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The moment Eloise felt the tension in the air between them as their hands touched while kneeling to pick up the scattered sheets, she had a feeling. Like she was standing at a fork in the road, she had a choice to make. It was terrifying, not knowing where either path would lead. Only that there was a choice, and it could change her entire life forever.
Even as they stood, the tension remained, an invisible force pulling taut between them. It was as if a hook behind her navel had been tied to a line, drawing her to the man in front of her. She was terrified, yet the pull was undeniable. Her heart pounded harder as she lifted her gaze to Theo, whose expression mirrored hers. The entire world around them seemed to pause, fading, as she suddenly realized that he was leaning down, closing the space between their faces.
For a fleeting second, her body tensed, instinct urging her to move away. But in a moment of defiant protest and bravery that she didn’t know where it came from, she remained still. Instead, she watched as Theo’s warm brown eyes glanced down at her lips before his brushed against hers.
It was … strange. A deep tingling unfurled in her stomach and lips. It should have been nothing more than skin against skin, her rational mind insisted, but it was strangely intimate and sensitive. Like their very souls touched as their breaths touched. His lips were dry, slightly chipped, yet warm. She closed her eyes, absorbing the feeling of what was happening. Theo Sharpe was kissing her. And for once in her life, Eloise didn’t know what to feel about a man.
She had no sense of how long the moment lasted before the connection between their lips broke.
“Forgive me”, Theo whispered but when Eloise opened her eyes his face remained close to hers.
She couldn’t help but note that she was breathing slightly heavier as if she had just returned from a brisk walk. But that was absurd, she had just been standing there, hardly doing anything. For a moment a voice in her head screamed that she needed to put an end to this immediately, this was beyond sneaking off to meet a male friend without a chaperone. It had likely been more than that for a while, if she was being honest with herself.
Yet she didn’t move.
Instead, she found herself staring up at Theo’s warm eyes who stared down at her with something deeper, as if he saw something beyond her gender. Like she was more than just a debutante. As if he truly knew who she was and yet looked at her like she was valuable. Like he could see her soul in her eyes. Her gaze dropped to his lips that had just touched hers, and, to her astonishment, she found herself wanting to feel them again.
A hesitant touch at her chin startled her. Theo had lifted a hand, his fingers barely grazing her skin, holding her in place with the gentlest pressure. It was a whisper of a touch that she knew she could break with the slightest movement, but the warmth in his fingertips made her desire to lean into them. She craved the feeling of quiet tenderness she could sense in his light touch, the way his burning eyes traced across her face before landing on her lips once more.
Their faces moved closer and once again Eloise didn’t pull away. Her breath hitched as their lips touched for a second time.
Her body thrummed and her heart threatened to break out of its place in her chest when Theo’s lips moved, coaxing something from her that she hadn’t known was there. Eloise had always wondered why her siblings kissed their spouses for longer than a mere peck. But now she couldn’t stop herself from moving her own lips in response, however unsure she was. She didn’t know what she was doing, but Theo didn’t seem to mind as he pressed even closer.
Then—a sudden wet touch against her lips made her startle, pulling back instinctively at the unfamiliar sensation, but she instantly missed the contact between them. A second later, realization dawned. His tongue. The thought terrified her with the excitement it woke in her. Everything Theo had shown her thus far had been strange, unfamiliar. And yet … she had enjoyed all of it.
“I am …” Theo’s voice was hushed but rough. He remained still and Eloise stared up at him as he stared back, and she noticed, distantly, that he too was breathing heavily. “Forgive me, I would never…”
Without thinking, Eloise shook her head, stopping him from speaking further. The fear in the rational part of her mind had been silenced by his lips and she wasn’t ready to face it just yet. Struck by a wave of defiance, she surged forward, pressing her lips to his once more. Her hand instinctively grasped the collar of his waistcoat, fingertips brushing the edge of his red cotton cravat as she pulled him close. A spark ran through her fingers at the sensation of something so near to his skin, an intimacy that sent a thrill through her.
She felt Theo’s gasp against her lips, and for a brief moment, she felt a flush of unabashed pride for knowing how she affected him. Her cheeks burned, but she blamed it on the surging heat from the press of their lips and the gentle touch of Theo’s hand settling just beneath her jaw.
This time, when his tongue tip carefully brushed against hers, she was prepared and curiously parted her lips in response.
She completely lost herself to the kiss and the touches between them. The familiar scent of paper and ink clung to him, but beneath it was something else—a scent that was undoubtedly his own. She wanted to chase it until it surrounded her, grounding and unravelling her all at once. She had smelled her brothers’ scents before, but this was different and appealed to her like nothing else had done before.
Then, a touch on her waist burned through the layers of fabric and she could feel Theo’s hand cradle her waist. She ached to feel more. Without thinking, her free hand drifted upward, fingers threading through his hair. It was thick yet soft, curls slipping between her fingers and she never wanted to let go.
A low groan shattered the silence between them. The kiss broke.
Quietly Eloise cursed herself.
“Eloise…” Theo’s voice was hushed, breathless. She opened her eyes to find him still impossibly close, his dark gaze molten gold in the dim light. It glided over her face, and she felt her face burn.
“This … this is absurd”, the whisper slipped out from Eloise’s lips.
“What?” Theo asked, and her traitorous heart clenched at the flicker of confused pain in his eyes.
Slowly, reluctantly, she released her hold on his hair. The loss of contact pained her, but her hand drifted downward, her fingers brushed against his cheek. The warmth of his bare skin burned against her palm, and she felt a hint of his stubble softly prickling her fingers. Theo closed his eyes at the touch, tilting his face toward her touch as though he couldn’t resist it. The sight made her breath catch in her chest.
“We should not continue to meet like this”, she whispered.
“Probably not”, Theo responded with a sigh but made no move to step away. His dark eyes remained fixed on her, filled with something that she couldn’t name but felt down to her very bones.
“People are already talking about us, Theo”, Eloise told him despite the pain it brought to her to say those words. Her hands trailed from his cheek, slipping down his lapel, until they landed in his hands. “I do not normally care what other people think, but I care about you.”
The weight of his stare threatened to overwhelm her and she had to look down to his warm calloused hands that held hers with such tenderness it brought tears to her eyes.
“And if we continue on like this…” Her voice wavered, and she had to clear her throat before continuing. “I could not live with myself if you are the one who has to face the consequences.”
Theo exhaled, his grip on her hands tightening ever so slightly. “Let me decide that.”
She looked up in surprise to see a corner of his lips lift up in his familiar soft smirk. His hand lifted, touching her cheek once more, and she had to suck in a sudden breath from the burning touch. She longed to lean into the touch, to surrender to it.
“I cannot simply go back to my life as if this never happened”, Theo told her with certainty. A touch of his fingertips ghosting over her lips stole her breath once again and she couldn’t look away from him. “Could you?”
A lump formed in Eloise’s throat and she could feel the wetness in her eyes, as she slowly shook her head. But Theo smiled. His smile spread a warmth in her as his hand rested against her cheek once again. She couldn’t know the future and it scared her but she let herself lean into his hand.
Once again, she stood at a crossroads. But this time she had a feeling that she didn’t have to choose alone. There was a relief in sharing the decision that she hadn’t felt before.