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Chapter Text

Taehyung

Taehyung sighed, allowing his head to fall into his arms which were folded on top of the kitchen table. He rested his forehead in the crook of his elbow, willing his brain to turn off it's non stop run of thoughts. He had just turned 18 a few weeks earlier, and it seemed to him like all the thoughts and feelings that seemed fun as a 17 year old, now felt overwhelming at 18.

"Ugh," he involuntarily groaned, thankful that his voice was muffled by his arms below him. 

What am I going to do? 

If Taehyung was honest with himself, he saw this coming for a long time. From pretty much the moment he first saw him, he knew his heart felt different. He had pushed the feelings aside. After all, he was a teenage boy dealing with hormones and his culminating realizations about his own sexuality. His feelings were just hormonal fantasies, he told himself. But as the feelings continued to grow, and his confidence in his preferences solidified, he knew he could no longer lie to himself. 

Not after today. 

Not after the way electricity shot through his whole body when he touched Taehyung. Not after the way his skin felt like it could melt from the heat of hands running up and down his chest and abs. 

"Ugh!" Taehyung grabs his head in his hands. "Stop thinking." 

Please.

Taehyung wasn't 100% sure what he meant by please, but he knew who it was directed towards. 

Please look at me. Please talk to me. Please spend time with me.

Please touch me.

Please love me. 

"Kim Taehyung. Stop now!" He reprimanded himself. He forced himself to get up from the table. He opened the fridge and stared inside. Maybe something in here could solve his dilemma. Or at least cool the burning that seemed to be taking over his whole body. 

"Fighting the diet demons again?" 

Taehyung jumped at the familiar voice. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath before turning to face him. 

The owner of the voice that haunted Taehyung's every waking thought these days. The owner of the most beautiful face Taehyung had ever seen. The owner of all the beats of Taehyung's heart. 

Fuck, I'm really screwed. 

Taehyung willed himself to flash a smile.

 "Aren't we always?" He asks, forcing a laugh so fake there's no way Seokjin doesn't notice. 

Seokjin just nods in response, one eyebrow slightly raised.

"Everything alright?" 

"Of course."

"Mhmm...." 

Seokjin clearly seems unconvinced. 

"I'm just tired," Taehyung says, pulling out his most reassuring tone. And it wasn't a lie. He was tired. They all were. They spent the day filming, which required hours of dancing the same choreo over and over. But the exhaustion of the choreography was no match to the exhaustion of his brain replaying the same 10 seconds over and over again. 

"Maybe you should rest then." Seokjin grabs a glass and fills it with water. 

"Yeah...maybe..." Taehyung allows his eyes to roam down Seokjin's back to his ass...STOP!

"Are you sure you're okay?"

Tae nods again. 

"Alright. I'll believe you." Seokjin begins walking out of the room. "If you need me, you know where I am." 

With a wink, he exits. 

Taehyung knows what the wink was. An invitation to cuddle up in Seokjin's bed tonight, like he did countless other nights. He had always told his hyung that he missed home and needed to feel close to someone while sleeping. Now he wondered if that was just another lie he fed his conscience. In reality, he just wanted Seokjin. 

Guilt washes over him, quickly followed by sadness. He shouldn't keep doing this. It wasn't fair to Seokjin and it wasn't fair to himself. He may be in love with his hyung, but the feelings weren't reciprocated...

The 10 second clip rushes through Taehyung's mind again. Seokjin approaching him on camera, asking him what was on his shirt. 

Pulling open his jacket.

Running his hands up and down his chest and abs. 

Holding him tightly from behind. 

Seokjin said he was just touching the dogs on his shirt, but for a moment, Taehyung had wondered if it was more. But his hyung had quickly reassured him that it was innocent, and Taehyung was forced to believe him. 

But it still seared itself into his memory. Like a photo glued onto a scrapbook to be reminisced about over and over again. But just like the photo glued hastily on, Taehyung feared one day this memory would be ripped away, laying somewhere in a corner of a box, remnants of glue left behind in the story of his life. A mark that could never fully be removed.

You're so dramatic. 

They say your greatest strength is also your biggest weakness. Taehyung knew he felt every emotion deeper than most people. His Grandmother said it's what allowed him to feel empathy for others. But he also knew it was what caused him to overthink every moment he spent with Seokjin. And instead of being the passing crush he thought it would be, it continued to grow every day. 

"If only there was an off switch."

No. He didn't wish for that. As much as unrequited felt like a fire burning him from the inside out, he didn't think he could live without the need for Seokjin that inspired him to wake up every morning. No, he would just need to figure out how to balance things. How to enjoy his moments with Seokjin without allowing himself to fall deeper onto the abyss. 

But for now...

He quietly slipped into the bedroom and crawled under the covers. 

For now he would keep the arrow rooted deeply in his heart. Maybe it was selfish, but he wasn't ready to face what would happen when he pulled it out. 

An arm snaked around his waist, pulling him close to a broad chest. 

Tonight he would let Seokjin hold him. Just one more night...

Chapter Text

Seokjin

The cold wind whipped between the buildings. Seokjin pulled his scarf up higher around his neck, digging his chin down into the cold fabric. It was a colder day than normal. The kind of the day that makes you wonder if spending your dinner money on a taxi might not be such a bad idea. 

"Should we get something to eat?" Hoseok asks the group. Jimin and Jungkook nod enthusiastically. Namjoon suggests Ramen and everyone seems to agree. 

"You okay?" Yoongi's comments from beside him. 

"Yeah."

He noticed Taehyung turn his head ever so slightly in his direction. He seems nervous. Actually, he's seemed nervous all day. Taehyung quickly darts his eyes back to the ground in front of him, slotting his hands in the pockets of his coat. 

Did I do something wrong? 

He could just ask Taehyung what's going on. If it was anyone else, he would have given them the what for already. Pulled the hyung card for the heck of it. But something stopped him wirh Taehyung. Something always stopped him with Taehyung. 

He'd been avoiding Seokjin's eyes for 2 weeks now. Well, not even just his eyes, he'd been avoiding Seokjin in general. 

Taehyung was avoiding him, right? He wasn't making this up, was he? Simply overthinking?

But no. Seokjin was sure Taehyung has been avoiding him since the morning after he heard Taehyung muttering to himself in the kitchen. That's the last time they had talked one on one, the last time Taehyung flashed him a genuine smile, the last time they cuddled in bed. 

He should just ask him what's wrong. 

The opportunity presents itself as the group enters the restaurant and waits in the entrance for a waitress. The other five are chatting away, leaving a moment for Seokjin to approach the topic with Taehyung. 

But he doesn't. 

Seokjin, you're being a coward.

Swallowing, he turns to Taehyung. 

"Hey Tae." His voice is barely louder than a whisper. 

"Hmm?" Tae acknowledges, but keeps looking at the phone in his hands. 

"Is everything okay...with...us? Between us?" Seokjin internally kicks himself for stuttering 

"Of course hyung," Taehyung flashes him a quick smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. Seokjin opens his mouth to say something more, but Jimin pulls Taehyung away towards the table. 

Seokjin sighs and follows. Taehyung slips in the booth between Jimin and Namjoon. Another sign of avoidance. Seokjin and Taehyung always sit together. 

Correction. They used to always sit together.

Seokjin sits in the only empty spot left across from Namjoon and beside Hoseok. The group orders and Taehyung settles into conversation with Jimin. Seokjin feels a heat in his stomach.

What is wrong with me? 

So Taehyung has been preoccupied. He's been spending more time with Jimin and their school friends. It doesn't mean anything is wrong. Doesn't mean Seokjin did anything wrong. 

Right?

Seokjin pushes his food around on the plate. Why does he care so much? Why does his stomach feel like a rock is sitting inside, weighing him down? Seokjin hadn't felt like this since his high-school girlfriend told him she was moving away. But that was different. That was his crush, his hearts lover. Taehyung is his friend. His brother. His feelings for Taehying are completely platonic. 

For a split second, Seokjin's brain imagines kissing Taehyung. 

No.

No. 

Maybe....

Seokjin groans. 

Namjoon raises an eyebrow in his direction and Seokjin realizes he groaned outside his head. He dares a look to Taehyung, who is staring at him, worry etched on his face. His long dark lashes framing his pretty eyes...

So pretty. 

Seokjin clears his throat, hoping it will also clear his mind. "Sorry. I just remembered that step I kept missing today." 

Beside him, Hoseok giggles. Everyone goes back to their food except Taehyung. He continues to look at Seokjin with an expression that shows he knows that wasn't the real reason. Like he can see into Seokjin's mind.

Seokjin really hopes that isn't true.

Chapter Text

Taeyhung

February faded into March, but the awkwardness beween Taehyung and Seokjin seemed to only grow. Taehyung tried his best to distract himself with anything and everything. Sometimes it worked, but most times it didn't. 

Taehyung sighed as he waited by the front door for his car to arrive. They needed to film for a music show today, and to be honest, he wasn't in the mood. Sure, he loved performing, loved seeing ARMY, but today, he just wanted to curl up with his hot chocolate and a video game, pretending a certain someone didn't exist. 

The car finally pulls up, and Taehyung is ushered inside. Jungkook and Namjoon crowd in behind him, and he's squashed into the backseat. 

Jungkook is bouncing like a 4 year old on sugar beside him, warming up his voice loudly. Taehyung sticks his earbuds in. It's not that he has a problem with Jungook's voice, but today he just needs silence. The earbuds do little to drown out the noise, but he does his best to focus on the music. 

It takes about 45 minutes in Seoul traffic to finally arrive at the recording location. Taehyung pulls his hood over his head, shadowing his face and throwing on a pair of sunglasses even though it's five in the morning. There are a few fans gathered around, but he doesn't mind that. What he does mind is having to face Seokjin yet again. He managed to avoid him this morning as everone was getting ready, but obviously he couldn't ignore him forever. 

The boys all greet each other as if they don't live together, but Taehyung skips the odd fan service ritual and heads right inside. He knows Namjoon is going to scold him later, but right now, he doesn't really care. 

He nods to the staff inside and drops into a couch, pulling out his phone and turning his music on loud. He closes his eyes and lays his head back, hood still shadowing his face. 

Some time goes past, and it seems the boys have decided to give him some space. He is thankful for this. 

He guesses its been about 40 minutes when he feels a soft tap on his forearm. Pulling back his hood, he glances to his right. 

"Hey Tae." Jimin smiles at him sweetly, his voice low and soft. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm fine." Taehyung forces out a smile. 

"Would you be upset with me if I don't believe you?" 

Taehyung laughs, and Jimin lets out a relieved giggle. 

"You know you can talk to me, right?" 

"Of course, Jimin. But there really isn't anything I can talk about right now. Don't worry though, I'll pull myself together before we record."

"I'm not worried about that, Tae. I know you'll always do your best for ARMY. I'm worried about you. I want to make sure you know I'm always here for you."

"I promise you that if I need someone to talk to, it will definitely be you." Taehyung smiles reassuringly, gently squeezing Jimins bicep. 

"Taehyung!" a makeup artist calls from across the room. "It's your turn!"

He reluctantly pulls the earbuds from his ears and rolls the cord around his phone before shoving it into the pocket of his hood. He inwardly sighs before forcing himself to move across the room to where the artist is waiting for him. Only one member is still getting their hair done, and he sits in the station beside Taehyung's, looking like a model fresh off a runway in Milan. His reddish brown hair is pulled back from his face, revealing his perfectly groomed eyebrows and deep, caramel eyes. Taehyung's eyes trace down the pale, smooth skin to his neck. A collared white dress shirt with two buttons open reveals just enough skin to make anyone with hormones go crazy. A tie hangs undone around his shoulders.

His perfect, broad, strong shoulders

Taehyung catches Seokjin's eyes in the mirror. 

Fuck. 

He quickly adverts his eyes and plops down in the makeup chair, busying himself with his hands. 

"Sorry, Taehyung, I need to grab something. I'll be right back." The artist bows as she backs away. Jin's hair stylist had also stepped out, saying she needed more product, and now the two are left alone. 

Taehyung pretends to read the signs attached to the mirrors, hoping his face is putting off an "I'm really interested in this, please don't bother me" look. 

It doesn't.

"Taehyung-ah." He hears Seokjin's soft voice beside him. He wishes he could ignore, knowing that the second he starts talking to Seokjin, the wall he has worked so hard to build may be at risk of falling apart. However, he knows he can't ignore him. None of this is Seokjin's fault. It's his own fault. His own fault for loving someone who never asked to be loved by him. 

"Yeah." He says, barely louder than a whisper.

"Look at me please." Seokjin's voice seems unsure, as if he thinks his request may be rejected. In that moment, Taehyung knows he would do anything to keep Seokjin from feeling hurt. 

He turns to face him. Seokjin's eyes sparkle and dance in the lighting of the mirrors. Taehyung feels an invisibile shudder run down his spine. He's so fucking gorgeous and it's all Taehyng can do to keep himself from running into his arms. 

"We need to talk, Tae-ah."

Taehyung just nods. 

"I need you to tell me what is going on. I can't make things better if I don't know what I did wrong." Seokjin's voice shakes slightly, and Taehyung's heart drops. 

"Hyung, you didn't do anything wrong," Taehyung quickly corrects. 

"Come on, Tae. You can't tell me the way things are between us is normal. You've pulled away from me. Not from anyone else, just me. So I know I must have done something to cause this."

Taehyung shakes his head furiously, his heart racing as he suddenly realizes that his decision to pull away had produced the opposite effect of what he had hoped. He had never wanted to make Seokjin feel like he did something wrong. 

"No, hyung. I promise!"

"Then what is going on? Please talk to me," Seokjin pleads, his eyes searching Taehyung's. 

Taehyung is about to explain further when he sees the artists enter the room again. Seokjin turns his head to follow Taehyung's gaze, noticing them as well. 

"After the recording," Seokjin says quickly in a hushed tone. "We will take the same car home."

Taehyung nods. 

The recordings go well, and ARMY and BTS are both happy to see each other. Taehyung pulls out his charm and flashes smiles at ARMY and the other members. But inside, his heart is pounding and his stomach feels like an entire family of butterflies are working tirelessly to get out. He has no idea what he is going to say to Seokjin. How much should he reveal about his reasons for pulling away? 

By the time the group starts saying their goodbyes and leaving the stage, Taehyung feels like he might die of a heart attack. He really could break down and cry at any moment, even though he's interacting with ARMY as if he doesn't have a care in the world. He takes his time saying his goodbyes, finding himself as the last one still on the stage. Maybe he can just stay here forever. Maybe he can hide here behind ARMY and never have to face the impending conversation with Seokjin. 

Suddenly, he feels a hand grip his wrist and pull him off the stage. The electricity running through his body like lightening hitting the ground in a storm is strong enough for Taehyung to know whose hand is around his arm without even looking. He turns and follows Seokjin off the stage. 

Everyone dresses quickly. The other five members chatter away, spending time talking to the cameras and fooling around with each other. Taehyung spots Seokjin whispering something to Namjoon accross the room. Namjoon nods and looks over at Taehyung. Seokjin catches his eye and beckons with a nod for Taehyung to follow him. 

They walk down the hall and out the back entrance in silence. One of the bodyguards pulls open the door of a car and Seokjin nudges him inside. Taehyung assumes this is what Seokjin was talking to Namjoon about. 

They sit in the car in complete silence. Seokjin is playing a game on his phone. Taehyung can't help watching him as he plays. His side profile is perfection. His hair falling over his forhead, framing his eyes. His straight nose leading down to his perfect full lips. 

Taehyung has fantasized about kissing those lips more times than he could count.

If Seokjin notices Taehyung looking at him, he doesn't react. Just keeps playing his game. Taehyung smiles at the little noises he makes when he fails a level. 

Finally they arrive at home, and Taehyung suddenly remembers the reason for their quick departure from the studio. Seokjin grabs his wrist again, as if he is afraid Taehyung won't follow through on his promise to talk. He leads Taehyung into the living room and shoves him down on the couch, perching himself on the table across from Taehyung. 

"Talk." Seokjin says with an air of authority in his voice. 

Taehyung stares at his hands. He still isn't really sure what to say, and he tells Seokjin so. 

"You can tell me anything, Taehyung. Especially when it clearly is about me. I don't want us to keep going on like this." Seokjin runs a hand through his perfect caramel locks. 

"I really don't know if I can, hyung." Taehyung's voice begins to shake. 

"What do you mean?"

"You are right. I have been avoiding you." 

"I figured." 

Taehyung looks up at Seokjin, expecting to see frustration, but instead he's met with a gentle smile. 

"Please tell me why, Tae. No matter the reason, I want to know."

"Are you sure?" Taehyung can feel the tears burning behind his eyes, threatening to fall at any second. "It's pretty....intense...."

"Did you murder someone?" Seokjin asks playfully. 

"No...but it might murder our friendship." Taehyung looks down again as one tear escapes and runs down his cheek. Seokjin gets on his knees on the floor in front of Taehyung, reaching up and wiping away the tear. 

"Look at you, Tae-ah. You're upsetting yourself so much over this. Please tell me so we can share the burden together."

Seokjin's voice is so soft and reassuring. He reaches down and threads his fingers through Taehyung's. 

"I love you."

It comes out as a whisper, as quiet as the breath coming in and out of his lungs. But Seokjin hears anyway. 

"I love you too, Tae." 

"No."

"No?" Seokjin raises an eyebrow in confusion.

"Not the way I love you. I love you as more..." 

A sob escapes Taehyung's throat, preventing him from being able to finish his sentence. Seokjin wraps his arms around Taehyung and holds him, gently rubbing circles on his back. He waits patiently for Taehyung to calm down. 

After a few minutes, Taehyung pulls away, wiping the tears with the back of his hand. 

"I love you as more than a friend. And I know that's not fair to you. So I pulled away so you wouldn't feel awkward around me."

"Taehyung. I didn't feel awkward around you."

"But now you do..."

"I didn't say that." 

Seokjin lifts himself off the floor and onto the couch beside Taehyung, taking both of Taehyung's hands in his own. 

"I miss you, Taehyung. You're my best friend here. Being away from you has been so hard. I don't want to be apart anymore."

Taehyung scans Seokjin's eyes. "You're not upset?"

"I'm not upset that you told me how you feel. I am a little upset you made such a big decision without asking for my thoughts. I thought I did something wrong."

"I'm sorry, hyung!" Taehyung exclaims, throwing his arms around Seokjin's neck. 

Seokjin laughs at Taehyung's enthusiasm. 

"It's alright,Tae. But from now on, let's be honest with each other, alright?"

Taehyung nods eagerly.

"Wanna game?" Seokjin asks, rising from the couch and offering Taehyung his hand. 

Chapter Text

SEOKJIN

Winter fades into spring. Flowers start to bloom, birds start to build nests amongst the fresh leaves of budding trees, and the grass begins to take on it's radiant green colour. Seokjin loves spring. He loves the feeling of newness and freshness that comes with the end of the long, dreary winter. This is their first Spring since their debut, and Seokjin has a lot of goals he wants to accomplish. 

He pulls his headphones over his ears and plays one of his favourite ballads. Sure, they are supposed to be a hip hop band, but that doesn't mean they can't appreciate all different genres of music. 

If Seokjin is being honest, this is the type of music he would prefer. He loved the way ballads flow, melodies carrying from low notes, merging into glorious falsettos and ending with a sustained, breathy vibrato. If he had it his way, this is the type of music he would sing. 

He is definitely happy being part of BTS though. He can’t imagine his life without them, even if the dark eyeliner and "bad boy" attitude they want him to sell is totally out of his comfort zone. Seokjin doesn’t consider himself to be much of a bad boy. He actually feels he is pretty straight edged, appreciating rules and structure. But, as the visual, he is told this is the aura that sells, so he pulls out all his acting skills and plays it up as much as he can. 

Seokjin turns his head sightly, bringing his attention to the other two boys in the car with him. Jungkook is the youngest of the group, barely 16. He had been just a 13 year old child when he had first moved into the dorm, and Seokjin could just imagine how overwhelming it must have been for him to have to leave everything he knew behind and move in with strangers. Seokjin himself had found it a huge adjustment, but at least his family was somewhat close.

Seokjin allows his eyes to drift over to Jungkook's right. Gorgeous locks fall lazily over smooth olive skin. Brown eyes framed by the prettiest lashes Seokjin had ever seen. Seokjin follows the line of his jaw down to his heart shaped lips, the bottom of which he is biting as he concentrates on the lyrics he is reading on his phone. There is no doubt Taehyung is beautiful. Especially like this - no makeup, no fake smile, no heavy jewelry. This is the version of Taehyung that Seokjin likes best. Taehyung in his most honest and authetic state. 

Taehyung looks up and catches Seokjin's stare. He smiles before looking back at his phone. 

Things have been much better between the two boys since their conversation a month ago. Maybe even better than before. Taehyung seems to feel more trusting, more free to be himself. And Seokjin...

Well, he isn't sure exactly how he feels. 

But he knows he is happy to have Taehyung around him all the time again. He isn't sure what all of that means. The feeling of emptiness when Taehyung is gone, followed by the warm sense of peace that fills him upon Taehyung's return. The feeling of disappointment when, for one reason or another, Taehyung doesn't crawl into bed with him. 

Seokjin pushes the thoughts aside before they become too much. He feels anxious and overwhelmed if he gives them space in his mind. But he can't deny that the thoughts are present more and more often.

Seokjin turns his music up a little louder, hoping maybe it will take up that space instead. He throws his head back against the seat and closes his eyes. 

"Hyung," he hears a deep voice waft through his mind. Seokjin smiles to himself.

"Hyung!" The voice sounds more urgent now, accompanied by a hand gripping his arm and pulling him. 

Seokjin opens his eyes and realizes they have arrived. Taehyung giggles at Seokjin's sleepy expression. 

"Hyung. Did you have a good sleep? You were really out of it." 

Seokjin smiles softly, allowing Taehyung to continue holding his arm as they climb out of the van. 

"I heard you'll get to use your acting skills today!" Taehyung cheerfully pokes at Seokjin's shoulder. 

Seokjin laughs. "Oh really?" If only Taehyung knew how much he was acting right now. Using all of his skills to settle his heart rate at how close Teahyung is walking beside him. 

A few moments later, they are quickly seperated by staff and taken into the chaos of the green room. The room is fairly small, definitely too small to house all 7 boys, their managers, assisants, and makeup artists. A haze of hairspray is already filling the room, and the smell of coffee drifts into Seokjin's nose. He's ushered deeper into the room and handed an outfit which seems to resemble a school uniform. Seokjin heads into a corner of the room and quickly changes. He really doesn't like others seeing his body, so he does his best to shade himself from the rest of the room. 

Once he is changed, he is immediately directed to sit in a makeup chair, where two staff begin working on his hair and makeup at the same time. His reddish brown hair is combed down over his forehead, the ends brushing against his eyelashes. Eyeliner is drawn around his entire eye, and a pink tinted gloss is run over his lips. 

One of the other boys comes around with a camera, and Seokjin immediately turns on the charm. Although he's quiet and reserved in his personal time, deep inside he knows he was born to be an entertainer. He tells a joke and makes a witty comment, and all the staff around are laughing by the time the camera is moving away. 

When the boys are all ready, they are led onto set. Today, they will be acting out various scenarios in a classroom.

"Guess the uniforms make sense now." Hobi jokes. 

Filming starts, and everything is going smoothly. The boys are acting out a skit where they have to teach the youngest, Jungkook, how to win over his crush. Seokjin pulls out his charm and does his part without a hitch. The other boys react dramatically. As he pulls back, Seokjin sees Taehyung standing a little further way from the group, his face emotionless, not acting in the overdramatic way he was scripted to act. Seokjin tells himself that Taehyung must just be thinking about his own part that is coming up. 

And just as he settles this thought in his mind, Taehyung struts up to Jungkook, grabs the back of his head, and pulls their faces close together as if he is going to kiss him. 

Seokjin frowns. 

Then he realizes he is frowning and quickly composes himself again. But his stomach feels the way it does when the car falls down the biggest drop on a roller coaster. He tries to shove the feeling away. The whole thing is scripted, Taehyung was told what to do. And even if he wasn't, why should Seokjin care?

But no matter how hard he tries to focus and move on, the feeling remains, pushing Seokjin to the point that he thinks he could sit down and cry right then and there. 

He finally finds the courage to glance in Taehyung's direction, but the younger boy is laughing and playing along with the rest of the group, seemingly unaware of the dillemma battling out in Seokjin's brain.

Or is it is heart?

Stomach?

Maybe even somewhere lower?

Seokjin freezes in place. Where the fuck did that thought come from? There's no way he has any sort of feeling outside of brotherly for his younger bandmate. 

But he can't deny the pressure pulsing low in his stomach.

As soon as "cut" is called, Seokjin exits the room quickly and locks himself in a bathroom stall. He sits on the closed toilet seat and places his head in his hands, propped up on he knees. 

What is happening?

Things are changing between Taehyung and Seokjin. Not in the same way as before, where Taehyung pulled himself away and barely paid him any mind. No, now he was getting closer and closer, bringing life into every last dark corner of Seokjin's mind. 

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"No."

"No?"

"I love you as more than a friend."

The words played though his mind over and over again. Any time there was a moment of rest, Taeyhyung's voice echoed all around him. At the time, Seokjin had sort of ignored the confession, just happy to have Taehyung back and close to him.

But the declaration has a hold on him and won't let go. And Seokjin is starting to wonder why it effects him so much and what flip it has switched inside of him. 

Before, being with Taehyung brought him joy, now it felt like a necessity. Sharing his bed was a sacrifice he made for Taehyung, but now it is something he craves as desperately as his morning coffee. When Taehyung chooses to sit with someone else, Seokjin feels hurt, maybe even annoyed. He seems to live from moment to moment with Taehyung, needing him like the air he breathes. When had it changed? When had this happened?

Is it possible? Do I love him too?

Seokjin shakes his head again, allowing one small tear to escape down his cheek. He can't give this thought any more mind. When he walks out the door of the bathroom, he has to put this all behind him. 

Because exploring these feelings put him in a dangerous place. A place where his heart would be held in the hands of someone who would never be allowed to hold it. 

"I'm sorry, Tae," he whispers to himself. But deep down he knows, he's also saying sorry to himself. 

Chapter Text

TAEHYUNG

Spring seemed to have gone by in a blur, and now summer is fast approaching. Bangtan had spent a large portion on the last couple months in Los Angeles - studying hip hop culture and learning some new dance choreographies. It had been a tiring and difficult time, and Taehyung had fell asleep feeling homesick every single night. The only thing that helped him through were his bandmates, especially Seokjin. The two of them had managed to slip away twice during the trip, visiting a local Ramen shop and exploring the street market. But those moments were fleeting, and Taehyung longed for what now seemed like the simple life back at the dorms. 

Of course, at home, things weren't really any less chaotic. But at least here, they were surrounded by familiarity.

Familiar faces.

Familiar language.

Familiar places.

Taehyung had done his best to be as charming as possible throughout the various missions they had to accomplish, and he felt he had done a pretty good job. Talking with strangers was the hardest for him, especially when he was encouraged to act "flirty" with a group of women. He had taken it in stride and earned his screen time. 

And although he had particpated in the activity himself, he couldn't deny the burning feeling of jealousy that had run through his entire body when he saw Seokjin also had the same assignment. Taehyung knew Seokjin had done nothing wrong, and he didn't belong to him anyway. But lately, Taehyung had almost been able to pretend he lived in a dream world where Seokjin was his and reciprocated his affection. It was easy to pretend when it was only the boys and their staff, and perhaps he had allowed himself to live too deep in the fantasy. Seeing Seokjin's interaction with the girls felt like being knocked off a very high dream pedestal. 

Maybe it was necessary. 

Because the more time that went on, the more that Seokjin didn't push Taehyung away, or confront him about his ever increasing physical contact, the more Taehyung was being disillusioned to believe that maybe this could one day be real. 

"Boys!" one of their managers called as they entered the small studio room. "You ready to film a log?" 

"You want us to film it all together?" Yoongi asked, looking around the small room. 

"Yeah, Namjoon and I discussed it and thought the fans might enjoy it."

Once the boys were told Namjoon approved it, they seemed to relax a bit. Joon directed them all to sit on the limited seating, and Taehyung decides to not put too much thought into it. He sits down right away, the first one to plop down on the couch. Hobi slots in between Taehyung and the wall furthest from the camera, squeezing Taehyung's shoulder gently as he makes himself comfortable. Jimin and Joon sit across from them. 

Taehyung can't help but watch Seokjin as he enters the room. His reddish brown hair combed neatly down over his forehead, the fringe of his bangs dancing along his eyebrows. He's wearing a white button up shirt, with a dark navy strip running across his broad shoulders and down to his sleeves, which are pushed up to expose his forearms and wrists. Dark, denim shorts, rolled up so they sit a couple inches above his knee leave so much skin on display, and Taehyung has to squirm in his seat to avoid the others seeing how affected he is. Seokjin catches his eye and smiles gently before dropping in the remaining spot beside Taehyung. Yoongi sits on the end beside Seokjin, but because of the couch's plastic armrests, there is barely enough room for them.

Taehyung feels like he can't breathe with how close Seokjin is to him right now. Sure, they often sit close like this, but not with Seokjin's thighs and calves on full display. Taehyung swallows and closes his eyes.

How am I going to ge through this with a straight face?

In front of an audience?

Seokjin chooses that exact moment to place his hand on Taehyung's thigh and squeeze tightly. He winks when Taehyung looks up at him. 

And it's moments like these that have Taehyung feeling a thousand different emotions. It's moments like these that Taehyung can almost convince himself that Seokjin may possibly feel the same way that he does. The winks, the cuddles, the innuendos. It is enough to make Taehyung short circuit. 

But he can't bring himself to be upset about it. Instead, he keeps promising himself that he will simply enjoy it as long as he can. One day, Seokjin will find someone else, and his heart will be broken. But that day isn't today, so he will cross that bridge when it comes. 

Jimin singles that he is about to turn on the camera, and they all put on enthusiastic smiles. The log carries on like always. They talk about a variety of topics for ARMY.

What those topics are, Taehyung couldn't tell you. He was too busy trying to keep himself from staring at Seokjin's legs. 

Trying but failing. 

He just hopes noone notices. Or if they do, that they don't think anything of it. 

Taehyung has to adjust his position several times, trying to keep himself calm and settle the pressure gathering low in his stomach. Why does Seokjin have to be the most gorgeeous man alive?

After what feels like hours of torture, the log ends. Taehyung moves away from Seokjin as quickly as possible, willing his body to calm down before anyone else notices. He really needs a cold shower. Or a release. Or both. 

Seokjin comes up behind him and throws his arm around Taehyung's shoulder. 

"Wanna go get something to eat?" he asked, bringing his other hand up to ruffle Taehyung's hair. 

"Yeah of course!" Taehyung eagerly responds. "Who else is coming?"

Seokjin's smile drops for a quick second before he pastes it back on. "I thought it could just be the two of us. But we can invite the others if you want."

And Taehyung can't help but notice that Seokjin almost appears disappointed.

"No, Hyung. I'd love to go with just you!" 

"Great." Seokjin runs his hand down the back of Taehyung's arm to his hand before threading their fingers together. Taehyung looks around to see if any of the other boys are looking, but they seem to all be preoccupied. Seokjin doesn't seemed concerned at all. He leads Taehyung out of the building, their fingers still entwined until the warm afternoon sun greets them outside. 

They walk along in silence for a while, and Taehyung is content to simply be in Seokjin's company. They hadn't talked about where they were going to eat, so Taehyung assumes Seokjin has a plan.

Seokjin leads them to a street food cart and orders a few skewers for the two of them to share. Once he's paid for the food, he nods at the park across the street and Taehyung silently follows. They drop down on an empty park bench and share their food, nothing but the sound of the birds and running water of the fountain to fill the air around them. 

Taehyung glances at Seokjin beside him. He's starting blankly at a couple birds fighting for some scraps of food someone else had left behind. 

"What are you thinking about?" Taehyung finally breaks the silence. 

Seokjin keeps his eyes focused forward, and Taehyung opens his mouth to repeat himself, assuming Seokjin didn't hear. 

"You." Seokjin answers quietly before Taehyung has the opportunity to ask the question again. 

"Me?"

"Yeah."

"What about me?" Taehyung starts fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. 

"How happy I am to be here with you right now."

Seokjin finally turns to face Taehyung, and Taehyung notices that his eyes are glassy, almost as if he is fighting back tears. 

"I'm happy to be here with you too." Taehyung whispers in response. "There's no place I would rather be."

"Me neither, Tae. Me neither." Seokjin wraps his arm around Taehyung and pulls him in close. Taehyung lays his head on Seokjin's shoulder. He closes his eyes. 

