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Shen Yuan hadn't even been on Cang Qiong Mountain for one day before he had to depart. He'd bowed low, grabbed Shen Qingqiu's hands and apologized profusely.

"The Turquoise Mountain Seal migration!" He'd said. "I forgot! Listen, I'm, really sorry, but it only happens once every five years and I don't know where they'll be next time. I'll come back right after, alright? I want to see more of your library."

What could Shen Qingqiu do except agree? But as he watched Shen Yuan scoop up the Wild-furred elephant bear baby that had been rolling around the lush Qing Jing Peak grass, he couldn't ignore the twisting in his gut. They had not spoken of the kiss.

Shen Qingqiu returned to his home. He went through his correspondence and the lesson plans for the following week. The kiss didn't mean anything. Their emotions had been high and Shen Yuan had been trying to keep him safe. That was all it was. Shen Yuan was just too good of a person to leave Shen Jiu—to leave anyone in danger.

As the week stretched into two, and Shen Yuan did not return, Shen Qingqiu forced himself to not think of it. This was the normal way of things. Who had ever liked Shen Qingqiu when they got close enough to really see him? Shen Qingqiu couldn't blame Shen Yuan for that. If Shen Yuan did return, it would be to see the library. Shen Qingqiu should count himself lucky that at the least, Qing Jing Peak would benefit from Shen Yuan's knowledge.

There were some positives. He and Liu Qingge had found some common ground. It was at least nice to not sit through every Peak Lord meeting with his ill-tempered shidi glaring daggers every time Shen Qingqiu disagreed with him. Oh, they certainly still argued, but it had taken on a different tone. He'd even gotten a "As shixiong says" from the brute during their last meeting and nearly fell out of his chair.

Things were peaceful. Improved, even better than before. Though Shen Qingqiu was still up to his eyes in work. It was good. He liked to be busy. It was better than thinking about those few moments he'd spent with Shen Yuan when he'd learned what it could be like to sit in his library surrounded by books and speak to someone who did not hate him.

Then of course there was the kiss. Shen Yuan had kissed him. Shen Qingqiu had never been kissed before in his life.

Every time the thought arose, during meetings or lessons, he'd feel his ears start to go hot and had to shake himself out of the memory of Shen Yuan's mouth on his, Shen Yuan's hands on his cheeks, and Shen Yuan's breath ghosting across his lips.

It was just a kiss. It didn't mean anything.

It was three weeks to the day Shen Yuan had absconded the peak with barely a backwards glance. Shen Qingqiu was leaving his lessons and caught some commotion by the bridge to Qing Jing Peak. He stopped, tucking the scrolls he was carrying inside his sleeve, and made his way over. He could spy one of his disciples, Wu Song, standing watch at the bridge through the gaps in the Bamboo trees. And there was someone with him.

A figure in travel-worn robes and a wide brimmed hat, its sheer veil falling to obscure his face stood to the side of the bridge.

"Unless you have an invitation from my Shizun," Wu Song said. "You can't enter."

"Ah, yes about that," the traveler said. "That's what I'm trying to say. I did have one."

Wu Song held out his hand. "Then give it to me and I'll let you pass."

"I did have one. As in, I no longer have it," the traveler said. Shen Qingqiu frowned, drifting closer. "It was kind of, well, eaten."

"Eaten?" Wu Song said. The silence stretched for a moment. "You don't expect me to believe that, do you?"

"It's true, you see this little guy—" The traveler rustled around in his robes withdrawing a wiggling furry creature. "Really liked the way it smelled. You know how it is."

"I do not." Wu Song rubbed at his head. "Even if that is true. You can't just—"

"It's fine," Shen Qingqiu called, stepping out into the sunlight covered path from the trees. "I did invite him."

The creature in the man's arms wiggled more then broke free, scurrying over to rub against Shen Qingqiu's leg like an over-sized cat. Shen Qingqiu whipped out his fan to hide the way his lips twitched up. Really, if anyone caught him being fond of anything it would be chaos. Half the peak would suddenly want a pet.

"Qingqiu!" The man lifted his head, his veil parting to reveal the grinning face of Shen Yuan. "I'm glad you were coming by. I thought for sure I'd have to go back to the foot of the mountain and send you a letter."

Shen Qingqiu fluttered his fan, ignoring the light feeling in his chest. He caught the look Wu Song shot Shen Yuan and sighed. This would be all over the mountain by the afternoon, he was certain.

"Did this beast really eat my invitation?" Shen Qingqiu cocked a brow as Shen Yuan strode forward and scooped the Wild-furred elephant baby back into his arms.

"Well…" Shen Yuan tipped his head, trailing off.

"Nevermind," Shen Qingqiu shook his head. "Come along, you look like you could use a bath." With one last narrow eyed look at Wu Song, he strode back into the bamboo forest with Shen Yuan beside him.

As they walked through the winding paths, the sun dappling across Shen Yuan's veiled hat, Shen Qingqiu tucked his hands into his sleeves and tried again not to think of the kiss. With Shen Yuan beside him, tilting his head this way and that, hand idly petting the furred creature in his arms, it was surprisingly easy. But his heart was still fluttering, thoughts circling around the fact that Shen Yuan had come back. Shen Yuan really had come back to see him.

"You could have written to me," Shen Qingqiu huffed. "I would have been more prepared to receive you if you had. As it is, nothing is ready. You'll have to make do."

"Right, right," Shen Yuan waved him off. "It's not a problem. But I did write to you. I just got here ahead of my letter it seems. I sometimes forget how slow these things can be."

Shen Qingqiu cocked a brow then shook his head. Shen Yuan was a strange one for sure. Probably all that time wandering around the world, spending his days with beasts instead of people. Of course, that didn't seem like such a bad life. After years of trying to corral the little rich lordlings running around his peak, Shen Qingqiu could see why Shen Yuan would prefer the company of plants and creatures.

When they arrived at the Bamboo House, he left Shen Yuan in the front room of the Bamboo House as he went to make tea in the little kitchen. He was certainly not going to call for it to be made for him. Not when his disciples would surely use it as an excuse to come spy on their Shizun and his guest. Gossips, the lot of them.

"Qingqiu, your paintings are lovely!" Shen Yuan called from the other room as Shen Qingqiu was arranging a tray of some of osmanthus cakes he'd been gifted. "You have a great eye for detail, and your line work is really elegant, almost ethereal. People must ask you for your paintings all the time."

Shen Qingqiu's ears grew hot and his hand slipped, narrowly missing his fingers as he poured the tea.

"They're just paintings," Shen Qingqiu huffed as he walked back out with the tray of tea and snacks. What was wrong with him? Getting embarrassed over a compliment. Ridiculous.

He took his customary place at his table with his back to the wall and Shen Yuan followed, settling himself just to the side, close enough for their knees to touch.

"Here, let me, since you made it." Shen Yuan said, hand brushing Shen Qingqiu's as he took the teapot and filled their cups. Shen Qingqiu swallowed, willing his heart to stop beating so hard. He was just having tea. Just because no one ever came to have tea with him didn't mean he needed to get all flustered about it.

Thankfully Shen Yuan hadn't seemed to notice anything amiss, happily taking one of the osmanthus cakes and taking a bite. His lips wobbled as he stole a glance at Shen Qingqiu.

"Where did these come from?"

Shen Qingqiu cut his gaze away, busying himself with the cup in his hands. "They were a gift… from a friend."

Truthfully they had been given to him by Yin Meifen at the Warm Red Pavilion when he restrung her pipa the last time he visited. She'd poked his cheeks and told him not to eat them all at once or he'd rot his teeth.

"Ah, so they were made for you?" Shen Yuan hummed. "It seems Qingqiu has a bit of a sweet tooth."

Shen Qingqiu sputtered as he took a sip of his tea. "What makes you say that? These are always sweet."

"Sure," Shen Yuan dropped his head into his hand to grin up at Shen Qingqiu. "But these are definitely twice as sweet as normal. Your friend must know you well."

"Hardly," Shen Qingqiu grumbled. "These are normal, maybe you just haven't had any sweets in so long that you've forgotten."

"Or you've had so many your taste is permanently skewed," Shen Yuan cocked a brow.

Shen Qingqiu rolled his eyes and took a sip of his tea. Before he knew it he was reaching for an osmanthus cake, then flushing up to his ears at Shen Yuan's knowing look. He glared and only got a laugh in return.

"How long are you staying?" Shen Qingqiu sniffed. He was determined to ignore the persistent fluttering of his heart.

"A few days, if you don't mind. You did say I could see your library and I didn't have much of a chance the last time I was here."

"So I did," Shen Qingqiu took another sip of his tea. A few days wasn't very long. But, of course Shen Yuan had chosen to be a wandering cultivator for a reason. It wasn't like he'd want to stay on Qing Jing Peak doing research for months. "Of course, considering your lack of etiquette, perhaps I should bar you from it."

Shen Yuan raised his cup, badly concealing his growing smile. "Oh? What should I do to change your mind? I could bow and sing the praises of the Qing Jing Peak lord, scholar among scholars. Or shall I recite a list of all your good qualities?"

"It would be short list," Shen Qingqiu rolled his eyes. "You should try harder to win my favor."

He glanced over when Shen Yuan didn't respond and watched the smile slip from his lips.

"Qingqiu," Shen Yuan said. "It wouldn't be sho—"

Shen Qingqiu felt like he was about to combust. He could not sit here and listen to Shen Yuan actually listing out whatever good qualities he'd convinced himself Shen Qingqiu had. He jolted to his feet, whipping out his fan to flutter it in front of his face.

