Chapter Text
One night while out on a date, Tommy looked over at Evan Buckley and admitted something that changed Buck’s entire worldview.
Like a lot of things in Buck’s life, it seemingly came out of nowhere. Like Abby leaving. Like finding out about his dead brother. Like the tsunami.
One day everything is normal and then bam: a life-changing event. Dropped on his head like a cartoon anvil. Like-
Like a bolt of lightning. Le coup de foudre.
After he almost died-that time-he found out during his endless scrolling that in French, the phrase for “love at first sight,” was le coup de foudre. A bolt of lightning. Could people really fall in love as fast as Buck was hit that night? He didn’t with Abby. It certainly wasn’t love at first sight with Tommy. No, Buck fell for Tommy slowly, eased into it, comfortably. He liked that about them. They could go as slow or as fast as they’d like.
But he felt like he was hit for a second time (inevitable, knowing his luck), when his super cute boyfriend of six months opens his beautiful mouth and says:
“Look, Evan, I want us to always be honest with each other. Which is why I feel like I should tell you that when we all first started hanging out, it was actually Eddie that I was into, not you.”
Buck blinked. Processed the information. Then grinned.
“Yeah, I guess that makes sense. Eddie’s a hot guy. I’m always surprised when people aren’t attracted to him, you know what I mean?”
He felt relieved. With the worried look on Tommy’s face, he had assumed the worst. He had honestly thought Tommy was about to tell him he had cancer, or a felony charge, or something awful like that.
Tommy huffed a laugh, looking surprised. “Uh, yeah Evan. He’s pretty hot. But so are you! I’m really into you, you gotta know that,” he said, taking Buck’s hand. “But we’re getting kind of serious now, and I just couldn’t keep this from you anymore.”
Buck felt elated at Tommy’s words. Tommy felt like they were getting serious? Serious enough that he needed to be honest and vulnerable about something as complicated as this? His heart swelled.
They had been dating for six months, at this point. They spent the night at each others’ apartments all the time. Tommy came to dinner at Chimney and Mads’ house, always insisting on bringing Maddie’s favorite wine. And he was good with Jee-Yun. He stopped by the 118 all the time. They went to the farmer’s market on the weekends.
“Well thanks for telling me, that was probably really hard,” Buck said. He retracted his hand, but only so he could take another bite of his food. He wasn’t sure why Tommy had made it seem like there was something life or death to talk about. This was…this was fine.
Tommy nodded tightly. He relaxed a little, but still had his guard up. Like he was waiting for the ball to drop. Why?
“And, sometimes it’s hard when the three of us all hang out, because like you said, he’s a hot guy.”
Buck nodded sympathetically. “So the feelings never really went away either.”
Tommy stared at him. “You’re not pissed?”
He shrugged, picking his burger back up. Why would he be mad? If Buck had to get mad at everyone who was attracted to Eddie, he’d have beef with half of LA. Buck knew that Tommy had eyes. And anyone with a decent soul would fall for Eddie’s crazy ass.
“Hey,” Buck said suddenly. “The Muay Thai, the stuff with his car, the chopper to Vegas? Were those all… dates?”
Tommy practically shrunk in on himself. His face became carefully neutral, not unlike when he made dirty jokes, or muttered something sarcastic to himself. This time though, there was a shade of guilt on his face.
Buck howled with laughter. “Oh my God! T, babe, you were trying to take Eddie out? I bet he didn’t even notice, did he? He just thought it was all boys’ time!”
Tommy rolled his eyes, but didn’t correct him. That was enough for Buck to know the answer. He tried to stop laughing, but he couldn’t. He could picture it- Tommy desperately trying to create intimate moments while Eddie carefully studied his collection of Japanese swords.
(That wasn’t an innuendo, by the way. Tommy really does collect swords. And daggers. And he has a few crossbows. God, this guy is cool.)
His stupid brain also thought of another thing: the image of Tommy, hot and sweaty and on top of Eddie, taking absolute control. Buck pushed that thought away, just like he always did whenever he thought of Eddie like that. Or at least, he tried to push it away. Especially ever since getting with Tommy.
He really liked Tommy. Even more so now that he had been so honest about his feelings.
“Did you guys ever-?”
“No,” Tommy said, a little too quickly. “I mean, there were a few times where we’d get close to each other and I thought…but then Eddie would just move away or we’d both let the moment fizzle out.”
Buck felt a weird flash of deja vu. The number of moments between himself and Eddie that were just as Tommy had described were countless. “Yeah, like he’s not ready for it, or something.”
Tommy raised an eyebrow. “Is that what you think? And you would know because…?”
Buck cringed. Tommy was so perceptive sometimes, just like Maddie. He always caught the little things that Buck said. It was good for him. Tommy never let him get away with skirting past his feelings.
Buck nodded, slowly. “I know because…” he said, letting the last word drag out. He wasn’t even sure what he was about to admit.
Late nights in the kitchen, the lights low and they’re standing way too close to each other…
Long periods of eye contact in the firetruck, still engaging in the conversation with their coworkers but their focus on each other, orbiting each other’s space like it was second nature…
Little grateful smiles over Christopher’s shoulder when Buck agreed to spend the night again, like maybe he was too afraid to ask, himself, but so relieved that his son wasn’t…
Lost moments in time, whenever one of them is laid out on a hospital bed, the other one standing in the doorway feeling regret build up in his throat…
“...because we’ve had a few moments like that, too. Eddie 'n me.” He felt guilty, like he was admitting to doing something wrong.
To Buck’s surprise, Tommy smiled. “I figured as much. The way you talk about him, it’s pretty obvious-”
“That’s just because I’m a really enthusiastic friend!” Buck blurted. “Ask anyone, I’m the friend that goes hard for everyone, no matter what. I know I have golden retriever energy, believe me, I know. I just talk about him a lot because he’s my best friend. Plus, Christopher is really attached to me, he lost his mom at a young age-” He let the usual excuses roll off his tongue.
It was practically routine at this point. It was never Tommy who pointed out the codependency of their relationship, so it felt weird repeating it to him.
Tommy nodded along patiently as he rambled. He hooked his foot under Buck's ankle, occasionally rubbing his calf. When Buck was done, they finished their meal in silence. Buck hated silence, but Tommy never seemed to mind it.
