Archive of Our Own

Welcome to the liner notes for toxic old man yaoi Anguish™️: a kenstewy playlist!! Link to the Spotify playlist here!

The playlist is 40 songs, about 2.5 hours long. The first 20 songs are from Kendall’s POV, the next 20 songs are from Stewy’s POV. I went with 40 songs because tbh it's not clear to me if by the end of the show they're 43 (Arian and Jeremy's actual age) or 40 (is in-show time 2 years since Logan had two birthdays??), so I went with the even number lol.  

Each POV has a rough narrative arc via the lyrics. The transition from one POV to another also has a whole symmetry thing going on, which I’ll explain in the liner notes. 

In my mind (and it seems in that of nearly all of us who ships these fuckers), Ken and Stewy have more or less been in a 20 year long situationship lmao, and so the narrative arcs for each of them spans those 20 years. I organized the liner notes into “phases” to that end (this will make sense, I promise).

This is definitely, not required but I do think going to Settings > Playback> toggling on Crossfade songs> setting it to 3 seconds makes this playlist an optimal experience.

Lastly, I'd be remiss not to mention that track (1) was inspired by this amazing fic: WANT by stewyonmolly and track (38) was inspired by this one: ruin it all over (for you) by depressedbarbie. The writers in this fandom are nothing short of extraordinary and I am in awe of you 🫡🥰.

Kendall POV

Harvard

• [EDIT] (1) 14th Street— Rufus Wainwright: It was really hard to pick a song to start this playlist, but in the end I landed on Rufus Wainwright because he just really cuts to the core of every sad little gay’s heart, even Little Lord Fuckleroy. Also this album came out roughly around when Ken and Stewy would be in undergrad (2003) and I can definitely see 20 year old Ken squirreling this CD away to listen to late at night.
  • You got my lost brother's soul / My dear mother's eyes / A brown horse's mane
  • But, why'd you have to break all my heart? / Couldn't you have saved a little bit of it? / Why'd you have to break all my heart? / Couldn't you have saved a minor part?
• (2) Falling for You — Weezer: Rivers Cuomo wrote Pinkerton (the album) while he was at Harvard, and he is an annoying, sleazy white man who performs feminism but definitely hates women, so I knew I had to include a song from the album.
  • But I’m shaking at your touch / I like you way too much / My baby, I’m afraid I’m falling for you / I’d do about anything to get the hell out alive / Or maybe I would rather settle down with you
    
    
• (3) Old College Try — The Mountain Goats: A cruelly ironic title for a song that portends great anguish and tragedy for these maladaptive business bros! Tallahassee (the album) also came out in 2003, so same 20 year old Ken squirreling away this CD image.
  • Our love has never had a leg to stand on / From the aspirins to the cross-tops to the Elevils
  • I want to say sorry for stuff I haven’t done yet / Things will shortly get completely out of hand
    
    
• (4) Black Licorice — Peach Pit: The best way I can describe this song is as perfect for a dance break at a pity party. Also, my brother introduced me to this song when he was in college, so continuing that undergrad theme.
  • If you don’t even wanna say my name anymore / that’s fine / ‘Cause I’m so wasted, I don’t mind
  • I’m just black licorice / And all the people that I know / Would rather leave me in the bowl
    
    
• (5) Unloveable — The Smiths: If Black Licorice was the dance break at the pity party, this is the song a hammered Kendall plays to hard pivot a final club party into a pity party. Obviously Stewy had to collect him and take him back to his dorm.
  • I know I’m unloveable / You don’t have to tell me / I don’t have much in my life / But take it, it’s yours

Situationship

• (6) I Want You To Love Me — Fiona Apple: I think the majority of Kendall and Stewy’s encounters from their twenties into their thirties are Kendall showing up at Stewy’s apartment at odd hours, desperate to escape his Norman Rockwell/King Lear nightmare life, but have his cake and eat it too. 🤡
  • And I know when I go / All my particles disband and disperse
  • And while I’m in this body / I want somebody to want / And I want, what I want, and I want / You to love me / You
    
