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It had only been a passing comment. Hua Cheng likely hadn't expected it to linger with Xie Lian over the coming weeks, forcing its way to the front of his mind whenever he looked at his husband for more than a few moments.
I take after my mother more than my 'father' anyway.
He had sneered as he said it, the way he often did whenever the topic of his father came up, so Xie Lian had left it there. But he couldn't help but wonder — what did Hua Cheng's mother look like?
If he asked, he's sure Hua Cheng would answer, but Xie Lian doesn't want to pry into painful memories, and honestly, there might not even be much to say. From what he's been able to glean, Hua Cheng's mother had passed when he was quite young. So instead, Xie Lian has been sneaking peeks when he can, studying his husband and trying to paint a mental picture of the woman that gave birth to him. He does so now on one of those rare mornings when he's the first to awaken.
The first thought he has is that maybe the widow's peak comes from her; Xie Lian really hopes so. He's rather fond of it, and the woman taking vague shape in his mind has the same little point on her brow that he associates with his husband's pretty face. From that peak flows long black hair, a little neater than how Hua Cheng typically wears his. Xie Lian toys with the ends of a stray lock as he thinks.
Logically, the eyes are the most likely similarity between the two. Maybe even the cheekbones, though Xie Lian has no way to prove it. He wonders if her gaze was as piercing as Hua Cheng's is, or if it's his unique, single-minded devotion that makes every glance so intense. Maybe he gets his heart from her too…
Xie Lian curls his husband's hair around his finger, careful not to tug too much. Hua Cheng's mother probably had little hands with warm, graceful fingers. He pictures them threading through a tiny Hong'er's tousled hair, and his heart aches.
The longer he stares, the more he finds wonders. Did she have the same ears? Was the slope of her nose at all the same? Did she have any birth marks? A face starts to form in his mind, lovely as can be— she'd have to be, to give birth to such a son.
"I bet she was beautiful," he whispers.
"Who was?"
Xie Lian startles. He lets go of Hua Cheng's hair, but a hand comes up quickly to clasp his own.
"Oh, um, I was just thinking… about your mother," he admits hesitantly. He studies Hua Cheng's face for any signs of discomfort, but his expression is open, trusting. Encouraged, Xie Lian presses on, "I was just wondering what she might have looked like. I think she must have been pretty."
Hua Cheng hums. He tugs him in closer and wraps his arms around him. Xie Lian hugs him tightly in return.
"She was. She had a beautiful singing voice too," Hua Cheng murmurs, and Xie Lian can't quite tell if it's sleep or nostalgia dampening his tone.
"She sounds wonderful, San Lang."
Hua Cheng is silent for a few beats, lost in his thoughts. Then, he adds softly, "She would have adored you."
Xie Lian squeezes him as tightly as he can. Hua Cheng embraces him just as tightly, crushing him to his chest.
"I would have loved to meet her."
The let the early morning drift by as they lay there holding each other, listening to Xie Lian's heartbeat instead of counting the seconds. And so, he isn't quite sure how much time has passed before Hua Cheng next speaks,
"If you're really interested in what my mother looked like, I can draw her for you sometime"
Xie Lian smiles, chest tight with some unnamed feeling. He isn't quite sure how to out it into words, but he's happy that they've had this talk. Proud of Hua Cheng for talking about something so deeply personal. Touched that he chose to open up about it to him.
"I would love that."
Yes, maybe that's the easiest name for this feeling, he thinks. Love.