Tommy was still smiling as they left the restaurant. When Buck tried to overexplain his relationship with Eddie again, Tommy cut him off. He gazed at Buck with a look that could only be love, and shook his head. “Evan, you don’t have to explain any of that. I get it. And, you’re right, I don’t think he’s ready, either.”
Oh great, so Tommy had caught that comment, too. His calm demeanor made Buck feel like he could keep going.
“Yeah, so we’d have these little moments where my brain sort’ve went into autopilot and I wasn’t second-guessing whether or not it was a good idea to kiss my best friend. You know when you can just feel the tension? Like that moment you feel when you wanna kiss someone,” Buck said.
“Oh yeah?” Tommy asked. They were standing in the street now, neither of them offering to order an Uber home.
“Yeah, it’s like, that magnetic feeling where you can’t look away from their eyes?” He leaned up into Tommy’s space, hoping he would get the hint. He batted his eyelashes. He knew that Tommy really liked it when Buck was a brat. And Buck was more than happy to oblige.
Tommy snorted. Still, he let Buck into his space. Both men’s lips parted, their eyes looking over each other. He could feel the heat coming off the other man’s body. The tension between them was so thick Buck wanted to reach out and touch it. “What, like right now?”
Buck grinned. Hook, line, and sinker. He pulled back a little, mouth still perfectly open for a kiss. “Yeah, kinda like right now. Where I thought maybe there was a little something-I don’t know-something between us.” He didn’t know why he was being so honest with Tommy. Maybe because Tommy had already come forward with how he felt.
Tommy grabbed Buck by the hips and pulled him in close. Buck bit his lip, smiling. He knew Tommy liked to be teased, but they were playing a new game, here. “And what, he just never made a move?” he asked, his voice low and husky.
“Guess not,” Buck said.
A man of action and not words, Tommy took the plunge and kissed Buck, hard. Neither of them were really into public stuff, but he couldn’t help but moan into the kiss. He loved the feeling of Tommy’s hard body against his, but he also couldn’t help it as flashes of Eddie moved through his mind. He had always pictured Eddie as aggressive and dominant, but in this moment, it was Eddie being held down by Tommy. Tommy, who had held Buck down by his wrists and fucked him so sweetly he almost cried. He thought about how amazing Eddie would sound being fucked like that.
Obviously, the idea of Tommy and Eddie together had really turned him on, although he’d rather die than tell anyone that. Look, Buck was a sexual guy. Of course now that he knows he likes men, he’s going to think horny things about his male friends sometimes. It was only natural.
He wondered if Tommy was thinking about the same thing.
Eventually they fumbled around for a car home, the trajectory of the night clear. As much as Buck wanted to get his hands all over Tommy, he was also way too sober to makeout with his boyfriend in front of the Uber driver.
And that was the other thing-they were both completely sober. This wasn’t a drunken confession that led to some hookup. This was Buck and Tommy going home to have sex because they got turned on talking about Eddie.
“Do you really think he had no idea those were dates?” he asked Buck, sliding over to sit in the middle seat so their thighs were touching. At Buck’s silent insistence, he buckled. Satisfied, Buck let Tommy put a hand on his thigh.
Buck nodded. “Unless you said the words, ‘Eddie Diaz, will you go on a date with me, romantically?’ he had no clue.”
“I thought I was being so obvious! I’m stupid. You guys are both stupid. All gay firefighters are stupid,” Tommy muttered.
“To be fair, I don’t know if Eddie knows that he likes guys. Now that it’s clicked for me, I realize how many little moments between him and I were, uhhh not so platonic.” Buck shifted under Tommy’s hand. He had realized a lot of things since coming out. Tommy had been supportive and understanding through it all. He really was the perfect guy.
“I thought he was just playing hard to get,” Tommy groaned. He was speaking low, so Buck had to lean in close. “And that you were the jealous best friend who thought he had lost his chance.” He kissed Buck’s neck. “I was prepared to put up a fight for him. Glad I kissed you, instead.”
Buck bit his lip. “You thought I liked Eddie?” He sighed as Tommy continued to kiss him.
His boyfriend rolled his eyes. “I know you like Eddie. Present-tense. Like I said, I get it. ” He gave Buck a significant look. Buck still wasn’t used to the straightforward way Tommy spoke. It always threw him off, but in a good way. It forced him to just say what he was thinking. It took the pressure off of Buck to act a certain way.
He also wasn’t used to people directly addressing his feelings for Eddie. Sure, both Bobby and Maddie had indirectly hinted at it, but Buck always shrugged them off. Pretended he didn’t know what they were talking about. Because what else could he do?
But Tommy made it easy. Yeah, of course Buck likes Eddie. Who wouldn’t? Tommy got that.
Tommy, who was really good with his hands, slipped a hand over Buck’s hard cock, restrained by his jeans. He had been on pins and needles, adrenaline rushing through his veins. God, he was so fucking hard, and Tommy’s strong hand relieved just enough of the pressure to make Buck quietly groan. He looked up at the Uber driver in a panic, but their eyes were on the road.
Tommy pulled back for a moment, and Buck instantly missed the feeling of his lips against his neck. “Hey, this is okay, right?” His eyebrows were furrowed in concern. Buck couldn’t help but feel giddy when Tommy checked in with him like that. From the very beginning of their relationship, Tommy had always checked in with Buck when it came to sex. Buck had never really been with someone who cared about how he felt, like that.
He reached down and squeezed Tommy’s hand, encouraging him to keep palming his cock. He turned and kissed his cheek, just missing his lips. “Yeah, babe. This is great. You’re good too, right? Even if I’m not our gorgeous friend Eddie? You’re okay going home with second best?” It was meant to be a tease, but the underlying insecurity was obvious.
“Evan,” Tommy said sharply. It was such a commanding tone that Buck instantly looked at him. Tommy cupped his cheek and studied his face. It was a little intense. “Evan Buckley, how can I get it through your thick skull? There is nothing second best about you. I love you .”
It was the first time he had ever said it. Buck was pretty sure he felt it back.
“Oh,” was all Buck could say.
“Yeah, I was into Eddie. Still am. But don’t think for a second that I’m not just as into you. Fuck, Evan, if I’ve made you feel like some sort of consolation prize, then I’ve been a really shitty boyfriend.”
