Work Text:
GC: 118 go-go team!
Buck: it was nice knowing you guys
i’ll miss you all. a little
Bobby: Buckley, what’s going on? - B.N
Buck: oh god and now bobby’s signing off with b.n. this is the worst day of my life
Hen: I think you’re being a little dramatic
Buck: Bobby has RETIRED. i have lost an EYE.
Ravi: he’s literally coming back in two weeks… let the man enjoy his vacation
Bobby: An eye? Is this serious? - B.N
Chim: He’s fine, Cap
Buck: this is so bad
what the hell am i gonna do
Hen: You didn’t lose the eye. A corneal abrasion heals quickly, Buckaroo
Buck: i damaged it
i damaged my eyeball
i’m wearing an eyepatch like a pirate
Eddie: Chris is gonna love this
Buck: wow. thanks for the support
Chim: It’s what we’re here for
Ravi: *we minus me
Eddie: Chin up, bud
Buck: peonie i swear to god
probie*
Ravi: aw that was such a cute typo
Buck: i know where you live
Ravi: you could never find me
like, genuinely
i own a lot of properties
Buck: and i have a lot of downtime
Eddie: No you don’t :) you’re on Chris duty this week
Buck: because of the eye?
Eddie: Because you’re his Buck
Ravi: i have so much to say.
Hen: Do not
Ravi: hm. hm hm hm. hm
Private messaging between Eddie and Ravi
Eddie: Speak your mind
Ravi: holy shit you’ve never texted me before
hello diaz
Eddie: We’ve texted before
Ravi: group chats don’t count
Eddie: Ok, fine
Don’t avoid my question
Ravi: you didn’t ask a question
you ordered me to speak
Eddie: Well?
Ravi: i see why buck is the way he is about you
Eddie: ?
Expand
Ravi: i’m in the habit of contracting actually
wait that’s such a good joke get it
because i’m a landlord and i’m not telling you shit
Eddie: Why do I bother
Private messaging between Karen and Buck
Karen: Hen’s telling me interesting things
Buck: mercy kill me.
Karen: Victim
Buck: you are like papa
Karen: Tell him. It's just Eddie, Buck!
Buck: tell him WHAT?? “i hope i’m not just your non-woke situationship but also the love of ur life” ??
Karen: Sure.
Buck: i would rather give a rat a rim job
Karen: If I didn’t love my job I would quit so I could study you full time
Also, what on Earth is a situationship?
Buck: something i wish eddie and i were in 😞
it’s like when two people fuck but they’re not together
Karen: Fwb?
Buck: kinda
but there’s usually like. less friendly feelings involved
can be kinda romantic
but ur not exclusive with each other
Karen: Ah
And what you and Eddie are…
Buck: is not that
Karen: You’re in a sexless relationship
Buck: nope
not doing this
bye karen
GC: 118 go-go team!
Buck: i’m bad at sucking dick ‘cause i’m such a yapper
Ravi: friendly reminder i have duct tape on hand
Bobby: Friendly reminder I am still in this group chat - B.N
Chim: Friendly reminder I am your brother in law
Buck: it’s like nobody has time for my whimsy anymore
i should text tommy
Chim: NO
Hen: No
Ravi: no
Bobby: No - B.N
Eddie: No.
Buck: not a whimsical bone between the lot of ya
also i’m
wait look away bobby
i’m also actually really good at giving head
Eddie: Haha
Chim: I absolutely do not care
Ravi: we don’t care
or. well.
someone might
Hen: Lets not start any fires
We’re kind of in the business of doing the opposite
Ravi: just a nudge. a tiny nudge. please
Hen: No
Ravi: this family is a nightmare
Eddie: A nudge?
Ravi: just go away.
Eddie: What did I do?
Private messaging between Christopher and Buck
Christopher: hello
are you alive
hello
Buck: hello
Christopher: shut up i’m studying
Buck: woah buddy
what’s with the attitude?
Christopher: sorry
dad’s being weird
Buck: weird how?
Christopher: idk
quiete
quiet*
are u coming over today
Buck: i’ve got some errands to run but i can ask your dad!
Christopher: u never ask
u just show up
weirdo
Buck: it’s polite to ask
Christopher: u are also being weird
bye
Buck: hey, i love you. if i can’t come today, how do you feel about a trip to the beach this weekend?
Christopher: yes please. tsunami pt.2
love you
Buck: oh. my god
christopher.
Direct messaging between Buck and Eddie
Missed call from Buck (2)
Eddie: Hey, sorry. Out.
