Chapter Text
Isagi had no idea how to kiss someone.
That wasn't the most important doubt or inability to have in something like Blue Lock, in fact, he had never thought he’d realize that in the program. He was there to play soccer and become the World’s Number One, to crush people, not to crush on people, or kiss them, for that matter, but, well…
We can just say that Nanase and Hiori had made something awaken in him, he should have ignored it, but he had never been the best at repressing his emotions. Sure, it really depended on which emotion he was supressing, but infatuation crashed down on him in every moment he was with them, and it was always tough to ignore, in a way.
He simply didn't know what to do, how to react, at all. Usually, whenever he felt himself start to crush on someone, he bottled up the feeling and ignored the person as much as possible, until it was all gone or he had become better at masking it. The thing, in this case, was that he was crushing on two people at the same time, and he shared the bedroom with them. Sure, they had already played, and he could have waited until the results for the upcoming match came to distance himself from them, but they still would have had to interact in the days of training before the match, so he really was at a loss at what to do.
He sighed, turning in his bed, he had barely woken up and he was already thinking again about that, what a way to start the morning. He gripped the blanket on himself and pulled it to almost cover all his head. He sighed again, the bed was warm, the light was on, and there was nobody in the room. Isagi didn't want to get up, he didn't want to leave that comfort, he distractedly wondered how it would have felt to be there with them, feeling their warmth on his skin, as he held Nanase and Hiori hugged them both, it would have been amazing, a dream come true, and he was too aware it was never going to happen. A dream was a dream, as simple as that, Isagi shook his head and sat up suddenly. He left the bed and went to have breakfast.
There were few people in the cafeteria, Isagi didn't recognize any of them, it was weird, usually Hiori and Nanase waited for him to eat, apparently that wasn't the case, that day.
Isagi ignored the pain in his chest at the thought.
He had breakfast rather quickly and hurried to the screens room, he had promised them that they would have watched the games together, but maybe they didn't really want to, maybe they left him behind because it wasn't really that important, Isagi’s head was starting to spiral when he reached the room and found out he had slept way too much, he had missed a few matches, and the one on was almost finished.
The fact that they hadn't actually left him behind made him sigh with relief, he sat down with them and the others and commented on the matches until it was lunch time.
(Technically speaking, he wasn't hungry when they went to eat, but joking with them always made him happy in a way he couldn't describe, so he sat at their table and ate a bit of lunch, just to be with them)
*
Okay, so, they had fifteen days until the match, that meant training and training and even more training. Isagi didn't really care, he was more than ready and more than excited, he simply couldn't wait.
The problem was, as he had thought before, the fact that he had to keep sharing the room with them.
It wasn't a real problem, Isagi would have missed them too much, had they changed the rooms’ arrangements, but that didn't mean he knew how to… act around them, even if it was no act, because he simply felt… it was just so natural, exchanging jokes and sentences and such with them. Sometimes, it felt so easy to him that he feared it could have been requited. Not an actual fear, but Isagi didn't really want to get his hopes up, we can say. It was all just friendly and nice and not at all corresponding to what he felt for them.
No, not at all, the more he hoped it was, the more he would have hurt in the end.
Isagi got out of the shower when too few people were still in the changing room, he sat on a bench and went to stare at the floor while his body dried, thinking about everything and nothing at all. He shook his head as soon as he was brought back to reality by the sound of someone else leaving the shower. He looked up and stilled.
“Yo, Isagi-san,” Nanase smiled at him, “you're late too?”
“Ah,” Isagi nodded, “got carried away, yeah.”
“Mhm,” Nanase went to sit beside him, he was drying himself with a towel, “are you scared for the game?”
“Scared?” Isagi thought about it. “Nah, just excited, to be honest.”
“I'm excited too!” he laughed. “But I’m sure that our team will be the best, I might not get to play, but with you there? Oh, we’re so gonna win.”
“I'm not really the best player in the team,” Isagi muttered, “Rin, for example, he’s way better than me, or Bachira, he even got selected to play twice, during these past days, I’m not really the anchor of the team, am I?”
“Why not?” Nanase smiled, Isagi turned to look at him and couldn't help the blush that formed on his cheeks at his words. “Ego called you Rin’s ideal partner, that means you're near his level, right? But anyway, you shouldn't downplay yourself too much, you did get selected, that's already amazing, isn't it?”
