Chapter Text
You were last to arrive in the dining room, avoidant of the morning tension. You hoped you were walking into the aftermath of the scene; you couldn’t stand to hear anyone else crying so early. Instead of joining everyone on time, you ran two laps around the perimeter, soaking the sweat off your face into your sweater. You didn’t want to see the faces of disappointment at the table, tears shed over loved ones in pain, the outrage, the candor. Your tablet was still sewn beneath your mattress where you had left it last night. You didn’t have to participate—you didn’t want to participate. You wanted to do things your way, and right now, that involved not participating, not baring the contents of your video to the rest of the clan.
And you didn’t want to see Kokichi’s plan fail. Fail to bring you all together. Fail to save everyone from the temptation to kill. If someone like Kaede could plan a murder, there wasn’t anyone that was secured from that temptation. But he was trying. You wanted to try, too, but not yet. You weren’t even sure if you were sad about your motive video. Certainly, you felt a creeping despair, a confusion that made you dizzy—a side of yourself you didn’t want to show to everyone again.
You were like an open wound, bleeding a trail of your soul wherever you went. It leeched into the grass behind you, across the courtyard, across the patio, through the door.
“...Maaaan, you guys are boring.”
You stopped in your tracks as you came face-to-face with Kokichi. His eyes brightened.
“Oh. We were looking for you.”
Serrated and coy. You glanced at the table and saw… livelier faces than you were expecting. Everyone was still present, even Ryoma and Maki. Some people were still caught up in conversation, laughing, wiping tears.
“Hey, don’t worry.” Kaede raised her fists from the far end of the table and smiled, voice light. “I told everyone else that your video was safe, so you don’t have to show us!”
“O-oh, uh…”
It was hard to get your bearings with all eyes staring at you. You were shocked to see Maki sitting at the table with her head seated beneath Kaito’s hand. He patted her head like an owner and his dog, smiling with the last words of whatever conversation you had interrupted. Maki could only tolerate it for a moment before striking his wrist with her fist.
“Yeowch! Y-you’ve got a right hook on you, haha!”
“It makes sense since she’s the Ultimate Assassin,” Himiko replied. So they already shared the rest of their videos.
“Yeah, but Maki already said she wasn’t gonna use any of that stuff,” Kaito said.
Tablets were spread along the dining table next to bowls of rice and eggs. Kokichi’s hands were empty, though. He stuck his hand in his pocket—you tried not to stare, didn’t know how to get close enough for a passed note, so shy were you that you already stepped out of his way to let him leave. You didn’t even know if he had a note for you or if it was just hopeful thinking, wishing you’d be able to get to talk to him again outside of this killing game. Outside in the privacy of darkness, in the privacy of poolside solitude.
How could you talk if you couldn’t even look at him? You still couldn’t believe yourself, that you could forget. You hadn’t been this close to him since the night at the pool. All that while you had a boyfriend. But you didn’t want to forget it—you didn’t want to pretend it didn’t happen, even when Kokichi seemed so set on pretending otherwise. He was refusing to look at you, looking over the room with dark and narrowed eyes, always hunting an some opportunity.
“Oh, I’m glad you’re here!” Kaede snapped your eyes back to her with a clap of her hands. “We all agreed Gonta’s gonna seal off Maki’s room with an iron bar, so we don’t have to worry about what’s in her room!”
“C’mon, isn’t it more fun to leave it open so someone can use it? I think it’d be way cooler to have someone die by gunshot than a Rube Goldberg.” Kokichi grinned cheekily. Kaede’s nose crinkled.
“No way!” Tenko shouted. “This is much safer. You degenerate, you’re just obsessed with guns, like all boys!”
“You can kill with things that aren’t weapons,” Ryoma hummed. “But I have no room to speak. If you guys are comfortable being in a room with a killer like me, then I think the same should go for her.”
“B-but you’re two-fuckin’-feet tall!” Miu grunted.
“C’mon, just look at her. A little thing like Maki can’t hurt anyone,” Kaito sighed, scratching at the back of his head. Maki flushed red, possibly from anger, considering how she glared up at Kaito. Still, she was hesitant to speak. She looked surprised, as if she hadn’t expected that anyone would defend her, let alone welcome her.
