Chapter Text
“Uh…”
“Oh, Jungkook, good, I’m so glad you’re here.”
Jungkook blinks slowly, wondering if he’s still asleep. “In… my room?”
“Well, not your room, necessarily,” Taehyung replies, waving a hand. “But, you know, here.”
“Like… Earth?” Jungkook feels like he has missed a few steps in this conversation, like he walked into something already in progress. Which is - wait a second. “Hang on… why are you outside my room?”
Because they should back up a few beats here. Jungkook has been minding his own business in his room, hard at work folding his laundry. And by that, of course, he means he fell asleep on his bed next to the pile of clean laundry, but it was a really great nap. Clearly he needed it, even if he hadn't made his bed yet and there were no sheets on the mattress.
Then he really had to pee, so he hauled himself out of bed, pulled on a clean pair of sweats and opened the door. To find Taehyung on the threshold.
“Because I wanted to talk to you,” Taehyung says, as if it should be obvious.
Jungkook narrows his eyes, lifting a hand to idly scratch his bare belly. “Did you knock?”
“No.”
“Were you standing outside my room for a while?”
“How long is a while?”
“Uh…” Yeah, this conversation is definitely not making sense, and it’s not just because of how groggy Jungkook is. “I was folding laundry.”
Taehyung’s eyes flick up to Jungkook’s hair, which he’s sure is a rumpled mess of bed head and then back to his face. “There’s a pillow crease on your cheek.”
“Full contact folding.”
They stare at each other for a moment, until Taehyung finally continues on. “Anyway, there’s something I really wanted to talk to you about and -”
A jolt goes through Jungkook and he straightens up, hand dropping from his belly. “Hyung, I swear I’ll replace it.”
“Um.” Taehyung is clearly surprised at Jungkook’s outburst interrupting him. “Replace… what?”
“Your peach pudding, I was gaming with Seokjin hyung last night and I needed a snack,” he explains. “I couldn’t run out to grab something between matches and I haven’t done my grocery shopping yet.” He takes a deep breath, very aware he’s talking much too quickly and saying more than he needs to. “And I saw your peach pudding or… smoothie… thing? In the fridge and I was desperate! You know how Seokjin hyung gets!”
“Jungkook, I didn’t have a peach smoothie in the fridge.”
Did Jungkook dream up the smoothie too? No, he definitely remembers eating it, especially because it had a weird aftertaste. “Maybe you forgot about it? I think it might have been old, it tasted a little off.”
Taehyung is giving him a weird look and Jungkook fights not to squirm. They’re still standing in the doorway to his room and Jungkook still really needs to pee.
“I didn’t have a peach smoothie,” Taehyung says again. “But I had a peach body butter. The refrigeration helps with skin laxity.”
A wave of cold sweeps down Jungkook’s spine and he swallows hard. “You mean I ate -” His stomach gives a sudden loud gurgle and Taehyung’s eyebrows raise. Jungkook swallows again. “I ate moisturizer?”
“Body butter,” Taehyung corrects.
“Cool,” Jungkook wheezes, stomach suddenly doing somersaults. “That’s cool, so good and cool. I just, you know, if you don’t mind -” He shimmies a little to the side, trying to slip past Taehyung. “I just really need to use the bathroom.”
And maybe call the poison hotline…
“Oh, but before you do!” Taehyung grabs his arm as Jungkook tries to move past him. “I wanted to talk to you!”
“About something other than the body butter?”
There’s no chance for Jungkook to escape, Taehyung tugging him by the arm and dragging him toward the living room. “Yes, about something else!” He glances over his shoulder. “You’re replacing the body butter though.”
“Yes, hyung,” Jungkook mumbles, giving up on resisting and letting Taehyung pull him along.
When they reach the living room, Jungkook is surprised to see Namjoon sitting on the couch, scrolling absently on his phone. When they appear, Namjoon looks up and smiles. “Hey, Jungkook-ah.”
“Um.” Jungkook wonders if he should have a shirt on. “Hi, hyung.”
He doesn’t have time to say anything else before Taehyung is shoving him into a chair. It takes Jungkook a moment to realize it’s one of their kitchen chairs, which has been moved into the living room and placed directly opposite the couch. The coffee table seems to be missing
“Uh…” Jungkook watches as Taehyung takes a seat beside Namjoon, his expression turning serious. “Did someone die?”
“No one died,” Namjoon says immediately. “We just wanted -”
“I wanted to introduce you to Namjoon,” Taehyung cuts in.
Jungkook stares at him blankly. Maybe he is still dreaming? “I know Namjoon hyung?” Jungkook says after a moment. “We literally just said hi to each other.”
“Yes, yes,” Taehyung says dismissively. “But not like this!”
Whatever this means is not immediately clear, even when Taehyung moves a hand between himself and Namjoon.
“Why are you being so weird?” Jungkook pauses, considering their positions again. “Is this an intervention? I swear the body butter thing was a mistake. And I don’t leave my wet towels on the bathroom floor!”
“This is not an intervention,” Namjoon hurries to reassure him. He turns to Taehyung, looking concerned. “Babe, I thought you told him?”
Babe???
Jungkook suddenly becomes aware that the two of them are sitting really close together and - oh. They’re - yeah. They’re holding hands.
“Why are you holding hands?”
“That’s what we wanted to tell you,” Taehyung replies. “Namjoon hyung and I are dating.”
“Oh.” This is new, but like… not entirely? He’s pretty sure the two of them have been casually seeing each other for a while. But dating officially is new, though Jungkook isn’t sure it needs all… this. “So… is that it?”
Taehyung immediately frowns at him. “What do you mean, is that it?”
