Chapter Text
Kyomi flinches as the door gets blown off the cramped space, tipped over enough that he goes falling out, barely able to react quick enough to not land on his face.
“Now to grab the goods…” Some small creature — cat? Weasel? Something strange for sure — speaks at his feet, before noticing that he is, in fact, there. “What?! You ain’t supposed to be awake!”
“Hm. Talking weasel.” Kyomi just replies. Very intelligently. He’s tired and trying to process what’s happening, okay?
“How… How DARE YOU! I am no WEASEL! I’m Grim, sorcerer extraordinaire! Tch. Whatever. You… human! Just gimme your uniform, and be quick about it! ‘Cause if you don’t… you’re gonna regret it!” The little creature lets some flames flare up, and Kyomi bites his lip, trying not to laugh. Fire. Yes. Perfect. One of the few things that will not hurt him.
“Ah, getting roasted alive by a talking weasel. What a dream this is.” Time to channel his inner… hm. The closest he can think of is Belphegor.
“Well, keep dreamin’, ‘cause I ain’t no weasel!” With that the little creature grabs the cloak from Kyomi — he hadn’t been properly wearing it, this one is on him — and starts running. With a sigh, Kyomi runs after it, quite far — the creature is fast and Kyomi doesn’t want to harm it — before they end up in an enclosed space. Probably a library.
“Foolish human! Did you really think you could catch ME? Now, unless you wanna get burned to a crisp — me-YEOW!” The sound of a whip cuts through the room, and Kyomi forces himself not to flinch. Never let your weakness show. “That hurt! What gives?”
“Consider it tough love.” Kyomi turns slightly to face the newcomer and — oh. That’s the headmage. Dire Crowley. “Ah, I’ve found you at last. Splendid. My, were you ever eager to make your debut.” Crowley picks up the little creature, and Kyomi gives an awkward grin. “And bringing a poorly trained familiar with you? That is a clear violation of the school’s rules.”
“As if I’d serve some lowly human! Now lemme go!”
“Yes, yes. Rebellious familiars always say that. Do be quiet for a bit, won’t you?” A small handwave, and only muffled noises come from the little creature. Wait. It had given a name, didn't it? Grim? “Dear me. Of all the students I’ve dealt with, you’re the first with temerity enough to open their own gate and step out of it. Does the very notion of patience elude you?”
Hm. With the way he’s speaking, he probably doesn’t recognise Kyomi. Good.
“No matter. Your orientation has already begun. Let us return to the Mirror Chamber.” Crowley turns with a swish of his cape and briskly walks away, making Kyomi run for a bit to catch up.
“In my defense, the lid of my… coffin? Got blown off.” Kyomi finally speaks again, and yeah. He doesn’t like that. He’s just gonna. Stay as quiet as possible today.
“The culprit appears to be that familiar of yours. You’re the one who insisted on bringing it so curtailing its behavior is your responsibility! But now is not the time for such prattle. You’ve a student orientation to attend! Go on, now. Make haste.”
Kyomi barely keeps a growl down — his friends are a bad influence, saying he can (and should) let his demon side show more — as he has to speed up his steps even more to keep up with Crowley. He’s got small legs. Ass. Still, now that he’s not focused on chasing Grim, he can smell the magic in the air, almost overwhelming him. And making his nose itchy.
As they finally get back, Kyomi can hear one voice easily above the rest, coming from a boy who — can’t really be much taller than him. Hah. “We’re done with orientation and dorm assignments? All right, new students — let me be clear. At Heartslabyul House, I am the law. Break the rules, and it’s off with your head!”
Uh. Um. What the fuck?
Another person yawns — oooh, fangs — and shakes his head a little. “Well, that ceremony was as boring as ever. I’m going back to the dorm. If you’re in Savanaclaw House, follow me.” Damn. Belphegor 2.0? Maybe with a bit of Beel mixed in, though. He looks too sporty.
“New students!” Kyomi turns his head and man, why are so many people suddenly demanding his attention. White — silver? — hair, glasses. Shady. Shadier than Solomon. “Allow me to be the first to congratulate you on your achievement.” Too late. That was the old man. “As dorm leader of Octavinelle House, I am honored to have the opportunity to support you in what I hope will be a fulfilling campus experience.” Just getting shadier there, dude.
“Hey, does anyone know where the headmage went? He disappeared midway through the ceremony…” Ooh, pretty boy. Please let him be an adult. Also… is that dyed hair he spots? Ombre, was the term? Maybe?
“Some headmage he is.” Fucking. Tablet? What? At least use a mirror or something, in honor of it being a magic school. We’re not doing IT here.
“Maybe he had a tummy ache?” Oh no. Oh no . He sounds completely genuine. Also. Earrings? Huh. Cool.
“I most certainly did not!” Crowley might be wearing a mask, but Kyomi can hear the frown.
