Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

PROLOGUE

According to ancient Greek mythology, there was once a time when humans were whole. Love was strong and humans were at peace because each human had a soulmate. They had four arms, four legs, and two faces, being fused together into one being of two people.

One day, the gods began to fear the power of the humans. They feared the courage, the hope, the strength, that the humans had. Zeus, king of the gods, created a plan to split the humans in half. But after the humans had been split they were filled with despair, loneliness, and longing. They would go days without eating, sometimes without moving.

Eventually, they learned to live with it, broken shells, forever wandering to find their soulmate.

*

This story is about two soulmates. Those souls have met each other in many lives, but no matter how much they tried, they were never able to fulfill their mission to stay together and be happy forever. That’s why they keep coming back and finding each other again, life after life, to hopefully this time being able to fulfill the mission.

This story is another attempt by both those souls to finally have a happy ending.

CHAPTER 1

1924

Jensen

Jensen had never given much thought about whether or not soulmates were real or just a myth. But if they were a thing indeed, then Jensen had surely already found his. He might consider himself one of the lucky folks who find their other half at a very young age.

To Jensen, Colin was his soulmate. There was nobody else Jensen could even think about spending the rest of his life with other than Colin. They met when they were pretty much toddlers. Colin was the son of the cook who worked at the Ackles’ residence. She was a kind woman, Maria. Always with a warm smile and baking the most delicious chocolate chip cookies Jensen had ever tasted, she always had one for him when he sneaked into the kitchen - with Colin in tow. She would grab a tin from the top shelf, the tin was blue with light pink flowers painted on it, open it, and hand one cookie to each boy. Then she would grab the bottle of milk from the fridge and pour it in two glasses - exactly the same amount, of course - and both Jensen and Colin would sit at the kitchen table to eat. She taught them to dip the cookie into the milk and that’s what his childhood tasted like when Jensen thought about it.

Jensen had never met Colin. There wasn’t a moment that Jensen remembered being introduced to the other boy and from that moment on, he was a part of Jensen’s life. No, Colin had always been there. There wasn’t a single memory of Jensen’s life that Colin wasn’t a part of. To Jensen, Colin was always there and that was it. As part of Jensen.

Jensen was lucky to have pretty nice parents. Yes, they came from a rich family, an important part of society, a respected clan. Jensen understood that from a young age, how they had money, how the things he owned were expensive, how he went to a nice school with equally rich friends, how his parents were always going to fancy parties, how his father had an important firm. But even so, they never treated their house employees with disdain, quite the contrary. They were always generous and fair, and encouraged Jensen’s friendship with Colin even if the boy was “just” the son of the Ackles’ cook. Yes, Jensen understood he was lucky in that aspect since Donna and Alan never imposed that Jensen had friends from the same social status as him. They always liked Colin and treated the boy very well, especially since Jensen was so fond of him.

Jensen and Colin were inseparable. They were always hanging out together when they weren’t at school, and they never got tired of each other. To Jensen, it felt like Colin was an extension of him. He was much more than just a friend. Jensen had other friends, especially in school, but nothing compares to what he had with Colin.

Jensen loved Colin’s personality, he was far from a delicate flower. Colin loved to tease Jensen endlessly, he took absolutely no bullshit from him or anyone for that matter. He was very well-opinionated, and Jensen loved that about him.

When Jensen hit puberty, he started to understand very well just how special Colin was to him. Jensen knew he was at the age when he should start to be interested in girls, but to be honest, Jensen never even looked at one twice. No girl had an appeal to him, he felt absolutely nothing when he looked at a pretty girl in school, or a magazine. The same couldn’t be said when he looked at Colin. Suddenly Jensen found his friend so… beautiful. Colin had beautiful fox-shaped eyes, and Jensen could swear they changed colors depending on the light, or Colin’s mood. He loved Colin’s laugh, the way the corner of his eyes crinkled and dimples appeared when he smiled that beautiful full smile of his. Colin’s voice began to change into a deeper tone, and Jensen felt chills every time his friend spoke to him. He started having some strong reactions when he thought about his friend, his body responding in new and unfamiliar ways. It freaked Jensen out a bit when he had a hard-on as he was taking a bath while thinking about Colin’s beautiful smile and imagining his friend’s touch.

Jensen was afraid of what he might be feeling. He lived in a society where the idea of two boys together wasn’t very well accepted. Not forbidden, but definitely not encouraged. And Jensen was more than anything afraid of what Colin might think if he learned he was having those thoughts about him.

And as it turned out, it happened as naturally as breathing. And funny as it was, Colin was the one who took the initiative. They were fourteen, and on one afternoon they decided to grab their bikes - Alan and Donna had given Colin one for his previous birthday - and go for a ride around the big property. They had spent a long time cycling around, the wind blowing on their hair, Colin’s laughter echoing in Jensen’s ears. Eventually, they took a break and sat under their favorite tree. It was a big white oak, right by a small pond, and both boys loved sitting under it and just hanging out together. Both sat with their backs against the tree, both bodies glued together, their bikes thrown nearby on the grass.

It started with an innocent light touch from Colin. Jensen had been distracted, staring at the pond as he felt the warmth of his friend’s body against his, and suddenly he felt Colin’s fingers tracing his hand and arm. It took a few moments for Jensen to catch on and understand what was happening. When he chanced a look at Colin to ask what he was doing, his friend simply pushed his lips against Jensen’s. Jensen was caught completely by surprise and his first reaction was to push Colin away.

“The fuck?”

Colin looked very hurt, like a puppy kicked to the curb. “Sorry… sorry Jensen I thought… oh my God, what have I done? Please don’t hate me please, please–” Colin hastily got up from the ground, and Jensen realized his eyes were swimming in tears, his face red. Jensen’s brain finally caught up and he was able to react. Colin had already started to run away to grab his bike, and Jensen quickly got up as well. He rushed after Colin and grabbed his arm. His friend didn’t turn around and tried to yank Jensen’s hand away, but Jensen used his other arm to grab Colin and turn him around. Jensen didn’t say anything, just pulled his friend to another kiss, framing his face and wrapping one arm around his waist. Colin let out a breath and caught up with the program, holding Jensen back and kissing him too. It wasn’t a very deep kiss, just lips against lips since neither of them had ever kissed anyone else, and they had no idea what they were doing.