“I mean, like, it’s cool and all that you’re dating. I just really need to pee.” Jungkook shrugs. “Couldn’t you have texted me?”
“I figured my love life was more important than that,” Taehyung sniffs. “Or maybe you only care about the body butter you ate. Not about your actual hyung who takes such good care of you?”
That’s maybe a bit of an exaggeration, but Jungkook still winces. “Sorry, Taehyungie hyung. I’m happy for you guys, really. You make, uh, a cute couple?”
“Why does that sound like a question?” Taehyung accuses.
Jungkook is saved from answering by Namjoon leaning forward slightly, his brows furrowed. “Wait, Jungkook-ah, did you say you ate body butter?”
Shit.
“I thought it was a pudding or something,” he whines.
“That’s, you know, probably not good?” Namjoon looks worried, picking up his phone and tapping at the screen. “Tae, what was the brand? We should probably look this up, what if it’s toxic?”
Jungkook does not think it would be possible to feel any more embarrassment than he already does.
“He’ll be fine,” Taehyung huffs. “He ate a hard boiled egg with the shell still on once. And the plastic off a lollipop.”
Ah, hubris. Jungkook was wrong, he can feel further embarrassment.
“Well!” Jungkook lurches out of the chair, both his belly and his bladder protesting the sudden movement. “This has been… a time! I need to go pee now and I have a lot of very important things to do in my room after! Congrats and all that!”
“Jerking off to Captain America or whatever is not important business!” Taehyung calls after Jungkook’s retreating figure.
“Hyung!” Jungkook wheezes.
Lovely, rock bottom, population one. Jungkook’s never even jerked off to Captain America, thank you. And Taehyung’s one to talk, he’s way weirder than Jungkook! And, somehow, he’s gotten a super hot boyfriend with thighs that could crush a grown man’s skull. How do good things only happen to Taehyung?
Jungkook, single and with a stomach full of body butter could only be so lucky.
Locking himself in the bathroom, Jungkook slumps against the door. Sure, he’s happy for Taehyung and Namjoon, they’re cute together and all that. But also, like… his stomach lurches and Jungkook grimaces. Does he need to go to the hospital?
-----
Jungkook does not need to go to the hospital. The body butter is a non-issue, he manages to get all his laundry folded and put away, and he goes to work and does his job with clean, unwrinkled clothes. He does not tell anyone else (especially Seokjin) about the body butter, and he picks up a replacement tub of it for Taehyung on his way home one evening.
Things go back to normal. Everything is fine and Jungkook’s routine continues uninterrupted. Mostly. Or… maybe not mostly. Maybe just sort of. It’s more like… in some ways, Jungkook’s routine continues as normal.
But there is one small, super small, really tiny thing, throwing things off. And Jungkook needs to preface this, he thinks, with the fact that he is like, so happy for his friends. Taehyung deserves happiness, he deserves love! Jungkook is happy his friends somehow found love together. Good for them!
It’s just that… Taehyung and Namjoon, as an official couple, are awful.
Jungkook would like to reiterate that he is super duper happy for his friends. Yay love! Be gay, do crimes, or whatever! It’s just that Jungkook would really prefer that the crimes were not against him.
Or, more specifically, against his eyes and ears.
Because, like, love is super great and all. And Jungkook doesn’t care about PDA or anything like that, he’s not a prude. But, really, he’s starting to feel a little like he’s being punished for something.
Taehyung and Namjoon are at the apartment far too often and Jungkook has seen some things. Honestly, Taehyung has a perfectly good room, and Namjoon has an apartment too! They could go there and do disgusting, unspeakable things to each other. Privately, Jungkook figures that’s what they’re doing and where they are whenever not in his immediate vicinity. However, they seem to be here all the time.
Like last night, Jungkook got home from work and walked into the kitchen, only to find Taehyung and Namjoon there. He was about to say hi when he realized their positions. Taehyung on the counter with Namjoon between his spread legs, the two of them sharing a bowl of grapes. Except… they were sharing them with their mouths. Like, Taehyung holding them between his teeth to pass them to Namjoon, the two of them coming together in some sort of weird Lady and the Tramp style kiss or bite thing to share it.
There was grape juice everywhere and the sounds between them were… Let’s just say that Jungkook is never going to be able to eat grapes again.
And that’s not everything, not even close.
He walked in on them in the living room too. Just minding his own business, staying in his own lane! But there they were, tangled together on the couch so firmly that Jungkook stared for a beat or two too long. He just couldn’t entirely figure out how they managed to get so fully intertwined, like a crazy game of Twister or something.
But Twister isn’t usually played with that much tongue.
Jungkook fled back to the safety of his room when he realized he couldn’t tell where Taehyung’s hands were. He has a sneaking suspicion they were down Namjoon’s pants, but that is not something he wants to think about.
Because, really, Jungkook has been thinking about it too much. And all of it completely against his will. It is cruel and unfair that his bedroom and Taehyung’s share a wall. He has to hear the thump of Taehyung’s headboard against the wall, the creak of his mattress. And that’s just the ambient sound. Don’t get Jungkook started on the things he’s heard them say to each other.
While Jungkook and Taehyung are close, best friends, roommates! There should be a line to that closeness and Jungkook really feels like he doesn’t need to know what Taehyung sounds like when he comes. But alas…
Anyway, Jungkook spent his quarterly bonus on a really nice pair of noise canceling headphones. A necessity, he thinks, after hearing them in Taehyung’s room, and in the bathroom, taking a shower together. The Bluetooth functionality is great, he can wear them all around the apartment and not hear a thing.
