Chapter Text
Chris POV
"Yo! We're coming at you live from Camp Wawanakwa, somewhere in Muskoka, Ontario. I'm your host Chris McLean, dropping season one of the hottest new reality show on television right now!" I announce as the camera gets my good angle. The air was cool, the bugs at minimum for now, and the loons were quiet. I’m actually kinda relieved to be doing this instead of the sister show. I mean, yeah I am for charity but the only way we’re going to raise that money is with this methods. Plus my former co-star is dealing with her own messy problem. “Here’s how the game works: 24 campers have signed up to spend eight weeks at a summer camp to compete in challenges hopes of winning their team a reward, then suffer the judgment of their peers. Every three days, the losing team will have to vote one of their own members off the island at the Campfire Ceremony. The campers who are safe will receive marshmallows. The camper who is voted off will take a walk down the Dock of Shame, take a ride on the Boat of Losers, and leave the island forever. Each week, the number of campers will dwindle, with the final one gaining cheap tabloid fame and earning a small fortune of $100,000, which let’s face it, they’ll blow in a week. To survive, they’ll have to face off against the harsh elements and each other. Every dramatic moments will be caught by cameras on the island. Who will writhe, who will thrive, and who will survive to see season 2? Only one way to find out!” I hyped up before we cut to commercial. People at home might hate it, but for those who are in the live tv business? It’s something to be glad for. I was starting to get shiny but luckily, nothing a quick touch up can’t fix. After a ten minute break, we were back. “Welcome back. Now you might be wondering, how the heck are the millions gonna be raised? Well the answer is simple. You’ll help by voting in who you want to see make it. These votes will help contribute to the final decision. Every vote counts and adds ten dollars to the pot. Don’t worry, the money you’re sending in goes to help fund things like fresh water & food to locations struck by disasters, animal and human shelters, and so on. The millions that the competitors are fighting for is strictly from a different source. Speaking of, we told them they’d be staying at a five-star resort, to if they seem a little p.o.ed? That’s probably why,” I grinned. It’s gonna be a long summer but hey, that’s half the fun.
At the Dock of Shame, I mentally prepared myself to welcome the first 13 campers. The white speedboat pulled up. First to arrive is a short and socially awkward girl named Beth Burgundy. I noticed she had light brown hair pulled in a side ponytail and brown-black eyes. She had an emerald-green top with lemongrass vest and pink pants to go with her white sneakers. I noticed a few animal button pins as she ran up to me and gave me a big hug; but before I can say anything, she remarks that I seem to be much shorter in person. “uh… thanks? Good to have you anyways,” I managed to say. She goes to wait at the opposite end with her things, probably for the best given my policy about being around teens with braces. Second place silver is a "Mama's Boy" of a gentle giant named DJ Brass. He asked if this is the place they are supposed to be and where the hot tub is. I just grinned and said, "Yo dog, this is it, Camp Wawanakwa!" DJ expresses his mild confusion that the camp seems to be somewhat different from the application form. Third place bronze is a goth girl named Gwen Darcy and, after seeing the run-down camp. “you mean we’re staying here?” she asks with a sense of dread and confusion. “Nope. You guys are staying here; my trailer is a few miles in the opposite direction” I told her. What? I’m required to be on the island with them and the paramedics. She tells me that she did not sign up for this. To that, I just took out her contract with a smug smile and told her, “Actually, you did”. Gwen takes the novel sized contract and tears it up, but hey, that’s why you bring extra copies. Gwen at first refused to stay on the island, but I remind her that unless she can swim? The only way off is by boat which has already left, prompting Gwen to call me a jerk. Oh this is gonna be fun for me!
