Chapter Text
Saturday, July 27th, 2024
“Remember,” Maddie said, “the diapers are in the second drawer of the nightstand in the bedroom, but do try to get her to use the potty first. And if anything goes wrong, please just call us and let us know how our baby girl is doing.”
Chimney, who was in the foyer, right behind his wife, shook his head and mimed cutting it off the moment Maddie uttered the word “wrong.”
Ignoring his brother-in-law’s antics, Buck nodded and grabbed his worrywart sister by the shoulders. “Relax, Maddie, we can take care of a three-year-old for a few days. We’re big boys, remember?”
The airport awaited her and Chimney, but that detail had pretty much drowned in the sea of words flowing out of her mouth. Instead of leaving after they’d said their goodbyes to their baby girl, she’d gone on bombarding Buck with pieces of advice he either already knew, didn’t count on being necessary, or trusted that he and Eddie could figure out by themselves. He’d tried to push her gently toward the door as she spoke, with little success.
As for Chimney, he was much more cooperative as a co-worker than a husband, since he’d left the task of ensuring they left home in time to catch their flight rest solely on Buck’s shoulders. Cutting his wife mid-speech and hurrying her out the door clearly terrified him more than missing check-in at the airport.
“And we can call Carla in case we need a helping hand!”
Eddie’s voice came right on cue from the kitchen, where he was feeding Jee-Yun. Before stealing her from Maddie’s arms, he’d whispered to Buck his plan to “take a step back from Buckley business” and “give the three of you a moment in the family.” Weak excuses. Buck only forgave him because it was lunchtime anyway. And because even from the kitchen, Eddie had still saved his hide.
Maddie’s shoulders sagged in relief, and she cupped his cheek. “I guess I do need that reminder every once in a while.”
Only his sister could make a backhanded compliment sound harmless. Buck bit back the choice words on the tip of his tongue and gave her a sheepish smile. Once-in-a-lifetime occasions like her honeymoon demanded his best behavior, so on the car ride he’d had Eddie swear that they’d try their best not to disturb the couple by calling them for any reason other than the nightly FaceTime session before Jee’s bedtime that Maddie had insisted on. But if she was in the mood to crack her little, sisterly jokes, then she had to be ready to embrace the honeymoon vibe at last.
And the credit went to Eddie for bringing Carla up.
Despite minimal interactions with the woman throughout the years, Maddie had developed a good enough picture of her character. All his weekly updates about Eddie and Chris had ensured that. Their conversations felt incomplete without bringing up the woman with an unmatched work ethic and dedication to the Díaz boys.
If the reminder of Carla’s childcare expertise was enough to make Maddie relax about Jee’s well-being, what did that say about her relationship with him or Eddie? The intricate ways in which bonds between women worked were beyond Buck.
With his wife’s monologue out of the way, Chimney took advantage of the opening to say, “Don’t mess this up, Buckley.” Ever since the wedding, he’d upped his teasing game, claiming that it came with the brother-in-law territory. But two could play at that game.
Buck smirked. “Oh, that’s bold, coming from the guy who’s about to be in some real trouble with airport security if you two don’t get going already. Talk about messing up your vacation plans just like that, huh. And why am I the only one getting a personalized warning, anyway? Has Eddie turned invisible?”
Maddie rubbed her temples. Being at each other’s throat like that, they couldn’t have looked much differently from some kids she’d witness arguing while at the playground with Jee, could they?
“As much as I wish I didn’t have to see that thing on his face anym—”
Maddie elbowed her husband as Eddie shouted, “I heard that, you know!”
Chimney rubbed his side in mock pain. “Oh, I trust Eddie, alright. He’s the one who’s been raising a kid by himself all these years. It’s you I’m more worried about leaving with my baby girl for so long,” he finished off with a conspiratorial wink.
Despite the unserious jab, Buck couldn’t help but agree with the sentiment. He was grateful not to be looking after Jee on his own. After all, two adults were better than one, and even if trouble arose, there was no one he’d rather face it with than Eddie.
Eddie was great with kids and, though Chris may not have seen it that way at the moment, just as great of a father. Juggling a job as demanding as firefighting with raising his son was no easy feat. It was a testament to everything he’d sacrificed to ensure Chris grew up feeling as loved and supported as all the other kids his age who had what he lacked: a second parental figure.
“Howard!” Maddie glared at her husband. “They’re going to be fine.”
Chimney put up his hands in surrender. “I was kidding! See? Even you agree, so can we please get going already? It’s time we both left the stress at home and just… let ourselves relax for a while. The sooner I board that airplane, get to be miles away from that old bastard from work, and have you all to myself, the better I’m sure I’ll feel. And so will you,” he said, joining their fingers and bringing her knuckles to his lips.
Maddie’s sigh dissolved into a chuckle.
Poor Hen. Having to work without any familiar faces sounded rough enough as it was, but coupled with Gerrard’s overbearing presence, the experience had to count under her own definition of hell. Thankfully, she’d get to enjoy some time off with her family and Jee once his and Eddie’s five days of babysitting passed. After Maddie and Chimney had welcomed Mara into their home, taking Jee in for a while must’ve been the least Hen and Karen could do to repay their friends’ kindness.
The thumb of a warm hand brushed against Buck’s shoulder, reminding him that he wouldn’t be alone for a single moment of those five days. If Eddie’s excitement at the prospect of babysitting together had initially quieted Buck’s anxieties, his touch now dispelled them. “Your little princess is now fed and fast asleep,” he said with a disarming smile meant to encourage the couple to take their leave.
“You might be more of a miracle worker than I would’ve thought, then, Díaz,” Chimney said. “That’s good to hear. She needs rest so she can one day grow up into a beautiful young woman.” As he massaged Maddie’s shoulders, he added, “Give it to me straight. I’m gonna return from my honeymoon, clock in at work and come across that mustache still on your face, aren’t I?”
Eddie puffed out his chest in a comical display of masculinity and licked his lips. “You bet.”
Maddie rolled her eyes. “What my husband here means to say is, thank you for being here, Eddie. And for being by Buck’s side all these years,” she said, clasping his free hand. “I can’t put into words how much it means to me.”
Eddie squeezed back. “Pleasure’s all mine.”
His sister getting sentimental out of nowhere had to be a sign from the universe that it was time for departure. Not that she’d said anything wrong, but maybe her heart-to-heart with Eddie was better off postponed until the right moment came along. Like when neither of them was in a rush, and Buck was far, far away and blissfully unaware of the particularities of a conversation that may or may not have involved him.
