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The eyes staring at her as she passes are not something that she should be surprised with, but she still rubs at her own arms as the hairs along her tattoos prickle, a shiver running down her spine that she dutifully ignores.
It is not surprising that people are staring at her, because she's sure that she's killed… well, plenty of their numbers. It's a wonder she's been let in here at all.
Maybe they'll kill me, she muses, sneaking a glance over in Ekko's direction. Maybe he brought me here on false pretenses to execute me for my crimes.
Would that be better than her original plan? It would definitely be something she deserves; honestly, she still can't believe that the dumb enforcer chick her sister likes so much didn't take the shot when she finally had a chance. She seemed perfectly capable of it before; why was it only now, now that she's accepted her fate, accepted that the world will only be happy if she's gone, that the idiot couldn't find the will to take her out?
A hand clasps her shoulder, and Jinx merely lifts her own head, finding Ekko's gaze trained on her, brown eyes far too warm; under that gaze, she feels like a withered vine, shrinking and singing away at the edges under relentless, all-encompassing heat.
She expects Ekko to call for his people to shoot her, or to lead her off to her own personal gallows, or for a knife to find its way buried in her spine, lodged there by someone she had, once, called a friend. Instead, Ekko just smiles, fond and kind and everything that Jinx can't handle because the last person to smile at her like that is gone and she knows, she knows she can't go through that again, isn't that why she left Vi in that cell? And she wants to shrink away from it, to run, to bury herself in the smallest hole in all of Zaun and never, ever see the light of day again, and yet…
"...I just need you to trust me a little longer," Ekko says, and he gently, tentatively, curls an arm around Jinx's shoulders. The weight of it, while not overwhelming, is uncomfortable, but Jinx doesn't know what she'd do if she told Ekko off for it and lost that warmth. Just like a vine, for all that she's shriveled up and burning in excess… she still needs it, the warmth, the burning sun keeping her alive and smothering her light in equal measure.
She doesn't have the energy for a quick-witted response. The world around her glitches and blurs; she hardly remembers how they got here, to the place Ekko's called home for all of these years, let alone what the plan is now that they are here. Instead, she just nods, curling both of her arms around her own frame in the barest imitation of… of…
You can't pretend anymore, the voices whisper. Better take up the least amount of space as possible, like you could disappear. It's never that easy, is it? Disappearing?
"Shut up," Jinx whispers, low enough that if Ekko catches the words, he doesn't respond to them.
The crowd has congregated now, dozens upon dozens of faces that she's probably seen before, probably tormented before, probably helped traumatize before. Accusing looks, horrified looks, the looks that Jinx expects of people, mixed with some that still wear streaks of blue in their hair – how dare they, that was something we did out of love, how dare they take it and use it as a symbol, I never asked for that, I never wanted that! – and stare at her like she's something godly and holy, a resurrected saint, the messiah of the undercity.
That's not something she ever asked for either. Jinx finds herself sinking down onto the flat of her feet, shoulders hunching, head tilting low to the ground as her eyes sting and her hair, choppy and ruined, tickles the bare skin of her neck.
"Guys, guys!" Ekko calls, and his voice rings clear through what is clearly a cacophony of voices, the world's worst choir all yearning to be heard by their precious leader. Jinx just ducks her head a little lower, wishes the ground would cave under her and swallow her up in blissful darkness. "I know, I know we're all tired, but you need to listen."
"Why should we listen to you?" a voice that Jinx dimly recognizes from the prison – a mission that feels like an entire lifetime ago when it couldn't have been more than a few days – calls out, flat and accusing. "We've been suffering down here, and what did you do? You disappeared. You left us."
Ekko grimaces, a sound so clear that Jinx can picture it in her own mind, unwanted as it is. "I know. I'm sorry. But I'm here now, and I have a plan."
It satisfies something in her, listening to the way people yell over each other, all angry at Ekko for abandoning them. Then, that satisfaction rots in her stomach, eats away at her skin and bones as something else takes root; a bitter and yet strangely comforting commiseration. You abandoned people you care about, just like me, huh?
Look at us. That strange, sudden empathy bubbles up inside of her throat like acid and comes spilling out of her mouth in the form of hysteric giggles, pulled from her lungs and making her clutch at her own chest, nearly doubling over as she laughs and laughs and sobs and sobs. She's so sick of crying – so sick of the way her eyes burn with it now, her cheeks stinging, her skin wrinkly and pruned after being flooded over and over again – and yet the sobs escape her nonetheless, her nails digging into her own flesh just to ground her as she clumsily sinks to her knees, drapes herself over her own broken body.