An exuberant, upbeat, and fun-loving "party animal" named Geoff Bree arrives next, and he happily greets me, using the word "man" many times in his conversation, much to Gwen's great annoyance. Ah well, her loss. Lindsay Hawthorne, a textbook dumb-blonde-bombshell girl arrives next, attracting the attention of all of the boys and telling me that I looks familiar. Oh boy, this is gonna be more annoying than I thought. I mentioned that I’m the host of the show and she recognizes me now. Following is an equally gorgeous but brunette girl named Heather Shields. From the mandatory background checks, medical history, and psych evaluation? She’s a ruthless, narcissistic, manipulative, and self-centered girl, & is the next contestant to arrive. She is immediately grossed out by Beth's enthusiastic greeting and the state of the camp. Even saying how we can’t make her stay here. Well, legally? She’s right. We can’t. But given how her parents were pretty much begging us to take her off their hands? I don’t think they’ll be too eager to pick her up. Next to show is Duncan Greenleaf, a Grade-A juvenile delinquent, and immediately begins to be confrontational. Ah the love hate relationship I have with the law. I just remind him that I’m in contact with Duncan's parole officer and that if the show has any problems with him? He could be sent to juvenile prison at any moment. Duncan, on the other hand, seems unconcerned by this but goes to stand with the others but not before flirting with Heather. Next is Tyler Tukson, a high school sports champion, who arrives on water skis but accidentally crashes into the dock, soaking an already enraged Heather in the process. “Wicked Wipeout man!” I called to a buried Tyler who gave a thumbs up under the luggage. Harold Hawker, a classic nerd, arrives with a keyboard and is initially taken aback by the state of the camp, but quickly becomes enthused, thinking that the conditions are ideal for his skills, which makes me cringe. Trent Tortuga, a smooth and handsome young man, arrives next and mentions that he saw me on a figure skating competition, which Beth confirms that she also saw and claims that one of the contestants dropped his partner on his head and in doing so won immunity, to which Harold says that they were lucky and hopes that he will win immunity as well, to which Lindsay agrees. Trent comments on how run-down the camp is, then sees Gwen and waves to her, causing her to blush. Then Bridgette Ambrosius, a sweet, gentle, and caring surfer, arrives with a surfboard, and almost hits the group several times before expressing her disappointment that she will not be able to surf on the island. She soon makes friends with all of the boys and catches Geoff's attention. Noah Redd, a sardonic, antisocial, and pessimistic know-it-all, arrives next and asks me if we got the memo about his life-threatening allergies, to which I assured him, “of course we did”. When Noah makes a snide remark about Duncan’s piercings, the convict pulls his lip and threatens to give him one, which Noah calmly refuses. Leshawna Chardonnay, a big, loud, and proud woman, arrives and talks confidently about winning, but reacts negatively when Harold says she's big and loud. A pair of ditzy, bubbly, and kind-natured sisters by the names Katie and Sadie Charrolette, arrive together excited to be staying at a summer camp.
Ezekiel Fall, a sheltered and home-schooled farm boy, arrives next. When I asked him, "What's up?" the kid responds by pointing to a bird he sees above him and saying, "I think I see a bird," showing his lack of knowledge of modern times by taking the question literally. Knowing that Ezekiel was home-schooled, I gave him some advice, telling him to try to keep quiet and avoid getting voted out too early in the game. Cody Gunmetal, a tech-savvy nerd, arrives next and notes that the ladies have already arrived, a pathetic attempt at flirting that is interrupted when Leshawna shushes him. Eva Dudley, a tough, aggressive, and temperamental girl, arrives next, obviously irritated and uninterested in her surroundings. Duncan sarcastically tells DJ that Eva is all his. Suddenly, Oliver Gashley, an outgoing, enthusiastic, optimistic, and not-too-smart boy, arrives and happily shouts that he is psyched to be here before grabbing me and giving me a bear hug. After saying how great it is to be there, he struggles to find the right words to explain how he feels, with Gwen helping him to say "awesome" again. Oliver enthusiastically asks Gwen if they're going to be on the same team, and Gwen sarcastically replies, "I sure hope so." After putting me down, he goes to stand in the middle of the dock, thank goodness. The guy is roughly 250 pounds as that was the limit our medics can handle on set. Which brings me to our haughty, uptight, and perfectionist nerd named Courtney Coppertail. She arrives and greets everyone politely along with Justin Kobalt, a supermodel of irresistible beauty, arrives too, and everyone stares in shock at his incredible good looks. I know it’s terrible, but I just told him the truth: the only reason he's on the show is because of his good looks, which Justin admits he doesn't mind. Izzy Zedong, an energetic, slightly hyperactive, and defiantly crazy girl, is the last to arrive but she slips and falls into the lake after hitting her head on the dock. Izzy is pulled from the water by Courtney, but she is unconcerned about the accident and immediately starts asking questions about what they will be doing at the camp. The last two to show up are Alejandro Burromuerto, a gorgeous young man who was voted brains and beauty 8 years in a row in his home town. The finally camper is Sierra Khan, a massive social blogger who also has a bit of an obsession with celebrities.
