t have. Still, I saw the Aurors and I understood what it looked like. They would have believed Sirius was the Secret Keeper…”

“I think this explains enough,” Dumbledore interrupted him, and Remus realized he wanted to keep his involvement in the events of that night a secret.

“The Wizengamot allowed you not to ask about what happened before Halloween night,” Crouch answered, and he was literally glaring daggers at Dumbledore. “But what happened on that day is the reason why we are all here, Headmaster, and Mr Lupin will answer the question.”

The other man raised from his chair, his hands grasping with strength the banister which divided him from the chair where Crouch and the Minister were standing. “Mr Lupin said that Sirius Black didn’t cast any spell against Peter Pettygrew, and the arrival of the Aurors worried him. This is enough to prove that Black wasn’t the Potters’ Secret Keeper.”

The Minister shared a very pointed glance with Crouch and then shook her head. “We’ll move to the next question, but other interruptions won’t be accepted from any member of this assembly or the rest of Mr Lupin’s testimony will be heard behind closed doors.”

Reluctantly, both Dumbledore and Crouch nodded at her words and Remus knew there wasn’t a lot either of them could have done otherwise. They both had their own interests in staying inside of the room so they let her continue with the next question: “Do you know where Mr Black currently is?”

That was a question he had feared and, at the same time, he had expected. This time, the werewolf didn’t need to close his eyes to try and keep unwanted images away from his mind. “I do, but I won’t reveal the location and the Veritaserum won’t force me to. I know you heard Bellatrix Lestrange’s words and she was right on something: I am Sirius Black’s Secret Keeper.”

This time, the silence which embraced the room was deafening and total. He had no idea if the details transpired from the Death Eaters’ hearings could be disclosed, but a part of him suggested to Remus that the silence had fallen on the room at the revelation that Bellatrix Lestrange didn’t lie about her cousin’s Secret Keeper.

“Which is your relationship with Bellatrix Lestrange and Sirius Black?” The Minister asked and, this time, Remus knew for certain that the question wasn’t on the papers she was looking at.

“I met Bellatrix once, and I wish I never did, but I heard a lot about her from Sirius. - Remus hated himself and the things the potion was making him say. He knew that what his lover revealed to him were some of his darkest and best guarded secrets, something he never revealed, not even to James, not so in depth, and he was selling them to a group of perfect strangers who were ready to make Sirius a criminal. Still, he couldn’t lie and he really hoped they wouldn’t use it against Black. - As for Sirius, he’s my partner.”

He tried to ignore the whispers which rose with his words, focusing only on the Minister’s voice. “If you and Mr Black are so close, why didn’t you know he wasn’t the Potters’ Secret Keeper?”

Remus expected for Dumbledore to intervene once again and steer back to the night when James and Lily died the line of questioning, but he didn’t, so he, once again, gave up control to the effects of the potion and opened his lips, letting all the words to just flow out of them: “We had a fight, seven months ago. We found ourselves in the position of not being able to trust each other, and we decided to go on separate ways. I hadn't seen him up until that night. But I don’t see how my relationship with Sirius is relevant to this.”

He looked where Dumbledore was, and he was expecting to see disappointment in his light blue eyes, instead he didn’t see anything of the likes in them. The man nodded just once, slowly, his piercing gaze fixed on Remus’s face. A moment later, the Headmaster moved by the side, so that he was in front of the chair where Remus was and spoke: “Mr Lupin, would you say your feelings for Sirius Black obfuscated your judgement on the night of Halloween?”

“No,” Remus was almost surprised when he realized that was the truth, if anything because he had said the exact opposite to Sirius. “My feelings for him had me stop and consider what was going on in front of my eyes, but it was Peter’s behaviour who had me trust Sirius.”

Crouch was still staring at Dumbledore as if he wanted to punch him in the face but, apparently, the Minister wasn’t so disturbed by the other man’s intervention. Moments later, she continued with the questions she got from the Wizengamot.

Remus couldn’t tell how long the hearing lasted, but he could tell with certainty that the effects of the Veritaserum were still afflicting his body when the questioning ended. His eyes kept going to the Minister as the man by the table gave him an antidote before she and Crouch said they’d needed some moments to discuss the information they had just gained from him. Dumbledore excused himself telling he already knew in favor of what to vote for and reached Remus in the hallway just outside the heavy dark door of the magical courthouse.

“How do you think it went?” Lupin asked him, the moment the man walked outside. He was restless, a certain type of need to constantly move that he only experienced close to the full moon and, considering that would have been in a couple of weeks, he had no reason to be that fidgeting. A part of him just wanted to walk upstairs and disappear inside of the first fireplace, go back to Sirius once again and leave the entire day at his back. But he owned his lover much more than that.

