Chapter Text
“You know I can make my own breakfast now, right?” said Tommy as he carefully walked down the stairs in Evan’s apartment.
Tommy had smelled the cooking from upstairs, but it had taken a second for him to get down to see what Evan was cooking. Tommy was fully healed from the crash, but he still had only recently fully recovered. He didn’t want to accidentally fall down and start another round of injuries or something.
“Tommy, I like making you breakfast. Let me make you breakfast,” said Evan, who was plating said breakfast already, “Sit down. Relax. Eat some breakfast.”
Tommy wanted to argue.
But.
He found himself conceding; sitting down in his regular chair at Evan’s table.
He found himself letting Evan take care of him despite being fully able to take care of himself now.
“I should probably be waking up,” said Tommy halfheartedly, “Not relaxing.”
Tommy Kinard wouldn’t say that he was used to being pampered. It felt strange to think that for the last few months, he had basically lived out of Evan’s apartment as he healed from his wounds from that helicopter crash; that Evan had organized it so that people always checked up on Tommy when Evan was out at work.
That.
That Tommy always had people.
Tommy Kinard wasn’t used to that kind of pampering. And maybe part of him was relieved that life was getting back to normal. Tommy couldn’t miss people caring if he got used to being independent again, right?
Well.
It wasn’t normal just yet.
Though.
He wasn’t sure what normal was anymore within the context of dating Evan Buckley. Maybe he would never be used to being fully independent and taking care of himself again.
Maybe Tommy never wanted to be fully independent and taking care of himself again.
“Well, it’s not as if your captain hasn’t said you could take a few more days off if you needed more time to recover,” countered Evan as Evan placed the fanciest sausage and egg sandwich Tommy had ever seen in front of Tommy.
“I’m healed. I’m okay with going back. I’m approved for light work. That’s mostly cleaning the station. Working on the planes and the helicopters. Cooking. Stuff like that. No calls for the first few weeks back just in case,” explained Tommy again despite Evan knowing full well what light work entailed, “I’m fine with light work. I can do light work perfectly well.”
Tommy liked the idea of doing something again.
Helping people.
Being back at work.
“If I’m lucky, I might get someone that actually comes into the station, but it’s really not in the most convenient place for people to drop in,” added Tommy.
Evan looked like he wanted to argue.
But.
He sighed.
“I know it’s just light work,” said Evan, rubbing his face, “I hate that I feel this way. I just – what happened was – ”
Tommy placed his hand on Evan’s.
“I know.”
Evan gave a weak smile.
“This is what Athena and Bobby feel like all the time, huh?”
Tommy shrugged.
“Yeah. Probably,” Tommy answered, a little too calmly.
“They say ‘home safe’,” Evan said quietly, “When one of them is on the job. Or both. They say that to each other. When they’re, uh. Going to work. Or back to work. Or whatever. I don’t know.”
Tommy understood that look.
That terrified feeling.
How could someone dating a person in such a dangerous field not worry sometimes? Most calls weren’t going to be the last, but you never knew if the next one could be fatal. A sudden earthquake, a collapsed building, a car accident, a dispute gone awry – the world had a lot of terrible events that could unfold.
Evan was good at his job.
Tommy was too.
But that didn’t stop helicopter crashes or falling trees.
“I’ll come home safe, Evan,” said Tommy softly as he squeezed Evan’s hands, “You come home safe too, okay?”
“Yeah. If Gerrard even decides I get to go on calls this coming shift,” scoffed Evan as he reluctantly let go of Tommy’s hands and took a bite of Tommy’s breakfast sandwich.
“I remember this one time when I was his, uh. Target. He put me on latrine duty for three months straight,” said Tommy, not exactly happy to think back on that time, “I think that only stopped after I almost died on the job because he didn’t send people to help me out of that factory.”
“Oh. So, I have to die for him to stop using me as his punching bag?” asked Evan through a bite of breakfast sandwich.
“No. You have to almost die then in some sort of fugue state to save yourself. Then, you’re not the punching bag anymore. Then, you find yourself in the equally bad position of the boy’s club,” Tommy countered as he grabbed the sandwich from Evan’s hands and took a bite and wow was Tommy’s boyfriend a good cook.