I directed the campers to one end of the dock for a group photo now that all of the contestants have arrived. Unfortunately, the dock collapsed under the combined weight of the campers just as the photo is being taken. I just told them to dry off and meet me at the campfire pit in ten minutes. I told them about Camp Wawanakwa, where they will be staying for the next eight weeks. “The people sitting around them will be their cabin mates, competition, and maybe even friends,” I explained and hoped they got the hints I was dropping. Harold smiles at Duncan, who just raises his fist to threaten him. I also state how the last person standing in the contest will win $100,000. Duncan asks for a bunk next to Heather, and she, disgusted, asks if the bunks are co-ed. I casually explain that each team gets a cabin, with the guys sleeping on one side and the girls sleeping on the other. Lindsay mistakenly calls me "Kyle" and asks for a lake-view cabin since she's "the prettiest," which is immediately refused. Which brings us diving up the campers into two teams. Gallant Gophers are made up of: Beth, Cody, Gwen, Geoff, Heather, Izzy, Justin, Lindsay, Leshawna, Noah, Oliver, Sierra, & Trent. Meanwhile the Brutal Bass are Alejandro, Bridgette, Courtney, Duncan, DJ, Eva, Ezekiel, Harold, Katie, Sadie, & Tyler.
As the female Gophers unpack, Heather complains that the bunkbeds are too much like summer camp, only for Gwen sarcastically reminding the former that it is a summer camp. Cody then enters the girls' cabin and compliments Gwen on how smart she is, to which she responds by reminding him that he should be in the boys' and throws him out. I point out the communal bathroom for everyone to use, which confuses Lindsay, who mistook it for "communion." I decided to give everyone thirty minutes to unpack before meeting me back at the main lodge. I heard a sudden scream from the Gopher cabin. I checked in and saw Lindsay is standing on a chair inside, screaming in terror at a giant cockroach on the floor. The cockroach crawls toward DJ, who screams and jumps onto one of the bunk beds, completely crushing it, which Gwen later reveals was hers. Before I could get a handle on it, several campers were struggling to kill the cockroach before Duncan uses an axe to chop it in half. Tyler attempts to impress Lindsay by bragging that he could have done the same thing, even though he did little to help her. Duncan then concludes from their interaction that blondes are often attracted to jocks. Well, I’m not needed here so I better check on Cliff. In the main lodge, Cleft, the camp's chef and my sidekick in the show, introduces himself and his plan to serve three meals a day, ignoring the campers' requests and complaints about the quality of his food. Beth asks if they'll be getting the major food groups, to which Harold agrees since he gets hypoglycemic if he doesn't eat enough sugar, but an irritated Cliff just yells at him to sit down. Cliff tells "scrawny kid" Noah to bring his plate forward, but the slop they're served returns to Chef's spoon. Leshawna tries to be friendly with Eva, but Eva just gives her a blank stare, which surprises Leshawna, who said "it's going to be like that" between them but is scared when Cliff calls the next person. Lindsay then tells Cliff that her nutritionist told her not to eat any white sugar, white flour, or dairy products, but Cliff remains silent and kills a fly with his hand. Lindsay's question is answered instead by Gwen, who says that it shouldn't be a problem. Gwen then goes on to say that she despises being the one to complain on the first day, but she thinks her food has just moved. Cliff, with a blank expression on his face, just swings his meat tenderizer at Gwen's dish, and she walks away. Ok, clearly the food shipping got lost or Cliff needs to refresh his skills. I mean I know he was a rejected drill sergeant, but this is taking it too far.
