Chapter Text
Direct Messages between Peter the Panda, Perry the Platypus, and Stacy Hirano
Peter: Guys, I just got assigned the worst mission of all time.
Stacy: Really? What is it? Tell us everything.
Perry: Does it have something to do with Mystery?
Peter: Well, in the sense that it does not involve Mystery in any way, yes.
Perry: I think that the answer would then be no.
Peter: Stay with me here. I’m only being assigned this mission because Mystery is going on vacation for a week. That means I was open for assignment to any random mission O.W.C.A. wanted to give me.
Stacy: So, tell us! What mission did you get?
Peter: I’m supposed to keep an eye on this potential threat. Apparently she was an O.W.C.A. dropout.
Stacy: A what?
Perry: Some animals are unable to get far enough in training to reach agent status. Typically, they’re more intelligent than the average animal but not quite capable enough to work at O.W.C.A.
Peter: Well, this trainee, she’s a goat named Gabrielle, didn’t have that problem. She was just too stubborn to follow any sort of instruction, so they kicked her out.
Perry: So O.W.C.A.’s worried she’s ended up on the wrong side?
Peter: Exactly. Apparently, some concerning things have been happening in the area, and Gabrielle is a suspect. My mission is to keep an eye on her to determine whether she’s evil, innocent of any wrongdoing, or somewhere in between.
Stacy: Well that doesn’t seem so bad. You just have to watch a goat?
Peter: Yeah, but to do that, I have to have some sort of cover. It would negate the point of the mission if I showed up as an agent. I have to blend into Gabrielle’s surroundings.
Perry: So where does Gabrielle live?
Peter: A petting zoo.
Stacy: Oh, that makes sense. Goats are pretty common at petting zoos. I haven’t seen a panda at a petting zoo before.
Peter: Well, O.W.C.A. doesn’t seem to care about that.
Perry: Why would they assign you to this mission and not an animal that does often live in a petting zoo?
Peter: I don’t know! But now I’m going to have to go live in a zoo for a week, and there’s going to be kids that crowd around and touch me, and I’m going to hate it.
Stacy: Why doesn’t Perry do it then? You could switch. Perry’s used to being touched.
Perry: Sorry, but no. Anywhere that has a lot of little kids is essentially a germ factory. I refuse to live in a petting zoo for any length of time. Besides, I’m Dr. D’s nemesis. I can’t just leave to do other random missions.
Peter: I know. There’s no good reason for you to do it instead of me. Besides, my higher-ups really want me in particular to do this for some reason.
Stacy: Maybe they think your skills will be especially helpful.
Peter: Sure. Let’s go with that. The only other option is that they hate me.
Perry: Well, at least it’s not a permanent reassignment.
Peter: There is that, I guess. That doesn’t make me any happier to spend a week acting like some mindless animal. It just sounds so demeaning.
Perry: That’s unnecessary, Peter.
Peter: Well, you’re used to it. You’ve been a pet almost your whole life. I’ve never had to deal with that. I know you like it, but that doesn’t mean I will.
Perry: Just so we’re clear, living in a zoo is completely different from being a pet. Pets have a bond with their owners that I don’t think zoo animals do.
Peter: I guess. I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to be offensive.
Perry: I know. Just think about what you’re saying before you say it.
Stacy: It can’t be too bad, can it? I mean, they’ll feed you and take care of you. And kids are pretty cute.
Peter: I’m no good with kids, Stacy. They always want to hug me or pull my fur, or smother me. And I’m pretty sure the point of petting zoos is to allow kids to do that. It sounds like torture.
Perry: Honestly, I’m in agreement with you there. This sounds like a truly horrible mission. How are you even supposed to investigate anything if you’re in an enclosure acting like a mindless animal?
Peter: I guess I’ll have to figure that out.
Stacy: I’m sure you’ll think of something.
Peter: Thanks, Stace.