“There is certainly an interesting mix of talents chosen for this killing game,” Korekiyo pondered.
“I’m not so much afraid of the Ultimate Assassin as that guy…” Tsumugi’s eyes drifted to Kokichi. He pouted, balling his fists.
“Maaan, I really wanted you guys to start arguing and tie Maki up or something… Oh well! I’ll just have to think of another way to get you guys not to cooperate!”
He suddenly grinned and waved, turning on his heel to leave. You stepped back towards the frame, following his eyes.
“H-hey, um…”
“Hmm?”
His hum was soothing as lavender, the same color as the twinkle in his eye when he looked at you.
“We’re all going to the pool later still, I think, so…”
“Yes, I’m about to prepare beverages for our recession at the pool,” Kirumi said, a gentle smile gracing her face. “Does anyone have any special requests?”
“Gonta would like floral tea, please!”
“As I’ve said before, I cannot consume food or drinks, but I will allow myself to charge mid-day to join you all.”
“Awww, but Keebo, I really think you could float if we get enough floaties for you!”
“Do you think you got away with it?”
You turned to look back at Kokichi. He winked at you, and you tried not to blush at the first glimmer of warmth in days. He continued in a hushed voice.
“I’m not a big fan of swimming but I’ll come see you, so don’t miss me for too long, ‘kay? I’ve got a little present for you.”
He disappeared around the door. Slowly, you let yourself come to the table and sink into the conversation about pool party preparations, letting yourself forget about the killing game.
…
You were one of the last to come to the pool. It seemed you were moving like molasses today. In their excitement, the bounciest of the bunch ran off to the warehouse to get their swimsuits. Some reluctant ones were pulled, like Maki and Ryoma, whom Kaito insisted they both make an appearance and be part of the group. Korekiyo left slowly, as did Angie. Finally, you and Kaede left the room in silence, trailing at the end of the crowd.
“Hey… what’d you say about my video?” you asked quietly. Kaede lifted her head, a nervous smile coming to her face.
“I didn’t say anything, really. I just told them it was someone normal and you weren’t hiding anything.”
“Oh, okay. Well… thank you,” you said lamely, passing into the warehouse. You still didn’t know how to talk about the subject. Kaede didn’t seem to judge you, but that didn’t stop you from feeling dirty either way.
“No problem!” Kaede rubbed at her arm. “Um, I’m sorry I pressed the… Kokichi thing. I had no idea.”
“It’s okay. I didn’t either,” you muttered.
“Hmm? What’d you say?”
“Ah, nothing…”
You two followed the cluster of people crowding the shelf. After grabbing two swimsuits, you went to the pool room towards the changing rooms. Through a door and a short hall, there were two bamboo changing rooms. Last to come, last to change—you had waited some time to enter, chatting with Kaede about the tiles on the ground and the neverending sunshine, anything except your video. Finally, when it was your turn to go in, you split off into the separate changing rooms.
You always changed in the dark, but that wasn’t an option here. You considered fleeing to your bathroom to change, but everyone else had already done it here—it had to be fine… right? Slowly, you mustered the courage to shed your clothes, hugging your arms close to your body. Quickly, you tugged on your swimsuit.
“H-hey, aren’t these kinda…?”
Kaede’s voice echoed in the room. You blushed at the sound, at the air chilling your stomach and chest. There was way too much skin exposed, and the bottoms clung a little too tight for your liking. Maybe your swimsuit was just a size too small. Actually, it probably was—strange considering how little appetite you’d had since you came.
“Um, I think I grabbed one that’s too small for me.”
“Oh, really? I can grab you a new one.”
“You don’t have to do that—”
“It’s fine! It’s a hassle to change all over again. I’ll be right back!”
It was quiet in the room. The sounds of laughter and splashing trickled their way in. You could hear every breath you made, every shift in your body as you stripped off your swimsuit.