There's truly nowhere he would rather be. 

Chapter Text

SEOKJIN

Seokjin sits in a makeup chair. He feels like he must spend at least 10% of his life in makeup chairs at this point, and to be honest, he loves it. He's always been interested in skin care and beauty, so he loves learning new things from the staff.

Today, the seven boys will be guests on a radio show. Seokjin knows that everyone is very nervous, and, as the oldest, he knows he will have a responsiblity to help things go smoothly. He's naturally introverted, so sometimes having to be the one to break the ice can be tiring. But Seokjin is happy to have something to contribute to these interviews, so he dutifully prepares himself. 

Forty-five minutes later, the boys are set up around a table. The radio studio is pretty small, but there are enough chairs for each of them. Their managers assign their seating, which seems a little odd to Seokjin, but it's a small battle he chooses to let go. 

Jimin is sat to the interviewers left, with Hobi, Taehyung and Namjoon (in that order), while Yoongi is sat to her right, followed by Jungkook and then Jin. 

The interview starts, and they actually have a bit of fun. Some of the questions are silly, and the boys and host both get a laugh out of them. 

The interviewer asks Seokjin who he would room with if he could choose any of the members to be his roommate. Initially, Seokjin wants to say Taehyung, but his inner conflict about his feelings towards the younger member haven't been resolved, and he fears by saying Taehyung's name that the others will see right through him. He doesn't want to hurt Taehyung, but he also needs to do what is right for the group. 

"There is someone I would like to share a room with..." he repeats the statement, hoping to buy himself some time to make a decision about what he should answer. 

"Who is it?" The hosts asks 

"Jimin?" The other members laugh as Jimin guesses himself. 

"Jhope," Seokjin answers. He casts a glance across the table. Taehyung is staring straight ahead, his eyes slightly narrowed, but no further expresion on his face. The other members are laughing, making comments and asking why he chose Hobi, but Taehyung continues staring. Seokjin instantly knows he made the wrong choice and tries to soften the blow. 

"He's really good in cleaning. And his stuff is always neat!"

The other members agree and Hobi lets Jin know they think alike. 

But if Seokjin had hoped this reasoning would appease Taehyung, he was very wrong. 

Without changing his facial expression or taking his gaze off Seokjin, Taehyung grabs the microphone and brings it to his mouth. "I have someone I want to share with too."

The interviewer asks him who and Seokjin can't bring his gaze away. 

"Jeon Jungkook." Taehyung continues to stare at Seokjin, who instatly feels his heart drop. He has the feeling that Taehyung is doing this on purpose, but he still can't help that burning presure in his chest. 

The host asks Taehyung why he chose Jungkook. "If I share a room with Jungkook, it won't be boring. It will always be fun."

Seokjin knows he shouldn't let it get to him, shouldn't take it personal, but the idea that Taehyung might have more fun with someone else leaves him feeling insecure. 

He forces his professionalism to take over, pasting a smile back on his face and avoiding Taehyung's eyes for the rest of the interview. 

Once they are off air, they are asked to take pictures with the host. Seokjin make sure to stand on the opposite side of Taehyung. Maybe it's petty, but right now, he doesn't care. Once they have said their goodbyes, Seokjin is the first to exit the room. He grabs his clothes and locks himself in the bathroom. His face feels like it's on fire and his heart is pounding in his chest. He knows what this feeling is, but he wants to avoid naming it. If he labels this feeling for what it is, it will force him to acknowledge how immature he's acting. 

The last couple months have been emotionally exhausting for Seokjin. He's starting to realize that his feelings for Taehyung are different than the ones he has for any of his friends, the other members included. And this has left him feeling confused and overwhelmed.

Seokjin has always prided himself on making mature and logical decisions, but when it comes to Taehyung, he feels constantly torn. He knows what is best for the band. For the sake of his other members, he needs to stay level headed and not allow things to escelate any further than they already have. Anything beyond platonic friendship between two members would spell disaster for the whole group, and Seokjin never wants to be the cause of pain. 

So, he tries to keep his feelings at bay, but also tries to balance taking care of the band while also being sensitive to Taehyung.

Seokjin cups his hands under the water and splashes it over his face. Jealousy does not look good on him.

And there he goes naming the feeling. 

He groans before quickly changing and exiting the room. 

He takes a car with Joon back to the dorms, and they talk about some upcoming schedules they have. 

Soon enough, the cars pull up. Seokjin follows the other members up the stairs, but just as he's about to enter the dorm, he hears Taehyung's deep voice behind him. He allows the door to close, leaving just the two of them in the hallway. 

"Did you mean what you said?" Taehyung asks, looking down at his feet.

"What do you mean?" Seokjin asks, playing dumb even though he knows the answer. 

"About wanting to room with Hobi?"

Seokjin sighs. "You said you wanted to room with Jungkook."

"That's only cause of what you said!" Taehyung whines, his voice raising slightly. Seokjin signals for him to be quieter and Taehyung quickly lowers his voice. "I thought you would choose me."

"Of course I wanted to Taehyung. But I was trying to be entertaining." Seokjin knows this is a lie, but he can't bring himself to admit his jealousy to Taehyung, can't allow Taehyung to know how much he's been battling with his feelings. 

"Oh. I guess that make sense. I'm sorry, hyung." Taehyung looks down at his shoes, his face reddening slightly. Seokjin knows he's feeling embarassed, can see that his lashes are slightly wet. 

His beautiful lashes. 

Framing his beautiful eyes.

Leading down to his beautiful heart shaped lips.

Seokjin wonders what kissing those lips would feel like, what they would taste like. He leans forward slightly. Taehyung looks at him, his eyes full of questioning. 

Suddenly, the door swings open and Jungkook calls their names. "Are you two coming inside or what? We want to practice!"

Seokjin pulls back quickly and nods to Jungkook. He turns to enter the room, but not before grabbing Taehyung's hand and squeezing it reassuringly. Then he slips inside without looking back. 

What almost happened now can never be, and Seokjin allows himself one single moment of mourning for something he will never have. 

Chapter Text

TAEHYUNG

Taehyung stretches his legs out in front of him. They have been sitting at the airport for over an hour now, and all he really wants to do is climb back into bed. He is excited to go, but the getting there part isn't his favourite. 

"Coffee?" One of the managers hilds out a stryrofoam cup to him. Taehyung strongly dislikes coffee, but there are certain situations where it is almost necessary. And waiting at an airport in the wee hours of the morning is definitely one of them.

Taehyung takes a sip, his face scrunching up as he forces the hot liquid down his throat. 

"You don't have to drink that you know."

Taehyung smilles up at Seokjin who is now standing in front of him. How he looks so perfect and put together at this time is beyond Taehyung. 

"Well, what else is gonna keep me awake?" 

"My company?" Seokjin replies, feigning hurt as he falls into the chair beside Taehyung. Taehyung chuckles in response. "Or tea." Seokjin motions for him to trade cups, and Taehyung can see the string of a tea bag hanging from the drink he's being offered. 

"Thank you!" he replies, bowing slightly from his seat. Seokjin reaches over and ruffles his hair, and Taehyung has to take a silent deep breath so that his face doesn't betray how the touch makes him feel. 

It's been eight months since Taehyung admitted his feelings to Seokjjin. As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he had assumed everything would change between them. But nothing really had. In fact, they were even closer than before, spending almost every hour of the day together, including the nightime hours where Taehyung still found himself cuddling in Seokjin's bed. 

There were even times when Taehyung wondered if Seokjin was perhaps beginning to reciprocate his feelings. Sometimes, he would do something, say something, or touch Taehyung in such a way that seemed more than 'friendly.' For the most part, Taehyung tried to push those incidents aside, but the more frequent they became, the harder it was becoming. 

Seokjin pulls out his phone and starts playing a game. He looks completely ready to face the day.

"How are you so awake?" Taehyung questions, letting his eyes float along Seokjin's perfect side profile. 

"I slept."

"Ugh. I didn't sleep at all." Taehyung whines, dropping his head on Seokjin's shoulder.

"I know...you woke me up a couple times with your tossing and turning." Seokjin laughs after making the statement much too loudly. Taehyung quickly glances around at the staff, an embarassed blush rising up his neck to his cheeks. He's thankful that they don't seem to have heard. Of if they did, they are choosing to ignore. 

"Hyungggg." Taehyung drags out, his voice higher than normal. "Stop. People will hear."

"Who will hear what?" Seokjin looks at him teasingly. "That our little Tae-Tae likes to cuddle up at night with his hyung." He pinches Taehyung's cheek while saying it. Taehyung lets his mouth drop open. He can't believe how risque Seokjin is being. There are at least 5 staff members within potential hearing distance.. 

Seokjin ruffles Taehyung's hair one more time before returning to his game. Taehyung keeps glancing around at the staff in the room, trying to gauge if they heard anything. It's not that he cares if they know. In fact, he would love for the whole world to know if he could have his way. His real concern is that the staff will make a stink and then Seokjin will start acting weird around him. The thought makes his heartrate increase. 

He decides that he should go to the washroom before boarding time comes, which is in a few minutes. He also thinks that getting some space from the staff will help his heart return to normal. He grabs his backpack and heads to the nearest bathroom, which is actually closer to their boarding gate than where they have been sitting. 

After splashing some cold water on his face, he heads back out to meet the others. A staff member just happens to be walking past and directs Taehyung to the boarding gate. He lets Taehyung know that the others are following shortly. 

Taehyung finds a spot in the area designated for the boys and their staff. It seems the rest got stuck in the line for boarding, so Taehyung decides to scroll socials. He jokingly posts a photo of himself and the empty seat beside him with a cheeky caption asking if anyone wants to sit with him. 

He smiles to himself and continues scrolling. A notification drops down only seconds later, and he sees Seokjin has replied that he wants to sit there. Taehyung's smile widens and his stomach does a little flip flop. 

At first, he plans to reply that Seokjin can sit here any time, but then he decides it's probably not the best choice given that he's already wary of the staff. So instead, he decides not to reply at all, flipping his phone off instead. 

He lays his head back against the seat, Seokjin's comments earlier playing through his mind. He drops his backpack on the empty seat beside him. 

Suddenly, he gets an idea. Quickly turning on his camera, he takes a selfie of himself and the seat beside him again, but this time with the backpack filling the empty space. He makes sure to gesture to the backpack so his meaning is obvious. A giggle escapes as he presses send. 

"Yah! What's this all about Tae-tae? I've been replaced by a back pack?" Seokjin is suddenly standing right there, a fake indignant look across his stunning features. And no matter how many times Taehyung sees Seokjin, he will always think that he is the most beautiful person in the world. 

"Your fault for taking so long," Taehyung teasingly caresses the bag beside him. 

"Well, sorry, but I won't let it go without a fight." Seokjin picks up the bag and drops it on Taehyung's lap, at the same time plopping down in the now empty seat. 

"Poor bag never did anything to you."

"Not true. Tried to steal you from me."

And Taehyung has to bite his bottom lip to keep from saying that noone could ever steal him away. But he doesn't trust himself to say it without making the moment too serious, so he playfully whacks Seokjin's shoulder instead. "You threw him right into my arms." He teases. 

Seokjin fakes some tears before throwing a smile at Taehyung and settling himself into his seat. 

Once they are in the air, Seokjin pulls out a book and starts reading. Taehyung is doing his best to stay awake, but it is a battle he doesn't think he will win. 

"Don't fight it, Tae. Get some sleep." Seokjin places his hand on top of Taehyung's head and pulls it down onto his shoulder. "You don't want to get sick from not enough sleep." 

And maybe it's because Taehyung is already half asleep, but without any thought, he weaves his arm around Seokjin's, holding on to his bicep as he falls asleep.

He thinks this moment is better than any dream. 

Chapter Text

SEOKJIN

The end of 2014 flew by in a blur. Seokjin felt like he could barely keep his days straight as one seemed to run right into the next. Everything had been perfect, and he wishes these times could last forever.

But he knew they couldn't.

There was this overshadwing sense of dread hanging over all of his moments with Taehyung. He knew he was playing a dangerous game, knew he was letting things escelate too quickly, allowing Taehyung to get too close. He knows better, knows he has a responsiblity as the oldest member to make the best choices for the group. But it seems his self control is non-existent around Taehyung. 

He's been avoiding asking himself the tough questions. Well, there is really only one quetion he's been avoiding. 

Are my feelings for Taehyung more than platonic?

Seokjin holds his head between his hands and wills the thought to leave. He can't face this right now. The thought needs to leave. 

The problem isn't that Taehyung is a boy, that fact doesn't bother Seokjin really. The problem is that he is a member of the group, and a relationship between them would be way too risky. 

Seokjin's biggest dillema has been trying to guard Taehyung's feelings. If it was only his own suffering on the line, he wouldn't think twice about cutting things off. Just thinking of Taehyung's hurt is what keeps Seokjin from doing anything drastic. 

Seokjin's phone dings, and he pulls it out of his pocket. It's a notification that Taehyung posted a new photo. Seokjin absentmindedly opens it. His eyes grow big when he realizes its a picture of him. The caption "he's handsome" written underneath. Seokjin momentarily smiles, but the pleasure of the moment is quickly replaced by that familiar feeling of dread.

Things are going too far. 

But he doesn't know how to stop it. 

Or, the real problem, he doesn't want to. 

December marches on, and Seokjin forces himself to put his worries behind him for now. The group is way too busy for him to make any sudden decisions anyway. 

A week into December, they perform "Blanket Kick" live. The stage has Seokjin and Taehyung together often, and it feels natural and fun. That is, until Taehyung gets just a little too close, pulling Seokjin to himself as if he's going to kiss him right there on camera. Seokjin pushes him away, doing his best to keep a smile on his face so the audience members will think they are teasing. But Seokjin isn't so sure Taehyung is teasing. 

When they return to the green room, Taehyung apologizes, but plays it off as if he meant it as a joke. Seokjin doesn't fully believe him, but he doesn't push the issue any further. And when Taehyung asks him to go get ice cream afterwards, he can't find it himself to be upset. Seokjin thinks he would let Taehyung get away with anything. 

And that thought scares him. 

The days continue to speed by, and the bond between the two grows more and more each day. They spend almost every waking second together.

Even on the days that Seokjin decides to stay late to practice the choreography again, Taehyung stays with him, encouraging him to push on, but reminding him not to hurt himself. 

And when they board a flight from Incheon, Taehyung is sitting right beside him again. The two whisper, giggle and cuddle until Taehyung falls asleep on Seokjin's shoulder. Seokjin watches Taehyung's gorgeous face. 

I think I'm in love with him. 

Seokjin fights back the tears burning in the back of his eyes. He's always been selfless, always been willing to put others before himself. He wishes this could be his one chance to be selfish. Because right now, all he wants to do is craddle Taehyung's beautiful face in his hands, drop gentle kisses on his forehead and nose, and tell him that he wants to be with him forever. 

But that can never happen. 

Seokjin groans and turns his head to the right. A staff member is eyeing him suspiciously, and Seokjin smiles nervously before quickly turning away. He knows the staff are starting to wonder what is happening between the two of them. He's seen the whispers. So far, noone has said anything, and for that he is grateful. But as the group continues to grow in popularity, he knows it's only a matter of time. 

He looks down at Taehyung again. His hair is falling across his eye, and Seokjin gently tucks it behind his ear. What he wouldn't give to make Taehyung happy forever. 

Once they land, they walk out of the plane together, and Taehyung rubs his eyes, still half asleep. Seokjin guides him tenderly through the airport to the waiting car. Christmas is coming, followed closely by Taehyung's birthday, and Seokjin knows they can't have a conversation until after that. He doesn't want to ruin the holidays for Taehyung. So he tells himself to enjoy the next two weeks to their fullest. In the new year, he will set new rules with Taehyung. 

The boys spend Christmas together. They have recordings and stages, and therefore, don't have time to go home to their families. Taehyung asks Seokjin if they can spend the day after Christmas together - just the two of them, and Seokjin agrees. They take a walk through the park close by, bundled up in winter jackets and scarves. Seokjin smiles at the cute pink resting on Taehyung's nose and cheeks. The younger boy is beaming as they order hot chocolates and sit down on a bench watching the ice skaters. They talk about the past year - their favourite parts and the hardest parts. Seokjin feels safe with Taehyung, like he can share all of himself. 

All but one part. 

If only you knew how much I love you, Tae. 

But they are words that must stay inside his mind, locked away, never to come out. 

They spend every day between Christmas and Taehyung's birthday together. Whenever they aren't with the group, they sneak off together, wandering around the city and enjoying every possible moment together. Seokjin is happy that Taehyung appears carefree. He can't help but feel a little jealous though. He wishes he could also feel that way. Instead, the time ticks painfully by, the moment that he needs to set new boundaries is quickly approaching. In two days it will be the new year, and Seokjin's resolution is one that he isn't sure will actually make him a better person. He's never been good at resolutions, anyway. 

But this is one he has no choice but to keep.

Chapter Text

TAEHYUNG

January Blues - a common phenomenon where people experience feelings of low mood, sadness, and lethargy during the first month of the year. At least, that's what a google search told Taehyung. It also told him that common causes are cold weather, lack of light, post holiday blues, and unmet new years resolutions. 

Taehyung thinks they should add "your heart being torn out of your chest, thrown on the ground and stomped on by the person you love the most in the whole world" to the list.

Ugh, you're being dramatic again. 

At least, that's what Taehyung tells himself. But in reality, the feeling of heartbreak is worse than almost anything he has experienced before. He would rather fall and break his leg at this point. 

It has been two weeks since that horrible Sunday night. Two weeks since the last time he talked to Seokjin. Two week since he finally fell off the cloud he had started convincing himself might be real. 

Taehyung squeezes his eyes shut as hard as he can and digs his head into his pillow. He doesn’t want to relive the moment, but it seems to replay in his head over and over, like a nightmare that wants to haunt him. Seokjin asking him to go for a walk, Taehyung eagerly agreeing, not having any idea what was about to happen.

He should have known something was off. Seokjin was much quieter than normal, and his features were tense across his normally relaxed face. He had shoved his hands in his pockets the moment they walked outside, and every time Taehyung had moved closer to him, he had pulled away. 

Eventually they had sat on their favourite bench in the park. It was still the Holiday break, and carefree school kids were skating on the makeshift ice rink. Seokjin had sat quietly for a long time, just watching the children. Taehyung admired how handsome he was, used his eyes to trace Seokjin's side profile from his forehead down to his plump, pink lips. Puffs of air were visible as they escaped Seokjin's mouth, highlighting just how cold the January morning was. 

Finally, Seokjin turned to look at Taehyung. Before he even opened his mouth to say anything, Taehyung knew it wasn't going to be a converation he liked. Sadness lined Seokjin's forehead, a glassy haze over his caramel eyes. His eyelashes were wet, and Taehyung knew it wasn't from the falling snow. He looked tired.

"What's wrong?" Taehyung had asked, reaching for Seokjin's hand. But Seokjin pulled it away, shoving it back in his pocket. Taehyung looked at him with confusion .

"What's wrong?" he repeated, a little firmer this time. 

"Taehyung."

Taehyung nearly stood up and ran when he heard his name fall out of Seokjin's mouth. It was the same tone his grandmother had used when she told him his dog had died. 

Apologetic.

Sad.

Weary. 

As if sensing Taehyung may flee, Seokjin now reached out and grabbed his wrist. 

"Taehyung, don't leave."

"What's going on? You're worrying me," Taehyung said with a shaky voice. 

Seokjin looked down. "This isn't easy for me, Taehyung."

"Just say it." Taehyung spits out, feeling irritated now.

"Taehyung."

"Stop saying my name and just fucking say it!" Taehyung's voice is getting louder, and Seokjin looks around nervously. 

"Okay, okay. But keep your voice down." Seokjin takes a deep breath. "We have to set some boundaries."

Taehyung narrows his eyes and studies Seokjin's face. "What do you mean, boundaries?"

"The amount of time we spend together, especially alone. We can't have as much skinship as we have had. It's probably better if we have none. And we really shouldn't always be posting photos together online." Seokjin looks away as he speaks.

It's silent for a moment. Taehyung feels panic rising in his chest, but he refuses to show it to Seokjin in this moment. Jimin always tells him that he's a bit reactive, so he decides to hear Seokjin out before getting upset.

"Why?" Taehyung whispers.

"The staff are starting to ask questions."

"Like what kind of questions?" 

"If there's something going on between us." Seokjin still refuses to look at Taehyung. 

"So?" Taehyung feels irritated.

"So," Seokin finally brings his eyes to meet Taehyung's, "It's not good Taehyung. It puts the entire band at risk. If the staff assume we are something more than friends, don't you think eventually the media and fans will too? And you know what that could do to the band. We would be over. Done for."

"I don't care. Just tell them there's nothing going on." Taehyung can't stop the tear that falls down his cheek.

"Taehyung, it's not that simple. And you know that. I'm not saying we can't keep being friends, even keep being close. We just have to set boundaries. Spend some time with the other members too, you know?"

"Yeah. I get it." Taehyung's tone is short and harsh. He doesn't care. He doesn't understand why Seokjin is doing this to him. Now he feels angry. He had admitted his feelings to Seokjin, told him he was in love with him. Seokjin hadn't pushed him away, hadn't set boundaries then. Instead, it seemed like he had encouraged their relationship. And now, after Taehyung was hopelessly attached, he was ripping his heart out of his chest like this? Taehyung wanted to slap him, but he at least had enough self-control to know that slapping his own member in public was probably not a good media move. 

Instead, he looks Seokjin in the eye, daring him to continue to meet his stare. 

"I hate you," he spits out, turning and running back to the dorm as fast as he can. He regrets the words as soon as they come out, but there's no way he can return. He refuses to go back and apologize, refuses to even look at Seokjin as he forces his legs to move faster and faster through the winter streets of Seoul. 

When he arrives at the dorms, he kicks off his shoes and rushes through the living room to the bathroom, locking himself inside the only private space in their home. He turns on the shower so the other's can't hear him, falls to the floor in front of the bathtub and lets the tears fall. Sobs wrack through his body, and breathing gets harder as he allows the pain to pour out of him. But he knows that no amount of tears can ever heal him. 

No, this moment will scar him forever. 

Chapter Text

SEOKJIN

Day 25. Day 25 since the last time Taehyung had spoken to Seokjin outside of what was absolutely required for their job. Day 25 since Taehyung had touched him in any way, even just to bump their shoulders together. Day 25 since Taehyung had allowed his eyes to linger on Seokjin for longer than a passing glance. 

Seokjin is miserable. This isn't want he wanted. But he knows it usn't about him. Sure, he could confront Taehyung, tell him he is being ridiculous and rude, and Seokjin wouldn't be completely out of line to do so. But if this is what Taehyung needed in order to deal with his own feelings, than Seokjin will leave it be. Taehyung's well-being is most important to him. He would gladly suffer if it meant things were even the tiniest bit easier for Taehyung. 

And suffer he is. Even being in the same room as Taehyung is exhausting. He has to constantly remind himself not to look at Taehyung for too long, not to accidently send him a wink or grab his hand. And at night, at night his dreams are filled with Taehyung. The feeling of Taehyung's body against his, their fingers entwined, his arms around Taehyung's waist. He would wake up in a cold sweat, greeted by an empty bed and an even emptier feeling in the pit of his stomach. 

All he can do is hope that things will eventually get easier. For now, he is thankful to be in the car with Namjoon, Taehyung travelling with Jimin and Jungkook in another vehicle. At least he has a few moments to fully relax. He leans his head against the rest behind him, willing his muscles to let go of the tension they've been holding on to for 25 days. 

Taehyung's face flashes across his memory, tears falling down his beautiful cheeks as he asked Seokjin why he was breaking his heart. Taehyung's voice fills his mind. "'I hate you" echoeing relentlessly through the cliffs of his subconsious.

And then Taehyung had run, run so fast Seokjin didn't even have a chance to stop him. He just stared after him, holding his breath that maybe the younger would look back at him, but he never did. If he had, he would have seen Seokjin fall to the ground in front of the bench, tears streaming down his own face. 

Upon his return, Seokjin had barely opened the front door of the dorm when Jimin shoved him back into the hall, cornering him with his hands on his hips. 

"What did you do to Taehyung!" he hissed through gritted teeth. 

"What are you talking about?" Seokjin asked, hoping his hood and the dim lighting of the hallway masked his puffy, red eyes.

"He came back from hanging out with you and locked himself in the bathroom. He's been in there for an hour and refuses to come out. Namjoon had to force him to turn off the water that he was using to cover his crying." Jimin is talking a mile a minute, his voice in a loud whisper. Seokjin just keeps his eyes down. 

"Not right now." Seokjin states simply, walking around Jimin and entering the dorm. Yoongi, Namjoon and Hobi are all sitting on the couch, casting him glares as he straightens himself after taking off his shoes. Seokjin doesn't have the energy to question them. Hobi starts to stand and Seokjin motions for him to sit. He wants to scream. Wants to tell them all that he's doing this for the good of all of them. Wants to tell them how tired he is, how Taehyung isn't the only one whose heart was shattered into a million pieces, how he wishes he wasn't the oldest. Seokjin wants to let the tears fall freely, to ask for sympathy from his friends. But he doesn't. 

They won't understand. They don't know that his feelings for Taehyung are as strong as Taehyung's are for him. Maybe even stronger. 

And they never will know. Because Seokjin was raised to always do the responsible and right thing. And so, even though he wants to meltdown and ask for comfort, he instead straightens himself to his full height, looks at the members with a warning stare and says, "I'm going to sleep." 

Namjoon's voice wakes Soekjin out of his remembering, letting him know they've arrived at the venue for the Golden Disk Awards. Seokjin takes a deep breath before exiting the vehicle, pulling on his "I'm the oldest and I have my shit together" mask. 

Seokjin sees Jimin and Hobi comforting a sad looking Taehyung, hears one of them say that this is a big moment and they don't want him to miss out on enjoying it. Seokjin feels happy knowing that Taehyung has people to take care of him; however, he also feels emptiness when he remembers there is noone to do the same for him. He fights back the burning behind his eyes and follows the rest of the group to their seats. 

Seokjin uses every technique he has learned to focus his mind on the moment and really enjoy it. The group has so many reasons to celebrate, and if they don't make the most of that celebration, then Seokjin's sacrifice is worth nothing. 

The atmosphere of the GDA seems to help not only relax the band, but also unite them. Things had been a little tense the last two weeks, but tonight, they felt like a unit again. For that, Seokjin is very thankful. He notices that Taehyung seems happier, lighter. He even keeps smiling when he catches Seokjin's eye, something he has not done for a while. 

The boys return to the green room where a camera is recording their reactions. Seokjin feels light for the first time in a long time, and he jokes around with the others in front of the camera. He can see Taehyung enter the room behind him from his peripheral vision, but he does his best not to turn and look at him. He feels Taehyung touch him as he walks past, but then the younger boy seems to realize what he did and pulls his hand back quickly. For the rest of the band's thank yous to the fans, Taehyung stands far to Seokjin's right, leaving an awkward space between himself and the rest of the group. Seokjin even notices the camera man trying to adjust to fit Taehyung in the frame. Seokjin forces himself to keep his mask on, making sure the moment will not be ruined by a slip on his part. 

He isn't sure how it happens, but somehow he and Taehyung end up in the same car on the way home. Teahyung turns his body to face the window as much as he can, his back pretty much completely turned to Seokjin. And although Seokjin knows he should let him be, he can't seem to help himself. 

"Taehyung." Seokjin expects no response, so is very surprised when he hears a soft "what" come from Taehyung's direction. 

"Congratulations. You worked hard." Seokjin forces the words to come out as carefree as possible. 

"You too, hyung." Taehyung says softly, his back still turned to Seokjin. "You too."

And Seokjin knows its silly, but his heart feels a little lighter hearing Teahyung call him 'hyung.' It's the first time in 25 days that Seokjin feels there may be hope of Taehyung possibly one day being civil with him again. 

January turns into February, and Seokjin feels the ice may slowly be melting between them. Taehyung is a little less tense, and will occassionally address Seokjin in a conversation. Seokjin holds on to every single interaction with Taehyung, using the moments as lifelines to carry him through the dark of winter. He starts to wonder if he made a mistake. He starts to wonder how long he can really live without Taehyung. But he pushes on, taking one day at a time. 

Things with the band are going well, which often reassures Seokjin that he made the right choice. But the moments where he thinks he was wrong are starting to outnumber the ones where he thinks he was right, and Seokjin isn't sure how long he can keep things going like this.

How long can he keep himself away from Taehyung?

Chapter Text

TAEHYUNG

With March comes a few warmer days and the promise of new life. Taehyung feels like maybe the part about "not enough light" and "cold weather" may not have been completely wrong, maybe he really did have the winter blues. January and February had felt like an eternity, the darkness outside had matched the gloom he felt inside. Life without Seokjin just wasn't the same.

But, Taehyung is starting to adjust, starting to learn new ways to find small pieces of happiness throughout his day. He has started hanging out with Jimin and Jungkook a lot more, and the three maknaes are constantly geting up to something mischevious. The staff have a full time job just keeping the three of them corralled long enough to do anything. But Taehyung is thankful for the respite from his thoughts. 

At night, things are more difficult. When a hush falls over the dorm, everyone tucked into their own rooms, that's when the lonliness creeps in. It's true that Taehyung had spent his nights curled up with Seokjin to be closer to him, but it also wasn't a lie that he hated being alone at night. It reminded him that, aside from the seven boys, who were struggling with their own battles, Taehyung was all alone here in Seoul. He tries to push the thought out of his mind, the dark chill that runs through his whole body. Namjoon is just a few feet away, and that should offer Taehyung some comfort. But in the dark of the room, with the moon hidden behind the clouds outside, he can't even make out Namjoon's shadow. He needs to feel someone's touch.

Panic starts to rise in his chest, and he feels like the room is closing in around him. He reaches his hands up, reminding himself that it's just in his mind. The walls are still where they belong. He takes a deep breath in through his nose, trying to remind himself to follow the technique his grandmother used to do with him growing up. 

Growing up. 

Taehyung feels like he's still growing up, barely an adult, and he feels like he must have missed some important step in his development. Suddenly, he misses his grandmother, misses his family and friends back in Daegu.

Misses Seokjin. 

Tears build up behind Taehyung's eyes, and he squeezes his lids shut tight in an attempt to keep them at bay. He knows noone will see him cry in the dark room, but he will know, and this is a battle he needs to overcome.

He keeps breathing, deep and strong in through his nose, long and slow out through his mouth. He feels his heart rate begin to come down as he hugs one of his big pillows close to his chest, trying to convince himself that it can serve as a replacement. He imagines that it's Seokjin's back pressed against his chest, and that he's wrapping his arm around his hyung, holding him tight. 

Finally, his eyes drop closed and he drifts off to sleep.

SEOKJIN

It's been two months since Seokjin and Taehyung had sat on that park bench while Seokjin broke both their hearts. Of course, Taehyung had no idea that Seokjin had been struggling right along with him, had no idea Seokjin's feelings were as strong as they were. 

It's been two months, and Seokjin knows something has to be done. Things can't continue like this. Seokjin uses the band as his justification for the conversation he plans to have with Taehyung. It's not completely unfair, either. The group is starting to feel the effects of the riff between Seokjin and Taehyung. In fact, Yoongi had told him so the other night as they were falling asleep in their room. Seokjin had told him that he would try to fix things, and Yoongi had thanked him. Secretely, he was thankful for a reason to take back what he had said. Well, at least some of what he had said. 

So that's how he finds himself standing outside Taehyung's door at 8 in the morning on their day off. Namjoon woke up a few minutes earlier, saying he was heading to the library to get some new books. Seokjin knew Taehyung was in the room alone, and he figured this was a good time to talk to him. 

But he had been standing here for 3 minutes now, just staring at the door, his heart thumping quickly in his chest. It feels like every nerve ending in his body is alert and the heavy sinking in his stomach is intensified. He knows he needs to lift his fist, tap it against the door, ask Taehyung to talk, but he seems to be stuck in place. 

"It's gonna be even more awkward if he walks out to find you staring at his door like that."

Seokjin turns to see Yoongi standing behind him, a bowl of cereal in one hand, shoving another spoon in his mouth. He puts the spoon back in the bowl and uses his now free hand to urge Seokjin on before exiting the room. 

He takes one more deep breath before knocking lightly three times on the door. He waits, torn between wanting Taehyung to still be asleep so he doesn't have to face him, but also desperately wanting to talk to him. After what feels like 10 minutes, but was probably only 10 seconds, Taehyung's raspy voice sounds from the other side of the door telling him to come in. Well, telling someone to come in. Surely, if he knew it was Seokjin, he might be more likely to pretend to be asleep. 

