Chapter Text
Everyone in class A has been gossiping lately.
Now, by Toru Hagakare’s standards, this is an amazing thing, and that’s because she absolutely loves gossip. But the problem is, she’s has nothing to contribute! The hot topic of class A, what everyone has been whispering about, is obvious. The Todoroki vs. Bakugou situation.
Hagakure swears that every other day it’s a new thing, oh, I saw them glaring at each other, Todoroki has scratches on him, I saw them wrestling, I saw them training, Bakugou has a bite mark on his hand, I heard them fighting, and Hagakure is sick of it! Not because it’s not interesting, but because she’s seen nothing.
She has nothing to contribute to gossip sessions, nothing to investigate, and nothing to stick her nose into where it doesn't belong. Nothing. Absolutely, nothing.
That was at least, until she was singing herself a little song on a peaceful saturday evening and going to the dorm kitchen to grab a snack. That’s when she heard it.
“No, I got them last week you Half n’ Half idiot.”
“No, you were busy cleaning your dorm last week and so we didn’t get them at all.”
Hagakure stops humming, her fluffy slippers hitting the floor of the common room as her ears perk up. Is that the sweet voice of Todoroki she hears?
“Yeah, okay, so that means this week is still your turn to get them,” Bakugou snaps.
Hagakure stills, eyes going wide. And that’s Bakugou’s voice. Bakugou… and Todoroki…
“What? No. I got them two weeks ago. That means it’s your turn,” Todoroki counters, the slightest hint of stubbornness creeping into his voice.
“It doesn’t matter what you did two weeks ago, the schedule says it’s your turn.”
Hagakure frowns, confusion settling in. Schedule? What schedule? And what is them ? This doesn’t sound like the horrifying fights her classmates tell her about, but that’s not important right now! Her curiosity and enthusiasm bubble over, and she creeps a little closer, her invisible form blending seamlessly into the dim common room. She leans against the doorframe, careful to keep quiet as she listens intently.
“I’m not going. It’s freezing outside, and I’m not walking through the snow for your dumb snacks,” Todoroki says, crossing his arms with a quiet huff.
“ My dumb snacks!?” Bakugou’s voice rises an octave, somewhere between outrage and disbelief. “You’re the one who ate an entire bag of pretzels last time and left me with that disgusting caramel popcorn shit. Also, you’re the one with a heat quirk, jackass, so you go!”
“Disgusting?” Todoroki’s tone sharpens. “Caramel corn is a delicious classic. And at least I didn’t eat all of the cookies and replace them with those extreme heat chips.”
“They’re delicious, you uncultured ice cube!” Bakugou shoots back, his voice dripping with venom.
Hagakure’s mouth falls open. What in the world is happening? Is this…a grocery feud? Are they dividing up supplies for some kind of survival plan?
“You’re impossible,” Todoroki says, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Why don’t we just alternate, like adults?”
“We do alternate!” Bakugou growls. “That’s why it’s your turn ! You’re just lazy and making excuses, as usual.”
Hagakure’s mind reels as she edges closer still, her slippers making the softest shuffle against the floor.
“I’m lazy?” Todoroki snaps, his voice uncharacteristically heated. “You refused to leave the couch last time because you were ‘recharging your spirit’ after training.”
“That’s called self-care, you emotionally repressed ice sculpture!”
“Your nicknames are getting less creative. That’s two ice puns in a row,” Todoroki sneers and, wait.
Wait.
Wait wait wait.
No. Freaking . Way.
This is… this is what everyone has been talking about! This tension, this heat, this arguing, this… this inexplicable energy , this has to be it!
Hagakure internally squeals with excitement and jumps up and down because it’s her turn! It’s her turn to be affected by Todoroki and Bakugou’s weird antics! Oh gosh she has got to tell Mina.
She runs off, back up the stairs to alert everyone about the newest thing their weird classmates are up to. While she’s gone however, the argument doesn’t stop.
“You know what? Forget it!” Bakugou barks, his voice ringing with finality. “I’ll go get your stupid caramel corn so you can sit here and cry about your rotten boring taste buds!”
“Fine,” Todoroki says coolly. “But I’m not watching your movie pick this time.”
“Oh, yes, you are,” Bakugou growls, grabbing his coat from the back of the couch. “If I have to suffer through grocery shopping in a blizzard, you’re sitting through Die Hard, and I don’t wanna hear a single complaint about it Ice Prince!”
“It’s not even a Christmas movie,” Todoroki mutters under his breath.
“What the hell did you just say!?”
The next day, Hagakure is a woman on a mission. She’s up at the crack of dawn (or what counts as dawn during winter break) with her master plan: Operation Keep Class A Alive. She gathers her evidence, compiles her thoughts, and recruits the most qualified team for the job. By mid-morning, the common room is abuzz with murmurs, confusion, and a healthy dose of excitement as the first meeting of "The Hagakure Help Hotline for Students Victimized by Todoroki and Bakugou" kicks off.
