Chapter Text
Jake knew as soon as Heeseung awoken on that altar piece that something was different about him. He couldn't place it just yet, but he knew there was something different. He looked at the rest of the members and he could tell by the looks on their faces that they knew something was wrong too. He couldn't focus on Heeseung for too long though because there was still two bodies laying on the altar piece, they were kind of shaped like coffins. Jake thinks it's kind of fitting for this situation.
Gunwook awakes shortly after, and Matthew is still lying completely still. Kind of like a statue. Jake knows something isn't going the way it was supposed to. He glances over to Heeseung who has hesitantly starting to sit up, like it's taking everything in him to sit himself up. Jake doesn't go over to help him. He looks over to his right and sees Gunwook starting to panic, he realizes then that Matthew hasn't woken up yet and he might be gone now. Unless Gunwook makes a hard decision and turns Matthew. And Jake knows he will, he sees the way Gunwook looks at Matthew like he holds all the secrets to his heart. He wonders if there was a time Heeseung looked at him like that. In a flash, Gunwook is biting his teeth into Matthew's neck and it's a bit narly. It lacks poise and grace and humility, blood is running down his chin and everything. It's kind of gross if Jake admits.
Mathew awakes but something is different about him too. He looks back towards Heeseung and he looks back to Gunwook and Matthew, and he knows what has taken place.
-- --
When they all go home later that night, no one speaks a word. It's like the air has shifted around them. Jake has inkling that Heeseung can tell what it is. He tries not to show it but spending nearly half of 1000 years together Jake knows everything there is to know about Heeseung. Everyone goes to their rooms not even sparing a good night or good whatever since who knows what time of day it is.
Heeseung lingers around the living room with Jake. Jake can tell that Heeseung wants to say something, can see it etched all over his face.
"Jake. I -" he starts.
"Hyung. Please not now," Jake interrupts. Feeling so worn down and exhausted for some reason.
Heeseung doesn't say anything more and Jake goes up to his room.
-- --
The next morning they both finally decide to talk to each other. They walk in silence, take the bus in silence, take a cab, and then walk some more. All in complete silence. Neither of them dare spare a glance at each other. They decide to talk at their spot. Their spot is just really a quiet place in Bukhansan National Park. It's shrouded with 20 foot trees and bushes and birds that chrip every so often. It's also the place that Heeseung asked Jake to be his boyfriend. A lot of things have changed since then, but this little spot in this forest has remained the same. A constant reminder that even if the decided to go back to the way things were, it won't ever be the same.
Heeseung is the first one break that relentless silence.
"I'm sorry," he starts, taking Jake's hand in his. "You can't even begin to know how sorry I am."
Jake finally looks at Heeseung, like really looks at him. He searches his eyes for what seems like ages, but really what he's looking for is any sign left of Heeseung's vampirism. But there's nothing. Not a fleck of gold. Nothing. It's all gone.
Jake sighs, deeply and hurt. Like he's hoping that Heeseung will catch on to what he's saying in that sigh, like he once did. But he doesn't and he won't. At least not anymore.
"Why?" he questions, quiet and afraid. "Why do you want this?"
Heeseung looks away for a quick second and then looks up at Jake, he looks pained.
"Forever is such a long time, Jake. It is such a long, long time. And I am more than grateful to have you and the other guys during all this time. But I felt stuck. I wanted something more - something different. I have always loved you, Jake. That part I am certain about, but my desire to want something other than this outweighed my love for you. But I knew if I said that I didn't want this life anymore, it would hurt you," Heeseung explains, delicately.
Jake takes in what Heeseung is saying. Like, really takes it in. He just doesn't understand how he craves a life he's never even had before. His parents were vampires, his grandparents were and so were his great-great grandparents. He's come from generations of vampires, they were born as vampires. He just doesn't get it. There were supposed live forever and then some or until they die by some great vampire disease or get beheaded by some hateful ass human.
"I just don't get it, hyung. Why don't understand why you don't want to be with me? Why don't you want to be with us?" he responds, tears welling up in his eyes.