Seokjin pushes the door open gently, popping his head around and scanning the room to see where Taehyung is.

And like every other time he sees Taehyung, Seokjin's heart does a little flip at how beautiful he is. Right now, sitting on his bed, his blanket wrapped around his shoulders, open to display the olive skin of his chest, his hair tosselled across his eyes, messy from a night of tossing and turning, his dark, long eyelashes fluttering quickly as he tries to adjust to the light that the open door allows in.

And then it seems to register who is at the door, and Taeyung immediately stands and grabs his shirt from the floor, pulling it on so quickly, Seokjin can't even keep up with his movements. He yanks a pair of pajama pants on, tying them tightly around his waist, and fervently tries taming his hair. Seokjin isn't sure who is he is trying to imprses, but he wants to tell him he looks gorgeous the way he is. 

"What are you doing here?" Taehyung's back is still to Seokjin, picking up a delicate chain off his nightstand and clasping it behind his neck. He finally turns when Seokjin doesn't answer, one eyebrow shooting up in a questioning stare. 

"Uh...I wanted...to talk to you." Seokin feels flustered under Taehyung's gaze, inwardly kicking himself to pull it together. 

"Talk to me? About what?" Taehyung appears nervous now, fiddling with the ring he had just slid on his index finger.

Seokjin tries to ease his nerves, if for no other reason than to not make Taehyung feel even more nervous that he clearly already is. 

"I wanted to talk to you about the situation between us." 

Taehyung's eyes suddenly darken, his lids narrowing. "What do you mean?" 

"I mean, how tense things are. The members are starting to sense it," Seokjin is trying to pick his words carefully, and he really isn't sure if those were the right ones. 

"Whose fault is that?" Taehyung's tone is tense. 

"Mine. I know." And Taehyung seems surprised at his confession, the darkness in his eyes fading for just a moment, but then he snaps back quickly, his wall coming back up. 

"I know that I didn't say things the way I should have, wasn't clear with my intentions. I know I hurt you, and it's been tearing me apart since that day. Can you let me try again?" Seokjin searches Taehyung's eyes, hoping he can see how desperate his own are. 

"You want me to let you try shattering my heart again?" Taehyung's voice has a cold edge to it. 

"I never wanted to hurt you in the first place, Tae. Please, just let me explain." Seokjin knows he's begging at this point, but he doesn't care, just needs Taehyung to give him a chance. 

A heavy silence sits between them, and Seokjin counts the opening and closing of Taehyung's lashes over his dark eyes. 

"Fine." 

Seokjin stares at Taehyung for a minute, finding himself surprised at Taehyung's answer.

"Well?" Taehyung presses, an air of impatience in his eyes. 

"Uh...yeah. Okay." Seokjin motions to Taehyung's bed, asking if he can sit down. Taehyung nods. Seokjin pats the bed beside him and is surprised that Taehyung sits down with no argument. Seokjin turns his body so he is facing Taehyung. 

"I never meant for things to go the way they did between us. I never wanted to lose you, never wanted to hurt you. I was feeling overwhelmed by my own feelings. I wanted to be close to you all the time, but the staff were getting suspicious, and fans were starting to make assumptions. I got scared. I always want to do what's right, but in this case, I wasn't sure what was right. I'm still not sure."

Seokjin pauses for a second, allowing Taehyung the opportunity to interject, but he continues to stay silent. Seokjin notices that his eyes seemed to have softened a bit. 

"I've never been in a situation like this before, Taehyung. There is no clear right or wrong. All I knew was that I couldn't make the other boys suffer because of my behaviour, you know? I thought maybe I could have the best of both worlds. That you and I could still be as close as we always were, but that we could also put some space between us in front of the staff and fans. I guess I selfishly thought I could have it all. I thought I was being selfless, but maybe I was lying to myself." 

Seokjin looks down at his hands, fighting the tears. He can't cry in front of Taehyung, can't make Taehyung feel bad. This was his mistake, and he should suffer alone.

TAEHYUNG

If Seokjin were looking at Taehyung's face right now, he would see guilt written all over it. Taehyung had never considered that Seokjin might be battling with this situation as much as he was. He had assumed Seokjin was done entertaining Taehyung's crush and had decided to use the group as an excuse to push him away, create space between them. But the way Seokjin is looking right now, staring down at his hands which are clenched tightly together, his chin dimpled as if he's holding back tears, Taehyung knows he read the situation wrong. And now he's kicking himself for running away that day without giving Seokjin the chance to explain.

Seokjin remains silent, and Taehyung knows he's trying not to cry. In that moment, Taehyung can't help himself, he needs to feel Seokjin's skin touching his own, needs to provide some level of comfort. He reaches out and places his hand on top of Seokjin's folded hands. Seokjin immediately looks up, and Taehyung notices that his eyes look almost...hopeful?

"No, hyung. This is partially my fault. I shouldn't have run away before you had a chance to fully explain. You were trying to figure out what was best, and as your friend, I should have been there to talk it out, not run away. You know my feelings sometimes get the best of me."

The corners of Seokjin's mouth slightly lift at this confession.

"But hyung. I know that I sometimes...okay...a lot of the time. I know that a lot of the time, I let my feelings come before my thinking. But I think that you often let your thinking come before you feelings. It's okay to sometimes make decision that allow you to be happy, you know."

Seokjin smiles, his eyes lighting up ever so gently. "When did my little Tae-Tae get so smart?" He jokes, a gleam in his eye. Taehyung shoves him with his free hand and tells him to fuck off. 

And then they are staring at each other again, silence enveloping them, the tension thick in the air. But now it's a different type of tension. 

"Hyung." Taehyung asks, his voice shaking slightly. 

"Hmm." Seokjin never takes his eyes from Taehyung's.

"Do you have feelings for me?" 

Taehyung isn't sure what possesses him to ask that question, or where he even finds the courage, but now that the words are out there, he refuses to take them back.

Seokjin continues to look at him, but he now pulls Taehyung's hand between his own, drawing circles into Taehyung's palm with his thumb. 

"Yes."

Taehyung's eyes grow wide. He had hoped that would be the answer, but never did he imagine Seokjin would say it straight out like that. He decides to push Seokjin a little further. 

"So what now?" He asks tentatively. 

"I don't know, Tae. There's still the other boys to consider. I want to try to be with you, but I don't think I can give you what you want." There's a sadness in Seokjin's voice.

"What do you think I want?" Taehyung presses, trying to keep the frustration out of his voice. 

"Taehyung, if we were to try to see how things could go between us, we couldn't be official, at least not now. There's so much we would need to figure out. We couldn't tell anyone. Not the fans, not the staff, not even the other boys. Not until we were sure. And even then, we still may not be able to."

But Taehyung doesn't care, doesn't want to listen any longer. Seokjin wants them to see where things go, and that's good enough for him. 

"I want to try, hyung. I don't care if we have to be a secret for now. Maybe it will even make things more fun."

"There's no label right now, Tae. I'm not as confident in my sexuality as you are. I need you to be patient with me."

"Can we share a bed again?" Taehyung can't help but ask.

Seokjin smirks at him. "Is that all you got out of this conversation?" 

Taehyung whines now, throwing his arms around Seokjin's neck. "I'll do anything to be with you hyung. I'll take anything I can get."

Seokjin wraps his arms around Taehyung then, pulling him in to straddle his lap. Taehyung feels a single tear of happiness fall down his cheek. 

He feels like he's finally home. 

Chapter Text

SEOKJIN

"Beep, Beep, Beep Beep"

Seokjin rolls over and smacks the top of his alarm clock, hoping he hit snooze and not the off button. He rolls back over to face the wall, smiling to himself when he sees the indent where Taehyung had been not long before. Seokjin has no idea if Yoongi has caught on yet or not, but he has decided he wants to at least come off as trying to not get caught sharing a bed with Taehyung, so he had made Taeyung promise to not visit his room until he got a text saying it was okay. He also made sure Taehyung always left before Yoongi woke up, sneaking back to his own room, which was honestly probably the most dangerous part, as Namjoon isn't known to be a very deep sleeper. 

So far, none of the other members have said anything. If they did notice, they are probably too afraid to trigger another stand off between Taehyung and Seokjin, so they keep their mouths shut. 

Seokjin stretches his arms above his head, arching his back as he loosens his muscles in preparation for getting out of bed. 

"You look happy," Yoongi mumbles as he walks into the bedroom, drying his hair with a towel. 

Seokjin hadn't even realized he still has the goofy grin on his face, but right now, he doesn't really care. "Yeah, I guess I am."

Yoongi smiles at him, and Seokjin can tell that it is genuine. "I'm really glad, hyung." 

The two continue getting ready for the day in silence, a pact they made their very first day as roommates. They both prefered to spend time with their own thoughts in the morning, allowing the peaceful quiet to set the tone for the day. 

Today will be a pretty relaxed day for the group. They are going to the studio to film a youtube video, followed by a couple hours of practice. Their manager had promised them they would get off early tonight, and Seokjin is looking forward to playing video games with Taehyung. 

A knock on the door breaks him out of his thoughts, and Yoongi pulls it open, revealing a grinning Taehyung, who is holding a mug of something steaming. Yoongi returns Taehyung's good morning before grabbing his guitar and heading out into the living area. Taehyung pushes the door closed behind him and holds the mug out to Seokjin. 

"I brought you a coffee," he says sweetly, moving a step closer so Seokjin can reach out and take the mug. 

"Thank you, Tae." Seokjin takes a sip, letting out a satisfied breath before placing it on his dresser and turning back to face Taehyung. He opens his arms, and Taeyung immediately runs to him, wrapping his arms around Seokjin's waist and nuzzling his nose against his neck. Seokjin holds him tightly, sending a quiet thank you into the universe for moments like these. 

"Good Morning, hyung," Taehyung whispers, his face still pressed against Seoekjin's neck, soft breaths sending shivers down his spine. 

"Good Morning, Taehyung. Did you sleep well?" And Seokjin chuckles at his own ridiculous question, having held Taehyung all night long. 

"Yes, Seokjin-hyung. I always sleep great when I'm with you." Seokjin pulls Taehyung away from him, looking at him with a fond smile. 

"Did you find out what the plan is for today?" Seokjin asks, returning to his nightstand and taking another sip of coffee. After putting the mug down, he clasps a bracelet around his left wrist and checks his hair in the mirror. 

"Yeah. We are playing Jenga apparently. They said it would be really casual and we can just have fun." Taehyung plops down on the bed, watching Seokjin as he continues to get ready. 

Seokjin frowns slightly. 

"What's wrong?" Taehyung asks, quickly standing again. Seokin motions for him to sit back down, a reassuring smile on his face. 

"Nothing's wrong  Tae. We just have to remember the rules we set in place. Casual segments like this make it harder, right?"

TAEHYUNG

Taehyung nods, but he can't help the small tug of disappointment in his stomach. He hates that they even have to have this converation, and he's even a little annoyed with Seokjin for bringing it up. But he doesn't want Seokjin to think he can't handle their current situation, so he pastes a smile on his face. Seokjin wraps him in another hug and drops a kiss on the top of his head, which is enough for Taehyung to forget what he was even upset about in the first place. 

The two finally step into the living room. Jimin is running past, grabbing Taehyung's arm and telling Seokjin to hurry. They rush out the doors and into the waiting cars. The drive to the studio isn't very long, and Seokjin and Taehyung aren't in the same vehicle anyway. It's one of their "rules." 

Taehyung rolls his eyes. He understands, but it still stucks. Still, he will take having this much Seokjin over the alternative. 

No Seokjin. 

They arrive at the studio and one of the staff runs through the plans for the video they are going to film. Apparently, twitter had sent them a Jenga with different messages and instructions written on the blocks. There is as also a penalty card for whoever losses the game. It seems pretty straightforward, similar to a lot of the games they had played on variety shows before. 

The staff instructs them to sit on the ground in a semi-circle around the Jenga tower. Jungkook is the first one to sit, and immediately pulls Taehyung down beside him. Taehyung does his best not to search for Seokjin, but it's like his brain has a built in radar, instantly looking for Seokjin in any room, even if he isn't there. He spots him quickly, approaching the circle and stopping in the empty space between Taehyung and Namjoon, who is currently sitting beside Hoseok. He sees Seokjin hesitate, wonders what is going through his mind in that moment.

After a few more seconds, Taehyung looks up at Seokjin, who seems to sense his stare and glances down at him with a soft smile. He looks around, as if to make sure noone is watching, and then winks flirtingly at Taehyung before stepping around Namjoon, and creating a space for himself between Namjoon and Hoseok. Taehyung can't help but frown, but Seokjin winks at him once more, and Taehyung understands that Seokjin is doing what he thinks is best. Taehyung just wishes Seokjin trusted him a little more. 

Taehyung wants to be moody during the game, but it ends up being a lot of fun, and even though Seokjin isn't right beside him, he still talks to Taehyung and looks in his direction a lot. It makes Taehyung feel reassured knowing that Seokjin is still thinking of him. There are even a few times when they both lay on their stomachs to get better access to the Jenga towers, and their faces come within inches of each other. Taehyung works extra hard to not react. He wants Seokjin to know that he can do this, that he can be careful and protect whatever it is between them. 

Once the game ends, they sit on the floor eating take-out. Seokjin is sitting against the mirrored wall, and Taehyung is right in the middle of the room. Seokjin seems deep in converation with Hoseok, so Taehyung leaves things be, instead fooling around with Jimin and Jungkook. The staff members announce that they are leaving and that their manager will be there in 20 minutes to go over their itinerary for the next couple weeks. Taehyung doesn't think anything of it, but the second the staff leave, Seokjin stands up and walks towards him. Taehyung always loses his breath at the sight of Seokjin, but seeing him today, with his tight jeans, white t-shirt and leather jacket, Taehyung wants to grab him, push him into the nearest closet, and shove his tongue down Seokjin's throat.

Much to Taehyung's suprise, Seokjin reaches his hand out to Taehyung, pulling him up off the floor and taking him to the corner of the room and behind the barrier that is set up for changing outfits if need be. Taehyung glances back over his shoulder, but the other members seem busy, so he follows willingly. Not that the other members noticing would bother him, but he wonders what got into Seokjin, who, lately, has been painfully careful. 

Once behind the curtain, Seokjin wraps his arms around Taehyung, their cheeks pressed together. Taehyung wonders how Seokjin can have such beautifully soft skin, and he reaches up and brushes his fingers over the other side of Seokjin's face. He feels Seokjin's breath hit his ear before the words form inside his brain. "Thank you." 

And Taehyung has no idea what Seokjin is saying thank you for, but he's too tied up in the moment, in how similar it is to his own fantasies of kissing Seokjin with the others on the other side of the door. Or in this case, a curtain. But Seokjin has never tried to kiss him, and Taehyung is still feeling a little insecure, not 100% sure what the rules are about that. 

Now, the desire has been aroused in Taehyung, he knows he has to ask. 

"Hyung," he whispers back. 

Seokjin doesn't answer, but is now rubbing circles between Taehyung's shoulder blades with his thumb, so Taehyung takes that as a sign he can continue. 

"I want you to kiss me." 

Seokjin pulls back quickly, and Taehyung feels a chill at the sudden loss of contact. 

"What did you say?" Seokjin's eyes are wide. 

"I want you to..."

"I heard." Seokjin interrupts, running a hand through his hair. 

"Then why did you ask what I said?" Taehyung feels nervous now, regretting asking the question, especially here.

"You said we could go slow," Jin's voice shakes slightly as he takes another step back from Taehyung. And Taehyung wants to cry right then and there, but he won't. He's asked the question, and he thinks it was a fair one to ask, so he won't back down. 

SEOKJIN

Taehyung looks at him through his beautiful lashes, mositure building up along his water line. He knows Taehyung is trying to hold it together, knows it's his fault for overreacting, but he was caught off guard in the moment. 

"You said we could go slow," he hates that the shake in his voice is betraying him. 

"Hyung, I know I said that. But this is more than slow. this is snail pace. I just want to know what it's like. You said we could try things." Taehyung's voice takes on a bit of a whine, and his eyes are big and sad. 

"Taehyung, we can't talk about this here." Seokjin motions to the curtain seperating them from the other boys. 

"Fine." Taehyung spins on his heel and walks out. Seokjin sighs, leaning himself against the wall and closing his eyes. It's not that he doesn't want to kiss Taehyung. He definitely does. The amount of times he's played different scenarios of their first kiss through his mind has forced him to take care of himself in the darkness of his room many times. He's wondered what Taehyung tastes like, what he feels like, what he sounds like. But kissing opens the door to other things. And if he gives into this request of Taehyung's then he will only push more and more, and Seokjin isn't sure he's ready for the more yet. 

He sighs and pushes himself off the wall, going back out to meet the others.

Taehyung gives him the silent treatment for the rest of their time at the studio, and he's quick to leave, taking the first car back to the dorms. Seokjin can't fault him. Taking seperate cars was one of his own rules for their new 'relationship.' He spends the short drive back thinking about how he’s  going to approach the subject with Taehyung. He knows he can't ignore it. Taehyung is much too upset with him to just let things be. 

When Hobi, Yoongi and Seokjin arrive at the dorm, Jimin, Jungkook and Namjoon are already headed out. Namjoon says the two younger boys had begged him to go get ice cream with them, and so he had told them they had to leave right away, not wanting to be out too late. They invite Seokjin, but he declines. If Taehyung isn't going, then that means they can talk alone in Taehyung's room.

He takes off his shoes and changes into his pajamas before heading over to knock on Taehyung's door. There is no answer, but Seokjin pushes himself in anyway, figuring that Taehyung is probably still giving him the silent treatment. He finds Taehyung sitting on the floor, his back against his bed, his phone in his hands. He doesn't look up at Seokjin, but Seokjin can tell he's been crying.

Seokjin slides down to the floor beside Taehyung, noticing that there's nothing on Taehyung's phone screen.

"Tae-ah," he says softly. "Please talk to me. I know the conversation about the kiss upset you, but..."

"It's not about the kiss," Taehyung interrupts, his head snapping up and his eyes shooting daggers into Seokjin's. 

Seokjin is surprised by Taehyung's reaction, but he stays calm. "Then what is it? Tell me how I hurt you."

TAEHYUNG

"Then what is it? Tell me how I hurt you."

Taehyung wants to reply that nothing is wrong as soon as he hears the sadness in Seokjin's tone, but he decides against it, decides this is a conversation worth having. 

"I mean. I do want you to kiss me, that hasn't changed. But that's not what upset me," Taehyung looks back at his phone in his hands, all of the anger has seeped out of his body and he's left feeling tired.

"Then what upset you?" Seokjin is turning to face him now, his long legs crossed in front of him, looking intently at Taehyung as if he's the only thing that matters to him in the whole world. And suddenly Teahyung feels awful for even being upset. He knows there is nothing Seokjin wouldn't do for him.

"I feel kinda silly now." He whispers.

"If you were upset, then it wasn't silly. Tell me, please." Seokjin reaches out and places his hand gently under Taehyung's chin, turning his head to face Seokjin. 

"I sometimes feel like you think I'm a kid. Like, you have to make sure I don't slip up."

Seokjin just looks at him, and Taehyung knows he's offering him the time to continue.

"Today, when we were talking about the kiss, you just shut me down. The tone you used when you said we couldn't talk about it there, it made me feel like a child you were reprimanding. I don't want to feel like that. But now I feel silly for feeling that way." Taehyung can't help the single tear from falling down his cheek. He goes to wipe it away, but Seokjin grabs his wrist, teasing his hand open and entwining their fingers together. Then he uses the thumb of his free hand to gently wipe Taehyung's tear away.

"I'm sorry, Tae. I never want you to feel that way. I can see why you did though. I don't see you as a child. Actually, sometimes, I'm jealous of you."

"You are?" Taehyung's eyes widen. 

"Yeah. You're so carefree. You don't really care what others think." And now it's Seokjin's turn to look down, releasing their hands. 

Taehyung isn't sure what compells him, but he closes the small gap remaining between them, climbs into Jin's lap, his arms around his neck and his legs wrapped around his waist. "That's not true, hyung." His voice is so quiet, he isn't even sure if any sound is coming out. "I care what you think."

Taehyung could have never predicted what happened next, as Seokjin surged forward, grabbing the back of Taehyung's head with his hand and smashing their lips together. Taehyung is stunned, not sure how to react, but he soon relaxes into the kiss, allowing Seokjin to take charge. 

Even Taehyung's most well thought out fantasies were nothing compared to this experience right now. Seokjin's soft, pillowy lips moving with Taehyung's. He threads his fingers through the hair behind Jin's head, silently throwing out prayers that he doesn't pull away. But instead, Seokjin's tongue is grazing along Taehyung's upper lip, coaxing him to open up, which he willinging does. A whimper escapes from Taehyung as Seokjin presses his tongue inside, sliding along the space between Taehyung's upper lip and teeth. Taehyung applies pressure with his own tongue against Seokjin's, causing Seokjin to moan into his mouth. And Taehyung thinks he could die happy in this moment. 

Seokjin continues to deepen the kiss, and Taehyung tightens his grip in his hair. Seokjin responds by pulling Taehyung's head back, which draws a gasp. Seokjin takes advantage of the new angle, forcing himself even deeper inside, swirling their tongues together before pulling on Taehyung's bottom lip with his teeth.

Seokjin finally seperates from Taehyung. They are both breathing heavy, lips red and wet, and Taehyung knows he could do this forever. 

He didn't think it was possible to be more attached to Seokjin then he already was, but boy was he wrong. And in that moment, Taehyung knew he would do ANYTHING to make this work. 

Chapter Text

SEOKJIN

March turnes to April which passes into May. The group is very busy, recording, practicing, performing, travelling. That's basically what Seokjin's life is now. A never ending cyles of those four things over and over again. He is grateful for this life that he has, but he sometimes wishes he could spend a day like a "normal" twenty-two year old. 

Then again, if he was a "normal" twenty-two year old, then he's sure societal expectations would have been pushed on him by now. He'd most likely be pressured to meet a girl and settle down, start a family. He never would be free to spend time with Taehyung like he does now. 

And spending time with Taehyung is Seokjin's favourite thing in the whold world. Ever since they had decided to "see where things went," Seokjin's feelings towards Taehyung continue to grow. He has no doubt now that he was completely in love with him, wanting to never have space between them. 

But Seokjin still feels the weight of the group's future on his shoulders, in more ways than one. He's always felt like he is a step behind the rest of the boys, even when Taehyung and the others try to reassure him that he isn't. He spends extra time practicing the choreography, sometimes staying long after everyone else is asleep. He took more vocal lessons that even the trainees did, determined to not be the reason the group is ever held back. But he still never feels good enough, still feels the overwhelming need to push himself harder. 

At night, Taehyung will whisper to him that he is worried. Worried that Seokjin is pushing himself too hard, concerned for his health - physical and otherwise. But Taehyung is another pressure. He knows Taehyung wants to push things further, make their relationship official, let the others know. Seokjin can't blame him. He understands, because he wants it too. But, just like with dance and vocals, Seokjin's worst fear is being the reason for the group's demise, and a scandal like this would definitely be the end. 

Even beyond the taboo nature of their situationship, even if the world accepted it, what if they fall apart? What if one day Taehyung realizes this isn't what he wants? How will the band continue after that. 

No. The risk is too high. 

If Taehyung was here, he would say "no risk, no reward," but Seokjin doesn't think Taehyung truly understands the weight that sits on Seokjin's shoulders, not only heavy, but also at risk of teetering off at any moment. He doesn't think Taeyhung realizes how deep his heart sinks when he makes a mistake during a practice. The pressure is sometimes so overwhelming, that Seokjin can only focus on one day at a time. 

Seokjin wishes he could give Taehyung the whole world. But it's not possible. At least, not right now. So, everyday he shoots a prayer up that Taehyung will have some more patience with him. Give him just a little more time. 

A knock on his bedroom door pulls him away from his self deprication, and before he can even respond, Taehyung is bounding inside, doing a quick sweep of the room for Yoongi, throwing his arms around Seokjin's neck, and pressing their lips together. Seokjin immediately opens his mouth, allowing Taehyung to take all he wants in this moment. 

Seokjin will never get sick of kissing Taehyung. If there was one moment in life he would never regret, it was kissing Taehyung for the first time a couple months ago. Since then, they had their lips slotted together any opportunity they could find.

Taehyung licks inside Seokjin's mouth before nibbling softly on his bottom lip, bringing Seokjin back to the moment. He deepens the kiss, pressing his tongue hard against Taehyung's while reaching up and pulling at his hair. Taehyung moans then, and Seokjin swears it's the most beautiful sound in the world. 

And then Taehyung is pulling his mouth away, dragging his tongue along Seokjin's jawline before taking his earlobe between his teeth. Seokjin can't help but let a gasp escape, and he pulls Taehyung's head back and presses their lips back together. But Taehyung doesn't seem to be deterred, running his hand over Seokjin's shirt until he reaches the hem, and then pushing his hand up under the material, his fingers grazing the skin of Seokjin's stomach. Higher, higher, until he's running his finger in circles around Seokjin's nipple. 

Seokjin places his hand over Taehyung's through the material and pulls his face away. 

"Taehyung..."

Taehyung let's out a high whine. "Pleeeeeasseee." He's basically begging Seokjin at this point, but there's no way Seokjin is giving in. Not today. 

ESPECIALLY not today. He's already feeling torn in a hundred different directions.

"We've been kissing for months now!" Taehyung complains, trying to free his hand from Seokjin's grasp.

"You make it sound like it's torture," Seokjin teases, slowly removing Taehyung's hand from under his shirt. Taehyung frowns at him before finally turning away, flopping down on his back on Seokjin's bed. 

"Hyung...I didn't say that. I just want...more."

Taehyung is looking up at the ceiling now, his swollen lips making his pout even more adorable. Seokjin sits down on the edge of the bed, leaning over Taeyung to push a piece of hair behind his ear. Taehyung turns his head so he's peering up at Seokjin. 

"Don't you want more, Seokjin-hyung?" And his big, brown eyes are staring at Seokjin like a kid hoping for a puppy for Christmas. Seokjin let's his hand drop from Taehyung's face. 

"Of course I do, Tae. But, I need you to please be patient with me."

"Why?" And Taehyung asks it with such confidence, that suddenly Seokjin isn't sure of the answer. 

"Taehyung. There's more to our relationship than just the physical stuff, you know?" Seokjin isn't sure who he is reassuring at this point.

"I obviously know that." Taehyung's voice takes on an irritated tone, and Seokjin assumes he's offended by the insinuation that he thinks otherwise. 

TAEHYUNG

"And you can call it sex. It won't kill you to say the word." Taehyung knows his tone is harsh, and he regrets it immediately, but since it's already happened, he might as well go with it. 

Seokjin's eyes narrow, and now Taehyung starts to worry. It's not often that Seokjin gets upset with him, but Taehyung can see a darkness in his eyes.

"I'm not afraid to say the word, Taehyung. But I also am not ready to push things further. You can either respect that or not."

And then he's standing up and walking out the room, leaving Taehyung alone with his regrets.

Seokjin NEVER leaves difficult conversations. He always stays and talks things through to the very end. It us one of his characteristics that Taehyung admires the most. Seokjin is constantly putting others' needs and feelings before his own, and so he must be pretty upset right now.

In fairness, Taehyung still feels like he had a point. It's not just about physical things, either. After Seokjin kissed him in March, Taehyung thought that maybe things would move a little bit. Maybe Seokjin would start being open to them eventually naming their relationship, perhaps even tell at least a couple of the members about their feelings. But instead, other than the kissing, nothing has changed in months, and Taehyung is starting to get antsy. He wishes Seokjin understood how insecure he felt at times.

Taehyung knows his insecurity isn't Seokjin's fault. The older boy dotes on Taehyung, always making him feel like the most important thing when they are together. But that's the key - when they are together. When they are apart, or in public, its like they don't have a relationship at all. In fact, Seokjin spends less time talking to Taehyung when the whole group is together than he does the other members. Sometimes, it makes Taehyung wonder if this is all that Seokjin wants. Like, maybe they reached this point, and he will be happy with it forever. 

The thought brings the familiar burning feeling behind Taehyung's eyes. He blinks the tears away. He's not sure what to do. His attempts at a conversation with Seokjin haven't gone very well, mostly because he usually lets his emotions get in the way. Seokjin can be so infuriating though, the way he always thinks so logically. 

"UGHHHHHH!!!" Taehyung screams into one of Seokjin's pillows. His eyes feel heavy, so he allows them to close, letting his thoughts drift away as sleep envelopes him.

He awakes with a start to the sound of a door slamming and then hears Seokjin's voice. "Oh, you're still here." His voice is even, controlled. Taehyung rolls over to look at him, pushing himself up on to his elbows. 

"Yeah, I guess I fell asleep. Sorry." He swings one leg over the edge of the bed and lifts himself to a sitting position. 

"It's fine." Seokjin is still standing by the doorway, looking at Taehyung quietly.

"And, I'm also sorry for pushing you again. I know you've asked me to be patient. I guess I just worry sometimes."

Seokjin's face softens at Taehyung's admission, and he walks over to the bed, dropping down on the edge beside Taehyung. "What do you worry about?" 

Taehyung can't bring himself to look at Seokjin when he answers. His voice is quiet, the only way he can keep it from shaking. "That you'll change your mind."

"Change my mind about what?" 

"Me..." Taehyung says it so quietly, he isn't sure if Seokjin even heard, but he doesn't think he can repeat it.

Seokjin reaches for his hand, threads his fingers through Taehyung’s. His thumb is rubbing gently against Taeyhyung's wrist. "That's not going to happen, Tae."

"How do you know?" Taehyung finally risks a glance up at Seokjin, who is looking at him with his beautiful caramel eyes, a slight sparkle dancing under the lights of the room. And it takes Taehyung's breath away, how perfect Seokjin is. How his eyes eminate empathy, compassion...

Love.

"Taehyung. My sweet, sweet Taehyung." Seokjin lifts Taehyung's hand to his lips and ghosts a gentle kiss against each of his knuckles. "I know, because every day I care for you more than the day before. Every day, I fall even deeper for you." 

Taehyung doesn't even try to fight the tears threatening to fall. "Even the days when I'm pushy and emotional?"

Seokjin's lips stretch into a soft smile. "Especially those days, Tae. Especially those days." And then he's reaching for Taehyung's chin, turning their faces together and gently coaxing Taehyung's lips open with his own. It's a soft and sweet kiss. The kind of kiss that feels like love.

The kind of kiss you could live in forever. 

Chapter Text

TAEHYUNG

Taehyung downs  shot of espresso, his face scrunching up as the bitter liquid forces it's way down his throat. Taeyung hates coffee, but some days, it's a necessity. He and Seokjin had stayed up way too late the night before playing video games, completely forgetting they had an early morning tv interview. Both were pretty caught off guard when Yoongi awoke them. His facial expression didn't let on that he was suprised to see them in the same bed, but Taehyung figured Yoongi had to know. They had been doing this forever, and there's no way they went completely undetected by Seokjin's roommate. 

Taehyung had hurridly slipt out of Seokjin's room and headed to his own, getting ready in record speed. He jumped in the car with Jimin and Jungkook, as Seokjin still insisted on the "no sharing a car" rule. Playing some soft jazz through his headphones, he had hoped he might grab a little bit of sleep on his way to the studio, but the drive was much shorter than he anticipated. 

Once they arrived, everything happened in a flurry, as it often did at any promotional activity such as this. The boys would be doing a series of interviews about their newest comeback "I Need U." They had each been handed their outfits from the stylists, which were a play off school uniforms, but Taehyung kind of felt he looked like he should be playing tennis. But the matchy matchy looks were really in right now, so he pulled his assigned outfit on and slipped out to join the other boys in the waiting room. The boys stood in a circle, and Taehyung squeezed his way in between Hoseok and Jimin, figuring he must be the last member ready. Their manager reviewed information that may be relevant to potential interview topics, and Namjoon asked a few follow up questions.

Someone from the studio opened the far door and gave them a five minute warning, prompting Namjoon to have them huddle up and wish each other luck. As the boys lined up, prepared to head out to the interview space, Jimin grabbed Taehyung's wrist and pulled him a little away from the group, enough that the others couldn't hear him whisper, "I heard you slept in Seokjin-hyung's bed last night." 

Taehyung tries to keep his expression neutral, but inside he's shocked that this information has made it's way to Jimin, who is neither his or Seokjin's roommate. He tries to pretend he can't hear what Jimin is saying, before squirming out of his grasp and running to catch up with the rest of the boys who are now entering the interview room. He hears Jimin whine out his name behind him.

