Chapter Text
Neteyam's death weighed heavy on everyone, but compared to lo'ak. Spider was taking it the hardest. While lo'ak believes he caused his brother's death. He was the one who forced him to come with him. To save spider. While spider believes that by saving his father. Is basically spitting on neteyam's sacrifice and saying he basically died for nothing. That moment kept playing in spider's mind.
"Why did I save him. I should have just let him die." Spider kept thinking to himself, but he knew why he had done it. He hated to admit it, but if it wasn't for his father. He probably still be plugged up to that machine on the verge of death. Sometimes he could still hear the whirling. Feel the intense pain to his brain. The questions they would ask him. The relief when it was over. He knew it was fucked up to teach them the way of the navi. To him he didn't have a choice. Another small part believe that if he couldn't be the one. Than he teach someone else. What he wouldn't give to be like neteyam, lo'ak, Tuk, or Kiri. Life would be so easy if he was. No matter how many times Kiri or Lo'ak tells him that he's one of them. Or Jake accepting him as a son. That doesn't change the fact. That he's a human and that hurts the most.
Spider was sitting on the beach looking out at the sunset. He couldn't deny how beautiful it was. He heard shuffling behind him. He had a feeling who it could be, but decided not to turn around.
"Yo bro. What are you doing out here by yourself." Lo'ak asks taking a seat beside him.
"Just thinking."
"I've been doing that a lot lately too."
Spider didn't need him to elaborate. He knew lo'ak was talking about neteyam. It felt strange not having him here. Lo'ak could always turn to his left and his brother would always be right there. Looking out for him and keeping him out of trouble. Some nights lo'ak can still hear the gunshots, feel neteyam's blood on his hands. Seeing and hearing him taking his last breath. No matter what anyone told him. Neteyam's death was his fault and nothing could change that.
"It's really not your fault. If I didn't get captured. Than you guys wouldn't have needed to come save me." Spider admitted through the silence.
"That wasn't your fault either. We were not going to leave you. Kiri wouldn't have allowed it." Lo'ak chuckled thinking of his sister.
Spider chuckled at that as well.
"She was devastated when they took you. Than us leaving after was hard. We thought they were going to kill you."
"They tried."
"What did they do to you." Lo'ak turned towards spider as he asked.
Spider breathed in and out slowly trying to stop his heart from racing. Remembering being stuck in a room. With no food or water. Being strapped to the machine. As the general looked at him with cold calculating eyes. Like she was a animal who finally caught it's prey. He would rather die than go through that again.
"Hey spider you don't have to tell me. That must have been traumatic for you." Lo'ak shook his shoulder bringing him back to the present.
"Yeah it was. I didn't think I was going to make it."
"Let's just be happy you did."
"Well if it wasn't for my -Quartich I wouldn't have." Spider knew talking about his dad was a sore spot. He was right when lo'ak hissed in anger.
"The only good thing that came from this. Is that he died too. All the pain he caused this family. I'm happy it was my dad instead of me. Because I would have made sure there was nothing left."
Spider began to feel sick. He wondered what lo'ak would do to him. If he knew he saved his dad. Would he let him explain himself or would he cut him down. He knew if neytiri had a choice. She would cut him down without question. He could still feel the knife slashing across his chest or the animalistic look in her eyes as she killed those RDA soldiers. Or when she was going to plunge the knife in his heart. He couldn't blame her for that one. Especially when it came to kiri's life.
"I'm sorry my mom did that to you." Lo'ak motioned towards the scar. As spider scratches it.
"I don't blame her. Kiri did have a knife to her throat. Her life is more important than mine."
"I don't think Kiri would have seen it that way. I doubt she would have forgiven our mom for killing you."
"I wouldn't have forgiven myself. If she was killed because of me ."
"She was saved because of you. Your a hero."
"I wouldn't say all that."
"Kiri would." lo'ak playfully punches spider in the shoulder.
"Don't tell her what I said about her life being more important than mine. I meant it, but you know how she gets."
"Don't worry I won't. If she hears that she'll definitely be pissed."
"Like how we teased her about norm being her dad." Spider and lo'ak laughed remembering that day.
"Yeah she definitely wanted to kill us. But who else could it be."
" Maybe your dad. I mean they were close." Spider says shrugging his shoulders.
"Yeah but not that close." Lo'ak cringed at that notion.
"Your right, but someone has to be. She didn't just get pregnant out of thin air. It's impossible." Spider began wonder the possibilities.
"Maybe that's why she had her seizure." Lo'ak says remembering that day vividly.
"Kiri had a seizure." Asked shockingly.
"Yeah, that's why she's forbidden from ever linking to the spirit tree. If she do. It might be fatal."
"Maybe that's a good thing." Spider didn't know what he'll do if Kiri died
"She'll be fine." Lo'ak really didn't want to think of the death of another sibling.
"Let's hope she see's it that way."
"Yeah hopefully."
The sun began to set. Lo'ak decided to call it a night. While spider decided to go swimming. He wanted to avoid the awkwardness between him and neytiri. He knew she would never accept him. He could live with that, but he wasn't a sky person or his father and he wished she saw that. It hurts to think that his father is everything he wished he was. He could breath the air without the fear of dying. Bond with any animal. Stronger than any human. What he wouldn't give to be his father right now. To truly be accepted.
"What are you still doing out here."
He turned to see tsireya standing on the beach. "Taking a night swim. What are you still doing out here."
"I like to take a night stroll from time to time. I want to thank you for what you did for the other tribes."
"I couldn't just let them be killed. Especially for something they didn't even know about."
"And that's why my father. Has given me the task. Of teaching you the ways of my people."
"Holy shit for real." Spider couldn't believe it. " But I'm not Navi he pointed out.
"But you are in here " placing a hand over his heart. " You saved those people. You put them before yourself. That is what makes metkayina warrior." Staring him in the eyes as she talked. "We start at dawn." She walks away leaving him in the glow of the moon.
Spider didn't know how he was going to do it. But he damn sure was going to try. He was going to prove himself to the metkayina. Lo'ak and the others and to most of all himself.