Chapter Text
This whole Internet thing was honestly overrated.
Sure, there were funny cat videos, tons of new music, and an embarrassment of riches in terms of information, not to mention the miracle of being able to talk about Star Wars to someone from Brazil without taking a single step outside one’s apartment (they started with complaining about The Last Jedi and swiftly moved to agreeing that Kylo Ren was a sub bottom, haha, deep, haha, inside, and oh what a lesson in English sex words that was) — but when it came to the real stuff, suddenly: crickets.
No consensus on whether it was weird to buy sex toys for a friend.
Girls, or women, tended to agree that it was fine if you and your friend were close enough or your sense of humour was crazy enough, otherwise it’s really weird and you had to watch out or she’d think you’re a lesbian (no chances of that here, Seonghwa thought). Men, on the other hand, well, Seonghwa had absolutely zero hopes of there being a possibility that a man would ever ask this question, but he did his due research either way. Unfortunately, it proved disappointing too: there was one (1) question asked back in 2015, the OP very nervous and rambly, and the thread had closed after three months and five replies suggesting that the OP was either insane or a faggot. Not very helpful, Seonghwa had already known that about himself.
So he returned to the starting point, it being the cart page on a website that promised, over and over again, utter, total discretion.
Seonghwa had been simply curious, as you were. He did not boot his computer up with the explicit (haha) thought of making specific purchases for a specific person, he just… made use of the sea of possibilities that the Internet had opened before him. Okay? Okay.
And so, there existed a vibrator disguised as a necklace, the vibrating part a thin rod hanging from a dainty silver chain. Very inconspicuous, elegant and minimalistic, and Seonghwa was really impressed, because if he didn’t know it was a vibrator, he would’ve never guessed. Ah, but then he did know, and — of course he would never assume, but — if something existed in this world, then Atiny would without doubt find it, and truth be told he was moderately interested in finding out what could happen if Atiny concluded that Hongjoong was wearing a sex toy as a necklace.
So that was a no then. (But the company did also sell vibrating rings and cuffs, and Seonghwa spent a good five minutes giggling uncontrollably into his fists.)
Some other vibrators also didn’t pass Seonghwa’s (nebulous, but firm in their convictions) criteria; the famous magic wand in its mini version, despite the name, could still be successfully used as a club in combat, and those that also doubled as dildos were… well, crass, to begin with, but also Seonghwa wasn’t sure how Hongjoong felt about penetration and he didn’t want to presume.
But then there was a category of… not vibrators, but sex toys with a little hole on top that, if Seonghwa understood correctly, either provided suction or some sort of air waves or vibrations, to be used directly on the clit. Just the concept was so fascinating that it killed the little voice in his head scoffing that yeah, I can do that too and I don’t even need to be charged. And they were very pretty.
And speaking of pretty, some of those toys looked like, like some modern art sculptures! Sleek and smooth, curved or straight, shiny or matte, resembling elegant paperweights, or pens, or lipstick… He was glad it was online shopping, because if by any miracle he could look and touch these in real life, he would’ve ended the shopping trip after fifteen minutes, like, half a million won lighter.
And once it hit him that technically, strictly technically speaking, nothing stopped him from trying out a vibrator — not only that, there was apparently a whole vibrator made for cocks specifically — oh, the last time he clicked add to cart that many times was… well, when the Lego pre-order website crashed, probably.
Seonghwa was knees deep in shopping fervour when the first thought hit: do you really need all that? Heavy-hearted, he removed a good half of the items from his shopping cart. Then, how are you even going to bring it up to Hongjoong, a question that was very reasonable and very quick to make Seonghwa anxious. And finally, are you even allowed to do all that?
He had rambled something about buying Hongjoong stuff, that last time. But then he’d gone down on him, stuff-less, and that had been a week ago, a whole week of awkward glances and flushed cheeks. Yeah, the situation was awkward, sure, but actually — who’s to say Hongjoong wasn’t regretting ever allowing Seonghwa to touch him? As in, he’d taken Seonghwa in his arms and kissed him so sweetly, but what if?
Seonghwa’s half-anxious, half-grimly focused gaze was boring holes in his screen when he head a quiet knock on the door. He jumped, his hand twitching powerfully. The motion sent his mouse clattering down to the floor — he reached out to catch it with a wheek of despair and succeeded, mostly in that the mouse did not break, but he banged his knuckles on the leg of his chair.
The door opened.
“Are you okay?”, San asked, eyebrows pinched compassionately.
Seonghwa groaned in response, petting his poor hand as well as his poor mouse. With an ah of understanding, San approached, extending a hand holding a bag of chips, and since Seonghwa did actually think a handful of chips would make a nice balm for his dignity, he turned to set the mouse back on his desk.