When they enter the room, there are seven chairs set up. Four in the back row and three in the front. As Taehyung and Jimin are the last to enter, they don't have many choices. And with Taehyung being significantly taller than Jimin, he's assigned the last remaining seat in the back row, right on the end beside Seokjin. He can't help but smile, feeling the warmth eminating off Seokjin even though they are still about a foot apart. 

The interview goes by seamlessly, the members joking and teasing each other, and there are a lot smiles and laugher. Once the interiew is over, the boys pile back in their cars which take them to their practice room. They need to tighten up their choreo and vocals before their performance on mcountdown in two days. The staff has ordered them a light lunch, and they set themselves up around the small room, nibbling at their food and playing on their phones. Seokjin and Taehyung are side by side, Taehyung's head on Seokjin's shoulder, watching him get frustrated as he tries to beat a level. Taehyung can't help but giggle every time Seokjin growls and grunts at the screen, his cute little expressions make Taehyung want to run his fingers down Seokjin's cheeks to his jawline. 

Namjoon appears in front of them, and Taehyung looks up and smiles. Namjoon gives him a small smile back, but seems more interested in speaking to Seokjin. 

"Seokjin-hyung," he says, loud enough to get the attention of Seokjin, who flicks his eyes up for a second before returning them to his screen. 

"What's up?" He asks, eyes still focused on the game. 

"I need to talk to you for a second. Alone, please." Nothing about Namjoon's tone seems off, but Taehyung does find it a little weird that he needs to talk to Seokjin away from Taehyung. But he doesn't think much of it, and eagerly takes the phone that Seokjin is handing to him. "You better win this," Seokjin whispers into his ear as he stands up, and a shiver goes all the way from the top of Taehyung's head and down his spine, resting deep in his belly. 

Namjoon and Seokjin walk to the corner of the room, far enough away that the others can't hear what they are saying. Taehyung allows his eyes to wander to the two older boys every once and a while, but he's still pretty determined to win this level for Seokjin. It's when he sees Seokjin run his hands through his hair, a frown creasing his goregous face, that Taehyung starts to feel an unease settle in his stomach. He tries his best to focus on the game in front of him, but he can't kick the nagging worry that's suddenly settling over him like a thick blanket on a summer day, causing his cheeks to flush and beads of sweat to appear on his forehead. 

He eyes the two again, and Seokjin nods curtly at Namjoon before walking back towards Taehyung. Taehyung smiles at him as he approaches, and Seokjin returns the gesture, but it's half hearted and doesn't come anywhere close to reaching his eyes. Taehyung's heart starts to pound in his chest. It's not really like Seokjin to allow his feelings to show in front of everyone like this. 

"Is everything okay?" Taehyung asks softly as Seokjin sits back down beside him. But now he's about a foot away, leaving plenty of space between the two. Taehyung scooches closer, but Seokjin just slides a bit further away again.Taehyung pouts. "What's wrong?"

"We will talk later." Seokjin's voice is quiet and even, and then he's standing up and walking away, leaving Taeyung with his thoughts. 

SEOKJIN

One minute, he's sitting with Taehyung on the floor of the practice room, Taehyung's soft breath dancing off his shoulder as he watches Seokjin play a game on his phone, the next he's standing in the corner of the room with Namjoon, being asked the question he's been dreading for months. 

Namjoon's voice is quiet, his eyes soft as he searches Seokjin's face. "Hyung, what's going on between you and Taehyung?"

Seokjin battles back his own facial expressions. Keeping his emotions in check is something he's always been really good at. "What do you mean?"

"You seem really close."

Seokjin chuckles a little. "We've always been close Joonie."

"I know, but...," Namjoon's voice trails off, his gaze dropping to the floor. 

"But what?" Seokjin asks, his heart is beating so quick now, nervous to know the answer.

"I share a room with Taehyung." And Namjoon says it as if that one sentence is all that is necessary. 

It is. 

"Yeah..." Seokjin's voice trails off, and he's running his hands through his hair, willing his eyes to not travel over to where he KNOWS Taehyung is watching him now. 

"I know he sneaks into his bed early in the morning. I kinda figured he had fallen asleep in the living room or in Jimin's room, but then this morning...This morning I was just coming out of the bathroom when I saw Taehyung sneak out of your room. And suddenly it all made sense."

"He doesn't like to sleep alone. You know that." Seokjin states, keeping his tone even.

"Yeah I know. But it's not just that. You seem like you're even closer than before. Taehyung's always been touchy, so I ignore that, but not you. And lately it seems like you can't keep your hands off him." Namjoon allows a small smile to return to his face. "Hyung, if there is something there...something more than friends..."

"There isnt!!" Seokjin interrupts, and his reaction is so visceral that he feels instantly guilty. 

"But if there is..." Namjoon continues, seeming unphased by Seokjin's outburst. "Then you know we would support you. But it sounds like you aren't 100% sure what you want yet. So, until you are, maybe you should be a bit more careful. I trust you to make the best choice."

Seokjin weakly smiles back at him. He feels like he could be sick, really wishes he could just go home and jump into bed. And it's as if Namjoon can read his mind, cause he tells Seokjin he should go home if he wishes. At first, Seokjin refuses, but Namjoon reassures him that today they will be practicing vocals, and choreography will be tomorrow, so Seokjin doesn't need to worry. Seokjin nods and watches as Namjoon walks away.

Taehyung is smiling up at Seokjin as he returns to the spot they were sitting on the floor. Seokjin tries to smile back, but he knows it's a weak attempt. He sits beside Taehyung again, but makes sure to leave some extra space. He knows Taehyung is confused by this, because the younger quickly closes the gap. Seokjin pulls away again, and now he can see Taehyung's expression drop, his gorgeous lips falling into a little pout. He asks Seokjin what's wrong, but Seokjin knows that if he answers right now, the tears will fall, and that can't happen here. So he whispers that they will talk later before pushing himself off the floor and leaving the practice room. He can feel Taehyung's eyes burning through him the entire walk to the door, but he knows he can't look back. 

He decides to walk home, but ends up running most of the way, hoping the physical pain will help numb the emotional one. He arrives home, sweat running down his face, his t-shirt soaked. He jumps in the shower. The water runs down his face, and he allows it to blend in with his tears. 

This is what he was worried about, what he knew would eventually happen. The others were starting to catch on, and he wasn't sure he was ready for that yet. Wasn't sure that whatever he and Taehyung had was strong enough to handle the questions and prodding of others. He feels stuck in an impossible place, a room with no doors or windows, the walls closing in on him. What decision is he supposed to make? It feels like they can't continue on like this. And if Seokjin is being honest with himself, it's hard to not have someone to talk to about the struggles he's been having. Someone who isn't Taehyung. 

But he knows ending things will break not only his own heart, but also Taehyung's, and that seems like an even worse outcome. 

Seokjin locks himself in his room. He knows Yoongi has a key, but he wants to be alone, pretend he's sleeping, if any of the other boys arrive home. He flops down on the bed and closes his eyes. He tries to play through every possible scenario, every outcome he can possibly imagine. He knows that some may think he's being too logical, but logic has always been the way he's made decisions. It had always worked for him in the past, but in the past, there was no Taehyung. Taehyung feels everything deeply. He breathes, eats, sleeps, lives his emotions, leaves them out in plain sight for everyone to see. And sometimes, Seokjin is jealous. Sometimes, he wishes he could feel things as intensely as Taehyung. Taehyung tells him he can if he just opens hiimself up to it, but for some reason, that idea terrifies him.

TAEHYUNG

Practice feels like it lasts for three days. Taehyung is super antsy to go home, to find out what's wrong with Seokjin, to ask him if he did something wrong. If he was a logical thinker like Seokjin, he would know that wasn't true. Everything had been fine until Seokjin went to talk to Namjoon, so whatever upset him must have had something to do with that conversation. But still, Taehyung can't help but feel nervous. 

The practice finally ends, and Taehyung is too impatient to wait for the other members so he can take one of the cars home, instead opting to run all the way there. He somehow manages to beat the others, and he thinks that maybe they stopped for something to eat. 

Taehyung bounds up the stairs and bursts into the apartment. He doesn't see Seokjin around, but his tennis shoes on the ground by the front door tell Taehyung that he is here somewhere. He heads right for Seokjin's bedroom door, knocking gently, but getting no reply. Then, without putting too much thought into it, he bangs loudly, calling Seokjin's name repetitively. 

Seokjin pulls the door open, and Taehyung takes in how disheveled he looks. His hair is sticking up all over the place, his t-shirt wrinkled and his eye lids heavy. Taehyung immediately wraps his arms around Seokjin, who, much to Taehyung's relief, reciprocates. 

"Where are the others?" he asks.

"I think they must have stopped to eat. I ran here." Taehyung answers, and he realizes he's probably looks like a sweaty mess. "We're alone."

Seokjin continues to hold him, resting his chin on Taehyung's shoulder. Taehung plays with the hair on the back of Seokjin's head as the two stand in silence. 

Finally, Seokjin is pulling back, running his hands through his hair, and Taehyung knows something is wrong. 

"What did Namjoon want?" he asks softly.

Seokjin looks up at Taehyung, and his eyes are full of sadness. "He asked if there was something going on between us." 

Taehyung's eyes go wide. "What?"

"Yeah..."

"But...how....wh..." Taehyung's thoughts are all over the place.

"He said you've been sneaking into your room late, and that this morning he saw you leave my room." Seokjin goes to his dresser, starts fixing his hair in the mirror. 

"So...what did he say?" And Taehyung feels his hands start shaking. He's terrified, scared that this will push Seokjin away again, just as they are finally making some progress. 

"He said we need to be careful." Seokjin avoids turning to look at Taehyung, but Taehyung can see his reflection in the mirror, knows Seokjin's not telling him everything.

"Okay, then we can be careful." Taehyung approaches Seokjin and hugs him from behind. Seokjin doesn't fight him, but he just stands there, his arms at his side.

And now Taehyung is pulling back, forcing Seokjin to spin around and face him. "Right?" he asks, his voice desperate, probably louder than it needs to be. 

"Taehyung..." Seokjin whispers.

Taehyung shakes his head, fights back the tears. 

"Taehyung...I don't know. I need time to think, to decide what our next move should be." Seokjin is running his hands through his hair again. 

"No!" Taehyung yells. "No!"

"Taehyung?" Seokjin's eyes are full of confusion, and he takes a step towards him, but Taehyung backs away.

"You don't get to always do this!" 

"Do what?" 

"Decide everything for us. Run away every time things get a little complicated or there's a little obstacle in our path. You don't get to play around with me like this." Taehyung's whole body is shaking now, but he forces his voice to stay still and strong. 

"Tae...I'm not..." And Seokjin is stepping towards him again. Taehyung holds his hand up for him to stop, and he does. 

"Yes. You are. Maybe you don't even realize it. I know you don't mean to hurt me, but you are. Please just figure out what the fuck you want!" 

Taehyung spins around, pulls the door open and runs out, not looking back until he's locked safetly in his own room. Only then does he allow himself to drop to the floor as the sobs force their way out of him. 

Chapter Text

SEOKJIN

Sweat drips off Seokjin's hair, causing his eyes to burn as he tries to wipe it away with the back of his hand. The weather outside is warm, and the air conditioning inside is non-existent. So the boys are all drenched in their own sweat, trying to perfect the choreo of I Need U before the music shows start tomorrow. 

Taehyung avoids eye contact with Seokjin, so he decides to allow space between them. To be honest, Seokjin thinks it's probably a good idea, as his own mind is still reeling from what happened last night. He hadn't meant to upset Taehyung, to make him feel like he was pulling away yet again, but he also can't blame Taehyung for seeing it that way. Seokjin had spent all last night tossing and turning, trying to decide what his next course of action would be.

But right now, he was too tired to think. The practice had been physically exerting, and all Seokjin wanted to do was go home and fall into his bed. It seemed like the other boys felt the same way, because as soon as the cars pulled up in front of the dorms, a mad dash was made to be first to the shower. 

One of the advantages of being the oldest, is the others allowed him to go first. Normally, he would insist others go, but tonight, he needed to lock himself away in his room. He rushes through his shower and falls right to sleep, too tired to even think about his situation with Taehyung. 

Morning comes far too quickly. Everyone bustles about, but the atmosphere is fairly quiet. It always is on performance days, as each member has their own way of preparing. Seokjin runs through the choreo again a few times in his room, planning to warm up his vocals once they arrive at the venue. Yoongi has his headphones on and is fiddling around with something on his computer. Seokjin figures he's working on music.

An hour later, they are all crowded in a small green room, the smell of hairspray filling the air. Seokjin searches the room for Taehyung, realizing he hasn't seen him yet today. He figures that Taehyung must have either snuck out of his room and into a car before or after Seokjin left. It doesn't take him long to spot him though, his body sensing Taehyung before his eyes have a chance to catch up. He's sitting on the ground against the wall, his knees bent and earphones in both ears. He's mouthing the words of the song, but no sound is coming out. He looks as handsome as ever, with his brown hair falling neatly over his forehead, framing his almond eyes. Seokjin notes that he's wearing a burgundy shirt with white stripes, and a black jacket, as well as dark pants that match a few of the other members. As always, he's mesmorizing, and Seokjin really doesn't want to look away. 

Taehyung looks up just then, as if he can sense Seokjin's gaze. He meets his eyes, and Seokjin notes that they look sad. Then he's looking back down, hiding his face behind his phone. Seokjin wants to run over and hug him, hold him tight and tell him he's sorry, but he can't. Now is not the time. It will have to wait. 

Seokjin follows the sound of his name, taking his turn in the makeup chair. He decides to follow Taehyung's lead and review the lyrics. 

He's the last one to get ready, so once the stylist puts on his last piece of jewelry, the boys are ushered out to record. Like any time they get to perform in front of ARMY, it's exhilerating and Seokjin wants to live in the moment forever. But it's over as quickly as it started, and the group returns to their room to wait for the results. Taehyung returns to his spot on the floor, and this time Seokjin does approach him, sliding down the wall to sit beside him. 

"You sounded good today, Tae." He makes sure his voice is loud enough for Taehyung to hear over his music. 

"Thanks," Taehyung looks up at him for a second and smiles, but the smile isn't real, and Seokjin feels disappointed. 

"Can I watch too?" Seokjin asks, pointing to the screen of Taehyung's phone where their performance is playing. Taehyung nods, but doesn't remove his eyes from the screen. Seokjin will take what he can get, and he moves himself a little closer to Taehyung, their arms brushing against each other. Taehyung quickly pulls his arm away and puts it in his lap. 

Seokjin feels like he could be sick, the worry is building up so heavy inside of him. He realizes that he's really upset Taehyung, and he isn't sure what to do to make it right. He doesn't feel he was completely unjustified in his conflicting feelings, but he also can understand where Taehyung is coming from.

His thoughts, and his moment beside Taehyung, are interrupted when their manager tells the it's time to go back to the stage for the annoucement of the winner. Seokjin stands first and offers his hand to Taehyung, but Taehyung ignores and gets up on his own, walking away before Seokjin even has a chance to speak. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, refusing to let his feelings show on his face. 

"Bangtan Sonyeondan!" Their name is announced and then the crowd is cheering loudly, and the other groups are congratulating them. It's a big moment, one they've worked very hard for. And Seokjin is elated, but he really wants to spend the moment with Taehyung. But Taehyung refuses to make eye contact. 

Before he knows what's happening, a red lipstick is in his hands. The members have been putting it on each other, so Seokjin approaches Taehyung and paints it on him dramatically. Taehyung laughs and plays along, but as soon as the moment passes, Taehyung walks away and interacts with other members. 

Seokjin feels Namjoon's hand on his shoulder, and he gives Seokjin a reassuring smile. "Make sure to enjoy the moment. We only get it once." Namjoon says it only loud enough for Seokjin's ears. Seokjin nods in thanks, taking the advice to heart. 

TAEHYUNG

"Bangtan Sonyeondan!!" Taehyung feels a thrill run through his body as the crowd breaks into cheers. They've worked hard for this moment, and now it's all paid off. He really wants to run into Seokjin's arms, but he knows that's not possible, even if he wasn't in the middle of giving Seokjin the silent treatment. 

Seokjin approaches him with lipstick, holding his face and drawing it all over Taehyung's lips. Taehyung knows that ARMY and the other fans are watching, and so he plays along, smiling and laughing and allowing Seokjin to tease him. But as soon as propriety allows, he turns and walks away. Being that close to Seokjin breaks down too many of Taehyung's walls, makes it too easy for him to back down and enter into their same cycle. He has to be strong this time, has to give Seokjin the space and time to decide what he really wants. 

For now, he does his best to enjoy the moment, fooling around with the other members on stage, until they start filtering out and returning to their room. Taehyung was planning to take the elevator up with Yoongi, but realized he forgot something on stage, so goes to retrieve it. When he returns to the elevator, the only member left is Seokjin, and the two pile in quietly together. 

Taehyung stands in silence, looking at his hands, refusing to meet Seokjin's gaze which he can feel burning into him. Then Seokjin is closing the gap between them, showing Taehyung something on his phone. A photo of the two of them from the other day. 

"What is this?" Taehyung asks. 

"It's the picture that lady took of us in the park. I forgot to send it to you." 

Seokjin looks at Taehyung, and it seems like he has something else to say, but then the elevator is stopping and someone is backing in. The two of them continue looking at Seokjin's phone, Taehyung unable to pull his eyes away from the photo, the way Seokjin is holding him makes him want to cry right there in the elevator, and he wants to hit Seokjin for ruining a happy moment by showing him this. 

Yoongi's voice sounds from behind them, and they both look up at the same time to realize he's being filmed by one of the staff. They pull away from each other a bit, and the staff member cuts pretty soon after. Taehyung really wants to look at Seokjin now, study his expression after the encounter with the staff and camera, but he focuses his attention on Yoongi instead, praising him for his performance and hard work. 

They arrive to their floor shortly after. Yoongi exits first, and Taehyung goes to follow, but Seokjin tugs gently on his arm. "Wait, Taehyung."

Taehyung turns his body slightly, but still refuses to face Seokjin. He doesn't say anything.

"I don't want things to be like this. I don't want us to be apart. I was wrong."

Taehyung turns then, allowing his eyes to take in Seokjin's. "Are you sure we should talk about this here?" His tone is challenging, and he knows he's being difficult, but it serves Seokjin right. 

"I'll talk about it anywhere you let me." Seokjin's voice is soft, and he's gently reaching for Taehyung's hand. And maybe Taehyung finally understands where Seokjin is coming from, realizing someone could walk by anytime. He decides he'd rather this moment between the two of them to be private.

"We can wait until we get back."

"Are you sure?" Seokjin asks, his voice sounding wary.

"I promise." He smiles at Seokjin. 

The two of them join the other boys, and Taehyung is immediately handed a cake and told to bring it to the camera, which he does. Seokjin never allows him to get too far away the entire time they walk down the hall, while they blow out the candles, and even while they say their thank yous to ARMY. When Taehyung bends down a little so as not to block the other members, Seokjin rests his hands on Taehyung's shoulders. Taehyung tries desperately not to react, and instead keeps shoving strawberries from the cake into his mouth in an attempt to keep his hands busy.

SEOKJIN

Two hours later, the members have returned to the dorms and taken turns showering. Seokjin pulls on a pair of sweatpants and t-shirt and prepares himself for a conversation with Taehyung. He knows what point he needs to make, but he hasn't fully decided how he should make it. 

"I'm headed to the studio." Yoongi says, grabbing his guitar and heading out the door, leaving Seokjin alone in his room. 

J: Come to my room? Yoongi is gone.

He sends the text to Taehyung before he can change his mind. A few minutes pass with no reply, and Seokjin begins to worry. He starts to pace the room, continuously running his hands through his hair. Just as he is about to go search for Taehyung, the door inches open and Taehyung slips inside. His hair is still wet from the shower, and he's wearing a blue, cotton pajama set. Seokjin can't help his eyes from wandering up and down Taehyung's perfect body. Even in pajamas, he looks like a dream. 

Taehyung clears his throat. "You wanted to talk?"

"Uh....yeah..." Seokjin pulls his attention back to Taehyung's face. "Do you want to sit?"

Taehyung shakes his head, and Seokjin awkwardly plays with his hands, not sure what to do about the large space between them. Instead, he once again runs his hands through his hair. 

"You were right, Tae. I do tend to push you away whenever things get...well...I don't even know. I guess whenever things are different, unexpected. I can see how I'm giving you mixed signals, and I don't want to do that anymore."

Taehyung remains silent, but he doesn't back away when Seokjin slowly approaches, stopping just a couple feet away. 

"I still don't want to move too fast, and I don't think it's smart to tell everyone about us, especially while we are still figuring things out ourselves."

Taehyung rolls his eyes, and Seokjin knows he needs to be quicker to get to the point. "I think maybe we should each tell one person? Then we have people to confide in, and friends we can act normal in front of. Namjoon already knows, so I wouldn't count him, but I was thinking I wouldn't mind telling Yoongi. What do you think?"

Taehyung just stares at him, his eyes big. 

"I'm guessing you would want to tell Jimin?" Seokjin continues, starting to get worried that maybe Taehyung is going to tell him he's out of his mind for even thinking they could still be together. 

But then, Taehyung is closing the gap between them and throwing his arms around Seokjin's neck, dropping sloppy kisses all over it. "Thank you, hyung! Thank you! Thank you!" 

Relief washes through Seokjin, and he grabs Taehyung's face in his hands and presses their lips together. The kiss is short and sweet, but Seokjin has more to say, so he gently leads Taehyung over to the bed and guides him to sit down. Seokjin drops down beside him and takes his hands. "I was also thinking about what you said about my taking things too slowly, and maybe you're right...."

"Hyung, I...." 

But Seokjin continues. "I think maybe we can try other things. Like more than just kissing...you know? But not sex! I don't think I'm quite ready for that yet, but I want to try other things with you..."

Taehyung beams at Seokjin, but then his smile falls quickly. "Hyung, you don't have to just to make me happy."

"That's not the only reason, Tae. I really do want to experience these things with you. I want to be closer to you. But you're happiness is also important to me. So no, it's not the only reason, but it's definitely A reason."

And Taehyung is once again wrapping his arms around Seokjin, nuzzling his face into his neck. Seokjin holds him tightly.

He doesn't think he will ever want to let go. 

Chapter Text

TAEHYUNG

Today was a day that Taehyung would attempt to sear in his memory forever. The first day he got to wake up with Seokjin, not have to sneak out at an ungodly hour to avoid being caught. Both Yoongi and Namjoon knew about the two of them now, and with both of their roommates in on the secret, there was no longer a reason to worry about their bedroom situations. Well, other than keeping quiet. But seeing as how they hadn't done anything beyond kissing, that has yet to be a problem. 

Taehyung pushes the nervous feeling that flip flops in his stomach. Seokjin had agreed that it was time to move their whatever this is forward, and now Taehyung was starting to feel anxious, worried that Seokjin would think he was inexperienced or awkward. 

He pushes the thought away for now. His focus this morning is telling Jimin about them. He'd be lying if he said he hadn't played this conversation over in his mind a hundred times in the last year. He'd been dying to tell his same age friend about his feelings for Seokjin for a long time. If he's being honest, he assumes Jimin already knows about his head over heel crush for the oldest member. But the fact that Seokjin reciprocates the feeling? Well, Taehyung can't wait to see Jimin's expression when he finds out that part. 

Taehyung lets out a soft squeal as he pulls on his sweater and runs out of his room. Jimin is already waiting for him, pointing at his watch with mock impatience. 

"Chop, chop, Tae-Tae." Jimin says in English, trying to put on a fake accent. 

"What's your hurry? Meeting someone?" Taehyung teases back. 

"Hey, you never know when you might meet the one. Always have to be prepared." Jimin states matter of factly as he pulls open the front door. 

The two boys walk for about 10 minutes until they get to a little breakfast cafe. They both order something and then sit down to wait for their food. Taehyung feels like a four year old on Christmas morning, his body full of energy, and he doesn't know how he's kept this secret for so long seeing how hard it is to hold it in for a few more minutes. 

Jimin eyes him from across the table. "So, are you going to tell me the reason for our little outing?" 

"Can't I just hang out with my friend?" 

"You can. But you sent me 15 messages telling me to clear my schedule because you had something you really wanted....no....needed to tell me." 

"Oh..yeah," Taehyung laughs giddily. 

"Spit it out. What's got you looking like a school boy after his first kiss?"

Taehyung's eyes widen at how close to topic Jimin's comment is. And now that the moment is here, he suddenly feels nervous, worried how his friend will react. 

"Um..." he looks down at the table, plays with the mug in front of him. "I'm nervous now." 

"You're nervous?" Jimin's voice is soft now, and he reaches out and places his hand on top of Taehyung's. "You can tell me anything, Taehyung. I promise."

Taehyung looks up to meet Jimin's gaze, and suddenly he remembers how safe Jimin makes him feel.

"Seokjin and I are..." Taehyung's voice trails off. He's not really sure what they are. 

"You're what?" Jimin prompts him to continue. 

"We're kinda a thing."

"A thing?"

"Yeah, like...together." Taehyung feels nervous again. He's explaining it so badly, and he desperately wishes Seokjin were here. He would know exactly what to say. 

"Like, a more than friend thing?" Jimin pushes on.

"Yes. Like we hold hands, and kiss, and talk about the future."

"WAIT?!" Jimin practically shouts, and Taehyung shushes him, nervously looking around to see if anyone heard. Jimin adjusts his voice to a whisper, but his tone has the same urgency. "You and Seokjin KISSED?"

Taehyung nods. 

"Like, he kissed you on the cheek when you were falling asleep kiss? Or like, tongue down your throat kinda kiss?"

"Both?" 

"BOTH!" 

"SHHHHHH!" Taehyung reaches over and puts his hand over Jimin's mouth, but Jimin just pushes it away. 

"What else have you done?" Jimin seems excited now, and Taehyung feels all the tension fade away. 

"Well we cuddle in bed at night. But other than that, nothing yet. But..."

"But what? I need all the details! Taehyung, this is what you wanted right?" Jimin is holding both of Taehyung's hands now, and he can tell that Jimin is genuinely happy for him. 

"You knew?" Taehyung asks quietly. 

"About your feelings for Seokjin-hyung? I'm pretty sure we all knew. About you and him."

"What do you mean him?" Taehyung shoots Jimin a confused look. 

"That you both had feelings for each other. It's pretty obvious. I just never thought Seokjin would do something about it. He's always worried about the group."

"You're telling me," Taehyung mutters.

"But you're telling people now, so that must mean your official."

Taehyung shakes his head emphatically. "No, and you can't tell anyone! We decided to each tell one person. So he told Yoongi and I told you. And Namjoon knows cause well...he saw me coming out of Seokjin's room a couple days ago."

"Ooooo, what were you doing in his room? Give me the details." Jimin leans his body in closer to Taehyung. 

"There's nothing else to tell. We make out and cuddle, that's it. But I'm hoping we will do more soon. We've talked about it."

"Are you ready? For more?" Jimin asks, his voice volume lowers and he leans back in his chair. 

"I think so. I've been pushing for more from Seokjin for a while. He finally agreed. I guess now I'm worried that he's only doing it because I asked."

"Is that what he said?"

"No, of course not. He said he wants it to. But...I guess that isn't the only thing I'm worried about." Taehyung starts to fidget with his cup again, and Jimin waits paitently, allowing him the space to finish. 

"What if I'm awful, and Seokjin hates it and never wants to be with me again?" Taehyung fights back the burn behind his eyes. Why does he have to be so emotional?

"Taehyung, that's not going to happen." Jimin's voice is reassuring. 

"How do you know?"

"Because I know Seokjin. He's not like that. And he cares about you a lot. Everyone can tell that. You two have been through so many firsts together, and this is just another one. But you trust each other, right?"

Taehyung nods. 

"Then enjoy the experience. Maybe it will be awkward at first, but I think that if you really care about someone, the awkwardness won't matter."

Taehyung grins now.

"Not that I know, since I'm forever single," Jimin adds, which prompts Taehyung to throw his napkin at him.

The two walk home in silence, Jimin seemingly understanding that Taehyung has a lot to think about. Jimin's about to push open the door when Taehyung gently grabs his elbow, causing him to turn. 

"Thank you, Jimin. I'm so thankful I have you."

SEOKJIN

Seokjin sits on his bed across from Yoongi, both of them strumming on their guitars. They've been working on a bit of a melody together, and Seokjin has been enjoying the slower pace of the day. 

"Hey, Yoongs." Seokjin surprises himself by getting Yoongi's attention. He was planning to wait a bit longer to talk about Taehyung, but he guesses now is as a good a time as ever.

"Hmmm," Yoongi continues strumming his guitar, but he looks up at Seokjin.

"I wanted to tell you something." 

"Would that something be whatever is going on between you and Taehyung?" Yoongi's voice is calm and matter of fact, which causes Seokjin's eyes to grow large. "Oh, don't give me that look. Even a bear in hibernation would notice you two in the same bed every night." 

"Yeah, I guess it would be hard to keep it from you. Sorry if its been a bother." Seokjin fiddles with his guitar again. 

"Doesn't bother me at all as long as you keep it down. So far so good." And Yoongi's eyes are doing a little dance now, leaving Seokjin feeling much more comfortable.

"About that. We've been talking about maybe taking things to the next level. Wow, that sounds so cliche." Seokjin cringes at his own words. 

"Well, sometimes cliche is the only way to get your point across. From what I've seen, you two don't struggle with chemistry, so I'm wondering why you look so unsure."

"I've been torn for a long time. I'm the oldest. I can't be going around making rash decisions, especially if it can effect the rest of you."

"Seokjin. You need to give yourself a break. You work yourself to the bone, always say you can do better. We all see how hard you work. We know you would never do anything to cause harm to any of us. But, we're a group. We have each other's backs. If this thing with Taehyung is something you want to pursue, we will figure it out together."

Seokjin is surprised to hear Yoongi have such a strong opinion about it, but he's thankful for his words. "Thanks," is all he can manage to say, feeling his emotions start to take over. 

"Anytime, Jinnie-hyung." Then Yoongi is standing up and pulling on a sweater. "I'm gonna go to the studio for a bit. Wanna come?" 

"Thanks, but I think I'll stay here and play a bit more." 

Yoongi grabs his phone and heads out the door. Seokjin plays for a few more minutes but then decides to lay down and try to take a nap. 

He's barely closed his eyes when he hears the door to his room open and close. He assumes Yoongi must have forgot something, so he doesn't bother to open his eyes or get up. It's not until he feels the dip of the mattress behind him that he realizes it probably isn't Yoongi. But before he can roll over, a body presses against him from behind and an arm wraps around his waist. 

"Tae?" he asks softly.

"Is there someone else who gets in your bed like this, hyung?" Taehyung's voice has a hint of mock in it. 

"Yeah. A few..." Seokjin jokes back. Tahyung resonds by placing a kiss on the back of Seokjin's neck and tightening his grip around his waist. Then he's pulling Seokjin's earlobe between his lips sucking gently. Seokjin lets out a soft moan, and this seems to be all the encouragement Taehyung needs. He slides his hand slowly down Seokjin's stomach until he reaches the hem of his shirt. His long fingers slide underneath the hem, and he runs them softly along his now exposed skin, causing a shiver to run through Seokjin.

Taehyung continues dropping kisses all over Seokjin's neck and down his shoulder, using his teeth to pull the collar of Seokjin's shirt out of the way so he has better access. The kisses become wet and messy, and Seokjin is so distracted by them that he almost doesn't notice the way Taehyung is running his fingers along the waistband of Seokjin's pants, teasingly placing his fingers just under the elastic. Seokjin wasn't expecting this to happen today, wanted to make it a more memorable event. But now, with the way Taehyung's breath is ghosting along the skin of his shoulder, there's no way he's stopping it. 

He grabs Taehyung's hand that's still teasing his waistband as he flips himself over and on top of Taehyung, bracketing Taehyung's head with his elbows. Taehyung whines in protest, but Seokjin quickly swallows it, closing the gap between them and taking Taehyung's lips in his own. The kiss is more intense than any they have had before, and Seokjin doesn't wait long to push his tongue deep into Taehyung's mouth. The kiss is messy, but Seokjin doesn't care, just keeps up the intensity until they finally find a rhythm. 

Taehyung bucks his hips up into him, eliciting a moan from Seokjin as their cocks rub together. They are both wearing sweatpants, but the friction is still enough to make his cock twitch in resonse. He knows he's painfully hard now, but with the way he feels Taehyung underneath him, he knows he's not alone. He pulls his mouth away from Taehyung's, biting down on his bottom lip as he does. Taehyung whimpers and attempts to jut up into him again, but Seokjin holds him down with his body weight, pulling the most beautiful sounds from Taehyung's lips. Seokjin kisses along Taehyung's jaw line, and down under his chin, letting his tongue trace messy circles and sucking gently, careful not to leave marks anywhere that can be seen by others. He continues to trail kisses down Taehyung's neck to his shoulders, finally sucking hard on the skin beneath his collarbone. Taehyung threads his hands through Seokjin's hair, pulling gently as he squirms underneath him. 

