Chapter Text
It all started with Denki as most bad things in Katsuki’s life did. Well no actually, most bad things were Izuku’s fault. But the rest of the bad things could be solely blamed on someone with a lightning strike in their hair. Katsuki still had no fucking idea how it always stayed so in shape. Maybe Sparky’s hair was his real quirk.
Well, Katsuki had no time to dissect that now. He was in a much more dire situation. One that even the league of villains would never be able to replicate. No. Even all All For One would not be this cruel. There were not many things in this world Katsuki feared. And, it’s not like he feared this. But well. He despised it with every fibre of his being. And would fake his death and run away if he could. But. That wasn’t fear . It was simply being reasonable. Because Bakugou Katsuki was known for making perfectly reasonable choices in all aspects of his life. Unlike the walking lightning strike with more wrongs than rights who seemed to only function on chaos and entertainment.
One could question that perhaps Kaminari was a god of chaos however that would be giving him too much credit and therefore insulting the actual god of chaos which would only result in even more chaos. And thus, should be avoided at all costs. Besides. There was no god in this universe, Katsuki had figured this out early on in life because no god would be this cruel to him. To not only give him Izuku but also Kaminari? If there was a god he would soon not exist once Katsuki got his hands on him anyways. Plus, no god would ever deliver the pure evil of Izuku, Kaminari and Shinsou in one night. Not when this same god had supposedly given Katsuki chronic heart issues on account of him dying a weird amount of times in a span of like 2 years. He wasn’t even old enough to get a driving licence yet.
He mourned the loss of alcohol in his cup and his pending driving license. “Where the fuck is my driving license.” He said out loud. No doubt slurred by consequence of the copious amounts of alcohol he chugged to establish dominance over the extras in his class. It had turned out to be a poor decision in the end because everyone decided to fawn over him in his drunken state and he knew he wouldn’t be precise enough with his explosions to blast them away. And thus, torturously, he let himself be looked after like a fucking zoo exhibit. Fuck being a nice person. It was fucking exhausting.
“Why do you need a driving license dude? You can fly .” Some shitty extra to his left said. It was Eijirou, the red from his hair was freshly done and shiny. Huh. Katsuki had done a good job on it.
“Nice hair, Shitty Hair.” He said reaching out to pat it. It was a vague gesture. His hand landed on more face and air than the spiky hair. But well at least the message got across given the slight widening of Eijirou’s eyes before he laughed, loud and wild and happy. Bleh. Katsuki wished he could be as happy as that. He knew it wasn’t as easy as Eijirou made it seem. But the envy and admiration for his best friend had mixed into one strange concotion that Katsuki didn’t really know how to separate anymore.
Ugh. He was getting distracted. He fucking hated being drunk. No that was a lie. It was kind of fun, to let his inhibitions loose, and laugh without being judged. He was finally allowed to be a dumb teenage boy. The whole class was finally allowed to be dumb teenagers. They deserved it. And clearly Aizawa had thought so too, given the very obvious blind eye he gave them at the copious amounts of alcohol they hadn’t even tried to be sneaky about. Alcohol was all well and good. The common area had been covered in various streamers and decorations courtesy of half the class trying to provide their own aesthetic input and had resulted in a very large mess. It felt like home. Katsuki was eternally glad none of them had ever considered interior design as a career path.
“Kacchan.” The devil incarnate cooed at him. Katsuki squinted his eyes at him. Denki’s lighting strike hair was still intact despite how ruffled the rest of him looked. Denki looked entirely pleased with himself too. The smugness oozing off him. Fucking seven minutes of heaven . Denki had taken his turn with Hanta. Which. He was rather lucky for, given the enormous and embarrassing crush he had on soy-sauce face. Huh. Maybe he cheated.
“It’s your turn.” Spark plug sounded way to happy and not at all respectful enough of Katuski’s inner musings. And Katuski couldn’t even blast him for it. This was worse than the two times he died. For fucks sake.
“Alcohol me, you fucking cheater.” He said, or slurred, instead. Then, cackled loudly and brashly at the way Denki’s eyes widened. Hit the nail on the jackpot or whatever the saying was. Hell yeah. He was the fucking shit.
Eijirou laughed loudly to his side. Oops. He may have said that last bit out loud but oh well, it’s not like it wasn’t true. He would have beat up Sherlok Holmes in another life. Taken his stupid pipe and hit him so hard lung cancer would be the least of his concerns.
