Archive of Our Own

”What are you able to offer Eden? Love?”

Hyunbin’s mocking voice echoed in Jihoon’s head. The anger he’d felt a moment ago dissipated in a fraction of a second as he collapsed back onto the chair he had jumped up from to catch Hyunbin by his shirt collar. Now he was just tired. And frustrated. Fuck this guy, truly. How did he still have the nerve to show up here after everything he had done? After everything he had tried to do to Eden? Jihoon took another swig of his drink. Hyunbin was still talking, but Jihoon didn’t care to listen, pouring more alcohol into his glass instead.

“It’s all a misunderstanding.”

That’s what Eden had said earlier. A misunderstanding. Jihoon felt like he could cry. He’d been so stupid. When he first met Eden and they found out about their concept, the apprehension Eden had shown served as a big clue that he maybe wouldn’t be entirely comfortable with the whole pretending-to-be-gay thing, but Jihoon had wanted to give him a chance. It didn’t necessarily mean he was homophobic, there were certainly valid reasons to be uneasy about using homosexuality as a concept. Then, that night at the camping ground, he had really started to hope. Eden had seemed so willing, so open, he’d let Jihoon kiss him without objection, and Jihoon had to finally admit to himself that at some point, quietly and secretly, he had started caring for him.

But it had all been a misunderstanding. Even if Eden didn’t seem uncomfortable with their concept anymore, he certainly wasn’t comfortable with homosexuality in real life. He didn’t remember their kiss, which Jihoon realised probably only happened because he was drunk and not in his normal state of mind, and still thought love couldn’t exist between two men. “How can there be a first love between men” he’d said, and crushed Jihoon’s heart in the process. He was just like everyone else around Jihoon. Fine with people like him in theory, tense and uncomfortable when it came to reality.

Jihoon hated being stuck like this. He hated having to pretend. And having to pretend that he was pretending. This concept CEO Nicki had straddled him with, knowing full well it wouldn’t just be a concept to him, was eating him alive. Looking at the fans’ faces and seeing the excitement that peaked every time he touched Eden or looked at him for a bit longer than usual, while not knowing whether they would even accept him if they knew he was actually gay, was difficult to grapple with. Lion Heart was doing numbers, but he couldn’t let anyone know the concept was a lot closer to reality than they suspected. Being gay was all well and good as a concept, something detached from real life, but how would people react to the reality of him? Jihoon wasn’t ready to find out.

And yet, now that Lion Heart was apparently halting activities, Jihoon felt empty. It was like everything he’d started to hope could be his life was being taken away. First Eden, or at least what Jihoon thought he and Eden could be, and now his second chance at a real career. Sure, it wasn’t meant to be an end to Lion Heart, but Jihoon could see through the bullshit. CEO Nicki wanted to make Eden her new little star with this original series, and if it turned out to be a success they might as well say goodbye to Lion Heart. Maybe Hyunbin was right. Maybe he was just a burden to Eden at this point. An obstacle to his stardom.

Hyunbin.

Fuck Hyunbin. Jihoon glanced over to where he was still sitting next to him, trying to convince Jihoon of starting over, of letting go of the past. The past he had ruined. Their relationship hadn’t been healthy, Jihoon could see that now, but at the time he had been willing to try. He had tried to see past all the red flags, all of Hyunbin’s controlling behaviour and venomous jealousy. And when it finally got too much, when Hyunbin had decided to ruin his career for what Jihoon had then thought might be forever, Jihoon had left. He moved on, he tried to forget Hyunbin, and he’d almost succeeded. Yet here they were again.

“Jihoon please, I just want a chance to repair at least part of what we had.”

Jihoon looked him in the eye.

“There’s nothing to repair. You missed your chance.”

“Because you’re hung up on Eden now? Please, he doesn’t care about you, or have you not seen how he’s lit up since Jay found his way back into his orbit?

Jihoon would rather not be thinking about Jay. Eden had insisted that Jay being his first love didn’t mean anything, with the whole there can’t be love between men thing, but it was hard to believe when Jihoon had never seen Eden look as happy as he did now that Jay was back in his life.

“Stop talking about Eden, he’s got nothing to do with this.” Jihoon’s anger was rising again. “It’s all you and your weird little obsessive streak. Why should I even talk to you after everything you’ve done?”

Jihoon had had enough. This wasn’t productive at all, he was letting Hyunbin get under his skin again, and sooner or later something would explode. The stool almost fell backwards with the momentum of Jihoon getting up to leave, but before he could take more than half a step towards the door Hyunbin stopped him with a firm grip on his arm.

“I’m sorry I got jealous. I just wanted to keep you for myself, is that so bad? The world is already hard enough to navigate for people like us, you can’t blame me for wanting to keep hold of something precious.”

Jihoon could blame him. He did blame him. It didn’t even make sense, how did Hyunbin expect to keep hold of him by violating his trust in every possible way? He tried to yank his arm free, but Hyunbin’s grip didn’t budge.

“Jihoon, listen to me. I know I hurt you, and I really am sorry, but you’ve got to see the reality. You’re not the priority for CEO Nicki or Eden anymore, you have to let Lion Heart go before you destroy yourself. I still care about you, I’m the only person who knows you fully and accepts you, that should count for something.”

“Fuck you, Hyunbin, seriously.” Jihoon spat the words out in a hiss. He inexplicably felt close to tears. This whole conversation with Hyunbin had left him disoriented and confused. He wanted to hate Hyunbin, and he did, but his brain was starting to provide him with images of the past, of happier times, when he’d truly felt like he could spend his life with Hyunbin. The memories blurred together with images of Eden, of him laughing with Jihoon, of them kissing under the fairy lights. Of Eden together with Jay. Eden telling Jihoon it was all just a misunderstanding. Fuck, maybe Hyunbin was right. It wasn't easy to find acceptance for being gay where they were. Maybe Hyunbin was it for Jihoon, maybe Eden had proved that he wouldn’t be able to find anyone else.

Jihoon kissed him.

He let himself pour all his frustration, and hate, and regret onto Hyunbin’s lips. For a second, Hyunbin seemed frozen, in shock or surprise, Jihoon wasn’t sure, but then he moved his hands to sit lightly on Jihoon’s hips. Then he kissed him back. Their lips moved against each other slowly, tentatively at first, and it felt a little like coming home. Jihoon hated that thought. He squeezed his eyes even more shut, parted from Hyunbin just long enough to take a deep breath to steady himself, and then caught Hyunbin’s lower lip between his again. Jihoon’s hands had found their way back to Hyunbin’s shirt collar, and he was pulling Hyunbin down towards him to deepen the kiss.