The two people he cared about the most in the world having such a sappy interaction probably shouldn’t ignite such a flaming ball in the pit of his stomach. And yet.
Chimney cleared his throat. “As touching as this is—and thanks for reading my thoughts—our girl is in good hands, honey. We’ve got to go.”
Thanks for the save, Chim.
“You’re right,” Maddie said. “Well then, take care, you two.” When his sister managed to trap Eddie’s arms by his sides despite her smaller frame, Buck and Chimney snickered at the sight until it was time for the rest of them to trade warm hugs, goodbyes and well wishes. “And give Jee-Yun a little forehead kiss for me!”
“Will do, Mads. Now go catch that flight.”
Once the happy couple made it inside their Uber, Eddie pressed his back to the now-closed door with a wistful sigh. Now that they had some privacy at last, nothing else could stop Eddie from teasing Buck about having his sister as a spokesperson for his feelings. But not if he had any say in the direction of the conversation.
“I thought they were never leaving at this rate,” Buck blurted out.
Eddie cocked an eyebrow. “Your sister and brother-in-law have barely left their own house, and you’re already dissing them? Low blow, Buck. Even for you.”
“I just didn’t want them to be late.”
“Oh, I got that. But if what you really wanted was to finally get me alone, you could’ve just said so.”
Buck’s brain froze at the words, not unlike all those times he’d have too much ice cream on hot summer days as a teenager. “I— That’s not—”
“Relax,” Eddie said with a dismissive wave. “I’m just messing with you.”
Why would you say that? When Eddie had signed up to help, it went without saying that he’d get to spend five days with Buck. Acknowledging it out loud was unnecessary. And they'd get some alone time only if Jee was sleeping, anyway. Jee-Yun had to have been the main factor behind Eddie’s decision to stick around, right? Hanging out on the side was merely the indirect result of babysitting. Not its goal.
Buck laughed awkwardly. “Man, I’m starving! Who knew farewells could make you work up such an appetite, huh?” Patting his stomach for dramatic effect, he added, “Care for a kitchen raid?”
The goodbye pretext was for the most part an excuse, but at the same time, not a complete lie. Receiving impromptu company at the loft in the morning had halted any breakfast plans he might have had.
Eddie flashed him a devilish grin and, with a graceful bow, gestured the way toward the kitchen. “After you.”
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Buck scarfed down the pasta they’d found in the fridge as Eddie surfed through TV channels in search of something to watch, his bowl untouched in his lap.
If Maddie knew they were eating on her couch, she would’ve definitely lost her marbles. Eddie had tried to talk him out of that decision for fear of smearing the fine fabric, at which he’d reminded Eddie that in their absence, he was in charge of the house. Besides, a little secret between best friends from their first day never hurt anyone. It wasn’t like they’d make a habit of it. Satisfied with that line of reasoning, Eddie grinned and joined him on the couch.
“I didn’t know you were still in touch with Carla,” Buck blurted out through a mouthful of pasta.
As the remote control fell out of Eddie’s hand, the channel stopped on one of those shows about cleaning and organizing messy homes. The kind that had gotten out of control because their lonely owners struggled with mental or health issues. The lady on the screen opened a kitchen cupboard, out of which crawled a swarm of cockroaches. Cool. Great. Just the perfect lunchtime entertainment we needed. He swallowed with difficulty and secured his bowl in the space between his crossed legs.
Eddie met his question with a half-smile that failed to reach his eyes. “Chris may have outgrown her as a babysitter, but she’s still part of the family, you know?”
The casual mention of Chris hit Buck like a punch to the gut.
How could he have thought that leaving home and work behind would be enough for Eddie to get Chris off his mind? As if the Han house was some paradise divorced from reality, some place where they could live in a bubble and forget about all their problems, even if only for five days. Regardless of time or place, Chris’ departure permeated the air around the two of them.
Years ago, he had first seen Eddie’s anguish over his son’s disappearance at the pier with no words of comfort to go with the devastating news. The second time around, Eddie had helplessly watched his son slip out of his grasp, not from being swallowed up by raging waters, but from being led miles away from home by two familial pairs of hands—his own parents. A familiar touch to the shoulder had been the only consolation Buck could give him in the aftermath of his new childless reality.
An odd mix of shame and honor bubbled in his chest at his entanglement in two Díaz affairs as harrowing as those experiences. Even though Eddie had directly involved him in both cases, it had been as much torture as a privilege to witness such rare instances of his best friend’s raw pain on full display. And yet he wouldn’t have traded those chances to be by Eddie’s side and have his back for the world.
Buck picked up the remote and turned the damn TV off. Without all the trash on the screen, he might salvage what remained of his appetite. Eddie paid it no mind. “Y-yeah, yeah, I get that. I was just wondering. You know, ‘cause it’s been a while since she’s come up in conversation.”
Eddie managed a small grin. “We actually met up a few weeks ago. When I was suspended. She wanted me to join her and some friends for a night of board games, and I thought to myself, ‘Why not try something new?’ So I took her up on her offer. They even got me to try out Mahjong. I was so sure I’d suck ‘cause I was a complete newbie at it, but the few rounds we played ended up being way more fun than I would’ve thought.”
Those two weeks of Eddie’s life were a puzzle Buck was still trying to piece together. He’d avoided everyone’s hangout invitations and texts, claiming he needed some “me time” to reflect on himself and the miserable hamster wheel of a routine his life had become. Once his self-imposed solitary confinement time was up, he’d kicked off his process of reintegrating into society in style by making greater use of his spare key to Buck’s apartment than ever before.
That night when Eddie had crossed Buck’s door for the first time in two weeks, his all-too-familiar face presented one striking difference: Eddie had grown a mustache. Buck—and inadvertently Tommy—had been the first to see his mustache while on their date. Only a good night’s sleep away before everyone else had gotten the chance to give their two cents on it at work.
Buck twirled the remaining pasta on his fork without bringing himself to eat it. “And like, were all her friends female?”
“Yeah.” Eddie laughed at something he seemed to remember. “After our hangout, I even got one of them, Tara, to text me her secret recipe for the ‘devilishly delicious’—her words, not mine—brownies she’d made for us. When we got around to playing checkers, they told me about their rule that the loser has to do the winner a favor, and let me tell you, I demolished her. Turns out bringing food to their get-togethers is some kind of tradition of theirs, which Carla just so happened to forget to tell me about. Apparently, newcomers are only supposed to have fun the first time, but for the next gathering, they should bring something homemade that’ll be judged to decide if they even get invited to a third hangout. So, you know, no pressure on that front at all!” Eddie ran his fingers through his hair. “...What’s with that look? Is that weird?”