Jungkook has been spending a lot of time in his room lately, which is fine, he likes his room, but he’s starting to feel a little like a shut-in. And he would like to wander around his apartment and go about his business without worrying about being jump scared by an errant penis. And! Maybe he’d like to sit on the couch or use the shower or kitchen counter without worrying about… fluids.
Existence is a curse.
Sometimes he just leaves. He goes to the gym in their building or he sits on the steps in the rarely used apartment stairway. No one usually bothers him and at least there’s a window he can stare forlornly out of. And if he really needs to get away, there’s a convenience store a block and a half away that has little tables where he can sit and eat his feelings. They have a great instant noodle selection, Jungkook has made it his personal mission to try all of them.
Which absolutely does not sound sad or lonely, no matter what Seokjin said at work yesterday. Clearly he needs to take a page out of Jungkook’s book and stay in his own lane. Minding your business is free and Jungkook already used up his bonus on those headphones.
-----
“All that sodium can’t be good for you, are you drinking enough water too?”
“That isn’t the point, hyung,” Jungkook whines, flopping forward over the table.
He reaches for Jimin’s hands but Jimin pulls his arms away, looking at him with a frown.
“You’re making a scene,” Jimin scolds. He picks up a napkin to dab at a spot on the table where his beer spilled from Jungkook’s jostling. “Stop being ridiculous.”
“I’m not being ridiculous,” Jungkook huffs, but he drags himself off the tabletop. He refuses to sit up straight through, hunching in his chair and reaching for his beer. “They’re ridiculous.”
Jimin hums, picking up his beer and taking a thoughtful sip of it. His eyes remain on Jungkook, scrutinizing. “I don’t know, Kookie,” he begins. “It sounds like you might just be jealous.”
Jungkook gasps in affront.
“Or a prude.”
Jungkook gasps louder, placing a hand over his chest. “Hyung, don’t be cruel!”
“How is that cruel?”
“I am neither of those things!” Jungkook insists. “I would throw up if I kissed Taehyungie hyung, he’s like my brother! And I don’t want to date Namjoon hyung, sure his pecs are huge and his thighs were sculpted by the gods but -
“Really selling yourself here,” Jimin deadpans.
Frowning, Jungkook picks up his own beer, taking a fortifying gulp. “I’m not jealous,” he says clearly. “Sure, I haven’t dated in a bit, but I haven’t really been trying to. And I do not want to date one of them. And I’m not a prude. Remember last summer? The guy at the club with the ice pop and -”
“Please don’t finish that sentence,” Jimin cuts him off, raising a hand. “I’ve tried to block that out of my memory. I can’t believe I saw that.”
He shudders and Jungkook frowns. “Don’t talk about my dick like that.”
“I’d prefer to never talk about your penis at all,” Jimin counters. “You are the one who brought it up.”
Touche… Though Jungkook hadn’t intended to do that.
“Look, Jiminie hyung, the point is, they’re gross. I’m telling the truth.”
Jimin rolls his eyes and sets his beer back on the table. “They’re probably just in the honeymoon phase or whatever, Jungkookie. You have to expect them to be kissing and stuff, even if it’s in front of you.”
“I wouldn’t care if they were just kissing,” Jungkook argues.
However… He has seen them just kissing, and he’s pretty sure Taehyung was trying to eat Namjoon. Jungkook thought he was going to have nightmares about face-eating aliens or something.
No, instead his life has become a nightmare.
“It’s not just kissing,” Jungkook goes on. “I’m pretty sure they were actually having sex on the couch the other night and if I had walked even a step closer I would have seen it. The sounds, hyung! I had to buy new headphones!”
“It can’t be that bad,” Jimin says, though he’s starting to look a little doubtful.
“They were feeding each other grapes.”
“Well that’s not that -”
“With their mouths.”
Jimin closes his mouth.
There’s silence for a few seconds, and then Jimin says, “Huh.”
“Exactly.” Jungkook scowls and takes another gulp of beer. “And that’s tame.”
“Maybe you do need a boyfriend.”
Jungkook narrows his eyes. “How would this help me?”
“Well, at least you’d have somewhere to go when Taehyungie and Joonie hyung are being gross,” Jimin suggests.
“I go to the CU a couple blocks away all the time.”
“Right,” Jimin says, raising an eyebrow. “We already discussed your sodium intake. And wouldn’t it be nice to go somewhere else? You could have somewhere to sleep without your headphones on.”
“Are you suggesting that I get a boyfriend so that I have somewhere else to sleep?” Jungkook deadpans.
“Well…” Jimin shrugs. “Maybe they’d have nice water pressure or a memory foam mattress.”
Grimacing, Jungkook shakes his head. “Just cause you dated that guy who had the car with heated seats for an entire winter doesn’t mean all of us are mooches.”
“That is slander,” Jimin says primly.
“It’s not slander if it’s true.”
“Anyway,” Jimin says, raising his voice to speak over Jungkook, “just download Jack’d or something. Find some bed buddies.”
“Ugh, no thanks. Have you been on dating apps lately?” Jungkook shudders and shakes his head. “What a nightmare. Besides…” He leans forward and widens his eyes, blinking sweetly. “I have a really wonderful hyung who will let me sleep over.”
“Who?” Jimin looks unimpressed even when Jungkook pushes his lower lip out into a pout. “Seokjin hyung won’t let you sleep over anymore after you kept trying to cuddle him in your sleep.”
Jungkook bats his eyes again. “He’s not even my favorite hyung,” Jungkook simpers. “My most favoritest hyung would let me sleep over and share his bed. And he’ll let me cuddle with him.”
“Maybe you should ask Namjoon,” Jimin huffs. “You seem to love his sculpted thighs so much, he can be your favorite.”