"I'll go make arrangements for your stay."

"Wait!" Shen Yuan hopped to his feet as well, reaching out to grasp Shen Qingqiu's sleeve. Shen Qingqiu froze as he stared down at the hand so close to his wrist. Shen Yuan ducked his head, shuffling his feet. They were standing toe to toe and Shen Qingqiu could swear he could hear his own heartbeat.

Ridiculous. He was such a fool. Acting like a young maiden with her childhood love. He took a deep breath. Shen Yuan was probably just worried about Shen Qingqiu's sudden change in mood. Shen Qingqiu needed to be calm.

"Sorry, sorry," Shen Yuan rubbed the back of his head with his free hand. "I'm not very good at this."

Shen Qingqiu's brow furrowed, his spiraling thoughts abruptly cut off as Shen Yuan's hand slid up to encircle his wrist.

"It's just, I thought a lot about the last time I saw you and," Shen Yuan's eyes skittered away. Then he let out a long groan. "This is so much easier when I'm talking about how the three-tailed tiger rat finds a mate"

"Mate?" Shen Qingqiu felt like his face was on fire. Mate? Why where they talking about rats and their mates?

"Yeah," Shen Yuan said, his eyes lighting up as he grinned. "Like did you know when the floating sky-jellyfish decides to chose a mate they ride the same wind current together until they become entangled."

Shen Qingqiu forced himself to nodd. He had no idea what Shen Yuan was saying. Shen Yuan's lips wobbled upward and he leaned in. Shen Qingqiu leaning backward on instinct. His back hit the wall and a shivery rush went straight down his spine. Shen Yuan barely seemed to notice as his words picked up speed.

"And did you know that when the silver-fanged octopus lizard chooses a mate, they hide in the sand until their chosen mate walks by and then they latch onto their tail. They can't be pried apart even using qi!"

Shen Qingqiu nodded again. What did that have to do with anything? He couldn't put his thoughts in order with Shen Yuan leaning in, warm fingers still around Shen Qingqiu's wrist. He was close enough that Shen Qingqiu could count see his individual lashes.

"But you know, humans are so much more complicated," Shen Yuan sighed, lips curving into a soft pout. "There are different rituals for different places and different classes. Like what a farmer would do to court someone is so much different than an emperor! There are so many rules and requirements and some of them aren't even spelled out anywhere. You're just supposed to know!"

Shen Qingqiu nodded again. "Yes, I suppose that's true."

"Why are the customs so complicated! Even observing them is hard sometimes unless you get a match maker or your family can guide you through it," Shen Yuan huffed. "What if you just meet someone and want to get to know them?" His fingers tightened on Shen Qingqiu's wrist as his other hand came up to gesture wildly. Shen Qingqiu swallowed hard, willing his cheeks not to turn bright red.

Shen Yuan was… he was… he was really cute!

"And then it's always so serious! Not that I don't want it to be serious, but like what if you're just a guy and you want to see how things go. But you have to do all these elaborate rituals first, and you don't even know how things are going to turn out. Humans are too complicated. They don't even let you sit and study them either." Shen Yuan was really pouting now. That was the only way to describe that expression. He was pouting.

Shen Qingqiu felt shivery to his toes. He was torn between an intense desire to lean in and kiss Shen Yuan, to see if Shen Yuan would react the same way as the last time they kissed, and the desire to run off and hide out somewhere on the peak until Shen Yuan left.

What was wrong with him? Shen Yuan had been kind and gentle with him in a way no one else had been since he was a child still sleeping in Qi-ge's arms. And now Shen Yuan was just talking about his studies, the thing he was most passionate about, and Shen Qingqiu couldn't stop thinking about kissing him. He needed to step back, to put some space between them. But the wall was behind him and wouldn't it be nice to have Shen Yuan lean in, to crowd him back against the wall and—

"—ourting. Right?" Shen Yuan said.

Shen Qingqiu blinked. Wait, what was he saying? He was certain he had missed something. "…Yes. Right."

Shen Yuan's cheeks turned a little pink, his eyelashes fluttering as he ducked his head to meet Shen Qingqiu's gaze. "You understand then?"

Shen Qingqiu did not understand even a little.

"Yes," he nodded.

"Great! Oh, actually that was a lot easier than I thought," Shen Yuan smiled. His hand slipped down Shen Qingqiu's wrist until their fingers were threaded together. "Right um, so since we're agreed, will you show me the rest of the library?"

Shen Qingqiu tried to breathe around his heart lodged in his throat.

"You did come here for that," he managed to choke out.

Shen Yuan let out a little laugh, tipping his head and reaching up to scratch his nose. "Ah, well yes, partially."

He stepped back a little to let Shen Qingqiu lead them out the door. Shen Qingqiu waited for Shen Yuan to drop his hand as they walked. Shen Yuan never did, his fingers remaining carefully entwined with Shen Qingqiu's.

Shen Qingqiu raised his fan to cover his surely bright red face. He'd never really had a friend but if this is what having a friend was like, then it would be enough. Shen Yuan didn't need to know about how Shen Qingqiu felt about him. They could stay just like this until Shen Yuan left the peak again.

…

Shen Yuan had spent almost a week on Qing Jing Peak. Most of the time Shen Qingqiu would find him tucked away in the library, going through book after book, his expressions shifting from thoughtful, to pensive, to excited, to full on rage.

Shen Qingqiu had swept in after class one morning to find himself tripping back against the wall with Shen Yuan so close they were practically breathing the same air.

"Qingqiu! Can you believe this book?!" He'd exclaimed, gesticulating wildly. "It's completely wrong! This person knows nothing, absolutely nothing, about the spotted rattlesnake-panther. And they call themselves a great master. Ha!" Shen Yuan rolled his eyes. "They even admitted in the foreword that they had never actually observed the creatures' behavior. Then why are you writing a book, huh?"

"Is it so terrible?" Shen Qingqiu asked, keeping his aloof expression by a hair. He felt like he was boiling alive. Someone ranting about an old book should not be this attractive. It was ridiculous. But he felt hot all over, gaze continuously drawn to Shen Yuan's mouth.

"It is!" Shen Yuan insisted. "Qingqiu, you can't keep this trash in your library. It degrades the whole peak. Throw it out. Better yet burn it!"

Shen Qingqiu shuffled his way from between Shen Yuan and the wall and plucked the book out of his hand.

"If Shen Yuan thinks that it does not deserve a place on Qing Jing Peak, then I will take his advice," he paused tipping his head, trying to ignore the way Shen Yuan's gaze followed his movements. "And if Shen Yuan wishes to burn it, then perhaps this Qingqiu might find a place for him to do so. I'd hate to disappoint my guest, after all."

Shen Yuan's lips parted, eyes going a little wide. He rubbed his nose. "Ah, haha right. There may be more."

Shen Qingqiu considered if he might draw a certain Zhangmen-shixiong down upon him if he started a bonfire, then decided he didn't care. Not when Shen Yuan was watching him closely, eyes bright.

"Then there is more. Make a list and set aside the books you find—" Shen Qingqiu looked at the one in his hand. "Irredeemable, and we shall remove them from the collection."

Shen Yuan blinked, then grinned, before darting off back to the bowels of the Qing Jing Peak library.

By the time the week was ending and Shen Yuan was preparing to leave to go and observe some migratory bird species, he'd backed down from actually burning the books. But he did make Shen Qingqiu promise to lock them up somewhere where their "vile disinformation" could not spread.

"Only retain them for historical study," Shen Yuan lectured as they finished their tea that evening.

"Yes, yes," Shen Qingqiu sniffed. "Do you think I do not know how to handle scholars on my peak? The peak for scholars?"

Shen Yuan flushed. "Ah, no. Sorry, I just got wrapped up."

Shen Qingqiu rolled his eyes but felt his lips twitching anyway. From anyone else he might have taken that as a slight, but from ShenYuan, miraculously, he believed him.

The amusement drained out of him as his gaze caught on Shen Yuan's neatly folded clothes, ready to be packed in his qiankun pouch. The Qing Jing Peak jade token Shen Qingqiu had given Shen Yuan sat on top, glinting in the lantern light.

When Shen Yuan had appeared almost a week ago, Shen Qingqiu had tried to prepare one of the guest houses for him but Shen Yuan had insisted on staying in the Bamboo House as to not trouble Shen Qingqiu further. They'd gone back and forth, back and forth, until Shen Qingqiu had finally relented.

Shen Qingqiu barely slept as it was and he wasn't sure how he'd fare with Shen Yuan sleeping in his empty second room, close enough that Shen Yuan would hear if Shen Qingqiu awoke from a nightmare. But somehow, he'd drifted off that first night, awaking with the dawn feeling almost well-rested.

Now that Shen Yuan would be gone off to wherever in the wilds he was going, Shen Qingqiu was sure he would be back to staying up late into the night, unable to sleep again.

"Qingqiu," Shen Yuan called, drawing Shen Qingqiu out of his pensive thoughts.

"Hm?" Shen Qingqiu turned back to him.

"This Shen Yuan had a request of the Qing Jing Peak Lord before I leave in the morning. I was hoping Peak Lord Shen might humor me."

"So formal," Shen Qingqiu cocked a brow. "Must be a terribly difficult request."

"Ah, not so difficult," Shen Yuan hummed. "I just thought, you might like to play some music together."