Fucking Eden.

That brat had been plaguing Hyunbin’s every waking thought since he’d shown up at Midas J Studio with Jihoon. Seeing Jihoon again had ignited something in him, maybe it was hope, or an old craving, but whatever it was, Hyunbin knew he needed to get back into Jihoon’s orbit. That had become much harder once he realised the affection between Jihoon and Eden wasn’t all for show. Or maybe it was, on Eden’s side, but Hyunbin knew Jihoon, and he knew what he was like when he had feelings for someone. He had been on the receiving end of that once, after all. Yeah, Eden was an obstacle Hyunbin hadn’t been prepared for, and Eden’s utter blindness to the situation annoyed him to no end. How did he manage to hold Jihoon’s attention so fully, when Hyunbin obviously deserved it more?

As luck would have it, at least that rich brat Jay had come in handy. He was in a similar situation to Hyunbin and getting him to agree to his plan didn’t take much more than a few carefully chosen words. Jay had been able to create a rift between Jihoon and Eden that Hyunbin himself wouldn’t have been able to manage, not with the obvious amount of contempt Jihoon still held for him. In some other life Hyunbin might have felt bad about manipulating the situation so heavily in his favour, but in this life he couldn’t find it in himself to feel anything other than self-satisfied triumph. Not when his plan had led him here, to this bar and to Jihoon’s lips on his again.

Hyunbin had missed this. He could feel anger in the kiss, a deep-seated bitterness, but Jihoon’s lips felt the same as they always had, and none of the people Hyunbin had kissed after him could compare. This was his Jihoon, and he wasn’t going to let him go a second time.

Hyunbin moved one of his hands to Jihoon’s lower back and let the other one move leisurely upwards to his neck. He tilted his head slightly to the left and let his tongue brush against Jihoon’s lower lip quickly, while holding his head still by his neck. A quiet whine from somewhere deep in Jihoon’s throat filled Hyunbin with pride. Jihoon’s hands on Hyunbin’s collar slowly loosened and let go, his arms moving up to go around Hyunbin’s neck instead. They parted for breath, but Hyunbin made sure to keep his hold on Jihoon tight, not giving him a chance to back down now.

“I missed you”, Hyunbin whispered, opening his eyes to look at Jihoon’s own, slightly hazy ones.

“I hate you”, Jihoon answered and kissed him again, fiercer than before.

The sudden vigour behind the kiss caught Hyunbin by surprise, and before he knew it Jihoon had changed their positions by pushing him against the bar counter. Jihoon’s hands were on the sides of his head now, holding it still, and his tongue was insistent on Hyunbin’s lips. Hyunbin gasped quietly, giving Jihoon access to his mouth. When he felt Jihoon’s tongue circle his own, it was as if a switch flicked in Hyunbin’s brain, and the desperation he had fought so long to keep contained finally broke free.

Hyunbin’s arms were braced on the counter from the earlier movement, but he reached forward to circle them around Jihoon’s waist now. It felt so familiar, and Hyunbin couldn’t resist pulling him forward towards him, slotting their bodies together and slipping one of his legs between Jihoon’s. Jihoon groaned into his mouth, his tongue retreating to let him take a moment to breathe heavily over Hyunbin’s face still in his hands. Hyunbin opened his eyes again and watched the rapid rise and fall of Jihoon’s chest, his closed eyes and his mouth cracked open in shallow pants. What a fucking image he made. Hyunbin needed to send Jay a gift basket or something.

“Hyung…”

Jihoon’s voice sounded deliciously affected. Hyunbin pressed his leg more towards his crotch just to hear his voice hitch, and delighted in finding he was getting hard already. A spark of annoyance flared in him almost immediately after. Why had Jihoon decided to keep chasing Eden even after seeing Hyunbin again, when his body so clearly betrayed the effect Hyunbin still had on him? He pushed the thought to the back of his mind, it wasn’t important now.

“Let’s go. Your apartment isn’t far, I’ll drive.” Hyunbin stepped back from Jihoon, he was ready to leave this damn bar and go somewhere they’d be guaranteed to have privacy.

“I shouldn’t let you into my apartment”, Jihoon said, he sounded out of breath and his voice waivered slightly, but Hyunbin could tell he believed his own words.

A sudden wave of sadness hit Hyunbin. This wasn’t how he’d meant things to turn out. He knew what he’d done to get Jihoon out of the public eye hadn’t necessarily been good, but he’d thought Jihoon would understand, given some time. Hyunbin loved him, and watching him flirt with fans and do fanservice had been torture. Sure, Hyunbin was doing it too and he knew it was part of the job, but Jihoon had taken it too far, he’d made Hyunbin insecure by continuing to lay it thick on the fans even after Hyunbin expressed his discomfort. He’d made it feel like his idol career was more important than their relationship. Hyunbin couldn’t accept that. So he’d made a quick decision in his anger, one that in hindsight maybe hadn’t been the best one. But he knew in his heart that it was never going to go another way, not with his nature. He wasn’t ever going to be happy looking at Jihoon share his affection with just anyone.

Hyunbin had never been big on regret, and he wasn’t about to start now. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and looked at Jihoon.

“Maybe. But I’m sure you want to.”

He wasn’t sure at all, but the hardness in Jihoon’s pants and the hitch in his breath when Hyunbin pressed himself against his body for a long moment to kiss him breathless reassured him that he was on the right track.

“Fuck, okay”, Jihoon breathed out. “But you’re not staying.”

Hyunbin could live with that, for now.

The drive was quiet. Jihoon could feel Hyunbin’s eyes on him every time they stood at a red light. He was not going to give Hyunbin the satisfaction of looking back though, and stared resolutely out of the window. This had been such a stupid decision. Letting Hyunbin back into his life in any capacity was the last thing he should do, but he was feeling hopeless. He didn’t miss Hyunbin, no, he was too angry at him for that, but he missed being close to someone. They’d had some good times together, and just for a minute he let the memories take over.

Their holiday in Japan was Jihoon’s first overseas trip without either his parents or it being for work purposes. Travelling through the countryside, Jihoon felt freer than he did in Seoul. It was like they were invisible, as long as they kept their heads down they knew the likelihood of getting recognised was minimal. And so Jihoon let himself be more open with his affection than usual. He leaned on Hyunbin when he laughed, held his hand when they were in sparsely populated areas, and kissed him when no one else was in sight. There were butterflies in his stomach. They still hadn’t given a name to what they were, but Jihoon knew he was in love. They did everything people in love did, they kissed, they went on dates, they had sex. And this trip felt like a turning point, Hyunbin had planned it for them and Jihoon sensed something would change. He was excited.

