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Goa is an unforgiving place. Maybe not as much as the islands that scatter the Grand Line, and definitely not as merciless as the sea that those lands call home. But it is a harsh place, whether it be the social stress of High Town, or the dangers of the Mt. Colubo, the people of Goa are made of hardships. It's just not always as obvious about what those hardships take the form of. It's a lesson Ace has only just begun to learn.
Winter settles down in the forest and it's a struggle to find warmth. Their tree house was never built with the thought of baring any season except summer. To top it off there's one less person able to provide body warmth, group cuddles will always be warmer than its duo. But the imprint of another boy, another brother lays heavily not just because of the lack of body heat.
Even though its been a year, it hasn't gotten easier, and some days it's just plain terrible. But Ace has no choice but to carry on, because if Ace can't do something, then Luffy sure as hell can't do it. And Ace will not set Luffy up for failure.
As Ace sees his breath take shape in the frost of the forest, he already knows it's going to be one of those days. He can feel his blood burn inside of him and he wonders if this devil's blood will keep him warm or burn a hole through his skin. He doesn't know which one's worse.
Suddenly, he feels a presence by his side and apprehension floods his body. When he looks down, Luffy fills his gaze and he immediately relaxes. Ace hadn't noticed how quiet the other boy was being, and isn't that concerning, he thinks. Ace must have been spacing out for a while if even Luffy had noticed something was off.
Luffy quietly intertwines his hands with Ace's own, eyes downcast, focusing on his task. His hands are frigid, Ace notes. His strawhat is across the room, which is unusual in and of itself, but Luffy pays no mind to his missing headgear. Only concentrating on the person he stands before and the hands that he holds.
Luffy shifts his gaze up to Ace and Ace can't help but feel as if his bubbling, boiling blood inside of him had been taken off the fire. Luffy holds his hands and stares, and in moments like these Ace can't help but wonder if Luffy will finally see him for the devil that he truly is. But all Luffy does is tighten his grip on Ace's hands and nod. A shallow nod, like something has clicked into place, then Luffy breaks into a face that Ace can only describe as 'a hassle.'
And he is proven correct when Luffy starts to open his mouth and complains, "Ace!! I'm hungry! And bored. And it's cold in here!" Ace sighs at the scene and removes his hands from Luffy's frosty grip in favor of placing one hand on his brother's head. A futile attempt to get him to calm down.
"Yeah, yeah. Stop complaining, we're gonna go hunting anyway." He placates the other. Ace starts to grab the coats that Makino had given them on her last visit and looks around the tree house. The branches have frosted over and the wood has cracked. The blanket they put over the hole in the wall they call a window had barely done its job, because a cold chill resounds around the room. Ace figures it's time to move back in with the bandits for the season. He glances over at Luffy retrieving his hat from the corner of the room and sees him sneeze so hard he stumbles. Yeah, he thinks, it's definitely time to move.
-
While hunting he comes to the same conclusion, because most of the game has migrated for the season. But he manages to squeeze by and get a decent amount, a gigantic amount by a normal person's standards, to feed both Luffy and himself. With one task off his to do list, he moves onto the next.
The duo continue to walk their usual hunting routes, not trying to conceal their presence this time because barely anything is out. Behind him, Luffy gets distracted staring at the icicles lining the trees, forcing Ace to slow down, as usual. "Hurry up before I leave you behind." He calls.
Luffy is broken out of his trance at the words and jogs to try to catch up. Ace doesn't let him and picks up his pace. Ace doesn't notice Luffy reaches for his hand, he is too quick to carry on down the path.
Luffy cusps his hands in front of his face and blows warm air. He tries not to let the cold get to him.
Ace comes across a stream that runs through the mountain. The water has frozen over, creating a reflective floor of ice. The water breaks off into two paths, one flowing to the bottom of Mt. Colubo and the other creating a small pond. Ace stops at the pond's edge and stares at himself in the ice.