Shen Qingqiu blinked, unable to hide his shocked expression. "I didn't know you played music."

The thought of sitting together, deciding what to play, whatever song they chose winding together to drift out into the night of Qing Jing Peak, had Shen Qingqiu's heart racing again.

There were not many things that he had truly loved when he'd clawed his way into his own shizun's favor with determination and cleverness. Most of it had been done barely scraping by, staying up night after night trying to catch up to all the disciples who had been blessed with good families and good education. But the thing that had never once felt like a chore was music. He'd taken to it like fish swim or birds fly, sitting in the Warm Red Pavilion with the jies carefully instructing him in instrument after instrument.

He'd learned to love painting, had mastered calligraphy, and now and again, actually enjoyed playing Weiqi. But the thing he had loved from the very beginning was music.

He tamped down on the rush of giddiness at the prospect. He was being ridiculous again. Getting so excited over something so mundane? Just because Shen Yuan wanted to share it with him? What kind of immortal master was he?

"I don't play very well," Shen Yuan laughed. "But I can sing a little." He got that bright gleam in his eyes and Shen Qingqiu settled back, waiting. Just as expected Shen Yuan launched into one of his non-sequiturs. "Actually, did you know the Curly Haired Wolf-Mouse sings for its mate and children! Just like a bird. Well, not exactly like a bird."

Shen Qingqiu nodded along, keeping his face carefully neutral and hoping his hair hid his reddening ears. Shen Yuan was always so excited to share these kinds of things that Shen Qingqiu couldn't help but be drawn in.

"But they have distinctive whistles with consistent tunes from family to family!" Shen Yuan continued. "Of course, they're so small that they are practically inaudible to human ears, but with the right talisman and some patience you can hear them."

Shen Qingqiu didn't think he'd ever loved something, even music, as much as Shen Yuan loved his beasts and creatures. Or perhaps, he'd never really known what it would be like to share that kind of love with someone else. As he usually did, Shen Qingqiu found himself drifting back to the kiss, now with the added experience of knowing exactly what it was like for Shen Yuan to thread their fingers together. Shen Qingqiu could too easily picture spending every night like this, listening to the newest bit of research Shen Yuan had done, having Shen Yuan ask him about his new compositions, holding hands as they drank tea and spoke late into the night.

Shen Qingqiu shut the thought down. There was nothing to be gained from it. It was good enough that Shen Yuan wanted to visit him, that Shen Yuan actually liked spending time with him. Shen Qingqiu shouldn't ask for anything more than that. If Shen Yuan was interested, surely he would have said.

This was enough.

"So you wish to play music like mice?" Shen Qingqiu mused, speaking past the churning in his gut.

Shen Yuan laughed, tipping his head to the side chagrined. "Well maybe not exactly like mice. But I'd like to play music with you. You love it don't you?"

A warm feeling rushed through Shen Qingqiu's body, his lips parting.

"I do," he said

"Then let's do that together. You'll have to forgive me if I'm out of tune," Shen Yuan smiled.

Shen Qingqiu waved him off, clearing his throat. "We can't all be masters I suppose."

Shen Yuan rolled his eyes and snorted.

Shen Qingqiu got to his feet, puzzling over his collection of instruments before returning with his pipa. It was probably best with a singer as accompaniment.

Shen Yuan was correct when he said he would sing out of tune. He was clearly untrained. But he sang like someone who enjoyed it, who liked the song and for that Shen Qingqiu felt his heartbeat quicken and his eyes continually drawn to the Shen Yuan's flushed cheeks and curving smile.

It was easy enough to play along to the melody even when Shen Qingqiu didn't know the song. But when Shen Yuan finished one song and started another, Shen Qingqiu blinked. He knew this one. He waited for the verse to finish then picked it up with Shen Yuan on the next, settling in to harmonize with Shen Yuan's lilting voice.

"The bright moon rises over the river," Shen Yuan, sang, voice lifting. "The moon reminds me of my love who is deep in the mountains."

"He is the moon walking across the sky," Shen Qingqiu joined him. "Do you hear me singing your name by the river?"¹

They sang together voices, entwining, and as the last strains of the pipa fell into silence, Shen Yuan grinned, leaning in.

"You really are a talented musician!" He exclaimed. "You can play multiple instruments and you sing so well! I'm surprised someone hasn't mistaken you for a fairy."

Shen Qingqiu flushed, eyes cutting away as a shiver ran through his whole body.

"Don't be ridiculous. Everyone on Qing Jing Peak is taught the same."

"But is everyone on Qing Jing Peak as talented?" Shen Yuan hummed, ducking his head to catch Shen Qingqiu's gaze.

He was so close like this, leaning over the table. It would be so easy for Shen Qingqiu to reach out, to thread his fingers into Shen Yuan's hair, to lean in and kiss the smile off his lips.

Shen Yuan blinked at him, lashes fluttering. "Qingqiu?"

Shen Qingqiu pushed himself to his feet. He had to get out of here before he did something stupid.

"It's late, and you have a long journey starting tomorrow. We should go to bed."

Shen Yuan's lips wobbled but he forced his smile back in place.

"Alright then." He pushed himself to his feet too, hands running over his robes to smooth out the fabric. "Goodnight, Qingqiu."

"Goodnight." Shen Qingqiu watched him disappear into the side room then fled to his own, burying himself underneath the blankets and telling himself he would not miss Shen Yuan when he was gone.

…

Time passed the same as it always did even though Shen Yuan was not there. Shen Qingqiu went through his regular routine. He graded papers, attended meetings, gave lessons, and told himself he was not waiting for Shen Yuan to return. Shen Yuan said it wouldn't be long before he came back but it's not as if he'd given a specific time and who knew what a wandering cultivator off in the wilds considered "not long."

He had resigned himself to wait, so when he looked up to find Shen Yuan leaning against the door in the back of the classroom where the students were twanging out discordant notes on their guqins, Shen Qingqiu's fingers slipped, sending his own off key peal into the air. His disciples froze, glancing up at him. In the back of the room, Shen Yuan hid a laugh behind his hand.

Shen Qingqiu stilled the strings, careful to keep his face neutral as he called for one of his head disciples to take over the lesson. Then he was striding out the door, grabbing Shen Yuan by the elbow and tugging him along.

On the way to the Bamboo House he stopped another disciple to call for water to be drawn. Shen Yuan had been traveling after all, certainly he'd want a bath.

When they arrived at the Bamboo House, Shen Qingqiu set to preparing his side room himself. There wasn't much to do since he'd already kept everything the way Shen Yuan had left it in preparation for his promised return.

"Qingqiu," Shen Yuan dropped his qiankun pouch on the bed. "What are you rushing around for? You don't need to do everything right now."

"It would have already been done if you knew how to write a letter," Shen Qingqiu huffed.

"Who knows if it would get here in time. Besides you did tell me to return whenever I wanted," Shen Yuan hummed, withdrawing the Qing Jing Peak jade token from around his neck. "Is it a bother that I'm here?"

"Obviously," Shen Qingqiu rolled his eyes, pulling a few blankets from the rooms cabinet. It had been getting chilly at night. Shen Yuan may be used to the outdoors but there was no sense in him being cold. He placed the blankets next to Shen Yuan then caught sight of how dusty the hem of his robes were.

"Where are your clean clothes? I'll put them by the bath for you," Shen Qingqiu asked.

"My clean clothes?" Shen Yuan frowned. "I was hoping to do laundry when I was here, so I dont have any."

"You don't— You don't have any?" Well that certainly wouldn't do. "You'll look poorly on this master. You'll just have to borrow some of mine."

"Qingqiu, that's not necessary—" Shen Yuan started, cheeks turning pink.

"It is. You’re my guest. I can't have you running about my peak looking like you've just rolled in the dirt. You can borrow some of mine. I'll have yours brought to be cleaned this afternoon."

"Ah," Shen Yuan scratched his nose. "If you insist."

Something about the thought of Shen Yuan in his clothes made Shen Qingqiu feel hot to the tips of his toes and he forced himself to concentrate on the task at hand.

"The bath should be ready, I'll bring everything to you so go on, before it gets cold," Shen Qingqiu said, waving his hamd to shoo Shen Yuan off.

Shen Yuan ducked his head, letting out a little laugh then darted from the room without another word. Shen Qingqiu stared after him, a thought winding into his head, of Shen Yuan sliding into the bath just one room over, the screen drawn so only his silhouette could be seen. Shen Yuan shedding his travel worn clothes until he was standing there, nothing but his long legs and his bare—

Shen Qingqiu's face was on fire. He swallowed hard then marched into his room and started pulling robes from his cabinets. At least that gave him something to focus on even if it was just what Shen Yuan would like to wear best. Something light probably. He was used to traveling so he wouldn't want anything constricting. And dark green would look very nice on him with his dark hair.

Shen Qingqiu dropped his head into his hands. He sucked in a deep breath, then let it out, then repeated until he felt less like he was going to catch fire on the spot. Shen Yuan was his friend. His friend. He needed to stop whatever— whatever this all was.

Shen Qingqiu made quick work of dropping the clothes for Shen Yuan, certainly not looking at all at his silhouette behind the painted screen, then fled to make tea. He spent the rest of the time staring at the plate of assorted snacks wondering what was wrong with him.

By the time Shen Yuan came out in the borrowed robes, wet hair falling down his back in twisting strands, Shen Qingqiu had regained his composure. He was sitting at the low table reading through some of his correspondence and thinking of nothing else while he breathed in the floral smell of the tea he'd been given from the jies. Shen Yuan already knew he favored sweet things; no sense struggling through another high quality, but bitter and grassy tea, when he could drink the one he actually wanted.