One night, they were watching the stars on the roof of their hotel. Jihoon wasn’t sure they were allowed to be there, but Hyunbin had reassured him it’d be okay. Away from the lights of the big city, the stars looked a lot brighter, and Jihoon was in awe of the sight. The night air was chilly, so Hyunbin had wrapped his arms around him as they lay there on the roof. Jihoon could feel his eyes on him, but he was suddenly too shy to look back, keeping his own eyes firmly on the sky.

“Jihoon-ah, could you look at me?”

Hyunbin was so close his breath tickled Jihoon’s neck. Jihoon turned his face towards Hyunbin, whose eyes were shining with affection. Jihoon felt his throat constrict. He was beautiful.

“What are we?”

Jihoon let out a surprised breath. He hadn’t expected Hyunbin to ask that, it had always felt like he was in charge of where the relationship was going, and Jihoon was just happy to be on the ride.

“I–“, Jihoon started but didn’t know what to say. He started to turn his head away again to escape Hyunbin’s imploring eyes, until Hyunbin spoke again.

“I love you, Jihoon. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, you’re so sweet and pretty and perfect for me. I– I want us to be together. Officially. Would you be my boyfriend?”

Jihoon’s breath caught, and he had to look away. He fixed his eyes on the stars again. They really were so pretty. A smile spread over his face, and embarrassingly, he could feel a tear fall down his cheek. What had he done to deserve a moment this perfect? Looking back into Hyunbin’s hopeful eyes, Jihoon couldn’t help but let out a relieved giggle.

“I love you too, hyung. I love you, of course I’ll be your boyfriend.”

He giggled again at being able to say the word. Boyfriend. This time Hyunbin joined him in his laughter, and they lay there for a while, giggling into each other’s necks. Once they finally went quiet, Hyunbin lifted his head from Jihoon’s neck to softly kiss him on the lips. Jihoon sighed into the kiss, it felt different this time, like a start to something new. He couldn’t wait.

Feeling the chill of the air, Hyunbin got up and offered his hand to Jihoon.

“Let’s go inside, boyfriend.”

Jihoon snapped out of his little daydream as the car came into a stop in his parking garage. He could feel Hyunbin glancing at him again, but he wasn’t ready to face reality just yet. He closed his eyes as Hyunbin got out of the car, and took several deep breaths to ground himself. How bad could it be? If he just let Hyunbin into his bed for one more night? He deserved something good after the last few days, and even if Hyunbin wasn’t good, maybe he could make Jihoon forget about everything bad for a few moments. No one knew Jihoon’s body like he did, after all.

Hyunbin was standing a few steps away from the car when Jihoon finally opened his eyes and fixed him with the fieriest stare he could manage. This is about me, not you. Jihoon wasn’t going to give Hyunbin the satisfaction of leading their little encounter, no, he was going to take what he needed and throw Hyunbin out of his apartment the second he was done getting it. God, he hoped he’d be strong enough later to follow through.

Jihoon stepped out of the car and slammed the door closed behind himself. He was pretty sure Hyunbin locked the doors after that, but at this point he was too focused to care. Grabbing Hyunbin by the wrist and dragging him through the door into the building and all the way to the elevator felt like it took about 5 seconds, and the moment the elevator doors closed Jihoon jumped on him. The mirror on the elevator wall rattled with the force Jihoon used to push Hyunbin to it. Hyunbin’s head collided with the mirror with a quiet thud, and Jihoon took advantage of his momentary disorientation by burying his head in Hyunbin’s neck.

“Ah, Jihoon, fuck”, Hyunbin groaned as Jihoon left a trail of open-mouthed kisses on the side of his neck. Jihoon smirked, he felt powerful. He mirrored Hyunbin’s actions from earlier by pressing their hips together and shoving one of his legs between Hyunbin’s. Hyunbin’s hands flew to his hips, undoubtedly to get Jihoon even closer, but before anything more could happen, the elevator ding sounded to mark their arrival on Jihoon’s apartment floor. Jihoon detached himself from Hyunbin’s neck, feeling vindicated when he saw Hyunbin leaning back against the mirror, eyes closed and mouth open in short, quick breaths.

“Come on hyung, get moving or I’ll leave you here and you can go back home alone.” Jihoon was going for aloof sarcasm but was betrayed by the slight edge of agitation in his voice. To his own chagrin, he needed this to happen more than he was willing to admit.

Getting to Jihoon’s apartment took mere seconds, Hyunbin following right in his footsteps. Jihoon had to fight with his jacket pockets for a while to find his keys and when he finally got them out, opening the door turned out to be somewhat of a challenge with Hyunbin gluing himself to his back, his arms around Jihoon’s waist and his hips flush with Jihoon’s ass.

“Hyung stop, we’re in the hallway, anyone could see us”, Jihoon hissed, almost dropping the keys altogether.

“That never bothered you before”, Hyunbin whispered into his ear, and Jihoon’s face flushed.

Finally managing to get the key to open the door, Jihoon stepped inside his apartment. It was an awkward manoeuvre with Hyunbin still glued to him, but as soon as the door closed behind them and they managed to kick their shoes off, Jihoon dislodged himself from Hyunbin’s grip, turning to face him in the darkness of his hallway.

“I’m not the same person I was ‘before’. You made sure of that.”

Jihoon could see his words have an effect, for a split second Hyunbin’s face looked almost hurt. Good. If Hyunbin could feel even a fragment of the hurt and betrayal Jihoon had lived with since they’d parted ways, maybe Jihoon could let go of some of his own.

“Jihoon plea-“

Jihoon didn’t want to hear his excuses anymore. He rushed forwards to catch Hyunbin’s lip between his again, drowning any doubts and hesitation in the familiar feeling of kissing him. Hyunbin yielded easily into his lead, Jihoon didn’t know if it was because he was trying to apologise by letting him have a sense of control, or maybe simply to make sure he didn’t leave now that Hyunbin was so close to getting what he wanted, but he was going to take full advantage of it while it lasted. He pinned Hyunbin firmly to the wall with his own body and tilted his head to a better position where he could easily press his tongue into Hyunbin’s mouth. Hyunbin’s following moan encouraged Jihoon to go further. As Jihoon bit his lower lip, Hyunbin threw his head back into the wall, and Jihoon felt himself lose the last bits of control he held over the situation.

