Chapter Text
Have you ever done something stupid?
No, I don’t mean that time you tried a burgeoning career as a podcaster. Or that one time that started with you saying, 'Hey, watch this!" Or even when you may have drank too much a few weeks back, and decided to wager the contents of your wallet on a stupid bet.
No, I’m talking about something colossally stupid. Monumentally stupid. So far beyond the pale that the Stars themselves just...look at each other for a minute, before shrugging in a ‘Well, we tried, and now they have to deal with it’ kind of way. The kind of mistake that results in you possibly needing to dye your hair, change your name, move to Duri, and start a new life.
As you may have guessed, I’m getting a little bit ahead of myself. Let me start in the beginning. I have a while and nothing better to do, anyway.
So, it was the beginning of spring semester in…eh…2553? For anyone who cares, that’s about a year and change before the Accord formally surrendered to the Affini Compact. I was riding high, having just secured my fourth consecutive term as CEO of Amazon-Netflix…yeah, ok, I’m just fucking with you.
I was a broke-ass college student in my senior year. The place I went to was so unimportant it hardly had a name, just an acronym. RPU. Remula Planetary University. Yes, it was unimportant, despite being The premier university on Remula.
I may or may not be a somewhat unreliable narrator. Sue me.
Anyway! Senior year. Spring semester. First day back, actually. Winter break was a hell of a time here. New Year's Day was brought in with a bang; everyone woke up to some new starships orbiting the planet. Honestly, if we hadn’t all been collectively hungover as shit, it would’ve gone a lot bumpier. So when every media device turned on, we mostly just stared at the screens, listening to them talk.
The Affini Compact. A lot of us joked that the New Year's fireworks were the Accord Government’s last hurrah, throwing everything they had at the kilometers-long ships of plant matter and glass. Maybe it was? The result would’ve changed little. They were unstoppable, larger than life, and utterly terrifying.
Oh, and the ships were too, I guess.
So anyway. First week after New Year’s was particularly crazy as hell. I mean, imagine it! All of a sudden, giant three meter tall plants were just casually walking around. A lot of them. Like, the ratio on-campus was honestly in favor of them, not Terrans. It was unreal, and soon had people quickly sort themselves into one of three camps by reaction to the new reality they found themselves in.
There were the ones who freaked; sprinting at the first sign of a Weed, screaming incoherently about ‘mines’ and ‘slavery’. Also, one of them said something about a star-whale and some eggs? But no matter what they said or did, it was a coin toss on if they would simply disappear, or end up as an Affini’s pet. There was a stage the plants had built, right in place of an old statue of Bezos, center of campus. Just about every day, at least one new Floret would be gently ushered up onto the wooden platform, to publicly apologize for their previous behavior and to espouse the pleasure and happiness they now had. So, y’know, it was a bit of a vicious cycle, since that tended to make more people freak when their best friend was now a glassy-eyed pleasure zombie.
There were also the ones like me. The ‘keep your head down’ kinds. The survivors. The ones who saw the writing on the wall, and understood.
The cowards, some may call us. Though, I will note that almost everyone who would say that is now wearing a collar, so.
And it wasn’t even that hard to adapt, really. I suddenly could get all my groceries for free, so no more SynthCube-flavored ramen on the menu. The scariest part was when one of the plants actually showed up at my door, a few days post takeover. I had just hopped out of the shower when a heavy-sounding knock caused me to frantically throw on the nearest set of clothes. Upon opening said door, I came face to face with a wall of green and red. It looked like a starsdamned waterfall, and it smelled like honey. Which meant I was damp, confused, and hungry. Not a great combo. From way over my head, a musical voice spoke.
“Hello Flower! My name is Bryar Rhose, Second Bloom. Please use she/her or they/them pronouns for me. And your name is…let’s see…” The plant, Bryar, began scrolling through a rather long list of names. I held up a hand to stop her, pointing to the name affixed next to my door.
“Jackson Redfeld, ma’am. Jack.”
Bryar nodded, apparently locating me quicker with that information. She selected my name on the list, and I peered over the edge of the tablet to see…a disconcertingly large amount of my information flash by. Licenses, passports, a few school photos of me throughout the years. I was honestly baffled at how they picked up all of this so quickly. There was no way the college had all of this on-hand.