Seokjin finally gives Taehyung what he's asking for, allowing Taehyung to thrust his hips up and Seokjin begins rocking into him.

Their movements become faster, and Taehyung is whimpering and moaning beneath him, his head thrown back and his eyes squeezed shut. Seokin leans down again, licks his tongue along Taehyung's bottom lip. Taehyung bucks up harder, causing Seokjin to moan. He responds to Taehyung by intensifying the friction between their cocks, rocking back and forth with more force. He can feel his orgasm building up, pulsing desperately, and he isn't sure how long he can hold on. Taehyung looks just as desperate, sweat running down his face, causing his hair to stick to his forehead. Taehyung pulls Seokjin's forehead to his own, and the slight change in position allows Taehyung to take a bit more control, picking up the pace, and Seokjin is so close. "Tae....Tae...I'm..."

"Me too, hyung." Taehyung barely gets out, his breathing heavy and he grips Seokjin's hair even harder. Seokjin's vision starts to blur and the room starts to spin as his orgasm spills over, white lights exploding in his head as he releases. Taehyung is moaning loudly beneath them, and Seokjin is sure that if anyone is home, they are definitely hearing this, but he can't find it in himself to care. He feels better than he has in forever. Taehyung lets out one last moan as the two thrust into each other again, and then he's throwing his head back, breathing heavy, his hips shaking underneath Seokjin. 

Seokjin rocks with him through his orgasm, and then he falls down on the bed beside Taehyung. 

"Whoa." Taehyung breathes out.

"Yeah...Whoa." Seokjin turns his head to look at Taehyung and smiles. 

Another first with Taehyung, and he can't wait for many more. 

Chapter Text

TAEHYUNG

Taehyung decided that May was now his favourite month. May brought with it sunshine, fully flowered trees, small tastes of summer. All of that was nice, but for Taehyung, May was the month that Seokjin seemed to finally let some of his defenses down. Sure, there was still a barrier there, but instead of a thick, stone castle wall, it was more like a barbed wire fence like farmers used to keep their animals corralled. It was progress, and Taehyung clung on to it. 

Seokjin was much more affectionate now, showering Taehyung with praises whenever he could, no matter who was around. Of course, he was still very careful about physical touch, and honestly, Taehyung was starting to understand. Sure, he would love to announce to the whole world that Kim Seokjin was his, but he also enjoyed being able to make their own choices without company, or really anyone's, input.

But when noone was around, or when they could sneak off somewhere, away from watchful eyes, the physical was no problem. Their hands were always all over each other, their mouths clasped together whenever they had the opportunity, as if they needed each other's air in order to live. As for space, anywhere would do. Closets, bathrooms, really anywhere that they couldn't be seen. Namjoon and Yoongi were even nice enough to occassionally give them space in their own rooms, which Taehyung was so grateful for, but too embarrassed to tell them .

Today is one of those days, the boys have the day off, but Namjoon, Yoongi, and Hoseok were gone to the studio anyway, working on ironing out the details of their new title track. Jimin and Jungkook had gone to do some shopping, which left Taehyung and Seokjin in a position they almost never found themselves.

Completely alone. 

And bet your bottom dollar, Taehyung wasn't going to let the day go to waste. He doesn't even wait for Seokjin to leave his bedroom, instead slipping inside quietly. Seokjin is sitting on his bed with a book, a hood pulled over his head and RJ against his chest in the crook of his arm. Taehyung can't help but smile at how adorably attractive he is, stopping to take in the sight. But then the cute aggression takes over, and he pounces, pulling the book from Seokjin's hand and replacing RJ on his lap. Seokjin is still trying to catch his balance from the sudden attack when Taehyung begins dropping kisses all over his forehead, cheeks, chin, and finally his mouth, allowing his tongue to trail slowly along Seokjin's plump top lip. Seokjin recovers, wrapping his arms around Taehyung's small waist and pulling him hard against his chest. He responds to Taehyung's kiss, pushing his tongue playfully just past Taehyung's lips. But Taehyung wants more, shoving his tongue back at Seokjin's and licking inside his mouth. Taehyung wraps his legs around Seokjin's waist, his arms now around his neck, playing with the hair at his nape. He can feel how hard Seokjin already is underneath him, which prompts him to rock against him once, illiciting a moan from the older boy. 

"I want to touch you." Seokjin's breath is hot against his ear, and he thinks he must be in a sex charged induced hallucination. Seokjin rarely initiates new steps in their sexual experimentation. Instead, it's usually Taehyung pushing them further. But Seokjin whispers it again, a little louder now, and Taehyung pulls back quickly, looking him in the eyes. 

"Can I?" Seokjin asks, his hands now slipping down between them, grazing Taehyung's bulge through his jeans. And Taehyung is way too turned on to say anything, so instead he nods, or he thinks he does, he isn't even sure. But he must, because Seokjin pushes him backwards, forcing himself on top of Taehyung. Taehyung's legs are still wrapped around Seokjin's waist, and he uses them to pull him closer. Seokjin leans down, taking Taehyung's lips in his own again.

And then he's kissing Taehyung's neck, down his sternum, undoing the buttons of Taehyung's pajama shirt as he goes. He sucks the skin around his nipple, and Taehyung moans softly, his hands now threaded through Seokjin's hair. Seokjin traces circles around Taehyung's nipple before taking the sensitive skin into his mouth and nibbling softly with his teeth. And Taehyung feels so good. He's torn between wanting this to last forever, but also desperately wanting Seokjin to get to the point, his cock painfully hard inside his jeans. He knows he's already leaking at this point, and he squirms at the thought. 

"Hyung. Please." His voice comes out more desperate than he intended, but he can't help it right now. Seokjin seems to decide to play nice as he moves on and continues kissing, licking and sucking all down Taehyung's chest to his stomach, breathing hot air all over his belly. Taehyung bucks his hips up, but Seokjin pushes him right back down.

"Patience." 

"Pleaseee." And Taehyung IS desperate now. 

Seokjin pays him no mind, returning to sucking on the soft skin of his belly, but now his fingers are tracing along the waistband of Taehyung's jeans. He flicks open the button, making eye contact with Taehyung as he pulls the zipper down painfully slow. Taehyung is almost crying now from his need to release, and he can feel that his lashes are wet. Seokjin's smirks up at him as he pulls Taehyun's jeans down over his hips, leaving his boxers as the only thing between Seokjin's mouth and Taehyung's very hard cock. Taehyung tries to buck up again, but Seokjin is holding him down, leaning down and tracing kisses along the inside of Taehyung's thighs. 

Seokjin keeps sucking on the skin, at the same time placing his hand over Taehyung's bulge and stroking him slowly through the fabric. Taehyung can't hold back the moans, and he feels like it's possible to cum just from this. But he refuses. He needs to feel Seokin's mouth on him, see his gorgeous plump lips wrapped around him. 

Finally, Seokjin hooks his fingers under the waistband and starts to pull then down, this time allowing Taehyung to lift his hips slightly so he can get them and his jeans all the way off. Taehyung is completely naked, whereas Seokjin is completely clothed, and it causes Taehyung to feel extremely exposed. Seokjin takes him in slowly, allowing his eyes to drag up all the way up Taeyung's body, from his legs to his eyes. Taehyung reaches forward and grabs the hem of Seokjin's shirt, pushing it up. Seokjin catches on and pulls his shirt over his head, and then leans back down to kiss Taehyung. Taehyung grabs the back of his head and pulls him closer, kissing along Seokjin's neck and lapping at the sensitive skin under his chin. Seokjin moans prettily, or at least Taehyung thinks its pretty. The prettiest sound he's ever heard, and he could listen to it for the rest of his life. 

Finally, Seokjin is making his return trip, ghosting kisses all the way back down Taehyung's body until he reaches the head of Taehyun's cock, pink and hot, a small amount of precum dripping from the slit. Seokjin licks at it, gently at first, and then he's taking the head inside his mouth, sucking teasingly on the tip, and Taehyung thinks he could die happy. And then Seokjin takes the base in his hand, begins stroking him slowly, his lips moving to suck on Taehyung's balls. Taehyung thinks he might explode from the way Seokjin looks right now, his face burried between Taehyung's legs, his long fingers wrapped tightly around his cock. 

"Please, hyung. Please." He's whining now. 

"Please what?" Seokjin says, a sly smile across his lips as he peers up at Taehyung. "What do you want, my desperate boy?" 

Taehyung has to close his eyes at the tone of Seokjin's voice, sure that he could explode right now, but he needs to know what Seokjin's mouth feels like. "I want to feel your mouth on me."

And that must have been enough for Seokjin, cause with no hesitation at all, he tightens his grip on the base takes him right into his mouth. Taehyung does his best to stay still, not wanting to cause Seokjin to choke by jutting his hips up, but he doesn't have to wait long, because Seokjin pulls up until his mouth is wrapped just around the tip, before pushing his head back down, taking Taehyung so deep he can feel the back of Seokjin's throat against his tip. Seokjin moves faster now, his hand moving in rhythm with his mouth. Taehyung can feel the saliva running down his shaft and and leaking onto his stomach and it's the sexiest, hottest, most amazing thing he's ever witnessed. 

Taehyung can no longer control the sounds coming out of his mouth, and he whimpers and moans under Seokjin's touch. It isn't long before he feels the pressure bulding up, his orgasm threatening to spill over at any time. 

"Seokjin...I'm..." And Seokin pulls his lips off Taehyung, but continues to stroke him, his free hand now squeezing and teasing his balls, And that's enough to push Taehyung over the edge, his vision blurring as he explodes all over Seokjin's hand and his own stomach. Seokjin continues to rub him through it, until finally he's too sensitive and pushes Seokjin's hand away. Seokjin falls on the bed beside Taehyung, both breathing hard, Taehyung still coming down from his orgasm. 

He turns his head to look at Seokjin, and can see he's still very hard. He pushes himself up and climbs on top of Seokjin, straddling him and running his hands up and down his chest and abs. Taehyung loves the way his ab muscles feel under his fingers, and he thinks he could get hard again. But now is about Seokjin, and he wants him to feel as good as Seokjin make him feel. He leans down and drops a kiss on Seokjin's neck, just below his ear before whispering "my turn," which in turn pulls a moan from Seokjin. 

Taehyung wastes no time pulling Seokjin's sweat pants down and off, followed immediately by his boxers. He knows he could tease Seokjin, go slow, but he can tell by the way Seokjin's pupils are blown wide that he isn't going to be able to handle too much teasing right now. Instead, he decides to get right to business, flattening his tongue and tracing it up Seokjin's shaft before taking the tip in his mouth and sucking gently, his tongue twirling around and teasing his slit. He pulls lips off with a pop, making eye contact with Seokjin as he does. 

"Fuck, Tae, you're so sexy."

Hearing Seokjin say 'fuck' triggers something in Taehyung, and he feels an overwhelming need to please Seokjin. He wraps his lips tightly around his tip again and takes Seokjin in as deep as he can. Seokjin moans loudly. "Tae, ugh, you feel so good." Taehyung hums at the praises, causing Seokjin to moan again. 

Taehyung pulls his mouth off again and reaches his hand out to Seokjin. "Give me your hand."

Seokjin looks confused, but does as he says. Taehyung guides Seokjin's hand to the back of his head, and pushes down as he takes Seokjin's cock back into his mouth. 

"Are you sure?" Seokjin asks, a hint of concern in his voice. But Taehyung pushes harder on Seokjin's hand, his way of assuring Seokjin that this is what he wants. 

Seokjin gently pushes Taehyung's head down onto his cock, clearly concerned about hurting him, but Taehyung peers up at him with pleading eyes, and that seems to be enough assurance for Seokjin. He guides Taehyung's head up and down, at the same time pushing his hips up, causing him to push even further into Taehyung's throat. And Taehyung is sputtering now, his lashes wet, and saliva mixed with precome running down his chin and hand. But it feels so good, the sounds he hears coming from Seokjin's mouth, that he relaxes his throat so he can take him in as deep as possible. 

Then Seokjin is pushing on his shoulders, forcing him up off him, and Taehyung pulls back just in time to see Seokjin's orgasm wrack through him, white strips squirting all over Taehyung's hand. Taehyung thinks its the sexiest thing he's ever seen. Seokjin pulls him down into a kiss, before rolling him over beside him on the bed. Then he pulls Taehyung close to him, and Taehyung nuzzles his face into Seokjin's neck. He feel Seokjin's fingers playing with the hair on the nape of his neck, and he hums in satisfaction. 

He never imagined it would be this good, or that he could be this happy, and for a moment, he has a small twinge of fear that this feeling won't last. But he pushes it aside, determined to enjoy it for as long as he can. 

Chapter Text

SEOKJIN

Seokjin isn't sure which he likes more, the feeling of Taehyung's tip hitting the back of his throat, or the sensation of Taehyung taking him deep into his mouth. What he is sure about, however, is that he wants more and more. All he can ever think about is Taehyung these days. The way his skin feels under his touch, the sounds he makes when he's coming undone, the feeling of his mouth all over Seokjin's neck. More than that, he can't stop thinking about the way Taehyung's eyes crinkle up when he smiles, or the way his voice takes on a little whine when he's pouting, or the way he makes Seokjin feel like he's the most important person in the world. 

For the first time since he started considering he may have feelings for Taehyung, he feels like he can breathe. For the first time, things feel simple. 

Easy.

But Seokjin knows that things are far from butterflies and roses. The reality is, as fun as sneaking around and hiding their growing feelings for each other from the rest of the world is, Seokjin knows Taehyung will grow tired of it quickly. Right now he's distracted by all the new things that are happening in their physical relationship, but eventually, Seokjin knows that won't be enough anymore, and Taehyung will push for more. 

The problem is, Seokjin still isn't sure how much more he can safely give. But for now, he's trying to live in the moment. Enjoy things the way they are for as long as possible.

Seokjin has felt himself start to relax a bit in front of the camera. He definitely thinks it helps that a few of the members know about things, that way they can let Seokjin know if the lines are being blurred in front of the cameras.

Yesterday they had filmed themselves playing some games for BTS Gayo. Seokjin had pulled Namjoon aside prior to filming and told him that if he felt he and Taehyung were being too obvious, Seokjin hoped he would tell them. Namjoon had reassured Seokjin that he would, but also let him know that he trusted his judgement. 

If only Seokjin trusted his own judgement.

But thinking clearly around Taehyung was difficult. He either let all rational thoughts to and then reflected on their behaviour later, feeling anxiety rising up inside him as he replayed the events, or he put up a strong defense, refusing to respond to Taehyung at all, which always ended up leaving the younger boy upset. So no, his own judgement wasn't something he wanted to rely on, 

In hindsight, he does think that maybe the two of them were a little flirty on the set, but none of the other boys had said anything, so he's decided to let it go this time. It's a liberating feeling.

Today, they will be filming for their newish variety show, Run BTS. Right now, they are in the car on the way there, Taehyung half asleep on Seokjin's shoulder. Taehyung had convinced Seokjin to drop the no sharing a car rule, and as much as he hated to admit it, Taehyung was right. The drivers didn't seem to pay them any mind. Yoongi reminded Seokjin that he and Taehyung had been clingy since day one, so the reality is, a lot of people probably never noticed anything. 

Taehyung stirs, reaching his hand out and placing it on Seokjin's. "Your thoughts are making it hard for me to sleep," he says through a yawn.  

Seokjin can't help but smile. Most people don't understand or appreciate just how perceptive Taehyung is. He feels other's emotions so deeply, and he's always connecting himself to those he cares about, recognizing when they are struggling before anyone else does. 

"Well, I was thinking about how sexy you looked with your mouth wrapped around my cock last night," Seokjin whispers loud enough for only Taehyung to hear, causing the younger boy to let out a small whimper. 

"Are you trying to turn me on right here in the car?" 

"Maybe..." Seokjin turns his hand over, allowing Taehyung to interlock their fingers. 

"Well, then you'll have a problem to solve." 

Seokjin can't help but laugh. If he was concerned things might be awkward between them once they started crossing certain lines, he was very wrong. In fact, things were more comfortable than ever, and their banter fell into a fun and easy rhythm. 

They pull up to the Bighit building, and Seokjin follows Taehyung out of the car and through the front door. They meet the others in the filming studio, waiting for the producer to give them more information. 

The producer tells them that today they will be acting out a scene where they are at confessional. Seokjin laughs inwardly, finding the topic ironic. If only they knew how much Seokjin had to confess to. 

They film in a series of different combinations. Taehyung and Jimin, Jungkook and Jimin, Seokjin and Yoongi, Namjoon and Yoongi. It's all fun and games, and honestly, this kind of humour is right up Seokjin's alley. He always felt born to be a comedian or variety show entertainer. 

The final combination is Yoongi as the priest with Taehyung confessing his sins. The rest of the members are sitting on the floor watching the scene play out. Taehyung approaches the confessional booth and sits down. He introduces himself and says he has a serious sin to confess. 

"Tell me about your sins," Yoongi says, taking on the character of the 'priest.'

"I have this friend," Taehyung begins. "Kim Seokjin." 

Seokjin feels his eyes get wide, curious where Taehyung is going with this. He can't help but feel a little bit anxious giving the context of their role-playing. 

"This sin is not that serious," Taehyung continues. 

"Is this a funny story?" Yoongi interrupts. Seokjin can see Yoongi give Taehyung a bit of a look. To any of the fans watching, it wouldn't be noticeable, but Taehyung seems to catch it. 

"I will skip that story."

Seokjin breathes a sigh of relief. He's not really sure why he was even holding his breath. He promised Taehyung he would trust him more, and he really has no idea what Taehyung was planning to say. 

The rest of the skit goes off without a hitch and the boys are finally dimissed. They go right from filming to dance practice, trying to prepare for their upcoming new release. Dope has a complex choreography with sharp, technical moves, so Seokjin has been spending a lot of extra time rehearsing. Because of this, noone seems surprised when Seokjin says he's going to stay back when the rehearsal ends, the boys all waving goodbye and telling him not to overwork himself. 

He uses the towel around his neck to wipe his face, stopping at the bench in the corner to take a quick swig of his water. As he walks back towards the mirror, he sees Taehyung behind him. He spins around, can't help but jump a little at the sudden sight of him. 

"Why didn't you go home?" Seokjin asks. 

"I need to practice more too. I don't feel super confident about the second verse choreography." Taehyung grabs a water out of the cooler and heads over to the mirror where Seokjin is still standing. 

Seokjin knows it isn't true. Taehyung always learns the chreography faster than anyone. He knows Taehyung is staying back to support him, and he hopes Taehyung realizes how much he appreciates him making up an excuse. 

The two practice together for another hour and a half until both are way too tired to continue. Sweat is running down both their faces, their wet hair sticking to their foreheads and their breathing heavy. 

"Thanks for staying back with me."

"I wanted to, hyung. For real." Taehyung dries his hair with the towel and then shakes it around, causing it to fall haphazardly across his forehead. Seokjin wonders if he knows how sexy he looks right now. Seokjin can't help himself, can't resist the urge to brush Taehyung's hair out of his eyes, can't stop himself from running his fingers down Taehyung's jawline to his chin, can't hold back from rubbing his thumb along his bottom lip. 

"Don't start something you can't finish," Taehyung whispers, motioning to where they are. But Seokjin doesn't care right now. He's not sure what comes over him, but in this moment, all he can think about is Taehyung. All he wants is to draw those pretty little sounds out of his lips. 

He grabs Taehyung's hand and pulls him into the small office that sits right of the dance room. Seokjin knows there's no cameras in there. He pulls Taehyung inside, and pushes him against the door, the clicking of the latch echoes through the air. 

"Seokjin, what are you..." But before Taehyung can finish his sentence, Seokjin has his mouth over his, swallowing the rest of his sentence in a passionate kiss. He licks and probes at Taehyung's bottom lip, which eagerly opens, Taehyung's own tongue welcoming him inside. Seokjin doesn't allow the kiss to last long, knowing they only have a limited amount of time before someone is bound to come looking for them. 

Seokjin starts sucking the skin under Taehyung's jawline, licking circles with his tongue. His hands slide down between their bodies, unbuckling Taehyung's belt, flicking open his button and quickly dipping his hands inside. He strokes Taehyung through his boxers, the thin material all that sperates them. He wants to rip Taehyung's pants all the way off, but he knows it's too risky right now. Instead, he pulls them down just enough to expose the tip of Taehyung's already very hard dick. 

"You're so sexy," Seokjin whispers into his ear, causing Taehyung to let out a soft whimper. He runs his thumb over Taehyung's slit, rubbing the precome all over the head, creating a lubricant for himself. Slowly working his hand into Taehyung's boxers, he runs his fingers down the shaft while continuing to use his thumb to play with the tip. Taehyung is whining and bucking into him now.

"Seokjin. Pleaseeee." He drags out the last word with a desperate tone. 

Seokjin wraps his hand around Taehyung's cock and starts stroking him slowly, applying just enough pressure to pull the most beautiful moans from deep in Taehyung's throat. 

"You're so sexy when you moan for me like that, Tae." 

Seokjin isn't exactly sure what comes over him whenever he's around Taehyung, but it's like his walls of propriety are torn down, and the words that come out of his mouth shock even him. 

But Taehyung seems to love it, keening under his praise. Seokjin picks up the pace, and Taehyung responds but thrusting himself into Seokjin's hand. The two form a rhythm together, and Seokjin finds Taehyung's lips again, pulling him into a messy kiss. Taehyung is barely able to kiss back now, his breathing ragged, and Seokjin knows his orgasm is building up. He tightens his grip just a little bit more, twists his wrists slightly as he stroke up and down. 

"Come on, Tae, I wanna feel your cum all over my hand." His voice is a deep rasp now, and he sucks a mark into the skin just below Taehyung's collarbone. He's sure that will still be there tomorrow. 

Taehyung throws his head back and lets out a loud moan, prompting Seokjin to cover Taehyung's mouth with his free hand. The movement seems to push him over the edge, because within seconds he's spilling all over Seokjin's hand, his legs shaking underneath him. Seokjin continues to cover his mouth as he moans and whines his way through his orgasm, only letting go once he's stroked him through his release. 

Taehyung opens his eyes and stares at Seokjin, his pupils still big and his eyelashes wet from his high. Seokjin holds his chin and pulls him into a tender, gentle kiss. Then he grabs some kleenex from the desk behind him and uses it to clean up Taehyung as best as he can. 

"Wanna get something to eat?" he asks, as he drops another peck on Taehyung's lips.

Taehyung still seems shocked, but he nods in reply. Seokjin threads his fingers through Taehyung's and leads him out into the warm, summer night. 

Chapter Text

TAEHYUNG

Taehyung allowed Seokjin to drag him out of the building and out into the warm summer air. 

What the fuck just happened?

Seokjin had always been the careful one, while Taehyung was usually willing to throw caution to the wind. So if someone had told him that one of them would be giving a hand job in the office of the practice room, his money definitely would have been on himself.

The loud siren of a police car driving by pulls him out of his stupor, and he quickens his pace so he's now walking beside Seokjin, who has now dropped his hand. He doesn't dare say anything about what just happened, too afraid to find out that Seokjin regretted it. So instead, he walks quielty beside the older boy, the events of a few minutes earlier bookmarked for later review. 

"Wanna get ice cream?" Seokjin asks, breaking the silence.

"Sure!" Taehyung is relieved that their time together isn't ending yet. 

Seokjin leads them over to an ice cream truck and tells Taehyung to pick what he wants. Taehyung orders vanilla ice cream on a cone, and Seokjin goes with chocolate. They walk through the nearby park, their gazes falling on each other as they lick at their ice cream. Taehyung assumes neither of their thoughts are very pure in this moment.

"Can we take a picture?" Taehyung asks, pulling his phone out of his pocket. The two of them used to take and post selfies together all the time, but that had stopped since their fallout at the beginning of the year. 

"We don't have many pictures of us away from the others anymore. I really want a new one." Taehyung looks at Seokjin with big eyes. He knows Seokjin won't be able to resist. 

"Okay."

Taehyung holds his phone up and tells Seokjin to show his ice cream to the camera. It's going to be a cute picture, he can already tell. But just as he goes to push the photo button, Seokjin leans down and licks Taehyung's ice cream. Taehyung pretends to be disgusted, but in reality he thinks it's adorable and just wants to watch Seokjin eat the whole thing right there in front of him. 

After the failed attempt at a selfie, the two walk and talk for another 30 minutes before finally making their way back to the dorm. 

Taehyung has a shower and Seokjin follows after him. Taehyung lays in Seokjin's bed while waiting and pulls open the photo. He can't help but smile when he sees how intimate it looks. They kinda look like boyfriends, and it makes Taehyung's stomach do a flip. 

Without putting too much thought into it, he opens their twitter profile and posts the photo. They used to post all the time, so he knows the fans won't think anything of it. He takes one last look at the photo and then turns his phone off, plugging it into the charger on Seokjin's nightstand. 

Seokjin slips into the room a few minutes later, his hair wet from his shower. Taehyung stares at him with no shame, letting his eyes trace down his neck, over his chest and abs. Down further, further. 

Something hits him in the face, and Taehyung realizes Seokjin has thrown his shirt at him. He whines and throws it back. 

"What was that for?" He pouts, making sure it's one of his cutest pouts. 

"Keep looking at me like that and we will have a problem that we don't have time to deal with." Seokjin teases, pulling off his sweats and slipping into the bed beside Taehyung. He stretches his arm out beside him and Taehyung crawls in close, feels Seokjin close that same arm around him, running his fingers through Taehyung's hair. 

"I mean. Yoongi isn't here now." Taeyung flirts. 

"Don't tempt me." 

"That's exactly what I'm trying to do. I owe you from earlier." Taehyung walks his fingers down Seokjin's bare chest and over his abs. 

"Yoongi will be here any second. You can "owe" me another time," Seokjin says as he unlocks his phone and starts scrolling through social media. Taehyung doesn't heed his warning, never been one to really follow the rules, and instead starts running his fingers along the waistband of Seokjin's boxers. 

"What's this?" Soekjin asks suddenly, pushing the phone towards Taehyung's face. Taehyung knows what he's talking about before he even sees it.

"It's a selfie of you and me?" Taehyung pretends to be unaware of what Seokjin is concerned about. 

"Yes. On the public twitter."

"Mhmm..." Taehyung slides on finger under his waistband now, but Seokjin swats his hand away. 

"Why did you post this? You said you wanted a picure for yourself?" Seokjin's tone has a bit of an edge to it. 

"Well, it was cute and I wanted to share it. We used to share photos all the time." Taehyung is pouting now, slightly annoyed that Seokjin is making a big deal out of this. 

"Yeah, but not pictures of me licking your ice cream. People could get the wrong idea." 

"Or the right one," Taehyung mutters under his breath. 

"What?" 

"They know we are all close. They will just think we were teasing. You're always teasing, so that's what they will assume. Pleae don't over think, hyung." Taeyung tries to keep his emotions in check, knows the best way to reassure Soekjin is through calm, rational explanation.

It seems to work, because he can feel Seokjin's body relax underneath him. 

"I guess you're right." Seokjin sighs as he closes his phone and places it beside Taehyung's on the nightstand. "Maybe I'm just a little stressed." 

"Well....that's something I can help you with." Taehyung's hand once again returns to Seokjin's boxers, this time cupping his dick through the fabric. 

"Taehyung..." 

Taehyung reaches over Seokjin and flips off the lamp, then he pulls the blanket over both of them. 

"If you're quiet, even if he walks in, he won't know." 

"Taehyung..." Seokjin protests again, but this time it's much weaker. Taehyung takes this as a sign to continue. 

Taehyung brings two fingers to his mouth, pushes them inside. The light from the window is just enough for Seokjin to see what he's doing. He sucks on his fingers, slides them in and out. He hears Seokjin catch his breath. 

Once he has enough saliva on his fingers, he dips his hand inside Seokjin's boxers and rubs his wet fingers up and down the shaft, creating a lubricant. Wrapping his hand fully around Seokjin's dick, he starts stroking him slowly at first, twisting slightly. And then Seokjin's lips are on his neck, kissing and lapping at his skin. He uses his free hand to push Seokjin away, instead, pressing his own lips against Seokjin's collarbone. 

"It's my turn to please you, hyung. Just relax and enjoy," He whispers into Seokjin's ear, which pulls a moan from him. Taehyung grins to himself. He loves being the reason for those sounds from Seokjin. 

He continues to stroke Seokjin as he bites and sucks on the skin of his neck, jaw and chest. Taehyung can tell that Seokjin is trying to be quiet, but his best attempts are failing. But Taehyung knows that Seokjin is close now, feels his arm that is still under Taehyung gripping his ass tightly. 

Moments later, Seokjin is spilling all over Taehyung's hands, and Taehyung strokes him through it. Cum is pooling on Seokjin's stomach, and Taehyung runs his tongue across it, causing Seokjin to shiver underneath him.

"Fuck, Tae. That's so fucking hot." Taehyung loves that Seokjin never uses language like that anywhere but with him. 

Seokjin pulls Taehyung up to him and kisses him deeply, and Taehyung knows he has to be tasting his own cum on Taehyung's tongue, which makes Taehyung's heart race. 

Once they've calmed down a bit, Seokjin goes to the bathroom and cleans himself off before bringing back a cloth and wiping Taehyung up with it as well. Then he once again holds his arm out for Taehyung, and they wrap themselves up into each other and drift to sleep. 

SEOKJIN

The next few days go by in a flurry of practices, promotions, and filming. Before they know it, they are backstage at MCountdown, filming a Q&A after the show. They are all wearing matching outfits - black pants, white dress shirts and black ties. Seokjin does his best to keep his gaze off of Taehyung, but he finds it difficult when Taehyung looks like a model off a runway. But he manages to keep himself in check, reminding himself that he's a professional. 

The members have a series of sticky notes with questions on them, and they are supposed to take them and answer them. Each of the members take a turn choosing one. Taehyung grabs one and reads that someone is supposed to do an acrostic poem. He tries to petition different members to do it, but they are avoiding him. 

Seokjin knows that it's all in fun and that they don't mean anything by it, but for some reason he feels protective of Taehyung, doesn't want him to feel embarrassed or ignored. So, he pushes himself forward and takes the sticky note from Taehyung, offering to do the poem. 

Taehyung places his hand on Seokjin's shoulder and runs his hand down his arm. Seokjin takes this as a sign that he's appreciative of the gesture, and as careful as Seokjin normally is about their on camera interactions, he feels like he needed this one as much as Taehyung did. 

The rest of the Q&A goes by without a hitch, although Seokjin is sure the two of them have eye fucked at least a couple times over the course of the filming. He just hopes it wasn't too obvious. 

June turns to July and the group is once again filming, this time a radio interiew, although for some reason they are playing games that require viewers, but who is Seokjin to argue. He sits beside Taehyung, not even caring what people think in this moment. He's been reassured by Namjoon and Yoongi that he and Taehyung aren't as obvious as he thinks, so he's allowed himself to relax a bit. 

Jimin is seated on the other side of Taehyung, and the same age friends are given a mission to accomplish. They have to blow up a balloon and pop it between their chests. At first, Seokjin finds the idea amusing, a harmles little game, but when the activity actually begins, he suddenly realizes how long it takes to pop the balloon, with the two boys spending way too much time holding on to each other. And they don't even just do it once, but several times, each time getting more and more "handsy."

Seokjin knows he's being dramatic, knows that all they are doing is pushing a balloon between them, but he can't help the feeling that's rising in his chest. 

He's always considered himself to be extremely rational, logical really. And his logical, rational mind tells him that Jimin and Taehyung are best friends and nothing is happening between them. But apparently he has a new little green friend taking up residence inside his amygdala, and he can't help but want to rip the two of them apart and let everyone know that he's the one Taehyung loves. 

But of course, he can't do that. However, that doesn't mean he can't play the scenario through in his head anyway. 

Now he's starting to understand how Taehyung must feel, wishing he could share this secret with everyone. But the reality is, they probably never will be able to, so Soekjin is going to have to learn how to deal with these new and irrational feelings. 

That night he holds Taehyung extra close to him. Taehyung doesn't argue, just snuggles in, whispers "I love you" as he drifts off to sleep. 

Chapter Text

SEOKJIN

July had seen a drastic increase in temperature, both in the weather, and in the growing infatuation between Seokjin and Taehyung. Seokjin knew that his walls had crumbled, leaving behind an electric fence that all could see through but somehow only Taehyung could turn off. Seokjin wasn't sure when it happened, but somewhere through the course of July, he had felt himself relax, let go of some of the strict standards he held their appearance too.

