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Landon smirked as Mia tried to stay still. He’d been sculpting her for hours now and she was clearly ready to be done. She huffed and shifted.
“Don't move, Little Muse,” Landon chastised. He loved the feel of the clay on his fingers and Mia in his sight.
The atmosphere was shattered by the sound of his ringtone and Landon glared at his phone on the stool behind him. He let it ring, focusing his attention on smoothing the clay in front of him. The ringing started again the second it stopped and Landon twitched in irritation.
“You should answer,” Mia said. Her voice was incredible and Landon soaked up any chance he had to hear it.
“The only calls I take when I’m sculpting are your’s and Bran’s.” Landon replied. The third time it rang Landon grabbed the phone to tell them to fuck off.
“What?!” He snapped, not caring that he had seen the ID flash his father’s contact information.
“Thank god,” his fathers voice sounded so broken Landon drew up short. He had never heard him sound that way.
“What's going on?”
“It's your brother,” his voice caught and Landon heard the plastic case on his phone crack as he squeezed.
“Let me talk to Bran,” Landon snapped, wanting to hear Bran’s soothing voice instead of their father’s broken one.
“You can't,” he got out. He was hyperventilating and crying? Was his father crying ?
Mia had walked over, a questioning look in her eyes. She reached out and placed a hand on Landon’s arm.
“He’s- he’s in the hospital,” his father cleared his throat, but Landon felt his own throat begin to clog. “He’s in critical condition- I don't know-” hysteria was creeping into his voice.
Landon felt himself sinking to the ground, his hand grabbing the stool for support. Mia dropped to her knees in front of him.
“Landon! Lan what's wrong?”
“What happened?” Landon demanded his voice sounded outside of himself.
“He- you and Glyndon need to fly out immediately.” His father stammered.
“ What happened!” Landon seethed.
“He tried-” his father took a harsh breath. What could he possibly be choking on? “He tried to kill himself.”
Landon had never experienced the shift that happened. The way the entire world tipped on its axis. The way nothing made sense and the air didn’t taste the same.
“LANDON!” Mia was yelling his name. How long has he been sitting there? How long had she screamed at him?
“Bran tried to kill himself,” the words came out choked and whispered. Mia gasped, both hands flying to her mouth.
“Oh my god!” She started darting around the studio grabbing his shoes and her jacket.
“What are you doing?” He asked. He felt so disconnected. How was she even moving right now?
“Getting you to the airport!” She snapped. She reached down, grabbed his wrist and yanked him to his unsteady feet. “Are you going to sit here and be catatonic or go to Brandon?”
She was still finding her voice, but damn did she know how to use it.
In a haze Landon stumbled to his car letting Mia drive. At some point Glyndon ended up in the back sobbing while Killian held her. At the private airport they were shuttled onto the plane by their significant others and up in the air. How was the plane flying when his brother was dying? How was the world turning when his other half was fighting for his life? His life that he tried to take.
Landon stood, the sudden movement making Mia jump from her spot next to him. She’d been rubbing his back and Killian had Glyndon across the aisle practically in his lap while she sobbed. Landon stormed to the in cabin bathroom and slammed the door.
8 years it’d been since that night Bran had crawled into his bed. 8 years since they had sought actual comfort in each other. What had changed? Landon stared at his reflection in the tiny plane mirror. He tries to play back every interaction they ever had. Were there signs he missed? Did he self harm? Landon gagged. He vomited in the sink, his mind racing with images of Bran, pure, perfect, Bran carving his skin while Landon did what? Go out to a club? Get drunk with the other Elites? Was he out fucking some faceless girl while Bran was locked in his room with a knife to his skin? Landon dry heaved at the thought, nothing left to come up.