Blood roaring in his ears, Jihoon tugged on Hyunbin’s jacket to pull it off him and throw it somewhere towards the closet. He dove back in to kiss Hyunbin hard enough to bruise his lips, their tongues brushing against each other and eliciting moans from Hyunbin that only increased Jihoon’s hunger. As he tugged Hyunbin’s shirt out of his pants, Jihoon placed his hands on Hyunbin’s abdomen, letting himself feel the muscles for a few seconds before trailing his hands towards Hyunbin’s hips. Judging by the tiny gasp Hyunbin let out as Jihoon suddenly reversed their positions, he hadn’t been prepared to now be leaning against the wall. Hyunbin looked out of balance for a second before recovering, his eyes closed and breath coming quick.

“Get on your knees”, Jihoon rasped.

His words made Hyunbin’s eyes snap back onto him. A small smirk appeared on his face, and in a different situation Jihoon might have seen it as a warning sign, but in this moment he was too turned on to care. He really just needed Hyunbin to do what he said now.

“Certainly”, Hyunbin whispered and dove in for another kiss, but was interrupted by Jihoon’s hands on his shoulders, pushing him down before their lips could make contact again. He went easily, looking up at Jihoon the whole time.

The sight made Jihoon take another deep breath. It wasn’t like they had never been in this position before, but Jihoon wasn’t used to being so in charge. Hyunbin always seemed to like controlling the flow of events, and Jihoon had been content to follow along, it was always pleasurable anyway. It felt like they were fighting for that control now, disguised behind the pleasing touches and encouraging noises. Things had changed since last time, and Jihoon wasn’t ready to give in so easily anymore. Taking control here meant making sure Hyunbin couldn’t simply direct them where he wanted to go.

Being on his knees in front of Jihoon was nothing new to him, but Hyunbin felt the difference in energy. Jihoon’s hands were digging into his shoulders, holding him down. His eyes were sharp and glued to Hyunbin, his chest rising and falling, and Hyunbin had missed this. Even if Jihoon hated him, if he wanted nothing to do with him after today, they were here now and Hyunbin was ready to dismantle this new cold attitude Jihoon had acquired.

Jihoon’s hands still in a death grip on his shoulders, Hyunbin lifted his own hands to Jihoon’s knees and stroked them upwards in a deliberately slow movement. He kept his eyes on Jihoon, who was staring back with equal intensity, challenging Hyunbin to go further. Smirking to himself, Hyunbin freed his eyes from Jihoon’s gaze and focused on opening the button on his jeans. He didn’t bother ridding Jihoon of his jeans completely, as soon as he got them open and hanging low on his hips, he dove in to trace the hardening bulge with his mouth. Jihoon’s hands shot from Hyunbin’s elbows to his hair as he cried out at the contact.

“Hyung–!”

The aborted cry was music to Hyunbin’s ears and he chuckled lightly. Getting back some of the control he felt he had lost earlier felt good, felt familiar. This was how it was supposed to be.

“Jihoon-ah”, Hyunbin murmured against his crotch, making Jihoon quietly whimper. “Just let me make you feel good.”

He thought he might’ve heard Jihoon mumble a defiant “fuck you”, but it was too quiet to be sure, so he let it go. It wouldn’t take long for the defiance to morph into submission anyway, Hyunbin knew that from experience.

Listening to Jihoon’s moans and whimpers while he pressed his mouth on his dick through his underwear did wonders for Hyunbin’s confidence. He’d always known he was good at taking Jihoon apart, but during their separation he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about who else Jihoon might be sleeping with, if they were making him feel even better than Hyunbin could. Well, at least he knew Eden would never be able to see Jihoon like this, that brat was too hung up on his so-called trauma to go anywhere near another man’s penis.

Tired of the endless teasing, Jihoon grabbed the hair at the back of Hyunbin’s head and yanked him away from his crotch. Hyunbin’s breath hitched at the sudden sting of pain as he looked back up at Jihoon, whose eyes were piercing again.

“Get to it, hyung.”

He didn’t say please, but Hyunbin liked to imagine he heard it in his voice anyway. His hand was still gripping Hyunbin’s hair, and the pressure heightened Hyunbin’s own arousal, he could feel a familiar heat in his lower stomach.

Hyunbin barely had time to hook his fingers into Jihoon’s boxers and pull them down to his knees together with the already open jeans before Jihoon tightened his hand in Hyunbin’s hair and yanked him back towards his crotch. It caught Hyunbin by surprise but before he could complain, Jihoon adjusted his grip again to take hold of the back of Hyunbin’s neck. He tightened his hand enough for Hyunbin to feel the harsh indents of his fingers, and it turned him on as much as it worried him. Jihoon was never like this, he didn’t want to be in control like this.

“Jihoon, what–“

“I told you to get to it.”

So Hyunbin stopped worrying about it, if this was how he was getting Jihoon tonight, he’d take it. There was always time to turn the situation around later. And it was hot, he had to admit. So he let go of some of his ego, and moved his right hand from Jihoon’s hip to take a hold of his dick. Jihoon’s breath caught, and Hyunbin stroked the length of it a couple times. Rather than make Jihoon wait any longer, Hyunbin took the hard length in his mouth, swirling his tongue around the tip for a few seconds before diving further.

The more of his dick Hyunbin had in his mouth, the more desperate the noises Jihoon let out became. With one of Jihoon’s hands still on his neck and the other one coming down on top of his head, tangling into his hair, Hyunbin felt a little trapped. He was trying his best to breathe through his nose, but it had been a while since he’d done this. When he felt Jihoon’s cock at his throat, Hyunbin had to still for a few seconds to focus on adjusting to the feeling. For a fleeting moment Hyunbin considered giving up on trying to get all of Jihoon’s dick in his mouth, but the pressure of Jihoon’s hands felt inescapable, and he wasn’t a quitter anyway. So he braced his hands on Jihoon’s hips to make sure he wouldn’t move too much and pushed himself forward to take the head of his cock into his throat. Jihoon’s reaction was immediate. Hyunbin couldn’t look at him from where he was pressed against his pelvis, but he could hear the way Jihoon’s breath caught and how his head thumped against the wall behind him. It sounded like a moan was building up in his abdomen but was aborted. Hyunbin was overcome with a sense of pride he hadn’t felt since Jihoon had run away from him, and he couldn’t help but retreat off Jihoon’s cock to look at him with a smirk.

“You’ve missed this too, haven’t you? I’ll bet no one’s done that for you since you decided I wasn’t good enough anymore.”

Hyunbin knew he was instigating a more hostile response than was necessary, but he was still hurt and needed Jihoon to see his mistakes.

“Stop talking, hyung.” Jihoon was obviously out of breath. “You’re only here because I allowed you in, I don’t need your lectures.”

“I’m just saying, you know your little Eden would never be on his knees for you like this.”

Jihoon’s hand tightened in Hyunbin’s hair again, making Hyunbin grimace.