"Qingqiu?"

Shen Qingqiu looked up. Shen Yuan's cheeks were flushed pink from the hot water and Shen Qingqiu felt like his mind was bleeding out of his ears.

"You made tea, too," Shen Yuan hummed. "You didn't have to go through so much trouble."

Shen Qingqiu reached for something to say that wasn't You look very pretty in my clothes.

"Your hair is a mess, you look ridiculous."

Shen Yuan's lips curled up. "It's fine, it's fine. It'll look better when it dries."

"No." Shen Qingqiu latched on to this one safe topic with reckless abandon. Better than thinking that Shen Yuan would also look pretty out of Shen Qingqiu's clothes. "No, you'll reflect badly on me as my guest."

Shen Yuan's lips curved down, his teeth catching on the soft skin. "Ah, you know Qingqiu, the Emerald Serpent-tailed Langur often grooms those it is close with, even going so far as to weave flowers into each other's fur. It's quite cute actually!"

Shen Qingqiu's brows drew together, thankfully pulled out of whatever thought he was about to have straight into trying to figure out what this non-sequitur was about.

"Oh?"

"Yes!" Shen Yuan perked up, sliding onto the cushion next to Shen Qingqiu. "They have opposable thumbs so they gather flowers and store them in tree hollows. They've even been known to dry them out and save them over the winter! Isn't that so nice! Just imagine all these cute little monkeys, swinging through the trees with flowers woven into their green fur!"

Shen Qingqiu nodded, considering. He hadn't really paid much attention to any creatures out in the wild unless they were going to attack him. But Shen Yuan's enthusiasm was infectious. He probably would never go on his own to see such a thing for himself, but with Shen Yuan to guide him, to explain what he found wondrous about even the most mundane of creatures, well, Shen Qingqiu thought he might like that very much.

"If you wanted, I wouldn't be opposed to you brushing my hair," Shen Yuan trailed off, reaching out to poke one of the sesame balls Shen Qingqiu had laid out. "You know, if it looks badly to you."

Shen Qingqiu knew his ears had to be bright red by this point, but he forced his face into a disinterested scowl and huffed. "Fine, since you can't seem to handle it properly on your own anyway."

It was quick work to procure his comb, but sitting behind Shen Yuan, he suddenly wondered what he was even doing. He forced his hands to steady as he took a piece of Shen Yuan's hair and dragged the comb through the still damp strands. He smelled of Shen Qingqiu's preferred soap, of the oil Shen Qingqiu used in his hair, dressed in Shen Qingqiu's clothes. He looked like he belonged here. Like he was supposed to stay in the Bamboo House with Shen Qingqiu.

Shen Qingqiu suppressed a shiver and bent his focus towards combing out Shen Yuan's long hair. Once he started it was easy to sink into the rhythm of it, to not think about what it might be like to do this all the time, to maybe have Shen Yuan also sit behind Shen Qingqiu, his clever fingers working through Shen Qingqiu's long hair, to braid it with hair pins or flowers like the Emerald Serpent-tailed Langur did.

"I was going to stay for several days again, if that's alright with you," Shen Yuan hummed. Shen Qingqiu was drawing to the end; there wasn't much left to brush, but he thought maybe he could continue just for a little bit longer, to hang in the soft space between them for another moment. Shen Qingqiu had not brushed someone's hair since Qiu Haitang, and with Qiu Haitang it had never been like this. It had never been easy.

"Stay as long as you wish," Shen Qingqiu said and hoped his voice didn't sound too hopeful. "Qing Jing Peak would benefit from your studies. Perhaps you can teach some of these little spoiled lords a few things."

Shen Yuan laughed. "I'll certainly try, though if your scowl can't pull them in their place, I don't know what will."

Shen Qingqiu tugged on Shen Yuan's hair and Shen Yuan winced then laughed more, the sound curling into the late afternoon air.

…

Shen Qingqiu stood in front of the large shelf that housed the musical books and scrolls that had been collected on Qing Jing Peak for generations. He'd hated the organization for some time, but he was always running this way and that trying to get everything done. It left him barely time to give it a single moment. But Shen Yuan spent most of his time in the library and he was only here for a few days. Shen Qingqiu could take some time to do it now.

Shen Yuan was studiously sitting at one of the desks, brush moving nonstop. Sometimes his head would tip and he'd hum to himself, then he'd rotate the page and keep going. They'd been like this, working in comfortable silence for nearing a shichen and as Shen Qingqiu came to the last of the shelves he'd wanted to reorganize for the day, he couldn't help but wonder what it was Shen Yuan was working so hard on.

He placed the scroll he was holding down, cushioning it with his pinky so as not to make a noise, then slid over on his slippered feet, hoping the rustling of his robes didn't give him away. Shen Yuan didn't pause in his brushstrokes and did not look up, so Shen Qingqiu slid closer, then closer again, before leaning over Shen Yuan's shoulder.

He frowned, thoughts drawing to a halt. Shen Yuan wasn't taking notes or painting landscapes. He was drawing what appeared to be a collection of intricate circles. Shen Qingqiu's gut twisted as his mind fluttered through his memories of every talisman and every array he'd ever come into contact with, even the ones Wu Yanzi had forced him to draw. Shen Yuan tipped his head again, hummed, then started another circle.

The longer Shen Qingqiu stared, the more the twisting in his gut relaxed, replaced only with confusion. He was certain this wasn't strange array or talisman, but then, why was Shen Yuan just drawing patterns? For a full shichen!?

They were quite nice actually. Very pretty in an unusual way. Shen Qingqiu wouldn't have minded at all having them hung on the wall here in the library. A little mark of Shen Yuan's presence beyond what he'd already left on many of the books in the collection. Shen Yuan turned the page again, focused on his work. Shen Qingqiu swallowed as he watched Shen Yuan's long fingers tighten along the brush handle.

The thought slid into his mind, past his rigid defenses, of Shen Yuan holding the brush but instead of paper it was Shen Qingqiu's bare skin he was painting on, of Shen Yuan's free hand holding him steady as he carefully dragged the soft bristles along Shen Qingqiu's chest, the curve of his waist, low along his hip bones.

Shen Qingqiu was suddenly so hot he thought he might die. He needed to get out of here immediately. Get some fresh air. Clearly being in this library too long had done something to his mind and he was no longer thinking rationally. He spun on his heel and plowed straight into one of the bookcases.

Pain ricocheted up his body and he stumbled backwards, blinking at the shelves of books he'd somehow forgotten were right there.

"Qingqiu!" Shen Yuan spun around, half raised from his cushion. "What happened? Are you alright?"

"Fine, fine, it was nothing," Shen Qingqiu waved him off, clenching his jaw and hoping he didn't have a bruise on his head. Ridiculous! What was he even doing? His gaze landed on the paintings again and latched onto the perfect way to change the subject.

"Those are…interesting," he said.

Shen Yuan's smile wobbled, gaze falling away. "Ah, yeah. Did you know the Red-Scaled Eel-Puffer Fish will spend days drawing out intricate designs when they are looking for a mate? When the mate accepts they'll go to the center of the circle and—"

Shen Qingqiu frowned, waiting. Shen Yuan did not continue.

"And? What do they do?"

Shen Yuan's smile tightened, cheeks turning pink. "Uh— Nothing. That's just how they accept."

Shen Qingqiu's brow furrowed. "I see."

"Right, well," Shen Yuan laughed, scooping up the painting and thrusting it at Shen Qingqiu. "Here. This is for you."

Shen Qingqiu stared at it. "For me?"

"Mmhmm," Shen Yuan hummed, wiggling his hand a little so the paper fluttered. "For you." When Shen Qingqiu continued to stare, his hand drooped. "Unless, you didn't really want—"

"I want it," Shen Qingqiu snapped.

"Ah?"

"I said I want it." Shen Qingqiu swiped the paper from Shen Yuan's hand before he could change his mind. He'd never had someone paint him something before. His heart fluttered, chest aching from the sudden rush of affection. He felt shivery to the tips of his toes and all he could think of was that Shen Yuan had painted him something. He'd painted something just for Shen Qingqiu.

He glanced around, walking to his personal desk to place it in a drawer where it wouldnt get damaged until he could hang it up, then snapped his fan out to cover his curling smile.

Shen Yuan had painted something just for him.

…

Shen Yuan was set to leave in just a couple of days but Shen Qingqiu was not thinking about it. Instead he invited his guest to come to town on a few errands. It wasn't a large town but there were always stalls of vendors for people who came to visit the mountain. As expected, Shen Yuan was entranced by this as much as he was for anything new, flitting from one stall to the next as Shen Qingqiu drifted behind him, glad for the cool breeze and his fan.

Together they stopped at a vendor who had bolts of silks and linens stacked together. As Shen Yuan hummed, long fingers stroking over some embroidered fabric, Shen Qingqiu thought about how Shen Yuan had shown up on the mountain. His robes were thin, probably for ease of travel, but what if he got cold? Was he dressing properly? He hadn't had many robes, and had taken to borrowing Shen Qingqiu's while he was visiting. It made sense of course. Why would he need a pile of fancy robes when he was trekking through forest or climbing mountains, or whatever he was doing to find the next new beast. But he should at least have something warmer. A fur lined cloak maybe, some thicker robes for winter.