Bryar looked back at me, her eyebrow raised. I suddenly felt rather worried. What had they found? Was I going to disappear? Or worse, end up on that stage in front of everyone just…being a mindless pet?
“Petal.” She began with a much firmer tone. “You didn’t give me your pronouns! How will I refer to you if you don’t tell me!”
…Or she was just a dork. I sighed, relaxing the tension out of me. “He and him, ma’am.” She nodded in response, typing it into her tablet, before looking back up (which is to say down; she was still hella tall) at me.
“Now, I am here today to inspect the state of your living accommodations, as well as your mental and physical health. May I come inside?” Rather than waiting, she immediately came in, sort of just…flowing around me. Which was bizarre as fuck, to be honest. Like watching those schools of fish that all knew how to move at the same time, only made of plant? None of it even touched me, but the little whorls of air created as they moved past made me shiver a bit. I’m a bit ticklish.
Bryar reformed in the middle of my apartment, her titular roses ruffling as she looked around. She made a hmm of disapproval, which…not a great start, really. I tried to look and see what the problem was, but honestly, I hadn’t changed much of the place? I had transferred in halfway through the previous semester, so I hadn’t had enough time to truly make the place a mess. I guess I could’ve taken the trash out a few days ago instead of leaving it at the door in a bag, but, like…it was like five floors down! That was too much of a pain in the ass when it was New Year’s, and xenos had taken over the planet. I felt strongly that I should get a pass for that one.
Thankfully, Bryar seemed to have other concerns. She finished taking notes, snapped a few pictures of the rusty pipes overhead (they added flavor to my meals, regardless of personal preference) and a video of the whole space. I felt awkward being in it, so I tried to turn my face away, while pretending to look at a certain spot of blank wall.
Satisfied, Bryar patted my bed, taking a seat next to it, and looking at me expectedly. Which was worrying, but I swallowed my fear and did as I was told.
She pulled up a new document, and went through what sounded like a pretty normal questionnaire for health…ish.
“How much exercise do you get in an average seven-day period?”
“Um…well, probably about two or three hours? The walk to the nearby bus is a bit far…”
“What about hobbies? Or any recreational activity?”
“I used to play piano, though I haven’t had a chance since coming here. Oh! And I used to stargaze, I guess. Harder to do here, with the smog. I also read a lot? That counts, right?”
Bryar nodded. “Of course it does, petal. Now how about any prescriptions, or other drug use? Legal or not, you won’t get in trouble with us.”
I blinked at that a little. Did they have space weed? They were made of plant…maybe smoking weed is like murder to them? “Just some antidepressants and the like. Just got my three-month refill before you all…came. So I think I’m set.”
“And recreational drug use?”
I shook my head. “Too expensive, and doesn’t go well with my meds. Also, I kinda have anxiety about drinking, so. Not for me.” Speaking of anxiety, my leg was starting to excitedly bounce. I super did not feel comfortable about any of this. I began to rock a bit back and forth, trying to release the nervous energy.
If Bryar noticed, she didn’t make any indication. Instead, she just smiled and stood up. Well, she kind of just flowed up from a sitting to standing position, disregarding constraints like a skeleton entirely.
“Thank you, dear. I think we’ll be in touch soon. Your current living accommodations are…a bit small, and not very well-kept. We would love to transfer you to one of our Hab units closer to the college. So far, about 90% of this building is doing the same, or similar, so you aren’t alone!”
I nodded, trying not to look dumbfounded (and failing miserably). “Sure, I…yeah, that would be great. Is it like the groceries, where I don’t have to pay anymore? And to be clear, I also don’t want to work or anything in exchange, either. Indentured servitude isn't really my thing.”
Bryar looked aghast, as if I had accused her of puppy murder. “We would never! You should have access to your new place by the end of the day, and I can contact a service to transfer anything from here that you want, also without charge. Though, if I could offer some advice, I would recommend leaving most of the furniture that isn’t of sentimental value. We have far higher quality versions available upon move-in.”
Well then.