“I think you’re the best boyfriend ever,” Buck breathed. And he did. He had never been happier in a relationship. He had never felt more seen.
They get back to Tommy’s house and all discussion of Eddie ends. Tommy’s mouth was on his and Buck felt dizzy with how good it all felt. His thoughts of Eddie disappeared as they continued to kiss, slowly moving their way to Tommy’s bedroom. He liked Tommy’s house. He liked how clean Tommy always kept it, he liked the old movie posters on the wall, and he liked the way all the furniture matched. It was exactly how Buck imagined his own place looking, one day.
Tommy had a nice, big bed. It was made of real wood, hand carved by some craftsman Tommy knew. Because Tommy was the kind of guy who knew professional carpenters, duh. Occasionally, Buck had thought about how there was room for more than two.
But now, he was focused on how good it felt to be twisting around in the sheets with Tommy. He had never been with someone who focused on his pleasure above their own. Like it got Tommy off to see Buck get off.
Now he has one arm wrapped around Buck’s neck, and the other between them as he pressed inside Buck. Buck writhed around underneath him, moaning around the two wet fingers. Usually Buck closed his eyes during sex but Tommy liked it when Buck watched, so he tried to hold his intense gaze.
“You look so good when you’re like this,” Tommy murmured. “Don’t you know how fucking pretty you are?”
Buck felt a rush of pride and shame-at being called pretty, at liking it, at how much he liked being a good boy for Tommy. With women he had always been forced to take the lead, but Tommy seemed to understand that Buck liked it better this way, without Buck ever having to say so.
He clutched at Tommy’s back, digging his nails in. “Ah, fuck, T,” he moaned.
(He’d been trying to bite his nails less, just in case he scratched at Tommy’s back too much again. The first time he accidentally drew blood, and he panicked about giving Tommy an infection. Tommy hadn’t been that worried, but let Buck bandage him up anyway.)
“What do you want, kid?” Tommy asked, looking down at him.
He could feel himself blushing. Despite taking the lead, Tommy always made sure Buck got all his boxes checked. Every time.
He closed his eyes and mumbled something.
“Evan, look at me,” Tommy said. His voice was stern, but he was touching Buck so softly. He was curling his fingers inside Buck, making him see fucking stars. He leaned down to kiss him, causing Buck to groan “Use your words, baby. Tell me what you need.” He grabbed Buck by the chin and held his gaze.
“Can I ride you?” Buck asked, trying not to feel embarrassed.
Tommy’s breath caught. “You wanna sit in Daddy’s lap?”
Buck’s stomach lurched, and he nodded frantically. He was so turned on he nearly fell over as they moved to switch positions. Tommy sat up against the mountain of silk pillows on his bed and patted his thigh. “C’mere, kid.” Buck scrambled to get into Tommy’s lap, wrapping his arms around his neck and leaning against his chest. Tommy held his hard cock in place, letting Buck set the pace as he pushed against his entrance. He didn’t need to be fingered anymore, Tommy always made sure Buck was comfortable and ready.
(Truth be told, Buck dove into bottoming with the same enthusiasm he did everything else. He already had a perfected prep ritual that involved getting clean and stretched. Knowing tonight was date night with Tommy, he had gone the full nine yards.)
They didn’t need a condom; they had both gotten tested the moment they decided to be exclusive. Behind him, he could feel Tommy moving around, giving his cock an extra coating of lube. Tommy’s dick was like the rest of him-thick and muscular. It was a bit of a stretch compared to the toys Buck had at home, but he had learned to take it well.
Buck moaned as he sunk down Tommy’s length, and it wasn’t long before he was enthusiastically bouncing up and down. Tommy gripped his hips and held on for dear life as Buck fucked himself on Tommy’s cock.
“God, Buck, baby, you’re so perfect,” Tommy panted. “So good for Daddy.”
Fuck, Buck had been joking when he first brought up the daddy kink, but somehow, it stopped being a joke between them. Once they realized the actual age difference between the two of them was eleven years, and Buck realized just how much experience Tommy actually had, it started to turn him on a little.
…he’d unpack it all in therapy later, okay?
Later, when they’re both sticky and sweaty and gross but Buck doesn’t care in the slightest, Tommy kisses his forehead.
“What was that for?” Buck asked, surprised at the gentle touch. Tommy was always so gentle with him.
“Just, for being you,” Tommy said, grinning. “I love you Evan Buckley.”
He said it again. Tommy really meant it, Buck realized. He couldn’t hold back the smile. “I love you too, Thomas Kenard.”
Eddie had promised that Buck’s relationship with Tommy wouldn’t change a thing between them, and it hadn’t. Tommy had promised that he wasn’t there to get in between Buck and Eddie, and he hadn’t.
When everything went down with Eddie’s borderline psychotic emotional affair with his dead wife’s doppelganger, Tommy didn’t question why Buck had to drop everything and help. He listened when Buck came home that first night, flabbergasted after running into Fake Shannon. Tommy was just as concerned as Buck was, agreeing that this was really unlike Eddie. He didn’t mind that Buck had to cancel their date to go talk to Christopher. In fact, it was his idea:
“Buck, I lost my mom when I was the same age as Christopher. I didn’t have a good dad like Eddie, but if I had walked in on him with a lookalike of my dead mom, I would’ve lost my shit. If you’re the only person he’s willing to talk to, you gotta go. I’ll just wrap up the lasagna for later, babe.”
And when Buck came back over the next night, they cuddled on the couch as he recounted Christopher leaving Eddie’s house with his grandparents. How heartbroken Eddie was. How smug his parents looked when Chris wouldn’t even meet Eddie’s eyes. How Marisol called a few minutes after Chris left, officially breaking up with Eddie. He even included the part where Eddie broke down afterwards, sobbing into Buck’s arms.
“Shit, this is gonna be really bad,” Tommy said eventually.
“What do you mean?” Buck said, looking over at Tommy cautiously.
Tommy pressed a tender kiss to Buck’s forehead. “Well, you know Eddie. Christopher is his entire world. This is really gonna mess him up. We have to make sure that we’re there for him as his friends. Make sure he doesn’t wallow in his pit of depression.” He pulled out his phone. “Do you know which hiking routes he likes?”
