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“So, ghosts don’t sleep. What do you guys even do all night then?” Crystal had asked them, back at the start, before it all got so very complicated.
“Easy.” Charles had shrugged. “We talk. Or play games, or work on cases. Edwin likes to catch up on his reading.”
“We keep ourselves entertained,” I had answered primly.
Crystal had gone quiet for a moment after that, considering. “I guess you can get a lot done if you don’t have to waste time being unconscious several hours a day.”
Edwin thought back to that innocuous exchange as the night stretched on ahead of him. He had warmed to Crystal, indeed, during the time he’d known her, but still didn’t see why both he and Charles needed to travel with her back to London. Or at the very least, why he couldn’t just pop back to the office during the night. It wasn’t like she would know, as long as he came back before she woke. Though, on the other hand, their new little gang had been split up far too often as of late, bringing disaster with it each time. It wasn’t so bad, or it wouldn’t have been if not for Charles’ eyes boring holes into his skull whilst he sat reading a particularly interesting tome about botany (sans mention of mushroom creatures, thankfully).
After losing concentration once more and accidentally reading the same sentence three times over with less understanding each time, Edwin sighed tersely and shut the book with a deliberate thump.
“Charles, are you quite alright?”
Charles startled, clearly not expecting to be addressed. “Yeah, yeah, mate. I’m good, I promise.”
Edwin raised an eyebrow waiting for him to continue.
“It’s just been a very, very long few days.” Charles breathed out slowly. He kept his voice low so as to not wake Crystal, who was sleeping in a bunk across the small room. Even with the recovery of her memories, she still didn’t have her credit cards, so the cheapest, slowest, overnight ferry it was for the first leg of the journey back home.
The sleeper cabin consisted of a bunk built into the wall, a narrow cupboard to store luggage, and a thick-rimmed porthole bolted high on the wall. With the lack of extra furniture, during the night Charles and Edwin had set up camp on the thin carpet. The inability to truly touch anything meant that their discomfort was relative. Charles had sat himself leaning back against the door, legs stretched out in front of him as he watched on. Edwin, however, had tucked himself neatly in the corner with his legs crossed and his book in his lap.
The quiet calm was unnerving after the recent chaos. Even the ocean was hushed, the waves lapping lazily as the ship’s hull cut through them. In the many years they’d known each other, often during the long, dark nights they talked to each other. They had told Crystal as much. Under the blanket of night was when they’d learn the most about each other, from exchanging stories from their respective lives to talking about anything and everything that didn’t really matter. There were memorable times when they had forgone personal anecdotes and instead whiled away hours with Charles teaching Edwin about popular culture. Even now Edwin couldn’t understand Charles’ love for Ska music, but he loved the way he’d light up when talking about it.
“Yes.” Edwin agreed, unable to find any more words in response. What could he possibly have to say about trauma, death, and destruction that they’d been through?
“Come here.”
“Excuse me?” Edwin started at Charles’ sombre request.
Charles seemed so exhausted when he replied: “I just… Come here, Edwin. Please.”
“Alright.” Edwin placed his book beside him neatly then shuffled over to sit next to Charles. The air in the small space between them felt electric.
“I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you, y’know.”
“I’d like to think you’d find your own way. Though, I confess, I know I would be an utter disaster without you.” He shuddered thinking about it. The pair had spent so long together that Edwin didn’t know who he was anymore without Charles.
“I mean it, Edwin,” Charles insisted somewhat frantically. “I don’t mean to let you out of my sight again. I need to know you’re still here.”
Hesitantly, Edwin placed his hand over Charles’ where it lay limp on the ground between them. Codependency be damned, they deserved to take comfort in one another. Charles turned his palm to face Edwin’s and clasped back. The touch was firm and grounding. It was warm like nothing had been since before their respective deaths.
“I’m here.”
“Mhm.” Charles shifted closer, leaning to rest his head against Edwin’s shoulder. “I can’t believe it worked out like this. Working for Hell and all that. Honestly, fuck them for what they put us through, especially you.”
“It’s a price I’ll gladly pay to keep the detective agency running. Though, I can’t pretend that the thought of the Night Nurse managing us doesn’t worry me.” Edwin sighed. He looked over at Crystal’s sleeping form, making sure she was indeed still asleep. Their little company had certainly expanded as of late. He was beginning to be glad of it, though, it had been the two of them against the world for three decades. Edwin would be remiss in pretending that he didn’t have problems with sharing Charles’ attention.