Shen Qingqiu huffed. He wanted to smack himself. What was he thinking getting all worked up over what Shen Yuan was wearing? Shen Yuan had been on his own for how long? He could certainly take care of himself. Afterall, he'd been better equipped than Shen Qingqiu when they met. He sighed, raising his fan to hide his no doubt red cheeks, and strode away to find something else to distract him.

Shen Yuan caught up to him as he was looking over the new poetry collections from his favored book seller.

"Do you have any books of poetry?" Shen Yuan asked him.

"I have many. You've seen them," Shen Qingqiu frowned.

"No, I meant your own," Shen Yuan said. "Poetry you wrote."

"I—" Shen Qingqiu flushed, whirling away from the book seller to stride to the next vendor, Shen Yuan behind him. "I have some poetry but I have not collected them that way."

"Qingqiu should let this humble Shen read them," Shen Yuan said, ducking his head so he could peer around Shen Qingqiu's raised fan. "Qingqiu's art and music are all lovely, how could his poetry be different?"

Shen Qingqiu rolled his eyes and tried to ignore the swift beat of his heart. Thankfully, Shen Yuan let his silence go with a slight upward curve of his lips.

Once they'd wound their way through the last of the vendors they took a seat on a nearby bench, breathing in the smell of freshly blooming flowers and some sugary scent drifting through the air. Shen Qingqiu's eyes caught on a seller of tongren and then darted away. He really didn't think he could handle anymore of Shen Yuan's gentle teasing even if he now was desperately craving something sweet.

"You know," Shen Yuan hummed, bumping their shoulders together. "The Silky Nursery Spider- Cat often gathers berries and other treats for their mates and then wraps them up in their spider silk to bring them back."

Shen Qingqiu grimaced. "That seems like it would just turn into a sticky mess."

"Oh no, not at all!" Shen Yuan said, slipping into that instructor voice he'd charmed half of Shen Qingqiu's disciples with. "They can weave a special kind of silk just for wrapping their gifts. In fact, some people gather it to weave their own fabric."

Shen Qingqiu was nodding along until the words caught up to him. He cut his eyes to Shen Yuan, frowning.

"How big are these spiders?"

Shen Yuan hummed, shrugging. "Oh not very big. Just about the size of a small house cat." He parted his hands to be about shoulder width. "That's why they are called a "cat spider.""

Shen Qingqiu stared, a cold sweat breaking out on his arms.

"Not— Not very big?"

Shen Yuan blinked. "Yeah, the Spiny Pine-Spider is much bigger actually."

"Ah." Shen Qingqiu felt faint. "I see." He made a mental note to look up where these things were found and never go there. Shen Yuan could adore all the beasts and creatures he wished, but Shen Qingqiu had to draw a line somewhere.

"Are you alright?" Shen Yuan reached out to gently take his wrist. Shen Qingqiu suppressed the instinctive flinch as Shen Yuan's qi flickered through him. "You look a little pale."

"Fine," Shen Qingqiu huffed. "It's nothing." How had Shen Yuan not gotten himself killed yet? For someone so easy going, Shen Qingqiu swore this man must have every god in the heavens on his side.

They were quiet for another long moment, letting the wind drift through their hair and soaking in the bustle of the market. Shen Yuan bumped his shoulder and held out a small box wrapped in a piece of deep green embroidered silk. Shen Qingqiu stared down at it, heart picking up its pace.

"For you, Qingqiu," Shen Yuan said.

Shen Qingqiu looked up at him, sure that the fluttery feeling weaving through his chest must be all over his face. People didn't just gift him things like this. Sure, some of his disciples would bring items back from their families, but only the jies ever considered what he might actually like.

He reached out with a tentative hand and plucked the small box from Shen Yuan's fingers. Inside were a collection of different candies. He felt his ears go hot and something soft and warm curl through his chest.

"Thank you," he mumbled, then unwrapped one and threw it into his mouth to avoid having to say anything else.

"I thought you might like them," Shen Yuan said, gaze decidedly on his shoes. "There was something else, too."

"Hmm?" Shen Qingqiu hummed.

"I was wondering if you'd like to go see something," Shen Yuan asked. "With me."

"Where?" Shen Qingqiu said, swallowing the last of the piece of candy. His mouth tasted like fruit and syrupy sugar and he tucked his hands into his sleeves to hide the slight tremble.

"It's a little far; we'd have to travel. But if you leave with me at the end of the week, we could make it in time."

Shen Qingqiu opened his mouth to refuse. Of course he couldn't go traveling. He wasn't like Liu Qingge who would just run off whenever he pleased. There were lessons to plan, and correspondence to answer, and meetings to attend. He already felt as if he barely had enough time to meditate and work on his cultivation. Was he not already lagging behind his martial siblings enough?

But Shen Yuan was staring at him with a furrow forming between his brow and a tentative hope in his gaze and Shen Qingqiu felt the words die on his lips. Maybe he could do this one thing.

For Shen Yuan.

…

Shen Yuan was very secretive about where they were going. Shen Qingqiu thought he should feel more worried about that, but somehow Shen Yuan had found a way to worm past his defenses and he couldn't help but believe him. As they drew closer to the Mountain of the Snow Moon, so named for its perpetually snowy peaks, they stopped for the night at an inn.

Shen Yuan led him over with a hand on his sleeve to a table, ordering wine and food and procuring a place to sleep for the night. The food was surprisingly good, the wine better. Shen Qingqiu had a suspicion that Shen Yuan had asked for sweet plum wine instead of what they'd normally serve. But it didn't really matter. He relazed a little with each cup, the sweet and tart liquid coating his mouth and making the lantern light hazy and the chatter from nearby tables far away.

"We can summit the mountain tomorrow," Shen Yuan said, refilling Shen Qingqiu's cup for the third time that evening. Shen Qingqiu was really going to have to tell him to stop at some point, but that concern drifted in and out of his head under Shen Yuan's soft smile. "We can get most of the way on sword but we'll have to climb the last bit."

"We can't fly all the way?" Shen Qingqiu asked. He supposed it was good that he brought those fur lined cloaks with him. Knowing Shen Yuan he was about to march up that mountain in the robes he was currently wearing.

"Nope," Shen Yuan smiled. His shoulders were looser than usual, his head tipping just a little too far to the left when he smiled. Perhaps Shen Qingqiu should also tell him to stop pouring the wine for himself. "We'll frighten away what I want to show you. So we need to go on foot." His lips slid into a lazy smile and Shen Qingqiu's heart fluttered. In the soft light of the lanterns around them, Shen Yuan's expression looked inviting. Like Shen Qingqiu might lean over and kiss him and not be pushed away.

"If you say so," Shen Qingqiu huffed.

"Oh? Does the refined and gentle scholar of Qing Jing Peak not wish to dirty his fine clothes with a hike?" Shen Yuan hummed.

"Perhaps this refined and gentle scholar wonders more about whether my wandering cultivator friend can enter polite company looking like he rolled in the dirt with his beasts." Shen Qingqiu sniffed.

"Are you calling me dirty?" Shen Yuan gasped in mock outrage.

"I was not not calling you dirty." Shen Qingqiu took a sip of his wine, letting it settle through his chest, making him feel warm through his belly.

"A-Qiu!" Shen Yuan clapped a hand to his chest. Shen Qingqiu froze, thoughts grinding to a halt.

"What did you call me?" He watched Shen Yuan's smile slide away and Shen Qingqiu's gut twisted. Damn that name, cursed to follow him all the way to the top of the Jianghu, as if he could never rid himself of that beast who'd called himself a lord. Shen Yuan did not know. Of course he didn't. As if Shen Qingqiu would have ever wanted him to know such a thing. How pathetic Shen Qingqiu had been before he came to Cang Qiong Mountain, how when pushed, he was no better than a beast himself.

"Qingqiu," Shen Yuan reached out, hand sliding up his sleeve until he placed it over Shen Qingqiu's own hand. "You're upset."

"Shut up," Shen Qingqiu spat. "What do you know? Already calling me by just my name like we're close. I'm the lord of Qing Jing peak. Why would you think you could call me so familiarly?"

Shen Qingqiu's brain was on fire. He wanted to stop. Shen Yuan hadn't known. How would he have known? Shen Qingqiu had worked so hard to make sure no one could learn anything about his past, that no one could work out that he didn't belong there. But he felt like he had lost control of his mouth as the whip-fast flash of anger rushed through him, burning down everything in his path.

He knew how this went. How it always went. No one would care for him when they got to know him. There was nothing good within him, only ash and smoke and that neverending well of rage that he could never quite keep down. He was no better than a beast, lashing out at the nearest target. He—

Shen Yuan's grip tightened on his wrist. "Qingqiu."

Shen Qingqiu's hands were shaking. He swallowed hard.

"You—"

"No." Shen Yuan's fingers squeezed then slid to weave their hands together. "You're upset. You've let me call you Qingqiu since the first day we met. It was only when—"

"Stop," Shen Qingqiu spat. He didn't want to hear it. Didn't want to think about that monster that should just have ripped the heart from his chest instead of leaving him like this. Or think of the fact that he must have deserved it. If he hadn't then why had he been left there? Why had Yue Qi never come back?

"I'm not going to say it," Shen Yuan said, voice dropping into a barely there murmur. "It's alright. I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"You don't even know what you're saying," Shen Qingqiu hissed. His heart was beating so hard he was sure it was going to escape from his throat. He wanted to yank his hand away, to draw Xiu Ya and speed back to the sect, to his Bamboo House. Even if he didn't belong there either, it was familar. It could be enough.