Isagi was so afraid not to be able to formulate a coherent sentence. “I mean, yeah? Yeah, I guess you're right. I should just shut up and not complain, yeah.”
“Ohi,” Nanase’s expression changed, some kind of sadness exploded in his eyes, “that's not what I said or meant at all, you know.”
“I—” Isagi looked away, “sorry, I’ve been feeling kind of a mess recently, as if anything that happens makes me doubt stuff.”
“Ah, that's not good,” Nanase leaned back to rest against the wall behind them, he looked back at him, ”is there anything I can do to help?”
Isagi had more than one idea, but none of them were in the Bible. He just sighed. “I'm not sure, but thank you, Nanase, I appreciate the concern.”
Nanase smiled, patted his shoulder twice, and went to dress himself. Isagi did the same, and they walked together to the cafeteria, exchanging some words from time to time, Isagi felt… like the worst person in the world, having twisted his words without even wanting to, the urge to apologize was a very strong one, but Nanase smiled and joked as if that hadn't happened at all, so Isagi tried his best to forget it too.
*
Isagi couldn't sleep.
He had been trying for a while, he didn't have a watch or anything, he had no idea what time it was, he just knew he couldn't fall asleep at all, he had tossed and turned and tried so many positions and still, he was awake. Both Nanase and Hiori didn't seem to share his problem, what even was happening that made it impossible for him to sleep, he had no idea, he was a bit fed up.
He huffed, turning once again, he shut his eyes and tried to take deep breaths, he pulled the covers to cover himself completely, and just breathed.
In, out, in, out, slowly, yeah, his mind drifted away, following trains of thoughts he didn't even know could exist, he exhaled softly and thought. He thought of that bed, of them sleeping mere inches from him, he thought of that impossible reality, one where he wasn't scared, one where his feeling was a shared a one, one where he could have asked them to stay with him and where they would have agreed and—
Well, now he just felt like crying. Or masturbating.
Great, yeah. Fantastic, even.
Isagi turned to lay on his back and uncovered his face. He felt hot, being able to breathe again was nice, refreshing. He sighed, sat up, and held his head in his hands. His eyes burnt, his head was a mess of thoughts, and he had no idea how to stop thinking and—
“Isagi?” He stilled, turning his head to the direction of the voice.
“Sleep, Hiori,” he whispered, “don't worry.”
“Are you okay?” Hiori simply said, and Isagi would have laughed at that question.
He didn't. “All good, yeah, can't sleep.”
“Mh,” he couldn't see him, but he heard him sit up too, “what's wrong?”
Isagi was just about to answer when he heard more movements in the room.
“What's going on?” Nanase croaked out.
Great. “Go to sleep, you two,” Isagi tried again, “I just can't sleep, I’ll find a way eventually.”
“That's not good,” Nanase said, he seemed too sleepy to make sense, “what's the problem?”
Isagi didn't even know if conversing with them in that state would have made sense. “I don't know.”
“Too many thoughts?” Hiori asked. “Wait, can I turn on the light?”
“Sure,” Isagi said, just as Nanase muttered a Go for it.
The light blinded all three of them when it got turned on. Isagi covered his eyes with his hands, but got used to it rather quickly. When he could finally see again, he found their confused or even worried faces staring back at him.
He was at a loss again. He simply went to stare at his bed, as holding their gazes was too difficult for him, at that moment.
“Is it like the other day?” Nanase asked suddenly. “When we talked in the changing room, you said you can't help but doubt stuff.”
Isagi nodded, he still didn't look at him. “Kinda? I have no idea.”
“Is it like intrusive thoughts?” Hiori asked.
“Not really?” Isagi didn't know how to explain. “Thoughts I wish I didn't have, but they're not… intrusive, or violent, just…” he sighed, he looked up to look at them, “feelings, I— I have feelings for… someone, and it's distracting me a lot, I guess.”
“Ohh,” Nanase nodded, “I completely get that, I… I also have been dealing with that, it's exhausting, isn't it?”
“It is,” Hiori and Isagi said together, they exchanged a glance, Isagi nodded at him.
“It's the worst,” Hiori muttered, “especially since I know it's not… requited, you know.”
“Oh Gods, yeah,” Nanase sighed, he shook his head, “it's— yeah.”