“Hyung,” Jungkook wheedles. “Your thighs are great too. Definitely watermelon crushing level, Jiminie hyung. Can’t I sleep over, please?”
“No,” Jimin says immediately. “You’re a bed hog and you drooled all over my shoulder last time.”
“Please?” Jungkook pleads, clasping his hands on the table. “Hyung, I can’t do it again tonight, the sounds. I’ll sleep on the couch, or even the floor! Please?”
He’s ready to beg, reaching for Jimin’s hands to tug at him. Jungkook will get on the floor if he needs to, whatever he has to do.
“Ugh,” Jimin groans, pulling his hands back before Jungkook can touch him. “Fine,” he grumbles. “Just stop being so weird about it.” He narrows his eyes. “And I’m big spoon this time.”
“Anything you want!” Jungkook agrees immediately, finally managing to snag one of Jimin’s hands. He smacks a sloppy kiss onto the back of his palm and Jimin grimaces, pretending to gag and Jungkook grins, satisfied.
-----
Ah, bliss.
Jungkook sighs, reclining back on the couch and putting his feet up on the coffee table. He has made a conscious decision not to think about what may have been done on this couch. There’s no reason to spoil the moment right now, no reason to ruin this for himself.
Because right now, everything is quiet and calm. Jungkook got home from work to silence. He didn’t quite believe it at first, hovering in the entryway with one shoe off, the other still on, ready to make a break for it. But even the greeting he called out was met with nothing.
Feeling a bit like a secret agent, Jungkook crept through the apartment, tiptoeing on his socks to peek around the wall into the kitchen. Empty, nothing being done to any poor, innocent food items. The living room was similarly deserted, the throw pillow on the couch not even looking abused in any way.
Taehyung’s bedroom door and the bathroom door were open wide and void of any occupants. It took Jungkook a few seconds to realize what was happening, standing stock still in the hallway.
He was alone.
Jungkook took advantage of his alone time. A long, hot shower, where he took care of important business. And by important business he means working on hitting all the high notes in his new favorite girl group song while deep conditioning his hair. Then comfy pajamas, takeout from his favorite Chinese-Korean fusion place, and the couch.
He has an episode of the drama he’s been rewatching playing on the big living room television, the volume turned way up. No one is here to chase him back to his room or ask him to turn down the volume. Instead, Jungkook can kick his feet up and eat his family-size container of egg drop soup off his belly like an otter.
Truly, Jungkook is living the dream.
It’s been a couple weeks since he could come home and just relax by himself. He loves Taehyung and hanging out with him, and even sometimes Taehyung and Namjoon aren’t bad together. But Jungkook is an introvert, and sometimes he just wants to recharge without hearing other people’s voices through a wall or having to hold a conversation while he heats up his dinner.
But Taehyung and Namjoon are gone, either out on an actual date or at Namjoon’s apartment. Jungkook knows that Namjoon’s roommate has some sort of important and stressful job so they try not to disturb him as much. Plus Namjoon’s roommate is apparently a lot more intimidating than Jungkook is. He’s only met the guy once, but he doesn’t really remember him being intimidating, though he hadn’t said much and they hadn’t sat near each other
He just hopes Namjoon’s roommate has good noise canceling headphones.
Clearly Jungkook needs to work on his resting bitch face or his ability to put his foot down. Or maybe he needs to get a stressful job too. Not that his job isn’t stressful already, but he just spends most of his time wanting to bang his head against his desk because his coworkers are idiots. The rest of his time is spent in nearly full-on wrestling matches with office equipment.
Maybe he does need a new job…
Jungkook doesn’t have time to think more about that, though, because he hears the beep of their keypad and the sound of the door opening. Sitting up suddenly, Jungkook nearly upends his soup in his surprise.
“Kookie?”
Craning his neck around, Jungkook watches Taehyung emerge from the entryway. He is, shockingly, alone. “Hey Taehyungie hyung.”
“What are you up to?” Taehyung asks, moving around the arm of the couch to plop down beside him.
“Dinner and TV,” Jungkook explains, tilting his head toward the drama he’s now paused.
Taehyung glances at the television, giving an approving nod. “Nice, hey…” He turns back to Jungkook. “Can I talk to you again?”
This phrase immediately puts Jungkook on the defensive. He narrows his eyes, inching away a little, container of soup held protectively against his chest. “I didn’t eat any more of your body butter. And I already know you and Namjoon are dating.” He pauses, a spike of fear stabbing into him. “Oh my god, are you getting married?”
“Are we what?” Taehyung bursts into laughter, doubling over his knees as he wheezes. It takes him a few seconds to recover and he comes up wiping his eyes. “Jungkook, you’re so weird.”
“Uh huh…” Jungkook still eyes him warily. “So no marriage?”
“No marriage.” Taehyung pauses, considers. “At least not yet. Namjoon is pretty great, huh?”
“He’s alright,” Jungkook hedges.
Taehyung sighs, melting into the couch and looking wistful. He’s got a dopey sort of smile on his face that is threatening to ruin Jungkook’s appetite. “And he’s so hot, don’t you think? Like, wow! Gorgeous face, and those dimples! And his chest, his arms.” Taehyung mimes fanning himself.
Hunching over his soup, Jungkook spoons a few hasty mouthfuls past his lips before Taehyung can put him off his meal. “He’s alright,” Jungkook says again, not thinking about Namjoon’s tree trunk thighs. “He’s very… sturdy.”
“Sooo sturdy,” Taehyung sighs and Jungkook has no idea what he’s gotten himself into.