I welcomed the contestants to the main lodge while they were still eating. Geoff then asks if they could order a pizza, to which Cliff reacts aggressively by throwing a cleaver knife at the wall, which sticks. We’re gonna have a talk about that. For now, I announced that the first challenge will start in an hour. Katie is nervous about what the producers will make them do, but DJ assures her that their first task shouldn't be hard. After everyone had gathered, I revealed the first challenge of the series: The campers must jump off the one thousand foot high cliff into a safe zone in the lake, which is represented by a small ring of buoys. For each camper who completes the challenge, their team receives a point. After each contestant has had a chance to jump, the points are tallied, and the winning team gets an advantage in the next part of the challenge: building a hot tub. The team with the best hot tub gets to have a hot tub party that night, while the losing team has to vote out a camper for the first time. Bridgette thinks the challenge is pretty straightforward, but until I mention that the rest of the lake is filled with rare, freshwater, man-eating sharks. The Brutal Bass are up, but no one wants to go first. Bridgette nervously volunteers and successfully lands in the safe zone. Inspired by her victory, Tyler enthusiastically jumps in next although he crashes painfully into one of the buoys in the lake, he still lands in the safe zone. Geoff, Eva, Alejandro, and Duncan then successfully completed their jumps with no problem. However, DJ is afraid of heights and does not jump, and he is forced to wear a chicken hat and take the escalator down the cliff. Ezekiel and Harold complete their jumps, but they both are injured; Ezekiel hits a rock protruding from the cliff and Harold lands on his crotch. Courtney refuses to jump, citing a medical condition. I try warning her that not completing the challenge could cost her team the win, with the possibility of her being eliminated. However, Courtney accepts the risk, believing that the majority of the opposing team will not jump. Sadie and Kite are left for the Brutal Bass. The two squeal with delight and excitedly jump off the cliff together. Well, I guess if you have to take the plunge then who better than a sibling or best friend. Or in this case, both. Up next was Sky and she nailed it without problem but even pulled off some fancy tricks in the process. Sierra took the dive next and landed on her face. The medics immediately pulled her out before the sharks could get at her. She had a cut chin and lip but thankfully that was the worst of it.
The Gallant Gophers are up next, and I offer them an incentive: if they can beat the Brutal Bass' score (9 out of 13), I'll give them pushcarts to haul the boxes of hot tub parts. But like the Bass, no one is motivated to go first. Heather refuses to jump, saying she does not want to get her hair wet on national television. Lindsay joins in, supporting Heather's decision and refusing to jump as well. Leshawna intervenes, arguing with Heather about not jumping and refusing to lose the first challenge because of her. The two trade insults until Leshawna throws Heather off the cliff, and she falls into the safe zone. Leshawna jumps after her, followed by Lindsay, Mildred, Gwen, Cody, Izzy, and Justin. Justin lands outside of the safe area, much to the concern of the other campers, but his appearance charms the sharks, and they carry him to shore. Beth does not jump because she is afraid. Lindsey & Heather talk about how that was lame while Lashawna & Cody tease her making chicken noises with their arms as wings. Meanwhile Trent and Noah jump successfully but there’s only one person left. If this jump doesn’t happen? Then they’re tied. After most of the team has jumped, Oliver is the only one left, but Trent gives him words of encouragement. An extremely nervous Oliver conquers his fear and jumps off the cliff to win the challenge for his team. The Gophers are nervous, but Oliver overcomes his fear and jumps off the cliff. As he falls, he makes a huge splash, knocking Trent and Noah, who are still in the water, to the beach. While winning the pull-cart advantage for his team to carry the crates, he loses his bathing suit in the water, much to everyone's disgust. The Gophers, with their pull-carts, sing happily on their way back to the