How was Evan such a great cook?
“Yeah. Boy’s club would not be something I want either,” said Evan, a little haunted by the idea.
“Yeah. There’s a surprising amount of touching,” said Tommy, thinking back on it and then saw Evan’s look and added, “Not like that. But still. And – and I’d look out for him calling you his ‘little buddy’.”
“Little buddy?” asked Evan, wincing at the thought, “Tommy. He called you his little buddy?”
Tommy had almost forgot about that.
Or maybe he had tried to erase it from his memory.
“I am an inch shorter than him, but it’s really not something I liked, even when I thought it was a positive nickname,” explained Tommy, remembering just how starved he was for positive attention back then, “But. I don’t know. I – I never had someone act like that with me. It made me feel like – made me feel like I mattered like that. Like he cared. Even if Gerrard never really cared. I can’t believe that was enough to just make me…”
Be a worse person.
“But you have people there. People who care about you,” continued Tommy as he handed the breakfast sandwich to Evan, “You won’t feel like he’s the only person giving you positive attention, even if it’s not actually positive attention. That’s good, Evan.”
Tommy couldn’t see Evan falling for that.
He couldn’t see Evan being influenced by such a man. Not with the people Evan had in his life. Not with the family he had built for himself. It was stressful thinking about Evan stuck with such a terrible captain, but it was better knowing that Evan had such a good safety net of loved ones.
Evan took another bite of the breakfast sandwich.
“I think I might be scrubbing toilets for the rest of my life,” sighed Evan before handing the sandwich back to Tommy.
“It takes time for an internal investigation to remove a captain. It took months when we first sent in complaints to our union reps and everyone at the station had started on the first day Hen came to the 118,” explained Tommy, finishing the sandwich off, “And that was when Gerrard wasn’t posted at the station under suspicious circumstances.”
Because who the hell allowed a captain who had a history of complaints at both a station and with the first responders who worked at that station to become the captain of said station again? That felt like a lawsuit waiting to happen.
Though.
Tommy understood why Evan hadn’t wanted to start a lawsuit. He had talked about how a lawsuit hurt his relationship with all his family at the 118 before. Tommy had gently said that probably wouldn’t happen if the lawsuit was against Gerrard, but Evan was hoping the internal investigation would yield something first.
Tommy could get that.
And be there for his boyfriend.
“Let’s talk less about Gerrard. I don’t want to think about him until I have to,” said Evan as he picked up the plate and brought it to the sink.
“Trust me, I get it. I never want to think about him unless I have to as well,” agreed Tommy, walking over as Tommy started washing the dishes.
“Tommy. Stop. Don’t clean.”
“You’ve been cooking for me for months. You’ve been cleaning not just your loft, but my apartment. I’ve barely done anything. I’m better now. I can do something. And cooks shouldn’t clean.”
“But – but it’s my apartment.”
“I’ve been staying here for months basically. You’ve helped me shower so many times.”
“I like helping you shower,” said Evan as Tommy felt Evan’s arms wrap loosely around Tommy’s waist; Tommy felt Evan’s chin rest on his shoulder, “I like showering with you.”
“All I’m saying is I am very much not a guest at this point,” murmured Tommy as he finished washing the dishes, placing what he could in the dishwasher and the rest on a drying rack, “And with my leg and arm basically one-hundred percent and the stitches all healed, I can do more chores. I like cleaning.”
“No. You feel compelled to clean because your parents sucked,” corrected Evan, which wasn’t not true, “But I know it still relaxes you, so I’ll let you clean even if you shouldn’t be cleaning anything in my loft.”
“I appreciate that, even if I do really insist that guest status ended once I had my own drawer here.”
“You have several drawers now.”
Tommy.
Hadn’t thought about that.
But he did.
There was a small portion of the closet dedicated to Tommy’s clothes. And he had never had that with another boyfriend.
It was.
It was nice.