“Ah, speak of the devil.” The head-off boy speaks up, and Kyomi can only barely resist making a joke about how no one was speaking about him. Solomon makes eye contact with him from across the room, already in the middle of a group of students, and Kyomi smiles, discreetly signing that he’s okay.
“If you must know, I was searching for the new student who’d failed to show for orientation. You are the only one who has yet to be assigned a dorm. Step up to the Dark Mirror, and be quick about it. I’ll watch your weasel.”
Grim growls in Crowley’s grip, but Kyomi ignores it for now. He’ll see what to do about that misunderstanding in a bit. “State your name,” the Dark Mirror says, and Kyomi bites his lip before speaking up, praying to whatever will listen that Crowley’s reaction won’t out him.
“I’m Shimura Kyomi.”
“Kyomi…” the Dark Mirror repeats. “The nature of your soul is…” The Dark Mirror trails off, and Kyomi tilts his head. Is…? “Unclear to me.”
Eh?
“What did you just say?” Crowley sounds just as surprised as Kyomi feels.
“I sense no magical power from this one. Soundless. Colorless. Shapeless. Utterly vacant.” Well that’s just rude and uncalled for. Blind ass mirror. “Therefore, no dorm would be appropriate.”
Solomon looks like he’s about to speak up, protest, but Kyomi catches his eye and shakes his head the tiniest bit, ignoring the keen eyes watching him.
“Are you suggesting that the black carriage went to receive a person who cannot even use magic?” Well, either Crowley forgot who he is (let’s fucking hope so), or he is just that determined not to let it slip, as agreed upon. “But that is absurd! The student selection process has not erred once in its century of existence! How could this have happened?”
Grim struggles in Crowley’s arms a bit before the spell used to shut it up breaks — did it break it? — and it gasps for air. “ME! Let ME have this student’s seat!” Rude.
“Not so fast, you hyperactive weasel!” Crowley loses his grip on Grim, who easily lands on its paws.
“Unlike that human, I can actually use magic! So let me be a student here! Look, I’ll show you! My spells’re the cat’s meow!”
“Everyone, get down!” Off-with-your-head boy shouts, as if already feeling what’s gonna happen.
“Myaahhh!” Grim yells, and then there’s fire everywhere. Pretty fire. It’s blue.
“AHH! HELP! I’m on fire over here!” The genuine boy from earlier yells, and Kyomi twists his hand, making the fire go out. Strangely enough, though, it takes much more power than usual. Hm. He doesn’t like that.
“Someone catch that blasted animal before it sets the entire school ablaze!” Crowley yells and. You’re headmaster. Can’t you do it yourself?
“Ugh. Can I go now, or…?” Belphegor 2.0 lives up to the image Kyomi has sort of built of him, looking much too tired for this.
“Oh? I thought you fancied yourself a hunter. Go and help yourself to that plump little morsel,” the pretty boy says with a little, teasing smile on his face and man, Kyomi really hopes he is an adult. Please, he wants to flirt so bad.
“Too much effort. Do it yourself.”
“Allow me to handle this, Headmage Crowley.” Shady guy has an entirely too pleasant smile on his face. Bite. Bite. Bite. “If none of you are up to the task of catching a small animal, I will accept the responsibility.” The too pleasant smile has been replaced with something much more smug. Yeah, that fits better.
“WTG Azul. Rackin’ up those participation credits,” the tablet speaks up and okay, shady guy is called Azul. Good to know. Also whoever is speaking through the tablet is definitely chronically online.
“I’m sorry, were my instructions unclear?!” Crowley seems unhappy no one has done anything yet, but man. Again. Do it yourself. Not that Kyomi would say that to his face.
The lazy guy sighs, crossing his arms as he leans back a bit. “Preeetty sure you can handle catching one mangy weasel all on your lonesome there, headmage.” Thank god, someone who understands.
“How many times do I gotta say it? I’m Grim, spellcaster extraordinaire! I am NOT a weasel!”
“Aren’t you a spunky little fellow?” Azul speaks up again, seemingly having readied himself for the task of catching Grim. “Riddle, would you be so kind…?”
“Furry miscreant.” Damn, that’s one way to address the little critter. But either way, off-with-your-head = Riddle. “I will abide no rule-breaking. You will be judged by my hand.”
What follows is an entirely too goofy chase for Kyomi, so he just follows it out of the corner of his eyes.
After a while, though, Riddle and Azul seem to have cornered Grim — probably a he, now that Kyomi gives it some thought — and Riddle raises a… pen with a gem? “Off With Your Head!” he shouts, and for a second the scent of magic — mixed with roses, interesting — gets so strong Kyomi sneezes. Luckily, no one is actually paying him any attention.
“MYAH?! What are you doing?!” Grim tugs at a collar that definitely wasn’t there before, strange. Was that what Riddle did? Off with your head means being collared?