Hagakure stands (figuratively) at the helm, adjusting the detective's hat Momo made her, waving around a stack of colorful sticky notes and some hastily stapled pieces of paper titled "Beauty (Todoroki) and the Beast (Bakugou) and what to do about them.”
“All right, team,” she says, her voice tinged with the glee of a true detective unveiling her findings. “I bet you’re all wondering why you’re here today.”
Mina nods from where she’s splayed across both Momo and Uraraka. Sero grabs a piece of popcorn out of Kaminari’s hand.
“Yes, actually,” Midoriya speaks up, raising his hand. “Why are we here? And why do you have a pipe?”
“That’s not important!” Hagakure yells as she slams her files and giant magnifying glass on the table, making Kaminari jump. “Now, to begin the meeting.”
“Meeting?” Mineta mutters before being quickly silenced.
“Attention!” She takes her fake pipe from her mouth, using it to point at the giant whiteboard where she’s drawn Todoroki and Bakugou. “We all know Todoroki and Bakugou are intense, and I have gathered you specific people for one simple reason. We’ve all been personally affected by their reign of terror.” This statement gets solemn nods from several members. “ But …it’s worse than we thought.”
“What do you mean?” Momo speaks up as she sips from her cup of tea.
“I’m glad you asked Yaomomo,” She says as she slams her hand onto the whiteboard and points at a messily drawn timeline. “I present to you, Exhibit A: Midoriya witnessing a spontaneous combustion, aka, a spontaneous act of war. ”
She points dramatically at the sticky note labeled “Oh fuck, fire!” which provides a very detailed drawing of shirtless Todoroki caught on fire.
“Why are the nipples so detailed?” Sero whispers as he squints at the drawing.
“Exhibit B,” she says as she paces the room with flair as her 1940’s New York detective outfit flows with her, pointing at Momo. “Yaomomo seeing them revel in silence.”
She uses her magnifying glass to point at a new drawing, this one of Bakugou (who looks like a lizard) chewing on a book while Todoroki studies.
Momo furrows her brows, raising a hand. “That’s not really what–”
“Exhibit C!” Hagakure spins around, pointing around the room with her pipe. “Kaminari.”
Kaminari points at himself, a handful of popcorn being shoved in his mouth. “Me?”
“Yes you! Todoroki and Bakugou are up to something evil, and you’re proof.”
Kaminari sits up, stealing some more popcorn from Mina. “This is what I’ve been saying! Those two are up to something. Remember when I caught them fighting in the gym a few months ago, and then again last week?” Mina groans and Sero sighs. “I’m telling you all, last week Bakugou had Todoroki pinned, but then Todoroki flipped him over so easily, It was like a practiced wrestling match. They’re definitely training for some secret combat league. Maybe world domination .”
Hagakure nods solemnly. “See, evidence is everywhere!”
Mina perks up, her eyes twinkling with mischief. “Oh my gosh, and remember last semester? Bakugou screamed at Todoroki in homeroom about taking too long at the coffee machine, but Todoroki just stared him down all stoic like. I swear, the tension was palpable. ” She mimics Bakugou’s furious tone, making an exaggerated angry face, “Hurry up, you melting iceberg!” she bats her eyelashes, now mimicking Todoroki, “Make me.”
Midoriya leans forward, his brows furrowed in thought as he starts to mutter, the words spilling out in a frantic stream. “They definitely have a rivalry,” he says earnestly, though it’s clear he’s more talking to himself than anyone else. “Todoroki’s precision versus Bakugou’s raw power… it’s like energy and calm in perfect opposition! Well, not exactly, because Todoroki has both fire and ice and really once you get to know him he’s not all that calm and Kacchan is—”
He cuts himself off with a little shake of his head, his hands gesturing wildly as the muttering picks up speed. “Anyway, what I mean is, their quirks are just as contrasting as their personalities. Todoroki is all calm and strategic, while Bakugou is aggressive and impulsive. It’s the perfect storm for an intense rivalry, and oh! Oh! Remember that time in training when Todoroki blocked Bakugou’s Howitzer Impact with that massive wall of ice? The look on Bakugou’s face! He was furious! While Todoroki was completely calm. And then there was that other time when Bakugou managed to dodge Todoroki’s flames by, uh, what was it… leaping off Kirishima’s back? No, wait, it was Sero’s tape—actually, no, that’s not important. What is important is that I think they’re always pushing each other to be better! But maybe it’s too much? Like, what if they’re secretly meeting up to train in ways we don’t even see? They could be testing each other’s limits, learning each other’s weaknesses, or—or maybe they’re trying to prove something to themselves! Or each other! Or maybe both—”
Midoriya stops abruptly, looking up with a sheepish expression as he realizes the entire room is staring at him. “Um, so yeah. Definitely a rivalry.”
“I agree,” Ochaco chimes in in the awkward silence. “I mean, they’re always arguing about something, even if it’s trivial . That’s rivalry energy if I’ve ever seen it.”