What Jake fears the most about Heeseung becoming human, isn't him forgetting them or anything along those lines. He fears Heeseung dying. Humans are so fragile and they can be resilient, and their spirit is indomitable in some aspects, but they're so so fragile. One small scrape and their bleeding, one wrong move and a bone is broken. One miscalculation and they're dying in a car accident. And there is no do-overs for human lives. Once they're gone, they're gone.
Heeseung pulls him close and Jake used to think Heeseung was so much stronger than compared to him. But as he's consoling him, Jake can feel the stark difference now. He feels much softer around the edges, there's still some strength to him since Heeseung works out regularly but Jake has been wrapped in his arms too many times to count that he can tell difference. It makes him cry harder.
They both just cry for a very long time on that bench in that quiet spot of theirs. Jake staining Heeseung's blue t-shirt with blood red tears and Heeseung's normal human tears on his white shirt.
Jake doesn't leave his room for a couple of days. And frankly, it freaks everyone out. First, it doesn't bother anyone for the first 35 hours but when Jake doesn't even come out of the room for karaoke night that's when they start to get worried. And when they he doesn't come out to feed with the rest of them, that's when they start to get really think something is wrong. By day 4 they start to try to convince him to come out his room. Hell, he thinks he even hears Heeseung's voice at one point. It doesn't do much because he stays in his room for another two days. And the only reason being his throat becomes extremely irritated and dry, and the hunger pains were getting unbearable by the second.
He staggers to the kitchen as fast as he can. He opens the fridge and finds tons of blood bags in there. He doesn't even care if it's cold, he tears into one and gulps it down within in seconds. He stands in front of the fridge just drinking blood bag after blood bag until he feels full. By the time he does, more than half of their blood bag stash is gone. Shit.
He must've not heard the rest of them come out of their rooms because as soon as he closes the refrigerator door, all six them are staring at him in shock. Sunoo is the first one to come barreling towards to give him a hug. He wraps his arms so tight around him that he feels like he's going to squeeze the life out of him. And then before he knows it, he's getting swept up in a big group hug and it's the best thing that Jake has felt in quite a while.
-- --
Jake watches from the doorway as Heeseung leaves their too big house for the first time. Jake does not hold back his tears as he watches Heeseung's back leave with his bags. Jake does not know whether he will come back. He hopes he does. He still has Heeseung's phone number and he hopes he doesn't change it. Because while they might not be together anymore, he hopes they can still be apart of each other's lives. He watches as all the other members say goodbye to him, it's an ugly type of goodbye. All of them hugging each other and snot-nose crying makes Jake turn away for just a moment. He feels like he's losing a part of himself as Heeseung waves goodbye for the last time. He doesn't go inside until he can no longer hear Heeseung's heartbeat.
Years past and Jake is doing much better. He doesn't really hear from Heeseung that often, but Heeseung is 27 now. Jake supposes he is probably living a semi-normal human life. Jake likes to think he has a career he really likes doing, maybe has a husband or wife, has a cat or dog. Maybe likes going out to drink with his colleagues or other human friends. Maybe his partner is someone exactly like him, or the exact opposite.
Jake and the rest of the members still live in that too big house with too many rooms. He hasn't been inside of Heeseung's room since the day he left. The door is kept shut and some nights he stands in front of it, hand out to turn the knob. He doesn't ever turn it, can't ever really bring himself to open the door most nights. Sometimes Jake brings people over but they never really stay long. Sometimes late at night he finds himself thinking if he's ever going to love someone as much as he loved Heeseung. It doesn't seem likely. Sometimes there's a mix of jealousy and hurt when he sees Sunoo and Sunghoon together, and Jay and Jungwon. It reminds him of what he once had, what he still wants, what he will always yearn after.
One night, when Jake is lost in thoughts staring at Heeseung's old bedroom door, Ni-ki comes across him staring at the door and it's a bit awkward at first. And Jake turns to him and gives him an embarrassed look.
Jake clears his throat. "So. How long have you been standing there?"
Ni-ki scratches the back of his neck. "Not long." He looks at him and back at Heeseung's door. Then an realization comes across his and it makes Jake feel more embarrassed than he already was.
"Hyung," he says, kind of pained like he hates to see him hurting. Jake clenches his jaw, trying not the let tears fall. He's been doing that lot lately, crying a lot. Crying over the simplest things, he tries to give himself grace. He basically spent a third of his life with the love of his life and now he's nowhere to be seen. It's a lot for him. He supposes it's a lot for them too.