“They were surprised, but most of them are willing to listen to Sirius,” The Headmaster answered. “I was surprised.”

“By the answer to your question?” Remus had to know. It had been a dangerous question to ask, especially considering that he couldn’t know the answer beforehand. Not even Lupin had known it completely.

“No, that was what I guessed you would have answered, or I would have never asked it in the first place. I know you, Remus,” he said, clearly aware of the surprised expression he knew was crossing his face. “You love Sirius, but because of this love, you are not ready to deny his flaws and ignore them. You were afraid he sided with his family, but you knew even if that happened, he wouldn’t betray James.”

The question he asked him in Sirius’s drawing room came back to Remus’s mind immediately. Remus didn’t know if he would have been so sure about Sirius’s loyalty to the cause, but he would have gambled his entire life on Sirius’s loyalty to James Potter. He nodded, once, still unable to stop his walking up and down the hallway, but now with more purpose in that simple gesture.
And then something else crossed his mind: “When Sirius had to go into hiding, you practiced the Fidelium, how did you not know who the Secret Keeper was?”

He remembered that day as if it was yesterday.

Remus had just come back from a meeting with Kingsley, Marlene and James. It was one of their first with the Order the year after they left Hogwarts, Alice was supposed to be there too, but she was busy with the preparations for her wedding. Marlene complained about being the only one with boobs and therefore judgment in the crew.

“Moony - she had said, running up to him and taking a drag from the cigarette he had just lit. - I really miss your worse half.”

Lupin had rolled his eyes to the sky. Sirius started to refer to himself in such a way and Marlene picked it up, only to piss the two of them off. “I’ve been summoned to Notting Hill, you can join us, if you want.”

She scoffed. “And witness to you two fucking on every surface?! Nope, I’ll take my dose of Padny only where they must keep their clothes on, thank you very much!”

“Padny?!” He asked, before of course he had.

“Padfoot and Moony. Not as cool as Jily, but better than Simus,” She said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Go, you lover boy! I’ll try to bring Kingsley on the road of perdition.”

And with that, and a chaste kiss against his lips, she was gone. Remus shook his head and Apparated in the apartment, surprised when he saw Dumbledore there as well and a very distressed Sirius. He was scratching at his left arm and for half a second Remus thought he did something irreversible. “Sirius?”

“I’m fine,” he remembered his lover saying, exposing the skin there still completely pale. “Ita not me, it’s Reggie. I can’t stay anywhere else, not if I want to be next to him, try and help him. You are the only one I trust with our lives.”

Remus barely knew Regulus Black. Like almost everything else in Sirius’s life, he was a story told through glances and during the aftermath of nightmares, but it was undeniable that Sirius cared about him. “He joined them, Moony. And if I want to protect him… I need to get deeper, closer, but I’d lose my mind if I do. I need a place nobody knows of, and someone to be its keeper.”

With those words, the reason behind the presence of Albus became clearer; the Headmaster didn’t even have to say it out loud, because Remus preceded him: “The Fidelium Charm… You want me as your Secret Keeper.”

Sirius nodded, once: “Who else could I ask?”

“James,” Remus said, because it was always Sirius and James when it mattered and that was a relationship of Sirius he wasn’t jealous of.

“James has Lily to worry about,” Remus wasn’t sure if Sirius wanted for him to hear that, what he said next, though, was what sold it to him. “I love James like a brother. And maybe if I loved Regulus a bit more, just as much as I love James, we wouldn’t be at this point; but it’s you I’d give my life to.”

Remus remembered accepting and standing in the middle of the room, his hands grasped around Sirius’s middle. Albus told them being that close wasn’t necessary, that contact was enough, but they needed to convey all the love they felt for each other as Dumbledore blinded the location of the apartment to the very souls of Remus. And that place inside of him would have always felt like home.

“I was there, but it wasn’t me who cast it, apparently,” Dumbledore said, and his tone had Remus thinking that he asked himself the same question at some point. “One place can have many secret keepers: when the designated one dies, all who knows of the location become Keepers. But the Fidelium Charm can only be placed on one. I suspect Sirius practiced the Charm on Peter, and then had me practice it on him.”

It made sense, and it was also so stupidly Sirius. Remus threw his hands in his hair, pulling it. “He’s an idiot, and I’m going to kill him!”

Dumbledore didn’t need to say anything: his eyes told Remus that he was well aware none of this would have happened. “He did what thought was best, to protect the Potters and the Order.”