There's a soft thud, and then an arm wraps around her; she flinches reflexively, but the part of her that would kick and scream and fight to get the weight off of her is oddly quiet, leaving something small and wounded in its wake. She does not fight, but she doesn't relax either, not even when Ekko draws her into his own arms amidst all of the stares.
Time, like most things, warps and twists. She doesn't know how much of it she loses here, curled in Ekko's arms, feeling small and pitiful, a child wearing the skin of a barely-adjusted adult; all of her layers, the carefully built walls she constructed when it was clear that if she didn't she'd just keep getting hurt by the people she loves over and over and over again, now peeled off and leaving her raw, exposed, nothing but a small girl aching to feel something that isn't the overwhelming, jagged wound that is grief.
She cries, and cries, and cries, until her eyes are raw and red and her cheeks feel puffy and swollen and her throat burns with a ferocity she cannot withstand for long. It's only then that she finally drags her head out of Ekko's chest – and when had she allowed herself to be so close to him? – and stares at her surroundings, blinks rapidly to clear the fog of despair that clings to her so desperately.
"There you are," Ekko says, a quiet whisper so small it doesn't quite break the fragile peace they've found themselves in. "Feel… any better?"
What a fucking question. Jinx squints over her own shoulder; the crowd is gone, the tree only a vague memory, and she finds herself in torchlit darkness, in the comfort of a space that is clearly Ekko's and yet with no recollection of how she got here when she was sure they had been in the clearing before.
"I brought you here, for space," Ekko explains when Jinx drags herself out of his lap, stands on shaky legs to get a better look. "Uh, sorry, I just thought the crowd was overwhelming you."
"Why do you care?" Jinx rasps, her voice scratching against her throat. "Why did you bring me to your space in the first place?"
"It's what I told you," Ekko says, so gently, more gently than Jinx thinks she's ever deserved. "And I… I've given up on you, before. I don't want to make that mistake again. Okay?"
That can't be true. Nobody has ever truly regretted giving up on her, not even Vi; sure, Vi had tried to pretend otherwise, but it had been obvious in the way she still, still wants Jinx to change, still wants her to be the person that Vi thinks she is. The only person in the whole world who had been just fine with who Jinx is had been… had been…
…even now, thinking about her hurts. A name, once exclaimed so fondly, now goes unsaid, unspoken, left buried in the past alongside any of her that remains, a true Zaunite memorial.
"There's no good version of me," she whispers; it must have worked on Vi, because she doesn't think Vi had come back after her, finally giving up on chasing dreams and delusions and settling on a happiness that might actually be within her reach. Maybe, if she's lucky, it will work on Ekko, too.
But… no, he just shakes his head, and when she can no longer find the will to stand on her own two feet and sinks back down onto her knees, he just reaches out, takes her hand in his own, guides her down down down until she's once again curled in his lap, head pressed over his heart, trembling and small.
"That's not true," Ekko finally breathes, and his arms close around her, engulfing her fragile frame in his warmth, holding her like they are kids again, unburdened by the weight of the world and simply enjoying each other's company. Jinx wants to laugh at the absurdity of it all, but if she starts laughing she's bound to start sobbing again too and she doesn't have the energy for it anymore.
She's so tired.
She is so godsdamned tired.
"It is true," she whispers, drags each syllable through the ruined mess of her throat. "Everything good around me dies, or breaks, or goes to shit. I… I want…" to start something new, like you said. To protect the people I care about. To do better. To be loved. "But it's not possible."
Ekko shakes his head so firmly she can feel it bob above her own. "I've seen it, Jinx," he says, simply; his tone one that he had only ever reserved for the girl she used to be, and yet…
…he gets the name right.
"I had this dream," he continues, as Jinx stares up at him in wonder, "where things were different. In my dream, I saw a different version of you; a version where you weren't left to suffer alone. It was a nightmare, because it helped me see something I should have always known; helped me see you. The real you."
He's not telling the full truth; Jinx eyes the device he had been using up in her hideout, the spinning monkeys that had captivated her, drawn her out of her own miserable stupor. He's not telling her the full truth, but yet he sounds so sincere anyways, holding her like she's the child he grew up with and not the monster he once swore to get rid of.