“You really need to keep Eden’s name out of your mouth”, Jihoon snarled and before Hyunbin could fling back a retort, he was guided back towards Jihoon’s crotch by the hand in his hair.

Now able to move more freely at his own pace, Hyunbin took his time savouring the taste and feel of Jihoon after what felt like forever. Listening to Jihoon’s moans above him encouraged Hyunbin to respond with his own hums of “mmm” as he held Jihoon by his hips and moved from sucking and licking the tip of his cock to taking him all the way to the base. Every time he moved back Hyunbin made sure to look at Jihoon’s face while he tongued along the length of his cock. His heart filled with all possible emotions at once looking at Jihoon so affected by his actions, his head thrown back, moans and silent curses dropping from his lips in time with the smallest of movements from Hyunbin.

The signs of Jihoon’s orgasm were quickly noticeable to Hyunbin. His legs started shaking and his breathing got even more haggard, both of his hands now tightly coiled into Hyunbin’s hair.

“Ah, hyung, I’m– I’m–“, Jihoon seemed to lose any coherence he still had in the middle of his sentence, and Hyunbin was ready to pop off his dick to ask what he wanted, but the hands in his hair didn’t let up. Slight panic rose in Hyunbin’s chest, Jihoon was holding onto his hair tight enough to really hurt, and he wasn’t letting Hyunbin get off to breathe. His hips started twitching on their own account, his dick thrusting deeper into Hyunbin’s throat, and Hyunbin could feel tears forming in the corners of his eyes. He had no choice but to take it, let Jihoon use his throat and just try to relax. He could feel tears falling down his cheeks, and not being able to breathe properly was making him feel hazy.

Hyunbin felt Jihoon retreat from his throat and in the next moment he felt Jihoon’s cum filling his mouth. Still in a daze, Hyunbin swallowed most of it down, feeling oddly light, like he didn’t need to worry about what was happening next anymore.

His chest still heaving, Jihoon looked down at Hyunbin and couldn’t help but feel a little awestruck. Jihoon had never seen Hyunbin quite like this, on his knees and breathing heavily with tear tracks on his cheeks and Jihoon’s cum trickling down his chin. He felt the nervous energy that had dissipated as he came start building up again as he watched Hyunbin swallow, a slight grimace on his face at the taste of Jihoon’s cum. Jihoon had never before felt a need to ruin Hyunbin, but the sight in front of him combined with the insistent anger in his gut swirled into one big whirlwind of urgency and want. Gripping Hyunbin’s chin, Jihoon simply muttered “bed” before making Hyunbin stand back up while stepping out of his own jeans and underwear still clinging to his calves.

Once they reached the bedroom, the urgency in Jihoon’s veins boiled over and he yanked Hyunbin onto the bed by his arm. He let out a surprised breath but quickly settled on his back, propped himself up on his elbows and fixed his gaze on Jihoon. Seeing Hyunbin back in this room, this bed that they’d spent so many hours and days in, exploring every little part of each other’s bodies but also just existing and sharing moments, felt suddenly overwhelming.

The first rays of sunshine peered through the blinds of Jihoon’s window, shining onto Hyunbin’s face where it was turned towards Jihoon’s own, his mouth upturned in a tender smile. He looked so handsome there in his bed, Jihoon couldn’t believe his luck. Hyunbin could have had anyone, but he’d chosen Jihoon, and Jihoon’s chest was so full of love he couldn’t contain it inside. He surged to kiss Hyunbin on his mouth, his cheeks, everywhere he could reach. He could feel Hyunbin laughing quietly, and a giggle tore its way through his chest too. He leaned back enough to look Hyunbin in the eyes.

“Hyung, thank you.”

“For what?”

“For choosing me. For– for loving me.”

It hadn’t been long since their trip to Japan where they first said they loved each other, and Jihoon still couldn’t quite believe it. But Hyunbin had said it first, and Jihoon trusted him to tell the truth. So he’d let his remaining walls come down and said it back. And he hadn't been lying either, he really did love Hyunbin. Hyunbin understood him, his passion and determination that other people might have seen as obstacles to a relationship, Hyunbin saw them as admirable. Jihoon had asked him once, when their feelings were new and unsure, and Hyunbin had reassured him that their career wouldn’t come in the way of their relationship. They were in the same group, after all, it would be easy to slot everything together.

“Jihoon-ah, baby, you don’t need to thank me for that.”

Hyunbin’s voice was so sweet, and Jihoon couldn’t help but kiss him again. This one turned languid, their lips moving lazily against each other and their tongues joining in every once in a while. Hyunbin’s hands came to caress Jihoon’s face, stroking his thumbs over Jihoon’s cheekbones. Jihoon’s eyes fluttered, and he sighed into Hyunbin’s mouth, prompting Hyunbin to roll them over so that Jihoon was now under him. That way Hyunbin was able to control the pace of their kisses better, Jihoon simply melting into the mattress and closing his eyes again.

“You’re so pretty, Jihoon-ah, I’m so lucky to have you like this”, Hyunbin whispered after a couple more minutes of slow making out.

An inexplicable need to cry hit Jihoon. He had given up hope of ever finding anyone who’d want him, would tell him he’s worth something. Realising he was gay hadn’t really been a shock, it simply made sense, but going into this career had felt like a death sentence to being in a relationship. It was exhausting to constantly hide a big part of his identity, but he couldn’t risk the wrong people finding out, so he had resigned himself to a life of solitude. And then, somehow, Hyunbin had happened. He’d seemed cold at first glance, but while training to debut together he had slowly opened up. Jihoon had noticed his eyes on him even then, but it had taken a lot of courage to start looking back. When he finally did, it hadn’t taken long for Hyunbin to come to him, his eyes hungry and hands greedy to touch.

Maybe it hadn’t been the healthiest start to their relationship, they probably should have talked before jumping to bed, but Jihoon was glad it happened. It had led to them being here, after all. To Hyunbin in his bed again, telling him he’s pretty and kissing his breath away.

“I love you, hyung.”

Shaking himself free of the memories for what felt like the millionth time today, Jihoon looked back at Hyunbin on the bed. He looked ruined already, his eyes still misty and his mouth cracked open in shallow breaths. Jihoon had to have him. He quickly got rid of the rest of his own clothes, feeling Hyunbin’s eyes on him the whole time, and all but jumped on top of Hyunbin on the bed. Before Hyunbin could react, Jihoon grabbed his hair and angled his head so that he could shove his tongue directly in Hyunbin’s mouth. Hyunbin only let out a quiet groan before letting himself fall flat on the bed. Jihoon marvelled at the ease at which Hyunbin was succumbing to him.