Remus knew he was right, the fact that he didn’t like it even in the slightest, though, was still just as true. He was feeling the start of a headache creeping on him as well, so he just shook his head and looked at the man in front of him. Dumbledore was a mystery, but not even once Lupin had ever doubted him. “I want to protect Sirius,” He admitted, even if there was little secret in that. “If they won’t agree on him being innocent… Can you help me, Albus?”

The older wizard’s calm glance went on him, his blue eyes bearing into Remus’s very soul, as if he was trying to read his very intentions. Whatever he saw, seemed to be enough because a soft smile crossed his lips. “I will do what’s in my power to help Sirius Black.”

And then his eyes were distant again, just like it happened in that house in Godric’s Hollow. “It was my childhood home. I had a lover, just out of Hogwarts. It was nothing like you and Sirius, but he too asked me to make a choice: my family, or what we were building together. I feel like Lily knew something of this story by talking to Batilda. - Another unreadable smile crossed his lips, Remus could spot regret in it, but not for Lily knowing the story, it seemed deeper, older. - I trusted him, someone would say I’ve been a fool, and maybe they are right, but they wouldn’t understand. I’m not sure I ever did either. It ended badly, still I can’t stop loving him, even after all of this time. You and Sirius… You are better men than we ever were. I’ll protect him.”

Remus had no idea how to take what he just heard. The sadness in Dumbledore’s voice wasn’t something he was used to, nor the weight of what he just confessed. That man was always so closed off than imagine him just out of Hogwarts seemed something impossible, hearing him say Remus was a better man than the greatest wizard of their time was even more upsetting for reasons he couldn’t completely grasp. He wanted to say something, anything, but, at that moment, the doors of the Wizengamot opened again and a guard came to call them back in.
Dumbledore shared with him a knowing glance before walking through the door and Remus just had the time to collect his thoughts before following the other man. For now, Sirius was safe, at home, a place nobody knew where to find him except for himself, the headmaster and a person who was allegedly dead. Keeping him inside would have been a struggle, but one he could manage, and Albus said he’d help if it came to it. It was safe, and everything was going to be fine; or, at least, that was what he was repeating to himself as he fixed his jacket and walked inside of the same grim room he gave his testimony before in.

He tried to feel the shift in the air, predicting, maybe, which the decision would have been, but whoever said werewolf had highlighted senses either was wrong - but for the full moon nights - or just found in Remus the living exception because all he could see were tensed lines around Crouch’s eyes which he couldn’t tell if have been there before as well. Still, he forced his body to stop fidgeting and playing with the handcuffs around the armrests of his chair and raised his eyes on the Wizengamot. The judge’s chair was now taken by the Minister of Magic, her face, while sweeter than Crouch's, was just as a close book as everybody’s else.

“We discussed the facts that transpired from the night of Halloween,” She started. “And what we were asked to decide is maybe something behind this jury’s comprehension since many events that led to that night and happened in Godric’s Hollow remain obscure to us and we probably won’t ever disclose the entire truth behind it. Though, concerning the reason which brought you here this afternoon, Mr Lupin, we have reached a conclusion.”

The room was silent as she spoke, but the air changed completely when she stopped, maybe wanting that very same effect. Remus could feel his body shaking, anxious expectation and pure fear battled inside of him and the familiar feeling of adrenaline pumping through his veins was almost blinding. If he wasn’t seated, he would have probably fainted just there.

“The matching elements of yours and Bellatrix Black’s testimony have us believe that Sirius Black wasn’t the Potters’ Secret Keeper. We can’t rule out his involvement in the events of that night, but we will have him questioned and his wand examined to understand if he killed Peter Pettygrew,” Her glance rested on Remus, dark and severe. “He will be either heard immediately or he’ll spend the night in Azkaban and testify tomorrow in the morning, this will be up to him. You will be asked to write an owl to him since you are the only person who can find him, but the message must adhere to what Mr Crouch will say, do we have an agreement?”

Remus would have wanted to answer, but the tension had him empty the contents of his stomach on the floor before Dumbledore interceded for him: “Someone bring him some water. He agrees.”

——

Sirius wasn’t an anxious person, mostly because to be one he must have stopped at some time and thought about stuff that might go wrong and if the events of the past couple of days proved something was that he never did. He preferred blaming himself for his errors: errors which a part of his mind was saying that he couldn’t see coming, and worrying over Harry, young, too young, and alone with Lily’s awful sister and her even worse husband. And about Regulus, and how his death had been stupid, and Bellatrix and her crazy obsession for Voldemort. So, no, he generally didn’t worry about Remus.