Relief instantly flooded Buck’s senses. He didn’t have to explain anything. Tommy already understood.
As Tommy started scrolling through Facebook to look for local events to drag Eddie to, he casually said, “And you made sure that Christopher knows you’re not going anywhere, right? That he can still call you whenever you want, even if he’s not talking to his dad?”
Buck was climbing into Tommy’s lap to kiss him before he could even think about it.
So Buck kept showing up for Eddie, sometimes with Tommy, sometimes without. Buck kept up the weekly ritual of movie night, even though it had begun as a thing for Christopher. Without any kids, Buck finally had the chance to show Eddie all of his favorite movies that weren’t quite Chris appropriate, like The Hangover , 21 Jump Street , and Bridesmaids. All movies that came out while Eddie was either overseas or parenting a little kid, so he missed.
Then Eddie shyly admitted that he actually really liked musicals, and asked if they could watch one. “When Christopher was little, I had an excuse to go to them, but he’s been telling me he’s too old for them since he was ten. I still listen to them in the truck when no one’s around.”
Well, what do you know, Tommy’s buddy happens to be an actor, and is playing Mark in a local performance of RENT. Tommy didn’t really like musicals, but was going to the show to support his friend. Eddie hadn’t seen that one, but he had heard a few of the songs, and seemed interested in it. Buck didn’t know how he felt about musicals, but he knew this one had LGBTQ characters, so he hoped it didn’t send Eddie the wrong message.
They had never discussed Buck’s sexuality, not even after he told him about Tommy. If Eddie was surprised that Buck is queer, he didn’t show it. Even all these months later, Buck couldn’t help but hyperfixate on the fact that when he revealed that he and Tommy had been on a date, Eddie only asked about Tommy’s sexuality. What did that mean?
Anyway, as soon as Eddie mentioned being interested in musicals, Tommy was pulling out his phone to text his actor friend about getting tickets. Buck couldn’t help but beam. He loved how quickly Tommy jumps to help others, especially those that Buck cared about. Buck liked being with someone that likes to give just as much as he did.
Turns out, Tommy’s friend’s show was pretty awesome. To be honest, Buck went into it thinking that most musicals were kinda cheesy, but from the first song, Buck had chills. He didn’t know much about music, but the moving melodies had Buck tearing up more than once. And there was something a little personal to him about the characters in the show-the way they were all outcasts, but found family in each other.
He looked to his left and saw Tommy, who was politely watching the show, but not nearly as invested as Buck was. He slipped his hand into Tommy’s and smiled at him. Tommy caught his eye and smiled back. Then, looking to the other side of Buck, frowned. He gestured to Eddie, who was sitting to Buck’s right.
Eddie was crying. Openly, not just a few tears. As two of the characters sang about covering each other and being there for one another, Eddie was having to cover his mouth to stop himself from sobbing.
Instinctively, Buck placed a hand on Eddie’s knee. “Are you okay?” he whispered. It felt like a dumb question, obviously he wasn’t okay. Still, Buck didn’t know what else to do. Eddie didn’t take his eyes off the stage, but clutched both of his hands around Buck’s.
Buck looked back at Tommy, who was looking over at them both in concern.
“S-Sorry,” Eddie said, still focused on the screen. “I don’t know why I’m freaking out.”
“It’s okay Eds,” Buck murmured. “You’re fine. Just breathe.”
Tommy reached over Buck to squeeze Eddie’s shoulder. He kept his hand there reassuringly, letting his thumb rub small circles. Buck couldn’t help but think that it was the same gesture Eddie always made when he was trying to comfort Buck.
When the lights came on during the intermission, Buck realized he was still holding both of their hands. Eddie must’ve realized it at the same time, because he dropped Buck’s hand and apologized. He scampered off to the bathroom, leaving Tommy and Buck alone to stretch their legs.
“Oh man, it's worse than I thought,” Tommy said casually.
“What is?”
“His internal panicking. He’s so close to figuring it out. I remember freaking out after I accidentally saw a movie with a gay couple in it.” Tommy flipped through the program nonchalantly.
Once again, Buck was impressed by Tommy’s blunt comments. “You think that was about his sexuality?”
“Oh yeah, definitely. You should probably keep holding his hand, he’s gonna need it.”
Buck choked. “So you saw that, huh?”
Tommy smirked. “Kinda hard to miss. It’s okay. I don’t know about Eddie, but one of your love languages is touch, so he probably really appreciates the comfort.”
Buck didn’t know much about the love languages, but he’d heard those terms thrown around before. He wondered if Eddie’s might be physical touch too. Eddie was always the one offering Buck a hug. Even with Christopher, he was always patting his head fondly or giving him a quick squeeze.
Eddie came back just as the lights lowered again, and this time, Buck kept his hands to himself. Despite having full permission from Tommy, Buck felt really self conscious about it. Tommy even caught his eye at one point and looked pointedly at Eddie. Aren’t you going to hold his hand? Buck subtly shook his head. At this point it would be for Buck’s benefit, not Eddie’s.
After the show, the cast came out into the lobby and Buck and Eddie were introduced to Gregory, Tommy’s friend who was in the show. He was still wearing his Mark costume. The theater had just used the exact costumes from the movie, even Buck recognized that. He was holding the fake glasses from the show and gesturing dramatically.
Right away, Buck noticed that Gregory had a thing for Tommy. Gregory’s eyes widened in excitement when he saw Tommy, blushing furiously. Tommy told him how great he was in the show, and Gregory leaned into his space, batting his chest flirtatiously. Tommy smiled politely, but clearly wasn’t reciprocating.
Gregory’s eyes migrated over to Buck and Eddie, who were standing close by. He looked them both up and down. Up close, you could see the dramatic lines of the stage makeup, and it was a little terrifying.
“Also, Tommy, babe, you should bring your boys out with the cast tonight! There’s this really shitty bar that the cast likes to take over after every show and before you ask, no, we don’t torture the other patrons with our rendition of La Vie Boheme, although they’d be lucky to get a free performance-”
“Actually Craigory,” Eddie cut in.“We have reservations at this really exclusive restaurant, and since the intermission ran late, we actually might miss our spot-”
Which wasn’t true. Their plan was to hit up a local taco truck that Eddie was obsessed with.
