Chapter Text
hell's hounds
luka stan: OUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH
#1 opp: would you like me to read a poem
#1 opp: you seem to be in a lot of mental anguish and it might help
luka stan: what
#1 opp: "o dazai
#1 opp: great dazai
#1 opp: umm
#1 opp: yeah nvm
luka stan: ...wow
cupcake: hi guys
luka stan: oh my freak
luka stan: leans on wall
luka stan: hey there gorgeous
cupcake: hi!
luka stan: falls on face
cupcake: oh
#1 opp: ew
#1 opp: i hate gays
old ass gyaru meiko stan: youve said
cupcake: hey self hate isnt ok
#1 opp: IM NOTO GAY
luka stan: headcanoning you as a lesbian rn
#1 opp: oh...
luka stan: ...
#1 opp: after everything ive done for you and bf...
cupcake: WERE NOT DAITNG KILLY OTRESDERFLSGL;JFX
#1 opp: oh wow
luka stan: we are hes lying
cupcake: kyskskyskysksysksyksyskys
luka stan: gladly
#1 opp: errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr wtf
old ass gyaru meiko stan: what the fuck is wrong with you guys
pranks and chaos #2: snape when dazai asks to brew a poison
pranks and chaos #1: snape when he sees dazai is involved with another crazy hogwarts thing
pranks and chaos #2: snape when he reads the work chat and sees 'luka stan' and 'cupcake' flighting
#1 opp: what the fuck is flighting
pranks and chaos #2: flirting+fighting
cupcake: HOP OFF
luka stan: actually... im gonna hop ON... no...? ok ill take my leave
cupake: .
cupcake removed luka stan from hell's hounds.
cupcake: anyways.
#1 opp: wow
#1 opp: on valentines day is crazy........................
old ass gyaru meiko stan: every day i go more and more insane
Read by cupcake
work chat!!
luka stan: mods (snape) can we ban my husband he kicked me out of the gc ON VALENTINES DAY
cupcake: BECAUSE YOU SAID YOU WANTED TO HOP ON IT???
dazai's favorite: I put my phone down for one minute.
luka stan: oh,,, yeah idk what youre talking about haha! im a pure minded individual and would NEVER say something that weird!
cupcake: lies
#1 opp: lies
luka stan: bro why i get ganged up on by TWO ugly people one was enough :///
cupcake: "lets be valentines can we go on a date" "can we kiss too" does this sound familiar
luka stan: TAHT WAS SAID IN CONFIDENCE BRO GET OIGRSKJDO[R;S
cupcake: get EXPOSED!!!! LOSER
cupcake: always tryna be nonchalant... smh
old ass gyaru meiko stan: get a load of this guy
luka stan: im trying to
old ass gyaru meiko stan: i was talking about you
luka stan: oh
cupcake: ...
cupcake: THERES GOT TO BE SOME PLACE TO SEND HIM YOURE NOT EVEN
cupcake: BRO
cupcake: please.. hogwarts staff... if you hear me.. hire a therapist SPECIFICALLT for dazai... ill give good money...
luka stan: nooo you ike me just the way i am tho
cupcake: i hate you
luka stan: yeah but youre the one who made pansy tell me you wanted me to be your valwntine
cupcake: .
cupcake: wdym.
luka stan: exactly
cupcake: haha chat that NEVER haAPPENED HES LYING
luka stan: I HAVE SCREENSHOTS I AHVE SCREENSHITS
cupcake: AHHHHHHHHH
#1 opp: ts pmo. lwky sybau nd js kiss
luka stan: oh wow.. thats nice sweetie....
#1 opp: shtu up gay
luka stan: IM???
luka stan: all i do is suffer harassment. ALL I DO.
luka stan: EVERY SINGLE YEAR IM HARASSED
luka stan: AND ITS ALWAYS BY AN UGLY BITCH
luka stan: FIRST UGLY ASS QUIRREL
luka stan: THEN PANSY
luka stan: THEN THAT GUY
luka stan: THEN SOME EVIL GUY
luka stan: and now pansy again.
luka stan: this fandom (the dazai fandom) is a prison.
cupcake: i aint reading allat 😭😭
luka stan: stares at you with my beady eyes
#1 opp: eye*
pranks and chaos #1: oh she CLOCKED you 😭😭🙏
luka stan: ...
cupcake: LMFAOOOO
luka stan: MAKING FUN OF MY LIFE THREATENING INJURY
luka stan: MAKING FUN OF A VICTIM OF
luka stan: wait
cupcake: mugging
luka stan: MUGGING
#1 opp: LMFAOOOOO bro forgot his excuse bye
luka stan: IT WAS NOT AN EXCUSE I GOT MUGGED
luka stan: HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF YOU GOT FUCKING MUGGED
#1 nepotist (not really): Can we please keep this chat school appropriate.
luka stan: AHHHHHHHHH
#1 nepotist (not really): It's always you blowing up the chat, Dazai. Please refrain from doing so.
cupcake: BOOOOOOOOOOOOO GET THIS BUZZKILL OUTTA HERE
cupcake: haha i mean what hello mr snape may i marry your son
#1 nepotist (not really): What?
cupcake: what,,,?
luka stan: what
luka stan: STOP ASKING MY DAD IF YOU CAN MARRY ME?? TF
#1 opp: AHAH!!!!
#1 opp: HE FINALLY ADMITTED IT
#1 opp: cmon guys lets sign those adoption papers the rumors are true
luka stan: STOP OH MY FIVE
luka stan: HES NOT MY DAD
#1 opp: sorry i think your autocorrect is crazy what you meant to say is "yeah snape is my dad and i live with him and my boyfriend comes over every other day" right?? haha
luka stan: JEEZ BRO STOP MAKING AN AU OF ME KYSKYSKYS
#1 opp: not an au... its true
cupcake: every time dazai denies the snape father allegations snape goes and cries into his pillow
cupcake: haha im jk mr snape is your son single
luka stan: IM GONNA GET ALL OF YOU
luka stan: ts pmo.
cupcake: him not replying is proof that im right hes crying rn
#1 nepotist (not really): I am right here, I am simply choosing not to engage in child's tomfoolery.
cupcake: TOMFOOLERY
cupcake: LMFAOOAOAOA
cupcake: sorry. forgive me. im a kind and compassionate teenage boy.
old ass gyaru meiko stan: dont you work with dazai
cupcake: shut your trap
luka stan: chewy chewy slug pls let me come over
cupcake: BRO
cupcake: ykw sure
luka stan: YAY!!!!
Read by all
work chat!!
#1 opp: notice how the second they go away it gets 10 times quieter
luka stan: KYS