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On the Mephistopheles sits a list. It hangs on the wall next to the kitchen, proudly, and tells the Sinners what they must do. Over the months, many hands have added their own mark, and very little has been removed in turn. It is a beautiful thing, and so, proudly, it reads:
1. No fighting on the Mephistopheles. All disputes should be resolved through talking it out like adults, or fighting outside of the bus.
2. Smoking is allowed on the Mephistopheles. Once you’ve finished your cigarette, either put it in a bin or ashtray. Do not drop them on the floor.
- E.A.T
3. No talking about one subject for over thirty minutes
3a. It does not matter how interested/disinterested the recipient seems. You talk loudly, we can all hear it.
- Fie upon thee! Mine tales, great and noble, art for all to hear!
4. No bringing corpses into the Mephistopheles. This should be obvious.
- B.A.D
- Beautiful Art Dies.
5. Throwing gum or other sticky objects into the hair of longer Sinners is no longer allowed.
- Boo, Heathy, ruining all our fun~
- Fuck are you on about? I only did that shite to Ishmael.
- I hate you.
6. Dante’s head is not a lighter, and cannot be used as such.
- What about that one time, when it got really hot?
- Please don’t use my head as a lighter, guys…
7. No drawing penises on other Sinners whilst they sleep. You aren’t children.
7a. No drawing anything on other Sinners whilst they sleep, no matter how ‘A.C’ it is.
8. Don’t throw apples at Gregor.
- Seriously, guys…
8a. Don’t throw gambling chips at Rodion.
- Keep at it, actually, I love this~
8b. Don’t throw metal at Sinclair
- It really hurts…
8c. No throwing objects at other Sinners.
- What if I need to pass something to someone, though?
- The act of passing something to someone else through a throw would use the verb ‘to’, not ‘at’
8d. No throwing glass at Yi Sang.
- Continue throwing flowers, please. Their scent is wonderful.
8e. The fault does not lie with Ishmael.
- I will throw my harpoon at the next person who tells me this.
8f. No barking at Heathcliff.
- Its pissin’ me right off. Oi, Hong Lu, explain yourself.
- It’s a compliment, right?
8g. No threatening Don Quixote with water bottles
- Prithee, I beg thee
- {Someone has drawn Don Quixote, drenched in water}
- Kill Thyself.
9. Please keep animals off the Mephistopheles.
- charon wants to keep the seagull
- Why’s Heathcliff on here, then?
9b. Please keep animals off the Mephistopheles, unless authorised by Vergilius or Faust
10. Please do not shout ‘titties out’ when charging into battle.
10a. Or ‘titties in’
10b. Just don’t mention titties on the battlefield at all.
- Titties down!
11. Please do not bring illegal drugs onto the Mephistopheles.
- S.U.S it. And by ‘it’ I mean. My cocaine
12. Threatening to have sex with other Sinners Mirror World Identities is no longer allowed.
- Oi, Faust, what d’you mean by ‘no longer’?
- Faust has no comment.
13. Interpretive dance is not a valid form of combat.
- What about Jefe?
- It’s not interpretive.
14. Please refrain from making up the backstories of other Sinners, and then harassing them over these imagined details. Faust did not ‘fail her driving test 8000 times’.
- You’re just angry because you miss your cheesy house~
- Sure, D.B.
- War. War never changes.
15. Knowing the purpose of the Odyssey won’t release Outis from her ‘hag curse’
- It shall! Prithee, didst not the princess kiss the frog? Nay! I shall learn the purpose, no matter the obstacles!
- You will stop, and that is an order.
16. It is recommended to remove spoiled food from the fridge instead of eating it.
- Yet, beauty lies in an absence of normality.
- ‘Tis yummy!
16a. Stop fighting for rubbish scraps, guys…
- Yet, beauty lies in the most unexpected places.
- ‘Tis yummy!
17. Please refrain from drawing other Sinners pregnant, whether they have annoyed you or otherwise
- M.P.R.E.G.
- My Paintings Regularly Elude Genius.?
- Wait, can’t we just add our own rules?
- Faust will allow that.
18. Rodya has fat honkers and you will respect them~
- Hoyday, mayn’t I observe?
- Sure, kiddo~
19. Ain’t Meursault kinda stacked, too?
- Yes.
- Please explain what you mean by stacked.
- Means you got fat honkers. Big titties.
- I will accept that reasoning.
20. If I see one more bloody yaoi drawing put under my fuckin’ door I’ll blow your head off, lass.
- Oh?
- I didn’t mean it like that, shite me…
21. Karaoke Friday is mandatory. Eventually, you will all need to sing.
- Fuckin’ ominous, much?
- Faust is only stating a fact.
22. Guys, please stop killing yourselves over minor injuries…
- Seriously, everyone?
- Easier than toughin’ out the flu, innit.
- Not for me, though…
23. I can’t believe I have to write this. If someone you don’t know offers you food, don’t eat it.
- T’would be foolish of I to refuse treats offered to me!
- Most of the time it’s poisoned or drugged. It’s literally only worked out for you once.