When they finally broke apart just a few inches, Jensen opened his eyes to find Colin’s hazel ones staring back at him, a different shine on them.

“I wanted to do this so much. I was terrified you wouldn’t feel the same.”

Jensen smiled and gave him another peck on the lips. “You caught me by surprise, that’s all. I’ve wanted this for a long time as well.”

Colin opened a huge smile. “Want to be my boyfriend?”

Jensen could swear he felt his heart soaring away. “Always and forever.”

*

If Jensen and Colin were inseparable before, nothing compared to after they became boyfriends. They were attached at the hip at any moment they could be together, and Jensen could never get enough of the other boy. Jensen eventually had to tell Donna and Alan about it, and he was terrified his parents would throw him out of the house or beat him to death because he was dating another boy. He spent a whole week barely eating because he was so incredibly anxious about the prospect of telling his parents. But of course Donna and Alan realized something was up. Adults always knew way more than teenagers, who thought they were being so sneaky. So Jensen’s parents called both Jensen and Colin to the den one evening, and Donna kindly asked if they were more than friends. Jensen almost threw up in shock, stuttering unintelligible words, looking desperately at Colin and feeling his palms sweating. Donna just walked closer and placed a hand on Jensen’s shoulder.

“Son, it’s okay. Your dad and I have known about it for a while, you aren’t as sneaky as you think you are. We don’t have a problem with it, we promise. We know how close you are and how good you are to each other. We won’t be against it, we just advise you to be careful. We know our society is changing some beliefs but it’s far from being completely acceptable for two men being together. So, while it’s okay for you two to be together in this house, please watch yourselves in the outside world.”

Jensen felt an immense relief knowing his parents were on their side, he was truly lucky. He hugged Donna and also Alan, thanking them and promising to be careful. Colin and he also talked to Maria, who also knew already about their relationship, and wished them all the best while asking both to be careful just as Jensen’s parents did.

*

So Jensen and Colin carried on with their relationship, mostly hidden from the outside world. Whenever they went out they behaved as just friends, but when they were inside the Ackles’ property they could be who they truly were, they could walk holding hands, they could kiss, they could be themselves. Their favorite place was the white oak, they loved spending time under it. Jensen also loved to play guitar and even wrote a few songs, and Colin loved hearing him singing, so he would hang his guitar on his back and take it with him so he could serenade Colin. Maria would pack them some sandwiches, a bottle of orange juice, and a few cookies, and they would spend some time having a picnic, laughing and talking, Jensen then would play guitar and sing while Colin watched him with a loving expression since all the songs Jensen sang, were written for him and he knew that. Jensen had tried more than once to teach Colin how to play but to no success, Colin apparently hadn’t come to the world with that talent so he left for Jensen to do the playing and singing. And then when Jensen was done they would strip down to their underwear to swim in the pond.

Their other favorite place was the greenhouse. Jensen’s father had taught Jensen - and Colin as well since both were always together - the noble art of tending to flowers, especially roses. They had beautiful gardens in the residence, with colorful bushes and immaculate lawns, and a big greenhouse where Alan grew different species of roses. They had a couple of gardeners to help maintain everything since the property was big, but Alan loved doing a lot of work himself, and Jensen picked that up from his father. He had a particular love for the roses they grew in the greenhouse, and he would spend hours there mixing things up to create different species. Donna even ended up opening a flower shop in town, not for the money since they didn’t need it, but to sell the beautiful roses they created. They produced a huge number of it especially since Jensen loved to experiment with Colin, and Donna said it was a shame not to share those with the world. They charged a symbolic amount at the shop, and the folks in town were more than happy to purchase beautiful bouquets for their loved ones or even to embellish their house.

Sometimes Jensen and Colin would spend a whole afternoon in the greenhouse among the roses, and it was definitely Jensen’s favorite moment. He loved seeing Colin among the flowers, and he promised himself he would create a rose only for Colin. He just needed to come up with the perfect thing, he needed to get inspired and manage to come up with something perfect. It would be his present to Colin, to show his boyfriend just how much Jensen loved him. A long time ago Colin had started calling Jensen ‘flower bud’ when they were spending time in the greenhouse, and he had called Jensen that ever since. Jensen really loved it and called Colin his Flower Bud as well. His beautiful Flower Bud who was growing into the most beautiful rose Jensen had ever seen.

*

Time passed and Jensen grew even closer to Colin. They had their first kiss with each other, so of course, their first time was also with each other. It could never be with anyone else. They were both sixteen when it happened, and extremely nervous. They had talked about it, neither of them was really sure what to do. There weren’t many places they could research, or people to talk to. Their society sadly was still too old-fashioned, two men together were still frowned upon. So they simply couldn’t go to the library and search for a book on “how two men have sex”. Even straight sex was taboo. Asking someone was also out of the question, they didn’t know any other gay couple - that they knew of, of course - so they pretty much had to learn by themselves. They started with jacking the other off and then progressed to sucking each other. It was extremely pleasurable, and doing it with Colin cemented Jensen’s knowledge that he was gay. Dicks were absolutely his thing.

Then they started trying real sex, trying to figure out how it worked. Colin asked Jensen to try getting his dick in his anus, which was the only available hole he had, and it didn’t really work at first. Colin’s ass was too tight, so they had the idea to try and use their fingers. The friction hurt Colin, so Jensen grabbed a moisturizer from his bathroom and coated his fingers with it. It worked much better, and he was able to add some fingers inside Colin until it looked like his hole was more stretched. Jensen decided to coat his dick with the moisturizer too and finally got inside Colin.

It didn’t take much time after that to learn that it was definitely the right thing to do. Colin was in pain at first and Jensen almost called quits, but Colin made him stay inside until the pain was subdued. Jensen then let his instinct take over and started thrusting inside, pulling his dick almost out and then slamming back in. It was sloppy and uncoordinated, they tried to do that while kissing each other, hands flying everywhere, and Jensen finally came inside Colin’s hole.