He turned to Eijirou with a serious expression. This was important for him to know afterall. He placed both his hands on Eijirou’s shoulders, ignoring the concerned look he was given. He had more important stuff to attend to. “Eijirou.” He said. The redhead’s eyes widened sharply. Huh. Second one in a row. Killshot or some shit. He mentally cheered. Two birds one stone. Hell yeah he was a stone. The coolest stone. The hardest one. Wait no. Backtrack. He was not hard.
“Uhhhhh. Kats? You good man?” Eijirou asked nervously. And. Oh shit yeah. He had something to say. Not pull ugly faces at stones. Wait Eijirou had a hardening quirk. Was that like rude or some shit?
“What do you think of rocks?” He asked. Wait no. That wasn’t what he meant to ask.
“Shut up.” He said before his best friend could reply. Poor guy looked so confused. “Sorry.” And. Oh. Now he looked even more confused? What. Backtrack. “Fuck you.” No. That didn’t help either. Eijirou looked like he wanted to say something but also like he didn’t know what to say. Regardless, Katsuki couldn’t let him speak. He had something important to say.
“Eijirou. Shut up this is important.” He said sternly even though Eijirou was looking more and more like a deer in headlights and still hadn’t said anything. Regardless, he nodded. Probably out of fear. Good. At least Katuski’s reputation still held some merit. That was important. He had a supposed genius to beat up. He forgot why now but did he really need a reason? The dumb hat wearing, pipe smoking loser probably deserved it. No, he definitely did. Katsuki’s intuition was never wrong.
“Eijirou.” He said once again. Channelling all his energy into staying serious and upright. It was a surprisingly hard task. He leant in closer so Eijirou would know how serious he was. He took a deep breath. “Fuck Sherlock Holmes.”
Eijirou, his best friend and clearly the worst person in the world now, reeled back and fell over with laughter. He was cackling like a fucking hyena. How dare he. He was supposed to take Katsuki seriously. He looked so serious before. What was this now.
“Eiji.” Katsuki tried for serious but it came out as nothing more than a petulant whine.
“Oh my god.” Eijirou wheezed. “Kats.” He said and giggled. A full grown man reduced to giggling like a little kid. “Bro.” He tried again. “Bakubro holyshit.” He dissolved into so much laughter again. Katsuki was starting to feel a little out of his depth. Surely his rivalry that wasn’t really a rivalry because he would win, with Sherlock Holmes was a serious thing. Why wouldn’t his best friend realise that?
And oh no. He could feel himself getting emotional. That was bad. Where was his alcohol? He needed to drown his sorrows. He was not a vulnerable person. He was going to be the number one hero. The number one hero did not cry because their best friend was laughing at them.
Didn’t he tell Sparky to get him more alcohol? Where was he? Fucking traitor. He would get his revenge soon. Warm up for Sherlock. Hell yeah, he was such a tactical genius. The stupid british pompous ass would get what was coming for him. He let his hands sparkle a few fireworks as celebration of his own genius as he cackled loudly, joining in with his stupid best friend.
Ah fuck. He was having a good time. He had forgotten why he was pissed before. The anger had turned into affection which was fucking disgusting. Bleh. Whatever. He still needed more alcohol. And. Oh. Everyone was looking at him with varying degrees of amusement and concern. Well. That was something he was used to.
He sneered at them. The effect was ruined by Spark plug running back into the common area with two cups of what he could only assume to be jungle juice. He honestly had no idea what he was drinking or if it was even tasty but it had made life extra tasty so that’s all that really mattered.
“Holyfuck.” He sat up straight. “Sparky. Sparky.” He said as Denki moved to hand him his drink, looking hesitant about it. He couldn’t have that. He definitely needed the alcohol to get him through whatever he was pissed about before. He couldn’t remember. But it seemed important. “Spark plug.” He said, reaching for the cup. Finally. Finally . Denki handed it to him.
“Thank you.” He said reverently. Denki’s eyes widened. Huh. Maybe Katsuki really was an asshole, if people seemed so alarmed at him using common manners. Eh. Whatever. Being an asshole was easier. And more fun. He took a sip of his alcohol and turned grabbed Denki before he could flee back to Hanta’s lap or wherever. “Can I lick you?”
“HUH?” Denki shrieked, trying to pull his arm away. Katsuki didn’t let him. If alcohol made life so tasty, maybe it made electricity tasty too.
“Please?” He pouted. “Just your arm?”