He dropped down to the nasty plane bathroom floor and imagined his life if he landed in London without a twin; if he got to the hospital and they had to decide if they would bury him or cremate. Landon sobbed. He hadn't cried for god knows how long but this was Bran. God, Glyndon was in the other room sobbing. Landon couldn't help the stab of anger at her. Bran was his, he was Landon’s twin, Glyndon couldn't understand that, couldn't comprehend his pain. Just a swiftly regret washed over him. Glyndon was potentially losing the only sibling she liked. Was this attitude he had, being angry as his grieving sister, the same attitude that drove Bran away? Had he driven Bran to this somehow? Landon didn’t understand emotions and empathy but he had thought he at least understood Bran. He knew Bran had an inferiority complex, but couldn't think of something he did recently that could have triggered this episode. He fisted his hair, desperation overwhelming any other emotion he had. He just wanted his brother . He felt small again, wanting to crawl into a bed with his brother and be in their own world. Landon dropped his face in his hands knowing that world might never exist again.
***
Seeing Nikolai Sokalov standing in the ICU was not what Landon needed right now. He knew there was something going on between them, but seeing him here standing vigil as a nurse bandaged his hand in the hallway, the last bit of confirmation he needed. He was staring at the doors leading to the surgical unit.
Glyndon had given Killian and Mia her house key so they could go home while the family was together. Glyndon had moved from crying in Killian’s arms to sobbing in their mother’s.
“Why.” He was surprised his voice sounded normal again. The question was directed at Nikolai, not his mother, not his father.
Nikolai moved stiff limbed as he pulled his phone out of his pocket. He clicked the screen and Landon was two seconds away from tackling him. How dare he ignore them. Nikolai reached his phone back, he was still staring at the doors but twisted enough for Landon to understand he was passing it back.
Landon took it and saw it was a text window. A video and a message from an unknown number. Landon clicked the video and sound blasted from the speakers. He was aware of his family surrounding them while the video played. Bran looked so young, so innocent. The video played and Landon had thought the world couldn't possibly tip anymore than it had, but it did. Because his twin had just tried to kill himself; his twin had been hiding for years that he was sexually assaulted by someone they viewed as family. God she had been at family dinners, his mothers gallery openings. She had been there to help them move into their freshman year dorms. How many moments of their lives had she been present and Bran has silently been suffering.
Landon knew his mother collapsed, knew that Glyn had somehow managed to sob even more. But his father stood beside him and watched the video to the end. Landon knew exactly what day this was without looking at the time stamp on the file. He knew because Bran had come home, showered and crawled into Landon’s bed and had the most profound breakdown Landon had ever seen then pulled away and stayed that way. He never hated Landon. He never hated him, he hated himself and somehow in Landon's broken wretched heart that hurt more. It would be easier if Bran hated him.
Landon couldn't break down, so instead he got angry. He yelled at their father, yelled at Nikolai, paced the hallway and tried not to rip his heart out and offer it to the surgeons if Bran’s stopped working. Plus there was the Nikolai issue. His father had said Nikolai saved Bran. It had to have been true, Nikolai was covered in Bran’s blood soaked through his clothes. The sight was nauseating. God, these two together. Landon had no illusions that Nikolai loved Bran, anyone could love Bran, but what he did see in Nikolai. Landon thought of a few weeks ago when Nikolai had been about to punch him but Bran jumped in front. Nikolai had hurt Bran. Was that why Bran had come home? Landon wanted to punch something, did he even know Bran?
Questions circled Landon’s brain had he paced and paced and paced. How long would this surgery take? Landon hated being out of control.
Sometime later the doctor informed them he would live. His brother, his twin , would live . Landon watched Nikolai take a call. Strange. For someone who stood vigil for hours, he did not seem anxious to see his lover. Then again the only person angrier than Landon had to be Nikolai. Nikolai hung up and Landon grabbed his shoulder.
“Whatever you're planning, I want in.”
***
Landon drove, Nikolai directed. “I get to do it.” Landon said into the silence.
“ What ?!” Nikolai snapped. The violence Landon had faced himself in the ring was ten fold in Nikolai’s voice.