When it was over, both lay in Jensen’s bed, tangled in each other’s arms, and Jensen kissed Colin’s cheek. “We are definitely doing that many more times.”

*

Of course Colin wasn’t perfect, just like Jensen wasn’t. He had a temper, and would sometimes get into fights at school over it. More than once Colin arrived home with a black eye, and Jensen would take care of it while Colin told him that someone had teased him, called him gay, and Colin would get physical with the person. Jensen knew that while Colin was okay with his sexuality among the family, he didn’t like admitting it to the outside world. Jensen never questioned Colin about it, but deep down he hoped that someday his boyfriend would be completely okay with who he was and that they could somehow manage to have a good life together.

*

When Colin’s seventeenth birthday arrived, Jensen had a present for him. He had spent a long time working on it, whenever he could escape to the greenhouse without Colin - which was pretty rare. Jensen managed to create a new species of rose, a unique tone of white that looked almost pearly. The center of it had a very faint shade of hazel, the closest Jensen could come to Colin’s eye color. It wasn’t easy in the slightest, Jensen considered asking for his father’s help but in the end, he had decided to do it himself, he wanted to show Colin just how much he loved him.

Thankfully Jensen managed to get it done and the roses blossomed in time for Colin’s birthday, and in the morning, right after greeting his boyfriend with a hug and a kiss, he wrapped a scarf around his eyes and guided him to the greenhouse. Jensen placed Colin in front of the pot where he had the roses planted and gently lifted the scarf. Colin blinked a few times and came closer to the vase to inspect the roses better.

“Oh my God, Jen! Those are so gorgeous! How did you manage to create this?”

Jensen wrapped his arms around Colin from behind, kissing his cheek. “I made those for you. They’re almost as beautiful as you are. The hazel tone in the center is supposed to symbolize your eyes.”

Colin turned around in Jensen’s arms and smiled at him, his eyes shining and looking even more like the roses Jensen created.

“I love them so much, Jen. I don’t even know what to say.”

“I named this rose the Flower Bud. For you, Col. Always and forever, for you.”

Colin smiled that beautiful smile of his, the one that made the corner of his eyes crinkle and dimples appear on his cheeks, and wrapped his arms tightly around Jensen.

“I love you so much, Flower Bud. Always and forever. Never doubt that.”

Jensen smiled into Colin’s skin and held him tighter. “I never will. Because it’s just how I love you too.”

*

A couple of months later, Jensen and Colin were hanging out under their oak tree, right next to the small bush of Flower Bud roses that Jensen had planted there. It had been Colin’s request, he wanted to have the roses also on their second favorite spot, and of course Jensen obliged right away. Maria had packed a few sandwiches and cookies for them as usual, and Jensen took one from the basket and offered it to Colin.

“Here, Bud. Tuna, your favorite.”

Colin made a face and turned his head away from Jensen. “No, thanks.”

Jensen frowned. “What’s wrong? I thought you’d be starving this time of the day, it’s past lunchtime.”

Colin looked at Jensen again and shook his head, and Jensen realized he looked very pale. “I don’t know. Just the thought of eating this makes me sick. My stomach is weird, I don’t know… I think I’m gonna–”

Without finishing his sentence, Colin hastily got up and rushed behind the tree where Jensen could hear retching sounds. Panicking, Jensen quickly got up and followed him. Colin was doubled over, losing the mere contents of his stomach on the grass. Jensen placed a hand on Colin’s back and rubbed it comfortingly as he waited until it was over. Finally, the vomiting seemed to stop and Colin straightened up, wiping his mouth.

“Sorry. I must have eaten something that didn’t sit well.”

Jensen framed his face. “We should go back inside, have Maria prepare you a tea or something. Then you should lie down and rest until you feel better.”

They did just that and Colin managed to get a bit better, but weird symptoms kept on appearing. He would often feel nauseous, Jensen could hear him throwing up behind the bathroom door more often than not. He also felt way more tired and sleepy, and that was also weird since Colin loved waking up early to enjoy the day. Colin also started complaining about headaches and Jensen got seriously worried that something could be wrong with his beautiful Flower Bud.

So Jensen managed to convince Colin to see a doctor, which wasn’t an easy task but even Colin himself realized something wasn’t right. Jensen then talked to his father who called the family doctor to check him out.

The doctor, Mr. Kripke, was a kind man who had been the family’s doctor for years, ever since Jensen was a baby. All of them fully trusted the doctor, and Jensen knew there was nobody more qualified to check up on his boyfriend than him. The doctor arrived when Jensen was keeping Colin company, who was lying in bed feeling like shit after yet another round of throwing up. Doctor Kripke greeted them and asked for Jensen to give them privacy so he could examine Colin, but Colin asked if Jensen could stay with him and the doctor relented. He knew Jensen and Colin were boyfriends, and thankfully was very discreet and okay with it.

Doctor Kripke asked Colin a lot of questions, even intimate ones regarding his sexual life, and he answered with a stutter as his face turned pink, as well as Jensen’s. He also examined Colin for a while, Jensen always sitting close by and taking his hand the moment the doctor was finished.

He looked at Colin with a very serious expression, linking his fingers and resting his arms on his knees.

“Colin, do you have any idea if you’re by any chance a carrier?”

Colin’s eyes widened and he sat straighter on the bed. Jensen felt his own heart speeding up. He had never thought about that, neither about him nor Colin. Jensen knew about carriers, men who could carry a child, how their bodies were different from normal men, built to be able to grow and deliver a baby. He had learned about it in school and read in some books, but he knew those were pretty rare. There weren’t many known cases of carriers, but Jensen didn’t know if it was because they didn’t exist or because they were hidden.

Carriers were considered almost like an abomination in their society. The idea of a man carrying a child, a role that belonged specifically to women, was absurd. Jensen had never met a man who was actively carrying a child before. It’s not like it was forbidden by law, but it could almost as well be. Jensen had heard about men who got killed because they got pregnant, or had to escape and hide so as not to suffer this fate. The number of men who actually gave birth was unknown exactly for that fact.