“Was that all it took?” Jihoon whispered once he freed Hyunbin’s mouth. “A round of cock down your throat and you become useless? I should’ve tried being rougher when I still liked you.”

“Jihoon–“

Hyunbin’s eyes were sharp again, his hands moving to grip Jihoon’s waist, but Jihoon didn’t want to give him the upper hand again.

“I’m gonna ride you, hyung. I’m gonna use you how I want and you’ll just have to take it. You’ll do what I tell you to, hyung, won’t you?"

Hyunbin’s grip on Jihoon’s waist tightened for a second, but he nodded. Maybe he was just that desperate to be inside him, Jihoon wasn’t going to question it.

“Take off your clothes”, Jihoon whispered against Hyunbin’s mouth, and stood up to look for the condoms and lube he knew he’d stashed somewhere in his underwear drawer. When he turned back, Hyunbin had rid himself of everything but his shirt, which was now hanging open on his shoulders as he sat up leaning against the bedframe. Jihoon scoffed internally. Damn show-off with his stupid abs. And stupid chest. And stupid big cock. He couldn’t help being turned on by the body in front of him, swallowing at the sight of taut skin and muscles. Hyunbin obviously noticed, a small smirk playing on his lips again.

“Well, what are you waiting for? I thought you were going to use me, Jihoon-ah.”

His voice was almost mocking again, and Jihoon wasn’t going to listen to it. He took a few quick steps across the room, threw the condoms and lube on the bed, and climbed back on Hyunbin’s lap. He wasted no time before pressing his crotch against Hyunbin’s stomach. He could feel Hyunbin’s cock under his ass, having nothing but skin between them accentuating every place where they touched. They both moaned, and Hyunbin’s hands found their way back to Jihoon’s hips.

“Ah, hyung, stretch me open, please.”

Jihoon had meant to finger himself open while making Hyunbin watch and seethe about not being allowed to touch him yet, but having Hyunbin under him and feeling his hands on him, Jihoon needed to feel his fingers inside him too.

Hyunbin took a shaky breath, a faint smile spreading on his lips.

“Gladly.”

Grabbing the lube from beside him, Hyunbin squirted a good amount on his fingers before rubbing them together to warm it up. Jihoon lifted himself up on his knees on either side of Hyunbin’s hips and wrapped his arms around Hyunbin’s neck, pressing his forehead to his shoulder. He sighed as he felt the first touch of Hyunbin’s hands on his ass, one spreading his cheeks and the other finding its way to his hole. Jihoon couldn’t claim that he hadn’t missed this. He couldn’t trust Hyunbin with much, but he knew he could trust him to make him feel better than anyone else he had slept with.

“Are you ready, baby?”

The pet name made Jihoon shudder. Hyunbin should have no right to call him that, but of course he knew exactly how to get through Jihoon’s defences. Jihoon nodded.

Feeling the first finger breach his hole, Jihoon couldn’t suppress the high-pitched whine tearing its way through his throat. He needed Hyunbin to go faster, sinking down to make the finger go deeper.

“More. Go faster, I want you inside me”, Jihoon panted in Hyunbin’s ear, trying to hold onto the sense of control that came so easily earlier. Hyunbin took one quivering breath and focused fully on Jihoon.

“Don’t worry, baby, I promised I’d do what you tell me to, didn’t I?”

When Hyunbin suddenly thrust two fingers back into him, Jihoon couldn’t help but cry out. His back arched, making his chest press into Hyunbin’s. Feeling the muscles on Hyunbin’s chest made Jihoon even more impatient and he started moving on Hyunbin’s fingers again, all while Hyunbin scissored and thrust them to make the stretch as quick and painless as possible. As he added a third finger, Hyunbin deliberately brushed Jihoon’s prostate, making him mewl and shake on his lap.

“Look at you, you’re so desperate you’re riding my fingers, you might cum before I even get my cock in you.”

Hyunbin’s words awakened a new fire in Jihoon. He almost felt close to begging, to submitting to whatever Hyunbin wanted to do to him yet again, but he had to show him it wasn’t like that anymore.

“Fuck you”, Jihoon spit out. He detached his forehead from Hyunbin’s shoulder and looked him in the eyes. “Stop talking, hyung, or you’re not getting your dick anywhere.”

Jihoon rose up on his knees again and grabbed Hyunbin’s wrist, tugging his fingers out of his ass. He shuffled back for Hyunbin to have room to lie down on the bed, and Hyunbin took the hint. After a few moments of awkward repositioning, Jihoon was sitting on Hyunbin’s hips again. He gathered Hyunbin’s wrists in his hands and pressed them above his head.

“Keep them there, don’t touch me if I don’t tell you to.”

After a curt nod from Hyunbin, Jihoon let go of his wrists and focused on his crotch. He grabbed a condom from the bed and smiled briefly at the flash of disappointment on Hyunbin’s face. Yeah, he didn’t have raw ass privileges anymore. As he rolled the condom on Hyunbin’s dick and pumped it a couple times to spread a few more drops of lube on it, Jihoon felt a sense of victory at Hyunbin’s arms twitching but staying above his head. He positioned himself above Hyunbin’s hips, steadied his hand on Hyunbin’s muscular chest, and slowly sunk down on his dick. The feeling of his dick replacing the emptiness left behind by his fingers was almost overwhelming, and Jihoon squeezed his eyes closed, throwing his head back as he bottomed out.

The feeling of Hyunbin inside of him was familiar, and it didn’t take Jihoon too long to start moving. He opened his eyes and, to his delight, saw an obviously affected Hyunbin. He groped at Hyunbin’s chest, at his abs and pecs, while moving rhythmically up and down his dick. Hyunbin’s breath caught, his legs folded up to support Jihoon’s back, and he lifted his arms to move his hands on top of Jihoon’s.

Jihoon slapped his hands off.

“What did I say earlier, hyung?”

When Hyunbin stayed quiet, Jihoon slapped him lightly on the cheek. He’d never done anything like that before, but the electric feeling from his fingers tingling softly where they made contact with Hyunbin’s cheek, and from Hyunbin’s surprised gasp, made him feel good. Powerful.

“To– to not touch you”, Hyunbin managed to breathe out.

“So don’t”, Jihoon said and gathered his wrists in one hand again, pressing them back on the bed above Hyunbin’s head and this time keeping his hand there, holding his arms down.

