Chapter Text
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Atsushi: So, are you two friends?
Dazai : Yes.
Kunikida: No.
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Kenji: Hey Atsushi?
Atsushi: Yeah?
Kenji: What's your favorite color of the alphabet? True or false?
Atsushi:
Atsushi: ...What.
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Atsushi: This is tied for most terrifying day of my life.
Yosano: Tied with what?
Atsushi: Every other day of my life!
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Atsushi: I’ve made a spread sheet of all the crime in Yokohama.
Atsushi: There’s so much crime in Yokohama, no one should live here.
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*The ADA has just arrived in a new city. Dazai looks around at the wanted posters to see if he’s on any of them.*
Atsushi: Dazai, are you a criminal?
Dazai : Not here, I’m not!
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Yosano: Do you have a self-care routine?
Dazai : "Keep going bitch" said to myself in different accents.
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Dazai : *out cold on the ground*
Atsushi: Oh my god, do you think he’s okay?!
Kunikida, holding a bucket of ice water: Who cares?! *dumps all of the water on Dazai ’s face*
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Kunikida, handing out popsicles: Which flavor do you want?
Ranpo: Blue flavor!
Kunikida: Uh, you mean Blue Raspberry?
Ranpo: Blue flavor! Blue flavor!
Kunikida: Blue is not a flavor!
Ranpo: BLUE FLAVOR!
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Kunikida: When's the last time you slept?
Dazai : Uh... a few days ago, I think.
Kunikida: A few- how many?!
Dazai : Uh... *starts counting on fingers* I need more fingers...
Kunikida: What you need is sleep!
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Kunikida: We wouldn’t last two minutes without Dazai .
Kunikida:
Kunikida: Don’t tell him I said that.
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