Chapter Text
This was a mistake.
Jon stared at the little ‘downloading’ icon with its spinning wheel, chewing on his lip. It had been one of the best-rated apps of its kind in the store - well-designed, user friendly, no egregiously invasive permissions required. Reviews had been overwhelmingly positive - four or five stars across the board.
No, it wasn’t the app he’d chosen that was a mistake. It was downloading this type of app at all.
The ‘downloading’ label disappeared. ‘Installing’ popped up in its place.
Why the hell had he thought getting a dating app was a good idea?
‘Installing’ vanished. The screen reloaded, coming back with a cheerful, terrifying, ‘Open?’ prompt.
Jon shifted his finger over to ‘uninstall’ instinctively.
Except…
He’d tried making friends with his colleagues at work. They seemed open enough to the idea, but it hadn’t gone beyond casual chats in the breakroom, quickly forgotten when they returned to their desks.
He’d tried finding like-minded communities on social media. He’d found some quite interesting groups, but the jump between ‘casual observer’ and ‘welcomed participant’ had always eluded him - he didn’t even know where to start.
He’d even tried the most cliché trick in the book, signing up for a local class and chatting with his fellow attendees. He’d come out of it knowing he could make a passable crème brûlée if he ever needed to, but still… friendless.
And now it was 10pm on a Saturday night, and he’d spent the entire day at work because he couldn’t think of anything better to do with his time, and he hadn’t exchanged more than two words together with another human being since Wednesday, and the loneliness and isolation were starting to eat at him like a living thing. There was an aching, hollow pit in his chest that demanded to be filled, a deep need to reach out into the darkness of the world for comfort and know that someone would be there to reach back, and he didn’t have anyone to call.
Jon was fine being alone, usually. He’d never been a terribly social person, and he genuinely preferred his own company to that of other people, most of the time. But even he needed someone.
So. Last resorts it was.
He clicked ‘open.’
His screen turned white. After a moment, a pink circle appeared in the middle, showing the app’s logo of a bow with a heart-tipped arrow and the name: SureShot Dating. It stayed for a second, then exploded in a shower of hearts that rained down the screen, leaving behind a simple prompt:
Login or create a new account .
Jon raised an eyebrow at the theatrics, but clicked on new account anyway.
It took him to a basic profile screen. This, at least, was heart-free - it was plain, streamlined, and professional, and some of Jon’s anxieties bled away as he scrolled down the page to see what information it needed him to fill in. Name, age, location… all very standard. Very well, then.
He started at the top. He’d spent some time thinking about what he wanted to put in the Name field - the idea of using his real name made him uncomfortable for many reasons, not the least of which was that he was sure at least a few of his coworkers already used this app, and if one of them found out he had a profile on it he would never live down the embarrassment.
But, well, there were a lot of nicknames for Jonathan. And while Nathan was not, perhaps, a very common one, it was one he could, technically, get away with, without anyone saying he was lying.
So. Nathan he would be, at least for the duration of this little socialization experiment.
As soon as he had a name entered it prompted him to upload a profile picture. Working on the same logic of anonymity, he used a stock photo of a stack of books sitting on a table.
The rest of the demographic information was filled in quickly. He hesitated for a moment over what to put in the Career field, before selecting library sciences from the drop-down list. It wasn’t technically inaccurate, and would get him matched with far more people than other; fill in the blank: archiving would. Besides, it was less likely to raise interested questions about his job, which was not something he really wanted to talk about when he was off the clock.
From demographics, a little blue Next arrow led him to a page captioned Now tell us something about yourself! and Jon grimaced. It was something he’d really rather avoid, but all the questions were marked by small asterisks, and he knew he’d be required to fill them in.
Fine, then. Fine. He tried to start with an easy one, Likes, and as soon as he was staring at that little blank box every single topic he’d ever enjoyed fled his mind.
In desperation, he typed in cats. Another drop-down menu extended below the box, flickering for a moment before presenting him with the highlighted option: animals-cats.
Jon’s shoulders relaxed. Not a completely blank slate demanding to be filled, then: a quite logical list of category-subcategory fields that he just had to scroll to find.
He spent the next few minutes filling in other interests, until he had a respectable little list going. There were certainly some… similarities between the items on it, but at least they weren’t all the same.
Literature-classic; literature-fantasy; literature-horror; literature-mystery; literature-romance; literature-science fiction; literature-YA; film-classic horror; film-documentaries.
It would do.
The Dislikes field got a quick, spiteful, animals-spiders, and was otherwise ignored.
As for the rest of the page…
Describe yourself in a few words.
What is your dream date?
What are your greatest strengths?
What do you bring to a relationship?
It felt a little like an overly-personal job interview, but Jon slogged through it, filling in each field as well as he could. He had a feeling his answers were stilted and overly-formal, and he hoped that wouldn’t ruin his chances of meeting people.
The next page was headed What are you looking for in a partner? Jon sighed.
Your ideal partner must be…
How serious a relationship are you looking for?
What are your absolute no-gos?
That page went faster. Jon wasn’t particularly interested in blocking off potential contacts by creating too narrow a list for what he was looking for.
At the bottom of the page was a simple, direct, Who do you want to be matched with?
The options were men, women, or both. Jon frowned at the blatant binary, but selected both.
Finally, it loaded up an almost-blank page.