He hears the approaching of small footsteps and prepares to set off once again. When walking the path to Dadan, Ace realizes he can no longer hear Luffy behind him and turns around in a panic. He begins to backtrack and opens his mouth to call for the idiot, but he finally spots the other, kneeling at the edge of the pond where Ace once stood. Ace sighs in relief which quickly turns into a scowl at the fact he had to turn back.
When Ace arrives at the pond's edge again, he takes a deep breath to begin an annoyed rant, but Luffy interrupts him. "Sabo promised he'd take me ice skating." Luffy whispers, eyes never leaving the ponds frosted water.
Ace's breath hitches and he can see the way Luffy's words take a physical form in the cold. He finds he doesn't like it. Ace stares long and hard at the ice, like the water just insulted him. Truthfully, honestly, he doesn't know what to do. And not for the first time, he wishes Sabo was here. His thoughts are interrupted when Luffy lets out a sneeze and falls over, face first onto the ice.
Ace rolls his eyes and grabs Luffy's arm, and drags the other boy to his feet. "Lets go, Luffy." He commands and starts back on the path to Dadan's. Ace pretends he doesn't notice how cold Luffy's skin is. It doesn't make him feel better.
-
Over the next few days, Ace travels to Grey Terminal before Luffy wakes. He collects metal shards and large pieces of shrapnel. Anything that resembles a blade is placed into a bag, then Ace makes a trek back to the hut. When he gets back, he is greeted by Luffy sound asleep, none the wiser. Dadan raises an eyebrow at the routine and adds another cigarette to the pile in her mouth, she shakes her head and says nothing.
-
After a week, Ace wakes Luffy before the sun rises. The younger boy grumbles, because the only consistent thing about Luffy is that he will rise and set with the sun. Ace ignores him and helps lace up his shoes and coats. He plops a strawhat on the boy's head. Ace uncharacteristically, carefully fastens gloves onto Luffy's hands. Ace then grabs his bag and shuffles out the door, he does not turn back to Luffy. He knows that he will be following, anyway.
Luffy walks about two feet out the door before fiddling with his gloves. When Ace's back is turned, Luffy gazes long and hard at the other boy's bare, uncovered hands. Faintly, he can spy Ace's callouses. He sees Ace clench and un-clench his fists for warmth. Luffy then looks down at his own heated hands.
Luffy tears the gloves off his hands and throws them in the bushes.
Luffy holds his hand the whole journey, wiping sleep out of his eyes. Ace pretends not to notice that his hand is warmer because of this. But he does notice that the gloves are gone. He sighs in both frustration and resignation. Every so often Luffy sniffles into the cold morning air.
"Ace," he calls, "Where are we going?" But Ace doesn't even spare Luffy a glance as he leads him through the frosted forest. Luffy sighs, because while this is unusual, Ace ignoring him isn't.
-
Eventually, they make their way back to the pond. Luffy looks at the ice and then turns to Ace in question. Ace still doesn't look at his little brother, only sits on the ground and takes out a small blade from his bag. He begins attaching the blade to the bottom of his shoe.
"We're going ice skating." He says, it is not a question. Ace tosses Luffy some sharp blade and a bit of rope to tie to his shoes. Luffy gently picks up the items and starts to examine the ice. Ace pretends that he isn't nervous about Luffy's next moves, but all Luffy does is quietly plop himself on the ground and start crafting his skates. It doesn't soothe Ace's nerves because Luffy is still quiet.
Ace shakily lowers himself onto the ice with his makeshift skates; he manages to find his balance fairly quickly. Ace skates to the middle of the pond and comes to a stop. Luffy stands at the edge of the pond and stares off to the side. Ace doesn't know exactly what he's looking at, maybe the grass, maybe the ice; but Luffy doesn't make an effort to join him on the ice. Ace can't help but think that he would if it were Sabo instead.