“Bran is mine to defend, she is my kill.” Landon couldn't, wouldn't let Nikolai take this.
“Yeah, no,” Nikolai said back. “I don't care that you are twins, Bran is the love of my life and I will rip that woman to pieces for what she did.”
Landon sucked in a breath. Love of his life? It ran that deep?
“I get it,” Nikolai said, looking at the London skyline. “He’s so different from us. He's so good. The thought of even a scratch on him makes me want to burn the world down. What happened to him-” he paused. “No, you do not get to have this.”
Landon squeezed the steering wheel. “I’ve loved Bran longer than anyone.”
“I don't think you are compatible of love.”
“Only Bran and Mia.”
Nikolai was silent a beat. “I have a plan. Bran, he can know we are doing this. It will make it worse, but I will not let that woman live.” Landon knew the feeling. “We get her to write a letter, admitting to it all. Then we slit her wrists. One for each of us.”
“Fine. One for each of us.”
***
Landon was going to break Nikolai’s hand. They were finally coming back to the hospital and Nikolai was helping Bran into the house, an arm locked around Bran’s waist, his mouth close to Bran’s ear whispering sweet nothings. He was like a puppy around Bran; bending and accommodating Bran’s ever whim. He was obsessed with him.
“Don't look so put out,” Glymdon said. She looped her arm through Landon’s arm. “I've never seen him happier.”
“Yeah taking Nikolai’s dick up his ass.” Landon muttered haughty.
“Not at the moment,” Glyn said cheerfully. Landon groaned and Bran turned to look. He yelped and reached a hand up to his neck. Landon jumped forward but Nikolai had already reached up and was tenderly cupping Bran’s neck.
“Baby, you can't turn your head like that yet.” Nikolai was leaning close, examining the bandage to make sure Bran hadn't popped a stitch.
“Bran,” Landon said, coming up next to his twin. He reached up and ran his finger across the bandage.
“Don't!” Nikolai yelled, grabbing Landon's wrist. “You’ll hurt him!”
“I wouldn't hurt my twin .” Landon snapped back.
“You just touched his cut!”
“I checked the bandage!”
Bran rolled his eyes and reached out a hand between Nikolai and Landon. “Glyn help me to bed?”
Nikolai physically recoiled, “baby, no I can.”
“You are busy arguing with my brother.”
Nikolai genuinely looked like a kicked puppy. He reached out a hand, knotting his fingers in Bran’s shirt. “I’m sorry, Lotus Flower.”
Bran eyed him, “you two need to stop arguing.” He turned, letting Nikolai take his arm and waist again.
Landon scowled. Glyndon giggled at his elbow.
“I don't think I’ve ever seen Niko so docile.”
You haven't Mia signed. She was standing next to Nikolai and Bran in the doorway. She leaned over and kissed Bran’s cheek.
“I’m happy you’re back,” she said. It surprised Landon slightly. She only used her voice around him mostly.
“Well it’s thanks to your brother,” Bran said. He reached out and squeezed Mia’s hand. At least Landon’s girlfriend liked his siblings even if Landon despised his own sibling’s boyfriends.
Mia walked up to him and Landon gave her a kiss.
“I need to make something,” he said, “come to the studio with me?”
Mia smiled and nodded.
Landon felt his head swimming for the days in the hospital. His talk with Bran had made things feel better but it didn't erase 8 years of Landon thinking Bran hated him. He felt overwhelming regret. That he had ridden off his own twin and mistaken the situation so badly. He thought of Bran seeing his own contact name as ‘spare parts’ and wanted to smack himself. He was not going to make something beautiful today, he was going to make something angry.
Landon pushed his and Bran’s studio door open and froze. A dark red stain on the floor stretched across the room. He did it here. This is where Bran pushed that glass into his throat. Landon dropped to a knee, scared he would vomit like he had in that damn plane bathroom.
“Oh my god,” Mia choked behind him. Landon stood, spinning to block her view. She circled her arms around him, pressing her face into his chest. “Is that…?”