“I like that – that I’m here,” said Tommy, hoping his wanting to go back to work didn’t sound like he didn’t like being around Evan’s place or that he wasn’t grateful for the care Evan gave him these last few months, “Thank you for letting me stay with you as I recovered.”
Tommy could feel Evan’s smile as he kissed Tommy’s shoulder on one of the many new scars Tommy had.
“Always,” Evan whispered into Tommy’s skin, “… Are you sure you’re ready to go back to work?”
“I am, Evan. I’ll tell you if I rescind that. Maybe cleaning the station will be too much for me.”
“It can be pretty intensive. I know from latrine duty.”
Tommy snorted.
“I’ll try to guilt someone else to do that for me.”
Tommy knew there was more that Evan wanted to say; more about Tommy. And wasn’t that a new sensation? To feel like someone was worried about Tommy of all people?
“What is it?” asked Tommy, curious of what else there might be.
“I, uh. I feel like I should at least warn you. Since I’m not sure if you’re going to expect it,” confessed Evan as Tommy turned around to face Evan; as Evan’s arms hung loose around Tommy’s waist still, “They’re going to have a welcome back party.”
Oh.
Wait.
“Really?” asked Tommy, honestly surprised.
Evan just.
Stared at Tommy.
“Tommy. Some of your best friends work there,” said Evan softly, “Yeah. They’re throwing you a party. With cake.”
Tommy.
Felt Evan’s hands move.
Reach out to Tommy’s face.
Wipe.
Wipe away tears.
And there weren’t a lot of tears, but they were a surprise too.
Fuck.
“Sorry – I don’t know why that happened just now.”
“I get it. It’s hard. To expect people to want you to be there. To – to find out people actually like having you around.”
It hurt to hear Evan say that.
“Who wouldn’t want you around?” asked Tommy, feeling the emotion seep into his voice now.
Tommy hated that.
He didn’t want Evan to feel this way too. It wasn’t right, especially for someone like Evan. Someone as kind and thoughtful and loving as Evan. Out of everyone Tommy knew, Evan deserved that the least.
Though.
Tommy supposed there were Evan’s parents; those casual mentions of lovers past; friends past who might have been a little more than friends if Evan looked back at those relationships a little closer with hindsight.
Tommy wished he could sit all of them down and tell them what a loss that was for them; what a sad mistake. That they had someone like Evan turn their gaze at them and they turned away.
“I’d ask the same about you, dummy,” said Evan, just.
Just holding Tommy’s face.
And Tommy didn’t think.
He just leaned closer.
He kissed his boyfriend.
Felt the smile on Evan’s lips.
“Do I get to drive myself to work today?” asked Tommy hopefully.
“Not a chance. You still need to take it easy, Tommy Kinard. You’re stuck with me for the drive over,” said Evan as he pulled Tommy in for a more passionate kiss.
*****
“‘You Didn’t Die!’ That’s the banner you went with?” snorted Tommy, not sure what he was expecting.
But.
It wasn’t as if he was surprised by the choice.
“What? You’re chuckling. You just snorted! I knew you’d like it,” said Lucy, grinning as she handed Tommy a slice of a cake shaped like a fallen down tree.
It was a honey cake with dark chocolate rings of buttercream and icing that looked like tree bark and leaves. It did look strikingly like the tree that had fallen on Tommy and Tommy wondered how they got that just right.
And.
Okay.
Yes, Tommy was chuckling.
“Yeah. I like this whole party,” said Tommy, because he liked gallows humor.
“Your boyfriend suggested the cake place. They do a lot of specialty cakes. I mean. Dicks mostly, I assume, but also cakes shaped like other things, as you can see by the tree,” said Melton, “Your boyfriend actually helped with a lot of the coordination of this welcome back party. He’s kind of scary.”
“Yeah. Clipboard Buck is scary,” Lucy agreed, haunted.
“He’s not that bad with a clipboard,” said Tommy, “He’s efficient. And organized. And he’s confident. He knows what he wants and he goes for it. That’s kind of, uh. Hot.”
Tommy.
Shoved a giant chunk of cake into his mouth.