"Ace," Luffy starts, eyes narrowed at something on the ice; probably a bug, Ace thinks. "I don't think this is a good idea."
"It'll be fine, Luffy." He responds, doing a small lap on the ice.
"But-"
"It'll be like usual, one step ahead," Ace motions to himself, then to Luffy, "two steps behind." Luffy looks up at the words and stares deep into his eyes, everything else forgotten. He has a blank look on his face and it makes it hard for Ace to meet his gaze.
"Lu, don't you trust u- Don't you trust me?" Ace barrels on, not acknowledging the slip up. Ace knows that it's a cheap move, because Luffy will follow his brothers anywhere, whether he wants to or not. But Ace is not a leader, no matter how hard he tries. Terrible with actions, even worse with words. There was someone to balance him out at one point, but that person is long gone.
Luffy stares and stares before wordlessly taking a few steps. He doesn't look down at the ice or at the spot he was studying earlier. He focuses all his attention on Ace, and takes his first steps onto the frozen pond.
His stake then falls out from under him and Luffy promptly falls on his ass.
Luffy gets up with a groan and Ace doesn't try to contain his snickers. He doesn't go help the younger boy up but Luffy doesn't expect him to anyway. Ace skates a few more laps around the pond while Luffy slowly rises to his feet, similar to a newborn deer. As soon as he gets up, Luffy falls once again, this time he lands on his stomach and his cheek collides with the ground. Luffy grumbles from under his strawhat.
"This isn't fun." He complains.
"For you, maybe." Is Ace's retort. He completes another lap around the ice. Luffy stares intently at his path as he skates circles around him.
"I still don't think this is a good idea, Ace."
Ace slows to a stop because now he's annoyed. "I thought you wanted to go ice skating?"
And Luffy just looks at him blankly like he's the stupid one, "I never said that."
"You did!" And Ace has the strong urge to rip his hair out. He feels himself getting more and more annoyed. More frustrated, because some days it feels like everything he does is wrong. "You said that you wanted to go ice skating when we first walked by the pond. On the way to Dadan's."
Luffy now sits cross-legged on the ice and tilts his head. Ace can hear what little gears he has grinding in his mind. "I said that Sabo promised to take me ice skating." He says slowly.
"We're ice skating now, aren't we?" To prove his point, Ace skates a few more laps around the edge of the pond. Luffy eyes his skates wearily, but Ace doesn't notice.
"Yeah," Luffy puffs out his lip and keeps staring at the skates under Ace's feet. Ace figures that Luffy thinks his skates are weird.
"Why is this any different?" Luffy finally turns his gaze to Ace instead of the icy pond, and Ace registers that now Luffy is annoyed.
"Because you're not Sa-"
CRACK
Ace doesn't get to hear his next words because in that moment, the ice breaks from underneath him.
In that moment, Ace falls into the frigid water below and passes out from shock.
Luffy doesn't exactly know what he's doing here. He enjoys a good adventure. He enjoys doing whatever Ace is doing. But waking up before the sun; being dragged around while everything feels like icicles; and Ace getting annoyed despite Ace not explaining anything; is not something he enjoys.
When they arrive on the lake and Luffy finally, completely, wakes up, mostly because the bitter wind smacking him in the face; he spots in the corner of his eye little cracks along the edge of the ice.
The cracks are subtle but they claw at Luffy's attention and a feeling of unease settles in his stomach. But Ace says to trust him, so Luffy does.
But it's hard to ignore.
-
Luffy really doesn't want to be on the pond any longer than he has to, but he gets the feeling that it's not up to him. And then Ace starts spouting nonsense about how Luffy wanted to skate and it's one of the most confusing mornings Luffy has had in a while.
He doesn't get an explanation out of Ace because Luffy spots the exact moment that the ice breaks from underneath the older boy, plunging him deep into the water. The one place where Luffy cannot follow.
Luffy rushes to his feet, slipping a few times in the process and accidentally cutting his hand on the makeshift ice blades. But he pays it no mind, because Ace should have resurfaced by now.