“It’s actually Gregory,” Greg said. “But I understand.” He gave Tommy a hug.
Tommy looked visibly relieved, but maintained a polite persona in front of Gregory. “Yeah, sorry Gregory. We don’t wanna miss our reservation. And everyone knows we can’t let this one miss a meal,” he said, playfully patting Buck’s back.
Gregory gave a fake laugh, but Eddie just kept glaring at him and looking at his watch. Buck chuckled along.
“Well, maybe next time, then, and bring your cute boys along, okay?” Gregory said, winking at Eddie. He excused himself to go visit with other people who were waving at him.
They shuffled out of the theater and made their way to where the Jeep was parked down the block. Both Eddie and Tommy looked in a hurry to get the hell out of there. Buck struggled to keep up with their stride. He wasn’t quite sure what was happening here.
“God, Greg’s had a crush on me for years. He’s never understood that it’s not gonna happen. Sorry he basically looked at you both like you’re pieces of meat,” Tommy said as they got into the car. Buck let Tommy drive his Jeep, because Tommy liked driving. Eddie climbed in the back, still gritting his teeth. Why did he look so pissed?
“Yeah, you might wanna tell him to tone it down,” Eddie said.
Buck gasped. “Eddie!”
“I just didn’t like the way he was looking at you guys,” Eddie said. “You’re right, it was like Buck was a piece of meat. And you clearly weren’t into it either, but he didn’t even care,” he said, gesturing to Tommy.
Oh, that was why Eddie made up the story about the reservation. Buck’s heart melted a little. Buck hadn’t understood before, but it was clear now: Eddie was protective of them. It gave him sort of a weird thrill. Like he and Tommy belonged to Eddie, or something like that.
“Okay, okay, fine, I’ll call up Gregory and tell him that if I go to any more of his horrible musicals, that he can’t objectify my ‘cute boys’,” Tommy said dryly.
“Exactly! Only you can do that, T.” He turned around to look at Eddie, who was still fuming in the backseat. His arms were crossed, and his face, puffy from crying, had hardened. He stared out the window. “Isn’t that right Eddie?” Buck asked. “Only T gets to objectify the cute boys?”
Finally, Eddie said, “The Cute Boys sounds like the name of our boy band.” He uncrossed his arms and made eye contact with Tommy in the rearview mirror. It was soft, the look between them. Buck almost felt like he should look away, like he was intruding on a private moment. “And how could you say it was horrible? Don’t you have a soul?”
“Probably not,” Tommy shrugged. “I just didn’t understand why they couldn’t just pay their rent. I get that time’s are tough, but everyone has to pay rent. Nobody likes paying rent, but that’s the way the world works.”
“That’s not the point, dude, c’mon!” Eddie groaned.
Buck felt the need to come to Eddie’s defense. “Okay, at least the found family part was pretty sweet, right?”
Tommy rolled his eyes and turned on the Jeep. “Whatever, where’s this exclusive taco truck you bragged about?”
It was a good thing that none of them were on call.
As it turns out, the taco truck that Eddie had been pushing, was owned by another friend of Tommy’s. Because apparently, Tommy knew everyone in LA. He scoffed when Buck said this.
“Nah, I just know Miguel from a cooking class I took at a community college. He was the instructor,” Tommy told them. Miguel was so excited to see Tommy that he insisted on bringing them the house special, for free.
The three men sat at a picnic table in the same lot. Miguel sent out his assistant with three giant margaritas. Before they could even finish their first round, a second came out, followed by three of the biggest veggie burritos Buck had ever seen. They were fucking delicious.
Miguel stood at their table and started chatting with Tommy in Spanish. Tommy happily replied, speaking conversationally with the chef. Eddie looked delighted when he realized Tommy spoke Spanish, and joined in on the conversation, adding something that made both Miguel and Tommy laugh. Buck knew some Spanish, but not enough to keep up or add to the conversation. Especially not after two jumbo margaritas. Fuck, he really should practice more, especially for when Christopher came back home.
From what he could tell, Miguel was talking about Tommy being his best student, and Eddie was joking that Tommy must have been a handful. Miguel slapped Eddie’s shoulder and laughed more. “Well, I’ll let you boys get back to your dinners, okay? And not a word about paying!”
“Oh c’mon Miguel, no way,” Buck argued. “At least let us pay for the drinks!”
Miguel shook his head. “No! Seriously Tomás, you’re not paying for your boys here.”
There it was again, getting called one of Tommy’s boys. There was something about it that made Buck shift in his seat. He looked over at Eddie, who showed no reaction.
“At least let us tip you,” Tommy insisted. Miguel hmm’d about it for a few moments, but eventually accepted the folded hundred dollar bill that Tommy gave him.
They decided to ditch the Jeep at the lot and get an Uber home, which meant they could order another round of margaritas while they waited.
“Okay, spill, where did you learn Spanish?” Eddie asked, gripping Tommy’s jacket.
Tommy smiled sheepishly. “Uh, Paco and Sabrina’s house, actually. They were my neighbors when I was a kid. I mean, I took it formally in high school too, but I could already speak it conversationally by the time I was a teenager.” Encouraged by Buck and Eddie’s attention, he continued. “I’ve told you guys my mom died when I was little. Well, my dad did his best but he also wasn’t around a lot. I was a latchkey kid-I’d come home after school, let myself in the back door, heat up a dinner, and put myself to bed. And next door was this Mexican family. The Martinez family.” He smiled as he remembered them, and Buck could tell that he was thinking of fond memories. Buck hooked his arm through Tommy’s. Eddie smiled at them both.
“Paco and Sabrina, they were around my age, give or take a few years. I think their parents could tell how lonely I was, but they didn’t speak any English. So they’d tell Paco and Sabrina to invite me over, and they just sorta adopted me. Not legally or anything, but I was part of the family. I spent basically every day after school at their house.”
It was the most Tommy had said in one sitting, before. He wasn’t exactly known for his words. But now, in the taco truck parking lot, after way too many margaritas, he was showing his vulnerable side to Buck and Eddie both.
He liked sharing that with Eddie.
Then Eddie said something again in Spanish to Tommy. This time, Buck caught his own name, and the word for gossip. Tommy laughed and agreed.