As his friends stared at him.
“Yeah. You’re perfect for Buck,” said Lucy, “Son of a bitch, you like the control freak behavior.”
“It’s not control freak behavior,” Tommy absolutely lied.
Because.
It was a little bit control freak behavior.
“I kind of get a man on a mission, but really? That kind of mission? He also gave us hypothetical citations on the station when he explained exactly how to set up the welcome back party,” said Melton, judging a little.
Which.
Okay.
Yeah.
Tommy wasn’t surprised, but he wasn’t sure how to defend that. Even if Evan was doing them a favor for checking if things were up to code.
“Yeah, uh. He’s kind of got every code memorized. Or at least most of them,” said Tommy, half-apologetically, “But it was sweet of him to help.”
“It was,” Melton agreed softly.
And.
This was nice.
It was more than Tommy had ever thought he would get.
And.
And Tommy was starting to get used to this.
Maybe.
Possibly.
He was starting to really be okay that people wanted to do these sorts of things for him. And that was scary. That was absolutely terrifying. He wasn’t sure if it was a good idea to get used to people caring like this.
But.
But Tommy was going to take that leap he supposed.
He was the new Tommy, after all. Trying to see the bright of things. Trying to just accept the new levels of kindness he found in his life now.
Start getting used to people wanting to be good to him like this.
“Thank you for this,” said Tommy to Lucy and Melton, “Seriously. Thank you.”
“What? You thought we would pass up the opportunity to get you cake? You love cake,” said Lucy through a mouthful of cake, “I mean, we love cake too. So, that’s just a bonus. But it’s more because you like cake and it’s kind of cute how excited you get about cake.”
“Cake is the best,” countered Tommy, “Who doesn’t like cake?”
“Monsters. That’s who,” said Melton as Tommy laughed.
Tommy ate his cake.
Looked around the station.
“It’s nice to be back,” said Tommy softly.
Melton and Lucy glanced at one another. Because they knew Tommy far too well at this point and wasn’t that something?
“It’s nice to have you back,” offered Lucy before the alarms began to blare.
“Shit. That’s probably the bees,” said Melton and Tommy.
Tommy didn’t know what that meant.
“Bees?” Tommy asked Melton, making sure he heard right as Tommy cut himself another slice of cake.
It was okay to eat two slices, right?
Fuck it.
Tommy was an adult.
It was a cake for Tommy.
Tommy could have a second slice of cake.
Evan would probably be okay with Tommy having a little more stomach.
Nope.
Tommy had lost boyfriends before over not keeping up the body that he had somehow found himself with after an obsessive period of working out in his early twenties. That was too big of a risk, right? To let himself go a bit.
Tommy was okay with Evan with a little chub, though.
That didn’t mean it went the other way around.
You know Evan wouldn’t be like that.
Tommy tried not to think about the argument in his mind and instead focused on the delicious cake; on the bees.
“Yeah. Apparently, a bunch of bees are just running loose right now,” said Melton with a shrug, “We got a call about being careful while up in the air in case. To look out for the super swarm while charting a helicopter course.”
“A super swarm?” blurted Tommy, because he had never heard of a super swarm before.
“I heard it’s killer bees,” said Lucy, “I heard there was a beenado.”
Tommy laughed.
“A what?” asked Tommy, baffled, “That can’t be real.”
“It’s a super swarm. Who knows what’s real at this point?” asked Melton as the team suited up to head out, “Sorry to cut your welcome back party short.”
“Hey. It’s okay. I get it. It’s the job,” said Tommy, possibly with a mouth full of cake as he felt his phone buzz.
Tommy set down his cake to see that he was getting a call from Evan.
“Evan?” answered Tommy, “Isn’t it a little early for you to sneak off to a corner where Gerrard can’t find you?”
“Yeah. Well. We’re in between calls at the moment and I thought I could catch a minute with you before we get another call,” said Evan, and it sounded like he might have been multitasking and rolling up the firehoses, “Did you know that killer bees are an invasive species?”