"I don't." Shen Yuan frowned, a furrow forming between his brow. "But I know enough to know that I upset you."

Shen Qingqiu opened his mouth to retort, to say he didn't need Shen Yuan's pity, but the words died on his lips. Shen Yuan was looking right at him, his expression devoid of any anger or judgment. Shen Qingqiu swallowed around his suddenly tight throat.

Shame rushed through him and he ducked his head. How was he always like this? How could he never control it when the anger flashed through his mind? He should be better than this. He escaped didn't he? Qiu Jianluo didn't kill him; neither did the slavers or Wu Yanzi. Even Yue Qingyuan— He took in a shuddering breath. He should be better than this. At least to Shen Yuan who had only ever been kind to him. To Shen Yuan who had helped him when he was a complete stranger, to Shen Yuan who continued to call him Qingqiu as if being friends was the easiest thing in the world, to Shen Yuan who's grin lit up his whole face when he was excited, who asked about Shen Qingqiu's art like he really cared, who wanted to take him on a trip just to show Shen Qingqiu something he found worthwhile.

To Shen Yuan, who he loved more than anyone.

Shen Yuan.

Even if Shen Yuan would never love him back, he should be better.

"Qingqiu?" Shen Yuan said softly.

"Hmm?" Shen Qingqiu hummed in response. He didnt want to lift his head and have Shen Yuan read every thought from his too expressive face.

"I wanted to call you something. You know, like a nickname."

"Is my given name not enough?" Shen Qingqiu huffed, but it sounded more wobbly than he intended as he forced the words past his tight throat.

"That's your courtesy name," Shen Yuan said and Shen Qingqiu didn't need to lift his head to know Shen Yuan was pouting. He felt his ears go hot.

"So call me something else then," Shen Qingqiu said.

"If you'll let me. What's your given name? Your real one."

Shen Qingqiu took in another shuddery breath. It was just a name. A name half of Cang Qiong Mountain probably still knew. He'd not been Qingqiu when he came to the sect afterall. But still, even if he told people it was written like "Black Jade" instead of "nine" it still felt like giving up too much. But for Shen Yuan. Maybe for Shen Yuan he could…

"Jiu," Shen Qingqiu said. "It's Shen Jiu."

Shen Yuan hummed, his fingers squeezing around Shen Qingqiu's fingers. "A-Jiu then."

Shen Qingqiu snorted, his heart fluttering. It sounded nice when Shen Yuan said it.

"Fine, A-Yuan," Shen Qingqiu huffed, then chanced a glance just in time to see Shen Yuan's cheeks flush red before he threw back the rest of the wine in his cup.

Shen Qingqiu felt his lips twitch.

A-Yuan. A-Yuan. A-Yuan.

…

They had been hiking up a steadily increasing slope for half a shichen. The wind was chilly towards the top of the mountain, snow drifting and curling around pine trees in the crisp air. Shen Qingqiu was glad he had remembered the warmer clothes. As expected, Shen Yuan had planned to summit the mountain in his regular robes and a warming talisman.

He'd let Shen Qingqiu throw the thicker cloak over him though, standing still as Shen Qingqiu fastened it around his shoulders, a soft smile curling up his lips.

"Thank you A-Jiu," he'd said. Shen Qingqiu had grown suddenly hot under his own thick robes and immediately turned to stride out the door before he could do something stupid like tell Shen Yuan he looked pretty.

Though Shen Yuan had surely grown used to traveling alone, he kept their pace steady, turning to help Shen Qingqiu up rocks and around slippery snow filled paths with a hand on his arm.

"This is a lot easier with your help," Shen Yuan said, as Shen Qingqiu pulled him up a sheer break in the rock after Shen Yuan had boosted him over it. It would have been easy work to use his qinggong but Shen Yuan was insistent that they needed to use as little qi as possible.

"You should come with me more," Shen Yuan said as he dusted some snow off his robes, breath fogging the air. "I know you can't leave Cang Qiong Mountain all the time, but I think there are lots of things you'd like to see."

Shen Qingqiu hummed, turning to continue the trek up the mountain. He didn't know what to say to someone who wanted to be with him like this. To spend days on the road together in close company, sharing every moment, eating every meal together, even sleeping in the same room. His own martial siblings didn't want to do that with him. Not that he could blame them. It was like they knew he didn't belong the moment he entered the sect.

How was he supposed to tell Shen Yuan that he wanted nothing more than to spend every day exactly like this? Would he not just end up ruining it in the end?

Shen Yuan tugged on his sleeve pulling him back to peer into his face.

"Do you not want to? I know you're more of an artist type, but we could bring your paints."

"I— Fine," Shen Qingqiu grumbled past the tightness in his chest. "I can't imagine how you haven't gotten yourself into trouble without me anyway."

Shen Yuan hummed, a smile sliding onto his face before he tugged him through another copse of trees.

They cleared the summit just as the last light faded, leaving them under the pale blue glow of the moon. Shen Qingqiu had to stop as he looked around, the breath stolen from his lungs. At the top of the mountain was a crystal clear lake, as smooth as glass under the cold air. The rising moon reflected along the surface like the palest jade, the wind drifting through the trees carrying the sharp scent of pine and the fresh cold.

Shen Yuan guided him over to a rock outcropping, pulling him down to nestle behind it so they could just peek over the top.

Shen Qingqiu opened his mouth to ask what they were doing and found himself with Shen Yuan's finger pressed to his lips.

"Shh," he whispered. "It's almost time." His breath fogged the air between them, warm against Shen Qingqiu's cheeks. For a moment he was struck frozen, unable to look away from Shen Yuan's gaze. He watched Shen Yuan's lips part, his lashes fluttering as his throat bobbed. The kiss came back to Shen Qingqiu again. The way Shen Yuan's lips had felt against his own, soft and warm, safe even through Shen Qingqiu's panic that he was about to die. Killed by chance from some mushroom. What might that feel like now? In the cold air, Shen Yuan's mouth on his the only warm thing.

A growing rustling drew his attention and Shen Yuan's eyes lit up.

"A-Jiu, it's starting!" He whispered.

From the trees, a flock of long tailed birds curved up into the air. They flew in sync, creating strange twisting patterns as if they were a single organism. They flitted through the trees, then arced up, their shadows stretching long over the snow and water. As they swooped again, they dove towards the lake. Shen Qingqiu leaned forward, holding his breath as they each hit the still water. Crystal like droplets splashed, glittering in the light of the moon.

As the birds emerged one by one from the dark water, their feathers were coated in ice. Shen Qingqiu shivered as he felt the tell-tale shift of qi in the air. The birds fluttered around, flitting back and forth, the beat of their wings turning the droplets of water to snow and glittering ice. With the ambient qi suffusing the air, the moon looked especially bright, glinting off the snow like it was glowing from within.

Shen Qingqiu was sure he had never seen something so beautiful. The collection of ice crystals on each bird was a little different, casting a prism-like refraction of multi-colored light. As he watched them start to break into smaller and smaller groups, their flight patterns mesmerizing, he realized he'd been struck in awe of the sight before him, his mind gone completely silent. His heart trembled and he thought it hadn't been so quiet in his head since he'd been a child, sliding into Qi-ge's arms to sleep.

"This is called a murmuration," Shen Yuan whispered to him, leaning close until their bodies were pressed together. "These Silver Mirror Starlings come here once every year and fly in these patterns over this particular lake"

Shen Qingqiu couldn't tear his eyes away, even as he felt his curiosity spark. "Why?"

"It's their mating ritual," Shen Yuan said. "See, watch."

The smaller groups of starlings broke off again as they dove towards the water, resurfacing with more complex configurations of ice crystals adorning their shimmering feathers.

"They do this until they are "decorated" enough for their chosen mate," Shen Yuan said.

As Shen Yuan spoke, the starlings all seperated into pairs, flying and swooping in unison. Their light clear song rang through the air like a chorus of bells, before they started to join back together again, each pair still remaining steadfast to each other. As the last of them joined the larger groups, their patterns shifted and changed, curling through the air, before at last, they arced away into the trees and disappeared.

Shen Qingqiu watched them go, a slithering sort of weight settling into his belly. It had been over almost as soon as it started. He sucked in a breath of the night air, searing this moment into his memory. Whatever happened, even if Shen Yuan left back to his beasts and his travels and never returned, perhaps it had been worth it for this brief place in time where they'd laid pressed together and he'd been left speechless at the beauty of the world.

"A-Jiu?" Shen Yuan's voice cut the silent air and Shen Qingqiu startled. He turned and Shen Yuan's fingers brushed his cheeks. His vision went hazy around the edges as his eyes began to water. "Are you alright?"

"Fine, fine," Shen Qingqiu huffed, shivering under Shen Yuan's touch. "It's just the cold."

Shen Yuan's fingers slid to cup Shen Qingqiu's cheek and he realized how close they were. Close enough to see the fine dusting of frost on SY's lashes.

"Ah, A-Jiu," Shen Yuan hummed, his eyes sliding away. "I wanted to give you something." He shifted away enough to dig into his sleeve, withdrawing a hair comb. It glinted silver in the soft light, crystals curving up in delicate designs like shards of ice. Shen Qingqiu stared at it, then whipped his gaze back up to Shen Yuan.

Shen Yuan's face was flushed all the way to the tips of his ears. " I didn't think we should go jumping in a freezing lake, even with our cultivation. Besides this will last longer."