Colin gave Jensen a panicked look, then his gaze returned to the doctor. “I… no! I’m not… I don’t know! How could I know? I never… I can’t be. I just can’t.”

The doctor gave Colin a sympathetic look. “Colin, from the symptoms you’ve been having and the answers to my questions, I have all the reasons to believe that you are indeed a carrier. And more importantly, that you are pregnant.”

All air left Jensen’s lungs upon hearing that. His Colin, pregnant? How was that…

Jensen looked at the doctor. “Doctor, are… are you sure? Aren’t carriers super rare? How can Colin be one?”

Doctor Kripke shook his head. “Jensen, carriers are not as rare as everyone thinks. They just need to hide so as not to suffer in the hands of society. As a doctor, I’ve tended to several pregnant carriers, so I am aware of the symptoms. Sadly they need to stay under the radar, give birth, and raise their child away from everyone’s eyes. You’d be surprised with the number of carriers that exist, actually. Sadly we still don’t have the technology to determine for sure when someone is pregnant, we can only go by the symptoms and changes in the body. I could be wrong, but like I said, based on everything and the fact that you two are having sex, especially since you are the one doing the penetration Jensen, I am positive that Colin is pregnant. Could be around two months now.”

Silence followed the doctor’s words, both of them too shocked to say anything or even process what was said. So he kept talking.

“I’m gonna prescribe something to help with the nausea, and I’ll make some recommendations so Colin doesn’t suffer with the symptoms too much. I’m gonna come by regularly to check on you and be sure that you’re indeed pregnant based on your belly’s growth. A male pregnancy can be very delicate, much more than a woman’s. So you must have a doctor checking up on you. I’m gonna give you two some privacy so you can digest the news. If you need anything Colin, please have someone call me.”

With that, the doctor left, and Jensen still felt frozen on the spot with the news.

He was going to be a… father? At seventeen? That was just…

Jensen was too shocked to realize that Colin was squeezing his hand. It took a few seconds until he managed to come out of his stupor and look at his boyfriend. Colin had a terrified look on his face, his eyes wet with tears threatening to spill, his skin white as the sheet.

“Jen… I’m sorry… I’m so sorry, I had no idea… I never… I never thought… please don’t hate me, I swear it wasn’t on purpose I swear… I have no idea…”

Jensen understood that Colin was on the verge of a panic attack, and his brain finally kicked in, processing what was happening.

It was a miracle. Jensen was going to be a father, a father to a baby that his beautiful Colin would deliver.

Jensen jumped on the bed, sitting right next to Colin, and framed his face with both hands.

“Col, we’re gonna be parents! We’re going to have a child! The two of us, can you believe it??”

Colin blinked a few times, swallowing hard. “You’re not… you’re not mad?”

Jensen shook his head, pressing his lips against Colin’s and keeping his face only an inch away from his boyfriend’s. “Mad?? Are you mad? You’re giving me a child Col, I never even imagined I could be a father! We created a person, a combination of the two of us, a result of our love!” Jensen felt his own eyes tearing up, his voice wavering. “I can’t believe I’m going to have a child with you. It’s like a dream I didn’t even know I had come true. It’s fantastic!”

Colin gave Jensen a tentative smile. “You mean that? You’re really happy that I’m pregnant? You’re not terrified?”

Jensen chuckled. “Hell, I am. Completely terrified. It’s not gonna be easy Bud, you know that. We will have to hide you and make sure you stay safe until you deliver our child. I’ll make sure of that, and I’m sure my parents will too. We will talk to them. I’m with you in this one hundred percent, okay? Don’t worry about it.”

Colin let out a huge breath. “I’m so happy I’m having a child with you, Jen.”

Jensen opened up a huge smile and pulled Colin to his arms, both men holding the other tightly, laughing and crying at the same time. Jensen was going to be a father, to a baby Colin would give him. It felt like having ten birthdays and Christmases at once.

As Jensen pulled back, he again framed Colin’s face and pressed their foreheads together.

“We’re having a Little Bud. I hope they have your eyes, that they are as sweet as you. I’ll create a new rose for our child after they are born. We’ll be one small happy Buds family. I can’t believe this. Thank you, Col, thank you for the greatest gift of all.”

*

Jensen and Colin gathered the courage to talk to Jensen’s parents and Colin’s mother, and they did it at once as they had everyone gather in the living room. The three of them were shocked when Jensen and Colin revealed they were going to have a baby, of course nobody imagined Colin to be a carrier. Jensen could see they were very taken aback by the fact that both boys were having sex, but they also seemed happy with the idea of welcoming a baby into the family. Of course, everyone was very concerned with what could happen if someone found out that Colin was pregnant, so they decided to do everything to try and protect him. Jensen was totally on board with that idea. Colin was still not showing of course, since he was still in the early stages of pregnancy so they didn’t have to worry about that too much, but in a few months they would have to be more careful and keep Colin inside the house so nobody would see his baby bump. Jensen was willing to do anything to protect his boyfriend and unborn child.

Knowing that Colin and he would have a baby made Jensen’s feelings towards his boyfriend even stronger if that was possible. He already loved Colin before, but nothing compared to how he was feeling now. To that point, they were each sleeping in their own bedrooms, Colin stayed in the wing destined for the Ackles’ employees. But after learning about the pregnancy, Jensen took Colin to stay in his bedroom with him, and it was something very natural. They didn’t even discuss it with their parents, Jensen didn’t know if they approved or not, but he just didn’t want to spend the nights without Colin anymore. On their first night sleeping together, they lay side by side and Jensen pushed Colin’s shirt up, exposing his still flat belly. He pressed his palm against it, and Colin covered it with his own.

“I can’t believe there’s a baby here. Our baby, Bud.” Jensen looked from his belly to Colin’s eyes, finding them shining. Jensen felt his own eyes moistening. “Our child. A piece of both of us. It’s still so surreal.”

Colin gave him a dimpled smile, Jensen’s favorite, and closed the distance to kiss his cheek. “Our little family, Bud. The three of us will be so happy.”