"I'm sorry for giving up on you," Ekko says, and Jinx swallows around a breath that catches in her throat. "It's not going to happen again, so please… please. Stay with me now."
Another bout of mania bubbles up in her stomach, but she manages to swallow it right back down, releasing a broken, ragged sigh in its stead. "I'm with you," she rasps. "I still don't… really believe you, but I'll let you try to convince me."
"I'll convince you," Ekko promises.
And despite everything screaming at her otherwise, despite the pulsing in her veins, the way she still, still wants to let the world go and break the cycle… Jinx thinks she might believe him.
~~
Sevika finds them here, in the place Ekko calls home.
Jinx hadn't even thought about what she might say to Sevika. Honestly, a part of her had hoped that maybe the older woman would've gone out and gotten herself killed without Jinx around to watch out for her– but then again, hadn't it always been the opposite? It would be kinder that way though, never seeing her again, remaining in blissful ignorance for as long as fate would allow.
But no, of course she had come to the one place still not keen on sitting right in Piltover's lap and giving in to the whims of people in power who do not and will never care about them. Jinx doesn't know much about the situation up topside – had only caught whispers of it when she was still in her cell, waiting for sweet release – but she knows they had asked the people of Zaun to help and, if Ekko's little hideout is any indication, a lot of them said no.
Ekko has his own plans for getting them to join the fight though; just on their own terms, not Piltover's. He keeps finding Jinx's gaze pleadingly, begging her to help, but she turned him away each time; he still has not convinced her that she's not a massive fuck-up, and until he does, she is not helping him with shit.
(If someone dies because of a plan she helped concoct…
…no, it won't happen. She refuses to let it happen again).
Sevika joins the Firelights alongside an entire crew of blue-haired Zaunites, and she finds Jinx before Jinx has the chance to run, her eyes wide in recognition and something else that Jinx refuses, stubbornly, to recognize. "Didn't think I'd find you here," she says instead of a greeting; always to the point, Sevika is. "Where's the kid?"
Jinx, despite herself, stiffens. Gone, she thinks, and she knows it radiates from her body language, that Sevika will see her chopped-off hair and the broken, bleeding stubs of her nails and the sunken bags under her eyes and know, she will know that Jinx did exactly what Sevika thought she would do; ran off somewhere and got her killed.
She expects a mockery. She expects an I-told-you-so, scathing and judgemental because Sevika of all people has every right to judge, she had warned Jinx, she had thought it was foolish that Jinx kept the kid around and didn't think twice about it, she had told Jinx the night they went searching for Vander that it would be a mistake and that she could not, would not join them.
She expects–
"-I'm sorry."
That takes Jinx out of her spiral, has her head snapping up to stare at Sevika in utter disbelief, watching as Sevika's shoulders slump, her hand tugging the cloak covering the missing stump where her other arm used to be as she bites at her lip and does not meet Jinx's gaze. "I know she meant a lot to you," Sevika says, like she hadn't known from the beginning that the kid would die if Jinx kept her along, why is she doing this? "So, sorry."
Not for the first time, tears spring into Jinx's eyes, and she rubs at them harshly with her fist, drawing a sharp breath to force the sobs back down into her stomach. "It's fine," she lies, and her voice cracks. "What are you doing here? Don't you have a city to save, or whatever you were always preaching about?"
"This is how we save our city," Sevika tells her, gesturing at the tree, at the people gathered in the space. "The Firelights might be stupid and reckless, but the work they've done to bring people together… it's all we have now."
"Ekko has plans," Jinx says lowly, and like the mere syllable of his name spoken aloud is a trigger, the man himself materializes right in their space seemingly out of nowhere, drawing an arm around Jinx's shoulders – she's grown used to the touch now, recognizes that it is a way for Ekko to draw comfort for himself – and squinting suspiciously at Sevika.
"If you're here because you think we're not going to fight, you should leave," Ekko says. "Or are you stupid enough to believe that the incoming battle will only affect Piltover?"
"I refuse to work alongside the same people that have been keeping us starving and desperate for our entire lives," Sevika says, and she lifts her chin. "So what do you have planned, boy savior?"
Ekko smiles. "I'm glad you asked."