Because Remus was the conscious one, the cautious one, the smarter one, and the only times he worried about him was about which side in the war he was going to fight for and when he decided to pull a prank on Snape so many years before. He knew Remus could take care of himself; he knew his lover was a powerful wizard even if he maybe wasn’t completely aware of just how much powerful he was - Sirius had seen him cast a silent Patronus in a moment of high stress when they were barely seventeen - and he wasn’t worrying about him not coming back from his meeting with Dumbledore. Not at all. He most definitely didn’t jump on the armchair of the drawing room when he heard something hitting the window of the drawing room, and he didn’t run to said window when he realized it was an owl he had never seen before.

The animal was a warm shade of brown and had amber eyes which reminded Sirius of Remus’s and had a letter wrapped with a thin piece of fabric to his leg. By the look of everything, it seemed to be something official and Sirius wasn’t that surprised to see the symbol of the Ministry of Magic holding it closed. What surprised him, though, was that it was Remus’s handwriting instead of any printed version of the message or something like that. He had no idea that his liver was at the Ministry and couldn’t think about why he would have had to write him something so formal. Still, he couldn’t ignore it, not once he took it from the owl and the bird flew back from where it came from.
It didn’t require a genius to understand that the words weren’t Remus’s, still Sirius could see something in the gran of the parchment which had him really suspicious of its content. The message was brief and straight to the point:

Mr Sirius Black, it read. You are required to appear in front of the Wizengamot to give your testimony concerning the event of the night of Halloween. You can either show up in the Ministery Hall via Floo Network or you will be escorted to Azkaban and interrogated in the court tomorrow morning. We’ll know when you’ll receive the owl.

Sirius knew which his choice would have been, especially considering that he himself had proposed to Dumbledore to be questioned so he took his wand and walked toward the fireplace in the living room of his apartment, the letter still held in his grasp. He knew that Remus hid something in it, he just wasn’t sure he wanted to know, so decided to ignore the matter altogether and jumped into the fire once it turned green.

Before starting to work undercover as a member of the Order, Sirius had started to train as an Auror with James and even if he wasn’t sure that was his path any longer, that training made him familiar with the ways the Ministry worked. He knew that someone arriving in the hall via Floo Network wasn’t something weird, so he was extremely surprised when he saw many pairs of eyes turning in his direction as if they had just seen a ghost starting to live again amongst them. There wasn’t any other option to describe the completely shocked expressions in the eyes of the people who had been ran up and down the main hall just moments ago.

He immediately was aware of the fact that he was still holding the letter from Remus in his hands and to find some escape from the people staring he raised it in front of him, tapping the paper with the point of his wand. It wasn’t the same spell for the Map - and thinking about it tore another hole in his already destroyed heart - but it was the way Sirius and Remus used to communicate in secret while at Hogwarts; not as loud and evident as his and James’s mirrors, but still theirs. As it always happened, words replaced the ones of the original message. This was more wordly, and it was all Remus’s.

I’ll explain everything to you once we are alone, please come to the Ministry as soon as you get this, otherwise they’ll drag you to Azkaban and I fear they won’t wait for your version of the story.
I didn’t want to lie to you. I hope you’ll forgive me,
– Moony.

Sirius had no idea what it was about, but he also suspected that the lie he told was where he had been instead of being with Dumbledore so he somehow made a beeline for the first lift and without thinking twice pushed the button which led to the rooms of the Wizengamot.
The last words of Remus’s message, the real one, were burning into his mind when the caged door of the lift opened on the dark hallway he didn’t visit as much as the rest of the Ministry. If Lupin managed to forgive him about his mistrust and the fact that he pretty much was the responsible of Lily and James’s deaths, why shouldn’t Sirius forgive him about whatever lie Remus had told him? Unless he slept with someone in the courtroom - which didn’t sound very Lupin-like to begin with - Sirius had absolutely nothing to forgive Remus for.
The moment he found himself in the dark hallways, though, he got taken aback. In front of him there was a man he had only heard of. His dark and gloom face was glaring daggers at Sirius and the moment he stepped out of the elevator two Aurors were on him, one blocking his way out and the other standing between him and Barry Crouch Sr., his huge arms crossed across his chest. The man was tall, taller than Remus and his body seemed to be made purely by muscles. Yet, Sirius held his glance.