*

A couple of days later, Jensen and his father went ring shopping. Jensen had decided he was going to propose to Colin, and he was encouraged by his father since it was the right thing to do if they were having a child. Not that Jensen was only doing it because of the pregnancy, obviously not. Colin was the love of his life and beyond, of course he wanted to marry him. Jensen had planned to wait a few more years to pop the question, the baby only sped things up. Yes, they were still minors but it didn’t matter. Jensen had absolutely no doubt he wanted to form a family with his beautiful Colin and their child. He still had no idea how they would exist in society as a family of two men and a child, but he hoped it would be possible somehow. And that Colin would be on board with it as well.

Jensen got a beautiful ring for Colin, a simple golden band with small diamonds encrusted in it. He also got one for himself, since he also wanted to wear a symbol of his love. Jensen had both rings engraved on the inside with the word Bud. Their secret nickname that nobody else knew about, so it would make the rings even more special and unique.

The next day, Jensen took Colin for a walk around the property. They held hands and wandered around, talking about silly things and what they imagined their baby would be like, even coming up with names.

“If it’s a girl, I think we should call her Catherine,” Jensen said.

Colin shrugged. “Yeah, maybe. That’s a nice name. But what if it’s a boy? I think I like… William. What do you think?”

Jensen considered it for a few moments. “Hmm, I don’t know. Seems too simple. Not sure I like it.”

Colin playfully elbowed him. “I like it. But I don’t want to call him Will or Bill. We could call him Liam, I like that much more.”

Jensen kissed Colin’s cheek. “It’s gonna be a girl, though. Our little Catherine.”

“We’ll see.”

They reached their oak tree, which was Jensen’s goal all along. He directed Colin so they were under it, and stood right in front of his boyfriend, holding his hands and looking deeply at him.

“Col, I brought you here for a reason. You know how much I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to raise this baby with you, I want to have more babies with you. I want to grow old with you. You’re the reason for my smile, you’re everything to me. I can’t imagine my life without you. There’s nobody else but you for me. I intended to do this a bit more in the future, but with the baby on the way, I didn’t want to wait any longer, there’s no reason to when I know our future is with each other, and I hope you share this sentiment as well. So…”

Jensen released one hand and reached for the pocket inside his jacket, pulling out a Flower Bud rose and going down on one knee. He showed the rose to Colin, who gasped loudly. Jensen had placed the ring in the middle of the rose and Colin saw it.

“My beautiful Flower Bud, I know it can’t be official, but will you marry me?”

Colin reached for the rose, taking it from Jensen and carefully extracting the ring from it. He looked at Jensen with tears in his eyes. “Do you even need to ask? Of course I’ll marry you unofficially! There’s nobody else on this planet I want to spend the rest of my life with, other than you.”

Jensen took the ring back and placed it on Colin’s finger. He fished the other from his pocket and offered it to Colin, who placed it on Jensen’s finger. Jensen then got up and wrapped his arms around Colin, lifting him from the ground and swirling him around. Jensen never thought he could be this happy, ever.

*

The months passed and Colin’s pregnancy was confirmed once and for all when his belly started growing. It fascinated Jensen and made him very emotional to finally see proof that there was indeed someone growing inside his fiance. Jensen loved placing his palm on Colin’s belly and talking to his child. He could spend hours talking and talking, about everything they would do once the baby was born, and how loved they already were. Doctor Kripke visited Colin often to make sure he was doing good, and thankfully it seemed like an easy pregnancy. Jensen and his mom started doing some shopping for the baby, they chose not to bring Colin along so as not to raise suspicions. And they would go to stores in other towns, again so as not to raise suspicions about a new baby coming into the Ackles family since their only child was still an unmarried teenager. So they tried to be careful.

Eventually, it became impossible for Colin to hide his bump anymore, so he had to quit school and they gave the excuse that he was sick and would have to go to another town for treatment. They kept Colin inside the residence at all times as planned, since anyone who saw him would be able to tell right away that he was pregnant. Jensen dedicated all of his time to his fianceé, whenever he wasn’t at school - his father forbade Jensen to drop school too as it had crossed his mind. Jensen knew his father was right, he needed to graduate to have a nice future and provide for his family. Even though Jensen’s family was already rich due to inheritance, Jensen wanted to work and not just get the money that easily. But whenever he was at home, Jensen stayed glued to Colin’s side, making sure he was comfortable, fed, and taken care of in general. Colin joked that Jensen didn’t need to be a mother hen, he wasn’t sick or anything, just pregnant, but Jensen wouldn’t hear of it. His fiance was carrying his child, so that gave him a pass to be pampered by Jensen at all times and he would definitely do it. He loved touching Colin’s belly, and when the baby started kicking it felt like heaven to Jensen. It brought tears to his eyes every time the baby showed signs of being there, and Jensen couldn’t wait to meet him or her.

They had decided to wait until after the baby was born to have a small wedding ceremony, even if marriage between two men wasn’t allowed. Jensen and Colin wanted to officialize their union anyway, with a ceremony and everything, but they chose to focus on their baby now. Plus, if they waited until after the labor, their child would be present in the ceremony which would make it even more special. Jensen spent hours picturing it. He knew they would have the ceremony happening by the oak tree. It would be just them, Jensen’s parents and Maria, as well as the other employees of the house, and of course their child, but it was okay. All they cared about was celebrating their love. Jensen would make sure there were Flower Bud roses all around, and he would say his vows to Colin under the three. It would be super special.

*

According to the doctor, Colin was almost ready to give birth, it could happen at any moment and Jensen was so anxious and nervous. He hoped everything worked out well and both his fiance and baby were safe. That was all he cared about. Jensen couldn’t live without them. So Jensen made sure to stay even closer to Colin, luckily he was on summer break so he didn’t need to go to school, meaning he was with Colin 24/7. Jensen was ready for their child to signalize they were ready to come, and the doctor was also ready to be called at any moment. Jensen could barely sleep, he was so anxious.

And then everything suddenly changed. The whole future that Jensen had envisioned and wished for, crumbled all around him.