Swallowing another bite of soup, Jungkook decides to try to steer them in another direction. It’s only a matter of time before Taehyung starts talking about his boyfriend’s stroke game and Jungkook needs to have at least three drinks in him for that.
Okay maybe he’s a little curious, those thighs look powerful - but! Three drinks! Maybe two point five!
Not the point.
Focus.
“Anyway,” Jungkook begins, “is this what you wanted to talk about?”
Please don’t let this be what Taehyung wanted to talk about.
“Ah, no, there’s something else! Will you come out with Namjoonie and I tomorrow night after work?”
Jungkook frowns. Tomorrow is Friday, he was looking forward to staying up late and playing video games with Seokjin over voice chat. And, really, the last thing he wants to do is be a third wheel. “Why?” he asks, drawing out the word.
“So you can meet Yoongi!”
“Uh…” Jungkook stares at him blankly. “What?”
“Namjoon’s roommate, Min Yoongi,” Taehyung clarifies.
Which doesn't help, because - “I know Yoongi-ssi,” Jungkook says, still confused. “We met that one time, remember?”
Jungkook vaguely remembers Yoongi. A guy with dark hair and sleepy eyes sitting at the other end of the table. He seemed nice, greeting Jungkook with a handshake and a vague sort of smile, though they hadn’t talked much. They really barely said anything other than greetings to one another. But Jungkook did meet him.
“I remember,” Taehyung confirms. “But we want you guys to get to know each other!”
“Why?” Jungkook asks again, voice laced with suspicion.
Rolling his eyes, Taehyung reaches for Jungkook’s container of dumplings on the coffee table, popping one into his mouth. “Because you’re important to me and Yoongi hyung is important to Joonie,” he says through a mouthful of pork and veggies. “You’re my best friend, Yoongi is Namjoon’s, we want you guys to get along! Maybe you’ll be seeing more of each other or something!”
Jungkook has no idea how he would be seeing more of Min Yoongi, and he’s about to say just that when -
“Hyung will pay for drinks.”
“Deal,” Jungkook says immediately, before Taehyung can change his mind. “Just text me when and where.”
Smiling happily, Taehyung reaches for another dumpling and settles onto the couch again. “Awesome. Can I watch with you? You know how I feel about Wang Yibo.”
“You may,” Jungkook sniffs, picking up the remote. “Just don’t drool all over yourself this time.”
Jungkook barely saves his soup from the kick Taehyung aims at him.
-----
While Jungkook may not have as important and stressful a job as Min Yoongi apparently does, Jungkook thinks his job is filled with plenty of difficult moments. Ones that have him keeping a bottle of painkillers in his drawer and no less than four stress balls on his desk for emergency situations.
Corporate IT is, in some ways, a living nightmare. Or at least it feels that way when your coworkers seem to be completely incompetent with technology. It’s not like they’re even all old or anything. A good portion of them are Jungkook’s age, he sees them on their phones all the time! But apparently playing games on their phones or scrolling social media do not mean they can remember their passwords or know how to turn a document into a PDF.
Just today, Jungkook had someone ask him how to add a signature to an email. Honestly, he’s impressed that he managed to keep a straight face throughout that conversation. It’s easier when it’s just help desk tickets and not someone asking him to come to their desk. He can make all the horrified and disgruntled expressions he wants when he’s alone. The amount of phishing scams his coworkers have fallen for at this point is probably a world record.
He’s sure when he gets back to his desk, there will be plenty of help desk tickets waiting for him with ridiculous things like how do I change the font size on this document or how do I save a file. But right now, Jungkook has a small reprieve from that while he battles with his nemesis.
Right now, Jungkook is crouched on the floor, half his arm inside the guts of the industrial combination printer, copier, scanner, fax machine that his company uses. And by uses he means renders inoperable. Because, of course, his coworkers also break the printer at least three times a week.
Which means Jungkook will get himself covered in ink and paper cuts and have a literal wrestling match with an appliance. This is the fourth time this week and Jungkook is very thankful it’s Friday. Especially when he can hear the machine whirring, clearly anxious to devour his fingers.
“Heesung in accounts is looking for you.”
Jungkook lifts his head at the sudden voice, nearly braining himself on the open paper tray above him. Wincing, he sits back on his heels and looks up, finding Kim Seokjin staring down at him.
“Please tell me this is a joke.”
Seokjin gives him a winning smile. “He says he’s forgotten his password again.”
Groaning, Jungkook slumps fully to the floor, barely resisting the urge to lie flat on his back. “I just reset it for him yesterday.” Sighing, Jungkook wiggles his fingers inside the machine. “He’ll have to wait, I’m busy.”
“I can see that, you’re clearly up to your elbows in work right now!”
Jungkook closes his eyes and counts to three before he looks at Seokjin again. “You promised no office puns on Fridays.”
“Did I?” Seokjin pretends to look confused. “I don’t recall that at all.” He leans against the wall, appraising Jungkook. “Why are you so grumpy today? It’s Friday afternoon.”
“Yeah,” Jungkook agrees. “But I can’t just relax tonight like normal. I love Taehyung, but he and his boyfriend have been driving me insane. Do you even know how annoying his new relationship energy is?”
“Yes,” Seokjin says immediately. “Last Saturday you showed up at my apartment begging for me to house you, saying your roommate was doing unholy things with whipped cream.”
Jungkook shudders at the memory. “Thanks for letting me stay.”
“You’re lucky my new couch pulls out,” Seokjin replies. “And also, I hear about this from Yoongi all the time.”
“Oh yeah,” Jungkook breathes. “I forgot you and Yoongi-ssi are friends.”