“We'll take your wand, Mr Black,” Crouch said, extending his hand, waiting; Sirius looked around, confusion written all over in his blue eyes yet undetectable for whomever didn’t know him well. Years and years under the attentive cares of one Walburga and Orion Black taught him how to hide his emotions to whomever didn’t know him directly. There were three people who knew him well enough to detect any emotion on his face, and two of them were dead, so Sirius just bit into his lower lip and moving as slowly as he could he extended his wand so that the man in front of him could take it.

Crouch was still staring at his face, his own unreadable and cold as a statue’s, and then, with a flicker of his own wand, heavy handcuffs went to wrap themselves around Black’s wrists. For a single second, the feeling of the cold metal brought him back to Grimmauld Place. It had been one of his mother’s favorite punishments, and it went even worse when Bellatrix was around, especially after she joined the Dead Eaters.
They’d take the smallest thing Sirius ever did and pretend it annoyed them to no avail, just to have an excuse to close him in the dungeons of the palace and, sometimes, use the Cruciatus Curse on him. Those were the times he deemed himself lucky.

At some point, the summer he decided to run to the Potters, Bellatrix started to get experimental with her spells. Regulus had worried so much about not seeing him at dinner that he faced the darkness he had always been afraid of just to check on Sirius. He had screamed at his brother, trying to fight him so that he would have left and not walk into their mother and cousin’s rage. Orion found both his sons, instead. That was a weird memory of Sirius’s.
His father had never been a warm or loving man, he was absent and distant, spending the majority of his time doing nobody really knew what, but that single time he released Sirius and carried a shocked Regulus in his room, then he pretended not to see that his elder child had his chest ready to leave. He didn’t say a word, but didn’t try to stop Sirius either.

Crouch was talking to him, Black was somewhat aware of it. Trying to make out any of the words he was saying, though, seemed a colossal struggle he wasn’t sure he wanted to embark on. The two Aurors were tugging at him and pushing him down the dark hallway which led to some stairs disappearing under what he thought was the WIzengamot.
He didn't really understand why they were leading down the stairs, but his brain seemed to be stuck on that memory alone and that was maybe better than panicking about going into the dark without his wand.

It didn’t last long. A moment later he was unceremoniously pushed into what looked to be like a cage, not different from the elevator if not narrower and he could spot pools of darkness float around it. The Aurors and Crouch were bathed in a soft silvery light, but the moment the door of the cage closed behind him all Sirius could see was the floating figures and all he could feel was cold. An absolutely freezing sensation sticking to his skin and clothes in the same way. It wasn’t something normal or natural, and a part of him dreaded to give it a name, even if he knew it, in the depths of his mind, he knew what was causing it.
That very same part of him was begging to curl up in a corner of the cage for the little comfort he could find in his body warmth, but willingly or not, he was the heir of the Ancient and Noble House of Black, and he was prideful so he stepped closer to where the door of the cage was and, into the dark emptiness, he cursed Crouch and the two Aurors.

Sirius hadn’t expected it to work, but moments after the ceiling swung open and the cage moved, just like the elevator had, toward the room he had expected to be paraded into. His blue eyes went to look at the people in the dias. The Minister of Magic was seated by Crouch and Dumbledore’s side in what looked to be the judge’s seat, the rest of the members of the Wizengamot around the three of them. In the furthermost corner, not in the red and black clothes of the jury but in his own, sit Remus.
Dumbledore’s silver phoenix flew up and down in front of where he was seated, on both sides he could see a dolphin and a snake, Patronuses of members of the jury capable of casting corporeal one, very likely, even if what got Sirius’s complete attention was Remus’s wolf, as always, even in that situation, even when, in the beat of the eyes, the Dementors as well flew at his very same level and started to nag at the cage.
For a second, the silver wolf looked ready to attack.

“Mr Lupin,” The Minister of Magic called, apparently, she noticed the miniscule movement as well. Sirius wanted to look at Remus and smile at him, thanking his partner for trying to protect him, but there was something, inside of him, gnawing at his stomach as if it was trying to come out with its own claws, emerging from the darkest places of Sirius’s body and brain. It was cold and unforgiving, and he couldn’t exactly name it, but it had on his tongue the same taste of torture and ashes. He wondered when he learnt how torture tasted like, but he guessed being Crucioed on the floor of the basement of his family ancestral home had something to do with it.

He felt as if he was drawing in a cold sadness and the little joy the silver wolf was giving him, the knowledge that Remus was there for him was a pale illusion, far and out of reach, just like Lupin had seemed when Sirius started to look at him under a different light, so many years ago.