Hagakure nods and is about to continue when a voice interrupts her.
“I don’t know, don’t you guys think you’re all being a little over the top here?” Sero says. Hagakure gasps and Mina throws a piece of popcorn at him.
“Sero,” Hagakure says slowly, as if talking to a child. “This isn’t just their usual ‘glare at each other a little in the hallway’ thing. There’s… tension. Suspicious tension. And I, Toru Hagakure, Detective Extraordinaire, have picked up on it!”
Sero leans forward from where he sits next to Kaminari with a raised eyebrow. “Wait, like… bad tension? Or, like…” He lowers his voice. “Sexy tension?”
Mina snaps her fingers at him, sitting up. “That’s what I’ve been thinking.”
“ What !?” Mineta practically screams. “Hell no, Bakugou is too macho for that, and Todoroki is a robot. Plus, neither of them are feminine enough to be… like that. I mean, haven’t you seen the way girls flock to them!?”
Mina kicks him off the couch, cringing as everyone ignores him.
Momo, clutching a cup of tea, clears her throat. “As Hagakure said, I once saw them in the library,” she begins hesitantly. “It was just the two of them at a table. They were glaring at each other so intensely I thought they might start fighting. But then they just… went back to their work? It seemed liked a standoff of enemies.”
“I’ll do you one better,” Mineta interjects, crossing his arms with a smug grin as he climbs back up. “They’re definitely plotting world domination. Why else would two of the strongest guys in our class spend so much time together? They’re scheming, and we’re all just pawns in their game.”
Hagakure claps her hands, her enthusiasm contagious. “Exactly! This is why I’ve compiled all of your experiences into this dossier.” She slams it (dramatically of course) onto the table, though it’s mostly filled with wild conspiracies and sticky notes covered in doodles.
In the middle of the cover, in bold sharpie, are the words: Operation Keep Class A Alive: Stop The Beauty and The Beast!
The group stares at it for a moment before Mina breaks the silence, a smile on her face. “So… what’s the plan?”
“We observe,” Hagakure declares. “We gather more evidence, compare notes, and figure out what the heck they’re really up to. And if necessary, we intervene before they burn the dorm down. Something is going down between Todoroki and Bakugou, and it’s up to me–nay, up to us –to crack the case!”
Kaminari laughs nervously, reaching for the magnifying glass. “But, uh… what if they find out we’re, y’know, stalking them? Have you not seen what Bakugou can do with one hand? Or Todoroki’s ice-death-witch glare? I don’t want to die, Hagakure. I have hobbies!”
She slaps his hand away from her magnifier. “That doesn’t matter because they’re not going to find out!” Hagakure dismisses his concern with a wave. “We’ll be stealthy. Like ninjas. Or… pigeons.”
“Pigeons aren’t stealthy,” Sero mutters.
“Okay, fine. Like spy pigeons. Point is, they’ll never know what hit ‘em!” Hagakure grins, practically vibrating with excitement.
“But wait, couldn’t I just ask Kirishima?” Modoriya speaks up, his face lighting up with the new idea. “He and Kacchan best friends, so if something is going on with him Kirishima would know.”
“Would he?” Mina leans into him, squinting and pointing an accusatory finger like she’s interrogating a suspect, fully catching onto Hagakure’s energy. “Would he, Midoriya? Or has Bakugou been… hiding something?”
“And you’re good friends with Todoroki, has he told you anything? Hm?” Hagakure adds.
Midoriya falters. “I… you have a point…”
“Exactly.” Hagakure spins on her heel, pointing dramatically at the group like they’re recruits in a spy movie. “Here’s the thing, if we’re wrong, no harm done! It’s all peachy keen and we’ll go back to our normal boring lives, but if we’re right? Oh, if we’re right… then we’re sitting on the biggest scoop this school has ever seen. You don’t want to miss out on that, do you? Do you!? ”
Sero raises his hand lazily. “What exactly is the scoop? That they’re…what, friends?”
“No, you fool!” Hagakure throws her arms up. “The scoop is whatever they’re hiding! And trust me, they are hiding something. Something bigger than friendship. Like… a plan to overthrow the school or something. Or a secret drug cartel where they deal nitroglycerin.”
Kaminari shrinks further into the couch. “I’m not convinced, guys. Can’t we just let them be angry and weird in peace?”
“No!” Mina and Hagakure yell in unison.
Sero smirks at Kaminari, clearly just trying to piss him off when he says to Hagakure, “Alright, I’m in. What’s the plan, boss?”
“Glad you asked, Agent Sero.” Hagakure whips her old timey pipe out of nowhere and puts it in her mouth. “Step one: Observation. We follow Todoroki and Bakugou, gather intel, and figure out their routine. Step two: Investigation. We infiltrate their territory. And step three…” She pauses for effect, letting the room quiet before screaming, “We expose the truth!”