You looked different since you first came in. You weren’t the one with the gash in your leg or the hole in your skull, but you look disfigured all the same. You felt awkward in your body, uncomfortable, with hard lines and curves in all the wrong places. You knew this was a passing phase. You’d talked about it plenty in therapy, this feeling that something was wrong with you wherever you looked, wherever you went. It never seemed to dull the ache that lingered under your skin, pulled taut like a frayed nerve.
Footsteps entered. Instinctively, you shied away, and then felt silly for doing so. You didn’t have to be shy around Kaede, especially behind a closed door. What was wrong with you, always feeling so insecure in your own skin? You should be more confident. You tried sucking in a breath and pulling back your shoulders, lifting your chin, cocking your hip. It felt stupid; you slumped immediately, sighing and looking at the door, away from the mirror.
“Hey, Kaede. Did you find the right size?”
The group bozos were off throwing themselves a pool party in the middle of a killing game. While a dip in the pool didn’t sound too bad, he couldn’t let himself be seen splashing around like an idiot amongst idiots. They didn’t really want him around, anyways, and it would ruin the plan if he started buddy-buddying with them now.
While they started their mid-day merriment, Kokichi locked himself away in the darkness of his room, illuminated only by his table lamp. He leaned close to the microscope he filched from the warehouse and peered down glass slides. It was dispensed by the newly-invented Bug Vac that Miu finally forked up. Why she would be running around in her underwear late at night instead of using her amazing talent, Kokichi could never guess.
Stuck between the glass slides were… a tiny robot. An itty bitty Monokub, fit with its own pacifier and a camera between its paws.
“What the hell…”
It paid to listen to Gonta—no one would claim he was the smartest of the bunch, but he wasn’t the type to lie or hallucinate. Thankfully, Miu was oblivious enough to believe Kokichi’s lie about needing a high-powered vacuum for his room. Oh, why did it need to capture dust particulates in glass slides? To make sure he was getting every crumb. He hated roaches, the honest truth, and if Gonta was right about there being some kind of bug on campus, then he’d do whatever he could to avoid it. That was true, too.
He figured he should be grateful for Miu’s short-sightedness and her willingness to invent whatever drawing was slapped in front of her. He could be properly grateful when it really gets him out of a pinch. Right now, this just confirmed his long-held suspicion that they were always being watched. But by whom?
You’d had that suspicion, too—that’s why you destroyed your room, wasn’t it? You even broke the lid off your toilet tank, you little freak. He could make good on his promise and let you know about the cameras. At least you could rest your manic head knowing that, yes, every move you made was being watched. For whatever reason, it was a comfort to Kokichi, too, knowing there were no bounds outside of Monokuma’s reach. He’d vacuumed the air out of his own room; they were probably in the bathroom, too.
They wouldn’t stop him from using the whiteboard in his room and collecting clues to the mystery of the killing game, but he’d have to be more careful from now on. No more incidents like the pool. He wasn’t sure yet how it could hurt him in a killing game, but it felt inherently dangerous. It was out of his control, and he refused to be in that position again. If it was a show their audience wanted, whoever they were, he’d give it to them, but on his terms.
And as for you…
You seemed to take his message clear as day. You could hardly look him in the eye now. That was fine—you should’ve kept your eyes to yourself this whole time.
Some secret you were keeping. What the hell was the point of all this anyways?
…
It was still useful to have an ally. You knew more than you were willing to tell him at the moment, but with enough time, that could change. He couldn’t keep playing your game—that game and all its nonsense rules—but he could find another way to slip that information from you. Keep luring you in, keep you thinking you were safe with a real partner, and then when the opportunity showed itself… he’d make his move. What move? That had yet to be determined; in order to know his possible moves, he needed more information about the killing game. But for now, with this new piece of information, he could use it.
God, I could crush your skulls like soft piles of shit!
Ugh.
Why was Miu’s shitty voice the one engraved in his head? He hated the sound of her voice. He hated how it made him feel.
He needed to think of a plan to win. You were just one possible plan out of fourteen. No, of course he wasn’t opposed to the idea of having friends here. As long as he trusted nobody, he could make friends with whoever was useful. And for how turbulent you were, it was useful to keep an eye on you.