”You are staring, again,” James said, sounding as carefree as ever, as if catching his best friend looking at their roommate walking outside the bathroom after a shower was totally normal. At least, the previous time, Remus had been with Marlene - how he was jealous of the girl - and Black could pretend it was her he had been staring at. Luckily, for once, James kept his voice low.

Sirius shook his head, hiding it a moment later in the pillow of his bed, or maybe it was James’s bed, or Remus’s, he didn’t remember. He was sure it wasn’t Peter’s because his had been the furthest away from the bathroom door.

“‘m not…” Sirius mumbled into the soft fabric.
James chuckled, opening his hand and letting the Golden Snitch fly around the room for some instant before catching it again. It was annoying, but, at that moment, at least, gave Sirius something else to focus on while Remus took his clothes and hid once again in the bathroom. James waited for the door to close once again before speaking.

“You are, you have been since the first time we went with him,” It wasn’t a lie, Black was only surprised James noticed, all things considered. He had expected that confession coming from Peter or Remus himself. They transformed into Animagi and accompanied him to the Shrickening Shack during the full moon. Neither of them had any idea of what to expect, even if Sirius had been by Remus’s side in the medical wing a couple of times in the months before. Seeing the transformation was something completely different.

“I’m worried about him,” That wasn’t a lie either. It wasn’t just the more pressing issue why he was staring at Remus from time to time. But he wasn’t ready to say it out loud.

“Do you know you can talk to me, right Pads?” James’s question sounded so honest, Sirius almost told him, keyword being almost.

“I know, thanks,” He answered, and then decided to go for a walk downstairs in the common room. James didn’t comment on that, saying he’d waited Remus as they had plans for the evening with Marlene and very unwilling Lily. And Sirius, like the idiot he was, didn’t say anything and wished them good evening.

Sirius had no idea what, exactly, prompted that memory out of everything. It wasn’t his happiest concerning either Remus or James, nor was the saddest he had - he could have filled many Pensieves with both - so he couldn’t really see how Dementors could be interested in it. Yet when it surfaced it seemed like it was at the same time burnt into his eyelids and gone forever. It was a feeling he wouldn’t have wished upon his worst enemy. Not even Bellatrix.

He was mildly aware that the Minister was talking to him, some moments later he saw, in his peripheral vision, a different Patronus getting closer to the cage and a man standing there, a crystal clear vial filled with something extended toward him. He raised his eyes toward where Dumbledore and the others stood and waited for an answer which came from the Minister in a softer and kinder voice than he’d ever imagined, considering the position he was in.

“Veritaserum,” She explained, and Sirius immediately accepted the vial, drinking it in a long swing. The warm feeling of the Patronus receded once again along with the man who gave him the potion and Sirius just had the urge to say something, anything.

“We are opening the fifth session of the day,” Crouch announced. “We are questioning Sirius Orion Black about the events of the night of October 31st. Black agreed on giving his testimony under the effect of Veritaserum, am I correct, Mr Black?”

“Yes,” Sirius answered, almost eager to please the man with his answer. He didn’t really know why the cage or the Dementors were necessary when he chose to cooperate, but if they deemed them to be, so be it. He only hoped it would have been short.

“Were you, at any moment, James and Lily Potter’s Secret-Keeper?” Sirius was almost surprised it was Dumbledore who asked the question. He had no idea how much he would have revealed about his mission with the Order, even if he didn’t really care at that moment, but he supposed it made sense if the Headmaster wanted to keep those things secret.

“I was not, even if I let people believe it,” He said. He didn’t know if it was the potion, his own willingness to speak or the Dementors menacingly circling him, but he didn’t find in himself even the strength to think about a lie.

“Why?” Crouch asked. He wondered how long it would have taken for someone who wasn’t Remus to ask that question.

“Becauses I was the obvious choice,” The answer was as easy as it came. “Everyone knows James was my best friend. I would have died instead of revealing their secret, but it would have put them and Harry in a dangerous position, if I really were their Secret Keeper.”

He expected someone else to ask the reason for his last statement, and was relieved when Albus took the word once again: “Who knew who the real Secret Keeper was?”

“The night it happened?” A single nod from the Minister. “James, Lily, Pettygrew, and I.”

“Not even your partner?” The Minister’s eyes went to where Sirius knew Remus was sitting. He wondered how deep they wanted to investigate their relationship, but the term made it clear that they had already questioned Remus.

“We weren’t together. Not when the Fidelius was casted, not on Halloween night.”