Momo sets down her tea cup. “I don’t know, this feels sort of invasive. Shouldn’t we just talk to them? I’m sure if we asked they’d be open.”
Mina sighs and Hagakure laughs. “Oh, Momo, sweet, innocent Momo. That’s what they want you to think. But don’t worry! You’re the brains of the operation, so you don’t have to get your pretty hands dirty.”
“Thank you?”
“Wait, does that mean we all have jobs?” Uraraka asks.
“Right you are Agent Uravity! And your job is mobility, meaning you get to open the vents.” She sees Uraraka start to object and quickly waves her hands. “Don’t worry, we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.”
“I’m with Yaoyorozu on this one,” Midoriya speaks up. “This seems like an invasion of privacy.”
“Midoriya, this will be fun. I promise.” She points her pipe at him, the tip of his hitting his nose. “Plus, don’t you want to know what would be so horribly scandalous that even one of your best friends couldn’t tell you?”
Midoriya sighs shaking his head as he says, “Okay, okay fine.”
“Perfect!” Hagakure exclaims. “Now, here are your assignments. Kaminari, you’re in charge of tech. Cameras, audio–whatever you can scrounge up. Sero, you’re on stealth. I want you in vents, behind doors, under tables, wherever you need to be.”
“Wait, in vents? Wh–”
“Uraraka, you’re our mobility. You open doors, vents, walls, you float us to windows, you make sure we get where we need to go. Got it?”
“Sure,” Uraraka says with a nervous smile.
“Midoriya! You’re our man on the inside and our brawn. You know both of them, so be stealthy, get in there and scrounge up some info. You too Yaomomo! Don’t pretend I haven’t noticed how close you and Todoroki are,” she adds with a wink.
Before either of the two can object, she keeps talking. “Mina! You’re with me. We’re the eyes of the operation, putting it all together and making sure we get the scoop.”
“Heck yeah! Do I get a hat too?”
“Of course you do,” Hagakure says. “Oh, and Mineta… you’re our, uh, bodyguard. Our distraction if anything goes south, ‘kay?” Mineta opens his mouth to protest but stops when she adds, “And by distraction, I mean you get distract Bakugou from killing us using your super awesome charm.”
“Oh, okay. Cool.”
Hagakure claps her hands together. “Perfect! Operation ‘Find out what Todoroki and Bakugou are hiding and then get a detective show on TV and become the next big thing’ begins now!”
“No!” Kaminari shrieks. “What are you talking about!? I’m not in! Stop this or they’ll kill all of us!”
Mina sits up and puts a hand on Kaminari’s shoulder. “Oh Kaminari, where’s your sense of adventure? How are you ever going to become the worlds next top hero if you’re afraid of some little rivalry between classmates? And who knows, maybe it’ll be a huge scandal that’ll skyrocket us into our stardom careers!”
Kaminari groans, dragging a hand down his face. “Or maybe they’re just two dudes who can’t stand each other. Y’know, like literally every other day since we’ve known them.”
“Nope.” Hagakure slams her pipe down on the table like a gavel, making Kaminari and Mina jump. “There’s something more, and we’re gonna find out what it is.”
Mina turns to Kaminari with the most persuasive puppy-dog eyes she can muster. “Please, Kami? Don’t you want to be part of history?”
“Yeah Kami, ” Sero adds mockingly, biting back a laugh. “Don’t you want to know more?”
Kaminari glances between Hagakure, Mina, Sero, and the doorway, clearly calculating his odds of escape. Finally, he sighs, slumping in defeat. “Fine. But I’m only in if I get to stay in the background. If either of them looks my way, I’m out.”
“Deal!” Hagakure cheers, looking at all of her agents.
Midoriya sends her a smile. “I’m in. I want to know what Todoroki is hiding from us.”
Uraraka nods. “Me too.”
Momo bites her lip, giving Hagakure a weary look. “I will not participate, but I would like to be kept in the loop as to what is going on with them. And if it’s something truly horrible, I’ll help you deal with it.”
“Well I’m in!” Mineta screams. “It’s my job as a future hero to put their plotting to rest.”
Sero just shrugs. “I’m in too, but only because this is hilarious. And when this all blows up in your face, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
“Mina?” Hagakure prompts. Mina rolls her eyes, cracking her knuckles.
“Oh you already know I’m in.”
“Perfect! Now…” she grabs her phone and switches on the camera. “Let’s start filming. The world deserves to know the truth!”
Hagakure crouches low behind the common room couch, her hat shifting as she peers over the edge. “Alright, team,” she whispers into her walkie talkie (thank you Momo), eyes darting around the room. “This is it. Our moment of glory. Stay low, stay quiet, and remember–no sacrifice is too great in the name of justice.”
Kaminari, already looking frazzled, whispers back, “Are you sure about this? Because I feel like my life is a pretty big sacrifice–”
“Shh!” Mina hisses, pressing a finger to her lips. “Focus. The target is on the move.”