Buck schooled his features back into a neutral expression and said, “No!” The word came out louder than intended. “No, Eddie, of course not. It’s just… weird that Carla never mentioned these meetings before. Anyway, it was cool of her to invite you, don’t get me wrong, but, I mean, being around all those women. Wasn’t it at least a little awkward for you? You were the only man there, so…”
"I grew up with two sisters and so many primas (female cousins), Buck. Maybe, at first, but a few drinks in, and any awkwardness there went poof. When we finally got to dig into all that food and the games started, it barely felt like my first time there. I think they were just glad to have someone new among them for once. I gotta say, though, what surprised me the most was seeing how competitive middle-aged married women could get. Not to mention nosy.”
“Nosy …how?”
He might as well have said nothing, because Eddie went on talking by himself. “Well, as the new face there, I definitely should’ve seen it coming. I mean, they’d all been friends and holding those meetings for so long, they were bound to run out of stuff to discuss at some point, so of course they’d be on the lookout for fresh blood. Which was exactly why Carla invited me in the first place! I can’t believe her.”
Buck’s voice filled with worry. “Why can’t you believe her? Eddie, what’s going on?”
“But mostly I can’t believe just how easily I fell right into their trap.”
“Trap? What trap? Eddie, please, what are you talking about?”
“After they got me to open up about myself, I did find it odd that they made a point to tell me how their meetings were a judgment-free zone, a safe space and stuff. Or that it wasn’t uncommon for them to welcome male friends who ‘generally preferred the company of men’ or whatever to their gatherings from time to time, but I didn’t think that—”
“Eddie.” Buck laid a firm hand on his knee, which stopped him dead in his tracks. “What’s wrong? What exactly did you tell those women?”
Overwhelmed by the combined intensity of his question and probing gaze, Eddie broke eye contact, and his cheeks flushed a red-pinkish hue that took over his entire face. He gulped. “I think what’s wrong is what I didn’t tell them and instead let them go on assuming.”
Buck drank in the rare sight of a blushing Eddie, whose ridiculousness was amplified by his fluffy mustache. Until then, Eddie had only become flustered in his presence once. The first time, ages ago, had involved a spare apartment key, a broken washing machine and a pair of boxers—the former Eddie’s, the latter two Buck’s.
What could have happened at a board game party to make Eddie hesitate so much to share it with him? The same Eddie who might as well have had the blood circulation cut off from his facial muscles on most days of a calendar year.
“I think it’d be better if I—” Eddie cleared his throat. “God, the kitchen. Don’t think you’re gonna finish eating that… I’m kinda full too, so… I’ll go wash them!” And with that, he bolted out of the room carrying the two bowls.
“Eddie! Eddie, wait!” Buck called out, seeing no point in getting up to stop him.
“Uncle Buck, wanna play with pony?”
Buck started and almost fell off the couch. Good thing he didn’t have a pasta bowl in his lap to worry about breaking anymore. “God, Jee! When’d you wake up?”
Jee-Yun, who had materialized out of nowhere, dissolved into giggles. He exhaled deeply to try to calm down his heart rate after the scare she’d given him. Meanwhile, she played with a white unicorn with the prettiest midnight-blue mane and a golden horn that shone in the sunlight as it trotted on a long and perilous journey all over his thigh.
“Pony!” Jee shook a cute, pink one in his face, goading him to pick it up.
So much for putting her to sleep, Eddie. Pretending to sneeze, Buck turned away and heaved a sigh. When he faced his niece again, he picked up the pony with the biggest smile his facial muscles could muster.
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Buck’s and Jee’s faces broke into matching grins as Eddie stepped into the living room. With all the toy props set up on the floor, the last puzzle piece they needed for the real fun to begin came in the form of his return.
As dictated by universal law, the last one in was a rotten egg, so Eddie was forced to play the villain. Buck delivered this tragic news with a stuck-out tongue that made Jee laugh out loud. Such an unfortunate coincidence that mustached men were stereotyped as the bad guys, but was it Buck and Jee’s fault that he’d been busy washing the dishes during role distribution? No way.
Instead of protesting against his role, Eddie picked up the pony Jee assigned him with nothing but gratitude. She chose well; with its luscious black mane and chestnut brown coat complementing his mustache, the pony seemed custom-made for Eddie. Before they could begin the story, he swore to exact revenge on the two of them and all they held dear for conspiring behind his back, then topped off his menacing speech with a noisy kiss to Jee’s forehead, which earned him a giggle.
Right. Maddie had asked that of them before leaving, hadn’t she?
Buck’s payback strategy crumbled before his eyes. Playing the villain was supposed to irritate Eddie. How else could Buck get back at him for keeping his board game night a secret? Or for leaving Buck hanging earlier? Or for failing to put Jee to sleep? At least he made up for his sin by entertaining her.
Maybe Buck should’ve played the villain instead.
I can still have my revenge somehow. He smirked when they reached the climax of the plot—mostly his improvisation. At last, the time had come for Princess Moondream and Sir Silvergleam to fight against Lord Bloomberg, Duke of the Night Realm, one last time.
“The dark secret the duke had hidden for more than twenty years from the citizens of the Light Realm had been revealed. Now more than ever, the princess had to end his long reign of tyranny. Accompanying her on the long journey to the duke’s palace was none other than her most trusted adventure companion. The pair encountered treacherous challenges along the way, threatening them into retreating with their tails between their legs. But after three days and nights spent on the road, the unstoppable duo at last arrived at the Night Realm castle intact and armed to the brim,” Buck narrated.
“Who is foolish enough to dare trespass on Night Realm territory?” Eddie asked. “Show yourselves at once!”
“The princess shivered as the duke’s shrill voice pierced the night. Remembering that she was not alone, she quickly regained her confidence, standing even taller than before in the face of her enemy. So loud had the duke’s shriek been that at once several beasts of the night—owls, bats, wolves, bears—came out of the forest surrounding the castle. Their eyes glowed midnight-blue under Lord Bloomberg’s enchantment to obey his every command. With full dominion over both ground and air, the monsters approached the two intruders, awaiting orders to attack.”