After inscribing a note and stuffing it into his pocket, Kokichi headed towards the pool, squinting his eyes at the sun. Spotless sunshine every day. Did the weather ever change here?
Everyone was already playing in the pool. They hadn’t even noticed when he entered, though he kept close to the wall. Angie, Himiko, and Tenko were flailing for a beach ball; Keebo was reclining next to Korekiyo on matching chairs. Gonta was floating in a donut three sizes too small for him; his back was mostly submerged. No chance that he’d get to join with his leg problem, not that he would, anyways.
“Oh, you came!”
Kaede was quick approaching, too fast for Kokichi to slink out of the way. She looked surprised, but not quite pleased. Kokichi tilted his head, an innocent smile on his face.
“Hey, where’s your shadow? I thought they’d be lurking around you.”
“H-huh? Oh—them? Aren’t you more like their shadow? Since you’re always following them around.”
She smiled cutely like she’d won. Kokichi huffed and pouted.
“Ehhh? Nuh-uh, I hate being around them! I just wanna know where they are so I can avoid them… so, tell me where they are.”
“They’re in the changing room,” Kaede sighed, continuing her path towards the doors. “But, you know…”
Her mouth opened and then closed, eyes darting away. Was she trying to tell him about… him? With a flick of her head, she walked on, glancing back nervously.
“J-just… don’t get too excited.”
Who the hell did she think she was? What was there to be excited about anyways? He’d already unearthed that dirty secret of yours. He was the one with a secret burning in his pocket, ready to bless you with the excitement of his newfound knowledge.
After she left the doors, Kokichi slipped into the door to the changing rooms, walking down the hall. The tiles glowed with humid sweat, a warm ivory white. He could hear shuffling, the sound of bare feet padding against tiles. A deep breath in, a heavy sigh out.
A quick in-and-out note delivery. No problem.
Kokichi raised his fist and moved to knock three times, the usual status quo, nothing out of the ordinary.
But as soon as his knuckles touched the door, it swung open. He saw a glimpse of the lock—swinging off the door, broken, just his luck—but it only lasted for a moment before he saw…
You.
You…
you were standing in front of a mirror.
Your weight rested on one hip; your wrists grazed your thighs.
One long, fluid line drew itself from your heel to the nape of your neck, dipping at the small of your back.
“Hey, Kaede. Did you find the right size?”
You threw your words behind your shoulders, then locked eyes with him.
The door swung back shut.
He snatched the handle, gripping it closed.
Outside, there was a big splash. People squealed and laughed. Someone walked by the door to the changing rooms. Kokichi’s eyes blinked quick, trying to recalibrate his sight; he could hear you breathing quietly, shyly. You took a step forward, showing the skin of your ankles beneath the door.
“K… Koki—”
“Who was in your video?”
The question was out before he could stop himself. It came out dark, accusatory. Cameras everywhere.
“M-my video…?” you asked, voice small.
“I got you your present,” he sang, squeezing his hand tight over the handle. He stared hard at the bamboo door, willing the image to flush out the image burning in his eyes. “A present for a gift. You just have to be honest.”
“Um… I… d-do you have something to write with…?”
How did you sound so calm? No, you were nervous—it was his heartbeat that was pounding.
“Hmm? Why do you need something to write with? Can’t you just say it out loud?”
“Th… that’s not fair…”
No, it wasn’t. But he wanted you to say it loud in spite of—no, because he knew there were cameras watching. He hadn’t planned to bring your video up now, but he needed something. What-thing? Calm. Clarity. Control.
He could hear the soft creak of your skin pressing against the bamboo.
“Sorry, but life isn’t fair.” His voice felt like acid in his throat. He reminded himself that this was a game, it was fun, and sweetened his tone. “Until you can be honest like me, we can’t build any trust. How else am I supposed to trust a knife-happy maniac like you?”
“Tsk.”
He was expecting shame but he heard annoyance instead in the click of the tongue, sweet like honey in warm whiskey. Even when you were caught red-handed, you could have the gall to be annoyed at him.
Someone’s voice outside echoed dully through the room. Your voice came out in a small tremble.
“It was my… my b-boyfriend.”