Perhaps it was because Namjoon and Yoongi had both promised to let him know if things became too obvious. Or maybe it was because when he was around Taehyung, he tended to think with parts of his body that were quite far south from his brain. 

Whatever the case, Seokjiin was allowing himself to enjoy the peace he had seemed to find for the first time in a really long time, desperately hoped it wouldn't leave any time soon. 

A small sigh pulls his attention to the gorgeous figure wrapped up around him. Taehyung shuffles slightly, his eyelids fluttering, but not fully opening. Seokjin pushes a piece of hair out Taehyung's face with his thumb, tucking it back behind his ear, then he leans down and kisses his forehead gently, barely brushing his lips against tan skin. Taehyung smile softly beneath him. 

"Ahh, so you're pretending to sleep." Seokjin pulls out a teasing tone, now using his thumb to draw small circles in the bare skin of Taehyung's upper arm. 

"Nu-uh!" But his deepening smile betrays him, and he looks up at Seokjin through dark, fluttering lashes. "I didn't want to wake you."

"I'm sure." Seokjin chuckles, leaning down to kiss Taehyung again, this time pulling Taehyung's bottom lip between his own. Taehyung responds, placing his hand on Seokjin's face, tracing his thumb along his jaw line, pushing open his lips with his tongue.

Seokjin loves the taste of Taeyung, thinks it would be impossible to have too much. Every breath, every lick, every swipe of their tongues against each other feels like life itself is being transferred into his being. 

In moments like this one, all alone, but together, in bed, the sounds of their tongues dancing around, skin to skin, breath to breath, Seokjin can almost pretend that they are the only people in the world. That they are a "normal" couple, whatever normal means. So he holds on to these moments as long as he possibly can. 

But, eventually, all good things must come to an end, and the alarm blaring beside Seokjin's ear comes as the bearer of bad news this morning. 

"We have to get up," he whispers in Taehyung's ear.

"Five more minutes."

"You said that five minutes ago. And 10. and 15. No more." 

Seokjin nudges Taehyung off him and pushes himself up, swings his leg over the side of the bed and rises to his full height. Taehyung looks up at him with an adorable pout.

"No way, mister. That won't work." 

Taehyung whines but does pull himself out of the bed. He walks over to Seokjin, wraps his arms his waist, turns his face up waiting. Seokjin drops a peck on his lips. 

"Good Morning."

"Good Morning."

"You need to go get ready."

"Ugh. Fine!" Taehyung spins dramatically and heads for the door, throws a playful wink over his shoulder as he pulls it open and exits. 

A few hours later they find themselves on stage. Performing live has always been one of Seokjin's favourite parts of their job. He really believes he was destined for the stage, refuses to ever take that for granted. 

ARMY is full of energy, like always, breathing life into all seven of them as they attempt to repay them by pouring out their all on the stage. Of course, there's some entertainment as well. 

Eventually they get to Blanket Kick. A memory from another performance of this song runs through Seokjin's mind, him pulling away from Taehyung, panicking afterwards, making Taehyung feel upset. He vows he won't do that this time. 

The moment comes and goes in milliseconds for the audience, but feels like a lifetime for Seokjin. His hands on Taehyung's waist from behind, zig zagging from side to side, until he's turned, facing Taehyung. He catches Taehyung's eyes, his beautiful, golden eyes. His eyes so full of tenderness, love, affection. Seokjin can't pull away, feels himself moving closer, feels Taehyung's hand on the back of his neck. 

Perfection. 

This moment is perfection.

Their faces are so close, Taehyung's lips are right there. Seokjin could just reach out and kiss them now, close the gap, claim Taehyung as his own. Taehyung runs his cheek alongside Seokjin's and whispers in his ear.

"Whatever you're thinking of doing now, I want you to do it later." A shiver runs through Seokjin at Taehyung's words. 

And then he's gone. But Seokjin's heart is racing, trying desperately to pull himself back to the present moment. He heard the squeals, knows the fans saw, knows they reacted. Will they believe it was part of the choreography? Or fan service? Seokjin doesn't do fan service, but do they know that? 

Does he care if they do?

The rest goes by in a daze. Seokjin catches his mind back up and forces himself to focus on the moment, deal with those emotions later. 

The adrenalin pushes him through. He does his best to enjoy the moment, but Taehyung's eyes dance through his mind. For the first time since this all started, he doesn't want to push Taehyung away. Instead, he feels desperate for him, needs to feel him in this moment. 

They stumble off the stage, sweaty and exhausted, make their way back to the hotel. Seokjin immediately jumps in the shower, feeling gross from hours of dancing and makeup. A knock on the bathroom door causes him to jump. 

"What the fuck?" Seokjin has a solo room this trip, noone to share with. 

But then the door is opening, and it take Seokjin a moment to register that he had given Taehyung a key to his room. 

Taehyung slips inside, fully dressed, and Seokjin suddenly feels insecure, reaches for the towel, but Taehyung is too quick and grabs it before he can reach. 

"What are you doing?" he whines, but his indignation is snuffed out by Taehyung undressing, never letting his eyes leave Seokjin's.

"I'm finishing what your eyes started earlier." And now Taehyung is climbing into the shower with him, under the water. He runs his hands down Seokjin's bare chest, smiles slyly as he goes lower. "Can I wash your hair?" 

Seokjin nods.

Taehyung reaches behind him for the shampoo and lathers up his hands, motioning for Seokjin to bend his head down so he can reach. 

They spend the next 20 minutes taking turns washing each other, rubbing hands all over glistening skin, dropping kisses down arms, over abs. They take turns getting each other off, and then wash each other all over again. 

Then they are cuddled in Seokjin's bed, arms wrapped around each other as they watch a movie. Seokjin can't imagine any moment more perfect.

TAEHYUNG

August comes in quick, and just as hot. Taehyung rubs the sweat from his forehead with his arm before placing his baseball cap back on his head. The sun is blazing above him, and he's looking forward to getting back to the dorm, back to the air conditioning. 

The other boys refused to go out today, said it was much too hot, but Taehyung had an important errand, one that couldn't wait. He was on his way back now, a small bag tucked into his backpack. He smiles to himself, his heart doing a little flip as he does a giddy skip. 

He had been wanting to do this for a while, but he wasn't sure if the timing was right, but after the moment on stage in Mexico, Taehyung felt like he couldn't wait any longer. 

Throwing the door of the dorm open, he's greeted by Jungkook, Jimin, and Yoongi, all watching tv on the couch. The air conditioning is on full blast, but they still have fans circulating the air around them. 

"You look happy." Jiimin comments, one eybrow raised. 

"Do I?"

"Yeah, especially for someone who just spent two hours out in this heat." Junkgook comments, spread out on the couch, barely moving.

Taehyung ignores them and heads directly to Seokjin's room. Since Yoongi is in the living room, he doesn't even bother knocking, just pushes the door open and walks right in. 

Seokjin is half sitting, half laying in his bed, glasses on and a book in his hand. He casts a glance in Taehyung's direction before looking back at his book, but a small smile let's Taehyung know he's happy to see him. Taehyung pulls the small bag out of his backpack and climbs into the bed beside Seokjin. Finished his page, Seokjin closes the book and places it on the nightstand beside him, reaches for Taehyung, putting his hands on either side of his face and pulling him in for a kiss. Taehyung is on his knees, hands clasping the bag behind him, but he kisses Seokjin back fervently. 

Seokjin pulls away, eyes Taehyung with a questioning look. 

"What are you up to?" 

"What do you mean? Why would you say that?" Taehyung whines slightly.

"Why are your hands behind your back? Why aren't you touching me?" 

"Oh, are you needy?" Taehyung teases.

"Very." And Seokjin is pulling him in for a kiss again.

"I got you something." Taehyung manages to say between kisses. 

"Oh?" Seokjin eases a way from him, cocks his head to the side. 

Taehyung produces the bag, holds it out in front of him like a child who is showing off their artwork. Seokjin looks at him quizitively as he tentatively takes the bag, places his hand inside. 

He pulls out a bracelet. It's silver, solid, with a little opening to slide on and off your wrist. Taehyung loves jewelry, knows Seokjin does too.

"Tae..." Seokjin says softly, and Taehyung can see a little sparkle in his eyes. "Did you get this for me?"

"Yes. I thought it would look good on you. Do you like it?" He looks up at Seokjin with wide eyes. Seokjin responds by sliding the bracelet on, examing his wrist. 

"I love it, Tae." He kisses Taehyung gently on the forehead.

"And look!" Taehyung produces his own wrist, adorned with a matching bracelet to the one he just gave Seokjin. 

Seokjin's eyes go wide, and Taehyung can't tell if he's happy or upset.

"I know you like matching things," Taehyung tries to explain his logic quickly. "I thought, since we have to be a secret, maybe we could have something that matches, you know?"

"Taehyung..."

"You hate it now?" Taehyung feels his breathing get faster, his heart rate rising. "I'm sorry. This was so dumb..." Taehyung tries ripping the bracelet off his wrist, but he's shaking, and it isn't cooperating. 

"Taehyung...."

His fingers are jumbling, tears threatening to fall.

"Taehyung."

Why does he always cry? Why can't he be one of those people who can hold it in, at least till he's alone?

"Stop." Seokjin's tone is firm. Taehyung freezes, but can't bring himself to look up at him.

"I'm sorry," he mutters.

"Why?"

"Because, I'm pushing you again."

Seokjin places a finger under Taehyung's chin, presses it up so he's looking at his face, uses his other hand to wipe a tear from Taehyun'gs cheek. 

"Taehyung. You have the most beautiful heart in the world, you know that right?" 

"But..."

"There's no but. I love this bracelet. I love that we have something that is just ours."

"You're just saying that."

"Taehyung, no I'm not. I love it. I love you." 

Taehyung brushes the rest of the tears from his eyes, allows Seokjin to wrap his arms around him and pull him to his chest. He knows Seokjin is doing his best to keep his own promise, to be more open. But Taehyung feels horrible, like he once again pushed something on Seokjin that he wasn't ready for.

There really isn't any more time to talk, because they leave for the airport only an hour later, on a flight bound for Thailand. They all sleep for most of the flight, although Taehyung doesn't get much rest, still inwardly kicking himself for being too forward with Seokjin. 

Soon, they find themselves in the lobby of their hotel, a producer saying they are going to film a live episode of Run BTS. They are told they have an hour to get ready, so Taehyung grabs his room key, rushes upstairs. 

An hour later he returns to the filming location, chats a bit with Jimin. 

"Hey, is that bracelet new?" Jimin reaches for Taehyung's wrist, examing the piece of jewelry closely. Taehyung panicks. He had meant to take it off. He didn't want to upset Seokjin, but now the producers were walking in, followed by the last couple of members, including Seokjin, and Taehyung knows he doesn't have time.

He takes a deep breath, tries to calm himself. It doesn't really matter, he reminds himself. They are only matching bracelets if there are two of them, and since Seokjin would NEVER wear a matching bracelet on a live like this, Taehyung doesn't need to worry. 

They gather in a circle, chatting as the staff set up their mics and finalize their plans. Taehyung avoids Seokjin's eyes, just like he's been avoiding Seokjin since the whole bracelet debacle. Sure, Seokjin had been understanding, kind really, but Taehyung knew it was a silly decision on his part. 

"Hyung. Did you get a new bracelet too?" Jimin's voice dances beside him. Taehyung's head snaps to the right where Jimin is now holding Seokjin's wrist in his hand. "It looks just like TaeTae's." Jimin motions to Taehyung's wrist. 

Taehyung waits for Seokjin to register what is happening, to reach down and take his bracelet off, probably shove it in his pocket in the same way Taehyung would like to shove himself away into a dark corner right now. But he doesn't. Instead, he looks at Taeyhung, a fond smile playing along his soft features. 

"They are supposed to look the same. They're matching." Seokjin winks towards Taehyung, grabs Taehyung's hand in his own so their bracelets are side by side. Jimin looks between the two of them, a mischevious glitter in his eyes, then he turns to talk to Jungkook. 

Seokjin pulls Taehyung a bit closer, dropping their hands. But now he's close enough for Taehyung to hear, but barely. 

"I love you."

Chapter Text

TAEHYUNG

August turned to September, which bled into October. Fall was upon them once more, and truthfully, Taehyung was thankful for the cooler temperatures. He had never been a fan of the dead heat of summer, even though he knew Seokjin loved it. 

Things between the two of them had stayed status quo, which Taehyung saw as both a negative and a positive. On one hand, he was thankful for the break from the constant back and forth. He was starting to feel comfortable in their relationship...or whatever it is...now, able to relax in front of the others without worrying about stressing Seokjin. But, on the other hand, things hadn't really progressed either. Seokjin still changed the subject every time Taehyung talked about them telling the rest of the members and their families about them. And as for the physical, they never went any further than making out and blow jobs. 

At first, Jimin had questioned if maybe Seokjin was nervous about sex with Taehyung, seeing as how his past experiences had all been with women, but Taehyung didn't think that was the case. Seokjin had never seemed awkward or unsure when it came to their physical relationship, had never hinted that he was in any way uncomfortable. In fact, the topic of sexuality was never even discussed between the two. They liked each other, and that seemed to be all the conversation they needed. 

Taehyung knew that was a slightly naive belief to have, knowing that if they ever did tell their families, there would definitely be some tension. Taehyung doesn't feel too worried about his own family. They've always known him to be a free spirit. He thinks they probably already have questions about his sexual preferences anyway, given the way they looked at each other when he said the reason he was heartbroken over his first breakup was because he loved her parents. 

Seokjin's parents, on the other hand, were more traditional. They had even struggled a bit with his becoming an idol, reminding him he could always come back and work in one of the family businesses if it didn't work out, find a nice girl, settle down. 

Taehyung takes a look in the mirror one last time before heading onto set. Today, they are filiming for BTS Gayo on VLive, and Taehyung knows that the rest of the boys are probably waiting for him. 

When he arrives in the filming room, he's not surprised to see they are still waiting for Jimin, thankful his friend is always late so he never has to take the flack for it. 

The room is stark white. Cameras, lights, and staff line one side of the room, and on the other are 6 tall stools, a white table, and a tv screen. The producer motions for all but Yoongi to take a seat. Taehyung chooses the one second from the end. It's a strategic move on his part, as he doesn't love being the middle of any lineup, but he also knows the people on the end always get centred out first. 

Namjoon pats him on the shoulder as he takes the stool on Taehyung's right, makes a comment about how handsome Taehyung looks that day, which draws a smile out of him. 

"Good Morning, Seokjin-hyung!" Jimin's sweet voice echoes through the room as Seokjin appears from behind the crowd of staff. Taehyung is immediately drawn to his presence, his aura always calling Taehyung's senses to full attention. 

But no matter how many times Taehyung sees Seokjin, even knowing intimately every curve and bend of his body, Taehyung is still taken back by how handsome his hyung really is. And today is no exception. His dark hair swept across his forehead, his perfect eyebrows framing deep, golden eyes, a black, fitted shirt. And those jeans.

Those tight, black, ripped jeans make Taehyung want to throw away all reason, grab Seokjin's hand and drag him out of there so he can touch every inch of his body. 

He shakes his head, trying to keep those thoughts at bay. He doesn't need to get a boner in front of all the staff. 

As Seokjin approaches, he can't help put pull the empty stool next to him just a little closer. Seokjin definitely notices, but he doesn't say anything, just takes his spot smushed up right next to Taehyung. 

Taehyung realizes pretty quickly that this was a mistake on his part, as he struggles for his life. He can't seem to keep his eyes off the thighs that are pushed up against his own, feels the heat radiating off Seokjin's body. Is he feeling as affected as Taehyung is?

After managing to find a place in his mind where he can focus on what's happening without showing everyone how turned on he is just by being in Seokjin's presence, Taehyung starts to relax.

He's not sure if Seokjin senses that and decides to play with him, but he feels Seokjin's hand slide over and rest on Taehyung's thigh. Breathing becomes basically impossible in that moment, and he counts aggressively in his mind to keep his thoughts at bay. 

But just as quickly, Seokjin removes his hand. Taehyung feels the cold air where the warm touch had just been, and he places his own hand over the spot, as if he's touching a sacred place. 

How he makes it through the rest of the filming, he's really not sure, but he somehow manages, falling into his bed with a sigh a few hours later. He closes his eyes and allows his earlier fantasy to play out in his mind. Dragging Seokjin into a closet, running his hands up and down those perfect thighs, taking him deep down his throat. He would do anything to be the best boyfriend, always making Seokjin happy.

But you're not his boyfriend. 

The thought appears out of nowhere, like it always does. It lurks in the shadows of even the most beautiful moments, creating a blanket of doubt that covers Taehyung when he's all alone, and lately, even when he isn't. 

How much longer can he continue like this? He would like to say forever, to think that he would wait an entire lifetime for Seokjin. But then he remembers that they are in a group together, that if not Taehyung, Seokjin will find someone else. Can Taehyung bear that? Or should he start preparing?

He's thought of bringing the topic up with Seokjin, really letting him know how he feels, but the cloud of dread rolls in above him, and the fear of Seokjin walking away is too much to handle. 

A week later they are standing on stage together, accepting the award for best dance performance, and Taehyung thinks the moment is perfect. He reaches for Seokjin's hand, but realizes he can't, remembers that noone knows, remembers that Seokjin isn't really his. 

Even in the closed green room, when no media, other groups or fans are around, he still can't hold Seokjin, kiss him, congratulate him the way he wants.

He's not his. 

Will he ever be? 

SEOKJIN

Winning a Melon Music Award was another achievement for a group that many had underestimated. They still had a long way to go, but it felt so good to be recognized for their hard work thus far. The boys had celebrated with the staff for an hour or so, but now, back in the dorm, that's when the real celebration started. Food, games, lots of screaming and playing around. It was the perfect way to end the evening.  

Seokjin smiles broadly as Hobi retells their win from his point of view, dramatically acting out the scene while Jimin pretends to be the presenter and Jungkook decides to be the mic. Seokjin looks for Taehyung, surprised he isn't adding his own antics to the sitcom playing out in their living room.

He spots Taehyung sitting up against the couch on the other side of the coffee table. His eyes are looking ahead, but Seokjin can tell his mind is elsewhere. He waves, trying to get Taehyung's attention but gets not reaction. 

After pulling himself off the couch, he slides down on the floor beside Taehyung, pokes him softly in the side, which draws the younger boy out of his trance. 

"What are ya thinking about?" He traces secret circles on the outside of Taehyung's thigh, keeping his hand hidden from the others. Taehyung looks down between them and frowns, furrows his brow. Like a flip being switched, his entire demeanor changes in a second, a smile suddenly pasted across his face as he turns his face up to meet Seokin's. 

"Just thinking about today!" His voice is enthusiastic, but Seokjin can tell it's an act. 

"If something is wrong, you don't have to pretend with me."

"Nothing is wrong."

"I know you better than that." Seokjin reaches for Taehyung's hand and takes it in his own. Taehyung flinches at his touch. Seokjin freezes in place, lets Taehyung's hand drop from his own. 

His heart starts to pound, and he can feel the tension fill his body. Is Taehyung upset? Did he do something wrong?

"Taehyung..."

"Seriously, hyung. I'm okay. It's nothing you want to talk about. And plus, I don't want to ruin the mood." Taehyung flashes him another brilliant smile, but it never reaches his dark eyes. 

After standing up, Seokjin reaches for Taehyung's hand, pulls him up after him and out of the room. If the other's notice, they don't say anything. 

He pushes open Taehyung's bedroom door, which is further from the living space then his own. Once inside, he stands with his back against the door, as if afraid Taehyung will run away without talking to him.

Taehyung sits down, looks at his hands, his knee is bouncing up and down nervously. 

"Taehyung. Did I do something wrong?" Seokjin works to keep his voice steady. 

"No."

"Then what's going on? Are you okay?" 

"I said I was fine, hyung." Taehyung's voice takes on a bit of a whine, and Seokjin almost drops the topic, but something in Taehyung's eyes cause him to press on. 

"You also said that I wouldn't want to talk about whatever it is, which isn't true. I want to talk about whatever is important to you." Seokjin kneels down in front of Taehyung, takes his hands in his own. 

Taehyung sighs, but seems to give in.

"I want to be able to celebrate with you."

Seokjin chuckles nervously, confused now. "We are celebrating."

"No, I mean....Today, when we were in the green room after winning, I thought about how badly I wanted to kiss you. Nothing crazy, just a quick kiss, a hand squeeze, you know...boyfriend stuff. But then I remembered, you're not my boyfriend."

"Taehyung," Seokjin's voice is more stern than he means for it to sound.

"See...I told you that you wouldn't want to talk about it. You never do." Taehyung pulls his hands away, puts them behind his back where Seokjin can't reach them again. 

"Taehyung. We've talked about this. We're seeing how things go..."

"I know. But..."

"But what?" Seokjin urgently searches Taehyung's face. 

"I want more." Taehyung closes his eyes as he utters the words, drops his head down into his hands. 

Seokjin falls back onto his butt, pulls his knees up to his chest. He knew this day would come eventually, he just didn't think it would be this soon. He thought Taehyung would wait longer. But why should he have expected that? Taehyung is a talented, gorgeous, kind person, who deserves happiness with someone who isn't afraid to share him with the world. 

Seokjin's heart screams to tell Taehyung that he will give him anything he wants, that they can tell their families, tell the world. But he knows it isn't that simple. 

"Taehyung, the group..."

"I know. I don't want us to tell the fans. I don't think I'll ever want that. I enjoy our privacy on some level. But I want to tell the rest of the group, our staff, our parents. I hate that I can't bring you home with me for the holidays. I just...I want...I need more."

And the words that come out of his mouth next are ones he's practiced before, but hoped to never use. 

"I can't give you more," Seokjin's voice shakes now, he tries to hold back the sob deep in his chest. 

"I know." Is all Taehyung whispers, and then he stands up, drops a kiss on Seokjin's forehead, and leaves the room. 

The sob finally rips it's way out, followed by more. Seokjin let's them fall. It's the only way to truly say goodbye.

Chapter Text

SEOKJIN

Seokjin smacks his alarm for the fourth time since it started going off. He knows he can't keep putting off the day, but he's just not ready to face anything yet. 

The group is working on a busy and tight schedule these days, and they really can't be tiptoeing around his and Taehyung's tumultuous relationship again. Last time, it had caused so much stress in the group that other members had actually called them out on it.

Seokjin knows he has to hold things together, make sure that their situation doesn't effect the rest of the group. 

A heavy sigh exits from deep in his lungs, gaining a glance from Yoongi who has just entered the room, his hair wet from a shower. 

"Trouble in paradise?" He questions, his voice is light, but also soft, as if he isn't sure which mode he should be in right now.

"Guess you could say that."

Seokjin forces himself out of bed, rubbing his eyes with one hand while stretching his other arm up in the air. 

"Your Joey Kangaroo isn't here, so I figured something must be wrong."

Seokjin smiles at Yoongi's comparison of Taehyung to a baby kangaroo, but then remembers the events of yesterday, and his smile quickly falls. 

"Yeah. I...don't know...I don't think we're...well...whatever we were anymore." Seokjin turns his back to Yoongi, pretends to grab something from on top of his dresser, hoping his roommate doesn't see his glassy eyes. 

"What happened?" 

"He wants more."

"More what?"

"More than just being a 'whatever we are.' And I don't blame him. He wants to tell the rest of the members..."

"I don't think that's a bad thing. I'm assuming most of them already have some idea anyway. You aren't exactly subtle at home."

"Yeah...but he also wants to tell the staff. And our families. And I just...I don't know...I can't..." Seokjin swipes at his eyes with the back of his hands. 

"That's a tough situation. I can see why he wants more, but I can also see why you aren't ready for more." Yoongi stills now, faces Seokjin with his full attention. "So what's your plan?"

"I don't know. Right now, I just need to get through today without tipping everyone off. I know it put a lot of strain on the group last time we went through something like this. I don't want to do that again." 

"Seokjin. You're always thinking about everyone else. But how about you?" 

"What do you mean?" Seokjin finally allows his eyes to meet Yoongi's.

"You're allowed to be sad. I know how much you love him. You don't have to be the one that holds everyone together all the time."

"That's what I do, though. If I don't, then what do I even bring to the team?" Seokjin drops down on his bed again, places his head in his hands which are resting on his knees. 

"I hope one day you understand how important you really are, see yourself the way everyone else sees you."

"Yeah...Thanks." Seokjin forces a smile before standing back up and heading for the door. "I'm gonna shower now."

Seokjin manages to shower, get ready, and grab breakfast without crossing paths with Taehyung. He should be relieved, but he can't help be a little worried that Taehyung isn't eating or showering himself.

He pushes aside any doubt he has and knocks gently on Taehyung's door. Namjoon answers and casts Seokjin a sympathetic smile before slipping out past him. Seokjin shuts the door quietly behind him, lets his eyes wander to where Taehyung is laying starfish face down on his bed. 

"Tae?" 

The sound of Seokjin's voice seems to startle the younger boy, because he jolts up and quickly combs down his hair with his hands. 

"Are we leaving?" he questions, clearly avoiding eye contact. 

Seokjin wants to close the gap between them, pull him in close to himself, drop kisses all over his gorgeous face, promise him that he will give him whatever his heart desires. 

But it's not that simple. 

Or is it?

Seokjin shakes his head, brings his attention back to the brown eyes in front of him. 

"I'm sorry, Tae..."

Taehyung's extended hand stops him, "Don't."

"Tae. Can you give me a bit more time?"

"What's a bit more time? It's already been over a year since I first told you my feelings. And yet, we are still here." Seokjin can see a fire light behind Taehyung's eyes, but at least he doesn't try to bolt. 

"I don't think that's fair, Taehyung."

"Why not?" 

"I think things have changed a lot. We aren't in the same place as we were then."

Taehyung is silent, and Seokjin takes that as a sign that he's understanding what's being said. 

The silence hangs between them, heavy like a hurricane, but yet, there's also an unspoken light, as if the storm may be starting to pass.

"How long?" Taehyung's voice is quiet. So quiet, that Seokjin isn't even 100% sure he heard him correctly, but he decides to go with it. 

"December 1st." 

"So three and a half weeks."

"Yes." Seokjin feels a small amount of hope rise up in his stomach, tries searching Taehyung's face for any sign of how he's feeling. 

"Okay."

"Okay?" 

"Yes. BUT!" Taehyung's eyes snap to Seokjin's, looking like a teacher about to reprimand a student. 

"But what?" 

"But...no kissing. No hand holding. No touching. No pet names. No I love yous. If you're trying to figure things out, then figure them out. I can't go any further than we have now until I have an answer." 

"But what about the others?"

Taehyung's eyes grow dark, and Seokjin knows he said the wrong thing. 

"Is this about them? Are you just trying to appease me to take care of them?" Seokjin winces at the hurt tone in Taehyung's voice. 

"No. No. Okay. No touching. That's fair." Seokjin reaches out to graze Taehyung's forearm with his finger, but a stern look reminds him of their rule.

This is going to be impossible. 

TAEHYUNG

Sticking to his own rules feels like torture. Most days, he wonders why he made the stupid rules to begin with. Any time Soekjin is in the same room as him, not even necessarily doing anything, just existing, he wants to scream 'Fuck the rules' and jump on him right then and there. But then he remembers why he is doing this, and forces himself to sit still. 

Night time is the hardest, like it always is when he doesn't have Seokjin to comfort him. Taehyung has always struggled with lonliness at night, a side effect of many different events during his childhood, combined with leaving home at just 15 to move into the dorms. 

But he has to stick to this, has to put Seokjin in a position to experience life without him, to decide if that is what he wants or not. And for himself, he needs to start pulling away, in case the answer is one he doesn't want. 

The days crawl by, inching past like the sloth from Zootopia. Thankfully the group is really busy, which helps fill most of the time. The rest of his days he tries to pack full of anything he can, mostly forcing Jungkook to play games with him or go out for bike rides. The younger member is usually happy to comply, so that's helpful. He feels a little bad, as if he's using him, but he really does enjoy hanging out with Jungkook. 

The hardest part is definitely figuring out how to act around Seokjin. What to say, what to do. He doesn't even know what to do with his hands most of the time, feels awkward whenever they're placed beside each other. For Seokjin's part, he is as kind and compassionate as always, smiling gently, speaking to Taehyung in a way that doesn't make it feel like they are actually miles apart emotionally.

After pretty much every encounter with Seokjin, Taehyung goes off alone, sometimes in his room, but often in closets or empty dressing areas at the office. He lets the tears fall, never tries to hold them back. His Grandma had once told him that tears were our bodies way of releasing our negative feelings. Taehyung doesn't know if that's true, but he likes the idea, so he holds onto it. 

As the day approaches, functioning is becoming more and more difficult. He feels sick every morning, and the pressure in his chest and stomach becomes heavier and heavier. He knows he has to start preparing himself for the worst. Has to accept that Seokjin's answer may not be the one that he wants.  

He knows he can't keep doing this. Yes, he may still be young, but he can't keep going through the up and down emotions for someone that may never be his, something that he may never call his own. He has to stay strong, stick to his guns, not back down. 

What if Seokjin rejects him? Taehyung knows he will be heartbroken, doesn't imagine he will move on quickly. In fact, he isn't really sure how he will continue to face him, but he knows that there's no other options.

He now understands what Seokjin meant by the risks involved when they started this...whatever it is. Ugh. He's so tired of calling it a whatever it is. 

The calendar finally flips. November 30 becomes December 1. Seokjin hasn't said anything to Taehyung in the last few days, hasn't spoken of when or how he will convey his decision. And Taehyung feels extremely vulnerable waiting on his beckon call. 

The sun is shining brightly through the cracks of the window blinds. Taehyung uses a hand to shield his eyes, but knows it's time to face the day. 

It's an odd feeling, knowing that today will either be the happiest or worst of his almost 20 years of life. He realizes how dramatic that sounds, but for him, Seokjin has been the best part of his life, and he'd throw everything else away for a chance to be with him for real. 

But does Seokjin feel the same?

As if summoned by his thoughts, Seokjin's soft knock sounds on the door and he pokes his head inside.

"Tae-ah. Do you wanna go get breakfast?" He asks softly. Taehyung is far from hungry, but he nods anyway, says he will be ready in 5 minutes.

The two walk down the street in silence. Several fans stop them on their walk, and Taehyung knows these days of walking freely will soon be coming to an end. 

They reach a small breakfast cafe, and Taehyung notices the closed sign on the front door. He's about to point it out to Seokjin, but the older boy knocks gently before he can say anything. 

"This is my aunt's cafe." Seokjin explains as an older woman comes and opens the door for them.

"Ahhh my Seokjin-ah! Look at you. And this must be Taehyung?"

Seokjin nods, stepping back to allow the two to greet each other. 

"Your uncle and I have to head out now, but please, use anything you want. You know I trust you! Make your friend here something delicious." She throws Seokjin a wink before smiling at Taehyung and rushing out the back door. 

"Wait. They are leaving?" 

"Yeah. I was visiting my mom last weekend and my aunt was there. She said they had to close the cafe today to attend a wedding. So I asked if I could use it." Seokjin takes his coat off and then holds his hand out for Taehyung's. Taehyung shakes out of it, looking around as he hands it over. 

"Are you close to your Aunt?" Taehyung asks, admiring the photos around the small eating area. 

"Yeah. She taught me how to cook. Whenever I was in Seoul, I would come here and spend the day cooking with her."

Taehyung's eyes follow Seokjin as he walks behind the counter into the small kitchen. Everything is stainless steel and meticulously clean and organized. Taehyung smiles. This is something Seokjin and his Aunt must have in common. 

"Let me make you something to eat. I promise it won't be too spicy." Seokjin smiles for the first time that day, a soft smile that plays with the corners of his lips and travels up to dance in his eyes. Taehyung can't get out a reply, stuck in a trance. 

The two talk about Seokjin's aunt more as he cooks, and then the conversation moves to Taehyung's family, their childhoods. 

They eat quietly at a table in the corner, hidden from the view of people walking by on the street. 

"I wanted us to have somewhere private. I know the other boys give us space but...it's still not the same, you know?" 

Taehyung feels his heart start to race, the food he just ate threatening to come back up out of his stomach. Why would Seokjin need to be away from the other boys for this conversation, unless...

Unless he planned to break Taehyung's heart. 

Chapter Text

TAEHYUNG

The room feels like it's spinning around him, images in his peripheral vision blurring as he tries to focus on Seokjin sitting in front of him. He places his feet flat on the ground, folds his hands in his lap.

Seokjin seems nervous, fidgeting with his own hands on the table between them. His bottom lip is pulled between his teeth, his eyes travelling from his hands to Taehyung's face and back down to his hands. 