The dorm doors are opened gently and Todoroki walks in, hands in his pockets, his expression unreadable. Hagakure watches him like a hawk, her eyes narrowing as he pauses a moment, looking around the room before making his way to the elevator. “He’s walking calmly. Too calmly. It’s suspicious.”
Sero leans against the wall beside her, unimpressed. “Yeah, suspiciously calm. How dare he not storm into the room throwing things and screaming.”
“Agent Tape, I need your support, not your sarcasm,” Hagakure snaps, throwing her pipe at him.
Midoriya pokes his head around the corner, his bright green hair doing absolutely nothing to help their stealth. “Uh, guys? He’s gone. Are we following him or not?”
“Of course we’re following him!” Mina whispers, grabbing Kaminari by the arm and yanking him forward. “Come on, guys move it! This is why we trained for hours in stealth mode.”
“We didn’t train,” Kaminari groans, stumbling along behind her. “You and Hagakure made us play hide-and-seek, and I got found in ten seconds.”
“And I remain the reigning champ,” Mineta adds as he leans against a door, trying to look cool.
Uraraka gives him a sour look. “That’s because you’re so small, nobody can see you.”
The group finds Todoroki on the fourth floor (strange considering his room is on the fifth floor, Hagakure notes) and shuffle after him, keeping what they think is a safe distance. Mina presses herself against the wall and motions for the others to do the same. Todoroki reaches Bakugou’s door and raises his hand to knock.
Hagakure squints, holding up her phone and whisper into the mic under her breath. “He’s hesitating. Why is he hesitating? It’s suspicious.”
“He’s literally just knocking,” Sero says, rolling his eyes.
The door swings open to reveal Bakugou, already scowling. Hagakure gasps softly. “Classic guilty behavior. Look at that scowl. He’s hiding something.”
“I’m pretty sure that’s just his face,” Uraraka whispers.
“Agent Uravity, I expected more from you,” Hagakure mutters, narrowing her eyes at her.
Bakugou and Todoroki exchange a few words too quiet for the group to hear. Bakugou narrows his eyes and looks around. Then, Todoroki steps inside, and the door clicks shut behind him.
Kaminari lets out a sigh of relief. “Okay, great. They’re in. They didn’t see us. Mission over, right? We can go back now?”
“Wrong!” Mina declares, a statement Hagakure agrees with. “The truth is in there, and we’re not leaving until we figure it out.”
Before anyone can argue, the door suddenly swings open again. Bakugou steps out, looking irritated, and glances down the hall.
“Abort mission! Abort mission!” Hagakure hisses, grabbing Sero by the collar and diving behind a nearby potted plant. He lands face-first in the dirt with a muffled “Ow!”
“No sacrifice is too great in the name of justice,” she whispers, crouched behind the plant. She feels like a spy in a movie.
…She might’ve watched James Bond with Ojiro last night.
Mina, Uraraka, and Midoriya barely manage to duck into the stairs before Bakugou’s eyes sweep past them.
“You idiots are too loud,” Mineta grumbles into the walkie talkie, yanking Kaminari back as he tries to peek out from the corner.
“I think we’re safe,” Uraraka whispers.
“He’s looking around. He knows something’s up. It’s like he can sense us,” Kaminari mumbles as Sero spits out a mouthful of dirt. “Oh god, we’re all gonna die.”
Hagakure peeks through the leaves, still clutching Sero like a human shield. “I’m pretty sure he just hates everything, it’s not personal. And shh! Don’t let the enemy hear you,” she whispers dramatically.
Bakugou mutters something under his breath and storms back into his room, slamming the door shut and locking it this time. The group lets out a collective breath.
“Okay,” Midoriya says, coming up from the stairs. “This is getting ridiculous. I’m starting to think just talking to them would be better.”
“No way!” Mina stands, fixing the hat Hagakure begged Momo to make her.
Hagakure nods, crossing her arms. “Listen to the woman. We’re just getting started. Agents, regroup! Phase two begins now.”
Kaminari stares at her, wide-eyed. “Phase two? There’s a phase two ?”
“Of course!” Hagakure says with a grin, adjusting her pipe. “This operation is far from over. Next stop: infiltrating enemy territory.”
Kaminari groans, flopping back onto the floor as Mineta kicks him lightly in the side like one would with a dead squirrel. “I’m going to die. They’re going to kill me and I never even got to tell Sabrina Carpenter I love her.”
“Oh shove it, you’ll only die if we get caught!” Hagakure quips, already marching down the hall with determination. She crouches at the corner of the hallway, gesturing wildly for them to follow her. “Alright, team. Phase two is all about strategy and precision. Agent Uravity, get up there and float the cover off that vent.”
Uraraka nods and spends the next minute and a half balancing on Midoriya’s shoulders as she tries to reach the vent. As soon as the cover is off, Hagakure whispers, “Agent Tape, you’re up. Get in the vent and give us eyes on the target.”