    
• (7) Francis Forever— Mitski: It is a truth universally acknowledged that Mitski has the Succession fandom in a chokehold, but I mean…with good reason.
  • Honestly, the whole song LOL
    
    
• (8) A Pearl — Mitski: The Fuckleroy Pity Party is starting to maybe need a wellness check 😬
  • The whole song again, I am a 🤡 for Mitski I’m sorry lmao
    
    
• (9) Andromeda — Weyes Blood: Kendall goes AWOL, breaks into the Roy summer house, drops acid, and answers Stewy after 15 missed calls from him with this.
  • Stop calling / It’s time to let me be / If you think you can save me / I’d dare you to try
    
    
• (10) You or Your Memory — The Mountain Goats: The album this is from, The Sunset Tree, came out in 2005, roughly when Kendall and Stewy would have graduated from Harvard. I imagine Ken would revisit an album from his twenties rife with daddy issues, anger, self-loathing, and longing for a past broken love at his rock bottom.
  • Lord if I make it through tonight / Then I will mend my ways / And walk the straight path to the end of my days / St. Joseph’s baby Aspirin / Bartles and Jaymes / And you or your memory

Mid-Life Crisis

• (11) Dylan Thomas — Better Oblivion Community Center: Kendall’s first stint in rehab (which I think would be called the Better Oblivion Community Center) teaches him a self-indulgent nihilism that will dictate his life going forward.
  • They say you’ve gotta fake it / At least until you make it / That ghost is just a kid in a sheet
  • I’m getting used to these dizzy spells / I’m taking a shower at the Bates Motel / I’m getting greedy with this private hell / I’ll go it alone, but that’s just as well
    
    
• (12) Hotline Bling — Drake: PSYCH! Kendall can’t keep away from Stewy for long. In the words of Al Pacino in The Godfather (lol), “just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in”. Also I agonized over how to make this song ✨ flow ✨ in the playlist, but honestly I think it works better as a jumpscare lmao.
  • 🤡🤡🤡
    
    
• (13) Oxytocin — Billie Eilish: honestly the next 3 songs are really Kendall in his coke-fueled fuckboy era.
  • You know I need you for the oxytocin / If you find it hard to swallow / I can loosen up your collar / ‘Cause as long as you’re still breathing / Don’t you even think of leaving
    
    
• (14) Love Me More — Mitski: I love the frenetic melodrama of this song. Yes this is the THIRD Mitski song, don’t come for me unless I send for you!!
  • The whole song, I am bitch for Mitski 🙉
    
    
• (15) Kollage — Carly Rae Jepsen: Hmm, I guess less coke-fueled here, more crossfaded. Less 😈🍆 more 🥵😩.
  • Living with uncertainty like nothing really matters / Passed the future on my way to work / And found myself back in bed with you
  • Did I do it for myself / Hard to know for sure / Did I hurt somebody else? / ‘Cause you’re the one thing / Nothing really matters, but it matters if it matters to you

Honesty, is such a lonely word

• (16) This Tornado Loves You — Neko Case: What it says on the tin. This song is Kendall finding the strength and will to pursue Stewy, but he’s already gone 🫠.
  • My love I am the speed of sound / I left them motherless, fatherless / Their souls dangling inside-out from their mouths / But it’s never enough
  • This tornado loves you / What will make you believe me? / This tornado loves you
    
    
• (17) When We Were Young — Adele: I know people fixate on “Hello” from 25 (the album), but this is the best song on the album imo. Kendall goes to his Harvard reunion with the sole goal of finding Stewy and, well…
  • Can I have a moment? / Before I go? / `Cause I've been by myself all night long / Hoping you're someone I used to know
  • And a part of me keeps holding on / Just in case it hasn’t gone / I guess I still care / Do you still care?
    