“Yeah, I…” Isagi didn't even know if talking to them about it would have made sense, he just knew that knowing they too were going through that made him hope in a way he couldn't describe. So he simply said it. “It's someone from Blue Lock, so it's even worse.”
“No way,” Nanase smiled, “for me it's two people from here.”
“Oh, same,” Hiori said,
“Wait,” Isagi couldn't believe it, “me too.”
The three exchanged a glance, they all burst out laughing.
“Talk about coincidence, uh.” Hiori said, “it's… well, nice, yeah.”
“At least we can understand each other?” Nanase smiled. “I could never hope it's requited, but knowing I can… maybe talk about it is good.”
“Oh, wait, I—” Isagi was going insane, literally, his heart echoed in his ears so loudly he could barely think, he was distractedly scratching the back of his hand, a bad habit he had when he was anxious, still, he was filled with hope, so much hope not to make him think straight. “Can I— I’m exploding with hope, so I’m— I wanna say who they are, I’m so scared, but what's the worst that can happen?”
Hiori and Nanase glanced at each other, they nodded.
Isagi took all the courage he always had on the field, together with a very deep breath, and simply said It’s you two.
There was silence for a few moments, as if time itself had stopped, Isagi wasn't looking at them anymore, and there was not a single sound in the room.
Fucking hell, he really was the worst with decisions, uh.
“Sorry,” Isagi just said, “I— I’m sorry, that was—”
“It's you two for me too,” Nanase said in a whisper, “It’s— you're serious, Isagi-san, right?”
Isagi looked at him. “I am, yeah, I—”
“It's the same for me too,” Hiori said, he seemed as surprised as them, “is this really…? I— I've been doing my best not to hope, not to think about it, but you two, you really…?”
Isagi nodded furiously, caught a glimpse of Nanase doing the same, and couldn't help but laugh again. “I’d hug you two if I could.”
“You can—” Nanase said as Hiori simply muttered That's such a good idea, actually.
Isagi stilled, embarrassment washing over him, just as Nanase moved towards him and Hiori did the same, they found themselves on Isagi’s bed, awkwardly trying to hug each other.
It was awkward only at the start though, because as soon as Nanase fell in Isagi’s arms and Hiori embraced them both, Isagi melted.
Literally, he sighed with relief and held them both so close, he could feel Hiori tremble and Nanase smile, and he simply felt at home. He leaned on Hiori, placing a small kiss on his neck, and he heard him giggle. Nanase looked up to meet Isagi’s eyes, his gaze fell on his lips for a second, and Isagi flushed embarrassing shades of red. It made Nanase blush too, his blush deepened as soon as Hiori kissed his hair, they shared a laugh, and Nanase leaned in towards Isagi.
Fucking hell, Isagi might not have known how to kiss someone, but simply feeling Nanase’s lips on his own was enough to make him feel so glad he found the courage to confess, he closed his eyes, pushed himself on him, and smiled when he laughed on his lips. They broke apart and Hiori was quick to kiss him, something simple, something sudden and so appreciated, Isagi reached for him with a hand, slowly caressing his hair, and felt his heart beat with joy when he saw them kiss each other. He didn't know how to explain it, they were just amazing.
They fell on Isagi’s bed as they laughed, Isagi had rarely felt so over the moon, he hugged Nanase tight as he felt Hiori wrap an arm around them both.
“Are you feeling better?” Hiori asked, he placed a small kiss on the back of his neck.
“Yeah,” Isagi confessed, “you know, had I not said anything, I think I might have actually gone insane.”
“Thank you for having had the courage to say it,” Nanase muttered, he could feel his hair tickle his neck, “I would have ignored it until I couldn't take it anymore, I’ve never been very good at this.”
“I wasn't actually sure of my feelings,” Hiori whispered, “but damn, I haven't felt this happy in a while, you know?”
“Yeah,” Isagi snuggled against Nanase, “Yo— can I call you Yo?”
“Sure, can I call you Yoichi?.”
“Of course! Go turn off the lights.”
“But I’m so comfortable here,” Hiori complained in a laugh, he did get up to turn them off though, and flung himself on the bed with them as soon as possible.
Truth be told, they were kind of… tight, all three together in one bed, but, well, Isagi had never slept that good.
He hoped the same was true for them too.