“Why, it is none other than Her Royal Highness, Princess Moondream, heiress to the throne of the Light Realm and her knight and confidante, Sir Silvergleam. We have come all this way to best you once and for all!” Buck replied.
“You seriously believe two Light Realm dregs are enough to defeat the almighty duke of the Night Realm? Bah! Don’t make me laugh!” Eddie twirled his mustache for good measure.
“Princess, now’s our time! Let’s show the arrogant duke exactly what we ‘Light Realm dregs’ are made of! — Oh God, what’s that smell?” Buck wrinkled his nose.
“Uh oh.” Jee let go of her unicorn and hid her flushed face behind her hands.
Buck shook his head endearingly. His gaze met Eddie’s, and before he could say anything—
“Go get a diaper and a towel. I’ll set the shower to an appropriate temperature. I got this.”
He nodded and went to open the windows.
Eddie carried her airplane-style to the bathroom. “Playtime’s over, Jee.” Excited squeals drowned out whatever else he may have said.
All the worry stored in Buck’s stiff shoulders washed away at the scene unfolding before his eyes. Transfixed by Eddie’s gentleness toward Jee, he smiled at the stark contrast between Eddie’s evil pony persona and the playfulness of his real self. He stood there rooted in place long after the bathroom door had closed, beyond which Eddie’s voice and Jee’s giggles blended with the rhythmic pouring of water.
God, that diaper and towel.
Maddie had said the diapers were in the bedroom nightstand’s second drawer. No sooner had he passed by the bed and crouched to sift through the drawer than the realization hit him like an anvil over the head. The one issue he—and Maddie, apparently—forgot to consider when he’d told her Eddie would be joining him was the minute detail that the adult bedroom of the Han household had only one bed. Which, of course, made perfect sense given the two people who slept in it were a married couple.
When he entered the bathroom, the same giggles from before and Eddie’s crooning filled the room.
“Oh, Buck, thanks,” Eddie said, noticing the towel and brand-new diaper. A tiny soap bubble stuck to his mustache, like an ornament on a Christmas tree. “We’re aaalmost done here, aren’t we, Jee?” he asked. “Be a good boy and put the old one in the trash, will you?”
With the stink bomb disposed of, Buck returned to the bedroom, hands on his hips. He glared at the bed, as if it was a murderer he was struggling to intimidate into confessing his crime. The whole shtick was stupid. Not knowing what to do with his hands that wouldn’t make it seem like he was in an interrogation room, he stuck both of them in his pockets, but the act only made him look stupider. To who?
From the direction of the bathroom came the opening and closing of the door. “Hey, Eddie, uh, can you come here for a sec when you’re done with putting on Jee’s diaper?” he half-shouted.
“Be there in a minute!”
As he paced back and forth, the beginnings of an idea pieced themselves together in his head.
A few minutes later, Eddie materialized at his side. “Alright. I’m here. Jee’s in her room, with Princess Moondream to keep her company," he said with a fond smile. “What’s up?”
“Well.” Buck gestured to the bed. “As you can see, there’s only one bed in the room, which I forgot about when we agreed to do this together. All that to say that, uh, I don’t mind sleeping on the couch.”
Eddie frowned. “What? Buck, that’s nonsense. This is your sister’s house, so it should be you sleeping in her bed. If anything, the couch is just fine for me, since I’m shorter and more likely to fit on it, anyway.”
“Exactly. It’s my sister’s house, so between the two of us, that makes you the guest, who deserves the best sleeping conditions this house has to offer.”
“But I offered to babysit only after you did, which means you technically got dibs on the bed first. If I hadn’t offered, there would’ve been no need to accommodate anyone else except you.”
Buck pinched his forehead and took a deep breath. “I don’t care about any of that, Eddie. Both of us are here right now, so will you please stop speaking in hypotheticals?”
“Okay! Alright.” Buck smiled at the success of operation Convince Eddie to Take the Bed. “If you insist so much on sleeping on the couch and not on the bed, then I’m not sleeping on it either. I’ll just, uh, sleep on the floor next to it.”
His face fell. “You’re not being serious.”
“I’m sure I can find a smaller mattress to sleep on,” Eddie said matter-of-factly. “But first I’ll be looking to see if your sister and Chimney perhaps have a sleeping bag somewhere around here. Just like my old Boy Scout days.”
Buck’s mouth gaped as Eddie rushed out of the bedroom without sparing so much as a single glance his way. Once the shock wore off, he sat on the very source of their argument, betraying his own principles after insisting so much that Eddie should take the bed instead. He sighed. Taking his phone out of the pocket, he moved his fingers over the keyboard at the speed of light.
After pocketing his phone, he left the bedroom, determined to see what Eddie had gotten up to. A short search through the house led Buck to the view of Eddie’s back, crouched in his sister’s storage room and in deep concentration on his task.
“God, Eddie, why do you have to be so...” Stubborn. Infuriating. Righteous. Selfless. Thoughtful. Tender. Kind. The words sitting on the tip of his tongue never left his mouth.
“Hm?” Eddie removed some cobwebs, then resumed digging through the closet.
“You can stop looking for that sleeping bag or whatever. We’re sharing the bed. And that’s final.”
Eddie turned to face him. In the semi-darkness, a playful glint shone in his brown eyes. “Ooh, took you quite a while to come to your senses. Care to share what brought about this sudden change of heart, Buck?”
Buck rolled his eyes. He crouched as well and picked up all kinds of things that did not resemble in any way, shape or form that sleeping bag Eddie had been looking for. “The smell in the living room’s gone by now, just so you know. And also there was a battle we were kinda in the middle of having earlier.” He smirked. “Ready to get your pompous, royal ass kicked, Lord Bloomberg?”
“Pff.” Eddie’s mustache twitched. “I’m pretty sure that’s supposed to be my line. Remember how I had all those monsters helping me fight the two of you off?”
“I don’t remember you being the narrator all of a sudden and deciding how the story’s supposed to end. Besides, try getting Jee to accept defeat without making her cry and tell me how that works out for you.”
“Alright. Fine, I’m losing.” Two pairs of hands made light work of putting everything back in its rightful place. They got up. “But please tell me my character at least goes down like a badass, worthy of a duke of his status and magical prowess.”
“I don’t know about that.” Buck stroked his chin. “But, hey, at least you’ll survive being defeated by a three-year-old and her magical unicorn. That’s gotta count for something, right? I’m still not sure whether Lord Bloomberg deserves life imprisonment in the Light Realm or a redemption arc, though. I guess it’s all up to how a certain someone behaves next.”