Jihoon’s other hand came up to Hyunbin’s throat, not pressing down, but staying there as a reminder that it could. Hyunbin had choked him a few times, and it always left Jihoon with a pleasant hazy feeling, but he didn’t trust himself enough to do it to Hyunbin safely. A shame, Jihoon was sure Hyunbin looked beautiful fighting for breath. He left his hand there anyway, tightening it as much as much as he could without actually using any force, and was rewarded with Hyunbin’s eyes rolling back and his hips jerking forward. Jihoon had almost forgotten he was supposed to be riding him, he was so captivated by the sight in front of him. Getting so close he could feel Hyunbin’s breath on his lips, Jihoon only briefly tightened his hand and kissed Hyunbin with more force than before.

The response from Hyunbin was immediate. He moaned into Jihoon’s mouth as his hips picked up a faster pace. Jihoon felt his resolve slipping, riding Hyunbin felt like too much work when he could have him like this, his tongue in his mouth and his hips slapping his ass. He could still be in control without doing all the work. Maybe he could let Hyunbin touch him a little too, just to feel his strong hands on him after so long.

“Hyung. Ah, hyung touch me. Fuck me, please, make me cum.”

He hadn’t meant to say please. He wanted to sound commanding. But he was falling back into old habits, and Hyunbin noticed it too. He seemed to physically shake himself awake from the haze he had been in and stopped his hips from fucking into Jihoon.

“Oh, my Jihoon, I’ll take care of you.”

Hyunbin was delighted. The headspace he had been in since Jihoon’s cock first touched the back of his throat had been unfamiliar, although not unpleasant. If he could trust Jihoon to stay, to explore that new dynamic with him, he could see himself wanting to get slapped around by him a little bit sometimes. But Hyunbin knew Jihoon still intended for this to be their last time together, so he had to take the situation into his own hands and make him want to stay. He should’ve trusted that Jihoon would fold eventually, he never could resist submitting to Hyunbin for long.

In one smooth movement Hyunbin wrapped his arms around Jihoon’s waist, his dick sliding out of him, and rolled them on the bed so that Jihoon was now under him. He looked breathtaking. Hair messy, eyes half-closed and mouth open in shallow pants, Hyunbin wanted to take another set of pictures. He wouldn’t leak those ones, probably. If his damn phone just wasn’t somewhere under a pile of clothes right now.

Jihoon’s whine broke Hyunbin out of his thoughts and made him focus back on the sight in front of him.

“Oh baby, you look so pathetic. You want me to fuck you? To make you cry from how good I can make you feel?”

He couldn’t keep the mirth out of his voice. When Jihoon stayed quiet, Hyunbin gripped his jaw and made him meet his eyes.

“I asked you a question. Are you gonna be a good boy and answer, or will I leave you to take care of yourself?”

When Jihoon still could only manage a quiet whine, Hyunbin released his jaw and grabbed a light hold of his throat to mirror Jihoon’s earlier actions, feeling his quickened pulse under his palm. Jihoon gasped, throwing his head back to allow Hyunbin easier access to his throat. Hyunbin kept his hand in place but propped himself up to a better position on his knees between Jihoon’s legs, where he could guide his cock to tease his hole. That broke Jihoon out of his daze.

“Ah, hyung, please fuck me. Give me your cock, I wanna feel it in me, please.”

Hyunbin smiled. His Jihoon was back. “Don’t worry, I’ll make you feel so good you forget about little Eden”, he muttered to himself before lining himself up with Jihoon’s hole and sliding in in one long thrust.

Immediately, Jihoon’s back arched and he let out a high-pitched moan. Hyunbin let go of his throat and bent down to rest on his elbows to be close to Jihoon’s face. Jihoon’s hands shot up to scratch and pull at Hyunbin’s shoulder blades.

With every trust the noises Jihoon let out became thinner and more high-pitched. Hyunbin threaded a hand in his hair and pulled his head back enough to have free access to his throat again. He sucked and bit marks into the side of Jihoon’s neck while Jihoon panted and whined taking every inch of Hyunbin’s dick. When Hyunbin brushed his prostate again, Jihoon almost screamed, his eyes squeezing shut and his back arching even further.

“Hyung, I’m so close, let me cum, please, I need to cum”, Jihoon whined, his nails scratching red lines onto Hyunbin’s shoulder blades. Hyunbin was ready to let him, he wanted to see Jihoon’s face as he became overwhelmed by how good Hyunbin made him feel. But he wasn’t fully satisfied yet, he needed to hear something first.

“Tell me you’re mine.”

Jihoon’s eyes met his. They were defiant again.

“Tell me. Or you won’t cum”, Hyunbin repeated and stilled his hips, Jihoon’s own chasing the movement.

It only took a few short moments of Jihoon hopelessly chasing Hyunbin’s still hips for him to crack.

“Fuck, I’m yours hyung, I’m yours! Just let me cum.”

The sheen of unshed tears in Jihoon’s eyes made Hyunbin smile. Oh, how he had missed this.

“Good boy. Cum for me.”

With Jihoon still clinging onto him, Hyunbin started moving his hips again. He snaked one hand between their stomachs where Jihoon’s leaking cock was begging for attention. A couple skilled tugs on his cock was all Jihoon needed to cum with a shout that Hyunbin was fairly sure could be heard by neighbours. Jihoon collapsed on the bed, his hands falling beside him and setting Hyunbin free of his grip.

Hyunbin gave Jihoon a few breaths to come down from his high before getting up on his knees, sliding his still hard cock out of Jihoon’s ass and roughly manhandling him around so that he was on his stomach. He tugged Jihoon’s hips up, his chest still flat on the bed, and thrust back into him. Jihoon’s tired voice floated up to him.

“Ah, hyung, hurts, it’s too much…”

“You can take it”, Hyunbin stated and slammed into him harder. He was chasing his own orgasm now, needing to satisfy his own hunger. He could feel Jihoon’s walls constrict around his pulsing cock, trying to get away from the feeling of Hyunbin impaling him over and over.

Holding onto Jihoon’s hips, Hyunbin thrust harshly into him, making his body move slightly up on the bed from the force. He bent down to be able to speak directly into Jihoon’s ear.

“Jihoon-ah, fuck, you’re so hot, ah–“, Hyunbin had to stop speaking to stifle a moan onto Jihoon’s shoulder. Jihoon shuddered under him, making Hyunbin smile. He continued whispering into Jihoon’s ear. “You look so good like this, your body begging to be used by me. You –ah– you belong to me, baby, I’m the only one who gets to see you like this.”

Jihoon whined weakly at his words, and Hyunbin couldn’t hold back anymore. Groaning loudly, he gave Jihoon one last harsh thrust and filled the condom with his cum. He collapsed on top of Jihoon, who only let out a small huff and let Hyunbin pant into his ear. After a while, when the feeling of his dick inside a condom full of cum became too uncomfortable, Hyunbin slipped his cock out and sat up to throw away the condom and clean himself with a pack of tissues on Jihoon’s nightstand.