Taehyung stays silent, refuses to speak. This situation is completely in Seokjin's hands. Taehyung may not feel good about anything else, but the one thing he knows for sure is that he did everything he could. The future of their relationship sits solely in Seokjin's court. 

"So...um...I've thought a lot about...things....us," Seokjin's voice is shaking, and he's speaking quietly as if afraid of the sounds coming out of his own mouth. 

Taehyung remains silent, but he braces himself now, feeling less and less confident about his place in Seokjin's future. 

"Listen, Tae. This is hard for me. But it's not because of you. You're perfect. In every way."

Taehyung turns his head away to look out the window, desperately wants to just get up and bolt. To run as fast as he can, away from this cafe, away from Seoul, back home to his Grandmother. She would cuddle him and make him hot chocolate and just let him mourn. 

"Please look at me. Please let me finish what I have to say before you think about running away." Seokjin reaches across the table and grazes Taehyung's upper arm with his fingers. Seokjin knows him so well that he can read all of his emotions in this moment. 

He complies with Seokjin's wishes, turns his head to look at him, ready to accept whatever fate awaits him.

SEOKJIN

Taehyung's almond brown eyes stare at him, glassy and brimming with tears. Seokjin knows he needs to get to the point, put the poor boy out of his misery, but he also wants to make sure he says everything he needs to, doesn't leave anything unspoken. 

"I thought through every scenario. What could potentially happen if we made one choice or another choice. What will the other boys think? The staff? My family? What if I break my mother's heart, you know? And what if our managers say no? Then what will we do?"

Seokjin sees Taehyung start to open his mouth, so he hurries on before he can be interrupted. 

"All of those outcomes...well not all...but a lot of the potential outcomes are scary. I don't like uncertainty." Seokjin looks down at his hands one more time before turning his eyes back to Taehyung's.

"But then I started to think about what it would be like to not be with you. And honestly, that thought was way more terrifying. I don't want to do any of this without you."

Taehyung's eyes go wide as he registers what Seokjin is saying. 

"Wait. Are you saying...?" Taehyung fumbles over his words, and Seokjin thinks it might be the first time he's ever seen the younger boy speechless. 

"I'm saying that I want to be with you. I want to make it official. I want to make it work, no matter how hard it is. I just want you." Seokjin extends his palm, motions for Taehyung to pass him his hand. He sighs inwardly as he feels Taehyung's fingers sweep across his palm, wants to memorize the moment and freeze it in time. 

Seokjin had spent three of the three and a half weeks considering all of the things that could go wrong if they chose to tell others about their relationship, chose to move forward. Nightmares had plagued him as he thought about the people he could hurt, or at least, disappoint. He imagined his mother's face, realizing she wouldn't get her daughter in law and grandchildren, at least not from him, pictured the members' faces when they found out that nothing would ever be the same, dreaded what management would say, and if they would even allow it. What would Seokjin do if they didn't?

It wasn't until the three week mark that his thought process changed. He had been playing the piano in a practice room, something he tried to do at least a few times a week, when Namjoon approached him. 

"Hey, hyung. You're sounding great." And by the genuine smile on Namjoon's face, Seokjin could tell that he meant it. 

"Thanks," he answered shyly. 

"Have you made any decisions yet?"

"About what?" Seokjin looks up at Namjoon again, but his back is now turned as he looks at their awards on a shelf nearby. 

"Taehyung." 

"How did you..."

"We share a room. I can clearly tell something is wrong. I can hear Taehyung cry at night." He spins around to face Seokjin again. "I'm not telling you that to make you feel bad. Just, I ended up asking him what was happening, and he told me."

"Oh. Well, it's his story too. So he should tell you." Seokjin looks back down at his hands, traces the keys with the tips of his fingers. 

"So, how are you feeling?" Namjoon sits down on a chair a few feet away, gives Seokjin his full attention.

"Not good." Seokjin can't help but laugh painfully. 

"Well, do you wanna talk it out, tell me what you've been thinking?"

Seokjin opens his mouth to say no, but then he second guesses himself. He really could use someone to talk to.

"I've been thinking about you, and my family, and the management, the band, what if it ruins things, hurts people?" Seokjin fights back the burning behind his eyes, keeps his head down. 

"If you decide to be with Tae?" 

"Yeah." 

"Okay so you've thought about the possible negative outcomes if you decide to be with him, so now how about if you decide to end things?" Namjoon asks, as if it's the most natural follow up question in the world. 

And Seokjin realizes it is. Yet somehow in all his worrying about others, it wasn't a question he had asked himself. 

"Well...I...I..."

Namjoon stays silent, allows Seokjin the space to form his response. 

Seokjin imagines a future without Taehyung. One where someone else is holding Taehyung, showing him love, taking care of him. One where Seokjin doesn't get to hear his whispered love messages, feel his arms wrapped around him, watch him dance as if no one is watching. And suddenly, the answer is as clear as day. Living without Taehyung is not an option. The rest can figure itself out. 

Taehyung closes his hand around Seokjin's, bringing Seokjin back to the present moment.

"So, what are we?" Taehyung asks, and Seokjin can tell that he's trying to hold his emotions back, probably afraid to hope too much. 

"Boyfriends?" 

Taehyung's eyes light up and he stands up immediately, rushes around the table, lunges himself into Seokjin's arms. 

"For real?" He pulls his head back quickly, looks Seokjin right in the eyes as if suddenly questioning if he heard correctly. 

"For real. I want to be with you. I'll do whatever it takes." 

And to make sure Taehyung fully understands what he's saying, Seokjin takes his lips between his own, sucks gently as he runs his hands up the side of Taehyung's face. Taehyung responds greedily, licking at Seokjin's lips as if begging Seokjin to let him inside, and of course, he obliges. 

They kiss messily and greedily for a few moments before deciding that it's probably best if they talk for a bit. 

TAEHYUNG

Boyfriend.

Boyfriend.

Boyfriend!!

The word dances through Taehyung's mind and he can't help but squirm gleefully as Seokjin brings their dishes to the kitchen and returns with some water. 

He really had convinced himself that today was going to be the end for them, had pushed away any sliver of hope that remained as a self-preservation technique. But now, here he was, sitting across from the most handsome man in the entire world.

His boyfriend.

Taehyung grins widely again, stares at Seokjin who squirms a bit under his gaze. 

"You're making me nervous," Seokjin chuckles. 

"I'm just admiring my handsome boyfriend." 

Seokjin allows his mouth to fold into a full smile, his eyes glistening in the way only his can. 

"So, let's tell the other boys tonight?" Seokjin asks. "I think it's fair that we tell them first, since they've been living with us all this time. Plus it's really just Jungkook and Hoseok."

Taehyung nods eagerly, beyond excited to have everyone in the house know. He can't wait to sit on Seokjin's lap, or kiss him whenever he wants. 

"And then, the next step is probably our managers." 

Taehyung is still in shock that they are even having this conversation.

"And after that, our families." 

Seokjin looks down at his hands as he says the last sentence, and Taehyung feels a weird pull in his stomach. He suddenly isn't sure he wants to share Seokjin with EVERYONE just yet. And honestly, he kind of wants to enjoy some peace and happiness with Seokjin for a little while.

"Maybe we shouldn't tell everyone." Taehyung's voice is soft.

Seokjin's head snaps up, a look of confusion across his brow. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I want to tell the other boys. And I think we should tell our managers, because they can help us navigate things, keep an eye out for us, you know?"

Seokjin nods in response, but his eyes show he's still confused. 

"But, maybe we could wait to tell our parents. I want to enjoy some time with you first. We are finally official, and I don't want that to be strained right away. I don't know if I'm making sense." Taehyung can feel his chin start to quiver. 

Seokjin comes around the table, slides into the chair beside Taehyung, wraps his arms around his shoulder. 

"We can tell them whenver you want, okay?" Seokjin drops a kiss on the top of Taehyung's head. 

"I want to tell them soon, just not yet. Maybe in a few months?" 

"Anything you want, baby." 

They sit in silence for a while, Taehyung's head resting on Seokjin's shoulder, Seokjin playing with Taehyung's hair. 

"Hyung?" Taehyung whispers, suddenly feeling extremely bashful, but really wanting to ask his next question. 

"Mmmm" 

"Now that we're official, do you think maybe we could...." Taehyung stops, nerves over taking him.

"Have sex?"

Taehyung pulls away and stares at Seokjin, who's smiling slyly at him. 

"That's what you were going to ask, right?" Seokjin jokingly raises one eyebrow, as if challenging Taehyung to say otherwise. 

"But, how did you know?"

"Guess I just know your naughty little brain too well." Seokjin pulls Taehyung back into himself, wraps his arm around Taeyung's neck so his hand is resting on his jaw. He guides their mouths together, their lips barely touching. "Such a dirty boy." 

Taehyung feels his entire body tingle and shiver at the words, feels his jeans getting tighter around his crotch. 

"Seokjinnnnn," he whines. 

"Well, my birthday is in a couple days, so, maybe..." Seokjin slides his tongue along Taehyung's jaw, nips at the skin on his throat, sucks just above his collarbone. "...maybe you should wear a bow so I can open you up." 

Taehyung lets out a moan and Seokjin chuckles, pulling him into a kiss. 

On the agenda for tomorrow....

Buy a bow. 

Chapter Text

SEOKJIN

Another year, another birthday. Seokjin had never really been one for celebrating, feeling shy when he was too centred out in front of others. But this year was different. This year he would spend it with Taehyung. 

Of course, they had spent their birthdays together last year as well, but Seokjin had been stressed, planning to end things with Taehyung shortly after. 

This year it was just them. And they had actually made plans, something they didn't often have the opportunity to do, their tight schedules usually getting in the way. 

But Taehyung had really wanted to do something together, celebrate both of their birthdays in one special day, a day completely to themselves. It had taken some convincing for their manager to give them the go aheads, and Seokjin knew he was still struggling with how to manage the bombshell they had dropped on him. If Seokjin had been worried the staff knew, he was now fully aware that he was way too sensitive, if the look on the manager's faces were any indication. 

At first, they had been given a hard time, told all the reasons it wouldn't work. But the other members had come to their aid, arguing that Soekjin always made the smartest decisions he could, and that they knew he would be careful. And Taehyung was growing into the perfect idol, managing to take his emotions and use them in a way that was beneficial to himself and others. 

Eventually, the managers had relented, but on the condition that other staff didn't know. Said it was too risky, too many people could be bought for a few dollars. Seokjin really couldn't argue with that, and Taehyung had also agreed it was best. 

There were a few select staff that were let in on the secret. A driver and a couple of bodyguards. Management thought it was best that these people knew in case there was ever an issue. 

It had been the best birthday present for Seokjin, feeling a weight being lifted off his shoulders. The members had all celebrated together, ordering in food and playing video games pretty much all day. Then Yoongi said he was going to head to the studio, and Seokjin was pretty sure it was his way of giving Seokjin and Taehyung time alone. 

The two had continued playing video games before cuddling up with a movie. For Seokjin, it was the perfect birthday. 

Their cuddling session had been interrupted by a phone call from Seokjin's parents, and Taehyung had slipped out of the room while Seokjin was talking to them, but he promised to be right back.

Seokjin has just hung up the phone when Taehyung returns. He has changed into his silk pajamas and holss a little gift bag out in front of him. He looks shy standing a few feet away, his brown eyes big and round and his teeth nibbling on his bottom lip.

"Is that for me?" Seokjin asks, gesturing to the bag in Taehyung's hand. 

Seokjin is laying on his side in the bed, his head propped up on his elbow. 

"Umm...yeah," Taehyung answers quietly, but doesn't move. 

"I told you not to buy me anything. I said you were the only gift I needed, right?" Seokjin teases, but he also genuinely means the words. 

"Um...well..."

Seokjin cocks one eybrow, his eyes narrowing in suspicion at Taehyung's anxious state.

"Well...?"

"Um. Well, I am your gift. But...we will need...Just take it." Taehyung shoves the bag at Seokjin and then covers his eyes with his hands. Seokjin can't help but chuckle, but he picks up the bag and peers inside. 

The reason for Taehyung's shyness becomes instantly obvious to Seokjin the moment he looks inside. He brings his gaze back up to Taehyung, who is peering between his fingers, still refusing to show his face. 

Seokjin isn't sure what comes over him. He knows he should be more nervous himself, but something about Taehyung's vulnerability makes him want to enjoy the moment. He pulls the item out painfully slowly, never taking his eyes off Taehyung as he does. 

"So, how did you manage to get your hands on this, you dirty boy?" Seokjin teasingly holds the bottle of lube up, making sure Taehyung can see it. Taehyung just lets out a little whine in response. 

"Tell me. I can't wait to hear the story." Seokjin places the lube down on the nightstand, sits up fully, takes in Taehyung still standing in front of him. 

"I ordered it online."

The sentence comes out as a mumble, but Seokjin heard enough. 

"Really? You went online and had lube delivered to our dorm? Do you want our managers to die young?" 

"NO! I had it delivered to someone else. Can we please stop talking about it? I already want to go jump off the nearest cliff." Taehyung's hands are dropped to his sides now, his voice taking on a pleading edge. 

"Well, we certainly can't have that, can we? Not after you went through all that work to get this gift for me. It would be a shame if we never used it. Hmmm...."

Seokjin reaches for Taehyung now, grabs his arms, pulls him towards himself. Taehyung falls on top of him, and Seokjin wraps his hand around Taehyung's head, threads his fingers through his hair, pulls him in for a kiss. He doesn't even bother taking his time, doesn't wait for Taehyung to let him in. He just pushes his tongue between Taehyung's lips, holds his head in place as his other hand roams down between their bodies, finds the hem of Taehyung's shirt. 

"Take this off," Seokjin demands as he pulls away from their kiss. Taehyung sits up now, straddling Seokjin's lap, pulls the shirt up and over his head. Seokjin runs his hands up and down Taehyung's bare torso. 

"You're gorgeous, you know that, right?"

"Hyungggg..." Taehyung tries to hide his face again, but Seokjin pulls his hands away, draws him back down and into another messy kiss. 

They kiss for a few minutes, hands lazily playing with each other's hair. 

"So, what should we do with that lube, hmmm?" Seokjin asks, his lips still brushing against Taehyung's. 

"I want you to use it on me..." Taehyung's face blushes as he utters the statement, and Seokjin can't help but feel his cock twitching from the words alone. 

"How do you want me to use it?" His voice is low and grovely. 

"Do I really have to say it?" Taehyung whines, uses his hands on Seokjin's chest to push himself back up in a seated position. Seokjin lifts himself up, puts his elbows behind him on the bed. 

"Are you telling me you can go on the computer, order lube, have it shipped to someone, pick it up, and give it to your boyfriend for his birthday, but you can't tell him how you want it used?" Seokjin's eyes dance playfully, and Taehyung hides his face again. 

"Pleaseee....just..."

But Taehyung's sentence is swallowed by another messy kiss. Seokjin trails his tongue down Taehyung's throat and takes one nipple into his mouth, swirls his tongue around it, nibbles it gently with his teeth. Taehyung moans, and Seokjin responds by using his thumb and finger to play with the other nipple. Taehyung wraps his arms around Seokjin's neck, runs his finger through the hair at his nape. He kisses his neck, ghosts down his collarbone. 

Seokjin grabs him around the waist, flips him over so Taehyung his now underneath him. He wastes no time, kissing hungrily down Taehyung's shirtless abs, at the same time placing his palm over the bulge that's growing in Taehyung's pajama pants. 

Seokjin doesn't fully know what he's doing, but he's figuring that instict will take over, and it will make sense when he gets to that stage. For now, he makes sure to tease Taehyung in all the ways he knows get him going.

He straddles Taehyung, sits in such a way that their cocks are rubbing against each other, thrusts back and forth slolwy, which draws a whimper from Taehyhung's lips. He takes in the sight underneath him. Taehyung's head is thrown back, his hands gripping the sheets on either side of him. Seokjin will never get sick of this, never get tired of being the one that makes Taehyung feel this way. 

He brings his attention back down, slides himself down Taehyung's body so he has access to the waistband of his pants. He runs his fingers along the inside while breathing warm air on Taehyung's now fully hard cock, and Taehyung is begging for skin to skin contact. 

He stares up at him, makes eye contact, a sly smile on his face, which draws another whimper from Taehyung. 

"Oh my god, hyungggg. Please."

Seokjin obliges, hooks his fingers inside the waistband and starts pulling the pants down, taps Taehyung's hips, which signals that he wants him to lift his butt off the bed. Seokjin pulls the pants all the way off, throws them across the room somewhere. Taehyung is clearly impatient, reaching down to push his own boxers off. Soekjin doesn't fight him. 

Taehyung tugs at the hem of Seokjin's shirt, pushing up. Seokjin takes the hint and pulls it up and over his head, lets it fall on the bed behind him. Taehyung isn't content with just that, reaches down to undo Seokjin's jeans.

"Alright, alright. So eager. Not letting me do any work."

Seokjin leans back down, kisses up Taehyung's neck to his ear, whispers gently "maybe I should just sit back and watch you use that lube on yourself since you don't seem to want my help." 

Taehyung's entire body shivers under him, drawing a smile from Seokjin. "You like that idea, huh?"

Taehyng shakes his head. "I want you."

Seokjin smiles, pulls Taehyung back into a kiss. 

"Seokjinnnn."

"Okay. Okay." Seokjin chuckles as he pulls away, brings his face back down to Taehyung's now exposed cock, hard and red, begging to be down Seokjin's throat. And he obliges, doesn't worry about teasing, just takes Taehyung's cock in his mouth as far as he can. Taehyung's hands are in Seokjin's hair now, pushing hard, hard enough that it hurts, but Seokjin doesn't mind, just focuses the energy on running his lips along Taehyung's shaft as he pulls back off, runs his tongue around the tip, along the slit, and then pushes his head all the way back down again.

Taehyung is moaning and whimpering under him now, uttering things like "so good" and "feels amazing." Seokjin loves the praise. He pulls his mouth off again, replacing it with one of his hands. He kisses down the shaft, takes one of Taehyung's balls in between his lips as his other hand trails down. Taehyung instictively spreads his legs wider for Seokjin, allowing him easier access. He trails his mouth down further, lets his tongue slide over Taehyung's tight hole. He has only ever done this once before, but had only licked and teased around it, never gone any futher than that. 

Taehyung pulls on his hair, brings Seokjin's attention up to him. He holds out the bottle of lube, and Seokjin reaches, wraps his fingers around Taehyung's which are still holding the bottle. 

"Are you sure?" He studies Taehyung's expressions, notices that his eyes look nervous and he wants to offer Taehyung the opportunity to change his mind. 

But Taehyung just nods, motions for Seokjin to continue. 

"If you change your mind, tell me, okay?" 

"I will, but pleaseee just..."

Seokjin pops open the cap, pours some lube on his fingers and spreads it all around Taehyung's hole before applying more to his fingers and tossing the bottle to the side. 

He closes his eyes for a moment. He knows they are ready for this next step in their relationship, but he feels nervous regardless. He wants to make sure the experience is good for Taehyung, but he isn't 100% sure how to do that. 

Taehyung must sense his uncertainty, because he props himself up on his elbows, looks at Seokjin with a concerned frown. 

"Hyung...If you aren't ready, we don't have to."

"No, no. I want to...I just...I don't want you to regret it....regret me."

Taehyung sits up further, wraps his legs around Seokjin's waist and pulls him in so their foreheads are pressed together.

"I won't regret anything with you. I promise. I love you." 

"I love you, too" Seokjin whispers back. And now it's Taehyung's turn to pull him into a kiss. It's soft, gentle, reassuring. 

Seokjin pulls away, gently shoves Taehyung's shoulder so he's falling back on the bed. Taehyung's legs are still wrapped around his waist, so he places a hand on the inside of each thigh, spreads his legs further. He runs his fingers through the lube again before gently probing at Taehyung's opening, pressing the tip of his first finger in, gently pushing inside. He keeps his eyes on Taehyung's face, trying to guage his level of discomfort. Taehyung's eyes are squeezed shut, and Seokjin tries to pull out.

"Don't. Keep going please. It's just part of it." 

"Are you sure?" Seokjin asks again, wondering who he's really directing the question to. 

"Mhmmm." And Taehyung reassuringly runs his hand through Seokjin's hair.

Seokjin starts pumping his finger in and out, gentle and slow, still keeping an eye on Taehyung. 

"More. Another one..."

At Taehyung's direction, Seokjin inserts a second finger, but this time he watches his fingers disappear inside and then slide back out, feels his cock growing painfully hard. He can't pull his eyes away, finally feels the nerves fall away. He thrusts his fingers in and out quicker now, scissoring and twisting them inside, working to open Taehyung up. He knows he isn't small, wonders if he will ever get Taehyung ready enough for his cock. 

Taehyung is moaning and whining and making the most beautiful noises in the world, so Seokjin takes this as a sign to continue, inserting a third finger, rubbing against Taehyung's walls and trying to see how different spots effect him. He hooks his fingers a tiny bit, thrusts hard into this new spot, and Taehyung lets out a loud whimper. 

"Hyung...can you?"

Seokjin stills his fingers, looks up at Taehyung whose head is thrown back, sweat running down his face, hair stuck to his forehead. He looks completely blissed out, and Seokjin knows he must be doing something right. 

"Can I what?"

"I want you inside."

"I am inside." Seokjin teases. 

"Seokjin. Please."

"Please what?"

"Fuck me, please. I've been waiting so long." 

Taehyung is staring at him now, his big brown eyes glistening, shadowed under wet eyelashes. Seokjin knows there can't be another human being on the planet as beautiful as Taehyung, and seeing him here, like this, it's beyond what he ever could have dreamed. 

Seokjin reaches over Taehyung, pulls open the nighttable drawer beside his head and retrieves a condom. He makes quick time sliding it on, before applying more lube up and down his shaft. He looks at Taehyung one last time, gives him another opportunity to change his mind, but the younger boy is clearly not backing out. 

Seokjin lines his cock up with Taehyung's opening, presses gently, just enough to push the tip inside. Taehyung's eyes are squeezed shut, his hands clutching tightly at the pillow beside his head. Seokjin takes his time, pushes in slowly, a little bit at a time. 

Taehyung seems to be less patient than Seokjin, because he pushes his hips forward, taking more of Seokjin inside, and finally he's bottomed out.

They pause for a moment, the pressure around Seokjin's cock is so tight, he can't imagine how Taehyung must feel. He leans down and drops a gentle kiss on Taehyung's forehead.

"You're so beautiful," He whispers, follows that with a kiss on his nose. "So gorgeous." Then his cheek. "I love you." 

His final kiss is on Taehyung's lips, pulling his bottom one inside his mouth. He bites down gently as he slowly begins to move, pulling out about half way before pushing back inside. A few more times like this, and now Taehyung is moaning into his mouth, jutting his hips up into Seokjin. Seokjin sits back up, bends Taehyung's legs and spreads them further part, presses them up towards his chest. Taehyung follows along, wraps his legs around Seokjin, pulling him closer. This time, Seokjin pulls almost all the way out, just his tip still inside, thrusts back in harder this time, starts moving with more intensity now, building up a rhythm. 

He can feel his orgasm building up, tries to keep it at bay for a little longer. Wants to hear Taehyung's gorgeous sounds for just a bit more. 

He reaches down, wraps his hand around Taehyung's cock, matches his strokes to the thrusts, and Taehyung is almost crying beneath him now, begging him to keep going.

"Seokjin. Seokjin."

Seokjin thinks he could listen to Taehyung say his name forever, but he knows he's so close now, and there's no way he can hold back much longer. 

"Cum for me, Tae." He picks up his rhythm, and Taehyung moans out his name loudly as lines of white squirt out all over his stomach and Seokjin's hand. Seokjin stills inside of him, strokes him through his orgasm, waits until Taehyung is pushing his hand off him before starting to move again. He knows he's close, so he thrusts a harder this time, his hands bracing himself on either side of Taehyung, and Taehyung is running his hands up and down Seokjin's arms, telling him how good he feels, making the most filthy sounds. 

It comes up fast and intense, spilling over as the world goes fuzzy around him for a moment, white lights and wooshing and he's never experienced anything like it before. He continues to ride through his orgasm before pulling out, tying off the condom and throwing it in the wastebasket beside his bed. Taehyung pulls him in for a kiss, whispering beautiful "I love yous" into his ear. And he thinks this must be what heaven feels like. 

He finally falls on the bed beside Taehyung, opens his arms up and welcomes him in.

They fall asleep just like that. 

There was no red bow, but it was still the perfect birthday. 

Chapter Text

Sweating. Panting. Moaning. Begging. 

The room seemed as though it were electrically charged, pulsing arousal all around until it was bouncing and rebounding off the walls. 

They have sex so much these days that it's difficult to know where Taehyung ends and Seokjin begins. Sometimes Taehyung feels guilty for how much time they spend in bed, not wanting Seokjin to think that he's only in it for the sex. But on the other hand, he's a 20 year old boy, what else do they expect from him?

The feeling of teeth meeting flesh draws him back to the view of Seokjin moving down his torso. Licking, sucking, biting. Taehyung really can't et enough. Feels as though he can never get close enough to Seokjin. 

A tongue drags upward from the base of his cock, causing him to shiver in anticicpation. He closes his eyes, threads his fingers through Seokjin's hair, braces himself for the warmth of Seokjin's mouth around his tip, but it doesn't come. Instead, he feels Seokjin's breath move back up his stomach and chest, dropping small kisses along his throat and up to his ear.

"Do you want to try today?" Seokjin whispers breathily, a tickingling sensation dancing along Taehyung's ear drum. 

"Try what?" he turns his face towards Seokjin, their eyes now only inches apart. 

"Filling me up." 

Seokjin starts kissing at his neck again, and Taehyung doesn't understand how he says such dirty things with such ease. Seokjin who gets red as a tomato when someone so much as gives him too much attention somehow manages to say and do the most filthy things without even batting an eye. It drives Taehyung over the edge. 

"Are you sure?" 

"Of course I'm sure." Seokjin meets his eyes now, runs his finger along Taehyung's jaw. 

"I mean, what do you prefer?" 

"How would we know what we prefer unless we try diferent things?"

Taehyung can't argue with Seokjin there. So far, Seokjin has always been top, and Taehyung just assumed that's what he preferred. Sure, Taehyung had thought about what it might feel like to switch positions, but he was really happy with whatever made Seokjin happy, and he tells Seokjin exactly that.

"This will make me happy," Seokjin's voice is a whisper again, and Taehyung feels a thrill run through his body. "Plus, it's your birthday, so it's only fair you have something to open up?" 

"Hyung, if you keep talking like that, I'm going to cum before we even do anything," Taehyung whines

"Tsk tsk. I guess you should hurry up then, Taetae." 

Taehyung wraps his arms around Seokjin's waist, and rolls the over so he's now straddling on top. He leans down and pulls Seokjin's plump lips into a hard, messy kiss, licking inside with force. Seokjin responds by threading his fingers through Taehyung's hair, pulling him closer, making the kiss even deeper. 

Taehyung pulls himself away, works his way down Seokjin's toned body. No matter how many times Taehyung sees Seokjin naked, he doesn't think he will evver get used to how attractive he is. His body proportions are unmatched in Taehyung's opinion. Broadshoulders and strong chest, leading to toned abs and a tapered waist. Taehyung kisses that waist now, runs his hands along Seokjin's thighs as he does. Seokjin is much calmer and quieter than Taehyung during sex, and right now, Taehyung really wants nothing more than to change that. He moves down so he's on his knees between Seokjin's thighs and uses his hands to push Seokjin's leg's apart. He uses one hand to trace along the inside of his right thing, while ghosting kisses along his left, until both meet at the base of his cock. He uses his tongue to tease around the base, then breathes his way up to the tip and licks at it a few times. Seokjin sighs, but Taeyung wants to hear more. 

"Where's the lube?" Taehyung asks. Seokjin grabs it from where he's hidden it between his mattress and the wall, tosses it to Taehyung who catches it easily. 

"Seems your reflexes are strong today," Seokjin teases. "Lucky for me."

Taehyung wants to shoot a comment back, but in the moment, he's suddenly really nervous, definitely doesn't want to talk a big talk if he isn't sure he can walk the big walk. 

Taehyung looks at Seokjin, opens his mouth to ask for direction, but Seokjin interrupts him. 

"I trust you, Tae. Just trust yourself, okay babe?" 

Seokjin's voice is soft and reassuring, and Taehyung is only slightly embarrassed that it turns him on even more. 

Flicking open the lube, he pours some on his fingers before tossing the bottle to the side. He presses two fingers between Seokjin's cheeks, running them gently until he teases over his hole. Seokjin squirms slightly beneath him, and Taehyung loves that he can pull a reaction from him .

His thumb presses against the opening, tapping a few times before pushing inside. He spends a few moments just presing his thumb in and out before replacing it with a finger. Seokjin's eyes are squeezed tightly, but Taehyung knows he would tell him if he wanted Taehyung to stop, so he pushes forward, inserting his finger in as far as he can before dragging it out slowly. Seokjin let's out a breathy sigh. 

Closer.

Taeyung adds a second finger, fucks it in and out a few times. He makes sure to watch Seokjin's face, trying to guage when he's adjusted and ready to move on. Soon he adds a third finger, starts scissoring and stretching Seokjin open. 

"Fuck, Tae. That's so good." Seokjin's voice is gravoly and deep and Taehyung can't help but feel proud and possessive. 

He starts thrusting his fingers in harder, trying to find that spot that Seokjin is so good at finding when he does this to Taehyung. He hooks his fingers around a few times, trying different angles inside until one thrust draws a moan from Seokjin. 

Bingo.

Taehyung continues to fuck against that same spot, and Seokjin is starting to pant underneath him. 

"Tae....Please....Cock...Inside...." Seokjin breathes out betweent thrusts. 

Not wanting to deny Seokjin of anything, Taehyung immediately removes his fingers and reaches for the lube again. He covers his cock in probably too much lube, but he wants to make sure the experience is as pleasurable as possible for Seokjin. 

He taps his tip a few times against Seokjin's opening, which pulls a beautiful whiimper out of those gorgeous lips. 

"Fuck, Tae. Please."

Taehyung smiles and considers teasing Seokjin a bit more, but to be honest, he's not sure how long he can hold out himself. Instead, he lines his tip up. Seokjin wraps his legs around Taehyung's waist, which allows Taehyung to brace himself with his hands on each side of Seokjin's waist. He starts entering slowly, studies Seokjin's face intensely with each movement. He knows that the first time is not the best feeling, having experienced it himself not that long ago. But he also knows that once he's bottomed out and Seokjin has had a chance to adjust to his size, things will feel much better. 

So he pushes on, takes it slowly until he's finally all the way in. The pressure is different than when he's being filled, but it's just as intense. The space is so tight, that any movement makes Taehyung feel like he could cum right that second. 

He leans down and drops kisses along Seokjin's neck, waits for the older boy to tell him when to move. After a few more second, Seokjin whispers "Tae," and Taehyung knows what he's asking for. He pulls out all the way, then gently pumps back in. He starts to create a rhythm, slowly at first, but then building, faster and more intense with each thrust. Seokjin reaches for his own cock and starts stroking himself. Taehyung thinks it's the most gorgeous thing he's ever seen in his entire life. He feels the orgasm building up now, starts pounding into Seokjin harder than before, which draws even more pretty sounds out of him. 

The two cum at the same time, the realization making Taehyung's orgasm even more intense. He knows it probably sound silly, but something about their bodies responding at the exact same time feels like love, and it's honestly one of Taehyung's favourite things about sex. 

Once they are cleaned up and cuddling in Seokjin's bed, a small box is placed in Taehyung's hand. He turns his head to look at Seokjin, who nods for him to open it. 

Inside is a charm, much like the ones Taehyung always has on his makeup bag, but this one is extra special. 

A red bow. 

"Happy Birthday, Taehyung." 

Chapter Text

Seokjin frowned. Under normal circumstances, he doesn’t like to frown. It causes wrinkles, and he’s very focused on taking good care of his skin. But today isn’t normal circumstances. No, not at all. Today he’s irritated. 

He pushes down his rational side, the part that questions if he even has a right to feel the way. The reality is, he does, and he’s tired of being the mature, hold everyone together type. 

So, that’s why he frowns even deeper, letting the lines settle into his forehead. If he looks old and wrinkly, the company can blame Taehyung. Its his fault afterall. 

“Seokjin-hyung!” Jimin’s voice startles him from his silent tantrum. “We’re heading out. The driver is waiting.” 