Eddie grinned. “I really can’t with you sometimes.”
“I know. C’mon,” Buck said, pulling Eddie along by the wrist, away from the gloomy, cramped closet and into the soft afternoon light of the living room.
He, Eddie and Jee had unfinished business, after all.
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After an eventful and hot day, nothing compared to enjoying a beer out in the cold night air with good company. All the more reason for his and Eddie’s to end on a high note for all their hard work.
The idea had come to Buck on a whim. A mere tactic to postpone saying goodbye to their Saturday by any means necessary. Luckily, Maddie and Chim had spared them the late-night beer hunt. The six-pack they found in the fridge bore a sticky note that read “THANK YOU!!!” in his sister’s handwriting. They had a good laugh about the silly smiley face—likely Chimney’s handiwork—doodled in the corner.
They sat in the loveseat on the patio, enjoying their bottles in their own time. Buck hadn’t suggested beers so that they’d talk even more after FaceTiming Maddie and Chim with Jee. With his niece asleep at last, the silent break was a welcome moment for them to meditate on all their first-day accomplishments. A poop emergency disrupting their playtime had put the only damper on what had otherwise been an amazing day. He was determined, though, to fix that. By their fifth day, they’d surely have made significant progress in the potty-training department. If only Jee cooperated.
Eddie’s knee bumped into his. In the absence of words, the soft brush of their shoulders had been Buck’s only reminder that he wasn’t alone on the outdoor couch. “Have you wondered at all what kind of crazy calls we would’ve dealt with today? I mean, if it hadn’t been for Maddie and Chim’s honeymoon and Jee needing looking after.”
They had not, in fact, been pondering the same thing. “Already having regrets about babysitting, Eddie? It hasn’t even been a full day yet.”
Eddie frowned. “No. Obviously not. I mean, I wasn’t expecting it to be heaven or anything, but it’s been far from horrible. We have had fun with Jee so far, right? At least I have, to be honest.”
“No, yeah, I-I get that,” Buck hastened to reply, instantly regretting the unnecessary jab at him. “Me too. But I can’t say I’ve thought much about that. Jee’s been doing a pretty good job of making sure we—or maybe only me—didn’t have any time for distractions like that. Anyway, after seven years of getting used to L.A.’s madness, I’m not sure any call can faze me anymore.”
“Yeah. I was just thinking about Hen, I guess. No more of our quartet. Without Bobby there. All alone. God, having to share the truck with Gerrard, for fuck’s sake.” Eddie shuddered.
Hen had been on his mind, too, but clearly not as much as on Eddie’s. “Has she texted you anything?”
“No.” Eddie bit his lip. “And that’s the thing that’s been nagging me. You?”
“Nothing here either, sorry.”
Eddie’s right leg fidgeted, his gaze focused on the way his nails dug into the skin of his thigh below his shorts. “I think that, in a way, I kind of feel guilty, you know? For bailing on her. I mean, you and Chimney not showing up at work? That makes sense. But me? What’s my excuse? I threw her under the bus and abandoned her to the den of wolves just to join you on babysitting duty.”
“I’m sure she doesn’t see it that way.” Buck abandoned his bottle on the table and trapped Eddie’s hand between his own two. The inside of his palm was clammy to the touch. Eddie looked up at him. “She knows pretty well that looking after a kid isn’t all fun and games. And if she needed a listening ear, Karen’s got her back. In any case, all you did was… repay a debt, right? For all those times I helped you out... in the past.” Buck swallowed thickly. “Now you’re doing the same to me with Jee. I know Hen being on her own sucks big time, but you have nothing to beat yourself up over. And if it helps, we can always hit her up tomorrow to check on her.”
“Yeah, right. You’re right.” Eddie swigged beer from his bottle before setting it on the table and wiping his mustached upper lip with the back of the same hand.
Buck was still cupping Eddie’s right hand. He let go of it and coughed. “So, then, does that mean you’re okay now?”
“Yeah, I think so.” He straightened his back, and any stiffness in his shoulders faded before Buck’s eyes. Eddie picked up his bottle again and looked at him. “Thanks, Buck. I mean it.”
“Cool,” Buck said, his tone quivering. He licked his lips. “That’s great, because my timing’s real awful, I know, but speaking of which, I just realized. You never told me how you got Gerrard to accept your work leave.”
Eddie chuckled. “Of course you’ve been dying to know that.”
“Oh, shut up.” Buck slapped his shoulder. “I doubt ‘helping my best friend take care of his sister and our mutual friend’s child’ won him over. He doesn’t exactly feel like the type to be moved by friends in need helping each other out. Or care about relationships in the 118 going beyond co-worker status, for that matter.”
“And you’d be right.” Eddie smiled. “We are quite the odd, little family, but yeah, I didn’t bother with the truth.”
Buck grinned despite himself. “So you just lied to him?”
“You said it yourself that the truth wouldn’t work, especially not the third time in the same week. I mean, the guy talking to him was the living reason his broken nose still needed to heal. I knew honesty wouldn’t sell the deal, so I had to get a bit creative.” Eddie wiggled the fingers of his free hand like a magician about to perform a trick on his audience. It wouldn’t have taken him much to mesmerize Buck. “Which was why I made up some family drama going on with some distant cousins that desperately needed my personal intervention. He had been skeptical at first, and the bastard had the audacity to refuse because ‘they could make do without me.’ So what else was I supposed to do except go into serious detail about the intricate genealogy of Latino families to get him to understand the gravity of the fake issue? That part was fairly easy because it was the truth. Then, while I was mid-explanation, the old geezer got sick of me and all the Spanish terms I’d had to sprinkle in so he’d get the full picture of the situation and interrupted me with an awful cough. In the end, I’m sure he granted me leave just to get me to shut up and get rid of me again.” He shook his head. “White people.”
A small part of Buck’s brain couldn’t help comparing the difference in the captain’s demeanor when he and Eddie had asked for leave. The old man had grumbled at his explanations, had said “how sweet” it was of him to want to look after his own niece, had granted him his leave, and that had been it. With the knowledge of how Eddie had fared, the unfairness of it all made his blood boil in his veins.
When he’d replaced Bobby and had needed to review all the firefighters’ work documents, his remarks about Buck had limited themselves to judging his deplorable bachelor status at his age. Other than that, he’d never been Gerrard’s preferred target to pick on. Being the only white one among the four of them—him, Eddie, Chim and Hen—wasn’t lost on him as a big factor contributing to Gerrard’s differential treatment.