“Why?” Once again. He was starting to hate that question. Still, he moved his eyes toward Dumbledore, who stepped closer to Crouch just a moment before Sirius could start to talk. The man tensed, then moved his eyes on Black and spoke again: “I’ve been informed the same request moved for Mr Lupin’s questioning applies to Mr Black’s as well. You are dispensed from answering my last question.”

Sirius had no idea about what he was talking about, but was glad for it. He nodded once, it wasn’t like he could do or say anything else, not when he could feel his heartbeat in his ears at the idea of Remus being in that very same position he was in.

“You have my wand,” He said, eventually, because the silence was starting to become deathening and the Dementors seemed to move closer. “You can check which is the last spell I used. You’ll see I didn’t blow up any street.”

Sirius immediately felt the three people in front of him glaring down at where he was, but he couldn’t care less. His mind was being dragged into whatever dark pit the Dementors came from and he just needed to do something to explain he didn’t betray James and Lily. That was all it mattered. They could throw him in Azkaban, if they wanted, but they needed to know he would have died before giving up his best friends.

“That, we are currently doing, Mr Black,” The Minister said. Her tone was firm, but not cold, or, at least not colder than the feeling which was creeping up his back. “Why did you go to Godric’s Hollow, the night in question?”

That was the question he had feared, yet he knew someone would have asked it. He breathed in, closed his eyes as if it could help him to just open his mouth and give an account of the events leading to that night without having to think about it. He knew that very same answer would have put him in a hot spot, but he had to answer, and couldn’t shy away from the ugliest sides of it, not with the Veritaserum in his system.

“I was…” He started, and the last thing he expected was the noise of a chair against the rocky floor. He had to open his eyes and look at the person who made the noise, surprised to find Dumbledore standing there.

“Mr Black was working on the same personal project Mr Lupin was,” The Headmaster of Hogwarts said, and Sirius was sure Crouch would have wanted nothing else than to kick the older wizard’s ass out of the room. Still, they all knew he couldn’t.

“We can just ignore whatever our primary suspect was doing on account of your word, Albus.” The Minister herself seemed pissed off at that. Her chocolate brown eyes went on the man and Sirius saw something, when their glances locked. He wondered if Dumbledore let her use Legilimancy on him. Eventually, she spoke again: “I’ll hear this part of the story privately.”

And then she drew her wand and moved it, sending her own Patronus to clear the way between the judge’s stand and the cage where Sirius was, rapidly followed by her steps. Sirius was sure she also casted, at some point, a silencing charm, because she didn’t lean any closer to the cage that was necessary to make him realize he could talk. “You may now answer the question.”

Sirius nodded, even if he knew that he couldn’t really have opposed the request, so he continued: “I was working undercover among the Death Eaters. Had been for a couple of years, by now. Despite everything, they believed me, almost every one. Bella, my cousin, Bellatrix Lestrange and Sniv… Severus Snape, they didn’t believe me. Bella thought I was in only to keep an eye on Regulus, my brother.”

Sirius knew that it didn’t answer completely the question she had asked, but he had to say that to someone. Someone who wouldn’t try to shift the blame off from Sirius as Remus would have. He needed to be the one responsible for Regulus's death, even if the reason why wasn’t so clear in his eyes either. “After he died… She… I was never marked, Reggie was. After he died, she started to try to expose me. She told me someone betrayed the Potters and Voldemort was going to their place. I rushed there. I was too late.”

He was grateful that the Veritaserum didn’t force the reason why he was late out of him. Maybe it was because she didn’t ask any direct questions about it. “To answer you, I went there to try and save them.”

She nodded, once, and Sirius could feel the exact moment she stepped back to the judge’s seat because he was once again engulfed in the cold and hopeless nothingness of the Dementors but, this time, it had deeper roots.

He was aware of the fact that people around him were talking, that someone was asking him something and he probably gave them the answers they wanted because he perceived his lips opening and he knew the Veritaserum would have done its work, but he couldn’t, for to love of anything, remember what he was asked, or what he did answer. All he was feeling was despair, and cold, and sadness. Eventually it all ceased. The room was now empty and he was left alone, in the same cage, his wrists still bound together.
The rational part of his mind, the one who had always spoken to him in Remus’s voice, told him the Wizengmot had probably retired in the jury room to decide on his case and he had nothing to fear, but the rest of his brain was incapable of catching up with that idea. He considered turning into Padfoot, if only because the dog would have been better at ignoring whatever feeling the human was experiencing, but then he remembered that he was an unregistered Animagus and the last thing he needed was to give them more ammunition to close him in Azkaban.