“Oh no, this isn’t gonna be a thing,” Buck said, wagging his finger.
“Oh yes it is,” Eddie laughed. “Time to admit it, Buckley, I’m a better match for your boyfriend than you are.”
Oh.
Buck’s expression crumpled, and suddenly he wasn’t having fun anymore. For some reason, this hurt infinitely more than finding out that Tommy was still into Eddie. That was fun, that was him and his boyfriend talking dirty.
This? This was dragging out one of Buck’s biggest insecurities and shining a spotlight on it.
Eddie instantly stopped laughing. Buck couldn’t even look at Tommy.
“Shit, I’m sorry, I’m way too drunk, I didn’t mean that,” Eddie said, looking horrified at himself.
“I was gonna say, that seems like something I should decide, right?” Tommy said lightly, trying to break the tension.
Buck nodded tightly. “Don’t worry, I get it. Tommy’s hot, right?”
Eddie laughed weakly. “I think we should call an Uber,” he said.
“It’s fine,” Buck said, standing a little straighter and puffing out his chest. “Y’know, you’re actually right. You were Tommy’s first choice, but I made a move first, because you were too oblivious.”
“Buck!” Tommy snapped, alarmed. “Don’t say that!”
Eddie blinked. “Huh? Tommy’s first choice?”
Buck grinned. “Yeah, Eds. T was taking you out on all those dates, and you never noticed. I told him it doesn’t matter anyway, because you’re straight.”
It was a cruel thing to say, mostly because Buck never said that to Tommy. In fact, the couple had discussed Eddie’s sexuality on multiple occasions, speculating that he was very much not straight.
Another blink. Eddie stared off into the distance. “Right,” he agreed. He wasn’t really listening, Buck could tell. No, he was off on his own world, now.
They crossed the street to the nearest bar, and each ordered a few more drinks. Tommy watched Buck and Eddie pace each other shot for shot, while sipping on a single cocktail.
Tommy, who was somehow the most sober, ordered them an Uber to Eddie’s house. He was clearly still annoyed at Buck, but still let him hold his hand in the backseat. All three of the drunk men had squished together in the back, with Buck once again in the middle. Eddie swayed in his seat.
His boys.
Eddie looked over at their conjoined hands and smiled. It wasn’t a fake smile, either. It was genuine. “I’m really happy for you guys,” he blurted out.
Tommy looked up. “Oh yeah?”
“Yeah! I think you’re good for Buck. You make him all less-” he made a face like he was being electrocuted, although Buck’s sure that’s not what he was trying to portray. “-he needs that. Someone to bring him back to Earth!”
“And you think I do that?” Tommy asked.
“Yeah! You ground him, you really do. I love you guys,” he said happily. Then, he sighed, looking down. “But I wish Christopher was here.”
Buck flinched. He couldn’t help it. Tommy noticed, pursing his lips. He wasn’t even sure if it was Eddie using the L word, or the mention of Chris, but suddenly he felt really hollow.
“Yeah, having Christopher here would make everything better. Then I’d have all my boys,” Eddie continued, talking to apparently anyone that wanted to listen. Personally, Buck didn’t think it would be a good idea for Christopher to see his dad be this drunk and upset, but he knew Eddie meant it in the general sense.
He missed their kid. Buck understood.
They made it back to Eddie’s house, and Buck felt a dull stab of pain when he realized how empty it felt without Christopher inside. Even on nights where Chris slept over at a friend or family member’s house, there had still been signs of him scattered throughout the house. Usually there were chargers, pencils, homework assignments, all out of place. But it was clear now that no child had been in the house for months. It was spotless.
Eddie walked directly to the kitchen and pulled out the tequila.
And well, you know what happens when Buck and Eddie start drinking together, those competitive dorks. They couldn’t help it.
The last thing Buck remembered before passing out was Eddie declaring that his cute boys had to spend the night, because it was stupid to pay for another Uber now. Buck started making up his usual place on the couch but Eddie directed him to his bedroom instead.
“You guys take my room. I just put on fresh sheets this morning. I’ll take Christopher’s old bed,” Eddie told them. Buck remembers climbing into Eddie’s nice, soft bed and thinking how weird it was that he was finally there, only it was with Tommy. Tommy, who was hugging Eddie goodnight and getting Buck some water. Tommy, who was tough and rugged but gentle and sweet. Tommy, who understood how special it was to love Eddie.
The first thing Buck thought of when he woke up the next morning was Eddie. Probably because everything smelled like him. Which would make sense because he was curled up in his bed, with an arm thrown around Tommy’s waist. Buck shuffled so he was more on his side, and pulled Tommy close. Still asleep, his boyfriend happily adjusted. A strong arm gripped him tight. Buck pressed his face into the naked skin of Tommy’s back and sighed happily. Tommy was so warm and cozy.
“Good morning Evan,” Tommy’s rough voice said. It was such a cute contrast-Tommy’s gentle tone and his deep voice.
It did something to Buck’s mind when Tommy’s voice was all gruff in the morning, like he’d been gargling whisky the night before. Fuck, Tommy was probably one of the hottest people on the planet, right? Tommy really was the perfect boyfriend- he was cool, he was strong, he was hot, he treats Buck like he’s a fucking princess, and he was here in Buck’s arms.
He’d never been this happy with anyone, he thought to himself, as pressed his nose into the sheets and took and took a deep inhale. It smelled like the laundry soap he’d helped Eddie pick out last month, but also like Eddie himself-
“Eddie,” he hissed.
Tommy turned around in his arms, chuckling. “No, it’s Tommy. I can go get him if you want to-”
“No, shut up!” Buck whispered. God, he was already so hard. Had he woken up that hard, or did it start once he remembered he was in Eddie’s bed? Buck was in trouble here. “We’re in Eddie’s bed, T.”
“Yeah, I noticed.”
“I can’t believe we did that!”
Tommy snorted. “What? Slept in Eddie’s bed? He told us to. It was nice of him, it would’ve been a headache to get your drunk ass home last night. We didn’t have sex or anything. ”
Distantly, Buck already knew that-Tommy was shirtless, but still wearing his boxers, and Buck was completely clothed.