He reaches the hole that Ace fell through and frantically tries to see if he can spot him. He puts one arm in the water and the effect is instantaneous, Luffy feels the familiar numbness overtake his appendage; but paired with the glacial temperature of the water, it takes on a deadly edge.
Luffy scrambles to his feet trying to find a way to save Ace. Dadan's is too far away, and even if Luffy manages to put a tree branch in the water, there's no way Ace would be awake to grab it.
He doesn't know what to do. There's nothing to do. His entire arm feels numb besides the slash he gave himself with the skate. Ace is running out of time, and Luffy is useless. He's gonna watch as Ace sinks deeper and deeper, gets farther and farther, and -
Luffy can't handle loosing another brother, he just can't.
Luffy rushes to the edge of the pond, deciding his best bet is to get one of the bandits, Dogra maybe. That way Ace will get rescued, even though it's a 30 minute trek from here to there, even though the mountain is getting less and less navigational because of the weather. It will be fine. Ace will be fine.
The cut on his arm is getting unbearable, stinging so violently that it makes Luffy's eyes water. But there is no reason to cry because nothing has happened and the strong don't cry. Ace wouldn't cry. But it's not just the cut that hurts, Luffy thought he had gotten stronger but it feels like he's back at Foosha. Back when someone had to save him from his own actions. It hurts so much and the unsympathetic frost digs deep into his nerves shutting the feeling of cold out and-
Wait.
Luffy stops with one skate on the ice and one already on the grass, mid preparation to make a mad dash to Dadan's. He places both skates back on the ice and shuffles to the hole once more. He chucks his strawhat to the side without a second thought. Luffy quickly sits himself on the ice and unfastens his skates. Then Luffy grabs the blades at the bottom of the shoes and pulls.
He yanks so hard that he almost falls backwards with the force when the skate finally gives. He grabs the string that was used to attach the blade to the shoe and wraps it so the metal is tied tightly around his hand. At the slightest amount of force, the knife pushes into Luffy's skin, drawing blood.
Finally, Luffy examines the break in the ice one last time, takes a deep breath, and dives in the water.
-
Its cold and numbing and he's sinking down down down. He can't move but he has to. There is something he has to do. It's getting harder to remember what that is, though.
It's cold and dark and quiet. He can't breathe, why is he here again? Where is here?
He sinks like an anchor. Ha, an anchor.
A voice laughs at him, it's not his own. But he feels happy hearing the voice. He doesn't get the joke, though.
He wants to go back to the warm; he wants to go back to the dry; he wants to go back home. But he doesn't quite remember where that is, maybe it changed?
It's dark, and he's not scared because men don't get scared, they don't cry. Why would they cry? Did something happen?
Is this how it feels to die?
Is this how Sabo felt?
Sabo?
Sabo!
Luffy jolts in the water. He squeezes his hand on reflex, causing the blade to cut deeply into his flesh. And all of a sudden, Luffy can focus a little more clearly now. He shuffles through his hazy thoughts and remembers.
Ace!
He slowly pries his eyes open. He still cannot move. The maiden of the sea has no mercy for a devil, and she does not make exceptions. He aimlessly drifts downward, every so often squeezing into the knife tied to his hand. The wound gets worse and worse, but Luffy finds that it feels better than when his finger tips were freezing.
The sea wants him to sink to the floor, to punish him for the fruit he holds in his chest. Luffy didn't get to see the sunrise today, he might never see it again. But that doesn't matter, because he might never see Ace again.
Very faintly, he spots a figure next to him floating up towards the surface. Somehow, he manages to grasp a piece of the figure's coat with the hand tied to the blade.
Ace is completely unconscious and the longer Luffy holds onto him, the deeper they both sink. If he let's go, Ace will float to the surface slowly, too slowly. And Luffy will sink down to the bottom quickly, too quickly.