“Mhm, so I hear about it from him too,” Seokjin says. “He’s about at the end of his rope as well, though he doesn’t always tell me the gorey details like you do.”
“I can’t tell if that’s a good or bad thing,” Jungkook says, peering suspiciously at Seokjin. “Do you want to know?” When Seokjin just shrugs, Jungkook rolls his eyes and looks back at the exposed interior of the printer. “Did he tell you about our double date tonight?”
“Your what?”
“Ugh,” Jungkook groans. “Apparently Taehyung and Namjoon want all of us to hang out so Yoongi and I can get to know each other? Like, they want their friends to be friends or something?” He shakes his head in disgust, shoving his arm further into the machine. “I’m only going because Taehyung said he’d pay.”
“That sounds so gay,” Seokjin laughs. “Like, literally. What is this? Are they getting married or something?”
“Don’t even joke,” Jungkook warns, pointing at Seokjin with his free hand. “I feel like a pet or something, like we’re dogs being taken on a playdate.”
Seokjin hums in consideration. “I don’t know, Yoongi is much more cat-like. I don’t think you could compare him to a dog.”
And Jungkook guesses he’s right, sort of. From what Jungkook remembers about Yoongi, he does remember him vaguely looking like a cat. He goes to respond and agree, but the printer decides that’s the best point to start shooting paper like throwing stars and Seokjin dashes away, wishing him luck as he flees.
Left with his enemy once more, Jungkook dives in with both hands, putting his playdate at the back of his mind for now.
-----
“Isn’t this fun?” Taehyung chirps, nudging Jungkook with an elbow.
Jungkook leans away from him, trying not to frown as Taehyung’s bony elbow jabs at his ribs. “Super fun,” he grumbles.
Across the table from him, Jungkook hears a snort and glances up, finding Yoongi smiling slightly. He turns away and coughs, clearly trying to hide his snort.
“Well I think it’s fun,” Taehyung announces. “Don’t you, Namjoonie?”
Namjoon smiles across the table, looking love sick and ridiculous. “Of course, Taehyung-ah. I’m glad we could all get together.” He turns to Yoongi, beaming at his roommate. “Right, hyung? You’ve been saying you need to get out more!”
“Oh.” Yoongi looks surprised to have been addressed, shifting on the bench seat and glancing at Jungkook before turning to Namjoon. “I guess that’s true. I’m usually just tired after work.”
“Of course, of course,” Namjoon nods along. “But you’ve been going out more already, right? You’re usually gone most evenings.”
Yoongi blanches a little and Jungkook wonders if Yoongi is often gone for the same reasons Jungkook is.
“Just feeling a little restless,” he replies.
“I feel like I rarely get to see you anymore, hyung!” Taehyung says, pouting a little as he does. “That’s one of the reasons I’m so glad we could get together. It’s good to see you!”
“Ah, right, it’s good to see you too Taehyung.”
The way he says it makes Jungkook think Yoongi has been seeing a lot of Taehyung. But maybe, like Jungkook, he’s not seeing him fully dressed.
“Yoongi hyung is a nurse,” Taehyung says, and Jungkook realizes, almost too late, that this is directed at him.
“Oh, that’s cool,” he says lamely, trying to make it look like he was paying attention. “Are you like… dealing with crazy accidents and weird object insertions?”
“Oh, well.” Yoongi grimaces slightly. “Not as such.”
That question was probably weird. And Jungkook probably asked it too eagerly. “Not that I would know about any of that.” Oh my god, can he please keep it together.
Across the table, Yoongi’s eyes widen, eyebrows lifting until they nearly disappear behind his dark bangs. “That’s, uh, good?”
“I work in IT,” Jungkook blurts. He can feel Taehyung staring at him and he really needs to steer this conversation in any other direction.
Yoongi nods. “I’ve heard.” When Jungkook must look confused, Yoongi inclines his head and continues, “Seokjin hyung. He talks about you sometimes?”
“All bad things?”
The smile Yoongi cracks this time actually looks real, a hint of teeth between his pink lips. “Most of what he said went right over my head, it was all gamer speak about Underdog.”
“Do you mean Overwatch?” Jungkook asks, smiling back.
“Sure, sure.” Yoongi rolls his eyes, though it’s clearly good natured. “I used to play some games but I haven’t in years. Also, he mentioned something about you stabbing a printer?”
“That was one time!” Jungkook asserts. “The printer at work is possessed, I’m telling you. I keep telling upper management we need an exorcism, not a firmware update, but no one listens! One time I had to stab it with scissors, it was the only option!”
Yoongi puts a hand over his mouth, but Jungkook can see the crease of his eyes, and he knows Yoongi’s hiding a smile. “So brave.” His shoulders shake with barely contained laughter. “Did the scissors help?”
“No.” Jungkook slumps. “I think I made it angrier.”
“This is so great!” Taehyung chirps from beside him and Jungkook blinks, suddenly remembering that Taehyung and Namjoon are here too.
He’s honestly shocked he could forget, Taehyung and Namjoon have been very present in his life lately. Maybe that’s why Jungkook latched on to the conversation with Yoongi, though it didn’t feel forced or anything.
“I told you Jungkook was nice, hyung,” Namjoon says happily, smiling at Yoongi. “Aren’t you glad you agreed to hang out with him?
“Shut up,” Yoongi huffs, rolling his eyes. “I never said I didn’t want to hang out with Jungkook.”
Jungkook perks up a little, confused by this conversation. Because Namjoon is making it seem like Yoongi didn’t want to come, but Yoongi’s saying he wants to hang out with him? Maybe he’s just -
“I just didn’t want to hang out with you, Kim Namjoon,” Yoongi adds. His gaze shifts back to Jungkook and he offers a small smile. “Jungkook-ssi is fine.”