Sero squints at her. “You seriously want me to crawl into the ventilation shaft ? What am I, a raccoon?”
“No, you're a pigeon, and a very stealthy one at that. Now, go!” Mina commands, waving him forward.
With a sigh, Sero lets Midoriya boost him into the vent. “This is so uncomfortable,” he mutters, shimmying into the narrow space.
Midoriya leans in close to Hagakure, whispering, “Are you sure this is a good idea? I mean, what if Kacchan hears him?”
“Don’t worry,” she says confidently. “He’s a pro. He’s got this. We trained, remember?”
“Yeah, on the monkey bars…”
The sound of metal clanging echoes through the hallway, followed by a loud thud. A second later, Sero falls from the ceiling, landing in a heap directly in front of Bakugou’s door.
“Oh no,” Kaminari and Mineta say in unison, panic already setting in.
The door slams open, and Bakugou storms out, his scowl instantly cranking up to murderous levels. “What the hell are you doing?!” he growls.
“Uh…” Sero freezes, sprawled on the floor, before quickly improvising. “Maintenance! Yep, just checking the vents. Gotta make sure they’re, uh… ventilating properly. Y'know, air and all that.”
Bakugou narrows his eyes. “Get lost before I blow your face off.”
“Yup! Leaving now!” Sero scrambles to his feet and bolts back down the hallway, throwing a thumbs-down at the group as he rounds the corner.
“Smooth,” Mina mutters sarcastically.
“New plan,” Hagakure says as she points at Mineta. “Put pipsqueak to good use.”
“Huh?” Mineta says eloquently.
“You go and look under Bakugou’s door, see what’s going on in there!” she says as she shoves him around the corner.
“Wait what!? No! I don’t want to! He’ll–”
“Shhh!!” Uraraka shushes him as Midoriya nods, everyone shooing him toward the door.
Mineta creeps toward Bakugou’s dorm, his tiny frame hunched low to the ground, his hands trembling as he grips the edges of his shirt. “This is a terrible idea,” he mutters under his breath.
“Shhh!” Hagakure whispers from the corner, crouched behind Mina and Kaminari. “Just peek under the door and see what’s going on!”
“I can’t just peek !” Mineta hisses back, sweat already beading on his forehead. “What if he sees me? Or worse–what if he knows ? He always knows !”
"What does that mean?" Sero mutters.
“You’ll be fine,” Mina chirps, waving him on. “Think of it as training for your stealth skills. You’ll thank us later when you’re a top pro hero.”
“I can’t be a top pro if I’m dead,” Mineta grumbles, but he reluctantly lowers himself to the floor, his hands pressing against the carpet as he crawls forward.
The door looms ahead, ominous and unwelcoming. Mineta swallows hard and leans closer, his face almost touching the floor as he squints at the thin strip of light beneath the door.
Just as he’s about to peer under, the door slams open with the force of an explosion. Mineta doesn’t even have time to scream before the edge of the door smacks him square in the face, sending him tumbling backward with a dramatic yelp.
“Okay who the hell–Grape Head? What the fuck do you think you’re doing!?”
The rest of the team freezes in horror as Bakugou steps out, his scowl sharp enough to cut glass. He glares down at Mineta, who’s sprawled on the floor clutching his nose, groaning like a wounded animal.
“Explain yourself before I send you to hell where you belong,” Bakugou grits out as his hands pop menacingly.
“I tripped and fell in front of your door! I wasn’t peeking I swear!” Mineta says far quickly, like he’s made this exact excuse before.
“Alright you creep, I change my mind. I don’t care what the fuck you think you were doing, just get out of here before I turn you into a disgusting grape flavored slushy and feed you to the rats in the park.” Bakugou slams his door shut so hard it’s a miracle it doesn’t come off it’s hinges.
Mineta stumbles back toward the group, clutching his nose and crying dramatically. The second they see him, Hagakure, Mina, and Uraraka burst into laughter, their muffled giggles quickly turning into outright cackling.
“Oh my god, that was amazing!” Mina gasps, clutching her sides. “The way he flew back like a cartoon character was terrific, you got that on video, right?”
“Of course, oh my god that was even better than if we’d figure out the mystery,” Hagakure says, her invisible form shaking with mirth.
“Totally worth it,” Uraraka agrees, biting her lip as she hold back giggles, looking at Mineta’s nose bleed. “You’re a real trooper, Mineta.”
“Trooper?” Mineta grumbles, wiping his bloody nose with his sleeve. “I’m a victim!”
“You’re fine,” Sero says as Midoriya hands him a tissue so the blood doesn’t get on the carpet.
His dramatic sniffles turn into outright sobs as he finally collapses onto the floor in an exaggerated heap. “No I’m not! I’m dying, someone get Recovery Girl. Tell her I went out bravely!”
Hagakure kicks him a little. “Mineta, it’s a bloody nose, not a fatal wound.”