Luffy doesn't problem solve often. But rarely have there been moments where he can't figure out a solution. Dread pools in his stomach. There's nothing he can do. His vision is getting darker and if he tries to draw more blood, then he will let go of Ace. And he can't do that again. He will never do that again.
-
Luffy is getting tired, it's very easy to come to terms with failure when it gets harder and harder to remember what he's failing at. His eyes droop but don't close, what was he doing again? He can't feel his body, it's too cold, too numb; why is he numb again?
He can feel his hand. It tingles like fire; how does he know what fire feels like?
Another voice asks him. It sounds distorted, muffled like he has to strain to hear him. Remember him. It's older than his own but younger than the first. It reminds Luffy of blue storybooks and stars and snark.
He feels the cloth he holds, it keeps floating up and away from him. Two steps ahead like usual, he thinks.
Like usual?
A new voice pipes up. It sounds just as young but angrier, Luffy can't help but to chase after it. He likes to think the owner of the voice slows down so Luffy can keep up. His hand is getting as cold as the rest of him, so he does what he always does.
Always does?
Its the same voice. The voice is disbelieving, Luffy doesn't know why. He really likes this voice. He won't tell anyone but it's his favorite.
He very slowly and gently releases his grip on fabric. Luffy then reaches towards the figure's limp hand and intertwines his fingers with what little energy he has.
Yes, He answers, its his own voice when he responds. Like always.
Strangely, Luffy feels content to just float like this, and closes his eyes for the final time.
-
A few moments later, Luffy's strength completely leaves him and he loses his grip in the water. His hand goes limp and he lets go of the other boy. The movement causes the blade tied to his hand to slice into flesh.
And Ace's eyes open.
Ace should be dead. Dead for over a decade, never supposed to be living in the first place. And yet. And yet his hand suddenly stings with pain and his lungs claw at his brain to fight. Fight for air, fight for life. And whether he likes it or not, Ace inherited the grit of one of the most powerful pirates to roam the seas. Like a smoldered candle, not quite alive but not dead yet, Ace's eyes open.
Ace desperately grasps Luffy's arm and swims to the surface. Because Luffy can't die. And since Luffy's always, always behind him, Ace cannot die either.
Ace has two promises, one for each brother. To take care of the youngest and to stick around long enough so that he will no longer have to.
Luffy wakes up to the sun shining, the forest moving. He's being carried on someone's back, he registers belatedly. Luffy's so very tired and he wants to go back to sleep. But his hand hurts so much and he can't quite remember why. He hears a scoff from under him and oh, Ace.
Wait Ace?
Ace! Ace is here, that's good. It couldn't hurt to take a small nap then. Since Ace is here, everything will be okay. But it seems Ace won't let him for the moment.
"One day your luck's going to run out, little brother." Ace says it like how he says men don't cry. Like how its fact, except the moment it's not.
And oh. Luffy remembers that he's annoyed at Ace. So he just hums for the moment. Because Luffy knows that. He knows that now more than ever. But the only reason he chooses to dine with Death is because Ace had given her a seat at the table. But the only reason he still dances with Tragedy is because Sabo taught them how to waltz. Luffy knows one day his luck will run out, he has a strawhat and knows a man sailing the seas with only one arm to prove it.
He knows one day his luck will run out because Luffy used to chase after the heels of two people, two pairs of shoes; before it became just one.
And Sabo is gone, gone and never coming back. And that's not okay, it will never be okay. But Ace is here, and Ace is what he has and Ace is not Sabo. He will never be Sabo. He will never have both his brothers ever again, Luffy knows.
Sabo will never get to take him ice skating, but Ace will hold his hand as the seasons change. And that's just as good.
Luffy knows this very well, so he huffs into Ace's ear while being carried, the forest flying past him with how fast the older boy is moving towards Dadan's hut. He snuggles into Ace's shoulder and feels the warmest he has all winter and replies, "I guess Ace will have to bail me out then."