Buck: no problem
was just gonna ask if you’re busy tonight? can’t drive but i can uber to yours
Eddie: Shit, sorry. I’m meeting a friend for a drink
Carla’s got Chris
Buck: sure yeah
what friend?
someone i know?
Eddie: Yep
Buck: ooookay who is it?
Eddie: Tommy
We’re just catching up
Buck: oh
have fun!
Eddie: You too
GC: 118 go-go team!
Buck: i’ve been thinking about getting into house x wilson fanfiction
Chim: I have no idea what that means
Buck: house 🏠
Chim: Still lost
Buck: medical malpractice show
doctor house
besties with doctor wilson, head of oncology
they’re in love
Chim: Don’t know who they are but they sure sound a lot like two people I know in real life
Hen: Interesting approach Chim
Chim: I’m an interesting guy
Buck: ok now i’m lost
Ravi: your head’s thicker than your arms
Buck: wow
thanks?
Ravi: wasn’t a compliment
Eddie: House and Wilson are in love?
Buck: uuuh yeah?? have we not been watching the same show?
Eddie: But House is in love with Cuddy
And Wilson’s been married to a woman? And falls in love with Amber?
Buck: riiight not like wilson is a serial cheater or anything
or like repression is a thing
OR like house and wilson literally move in together
Chim: Is anyone else seeing this?
Eddie: I’m lost
Ravi: this shit’s better than hit television show hotshots
Hen: Hotshots sucks
Ravi: yeah so do they
Eddie: Am I a part of this “they”?
Ravi: nah
only buck
Buck: i literally only have one eye right now
asshole
Buck: miles teller? i hardly know her!
Ravi: are you watching top gun
mr i am not susceptible to propaganda
Buck: i’m NOT susceptible to propaganda
i’m watching with the sound off
enjoying the male physique
Ravi: not sure that’s how it works
Buck: .(
Chim: What is that?
Buck: well i’ve lost my eye for the foreseeable future
.(
i’m frowning
Eddie: Eyepatch comes off in two days, bud
Buck: .)
Ravi: you buggy fuck
Buck: ???????
Private messaging between Chris and Buck
Buck: how do you feel about a peanut butter chicken stew
Christopher: sounds disgusting
i’m in
Buck: i’ll have you know it’s delicious
your dad’s dropping you off at 7, right?
Christopher: yea
can we watch the terminator
Buck: heck yes we can
GC: 118 go-go team!
Buck: SEE YOU GUYS IN AN HOUR :D
Hen: Someone’s excited to be back at work
Buck: YES!
Chim: Last day with Gerrard in charge and he accidentally calls our beloved Buck a slur. Big sigh
Bobby: Excuse me? - B.N
Buck: no biggie
i grew up in a post-glee world. it’s only right i get a taste of what those who came before me had to suffer through
Hen: That is absolutely not how this works
Ravi: i fear homophobia is still very much a thing
unless diaz eradicates it with his murder eyes woah
Buck: eddie don’t do anything crazy it’s okay
it’s gerrard’s last day
Eddie: He could drop dead tomorrow and that would be the first good thing he ever did
Ravi: holy shit
Chim: Youch!
Bobby: Agreed - B.N
Buck: BOBBY
Private messaging between Hen and Eddie
Hen: So I’m sensing some protectiveness
Perhaps some frustration
Eddie: What do you mean?
Hen: You’ve been a little quiet lately
I’m worried about you
Eddie: I’m fine, Hen
Just a lot happening behind the scenes
Hen: Anything we can help with?
Eddie: No, but thank you
Hen: <3
Private messaging between Buck and Hen
Buck: i don’t have a thing for feet at all but i am weirdly attracted to my own feet
lowkey blessed af in the feet department
if i ever meet a rich guy with a foot fetish i am set
Hen: Is this your super weird way of coming out to me?
Because I hate to break it to you but I already know you’re bisexual
Buck: no
just an observation
anyway have you heard from eddie?
Hen: You’re our resident Eddie-whisperer
If you haven’t heard from him, no one else has either
You guys haven’t been talking?
Buck: he’s been kind of weird all week
Hen: I noticed he’s been a little quieter than usual
Buck: yeah
come to think of it i feel like it started after he hung out with tommy last saturday
or maybe right before
Hen: Huh
They’re friends right? Could be unrelated
Buck: uuuh
well
they stopped talking when tommy and i broke up
Hen: Oh
Interesting
Private messaging between Hen and Eddie
Hen: Hi Eddie, just checking in again
It’s been a while since Denny hung out with Christopher!