    
• (18) Nothing Fades Like the Light — Orville Peck: I think if Ken is resigned to never being his soulmate, he’s going to think of himself as a gay bronco riding off into the sunset 🤠🙄
  • Something tells me, you know why I lie / But nothing fades like the light
  • Some say I should learn to cry / But I only learned how to fight / And I know everything must die / But nothing fades like the light

Pivoting POVs

• (19) You Only Live Once — The Strokes: As we know, Kendall is a man who is forever saying YOLO in the wrong place at the wrong time. Also, The Strokes are all Upper East Side posers, which is too fitting.
  • Twenty ways to see the world, oh / And twenty ways to start a fight, oh / Oh don’t, don’t, don’t get up / I can’t see the sunshine / I’ll be waiting for you, baby / ‘Cause I’m through / Sit me down / Shut me up / I’ll calm down / And I’ll get along with you
    
    
• (20) Maar Dala — Kavita Krishnamurthy, KK: Ok, stick with me here. Maar Dala means “it’s killing me”; in context, she’s a "reformed" courtesan singing about her ardent feelings for her lover, a messy af man named Devdas. The song is from a Y2K romantic drama Bollywood movie called Devdas. It has a convoluted plot of forbidden, tragic love and this song in particular is iconic for being deeply sensual yet foreboding. It’s worth checking out!
  
  I love this song, but I specifically picked it because Bollywood is famously quite popular in Iran/the Iranian diaspora. I can definitely see Sadeq Hosseini watching this as an in my feelings ™️/comfort watch, if that makes sense (been there too, homie).
  
  
• (21) I’ll Try Anything Once — The Strokes: This song is the demo version of You Only Live Once (19). It has the same chorus, but is much more subdued and angsty rather than brash and angry. I think the two songs mirror each other in a way that fits this old man yaoi Anguish™️ well.
  • When I said, “I can see me in your eyes” / You said, “I can see you in my bed” / That’s not just friendship, that’s romance, too / You’re like music we can dance to / Sit me down / Shut me up / I’ll calm down / And I’ll get along with you

Stewy POV

Harvard

• (22) The Hand That Feeds — Nine Inch Nails: Stewy is asking the hard questions!!
  • Will you bite the hand that feeds? / Will you chew until it bleeds / Can you get up off your knees? / Are you brave enough to see?
    
    
• (23) EXPIRATION DATE — MICHELLE: Stewy be like, “This is fine”, “This is fine”, “This is fine”
  • You and I have got an expiration date / But for now got no regrets / While I’ve got you in my head
    
    
• (24) Harvard — Diet Cig: I was contractually obligated to, I don’t make the rules. Enter: Rava 🙃
  • You never wanted to date a college girl / Well, I hope you got something out of that deal / Or made your parents proud / I bet she’s not as loud
    
    
• (25) I Don’t Wanna Be Funny Anymore — Lucy Dacus: Even the great Stewy "I like weird sex and bad drugs" Hosseini needs a break.
  • Yeah, I’ll be the gossip, hear it through the grapevine / Pass it on, she’s done with the old times / That funny girl doesn’t wanna smile for awhile
    
    
• (26) favorite crime — Olivia Rodrigo: Stewy’s ready to button this up, he’s got places to be and private equity. 2 minutes 32 seconds to wallow and then he's done (🤡).
  • Doe-eyed as you buried me / One heart broke, four hands bloody / The things I did / Just so I could call you mine / The things you did / Well, I hope I was your favorite crime

Situationship

• (27) Pressure To Party — Julia Jacklin: doginroomonfire.gif
  • Pressure to party, gonna stay in / Nothing good can come from me drinking / I would run, shoes off, straight back to you / I know where you live, I used to live there too 
    
    
• (28) I Want You — Mitski: Stewy bought the album this is on for the bit (Retired from Sad, New Career in Business) and then got his shit absolutely rocked. Also last Mitski song, promise!!
  • 🤡🤡🤡
    