"It's nothing. I don't even know why I'm standing here." He goes to turn his back from Ni-ki, but Ni-ki has always been faster than the rest of them. Ni-ki, despite being the youngest has always been there for his older brothers. Most of the time he acts nonchalant when they try shower him with love, and he always acts disgusted but they know deep down Ni-ki loves them. And he always shows up when one of them is in trouble. He feels Ni-ki envelope him in a big hug. It makes Jake break down and I guess his cries are so loud that it makes everyone come out of their rooms, and once again Jake is enveloped in a group hug. He feels all of their emotions, they hurt for him and they feel helpless that they can't do much more. It makes him cry harder.
When Jake sees Heeseung again, he's grown much older. He feels like he's staring at a stranger. And for the first time in Jake's life, he feels younger than he ever does in this moment. Heeseung never catches on that Jake is watching him from a corner of a busy cafe. The one they liked to go on their coffee dates. They liked it because it was at the end of neighborhood and they could walk there and talk about anything. He inhales, trying to even catch of Heeseung's scent. He's memorized it and Heeseung smells of warm memories and a hint of the satly sea. Though he catches another scent, it smells like Heeseung but more muted. He opens his eyes and there's a little girl who looks to be about eight. She has Heeseung's deep brown eyes and smile. He looks to Heeseung's right and there's a woman. She's pretty and when she smiles up at Heeseung, Jake knows. He watches them for a moment longer, smiling a bittersweet smile at the scene.
He gets up to leave and he's about to leave, he feels something shift. Everything moves in slow motion for him, but it only lasted a minute. He saves Heeseung's daughter from accidentally falling flat on her face. She was about to trip over her untied shoelaces. Jake hears Heeseung's chair tip over before he's even looking at him in the face. When Jake finally has the courage to look Heeseung in the face, there's certain look on Heeseung's face, like he's trying figure out who remembers Jake from. Jake tries to not let it affect him.
"Oh my goodness. Thank you so much for catching her!" the wife says, with a gracious smile on her face.
"Yes, thank you," Heeseung says, smiling a small smile. Jake takes moment to print this smile in his memories.
The wife must pick something up because she looks at them like she's trying to solve a puzzle to, but she doesn't have all the pieces.
"I'm sorry, I didn't get your name," she asks, looking at Jake with a polite smile.
That sends Jake out of his little staring contest with Heeseung. He makes up some bullshit excuse and hurries out the door. He doesn't even stop to look back. He just rushes home. It was nice to see him, no matter how short was. He'll think about this for as long as he shall live.
-- --
Years feel like hours to vampires. Another year another hour another minute another second. It must have something to do with how long they live compared to their human counterparts. So when Jake hears the news of Heeseung's passing, it only felt like seven hours not and not seventy years. All of them attend the funeral. Though they wait until everyone is gone to give him their respects. When his stops him before the viewing room, it feels like a surreal moment. To Jake he stills sees her as a little girl, but now she's a full-grown woman who has lived an equally long human life. She seems to remember to him, because when she asks him his name. She doesn't seem that all surprised.
"I was hoping that'd you be here," she says as she pulls out an envelope with his name on it in neat handwriting. He already knows what it is before she hands it to him. "My dad didn't really like to talk about his time as a vampire. Even though it was a major part of his life, but I suppose it was because it had something to do with you. I saw it as I was cleaning out his belongings. He must've wrote it before he did. I'm not sure though. I never opened it. But in his will, he did ask me to give you this letter. I hope you find some comfort in it. He must've really loved you."
Jake nods quitely as he takes the letter with a trembling hand.
Jake enters the mourning room. And it's wonderful portrait of him on the mantle. Jake falls to knees and cries and cries and cries. He can't do anything else but cry as he clutches the letter in his hands.
-- --
Jake doesn't open the letter until the night after his funeral. He finds himself standing in front Heeseung's door like he has done so many nights before. This time, though, it's different. He reaches out, breathe shaky, hands sweaty. Fingers grazing the door knob, he stops for a moment, before wrapping his whole hand around the knob, and pushes the door open.