It was around sunset. Colin suggested he and Jensen took a walk around the property since he claimed he was feeling discomfort with being on the bed or the couch, he needed to move his body a bit. Jensen knew the belly was heavy but yet Colin needed to do some exercise to help with the fatigue and discomfort his pregnancy brought. So they went for a stroll hand in hand, the sun setting on the horizon painted the sky a gorgeous orange color. Colin directed them to the greenhouse, and they went inside. He let go of Jensen’s hand and walked to the vase that held the Flower bud roses, and Jensen just watched with a loving expression on his face as Colin very delicately held one rose in his hands and brought it close to his face, so he could feel the perfume of it. Jensen wished he owned a camera so he could photograph that moment. Colin with a huge belly, his eyes closed, inhaling the scent of the rose Jensen created for him. It brought tears to Jensen’s eyes, he tried to etch the image at least in his mind so he could remember it forever.

Jensen couldn’t resist, he closed the distance and wrapped his arms around Colin from behind, caressing his baby bump and feeling their child kicking under his palm. He pressed a kiss to the back of Colin’s neck.

“I love you so much, Bud. So, so much.” He turned Colin around and pushed his bangs away from his forehead. “Dance with me.”

Colin chuckled. “There’s no music.”

Jensen pulled Colin a bit closer, which was a hard task since his belly was on the way, but he managed to bury his face in Colin’s neck. “Don’t care.”

They danced like this, in silence, swinging left and right, just feeling each other’s warmth and skin. Jensen lifted Colin’s shirt so he could caress his belly, and he could almost soar away with happiness.

Eventually, they pulled apart and Jensen framed Colin’s face. “I wrote a new song for you.”

Colin smiled. “Oh really? I want to hear it!”

“I don’t have my guitar here, we should go back to our room.”

Colin shook his head. “Go get it. I want to hear it right here. I love it here, you know that.”

Jensen lifted an eyebrow, a sudden chill running down his spine. “Will you be okay?”

Colin rolled his eyes playfully. “Jen, you’ll be gone for five minutes, and I’m inside the property. I think I can survive without you for this long. Go, I’ll be fine.”

Jensen let out a breath and kissed Colin’s lips. “Be right back, okay?”

“I’ll be right here.”

Colin

Colin watched as Jensen walked quickly inside the house, and he chuckled. His boyfriend could be a real mother hen, he didn’t want to leave Colin alone, not even for a few minutes. Colin could be annoyed but he actually loved it. He loved how Jensen took care of him, especially during his pregnancy, how Jensen was over the moon with it, with the idea of being a father. Colin could never imagine he could get so lucky as to find someone so special as Jensen. Colin himself had some issues about others finding out his sexuality but he would try to get past those so he could have a future with the man he loved. They would fight the adversities and create a beautiful family, Jensen, him, and little William - Colin was sure his baby was a boy.

Colin took a look around the greenhouse and saw movement outside. Frowning, he walked to the entrance of it and his heart stopped when he saw two men sneaking to the main house, having probably jumped over the wall surrounding the property without being seen. All rational thoughts left Colin’s mind at once, he acted on instinct as he realized the men were heading towards the house, where Jensen was as well as his parents, Colin’s mama, and everyone else.

“Hey! What do you think you’re doing??” Colin shouted, and the men immediately turned toward the voice. Colin’s heart started hammering in his chest as the men ran towards the greenhouse. “Oh shit,” Colin whispered, and walked backward inside, both arms wrapped around his belly.

The men entered the greenhouse and stared at Colin, both were wearing masks that covered all of their faces except their eyes and mouth. “Who the fuck are you?” one of them asked, and the other’s gaze traveled to Colin’s belly.

“What the hell is this? You pregnant?”

Colin’s heart suddenly stopped beating and all color drained from his face, he held his belly tighter. “I… I…”

“You’re a damn freak! No man can get pregnant, you freak! You can’t give birth to an alien!” The guy turned to the other one. “Get him, we need to stop this monstrosity!”

Colin took a few steps backward until he hit one of the tables. The guy closed the distance and forcefully grabbed Colin’s arm, throwing him on the floor. Colin only managed to protect his belly as much as possible, but it was pointless. The other man approached as well and leaned down to deliver a punch to Colin’s face. He saw stars, pain exploded from the left side of his face where it connected with the guy’s fist.

“Please… please stop… my baby…” Colin tried to plead, but it only made it worse.

The other guy spat on the floor right next to Colin’s face. “Baby?? That’s not a baby, that’s a freak of nature! You’re both freaks! We came here to try and score some jewels and money and instead, we’re gonna do something good for the world. This cannot happen.”

Colin closed his eyes shut and tried to protect his belly with his arms, while he was attacked by the two men. They delivered kicks and punches to his whole body, especially his back and belly. Colin drew his legs up and folded himself almost in a fetal position, his only thought was trying to protect his child. A particularly hard kick landed on his forearm and Colin could hear and feel as it snapped, pain exploding from it. They finally stopped and one of them grabbed Colin’s hair, forcing his head to face up. Colin managed to open his eyes, he could barely see with the tears that had formed. The guy came closer to his face.

“We’ll make sure this freak isn’t born.” he showed Colin a small knife, and tears exploded from his eyes as he shook his head desperately.

“No please, not my baby please, I beg you, not my baby!”

The man brought the knife down and all Colin was able to do was to turn his body sideways to hopefully avoid the knife puncturing the center of his belly and, therefore his baby. He could only feel as pain once more exploded from the side of his belly where the knife cut through his skin and muscles, and Colin couldn’t prevent the loud scream that left his lips.

Jensen

Jensen tried to be as quick as possible as he grabbed the guitar from his bedroom. His heart felt tight for some reason he couldn’t comprehend. Jensen knew he was being silly, he left Colin alone in the greenhouse for five minutes, what could happen? He was inside the property, he was safe. Jensen made his way back to the greenhouse, he could already see it and soon he would be back with his beloved fiance. But when he was almost reaching it, Jensen heard a scream that made his blood freeze. It was Colin screaming in pain.