Shen Qingqiu swallowed hard. The comb looked just like the starling's wings. It couldn't be a coincidence. Shen Yuan had to have had this made for him. Just for this. To bring Shen Qingqiu here, show him this sight, and then give him a gift to match.

"What are you doing?" Shen Qingqiu's stomach swooped.

"Giving you a gift." Shen Yuan said, brow furrowing.

"Yes, I see that," Shen Qingqiu said. "But why?"

"Isn't that obvious?" Shen Yuan's mouth wobbled, hand still outstretched with the comb in his fingers. Shen Qingqiu stared at it, trying to force thoughts through his frozen mind. There was only one way to take this, wasn't there? There could be no way this would be a gift for someone you only considered a friend.

It looked like a courting gift.

He thought back to when Shen Yuan had first come to visit him on Qing Jing Peak. How he'd gotten flustered and started babbling about all the differences between the way humans and beasts courted. How Shen Yuan had found it so frustrating that humans were not the same. He had been acting odd, but that was just how he was, wasn't it? But all those discussions on mating rituals were now circling through Shen Qingqiu's head, gaining speed as Shen Qingqiu thought he was going to shiver out of his body.

Shen Yuan's lips twisted down before he forced them back up. His hand retreated back to tuck the comb away.

"It's alright A-Jiu, I know you—"

Shen Qingqiu's hand flashed out to catch Shen Yuan's wrist.

"Shut up."

Shen Yuan's mouth shut so fast his teeth clicked.

"Were you trying to court me you asshole?!" Shen Qingqiu spat. He knew his fingers were trembling on Shen Yuan's wrist, that his face must be bright red, but in this moment he didn't care.

Shen Yuan blinked, his mouth working, but no words came out.

"Well?!" Shen Qingqiu tightened his grip.

Shen Yuan swallowed, then in a small voice said, "yes."

Shen Qingqiu thought he might either kiss Shen Yuan or strangle him, and he wasn't sure which he'd do first.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" He snapped instead.

Shen Yuan's brows drew down over his flushed cheeks. "You agreed."

"When?"

"Back when I first came to visit you. You said you understood."

"Who would understand that!?"

"If you don't want to—"

"I said shut up. You're the worst. I can't stand you." Shen Qingqiu plucked the comb from Shen Yuan's fingers, shoved it into his bun, then looped his fingers into Shen Yuan's robes dragging him forward and kissing him the way he'd wanted to for weeks.

Shen Yuan didn't move at first. They lay there, lips pressed together, wind drifting through the trees around them. Then Shen Yuan let out a shuddery breath and surged forward, pressing Shen Qingqiu back into the snow. His mouth was slick and hot against Shen Qingqiu's, hands insistent in his hair. Shen Qingqiu gasped, pleasure flooding though his mind and fingers tightening in Shen Yuan's robes as he arched against him. It was good, so good to feel Shen Yuan's mouth on him, to be pressed together. Shen Yuan licked into his mouth, spit sliding down his chin, and Shen Qingqiu shivered groaning as his eyes squeezed shut.

Shen Yuan's fingers skidded down his chest then dipped into his robes and Shen Qingqiu flinched, breaking the kiss.

"You're freezing!" He hissed.

Shen Yuan blinked at him, lips swollen and cheeks flushed. "O-oh, sorry, right." He didn't move, body still weighing Shen Qingqiu down. Shen Qingqiu swallowed hard, heat curling low in his gut. Shen Yuan blinked, lashes fluttering and Shen Qingqiu had to stop himself from leaning in again. He was not going to do this on top of a mountain in the snow. He hadn't really planned to do this at all anytime soon.

But maybe, if it was Shen Yuan, then maybe it would be alright if he—

"We should go back to the inn," he mumbled.

Shen Yuan let out a little half laugh, "Ah, right. It's getting late."

Shen Qingqiu shot a glare at him. He swore he might just change his mind and strangle Shen Yuan. How could this man know so much and be such a complete idiot!?

"We should go back to the inn," Shen Qingqiu repeated, arching his brows.

"You said—" Shen Yuan started. "Oh! Oh you want to go to the inn." Shen Qingqiu was still close enough to watch the ink black of his pupils widen sending a shock of white-hot desire down his own spine.

"That's what I said," Shen Qingqiu huffed.

"Ok. Right. Yes. You want to go to the inn. We'll go to the inn." Shen Yuan jerked to his feet, then pulled Shen Qingqiu up with him. "We can go by sword now."

Shen Qingqiu cut his eyes to Shen Yuan. Something about Shen Yuan's clear interest settled something in his gut. He crossed his arms.

"In a hurry?"

Shen Yuan stumbled pulling out his sword. "Ha— Ah, no. I just—"

Shen Qingqiu felt his lips curl up and withdrew his own sword. Yes. If it was Shen Yuan, he thought everything would be alright.

…

It took far less time to descend the mountain than it had to ascend it. Of course, riding Xiu Ya all the way down helped. Back at the inn, Shen Qingqiu sat on the bed with his back rigid, hands folded neatly in his lap as Shen Yuan sat beside him with his legs tucked under him. He could feel Shen Yuan's eyes on him, even with own gaze pinned to his feet.

Shen Yuan shifted a little, mouth twisting, then he reached out to tuck a strand of hair behind Shen Qingqiu's ear. Shen Qingqiu shivered as Shen Yuan's cool fingers brushed his cheek and his pupils widened. The moment stretched. Shen Qingqiu sucked in a breath, swallowed hard, then jolted forward.

Shen Yuan met him halfway. They slammed into each other and toppled to the bed. Shen Yuan's hands immediately wove into his robes as if no time had passed from when they'd kissed on top of the mountain. Shen Qingqiu gasped, pleasure shivering through his veins as his teeth caught Shen Yuan's lip. It was messy, spit dripping down his chin and Shen Yuan's hands catching on all the layers of robes Shen Qingqiu was wearing. Shen Qingqiu's heart was beating so hard he swore Shen Yuan would be able to feel it, his body already sweat-slicked under his robes.

Shen Yuan's fingers tugged on his sash and finally the fabric loosened. He dragged Shen Qingqiu up by his shoulders, pushing the fine silk layers off his body before letting go. Shen Qingqiu dropped back to the bed, face flushed and suddenly very aware of how the absence of all those robes felt. He'd spent years dressing in layers after layer. Prone to the cold and having a strong dislike of people touching him, it had come naturally when he could afford such a thing. He slept in more than one layer, only bathed privately or in the middle of the night when no one was around. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been laid bare in front of anyone.

Shen Yuan sat back on his heels, his own robes askew, one bony shoulder left uncovered to the open air. His eyes tracked down Shen Qingqiu's body, lips parting as a fine shiver ran down his spine. Shen Qingqiu flushed and snapped his legs closed to hide his already hard and leaking cock . Heat sparked in his gut as Shen Yuan's lips curled up at the edges and he had to look away. How could he just lay here, completely naked, like this? Not when it was so obvious how much he wanted Shen Yuan to touch him.

Shen Yuan made a little huff of a laugh, then the bed dipped as he leaned over Shen Qingqiu, pressing a kiss to his jaw. He slid down Shen Qingqiu's throat, dragging his lips along Shen Qingqiu's collarbone and along the curve of his bare shoulder. Each press of his lips sent a shiver down Shen Qingqiu's body.

"A-Jiu, have you done this before?" Shen Yuan blinked up at him.

Shen Qingqiu's gaze cut away again, his cheeks burning. But how could he lie when his body trembled even when Shen Yuan had barely touched him? He let out a long sigh and shook his head no.

Shen Yuan's head cocked. "Really?"

Shen Qingqiu shot a glare at him. "Yes, really."

"Don't be mad." Shen Yuan ducked his head to press another gentle kiss against Shen Qingqiu's jaw. "I was just surprised."

"Why." Shen Qingqiu's glare sharpened. "Do you think I'm such a —"

"You're so pretty," Shen Yuan cut him off. "Who wouldn't want to have sex with you?"

Shen Qingqiu's lips parted. Then he whipped his hands up to cover his entire face, groaning into his cupped palms. How could this man just say things like that! Shameless! Ridiculous!

Shen Yuan's hands wrapped around his wrists, tugging them away from Shen Qingqiu's face.

"Hey," he said. "It's alright."

"Have you done this before?" Shen Qingqiu huffed, rolling his eyes and trying to breathe around his swift-beating heart.

Shen Yuan's mouth twisted and he blushed all the way to his ears. "Oh well, you see," he scratched his nose. "I've read about it."

Shen Qingqiu frowned, arching a brow.

"So, you know, I definitely know what to do," Shen Yuan laughed. "I did some research just in case I got sex pollened at some point. You know there's all sorts of plants out there and you never know when—"

"Please stop talking," Shen Qingqiu cut him off. He could not start thinking about Shen Yuan inhaling some plant out there in the wilds and then rolling around all flushed cheeks and fluttering lashes.

Shen Yuan's mouth snapped shut and he let out another awkward little laugh. Shen Qingqiu stared at him, then snorted. He supposed they were both complete amateurs then. That was somehow better than if Shen Yuan had been some well-versed expert on the subject. He sighed, then pulled Shen Yuan down to kiss him again.

Shen Yuan shivered, one hand sliding up into Shen Qingqiu's hair as the other worked its way down. Shen Yuan's mouth was clumsy on his own, his teeth catching Shen Qingqiu's lip as he pushed his tongue in to curl around the back of Shen Qingqiu's teeth. After a moment, Shen Yuan made a soft noise into Shen Qingqiu's mouth and dragged his sash up between them, tossing it to the floor.