“Yeah, all the furniture here isn’t mine. You’re welcome to destroy it with extreme prejudice, especially this bed. It sucks, and I hate it immensely.”
So! First encounter with another xeno, and first encounter with our new plant overlords. Overall, a solid B- in performance. Good effort, needed work. But the place they had set up for me was fucking incredible. The bed was the size of my old kitchen, the kitchen was the size of my whole old apartment, and the bathtub was a pool. Just…a pool. The one your one friend with the rich parents had out back. Except now it was mine and I could make it a hot tub by asking the literal AI helper thing in the Hab. Which I immediately named Eksy, by the way. That’s super important and not just because of my ADHD, I swear.
The space was awesome, and I even got a top floor, which really sold the penthouse feel. It even came with a magical machine called a compiler that could just…make shit. Anything you could think of. For free.
I had wondered if I had somehow eaten an expired SynthCube and was currently in a coma, racking up medical debt like no tomorrow. All of this was impossible and amazing, and I think I smiled more in that first week than I had all last year. I was floating on asteroid nine.
And then…then I got an email. At first, I thought it was another attempt by the Affini to invite me to a mixer, or some thinly veiled effort to get me to go to the nearest ‘Domestication Center’. I had just trashed those. This one almost followed it, but I noticed the official seal of the university right before hitting delete. Which meant I had to actually read it.
By the way, not a great sign when the Dean sends you an e-mail titled “Hi Cutie!~ We have some special news for you!” Especially because I knew for a fact that up till very recently, it was an oldass white dude. Then again, that was like 80% of the staff here anyway.
Dear Jackson Redfeld,
I am writing to inform you that a class you had selected this upcoming semester, English Literature 221, has been canceled, due to the professor retiring in lieu of becoming a lovely floret!
Not to worry, though!~ To help, we have created and enrolled you in an equivalent course, Terran Literature 221, which will be taught this semester by Vera Aconita, Fourth Bloom (she/her). If you have any questions, you can reach out to her via her chat handle, <VVolfsBane> .
We look forward to making sure you are the best version of yourself you can be!
Sincerely,
Dean Chrysalia Renata, Seventh Bloom (xey/xem)
I had to reread it twice over to be sure.
It was…a lot.
On the one hand, a terrifying plant person in charge of my last class I needed to take outside of my major. But on the other hand…I no longer had to deal with the previous professor, Steve Averys. Averys was an asshole, no two ways about it. He had tenure, and so got to bully students, give shitty grades, and generally swing his tiny dick around like he owned the world of English classes at RPU. And now…he might show up on that weirdass stage in the center of campus, espousing his love for his new Owner. Because there is no way in hell that a power-tripping bastard like Averys volunteered for it. Stars, I hoped I didn’t miss it already. Maybe someone would’ve recorded it for posterity?
Oh, right. Forgot to mention. The third kind of person that reacted to the Weeds. Remember? You were either a Rebel, a Coward…or a Volunteer. Just walked straight up to the nearest tree and asked to be collared forever and a day. Hell of a way to throw away your life, if you'd have asked me. Which...you didn’t, but I will be continuing anyway!
The next week leading up to classes passed in a blur. The new apartment I was at, the ‘Hab’ I now stayed in? Turns out it was not student-only accommodations. Affini and their pet Florets were also moving in, and in fact many weren't even going to RPU. Which I probably should have seen coming; the entire place was built with huge giants in mind. There were these little ladders and ramps and stairs built into everything, but many Terrans found it was just easier and quicker to get an Affini to help. I…did not do that. I preferred to stay out of sight, out of mind. I assumed my neighbors were nice, but I never bothered introducing myself.
I did have some time to explore some of my old hobbies! Bryar Rhose sent me this insane telescope, though it was many times more impressive than anything I had ever used previous. I even managed to see an Affini’s daily flower arrangement in their Hab…on one of the ships orbiting the planet. It was daisies the day classes started, if you wanted to know.
First day of classes was always great. You never had to do anything besides:
- Say your name (Optional)
- Read through a syllabus. (Also Optional)
Homework was usually ‘come back to class, moron’. My first three classes had breezed by, and I got to enjoy some free five-star food from the cafeteria, which now offered fucking everything ever because compilers. If you closed your eyes and listened that first week, most eateries sounded like an orgy, as people enjoyed real food for the first time in years.