Now it’s time to write your profile, it prompted. This will be the first thing people see, so make sure to tell them who you are and why you’re here!
Jon chewed on his lip as he typed.
I am not looking for a relationship, neither romantic nor sexual. I just want to meet interesting people and have interesting conversations, because I have no friends and I’m lonely.
He stared at what he’d written. After a moment, he amended it to:
…because all my friends are busy and I’m bored.
The last page presented him with more hearts.
Are you ready to take a Sure Shot at love?
Jon’s finger hovered over the Yes! button for a long moment.
Once he did this, there was no turning back. Sure, he could delete his account at any time. Sure, no one who knew him ever had to know he had tried this. But he would always know. He’d know that he’d joined a dating site - not as a joke, not as an experiment, but because he’d hit such a low in his social life that it seemed like the only avenue left to him to make any friends at all. He would always know just how desperate he’d had to be to do so, just how lonely his life had gotten to drive him to this point. If it went well, then he was a genius - if it went poorly, he’d never be able to forget just how pathetic it felt, that this was the only place he had left to turn.
Then again, what did he have to lose? He’d already made the damn profile - it would probably make him feel more pathetic, to come this far and chicken out at the last minute.
Jon clicked Yes!
Another loading screen, another shower of hearts - a pop-up congratulating him on launching his profile. Another pop-up, almost immediately after, asking if he wanted to buy a subscription for only £15 per month to go ad-free and “unlock premium features.” Jon closed them both with some annoyance.
He waited for a moment after that to see if anything else would be sprung on him, but it seemed that, for the moment, the app was quiet.
Okay, then.
He spent a few minutes clicking around, testing the app’s navigation and seeing where various menus and links dropped him. It was, as the reviews had said, fairly straightforward. He hesitated for a long while before daring to click over to the page of suggested matches the app provided.
Take a shot with: Basira H.!
Take a shot with: Oliver B.!
Take a shot with: Melanie K.!
Each suggestion showed the person’s picture, profile, and reason they had been matched: it seemed heavily biased toward shared interests.
Jon scrolled aimlessly past the entries, not really sure how to proceed now that he was here. How did one go about talking to people on a dating app? Did he just message them, and hope they found him interesting enough to write back?
Take a shot with: Georgie B.!
Jon nearly dropped his phone as his ex-girlfriend’s face slide into place on his screen. How the fuck had-
It was a panicked few seconds before he found the block button, terrified of accidentally hitting the wrong thing and accepting the match. He breathed a sigh of relief when Georgie B. has been blocked appeared at the bottom of the screen, and her profile disappeared from the list.
Two minutes later it suggested he take a shot with Tim S. Jon blocked him immediately, rather relieved to have gotten that over with so soon.
He spent the rest of the evening perusing the various profiles on display, accepting a few matches and sending them brief messages. By the time he finally put the phone down his chest was tight with anxiety over daring to say anything at all. But there was another feeling behind it, and it was that feeling he tried to lean into as he got ready for bed and settled under the sheets.
Hope.
Maybe, finally, he’d found something that would work.
~~~~~
xxxSamanthaxxx:
Hey ;)
You:
Hello! It’s nice to meet you.
xxxSamanthaxxx:
What are you wearing?
You:
Sorry?
xxxSamanthaxxx:
I’m so horny
You:
Please read my profile; I’ve made it very clear I’m not looking for that sort of relationship.
xxxSamanthaxxx:
Do you want to see me naked?
Link
You:
This is a bot account, isn’t it.
xxxSamanthaxxx:
I want you so much
xxxSamanthaxxx has been blocked.
~~~~~
You:
Hello! My name is Nathan; it’s nice to meet you.
Marianne W.:
u 2
r u fr ab nt wanting 2 d8?
You:
I’m sorry? I think autocorrect might have gotten in the way there - I’m not sure what you meant to say.
Marianne W. has blocked you.
~~~~~
Josh A.:
penis
Josh A.:
penis
Josh A.:
penis
Josh A.:
penis
Josh A.:
penis
Josh A.:
penis
Josh A.:
penis
Josh A.:
penis
Josh A.:
penis
Josh A. has been blocked.
~~~~~
You:
Hello! My name is Nathan; it’s nice to meet you.
Suzanna R.:
Heyyyyyyy ;)
Saw your message from last night ;)
You free tonight? ;) ;) ;)
You:
Ah, sorry - I believe I may have given the wrong impression.
I joined this website to make friends, not find sexual partners.
Suzanna R.:
lmao ‘sexual partners’ are you serious?
You:
Yes? I’m not sure how else to refer to the practice.
Suzanna R.:
Hookups?
You really not interested?
You:
No, sorry.
Suzanna R.:
Damn
Bye then
Suzanna R. has unmatched you.
~~~~~
You:
Hello! My name is Nathan; it’s nice to meet you.
Emily F.:
send nudes
Emily F. has been blocked.
~~~~~
You:
Hello! My name is Nathan; it’s nice to meet you.
Dave M.:
I have a boyfriend
You:
Okay; as my profile says, I’m not looking for a relationship, just friends.
But I understand if you or your partner is uncomfortable with you continuing to use a dating app, even just for platonic acquaintances.
Dave M.:
You writing a novel or do you just talk like that lol
Dave M. has blocked you.
~~~~~
Take a shot with: Sasha J.!
Sasha J. has been blocked.