~~
Later, when Ekko and Sevika have stopped talking about plans or whatever the fuck they might've had to talk about – Jinx, for once, wasn't listening in on the conversation, did not want to insert herself into a space she so clearly doesn't belong – Ekko drops next to Jinx where she's laying on his own bed, staring up at the cave ceiling and waiting for the darkness to smother her entirely.
"So…" Ekko starts, and when Jinx turns her head to look at him, he too is staring at the ceiling, his hand inching over and over and over until it finds Jinx's own. "The kid Sevika was talking about. Wanna talk about her?"
Jinx flinches.
"That came out way wrong," Ekko says panicked, and he squeezes Jinx's hand, turning onto his side so that instead he's staring at her. "I only mean– it's been obvious that something has been weighing on you. Keeping that bottled up won't do anything, and I… I want to know. What I missed. So tell me?"
Jinx draws a breath, her gaze returning to the ceiling. In the darkness, she can almost see her; the dancing figures moving swiftly through shadow, spinning across the stars and across time, the echoing of laughter filling the room and cutting through the silence that's otherwise waiting to be filled.
She takes another breath.
"Her name's Isha," she whispers, speaking to the ceiling, to the stars, ignoring the eyes still trained on her, ignoring the warmth as Ekko still clings to her hand. "She couldn't have been… any older than eight or nine, littler than I was when… well, you know."
"Isha," Ekko repeats, slowly, savoring each consonant.
"She found me one day, few months ago. Crashed right into me and refused to let me go for a second." Jinx laughs, broken and hollow. "Saved my ass more times than I can count. And now she's gone. Just like everyone who gets too close to me. Gone, gone, gone."
She laughs again, but the laugh comes out a sob once more and she squeezes her eyes closed, feels each ragged inhale as it leaves her lungs. "It's not fair," she whispers with a shuddering sob. "It's not fair."
"I'm sorry," Ekko tells her, and he does sound sincere, his grip on her hand now grounding, a calm presence keeping her anchored to reality. "It sounds like she really loved you."
Jinx doesn't know how to respond to that, so she doesn't; just sniffs, refusing to open her eyes until the hard knot of sorrow releases her.
"Do you… want to describe her?" Ekko asks, and when Jinx finally cracks one eye open, just enough to peer at him, he has his sketchbook magically laying on his chest, a pencil gripped tightly in his free hand.
It's a peace offering, one of the only ones that Ekko's ever known. Jinx inhales, and then she turns on her side, curling into Ekko's chest so that she can see the sketchbook for herself as the words pour out of her.
She talks, and talks, and talks, and Ekko follows along, dutifully sketching and sketching until Isha's face peers at them from the pages, exactly as Jinx remembers her. Bright-eyed, hopeful with a little pout, alive but only on parchment, only underneath careful pencil strokes.
"That's her," she whispers, when the sketch is finished and she can no longer bring herself to picture the past so vividly. "That's my Isha." A single tear escapes, trailing down her cheek, and she trembles a little harder, the suffocating guilt enveloping her once again. "She was the last person to believe in– in me. And look where that got her."
"She sacrificed herself because she loved you," Ekko whispers, closing his sketchbook and setting it aside to instead run a hand through her hair; nobody's done that for her in years. "That's not your fault."
"Then I never should've let her love me!" Jinx laughs something hysteric, and yet she doesn't have the strength to pull herself away, to tear herself apart from Ekko's side. "What's the point? Why love someone if that just lets them die for you, over and over and over again? I didn't ask for that. I don't want that."
"I… I don't know," Ekko admits, still curling fingers through her hair. "But it doesn't always have to be bad."
Jinx just shakes her head. "If you really believe in me," she rasps, "and believe that I can be someone worth saving, you have to promise me something."
"Anything," Ekko says.
"If push comes to shove, if I am in danger, you can't be like… like them," Jinx whispers. "You can't sacrifice yourself to save me. You can't. It'll be for nothing, because I'll just…" end it, she thinks, if you continue the cycle, I'll just end it.
"I am more capable than you think I am," Ekko says with a huff, one that Jinx can vividly imagine him executing with a little roll of his eyes. "Fine, I promise. But I've survived your bombs before, I have no plans on letting one get me again."
That's right, he has survived your bombs before. Jinx opens her eyes all the way, stares at Ekko with wide, almost pleading eyes.