He sat up, shoving his robes off. Shen Qingqiu had a moment to trace the lines of Shen Yuan's chest, the curve of his wiry muscles, the dip of his hip bone, before Shen Yuan was pushing Shen Qingqiu's legs apart with insistent fingers and slotting himself between them. Shen Qingqiu hissed as their cocks slid together, Shen Yuan's dragging along his own, wet with pre-come. He whimpered as Shen Yuan pressed their mouths back together, hard enough for their teeth to click before licking back into his mouth.

Pleasure made his thoughts hazy. He arched into Shen Yuan's touch, each rock of their hips against each other sending shivers through Shen Qingqiu's whole body. He had always worried about this moment, that he wouldn't know what to do, that he would find his skill wanting, but with Shen Yuan it was easy. One by one his muscles, relaxed, his mind fizzling out until all that was left was pure instinct.

His arms wrapped around Shen Yuan's shoulders, nails dragging against his back as he arched into the drag of Shen Yuan's cock against his own. Shen Yuan broke away to press his mouth and tongue and teeth against every inch of skin he could reach, ducking his head to suck a bruise against Shen Qingqiu's neck. It was too high, some distant thought told Shen Qingqiu. His robes would never cover it. But he couldn't remember why he should care. Not when his mind was boiling over, the tension in his gut twisting tighter and tighter.

He knew he was being loud as they rocked together, whimpers and long moans slipping from his lips. But Shen Yuan was faring no better; his fingers dug hard into Shen Qingqiu's waist, pulling him up to meet each thrust of his hips. He groaned, face pressed cheek to cheek with Shen Qingqiu.

"A-Jiu," he groaned. "A-Jiu, you feel so good. So perfect. I want to do this all the time. I want—" he broke off on a shivery moan that Shen Qingqiu echoed, their cocks pressed together, slick with each-other's pre-come.

It was too good. Better than Shen Qingqiu's thought it would be. He didn't think it would be like this. He had gotten pleasure from stroking himself to completion of course, but it had always felt mechanical, like something he had to occasionally indulge in before carrying on with his day. But this was so much different, to have another person's hands on him, to have Shen Yuan's hands on him was a shock of intensity, burning through his body and searing out his thoughts.

He'd never last. He knew it, could already feel his gut twisting as his cock spurted more pre-come against Shen Yuan's.

"A-Jiu." Shen Yuan pressed a kiss to the corner of Shen Qingqiu's lips. "A-Jiu is so pretty, you'll look so pretty when you come."

Shen Qingqiu flushed, whimpering as his cock twitched and his pleasure coiled tighter. He squirmed as Shen Yuan wound a hand between them, wrapping around both their cocks at once. He stroked in rhythm with their hips, fingers just a little too tight, but still so perfect. Desire simmered through Shen Qingqiu's veins, his body moving on its own to press closer to Shen Yuan.

"A-Jiu," Shen Yuan lifted his head to peer down at Shen Qingqiu with pupils blown wide. "A-Jiu, you're close, right? Let me see it."

Shen Qingqiu squeezed his eyes shut, embarassment and need winding so tightly together he couldn't tell the difference. Shen Yuan stroked up, thumbing the head of Shen Qingqiu's cock. The tension snapped and Shen Qingqiu shook, back arching and voice cracking as he came over Shen Yuan's fingers.

Shen Yuan groaned, continuing to stroke them both, the slide easier now with Shen Qingqiu's spend coating his fingers. Each press of Shen Yuan's hands pulled a gasp from Shen Qingqiu's lips, his body starting to tremble from the knife-sharp bursts of pleasure.

"Fuck," Shen Yuan breathed, pressing his face to the curve of Shen Qingqiu's throat. "You feel so good. The way you sound—"

Shen Qingqiu squirmed under Shen Yuan's hand, a whimper slipping between his gritted teeth. Shen Yuan's strokes sped up as he mouthed along Shen Qingqiu's throat, sucking bruises between quick breaths. Shen Qingqiu's thoughts scrambled, his hips thrusting up to press closer even as the oversensitivity made his body shake. His fingers dug into Shen Yuan's shoulders, sure he was leaving scratches, legs wrapping around Shen Yuan's hips. He was strung out, reduced only to Shen Yuan's hands on him and Shen Yuan's mouth on his skin.

When Shen Yuan came, his teeth caught Shen Qingqiu's shoulder, digging into the soft flesh. Come splashed over Shen Qingqiu's belly, Shen Yuan's hips still rocking them together until they were both twitching, Shen Qingqiu's head tipped back as he gasped into the quiet air, his body so sensitive it was nearly painful.

When Shen Yuan collapsed against him, he tugged them both onto their sides to slot their legs together. Shen Qingqiu pressed his face against Shen Yuan's chest, catching his breath as his heart rate slowed. Shen Yuan's fingers tangled in Shen Qingqiu's hair, running along the strands in slow repeated strokes. It was nice. Soft and warm and quiet enough that Shen Qingqiu could just breath in the scent of Shen Yuan's sweat-slicked skin. Shen Yuan seemed to be in no hurry to move and so Shen Qingqiu let himself be held, eyes closed and thoughts fuzzy. He didn't know it could be like this, how easy it would be to curl close to someone else and realize they wanted to do the same, to bask in the press of their bodies together.

Shen Yuan's fingers stroked past the comb still pinned in Shen Qingqiu's hair, and Shen Qingqiu's stomach swooped. Shen Yuan had been courting him. This whole time, the gifts, the strange but somehow charming activities, it had all just been Shen Yuan courting him. Shen Qingqiu hid his smile against Shen Yuan's chest, sure his ears were bright red.

Something ticked in his mind and he froze. If Shen Yuan was courting him then—

He jerked away, peering up into Shen Yuan's face. Shen Yuan's brow furrowed.

"A-Jiu?" He mumbled, voice still a little slurry.

"You've been courting me."

"Yes?" Shen Yuan' said.

"What—" Shen Qingqiu swallowed. What was wrong with him? He'd just had sex with this man, he could ask a simple question. "What were your intentions?"

"To court you?" Shen Yuan frowned.

Shen Qingqiu groaned, ducking his head. "I meant afterwards."

ShenYuan shifted, hands coming up to curl around Shen Qingqiu's shoulders. He pushed him away just enough to meet his gaze.

"A-Jiu, what are you asking? Isn't this the intention?"

Shen Qingqiu blinked, gut twisting as a cold spike shot down his spine. Of course. Why had Shen Qingqiu expected any different. Of course, Shen Yuan was like anyone else. He only wanted to sleep with Shen Qingqiu. It was the same as anyone who had ever looked at Shen Qingqiu's pretty face and thought of how they might lure him into their bed.

Shen Yuan's fingers curled around his cheek and Shen Qingqiu flinched.

"A-Jiu stop, why do you look like that?"

"Like what?" Shen Qingqiu hissed.

"Like you bit into something sour," Shen Yuan said.

"I don't." Shen Qingqiu needed to get up. He needed to find his clothes, needed to go back to Qing Jing Peak and immerse himself in his duties. How stupid to think that anyone would want him.

"You do," Shen Yuan's mouth wobbled and he glanced away. " Did you not want to?"

"Want to what?" Shen Qingqiu needed to get up. But Shen Yuan's hands were still on him and he couldn't force himself to pull away.

"I know you haven't met my family or anything. I probably should have done that first," Shen Yuan sighed. "I just figured you didnt care about those things."

Shen Qingqiu's thoughts ground to a halt. "What?"

"I know that's the traditional way," Shen Yuan continued. "To meet with your family. Or to hire a matchmaker."

Shen Qingqiu stared for another moment, then his muscles finally loosened enough for him to press back into Shen Yuan's arms, and bury his burning face. To think this whole time he'd thought that, between them, Shen Yuan was the fool.

"So you wanted," Shen Qingqiu swallowed, words muffled against Shen Yuan's chest. "You wanted to get married?"

Shen Yuan didn't say anything and Shen Qingqiu chanced a glance at him. Shen Yuan stared back with a deep furrow between his brows.

"If you don't want to just say so!" Shen Qingqiu snapped.

"No, I do!" Shen Yuan insisted. "I just didn't understand why you thought I didn't."

Shen Qingqiu's heart was beating wildly and he could barely think straight through the sudden burst of pleasure through his thoughts.

"You never say anything you complete and utter fool!" Shen Qingqiu's hand whipped up to tug on Shen Yuan's loose hair until he winced.

"I thought it was obvious!"

"It wasn't!" Shen Qingqiu groaned, then jolted up to press their mouths together, knocking Shen Yuan onto his back so he couldn't say anything else. As Shen Yuan's hands wove into his hair again, pulling him close, Shen Qingqiu thought he'd probably never been so happy in his entire life.

…

Shen Qingqiu took his time returning to the mountain. He had piles of work to attend to and correspondence to answer. But the break was worth it. Not just for Shen Yuan. Even if Shen Yuan did make the daunting task of shifting through everything he missed worthwhile. No, this time at least there was an added bonus.

Shen Qingqiu sat waving his fan as his fellow peak lords went from pure silence to a roar of overlapping voices.

It seemed they were just a little shocked that their cold as ice martial brother had come back from his trip with a new husband.

¹ This song is called Xiao he tang shui You can read the lyrics and translation as well as listen to it played here. ^{return to text ↩}