Since Tommy stopped passing by the firehouse after his old captain’s reinstatement, in Gerrard’s mind, Buck might as well have been single and straight. On more than one occasion, the man jeered about his need to look for a woman to wife up. On more than one occasion, one of his friends had to make him resist the overwhelming urge to scream in Gerrard’s face that he was bisexual and proud of it. On more than one occasion, they reasoned that giving the captain on his power trip even more power to abuse wasn’t worth it. In his rage, sensible advice like that had escaped his grasp like sand slipping through fingers.
None of his friends had the choice of hiding something as important to their identity as their skin color like he did with his sexuality. The least he owed them was not to make matters even worse by bringing more attention to himself. No matter what he did, it still wouldn’t have been enough to distract Gerrard from his real targets. So he didn’t. Nor did he mention having a boyfriend. One of the few lines he’d instinctively not cross, as it concerned Tommy as much as him.
Still, in the grand scheme of things, Gerrard’s intrusive interest in Buck’s failed love life was inconsequential. No amount of those comments could ever compare to cracking widower jokes about Eddie, telling Chimney he “should’ve married one of his own kind” instead or pestering Hen with the reminder that it was “never too late” for her to start looking for a husband. The bastard knew very well that she was a lesbian and married.
Did he answer just to satisfy my curiosity? He cursed himself for bringing Gerrard up and souring the mood by making Eddie revisit that conversation. Lingering on it any more wouldn’t have done either of them any good. And trying to comfort Eddie about it would only end up getting him stonewalled like every other time he’d tried to get Eddie to open up. But he still needed to put a bow on the topic he’d started.
Buck held up his bottle. “Well, then let’s just say that Gerrard’s loss is my gain, because I’m glad you’re here.”
Eddie clinked them and smiled. “Wouldn’t dream of being anywhere else.”
Buck tried not to look too deeply into that phrase and drank to keep his mouth busy. With home pestering him about Chris being in El Paso to get away from his dad, and what with tensions at work, of course Eddie would look for distractions. Anything stopping his brain from rotating thoughts of work, home and Chris non-stop. Sometimes such a distraction presented itself as babysitting with Buck. Maybe babysitting was also Eddie’s way of making up for disappearing on him, Chim, and Hen during his suspension.
That was all there was to it. Right?
“It’s getting late.” Eddie downed the rest of his beer. “I don’t know about you, but I think I’m ready to call it a night.”
Buck’s bottle, still half-full, felt bottomless. He pushed it away and rubbed his eyes. “I’m pretty beat, too.”
He opened them to find Eddie’s lips covering the mouth of his abandoned drink. Eddie’s Adam’s apple bobbed with a hypnotic rhythm as he chugged it as casually as he’d done his own. With a sigh of contentment, Eddie set the two empty bottles close on the table, as if huddling for warmth against the cool breeze.
Eddie’s brown eyes glinted in the night. “In that case, I’ll try not to elbow you too hard while we’re fighting over the limited sink space trying to brush our teeth, okay?”
🏠︎🏠︎🏠︎
Buck’s body jittered as thoughts ran a marathon inside his mind. For the fifth time in the past half hour or so, he closed his eyes and willed sleep to envelop him. To no avail.
He’d toiled more in the past eleven hours than on a twenty-four-hour shift. Any high-stakes call at work paled in comparison to chasing Jee through the house or arranging the mess she left in her wake. Unlike three-year-olds, people in danger tended to cooperate with firefighters for the sake of their lives. But here, under this roof, Uncle Buck replaced firefighter Buckley. Every time they returned home, Maddie and Chim traded work clothes for Mama and Dada ones, and Jee treated Buck the same. No amount of life-saving could make Jee see them as more than her parents, whose lives she brightened more often than she made harder. Not until she grew older, at least.
Facing the challenges presented by child care and navigating their stressful jobs without losing their minds had to qualify the two of them for superhero status. After a stressful wedding day and past few months, a honeymoon provided them with the best opportunity to relax and reconnect as a couple. They’d return to L.A. with fresh powers and energized bodies, ready once more to strike the right work-life balance.
No matter how noble their intentions were when they’d taken Mara in, the abrupt upgrade to feeding two children’s mouths had to wear them down eventually. Despite the joy with which Maddie spoke about the girls’ new bond, the bags under her eyes told Buck a different story about a well-intentioned yet impulsive decision. But taking care of any child could drain you at times, right? Even your own foster and biological daughters. Or niece, in his case. And Eddie, who’d been tossing and turning since getting in bed, might have agreed with him if they hadn’t silently decided to pretend to be sound asleep.
One day he might match their care and dedication toward Jee’s upbringing with a child of his own. For now, though, Maddie and Chim motivated him to do his utmost as an uncle for the rest of their days with Jee.
How did that saying go? The first time is always the hardest.
Neither of them had taken care of a toddler in so long, so they were only a bit rusty. That was all. Tomorrow would certainly go smoother. As would the next day. And the one after until the fifth day sneaked up on them, and they’d have to hand Jee to Hen and Karen for the remainder of her parents’ getaway. Caught unawares by the quick passage of time and saddened by the conclusion to their little adventure, the two of them would be forced to return to work.
Right. Work. If only they could bring her to the firehouse. Show her around the place a bit. The couch they watched TV or played video games on. The arcade machine. Even slide her down the fire pole, and if she liked it enough to stay, she could become their new captain. Bobby might finally feel flattered by his competent replacement. Under her supervision, Chimney would be on his best behavior. Hen would appreciate taking orders from her for a change, which he and Eddie already were getting used to.
Why hadn’t they sought Jee’s wise advice? A third opinion could’ve stopped them from arguing like children about their sleeping arrangements. But no. They’d had to make such a big fuss about sharing the bed. When bedtime came at last, the mere thought of any other solution to their non-problem sounded foolish.
Despite Eddie’s teasing, they hadn’t elbowed each other while brushing their teeth because Buck had taken over most of the sink. Eddie, entranced by Maddie and Chim’s bathroom design choices, complimented their taste with his mouth full of toothpaste. At last they tiptoed into the bedroom, where for once they changed in silence—uncommon for the locker room, which Buck treated like a confessional, the way he’d talk Eddie’s ear off about all his latest Internet findings.