Jensen dropped the guitar and ran as fast as he could, and when he entered the greenhouse his heart stopped. Colin was on the floor, with two men wearing masks hovering over him.

“Who the hell are you??” Jensen screamed, and the guys quickly turned toward him.

“Shit, let’s go!”

Before Jensen could react, both men rushed past him and disappeared, but Jensen couldn’t even care about them. The whole world disappeared around Jensen as he saw Colin lying on the floor, hurting and bleeding.

“Holy shit holy shit!” Jensen closed the distance in an instant and dropped to his knees next to Colin, who was pressing one hand on the side of his belly, and blood was pouring out of it. Jensen felt dizzy, his eyes filling with tears and he was on the verge of a panic attack but tried to hold himself together. “What–what happened?”

“Thieves… I think…” Colin replied with a weak voice. Jensen acted quickly and took off his jacket, pressing it into Colin’s wound to try and stop the blood. “They were going inside… I called them. They saw the belly… called me a freak… beat me… broke my arm… and st–stabbed me.” Colin gave Jensen a pleading look. “Our baby… Jen... please! Nothing can happen… please!”

Jensen hastily wiped his tears and screamed, hoping someone would hear him. “HELP! I NEED HELP HERE! PLEASE SOMEONE!” He focused on Colin again. “I’m here Bud… I’m with you, nothing will happen, okay? We’ll get you help, alright?”

Thankfully the gardener showed up at the greenhouse, looking horrified at the scene. Jensen yelled at him. “GET HELP! TELL MY PARENTS, CALL THE DOCTOR! HURRY, PLEASE!”

The guy ran away and Jensen turned to Colin, pushing his sweaty bangs away from his face. “I’m here, Bud. It will be okay.”

Colin’s voice became weaker. “I’m cold… our baby, Jen… can you feel him?”

Jensen removed his shirt and replaced the jacket as he pressed it on the wound, using the jacket to cover Colin’s body. He then placed his other trembling hand on Colin’s belly, and he was able to feel the baby moving around, even more than usual as they were probably distressed. “I feel the baby, Col. And how can you tell it’s a he, huh? I still think it’s a girl,” Jensen tried to calm Colin (and himself) down by making small talk, and Colin managed to chuckle.

“It’s not… it’s Liam. I know it.” He blinked at Jensen a few times. “I don’t wanna… die, Jen.”

Jensen swallowed hard, more tears forming in his eyes. “You won’t, you hear me? You’ll stay here and we will raise Catherine together, you’ll see.”

Colin shook his head. “No Catherine. The next one… m-maybe.”

At that moment, Donna entered the greenhouse and let out a terrified gasp as she approached the two of them. “Oh my God, what happened? Your father went to get Doctor Kripke, they should be here any moment!”

Jensen briefly told his mother what happened, while trying to stop the blood from flowing and comforting a trembling Colin. Jensen never felt so terrified in his life, he couldn’t lose Colin, he couldn’t.

Thankfully soon his father appeared with Doctor Kripke in tow, luckily the doctor didn’t live too far away. He assessed the scene and Donna managed to summarize what happened. The doctor instructed them to lie Colin on his back so he could examine the baby and told Jensen to keep pressing the wound. Jensen positioned Colin’s head on his lap, and Donna took over to press on the wound so Jensen could focus on Colin. The doctor did a quick examination and gave both of them a somber look.

“We need to deliver the baby if we want to give both of them a chance to survive. The baby is in distress, its heartbeat is not good, and Colin is showing signs of labor, it’s too risky to wait any longer. But his body isn’t yet prepared for the labor, so it’s impossible to deliver the baby in a normal way.”

“And what should we do??” Jensen shouted, his heart hammering in his ear.

The doctor looked at Colin. “Do you think you can handle me cutting your belly without anesthesia? We can’t give you one here and it’s the only option we have. There’s no time to take you anywhere else.”

Colin looked up at Jensen with a pleading expression. “I’m scared,” his voice was only a whisper.

Jensen squeezed his shoulders. “I’m here, Col. I’m right here with you. You can do it, it’s your only chance. I can’t lose you, please!”

Colin nodded and looked at the doctor. “Go ahead.”

Jensen brought the sleeve of the jacket up and folded it, placing it in Colin’s mouth so he could bite it. The doctor took a scalpel and placed it on the underside of Colin’s belly, and Jensen squeezed Colin’s uninjured hand tight. When the doctor cut his belly, Colin let out a loud, painful scream muffled by the jacket in his mouth, his head snapping back, eyes closing shut, drops of sweat forming on his forehead and he squeezed Jensen’s hand painfully hard but Jensen kept firmly in place. He felt his own pain dilacerate his insides as he had to watch the love of his life going through something so horrific, that he wished he could magically take the pain from Colin and feel it himself.

Jensen felt Colin’s clammy hand in his and tried to offer a tiny bit of comfort with his touch, and soon the doctor was pulling a screaming baby out of his fiance. Jensen felt a huge mix of emotions all at once, his child had just been born, and yet his fiance was fading away in his arms.

“It’s a boy,” the doctor said, and Colin managed to look up at Jensen with a weak smile.

“See? I told you.”

Jensen was able to give Colin a small smile in return, and he watched as Maria - who had appeared at some point - helped wrap the baby in a towel. Colin was incredibly weak and obviously in a huge amount of pain, but he managed to make a motion for his mother to hand him the baby. Maria carefully placed the boy in Colin’s arms, and Jensen wrapped his arms around the two of them.

“He looks like you Jen,” Colin said in a very faint voice, looking from the baby to him. “Liam. Our baby.” Jensen smiled again and caressed the baby’s forehead, and the little boy stopped crying as he was placed on his father’s chest.

“Nah, he’s too pretty to look like me. He’s all you, Col.”

Colin managed a very weak smile. “Our son.” Colin’s eyes then closed, and Jensen saw how his face paled even further. His hold on the baby became weaker, and Jensen grew desperate again.

“He’s not well! Please doc, do something!!”

Maria took the baby from Colin, and Jensen focused only on his fiance. The doctor gave them a distressed look. “I’ll try to stitch him up, but he’s losing too much blood, Jensen!”

