Chapter Text
MJ was convinced she was going mad. She couldn’t quite piece together the missing slots from her memory, some significantly larger than others. She couldn’t explain why she had an indescribable urge to cry every time Peter Parker walked out of the coffee shop. She couldn’t figure out how those two things went together.
It wasn’t until he shared two seemingly random pieces of information that her and Ned were able to begin to find the answer they both desperately needed.
One; he didn’t come in for his regular yesterday because it was the two month anniversary of his aunt passing away. And two; her name was May.
Michelle had given her condolences once again before he left, immediately realizing that she knew May Parker. Ned knew her, too. His grandmother had attended her funeral. How could they have known May, but not Peter?
Throughout her shift, they made small connections, but nothing to make all the pieces click together. They figured out three things. He had been on the academic decathlon team, he was at D.C., and he came on the Europe trip. They knew he was there, but it was like being told a story that happened to someone else. Her shift ended at two and they went their separate ways, promising to look for more information and they’d talk again tomorrow.
MJ hated not knowing things, and even worse, she hated not being able to figure things out. She had known Peter Parker and she didn’t know why she didn’t anymore. She didn’t know why all the empty slots in her memory were connected to him.
She didn’t know why the anticipation to go to MIT had faded now that she had been accepted. She didn’t know why she had an emotional connection to the broken necklace around her neck that she refused to take off. She hated not knowing.
Her dad was leaving for work as she got home, quickly answering how her shift had been and giving him a hug goodbye. She frantically grabbed anything that could give her something to work with, then spread it out around her on the floor. She started with her yearbooks from her first three years of high school - she found his picture a few times throughout the pages, but never prominently in the pictures. It was almost as if someone had poorly tried to crop him out. She noticed how he changed throughout those three years.
In 9th grade he was scrawny and awkward, and he had the brightest smile. He got rid of his glasses at the end of that year. Sophomore year brought an immense glow up, for lack of better words, not that Michelle was at all concerned with his physique. He didn’t put as much gel in his hair and his curls got their chance to shine. He got taller, more muscular. Not that she was overanalyzing what she could see of him. Definitely not.
By the time she found him in last year’s yearbook, her heart sunk. His smile had faded and his eyes didn’t shine like they did the previous years. His face was clouded with grief, and she had a sinking feeling that he had experienced something no 16 year old should ever have to go through.
In the back of the book she found a note from Peter:
“It was great getting to know you more this year!
I hope you have a great summer! Can’t wait for Europe :) - Peter”
She had known him well enough to let him write one of the three notes she had - the other two being from Ned and Betty.
How could she forget someone like Peter Parker?
She grabbed her sketchbooks next, starting from her oldest ones to her newest. In the older books, she wasn’t extremely surprised to find a sketch of him every now and then, she had drawn nearly everyone from Midtown. What did shock her, however, was how rapidly the amount of drawings of him increased him over the next two years. Throughout the pages, images of Spider-Man found their way into the mix as well. She had full sections of her books that showcased him laughing, some of him upset, similar to the yearbook pictures she had seen. The ones that struck her to her core depicted him with eyes full of admiration; she pushed away the thought that, maybe, he had been looking at her.
Next, she looked through her contacts on her phone, but found no digital trace of him. She had clearly been close to him, but she didn’t have his number saved? No social media presence and no photos, either. After scrolling through her camera roll for nearly an hour, she threw her phone down in frustration. When the tears pooled in her eyes, she didn’t restrain them - she usually forced herself to when this feeling came around. It didn’t take long for her to fall asleep, the exhaustion of her early shift taking over her determination to continue searching.
MJ dreamt of flying.
No, she was, swinging? She looked over to find her arms wrapped around Spider-Man. She remembered this. This was one of the chunks of memories where the parts before and after were fuzzy. But she remembered swinging. She hated swinging.
She dreamt of falling, a faceless person reaching out for her but not being able to catch her.
Then, quite suddenly, the memories overwhelmed her. Her mind jumped from one instance to another before she could grasp on to what she was supposed to be remembering. Peter’s face flashed through her mind, filling in the gaps of her memory.
When she woke up, she remembered. She remembered everything.
And she was furious.
He had promised he’d find her. He promised he’d find her again, and tell her everything. Did she not at least have the right to her own memories?
She looked at her phone, it was only 7:42. So she put on her shoes, grabbed a jacket and left, making sure to leave a note on the fridge for her dad saying she’d be back late (or be spending the night at Betty’s if the storm came down like her phone said it would.) She felt bad lying, sure, but how do you tell your dad you’re going to find your boyfriend who you magically forgot?
How does one find a person with no digital presence? Peter usually went on patrol at night, but that meant he could be any number of places. He had gotten MJ and Ned to download an app last summer with police updates so they could be the first to hear news of where he was. And of course, to her luck, Queens seemed to be having a perfectly crime-free night.
He could be working, too, so she started there. She remembered seeing his name under a picture of Spider-Man in the Daily Bugle and she had to give him credit - selling pictures of himself was ingenious.
As she approached the secretary’s desk, anxiety coursed through her. If he was here, what was she going to say to him? What would he say to her?
“Can I help you?”
The secretary’s voice snapped her out of her quickly spiraling thoughts.
“Yeah, has Peter Parker been in today?”
His name felt different on her lips now.
She made a few clicks with her mouse, her eyes scanning over the computer screen.