He couldn’t tell how long he waited. He wasn’t even sure that the Dementors were still there, or if it was only the feelings which kept lingering in their wake to shake him deeply, but he wasn’t stranger to be left alone in the dark with his wrists bound and, as weird as it might seemed, he should thank his mother for that, and for not panicking more at the mere idea of reliving one of the hardest times in his life.

Eventually, a door opened in the back of the room and the deep purple robes of the members of the Wizengamot streamed in front of him. This time, only Minister Bagnold took the judge’s stand, Crouch at her right and Dumbledore between his peers in the jury. Silene followed immediately. Sirius didn’t even know if Remus was still in the room or if someone called him back inside.
It was weird how that was his first though instead of everything else.

“Esteemed members of the Wizengamot,” She said, tilting her head toward them and then fixing her eyes back on Sirius. “I just received the results of the examinations conducted on Mr Black’s wand and the most recent spells casted by him align with both his and Mr Lupin’s words: none of what had been found could have possibly caused the destruction we witness in Godric’s Hallow.”

And even if it wasn't anything new for him, Sirius could feel his chest growing lighter. Maybe they really called back the Dementors and he was just starting to feel the effects at that moment, even if his body was still shaking and was cold from the inside, or maybe it was the very same thing he tried to fight his entire life, that uplifting feeling of hope he knew it would have just left everything shattered on its wake. He couldn’t tell, he wasn’t sure he wanted to know.
He didn’t dare to look at anything which wasn’t his hands wrapped around the bars of the cage, just as icy cold as he was feeling.

“I ask you to consider this along with what emerged in both Mr Black and Mr Lupin’s hearings while we proceed to voting.”

Sirius didn’t dare to move his eyes on those who were about to vote. His Hogwarts-self would have called him a coward, but his Hogwarts-self had luckily grown quiet as Sirius was half aware few people in the court would have appreciated it. A moment later, the Minister’s voice was bringing him back to the present.

“Those in favor of dropping the accusations against Mr Black raise their hands.”

Sirius knew he should at least look, but he couldn’t bring himself to raise his eyes on them. He bit into his lower lip until he felt the metallic flavor of blood in his mouth and then focused on the one he thought to be the only friendly face in the Wizengamot. Dumbledore's hand was up, a secret smile donning his thin lips. The Headmaster nodded once, probably feeling Sirius’s eyes on him and, at that moment, the young man let his glance glide over the rest of the people in purple robes. He could see some didn’t raise their hands, including Crouch, but the majority of those were up. After some moments of silence, Bagnold’s own hand raised.

“We heard many testimonies given under the Veritaserum and after examining Mr Black’s wand I feel we can affirm, behind every reasonable doubt, that Sirius Orion Black III didn’t sell the secret location of James and Lily Potter to Who-He-Must-Not-Be-Named nor he caused the death of seventeen Muggles and one Peter Pettygrew. - he lowered her eyes on Sirius and he couldn’t help the cold shiver which ran in his spine, and, this time, the Dementos had nothing to do with it. - You are a free man, Mr Black. And an extensively richer one at that, too: since your family’s affiliation, you are currently Mr Lesterange’s next in kin which means all the properties in his name will be passed down to you.”

Sirius didn’t care about that. Money had never been a problem for him, not even after his mother decided to so-kindly remove his name from the tapestry (and it was funny how that didn’t actually held any legal power, considering what the Minister just said; old Walburga would have had a field day with it), and the last thing he needed were more old and creepy manors to take care of. Freedom, on the other hand, sounded like the sweetest gift ever, especially when they finally lowered the cage once again, freed his wrists and gave his wand back.

He knew he should have walked up to the Minister and thanked her - even if there wasn’t a lot to thank her for, he was innocent and had always been -, but the moment he was back in the dark hallway there was only one person he wanted to talk to and was only glad when Remus’s arms wrapped around him, melting away the remaining feeling of coldness and despair left by his meeting with the Dementors.

“I’m sorry,” Remus whispered in his ear, his hold impossibly tight and grounding against Sirius’s back. “I should have told you, but I knew you’d rushed there and…”

“Less talking, more kissing,” Sirius demanded. barely aware of how his partner was supporting most of his weight, his legs shaking and weak. Remus chucked at that, but complied, pushing his lips against Sirius’s.

He had no idea how long they spent in the dark hallway kissing, but, after a while, when Sirius was sure he could walk without his legs giving up, he looked up at Remus’s hazel eyes, and whispered: “Let’s go home.”

The other wizard smiled softly at him, his eyes going to the door of the court. “Dumbledore and the Minister would want to…”

“I don’t care, they own me that much.”

Remus didn’t find it in him to disagree.