"What, surprised?" Ekko pulls away from her but only so he can turn to face her, their bodies pressed so close together on this bed that they're almost touching, legs tangling together. His hands brush against her face – she flinches, but he doesn't let go, drawing her gaze up to his own where his eyes are dark and serious, blazing and yet so bright and hopeful. "I told you, I'm not giving up on you," he says, holding her in place so that all she can do is swallow and nod helplessly. "And that includes not going off and dying before I have the chance to help you. Got it?"
Jinx, again, doesn't know how to answer. But the weight in her chest feels a little lighter, and she nods, sniffling as Ekko releases her face and sits up to grab for the blankets. "You don't have to," he says softly, "but you can stay here tonight. If you want."
The last time she had slept so close to another person had been with Isha, and Jinx doesn't know how she could ever hope to replicate that; and yet, part of her, the part that tells her so quietly that she needs to move on, that she needs to find the strength to continue, that breaking the cycle means nothing if she simply drops off the face of the earth… it begs her to agree. To stay. To let herself enjoy something nice for once, just like she told her sister to do days ago.
"Okay," she agrees, and she slips into Ekko's embrace as he tugs the blankets over them both.
It's the best sleep she's gotten in weeks.
~~
The next day, Ekko drags both Jinx and Sevika out of the hideout with bags full of supplies, bringing them to one of the few places left in Zaun untouched by color, a perfect spot for a mural.
"You can help if you want," he tells them both, digging through the bags for the paint, smiling awkwardly at Jinx when she stares at him in disbelief. "You're the one who actually knows what she looks like, not me."
Jinx, still in disbelief, looks over at Sevika, who just shrugs. "Not much I can do like this," she says, gesturing to her missing arm. "Unless you got another one of those arms stored away somewhere."
"I can build you a new one," Jinx tells her, and some of the aching in her chest eases at the way Sevika actually smiles, fond and genuine and not hidden behind the indignance she had always shown Jinx in the past. "After this."
For all that she loves painting, she's never done a mural before; has only sprayed her own symbol on the walls, cackling to herself with each monkey, each stroke of blue. It brought color to an otherwise bleak city, and she loved it, but she thinks she might understand why Ekko painted actual murals, actual memorials to the people that this place has lost.
So she lets him take the lead, adding in details around him. Together, they weave and paint and paint until Isha's visage takes over the wall, smiling down on them, the guardian angel Jinx never wanted and yet has been craving ever since its loss. Slowly but surely, the wall takes form, and when hours have passed and even Sevika looks at a loss for words, they finally stop, dropping back to the ground to admire their work.
"She's beautiful," Sevika breathes when Jinx lands right next to her breathing heavily. "Shit."
Shit indeed. Jinx stares up at the form of her closest friend, forever immortalized on brick and stone, and though the ever-present ball of grief still sits there in her chest, for the first time in days she feels it lessen; like the space around it, the cavity she holds it in, gets a little bigger. "She is beautiful," she agrees, and she curls arms around herself in the mockery of a hug once more. "Thanks. For being here."
"Listen, kid," Sevika says, and her brows are all knitted. "For all that we've had our… differences, in the past, and for all that you might still dislike me or whatever, these past few months… they were good, even if I was so tired of your stupid ass refusing to see the good you were doing for the community. We're a team now, okay?"
Jinx stares at her, slack-jawed.
"Ugh, that sounded sappy as shit," Sevika shakes her head. "I just mean–"
She's interrupted, the words dying on her tongue, as Jinx moves on instinct, lunging forwards and throwing herself around the woman with hardly a care in the world. It… hurts, thinking about yet another person who might die because of Jinx's curse, but in the moment she's just too relieved to have someone not hate her to care.
After a stiff moment where Sevika just stands there shocked, her arm curls roughly around Jinx's frame, squeezing her. "Now don't be getting sentimental on me," she threatens when Jinx pulls herself away; but she's smiling, soft in a way she's never soft. "This is just a temporary alliance, alright?"
"If you say so," Ekko says lightly, and Jinx jumps right out of her skin; she had almost forgotten he was there. "Come on, we should head back before anyone catches us."
As they arrive back at the tree, at the place Jinx's already been thinking of as home despite her base instincts, she feels… lighter. The weight that had been pulling her down – the one so oppressive she had cut her hair just to try and get away from it all – smoothens out, leaving her hollow and yet lighter at the same time.