Seokjin grabs his backpack and slings it over his shoulder. He has to squint as he exits the dorm into the warming spring sunshine. They are headed to do some jacket shoots, something that Seokjin normally loves. Having originally wanted to be an actor, he still finds himself enjoying immersing himself in all the different characteres and story lines. But today, today his just not in the mood. 

He sits silently in the car, working hard to train the frown off his face. It’s not the other boys’ faults that he’s feeling this way, so he really shouldn’t take it out on them or make them feel uncomfortable with his shitty mood. 

They arrive at the shoot location twenty minutes later, and Seokjin prepares himself for the silent treatment he’s gonna give his…well, whatever he is. Right now, the only thing that will make him feel better is knowing that Taehyung can see he’s upset with him. 

Speaking of Taehyung, where is he? Seokjin looks around, trying to scan the room casually so as not to raise any suspicion. But he can’t see the pretty boy anywhere. 

“Taehyung is gonna be late,” Jimin whispers from beside him. “His scene on Hawrang is taking longer than they thought. He probably won’t arrive until we’ve all had our solo shots.”

“Of course not.” Seokjin huffs. “Not like I care anyway.”

“Okay, sure.” Seokjin can basically hear Jimin roll his eyes. “Jealousy is an interesting look on you.”

“Shut up. I’m not jealous.” And with that, Seokjin stomps into the room and plops down on a chair. After shoving his earbuds in, he turns on his music and closes out the world around him. He needs some time alone. It’s like he can never get time alone. There’s always someone around. He can’t even be alone in his own bedroom. 

He sighs. He knows he’s just finding things to be miserable about now. He can’t help himself, though. Usually, he’s really good at holding himself together, being the light and funny and positive one. But right now, he’s just overwhelmed with feelings he’s not sure he’s ready to dissect quite yet. He’ll do it on his own time. 

And maybe that’s part of the issue. He feels a little out of control. The two of them had finally taken the next step in their…whatever this is…only a couple months earlier. It had been a huge deal for both of them, but, if he’s being honest, probably even more so for Seokjin. He’d spent almost two years fighting his inner demons to get to a place where he could take that risk, but it had felt worth it when it was with Taehyung. 

Now Taehyung is busy. Always busy. Too busy for all of his committment, too busy to be on time for shoots, too busy for Seokjin. 

He swallows down the feeling of insecurity that threatens to suffocate him. 

The thing is, Seokjin had been okay accepting that Taehyung had a lot going on. In fact, he had been extremely supportive of Taehyung. Being part of a busy group while also participating in his first ever kdrama was a lot, and Seokjin understood that. That’s why he had gone out of his way to make things easier for Taehyung. Saving him food, getting up early, staying up late, doing his laundry, whatever it took to make sure Taehyung was comfortable and taken care of. And even though he had missed his alone time with his younger…whatever he is…Seokjin had been able to accept that it was just for a season. 

That was…until he saw that video.

A tap on his shoulder causes him to jump. He pulls one earbud out as he looks up at the ‘assailant.’

“It’s your turn, hyung,” Yoongi smiles tentatively at him, as if he’s nervous of Seokjin’s reaction. Now he feels guilty. 

“Thanks, Yoon..” he pushes himself up and forces the most authentic smile he can muster onto his lips. He knows it doesn’t reach his eyes, but hopefully it’s enough. 

He settles into the chair. He can’t take his complicated feelings out on the makeup artist. It’s definitely not her fault. And he really doesn’t need anyone else involved in their messy situation anyway. This is something that should be between himself and Taehyung. But that was seemingly impossible since Taehyung was never around.

Seokjin reflects on the months beween their birthday and the beginning of Taehyung’s drama. It had been a blissful time, with stolen kisses, late night conversations, and sex. Lots and lots of sex. It’s not like Seokjin need sex all the time, but he can’t even scrounge up memories of what it feels like to be touched by Taehyung anymore. 

A flashback of the STAR interview they did in February crosses his memory. The two had giggled the entire way home about how hard it had been not to give themselves away. Of course, Seokjin had been much better at it than Taehyung, but even he had to work hard to keep his eyes from lingering in adoration on the younger boy. 

They had spent the night at Seokjin’s parents after that. They were away on a business trip, so the two were able to be as loud and wild as they wanted. 

If only he had known that only two months later, he would be sitting here with Taehyung, pining over those memories. Maybe then he would have cherished them more. Held them closer to his heart. 

"Taehyung says he’s gonna be even later than he thought,” one of their managers announces to the group. “Apparently they had issues with the lighting or something. Anyway, we will do all the solo shots and then the unit shots that don’t include Taehyung. Hopefully he’ll be back by the time that’s all done.”

Seokjin rolls his eyes. Why? He doesn’t really know beyond the fact that he’s so annoyed it’s eating him alive. 

If only he hadn’t seen that video clip. But the sound of Taehyung’s voice always drew him in. As soon as he heard it drifting from Jimin’s phone, he had snuck into the corner of the dimly lit room, watched over Jimin’s shoulder from afar. He knew he shouldn’t eevesdrop, but he was desperate for any connection to Taehyung. 

He wishes he would have listened to his own conscience. Now, karma got him, and good. 

The video probably seemed harmless to anyone else, they’d probably be shocked to know it was the cause of all Seokjin’s stewing. But, for Seokjin, it hit a nerve. 

Taehyung had sent a video of himself out for drinks after a shoot. He was with some actors from the drama, along with a few of their other friends. His cheeks were flushed red and he looked beautifully adorable. Seokjin had even caught himself smiling for a second. That was until he remembered that he had asked Taehyung if they could hang out tonight. Taehyung had told him that he was really tired and after the scene he would go right to sleep. 

Clearly, he wasn’t that tired. 

The feeling built up in his chest again, like an acid bile threatening to spew out and make a mess of everything around him. 

“Hyung?” Jimin’s voice was soft beside him. He looked up with another forced smile, tried to make his eyes go into their signature crescent moons, but it was no use. Jimin knew him too well anyway. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re not.”

“Then why’d you ask?” Seokjin grumbles under his breath. 

“I just wanted to give you the opportunity to tell me.” Jimin smiles weakly. “I’m here, you know.”

“Well, I don’t think it’s a great position to put you in, Min-ah.” 

“Cause I’m Taehyung’s friend.”

“Soulmate I thought?” Seokjin lifts an eyebrow playfully. 

“Yeah, you make a good point.” Jimin looks down, shuffles his feet from side to side. “It’s okay to feel jealous though, hyung. I feel jealous too if I’m being honest.”

“You do?” Seokjin looks up in surprise.

“I mean, yeah. Taehyung is my soulmate as you just said. And he’s always busy with the Wooga Squad.”

“The whaty what?” Seokjin’s face draws into a sarcastic cringe. 

“That’s what they call themselves. The ‘Wooga Squad.’” Jimin uses his fingers to put air quotes around the title. 

“Wow.” Seokjin can’t help but chuckle. 

“Yeah, I’m not gonna lie, I had a hard time not laughing at Taehyung when he told me that.”

Seokjin pouts again. 

“What?” Jimin look at him with a confused expression. 

“At least Taehyung still tells you things. And he’s honest with you even if it sounds ridiculous.”

“What do you mean?”

“I really shouldn’t tell you, Min. But thanks for being here. I love ya.”

Jimin pats Seokjin gently on the shoulder before walking away to head on set. 

The shoot goes by uneventfully. Seokjin manages to pull himself out of his pity party long enough to produce what he knows are handsome photos. He makes sure to be respectful and kind to the staff, even though inwardly he wants to just sit in a corner and pout like a sad puppy. But he won’t.

In fact, he’s just starting to feel more himself again when that familiar voice sounds from behind him.

“Hey everyone. I’m really sorry I’m late.” 

Seokjin refuses to turn around. He can’t right now. The feelings are moving back in like a hurricane hitting a Florida shoreline. He’s angry. He’s jealous. And more than anything, he’s hurt. 

He doens’t like feeling insecure. It’s something he’s felt way too many times in his life, and something he thought he’d never have to experience again with Taehyung. 

But yet, here he was, finally accepting the reasoning behind his foul mood. He felt insecure. Unwanted. Discarded.

Replaced.

“Hi, Hyung.” Taehyung’s voice carries through the air to his ear drums like the smell of sweet flowers after a storm. But something about it feels like the eye, the calm before the second half moves in, destroys everything, causes irreprable damage. 

“Hyung?” Seokjin can hear the searching laced through Taehyung’s tone. He takes a breath, turns to face the handsome boy. 

Taehyung’s face is painted with concern, and Seokjin feels torn. One one hand, he wants to pull Taehyung into a hug. Hold him and reassure him that everything is fine. That they are fine. But the other side, the one that’s been building and building within him for the last twenty-four hours, that’s the part that remembers the weight that had plummetted down his throat into his stomach when he saw that video. 

He opens his mouth to speak, but before any sound comes out, Taehyung is being ushered away in a whirlwind of commotion. Seokjin is just left standing, staring at the spot where Taehyung had just inhabited. 

He spots from the corner of his eye, Taehyung being guided onto the set. The other five are gathered around the monitor, ooing at awing at Taehyung’s visuals. He’s realy grown into his own, and Seokjin thinks he gets more handsome everyday. 

Yoongi looks up and waves him over, but Seokjin just shakes his head before turning and walking away. He rubs his makeup off quietly, removing all the grime and applying a toner and moisturizer. Maybe he will get some early wrinkles after today, but his skin will stay soft as a baby’s bottom. 

After brushing out his hair, he shoves his belongings back into his backpack and heads for the cars. He can wait for everyone there. The fresh air hits him as soon as he steps outside, so he decides to slide down the outside wall, bask in the cool, evening breeze. 

He feels like maybe it’s possible he’s punishing himself right now. He guesses, that if he really wanted to, he could be inside with Taehyung right now. He could be drinking in his pretty features, basking in his warm glow. But he’s upset. And he’s allowed to be upset sometimes. Sure, he’s the oldest, but not by much. He doesn’t always have to be the one holding everything together all the time. 

“Hey.” Yoongi’s voice is soft. Compassionate. Caring. 

“Hey,” Seokjin let’s the corners of his lips lift for a brief second before looking back down at his phone in his hands. From his peripheral he watches Yoongi slide down the wall to sit beside him. 

“What’s going on?”

“I’m sorry,” Seokjin sighs, props his elbows on his knees and presses his face into his hands. 

“For what?” Yoongi prompts. 

“For making everyone uncomfortable.”

“Noone’s uncomfortable, hyung. We all care about you. And you’re allowed to have rough days. You don’t always have to be perfect and hold everything and everyone together all the time.” Yoongi’s tone isn’t at all accusatory, rather its at attempt at giving Seokjin permission to just let it all out.

“I’m jealous.” He presses the words through his lips before he can take them back. “And I’m hurt.”

Yoongi just stays quiet, his shoulder pushed against Seokjin’s as they sit side by side. 

“He told me he wasn’t free to hang out last night. He said he was too tired.” Seokjin knows he doesn’t have to clarify who ‘he’ is.

“He is really busy these days.”

“Yeah, I know. Which is why I was understanding. We’ve barely seen each other, but I get that he’s busy, so I reassured him it was fine. He told me he was going to sleep as soon as the scene was done.”

“But?”

“I saw Jimin watching a video that Taehyung sent him. He was out with his Hawrang friends. 

“Maybe it was an old video.”

“They were at that restaurant by the park. The one that’s only open late on Thursdays. So it was definitely yesterday."

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry. That really sucks. And it’s not fair of him, that’s for sure. But I think you should talk to him. Don’t let it fester too long, you know?”

Seokjin knows Yoongi is right, but he’s also thankful that his friend validated his feelings. He just wanted someone to agree with him, that the situation was sucky. 

“Yeah, I really should.”

“Well…now’s your chance,” Yoongi whispers as he pushes himself up off the hard ground. Seokjin looks up in time to see Taehyung slowly approaching. Yoongi gives him a smile and squeezes his shoulder. Taehyung nods in response. 

“Hey,” he mutters as he takes over the spot Yoongi was just sitting. 

“Hey.”

“I heard you saw the video.” Taehyung forces out. 

“Yeah. Thought you were too tired.”

“I’m sorry,” Taehyung sighs. “I really was tired. But they asked me to go out and I’m trying really hard to be a good member of the cast. I’m new to the acting world, I don’t want to push anyone away or upset anyone.”

“You should have talked to me though. Called me and told me that right away. Not send Jimin a video of you out having the time of your life.” Seokjin can hear his own tone rising, his words starting to spout out faster and faster. 

“In fairness, I didn’t know you would see the video.” Taehyung smile weakly. 

“That somehow makes it worse.” Seokjin’s voice is softer now, and he’s lookin down at his hands. 

“I’m sorry. I think I’ve hurt you.”

Seokjin doesn’t answer, can’t answer. His desire to hurt Taehyung is suddenly gone, replaced by exhaustion. He just wants to go home and sleep. 

“What can I do to make it better, Seokjinnie?” Taehyung asks sweetly, but his tone is still genuine. 

“I’m sure there are things we are going to have to figure out. But for now, just come home and cuddle with me?” 

“There’s nothing I want to do more,” Taehyung brings his lips to Seokjin’s cheek, lands a soft touch to his skin. 

“One more thing.”

“hmm?” Taehyung’s eyes are fluttered closed as he rests his head on Seokjin’s shoulder. 

"I want a better kiss than that when we get back.”

Seokjin feels his heart rate begin to return to normal as Taehyung’s soft laugh carries into the night air. 

Chapter Text

The night time air is chilly, slightly burning Taehyung’s cheeks as he steps out of the SUV. He wishes he had worn a scarf, but April weather is always so unpredictable. The driver bids him goodnight, and he slides the door shut before heading up the four steps that lead to the dorm. 

The main room is dark when he enters, although he shouldn’t be surprised. It’s almost 3am. The last two weeks had been some of the hardest and longest of his life. Currently, they were filming the night scenes for Hwarang, which meant filming long into the night and often, like today, the early morning. 

After shrugging his coat off his shoulders and hanging it up on one of the two coat trees, Taehyung makes his way into the small kitchen. He’s hoping that there might be something he can just quickly fill his stomach with before finally climbing into bed. Tomorrow’s - or technically today’s - schedule has him up by 7am, so he doesn’t want to waste any more of his sleeping time than he has to. 

A flip of the switch by the kitchen entrance illuminates the room in light. Taehyung blinks a few times. The flourescent lighting is always so assaulting to the senses. In fact, he’s asked their manager more than once if they could change the bulbs. Seokjin’s eyes are extremely sensitive and yet he’s the one who spends the most time in this room. Taehyung doesn’t like thinking about Seokjin being uncomfortable. 

“Hey,” a soft voice sounds from behind him. Taehyung spins, sees a groggy Seokjin standing in the doorway. His hair is sticking up and his eyes are puffy from sleep. 

Taehyung smiles softly. “Hey, hyung.” And then he frowns. “Did I wake you up?”

“I was sleeping on the couch,” Seokjin answers through a yawn. “Wanted to see you when you got home.”

Taehyung’s heart leaps, fills with a warmth that would be hard to put into words. “I’m sorry it’s so late, hyung.”

“Nonsense.” Seokjin just smiles, reaches out and ruffles Taehyung’s hair. “You’re a busy boy. A superstar.” The last word comes out teasing, yet it somehow holds so much weight. Seokjin has always been good at that - at lacing seriousness with a ligthness that makes everyone more comfortable. 

“Well,” Taehyung steps closer. He wraps his arms around Seokjin’s neck and pulls their foreheads together. “Call me selfish, but I’m happy you did.”

“Mmm,” is all Seokjin manages before their lips slot together. It’s gentle at first. A sweet reunion of their mouths after more than a week of being apart. They used to be able to find time to steal kisses, to touch and tease. But now - now they barely have time to breathe in the same room, nevermind explore each other’s mouths with their tongues. 

Maybe that’s why they don’t hold back now. It’s a dangerous game, what with the other boys in their rooms only feet away. The fire has been ignited, though, and now its impossible to put out. Seokjin licks at Taehyung’s bottom lip and the younger quickly opens up, allows Seokjin access to taste his teeth and tongue and breath. Taehyung eagerly responds. He loves the way that Seokin’s tongue feels against his own, the way they move like seasoned ballroom dancers. 

Just kissing isn’t enough for long though, and soon, Taehyung decides to get brave, to run his open palm down the front of Seokjin’s flannel pajama shirt. His hand grazes, gently at first, but then with more purpose as his touch moves down, down. He fingers at the waistband of Seokjin’s pants, pulls back so he can meet his hyung’s eyes in a silent question. 

Seokjin closes his eyes, and Taehyung knows he’s fighting an internal battle between desire and logic. Thankfully for Taehyung, desire seems to win out, because Seokjin places his hands on Taehyung’s waist and slides them under the hem of his shirt. The contact of skin on skin is all Taehyung needs to push forward, to press his fingers inside the waistbands of both pants and briefs, graze the tip of Seokjin’s already hard cock. 

In another circumstance, he might feel embarrassed by the audible sigh of relief he releases when he finally wraps his fingers around Seokjin. But tonight - tonight he’s desperate to feel him, to remind Seokjin that no matter how busy he gets, this is where he always wants to be, where he belongs, where he will always return. 

He twists his hand, drawing a moan out of Seokjin which Taehyung immediately silences with his own mouth. They kiss messily, almost to the point of being lewd. And it’s perfect. Seokjin leans his head back against the doorframe and Taehyung traces the line of that insanely sexy neck with his lips. He wants to suck a mark into it, let everyone in the entire world know that Seokjin is his and only his. It’s just a dream though, something that will have to stay inside of his fantasies. Noone can know what they do here in the silence of the kitchen. With a flick, Seokjin plunges them into darkness. Now, even if the other boys do look outside their doors (although, Taehyung doubts they would dare at this point) they won’t see anything but the darkness of the night. 

And then, Seokjin does the thing that Taehyung loves - threads his fingers through the back of Taehyung’s hair and pulls his head back, exposing his neck so he can lick and tease at the sensitive skin under Taehyung’s jaw. 

“I missed you,” Taehyung whispers into the space between them. “So much.”

Seokjin sighs, rests his head on Taehyung’s shoulder. He’s breathing heavily now as Taehyung continues to lazily stroke his cock. “I miss you too, Tae. Every minute I’m away from you.”

He keeps his forehead there, presses his lips into Taehyung’s clothed shoulder. His hand snakes down, slips under the band of the younger’s pants and closes around his cock. The two begin to stroke in unison, their breathing becoming heavier and more desperate. They don’t kiss, don’t even look at each other, just feel the skin of their arousals in their palms, listen to the sounds of pleasure from each other’s lips. 

And, as is becoming more and more frequent, they cum at the same time. That’s when their lips meet again, in a desperate attempt to silence the sounds of bliss that spill out of their mouths. They swallow each other’s breath as they come down from their high, hands still down the front of pants. 

Finally, Seokjin pulls his hand out, presses a kiss against Taehyung’s forehead. No words are spoken as he walks over to the sink, wets a paper towel and returns to clean Taehyung up. No words are needed. They take turns washing their hands. Taehyung notes the sound of the microwave as he finishes up. 

“I left you some dinner,” Seokjin says quietly. 

“Thank you.”

“I’ll always take care of you. You know that, right?”

Taehyung smiles. Of course he knows that. Seokjin is always there, always ready to make sure that every need of Taehyung’s is fulfilled. But what about Seokjin? Who takes care of him when Taehyung’s days are filled with the requirements and schedules of others? 

“I love you,” he whispers, the words coming out before he has time to decide if they are right to say or not. 

Seokjin smiles weakly. “I know, Tae. I know.”

Taehyung fights back the pout that threatens to land on his lips. “And you?” he breathes out instead. 

Seokjin turns his attention back to the microwave, pulls the dish out and brings it to the little table. He motions for Taehyung to sit down and the younger obeys. No words are spoken, but that’s not untypical of Seokjin - to take a pause, to really think before he anwers. Taehyung reaches for the chopsticks, but Seokjin grabs them before he can. With a smooth motion, he picks up a piece of chicken, guides it to Taehyung’s lips. 

Taehyung opens his mouth, allows Seokjin to press the food onto his tongue. “I love you, too, Taehyung-ah.” 

The words are quiet, breathy. There is no fanfare when Seokjin speaks that statement. No grand gesture or dramatic speech. Just the words so softly and perfectly spoken, like a promise that holds weight. The kind that won’t fade with time or with the seasons. His love for Taehyung has always been there, will always be there. Taehyung just hopes its always this kind of love. The kind that stays up late until the other arrives, fucks in the kitchen under the light of the moon, feeds each other dinner that they saved with the other’s wellbeing in mind. That’s the kind of love he wants from Seokjin - now and forever. He’s not sure he’d survive any other kind. 

“Your thoughts are loud, Tae.” Seokjin says the words simply. “Don’t rob yourself of the present, yeah?” 

Like always, Seokjin is wise. Taehyung has always known this. It’s one of the first things he had noticed about the oldest. Well, right after his handsome face. While Namjoon was book smart, able to debate philosophy and quote poetry like it was as easy as breathing, Seokjin’s wisdom was different - quieter. He understood life, the intricacies  of human feelings and experiences. There were so many moments over the years - moments like right now - where he could sense one’s thoughts, know when they were causing themselves turmoil. And then, he would calm them. Not with a reprimand, not with a lecture. No, he never embarrassed them. Instead, he would simply remind them to stay right now, right here, in the moment with him. 

If only he knew it was the only place Taehyung ever wanted to be. When he wasn’t with Seokjin, he longed for him. And when he was, he dreaded leaving - always feared it was the last time. That one day Seokjin would wake up and change his mind. Decide that loving Taehyung was too difficult. 

“I love you, Tae.” Seokjin repeats the words again. “You are everything I ever want, okay?”

A tear threatens to fall from Taehyung’s eye and he blinks it away. Seokjin just cooes at him cutely. “My baby, you never have to hold back tears with me.”

Then he does cry, the tears falling silently in streaks down his face. Seokjin places the chopsticks down, presses the lid back on the container before standing, pulling Taehyung up into his arms. He wraps himself around Taehyung, allowing the younger to sob against his shoulder. “I get scared,” Taehyung mutters between sniffles. 

“Of what, baby?” 

Taehyung shivers at the nickname. He loves being Seokjin’s baby. Never wants to be anything but. “Of you changing your mind.”

Seokjin rubs circles into Taehyung’s back. “About what?”

“Me. Us.” 

Seokjin pulls back now, takes Taehyung’s face between his hands. “I want you to listen to me, Taehyung. Okay? Really listen.”

Taehyung nods. 

“I love you with every single beat of my heart. I think about you from the moment I wake up until the moment I fall asleep. I know things for us aren’t simple, that we have to navigate something that other people our age don’t have to. Not just our sexuality, but also our status, and the other members. If I’m being honest, I don’t know what’s going to happen between us. If we are ever going to be able to be an actual couple or love as freely as we want. I’m scared too.” 

Taehyung just stares into Seokjin’s eyes. He notes that - just like Taehyung - there is indeed fear there. 

“What if we don’t make it, can’t figure it out? The thought haunts me too. But I don’t want to miss the time we do have. So I try to focus on that. On right now. On my hands on your face, and your eyes looking into mine. And there is one thing I know for certain, Taehyung, one thing that won’t change.”

“What?” Taehyung whispers breathlessly. 

“Even if we don’t work, go our seperate ways, end up loving someone else or noone at all, I will never ever change my mind about you. I will always love you.”

“I will always love you, too.”

“That’s my boy.” Seokjin presses a kiss to Taehyung’s forehead, and then the tip of his nose, and then the most gentle of kisses to his lips. “Let’s go to sleep now, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

They leave the kitchen wrapped up in each other’s arms. And for now, Taehyung leaves his worries behind as well. 

Chapter Text

The cap on his head seems unusually tight, but he’s already taken it off three times to adjust it. 

Everything feels a little tight. The tiny kitchen where the six of them huddle. The chair that he is trying to share with Jimin. The air that is closing in on him like the walls of an underground cave. 

“Any news yet?” 

Hobi casts Jimin a questioning glance. Jungkook's eyes follow, wide and waiting for an answer. Jimin takes in the gazes, but then shakes his head.

Seokjin wants to scream. To tear his own skin off so he can run out of this place, leaving his body as a decoy. Run down the street to the filming set as discreetly as possible. Afterall, after the success of Fire, the entire country knows his face, but would they recognize his soul?

“Is it hot in here?” he asks to noone in particular. It’s a good thing, too, because none of the other five respond. 

A ding of a phone has every eye on Jimin. The younger member blinks a few times before picking up the device with shaking hands. 

Silence. 

It’s deafening. 

Seokjin had been pretty young when he learned how deafening silence could be. 

“He’s not gonna make it.” 

And if it was deafening before, it’s ear shattering now, the way all of them just stare at their hands, or the table, or anywhere but each other. 

Jimin wipes at his cheek with the back of his hand, but it’s Seokjin who wants to cry. He won’t though. Not here — in front of everyone. 

“Well,” Namjoon announces, finally breaking the silence. “That’s that.” He begins to walk out of the room, but an audible whimper from Jungkook causes him to freeze, to turn back around and take in the solemn faces. 

It’s times like these that Seokjin is thankful not to be the leader. Sure, a lot of responsilbity falls on his shoulders as the oldest, but it’s the kind he can manage. Having to resolve situations like this doesn’t interest him in the slightest. 

He’s his own family’s maknae, afterall. 

And right now, he misses his brother. Misses the way he would throw his arm around Seokjin and tell him that ‘a brother’s shoulder was made for crying on.’ 

But not here. Not with these boys. Not when he’s the oldest, and honestly, the most put together emotionally. At least outloud. 

“I know it sucks, Jungkook, but…we have no choice. We’ve already planned the trip, and the company paid for it. With the way we’ve been complaining about not getting to go anywhere for ‘vacation’…” 

Namjoon uses two fingers on each hand to create quotations. They all know that this vacation is really just the agency taking the opportunity to pretend they are giving the boys what they want, while actually creating another fan service opportunity. 

Namjoon continues anyway. “…we better not waste the company’s money. We already don’t have enough of it as it is.”

Yoongi is the next one to stand. He’s always the next one to come around. Sometimes even the first. He wraps his fingers around Jungkook’s wrist and tugs him up gently. The youngest follows, but the pout on his lips and the puffed out way his cheeks sit say how he really feels. 

Hobi follows after, leaving just Seokjin and Jimin in the kitchen. The younger of the two just stares at the phone in his hand. Seokjin notes the way Taehyung’s message is still open. 

“Staring at it won’t make it change, Min,” Seokjin comments softly. 

Jimin sighs. “Why can’t I hope?”

“You could,” Seokjin answers, keeping his voice as gentle as possible. He opens his mouth to say something wise. Something the oldest should say. Instead, he swallows his own sigh. “You can.”

Jimin smiles weakly. “How about you, hyung?” 

“Huh?” Seokjin plays dumb. It’s easier that way. 

“You know what I mean. I heard Tae promise you he would be here.”

Seokjin steals his heart. Jimin is right. Speaks the thought that Seokjin has been trying to keep at bay. 

“He did,” he finally utters. “But things change.” 

“People change…” Jimin’s voice trails off, and for the first time, Seokjin realizes how much the younger boy is also struggling.

“He still loves you, you know that right?” 

“Of course,” Jimin huffs, an adorable pout on his face. “But it doesn’t make it hurt any less.” Then the younger turns to look at him, eyes narrowed as if accusing him of a crime he didn’t know he committed. “Aren’t you hurt?”

Seokjin’s lips press into a line. He pauses for a moment, tries to piece together what he should share, how much he should say. Just as he opens his mouth to finally speak, a ding interrupts them. 

“Oh!” Jimin exclaims, jumping up from the chair. “Taehyung says he’s coming now. He’s just going to be a little later than us! He will take a different flight.”

Seokjin watches with wide eyes as Jimin rushes from the room, calling for the others like a child on Christmas morning. He keeps watching, even when there is nothing more for his eyes to see. His own phone weighs heavy in his pocket, sitting in the same place where it’s been unmoving for the last hour. 

Because Taehyung never messaged him. 

Not when he realized he couldn’t make it on their trip. 

Not when Seokjin’s heart broke slowly at the realization that Wooga was once more getting Tae’s precious time. 

Not when plans were made for him to attend anyway. 

His lower lip hurts from the way he’s been biting down on it. It calms him in a weird way. Like the pain can somehow serve as a distraction from the turmoil in his chest.

It’s only been a couple weeks since their conversation in the kitchen. The one that they had right after pleasuring each other under the safety of darkness. He thought things would be better. Thought he would be more confident. 

It’s his own problem — he knows that. Taehyung can’t help how busy he is. 

Although, he can help what he promises. If he knew there was a chance his plans might change, he shouldn’t have promised Seokjin’s heart otherwise. 

With a sigh, he finally trudges out of the kitchen. His bag is already by the door, along with the one Taehyung had packed and left there. Now it mocks him. Stares at him like a broken promise. 

“You ready, hyung?” Yoongi asks, flicking at Seokjin’s shoulder to get his attention. 

Seokjin just nods. Hopes that’s enough to appease whatever lingering questions are playing in Yoongi’s gaze. He’s thankful his roommate won’t ask more. 

The drive to the airport is uneventful, as is the flight to Norway. Even more uneventful are the notifications on Seokjin’s phone.

None. 

Well, that’s not true. There are plenty. Just none from him. 

He shoves his free hand in his pocket in an attempt to keep from touching his hair. They are filming, afterall. And he’d recently gone blonde, so touching just made it look greasy easier.

Jimin seems to be better, already over the debacle. Seokjin wishes he was happy, too. 

The urge to send Taehyung a message washes over him — the ebb and flow getting stronger with every passing hour that he’s met with silence. 

He won’t though. He promised Taehyung that he will be there, silently loving him through it all. Even when it’s hard. So he will.

He won’t be the one to break promises.

Shit. So bitter. 

The camera closes in on him, and he forces a smile on his face. It’s quickly wiped away when they are informed they only have a limited amount of money to spend on the trip, and are required to hand over their wallets to the staff. And perhaps the smile on his face is enough to fool an entire audience of fans, but he’s sure that his closest friends can see the way the light in his eyes has dimmed. A fire that’s been almost completey extinguished. 

The day goes by fitfully for Seokjin. Everything that can annoy him — and things that normally wouldn't — does. He has to work extra hard not to snap at his friends, or the crew, or a random passerby that has no idea why they have to navigate their way around six korean boys and five cameramen. 

He isn’t any less annoyed when the time for Taehyung to arrives comes…and then goes, with no sight of the younger. The staff say he’s lost, or running behind, or something. 

Seokjin feels a momentary flitter of worry, but it’s quickly washed away by the tsunami of irritation that follows. He stares at his phone. It mocks him back. 

Finally, it dings. 

Relief washes over him when he sees Taehyung’s name. 

Tae: Hey hyung. I’m so sorry. I’m almost there, but I don’t know how I got lost when I have a driver but…I’m sorry.

He considers not replying. Even closes his phone screen and shoves the device in his pocket. But then he thinks better of it. He wants to talk to Taehyung, afterall. 

Jin: It’s okay, Tae. Just get here safely, okay?

Tae: You aren’t mad?

Jin: Mad?

And yes, he’s playing dumb. It feels safer right now, with cameras pointed in his direction.

Tae: Are you mad at me, Jinnie?

Jin: For?

Tae: For breaking my promise

Jin: We can talk about it later, Tae

Tae: Hyunnngggg…😭😭

Jin: Taehyung

Tae: Ugh. Fine.

Tae: But just…

Tae: tell me we’re okay

Tae: Please?

Seokjin swallows. He can feel the tears burning behind his eyes. Tears he won’t let out. Not here. Not now. 

Maybe later — as in when he gets back to Seoul. But even then, Yoongi will be around. Someone is always around. 

Tae: Jinnie. I’m sorry.

Tae: please.

Tae: Please tell me it’s okay.

Jin: I don’t know if it’s okay, Tae.

Tae: oh

Jin: but we’re okay, alright?

Tae: I love you, hyung. I’ll make it up to you.

An image flashes of Taehyung’s pretty eyes staring up at him, lips wrapped around Seokjin’s cock. That’s what happened the last time Taehyung ‘made something up to him.’ He would be lying if he said he wouldn’t welcome that, but what he really wants is Taehyung’s time. His presence. Acts of service are nice. Welcome, even. But Seokjin has always thrived on quality time. Getting and receiving the most important asset in life. 

He could say all that now. Pour his heart out to Taehyung, but it’s of no use. The younger can’t do much about it. He has about as much say over his time as a teenager at a boarding school. So there’s no use complaining, no point asking Taehyung to give him something he can’t. So instead, he gives the younger the response he knows he’s looking for. 

Jin: I love you, too.

At least one of them should be at peace.