And jumped again, because the gallery of vibrators was still there.
He scrambled, fingers stuttering across the keyboard. His first thought was to change the tab, but all the tabs were full of sex toys, one more sex toy-y than the other. He knew that the longer he frantically tried to do something, the more likely San was to look and actually process what Seonghwa had been browsing, and the panic made his movements even more awkward, so eventually he reached out to turn the monitor off. And succeeded! Three tries in, because the damn thing didn’t have a pressable button but a touchable one without clear borders, roughly in the general area of the blinking light, and Seonghwa never used it anyway, oh god, oh fuck, it was all so fucking over.
If the insanity that Seonghwa just displayed didn’t clue San in as to what he’d been doing before, then the freshly boiled lobster red of Seonghwa’s face certainly had to.
He decided not to turn around and check, though, for his own personal reasons.
“Er,” San said, heroically breaking what felt like five decades of awkward silence. “Um,” he added. Finally, with a crinkle, “They’re grilled chicken-flavoured.”
“Oh!” Seonghwa said and that got him to turn around in his chair and reach out into the bag. He grabbed a fistful of chips, or rather, judging by the brittle feel, those fun potato flour snacks, before remembering that it’s not very nice to take too much, so he hastily took, ah, another three generations to fix the amount of snacks in his fist to a socially acceptable one. “Oh,” he repeated, opening his fist, “They’re…”
“Chicken drumstick-shaped too, yeah, that’s kind of cute, isn’t it?” San nodded a couple of times. “I haven’t seen them before, and I was feeling like trying something new, so…”
“Oh, yeah, good,” Seonghwa agreed, “With stuff like this, it’s good to buy it while it’s still there, it always turns out they were limited edition or something.” He tried one. It was... fine. Obviously not tasting like actual grilled chicken, but the spice mix did carry a faint idea of it. “It’s nice,” he evaluated.
“I feel like the shape’s half of the fun here,” San said, licking orange spice powder off his lips. Seonghwa hummed in agreement.
Having concluded the entirely regular conversation, they spent the next couple of moments crunching and nodding from time to time — Seonghwa in his chair, San carefully perched on Seonghwa’s bed — even though no one was saying anything anymore.
What a good conversation, Seonghwa thought. Human-like. Because wasn’t it something normal people did? Talking about products? Well, not if he put it like that, but… experiences that came with using certain products? Hm. That sounded unpleasantly capitalistic. Life was more than just buying and using products! Allegedly. Though Seonghwa’s head was pretty occupied with that at the moment, to be honest.
What if he… no, that’d be insane. But, again, what if? But he was the hyung here. Eh, only by a year or so, and the woosans bullied him mercilessly either way. Besides, weren’t close bonds forged by exposing one’s vulnerabilities and hoping they’d be handled with care?
And hadn’t the guys shown him already that they could be relied on, trusted and considered an important source of support? Of course they had. He’d have never gotten this far without them, not just as an idol, but as a person, too. They wouldn’t betray his trust.
San, especially, the kind, pure-hearted man that he was, wouldn’t betray his trust.
Therefore...
“Have you ever bought Wooyoungie a vibrator?”
Nailed it!
For a second San chewed automatically. Then — three, two, one, bing bong! — his brain finished processing what he just heard and he froze mid-chew, eyebrows rising up, up, up above the clouds, eyes bulging out in helpless confusion.
Roughly the same process happened to Seonghwa, which was interesting because he was the one who asked the damn question.
San coughed a little. Seonghwa did his best not to think about any possible pieces of chewed up snacks landing on his floor.
“Ah. Um,” San began. He blinked, darting a quick look at Seonghwa as though he wanted to make sure it wasn’t all just a big weird joke. “Well,” he said, shoulders dropping in defeat, “no, not really. I mean, he—I mean we—I mean, a, a cock ring is in use—“
O, by whom?, Seonghwa wanted to ask.
“—but mostly it’s Wooyo buying the stuff he’s curious about. I’m pretty fine with whatever he picks, the stuff I’m into doesn’t require any… acce… ssssories…”
San trailed off, his face morphing interestingly between embarrassment, the very important and healthy realization that sex is a thing people do and nothing to be embarrassed about, actually, and finally the realization that well, regardless of that, he did just drop quite a dollop of knowledge about his and Wooyoung’s sex life into Seonghwa’s lap, so to speak.
Seonghwa pressed his lips together, dissatisfied with the answer.
“But if you—“
“Ah, why do you ask?”
Damn.
He shot San a wide-eyed look, something between who, me? and how can you ask this of me, I am so small, soft and stupid. San’s earnest, sincere gaze chewed it up and swallowed in no time. Seonghwa sighed.
“I mean, it’s none of my—“
“If you—“
San made a go ahead gesture. Seonghwa nodded gratefully.