Denki looked so fucking lost. He was looking around at the other people for help. Everyone else seemed to match his confusion. Except for Eijirou. Who was still in fits of laughter besides Katsuki.
Without looking, Katsuki let his other arm reach out and pat him with reassurance. “Eiji.” He said, turning his pout towards the redhead who had folded himself in half and couldn’t stop wheezing. “Denki won’t let me lick him. Will you?”
Through his wheezes, he nodded. This was why Eijirou was his best friend. Dutifully, he held out his arm that was already hardened with his quirk. What a fucking genius. “Thanks bestie.” Katsuki said and licked his forearm. It didn’t taste like anything. Ugh. How tragic. Maybe he needed more alcohol.
He dropped Eijirou’s hand unceremoniously and took to scouring wherever he left his cup of jungle juice. He had somehow let go of Denki’s arm in the process. Damn. He would chase him down later. He wanted to know what electricity tasted like.
He didn’t need to look far, luckily. The bitch himself spoke loudly, drawing attention to himself where he was hidden at the opposite end of the room. Katsuki’s eyes narrowed. Coward. “Well. As intriguing and horrifying that was.” Denki said, which, rude, but Katsuki couldn’t really disagree, everyone looked to be in vague states of terror so Katsuki let himself feel proud even if he didn’t understand why. “Kacchan, it’s your turn to spin the bottle!” Denki cheered enthusiastically, like he could single handedly raise the morale of the room.
Huh. Maybe Katsuki should help with that. He had contributed to it afterall. “Slay bestie.” He said in encouragement. To which, Denki and a few other extras Katsuki couldn’t be bothered to name screamed in response. Which was rather fucking rude but whatever. He had a bottle to spin for some reason. He could not remember why but it seemed important nonetheless, given the vague nagging sensation at the back of his mind. And so. He forced his way back to the makeshift circle, leaving the still dying Eijirou in his wake. Well he was like an arms length away now. But still. It counted.
He picked up the bottle. It was an empty beer bottle. It smelt fucking rancid. Why did he smell it? Never again. He pulled a face, once again having forgotten why this bottle was so important. It was empty and therefore fucking useless.
“Psst.” He hissed at the person who was sitting next to him. Oh. It was Shoto. “IcyThot.” He hissed. The other boy blinked at him slowly. Huh. He was drunk. Katsuki would make fun of him for it later. “What’s this bottle for again?” He asked.
“Oh.” Shoto hummed, “it’s for spinning.” He said in all his wisdom.
“Dumbass. I know that. I mean, what are we playing?”
“Oh. You should have asked that then.” Shoto blinked owlishly. Katsuki refrained from giving him a matching scar on the other side of his face. “Seven minutes in heaven.”
Ah. Made sense. Well here goes nothing . He placed the bottle back in the middle of the circle and ignored the hush that descended over the rest of the extras. He spun the bottle and sat back. Watching it go round and round and round and round and– he was getting dizzy just looking at it.
Eventually, it slowed to a stop. Pointing to a particularly tired looking purple haired fucker who blinked lazily as the bottle landed on him. Ugh. Katsuki bit back a groan. The third most annoying fucker of the night. He grabbed his jungle juice and chugged it all at once. He would need it. “C’mon mindfucker, let’s go.” He stood, only swaying slightly as he marched to the pantry door, resolutely ignoring the cheering and noise behind him. It took all his mental focus to walk in a straight line, not that he would tell anyone else that.
Shinsou clambered up and followed him idly, like he had all the time in the world. Fucking smug asshole. Katsuki would wipe that smirk off his face soon enough. And. Into the pantry they went. Without another word. It was dark inside. Which was arguably better for making out but also made it near impossible to find the other person in the dark.
Katsuki stood still. Not entirely sure what to do. He was about to yell at the purple troll doll when Shinsou spoke first. “Come here often?” He asked, voice all smooth and amused. Katsuki hated it. With passion.
“The fuck does that have to do with anything shithead? It’s the fucking pantry.” He growled back.
Shinou laughed, a short chuckle really. It still sounded so unaffected. “Bakugou.” He said. Katuski could hear the smile in his voice. Ugh. “How drunk are you?”
“I’m not drunk.” Katsuki said. Like a lying liar who lies.
“Right. Okay.” The purple troll doll said. It didn’t sound like he believed Katsuki. “We’re just gonna chill here then.”
“Who are you to make all the decisions here asshole?” Katsuki sneered back. The audacity of this bitch.