campsite, while the Bass have trouble moving the boxes. While the Gophers were still singing, Lindsay stopped when she found a seashell. She picked it up and held it close to her right ear. After listening to the sound of the shell for three seconds, she walked quickly to catch up with her team. Tyler stopped and said he needed to pee, Eva told him to do it quickly and that they were already late, then Katie and Sadie said they needed to pee too, they found a spot and peed together, meanwhile Courtney gets a bug bite on her right eye, causing it to swell. Katie and Sadie came back and kept pushing when it started to sting their butts. The Gophers had to open their boxes with their teeth, Katie and Sadie felt that the itch was very bad, so they scratched their butts, Bridgette asked them if they squatted down when they urinated. They said yes and after describing the plants Bridgette said it was poison ivy. Meanwhile, the Gophers' hot tub is coming along, having already made it back to camp. Heather approaches Leshawna and apologizes for her rudeness earlier. Leshawna is moved by the apology, and agrees to call a truce with her. In private, Heather admits to Lindsay that her apology wasn't the least bit sincere. When Lindsay asks why she pretended to be nice to Leshawna, Heather reminds her of the old adage "keep your friends close and your enemies closer." Lindsay asks if Heather considers her a friend, and Heather assures her that she does, for now.
The Brutal Bass finally made it to the cabins, but Katie and Sadie took off their pants and underwear to stick their butts in the lake to relieve the itch. Geoff and Courtney try to rally their team to win the challenge, but are ultimately unsuccessful. Duncan criticizes Courtney's high-handedness, claiming that her bossiness and assumption of others' weaknesses make her an ineffective leader, which Courtney takes offense to. Alejandro is, however, more successful at rallying the team. Soon they had their hot tub though it wasn’t as good seeing as they didn’t have the 13 carts to complete it. The Gophers build a fully functional hot tub, while the Bass build a half-constructed one that leaks and needs to be heated manually, costing them the first challenge. At dinner, the Bass try to decide who they are going to vote out. Duncan says that it should be Courtney or DJ, the two who did not jump. His vote leans toward Courtney, as he sees DJ's strength as a possible advantage in the future. Courtney is shocked by Duncan's choice, arguing that her experience as a C.I.T. (Counselor-in-Training) makes her valuable, and tries to draw attention to Tyler instead of herself, which Lindsay blatantly objects to despite being on opposite teams. Duncan and Geoff, however, aren't interested in voting Tyler out, since he jumped. Alejandro mentions how, even if they vote off Courtney or DJ, that will still leave them with an undesirable result. What they should do is figure out the where their strengths lie first, then decide. Ezekiel wonders why their team lost in the first place since the Gophers had more girls on their team. When Eva and Bridgette ask what he means, Ezekiel explains that boys are stronger and better at sports than girls, which especially angers the two of them, the most athletic girls on Bass team. Alejandro and Geoff tries to calm everyone down, but Ezekiel continues his misogynistic comments about intelligence, which angers every girl on the Brutal Bass. At the campfire ceremony, I was holding a plate of marshmallows in hand & explained that they will be given out to all campers who are safe. The one camper who does not receive a marshmallow is eliminated and must leave. I give marshmallows to Geoff, Tyler, Katie, Bridgette, DJ, Harold, Sadie, Duncan, Alejandro and Eva. The bottom two comes down to Courtney and Ezekiel, who start to become anxious. I finally gave Courtney the remaining marshmallow, leaving Ezekiel as the first camper to be voted out of the competition. It wasn’t exactly rocket science to know why homeschool got the boot. Back at camp, the Gophers are seen enjoying their hot tub party as the Bass walk by, with Cody toasting to the Gallant Gophers. Courtney signals for the cameraman to come closer, and declares that the Gophers can enjoy their first victory, but she will ultimately win the competition and the $100,000 prize, and no one will stand in her way.