“I don't know why it's not cleaned.” Landon whispered in her ear, tightening his arms around her. He had pushed her away this week. He was so distraught about Bran. He was lost in his own regret and panic and anger.
“Let's go to my room,” he said and pulled Mia out of the room. He reached behind him and closed the door. He thought about locking it and never opening it again.
In his room Landon led Mia to his bed. She had been sleeping here the past week, while Landon stayed at the hospital. Only he and Nikolai had stayed every night. Even their parents had gone home at least one night.
“I’m sorry,” he said, dropping onto the mattress with Mia.
“For what?”
“I’ve been…pushing you away.” Landon was almost never this vulnerable. Not even with Mia.
“If I got a call that Maya had tried to slit her own throat I don't think I would be nearly as functional as you are.” Mia said, pulling herself into Landon’s lap. He let her kiss him and take some of the pain.
“I’m so sorry Lan,” she whispered against his lips. “I’m so, so sorry.”
Landon doesn't know why her words break him but they do and for the second time this week he sobbed. He let Mia lay him down and let her comb her fingers through his hair while he gasped into her neck. Was it even possible for him to feel okay again? Was Bran upstairs right now plotting his second chance. Landon felt panic crack through him.
“Wait,” he said. He gently pushed Mia off him, and sprinted to Bran’s room down the hall. He threw the door open. Nikolai was braced over Bran, kissing his forehead and nuzzling his nose into Bran’s cheek. Landon came up short. He had watched them in the hospital, the gentle way Nikolai touched him, but this, this pure devotion stopped him in his tracks, breaking his panic.
“What do you want?” Nikolai snarled. Bran was completely knocked out on the drugs.
Landon strides into the room and grabs the pill bottle on Bran’s nightstand.
“Hey,” Nikolai whisper-shouted, reaching to snag the pills back. Landon pulled them out of Nikolai’s reach.
“He wont have another chance.” Landon vowed. He finally looked at Nikolai and Niko also froze. Landon must look a mess, with tear streaks staining his cheeks and manic look in his eyes.
“He won’t,” Nikolai said. “He won’t. He came back to me and he won't leave me again.” Nikolai’s hand was clenched in Bran’s shirt.
“He loves you that much?” Landon asked. Maybe it was the late time or the emotional hangover but Nikolai and him seemed to be in a mutual stand still.
“Yes,” Nikolai said it so plainly. Like he didn't have any doubt. Landon felt a rush of jealousy. He had spent years believing Bran hated him. Years trying to manipulate Bran into spending time with him yet here Nikolai was steadfast in his belief of Bran’s affection. No, not affection. Love . Bran loved this psychopath. He showed Nikolai all the facets of his soul, while he pushed Landon away.
“Text me when it's time for his meds,” Landon said. He tucked the bottle into his pocket. Then he marched to the laundry room. He dug through the cabinet until he found a bucket, cleaning fluid and a sponge. He pulled his phone from his pocket and let Mia know he needed some time to himself and stomped back to the studio.
Landon spent the next hour scraping his twin’s blood from the floor. Bran may say that Landon is his ideal and he holds him on a pedestal but he has been too afraid of Landon’s judgement to be himself. He didn't tell Landon about his self harm, he didn’t tell him about Nikolai, he didn't even tell him about his sexuality. Landon would scrub this stain from their studio and with it his regret. He would move forward as a supportive figure. He would no longer make Bran feel judged, he would even attempt to play nice with Nikolai. He would be the person he twin thought he was.
***
Bran spread jam on the piece of toast on his plate before passing it to Nikolai next to him. Landon watched and didn't say anything. Bran squinted at him. Landon had been acting weird the past week. He had barely argued with Nikolai and had dragged Bran out to the garden to draw. He seemed almost subdued. With Killian and Nikolai here Bran expected Landon to be as obnoxious as humanly possible.