…Where was I? Right! Classes. Almost all of my classes were expected and normal. Almost all.
My last class of the day was Terran Literature 221. It was scheduled Monday through Thursday at 1700-1830. I arrived about twenty minutes early to an empty auditorium. The class was usually a lecture-based one, with anywhere from two to four hundred students packed into the room. Right now, the rows and rows of seats were completely bare. I had taken Averys’ last class in here too, so I knew the left side of the room always got way too cold in the winter from shitty insulation, so I would have had to walk over to the right side, passing the fucking massive teacher’s desk and lectern, before hopping up the stairs to the last row, where I could access the internet (now outernet? Affini are weird) in peace.
Unfortunately, just as I passed the desk, I heard the entrance open behind me. A voice, similar to Bryar’s but more…dark and sultry, echoed across the room.
“Hello petal~”
At the time, I was pretty sure this is how I was going to wind up like Averys. Trapped alone in a darkened classroom, the only available exit blocked by a Weed. I slowly turned, facing my doom.
Only to be pleasantly surprised? The Affini I was looking at was more like a librarian than anything scary? She was even wearing Terran clothing, instead of the facsimile of clothing most of her kind wore. She had on a brown turtleneck-looking thing, and one of those floor-length plaid skirts. Her ‘hair’ was swept back into a high ponytail. She also had on some kind of heels, which softly clicked as she closed the distance between us rapidly.
I had basically frozen, hyperfixating on every bit of her I could see. Her face was elegant, like elves were sometimes described. Her hands were slender and smooth, though her thorny nails were just sharp enough to imply danger. Her right arm had a thick stripe of flowers running down its outside. Her eyes, all four of them, glowed purple.
She exuded calm confidence, and stopped in front of me, one hand on a hip.
“Umm…hi?” I eloquently replied, probably while drooling. Stars, she was hot. Like, don’t get me wrong, Bryar was hot, but…this Affini was hot. And the smirk she gave me told me she knew it, too. Her next words were just as smooth as before.
“May I have your name, dear?”
“Oh! Yeah, Jackson. Jack, I mean. Call me Jack, please. Ma’am.” I was a shining example of charisma. A true beacon of suaveness. Thankfully, she didn’t even seem to notice or care, just pulling out a tablet and checking a roster.
“Ah, there we are. Jackson Redfeld. Senior, majoring in Mechanical Engineering.” Her hand extended unnaturally long, gently laying her tablet on the lectern, before snapping back to its original length. “Well, I am Vera Aconita, Fourth Bloom, as you hopefully read from the memo sent out earlier this week.” Her hand now came in my direction, and I flinched backwards slightly. Up close, I could tell just how much bigger she was. She could easily palm not only a basketball, but also probably close to my wholeass chest. I hesitantly accepted, feeling the layers of leaves cool to the touch.
“Nice to meet you, ma’am.”
She laughed at that…I think? Affini laughter sounds a bit more nature-y than Terran laughter, to be honest. “Please. Miss Aconita or Professor will do more than fine. No need to be quite so formal here.”
I nodded, realizing my hand (and lower arm) were still wrapped in plant. Thankfully, she must’ve seen my discomfort and let me go immediately. I let my arm drop awkwardly beside me, trying to ignore how my overly-sensitive skin tingled slightly upon release.
I gave an awkward half-nod, half bow thing, and turned to make my way to the stairs. Unfortunately, as soon as I put one foot on the first step, I felt a vine firmly hold my shoulder, and I heard Miss Aconita did a fairly decent impression of a Terran clearing their throat.
“I’d actually prefer it if you sat closer to me, Jack. I’m afraid it’s quite dark up in the back of this room, and until we swap out the seating and lighting, you should sit down here. How about right...here?” The vine gently spun me around, while another pointed to the front-row seat dead center in front of her desk.
Hell no.
I shook my head rapidly. “Sorry, I can’t. Not a big fan of crowds. I’ll sit over here, though! So I’m still close.” I nervously brushed off her vine, walking over to the far right seat in the corner. It was still front row, so it was a fair compromise, I thought.