“Yep, he left about an hour ago. Can I take a message?”
“That’s okay, um, thanks.”
MJ turned to leave, trying to push any feelings of defeat from her mind. There was no chance he would be at the coffee shop, he never came in at night. She had no idea where he lived now either, and her gut sank at the realization. Her last hope, for now, was hoping to spot him during patrol and get his attention.
And that’s how she found herself on the roof of their school, bound determined to sit here through the night if she needed. The tears came again, and Michelle internally scolded herself for crying over a boy. But this was Peter Parker after all, and he was not just some boy. Peter had known her like the back of his hand, giving her the affection no one else in her life had. He had broken down her walls and showed her what it felt like to be genuinely and completely loved. He was the most important person in her life. And the way he had looked at her, god, she missed the way he looked at her.
Rain started to fall after a while, and she laughed at how cliche it was. It was poetic in a way, the universe showing it understood how she felt.
She was determined, even if it meant getting sick after sitting in the cold, damp rain.
It didn’t take more than a half hour before she finally saw a blur of red and blue pass by through the street lights. He was getting closer, and she had to applaud herself for knowing him so well. She quickly tried to compose herself as he landed on the opposite side of the roof, taking his own seat looking at the city. She pushed herself on her own feet, wiping her cheeks with her jacket sleeves and taking a few shaky breaths, trying to slow her heart pounding against her ribcage. Which, of course he picked up on, finally turning around to face her.
“Oh, uh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize this roof was, um, taken tonight,” he laughed, making an effort to disguise his voice.
It made anger swell in her chest, how he treated her like a stranger; as if he was forcing himself to forget her as easily as she had forgotten him. Michelle prided herself on staying quiet, keeping her emotions at bay. But now, she didn’t, couldn’t, force her emotions back down.
“You promised me. Did that mean nothing to you? Did you even think about telling me? or Ned?”
His whole body froze.
“What?”
“You promised you’d find me and tell me everything. You didn’t.”
A beat.
“You- MJ, you-“
“I remember? Yeah, Peter, I do.”
“I don’t know- How is that-“
“Don’t bullshit me, Peter.”
He reached up to his mask and pulled it off, blinking away the rain that hit his face.
“MJ,”
He took a few steps towards her, to which she took two steps backwards; his eyes filling with guilt as they searched her face.
“So I just don’t have a right to my memories? Was that such a hard thing to give me? For two months now I knew something was missing but couldn’t figure it out, because you decided I didn’t deserve to remember?”
“No- no! That’s not it at all. MJ, please. You, you almost died that night, Em, and I was going to tell you- the first week after, after it all happened. I wrote it all down and everything. But you and Ned got into MIT, and you had a cut on your forehead. You told me it didn’t hurt anymore. I realized that was because I was- you and Ned are happy and safe. Everyone who gets close to me gets hurt, and you’re too important-“
“But that’s not a choice you get to make for me, Peter! You didn’t even give me the option of choosing that safety for myself! You were the first person to make me feel like it was worth something that I came back after we disappeared. I had someone to live for, you were the reason I got up in the morning and chose to stay. You know that. And to suddenly lose that? To suddenly not have the person who you care about more than anything- can you even imagine how that must feel?”
Oh.
The force of her words registered too late. They sat in the air between them, seemingly pushing him further away from her. Peter’s eyes no longer found hers, looking off into the distance just past her shoulder. Michelle felt sick to her stomach. He had lost everyone.
“Peter- I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean-“
“‘s okay, you’re right.” He didn’t look at her.
“No, it’s not. I’m not, I-”
She took a step towards him. “You’ve lost, so much, Peter. More than anyone. I’m sorry. But I need you to hear me.” She got close enough that if she reached her arms out she could touch him, his eyes apprehensively, finally, meeting hers again. “These last two months have been the worst. I had gotten so used to having you around and it was shattering to not have that anymore. I know what the risks are, Peter, I always have. But having you around outweighs the alternative by more than you can imagine. I need you to let me make this choice for myself, please.”
He nodded, his wet curls sticking to his forehead. His eyes filled with tears, along with hers.
“I missed you, Em. A lot. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you.”
She closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around him, burying her head into his shoulder. When his arms finally reciprocated the gesture she couldn’t control the sobs that poured out of her; his embrace so familiar and warm and safe.
He pulled back to look at her again, his arms still around her, and her hands coming to the sides of his face. There was the look from her sketchbook and her heart dropped into her stomach. She reeled in the feeling of seeing him smile again.
“I love you,” her ears had to strain to hear him because of the rain that was now heavily coming down. The weight of his words brought her back to the morning she had whispered the same words to him.
‘Just, wait and tell me when you see me again?’
She let out a watery laugh, soaking in the words that made her heart feel complete.
“I love you, too.”
Peter brushed some of the wet curls plastered to her face out of the way, placing his hand on her neck before kissing her. The rain beat down around them and MJ realized she didn’t care how absurdly cliche this was. She hoped every MJ got to feel this way about their Peter. His smile grew as she laughed from the pure relief of the moment. Her brain clouded as he kissed her, fireworks exploding in her chest as she kissed him back.
She never wanted to have to go any period of time without being able to love him ever again. The world felt like it had stopped spinning and nothing else mattered. This was the only thing that mattered, really. Peter Parker was hers and she was his.