Eddie: Hey
Yeah, my bad. Been a bit hectic recently.
Dealing with my parents.
Hen: Oh Eddie
Anything you want to talk about?
Eddie: I don’t know
It’s just the usual stuff, except… a little to the left I guess?
Hen: How do you mean?
Eddie: It’s about Buck
They’ve just been on my case about settling down with a nice woman since they took Chris in. Even though he’s back now. It’s like they can’t see how much I’ve been working to be better for him.
Or maybe they do, and that’s why they’ve pivoted to Buck
Hen: What have they been saying about him?
Eddie: That he’s not Christopher’s parent. That he’s trapping me somehow
Fuck I
I haven’t even said the words out loud yet and my parents still somehow got it before I did
Hen: Got what, honey?
Eddie: Me and Buck
That he’s more than my best friend
More than Christopher’s buddy
Hen: Eddie, my heart aches for you
Can I call you?
Eddie: Please
Eddie: Thank you, Hen. Seriously.
Hen: Eddie, I’m the one who should be thanking you. I’m grateful I could be here for you
Eddie: I cried about having a sexuality crisis in my mid-thirties for half an hour. Thanks are in order
Hen: Nuh uh. I’ll always be here for you to lean on. Whenever you want or need.
And at least ten of those minutes were about the epic bitch-off you had with Kinard :)
Eddie: Do not make me cry again
I’m severely dehydrated
Hen: Got any juice in the fridge?
Eddie: No, but I was thinking about calling him
Hen: I KNEW the juice was a metaphor!!!
Eddie: Yeah, yeah
It’s supposed to be a metaphor for joy actually
Hen: I see no difference
Go get your man
Eddie: I should probably come out to him before I tell him he’s my juice
Or ask him to move back in
Hen: I have a feeling he wouldn’t exactly be opposed to any of those things
But there’s no rush, of course. Zero pressure.
Eddie: I can hear you twiddling your thumbs
Hen: You caught me
But I mean it, there’s no time constraint here
He’s single, you’re single, you’re raising a kid together… it's not like he's going anywhere
Eddie: Okay I’m starting to see what Chim was saying about House
Private messaging between Eddie and Buck
Missed call from Eddie (1)
Eddie: Hey, text me when you can
Buck: eddie hi hi hi
sorry i couldn’t pick up the phone i was in the shower
Eddie: All good
Just wanted to hear your voice
Buck: yeah?
Unsent message
miss me?
Unsent message
i can call now if you want?
Eddie: Do you one better
Breakfast tomorrow?
Buck: i’ll pick up a couple bagels on my way
chris still weirdly into the whole cream cheese and jam combo?
Eddie: Yep
And if I remember correctly, you introduced him to that shit
Buck: i’m refining his palette
Eddie: Weirdo
Buck: you love me
Unsent message
you love it
Eddie: You know I do
GC: 118 go-go team!
Ravi: hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Buck: shut up. SHUT UP
Ravi: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Chim: What’s happening
Buck: nothing
Ravi: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Chim: Ravi come on buddy fill me in
I’m the only one off-shift
Ravi: as soon as i can breathe again
Hen: Buckaroo may have had a moment
Chim: Come on I’m dying here tell me more
Ravi: it was beautiful
we were on this call (small kitchen fire, nothing major) and just as we’re about to leave the woman who called goes back into the bathroom and GASPS
her wife/girlfriend comes running and the woman holds up a positive pregnancy test
wife/girlfriend goes “omg are you sure??” and the woman then holds up a second (also positive) pregnancy test
and then
then BUCK gasps and goes “twins?!”
Buck: i hate this
i don’t want to be a part of your humiliation ritual
Chim: Oh my God. Buck
Wait I have to tell Maddie
Buck: please don’t
eddie tell him not to
Eddie: Sorry
Already texted her
Buck: oh okay
so you decide it’s finally time to befriend my sister when i have the worst brain freeze of my life
Eddie: Yep
Buck: jail
Eddie: ?
Ravi: jail for one thousand years
Eddie: ??
Private messaging between Eddie and Buck
Eddie: Do you think he’ll want extra hazelnut syrup? Last time he couldn’t decide if it was too sweet. Already grabbed his favorite pastry :)
Oh shit wait
Don’t look
Buck: eddie
are you buying me coffee
Eddie: So um
Yes
Buck: and you’re asking someone else what they think i’d like
Eddie: Possibly
Buck: cool
Eddie: Cool?