Maybe Ekko's right, she thinks as she laughs at a stupid joke that Ekko makes, nudging Sevika just to be annoying as Sevika scowls at her but doesn't try to stop her. Maybe there is some good I can do yet.
~~
Despite it all, she misses Vi.
Jinx hates that she misses Vi, she really, really does, but like everything else in her life, it's not something she can escape. As she lays awake that night – still feeling lighter, but now weighed down in other ways – with Ekko snoring peacefully at her side, she thinks and thinks and thinks.
Did Vi ever manage to get out of that cell? Surely someone would've noticed that her sister wasn't around and gone looking for her; she wouldn't be surprised if her stupid enforcer girlfriend was the first to realize something was wrong. If Vi had managed to get out, why did she never go looking for her? Or did she go looking for her and just never thought Jinx would have been with Ekko?
She supposes that's fair; she didn't think she'd be going with Ekko either.
Does Vi still love her, despite Jinx pushing her away yet again? Jinx doesn't think she wants to know the answer to that question. Vi has only held onto her too tightly, tightly enough that she couldn't get away from it without a fight, tightly enough that the broken shards of her dug into her sister's being, leaving gaping wounds where a whole person should have rested. It would be better off for Vi if Jinx left; it would be better off for Jinx if Vi just stayed put.
And yet… if there's a war about to start, Vi's going to be putting herself in danger. That thought, like many others, makes the knot in Jinx's chest tighten. I don't want her to die.
How far she's come, not wanting her sister to join the rest of Jinx's family for once in her life. No, she thinks she'd rather throw herself off of a cliff if it meant sparing Vi the agony of death; her sister, for all her flaws, does deserve to be happy, Jinx was not lying to her when she told her as much.
Still, Vi haunts her, a living ghost echoing inside of her head, replacing all of the dead ones and torturing her all the same. Maybe that's why the next day, as Ekko dragged her back to her old hideout, she twirled loose locks of hair around her fingers and made a suggestion.
Ekko agrees. Jinx hadn't expected him to agree.
~~
In the place he saved her from only days ago, Ekko picks up the scissors where Jinx had thoughtlessly dropped them, and he sits Jinx down on the floor. "You sure about this?" he questions, running his fingers through her hair, sending shivers down her spine.
"Yes, I'm sure," Jinx tells him, shaking her shoulders out in preparation. "Come on, it's just hair."
"I know, I know, I just want to make sure I'm not… I don't know." Ekko laughs, and then Jinx can feel the cool weight of metal against the back of her neck as he lifts the scissors up. "Do you have a razor?"
"No, but I have a knife over there on that shelf," Jinx gestures with her hand. "Should work just fine."
"I'm not shaving your head with a knife."
"Fine, fine, you caught me, there's a razor in that box." Jinx laughs as she tilts her head upwards, catching the pout on Ekko's face for a split second before it morphs into that serious, stern expression he likes to wear so much. "Hey, d'ya think I'd look good with pink hair?"
"I think you'd look good with any color," Ekko says seriously, and Jinx feels her face flush. "Why? You wanna dye it too?"
"Feels thematically appropriate," Jinx shrugs, ignoring the way her cheeks still feel warm, brushing right over the compliment. "Maybe not all of it though. Just a streak."
Ekko pauses, and Jinx watches the grimace that flashes across his face, quickly replaced by something mournful and longing. "What," she questions, tilting her head up at him as he walks over to where she was storing the razor. "Too much?"
"No, no, it sounds perfect." Ekko digs the razor out, and he walks back over to her, grasping her hair in his hands once again. "Okay, hold still."
Jinx sits upright, and she sighs in relief as the rest of her hair falls to the ground, littering the floor. Ekko follows her instructions dutifully; he only leaves the right side of her bangs intact, otherwise shaving the rest of it down. When he holds up a little mirror for her, Jinx stares at her own reflection in wonder.
"Wow, you can really see the family resemblance," she comments, drawing a hand to her head; the texture of the buzzed hair is… nice, grainy and fuzzy under her fingertips. "Yeah, I think I will put some pink in there too. Really make sure everyone knows why."
"Of course," Ekko agrees, and he fishes through her supplies, drawing out a small vial of pink dye that she had put there far too long ago. "Where do you want it?"
Jinx tilts her head, letting her bangs settle around her face. "Right through the middle." Let them all know that she'll always be a part of me.