He wrapped his arms around Buck’s hips and kissed him. Buck sighed in relief. He wasn’t sure why the thought of having sex in Eddie’s bed made him tense up like that, but he was really starting to panic. That would’ve been a weird betrayal if they had messed around in Eddie’s bed, right? Eddie offered up his bed because he was a selfless person, and obviously the couple should get the bigger bed, right? That was just practical.
The way that Tommy was looking at him didn’t feel practical.
“Oh my God, you’re so turned on by the idea of fucking in Eddie’s bed,” Tommy said, his eyes shining mischievously. “That would be a bad idea, baby, he’d probably hear us.”
“Yeah,” Buck agreed. Buck’s brain knew that. Buck’s body didn’t seem to care.
Buck’s body seemed to like that. Tommy kissed his neck. “I know we should get up for the day, but I just want to keep kissing you,” he told him. He said it like it was a secret.
He made Buck’s brain melt, sometimes.
“But I can’t, because what if Eddie came in?” Tommy asked. His touch was feather-light.
Buck moaned, and found himself grinding against Tommy. God, he was still wearing his fucking jeans.
He could see it, crystal clear: Eddie would probably stand there, horrified yet turned on. His fist still tightly gripping the doorknob like he might fly away. What if they didn’t notice at first? How long would Eddie stand there and watch before saying something? Would he dare step further into the room, or would he turn around and shut the door?
“H-He’d probably turn so red,” Buck said. “Fuck, T, you don’t know how bad I want that. Shit, I really shouldn’t say that. Ah-”
Tommy was rewarding him with more neck kisses.
“We gotta stop,” Buck gasped. Seriously, if they didn’t stop…
Tommy grunted in agreement and pushed off of Buck. He instantly missed the feeling of Tommy against him.
“Wait,” he pouted. “One more kiss?”
The older man rolled his eyes, but leaned down for one more. Buck’s lips were still pliant and open, and he tried to slip the tip of his tongue in. Tommy pulled back and glared at Buck. “Hey, knock that off, kid.”
That did nothing to calm Buck down.
Eventually, both men were able to separate and get fully dressed. They were mature enough that they could hold off until they left Eddie’s, but something about the thrill of getting caught by Eddie of all people really got Buck off. But it was more than that, deep in the corner of his mind, he wanted Eddie to do more than just watch.
Still, Buck felt a pang of guilt when they tiptoed into the living room and found Eddie passed out on the couch. It looked like he never made it to Christopher’s bed, and instead curled up in the corner of the couch. His legs were folded underneath him, and the throw blanket was up to his chin. He looked like a very grumpy puppy.
“See, he wouldn’t have heard a thing,” Tommy said.
Buck could feel himself burning. “Shut up,” he whispered. The last thing he wanted was for Eddie to wake up to them talking about that.
“You’d probably prefer it if we woke him up, though,” Tommy shrugged. He gave Buck a quick kiss and nodded back to Eddie. “Go hang out on the couch, I’m gonna take an Uber to the Jeep and bring it back. If you’re really good, I’ll even bring you back a soy latte.”
That sounded amazing, to be honest. Inconvenient horniness aside, Buck was still pretty hungover, and the only reason he’d been eager to get out of bed was because, well, Tommy.
He gave Buck an extra hard pat on the butt as he moved towards the door. “I’ll be right back, kid.”
Eddie was taking up less than half the couch in his current position, so Buck made himself comfortable on the other end. He kicked up his feet and unlocked his phone, getting ready to find his next internet rabbit hole.
A few minutes later, his attention was caught by the feeling of Eddie’s toes digging into the side of his thigh. He chuckled, and let Eddie burrow his feet beneath him. His friend’s sleeping expression softened, like he was finally comfortable. Poor Eddie, his back was going to be so fucked up, when he woke up. Buck felt bad that he hadn’t made sure Eddie got to bed okay, but then again, Buck had been pretty drunk, too. He patted Eddie’s calf. At the last moment, instead of removing his hand, he left it on Eddie’s leg, rubbing small circles.
Eddie smiled. “Hey babe,” he murmured, eyes closed. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
Buck’s heart twisted in his chest. He knew Eddie was just talking in his sleep-it was something he did often, especially when he was exhausted-so he had no idea who was sitting next to him. He was probably having a wistful dream about Shannon. He gave Eddie’s calf a gentle squeeze, rubbing circles with his thumb.
“Mmm…you’re both so hot, it’s not fair.”
Buck froze. His neck snapped towards Eddie, who was so still that Buck almost wondered if he imagined that. But he hadn’t. There was no way.
He must’ve dozed off again at some point, because he woke to the sound of Tommy coming back inside, coffees in hand. It was loud enough to stir Eddie, who jumped to attention.
“Whatsgoingon?!” Eddie said, speaking before he was really even awake. He looked around at Tommy and Buck, confused.
“Hey Sleeping Beauty, I was just picking up the Jeep and some coffee,” Tommy said, reaching down to tussle Eddie’s hair. Eddie scowled. It was funny, Buck wondered if Tommy knew that he flirted with Eddie like a mean little boy on a playground. It was so different from the way Tommy teased Buck, but it was still so Tommy, all the same.
Eddie accepted the coffee, still looking a little irritated. “Thanks.”
“No problem, thank you for keeping Buck cozy for me while I was gone,” Tommy said, looking over at the two of them. It was then that Buck realized Eddie had moved his feet into Buck’s lap. Buck’s hands were folded over on Eddie’s feet. It was so comfortable he didn’t even notice.
Eddie pulled his feet back, self-consciously. “Sorry!”
Tommy didn’t care, though, he just made space for himself in between Buck and Eddie. “So boys, what are we doing today?”
“It’s just so hard getting from class to class, and Mrs. Contreras said it still counts as a tardy even if the elevator is broken!”
Tommy looked up from where he was bent over the engine. There was a smear of car gunk smeared across his face. He was frowning, and looked absolutely adorable. He had clearly heard Christopher’s complaint.
Buck was sitting on the floor of Tommy’s garage, in deep conversation with Christopher over video call.
When Christopher left for Texas, it was during the summer. August rolled around and Christopher still didn’t want to come home. Eddie spent all summer calling Christopher multiple times a week and sending countless texts, but all of it remained unanswered.
Eddie’s parents quietly enrolled him in the local middle school. Eddie cried when he got the picture.