Buck: very
i want extra hazelnut syrup btw
Eddie: Figured :)
Buck: :D
Private messaging between Buck and Karen
Buck: what the HELL
*screenshot attached*
Karen: I can’t say why, but I already know about this elusive coffee run
Buck: karen.
Karen: good luuuuck :)
Buck: ohmggfo
*photo attached*
Karen: Oh wow
Buck: he wrote ‘evan <3’ . on the cup.
karen you’ll be seeing me on the news
Karen: Or maybe you return the sentiment somehow? Instead?
Buck: i told him i want to marry him
JOKINGLY
but i said it with my whole chest
Karen: And nothing happened?
Buck: he got kind of red i guess
but that happens a lot. i embarrass him without even meaning to
Karen: Jesus Christ
You’re on your own
GC: 118 go-go team!
Eddie: Stuck in traffic. Will be 10 minutes late to the BBQ.
Ravi:
Eddie: Stop being a diva
Ravi: didn’t know you speak gay
Eddie: That would be on account of me being a homosexual
Chim: What just happened
Buck: i
hello??
EDDIE
call me
Eddie: Oh boy
Private messaging between Eddie and Buck
Eddie: In my defence, I panicked
Buck: eddie
Eddie: Sorry
Buck: god no don't say sorry just
were you serious?
Eddie: As a heart attack
I wanted to tell you face to face yesterday, but I chickened out
Group chat felt safer, but
You know
Sorry
Buck: eddie, if and how you come out is always up to you man
i’m so fucking proud of you
this is huge
and obviously it won’t change anything
between us, i mean
i’m gonna bake you a cake
Eddie: Buck. Thank you
Buck: always, man
Eddie: Mind if I swing by your place after the BBQ?
Buck: lucky for you i just picked up a six pack
celebration beer is in order :D
Private messaging between Karen and Buck
Karen: So
Buck: do not
Karen: Hm
Buck: stop
Karen: Okay, okay
Good luck 😉
Karen: Stop staring longingly at your boyfriend and refill my wife's wine please
Buck: sigh. on my way
Private messaging between Eddie and Buck
Eddie: Gotta drop Chris off at home, Carla's on her way. I'll drive to yours right after :)
Buck: you could bring him if you want? raincheck on the beers?
Eddie: Nah
Not this time
Buck: hug him goodnight from me!!!
Eddie: Of course!
Eddie: Ten minutes out
Buck: humping with joy
NO
Eddie: ??
Buck: JUMPING
JUMPING WITH JOY
Eddie: Sure, buddy
Buck: eddie
have mercy
my thumbs are too big for the screen
the h and j are right next to each other
Eddie: Lotta excuses
Buck: are you texting while driving just to fuck with me
Eddie: Traffic’s at a standstill
Buck: right right
well
i’ll be waiting
maybe even jumping
definitely not humping
Eddie: Never change Buckley
Eddie changed ‘GC: 118 go-go team!’ to ‘GC: hump day’
Ravi: HUMP DAY?
Chim: Oh my God
Did you guys… you know
Ravi: y’all. we don't need to be in each other's business like this
Hen: Wow
Buck: uhn
ahaha
we haven’t fjcked
lol
Eddie: Sorry, bad joke
Great joke, actually. But you had to be there
Buck: ‘here’ being my dms apparently
get out of your car and come up here
Hen: 🤨
Buck: i’m in misunderstanding central
Private messaging between Buck and Eddie
Buck: why are you still in the parking lot
Eddie: No reason
Buck: try again
Eddie: I’m nervous
Buck: oh
why? we saw each other like 40 minutes ago :(
it’s just me
Eddie: Exactly. It’s you
I don’t even know how to say what I want to say
Jesus okay I’m not this much of a coward
Buck: you’re never a coward eddie
whatever it is you want to talk about can wait
we can just hang out
Eddie: No
You deserve to hear it
More than anyone
Even if you don’t feel the same
I need you to know how easy it is to love you
Unsent message
I’m coming up
Buck: see you in a minute <3
Buck changed ‘GC: hump day’ to ‘humped day ;)’
Hen: OH? OH??
Ravi: i can't believe i'm saying this but. finally
Chim: My heart can't take this
Is this an unconventional way of letting us know you finally got your shit together or are you messing around?
Buck: we got our shit together
Chim: YES!!!
Calling Maddie
I’m a rich man
Shit guys. I'm so happy for you
Hen: Congratulations!!!
Eddie: Cake on Friday dance emoji
How to make dance emoji
FFS
Bobby: I’ll make lasagne with a side of paperwork - B.N
Buck: love you guys
Bobby: We love you too :) - B.N