“Least we know I can handle her, if worse comes to worst.”
“Yes, well, let’s just hope that there’s a large fish monster living in the Thames as our contingency plan.”
Charles snorted out a laugh and the sound warmed Edwin’s unbeating heart. “Sod off, mate.”
Edwin simply smiled. A more comfortable silence descended on them. Until…
“What you said, back- back when we were escaping Hell…”
Edwin cut him off, scared of what Charles’ next words could be. Had he changed his mind? Had Edwin’s confession actually caused a rift between them? “I thought that that particular matter was settled.”
“Right, I mean, it is, really. But, I need you to know that I do really love you.” Charles gripped Edwin’s hand tighter, sensing his need for reassurance and remembering Edwin’s propensity for being a flight risk.
“I know, you’ve said as much. And I don’t begrudge you for it being different to my love for you.” Edwin chose his words carefully, near clinically.
“I’m glad, but, um. I think I could. It could be that way. One day.” Charles struggled with his words, shrugging off long-held childhood instincts of ‘real men don’t talk about feelings’.
“You’re not cruel, Charles. Don’t pretend and lead me on.”
“I’m not! I promise you. I’ve just had time to think, is all. About the way it made me feel to see you and Monty.”
Edwin groaned. “Can we please not talk about that traitor? I’m embarrassed enough that I let him trick me as it is.”
“In all fairness, he did help me rescue you in the end.” Charles pressed on, eager to explain himself. “The worst part is I think he really did like you. The way he looked at you, it just made me itch.”
“That’s strange.” Edwin wasn’t often nonplussed, but failed to see where Charles was leading the conversation.
“Look, it’s selfish. Especially since I spent all that time going after Crystal. That’s over now, properly.”
Crystal turned over in her sleep, as if reacting to her name being said. She settled again soon enough, allowing Charles to continue.
“What I mean is, fucking Hell Edwin, I was jealous.” He bit out before he could change his mind.
“Of Monty and I?”
“I know something happened between you guys and it made me feel some sort of way. I’ve got no right to mind, you’re not mine, I shouldn’t want to stop you from going for that sort of thing.” Charles was rambling and Edwin was barely hearing any of it. “So that got me thinking. Do I want you to be mine?”
Edwin felt like his brain had leaked out of his ears with the lack of coherent thought he was capable of. Instead of forming a response to any of Charles’ questions he simply said: “He kissed me, you know.”
“Monty did?”
“Quite.”
“Did you want him to?” That was a dangerous question.
“Not especially, no. He was my first. And.” Edwin thought he might as well tell all now. “When he did, I sort of wished it was you.”
Charles’ mind went blank. It wasn’t a surprise, considering Edwin’s previous confession, but it somehow made it all seem more real. He’d never thought about kissing Edwin, but now the idea had been presented to him, he could think of nothing else. He sat up straight, lifting his head from where it had rested against Edwin. He missed the closeness immediately, but in that moment he needed to look in Edwin’s eyes.
Edwin, however, had averted his gaze, staring into the middle distance. It was dark, so his pale face was shadowed, but even so the anxiety was clear in his features. Charles took his free hand, the one not being pressed into the carpet by Edwin’s hold, and gently placed it on Edwin’s cheek. Slowly, carefully, he turned Edwin’s face to his, locking eyes. Edwin’s were wet, the welling tears reflecting what little light there was. Instinctually, Charles leaned in and pressed their lips together. It was a short kiss, mildly hesitant, but betraying deep-held feelings.
Edwin shook slightly, still at a loss for words. However, his tears did not fall.
Charles mustered all the courage he had left to say what he had been wanting to say all night. “I love you, Edwin. There’s an us. In some way, shape or form, I’m yours. Just give me some time to sort through my shit, yeah?”
Edwin nodded jerkily. “Of course. I hope we have all the time in the world.”
They moved in unison to hug each other, hands letting go of each other to find places on shoulders, on waists. The angle was awkward but they held onto each other, feeling alive at each point of contact.
Charles grinned reverently. “Who’d have thought out of the two of us, that you’d be the one good at expressing your feelings.”
“Well, I have had a lot longer to practise.”
“Fuck, I forgot you’re an old man.”
Edwin let go of Charles to look at him again. He tried to glare admonishingly, but the corners of his mouth still twitched up into a smile. “Cheeky. It’s a wonder why I even like you.”
“Yeahhh, but you do.”
“Yes. I do indeed.”