"Okay. Hold still again?" Ekko sits in front of her, this time leaning in to gently, carefully, separate one strip of her hair from the rest, dipping it slowly into the pink dye.
He's so close, Jinx can feel his breath against her face. So close, she can hear his heartbeat, beating so rhythmically, alive and well and taking over her space so completely she should be complaining about it and yet all she wants is to lean in a little closer, be closer.
"There. All done, just gotta wash it out later." Ekko goes to lean back, to admire his work, but Jinx reaches up before her brain can catch up to her body, holding him still. "Wait," she whispers, staring up at him, "just wait."
Ekko pauses, and he doesn't try to pull away from her, but his nose does wrinkle, his gaze so questioning. "Jinx," he breathes, "what's going on?"
"Thank you," Jinx breathes– one of the first times she's ever thanked someone and meant it genuinely. "For…" saving me, bringing me to your home, giving me a new purpose, helping me with this, painting Isha. "...for everything."
Ekko inhales, but then he smiles, cusping Jinx's cheek with one of his hands. "What did I tell you," he murmurs. "Building something new, together. That's all I wanted."
This is so stupid. Soon, Ekko's going to die because that's her curse, and he's going to leave her and she'll be alone again and it'll hurt worse than any other time she's been left because this time she's hopeful, and she misses Isha and she misses Vi and she doesn't know what she's doing, giving into her worst impulses as she leans into the hand pressed against her cheek, ignoring the way it surely is leaving pink stains on her skin. "If this is a dream," she mumbles, "I don't want to wake up."
"It's not a dream," Ekko promises, and he leans in a little closer; doesn't invade her space entirely, doesn't push too hard, like he's waiting, still, for permission.
He's still using the right name, she thinks.
Jinx tilts her head upwards, lets her body fall forwards, and then Ekko's kissing her, pulling her in closer, holding her so tightly she couldn't drift away even if she wanted to. His free hand wraps around her for balance, and she wraps her arms around his neck in return, her eyes falling close as Ekko kisses her.
I never thought this was something I'd ever have. Finding someone who would love her despite everything she's done, despite all of her worst mistakes, despite how horrible of a person she is… she thought it was impossible, that she would die alone, that she didn't deserve the kindness of another person and never will.
She still doesn't think she deserves it, but as Ekko pulls her closer and curls fingers against her scalp and hardly breathes, she's a bit more willing to pretend. For his sake, if not her own.
Finally, after what must be an eternity has passed, Ekko pulls away; but only to press his forehead into hers, smiling stupidly with his eyes still half-lidded. "You're perfect," he whispers, and Jinx flinches; but it sounds different, coming from him. "I… I…"
"You don't have to say it," Jinx whispers right back. "I still don't know if this is real or if it's just something else I'm going to screw up."
"You're not," Ekko says, and then he frowns, pulling back from her and grimacing. "Wait, I definitely left pink stains on you, that's my bad, I didn't–"
"-you don't have to apologize," Jinx tells him, and her eyes light up. "Hey, I have an idea. Give me your jacket; if we're going to be joining this war, we might as well do it in style."
"You do love making an entrance," Ekko snorts, shaking his head fondly. "What do you have in mind?"
Jinx's gaze flits to her desk, and she smiles. "You'll like it."
~~
Later, when Sevika joins them to give a status update, she wrinkles her nose, taking everything in.
"What the fuck did you two do?" she asks, almost in disbelief. "Lose a war against a paint bucket?"
Jinx turns to look at Ekko, remembers the feeling of his fingers against her skin, the warmth of his mouth on hers as he decorated her arms with vivid colors, added his own hourglass to her over and over and over again; and her, in return, drawing her monkeys on him, the two of them painting over the space of her hideout when they were supposed to be turning it into something new, Ekko finding the shellings from her braids and weaving them into his own hair. Carrying pieces of you into the battle with me, he had said, and Jinx had flushed furiously because who would've thought anyone would say that about her and mean it nicely?
"Yeah, something like that," she says, and laughs at the way Sevika just glowers at her. "Loosen up or it'll get you too."
Sevika rolls her eyes, but she doesn't press harder, just sweeps her gaze across the small space. "I've gathered up everyone who is willing to fight," she says, directed moreso at Ekko than at Jinx herself. "And we've been working on the weapon designs you gave us. I think we'll be ready to launch by tomorrow."