This couldn’t be happening, Jensen couldn’t lose Colin, not now, not ever. They just had a baby, they were getting married and becoming a family. Please God don’t take him from me!

“Col, please! Stay with me, I need you!” Jensen framed Colin’s face on his lap, and his fiance was able to weakly open his eyes again.

“I think… I’m dying, Jen.”

Fresh tears exploded from Jensen’s eyes, and he leaned down to press his lips against Colin’s. “No, love, please! Don’t say that, we just had a baby! Liam needs his father, he needs you! I need you! Stay Col, please!”

Colin managed to bring his arm up and squeezed Jensen’s hand very weakly. “Jen… please take care… of Liam. You’re his father… too. He has you.”

Jensen shook his head, still not being able to comprehend this was happening, he was losing Colin, how did this happen? They were dancing ten minutes ago, what the fuck happened??

“No Col, please! I can’t live without you, you know that! I don’t know how to live without you, I never have! You’ve always been with me! I love you! Always and forever, remember?”

Colin blinked slowly, giving Jensen a last smile. “I’ll always… be with you. I love you… always and… forever. Jen… take care of Liam. And I promise… Jen.” Colin’s gaze managed to focus on Jensen’s eyes once more. “I promise I’ll come back to you. I promise… just wait… wait for me. Always and–”

And then Colin’s eyes closed again, his arm going limp, his head turning to one side.

“No. No no no no no, please no! Colin please!” Jensen desperately placed one hand on Colin’s chest, but he felt no heartbeat. “No Colin, no!” Jensen framed his face again and pressed his lips against Colin’s unmoving ones, his tears moistening them as Jensen tried to magically make his love return to him like in the fairy tales. “Come back to me Col, please! Come back to me, you’re my other half!” Jensen kept kissing Colin, trying to preserve his warmth for just a bit longer. The whole world disappeared around him, he couldn't care about anything else, not even their baby, right now. Jensen’s existence had just collapsed, his world was growing cold underneath him, fading away forever, and he felt as if his heart was crumbling into pieces.

Colin just left him to a place Jensen couldn’t follow.

Jensen had no idea how long he stayed like this, holding Colin’s body, feeling the warmth disappearing, but he couldn’t move. Jensen might as well be as dead as Colin. He couldn’t feel his heart inside his chest anymore, only a black void where it was located once.

They were dancing ten minutes ago.

Jensen has no idea at which point he got separated from Colin. His whole body shut down, he had no idea who guided him back into the house. Someone mentioned the baby, but not even his son was able to bring Jensen out of his stupor. He simply wasn’t living anymore, he was just a corpse being manhandled around. Jensen didn’t care about anything anymore, he didn’t feel anything anymore. If Colin wasn’t in the world, then Jensen wasn’t as well.

Maybe someone cleaned him up, then laid him on a bed. He may or may not have slept. Jensen lost track of time, he didn’t know if he was asleep or awake. At some point it was morning or afternoon, Jensen didn’t care. The sky was bright but to Jensen, it might as well be midnight. His sun would never shine again. There was a sandwich placed in front of him, and someone forced Jensen to eat even if the thing made him nauseous.

Some unknown while later, his mother sat next to him and told Jensen that Colin’s body had been taken away, and the funeral would happen at some point. The greenhouse had been cleaned.

Hearing the greenhouse being mentioned made something snap inside Jensen. It was like a switch was turned in his brain and he woke up. He got up from the couch he had been sitting on and ran as fast as he could toward the place. Jensen stopped at the entrance of the greenhouse, the spot where Colin had bled to death was now cleaned, with no signs of him.

Like he had been erased from existence. Like he was a piece of dust and someone swept him away forever, there were no traces of him left. Always and forever away from Jensen’s reach. A sudden rage started boiling inside Jensen, something he had never felt before. It felt like his blood was boiling inside of him, ready to erupt, and Jensen felt like a monster ready for attack. He grabbed a pot of roses from a nearby table and smashed it on the floor, repeating it with every pot and vase he could find. He destroyed the roses, sent pots flying across the greenhouse, and smashed the windows, while his screams got louder and louder, tears streaming down his face. Lastly was the pot with the roses that Jensen created for Colin, and Jensen angrily yanked them out of the pot, throwing them on the floor and stomping on them.

“Colin loved this place!” He shouted at no one, his arms extended on his sides. “I made those for him! I was going to marry him! Was that a punishment, huh?? I gave him my love, I gave him everything! I only left for five fucking minutes and he died right here! Why did you take him from me?? Why couldn’t I protect him? I promised I would! I was only gone for five fucking minutes!”

Jensen finally collapsed on the floor, lying on his side and hugging his knees close to his chest, his whole body trembling as he felt the loss of his whole world. He knew he had to be strong, Colin asked him to take care of their child, but Jensen didn’t know if he could do it.

Jensen had absolutely no idea how he could go on without Colin in his life. He never knew how to exist without his other half. Those five minutes would haunt him forever.

*

Colin felt as his soul left his body, he watched from above as Jensen held him, cried for him, screamed, and begged him to stay. Colin tried. He tried to go back to his body, but it was like a force was pulling him in another direction.

“I want to stay. Please. Jensen needs me, my son needs me!” Colin tried again to return, but the force pulled him further away.

Everything faded into white, and Colin suddenly found himself in a maze. He ran around, trying to find the exit and find Jensen. He again felt the force trying to pull him, but he didn’t want to go. Colin wanted to go back to Jensen and their son, Liam was just a tiny baby. He wanted to have a family with Liam and Jensen. He fought the force and walked further into the maze. His sole thought was Jensen, and how he needed to return to Jensen.

Please, I need to go back to him.

Colin felt himself almost managing to go back, but at the last second the maze turned to dust and he began falling. Falling to an unknown place, away from Jensen and away from the force. Then it all finally faded completely to white.

*

A few months later, unbeknownst to Jensen or anyone else close to him, a newborn baby with vivid hazel eyes was left at the doorstep of a monastery, miles and miles away from the Ackles’ residence.

To Be Continued...