Now, Christopher had been in school for months, and he and Buck managed to maintain a relationship. It was weird, parenting over the phone, but it was better than nothing. He tried to be subtle about it around Eddie. He was pretty sure that Christopher’s father knew, how could Buck just ignore him? The young teen was reaching out, and Buck couldn’t turn him away. But he didn’t want to rub it in Eddie’s face.
“Hold on, that can’t be right. You told her that it was broken and she marked you absent?” Buck said.
“Christopher, does that mean that the elevator has been broken more than once? How often does that happen?” Tommy asked. He set down his tools and stood up.
Chris paused for a minute. On the screen, he looked away. Shrugged. “I don’t know, like once a week maybe? It’s mostly just annoying when I have classes on the third floor, because if it’s just one floor I can usually make it.”
Buck was stunned, he had no idea it was that bad. Christopher had been complaining about the usual problems of a middle schooler, and this was the first time he had brought this up. Every week? At a school with four levels? There’s no way that elevator was ADA compliant, if it was breaking down every week. Surely Christopher wasn’t the only kid with a disability at that school.
Christopher peered at the screen. “Is that Tommy?” He grinned at Buck, wiggling his eyebrows. Christopher was a fan of their relationship.
He ducked his head, smiling. “Yeah, we’re just hanging out while he changes the oil in his car.”
“Ohh, how nice, you’re hanging out with your boyfriend while he fixes his car,” Chris said, making a goofy face. He was getting more sarcastic, damn it, more and more like Eddie every day.
“Hi Chris,” Tommy called. “Don’t change the subject. Your school’s elevator should not be breaking down that often. Have your grandparents talked to the school yet?”
Chris rolled his eyes. “No, I don’t wanna bug them about it. It’s fine, guys, really.”
“Uh, not if you’re getting in trouble for being late,” Buck said. “And not if you’re hurting yourself trying to get back and forth to class! How does your body feel right now? Are you tired?”
“Yeah,” Chris admitted.
“Exactly, that’s why you need to say something.” Tommy said, coming over to stand behind Buck. Buck tilted the screen so Chris could see both men.
“There are laws in place to protect you,” Buck said. “Actually, it’s pretty cool, disabled people fought really hard to make sure that all public places are accessible, including your school, so-”
“Buck, I know, we watched that documentary together,” Chris interrupted.
Buck opened his mouth to argue, but he couldn’t think of anything clever to say. Damn, teenage Chris kept him on his toes.
“Bud, let me talk to Abuela after we’re done, and I’ll tell her what’s going on with the school. You shouldn’t be attempting any stairs with your crutches, and she wouldn’t want you hurting yourself just to get by.”
Chris sighed. “Okay, you’re right,” he agreed. His eyes lit up again. “Oh! Hey, did I tell you my new school has an auto shop class? It’s too late to enroll now, but the guidance counselor said I could take it next semester.”
Buck stood up, holding his phone. “Chris, I don’t know if you should be thinking about plans for next semester, because you might be back in LA by then.”
“Maybe,” Chris said.
Tommy and Buck exchanged a look. “Hey Chris, have you talked to your dad, lately?” Tommy asked.
Bad idea. Buck’s eyes widened, and he shook his head at Tommy, motioning him to stop.
It was too late. Chris’ mood instantly turned sour.
“I don’t know Tommy, has he dated any other dead people lately?”
Buck cringed. Tommy covered his laugh. Oh yeah, Chris had that signature Diaz sass. “Chris, c’mon, that’s not fair. I know what he did was weird, and hurt you, but you shouldn’t make fun of him for it.”
Chris didn’t answer.
“Chris-”
“That was my mom!” he snapped.
Buck nodded. “Yeah, I get that. But he’s my friend , goddammit, and I’m not going to sit here and let you shit on him for something he already feels bad for. He knows it was wrong. He knows it was unhealthy. You don’t need to poke at the bruise. That's fucked up.” Hey, if Christopher was old enough to move out, he was old enough to hear a couple of swear words. In the right circumstances. Like when he isn’t on speaking terms with Eddie.
It seemed to shock Christopher into listening. “Okay, okay, fine. ‘M sorry.”
“Thank you for saying that. I know this is hard, Chris. But let’s not make it worse by being petty, okay? Tommy asked if you’ve talked to him, if the answer is no, just say that.”
Chris nodded again. “Yeah, okay. That’s fair. I don’t wanna talk to him yet, but I won’t make any more jokes about it.”
“Okay, thank you. That’s all I’m asking.”
Suddenly, Chris looked much younger, and Buck saw him as the tiny boy he first met when he and Eddie moved to LA. He saw the boy who washed away in a tsunami, calling his name, but finding his way back to him. He saw the Chrisopher of almost a year ago, preteen and two-timing girls because every girl was special.
He saw Chris as all of these ages and he saw Chris as the age he was now. All of the Christophers made him proud.
Even now.
“Hey Buck?”
“Yeah?”
“Is he...is he doing okay?”
Buck’s breath caught. Even when he was pissed, Chris was still looking out for his dad. Tommy’s hand slipped into his and squeezed it. He swallowed, trying not to let his voice waiver. “Uh, you know Chris, I’m not really sure. I think he’s doing his best.”
Chris nodded. “He always does. Plus, I know he has you, and the firehouse, and Tommy. He’ll be okay.” He almost sounded like he was trying to convince himself.
He sighed. “Chris, it’s not your job to make sure that your dad’s okay, okay? It’s your job to go to school, and be kind, and do your best.”
That seemed to help, but Buck was never really sure if he was doing things right. Chris told a long story about a kid in his lunch room that he doesn’t like, then an anecdote about the neighbor’s dog. Finally, he grilled Tommy about his car and what exactly made oil “good” oil.
After all that, he agreed to let Buck talk to Helena. She was always nice to Buck. It wasn’t fake nice, either. She genuinely appreciated having someone else to help with Christopher, especially because Chris actually listened to Buck. She listened to Buck’s concerns about Christopher’s school, and promised to call them in the morning. She seemed pretty alarmed about it, commenting that the school’s only elevator should never be broken.
Buck felt relieved, and said goodbye to Helena so she could get started on dinner. He let his head fall to Tommy’s chest as the other man pulled him into a hug. Things were going to be okay.