Chapter Text
Matthew peered closely at the map in his hands. It was a sunny day, and the beams beating down made it difficult to see clearly. He walked a little distance behind the others; sensing their annoyance with him. Anyone could see the differences between him and the other apostles- they were strong, good-natured, helpful men; eager to do manual work and not caring the slightest about mud. Matthew, on the other hand, preferred more tedious tasks like writing or cleaning. And mud? Just the thought of it practically made him gag.
“That is a handy map.” A gentle, friendly voice snapped him out of his trance. Matthew’s head flew up and his heart leapt. The woman- the only woman in the entire group, who was the most kind, caring, and thoughtful one Matthew had ever seen- had just spoken to him for the first time. She had spoken in the most casual way, but to Matthew it was anything but casual.
He stammered awkwardly, his hand reaching up to scratch the back of his neck. “Uh, yes. It is quite useful.” His heart thumped loudly.
But Mary seemed quite peaceful, strolling along, casually listening to the birds singing, her light pink head covering swaying lightly. "I remember once when I was a little girl, someone gave me a map to follow. It was a good map, but I held it upside down the entire time so. . . It did not turn out really well.” She laughed softly.
Matthew swallowed. He could tell Mary was simply making small talk; for her talking to him wasn’t anything big or exciting. This made him feel both relieved and disappointed at the same time.
“I can see why that would not work.” He stated matter-of-factly. Mary smiled. After a pause, she spoke. “How long until we reach Samaria?”
It took Matthew a moment to reply because he was too busy observing everything about Mary. Her kind eyes, gentle manner, even her slow way of speaking. Finally, he answered. “Uh, not too much longer. Just a few miles.” He cleared his throat.
“Have you ever been there before?”
Flustered, Matthew shook his head. “No. Our family never traveled much, and work is too demanding,” He caught himself and flushed. “Was”. He frowned. Why had he brought up his job as a tax collector? Mary would likely walk away, or worse, tell him how disappointed she was he would ever choose such an occupation.
But Mary didn’t seem bothered at all. “I haven’t been there either. No reason to, of course.” She chuckled. Matthew felt a corner of his mouth tick up. His observant mind raced with thoughts. Around other people, he constantly had a deep awareness of his differences and oddness. But around Mary he felt more comfortable and at ease.
Up ahead, Andrew and John began squabbling again about which road to take. Matthew scanned his map and quickly spoke. “We should stay on this road,” He spoke loudly. “The other one would trail us off.”
“I must admit, Matthew, I’m curious why Rabbi is bringing us to Samaria,” She glanced at him. “I suppose we’ll find out soon.” she added with a smile.
Matthew’s heart skipped for the tenth time that day. She knew his name? Of course she did, he chided himself. She probably heard it all the time from Simon’s bitter comments and complaints.
Mary suddenly stopped walking. “I’m sorry, that is your name, yes? I mean, that’s what Jesus said when He called you, and at the dinner party. . .” She trailed off.
Matthew wanted to kick himself. She must have taken his silence as a sign of irritation. He quickly found his voice.
“No, no, it’s my name. I’m just not used to people talking to me in such a. . . kind manner.”
Mary’s eyes softened with understanding. She began speaking cautiously. “Matthew, you are not what you once were. And sometimes, our names carry the weight of our pasts. But you’ve been given a new path.”
Matthew nodded, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “Thank you. I think I need to hear that.”
They continued walking, the silence between them now comfortable. Matthew felt a glimmer of hope growing inside him, like the first light of dawn breaking through the darkness.