“The Queen of Heart’s Rule 23: ‘One must never bring a cat to a formal affair.’ Your very presence here is a violation of order. You will vacate these premises immediately.” Queen of Hearts? Right, pops did mention something about that…
“But I ain’t a cat either! Don’t try to collar me! I’ll burn it right off!” Grim seems to struggle for a bit, but the scent of magic doesn’t change whatsoever, making Kyomi frown. “Huh…? Wh-what gives? My fire ain’t workin’!”
“Until I deign to remove that collar, you won’t be using any magic. You’re naught but a pet cat now.” Hold on. The collar somehow blocks your magic? That seems awful. Rude, too.
“M-meoWHAT?! I ain’t nobody’s pet-NOTHING!” Grim tugs at the collar even harder, and Kyomi honestly feels a little sorry for him.
“Oh, you’ve nothing to worry about there. I certainly have no interest in having you as a pet. The collar will disappear once you’re removed from campus.” Riddle stashes the weird pen away again.
“Ha-HA! Good show as always, Riddle. Your signature spell locks down any magic. It’s quite handy.” Oh, signature spell, Kyomi knows what that is. So Off With Your Head is Riddle’s. Good to know. “I’ve just GOT to have it — ah, I mean, I’ve just got to have respect for it.” Yeah. Azul is definitely shady.
“Kyomi!” It’s the first time Crowley addresses him by name, and so what if Kyomi flinched a little at it? That’s between no one but him and the stones. “Was I not clear that you are expected to take responsibility for your familiar?”
Kyomi shakes his head, muttering a quiet, “Not mine.”
“Now discipline your — what’s that? It isn’t yours?”
“I’ve never seen Grim before in my life,” Kyomi quietly says, feeling like everyone is focused on him now more than when he first went up to the Dark Mirror.
“Oh… Is that so?” Crowley thinks for a moment before clearing his throat. “Then I shall have it expelled from campus. I shall even spare it from being served as dinner. My, but I AM kind. …Someone take this away, please.”
Someone who Kyomi assumes is part of the faculty comes up and drags Grim away, with a lot of screaming from the creature in question. “Nooo! Let me goooo! You fools better remember my name! ‘Cause I’m gonna go down in the annals of magic history! Just you wait!”
Okay, Kyomi is feeling a little sorry for him now. Maybe he should’ve pretended Grim was his familiar? But that probably would’ve caused more trouble down the line…
“Well, that was quite the unexpected fracas. I hereby declare that orientation has concluded. Housewardens, please escort your students back to the dorms. Hm? Come to think of it, I don’t see Housewarden Draconia of House Diasomnia anywhere.” Crowley tilts his head a little — the way he does it reminds Kyomi of a bird — as he speaks, and Belphegor 2.0 cocks his head to the side in an entirely different way. More like a predator, maybe?
“And that surprises you? Dude’s a total recluse.”
“Wait a sec… Did anyone even invite him?” The genuine boy speaks up, looking up from his singed robes. Hm. He doesn’t seem hurt. Good.
“If you’re that worried about him missing out, maybe you should have told him yourself,” pretty boy remarks.
“Maybe, but I don’t know him too well either…”
As the students start to whisper, Kyomi catches Draconia’s full name — Malleus Draconia — but not much more useful information.
“Ah. Just as I’d expected.” Hey, someone else who can’t be much taller than Kyomi. Also cool hair. “I figured I’d come down and see for myself whether Malleus had made an appearance. But once again, he was evidently not informed that his presence was required at an official ceremony.”
“You have my sincerest apologies,” Azul tells funky-hair. “I assure you, this oversight was in no way intended as a snub.”
“I mean, you must admit, he’s not exactly the easiest person to strike up a conversation with,” Riddle follows up.
“No matter. All who were assigned to House Diasomnia, follow me. I just hope he doesn’t sulk about this…” Solomon looks between funky-hair and Kyomi, and Kyomi waves him off. He’ll be fine on his own.
Slowly, all students leave, following their housewardens to their dorms, until only Crowley and Kyomi are left in the Mirror Chamber.
“Well, Kyomi. This is a most strange and unfortunate turn of events. I’m afraid I’m not quite sure what to do about this. Your father and Solomon both assured me you had incredible magic talent, yet the Dark Mirror does not see any of it in you.” Crowly shakes his head, and Kyomi shrugs.
“I’m not sure what that was about, either. I mean, I was able to put out some of the fire earlier, with magic.” Even if it was more difficult than it should have been.
“For now, I suppose we’ll have to house you in Ramshackle Dorm, even if it isn’t the most suited for… someone of your station, for it is the only empty dorm. It will, however, need some cleaning.”
“That’s fine.” Kyomi shrugs again. “I can handle some cleaning.” And to be honest, an empty dorm sounds better than joining any of the others. “I’ll just let Solomon…” he trails off as he fishes his DDD out of his pocket. “Hm. Don’t like that.” The screen is weirdly glitching, and when he tries to use it, it gives him a small shock. “Don’t like that at all.”
“Strange… For now, let us go.”