“I think I knew that,” said Tommy, “Aren’t they from an apiary in Brazil or something? There was – there was a biologist. Kerr. A visiting beekeeper made a mistake with his hives and set loose a particular subspecies of African bees out and accidentally allowed them to crossbreed with the honey bees in the area. Thus, killer bees were born. That happened in the seventies or something, right?”
Because sometimes, Tommy knew facts.
“Apiary in Brazil? Are you talking about killer bees with your boyfriend?” asked Melton.
“That’s exactly it,” said Evan excitedly, “They found themselves in the US around the mid-eighties. They’re actually more aggressive than most bees. They’re victims have ten times the number of bee stings compared to honey bees. They span greater distances, are more likely to be defensive toward people near their hives while also being more likely to abandon their hives, are more prone to swarm, and live more densely than honey bees.”
“Tell Buck we say hi!” said Lucy, getting close to the phone as she yelled, “Hey, Buck!”
Tommy flailed his arm, making some distance between himself and his friends.
“You were at the accident with the bees, weren’t you?” said Tommy, trying not to freak out at the idea of Evan being near a swarm of killer bees.
“I actually came up with the way to calm the bees down! Not that Gerrard cares about that,” said Evan, sounding disappointed, “I think he was mad at me for coming up with a solution to the problem.”
“Is it true that the 118 really saw a beenado?” asked Melton, because Tommy’s friends were tenacious and kept trying to bother Tommy as he was talking to his boyfriend, “I’d like to know if I’m dealing with a beenado.”
“He doesn’t really like out-of-the-box thinking,” said Tommy sympathetically to Evan, ignoring Lucy and Melton, “I’m sure whatever you thought of was great.”
“It was,” grumbled Evan, “Bobby would have praised me.”
“How bad’s the super swarm? Is it put on an entire suit bad or spray some smoke at them to make them sleepy bad?” asked Lucy, “You know what? Never mind. I don’t want to know.”
“You’re visiting Bobby this week, aren’t you? He’ll praise you about it soon, I’m sure,” said Tommy softly.
Evan had been doing that.
Well.
The entire 118 family seemed to be on a constant visiting rotation with Bobby Nash, from what Eddie and Evan had told Tommy. And Tommy got it. If he had a father figure like that, Tommy would visit him too, especially if he wasn’t his boss any longer. Tommy visited Mar-Singy’s enough to realize he might be doing the same with Marcy and Nora sometimes.
“True,” sighed Evan as Tommy heard the alarm faintly in the background, “Gotta go. Another call. Love you. Remember we’re doing the virtual birthday for Chris after this shift, okay?”
“Wouldn’t miss it for the world. And I love you too,” said Tommy as he heard the call end.
Tommy felt an antsiness.
A prickly fear right under his skin.
Tommy hated being unable to go on calls. Tommy was good about controlling that frustration usually, but it felt exponentially worse now.
Tommy wasn’t on the sidelines like this usually.
He rarely allowed himself to heal like this.
To care enough to care about healing right.
To have people out there that cared about that too.
“Hey. If we see him out there, we’ll check on him, okay?” said Lucy, “He’s good at his job. I hate to admit it, but he’s good at his job.”
“Don’t look at me. I don’t know him well enough to say that,” said Melton with a shrug, “And I won’t jump in front of him to save him from a killer bee, but I will tell him that there will be consequences if he’s reckless and gets hurt. Because that’d hurt you and, well, I don’t like it when you’re hurt.”
Tommy laughed.
“You don’t have to say that,” said Tommy.
“Oh no, I think we have to now. That’s fun. I want to intimidate Buck,” said Lucy, having way too much fun with this.
“Please don’t say that to my boyfriend,” said Tommy, but they were already getting into the fire engine.
“Can’t hear you! Too busy thinking of ways to intimidate your boyfriend!” yelled Melton, “Hold down the fort while we’re gone!”
Tommy watched as the engine drove off, leaving Tommy behind at the station.
Tommy closed his eyes.
He breathed in.
He breathed out.
Tommy tried not to think about how most of the people he loved were out fighting bees while Tommy was stuck cleaning floors.