“Hyung,” Namjoon whines, looking put out.
But Taehyung is immediately there to soothe him, reaching across the table to take both of Namjoon’s hands. “Hyung is such a grumpy cat.”
“I am neither grumpy nor a cat,” Yoongi declares.
“Seokjin hyung said you look like a cat,” Jungkook chimes in.
When Yoongi eyes flick to him, Jungkook realizes that maybe he shouldn’t have said that. Yoongi looks nonplussed, frowning slightly. Then he snorts, shaking his head.
“Well.” There’s the tiniest curl of a smile at the corner of his mouth. “Kim Seokjin better sleep with one eye open.”
“I think Jin hyung looks a little like a hamster,” Jungkook offers. “Have you seen how his cheeks puff up when he’s eating noodles? Why doesn’t he just chew and swallow?”
Yoongi blinks at him, then his smile grows, turning wide and gummy. “You’re right.” He points across the table at Jungkook, then retracts his hand, tapping his own temple. “I’m saving that for future use. I can already hear the scolding. Yoongiii!”
“That’s a fantastic impression,” Jungkook laughs. Yoongi’s impression, while over the top, does sound exactly like Seokjin. “You should hear him when we’re gaming, he gets so angry!”
“I’ve heard him,” Yoongi chuckles. “He was roommates with my friend Hoseok for a couple years. I thought Hoseok was going to throttle him every time Jin hyung woke him up.”
Talking to Yoongi is surprisingly easy. He’s friendly and personable enough, which is good, because Jungkook sometimes has a hard time with new people. Maybe it’s because they have, technically, met before, or because they have enough mutual friends, but Jungkook doesn’t feel nervous tonight. At least not really. And he’s especially thankful for that now, because Taehyung and Namjoon seem very lost in one another. They probably don’t even remember Jungkook and Yoongi are here.
Turning back to Yoongi, Jungkook clears his throat. “Do you -”
“Kim Taehyung,” Yoongi cuts Jungkook off, his voice firm and deep.
Jungkook snaps his mouth closed and looks over at Taehyung, who seems to have stopped mid-sentence and is now staring at Yoongi with wide eyes.
“Hyung?” Taehyung squeaks.
“Those are my feet you are trying to play footsie with,” he declares.
As Jungkook watches, Yoongi lifts his beer and swallows the rest of it, at least half the pint glass, in one go. He thunks it back on the table and fixes Namjoon, then Taehyung, with an unimpressed look. “I’m getting another drink.”
Yoongi slides out of the booth and glances at Jungkook, giving a quick jerk of his head. Mouthing thank you, Jungkook scrambles out of the booth to follow Yoongi to the bar.
When Jungkook reaches him, Yoongi already has an elbow on the bar, eyes closed as he rubs his temple with the fingers of his other hand. “You okay, Yoongi-ssi?”
“Hm?” Yoongi peeks open one eye and then straightens up, sighing. “I’m fine, just been a long week.” He rolls his neck from side to side before glancing at Jungkook again. “And call me hyung.”
“Okay,” Jungkook agrees immediately. “Thanks for not leaving me alone with them, Yoongi hyung.”
“Of course,” Yoongi chuckles. “I wouldn’t do that to my worst enemy.”
The bartender appears then and Yoongi glances at Jungkook. “Hyung will buy you a drink, order whatever you want.” He turns back to the bartender. “Whiskey, neat. The Double Black, please.”
When he turns back to Jungkook, Jungkook only wrinkles his nose. “Whiskey?”
Yoongi raises an eyebrow. “What’s wrong with whiskey?”
“It’s for dads and ahjussis,” Jungkook says immediately.
“Oh?” He crosses his arms over his chest. “Are you calling me old?”
Jungkook just shrugs in response, able to see the smile playing at the corners of Yoongi’s lips.
“Alright then,” Yoongi cocks his head to the side, surveying him. Jungkook thinks he looks even more like a cat now, though he keeps that to himself. “What should I order instead, banana milk?”
“I like banana milk,” Jungkook retorts, letting himself pout the tiniest bit.
Yoongi smiles for real then, shaking his head. “I do too, but I also like whiskey.” By this time, the bartender has returned with a glass of amber liquid and Yoongi nods his thanks. He lifts the glass with long fingers and holds it up before extending it to Jungkook. “Try it.”
Scrunching his nose, Jungkook takes the glass and peers at it. The liquid is a dark honey color, surprisingly pretty as it catches the light. He lifts the glass, sniffing it and - “Oh god,” Jungkook grimaces.
“Come on,” Yoongi laughs. “It’s not so bad.”
Giving him a skeptical look, Jungkook lifts the glass again, bringing it to his lips and taking a small sip. “Blech.” His nose scrunches again and Jungkook shakes his head, offering the drink back to Yoongi. “It’s not awful, but I wouldn’t want to just drink that by itself.”
“Fair enough,” Yoongi nods, accepting the drink. “It can be an acquired taste. Let me order you something good.”
Jungkook is a little surprised by Yoongi’s boldness, taking charge and ordering for him right here. But he doesn't mind it, maybe he kind of likes it. He likes how Yoongi waves a hand to get the bartender’s attention again. He can see the intimidating persona Jungkook has heard tell of, though he’s seen Yoongi smile, he’s definitely more of a kitty cat than a tiger.
“Whiskey highball,” Yoongi says when the bartender returns.
“Ah, hyung, whiskey?”
Yoongi ignores him, though he smiles slightly. “With ginger ale instead of soda water.”