“It feels fatal!” he wails, throwing an arm over his forehead. “You all pushed me into the jaws of death!”
Kaminari crouches beside him, poking one of his purple head balls with a curious finger. It sticks slightly before springing back into place. “Hey, does this hurt?”
“Stop that!” Mineta snaps, swatting at Kaminari’s hand.
“Just checking,” Kaminari says with a grin, poking another one. “Man, these things are so weird. It’s like playing with rubber grapes.”
“Rubber grapes that stick,” Mineta complains, sitting up and glaring at him. “Do you want to die too? Because I’ll take you with me.”
Hagakure is undeterred. “Alright, new plan. We’ll do this the old-fashioned way–on foot!”
Before they can even reach his dorm, the door bursts open again. This time, Bakugou storms out, shirt half-buttoned, with pure fury blazing in his eyes. “I knew it!” he snarls. “What the hell are you all doing?”
Everyone goes completely still, eyes blown wide.
“Uh… this fire extinguisher looked… funny?” Midoriya says. So much for heroic charm. “Gotta make sure the dorms don’t burn down!” He slaps the metal canister with an awkward laugh.
Uraraka nods along. “Safety first!”
Bakugou glares at him, unimpressed. “You are a terrible liar, Deku. And you’re no better, pink cheeks.”
Todoroki appears behind him, peering over Bakugou’s shoulder. “Is there a reason they’ve all been following me?”
“No! We weren’t following you at all!” Hagakure blurts out, flashing her most innocent smile (not that they can see it). “We were just, uh, admiring the decor! Lovely hallway you’ve got here.”
Todoroki tilts his head, clearly unconvinced. “...Right.”
“Yeah, we were all just going to… do some karaoke and wanted to know if you two would join us!” Mina says as she smiles awkwardly.
“No way in hell,” Bakugou sneers, eyeing both Mina and Hagakure up and down. “And what the fuck are you two wearing?”
“It’s a Halloween karaoke party!” Kaminari supplies with a shaky voice.
Todoroki furrows his brows. “It’s January 11th.”
Sero jumps in before Kaminari can dig their graves further. “Right, it’s not Halloween. Just a costume party.” Hagakure elbows him. “A karaoke costume party.”
“Alright, I’ve had enough of this,” Bakugou growls, pointing menacingly at the group. “Get lost before I kill all of you in your sleep,”
Hagakure thinks she hears Mineta whimper. Sero gives a sheepish thumbs-up. “You got it, bro. Totally leaving now.”
The team retreats down the hallway, Mina dragging Kaminari by his sleeve as he mutters what sound like prayers and Uraraka patting Midoriya’s back comfortingly. He looks seasick.
As soon as they round the corner, Hagakure grins. “Okay, so phase two didn’t go exactly as planned, but that’s okay. We still have phase three!”
Kaminari falls to his knees, hands going into his hair. “There’s a phase three!? ”
“Of course! Detective Ashido and Hagakure never give up,” Mina declares, giving Hagakure a high five.
“Yup!” she chirps. “We’re going to crack this case if it’s the last thing we do!”
Kaminari groans, looking like he might actually cry. Midoriya doesn’t look much better off.
“No, no no no, no phase three,” Mineta says as he waves his hands.
“Yes phase three.”
“No, no, no, ” Mineta whines, shaking his head so hard his whole body wobbles. “Phase three sounds like a terrible idea!”
Mina grins and Hagakure motions for the group to go downstairs. “That’s because you’re a coward.”
“I’m a realist! ” Mineta snaps. “You’re going to get us all yelled at–or worse, killed by Bakugou! ”
“Stop being dramatic,” Hagakure says with a roll of her eyes, stretching her arms overhead. “Besides, it’s not like you’re the one who’s going to be floating up to look through Bakugou’s window. That’s Kaminari.”
“Yeah,” Kaminari says, following after the group as they head outside. Then he pauses, blinks, and his expression crumbles. “Wait. What am I doing?”
Ochaco cracks her knuckles. “I’m floating you up to the fourth floor.”
“Why!?” Kaminari wails as Sero stops him from running away.
“Because you’re expendable,” Mina answers.
“That’s just rude.” But nevertheless, Kaminari sighs, defeated as he goes limp in Sero’s arms.
Midoriya looks increasingly alarmed, holding his hands up in a placating movement. “Wait, hold on. Are you sure this is a good idea? If Kacchan catches us–”
“He won’t!” Hagakure interrupts, clapping her invisible hands together. “That’s the beauty of this plan. By the time he realizes Kaminari’s there, it’ll be too late. We’ll have all the evidence we need.”
“Wait, you’re planning on him seeing me!?” Kaminari asks, panic coming back to his voice.
Ochaco steps up beside Kaminari, touching his shoulder. “Ready?” she asks sweetly.
“No!” Kaminari yelps, his legs trembling.
“Too bad.”