“Lan,” Bran said, “when are you going back to the island? Glyn is leaving tonight, are you going too?”
Landon’s eyes flickered before focusing on Bran again. “No, I’ll go back when you do.”
“Why?” He asked.
“What do you mean why?” Landon looked confused.
“Why are you waiting? Mia is going back too, why aren't you?”
“Do you want me to?”
“I don't understand why you are staying?” Bran said exasperated.
“Baby,” Nikolai leaned over, “as much as I love watching you get angry at your brother, and I do, don't get upset, you need to keep your blood pressure down.”
Landon looked between Nikolai and Bran. “You are angry with me? Why?”
Bran furrowed his brow. Landon never cared if he was angry at him. What is going on?
“Why are you worried about that?”
Landon slammed a hand on the table. “Because I don't want you mad at me.”
Bran jumped in his seat at the smack.
“Hey!” Nikolai snapped. “Don't yell at him!”
Thankfully the three of them were the only ones in the kitchen. Bran was feeling overwhelmed with all the attention. He understood, but at least one member of his family had been glued to his side for the past two weeks. His mother and father were especially hard. He knew they had regrets but he kept catching them staring with this heartbroken look.
“Lan,” Bran reached out and brushed his fingers against his brother's. “What's wrong?”
Lan’s eyes flicked to Nikolai. “I am feeling,” he sounded so uncomfortable and unlike himself Bran was physically trying not to laugh. “That I have not been the best brother.” All the humor in Bran died. “I do not want you mad at me, or hurt by me, or afraid of me or anything negative towards me.”
“Lan, I’m not afraid of you!” Bran said.
“You didn't tell me about Nikolai.”
Bran jerked back a little. “I wasn't ready to come out.”
“No, you were afraid of my reaction.” Lan said matter of factly. Bran felt his heart drop. He had been afraid of that.
“No, he was just embarrassed about me,” Nikolai said from his side. What? No! Bran realized there were too many people confused by his action.
“That is not true,” Bran said to Niko. “I clearly need to make some things clear. Lan, I wasn't afraid of you necessarily I was afraid of hurting your reputation. Niko I was not embarrassed about you, I’ve always been proud of you, I was afraid Lan would hurt you trying to protect me.” Both Landon and Nikolai looked flabbergasted.
“I was not ever afraid of either you, I was afraid you would see me .” Bran let the statement float in the air.
“Dammit baby,” Nikolau finally said. “I understand now, I do. But damn you need to understand you are the greatest person to ever walk this earth.”
Bran blushed.
“You are the proudest thing about me,” Landon said. Both Bran and Nikolai whipped their attention to him. “I know I am hard on you, but I’ve never been embarrassed by you. I pushed you, but only because you are a part of me. You are the part of me I want to show off.”
Bran smiled gently. “I understand that now. We can be twins again Lan, I promise. You don't need to be this docile people pleaser. You are my twin and I will always love you.”
“He always defended you,” Nikolai said. “I personally would love to let you wallow in self hatred-”
“Niko!”
“-but my Bran wouldn't want that. The whole time, since I met Lotus Flower, he has never not defended you. Always chose you.”
Landon looked for a long moment at Nikolai. “Nice doesn't suit you.” With that he stood from the table and left.
***
Landon found Bran, Nikolai and Glyndon sitting at a cafe table. They had been back on the island for a few weeks now and Glyndon and Bran had invited Lan to their sibling catch up. Why Nikolai was here Landon didn't know.
“Why is he here?” Landon said in greeting as he dropped now next to Glyndon. He was put out to not get to sit next to Bran. He was overbearing and didn’t care.
“Because I’m not letting my Bran out of my sight yet,” Nikolai replied, his gaze roaming his brother with too much of a sinful look.
“No you don’t,” Bran said jokingly, “you let me out of your sight all the time.”
“Not willingly, baby.”
“Plus they are such a cute couple!” Glyndon squealed.