When he looked back, Jihoon was still lying motionlessly on the bed. His back was moving with steady breaths, but he showed no other sign of life. Hyunbin was hit with a sudden uncertainty. What would happen now? They would usually cuddle after sex, but Jihoon seemed so distant now, Hyunbin wasn’t sure he’d allow it. Holding out his hand to touch Jihoon’s arm, Hyunbin couldn’t help but notice a slight flinch.

“Jihoon-ah, baby…” Hyunbin started, not sure what he could say. “Can you look at me?”

Slowly, Jihoon turned to his side and fixed his gaze on Hyunbin. The previously unshed tears were now on his cheeks, wet streaks painting his soft face. But he didn’t look sad. Hyunbin could have handled sad, he could have confessed to his own sadness and maybe Jihoon would have realised they were both sad without each other, maybe Hyunbin could have convinced him to start over. But no, Jihoon looked angry. And disappointed. At Hyunbin, at himself, Hyunbin wasn’t sure, but it stung.

“Just wait there, I’ll clean you up.”

Hyunbin needed to get away from the room for a second, so he stood up from the bed, quickly found his boxers to put them on and walked towards Jihoon’s bathroom to bring him a towel to clean up the mess on his abs.

Jihoon slammed the door closed behind him, startling Hyunbin from his dinner preparations. Jihoon had his phone in his hand, the screen open on a photo of him on a couch with a girl.

“Hyung, what the fuck?!”

His voice almost gave out at the end, Jihoon hadn’t meant to shout but this was absurd. He didn’t remember much of that night, vague images of a girl in Hyunbin’s apartment were all he could conjure up in his mind, but somehow there were photos of him, almost intimate, with that girl circulating online. He didn’t know what had happened and he couldn’t understand why Hyunbin would take those photos or how they had ended up on the internet, but he had a sinking feeling in his stomach that Hyunbin had done something irreversible.

Hyunbin had walked away from the stove towards Jihoon, but stopped a good few metres away. He looked hesitant, but not guilty.

“Baby, let me explain–“

“No, what is this? What on earth could explain doing this? You took these, didn’t you? And you uploaded them online?”

Hyunbin simply nodded. Jihoon felt tears welling in his eyes. He didn’t understand what was happening, why it was happening. Why would Hyunbin do something like this when it was obvious it could very easily ruin Jihoon’s career? He had gradually turned colder in the last few months, but Jihoon had chalked it up to stress, to being so busy with performances and fansigns. Nothing that had happened gave Jihoon the impression that Hyunbin would want something bad for him. This was an absurd thing to do anyway, Hyunbin had always been more open to the idea of the world knowing about their relationship, so why would he create a dating scandal for Jihoon with someone else?

When Hyunbin spoke, his voice was frantic.

“I was scared, Jihoon-ah. I– I’ve been watching you, these last few months, I’ve seen how you behave with fans, and I know it’s part of the job but you’ve taken it so far. You’re flirting with them! I know they all believe it’s real, and it’s hard for me. It feels like you’re throwing us away! How can I believe what you say to me is real when you say the same things to every damn fan? How can I know you haven’t already gone and slept with one of them? I just thought that maybe… maybe if you were forced to take a break you would focus on me again.”

“That’s fucked up, hyung.” Jihoon’s voice was quieter now, monotone. “So you thought you could control what I do and how I talk to people? Because you’re insecure? Just so you know, I’d never cheat on you. It’s fucked up that you’d even think that, but instead of talking to me about it you, what, decided to ruin my career? We’re fucking done, I hope you’re proud of yourself.”

Jihoon didn’t stay to hear what Hyunbin had to say. He unclasped the necklace Hyunbin had given him a few weeks prior as “a symbol for their love”, threw it on the floor in front of him and walked back out the door, leaving Hyunbin standing in the middle of his apartment. Tears finally flowed freely from Jihoon’s eyes. He hoped Hyunbin was crying too.

As soon as Hyunbin was out of his sight, Jihoon sat up and hastily cleaned himself up with the tissues. He pulled on a shirt and sweatpants and gathered Hyunbin’s clothes up from the floor. He needed Hyunbin out of his house. Jihoon had known all along that this was a bad idea, but he couldn’t deny it had felt good to be with Hyunbin again. He needed to convince himself that it was all physical, but the memories of their good times combined with being intimate again hadn’t done his brain any favours. Jihoon didn’t trust that he wouldn’t do something stupid like ask for Hyunbin to stay for just one night if he didn’t get him out right now.

When Hyunbin walked back into the room with a towel in his hand, Jihoon was sitting on the edge of the bed with Hyunbin’s clothes on his lap. Hyunbin stilled when he saw him, a question in his eyes.

“You’re leaving. Now.”

Jihoon tried to keep his voice firm, but he could tell it waivered. He just hoped Hyunbin didn’t notice. He held out Hyunbin’s clothes for him, and waited for him to catch up to what was happening. To his surprise, Hyunbin didn’t try to argue with him, he simply walked up to the bed, dropped the towel, and took his clothes. As he was buttoning up his shirt after pulling up his trousers, he looked up at Jihoon again.

“Are you sure? I could stay, just for the night. So you don’t have to be alone. I won’t try to convince you of anything, I’ll just lie here with you so you can fall asleep.”

Jihoon closed his eyes and took a deep breath. The offer sounded nice. He might have even considered it for a second, if his phone hadn’t rung right at that moment, with Eden as the caller.

The look of hatred on Hyunbin’s face when he saw who the caller was solidified Jihoon’s decision for him. However hurt Jihoon was by Eden’s words, he knew what Hyunbin had done to Eden was unforgivable, which in turn had to mean that what he had done to Jihoon was also unforgivable. Being lonely and overwhelmed wasn’t a good enough reason to let Hyunbin have any more control over him. This was the last time they’d see each other in any context that wasn’t business.

Jihoon let the call go unanswered, he’d figure out what Eden wanted later. Hyunbin was silent as Jihoon led him to the door and waited for him to put on his shoes. As Jihoon opened the door and Hyunbin stepped into the hallway, he stopped and turned back to look at Jihoon.

“I still love you, Jihoon.”

“That’s just not enough, hyung. Get out.”

Hyunbin’s steps echoed in the hallway as he got farther away. Underneath all the hatred he felt for Hyunbin and the disgust of himself for letting Hyunbin back into his bed, Jihoon felt regret. He had loved Hyunbin once, and maybe in another life they could’ve been happy. If Hyunbin was capable of not being a little bitch. Fuck him, Jihoon thought and closed the door behind him.