Miss Aconita smiled, pleased. She looked like she was about to say something further, but the door behind her opened, and she immediately whirled around to introduce herself to the incoming students.
I set up my tablet, pulling up my note-taking app and stylus. I watched as the Affini introduced herself to nearly everyone, and was very…handsy with all of them as well. I did notice she also did her best to make sure everyone was as close to the front as possible. This class was historically packed full, so I resolved to just move back to the last row tomorrow.
Unfortunately, when 1700 rolled around and the new students stopped appearing, only half the class looked filled. Much less than normal. I guessed the fear of Weeds did that one.
Miss Aconita didn’t even appear to notice, merely taking her place at the front of the room, and leaning back against the massive desk while crossing her legs.
“Well. Good Afternoon class. Welcome to Terran Lit 221. I look forward to working with you all. Are you ready to begin?”
So in case you wondered, classes with an Affini for a Professor were…a little bit different. Instead of syllabi, she sent us all digital copies of our texts. Just…all of them. For free. It was a starsdamned miracle. She didn’t try to make us do any icebreakers either, which I definitely preferred. Instead, Miss Aconita seemingly possessed an eidetic memory, easily recalling the full names and pronouns of everyone, even by their voice alone. It was incredible.
She explained that obviously she hadn’t as much experience as the previous professor, but had taught similar equivalent classes before, for other species. She also said Averys’ name with carefully veiled disdain, something that made me cover my mouth to hide my smile.
Oh, except it was now Steve Nyaletta, Third Floret! Fucking hilarious.
After that, we launched into the first book pretty much immediately. I hadn’t actually ever read Alice in Wonderland? But we were told to read the first bit silently, and to come in tomorrow expecting to act out some of the parts. Which was…unexpected, I guess. Little bit more high school than I had expected for a 200-level college class.
Honestly, I didn’t get much of the reading done; I don’t think any of us did. We were all distracted by the fourteen foot green leafy elephant in the room. Miss Aconita sat at her desk, casually answering questions about anything the students asked with obvious passion and interest. Most queries were about the newly assigned book, but one enterprising student wanted to know what “Fourth Bloom” meant. Apparently the answer is ‘Around 1200 Terran cycles, petal’. Which…wow. Hell of a GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGMILF.
Ok, that was bad. But I’m not apologizing! Besides, I didn’t say anything like that at the time, of course. Honestly, I was way beyond shy, both because I still hadn’t made any friends at the college, and also because, and I cannot stress this enough, a literal alien invasion conquered the planet and now one of them is talking about Lewis Carroll.
Thus, the rest of the class passed by with minimal work accomplished. When time was up, we all collected our things and began to move towards the door. However, all of our fancy new Affini-made tablets chimed in harmony (which sounded absolutely ethereal, like an organ in a cathedral). Miss Aconita raised a vine.
“That would be me giving you all my office hours. I currently do not have an office on-campus, so I also forwarded my Hab address, which is nearby. If you have any questions, feel free to send me a message!” Miss Aconita’s voice somehow pierced through the cacophony of two hundred people leaving simultaneously with ease. I flipped open my tablet, noting the times she was free, before stopping at her address with a mixture of shock and confusion.
I stayed back, waiting until the last student had left. Miss Aconita had just finished…absorbing all her work materials into her chest, and turned to face me, somehow completely unsurprised by my presence.
“Ah, there you are Jack! I was sad you hadn’t contributed today. Hopefully tomorrow you’ll offer some of your perspective?”
I blinked. “Oh! I, sure, I guess. I can try. But I actually had a question about your address. Do you live in the same building as I do?”
She cocked her head slightly while pulling her tablet out of her side (again, weird). A few quick taps later, and her smile grew. “Actually, I’m not! I am in the Hab across the street, though. Mine is a standalone unit, per my request.”
I nodded in relief. I couldn’t imagine accidentally meeting her in the elevator every other day. Then she might've asked to walk with me to class, or something equally terrifying.
“Right. Thank you. Have a good day, Ma’-I mean, Miss Aconita!”
As the door was closing, I faintly heard her chuckle when replying. “Of course. It was so nice to meet you, dear!~”