Of course. He already knew that. And now he knew you were willing to be honest with him, even when your tongue tripped over the word, that gross little thing. He swallowed something caught in his throat and smiled at absolutely nothing.
“...See? Was that so hard? Jeez, you’re so scared to admit the smallest stuff. No one cares if you’re a cheating flirt. Now…”
Kokichi opened the door just wide enough for his arm to pass through and held out a loose fist.
“Open your hand.”
Kokichi waited, gritting his teeth to make sure his face stayed still—why should he care, after all? it wasn’t his business how you had fun when you thought no one was watching—but the door opened wider. You were peeking around the side; he could see the skin of your shoulder, the beginning of your collar bone always hidden beneath your shirt collar.
He held his breath on instinct, just like this morning when you stood at his feet. Closer now; his knuckles almost grazed the bare skin of your arm.
“Kokichi… I—”
“Hand.”
“Wait. I just wanted to say that…”
Your lip wobbled, pitiful and helpless. Kokichi’s hand twitched and lowered, waiting impatiently, desperate to flee the room. This was stupid. This was a killing game. Why should he care if anyone here had a life outside? That’s what they were supposed to kill for, right? A reason to leave. But he wanted you to stay right where you were.
Kokichi’s mouth curdled into a grimace. You shrunk back, hurt, but that look wasn’t meant for you. You bruised at every little touch, thin-skinned as a flower petal.
“...that I…”
He could see a sliver of your reflection in the mirror, the length of your spine.
“I don’t…”
You were trying so hard and failing so miserably to come up with any excuse. Finally, you lifted your eyes, face soft and sincere, as it always was. Left an ache in his chest, as it always did.
“I’ve never met anyone like you,” you finally said, delicate as glass.
“…Right.” He’d forced himself to speak before he’d caught up to any words at all. He continued slowly, clumsily. “Well… it’s not every day you get to meet the Ultimate Supreme Leader. I get if you’re dazzled, but let’s stay on track, okay?”
“I mean it.” Of course it wasn’t a lie, but it felt like a slap in the face anyway.
“Jeez, at least take off my clothes before you start the pillow talk.” His voice was needle-sharp. You flinched like he’d pricked you and looked back at your clothes. “Here.”
He held out his hand again. Meekly, you held your hand below his. He could see your bare arm now, the curve of your wrist, the skin that met the palm he’d touched so many times.
He relaxed his hand. The tips of your fingers tickled at his.
“It feels that way sometimes, doesn’t it?” you whispered. “Like… pillow talk.”
Why couldn’t he have every conversation with you in the dark? He wanted to snatch you away into the shadows and keep you away from the cameras, from your past life.
“Awww, you made up a little fantasy in your head. If you keep coming onto me, I’ll have to talk to human resources.”
“But you’re the one that walked in on me,” you tossed back, easy as air. You were smiling at him again, in that way that pinned him to the ground. He couldn’t be the type to swim at a pool party, but he wanted to see your hair wet. He wanted to see your skin under blue lights. Why did it have to feel so hard when everything was so easy with you?
“Yeah, I guess I’ve been doing that lately. I saw Miu outside last night walking around in her underwear.”
“What was she doing?” Your laugh twinkled like wind chimes. He could see your shoulders lift in the mirror’s reflection.
“Who knows whatever dumbass idea she’ll come up with next.” He didn’t want to be mean to you. How could he think of bad words when he looked at your face? Yet he wondered what it would take to pull out a jealous look from you.
“Well?”
“Hmm? Well what?”
“Well… which time did you prefer? Last night, or… now?”
Kokichi’s eyes closed a fraction longer than normal, a restrained wince at his own hesitation to speak. He looked off as if bored, unable to look you in the eye or at your back or anywhere else.
“Don’t give yourself too much credit… sweet cheeks.” In the corner of his eye, he could see your face reddened like you were sun-baked, still smiling in that starry-eyed way. Why did he say that? Who did he think he was?
He took a long, deep breath and turned, waving his hand behind him. He needed to leave or else he would stay here forever with you. But that was impossible in this game; all good things would come to an end.
“...By the way, you really should check your locks, baby. They never seem to work around me.”