The bartender nods and begins mixing the drink, Jungkook watches him pour a couple shots of whiskey and frowns. “Hyung, that’s still whiskey.”
“Don’t worry,” Yoongi says, leaning on the bar again to look at him. “It’s good, it’s sweet.”
When Jungkook is handed the drink, he murmurs a thank you to the bartender as Yoongi hands over his card to pay. “I feel bad wasting your money,” Jungkook says, swirling the little straw in his drink.
“It won't be wasted,” Yoongi says as he puts his card away again. “Hyung knows you’ll like it.”
Jungkook frowns but lifts the straw to his lips, taking a small, tentative sip, and - He blinks, swallowing and licking his lips. “It’s good.”
“Told you.” Yoongi smiles again, looking pleased with himself. “You’ll be a whiskey drinker in no time.”
“I’m not sure about that,” Jungkook argues. “But thank you for the drink.”
“Of course,” Yoongi says immediately. He inclines his head back toward their table. “I feel a little like maybe… I owe you?”
Following the line of Yoongi’s gaze, Jungkook sees that Namjoon and Taehyung are now on the same side of the booth. They also appear to be glued together at the lips. Jungkook grimaces and turns back to Yoongi.
“They’re awful, aren’t they?”
Yoongi nods emphatically. “Terrible,” he breathes. “And none of my friends understand! They don’t get how it could be so bad.”
“Right!” Jungkook shakes his head and takes another sip of the highball, it really is good. “My Jimin hyung says they’re just in the honeymoon phase. But he’s not the one who walked in on them half naked in the kitchen.”
“Ugh.” Yoongi winces and seems to shudder. “Why do they love the kitchen so much? I cook there.” He pretends to gag and takes a big sip of his drink. “But I feel like you have it worse. I’ve played up my job to sound a bit more intense than it is.” He offers an apologetic smile. “So I think they spend more time at your apartment.”
“Is that why you bought me a drink?” Jungkook asks.
“Partly.” A shrug. “I’m the hyung. And you looked very sad and cute.”
And - that’s surprising. Did Yoongi just call him cute? Not that Jungkook is mad about it, he doesn’t mind. Yoongi’s cute too. And nice and funny. Jungkook’s not going to be upset about a cute slash nice slash funny guy calling him cute.
“Is your job not actually stressful then?” he asks, taking another sip of his cocktail.
“Ah, it is stressful, I just maybe exaggerated a little bit.” Yoongi shrugs and leans against the bar again. “It is a difficult job, and I like to get a good night’s sleep so I can be at my best. But boundaries can be hard to set and talk about. I’m not trying to rain on their love parade or whatever, you know?”
Jungkook does know. He feels a little like Yoongi is reading his mind.
“It was just easier for me to play the work angle. Namjoon’s usually a good roommate so he’s trying his best. They’re mostly respectful.” He pauses, grimacing slightly. “Okay, well, sometimes respectful.”
“Sometimes is right,” Jungkook grumbles. “It definitely doesn’t feel like mostly.”
“I get it,” Yoongi agrees with a laugh. “Mostly is probably a stretch.”
As Yoongi takes another sip from his drink, Jungkook glances over at their table. He is alarmed to see that it appears Taehyung is trying to climb into Namjoon’s lap. Jungkook turns back to Yoongi, finding Yoongi scowling in the direction of the table.
“Hyung?”
“Hm?” Yoongi immediately turns back to him.
“Buy me another highball?”
Yoongi laughs again and drains the rest of his whiskey in one swallow. “Let’s make it a double.”
-----
Jungkook hums along to his music, hands tucked into the pockets of his jacket and chin tucked into the collar. It’s a little chilly and he definitely should have brought a hat today, or a warmer coat, but he’s close to home. There aren’t too many people on the sidewalk, Jungkook having lingered at work fighting with the printer and a firewall breach thanks to an incompetent coworker, so he glances up when he sees someone approaching.
The glance turns into a double take, Jungkook’s eyes widening as he takes in the man walking toward him. Is that - “Yoongi hyung?”
Yoongi, because it’s definitely Yoongi, looks up, blinking in confusion. He’s wearing a big oversized sweatshirt, a beanie tugged over his dark hair and glasses on his nose. “Oh.” He smiles with recognition. “Hello, Jungkook.”
“Hi, what are you doing around here?”
“What, am I not welcome in this neighborhood?” Yoongi challenges.
“Maybe,” Jungkook laughs. “Tae and I’s apartment is a few blocks up.”
“No kidding?” Yoongi looks bemused. “Namjoon and I are a block that way.” He nods back the way Jungkook came. “I’ve been out walking in circles, Namjoon and Taehyung are at the apartment and…” he trails off, making a disgusted face.
Jungkook does not need further information. “I didn’t realize we lived so close. I usually go to the CU two blocks away to get away from them.”
“So do I.” Yoongi shakes his head. “For a population of almost ten million, Seoul does seem pretty small sometimes, hm?”
“It does,” Jungkook agrees. Though he feels thankful for that right now, pleased he ran into Yoongi. “Do you want to grab food? The ramen selection at this CU is really good. We could commiserate over spicy noodles?”
Yoongi looks pleasantly surprised by the offer, giving Jungkook a small smile that shows his teeth, even a hint of pink gums. “That sounds great. Noodles and mutual disgust, what a combination.”
“Don’t forget my charming personality,” Jungkook adds, making a show of poking the dimple in his left cheek.
Huffing out an exasperated laugh, Yoongi shakes his head and turns to fall into step beside him. “You’re paying for my noodles, hyung bought you four highballs.”
“Whatever you say, hyung,” Jungkook replies with a grin and starts walking again.