“Oh?” The amused tone was back with a hint of mischief. Shit. That always spelt trouble. “So you want to make out with me? I didn’t know I caught the attention of the Great Lord Explosion King Murder God Dynamight.” Shinsou hummed. Even the darkness couldn’t hide the shit eating grin he was wearing.
Katsuki had really backed himself into a corner. He barked a laugh. “Don’t flatter yourself troll doll. It’s a fucking game . If you’re too chicken to do it that’s fine.” He sneered. His last cup of whatever hellish alcohol concoction clearly had not hit him properly yet because he regretted his words immediately. He did not want to make out with the smug asshole. Not at all.
He was hot, sure. But not worth the headache. And he was such an asshole. Katsuki was supposed to be the asshole in the relationship. There was no room for another.
Shinsou laughed, it was melodic. Hypnotising. “Ah shit.” He said. He didn’t sound remorseful at all. “You’ve doomed me then prettyboy.”
And. Huh. That was strange. Katsuki had never been attracted to the purple fucker before but apparently a lot was changing this night. However. It didn’t change the fact that he was annoying.
Katsuki sneered in response. He had to act before the last cup of punch hit him and he would do something stupid like kiss the stupid troll doll. “You were doomed from the start chickenshit.”
Shinsou laughed again. Seriously. Did this asshole do anything else? “I guess I was.”
Katsuki didn’t bother to respond sending both of them into an awkward silence. Well more like an awkward silence for Katsuki. The stupid ribeena head didn’t seem to have the facilities to feel awkward. Katsuki wanted to punch it out of him. That was an appealing idea.
“Hey.” He said into the dark silence of the pantry. There were vague sounds of partying going on outside. He ignored them. “Fight me, mindfreak.”
“We’re in a pantry explodeyboy.” Mindfreak sighed.
Katsuki wondered, briefly, when these hellish seven minutes would be over. He needed to prepare for his fight with Sherlock Holmes. He didn’t need to fight this weirdly sentient zombie.
“Fuck Sherlock Holmes.” Katsuki sighed with emotion.
“Huh.” The bitch in front of him all but startled.
It was too late then. Katsuki could feel the last cup of punch taking effect. He was about to monologue. The words were going to pour out like a garbage waterfall and this trash goblin would have to listen because they were trapped in a closet together and not making out which was definitely not something Katsuki was upset about. No. He was completely in charge of this situation. He was a fucking genius. And he was going to kill the fake genius with a pipe and weird hat.
He explained his master plan to Shinsou in great detail. To which, he could only imagine Shinsou listened to with awe and rapt attention. The darkness of the pantry was not helping him gauge how well his audience was taking his speech. But then again, it’s not like he cared about the opinions of extras. So the purple extra was left to listen intently as Katsuki continued to break down his murder plan. He had several torture ideas he wanted to try out. He had recently read a book about medevial torture methods and he was thoroughly inspired.
They were definitely in the closet for longer than seven minutes given how lengthy of an explanation Katsuki managed to dish out. Eventually Izuku yanked open the door with a shriek of “Kacchan!” He had one hand covering his eyes.
Izuku had saved the world but couldn’t deal with the visual that maybe his childhood friend/bully was battling tongues with another one of his friends. That was fucking hilarious. Katsuki was almost tempted to make out with Shinsou just to see how Izuku would react. It would almost be worth it. Almost. If it wasn’t Shinsou. Huh. Maybe he would make out with another one of the shitty nerds friends to see his reaction. Well, that was a plan for another time. He first needed to consult someone who was clearly hated by printers for a conspiracy board with red string. He was going to grab the pipe smoking bastard by the tartan cape and use it to strangle as soon as he figured out how to get to him. He said as much loudly to Shinsou who’s eyebrows had decided to defy gravity as much as his hair. Ah well. That was none of his business. He stalked back to the centre of the common room and loudly declared “Alcohol me someone.”
Naturally, because his class was full of extras who had fucked up senses of fear and were no longer intimidated by him, they did not all immediately rush to give him alcohol. Instead, his no longer good friend whom he thought he could always trust for a good round of chaos said “Bakubabe, haven’t you had enough to drink?”
“Not at all pinky. I am sober as a rock.” Which in his opinion was rather sober, given that rocks could not drink.
Mina only laughed in response and agreed to give him alcohol if he drank water before. Which was a buzzkill but not the worst torture he had faced. Huh, maybe he should have asked the league to give him alcohol.
“Boooooo.” He pouted but acquiesced.