"Good, good," Ekko smiles, and he reaches for Jinx's hand, squeezing it; this time, she squeezes back, her heart fluttering in her chest. "We just have a bit more to go here and then we'll be good too."
Sevika eyes them both warily, but then she shrugs. "Hey, you two are the morons who think you can actually get this thing to fly."
"Aw, is big Sevie actually worried about us?" Jinx coos, laughing in delight when Sevika glares at her again. "It's gonna fly, I'm sure of it."
"By the powers of genius and madness combined," Ekko adds, leaning against her and his arm sneaking around her shoulders, flicking against her head. Jinx inhales sharply at the gesture; she had barely caught it out of the corner of her eye, but she knew what it was; her bunny ears, pressed against her with a smile, Ekko just casually bringing back a symbol of her own childhood. "We'll get it done."
"If you say so," Sevika doesn't look entirely convinced, but she drops it nonetheless. "I'll… leave you two alone."
Ekko's face flushes bright red, and Jinx just snorts, shaking her head with a teasing smile. "Okay, mom," she jeers.
Sevika flips her off as she turns to leave, and Jinx clutches her chest as she laughs, turning to giggle into Ekko's shoulder almost hysterically. "The look on her face," she wheezes, "oh, that was priceless."
"Priceless, yeah," Ekko agrees, but he's smiling at her when she pulls away; it's the same fond smile he's been giving her since he rescued her from herself in this very place only days ago, and yet now that Jinx knows how he feels, knows that he's fully accepted her…
…it makes her heart flutter a little more, and she quirks an eyebrow, tilting her head with a small, teasing grin on her face. "Hey, space boy," she says, waving her hand in Ekko's face, "I was talking about Sevika."
"I know!" Ekko says defensively, and Jinx giggles and giggles and for once, for the first time in weeks, it doesn't dissolve into sobs.
And they don't say it in words, because Jinx thinks it would… well, jinx things if she ever voiced her own emotions like she's done in the past, and she doesn't know what's going on in Ekko's brain but she knows there are things he simply isn't telling her. But maybe they don't have to say it in words; maybe as they continue working on the hideout, tearing it from the center of the building and adding the jets that Ekko's spent years developing to the bottom, fixing up Jinx's favorite guns until they were perfect, and covering the entire contraption with more painted drawings, more of their mark… maybe, that's enough.
And if she kisses him again later, when their work is done and they are finally, finally ready to join the fight and ensure the future of Zaun… well, hasn't she earned it?
~~
The morning of the fight, Ekko leans over Jinx and paints her face with bright streaks of pink, to match the streak of it in her hair and the color that still covers her whole body.
He draws an X over her chest, hand lingering ever so slightly, and touches up some of the paint against her arms, her sides, before swinging his legs over the bed and offering her a hand. "You ready?"
Jinx thinks about what's led her here; the heartbreak, the comfort of death, the way that grief still presses against her but doesn't feel all-encompassing the way it once had before, the swell of something that might be happiness building in her chest.
She has something to fight for again; and this time, she'll be fucking damned if anything takes it from her.
"As ready as I'll ever be," she chuckles, slinging her new, modified jacket over her arms as Ekko suits up, flashing her a soft smile. "Are you ready?"
"I'm always ready to save the world," Ekko says, completely seriously.
"Right, that's why they call you boy savior," Jinx teases.
Ekko rolls his eyes at her, but he pulls her close, pressing a light kiss to the top of her head. "You're like, the only one who calls me that," he tells her, brow furrowed.
"Nah, it's definitely spread to the whole undercity," Jinx says, and she cackles in delight as Ekko presses another kiss to her head, then to her cheek, then to her nose. "Okay, okay, stop."
Ekko pulls away, but he's giving her that stupidly fond smile again, and when he offers his hand, Jinx takes it.
She still hurts. She still doesn't know if she's believing in a beautiful lie, if the world is going to crash down around her, or if she is, like Ekko thinks, building something new.
But she doesn't want to die anymore. She doesn't want to ruin anyone else's life. She just wants… well, she wants her sister back, back and alive. She wants to prove, once and for all, that she's not the burden she thinks she might be.
She's going to march into that battle and save her sister and she'll have Ekko on her side the whole time.
Jinx takes a deep breath, clutches Ekko's hand, and walks into her future with her head held high.