Eddie did end up delivering on his promise when he abandoned buttoning up his pajama shirt to elbow Buck in the side. “You alright?”
The malty whiff on Eddie’s breath brought Buck out of his zoning. The beer smell must not have worn off due to his half-assed brushing. “Yeah, just tired,” Buck replied, as if exhaustion justified his staring.
When their heads hit the pillows, Maddie’s words rang in his head; the bed fit them without any accidental brushing of limbs. The proximity of their bodies almost resembled their arrangement in the cramped back of the engine, where knees often bumped or thighs touched. But unlike the high pressure at work, though, their low-stakes mission to rest was not made any easier to achieve by the quiet intimacy of the bedroom.
Especially when that quiet might not persist throughout the night. How could he ensure his awful snoring wouldn’t ruin Eddie’s sleep? Granted, he was no chronic snorer; it happened “mostly when you’re really tired,” as Maddie had once informed him. Snoring, which Eddie was already aware of yet had weirdly enough not mentioned.
If they planned on doing right by Jee, they both deserved to sleep well, which made bed sharing not the best strategy. If he woke up to a groggy Eddie who regretted ever agreeing to sleep together due to a body response beyond his control, Buck couldn’t forgive himself.
The rustle of Eddie’s tossing and turning ceased. He lay on his back, staring at the ceiling. “I can’t sleep.”
I know. To hell with that stupid, unspoken rule. If Eddie broke it, then so would he. “Me neither.”
“I know.”
“I mean, it’s understandable,” Buck said. “Not being in your own bed. At home… Alone. You’re not used to it. Neither am I. But hopefully over the coming days…”
Over the coming days… what? Eddie either magically developed an insensitivity to sound overnight, invented a mute button for Buck’s snoring, bought himself a pair of earmuffs first thing in the morning or migrated to the couch. But saying any of that would’ve sounded stupid.
Eddie huffed. “It’s not that. I was sick and tired of going to bed in an empty home, so this has been a welcome change of pace. Usually I can fall asleep just about anywhere, anyway. I think it might be a parent superpower. Before you become one, you’re used to sleeping comfortably only in your bed. Then, along with a child, there comes a day when you stop being picky about where you end up dozing off, and even the most uncomfortable surfaces suddenly seem attractive as long as you get to rest your eyes. I’m sure Maddie and Chim know that feeling pretty well by now.”
Buck could relate. To the part about falling asleep anywhere, not the one about being a parent. He kept his witty remark to himself, though, because the spotlight didn’t always have to shine on him. Unsure where Eddie was going, he swallowed. Eddie needed a sympathetic ear more than a second point of view at the moment.
As planned, his silence encouraged Eddie to go on. “I just… It’s funny. I haven’t seen my son in person for so long that the only place he shows up is in my dreams—fuck that, nightmares. And it’s almost always the same scenario happening over and over every damn night. Somehow I’m back in El Paso, and Chris is shouting at me that I traveled all this way for nothing. That he’d much rather stay with his grandparents. That I’ve been a horrible father. The look on his face… like he was disgusted to even see me, Buck. It’s been killing me on the inside. And I... have no idea if I should even believe these prophetic dreams or dismiss them as my guilty conscience acting out. Because since he left, I don’t know how he’s been processing all this. How he truly feels. About me, or in general.”
A heavy silence overtook the bedroom, as if Eddie had disappeared, abandoning Buck to confront the thoughts weighing on Eddie’s mind by himself. But no. Through the dark, the familiar outline of Eddie’s frame still flanked Buck’s left, holding his breath and awaiting any reply to his confession. And Buck’s inability to prioritize someone else’s feelings for once in his fucking life kept Eddie in suspense over that reaction.
His ears would explode from the erratic thumping of his heartbeat. It trumped over his own breathing like his heart was stuck between his ears and nose. Maybe it had traveled all the way from his rib cage through his esophagus and pharynx and at last settled in his mouth, which explained why his tongue had no room left to speak. The macaroni and cheese they’d eaten at dinner pressed down on his chest like rocks that his gastric acid failed to dissolve. Finding another source for the stench in his mouth was easier than acknowledging the guilt eating at him.
The power imbalance, invisible to Eddie, hung between them like an anchor with no mooring. Because since Chris left, only one of them had been in regular contact with him. And that person was not Eddie.
“I’m sure he’s doing fine, Eddie. You have nothing to worry about.” Forcing the words out required more strength than pushing a car with an empty tank to the nearest gas station. They rang hollow, but at least they were words. Even if only disappointing ones that brought Eddie no comfort.
Eddie scoffed. He’d held his breath for an impressive time, which shouldn’t have surprised Buck at all, considering his military background. “And yet I do, Buck. I can’t just put a stop to my feelings with the simple press of a button. I miss him so, so damn much. And whenever I’ve reached out to him, he’d only decline my calls or ignore my texts. And I’ve even been calling my parents to ask how he’s doing, but all they ever answer with is vague, dry shit like ‘He’s alright.’ Anytime I asked Mom for actual details, she’d hit me with some variation of ‘He still needs more space, and I’m just respecting his privacy,’ as if all of a sudden she’d gained this newfound wisdom about raising a child after all these years. And I’m just scared… of losing him.”
Helena’s quote reverberated around his brain. After Chris had tied his hands behind his back, Buck had justified lying to Eddie’s face in the same way, hadn’t he? I’m respecting his privacy. I’m respecting his privacy. I’m respecting his privacy.
He could’ve bet that between the two of them, only he abided by Chris’ wishes. As Eddie’s mother, Helena’s flimsy excuses for not bridging the rift between her son and grandson sickened Buck. Until Chris had involved him, Buck had lingered on the outskirts of this Díaz family equation like an outlier. So then, wasn’t he as responsible as Eddie’s parents to help them mend their relationship? Wasn’t he as deserving of Eddie’s contempt as Helena and Ramón? At the end of the day, they all kept Eddie in the dark about Chris’ well-being.
“He will come back, I’m sure of it. Because he loves you. But when a loved one hurts you, the pain you’re in goes as deep as your love for them. Healing from those wounds… It’s not that easy or quick.”