24. Book reading club is now mandatory.
24a. Book reading club has been discontinued.
25. If you have an issue with anything LCB related, please bring it to Faust or Vergilius. You do not need to ‘take matters into your own hands’
- Reminds me of when I was younger! The fire my siblings started was a lot bigger, though.
26. We are the LCB, or Limbus Company Bus. We are not ‘Heroes fighting for justice’, ‘Gay losers’, ‘Boy-kissers’, or ‘Assassins sent to kill you’.
27. Faust is not ‘horny for knowledge’. Faust simply desires it.
- Carnally?
28. You are not ‘possessed by the spirit of dance’. If you believe you are, inform Faust or Vergilius immediately.
29. Stop inventing holidays. The Executive Manager has no time to waste with ‘Citywide Hat Day’.
- I have aught to say about their hat. It’s visage blinded me, the wide brim piercing through my eyes and into my heart. I have felt the love of a family, the love of a friend, yet… perhaps this is the romantic love I have never felt before.
- Mate, d’you wanna bang a hat?
- No.
30. Shouting a Sinner’s name followed by ‘kill this man’ is not a valid battle command.
30a. ‘Slay this scoundrel’ is not a valid substitute.
30b. Nor is ‘cull this coward’
30c. ‘Meursault, castrate them’ is also included.
31. Stop pushing each other into attacks, guys. Some of them were going to miss anyways…
- Survival of the fittest, Executive Manager.
32. You cannot speak to ‘The City’, nor is it allowed to give you direct orders.
32a. If you do hear a voice in your head, immediately inform Faust or Vergilius. We will deal with it.
33. There are only two Veterans aboard the Mephistopheles. The rest of you have not been in wars, stop talking as if you have.
- T’was the war that imbued mine noble spirit of justice. Fie upon thee for suggesting otherwise!
- Oi, I died in the war. Have a little respect, yeah?
- Stop this childish behaviour immediately.
33a. There are three Veterans onboard the Mephistopheles.
34. Throwing yourself into oncoming traffic will not get you ‘Isekai’d into another world’. It kills you.
35. Faust will not beta read your fanfiction.
36. Dante is our God. Invoke Their name, and let Their power fill you.
- Kinky.
36a. Dante is not a god, and praying to them will give you no benefits. Please stop encouraging other Sinners to do so.
37. It is not Christmas.
37a. You are not allowed to ‘recreate Kromer’s masterpiece’.
38. Jumping out from behind furniture and shouting ‘boo’ before stabbing whoever approached you is not allowed.
- She’s just miffed cuz she got got
39. You are not allowed to form an idol group on company time.
39a. You are not allowed to perform as an idol group on company time.
39b. After much discussion, rule 39a has been revoked.
40. You are not allowed to start a cult by insisting that you are immortal, dying, and reviving.
40a. Nor are you allowed to promote the LCBI by doing the same thing.
- Yet, we lack publicity otherwise. Like a tree, if some buds are not picked off they will never regrow anew.
- I will find other sources of publicity.
- Thanks, Meur~
41. When celebrating the birthday of any Sinner, refrain from setting yourself on fire as a ‘substitute candle’.
- Nice, D.Q.
- I thank thee!
42. I have never partaken in weed. Such is all I have to say.
- You bloody liar
- Ah? So are we off for next week, then?
- No.
43. Reciting the songs Dante hears during battle is allowed, as long as you use the correct lyrics. It is ‘compass’.
- {A bloodstain covers whatever was written here}
- Miss Ishmael was displeased by aught that was written here, and thus was this sheet spoiled by blood.
- He deserved it.
44. Your uniform must be worn at all times during the work day. Stripping nude and covering yourself in blood is not an acceptable substitute.
- Woah, Shū, what prompted that?
- Bored.
45. I, Outis, declare only Meursault and myself are permitted to cook in the kitchen. We have tried for months to teach anyone else, and have both deemed the results unsatisfactory at best. Do you want to poison all of us?
- I thought I was good, though…
- Your efforts were acceptable.
45a. The punishment for starting a kitchen fire is a month’s worth of laundry.
- Forsooth?! Yet, t’was only the teeniest of fires! Barely a candle’s flame!
- Yet, such a fate is warranted. I shall endeavour to clean my fellow’s garments with the utmost care.
46. Stop throwing other Sinners overboard.
47. Stop calling Ahab the Captain of Vore, seriously, what the fuck?
- Uhm, can we stop calling Kromer that, too? Without the captain part, I meant…
- Since we’re at it, s’much as I don’t like her, can we not call Hermann the Queen of Fingering?
- Shut up, P.B.
48. If you have any complaints about the food in T-Corp, please keep them to yourself instead of antagonising Heathcliff.
- It’s his Wing, though?
- Shite me, I didn’t build the bloody thing!
49. Painting the other Sinners won’t return their colour to them. It just causes problems, as the choices blend in with the floor of the Mephistopheles.
50. Hohenheim is a little bitch, and anyone who believes otherwise can fight Faust on it. I will end you.