“Thank you, he is a rescue,” Bran said, sipping his tea.
“ Stop telling people that!”
“Seeing Bran be mean to you is very satisfying,” Landon admitted. “It makes this whole thing-” he gestured at Niko's hand on Bran’s thigh “-worth it.”
Bran rolled his eyes, “please be nice.”
Both Landon and Nikolai grumbled.
“How was your check up?” Landon asked, he knew he was hovering but couldn't help it.
“Clean bill of health!” Bran declared, reaching up and running a finger along the white scar on his neck.
“Hell yea baby,” Nikolai said, pushing his forehead into Bran’s shoulder as if he wasn't at the appointment too. “The fuck fest that’s about to happen tonight-”
Bran thankfully shut him up with a smack to the chest and a pointed look.
Landon hated this but also loved to see his twin happy for once. Bran shined brighter in Nikolai’s attention.
***
Landon stared at his text chat with Mia anxiously awaiting a new message. The Sokalov’s were in America for some mafia event and Landon was pining. He would never admit it, but he wanted his girlfriend back.
A pounding at his door surprised him. He checked the clock on his phone. 2:34 am. Landon did not want to deal with whatever mischief the Elites were getting into.
The knocking came again and Landon threw his covers off. He yanked the door open, his voice harsh, “what!”
Bran stood in the doorway, his breathing heavy.
“Bran!? What's wrong?” Landon pulled him into the room, closing the door. Bran’s fingers were clenching and unclenching, his teeth gritted.
Bran held up his shaking hand, his old swiss army knife in his palm. Landon grabbed it from him and examined Bran’s wrists in the dim moonlight shining in from the window. There was a very small puncture wound on his left wrist as if he had started then changed his mind.
Landon ran his thumb over the scab.
“I’m sorry,” Bran sounded so fragile. Landon’s first reaction was to yell. But he took a deep breath and remembered the training Bran’s therapist had given the whole family.
“You don't need to apologize,” Landon led him to his bed. Bran dropped down clearly exhausted. “What triggered it?”
Landon reached into his nightstand for a small first aid kit he kept. He dabbed neosporin on the cut and stuck a bandage over it, smoothing it gently with his fingers. Always gentle with Bran.
“Nikolai is gone…” Bran muttered. Landon looked up at Bran. “What if…what if he doesn't want to come back to me?”
Landon sat next to Bran on the bed, one leg crossed in front of him so he could look at his brother. “Did he say something? Did you two fight?”
“No…” Bran fell sideways his head resting on Landon’s shoulder. “But what if he doesn't think I'm worth it anymore after being away.”
Landon found it hard to believe that Nikolai would ever lose interest in Bran with his obvious obsession but Landon had to keep reminding himself that's not how Bran’s brain worked. “That won’t happen. You know how much I hate Nikolai but the one thing - the only thing - I don’t hate about him is how he loves you.” Landon wasn't even lying.
Bran sluggishly blinked at him and nodded. Nikolai had told him once about the crash after Bran’s episodes. He would become lethargic and clingy, wanting to shut out the world. Landon did not expect any kind of cuddling but he pulled back the sheets and gestured Bran in.
Brandon curled up, his face pressed into Landon’s pillow. Landon went to Mia’s claimed side of his bed and curled up in a mirror to Bran facing his brother.
“What can I do?” Landon whispered. Bran hesitated and then reached out and linked their fingers.
“I know we are grown adults but…” he trailed off and Landon squeezed his fingers.
“I don't mind.”
Bran nodded and his eyelids drooped. Landon watched him until his breathing evened out. His phone vibrated and reached over to check his mess.
Mia
Mia : do you know where Bran is? Niko is freaking out
Landon : he’s with me. I’ll tell Nikolai.
Landon may hate him but he wont let me panic that Bran isn't safe.
Nikolai
Landon : he's with me.
Then the absolutely last thing Landon ever imagined happens.
Nikolai
Nikolai : Good. I trust you with him.