“But if you, say, weren’t dating — if you were close friends and you just slept together once or twice, and…”
He made the mistake of looking at San to gauge his reaction — and upon gauging, he trailed off. Now it was his turn to overshare, it seemed, except in his case, it was worse, because while he didn’t know the specifics of the woosan sex life, he pretty much assumed it was 1. alive and 2. in good health. Meanwhile this…
San’s lips moved soundlessly. The bag of snacks crinkled sadly, tilting down as San’s grasp went limp around it. Seonghwa automatically plucked it out of San’s fingers and carefully set it on his desk.
“You and Hongjoong… aren’t…?”
Seonghwa looked down, biting his lip. Unfortunately, he was also beginning to feel a flush creeping into his cheeks.
“Ah, and we thought that you guys are just… well, at first… but then… I mean—ah, but earlier, you—“
Seonghwa sputtered. San got the message and thankfully changed the topic instead of uttering the words gave him head (I know, I could smell it) with his own personal mouth.
“I mean—ah, no, I’m an asshole, sorry,” he said with a frown, “People don’t need to be dating to have sex, I’m sorry.”
Seonghwa bit his lip again. It wasn’t exactly that, either. He and Hongjoong weren’t friends with benefits, they didn’t even “sleep together once or twice”, he was just being a pervert and Hongjoong got a free orgasm out of it. And then they kissed, and the horny craze in Seonghwa’s mind gave way to something softer and warmer, and… and what?
Besides, as kind and open-minded San was, he simply operated differently. Well, his and Wooyoung’s friendship was different from Seonghwa and Hongjoong’s; when San realized his feelings for Wooyoung weren’t strictly platonic in nature, the question he’d asked himself wasn’t should I tell him and risk rejection or pine silently and hope it passes, but rather do I tell him right now or after I figure out what to say. And half an hour later he had a boyfriend.
Seonghwa shook his head lightly. That line of thought looked just a tiny bit like jealously, and he didn’t want to go there.
“No, it’s not even like that,” he said quietly, “I’m just wondering if… it wouldn’t be presumptuous or offensive, because it’s true that we’re not dating, but…”
Oh. Ohhhhh shit Park Seonghwa you are a World Class Idiot.
San didn’t know. San didn’t know about The Event, and ideally he’d never find out, so without this important piece of context…
“Actually,” Seonghwa rushed to say, “You know what, nevermind, I—“
The door made the sound of the door being knocked on again and opened, revealing the upper half of Mingi’s face, and then the rest of him.
“You guys okay?” he asked, “I heard a bang and then silence, so I came to check because I don’t know what number you call to have them pick up dead bodies and I don’t want to have to find out, you know—“
“119 first, maybe,” Seonghwa muttered sourly as San scoffed and kindly inquired whether Mingi was feeling alright, because perhaps he could look it up for him, just in case.
“Whatcha doin’ anyway? Oh, gimme some,” Mingi chirped, sitting next to San and worming his hand into the snack bag.
“Just, uh… talking.” San shrugged and made a face, but shook the bag lightly to give Mingi better access.
“O… kay,” Mingi said with a slow nod.
Realizing that it looked like they were deliberately hiding something from Mingi, Seonghwa sighed and decided to heroically take one for the team.
“About sex toys,” he specified.
Mingi’s face lit up.
“Ooooh, that kinda talk,” he said with a smirk and an eyebrow waggle that was both silly and stupidly sexy, “Naughty! Yunho and me got each other fleshlights for Valentine’s day like, two years ago.”
This time neither San nor Seonghwa needed a single second to process. They froze right away.
“We meant for it to be a joke thing, but you know, getting shitty sex toys as a gag gift is stale and boring at this point, so we decided to splurge (it’s called subverting expectations), and, get this, they’re actually really good, the first time I used mine I thought I’d die, and I mean that positively. So I kept on using it, and of course it made me think of Yuyu every time (I think it was the same for him?), but when he got a girlfriend I got pissed because he wasn’t using his that often anymore, so I took it when he wasn’t home and used both of them interchangeably, well, but then they broke up (Yunho and his girlfriend, not the fleshlights) and by that time we were busy so I forgot to give it back, and long story short he came to my room to ask if I’ve seen it right as I was fucking it, right, so there was his answer, so I offered him mine in return, but he was like no, he wants his own back, right now, and then he fucked it when it was still full of my cum. Fun times.” He blinked lazily, a pleased smile as well as a sprinkle of spice powder playing at the corners of his mouth. “And how did you get together with our Youngie, Sani?”
Seonghwa hastily blinked the cloudiness of his vision away.
“Um,” San croaked, “Differently, I think.”
—
Two hundred thousand won, roughly.
(With shipping).