    
• (29) Evergreen (You Didn’t Deserve My Love) — Omar Apollo: The other side of the Harvard reunion (17). Tell him, Stewy!! Fuck that doe-eyed bitch!!
  • Had to stop before I’d break myself / Shoulda broke it off to date myself / You didn’t deserve me at all, at all, at all
    
    
• (30) Night Shift — Lucy Dacus: Stewy’s POV on all these feverish witching hour encounters with Kendall (6).
  • Am I a masochist, resisting urges to punch you in the teeth / Call you a bitch and leave? / Why did I come here? To sit you and watch you stare at your feet? / What was the plan? Absolve your guilt and shake hands?

Mid-life Villain Era (Stewy is above crises)

• (31) Criminal — Fiona Apple: This Sad Girl has got bark and bite!! Stewy is positively tickled by the Catholic vibes of this song.
  • I’ve got to make a play to make my lover stay / So what would an angel say? The devil wants to know
    
    
• (32) watch — Billie Eilish: Stewy loves Billie, but bad guy is too on the nose for him. This is on the right side of bye bitch 👋🏼 💅🏼.
  • When you close your eyes, do you picture me? / When you fantasize, am I your fantasy? / Now you know / Now I’m free / I’ll sit and watch your car burn / With the fire you started in me
    
    
• (33) When You Die — MGMT: Stewy sends this to Kendall in response to a u up? message and blocks him for a month.
  • Don’t you have somewhere to be at seven thirty? / I’ve got some work to do / I’m gonna eat your heart out 
    
    
• (34) I Know — Fiona Apple: Last Fiona Apple song, I promise! TBH I’m surprised she doesn’t have the Succession fandom in a chokehold. This is Stewy being less of a villain, and more honest couched in know-it-all fake apathy.
  • While you try to find the lines to speak your mind / And pry it open, hoping for an encore / And if it gets too late for me to wait / For you to find you love me, and tell me so / It’s okay / Don’t need to say it

Honesty, is such a lonely word

• (35) Boyish — Japanese Breakfast: The morning of Shiv’s wedding, Stewy found a grey hair and it really sent him into a spiral.
  • I can’t get you off my mind / I can’t get you off in general / So here we are, we’re just two losers / I want you and you want something more beautiful
    
    
• (36) Happier Than Ever — Billie Eilish: It’s giving a drunk text Stewy sent Kendall after the failed bear hug/their scene in The Summer Palace (S2E1). He was left on read and strongly considered throwing his phone into the Hudson.
  • I don’t relate to you / I don’t relate to you, no / ‘Cause I’d never treat me this shitty / You made me hate this city
  • You ruined everything good / Always said you were misunderstood / Made all my moments your own / Just fucking leave me alone
    
    
• (37) I’m Still Your Fag — Broken Social Scene: What it says on the tin 😭 😫
  
  
• (38) Savior Complex — Phoebe Bridgers: Stewy goes for runs on the East River Greenway and he keeps hitting PRs listening to this song over and over, and he can’t tell his sweat from his tears. He stops to vape and stare at the Long Island City Pepsi-Cola sign and dissociate. One of those yappy little maltese dogs almost every Upper East Side bubbie has nips at his ankles, startling him, and he keeps running.
  • Baby, you’re a vampire / You want blood and I promised / I’m a bad liar / With a savior complex
    
    
• (39) the last great american dynasty — Taylor Swift: Stewy’s POV at the end of With Open Eyes (S4E10).
  • There goes the last great American dynasty / Who knows if she never showed up, what could’ve been / She had a marvelous time ruinin’ everything
    
    
• (40) King — Florence + The Machine: You tell him, Stewy!! You tell him!! But also the agony the doomed love of these capitalist pigs puts me in 😩🫠
  • But you need your rotten heart / Your dazzling pain like diamond rings / You need to go to war to find material to sing / I am no mother, I am no bride, I am king

And that’s it!! LMK know how you’re feeling on a scale of 1-10 after all of that 🥲.