With a single tap, Ochaco sends him floating upward. He flails wildly, spinning in the air as the group watches from below, some with amusement and others with barely concealed panic.
“This is a terrible idea!” Kaminari wails, grabbing at the air like it might somehow stop his ascent.
“Relax!” Mina calls up, cupping her hands around her mouth. “Just peek inside and see what they’re doing. It’s not like they’re going to throw a grenade at you.”
“ Bakugou owns grenades! ” Kaminari shouts back.
“That’s a good point,” Midoriya mumbles nervously. “We should’ve thought this through better.”
“Too late now!” Hagakure says brightly. “And just look at him go,” she sighs wistfully, smiling. “The perfect spy pigeon."
Eventually, after much struggling, Kaminari reaches the fourth-floor window, his nose practically pressed against the glass. He hovers there for a moment, peering inside, and then his whole body stiffens.
“What do you see?” Ochaco calls up.
Kaminari’s voice comes out as a strangled squeak. “I see Todoroki… and Bakugou . ”
“Yes, obviously,” Mina says. “What are they doing?”
“They’re… they’re…” Kaminari squints harder, his face contorting in confusion. “They’re eating soba?”
“Eating soba?” Hagakure repeats, deflated.
“Yeah, but like… aggressively? I think Todoroki just stole some of Bakugou’s noodles, and now Bakugou looks like he’s about to explode.” Kaminari flails a little before regaining his composure. “I’m pretty sure they’re watching a movie too… also Bakugou isn’t wearing a shirt.”
The group exchanges glances, unsure how to interpret this new development.
“Do you think it’s, like, a dominance thing?” Mina asks.
“Maybe it’s part of their world domination plan,” Mineta says weakly.
“Or,” Sero begins cautiously, “maybe they’re just… eating dinner?”
“No!” Hagakure insists, stomping her foot. “This is definitely a clue. Kaminari, keep watching!”
Kaminari groans. “I hate you all.”
Just as he leans closer to the window, Bakugou’s head snaps up, his fiery eyes locking onto Kaminari's like a missile targeting its landing.
“Oh no,” Kaminari whispers.
“Agent Sparky? What’s happening, talk to us!” Hagakure yells.
“ What the hell are you doing Dunce Face!? ” Bakugou screams, his voice so loud it rattles the window and everyone on the ground hears him.
“Abort! Abort!” Kaminari screams, flailing wildly as Ochaco releases her quick and Sero catches him with his tape.
The group scatters like the startled rats in ratatouille, ducking behind bushes and walls as Bakugou slams open the window and leans out, still fuming. Todoroki appears next to him, his expression a mix of confusion and mild amusement.
“Was that Kaminari?” Todoroki asks.
“Yeah, and I’m gonna kill him, so say your goodbyes Pikachu,” Bakugou screams down to them.
“I didn’t know he could fly.”
“You’re so fucking stupid it pains me,” Bakugou says to Todoroki as they go back into his room and he closes his curtains.
From her hiding spot, Hagakure sighs, burying her head in her hands. Phase three, a failure.
Hagakure paces the length of her dorm room, gesturing wildly at the chaotic display of sticky notes and hastily sketched diagrams taped to the walls. It’s been a whole week and they’ve got nothing. Plus they’ve lost agents Green, Sparky, and Grapes. A travesty. At least they still have Yaomomo with them.
“Okay, team, listen up. We’re in Phase Four now, and things are getting serious. We must crack this case before it’s too late.”
Sero, lying upside-down on her bed with his legs dangling over the edge, waves a hand. “Don’t worry, boss. I’ve been keeping eyes on the targets.”
“You got caught hiding in a trash can yesterday,” Mina points out, filing her nails. “By Bakugou. ”
“Details.” Sero flips himself upright as he waves her off. “But get this, before he found me, he said to Todoroki, and I quote, ‘Do you want me to blow you?’” He shakes his head solemnly, a hint of sarcasm in his voice that nobody picks up on. “He’s threatening him with explosions. If that’s not evidence, I don’t know what is.”
“It’s worse than we thought,” Hagakure mutters, not a hint of irony in her voice as she scribbles on a sticky note labeled Bakugou's Kill List For the Apocalypse??
Mina leans forward conspiratorially. “I saw them during training. Bakugou grabbed Todoroki’s arm, like, really aggressively, and yanked him for some reason. It was like a war zone out there.”
“Classic power move,” Ochaco adds, jotting it down.
Momo, seated primly at Hagakure’s desk, takes a sip of her tea. “I’ve documented a potential escalation in their behavior. Midoriya has told me in detail of when he witnessed Todoroki spontaneously combust, and that along with their library standoff may have been a prelude to outright violence, as was seen with Kaminari. If it keeps going like this, it’ll only escalate further.”
“Or,” Sero interrupts, “they’re practicing for their world domination plan.”
The room falls silent for a moment, each person staring at the growing pile of “evidence.” Finally, Hagakure claps her hands together.
“We’re onto something big, people.”