Eddie laughed mirthlessly. “That’s not it, Buck. I know he’s gonna come back to L.A. eventually. I know my Christopher better than anyone else. El Paso is hardly the worst city to live in, but our new life is here. It may be a temporary getaway for him, but L.A. is his home, and he knows it. I’m sure he’s having fun getting reacquainted with his birth town, but it’s only a matter of time before he starts missing the life here, the school, the neighborhood, his friends, you... and maybe even his own father. What I’m terrified of is, when he comes back, what if nothing will ever be the same between us? What if he just treats me coldly until it’s time for him to leave the nest? I mean, we haven’t spent this much time apart since…”
“…Since Afghanistan, I know.”
Eddie closed his eyes, likely due to the onslaught of memories taking over his mind. “At least back then I still got to see his face regularly over video chat, but now he’s gone completely M.I.A. on me. I guess I just thought I’d have more time to get used to the idea of his inevitable absence before he left for college. Doing grocery shopping for one less person. Having breakfast by myself. No longer going into his room to wake him up. He’s not even a high schooler yet!”
Buck’s breath hitched. Eddie’s silent suffering struck him dumb like a slap to the face. He’d carried his cross by himself the whole time Buck had begged him to share his worries. But with a father enlisting in the army and a mother fleeing in the night, was Chris to blame that being a bolter was written into his DNA? That distancing himself from his father by moving to El Paso was the most effective way to cope with his pain? Worst of all, a day would come for their third separation, when their past experiences with partings and reunions wouldn’t make seeing Chris off to college any easier on Eddie.
“I know I’ve never been the perfect father to him, but I’ve never screwed up so horribly until now. I promised myself to do my goddamn best to make sure I wouldn’t repeat my folks’ mistakes, but what if all my attempts to raise him will never amount to anything? I won’t lie and say that the man and woman who raised me and my sisters were angels, but at least neither of them was caught cheating with their dead spouse’s lookalike by their own child. I’m not even sure what I’m supposed to tell him when I see him again.”
If only he could dig inside Eddie’s chest, take his misery and longing for Chris, cut it in two and carry one half himself. Although Chris’ absence had stirred its own chronic ache in Buck, he didn’t—couldn’t—miss Chris like Eddie did. Eddie’s yearning for his son enveloped him in an all-consuming aura.
The only genuine reminders Eddie had of Chris were the few T-shirts and pairs of pants he’d left at home. Stacked against all the stories Chris had texted Buck, Helena’s useless phone updates barely scratched the surface of his son’s El Paso shenanigans that Eddie knew nothing about. In the last two months, the idea of trading the peace of mind brought by Chris’ texts for the one brought by not having to lie to Eddie anymore had often prodded at Buck. But in that case, could he have lived with knowing he’d betrayed Chris’ trust?
Even if he risked being smothered between a rock and a hard place by acting as mediator for the two Díaz boys in his life, nobody was more capable of surviving than Buck. The day they made up, his happiness would be competing against their own and winning.
“Maybe what you really need for the words to come out is to just… live in the moment of that reunion,” Buck said.
“You make it sound so much easier said than done.”
“Eddie, look at me.”
When he switched to sitting on his side, the soft power of the moon illuminated Eddie’s face, accentuating the deep brown in his eyes. They revealed to Buck the mask of a haunted and hurting man as it crumbled to pieces at last. So close were their faces that Buck needed only reach out with his finger a few mere inches for it to boop Eddie’s nose, touch his mustache in the hopes of making him laugh or stick the small strand of hair falling over his eyes behind his ear. To bridge the final stretch of space between them.
Buck gulped. Eddie’s breath tickled his face in hot puffs of air.
“I’m serious.” Buck reached out to squeeze Eddie’s hand but ended up awkwardly patting his hip. He cleared his throat and powered through with his speech. “Both of you are still reeling from that situation in your own ways, so don’t worry about not having the right words before he’s even standing in front of you. You just have to trust that they’ll come to you when the time is right. And would change really be the worst thing to happen to you two? It sounds better to me than forcing things to be the way they were and pretending he never saw you with Kim. Because he did, Eddie, and you can’t change that. But what you can change is how you let this experience define your relationship from now on. If you can acknowledge how your actions hurt him and he’s open to hearing out your side of the story, you’ll come out on the other side with a bond stronger than ever.”
This time, the words gushed out of his mouth as naturally as a river trailing in rivulets down its course as long as a source existed to flow out from. Maybe Buck’s source was Eddie’s gaze meeting his own.
“How do you always know to say exactly what I needed to hear?”
Throughout the day Eddie had shown him a wide range of smiles. The one with crinkled eyes after rambling about how much Jee was going to love Eddie, especially a mustached one, in the car on the way to the Han house. All the sly ones, as Light and Night magic fought for victory. The genuine one after baring his heart on the patio. But none competed with this one, with an Eddie whose face on the pillow, haloed out by faint moonlight, and whose toothy, paradoxically boyish, despite the mustache above his upper lip, and unabashed grin—reserved for Buck’s eyes—shone brighter than the Earth’s natural satellite.
If this moment—Eddie’s lopsided grin—had been a material object, Buck would’ve locked it in the deep crevices of his being and thrown away the key so that nothing could ever remove it from his body. As things stood, carving a place in his long-term memory for it and implanting it there had to suffice.
“It’s a gift,” Buck said.
The radiance of Eddie’s smile almost made Buck look away. Did his words answer Eddie’s question or describe his smile?
The silence this time enveloped them in an oasis-like state, a much-deserved moment of respite after trudging through the desert for hours with no destination in sight. With nothing more to say, Eddie contented himself with looking at him through half-lidded eyes. His head lay on the pillow, one arm tucked underneath it. One single conversation didn’t solve any of Eddie’s problems, nor did it erase them. Still, if Buck’s words comforted him enough for his eyelids to close shut and for the set of his mouth below his mustache to stay tight-lipped throughout the night, nothing pleased Buck more.
Eddie let out a big yawn. “I guess it’s really time to go to sleep now. Good night, Buck.” He let his guard down and closed his eyes.
“Good night, Eddie.”
Eddie’s approach to dealing with the Chris-shaped hole in his chest had been wrong all along. Instead of avoiding thinking about his son, what Eddie had always needed to feel better was someone to talk to. Ignoring the elephant in the room for the past two months had gotten him nowhere.
If not for him, who else would untangle the mess of a puzzle that was Eddie Díaz’s brain?
Even if the depth of their feelings about Chris’ absence differed—Buck’s thousand paper cuts against Eddie’s fish out of water—the privilege of being two of the few constants in the kid’s life united them.
When Buck closed his eyes, his mind was as light as a pebble and as free as a goldfish riding the calm waves of an ocean from faraway, magical lands.